What constitutes "unreasonable behaviour" in divorce?

(61 Posts)
DoingItForMyself Thu 05-Jul-12 14:44:25

Does it have to be documented, big things or can you cite insults and incidents of selfishness etc? I don't want to have to wait 2 years to get it done, but with a background of low-level EA I don't have anything specific to hang it on.

Would it be easier for one of us to confess to a non-existent affair? Would an emotional affair suffice as I could probably muster one of those if I tried hard enough!

DoingItForMyself Tue 10-Jul-12 15:16:52

Thanks MW, nearly spat my tea on the keyboard at your comment !

so is that all I do now, print off the documents x 3 and send it to the court with the payment? Do I need to run it past stbxh or a solicitor first?

Midwife99 Tue 10-Jul-12 16:56:26

Calling Collaborate! Dunno have always used solicitors for my many divorces blush

DoingItForMyself Tue 10-Jul-12 17:06:27

Ah MW don't keep beating yourself up about the "many divorces" - it just shows that you're not a cynic, you still believe in love and partnership and being in a committed relationship even after being let down and hurt. Don't let the bastards change you.

Low-level EA is enough. I know because that's how I did it. No major things, just little things on and on and on and ...

It helps to write stuff for your solicitor. What mine suggested was say 'In the beginning he did this and said that. In the middle of the marriage it was like this. Towards the end it was like that. Overall I felt like this.' If you have a good solicitor, she will be able to turn that into something fantastic (for you not him haha)

DoingItForMyself Tue 10-Jul-12 17:15:47

Trouble is, we both agreed not to start spending money we don't have on solicitors if we can sort it out through mediation or with each other. Things have become rather more frosty since then, but I still don't want to start shelling out £££s for someone to do the basics - I'd rather save my money to spend on getting the financial settlement right! That will be the big battle, can't wait sad

Collaborate Tue 10-Jul-12 23:39:38

Don't forget to send your marriage certificate too - the original or certified (green from the register office) copy.

skyebluesapphire Thu 12-Jul-12 13:38:35

My STBXH was upset to get a letter saying I would be using UB as the reason but it was all I could use as he wouldn't start the divorce so he had to put up with it!

My solicitor put four reasons all relating to the emotional affair my H was having but won't admit to . And out OW name on the petition too.

Facebook chat, texts/emails through our holiday, 100 texts a day until he moved out, then he wrote me a nasty letter .

My H didn't defend the divorce but said he didn't accept the reasons and they would be challenged if repeated in any other context. I presume that this means that his solicitor told him that if I could prove all the points then there was no point in defending it, as he would have had to pay my costs too then.

I can just hear him sat there saying - well yes I did text her 100 times a day but it wasn't like that.....

Twunt!

According to the nasty letter he wrote to me he could have divorced me for my UB! But he couldn't be bothered so serves him right!

debbievds Thu 26-Jul-12 14:24:33

I am just in the process of starting my divorce, I have been separated for 2 years and could have gone down the road of unreasonable behaviour but felt that I would not be able to cope with my two children if my ex's behaviour became nasty. Dealing with the solicitor now and my ex is consenting to the divorce but has stated he will not take part in any mediation. Not quite sure how this will work out - if for any financial discussions this would have to be settled through Court.

DoingItForMyself Thu 26-Jul-12 15:15:00

Hope it works out ok for you Debbie. I think they insist that you try through a mediator before they allow it to go to court? Its also generally cheaper than paying solicitors' hourly fees, so he's a fool not to accept that offer.

I was originally going to wait 2 years but actually found I was watching what I said & did so as not to aggravate him, as I don't want to end up losing out financially if I upset him.

I realised that after tip-toeing around him for the last 13 years, this was my chance to be free and extract myself from his clutches, so getting the divorce sorted seemed a bit more urgent than I first thought.

Having said that, I still haven't submitted the papers, they're in my drawer waiting for me to see a solicitor and make sure I do it right, but have no money at the mo!

skyebluesapphire Thu 26-Jul-12 21:06:11

debbie if you are entitled to legal aid my solicitor said that they insist on mediation before court. If he doesn't turn up doesnt matter as long as you do, then you get legal aid for the court case too.

My solicitor said that Judges don't think too much of men who don't turn up for mediation.

onetiredmummy Sun 29-Jul-12 19:57:35

Apologies OP I don't have time to read the whole thread but wanted to reply.

Unreasonable behaviour is behaviour *that is unreasonable to you*

There's no list that has acceptable or unacceptable behaviour that you have to tick off. If things such as consistently not coming home until late is unreasonable to you then use it.

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