This area is not a substitute for expert advice. Whilst many Mumsnetters have a specialist knowledge of disability, if they post here they are posting as members, not experts. We would always recommend that posters seek advice from properly qualified medical professionals on any health issues that concern them.

Females and Aspergers

(29 Posts)

I have seen a few threads recently about adult females wondering if they have aspergers. I recently came across a thread on a different website which pulled together information from different websites about aspergers in females and how it can differ to Aspergers in males. Although very long I have reproduced it below, with links to the original sources, in the hope it can help others as it has helped me.

All I would say is remember Aspergers (and autism) is aspectrum, thus nobody (or very few people) will tick every point made, and some people will tick more than others. Also every NT people could/will tick some.

turbonerd Fri 06-Jun-14 22:36:15

Oh, just lost big post. Anyway, ticked all boxes here, so that is that. Currently massive crush at work, and wondered why i was so childish again. Now i know.

"Aspie girls typically use their average to above-average intelligence to hide their social difficulties. Typically, they put a permanent smile on their faces and constantly try to please others."

Arranging dolls - used to set up the scene and take photos. Found myself earlier today, building a lego house for my boys and annoyed at them for playing with it

Never had a group of girl friends. One best girl friend, or played with boys. V rarely went out socially. Went to dancing classes until i was 16. Again, a large group of girls, but i only got on with two of them.
Now i have one girl friend, and see her rarely, so can cope with it.

My mum says as a young teenager i had to be forced to shower and wash my hair. Would often go all week without washing it.

Pretty much never did homework, nor practised my flute, yet did well with both. Didnt get to uni. Unfinished business degree. Currently studying biology degree with ou. Depression and anxiety since teenage years, self harm and not eating.

Food issues - two foodstuffs that if i taste them i will be sick (peanuts and butter, if you wondered)

• Stims to soothe when sad or agitated: rocking, face-rubbing, humming, finger flicking, leg bouncing, finger or foot-tapping, etc. - all of these except finger flicking. Also pull my hair out

• Similarly physical when happy: hand flapping, clapping, singing, jumping, running around, dancing, bouncing. - bouncy when happy

• Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, even in public, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload. - yes. My mum, dad and dh would agree with this 100%

I do stutter too, but not that much.

Re "can appear cold" dh says I give people dirty looks without realising it.
I interupt when people are talking

When I start watching or reading something, i obsess about it until i reach the end. Often reading all night, or watching a tv series in one go. Even if im not enjoying it.

Re "either hates sex or really enjoys" - i am one of those rare people who canorgasm from nipple stimulation only...

And it was, thank you so much! smile

Am currently a little curious about ds2s behaviour. Which then led me to dh's quirks, spotted a few in ds1, and now reading that, it is me.
What are the chances that i was aspie, empathised with aspie dh when we met, and now both children are? Am i just being a hypochondriac?

Will go through and mark off my quirks now...

Know it is a zombie thread, but am bumping it up in case information is helpful to others out there.

Joanna112 Sun 27-Oct-13 12:42:23

Hi .. I'm late coming to this thread. I have been married for 9 years to a man who was diagnosed with AS early this year.

Because, over the previous five years, I'd suffered from depression and hadn't realised what the problem was, I tried hard to find advice, resources and support. Over those years it became apparent that there is quite a lot of support etc for children/parents who have AS but little to nothing available for the adult partners of those with AS.

I successfully applied for a grant to set up a website that will be address this and am in the process of designing the site.

I would be so grateful to hear from anyone who is in the position of being in a relationship with an Aspie and could tell me what they think is needed from the website.

My own experience is that the diagnosis was hugely helpful. But it would have been so great to have been able to talk to others in the same position. I needed access to what the indicators are of AS, recommended resources, the names of counsellors, local support groups, the route to diagnosis, the difference between being just 'male' and AS! Etc, etc smile

I have already talked to the lady who diagnosed my husband. She is a published author and also holds workshops for professionals specialising in AS. She is happy to be associated with the site once it is up and running.

If you have any ideas, I would love to hear from you.

Best wishes, Joanna112 smile

CurrerBell Tue 16-Apr-13 10:40:28

Thanks thewhistler. I mentioned it to my GP last year but she was dismissive and said there is no point seeking a diagnosis as there is no support available... However my DS's support worker yesterday said that was rubbish! She mentioned about finding a counsellor who understands AS, as well. I had CBT last year but it was hard work and not terribly helpful.

I have been a SAHM for the past six years so work isn't an issue right now... I kind of feel like this is my personality, and I'm not sure I need a 'diagnosis' for that, but would like to understand my strengths and weaknesses better to avoid getting so stressed.

thewhistler Mon 15-Apr-13 23:59:53

A dx might help you at work, because they will need to make reasonable adjustments.

Not sure whether it would help otherwise, Although if you ever.go for counselling, it is sort finding a counsellor who knows about AS as otherwise it can be counterproductive.

CurrerBell Mon 15-Apr-13 20:34:51

Hi all, I posted on this thread last year - since then my DS has had a diagnosis of Aspergers with PDA.

I am still recognising more and more traits in myself... I feel like I've always pushed myself to do things that are outside my comfort zone, trying to fit in and appear 'normal' - but I get very anxious as a result. I don't know how much is due to upbringing - all of my close family have these traits too....

I was wondering - is it worth seeking a diagnosis? I'm not sure if I'd get one, or what difference it might make? I'd like to achieve a level of self-understanding and acceptance (with or without a diagnosis)... hopefully this is possible at the age of 36?!

I've already made the decision today to stop helping out at PTA social events (as I find it SO stressful, but feel guilt-tripped into helping out!). I can help the PTA in other ways, like doing the paperwork. I've been agonising over this for months, so it feels like a big step forward!

honey86 Sun 31-Mar-13 19:32:23

i tell you what it really causes problems for me sometimes... ive been a single mum for 4 years til i met my oh... now i cant let him in..., im not coping with the change at all and weve been rowing big time..

i just dont want to let anyone else in my little bubble. its destroyed nearly every relationship ive had and itll prob destroy this one too x

grapelovingweirdo Tue 19-Mar-13 23:50:35

I was diagnosed with autism when I was three, I scored 41 on the AQ the op, you could have been describing me! I'm constantly feeling like I am juggling many balls in the air in a social situation and it exhausts me trying to remember what certain cues are and when to talk etc. it's been a problem my whole life. I didn't tell work for over three years. I then decided to tell them and was informed they had already guessed when I started. Go figure. All that effort and they had guessed and discussed it between them. Nope, not angry me...

KhloeRye Sun 17-Mar-13 23:59:21

i am 16 diagnosed when i was 11 or 12, and have grown up "faking it" and now come out as 16 on the AQ test but my Asperges is worse than it ever has been. I personally do not think the AQ test is a very good measure.

TalkieToaster Sat 16-Feb-13 00:37:17

My DS is going through assessment at the moment, which (yep, you guessed it) led me to research autism and aspergers and reading the descriptions of how females with aspergers are... Well. It was the first time in my life I've ever experienced that 'lightbulb' moment. It just explains my LIFE.

I mentioned it to my GP who was very dismissive and then went on to talk about other health issues I have. I raised it again at the end of the appointment and he said he'd refer me and that was it - I don't know anything about timescales or who I'm being referred to. He asked me why I thought I had Aspergers and I garbled off a few reasons because I was nervous, then he said there wasn't much point being diagnosed as an adult because there isn't any treatment for it. Nice. I like who I am, thank you very much, I just want to know if I have aspergers simply because it would explain so much about me and what I struggle with. I come out as 33 on the AQ test.

honey86 Fri 08-Feb-13 10:31:02

i scored 44 on the aq test... ask ur gp to refer you to urmental health team, a psychologist can do diagnostics. i was diagnosed by a psychologist psychoanalyst with a phD. he was the nuts x

honey86 Thu 07-Feb-13 22:03:40

i have aspergers, diagnosed early 2012 x

ProudAS Tue 29-Jan-13 13:40:26

I'm a 37 year old female diagnosed with Aspergers 7 years ago. We do exist but may be more likely than males to go undetected.

bee169 Sun 20-Jan-13 16:51:50

Since my son's diagnosis of ASD I have wondered about why I have struggled over the years, Reading this list makes this it so clear. I am an Aspie. So it would seem that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I don't see the point of getting a diagnosis at 34! What would that do for me??

VikingLady Wed 17-Oct-12 19:00:28

I have a gp appointment tomorrow morning to see how I go about being diagnosed. It is all so "me"!

Loving the idea of a meet up in the pub. It would look more like I have a normal social life. But AGlass No-one believes me either. I appear to be too good at faking it. If gp is useful I'll post again so other people know how to get a diagnosis!

lj73unique Fri 05-Oct-12 00:04:26

please help me??????wont pretend i read through all of that above...most of the initial post and quoty bits below it-to the point of do i get a investigation?assessment?diagnosis?
im forty(aaaaaaaaaaargh)run-n-hide in January-i have struggled with "me"-failing that other peoples attitudes\reactions to me all my life.i fall into so much of the asp thing its...well...its doing my head in-i bin depressed(despite my fight to the death bout it stance that id av a bloody cheek)i am anxiety disorder-the excessive jumpin,panic attacks and constant tremble sorta indicate no denial-even tho most of it happens without an actual "thought"..oh i dunno---advise?point me in right route?perleeeeeeeeeeeze?

TroublesomeEx Mon 13-Aug-12 17:52:09

God reading those bullet points is like reading a pen portrait of myself!!!

No diagnosis, but have begun to wonder recently...

• Often musical, artistic. *play several instruments and only ever feel truly 'me' when playing.

• May have a savant skill or strong talent. Well musical but in no way a savant

• May have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing, things of a technological and visual nature. More verbal thinkers may gravitate to writing, languages, cultural studies, psychology. First class psychology degree

• May be a self-taught reader, been hyperlexic as a child, and will possess a wide variety of other self-taught skills as well. Yes, have always taught myself. Constantly learning. Need to be learning all the time.

• May be highly educated but will have had to struggle with social aspects of college. May have one or many partial degrees. Yes on all counts

• Can be very passionate about a course of study or job, and then change direction or go completely cold on it very quickly. YES!!! and then equally passionate about the next thing

• Will often have trouble holding onto a job and may find employment daunting. Yes, absolutely.

• Highly intelligent, yet sometimes can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues. Had IQ tested through MENSA. It's 161 - top 1%. DH describes me as the stupidest intelligent person he's ever met because I never get anything! grin

• Will not do well with verbal instruction -- needs to write down or draw diagram. Write everything down - cannot give or follow instructions verbally. Lists are my friend, if it's not on a list it's not real

• Will have obsessions but they are not as unusual as her male counterpart's (less likely to be a 'train-spotter'). Yes, although too embarrassed to divulge - but along the lines that I collect information on people I get fixated on. Always RL people, never celebs.

Have similar levels of "Yes!" to many of the other points too.
E.g. have all of the physical/emotional traits except for the gastro-intestinal stuff.

Yep to social/relationships stuff.

Berris Sun 15-Jul-12 15:39:56

I have a number of the traits listed above. Not diagnosed, wouldn't consider myself to be "full" Aspie, just have distinct traits. I also don't really think I would seek diagnosis, because I kind of feel I have found my niche I life, and understand myself fairly well (now). Have an Aspie partner too, so maybe that's what helps me!

Somebloke Sat 14-Jul-12 23:14:44


Speaking personally I found my GP to be a useless patronising cow, and went through half my local practice's doctors before I got a someone prepared to give me a referral. Keep pushing.

Somebloke Sat 14-Jul-12 23:11:48

Some of those traits... sound like my exDP.

Which is kind of ironic given I got my diagnosis of Asperger's last year.

PoppyWearer Thu 12-Jul-12 22:50:22

Thank you OP.

I think, at 37 years old, I am tonight beginning to make sense of myself. Wow.

devilinside Thu 17-May-12 12:22:37

Thanks for that, I am trying to get a diagnosis at the moment, but GP seems hellbent on attributing all my problems to depression, even my social phobia which I've had since I was at primary school hmm

hi, rudy simone is currently doing a tour of uk, with talks on aspergers. she is a leading author, who has been instrunental in professionals and aspergirls understanding the condition.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now