Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help with medical problems. If you have any serious concerns, we would urge you to consult your GP.
Social Services(26 Posts)
If you were having problems caring for your children on your own because of health problems, would you contact children's social services? Tried to talk to a doctor today about being in pain and struggling to do the school runs, and they've advised contact adult social services with regards to care and adaption needs, adult social services regard me being unable to do things for the kids as a children's social services matter. I've to contact them myself. I'm not sure whether I should or not, I am capable of coping alone, but it's a shite horrible existence. If they could make my life better, then I'd not hesitate, but I am worried they'd make it worse, and I'd rather have shite horrible existence with my children than without them.
Using the children's boards too as DD has some behavioural issues, but thought I would ask over here as this is more related to my own health.
I have rheumatoid arthritis, a renal problem as yet undiagnosed but which causes infections a lot, and I have enduring mental health problems, currently in the middle of a crisis due to medication problems. No one is helping me, I am trying to get help and people keep passing the buck to someone else. All I want to do is be able to look after my children and be as healthy as possible, and I am fighting to get there, but hesitant about taking this step if it is risky.
PainForLife I am grownup2012 and I have no problem with you seeking help you need, I hope you get somewhere, keep us updated. x
thanks noqontrol - it's bank holiday today so I'll chase em first thing tomorrow.
rabbitsMBE - thanks thats useful info. I'll bare in mind when speaking to SS.
grownup2012 - sorry for taking over ur post but the advise was much needed
You need to speak to social services and get an assessment, it was a social worker who sorted my personal budget, not an occupational therapist.
Well unfortunately the people who don't shout often get left behind. SSD have so many people on their books, that its generally the high priority that get seen first. If you don't make it clear you are high priority you could find yourself waiting a while. I'd keep ringing and ask when you are going to be allocated a social worker, if you feel that you're unable to wait a while. If you get no joy from that then ask for a copy of the complaints procedure and make a complaint. That may hopefully speed things along a little.
noqontrol - I was really surprised myself tbh and am still trying to get my head round the whole thing. I've been told they will send me a report of my needs but it's been over a week & nothing so far! SS are due to come also but no1 is telling me when, it's just depressing me furthest & testing my will to go on.
Sounds a bit strange pain. Im surprised if you need a full time carer the OT has just left you to it.
A direct payment is a sum of money provided by the council directly to the person to purchase their own services. Rather than the council actually providing the carer for you. Although these days they tend to talk in terms of a personal budget rather than direct payments. A personal budget is made up of different funding sources which could include a direct payment, nhs funding etc etc.
But first things first, if you think you need some help then you need to contact adult social services and ask for an assessment of your needs. These days personal needs to be at least substantial, if not critical, for councils to consider funding. But if you have high needs and can't manage without support then hopefully you will be ok.
new to MN & just came across your post.
can I please ask what is this direct payment your talking about? I had an OT assessment & d lady said I need a full time carer but due to budget cuts council no longest pays for it & I'd have to pay myself. I've not got funds to pay it myself.
Well, actually, I did get in touch with social services. I self referred to adult social services who were really lovely and assessed me quickly, I got direct payments and now employ a personal assistant who helps to take the immediate strain off.
I've also been through a SS investigation for the kids as my DD made an allegation against another child in school with evidence of injury to back the claim up, so NSPCC advised they would refer it to SS, and the GP I saw also referred it to SS, who then did a full assessment given my situation. End result is support from the social worker and the school that my daughter requires an assessment by CAMHS, which I've been trying to get for years given her behavioural problems, and that whilst my health is of concern, I am managing it well by being in touch with SS, and that because I did all the correct things to safeguard my children by contacting them and the doctors and the school, that they are not at all worried about my capacity to cope.
So there we go, not as bad as I thought it might be.
Utter bollocks forcedadoption. Stop scaremongering. Comments like that are irresponsible and serve to prevent people seeking help when they genuinely need it.
Social workers who stay in child protection for more than a year without protest are scum of the earth so beware contacting them ! Most of theMums who contact me every day went to the "SS" for help and lost their children as a result ! So BEWARE,BEWARE,BEWARE !!
Be careful with children's social services - in a post baby p environment they are always assuming that every parent is a risk to their child - I am afraid there is little spare resource for children in families that need help - they are just interested in sniffing out anything at all that might label you a risk. Sorry its true...shouldn't be that way but I have been there.
You could also write to your MP. I have had exactly the same problem (being passed back and forth between adult and children's) and had given up, until I tried writing to my MP last night. He called this morning to say he is pressing the matter with the Chief Executive or some such thing. I'd no idea MPs cared!
You may have got things sorted out with SSD by now, but if you haven't I would advice you make a formal written complaint. They have to respond to this within a certain time, and will then make a decision upon which team you should come under, or whether both teams should co work the case. As an adult services social worker I have seen this situation time and time again, teams consistently trying to pass the buck to other teams due to staff shortages and budget restrictions. A complaint generally is the only way to get the situation resolved in my experience. But once you're in the door then most social workers are alright, I know there is stigma attached but we do work hard to keep families together as long as children are not risk of harm. In your case it just sounds like you need a little help, thats all.
I can understand that it's pretty difficult to tell a total stranger all the things you need help to do and if they get judgey it would be horrible. I had three socail workers during my assessment and all of them were fine - one was a wonderful human being who I can't thank enough the other two were comptant and professional.
I got OT out by myself. Just waiting for the things she recommended to come in. An extra bannister on the stairs, handles in the bathroom, a seat for the shower, and my granny walker for getting about. Seeing physio next week, so hopefully a crutch or walking stick on the way too. Could really do with getting direct payments, I had care back in 2008 for six months and was just about to go onto direct payments when they stopped it. Told me I shouldn't have had it as it was a temporary condition. However, it's been confirmed now that it's not temporary and that there's a lot more wrong that initially thought. Just a bit scared of social workers being horrible to me.
i9'm afraid they can be like that - do it when you are ready, don't forget if you have a community legal advice center (CLAC) or a Community Legal Advice Network (CLAN) - your local council should be abel to tell you if you do, they may be abel to help support you in making sure adult services do their job.
I did also get an assessment and a house move from an OT by the way, it's not that they are useless just not everything. So that's things like a stair lift, wet room shower area, bars and rails everywhere ect.
Thank you Trickle. I tried adult social services and they weren't much help. I will try them again soon when I've sorted all the other stuff out, got so much to organise and deal with and I sense I may need to focus a lot of attention on dealing with them.
just thought i'd add my twopenneth - it is actually the job of adult socail services to "support you in you parental role". I know this as I had to gt legal aid to challenge my local SS who tried to palm me off onto OT. They have a statutory duty to do an assessment - either a community care assesment or a person led assessment. This is not about your children it is about you and your needs - if that involves something to do with enabling you role as a parent then it is still your needs and not your childrens needs - you shouldn't need to go anywhere near childrens services.
I have a personal budget now that pays for 19 hours care a week and I have no contact with SS other than an audit every 6 months to check I am spending the money as it is allocated - and not on drugs or loose women and for them to pay money into an account set up for the purpose.
I went to my local legal advice center to get the help with the complaint that
kicked them up the bum started the ball rolling.
Thanks beabea81. I went into the pharmacy in the end and spoke at length with the pharmacist to see what he thought about the interaction between my medications. Have since seen another doctor and gotten tramadol to try, plus had a steroid injection on Wednesday, which is starting to work now I think. I can certainly put a bit more weight on my foot.
can't help with the painkillers as i'm dosed up on opiates myself! but with regards ss - try contacting disabled parents network, they have some great info & leaflets they can e-mail you about getting the help you need from ss x
Hey, thank you. I have only just seen your post.
I am still toddling along without SS. Have had some good support from the school, who have organised and funded morning pick up and breakfast and school drop off, and am pestering doctors for more help too.
Going to go in tomorrow and refuse to leave until something is done about my ankle, the doctors told me to speak to the rheumatology people and they said all we can do is medicate for arthritis. They were very lovely and did me a depo steroid shot to help, but they couldn't give me the sulphasalazine because my Urologist had not confirmed I was okay to start it by letter. So another six weeks before that happens, and still my ankle is far more painful than I have ever experienced other than after a direct injury.
I think a ligament has been damaged supporting my dodgy arthritic ankle and making up for a bad gait because of my arthritic hip, and that there's something up with my bone at the fourth and fifth toe joint because it keeps on feeling like I stand on it and break my toes, the pain is awful (burning broken bone pain) for about 30-60 minutes and then it's fine again. I just want someone to check, send me for an x-ray or something, and strap it up so I don't have to keep walking on it when I am in so much pain without support.
Got a physiotherapy referral for a couple of weeks time, but I don't think I can leave it that long without at least a stronger painkiller. They said usually they'd offer tramadol, but it interacts with my antidepressant so I just have to deal with it. But the rheumatology nurse said to go back again, I've recalled a painkiller they gave me before called nefopam when I had a kidney infection, I could take it alongside the diclofenac and codeine and it was a lot stronger. I'll be asking why I can't have that as an option of stronger painkillers, and that perhaps if I can take that instead of opiates all the time, that I'd be having a lot less trouble with my bowels. Any ideas why it wasn't suggested before?
Social Workers are not awful people, they honestly are normal folk and will listen to you. My mum is a Consultant Social Worker for a Childrens team and has a daughter (me now 34 who has had Juvenile arthritis since 15 months old and son in law, my husband with arthritis) they are normal people with normal lives and will do what they can so don't worry.
Don't know if my blog will help you, I and my hubby have severe arthritis and we blog about parenting with severe mobility problems. Have a look, might find something helpful:
I am a Psychologist but to be quite honest life has taught me more than any degree so if you need any support or understanding I am about on here )
It is difficult when you are in pain and creaky, you are in good company here Keep your chin up, keep your cool and there will be solutions out there, for every problem there is an answer, I bet lots of people have several solutions on here, they are a helpful lot x
Thank you. I know my children are not neglected in any way, I've had involvement from other services since I had my first and they always seem impressed by what I do with my children despite having difficulties. I wouldn't have it any other way after the childhood I had. They want for nothing, I have strict routines and consider nutrition very important. We do loads of enriching activities, and I never put them at risk, ever. Just been put off by my mum I guess, she's been very adamant that involving any services ever is a bad thing as once they're in you can't get them back out again. I have just ended my relationship, so will seriously consider getting all the support I can now, as I am worried about keeping it together for the kids.
Am on phone so can't refer to your post as I write. Just to reassure you, social workers do not want to take children away, their aim is to enable you to be able to parent in a good enough fashion.
I can assure you that home circumstances have to be bloody awful to remove children (imagine your own threshold for neglect and take it up a few notches of awfulness and you may get close...) and parents who ask for help are generally not the ones that raise concerns.
I would, there may be all sorts of things/resources/support you can access that will make your life easier. Why not ring and speak to duty officer to see whether they'll do an assessment? Have you seen an OT?
(I'm feeling especially positive about social workers today having spoken to a lovely one about one of my clients today! And my sister is a lovely social worker too )
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.