Not sure what to say to DGM......

[Lara2]

So, DH's lovely GM is 98 and her dementia is in that horrible stage where she sort of realises what is happening, but mostly not. She lives in a lovely home just round the corner from us and is well cared for by lovely people. She has become very paranoid, she thinks they are all out to get her, steal from her, want her gone etc. (None of this is true). She says that DH and I are the only ones she trusts and begs me to believe her and 'be on my side' when she talks about the staff 'stealing' from her.
My problem is this: is it best to let her think I think she is right and the staff aren't to be trusted (I'm very wary of this because I think it will feed her paranoia and fear) or do I gently reassure her that that's not the case and everyone is doing their best fro her? She gets very upset if she thinks I am 'on their side'.
I just don't know what is best?

[NorthernLurker]

I doubt you'll be able to talk her out of the paranoia unfortunately. I think I would go for reassurance, saying yes she told you that and it's ok you've dealt with it and the staff are going to take care of her properly now. Then she may feel briefly reassured but you're not confirming her paranoia as such. I would also talk to the staff about what you're saying. They may have suggestions too.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Yes, what Northernlurker said. Just do the reassurance angle, don't get involved in agreeing that all the staff are against her, but tell her that you've spoken to them.

My sympathies - it's bloody horrible to watch (and almost certainly worse to go through) - my own grandmother had this, and the periods of lucidity were harder to bear than when she was away with the fairies, because she knew what she was like when she was out of it. :(

[FlossieTurner]

Does she use exactly the same words each time. My mum was a repeater and we found that repeating the same answer really helped to calm her.

Never disagree with her. Try a phrase like, "I know, but it has all been dealt with now". Don't elaborate, just reassure her with the same phrase.

My mum would say every couple of minutes, "I am really scared". It was pointless asking her what she was scared off.

I just used to say, " I know you are, but I am here and I won't let any thing happen to you". She'd reply " oh that's good." 2 seconds later off we went again. We could keep up literally for hours.