MIL has dementia, diagnosed Aug. She's had a carer, twice a week, couple of hours at a time, just to get her used to the idea, since Sept.
We now need to increase the carer's visits to every day. MIL is forgetting to eat, is not taking her BP/dementia medicine, and WILL NOT answer the phone - so we have no way of knowing she is all right.
She has moved into the kitchen as it's warmer. No idea what she does for the day. Dh does shopping with her every week - when he visited this week he said nothing in the fridge had been touched since last visit, and she hadn't eaten any frozen meals from the freezer. Seems to be living on toast and marmalade and tea.
Sometimes she seems to be fine with the carer, and has mentioned her in a positive way, but when dh saw her, on Monday, she was angry about everything - doesn't need a carer, doesn't want her help, sees it as interfering.
Dh asked if she didn't prefer having the house tidy and clean? No. Didn't she like having someone to talk to? No.
Dh asked her, what would you prefer? You have three choices. I leave you here by yourself, cancel the carers, leave you to muddle along by yourself. Or you carry on like this, accept the help, enjoy your life a bit more. or I put you in a home. She didn't answer.
Dh is finding this harder and harder to deal with. His brother and sister have both died. He is the only person MIL has left. He's spent so much time and effort with MIL doing things for her and helping her and she never says thank you, just criticises and makes everything as hard as possible.
It's hard to know how much of MIL's behaviour is dementia related and how much is just her personality.
So, help. Will she ever accept a carer? We'd hoped by now that the carer would be doing things like changing MIL's bed (hasn't been changed for years) or helping MIL to wash/bath and changing her clothes (also, hasn;'t been done for a year).
But no. MIL refuses to even entertain anything like that, and half the time when the carer visits MIL says she doesn't need anything doing and won't let the carer clean or dust.
What can we do?? We are 2 hours away from MIL.
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Dementia and Alzheimer's
How long will it take MIL with dementia to accept her carer?
25 replies
CocktailQueen · 22/01/2014 11:02
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