Why do men watch porn

(61 Posts)
20092012 Sat 01-Dec-12 21:12:37

I know people say its normal for a guy to watch porn but really why do you feel the need to if u have a girl? I'm married with 2 kids in 24 and my husband is 26 we have been married for 4 years, I don't like the fact he watches porn it makes me feel like I'm not enough for him, I can't help but think I'm obviously not satisfying him! When I ask him he jus changes subject like he doesn't want to talk about it so I don't push him! I would like to know from mainly the men hu do feel the need to watch it and why? Also women dont hesitate to comment thanx

hf128219 Sat 01-Dec-12 21:16:06

Well some of it is actually quite good.

nellyjelly Sat 01-Dec-12 21:16:28

Cos it's there probably. The internet has to carry the blame for making it so accessible. Before men had to buy it and this took a bit more though. I think now it is just a click away the temptation is just too much. I think most men would look at it if they had the opportunity. Obviously there are exceptions and no doubt loadsof women on here will say there partners are not interested. Maybe but ALOT of men are, even if just curious and dabble on,y occasionally.

Redbindy Sat 01-Dec-12 21:20:22

Have you sussed out what sort of porn he's watching? If it's stuff like water sports you might need a long discussion.

20092012 Sun 02-Dec-12 01:28:19

Wat do u mean water sports lol I don't know

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 02-Dec-12 01:31:18

Watersports = peeing on, or being peed upon. Hardsports involves faeces. What redbindy is asking is, is the stuff he's watching a bit "specialist"/fetishistic, or more "vanilla"/straightforward.

20092012 Sun 02-Dec-12 07:05:35

I think it's straightforward,

20092012 Mon 03-Dec-12 16:32:29

Still want to here from people my heads all over the place over this

madas Wed 05-Dec-12 18:52:36

Maybe suggest watching it together and see what his reaction is.

20092012 Wed 05-Dec-12 20:09:45

Wat wud that achieve

My dp watches it sometimes, but he's with me so it doesn't bother me. We have watched it together too, quite enjoyable

I'm a woman so not the demographic you were aiming for, but I think with the constant easy accessibility in recent years means porn has become the norm. boys start watching people have sex before they've ever had sex, whereas in the past a naughty copy of Mayfair may have done the rounds. It's available on computers and phones and used by most teenagers, in bravado and in exploring sex, so by the time men are adults it is seen as normal, expected etc. there's no longer any shame associated to porn use, its not seen as seedy anymore, which again makes it all the more easy for men to use.

Well I guess that fundamentally he gets a sexual thrill out of watching two people have sex. Why watch rather than do? You could put that question about anything. Why watch football rather than run down the park and kick a ball about yourself? Why go to a gig when you could pick up a guitar?

Personally, over and above any moral or ethical dilemmas over porn, I don't find watching very exciting (quite enjoy reading though), but I guess that's just the way I'm wired.

20092012 Thu 06-Dec-12 21:37:34

So it's all normal....

Peterpan101 Mon 10-Dec-12 15:54:05

Men like watching others have sex more than women (although I know women who have liked it more than me)....

Its all to do with our primordial sex habits.....a bit rough for polite conversation, but gets dealt with in several sexual psychology books I have read (ones that do I think are: Sperm Wars & Mating in Captivity)....

BUT.....as has been mentioned above....modern freely available porn and the pornification/normalisation of it in society have exasperated the situation.

SantasNaughtySack Mon 10-Dec-12 15:58:48

Why would they need a 'long discussion' if he was interested in water sports? confused
Surely the issue here is that the OP is uncomfortable with his porn use, whatever that porn may be.

DameMargotFountain Mon 10-Dec-12 16:02:57

some men like watching porn because they think it's entertaining

<yawns>

FastLoris Thu 27-Dec-12 23:57:56

I think a lot of it comes down to an extremely strong urge towards promiscuity. The usual evolutionary explanation for this is to do with the difference of investment in offspring between men and women. Women have evolved investing considerable time, pain and risk of death in each child, so each act of sex has greater significance - they are choosier about mates and more intent on ensuring long term security. Men get a better genetic gamble out of having sex as much as possible, with as many women as possible.

Whether one believe's this or not doesn't really matter. The fact remains that the difference in the urgency of the promiscuous urge is there. I really wish women wouldn't take it so personally, because it's got nothing to do with the attractiveness or loveliness of a man's partner. He could be married to a supermodel who makes him deleriously happy, and in most cases he'll still end up looking at porn sometimes. It's just a way to express the part of oneself that monogamy doesn't satisfy. You can believe deeply in monogamy and have a great relationship situation, but it won't just make that other part go away.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Fri 28-Dec-12 00:01:48

But if we are boiling it down to biology, wouldn't it make sense for the woman to have sex with as many men as possible during her most fertile period to maximise her chances of getting pregnant in the first place? Or am I being dense?

sooperdooper Fri 28-Dec-12 00:09:25

Some men watch porn for the same reason some women do, they like sex

GiveMeSomeSpace Fri 28-Dec-12 15:35:45

OP - the bigger issues for you are:

a) the communication issues he has ("he changes the subject") and
b) dealing with the fact that you've married someone who doesn't consider your feelings

Sounds pretty selfish to me

Peterpan101 Fri 28-Dec-12 20:26:35

ChristmasNmaechange.....read 'Sperm Wars' by Robin Baker. The book discusses different reproduction strategies and tactics. It deals with pornography and masturbation and the normal reasons why.

Being stimulated by watching other people have sex is normal for many people. If you are one of those men or women who do it is down to your particular makeup.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 28-Dec-12 20:35:08

Here goes.

I have been happily married for 20 years and so has dh, so he tells me, lol.
We have both had spells of watching porn, mostly together though. I used to think as you do, that maybe it wasn't a good thing and that I didn't satisfy him. He used to do the same as your dh when I tried to talk about it.
Maybe your dh is aware of your feelings and doesn't want to cause a row or make you feel worse about yourself. Your dh is with you because he wants to be, he chose you because he loves you. Porn is fine if all parties agree and only becomes immoral or seedy if your partner is hiding the fact.
Take confidence in your abilities and the love he has for you and believe the porn to be mere titillation and a bit of escapism. Not from you in particular, but life.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 28-Dec-12 20:41:50

OP

Another way of looking at it.
I am on a diet it doesn't stop me looking at the cream cakes in the bakers window. It doesn't mean I'm going to go inside and devour every cake in sight. It doesn't mean that I'm not happy with the choice I made to go on a diet. Theres no harm in looking.
I think if it really bothers you talk to him and ask him to explain it to you, tell him how you feel. Is it porn per se you don't like or your dh watching. If its the latter then why not join him and see if you enjoy it. I was certainly converted and definitely no coercion from dh.

FastLoris Sun 30-Dec-12 02:14:38

Christmas -

Actually while I don't have a reference to hand, I'm pretty sure I remember seeing studies that women ARE more likely to be promiscuous or unfaithful during the most fertile part of their cycle.

Female promiscuity is of course not unheard of (just as women who like porn are not unheard of). But the point is that women, evolutionarily speaking, are massively restricted in the number of offspring they can have. Each requires 9 months' pregnancy, years of breastfeeding as a drain on her time and energy, and the very real risk of death during childbirth. Remember too that for most of our evolutionary history, women would have spent most of their entire adult lives either pregnant or nursing. A woman who is pregnant with a man's child has no evolutionary incentive to shag other men, because she can't get pregnant with their children at the same time. What she CAN do is try and make sure the guy will stick around to maximise the chances of her offspring surviving, through all the means of pair-bonding such as sexual fidelity.

A man, by contrast, can get her pregnant and then go and get a whole load more women pregnant before the sprog even arrives. Sure, it MAY be in his best interest to stick around and ensure that one of them thrives in a strong family. OTOH it may make more sense to just dip the finger in as many pies as possible, so to speak, and trust that at least some are more likely to turn out well that way.

Even better, he can navigate a half-way path. Stick around and support the kids, participating in the pair-bonding and monogamy if only because it keeps the woman faithful (which is necessary to avoid being tricked into investing in kids who are not his own) - and have the odd dabble on the side as well. Insurance policy, if you like.

Hence the happily married man who still eyes up women on the street and looks at porn. It's not going away any time soon.

jameslawson Thu 21-Mar-13 23:28:34

It really is.

BertieBotts Thu 21-Mar-13 23:47:40

Because it's arousing... that really is it. I don't think there is any deep seated psychological motivation other than that porn is arousing to watch/look at, and being aroused is a pleasant feeling. And I think it tends to be men rather than women in general who look at it because most porn is made by men for men and so is less attractive to the majority of women.

Nobody needs to look at porn to get aroused, of course (unless maybe they're addicted to it) but it is a very fast and intense way to do so, and it's very mainstream/common/accepted (especially for men) in our society.

I don't think that for most people when they're looking at porn they're thinking "I wish I could have sex with that person", they're just being aroused by watching others having sex or perhaps imagining themselves with their partner in that position/situation/whatever. No more than you might see an attractive actor on TV or something and be a bit grin about it - doesn't mean you find your DH any less attractive.

I don't personally think there's anything wrong with getting aroused by yourself/masturbating without your partner, if they aren't in the mood for sex or they won't be until later but you want it now or sex seems like too much effort or you just want to do it alone because it's a different feeling and that's what you fancy right now.

I can think of a lot of arguments against porn (I don't like it, personally, at least not the majority of stuff that is out there) but I don't really buy the infidelity one - I just don't think that most people who use it use it in that way. Of course if you think that it is and it's part of a general pattern of behaviour that you're not happy with in general, that's a different issue.

BertieBotts Thu 21-Mar-13 23:48:08

And I don't believe that men are hard wired to want to fuck as many women as possible. Ick. Most of the men I know aren't like that.

FastLoris Sat 23-Mar-13 22:01:24

Of course they're not LOL.

Let me guess - sex is a sacred and spiritual thing to them and they can only get aroused by their one true love?

Never mind evolutionary incentives: there are plenty of examples round the world of cultures that consider women to be just as likely to be promiscuous as men. Even in European culture, this idea that it is normal for men but abnormal for women to want to hop into bed with everything in sight, is really only something that dates from the 18th century onwards. Chaucer and even Shakespeare present a somewhat different picture.

I was listening to a R4 documentary about the problem of shielding teenagers from porn (which I agree is all very laudable). However, what was particularly interesting was the attitude of the presenters (all women) that porn inevitably brought out the basest instincts amongst boys, and spoilt the innocence of girls. It was quite fascinating listening to a bunch of people, all with impeccably liberal and progressive credentials, talking in a manner not very different to their Victorian forebears.

(Of course all this leaves aside literary porn such as 50 Shades of Gray, which for some reason isn't considered)

So why do men look at porn? Because the culture we live in states that it is normal for men (but not women) to do so. Perhaps the better question is why don't more women use porn in one form or another?

syl1985 Fri 12-Apr-13 02:06:59

I'm a woman, so I can't really answer your question. These are mine thoughts about porn.

It's terrible when the man makes you feel that you're not good enough. I don't think it's directly linked to watching porn, but more indirectly.

There're man who watch it and their partners are ok with it. These couples do have a good sex life and nothing is wrong with the situation.

When the couple isn't openly communicating about their needs and then the man watches porn and neglects his wife or does it behind her back
That's painful!

That's when you start wandering. Why is he doing that? Am I not good enough for him anymore. Etc.

Man are more interested in sex itself.

Our fantasies are a bit more complicated then mans are. Study's say that a man thinks in every hour at least one time about sex.

That one time could be one second a minute, but not that very long.

With us ladies study say that we think on an average once a day about sex. But that once a day is usually longer then that little second or min the man thinks about it.

We're full of fantasies and things we like. We dream more about everything around sex, not so much about sex itself.
Man don't take us out for a fancy dinner just for the fun of it. They're very happy to skip that part and go straight for sex.

They do all these things for us. Because they very well know that they don't get far if they don't work hard for it.
Even with the dinner, cinema, dancing etc. It's still a gamble for them on what's going to happen later in the evening.

We ladies we can watch Depp, Dicaprio, Pitt and those others for hours!!! We're able to fantasize about them or someone else who we fancy for that same amount of time.

When there is no sexual stimulation anymore or the man had his orgasm his thoughts go back to normal. (same as his penis)
We ladies are able to continue to dream about this perfect man for hours and even days and weeks! Even after we've had our orgasm we're still able to continue with our romantic thoughts. Most man aren't even physical and mentally capable of doing that.

If a man cheats it's just for sex and usually it's a one night stand kind of thing. It usually has got nothing to do with them being unhappy with their partner. It's more curiosity then unhappiness.

A lady who's going to cheat on her partner usually does that with one other man. This isn't a one night stand. This relationship can go on for years without her partner knowing about it.
It's not curiosity that drives a lady into the arms of another man. Usually she's unhappy in her relationship. This other man can give her what she's missing.

Man do find it difficult to talk to us about their feelings and needs. We'd love them to be more open to us, but we don't always make things easy for them.

If a man would say something wrong about sex, her figure or feelings to his wife. He knows that he might and up with objects being throne towards his head.

Followed by millions of questions which usually are the same questions with 1 or 2 minutes of pauses in between.
This happens usually in the middle of the night. Man aren't the best in communication, let alone when they are trying to get some sleep.

That then gets followed by the lady who becomes more and more furious. Leaves the house and goes to a friend. By this lady friend an entire army of ladies is being called together to discuss the matter in all possible ways imaginable.

Years later you say something wrong and before you know it this argument that you thought that had finished years ago starts all over again!!!!

We got to try not to get to quickly upset by what a man tells us. Just stay calm and have a nice chat about things.

As long as the relationship is ok it's usually ok to watch porn or for the lady a movie. But when things are not going well. Then it could be painful for the lady when the man watches porn.

But don't forget man do have feelings too!!!!
They might not like to talk about them. But that doesn't mean that they aren't there.
They sure have them and likewise it also could be painful for the man when the lady is watching these film stars and is dreaming away with them.

A man could be starting to ask himself the very same questions. Am I good enough for her? Am I good enough in bed etc.

I think we ladies are usually much worse when it comes down to watching porn. But in our case it's not called porn and man don't seem to mind it that we do watch these super stars.
I think we spend a lot more time on it then an average man ever would spend on porn.

I also think that's why we are quicker in making a fuss about it. It's difficult to think or to understand that porn is not such a big thing for a man. It's just nice for them and fun. They're still happy with us when they watch it.

Ladies are quicker in thinking that this man on that movie is better then the partner that she has got.
She dreams of being with this other guy. Wishing her partner was more like him.

Because we're quicker into thinking in that kind of way. We're also quicker to judge our man to be like us.
They're similar, but not the same.

Likewise it's because men do know that watching porn isn't like cheating or a sign of being unhappy with their partner. They don't mind what we are watching or thinking.

I'm originally from the Netherlands and we've a saying there:
Zoals de waard is, vertrouwt hij zijn gasten

Translation:
Ill doers are ill deemers. Evil doers are evil dreaders.

I think this phrase goes perfect with this problem. We ladies are very quick in accusing man of what we're doing.
Not understanding that some things are really totally different for a man then it's for us.
We don't need to be so scared of loosing our partner or that he has lost his love for us.

Men don't go for a divorce that quickly. It's us ladies who often go for a divorce, not our husbands.

Ill doers are ill deemers. Evil doers are evil dreaders.

Don't be scared and talk with your partner about your sexual needs. And always work on your relationship/marriage. That doesn't stay well all by itself you both got to work for it.

If one or both partners don't work on it on a regular basis, it'll fall apart.

Just my thoughts about porn.

Sylvia

Syl,

Much of what you say about women is, to be honest, also true for men I think. The truth is that a good deal of conclusions drawn about men's and women's sexuality seems to be heavily influenced by gender stereotyping. I think this is because research into human sexuality is still quite undeveloped, and therefore not particularly robust. Furthermore, although this research is in theory scientific, and therefore carries the imprimatur of scientific infallability, the study of human behaviour as a science is quite a different thing to researching atoms and things like that.

I doubt there's any biological reason for men being more inclined to use porn than women. Unless, that is, porn is defined as visual material. But I don't see why that is so. If "porn" simply means material designed solely to arouse, then 50 Shades of Gray is also porn. Yet for some reason, this awful piece of writing is considered in some way more sophisticated than a top-shelf magazine. It isn't - it just takes longer to get through.

Branleuse Sat 13-Apr-13 07:24:07

I think people generally have their own reasons for enjoying it, but it's mostly cos it's there and they can and it makes for a better wank

Peregrin Sun 21-Apr-13 15:02:24

Standing cheer for Toadinthehole!

If the "need to spread the seed" type arguments were correct, why would contraception be so popular?

Desires can be trained and channelled. I don't agree that they are harmless if left to their own devices. This is not to advocate the suppression of desires, by the way! But I disagree with the general claim that there is no harm in looking.

RumbleGreen Wed 24-Apr-13 23:08:30

Porn is like fast food instant gratification, no hassle and it's also really easy to find.

JustinBsMum Thu 02-May-13 14:05:05

I think it depends on how often he is watching it.

If he needs a 'fix' each night before he comes to bed to have sex with you, OP, then imv you can feel offended. If it's for an hour late on a Saturday night, then it's not an issue.

How often do you think of sex, OP? If you're like me, hardly at all, it's not that I am avoiding it but other stuff keeps me busy. So perhaps you (and I) need to loosen up a bit, perhaps sex should pop into your head (is it once a day that women are s'posed to think of it??) now and again and perhaps you should initiate sex with your DH more often so that he sees you in a more sexual way than just a partner and Mum. But maybe you do that already.

AndrewD Thu 16-May-13 19:54:34

I wonder if that's a Dawkins ratified version of the evolutionary justification for porn?

minkembra Thu 16-May-13 20:08:57

fastloris some of that has been claimed in various studies but the type of man a woman is attracted to varies depending on her cycle.
the biological imperative is to mate with a man with high testosterone but to bond with a man with lower testosterone. less dangerous. so one to bring up kids with and another to actually father them.
plus if same woman sleeps with her partner and non partner within her fertile period she is more likely round conceive to the non partner.

or so some studies say.

then again just because it is a biological urge does not actually make it ok to cuckold your husband!?!

it is also a biological urge to kill any of your partners offspring that are not yours.

that said have had partners who were into porn and others who were not. as long as it is not misogynist paedophilic or otherwise illegal or overly offensive or all day long i am not bothered and don't view it as personal.

likewise masturbation. sometimes a solo flight is less hassle.

Kafri Mon 27-May-13 12:44:37

I kind of see it like this.....

I like reading a book (not porn - just a bog standard book though I did read 50 shades )

DH likes to watch a bit of porn

When I was younger (Ok, so at 30 im not exactly ancient now), it used to bother me but as I've got older I just can't be bothered making a big deal out of it. The internet has defo made it more accessible to both men and women which is fine if that's what you're into. It could be said that the internet has made reading more accessible - downloading books to kindle.

DH watched porn before he met me. It doesn't think i'm not good enough. He doesn't want to go out and cheat on me - it's just something he enjoys so as long as I don't have to hear all about it, then i'm really not bothered.

One could even rephrase the OP to ask "why do women in relationships read Fifty Shades of Gray?

The answer is: because they get off on it. The better question is why does visual pornography arouse such disgust whereas written pornography does not?

Wildcherry1976 Fri 13-Sep-13 08:07:30

Men are visual creatures and porn is an aid to exploring their sexual fantasies. They serve the same purpose as erotic novels. Women in relationships should only be concerned if their sex life is dwindling and/or is non existent. In which case, porn has become a replacement for them.

To the person who posted this thread I say;

Would you rather he stopped watching porn and fantasised about the local waitress at the coffee shop down the street? Everyone needs to fantasise. It is, on the whole, a very healthy and necessary activity and does not mean that you are not enough for him. Trying to suppress that could do far more damage to your relationship than good. You don't need to condone his activity just don't give him a hard time about it. If your sex life is less than Stella focus on improving this without laying blame. Take some risks in your relationship and have some fun.

openseason Wed 06-Nov-13 12:25:08

to me men are more visual so it exciting to watch its not just men who watch it a lot of women do too sometimes you find yourself watching it to put a bit of spice back n to your own sex life.

Daddyofone Wed 06-Nov-13 20:59:13

I think a thing is that the ramifications of sex if you do it right ( i.e. make a baby ) , on a physical level, are far more serious for a woman than a man. So it's bound to effect perceptions and behaviour. Which is why women seem more interested in things like 50 Shades where she gets her man at the end of a trilogy ( I'm guessing ) , and men are more at ease with masterbating over different porn actors every time they tune in.

So again, purely on a physical level, a man could successfully be party to creating babies on a daily basis in theory, a woman obviously is in a different situation. Which I guess explaines why in some species, males in the animal kingdom have a large group of females that they have sex with and fight to the death for.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 06-Nov-13 21:07:48

I find Stella does fuck-all for my relationship

It makes my husband don a wife beater vest and makes his dick go soft

Just my opinion

Biggedybiggedybongsoitis Thu 07-Nov-13 09:51:59

To aid masturbation.

VikingTon Fri 08-Nov-13 16:39:04

^ Lol wut

UrbanDad Thu 28-Nov-13 20:58:34

"Scientists at the University of Montreal launched a search for men who had never looked at pornography - but couldn't find any"
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html

erilou38 Fri 29-Nov-13 13:26:41

My husband is 26 and he loves watching porn. I guess it'sbecause he is still fairly young and highly-sexed. He usually watching it twice a day. I'm 38, his sexy older Milf he calls me LOL and i have to admit that i love porn too! Quite often we watch it together and then actoutsome of the scenes!

Berzingaa Fri 29-Nov-13 19:41:45

I'm 20 and my partners 23 we frequently watch porn together, we both have a rather high sex drive anyway having sex 1-2 a night (bar that time of the month) It's fun, I personally don't see the issue..

sazgirl Mon 03-Mar-14 14:41:58

I love watching porn. I watch alone and with DH and very regularly. Nothing wrong with it, it enriches and varies our sex life. I feel empowered, in charge and very very sexy...DH never complains he "loves me to bits"
never feel guilty...its just good sexy fun !!!

sheriffofnottingham Wed 12-Mar-14 17:42:08

because playing with your bits feels nice and porn helps jolly the job along. generally having a wank has little to do with love or desire it's more like scratching an itch. hangovers, tiredness, insomnia, hunger, anger, boredom... the list goes on, all made better by having a wank

BreakingDad77 Thu 27-Mar-14 14:41:17

Men are visual creatures, how would you feel if men started saying you cant read fifty shades etc?

If he is turning sex down to wank instead then that is a problem and also if it is some strange fetish you may want to talk to him.

PrivetHawkmoth Thu 27-Mar-14 15:05:08

I'm a woman (happily married, decent sex life) and I like watching porn occasionally - it's no reflection on my DH or my sex life, it just turns me on and gives me a good orgasm. I don't think men are always more 'visual' than women, necessarily. I certainly get turned on by visual stuff. I go through phases of liking specific types of porn and am not a fan of the traditional porn actor look at all, or the swearing and fake boobs/fake moaning that's so common in mainstream porn.

I find it gets me thinking about sex more often and improves my libido - the more orgasms I have, the more I want. If I've been busy for a few weeks, sex has got less frequent etc, then a bit of porn can quickly help me get back in the mood.

And yes, there are a lot of ethical problems around porn.. but there are also a hell of a lot of amateur videos out there with consenting adult 'performers' - just people enjoying sex basically.

PrivetHawkmoth Thu 27-Mar-14 15:14:48

Sorry OP, I realise my post doesn't exactly answer your question - but I think the reasons men watch porn are probably quite similar to why women watch porn. It's extremely natural to be turned on by the thought or image of other people having sex!

I think you need to get your partner to talk to you about it more and be more open so you can understand it - he needs to listen to your concerns and appreciate how it might make you feel, especially if you're feeling stressed or insecure.

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla Tue 08-Jul-14 11:21:32

it seems like this post is still open! i'm lurking. :D
men watch porn because thats how they get off - its harder for a man to use imaginiation. I use porn so I can get ideas on how to spice the sex life up! He watches porn to get off while I'm not there ( i don't live with my DP)

hell4heather Tue 22-Jul-14 21:18:45

I'm lurking too. Why men watch porn isn't really an issue. If you are in a relationship with someone, they watch porn and you don't like it you are entitled to say so! If it hurts you and he/she loves you, they should stop. YOU set the boundaries in your relationship. Never forget that.

So it is appropriate for a man to forbid his wife from reading Fifty Shades of Gray?

Jayne35 Mon 28-Jul-14 15:52:33

So it is appropriate for a man to forbid his wife from reading Fifty Shades of Gray?

Forbid - No. Ask - yes, if he really doesn't like it. I have asked my DH to stop watching porn (repeatedly - waste of time!) as I don't like it but I would not object to him reading erotic fiction, two completely different things.

I will expand. It is one thing to express dislike of something one's partner does. It is another to insist that it stop. Forbidding is the most accurate term for this, and there are plenty of examples when it is fair enough.

I don't see a relevant difference between visual and literary porn. What do you think it is?

Jayne35 Sun 17-Aug-14 09:54:33

That literary porn is fictional, no person is mistreated in the writing of a book. I never used to be bothered one way or another about porn but that has changed. Watching some of the documentaries about the industry was very informative. With regard to fifty shades I haven't read it as I don't find it at all appealing so I can't really comment it.

Do you think an adult who voluntarily exposes his or her private parts for the erotic pleasure of the public in general to be mistreated?

By the way, I don't deny that there is exploitation in the pornographic industry, or that a person whose privacy is violated is mistreated. However, this is not an argument that porn per se involves mistreatment.

There is of course the separate argument that porn objectifies (mostly) women. However, my view is that objectification need not require a person with his or her clothes off: it can be done through a fictional character too.

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