Weddings - A man's view.

(42 Posts)
Changlingz Thu 16-Aug-12 21:30:33

Inspired by another thread.

Now my ex when we (she) decided to get married, said one of the best things I've ever heard.

'I can't be arsed with the big wedding, do you fancy just going off and getting married abroad?'

I've never met a man who was bothered about a big do.

And for any wedding planners, the best wedding I went to was the one where they brought out stacks of bacon rolls at 11pm.

And I couldn't tell you what the theme was at any of them was, or what the bridesmaids wore.

Is this typical? I think it is.

mrsconfuseddotcom Thu 16-Aug-12 21:33:40

Yes

Have you only just realised?

Cremolavelodrome Thu 16-Aug-12 21:40:57

Because my lovely dh didn't want a big do I went along with him. Honestly looking back it was because he just couldn't face walking down an aisle ( lol)
But all the fuss is a bit much agreed

Changlingz Thu 16-Aug-12 21:53:05

If I ever got married again (unlikely)

It'd be registry office, 2 witness's and pub afterwards.

AmberLeaf Thu 16-Aug-12 22:21:47

I've always said if I did get married it would have to be a very low key affair. (Me and him + 2 witnesses)

Weddings are over rated IMO and personally I wouldn't enjoy being in the limelight of a big 'do'

I'm female BTW.

LePan Thu 16-Aug-12 22:25:40

I'd want a BIG affair! Frocks, invites, kids sliding along the floor, disco DJ, morning suits, flowers, drunk uncles. And I'd be the focus of everyone's attention, all day. The bride would just have to put up with it....

Changlingz Thu 16-Aug-12 23:57:09

Pan- now why doesn't that surprise me.

LePan Thu 16-Aug-12 23:58:11

dunno.grin

Inneedofbrandy Fri 17-Aug-12 00:22:29

I would love a Elvis Vagas white chapel wedding, wearing my denim cut offs and white stripper shoes.

SuperB0F Fri 17-Aug-12 00:25:59

And what would the bride wear?

flatpackhamster Fri 17-Aug-12 08:02:56

Got married this year. We had 3 weeks to organise it, registry office and back to our house for food and drinks. No chauffeured car, no stately home, I did all the catering myself. We had about 35 people, mostly friends and everyone's said it was the nicest wedding they've ever been to. Although they probably would say that to me.

But the point I'm trying to make is that if you've got 2 years to plan it, you've got time to faff. And that's what I see with other friends' weddings, is faff time. Do you need this colour of flower to match that wedding decoration to appear in that room? Really? Is anyone going to remember or give a stuff in 10 years' time? What those people are coming to the wedding for is to see you get hitched, not to admire your doilies and sit at a table with 2,292 other people they don't know and have to make small talk with.

FasterHigherBeardierDaddyman Fri 17-Aug-12 08:12:02

I got married in a pub grin

FiveMonths Fri 17-Aug-12 08:14:35

I feel the same as Amberleaf, I'm a bird as well. I can't bear weddings with all the fuss and the dressing up and the etiquette. I don't know why people do it, I guess on some level they must be comfortable with it? Or it means something to them to be in the spotlight - I couldn't stand being the centre of attention in that way.

If I ever get married (looking less likely as I approach 40) I have always maintained that it will involve the minimum amount of fuss, me and him, witnesses dragged in from wherever as necessary, and no family or friends. I mihgt wear a frock - I don't know, I'd rather not. I feel embarrassed and stupid in dresses.

I also wouldn't tell anyone we were doing it.

Changlingz Fri 17-Aug-12 08:14:43

I read this post on a wedding forum:

''My groom doesn't seem to want to know any of my ideas...we're getting married May 2014'

May 2014!!

NotActuallyAMum Fri 17-Aug-12 08:22:11

I've met a man who wanted a "big do" - I'm married to him. It was me who wanted to get married abroad

FiveMonths Fri 17-Aug-12 08:23:45

changlingz. May I ask why you are lurking on wedding forums.

msrisotto Fri 17-Aug-12 08:25:11

I wanted to run off and marry abroad but my now husband, wanted the big traditional do.

cherrypieplum Fri 17-Aug-12 08:38:52

Each to his own.

We had a big-ish hotel (great grounds, rooms,etc) but a fairly small ceremony (50) and breakfast and big reception in the night.

Wedding 2- bride went off on one making grand plans that never arrived (think whole choirs, sides of beef, etc) and belittling the plans of others including mine. Suffice to say there were loads of people but small and late buffet and empty dancefloor.

Wedding 3- small (30) stately home ceremony followed by an afternoon tea in a golf club. Lovely. Marred only by the photographer who shoved cameras in faces the whole night and set up ridiculous posed shots that I cringe at to this day (charlies angels poses anyone?!)

Wedding 4- vast, overblown affair. Couple made a big show of not buying favours to guests and giving the money to charity then unwrapped extravagant gifts to each other (3k watches!) tacky, vulgar and selfish. There were many, many references to some long dead, vaguely famous family member too. Awful!

meditrina Fri 17-Aug-12 08:45:05

I asked DH (because he rejected my idea of eloping and getting done by an Elvis in Vegas).

He wanted to be married in church, and to have family/friends there and to give them enough to eat/drink. But he didn't care beyond that - certainly not about colour schemes, flowers etc. And tbh, I didn't much either, and left it all to my mother (willing volunteer, I add).

CakeBump Fri 17-Aug-12 08:52:15

We had a small wedding (3 weeks ago) but there were some details I was happy to leave out that my DH definitely did want, eg me in a proper wedding dress.

Its a day for both of you, so compromise on both sides is needed! We basically wanted the same thing though so it was easy (register office then a lunch) - we didn't have one row about the wedding although we have lots about everything else smile

Thistledew Fri 17-Aug-12 08:52:48

DP and I are getting married in Spring next year - booking the venue this weekend - Yikes!

I would have been happy with a low-key registry office affair. He wants something bigger with all the friends and family. I couldn't give a monkey's arse about all the faff. Not having bridesmaids, will wear a nice non-white frock that I can wear again, invite we will print ourselves, no favours. We agree that the main thing is to throw a bloody good party and send our guests away happy.

BedHog Fri 17-Aug-12 09:05:10

I think in some circles women are judged on their wedding day whereas men aren't. This is shown in the 'Big Fat Gypsy Wedding' programme, and to a lesser extent in other societal groups.

Men are judged on other things, for example their car. You will find far more men than women being fussed about alloy wheels, stereo systems, big spoilers etc.

It's the same thing really, about showing status.

BetterOnACamel Fri 17-Aug-12 09:20:45

We got married with 3 days notice, borrowed dress, borrowed earrings, borrowed shoes. At home, in the living room with pouring rain outside. Lots of love and laughter, so the important boxes ticked - it was wonderful.

Trills Fri 17-Aug-12 09:28:21

women are judged on their wedding day whereas men aren't

Because people assume that weddings are chosen and planned by the woman and that the man just goes along with it.

MrsBucketxx Fri 17-Aug-12 09:55:51

i had originally booked a massive affair with lots of guests and u suddenly realised that it was all bollocks cancelled it and booked a small wedding with seven guests in a scottish castle

it was a lovely day about me and dh not everyone else.

dh didnt really care either way.

MrGin Fri 17-Aug-12 10:05:01

I used to take wedding photos when I was at college to help pay the bills.

I just found them so formulaic I wondered about supplying the same set to different couples with the odd face replaced in photoshop.

On the other Wedding thread someone makes the point that the bigger the wedding the quicker it's likely to fail, it being a reflection of peoples expectations.

It's all about people in my view not the amount spent. And boy o boy do some people spend spend spend spend.

My brother was married in a humanist ceremony in my parents garden wearing a purple suit ( take note Pan ) . It wasn't massively expensive, but was massively enjoyable.

Changlingz Fri 17-Aug-12 10:13:30

I think women judge other women about weddings.

I've never heard a man say 'look at those bridesmaids dresses they clash with the carpet'

CakeBump Fri 17-Aug-12 10:20:32

I've never heard a woman say that either, OP hmm

UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername Fri 17-Aug-12 10:37:54

I wanted a do, but I didn't want it to be ruinously expensive with loads of ludicrous single-use fripperies.

The soon-to-be Mrs U. felt the same way - she just saw it as a big party.

Which is really what it is, when you come down to it. Most people don't give a tuppeny fuck about getting things like flamingos for the lawn.

Changlingz Fri 17-Aug-12 10:40:48

Go and have a look at some wedding forums.

They're bonkers.

hmm

UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername Fri 17-Aug-12 10:42:12

Got any links?

QuenelleOJersey2012 Fri 17-Aug-12 10:50:24

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. We're travelling there and back by minibus with the bride and groom and their families, there will be lots of young children there, the bride is buying her own flowers from Waitrose, and they have said they don't want any presents. Can't wait.

peoplesrepublicofmeow Fri 17-Aug-12 14:36:03

weddings take on a life of there own, we managed to keep ours fairly tame, and got married as soon as possible after the proposal as we could.
we financed it ourselves which mean we had total control, when i see some of my friends big weddings and all the family had to be invited at the cost of cutting out some of the bride and grooms friends, that wasnt for us. but yeah with aid comes influence.

so i hired a kilt, OH wore white trousers ( heard the jokes about who weres the trousers allready) we walked to the town hall, and hired the towns old exchange building for the do afterwards. here in holland BTW you pay for every drink and the dutch are shocked that we have pay-bars at parties in england, they say
"thats not a party then, it's just asking for mates to come down the pub"

BalloonSlayer Fri 17-Aug-12 14:40:46

I love it when a bloke has been to a wedding and you say < breathless > "So? What was her dress like?"

And you get:

"Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . . I think it was white."

EldritchCleavage Fri 17-Aug-12 14:41:47

Wedding forums are self-selecting: you only really go on them if you are a fairly hardcore bride, I think.

We got from proposal to wedding in 5 weeks: registry office, special bus charter, restaurant meal no disco or evening do. Was fabulous. Neither of us wanted more.

FateLovesTheFearless Fri 17-Aug-12 14:45:35

I got married with two weeks to prepare, registry office and a pub afterwards. If I was to marry again in the future I think I would like to do it 'properly' as such but not in a church or a registry office. I also wouldn't want something massive, just close friends and family. But a little bit more fancy than a registrar!

We had an average sized wedding, and I found it easier to say what I didnt want than what I actually wanted. Didn't want fresh flowers, didnt want masses of people (68 with only 5 addition evening quests) and my evening meal was the best ever, we had pork baps with stuffing, and hot dogs smile for pudding we offered our guests chocolate eclairs and jam doughnuts.

DH was kind of averagely interested in the wedding, but largely felt he'd done enough by proposing!! We purposely kept the costs down so we could have a bigger honeymoon!!!

A bigger wedding doesn't equal more married!!

ScarlettCrossbones Fri 17-Aug-12 14:49:37

BalloonSlayer my DP is a wedding photographer and I ask him every time he comes home from one "What was the first dance song?" (the only bit I'm really interested in grin) and I get the same "Umm ... I think it was ... that one ... oh, wait a minute ... can't remember." Every time!

Dahlen Sat 18-Aug-12 10:53:21

If I ever got married again (unlikely) I fancy doing something totally unusual like skydiving. grin

Never, ever wanted the big white wedding thing <shudders> but would definitely have a great big party afterwards to celebrate. Any excuse for a party is good in my book!

AdoraBell Sat 25-Aug-12 04:49:19

I couldn't face the prospect of being the centre of attention. OH mistakenly thought that every woman wanted a solitaire diamond and a fairytale white wedding like his first wife He genuinely thought he had let me down in some way when a vicar told us he couldn't marry us as OH was "still married in the eyes of God"

When the STBMIL said - ooh, I have a wedding to plan - I knew I had to put my foot down.

We had a small civil ceremony, 35 guests despite MIL's cats bum face about the rest of the family being left out, a nice lunch and then went home. I didn't even wear white (or ivory). She's never forgiven me grin

charleyturtle Sun 02-Jun-13 20:35:52

im letting my dp plan (pretty much) the entire wedding. if it came down to me i would have registry office or church with a few family and friends then off to the pub. no bridesmaids or big wedding dress. but my dp said he wanted a bigger fancier do, so i told him if he wanted that he could organise it himself and i will just give him some money towards it and show up when and where he tells me.

Weddings are better looked back on. They go so quickly that without a decent record of the the day. The most important people on the day are the Bride and Groom, yet they only get to relive the day through the video or a decent photobook over a glass of wine after the honeymoon.

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