Termination of pregnancy - mens rights

[thetoothfairy]

I have just found out I am pregnant. I am devastated, but for many reasons, I cannot proceed. The father is someone I have a recent relationship with. I will ask his point of view, of course, before I proceed - but would welcome thoughts on how he might view this, what if we have a differenct point of view etc etc, and basically any advice as to how to discuss this carefully with him. Thankyou

[lomond]

Hi sorry I can't be sure on this but would think that it would be your decision. It is your body and although I think you would be right to tell him I don't think he would be able to do anything about it if he wanted to keep the baby.

Hope someone else might be able to help you more than me as I have no personal experience.

[colditz]

You don't have to discuss it with him, and if I were you, if you know you are not going to proceed, why would you? Why upset him? You know he has no rights, you know nothing he could do or say will stop you, why put him through it?

[expatinscotland]

i agree w/cold.

why not just go through with it if you absolutely cannot proceed.

[colditz]

I am very prochoice, by the way, this is not a judgement on the choice you have made.

[Blu]

Sorry - still not a man's perspective...but I think a lot depends on your relationship with himnnow, and what you would like that relationship to be in the future.

If your relationhip is no longer, the don't tell him.

If it is close, good, has places to go,will he understand the reasons why you cannot proceed?

Is it a relationship which you feel potentially could lead to pareting together under differnt circumstances or in the future? If so, tell him that, and as long as he understands your reasons now, if you have enough shared understanding, and he has no absolute anti-views on termination, then he may be a great support to you. If you wnat the relationship to continue, then don't be secretive...or shut him out. But if he can't ot won't support you, then the relationship is probably doomed...and tbh you are probably as well to know now. iyswim.

Big sympathies for your situation.

Are you as ok-ish as possible?

[Blu]

Sorry - you said. you are devastated. Look after you - and I hope he looks after you, too.

Sorry.

[thetoothfairy]

Thankyou for your replies. I had never thought I would be in this situation, but I'm sure I'm not the only one to say that!! I am conflicted between thinking it is the right thing to do to share the decision, but also knowing that there is actually not an alternative. He is pro choice as am I, but even so I don't want to cause additional angst. Of course, the relationship could suffer either way. If I am not honest then I will feel guilty and deceptive; if I am honest then it could cause different difficulties and hurt.

[HappyDaddy]

As a man, I'd say this. You have to do what is right for YOU. You may feel he has the right to know, of course but he may not react in a way that is helpful or untraumatic for you. If he's a decent man, and you tell him, he'll understand and support your decision no matter what.

He may well have that conflict of feeling helpless and feeling guilty that he "got you pregnant" (to coin a crap phrase) and may push those feelings onto you. Us blokes are good at that, if we can't find a "solution" to a problem.

Whichever you choose, I wish you well, it cannot be easy or you.

[thetoothfairy]

Thankyou Happydaddy. I feel instinctively that he will support the decision. I am concerned about the other emotions which will be swilling around, and I think he could be quite angry - probably not with me, but at a difficult situation. I just don't think its right not to tell him, however much easier it might be in the short term not to say anything because I would feel fundamentally dishonest. No it isn't easy, and I still can't quite believe it, particularly since I am very careful!!! I think his initial reaction is what I'm dreading.

[swervingirvan]

"If he's a decent man, and you tell him, he'll understand and support your decision no matter what.
"

sorry but couldn't disagree with that more. i like to think that i am a decent man however i am completely anti-abortion and would view any woman having one against my wishes as killing my child. this is not to say that i am right and the op is wrong. just to point out that the man may very well feel he is unable to understand and support her decision if it is something he is fundamentally opposed to it, this doesn't make him any less decent. personally i could never have a relationship wiyth a woman who did this.

[swervingirvan]

"If he's a decent man, and you tell him, he'll understand and support your decision no matter what.
"

sorry but couldn't disagree with that more. i like to think that i am a decent man however i am completely anti-abortion and would view any woman having one against my wishes as killing my child. this is not to say that i am right and the op is wrong. just to point out that the man may very well feel he is unable to understand and support her decision if it is something he is fundamentally opposed to it, this doesn't make him any less decent. personally i could never have a relationship wiyth a woman who did this.