Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

1 2 3

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Dadsnet

I want a fling .....

70 replies

Iwantafling · 08/10/2007 12:10

OK, I had to change my name for this (for obvious reasons) and would love an opinion from all of you, especially the menfolk.

I'm 39, been with my dh since I was 17, married since I was 22. I have never slept with anyone else but my dh - same for him.

Here's the problem. I am crazy about a friend of his (also a friend of mine). I know he feels the same, but he won't make a move (out of loyality to my dh, I suppose).

Guys - am I expecting too much to ask a man to make a move on a friend's wife ? Is that a definate NO. Will it never happen ?

Maybe its because I'm hurtling towards 40 ..... but I really feel like I've missed out. I would love to experience sex with another man (a man I have feelings for - not a male escort).

Should I just be grateful for what I have, stop being so selfish and put this yearning out of my mind ???? Is there anyone like me (please tell me there is!) that has only had one lover in their lifetime and do you feel like you've missed out too ???

(Sorry if this post offends anyone but I can't talk to anyone else about this).

OP posts:

Report

LemonTart · 08/10/2007 12:12

Do you have children?

pneumalifenewname · 08/10/2007 12:12

This is the argument for getting shag tastic before settling down I reckon

LucyJones · 08/10/2007 12:14

Having been there before I would say don't do it.
A couple of times in my life I have felt bored and unhappy in my life and ended up have 2 flings.
Both made me feel sexy and seedy at the same time iyswim
I ended up confessing to dh baout the first one as I felt so uilty but of course all it did was to cause him pain.
You feel like you've missed out on someting but really you haven't. And going for a friend of dh's is just low imo

UnquietDad · 08/10/2007 12:17

Bad idea, but even worse idea so close to home.

I believe there is an expression "don't crap on your own doorstep." There is a reason people do these things on conferences and business trips...

MaryBleedinShelley · 08/10/2007 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumama · 08/10/2007 12:20

well, if you want to take the chance of destroying your DHs life, his friend's wife;s lives, any childrens' lives and your own, for the sake of finding out what it is like to shag someone else, then go for it...

and a friend of your DHs. at least he as the loyalty to your DH not to respond if you tried it on.

if things are rotten with your DH, then find a way to make it better, or move on, shagging his friend isn't really going to make anything better

Lulumama · 08/10/2007 12:21

talk to your DH, he might feel the same, then you could consider an open relationship....

Joash · 08/10/2007 12:22

Not sure what to say, but just asked DH's opinion as he has only ever had sex with one person (Yes - me) whereas I erm 'put-it-about' a fair bit before we were married.
I have to say that what he said seems to make some sense to me (doesn't happen very often ). He seems to think that there must be something lacking in your relationship with your DH, as he has never considered having a fling, or even wondered about what it might be like to have sex with someone else.
Perhaps, what you need is to spice up your current sex-life somewhat?

NAB3 · 08/10/2007 12:59

DO NOT HAVE A FLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iwantafling · 08/10/2007 13:03

Thanks for not attacking me people ....

I've discussed this with dh a few times. He doesn't feel the same as me - he doesn't feel he's missed out.

I agree the friend thing is a bit close to home, so I know I'll have to forget that.

The reason why I feel I'm being selfish is because we have a very happy marriage, and a wonderful sex life. I feel I'm betraying what we have by even talking about this.

If I could turn back time and "sow my wild oats" before I married so young, I would. But I can't. Thats the regret I have. You think you know everything at that age. You don't know you're going to wake up one day and feel like this.

Would I mind if my dh slept with another woman ? Honestly ????? On one level I would be happy that he had the "experience" and would be full of questions about what was it like .... But on another level, I would be terrified incase he fell in love and it would jeoprodise what we have.

OP posts:

mawbroooooooooon · 08/10/2007 13:12

This kind of fling only would be my advice.

Iwantafling · 08/10/2007 13:16

LOL!!!!! Like it Mawbrooooon.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 08/10/2007 13:17

"But on another level, I would be terrified incase he fell in love and it would jeoprodise what we have."

so, you do feel you have something worth fighting for? concentrate on that

HappyDaddy · 08/10/2007 13:21

The simple answer is twofold.

Firstly - how would you feel if you discovered DH had had a fling?

Secondly - If you really intend on cheating, at least have the decency to leave DH first. Rather than go with his "friend" and then live with the deceit for the rest of all of your lives.

These things aren't cut and dried but I doubt you'll get the "hell, yeah, go for it girlie" that you may have been looking for in the Men's Room.

CountessDracula · 08/10/2007 13:24

I would say you should consider first whether you are prepared to lose everything you have and hurt the people you love the most. If so then you should have a fling.

It is quite possible that your dh might not be able to deal with it if he found out, your marriage could fall to pieces, your children would lose their stable home and one of their parents. Your family would be blown apart, it would polarise your friends.

before you go down the route fling I think you should seek some counselling as a couple.

contentiouscat · 08/10/2007 13:28

If he cannot give you everything you need then do the honorable thing, split up with him first then you are free to do what you want. You cant use him as a safety net and Im sure you wouldnt want him to treat you with so little respect and "have" one of your friends just for the recreational fun of it.

LoveMyGirls · 08/10/2007 13:32

You're not missing out, so you could shag someone else only to find it was crap (and most likely would be as the best sex i have found has always been with someone who knows me inside out and is really really intimate, you dont get that with a one off) or what if its great, he's much better endowed and makes you feel electric - then what? Would you leave your dh for someone who can give you a better shag?

moopymoo · 08/10/2007 13:33

really really dont do the fling thing. The grass is greener for a tiny amount of time. It sounds like you have a good and intimate marriage that you would be in danger of losing for sex. i have slept with quite a few people and would swap it all in a heart beat to have known dh for as many years as you instead of waiting till I was 30 to find the 'one' Once the thrill of the chase has gone, sex in a fling wil never ever compete with a long and happy marriage. get a hobby

BellaLasagne · 08/10/2007 13:43

Don't do it - you could lose everyone and everything you love.

Keep the fantasy in your head, have some sexy dreams but leave them there! Hopefully, you'll get over it with no damage being done.

contentiouscat · 08/10/2007 13:44

Just shut your eyes and pretend hubby is someone else

HuwEdwards · 08/10/2007 13:44

My friend divorced her husband for this very reason. She then sowed her wild oats and then settled down again - but with a different man.

However, she had fallen out of love with her husband.

If you truly want to keep your marriage, imo, you are mad to contemplate it.

Iklboo · 08/10/2007 13:46

Don't do it. Can you imagine the flaming a bloke would have got if he posted this thread?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

overdraft · 08/10/2007 13:46

Iwantafling what a dilema. I will tell you something.
When I was younger I put it about . I married a lovely man who was very inexperienced and had had one partner before he met me.
After 16 years of being together he had an affair for the same reasons. He wondered what it would be like to have sex with someone else. Turns out I was his first. My next door neighbour gave him the come on and he went right on and done it. True what Unquiet dad says,it is even worse on your doorstep.
Well he had sex with someone else.The sex was shite, but it was sex with someone else, she wanted him. Our sexlife was great by the way.She made him feel sexy, wanted and he was not used to attention from the oppersite sex and got taken for the ride.

We went to Relate and talked for hours.We are together now and I am glad we are. I wouldn't of given hi permission though by the way.

I know it's hard but my dh found out the hard way. Sex wasn't better with someone else and he nearly lost his family and me. He has to live with himself everyday. I am in pain and he hurt the ones he loves the most.

Could I have stopped him if I had known he felt that way? I really don't know.

I have had good sex with men ,but the best sex i have had is with my dh. Sex is enjoyable but even better with someone you are in love with.

LadySnotAlot · 08/10/2007 13:47

Iwantafling,

A dick isn't worth killing your marriage for! OK so I'm being rather crass but it's true.

You should only think about having a fling with this man if you really want to ruin everything you have now. Then instead of looking back thinking 'I wish I'd sown my wild oats' you'll be thinking 'I really wish I hadn't sown my wild oats.' Not such a good scenario.

In any case, his mate might be a crap shag!

Kewcumber · 08/10/2007 13:51

100 shags with 10 different men vs 100 shage with the same man - you seem to think that the first is better (sex-wise) than the latter. trust me it isn't in the long run sex is the best with teh person you trust the most.

I have had sex with men who were 'flings' and mechanically better than a long-term partner but I didn't find it any more satisfying. In fact it is a bit like fried rice. Fills you up at the time but is strangely unsatisfying a few hours later. Oops terrible analogy

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.