Do you get "man points"...

[nappynuttynormabutty]

for discussing sex in great detail?

I'm quite interested as I've just been told I don't know men very well. Apparently they like to discuss how much they've degraded women with their sexual exploits . Personally I thought that was insulting to men.

Opinions please.

If I'm wrong I'll happily change my views.

[DaDaDa]

Nope, we don't generally talk about it much at all in my experience. Probably to maintain the illusion that we're getting more than we actually are.

But then again most of mates are fairly quiet and in long term relationships.

[nappynuttynormabutty]

Well, see that's what I thought...but I keep getting told I'm wrong.

lol @ maintaining the illusion we're getting more than we are

[Pan]

"Apparently they like to discuss how much they've degraded women with their sexual exploits...."....?
And who told you this...apparently???

Bit of a libellous slur...IF we had a 'court' for the male gender...but then we'd be 'convicted' on so many other grounds.

[nappynuttynormabutty]

Ah it was chucked about at me on the porn thread!

[PillockOfTheCommunity]

along with "Mind you I've never come across a male porn user who could find it."

when discussing the clitoris

[Pan]

Not another porn thread??!! Thats 65 this week.

Guess the answer is 'no'.

[PillockOfTheCommunity]

difference this time Pan is taht we're not just leaving it to madamez to fight in favour of it!

[nappynuttynormabutty]

lol, I must have missed the other 64 ...something to do tomorrow then...

[nappynuttynormabutty]

Just a little bump for the other men on here to give their opinions .

Perhaps the ladies out their could ask their dh/dps or indeed any other men they know...all opinions welcomed.

[harleyd]

lol
i work with a few guys between 19-23 and they are always discussing their conquests. and they do have a man points thing whereby you get so many points for hotties, trolls, mums, married women and oldies!
sometimes i cant help but laugh. its shocking. but i think for the most part its bravado. i would love to 'come on' to them just to see how cocky they would be then, it would scare the pants off them!

[nappynuttynormabutty]

Harleyd - do they ever get "man points" for saying how degraded the women were tho?

[nappynuttynormabutty]

As in do you think that they 'get off' on the idea they were degrading or humiliating the woman?

[harleyd]

oh hell no. sorry didnt read it right. no i have never heard anything like that.
i dont think i have ever heard any man talk about degrading women

[nappynuttynormabutty]

Well neither have I, which is why I was rather and wondered if perhaps I had just led a sheltered life or something.

[BigGitDad]

Conversely do you give yourself 'woman points' for the same thing about blokes...
My experience is that women are far more open about sex with their friends than men are. You only have to look at the MN board to see that. There is no real male equivilant.

[nappynuttynormabutty]

"My experience is that women are far more open about sex with their friends than men are. You only have to look at the MN board to see that."

I often put way tmi on here!!!


I don't score points for degrading men either. I was a bit that someone would suggest that men enjoy degrading women tbh as it's not the case with the men I know at all.

Are there any men out there who do enjoy it cos at the moment I seem to be winning my point unanimously???

[BigGitDad]

I think they are boys playing for bragging rights and if they had a girlfriend/wife they'd soon shut up, like the rest of us

[UnquietDad]

My friends and I never talk about sex when we go out.

It's OK to discuss, in a slightly sexist way, attractive famous women - but, by unspoken consent, there is no mention of how often, energetic, etc, nookie with the missus is. It would probably be hugely embarrassing.

[nappynuttynormabutty]

Would any of you (say perhaps before you were married) have enjoyed degrading women? or talked to your mates about how you'd degraded a woman?

Do any of you think women are degraded?

I'm rambling. I'm trying to understand where someone has got the opinion that men 'get off' on women being degraded (talking about consenting women) and that they like to brag about it, as I personally haven't known a man who does that.

[mindalina]

I have one male friend who does talk about woman in a fairly degrading way from time to time, but he's usually mucking about and doesn't mean it seriously. That's one, out of maybe a dozen male friends. And er, he's never actually said anything like

"Well I did x to Jane and she was so degraded the dirty bitch I loved it."

It's more just not entirely respectful.

[DaDaDa]

I have a (admittedly unscientific) theory that this has to do with age. For men who were in their teens in the mid-late 80's we were all expected to be 'right on' and PC when it came to women. It could be slightly tedious at times.

The rise of the lad mags blew all that away, and boys were allowed to be boys. For those over say 32, that's great because now we're 'allowed' to relax and admit fancying women! Trouble is younger men have never known any different and the baby has been thrown out with the bath water. It's gone from 'ironic' lad mags like Loaded to the likes of Nuts and Zoo. Women are objectified to the extent that some young men I've worked with (who don't have at least that feminist voice on their shoulder telling them not to be a dick) do speak about women in a degrading way.

I'm not 'comfortable' with porn for those reasons too.

[EricL]

Men don't really talk about sex i guess. Typical 'morning after' convo would go something like this -

"Did you shag that bird last night?"
"Too fucking right mate"
"Phwoar - well in there mate. She was a looker"
"Wanna cuppa?"

Whereas the ladies seem to enjoy every precise detail of the whole night from the first look to what underwear he was wearing and the size of all the parts involved.

I can see what you all mean with this dis-respect issue. There are mixed signals being given about this all the time. My own experience tells me that a lot of women like a little 'honest' rough treatment and both sexes reverting to their base animal instincts - but only behind closed doors in a relationship. You can't really go round publically treating people like bits of meat, and most guys realise this.

It is nice to revert back to this kind of thing once in a while though. You know - that kind of 'clubbing a woman over the head and dragging her back to to your cave by the hair' feeling. Not that you would ACTUALLY do that of course........

[tokoyuzu]

I'm a woman. I agree with EricL that a lot or men and women like a bit of stone-age style sex from time to time. This is a mutual consent thing, not degrading to either party.

In my limited experience, the kind of man who finds degrading women sexually exciting, and/or finds talking about it to their mates even more exciting, is the kind of man who is a misogynist. Despite his claims to the contrary, he is not very confident with women and finds them a bit threatening. He claims he loves women, all his best friends are women, but he is lying or deluded.

This is the kind of man whose fragile ego requires that he feel he is in control and that the woman/en are subserviant to him. He talks a lot, with pride, about his ex girlfriends (there have been many because they all wised up after a short while and left him) - both to his friends and to his current girlfriend to let her know that she is replaceable and should be grateful to have him considering he has had better.

If she doesn't like what he likes sexually, this is because she is 'frigid'. If he fails to satisfy his girlfriend, this is also because she is 'frigid' as some of his past girlfriends faked orgasms and he thought they were real. He usually orgasms very quickly and makes no noise at all. One would imagine that he would get more enjoyment from a sneeze.

He expects his girlfriend to be very open about what she likes sexually - all food for his imagination and for telling his sad mate(s) down the pub (they have no sex-life themselves and are easily impressed) but he won't try to actually please her in any of these ways. His enjoyment comes from getting his girlfriend to go further and further towards the bounds of depravity and self-exposure in an effort to please him and to prove that she is not inhibited. This is something he is always accusing her of to put her on the defensive and distract her from what a lousy lover he is. He is not actually aroused much by her efforts, rather he just enjoys the control and the feeling of superiority it gives him. The harder she tries to please him, the more he despises her.

Any woman with any self-esteem quickly dumps him (he thinks wistfully of these ones). The ones who don't, he has more trouble getting rid of as he hates the messiness of ending relationships and usually ignores and/or abuses them until they get the message. He can then move on and repeat the cycle.

Sorry if the above sounds sexist but I don't mean it that way - it's just based on a bad experience with one nasty piece of work. Thank God most men (amd most women) are not like this.

[EricL]

Thanks for the agreement on my theory TY - i thought it might go down like a lead balloon on a site that is dominated by women - so i am happy to see that someone understands my rough logic. I'm glad you got my point though that these 'primal urges' that we have have been tempered by evolution but that sometimes it is nice to act on them in certain environments.

I am sorry to hear you have had an awful experience with the complete wanker that you describe. It dismays me to hear about this as it happens all too often - and these people seem to make more waves than us guys who enjoy a relationship with a woman for all the good reasons.

I hope you have some happier experiences under your belt now as i would hate to think that your view of men has been soiled - although it seems that you are aware that we are not all this dysfunctional and warped.....