And too scared, to be honest.
First, I realise Dadsnet gets fuck all traffic, so I'm not really posting for comments, mainly just to write it down (possibly for a bit of a self-indulgent kicking).
41 now, been married just over a decade, got a beautiful daughter who's 8, and is absolutely the light of my life.
Joined MN about 9 months ago to post about my sexless marriage - and it really is that: no physical intimacy for about two and a half years now, and it was dwindling for a long time before that - no sex the first year after childbirth, then some (very) infrequent spells, to, well, nothing.
Little, if anything, in the way of affection also.
Tried all sorts to rekindle some romance, the usual stuff advised on here (date nights, cuddles without expectations, talking [well, when it doesn't degenerate into a one sided fight leaving me utterly dejected], taking sex "off the table completely", which has basically been the last seven, eight months?).
Essentially, we're housemates who bring up a child together. We're a decent team, both working (she fewer hours hours), nice house, family meals out and fun together, and we've done some genuinely wonderful things together and for eachother. Probably look okay to the outside world.
DW said to me years ago (before we wed), that her brother and his longterm GF didn't have sex, they were just really close. Realise now ofcourse that it was bollocks - they're at it like any other couple. DW was talking about herself, it was a view of our future.
Wasn't always like this - believe it or not, she chased me, and the early, honeymoon period, we had a lot of fun together. Time was, she couldn't keep her hands off me (and it was mutual). Guess it was the "hook", the reality follows, and I realise I've spent over a quarter of my life with someone who doesn't feel for me the way I do for she.
And this is where I now find myself. Nothing's going to change.
Pretty much rock bottom, my self esteem, self worth is literally shot to pieces.
I sometimes think what it would be like to be out there again, but frankly, it scares the crap out of me; my own wife rejects me, why the fuck would anyone else want me?
Couldn't live without my little girl - the thought of "part-time dad" is heartbreaking. This girl I winded and settled during the breast feeding early months, who we put to bed together for the first year or two, and who I've done bedtimes for five nights out of seven since then. All those bedtime stories, the fact it's daddy she's always shouted of in the night. How could I bear to not be with her full time? The answer is, I can't. That full on relationship reduced to what? Every other weekend, perhaps a night or two a week?
Honestly have no clue what to do next, other than trundle on. How does someone the wrong side of forty go about going out alone anyway? Rented two bed flat? Could that be any more lonely than being married?
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Too young for celibacy, too old to start anew.
21 replies
Minus2seventy3 · 03/06/2015 14:45
OP posts:
VoyageOfDad ·
06/06/2015 23:12
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