Apologies in advance, this is rather angsty:
To cut a long story short, I am in an unhappy marriage. Neither of us feel fulfilled, or like we are getting what we need. I cannot speak for my wife, but I really do not feel in love at all. Were it not for the children (whom I love dearly) I would leave - I want to be part of bringing them up and to be there for them, furthermore I want to be a good example to them both, and do not want to do anything that would unbalance their mother (while I am not in love, I care about her enough that I can't bring myself to hurt her - she has a history of fairly sever depression, and due to where we have moved, and the nature of her family realtionships, I am all the support she really has).
Were it as simple as a listless relationship, I think I would muddle through, BUT my own mind is being severly tested as I have strong feelings for another person. I have not discussed this with anyone, and after a number of years of hoping my mind would balance itself I am now begining to feel a deep despair.
The person I am interested in is also involved, and has children of their own, though have there own problems on that front. I know that morally, I cannot really do anything right by this, and am utterly stummped as to what the best way to proceed with my life is.
My temptation is to confront the person I have fallen for, in the hope that they can let me down gently, and I can move on without the irrational hope I carry. This though seems unfair as it is putting them in a predicament not of their making - I could not honestly say they have done anything overt to encourage me. Therefore, I am doing nothing as the last thing I would wish to do would be to hurt her, and I certainly do not want to screw up the lives of all our children.
I have tried many things. I have taken up more regular excercise, writing my feelings down, and even got on prescription from my GP. This just feels like papering over the cracks - it is dealing with symptoms and not causes. I have tried to reanimate the marriage, but that really feels like a lost cause.
If anyone has any advice or expereince like this, I would be eternally grateful. I really can't see a way forward without causing some deep unhapiness in someone. Feel free to tell me how immature or daft I am being.
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6 replies
GoodMorningCaptain · 06/06/2014 12:06
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