exhausted

(10 Posts)
p1987 Sat 01-Feb-14 01:46:52

Hoping you could help please?? I have a dd aged just over two my wife is amazing but she always seems to be exhausted/ill. I try to look after dd every second I'm here between working two jobs and trying to do house work between jobs but am feeling so tiered myself. I sometimes find myself doing chores to get out of looking after dd (terrible I know) I really don't know what to do cos I'm so impatient with dd/wife cos I'm so exhausted myself but every time I tell my dw how I feel exhausted myself I feel I'm being unreasonable cos she should come first please help :-(

TheseAreTheJokesFolks Sat 01-Feb-14 02:18:54

I was going to ask you if you were my DH but you say you do chores to get out of childcare so you can't be! wink

Firstly why are you up? I ask because I am awake breastfeeding but I am guilty of googling between feeds to my own detriment sleep-wise.
Is this your downtime?
Are you insomniac or depressed?
Are you on a night shift?
Are you doing this post while wife is asleep as no chance tomorrow?

Unless a decent reason you need to sleep now if exhausted - is your 2 year old not sleeping through yet?
How many kids do you have? Is your wife SAHM? Has she got PND or dd2 SN?

Bottom line - if she is knackered I am not surprised as childcare is knackering - for some a job is ligt relief in comparison. Add depression and guilt to the mix and I can see why she is sick.

You know this as you find housework preferable to childcare (not saying babysitting as it is your child too) - A stand-up comedian used to joke about sitting in his car an extra ten mins mentally preparing himself for walking through the door, in other words...hiding.

It all depends on the circumstances. Working full-time then being expected to do ALL the chores, maintenance, cooking, childcare etc AND acting as carer for your wife is shit...but doing 50% is fair if she has had DD all day wit no respite, lunch break, toilet break etc esp if there are SN levels or sleep problems.

You need to think of support mechanisms...is there family who could help out? is a GP referral needed? Is Surestart or whatever it is called for helping out a possibility? Is a cleaner for two hours a week an option?

Exhaustion itself is exhausting.
I do understand.
The house won't clean itself. The kids cannot self-soothe or entertain and it is not called the terrible twos for nothing.

You could try each doing one hour on one hour off, one doing chores, the other DD and rotate it each time then when DD finally down, both have off time.
One lie-in each Sat / Sun - unless she is on night shifts - two years of ebf and cosleeping is draining.

Would need more info to help you more aside from you sound like you have her back and care but also are running on empty too.
It gets better between 7 and 10yrs wink do not put head in oven now, tis only 5 years away

TheseAreTheJokesFolks Sat 01-Feb-14 02:22:32

the h on my keyboard is stuck stupid keyboard
will return to thread tomorrow
vent as you wish
i am mum not dad but other dads on here will have insights i'm sure
take care

Sorry its hard and exhausting at the moment, good that you can vent on here. I am a mummy who is disabled, often I'll and we have one daughter. I often worry that my dh could write a similar post though we talk all the time about how we cope.

Our house is a tip.... we do as much as we can and its never enough to !make it presentable but our priority is school, his work, mjy work (I.e. income!) eating, and it being clean enough to do it safely...

And when we are tired we close the doors, smuggle up in our untidyu but warm and safe nest and watch comedy, chat, enjoy some down time together...as we know that easier times will come...like a few weeks ago was really well and got
pads done.

Its hard this bnit and its good to talk with each other. Des your wife know you're knackered?

also, go to sleep :-)

p1987 Sat 01-Feb-14 09:16:23

Was up at 2am as dd & dw both poorly. dd has slept through since 6 week's, I'm sure dw doesn't have pnd just always poorly. It doesn't help that she is looking for work atm as temp job ending so I end up doing most bedtimes, which I enjoy doing but need a break!!

UriGeller Sat 01-Feb-14 09:28:09

I think you may well just have to grit your teeth and get through it. Everyone finds this stage of their children's upbringing exhausting, if they don't they're lying.

It passes soon enough. Although the best way is not to wish away now in the hope of a rosy future, just concentrate on taking every moment as it comes, be present and relax into it. Once you realise there is no way around this stage, you are free to get through it.

p1987 Sat 01-Feb-14 09:37:30

Was up at 2am as dd & dw both poorly. dd has slept through since 6 week's, I'm sure dw doesn't have pnd just always poorly. It doesn't help that she is looking for work atm as temp job ending so I end up doing most bedtimes, which I enjoy doing but need a break!!

ThatBloodyWoman Sat 01-Feb-14 09:39:09

You sound particularly tired with this illness.

When you are off work find time to take it in turns for you and your wife to have a sleep, and let your standards drop a bit.

Take any and all offers of help. It's worth doing reciprocal agreements with friends with children if nothing else, to have each others kids for a few hours every so often.

I think all of us have been through times of utter knackerdness.

Make time for fun activities.Swimming and nice walks when all are well.The housework will always be there.The trick is to ignore it at times.

You sound a lovely dad and dh.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 01-Feb-14 13:06:32

Maybe draw up some kind of rota?
You should be taking it in turns when you are both home, to do childcare and housework. Work out between you what things need doing, what you don't mind doing, and what she doesn't mind doing (e.g I hate cleaning the bathroom but like vacuuming, so if I had a partner who didn't mind doing the bathroom, it would make sense to split it like that).

2 year olds can be tiring, but sleeping through since six weeks? Lucky you!
I have a 7 year old who has been getting me up nights for MONTHS and having to then get up and do the school run, go to work, pick up the shopping, make the tea..yeesh, it can be exhausting, so count your blessings wink
I do find also, that if I force myself to have some kind of social life, that is actually kind of energizing, as it's a break from drudgery.
Also, maybe get your wife down the doctors? There may be something really wrong that needs checking out.

p1987 Sat 01-Feb-14 17:47:17

Sorry my tieredness may have led me not to tell the whole story my dw is brilliant and works full time and does an awful lot more than I said.... It's just so hard to find a balance!

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