My wife and I have just fallen out of love with each other.

(15 Posts)
neiljames77 Mon 20-Jan-14 15:40:09

Simple as that really. No arguments anymore, we both just keep raking over old ground anyway. We're just different people. We got together on looks and physical appearance. Now that the kids are virtually adults and are ready to go their own way in life, I think it's hit us that we have no other common interest apart from the children.

ernesttheBavarian Mon 20-Jan-14 16:16:24

Sorry, don't know what to say but didn't want you to go totally unanswered. That sounds sad. Does she feel the same? What do you want to do about it?

neiljames77 Mon 20-Jan-14 16:26:04

She denied it for a long time until we had a quiet, reasonable chat in the pub. We both came to an agreement that we'd be better off with someone else. Unfortunately, we'll have to sell the house but I've told her that she can have everything, I'll just take my clothes and start from scratch.

Backonthefence Mon 20-Jan-14 16:26:33

Now that your children are ready to make their own way you can do 1 of 2 things really. Try to focus on each other without the distraction of children. Or you can part ways amicably free from disrupting you children too much.

JeanSeberg Mon 20-Jan-14 16:29:21

Unfortunately, we'll have to sell the house but I've told her that she can have everything

Not sure why you'd do that, obviously I don't know your financial situation but you could be giving up thousands of pounds which you'll deeply regret in the future. I'd seek legal advice personally.

We both came to an agreement that we'd be better off with someone else

Would it not be better to think that you'd be better off alone rather than with each other? What if neither of you meets anyone else?

neiljames77 Mon 20-Jan-14 16:38:24

I'm not bothered about the money Jean, I earn twice as much as she does so it's only fair that she keeps all the equity from the house. Plus, she'll still have the kids living with her (although the youngest said she wants to live with me so I'm not on my own).
The "someone else" thing can be anything really. It just means we're not making each other happy and are better off apart, whether we get together with other people is neither here nor there really.

JeanSeberg Mon 20-Jan-14 16:42:07

Well I wish you the best of luck. I got divorced many moons ago for very similar reasons - ie no affair, no DV/EA, just drifted apart - and I've no regrets.

I would urge you to protect your financial interests though.

Presumably the kids will be living with either one of you (as opposed to 50-50 split) as you/they feel they are too old to be swapping houses every few days?

neiljames77 Mon 20-Jan-14 16:58:13

If I need to pay a months rent in advance, I might take that out of the pot. I'd probably need a washing machine too unless I take ours and she gets a new one. I don't think I'd NEED to have thousands in the bank.

JeanSeberg Mon 20-Jan-14 17:03:42

You've no idea what you'll need in the future - illness, redundancy, provision for old age, putting some money on one side for the children - university, car, deposit on a house...

No harm in getting legal advice.

neiljames77 Mon 20-Jan-14 17:11:07

I get full pay for illness, I have a pension plan, I already have a car (but don't really need one). My eldest has a job and my youngest will get a student loan. I won't buy another house/property. If I got made redundant, I'd walk straight back into another job. Wherever I've been before, they've always said they'd take me back.

Are you a solicitor Jean??? smile

JeanSeberg Mon 20-Jan-14 17:29:32

Ha ha, no I'm not touting for business. grin

Sounds like you've got it all sorted, then, hope all goes as smoothly as possible for you all.

Keepithidden Mon 20-Jan-14 21:29:07

Neil, you've always come across as pretty wise in the Relationships board so I'm sorry to hear about you and your wifes split, but happy it's so amicable.

All the best for both of your futures.

Daddyofone Mon 20-Jan-14 22:10:23

I have a female friend who is married with two kids, happy, but she's always been straight up about the fact that once the children have flown the coop she'll get divorced and carry on with a different life adventure on her own. Her husband has always known this too.

Kind of makes sense in a way. Not to everyone of course. But why stick to the norm. Go and experience the next stage of your life OP.

Amy106 Mon 20-Jan-14 22:25:36

OP, nothing new to add but I just wanted to wish you both good luck whatever you decide to do.

neiljames77 Mon 19-May-14 20:49:13

I thought I could let my ex and kids keep the house and I could stay in the flat that my brother is buying for cash. That's all gone pear shaped now though. His wife has decided that I can't stay there for low rent and wants the going rate. I wish I didn't have to sell the house and take some of the equity but I'll have to. sad

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