Violence against women - how we tune out of it..

(115 Posts)
Pan Sat 02-Nov-13 12:51:19

Interesting TED Talk about this issue and how we see such violence as women's issues.
It's about 17 mins long BUT your attention will be grabbed within seconds.

What do we think?

It covers the whole matter much in the way as I see it.

All for more reason for men to do something about it.

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 18-Nov-13 06:41:51

Toad

What exactly do you want men to do?

Pan Mon 18-Nov-13 08:31:34

Oooh I don't know BBJ - why don't you have a think about your own question?

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 18-Nov-13 17:17:11

pan

that is side stepping the question.
I could list what I have done, it may surprise you, not only what I have done that the outcome are not what you would expect.

But I wouldn't expect all men to follow me lead (so to speak). So what exactly do you want me to do?

Stop hitting women? Support each other and find ways of not hitting women?

If I may answer pan's question, perhaps think of ways you could assist in a collective effort (if you are a man yourself).

lostdad Tue 19-Nov-13 16:23:15

I would say it is everyone's job to support anyone getting hit regardless of gender.

Seems straightforward to me unless you are more concerned with gender issues rather than trying to better the lot of your fellow humans...

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 19-Nov-13 18:03:57

so is "stop hitting women" aimed at all men? if so you already have a huge success rate.

If its aimed at me, its already a success, even when my Ex was beating me with a pan, I didn't hit back.

Or is it aimed at those that hit women? in which case it needs to be directed at those that hit women.

I already assist in a collective efforts (which will seem strange to some due to what I post), I volunteer in the background of phone lines and help groups, support those that have organised (women only) marches.
I have spoken at rallies and at help groups for abusers.
I have intervened when I have seen women attacked and in some cases where it was just noise through a wall.

And yet I am considered the "enemy" for taking about female on male DV and men that can't see their children because their ex's are obstructive.

I am glad to hear it. In fact I am somewhat surprised that you should feel the need to ask me what you should do. But given your involvement, I do not understand why you feel the need to overlook the most obvious dimension of DV, specifically that is is mostly done by men on women. If rates of DV are to be reduced, it is really nothing more than common sense to concentrate one's efforts on assisting men not to do it. As you say, there has been much success but I think you will agree there is further to go.

I am sorry for what has happened to you (sincerely).

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 24-Nov-13 13:54:04

If we concentrate our efforts on stopping men, then we are failing a significant number of men by ignoring that DV happens to them.

If we are to say that one woman suffering DV is one too many then we have to say the same regarding the men that suffer DV as well.

I'm no expert on the issue. However I have an opinioni (which may be miles out).

I think if you asked 1000 men whether hitting their partner was acceptable all but a few* would probably say no. Therefore are people wasting their time "assisting" men not to do it when they already know that its wrong and unacceptable?

I'm not saying do nothing, but support for victims IMO has much more impact.

We are never going to be violence-free as a species, sadly there will always be violence (yes, mainly perpetrated by men) and I dont think any amount of education will eradicate it. I think helping victims and punishing those that commit violence is more important.

*usualy followed by an excuse i.e. yes, if they hit me first.

lostdad Tue 26-Nov-13 12:20:42

AlbertGiordiano - `sadly there will always be violence (yes, mainly perpetrated by men).

What are your figures to back this assertion up?

I assume you mean figures to show that men are the main perpatrators of violence? Rather than figures pertaining to the constant nature of violence and how it will continue? (Balls to you if you think I'm clever enough to back that up with sound psychological argument - I'm not BTW)

I dont have any figures to show that most violence is done by men, I just assumed that this was a given. I will howerver try and find some, just for you lostdad

sorry for the american (and old) nature of this but as an illustration, provides some figures (and also some interesting "other stuff") to back up my assertions. Tables 38 and 44 are where I got my info.

?U.S. Department of Justice. "Criminal Victimization in the United States, 2007 Statistical Tables." National Crime Victimization Survey. (Aug. 31, 2010)

lostdad Tue 26-Nov-13 16:17:44

Fair enough - assuming you're in the UK here's Office of National Stuff for 2011/12

www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171778_298904.pdf?

Some 7% of women and 5% of men were estimated to have experienced domestic abuse in the last year, equivalent to an estimated 1.2 million female and 800,000 male victims.

...so you're right that there are more women that suffer domestic violence than men according to reported crime. Of course it doesn't take into account the fact that men are much less likely to report incidents on the grounds that they won't be taken seriously (I have first hand experience of this) and are expected to `man up'. means that it is likely more even than the above figures.

In addition to this - things like denial of contact with children counts as domestic violence...but once again is often not logged at all. Ironically, this particular example is listed on the Woman's Aid website.

Violence is not only physical.

I've worked with both men and women...and have come to the conclusion that they are just as bad as each other. I can never understand why someone would automatically assume men are more violent than women.

You wouldn't suggest black people commit more muggings, Jews are stingier or Irish people are thicker than anyone else...so why is it OK to perpetuate stereotypes about men? confused

If you had the figures why did you ask? confused

I dont disagree with you about perpetuating stereotypes.

It was my understanding that we were talking specifically about men hitting their partners. Hence my comments. Of course all types of violence are wrong, and bad, but it is beyond my comprehension to meaningfully discuss howe we as a society can reduce all types of violence committed by all people for all reasons.

As I said before, I think it is more meaningful to punish/rehabilitate (another thread) those responsible and care for the victims - rather than build awareness that violence is wrong (which is well known - sorry no figures)

Trust this clarifies my position.

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