I'm posting this here as I'm raising a son, and although I know that that might not be the most relevant thing (his sex, I mean), I do wonder if it's something important.
Did any of you have an angry father? Angry towards your mother, and the world, but not really to you? If so, how did it affect you? And your view of/relationship with your mother?
DH is an angry person. Not physically, but his mood is very apparent, and he is stompy (kind of silently fuming but obviously so) and also very critical in a sort of low key way.
I worry about how my son (nearly 2) will be affected by this. DS has always been very attached to me, but is just recently getting much more interested in his dad. DH is VERY sweet and patient with DS, but he is quick to anger over tiny things, and he is very critical of me almost constantly.
Did any of you have a dad like this? If so, did you resent your mum? Did you feel insecure? Or was it OK? Was there anything good or bad that your mum did that made things better or worse?
Well, I'm a man, but not in your demographic I'm afraid. My dad was sweet and caring and v slow to anger, except when some 'justice' issue was at stake. My mum died when I was v young so I can't say anything really about how they interacted. Even if it helped you to for me to able do so.
But, I can see where your anxiety may come from. Parents are massive role models ( problem solvers) and so observing your dh will have an effect on your son. And a few things stand out from just your OP:
- you seem to be feeling passive in this. As if dh's frustrations are the 'driver'. There is no reason for them to be.
- you seem to be fearful, as if challenging those frustrations isn't your role.
- dh has to 'own' his frustrations and not pass them on to dc, or you. You can't ameliorate his frustrations - only he can.
- if criticising you is the norm, dc will grow up thinking this is a normal way of treating the women in his life. Not good. In fact Very Very Bad if you want him to grow up a successful human being.
tbh I'd mine the point about the apparent lack of respect for you he exhibits. He probably isn't aware of the effect of that, or possibly doesn't care enough. Either way he needs to change his attitude from the sound of it. Otherwise the outcomes for you and ds isn't good in the long run. hth?