Am I Being Unreasonable...?

[twofingerstoGideon]

We are a two female household - self and teenage DD. I also have a lodger. AIBU in wanting my new - male - lodger to put the toilet seat down after he's used the loo?

I would like to be able to broach the subject with my new lodger in a way that doesn't cause offence, but has the desired result.

In most other respects I'm a laid back landlady, but this is a bit of a deal-breaker for me and it would be a pity if I had to ask him to leave because of this. Any ideas please?

[magimedi88]

Just tell him. Nice guys do put the seat down, but always need reminding.

If you are a laid back LL & he likes living with you he shouldn't feel that it is an unreasonabble request.

[twofingerstoGideon]

Thanks magimedi - I'm glad you agree that 'nice guys do...' I'd rather not be constantly nagging reminding though!

[magimedi88]

Maybe make a bit of a joke of it & leave a silly reminder type notice in the loo?

[magimedi88]

And maybe put this in Chat or AIBU (if you dare ...) to get more replies?

[twofingerstoGideon]

I wanted a bloke's perspective on it (I assume you're a bloke magi, what with hanging out on dadsnet n'all...)

[magimedi88]

Oh, no, sorry, twofingers I am deffo NOT a bloke!

[magimedi88]

Posted to early _ I was just doing a posting to unreplied threads thingy.

[twofingerstoGideon]

sorry magi!

Any blokes on here that might answer..?

[DSM]

I've never understood this.. why should the man put it down? Why don't men complain that women always leave it down?

If I go to the toilet and the seat is up, I put it down, use it and leave it down. Then the man has to lift it to use it. Why should he have to lift it and put it back down? Is it just old fashioned chivalry?

[HoneyDragon]

Well what's the point of toilets having lids then? It's more hygienic to flush with the lid down.

[FringeEvent]

But OP isn't talking about the lid - she's talking about the seat

[HoneyDragon]

Sorry, what I meant was it is good hygiene practise to lush with the lid down o. It's logically going to put the seat down too.

Rather than it being an act of chivalry

[twofingerstoGideon]

I'm talking about the whole thing: seat, lid, etc. for reasons of hygiene and courtesy.

I've never understood this.. why should the man put it down? Why don't men complain that women always leave it down?
Down is obviously the default position. In bathroom shops/catalogues/estate agent brochures toilets tend not to be displayed seat up.
I guess I just believe in tidying up after yourself, ie. check for any drips, clean if necessary, seat and lid down, wash hands to avoid spread of germs, replace towel tidily and leave bathroom. Sorry, that makes me sound far from 'laid back', but I promise I am! I just think it's good manners and hygiene - nothing to do with 'chivalry' FFS - that should be used at home, work, wherever...

[adelle283498]

My DP does it all the time and it doesnt bother me in the slightest, it takes less time to put the thing down and wash your hands after using the toilet than it does moaning and gettting your mardy cardy on about it :D

[DSM]

Ah.. Possibly the fact my house never looks like a bathroom shop/catalogue/estate agent brochure will explain why I don't give two hoots about the lid being up or down

I don't know how much I believe in the 'germs flying everywhere' if the lid is up when you flush. Plus I'm of the mindset that a bit of germ intake is good for your immune system. Toilets in bars often don't have lids. And those are strangers germs

Anyway, that's a whole other argument - you said seat in your OP so I assumed you meant seat, not lid.

[SillyBeardyDaddyman]

Personally I'm a fan of having an "Emperor's piss". You get to sit on the throne

Makes it easier to MN too.

[GiveMeSomeSpace]

I'm a bloke OP.

Just ask him politely and let him know that it's important to you. If he won't do so after you've asked him then get another lodger.

You know what's important to you so stick to your guns if that's the case.

Good luck :)

[twofingerstoGideon]

Thanks Chaps, I like the thought of an emperor's piss.
I'm really grateful for your input.
Maybe I'll include it as an 'interview question' in future!

[floweryblue]

I am used to the toilet seat being put down after use by my DF (rest of family 3 women).

I am also used to seat left up sometimes by DP.

What I can't stand is drips of wee left on the seat by DSS (age 16), every time he uses the loo.

I have spoken to him, DP has spoken to him and explained that while he is aiming, I will be sitting, he is apparently incapable of lifting the seat. And, on a wood floor, why the f do I have to wash a piss mat every week?

[ZombiesAreClammyDodgers]

Germs!!! Splashing all over the loo!! Ugh.
This would have been a deal breaker for me.
YA definitely NBU.

[mikey9]

Warning - I am going to blunt/straight-talking
I love the fact we have a name for blokes sitting down to pee (emporer piss!). I have adopted the position for the last few years after taking up various carpets in bathrooms over the years with the telltale dribble soaks at the front.
As most who clean loos know - some men - and especially boys have signifcant aiming problems - and than add tiredness (that middle of the night trip for those of us past 40) and/or a little alchohol and it can all get a bit messy.
Cleaning your own loo and getting rid of stinky carpets/flooring in bathrooms is a great way of understanding the splatter pattern better.

Now we have tow boys 4 and 6 - we prob should be teaching them the stand up wee so they fit in - however the sit down wee will be suggested as the default position.

Further bluntness ahead - apologies but it may help the general understanding here
Problem here lies in the fact that small bozs don't always remeber to hold it down whilst they wee and as their little bodies develop they start to (struggling now to be polite but straight-talking) have a stiffness problem whilst wee-ing. This results in an underseat hit and further dribbling down the front of the bowl - aaarghhhh! SO almost an argument for a stand up wee there......but the same directional problem occurs if they are standing!!

A little off topic I know - but nowt is a simple as it seems. I love the idea that a toilet has a default position of seat down, lid down......must have missed that in the manual when I fitted all of ours!! And have you ever really checked for a spatter pattern when you flush - easy if you put a light behind the loo or some paper round the base - I think you will find there isn't one (or you have a badly designed toilet) so lids are really superfluous.

SO - down or up - not a problem in our house as it is never up - but to be honest I think it is a bit of a losing argument to suggest it is "normal" either way - and a bit over the top. Certainly as a lodger requirement I would think it is a "nice to have" (if you think it matters).

[ZombiesAreClammyDodgers]

Well, in addition to the splatter while peeing, wouldn't the loo be absolutely inundated with germs if flushing with the lid down? Which, if toothbrushes are out (or razors, soap etc) makes it all a cocktail of germs.

[ZombiesAreClammyDodgers]

Sorry with the lid up

[mikey9]

I suspect that there is a lttle over the top reaction going on here to GERMS (oh no - run away - GERMS - seems to be a typical late 20C reaction).

I remember a myth going around about more fecal matter floating in the air in the loo. Mythbusters did some testing of a toothbrush left out in a well used loo and found no difference when compared with one left out in any room. There are airborne germs everywhere - however lets not over-react here. Clean the loo when you think it needs it (but don't bother with a face mask and biohazard suit.....)

[GiveMeSomeSpace]

1. The are more germs on the average toothbrush than there are on the average loo seat.
   
2. Germs? There are no germs in urine. It is sterile!