New fathers - tell me your side of the story please :)

[DitaVonCheese]

I'm trying to put together an article for our local NCT newsletter. The theme for the issue is fathers :)

I've posted on Chat asking mums for their thoughts about what their partners did right during pregnancy and labour. For balance, I'd really like to hear what support fathers would like from their partners during pregnancy/birth/early parenthood. If you're happy to be quoted in the newsletter, please share your thoughts ...

[GetAllTheThings]

I think on the whole, where support is concerned, it's really one way. And I don't mean that in a bad way, just that if I was a woman, heavily pregnant, or giving birth, or nursing a new born, I wouldn't want my male partner talking about the support that he needed.

More paternity leave would have been great though.

[DitaVonCheese]

Yep, paternity leave in the UK is pretty shocking!

I take your (noble) point, but having a baby changes mens' lives too and I think it would probably help rather than damage their relationship if they are able to voice that actually it's pretty scary and they're tired too and it's hard when the baby cries every time they hold it and they don't want to be made to feel like an idiot every time they do something differently to the way their partner does it ... maybe.

[GetAllTheThings]

Well yes. I did experience that. My XP did push me out of the way a number of times when I was changing a nappy, but to be honest she thought everything I did was wrong ( another story ).

I think maybe one thing is to be able to recognise the signs of PND and how to deal with it.

The times I went into comfort my dd when she was a baby she'd cry for her mum, and start to get hysterical if mum didn't appear. That really did make me feel like a spare part as the only way I could think of dealing with it ( after trying to comfort her ) was to call for mum.

But generally dd was fine with me looking after her, just the night time.

But I honestly can't think of any support that I wanted. Though I was caught up in the idea that I had to be much more serious and dedicated to earning money as I was a dad. Got a promotion, had to work longer hours saw less of my family etc.