Why do men watch porn

(62 Posts)
20092012 Sat 01-Dec-12 21:12:37

I know people say its normal for a guy to watch porn but really why do you feel the need to if u have a girl? I'm married with 2 kids in 24 and my husband is 26 we have been married for 4 years, I don't like the fact he watches porn it makes me feel like I'm not enough for him, I can't help but think I'm obviously not satisfying him! When I ask him he jus changes subject like he doesn't want to talk about it so I don't push him! I would like to know from mainly the men hu do feel the need to watch it and why? Also women dont hesitate to comment thanx

hf128219 Sat 01-Dec-12 21:16:06

Well some of it is actually quite good.

nellyjelly Sat 01-Dec-12 21:16:28

Cos it's there probably. The internet has to carry the blame for making it so accessible. Before men had to buy it and this took a bit more though. I think now it is just a click away the temptation is just too much. I think most men would look at it if they had the opportunity. Obviously there are exceptions and no doubt loadsof women on here will say there partners are not interested. Maybe but ALOT of men are, even if just curious and dabble on,y occasionally.

Redbindy Sat 01-Dec-12 21:20:22

Have you sussed out what sort of porn he's watching? If it's stuff like water sports you might need a long discussion.

20092012 Sun 02-Dec-12 01:28:19

Wat do u mean water sports lol I don't know

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 02-Dec-12 01:31:18

Watersports = peeing on, or being peed upon. Hardsports involves faeces. What redbindy is asking is, is the stuff he's watching a bit "specialist"/fetishistic, or more "vanilla"/straightforward.

20092012 Sun 02-Dec-12 07:05:35

I think it's straightforward,

20092012 Mon 03-Dec-12 16:32:29

Still want to here from people my heads all over the place over this

madas Wed 05-Dec-12 18:52:36

Maybe suggest watching it together and see what his reaction is.

20092012 Wed 05-Dec-12 20:09:45

Wat wud that achieve

My dp watches it sometimes, but he's with me so it doesn't bother me. We have watched it together too, quite enjoyable

I'm a woman so not the demographic you were aiming for, but I think with the constant easy accessibility in recent years means porn has become the norm. boys start watching people have sex before they've ever had sex, whereas in the past a naughty copy of Mayfair may have done the rounds. It's available on computers and phones and used by most teenagers, in bravado and in exploring sex, so by the time men are adults it is seen as normal, expected etc. there's no longer any shame associated to porn use, its not seen as seedy anymore, which again makes it all the more easy for men to use.

Well I guess that fundamentally he gets a sexual thrill out of watching two people have sex. Why watch rather than do? You could put that question about anything. Why watch football rather than run down the park and kick a ball about yourself? Why go to a gig when you could pick up a guitar?

Personally, over and above any moral or ethical dilemmas over porn, I don't find watching very exciting (quite enjoy reading though), but I guess that's just the way I'm wired.

20092012 Thu 06-Dec-12 21:37:34

So it's all normal....

Peterpan101 Mon 10-Dec-12 15:54:05

Men like watching others have sex more than women (although I know women who have liked it more than me)....

Its all to do with our primordial sex habits.....a bit rough for polite conversation, but gets dealt with in several sexual psychology books I have read (ones that do I think are: Sperm Wars & Mating in Captivity)....

BUT.....as has been mentioned above....modern freely available porn and the pornification/normalisation of it in society have exasperated the situation.

SantasNaughtySack Mon 10-Dec-12 15:58:48

Why would they need a 'long discussion' if he was interested in water sports? confused
Surely the issue here is that the OP is uncomfortable with his porn use, whatever that porn may be.

DameMargotFountain Mon 10-Dec-12 16:02:57

some men like watching porn because they think it's entertaining

<yawns>

FastLoris Thu 27-Dec-12 23:57:56

I think a lot of it comes down to an extremely strong urge towards promiscuity. The usual evolutionary explanation for this is to do with the difference of investment in offspring between men and women. Women have evolved investing considerable time, pain and risk of death in each child, so each act of sex has greater significance - they are choosier about mates and more intent on ensuring long term security. Men get a better genetic gamble out of having sex as much as possible, with as many women as possible.

Whether one believe's this or not doesn't really matter. The fact remains that the difference in the urgency of the promiscuous urge is there. I really wish women wouldn't take it so personally, because it's got nothing to do with the attractiveness or loveliness of a man's partner. He could be married to a supermodel who makes him deleriously happy, and in most cases he'll still end up looking at porn sometimes. It's just a way to express the part of oneself that monogamy doesn't satisfy. You can believe deeply in monogamy and have a great relationship situation, but it won't just make that other part go away.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Fri 28-Dec-12 00:01:48

But if we are boiling it down to biology, wouldn't it make sense for the woman to have sex with as many men as possible during her most fertile period to maximise her chances of getting pregnant in the first place? Or am I being dense?

sooperdooper Fri 28-Dec-12 00:09:25

Some men watch porn for the same reason some women do, they like sex

GiveMeSomeSpace Fri 28-Dec-12 15:35:45

OP - the bigger issues for you are:

a) the communication issues he has ("he changes the subject") and
b) dealing with the fact that you've married someone who doesn't consider your feelings

Sounds pretty selfish to me

Peterpan101 Fri 28-Dec-12 20:26:35

ChristmasNmaechange.....read 'Sperm Wars' by Robin Baker. The book discusses different reproduction strategies and tactics. It deals with pornography and masturbation and the normal reasons why.

Being stimulated by watching other people have sex is normal for many people. If you are one of those men or women who do it is down to your particular makeup.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 28-Dec-12 20:35:08

Here goes.

I have been happily married for 20 years and so has dh, so he tells me, lol.
We have both had spells of watching porn, mostly together though. I used to think as you do, that maybe it wasn't a good thing and that I didn't satisfy him. He used to do the same as your dh when I tried to talk about it.
Maybe your dh is aware of your feelings and doesn't want to cause a row or make you feel worse about yourself. Your dh is with you because he wants to be, he chose you because he loves you. Porn is fine if all parties agree and only becomes immoral or seedy if your partner is hiding the fact.
Take confidence in your abilities and the love he has for you and believe the porn to be mere titillation and a bit of escapism. Not from you in particular, but life.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 28-Dec-12 20:41:50

OP

Another way of looking at it.
I am on a diet it doesn't stop me looking at the cream cakes in the bakers window. It doesn't mean I'm going to go inside and devour every cake in sight. It doesn't mean that I'm not happy with the choice I made to go on a diet. Theres no harm in looking.
I think if it really bothers you talk to him and ask him to explain it to you, tell him how you feel. Is it porn per se you don't like or your dh watching. If its the latter then why not join him and see if you enjoy it. I was certainly converted and definitely no coercion from dh.

FastLoris Sun 30-Dec-12 02:14:38

Christmas -

Actually while I don't have a reference to hand, I'm pretty sure I remember seeing studies that women ARE more likely to be promiscuous or unfaithful during the most fertile part of their cycle.

Female promiscuity is of course not unheard of (just as women who like porn are not unheard of). But the point is that women, evolutionarily speaking, are massively restricted in the number of offspring they can have. Each requires 9 months' pregnancy, years of breastfeeding as a drain on her time and energy, and the very real risk of death during childbirth. Remember too that for most of our evolutionary history, women would have spent most of their entire adult lives either pregnant or nursing. A woman who is pregnant with a man's child has no evolutionary incentive to shag other men, because she can't get pregnant with their children at the same time. What she CAN do is try and make sure the guy will stick around to maximise the chances of her offspring surviving, through all the means of pair-bonding such as sexual fidelity.

A man, by contrast, can get her pregnant and then go and get a whole load more women pregnant before the sprog even arrives. Sure, it MAY be in his best interest to stick around and ensure that one of them thrives in a strong family. OTOH it may make more sense to just dip the finger in as many pies as possible, so to speak, and trust that at least some are more likely to turn out well that way.

Even better, he can navigate a half-way path. Stick around and support the kids, participating in the pair-bonding and monogamy if only because it keeps the woman faithful (which is necessary to avoid being tricked into investing in kids who are not his own) - and have the odd dabble on the side as well. Insurance policy, if you like.

Hence the happily married man who still eyes up women on the street and looks at porn. It's not going away any time soon.

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