Disney Dads

(37 Posts)
Daddelion Mon 12-Nov-12 06:12:21

I'd never heard of Disney Dads until I joined MN.

I must admit it's not a term I much like.

I wonder if people realise the effect

Of going from seeing your children every day to every other weekend,

Of a new man appearing and seeing your children a lot more than you.

Of worrying that you'll gradually be faded out of your children's lives.

I think Disenfranchised Dads would be a better name.

Peterpan101 Thu 03-Jan-13 18:31:55

Ha ha ha ha ha......good joke Xenia.

Xenia Wed 02-Jan-13 21:54:20

And we should change the law to force men to have children with them for 50% of the time so that this Disney D concept does not arise and both parents do their share of washing, homework and the like.

SilkySilky Tue 01-Jan-13 22:48:56

Was sent this explanation today, and remembered this thread....

^Disney Dad
A weekend father that let's his children do anything they want when they visit. Also gives them anything they want creating very spoiled kids under the premise of not wanting them to be mad at him. Often the children boss the dad around even yelling at him with no reprisals.^

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 10:01:30

you're !

GetAllTheThings Mon 26-Nov-12 10:01:22

I'm guessing your Scottish silky grin

SilkySilky Sun 25-Nov-12 21:24:49

OK, my hands are up, I had NEEVR heard this phrase before.

Guessed it was like "well Dad disnae make me go to bed at 7,
or
Dad disnae stop me watching this film".

Every day is a school day here. Always learning ;-)

GetAllTheThings Tue 20-Nov-12 17:15:47

"L'enfer, c'est les autres,"

hell is other people grin

Peterpan101 Tue 20-Nov-12 16:42:04

The 'others' being the passive aggressive abusers pointing the fingers in the first place!?......best stay single and devote my time and effort to my DD?!!

Fortyshadesofgreen Tue 20-Nov-12 13:48:06

Sorry PeterP you have another phrase to learn - its basically the victim of abuse being sucked back in to a situation because the abuser exhibits 'temporary' changes. Hence 'hoovering'.

I think thats what it is anyway.

Of course a balanced viewpoint might say - there are problems, other party changes BUT this is the still the cycle of abuse ?

It depends on viewpoints used - but if someone deems they are being abused, or others tell them they are being abused - I am not talking DV here. Then it would seem logical that the only way to break the 'cycle of abuse' is to leave them anyway, as if they do change this is probably only 'hoovering' and they are still abusing - just in a different way. Hmmm its confusing.

There will be others who know much better than I.

Peterpan101 Mon 19-Nov-12 20:00:35

Very little in this world is more important than a capable and devoted NRP spending time with his/her child......that is why the RP some times feels the need to tarnish the NRP.

Think we could all come out with many examples where the former partner has behaved unreasonable to our eyes.....as I am sure the other side could match. I wish people could stop feeling the need to undermine the other partner!!

Forty, not heard: "hoovering"?......you sure it isn't the result of a hate filled predictive-text explosion where the coven member meant: "helicoptering"??.....a term meaning to hover over said children just in case they might need adult supervision and so never leave them to play by themselves???.......god look at that outburst!!??

GetAllTheThings Mon 19-Nov-12 14:21:41

forty yes , I experienced it first hand to a degree, I kept having to say to my XP ' I am her dad you know, she does have a right to see her own father'

In the first 10 days of the split I didn't see my dd once as my ex said 'oh I've been really busy this week so you can't see dd as I want to spend time with her'

It takes a lot of restraint not to go ballistic when someone starts dictating how much you can see your own child.

My one 0.33ltr evening after work beer suddenly became a drinking problem, all the times I'd looked after my dd on my own were all forgotten.

The killer was when I was told, when trying to organize more time in the week with dd, that nursery rhyme class was more important than time with daddy.

Fortyshadesofgreen Mon 19-Nov-12 13:10:05

Sorry Daddelion can't help with an answer there.

Once seperated all my parenting skills became questioned as was every element of my character. My ex was doing so much 'gaslighting' that she was a concern for global warming experts.... ;-)

See I did learn from that definition !

Its not right by any stretch... but it is commonly touted that "mummy knows best".

It takes them to be really really awful before any concerns from a father are given any weight whatsoever from my experience.

Fortyshadesofgreen Mon 19-Nov-12 13:03:46

Thanks GATT !

The 'language' of relationships is so bloody difficult to keep up with it seems !

GetAllTheThings Mon 19-Nov-12 12:48:58

'Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity'

'The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light and its film adaptations, in which a husband secretly dims the gas lights in the house and, when his wife remarks on it, he claims that she is mistaken. This is done to convince the woman that she cannot trust her own judgment, and so will not be believed if she tries to report other strange things that are genuinely occurring, which the husband wishes to keep secret. The term is now also used in clinical and research literature'

Wikipedia

Fortyshadesofgreen Mon 19-Nov-12 12:43:58

PeterP they could fulfill you completely. Think the A Team.... they can turn a pile of insignificant rubbish into something life threatening and dangerous to everyone... ;-)

I am not sure who could be whom.... there was after all, only one 'Howling Mad' in the A Team...

Anyway - can anyone explain to me what gaslighting is ? I have seen it used and am not sure ? Just seen the term hoovering used, that was a new one to me.

Peterpan101 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:36:25

That's exactly what the ex wife used to say!

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 18-Nov-12 16:59:57

Peterpan101

you can't tell them to "feckoff and learn it yourself" as that would be abusive and cause many many red flags.

Daddelion Sun 18-Nov-12 07:01:59

What I don't get is how a father is perfectly fine until separation and then every other weekend is a ok.

Or even less. Any ideas?

Peterpan101 Fri 16-Nov-12 18:26:25

Forty, would the 'quart-hate' use me individually or would it be a social outing sort of affair? Where they could completely ignore their own children and leave it to me to feed, play with and change said children????

I can feel my pulse quickening now with the need to join in slagging off the gym, play group, swimming pool, coffee shop staff while at the same time try and stop their kids running out into the busy road outside (where the above mentioned staff saved their kids the week before, and dared to criticise them).

Could I then clean all their homes as they need a rest after a hard days bitch about their other 'friends' parenting style (who never makes it for the 'Friday hate'??).

Since I left the wife that part of my life has been so unfulfilled!

Peterpan101 Fri 16-Nov-12 18:03:41

'Mansplaining'.....this is the reason why requests from women about 'how do you do this'? Should be met with "feckoff and learn it yourself"......

If I'd only known that 20 years ago I'd have saved myself so much hurt received while I was trying to help!!

Fortyshadesofgreen Fri 16-Nov-12 14:19:52

New passport with a new identity... one way plane ticket to Bolivia..... Ruud Gullit style wig.... all on their way to you mate... good luck ! wink

Shhhh... its our secret.....

GetAllTheThings Fri 16-Nov-12 14:12:03

to = too

GetAllTheThings Fri 16-Nov-12 14:11:22

Well it's one of those words that does have a bono fide rational behind it. It just gets bandied about by a few people whenever they realize you're a man.

It's basically for when a man thinks he's right because he's a man and speaks to women with that kind of patronizing attitude. Fair enough.

There are some though who seem to think it applicable to any man who might be explaining something. It's used as a silencing technique basically. i.e. as you say in your last sentence.

But I've said to much. I feel the laser glare of lurkers.

Fortyshadesofgreen Fri 16-Nov-12 13:43:24

Ohhhh that sounds really bad.... any known cure ?? confused

Or is it basically expaining something that somebody else doesn't want to hear ? wink

GetAllTheThings Fri 16-Nov-12 12:39:04

just wait till you get accused of 'mansplaining' smile

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