Emotional spending-just told dh and I'm going to crack it.

(243 Posts)
BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 00:00:18

We're okay financially-I don't work but dh's income is fine. We have left ourselves fairly right after investing heavily in our house but still enough for food, basic clothes, children's activities like music lessons and sports.
There's not much left for little spends that we used to have like mags, meals out, clothes, books and I hadn't realised how much I spent for emotional reasons (bored, stressed, happy, you name it). Not vast sums but fairly frequent.

I've really struggled with cutting back and found ever more cunning ways to hide small spends from dh. But we've had a financial heart to heart today and I know it has to stop-we took out a loan to cover the last of the things we bought for the house and he hasn't paid off a card we agreed to and, as I suspected its because I overspend and he's worried to pay off the credit card til things are more sensible.

Anyway, I've given him my card (debit) and going to really, truly go cold turkey on this. We could go under for the sake of crap that I don't even want.

Anyone else? I feel really stupid but hope that now I've told dh I'll be more likely to succeed. And going to avoid shops like the plague. Just hoping I can put something in its place. It's like an addiction.

Don't feel stupid, it sounds like your DH is supportive, whereas when I had a similar convo with mine, his great advice was (guffaw) "just stop spending".

Anyway, I found what has helped me lately is to save up for something specifically. We're going on a trip at Xmas and we wouldn't normally book without the savings, but it's something now for me to save towards. We still have to pay hotel and spends, how well we eat and sightsee will depend on me!

colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 10:23:18

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colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 10:24:15

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colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 10:25:19

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thatgirloverthere Tue 22-Jul-14 10:51:21

I am the same, I buy random things depending on how I'm feeling, it can be anything from make up and beauty stuff, clothes for myself or the children ect. I have quite a large Next directory account and I know I have to give it up (although it's in my husbands name) No more ordering and adding to the account, I've done the same with a Very account too.

herroyalnotness my husband says the same - if you don't need it, don't buy it! the problem I have is that I'm sure that I do need it at the time, I always start off in the right direction, but I'm bad for buying online, eBay and Amazon, it's too easy just to click away and buy lovely things that make me happy for a very short time.

I know we could, as a family, put that money to much better use, but because it's £20 here and there rather than a large amount it's not so easily recognised as disappearing from our bank account.

I work full time during the week so don't really get the chance to go shopping and spend it's all done online, the school holidays will be a challenge as there will be much more opportunity to waste money, I hope we can all be strong and get through it, and hopefully change our attitude towards pointless spending.

Good Luck x

thatgirloverthere Tue 22-Jul-14 10:53:03

colliewobbles I think we are in the same boat. Maybe we can keep this thread going and try and get over it together smile

BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 11:58:09

Good to hear from you all. It's definitely drip drip spending here. Magazines are my worst downfall and I am embarrassed at how many I buy. If I'm stressed its what I want. But they're a fiver each, I never make stuff from them (craft mags) and I get huge satisfaction from actually making something.
Today, all I want is to pop out and buy a mag. I've made a list of free things to do, a four week meal plan and I'm going to start organising my bedroom. I'm aiming to chuck out some magazines. It's ridiculous and has to stop. I'm going to cold turkey this week and then allow myself £10 per week to save or spend.
I think telling dh will help. I've been spending on stuff I can hide blush. Or pretend we need like craft stuff for the children.
I am going to try and update honestly here. I have been fibbing to myself about it and that has to stop too

Separate question-what do I do when the urge to spend strikes?

BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 12:01:40

Colliewobbles-hobby very good idea. I am going to actually craft instead of buying mags about it. And start running again, but in September when kids go back to school. I run at these plans trying to do too much at once and then end up in nice, tidy shops buying a nice, tidy magazine or something and I think it's because my heads so busy.

colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 12:38:56

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BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 14:34:49

I'm starting to hate craft mags too. In a strangely similar way, they show all the crafting I can't achieve with yummy people doing it.
Tidying clothes drawers while dh out with dc. Urge to escap is strong but I know it's to do with chaos in house not really wanting to buy. Hoping urge to buy will lessen as house tidier.

MrsWolowitz Tue 22-Jul-14 14:38:52

Oh can I join?

How funny, I've just been filling up a basket in the boden sale then mentally slapped myself and didn't buy anything, came on to mumsnet and saw this thread!

I need to cut down. I have plenty of clothes but I'm a sucker for a dress. I adore dresses.

<longs for boden dress but know that not buying was the right call>

BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 14:40:11

Welcome mrswolowitz! smile

OutDamnSpot Tue 22-Jul-14 14:51:36

Another small scale spendthrift here. We can afford it but about to move and bigger mortgage means I really need to think about what I'm doing.

Biggest downfall is throwing money at the DC (snacks out, magazines or toys to distract orcreward them. Think this holiday will set a weekly budget for the dc and when its gone, its gone.

Am controlling my urge to buy for me as house move means will just be more to pack but worried for potential to go homeware crazy if / when we move.

Agree pinterest is a great, free way to plan perfect house / wardrobe etc. I think will focus on that so I really love the things I do buy rather than just random bits.

colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 15:31:11

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colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 15:31:47

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CornChips Tue 22-Jul-14 15:43:33

I'll join too. I recently gave up drinking and have been buying loads of tat in compensation. Lonely, bored, stressed. I have never been a gig spender, but it a magazine here, a scratch card there (oh the irony), more food when we have tons in the fridge.

Buying clothes because I have put on weight and now can't fit into anything. Gah!

OutDamnSpot Tue 22-Jul-14 16:08:40

Definitely need to work out what I am looking for. Hoping the new house (forever home, great for kids etc) might be it. But if not, need to stop myself from trying to but whatever "it" is.

MrsWolowitz Tue 22-Jul-14 17:22:03

I bought the boden dress.

<slaps self>

I did think that if I loved it DH could give it to me for our anniversary next month. <Clutches at straws>

This week (apart from the dress!) I've withdrawn cash and left the card at home so I can actually see cash being handed over in shops and it's easier to keep track if spending.

colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 17:36:04

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colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 17:37:20

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BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 17:40:08

Look-buying a dress is no crime. In fact, dh and I went clothes shopping yesterday on a rare day without kids and I bought three skirts, a dress and a pair of shoes. We agreed the spending, it's things we need and will wear and enjoy and I stopped at the point where I felt it was enough. And that will be our clothes shop pretty much. If you love the dress and will wear it-hooray! If you feel guilty and don't want to tell dh, might be different.

Today, I have spent nothing and moved forward with tidying. I think my spend urge response will be five minutes of tidying or sitting down to craft for a bit. Children signed up for library challenge (free) and love him, ds had read two books (he's five-decent reader but not long books!) and I had to take him back to get stickers and more books. And I left my wallet at home. Have taken two bags of clothes and books to charity and dh has done two tip runs. And we ate from the freezer.

BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 17:41:39

I have lots of spending probs, but haven't started on iTunes! In fact, I bought a kobo which I'm thinking of selling as I don't think buying online books is tangible enough for me and I might end up overdoing it.

BigBirthdayGloom Tue 22-Jul-14 17:42:10

Well done for dresser!

colliewobbles83 Tue 22-Jul-14 17:43:30

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