My story - what do you think? Obviously more to come.

[hopefulwriter]

Child - Sophie
Mother - Teresa - 22 years
Father - Joe - 25 years
Grandma - Betty - Joe?s Mum - 47 years
Grandpa - William - Joe?s Dad - 51 years

When she was born, Sophie was the apple of her Grandmother?s eye. Grandma Betty had had three sons and had longed for a daughter. Teresa, Sophie?s mum, had wanted a son and didn?t even try to hide her disappointment. What a shame that Betty and Teresa couldn?t swap a generation.

Joe wasn?t there at Sophie?s birth. The pregnancy had been a shock to him and in truth, he had wanted Teresa to have a termination. She had considered it but thought that Joe would come round and marry her if she had his son. No wonder she wasn?t happy at having a girl. Joe and Teresa had been together for three years and had always had a passionate but volatile relationship. Joe was a free spirit and just wanted to have fun. He certainly didn?t want to get married and have children. He felt too young for that. Teresa had had a difficult upbringing and she felt if she had a child she would have someone to love her and a family of her own. She had felt that Joe was going to leave and felt a baby would stay. He thought she was still taking the contraceptive pill but she hadn?t renewed her prescription. She blamed her pregnancy on an upset stomach and Joe never knew any different.

The day that Sophie was born, bang on time, was cold, grey, wet and the middle of October. Initially Teresa was an attentive mother and Joe tried hard but it wasn?t what we wanted and while his baby was still in her hospital cot he went home, packed a bag and left. Teresa never saw him again.



William and Betty met on a Monday, had a picnic together on the Wednesday, talked about marriage on the Friday, were engaged on Sunday. They married 6 weeks later, the earliest they could. They rented a small cottage together and gradually they made it home. William was a carpenter and betty was a machinist. Usually women gave up work when they married but William was a modern man for the time and supported his new wife?s wish to carry on working. Four years after they were married they were blessed by the arrival of Martin followed by Frank and then Joe. They had a very loving and happy life together and Martin and frank had good careers in the carpentry industry while Joe was happy taking jobs here and there, bar work mainly.



William and Betty were doting Grandparents and saw Teresa and Sophie three times a week. One day they would take Sophie out on their own and the other days they would take Teresa out for lunch or all have tea at Grandma and Grandad?s little cottage. Time went on, all seemed well though Joe never asked about his daughter and Teresa soon had other admirers.

Betty was making an apple crumble when the telephone rang. ?Hello?? Betty went pale and had to sit down. It was the last thing she was expecting. It had been Teresa on the phone and she was having Sophie adopted.

© Hopeful writer. ?2008.

[WhereTheWildThingsWere]

Is this a synopsis?

[hopefulwriter]

It is intended to be the start of something rather than a brief outline of the whole story.

[Cies]

You've set up an interesting situation. I'd be quite happy to continue reading and see what happened next.

I'm not quite sure though if this is the beginning of your story or a synopsis. It does read a little like a synopsis.

[WhereTheWildThingsWere]

I think it's a bit too much information too quickly, I felt quite overloaded reading it.

[hopefulwriter]

WTWTW - can you explain a bit more?

I am a bit unsure now tbh. It is a very personal story.

I guess I was feeling that the time after Sophie being put up for adoption was going to be the main story and I was just starting with some background.

[NotQuiteCockney]

It's fine to start with background, but keep it to yourself! Let us work it out on our own.

I think you have a good story here, but it just doesn't work to tell us this stuff. Show it to us, either by what people say, or how they act.

[Dreyfus]

I'd begin the story with your very last line! It pulls the reader in. And, for this important first paragraph, which is the first thing your reader will see, and make a split decision as to whether they want to carry on reading, I'd not use reported speech at all, so it would go something like:

"Betty was making an apple crumble when the telephone rang. 'Hello? I'm just letting you know, I'm having Sophie adopted.'

Betty went pale and had to sit down. Sophie, her adored grandaughter -adopted?"

... and then feed in the rest of the information gradually via thoughts and speech and the odd explanatory line. As NQC says, 'show don't tell' is an excellent rule to follow.

It does indeed sound like an interesting story so you've got some good material to work with there. Good luck.

[BlaDeBla]

Keep going! There are lots of bits to open and unfold.

As you keep writing it will become clearer which bits are working and which bits aren't. Often the first paragraph of the first draft seems to be to work out what the idea is, and often it doesn't need to stay there as the story unfolds.

I like your choice of words. Press on!