Can you critique this poem for me?

(10 Posts)
HettiePetal Thu 20-Feb-14 09:23:25

I wrote it quite some time ago, and I'm revisiting it now. It's about Agatha Christie.

A Colonel with a big moustache
A vicar's dotty wife
An actress somewhat past her prime
.....a smeared and bloody knife

The chiming of a churchyard clock
The roses round the door
A cup of tea and seed cake
.....a body on the floor

A plush hotel in London
A cabin on the Nile
The 4.15 from Paddington
.....a killer's twisted smile

The It girl and the playboy
The doctor and the spiv
A dinner gong at half last eight
....just one of them will live

A country pile, the London pad
The tent in Istanbul
The villa in the south of France
.....the corpse beside the pool

The portly man with patent hair
The spinster with her knitting
The fiendish plot all figured out
.....those wee grey cells permitting

Never has there ever been
More charming tales of crime
The world you gave us, Agatha
Has not been lost with time

Be honest, I'm not precious about my stuff smile

Also, would love to chat with other would be poets. Anyone?

LouiseSmith Thu 20-Feb-14 17:42:40

I personally loved it. It ran beautifully, there were a few words I didn't understand, but that's me. And "half last eight" threw me.

But I like it smile makes me wanna read her novels know though....

Stockhausen Thu 20-Feb-14 17:44:31

Love it, well done!

TawdryTatou Thu 20-Feb-14 17:46:25

I liked it until the last stanza, which is a bit twee, to be honest.

Could you not have made that about her own mysterious disappearance, or something?

That would show you are a fan, and that you know of her life, without the "tied-up-in-a-bow"-ness.

It scans really nicely, by the way.

HettiePetal Thu 20-Feb-14 21:10:49

Should have been half past eight, Louise. Sorry!

Thanks all.

I totally agree, Tawdry, the ending is lame.....twee is the right word!

And actually, talking about her disappearance would give the whole thing a point, too - which I think it lacks at the moment. Great idea....thanks.

smile

TawdryTatou Thu 20-Feb-14 21:53:37

Post again when you've tinkered. I want to see how it ends up smile

kentishgirl Mon 10-Mar-14 14:06:22

Nice idea but inconsistent rhythm scheme.

TheScreamingHeebieJeebies Tue 11-Mar-14 13:48:17

It's really good smile The ending is a bit saccharine though and 'never has there ever been' is probably the weakest line. Also, never use more than three dots in a row and put a space either side of them like ... this. Otherwise you look crazy.

TheScreamingHeebieJeebies Tue 11-Mar-14 13:50:50

I'm a would-be poet by the way, but our styles are about 7 million miles apart! Still happy to chat though smile

Driveway Tue 11-Mar-14 13:58:48

I won't remember it. It hasn't changed the way I think about anything. I don't feel anything.

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