Eggsellent Egg buddies! For those having ivf during April, May and June and any others still around :-)

(662 Posts)
starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 17:16:46

Couldn't see another thread so thought I'd make our new one smile

starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 17:18:03

Nobeer, that is brilliant news. How lovely you saw you baby blob grin how special. Do feel free along with beetle to keep chatting on here with us smile

Res, it does seem a long time but you're nearly there!!! Hang on in there. smile

nobeer Mon 28-Apr-14 18:10:57

thanks thanks thanks I love you lot! I wish there was a cheesy heart on the smiley list.

I'll definitely pop back and let you know how I'm getting on, and I'm going to hang around for a while anyway because I want to see how res, tame, cups and stars all get on. And also to see if any others come back if they start a new cycle (you know who you are!).

starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 18:18:58

envy How bout dat heart?

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 18:48:11

Nobeer- congratulations sweetie!!! Fabulous news!!! grin

I have had a horrid day sad

Started with a wipe of brown. Bit of pink. Bit of beige. Then cramps- back and tummy.

Ended with a BFP.

I'm in bed on DHs orders chilling out and drinking lots but I KNOW I'm miscarrying again.

These little ones won't have even got anywhere....

nobeer Mon 28-Apr-14 18:56:22

Oh no tame sad I really hope you're wrong. I'm sure I remember Juicy talking about the beige. DH sounds very sensible, so yes follow his orders. I've got everything crossed for you, and today is prob too early to test anyway.

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 18:58:32

I'm only 6dp5dt but the test is positive. It's probably tried to stick and now it's coming away.

Balls!!!!

Moonfacesmother Mon 28-Apr-14 18:58:37

I've been away from this thread for a while but seems lots has happened!

Tame I think it could well just be that you've had a bit of bleeding from being prodded and poked - I would try and not worry too much but know it's easier said than done.

Congratulations to all the BFP ladies x x

Afm looks like it will be June when we attempt our second cycle. I'm still in two minds over it as at our failed cycle we discovered we have crap sperm and shit eggs and the whole thing made me really really unwell.
But if we don't try we will never know I guess...

Moonfacesmother Mon 28-Apr-14 18:59:41

Tame it's really really common I believe to have a bit of bleeding with an ivf pregnancy.
Unless it's heavy bleeding or red it could well just be related to the treatment x

nobeer Mon 28-Apr-14 19:07:29

tame I'm a wally - misread BFP for BFN! Just hang on in there!

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:08:56

I thought you were being terribly negative Nobeer!!!

I'm made of strong stuff- I'll be ok xxxxx whatever the outcome xxxxx

I'll upload a pic....

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:09:26

6dp5dt

vallinnapod Mon 28-Apr-14 19:12:45

Tame it sounds very much like an implantation bleed...not that that feels reassuring. I have everything crossed for you.

PS That is a totally unsuitable line too grin Congrats on being weak and testing early wink grin

vallinnapod Mon 28-Apr-14 19:13:20

'Unsuitable'?! I meant unsquintable......

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:16:02

On my silk sheets grin

I'm just gutted really that intralipids, steroids and great embies and I'm still sat here bleeding.

I think they start to stick and I reject them.

Knew I should have d

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:16:25

Aaaaghhhhh! This fucking ph

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:16:50

One!!!!!!

I should have d

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:17:17

Oh my lord...

I should have done gluten free!!!!!

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:18:02

Val- I am naughty grin

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 19:20:39

It's a strong line for evening pee for sure.

I'd be quite proud if I wasn't so bastard pissed off with my shit body!!!! grin

Fish finger sandwich for tea.

nobeer Mon 28-Apr-14 20:03:31

Gluten free is boring tame. Believe me.

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 20:07:21

May have glued the kids in though hmm

Bearsandhoney Mon 28-Apr-14 20:35:48

Hello!

Sorry I've been AWOL but i seem to have been rather busy (wedding/leaving party's/guests/work) so I've not posted for a dew days.

Tame: please don't despair. A degree of old blood and the 'beige' is quite common I understand. I am praying that it all turns out well for you sweetheart. Xx

Res: how exciting that you have ET in just a couple of days. X

No beer: that's great news, what a relief. It must be an emotional moment seeing (not sure what you actually see) a blob (?) and hearing the heart beat.

I also feel like its slightly insensitive to post about pregnancy menkulling when the rest of the lovely egg buddies are still going through it to get their BFP ... Having said that I certainly would like to stick around to cheer you on, you've been a real support to me.

I've got my scan tomorrow in the afternoon and am hoping we will have good news.

Waves to cups, beetle and stars (I'm sure I've missed someone!). Xx

starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 20:51:34

Tame, lovely lady. The wiping stuff sounds as I've heard implantation to look like from lots of different people. The cramping, I had on around day 10/11dpo with DS and I was convinced my period was coming and I wouldn't even make it to test day, like my first cycle, but within a day or two, it had eased off and 14dpo I got a bfp. So please don't despair just yet, please xxxx

Hi to everyone! I'm on my phone and can't see back to reply to all of you, even though is like to xxx

tametortie Mon 28-Apr-14 21:20:20

Bear- please stay!!! And good luck for the scan xxxx

Thanks for kind words everyone. I'll try not to menkul hmm

Clinic co-ordinator has been in touch and advised to stop aspirin and that may ease off the bleeding.

Time will tell xxxx

Bearsandhoney Tue 29-Apr-14 07:14:41

Tame: I'm not leaving smile

Hold on in there. I have heard of all sorts of worrying bleeding in pregnancy and then things turn out alright so keep being positive (as much as you can muster) and know that we are all thinking of you. Xx

Bearsandhoney Tue 29-Apr-14 07:25:33

Tame how are you feeling this morning?

resipsa Tue 29-Apr-14 08:37:32

Tame - a thought - early v strong line - one sticking, one not?

resipsa Tue 29-Apr-14 08:52:01

Oh, did I fill the last thread without knowing or starting a new one? How rude grin. Thanks Stars for stepping in!

So much for stress free lead up to ET. DD not well so been up in the night (let's face it, been up most of the night) daily since the weekend. DH away and have a must-go situation at work so had to take DD to nursery today. As we entered, it was noted how unwell she looked so feeling irritated by work (reasonable), irritated by DH's absence (unreasonable), guilty (of course) and sad sad. Why should I have another when I can't even look after the first properly?

Wish I could have winewinewine!

resipsa Tue 29-Apr-14 08:52:06

Oh, did I fill the last thread without knowing or starting a new one? How rude . Thanks Stars for stepping in!

So much for stress free lead up to ET. DD not well so been up in the night (let's face it, been up most of the night) daily since the weekend. DH away and have a must-go situation at work so had to take DD to nursery today. As we entered, it was noted how unwell she looked so feeling irritated by work (reasonable), irritated by DH's absence (unreasonable), guilty (of course) and sad . Why should I have another when I can't even look after the first properly?

Wish I could have !

resipsa Tue 29-Apr-14 08:53:23

You see, feelin' so sorry for self that had to tell you all twice!

resipsa Tue 29-Apr-14 08:54:25

Funny how the icons are different when you post on the website as opposed to the app...

starsandmoonandback Tue 29-Apr-14 10:28:59

Res, firstly, have a hug! Secondly, isn't it a bit eat for wine? wink Lol and thirdly, don't be mean to yourself. You're tired, that's enough to send us all in a Tizz! I know it's no consolation, but I had barely a wink of sleep last night either. hmm Feel wretched this morning. Am glad I didn't have to go to work tho.

Tame, how are you hun? X

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 12:14:22

Hello my friends xx

I'm ok- still spotting. Bit pink, bit brown, tiny bits of red, mostly pink (I can siiiing a rainbow!!!!....) then sometimes, nothing. Dh is wondering if I've irritated myself putting the utrogestran in- he's so hopeful. Clinic think its implantation OR an embie coming away x

I've stopped the aspirin. Line is still there this morning.

It's a waiting game and could totally go either way. I'm not hopeful BUT I do feel pregnant- awful taste in mouth, sore boobs and feel a bit woozy. That's a development on the last pregnancy- just a sort of 'spiritual' sense of I am.

And for today, I am. May not last till tomorrow but at least we achieved a pregnancy (again!!)

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 14:00:00

Hi ladies, can I join you? Starting first ivf cycle this month, down reg drugs due to be started in 3 weeks time, hopefully with stimms through May/June and EC/ET at end of June. DH and I have been ttc for almost 3 years and have a case of unexplained infertility. We are both 34 and get one round of nhs ivf, so this is it. Have been reading mn posts for a while but not contributed before, so sorry if i don't always get the jargon grin

vallinnapod Tue 29-Apr-14 16:45:28

Just got my first bHCG back...whilst on it's own it doesn't mean that much it was my consultant rather than nurse who called as it should be around 70...mine was 1084 blush. No way of knowing until an early scan but looks like there may have been double sticking.

resipsa Tue 29-Apr-14 16:49:43

Hi lumen. Lots going on here at the moment so jump in!

resipsa Tue 29-Apr-14 16:50:16

Val - or maybe one split and it's gringringrin!!!

vallinnapod Tue 29-Apr-14 17:09:41

Fuck. Res. Do. Not. Joke.

starsandmoonandback Tue 29-Apr-14 17:13:00

Or.....two split and there are 3 ;)

starsandmoonandback Tue 29-Apr-14 17:13:44

I meant to write 4!!! blush

starsandmoonandback Tue 29-Apr-14 17:14:45

Tame, I really hope this time is different and good. X

Hi Lum, welcome aboard the roller coaster x

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 17:17:29

Thanks all. What is the test you have had done val? Did they offer a reason for why the result might be so high?

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 17:35:35

Hello lumen! Is that Lumen as in from dexter? smile

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 17:36:34

Pissing hell val!!! confused

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Tue 29-Apr-14 17:41:26

Tame omg I don't check the thread for a day and you only go and get a BFP! I'm keeping everything crossed it's just break through bleeding/from slight trauma. I know how scary this part is, we are all here holding your hand x

Val shockshock at over 1000! I'm thinking it's got to be twins. I bet you can't wait for the scan now!

Hi Lumen, welcome to the egg buddies. Sorry you have to be here but everyone is great on this thread. I've learnt so much about IVF on here, it was great for while I was going through my first IVF cycle.

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 17:43:40

Hi tame, yes big dexter fan wink

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 18:23:35

I love dexter too smile

Turquoisetamborine Tue 29-Apr-14 18:37:34

Welcome Lumen, hope this thread is lucky for you (wasn't for me but most seem to be). Which protocol are you doing?

Val I didn't realise you'd got a BFP, congratulations! Have you just done FET?

Congrats Tame too, hope it sticks.

I've got a free open day at new clinic 31st may then hopefully starting second cycle in July.

Does anyone who knows about IVF think it would be better for me to do short protocol this time? I think I was over suppressed. One ovary and normal FSH.

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 19:02:10

What is the new clinic??

I think a change of protocol could throw up a better response, some say better eggs.

Out of interest- what was your dose, drug and response on previous cycles??

Here is a very wise platitude....

You cannot keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome.

So true x

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Tue 29-Apr-14 19:28:43

Turq I'm trying short this time as I got lots of immature and poor quality eggs last time on long. How did you do last time? I've read that short is generally better for women with a lower AMH and poorer quality eggs.

vallinnapod Tue 29-Apr-14 19:36:29

Lumen I too and loving the Dexter connection Do you have kill room?!

Stars and Res I refuse to acknowledge your comments wink In all honesty though, DH and I had a long chat about 1 vs 2 etc. My biggest worry re: twins is the effect it may have on their health, premature birth etc. and then the knock on effect to DS. Still, it is all speculation at this point and, as I know from bitter experience, so much can go wrong.

Turq - protocol wise, both have worked for me. We went short the past two cycles as I am so annovulatory it was a bit redundant down-regging me. Some times it can be worth discussing changing the FSH drugs as meopur/gonal f just don't work for everyone. There is a drug out there that poor responders have raved about. I can't remember the name but there is a whole fertility friends thread on it.

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 20:34:55

Turq I will be on long protocol but not sure on which drugs yet.

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 20:36:23

Val I don't have a kill room but I do have a named after the main character and he is doing his best to turn the whole house into his kill room! grin

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 20:51:40

That should have said I have a CATwink

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 20:54:48

Have any of you used embryoglue in your ivfs? We have had it offered to us but I have not read much about it.

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 20:59:31

Which clinic are you with lumen???

My

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 20:59:59

Wank!!!!

My old clinic used embryo glue in a trial and it had good results x

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 21:03:41

Using oxford fertility unit. No choice as nhs.

Bearsandhoney Tue 29-Apr-14 21:17:23

Val: amazing result! It does sound like there might be more than one making themselves at home. Wow! grin

Tame: there is every chance this will work. Stay strong. Xx

Hi lumen, this is a lovely bunch so you're in good company. Hope your stay is a short one! I have done 1 LP and 2 SP (plus 1FET). Response was different each time and there were variances in number of eggs collected. I also had PGS done on my embryos on the last round and of 8 embryos only 2 were viable. There are many variables and your consultant should be able to advise you best given your unique circumstances. Which clinic are you with?

Well, the little embryo has stuck and has a heart beat. We are very relieved and happy (though still nervous). There's another scan in 2 weeks.

Hi to everyone. Xx

Bearsandhoney Tue 29-Apr-14 21:18:36

Lumen: cross post. Don't know anything about Oxford clinic. Nor do I know what dexter/lumen is all about I'm afraid .... smile

lumen Tue 29-Apr-14 21:21:59

Thx bear and congrats! Hope all continues without issue for you.

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 21:22:38

Yay!!! Bear- congrats!! smile

tametortie Tue 29-Apr-14 21:26:31

Listen up....

Is bleeding caused by progesterone pessaries an urban myth??

I only seem to be spotting between 8am and 2pm (past 2 days) and I'm wondering if it's cause I'm loaded up with progesterone from overnight and it starts to come out when I'm up and about???

Totally clutching at straws here but I'm not bleeding in the afternoon or evening????

Strange isn't it?

vallinnapod Tue 29-Apr-14 21:42:46

Congrats Bear!!

Progesterone has definitely been shown to irritate the cervix. (I only use the back door these days as all the front door oozing had me on even more constant knicker watch)

Bearsandhoney Tue 29-Apr-14 22:35:54

I've heard that too. Maybe ask the clinic see if they can suggest alternative?

Bearsandhoney Tue 29-Apr-14 22:36:35

Oh, and thanks for the congrats grin!

nobeer Tue 29-Apr-14 22:39:57

Val Hell's Bells! That's an amazing result! I see the others have already speculated on numbers so I'll just keep quiet grin
Tame I think that makes a lot of sense, and I don't think you're clutching at straws. Not long til OTD!
Bear that's brilliant! Isn't it amazing?!
Turq hello, not seen you for a while!
Lumen welcome, you're going to make some good friends here.

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:01:15

Morning birds,

I'm feeling crappy this morning sad

I have taken 4 first response tests over the course of the past 2 days and they are still faint, no darker.

I am the equivalent of 13dpo today.

I know this is why you shouldn't test early, I know!!!

But surely they should be darker!!! Hell, I think this mornings is actually lighter than last nights (DH says it isn't)

I'm miserable.....

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:02:00

My hcg test is gonna be really low tomorrow because these tests are just so light sad

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:04:40

The top test is yesterday morning and the bottom is this morning.

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:06:08

DH keeps reminding me that at our uk clinic, we wouldn't test till next Monday.

I'm going a bit nuts I think......

Can't stop comparing colour density hmm

Turquoisetamborine Wed 30-Apr-14 07:08:09

Very pleased for you Bears! Gives me hope!

The new clinic is a Darlington outpost of The London Women's Clinic. They offer all sorts of fancy stuff like blastocyst transfer and embryo glue that my last one hadn't heard of.

My last protocol was very long, 4 weeks downregging on 0.5 I think buserelin then 300 units Merional which was increased to 375 when I only had two follicles respond. They collected two eggs but only one fertilised with ICSI.

I didn't have poor egg reserve though so shouldn't have had a poor response so I can only guess it was down to the drugs?

My thinking is that my one ovary can't bounce back from that much suppression and short protocol would suit me better. Does that sound right? Also is Gonal F meant to be better?

My WTF appointment is in a couple of weeks. I feel like I don't want to go to that clinic ever again but I have to. They are giving me a copy of my notes for the new clinic for free which is decent of them I suppose.

Sorry to bring a downer to the thread when everyone else is happy.

Turquoisetamborine Wed 30-Apr-14 07:10:12

Tame, I'd be thrilled with those tests. Just try to enjoy it.

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:16:53

Turquoise- I know, I sound ungrateful sad

Just mega scared it's all going wrong...

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:21:55

Turquoise- that does sound right. 4 weeks down reg for one ovary! Sounds like the poor little thing was knocked out! smile

If I was you, I would want to try short protocol.

X

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:23:09

Turquoise- what is your amh and afc?

starsandmoonandback Wed 30-Apr-14 07:26:09

Bears congrats honey smile

Tame, very possible it's irritation from pessaries. Can you do up back door for next few days and see if it calms down. I've only ever done back door myself! Sorry you're feeling so worried hun. Difficult not to after past experiences I imagine. Keeping everything crossed today for your blood test. Will you repeat in 2 days to compare? X

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 07:41:39

I would, but it's bank holiday.....

More menkulling!!!

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Wed 30-Apr-14 07:47:37

Bears that's fantastic news grin I hope the next two weeks to your scan fly by x

Tame ((hugs)) It's completely normal to be this worried. I've been there with bleeding after my BFP and I was absolutely terrified. I think it does sound like irritation, I agree with Stars to try using back door to see if that helps. I know my story didn't have a happy ending but I was having very heavy constant red bleeding. Lots of egg buddies have had spotting and faint lines on tests and everything has been fine. Keep taking deep breaths and remind yourself today you are pregnant xx

Turq it does sound like short would be worth a shot then. I had gonal f last time. It didn't seem to work for me so I'm trying menopur next. The drugs affect everyone differently so it may be that gonal f is the one for you.

Lumen I think a few people have used embryo glue. I've been told at my clinic that it may help but there's not much research on it yet. They seem to think it doesn't do any harm though and seems fairly cheap so might be worth giving it a go.

lumen Wed 30-Apr-14 08:48:29

Thx for the advice on the glue peeps, I think we will go with it. Still a while until we have to make the final decision at the end of June. Feels like a long time but hoping it will fly by.

vallinnapod Wed 30-Apr-14 08:50:58

Resgood luck for today!!!

Tame if it is any consolation I did a CB digital this morning expecting it to say 3+ thanks to my mammoth HCG levels but it still said 2-3....strangely I am not mental about it! Is your first HCG tomorrow?

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 08:53:08

Val- I'll post a pic of my lines from Monday evening to this morning. They are no different sad surely that's a bad sign????

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 08:54:15

Yes, hcg tomorrow x

lumen Wed 30-Apr-14 09:19:19

Tame and Val is it standard to have hsg tested? I haven't seen that mentioned anywhere in my protocol. Good luck tomorrow tame.

vallinnapod Wed 30-Apr-14 09:56:54

It really isn't a bad thing Tame ((((hugs)))) For a start they are all consistent and all still there! I have read it can be down to the amount of dye in the test. If it was a very early chemical pregnancy you would expect the line to disappear, esp by OTD. I am a fine one to talk but please try not to worry. Fingers crossed tomorrow you will be posting and 'Oh, fuck my HCG is in the 1000s' post smile

Lumen - yes, you should have two HCG tests 24 hours apart. These confirm the level of HCG in the blood. You are looking to see the level approx. double in 48hrs. If it isn't it could be an indication of an ectopic or failing pregnancy. Not sure mine mentioned it until ET day....and then it was in passing in the "take a PG test, if it's positive then call and we'll arrange a blood test"

resipsa Wed 30-Apr-14 10:20:48

Thanks Val. Just arrived for ET. Alone. DH has surpassed himself. First, he suggested that he could attend a telephone conference whilst we were driving in which I vetoed. Then he said he'd have to bring his laptop so I told him not to bother. So, here I am on my own. Again. For the 3rd time. I've been on drugs for weeks, had to arrange scans, appointments, drug purchasing etc etc while still having to work and he can't give me 2 hours. He really doesn't give a shit. sad

resipsa Wed 30-Apr-14 10:23:18

And he had the gall to say that I'd left him in the dark about (1) what happens at ET - umm, if you'd come either of the other times or even read Google, you'd know, (2) the timing of ET - umm, I only found out yesterday. This is doomed. I fucking hate him.

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 10:24:39

Res- (((((())))))) I hope you are ok and ET goes ok xxx

tametortie Wed 30-Apr-14 10:26:47

I think my hcg will be low judging by the colour of the tests.

I will do a digital in the morning and try to stop worrying.

I am only 13dpo and at this stage last time
The tests were very faint x

lumen Wed 30-Apr-14 10:43:39

Sorry res, sounds pants. Sending lots of hugs, hope it all goes ok.

Val thx for the info. Is all very new to me but learning a lot from you lovely bunch grin

Just had a lady from our clinic visit me to take some blood for their research pjts. Took her over 30 mins to get one vial and ended up using a vein in my hand. But I persevered as one pjt is to test amh levels which I have not had done as standard and I get to have the results at the end of my cycle. Might help if this one is not successful.

vallinnapod Wed 30-Apr-14 12:11:38

Res sad I am so sorry he just doesn't get it. It is so easy for men to be removed from this process. fingers crossed you are PUPO as I type grin

Lumen it might be worth asking them to make sure they know your AMH levels before you start stimming? AMH is a test that is compuslory at our clinic. If you have a low/high reserve it will influence the doses of FSH drugs they put you on.

nobeer Wed 30-Apr-14 13:02:59

so sorry res. what a twat. I'm fuming for you. Hope you're able to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. hugs(())

resipsa Wed 30-Apr-14 14:25:07

OK. Slightly calmer (!) now. I might have overreacted just a little wink but in my defence it is a stressful time grin. He's still a dick though and I've just told him that if it works, I will tell the child that Daddy couldn't be bothered to turn up for his/her transfer cause work was more important. I'm so mature.

Anyway, Now PUPO. Both embies thawed with 100% of cells in tact. So, 2 blasts - one expanding/ed and one hatching safely aboard. OTD 13 May so I guess that I'll do it on about 18/19 May - remember that I'm a BIG coward.

And relax...

resipsa Wed 30-Apr-14 14:26:18

Bears - v good news re your scan. envy.

Tame - any news?

lumen Wed 30-Apr-14 14:37:15

That all sounds really good res smile

vallinnapod Wed 30-Apr-14 14:53:31

LOL Res you are the polar opposite of me grin

Huge congrats on the PUPOedness

Moonfacesmother Wed 30-Apr-14 14:53:57

Maybe twins then Res? For you and val? X x

resipsa Wed 30-Apr-14 15:22:06

Hi One. D'you know, I think I'm owed twins wink. Was just contemplating that I should have had 3 DCs by now (or soon) born Jan 11, Oct 12 and Aug 14 so it'd feel right. I'm strangely optimistic.

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Wed 30-Apr-14 17:27:14

Res you are PUPO!! Sorry to hear DH was a bit useless. I'm angry on your behalf. They sound like two fab embies. We will probably end up testing at the same time if you take as long as you did last time wink

Just a flying visit as I'm of to meet DH in town for shopping and food.

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Wed 30-Apr-14 17:28:32

Hi One and welcome back smile

nobeer Wed 30-Apr-14 18:08:18

Sorry res, I was so cross about your DH I forgot to congratulate you! Well done and I'm delighted you're feeling optimistic smile

Turquoisetamborine Wed 30-Apr-14 18:17:22

Moon face, are you One? Hello again.

Sorry your H is a knob Res, you are owed a massive BFP.
Tame, I don't really know your history but I'm sure I will worry too if I'm ever lucky enough to get pregnant so it's understandable. Try to focus on creating a calm and welcoming environment for your baby. That's what my acupuncturist always says to me.

I can't remember what my FSH was whoever asked. I know it was good though. It's on the last thread somewhere. I'll have a copy of my notes from the clinic soon so it should all be in there.

I've added Evening Primrose oil to my arsenal of supplements the last few weeks and it's really good for CM. Anyone else take it? I'd recommend it to anyone trying naturally between cycles.

resipsa Wed 30-Apr-14 18:48:28

Hi Turq.

nobeer Wed 30-Apr-14 18:50:06

Hi turq. I was taking EPO for a bit, but you have to stop after ovulation as it can cause uterine contractions.

Turquoisetamborine Wed 30-Apr-14 20:31:52

Ooh thanks nobeer, think I've ov last few days so I will stop now. I'm not tracking my cycle this month for the first time in years.

twinklestar2 Wed 30-Apr-14 21:21:39

Congrats tame, nobeer and val!

Fingers crossed for you res.

Waves to everyone else smile

resipsa Wed 30-Apr-14 22:51:12

Hey Winkle! What are now - 6 months? How's it going?

twinklestar2 Wed 30-Apr-14 23:03:05

Hey res I am 26 weeks now.

congrats on being PUPO smile

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 01-May-14 07:10:37

Hey Twinks I can't believe you are 26 weeks shock I was thinking about all you graduates yesterday.

I was also thinking about Fish and Fab. I hope they are both getting on ok.

twinklestar2 Thu 01-May-14 08:24:18

Hi cupcakes how are you getting on. Its mad isn't it, i never thought id get here after my terrible summer last year. Feeling very blessed and happy. I don't even care about going through labour, just want my baby in my arms!

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 09:51:42

Welcome to the first full day of mentalhood *Res wink

lumen Thu 01-May-14 09:54:53

Morning all, tame how did you get on with hcg test?

Just had all my dates confirmed. Start dr drugs on 19th of this month with EC/ET scheduled for w/c 23rd June. Anyone else going to be on 2ww with me?

It is finally all a bit more real and exciting and scary! confused

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 10:01:46

Good luck Tame!! You'll be fine. Also, try to remember that the number today doesn't mean that much. As long as it is over 5 your are PG. Then it is just the repeat you have to stress about winkgrin

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 01-May-14 10:15:03

Good luck for today Tame thanks
How's the spotting? Has it eased off?

Twinks I'm glad to hear it's all going well. I hope I can be that zen about the thought of labour once my time comes! I'm ok, I'm waiting for AF to turn up and I should be starting a fresh short cycle. I really hope it works this time. I'm at the 5 year mark now, I can't believe I've been on this journey for so long.

Lumen it's so exciting, once you get started it all happens so quickly apart from the dreaded two week wait

Val are you getting another HCG done? I want to see how the twins quads are getting on grin

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 10:31:18

Cheers Cups grin - yep, blood drawn this morning so will spend from lunch time onwards staring at my phone willing it to ring with good news.

No symptoms whatsoever today so having a mental....

lumen Thu 01-May-14 10:40:52

Fx for you Val x

resipsa Thu 01-May-14 11:58:23

Oh Val - that result gives me something to look forward to later. Saw a woman in M&S with twin babies today. Those double buggies are a struggle, aren't they? wink

Tame - where are you?

Lumen - great news that you have a 'Plan'. Hope we get some more joiners to wait with you in June. By then I'll be drinking like there's no tomorrow to kill the pain of loss OR chucking my guts up...

Quite chilled here today although had a strange twinge earlier which caused me to say 'ow' aloud. Having a Day 5 transfer really ups the ante is terms of the head-fuck, doesn't it? My first was Day 2 so I knew nothing could possibly be happening for the first 4 to 5 days but with a Day 5...

OK. Off to work now. So far as they know I'm at a hearing all week. I didn't share that we were adjourned on Tuesday until 2pm today. For once, it all has worked out nicely.

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 12:25:06

LOL res I love it when a plan comes together! Choosing to ignore buggy comment

Actually looked at my HCG levels from my summer pregnancy (a singleton) last night and at the same stage my first HCG was 616 and my second 1830....looks like I may just have high HCG levels. I had no idea I needed to obsess over them with DS so the only thing I have written down is that they were satisfactory. Og the blissful ignorance in those days hmm Who knows....I am phone watching, willing for them to call...trying desperately hard not to call them until at least 4pm.... will fail

starsandmoonandback Thu 01-May-14 12:51:24

Congrats on being pupo Res smile hope you'll be chucking your guts up in a few weeks time.

Val, eagerly awaiting your results grin

I may be having transfer about mid June if my frostie defrosts ok. X

twinklestar2 Thu 01-May-14 13:26:43

Cups - 5 years... It is most definitely your time x

resipsa Thu 01-May-14 13:55:02

Hi Stars. Oh, you too have a plan. Good to know.

So, Val and Tame, we wait. I'm a bit worried about Tame's silence...

Had a good laugh winding up DH last night about twins. It seems that hatching blasts with 100% cell recovery do best in terms of achieving a pregnancy after FET. He is genuinely worried. Excellent.

resipsa Thu 01-May-14 13:56:40

BTW - Cups - hoping you have no need for Care this year but if you end up there, I'd be happy to share knowledge. I've been, ahem, handled one way or another by all the doctors there now and they are not all the same...

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 14:03:30

grin at your DH Res. When I told my DH what the consultant said he was really shocked....despite the fact we had lots of debates about whether we were happy with twins. He was always all for it...hmm I think in his mind, we had two put back with DS therefore it wasn't a risk hmmhmm That said I still think it highly unlikely I am PG with twins.

I am feeling really anxious about the results today though sad. I can just feel my stomach sinking if my levels haven't risen as the should have done. We are going to Cornwall tomorrow for a week so it is not like I can just get them repeated in another 48 hours time (which would be a KILLER wait any way). Why can I not be a glass half full person??

starsandmoonandback Thu 01-May-14 14:04:13

Res, I've not got a firm plan yet! But it's day 1 today and will have endoscratch in about 3 weeks time, ready to start the oestrogen tablets next day 1! Need to get organised and book coordination apt, scratch etc....

Hope you are ok Tame?

Cups, it's definitely your turn grin

Val???

starsandmoonandback Thu 01-May-14 14:05:44

Sorry Val, cross posted. Hang on in there sweetie. Hope they call soon with good news xx

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 15:53:25

HCG is up to 3064 blush

starsandmoonandback Thu 01-May-14 16:28:32

Wowee! What was it before?

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 01-May-14 16:37:38

Wowsers Val! That's tripled not doubled grin amazing news. Now you can look forward to your holiday.

Res, Stars and Twinks I really do hope it's my turn next! I want all the egg buddies to get BFP, we all deserve it.

Res good work on winding up DH!

Tame are you doing ok?

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 01-May-14 16:39:38

Val out of interest have you POAS recently? I'm interested if the line would actually look that different as we all drive ourselves crazy over how dark the lines are.

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 16:51:30

Yes, I posted on Tues that I peed on. CB digital and expected it to say 3+ but it still said 2-3. Have one internet cheapie left so in the interest of this thread and my own mentalling I will pee on it tomorrow!

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 16:52:12

Sorry, Stars it was 1084.

starsandmoonandback Thu 01-May-14 17:08:26

Oh goodie. I like looking at 2 lines Val! See you in the morning! Amazing numbers!!!

resipsa Thu 01-May-14 17:29:19

Val - virtual winewinewinerequired!

Great news though, eh?

nobeer Thu 01-May-14 17:43:45

Blimey val! That's amazing! How are you feeling?

vallinnapod Thu 01-May-14 18:09:03

I still hold off a double celebration until we do a head count on 21 May.

TBH I am obvs really pleased but it all looked great at the stage, and the two early scans in the summer and that ended in a MMC. Focusing on the positives smile

Turquoisetamborine Thu 01-May-14 21:54:14

Val those numbers are fab, double congrats.

Cups it really is your time. I'm at the three years mark so behind you in the queue.

I'm watching Wanted, a family of my own. I want them!

tametortie Fri 02-May-14 06:55:56

Val- congrats, those are fab numbers smile

Mine sadly, were not so good.

After a couple of days of fading pg tests, my hcg came in at 41 yesterday which clinic says is too low.

Gutted is an understatement.

Retesting tomorrow but know in my heart that it's over.

What do I do now?? I did everything. sad

resipsa Fri 02-May-14 07:17:00

Tame thanks.

Don't think I can say anything to help but I have an inkling how you feel (as I was similar after DE worked then failed in Dec). It feels so bloody unfair.

I suppose that I should say focus of the frosties but know it's too early for that.

tametortie Fri 02-May-14 07:23:19

Res- the thing I find really hard is that fact that everyone seemed so certain it would work. I'm only 33, have a child already and donor eggs have a really high success rate.

So why not for me?

resipsa Fri 02-May-14 07:30:23

And all they say is they don't know.

I asked the same question but got no satisfactory answer. Why do these wonder-embryos implant then fail?

vallinnapod Fri 02-May-14 07:39:50

Tame ((hugs)), I've said it all on the other thread. I still have everything crossed.

There is another area to explore and that is genetic testing. A genetically abnormal embryo can look perfect to the naked eye. Has DH had a sperm fragmentation test?

nobeer Fri 02-May-14 07:40:02

tame I'm so so sorry thanks That is so bloody unfair.

tametortie Fri 02-May-14 07:46:15

Val- yes and it came back as excellent! Only 3% fragmentation. hmm

I don't know what to think.

All suggestions very welcome.....

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 02-May-14 07:49:39

Tame I'm so sad it's not better news thanks I've been there with low HCG numbers too, it's so cruel. Sending my love to you and your DH x

nobeer Fri 02-May-14 07:51:44

Tame you've been to see an immunologist, haven't you? I'm sure you have, but in case I'm confused, go and see one. It's weird how your body lets the embryo implant and then shortly after changes its mind. I wish I was sciencey and understood these things more.

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 02-May-14 07:56:02

Sorry I missed your more recent posts Tame. Like Val says I guess PGD or whatever it's called is probably the next way to go. I know it's really hard as you want answers as to why it didn't stick. Sadly even if everything is absolutely great. Good quality embryo, good lining etc sometimes it just doesn't work out. I've heard so many times of women having great quality blasts put back, it doesn't work out but then FET works. I really hope that's going to be you Tame x

Turquoisetamborine Fri 02-May-14 08:00:29

Hugs Tame, I think immunology sounds the way to go xx

tametortie Fri 02-May-14 08:00:59

I have had a womb biopsy for nk cells but no other immune tests. I have seen quite a lot about thyroid antibodies and do alpha something or other.

It's an expensive route but think it's one we may have to go down to be honest.

I'm so fed up sad

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 02-May-14 08:07:12

Tame it's ok to feel fed up. This is fucking shit x

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 02-May-14 08:07:58

Do they do immune testing at your clinic? Hopefully it will be a bit cheaper than here in the uk.

tametortie Fri 02-May-14 08:15:31

No but I think other clinics in Czech Republic do.

A telephone consultation with dr gorgy is £200!!!

I KNOW it doesn't cost that man £200 to pick up the phone- what a scam!!!

DH was looking at midland fertility services last night and said that they do immune testing. But it's £250 to register as a patient.

I think we may have a few months out, save some pennies then look at immunes. In the meantime, I'll see what tests my gp is willing to do....

After 3 miscarriages I now meet NICE criteria for recurrent mc testing.

Every cloud..... hmm

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 02-May-14 08:20:17

£200 for a phone call is a rip off shock

At care I think immunes cost about 2 grand for the full range of tests. I know that most people can get the GP to do all the level one tests to bring the cost down. Res have you had immunes done?

tametortie Fri 02-May-14 08:35:49

Yes, I think I am going to speak to my gp.

Siobhan quenby has a recurrent miscarriage clinic only 10 miles from where I live so I think I'm due a referral smile

DH is reluctant to dive in and put the frozen ones back too soon- I think we need to chill and explore options on this one first x

nobeer Fri 02-May-14 08:40:38

Tame I'm not surprised your fed up. I'm upset on your behalf. Yes, immune tests are ridiculously explensive - I'm supposed to get some more done as the dopey doctor didn't tell me to get them done when I got all the others done back in Dec/Jan. Not sure I'll bother now. What we found out though was that DP and I had some kind of gene which clashed with each other so we were advised to only implant one to improve chances of its survival. Oh and the gluten free diet. We also had the pgd as well. I really hope the NHS will look carefully into why this happening to you tame. Will your clinic give you any kind of feedback appointment?

nobeer Fri 02-May-14 08:43:40

Think DH is very sensible about time to chill out.

tametortie Fri 02-May-14 09:14:43

The Czech clinic have been really supportive. I think I will have to have further testing here though.

Xx

BeetlingAbout Fri 02-May-14 09:50:14

Sorry i lost you all.

Tame, I don't know what to say and i just wish i had the words to make you feel better. I was an egg buddy when you had your mc last year, and I was so hoping for you that everything was going to be OK this time. I really hope that this is not the end, i hope that the test today shows doubling or tripling. This isn't fair. xxx

BeetlingAbout Fri 02-May-14 16:03:13

Thinking of you, Tame

resipsa Fri 02-May-14 16:49:51

Cups - no, no immune testing here - think they assumed not really an issue when we went to Care as DD only 2 and had had ERPC at 10 weeks after blighted ovum - body wouldn't let go even when nothing to grow sad.

Tame, hope you are OK.

starsandmoonandback Fri 02-May-14 19:19:15

Tame, I'm so sorry it wasn't better news today. Will they test your bloods again next week tho? You are technically pregnant according to the hcg numbers. I paid £1000 for all the level 1 immune tests and even though they came back clear, I was glad I did them as I could rule that out as a factor for failed implantations. It's def better to identify something so you can then at least address it, rather than blindly doing cycles within chance of it working. You can develop immune issues after having one child. I hope you can come up with a plan, of you need to.

Res, I was the same with my blighted ovum hmm I had to 'medically manage' my miscarriage at 10 weeks as my hcg kept going up (although it was low, it kept doubling). My body thought it was pregnant as it kept growing the sac but no baby in it. Bloody awful.

Hi to everyone else xx

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Sat 03-May-14 07:44:13

Morning everyone, just a quick visit as we are off down south for my nephews christening. I'm dreading it as we will be the only people there without kids.

I just wanted to pop by and check on Tame. I was thinking about you a lot yesterday. I'm really upset that you are going through this, it's not fair thanks

vallinnapod Sat 03-May-14 07:48:46

Cups ((hugs)) it means you can drink lots, have whole conversations, eat your lunch/dinner with two hand and whilst it is still hot etc.... small consolations I know smile that said I had rather a lot to drink at DS's christening blush

starsandmoonandback Sat 03-May-14 07:58:23

Cups, hope you can enjoy today honey. smile Vals right, try and enjoy the little things and next year hopefully you'll be joining them all. Hugs x

resipsa Sat 03-May-14 10:53:17

Cups thanks. Hope you enjoy it. They might have kids but he's your nephew and that's special in itself.

tametortie Sat 03-May-14 12:41:34

Thanks cups (((())))) hope the day goes ok x

2nd blood test today, results later. Tests are negative now. sad

vallinnapod Sat 03-May-14 14:28:36

Oh Tame I am so sorry hmm what have your clinic said?!

It's such a hideous place to be right now x

tametortie Sat 03-May-14 14:30:02

Speaking to co-ordinator on Tuesday to plan what to do next.

Noticed PGD at our clinic is only €1500- that's not bad is it???

vallinnapod Sat 03-May-14 15:17:02

No - that is incredibly reasonable...well, in comparison to my clinic which is £4500

BrookerC Sat 03-May-14 15:59:07

Afternoon lovely egg buddies smile

I've been having a little break from mumsnet but check this thread every now & again to silently cheer you all on.

tame I was around last year when you had your previous cycles. To say I'm gutted for you is a huge understatement. I'm so terribly sorry to hear you're going through this again. I too was really hopeful that this cycle would be the one. Big hugs.
I'm currently under-going tests for repeated implantation (5 blasts transferred over 3 cycles & not a whiff of a BFP). I read that you've had the NK cells test - I'm due to have that in a few weeks, but I've also given loads of blood for other immunes testing (including thyroid & karyotype for me & DH). PM me if you would like any details.

tametortie Sat 03-May-14 16:14:28

Thanks brooker xxx smile

2nd hcg is 15 sadsadsad

nobeer Sat 03-May-14 19:12:33

tame I'm so so sorry my love. I hope you get some answers from the clinic. That price is good btw, cetainly cheaper than here in Spain. Think we paid around 3000� for ours but I'll try to remember to check later. xx

nobeer Sat 03-May-14 19:12:57

tame I'm so so sorry my love. I hope you get some answers from the clinic. That price is good btw, cetainly cheaper than here in Spain. Think we paid around 3000� for ours but I'll try to remember to check later. xx

Bearsandhoney Sun 04-May-14 18:01:51

Really very sorry to hear your news Tame. I don't think there is anything I can say but am sending you lots of love and a big virtual hug. I do think immune testing is worth a shot. I started reading de beers: is your body baby friendly and thought it very interesting. It was to be my next port of call. It might be expensive but if there is an issue it will be worth it. The other thing you should consider is the pgs testing. Hope you are bearing up ok. Thinking of you. Xxx

Moonfacesmother Sun 04-May-14 18:13:42

Sorry Tame, this infertility and subsequent treatment is so cruel. I have nothing to say that will help I know but I have been thinking of you. Xxxxx

Yes - I was previously Onelittlebugbear. Now considering a second cycle in June although I don't feel optimistic. I think we will end up needing donor eggs or sperm or possibly just donor embryos which will mean going abroad. I'm so fed up. It's all just so hard. In the next few weeks I have six friends due to give birth, two on my birthday! Baby after baby after baby. It does feel like the universe is rubbing my face in it a bit tbh.
Facebook is also tipping me over the edge. I think a combination of pmt, dh being a prick and the injustice of the whole situation is really getting to be this weekend. Nothing nice ever happens, it's one miserable turn of events after another.

Bearsandhoney Sun 04-May-14 23:41:15

How was the christening cups? Not too over run with babies I hope...

starsandmoonandback Mon 05-May-14 08:29:53

I'm so sorry Tame. It's all so so unfair. Sending hugs and strength to get through however long it takes. hmm Definitely get immune tests done next. It might be an answer. Take care x

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Mon 05-May-14 20:12:43

Tame I'm so sorry it wasn't better news. Thinking of you x

I survived the christening smile we did get cross examined by a nosy woman who asked us outright if we had children. When we said no her response was "Why" shock she literally didn't say anything else! I didn't answer and just excused myself and DH. That goes in my top 5 inappropriate comments while ttc. Otherwise it was a lovely day.

Moon I completely sympathise on the everyone is pregnant front. I've got 4 close friends due in august, it's getting a bit much. One is my best friend and an instadiffer. Ive somehow got myself embroiled in doing a baby shower for her blush I don't feel too bad about her pregnancy as she has been a brill friend over all this ttc crap. On the other hand I'm really struggling with one of my other friends pregnancies so much to that it's caused major arguments between DH and I and I'm not sure I can continue the friendship sad I'm probably being unreasonable but I can't seem to change the way I'm feeling about it.

How has everyone's weekend gone?

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Mon 05-May-14 20:14:23

I forgot the most important part! AF turned up after lunch so I'll be calling the clinic to request treatment in the morning smile

nobeer Mon 05-May-14 22:05:28

Tame good luck tomorrow with your appointment. Hope you find some way forward.

Cups How rude was that woman! And glad AF has rocked up smile

Nice weekend thanks, our bank holiday was last week so back to work today. Hotting up here, so I need to go summer clothes shopping garments must have an attractive elasticated waist and be comfortable

twinklestar2 Mon 05-May-14 23:46:34

Really sorry to read your news tame xx

starsandmoonandback Tue 06-May-14 08:10:27

Cups, unbelievable some people! Well done for just walking away!

Nobeer, jealous of your hot weather! And your reason for expanding waistbands! Lol. Mine has expanded but not for the right reason! wink

Moon, so hard when all around you seem to be having babies left right and centre hmm

Tame, how are you today honey?

vallinnapod Tue 06-May-14 08:17:34

Yay Cups! Hope the clinic call goes well.

Res - how goes it?

BeetlingAbout Tue 06-May-14 09:11:29

tame, I'm so sorry that the cycle didn't work. I too think that immunes sounds like the logical next step in investigations. I hope you find some answers soon to make sense of it all. It feels so sad that our own bodies can be so against us.

BeetlingAbout Tue 06-May-14 09:23:43

cups, well done on surviving the christening! and hurrah for AF turning up on time. All systems go now! With regards to your preggo friend, it may be irrational but you need to do whatever helps you and makes this all easier. If she isn't someone that you value that much, then just stepping back from the friendship might be better for all.

I've been lucky that none of my friends have gotten pregnant in the three years we've been ttc, and only one good friend has a child already. I know a few are starting to try now though, and I am worried about how hard it will be if I have another miscarriage.

stars how are you? And res? Also if fab and fish are lurking at all, I'm thinking of you.

I wish I could scroll back on my phone without losing this message, I know I'm missing loads confused

BeetlingAbout Tue 06-May-14 09:27:54

cups, I meant that to say it may seem irrational... it won't to us as we all know.

I think there is a baby boom at the moment. Where I live is popular with families and everywhere I turn there is a massive pregnant belly...hmmph... stupid efficient cervixes...

Turquoisetamborine Tue 06-May-14 10:44:46

Moon face, I know how depressing it is when everyone is pregnant but you. I saw my preg SIL yesterday (who sent me a scan picture on the day I got my IVF BFN. She was really awkward with me. Just treat me normally for Gods sake. I'm not after stealing your baby. I've got six nieces and nephews and love them all. If my son is going to be an only then I'm grateful he has so many cousins and probably lots to come.

I'm just waiting for AF now if it's going to be a normal length cycle, probably not. I feel quite sane at the moment. I was really depressed after my last cycle and I'm sad I'm going to have to go through it all again with probably nothing at the end of it.

Roll on Friday eh! I'm off today anyway. Off to the garden I go.

eurochick Tue 06-May-14 11:43:15

Tame I'm so sorry.

Cups there is someone lucky enough never to have had to consider the pain of infertility (and pretty dim to boot).

resipsa Tue 06-May-14 12:28:17

Val.

In John Lewis with DD enjoying chocolate cake in feeble attempt to distract myself from the fact that I'm 6 days post 5 day ET and think it's all over. Of course, every other woman in here is pregnant...

BeetlingAbout Tue 06-May-14 13:18:53

When is otd day Res? Will you be testing early? Sending loads of sticky wishes.

resipsa Tue 06-May-14 16:20:47

Hi Beetle. It's next Tuesday!

Sorry all for brief self- absorbed post before!

Tame - sorry again to read your news. Hope you and DH are coping. Lick your wounds and let us know when you have A Plan.

Cups - speechless. Beyond rude and insensitive, in fact, quite weird. Clearly a social inadequate smile.

Bearsandhoney Wed 07-May-14 07:46:20

Thinking of you tame. Xx

Bearsandhoney Wed 07-May-14 07:48:40

Thinking of you tame. Xx

Bearsandhoney Wed 07-May-14 07:49:38

Thinking of you tame. How are you sweetheart. Xx

Bearsandhoney Wed 07-May-14 07:50:42

Thinking of you tame. How are you sweetheart. Xx

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Wed 07-May-14 09:14:36

Tame thinking of you, have you got a review today?

Res thinking of you too, the second week of the wait is the hardest x

Turq that is exactly the problem I'm having with my friend. She can't treat me normally. She's keeping her pregnancy very quiet due to previous mmc's which is understandable but her DH confided in my DH months ago & asked him not to tell anyone including me. I then guessed she was pg, sent her a lovely long message congratulating her and she never replied. This was 3 months ago. My DH saw her a while ago & mentioned that I had never heard back from her. She said she didn't reply as she knows it will be very hard for me to deal with so she was giving me space. She has been in touch with my friends who are pregnant that she only knows through me and tried to organise for them all to meet up without me. My best friend asked her why she hadn't invited me and she said I would be uncomfortable as I don't have children. I am fuming, I never asked her for space and I was genuinely happy for her. My DH thinks I'm over reacting of course.

I've had my bloods, scan is not till 12. I'm praying my lining will be ok blush

resipsa Wed 07-May-14 10:13:07

Cups - sending good lining vibes your way smile.

Bearsandhoney Wed 07-May-14 12:13:05

Cups: hope your scan goes well. Sending you thickening vibes!! smile

Res: are you managing to keep busy?

On a completely different note, I am in the back of a mini cab whose driver has such stonkingly bad breath I am suffocating. Window is open and still it's unbearable. If I had sat in the front I would have been knocked unconscious. I to make matters worse I think he is lost confused. How can anyone have such a problem and not know about it? Or be a cab driver!! Grrrrrh.

nobeer Wed 07-May-14 13:25:52

Cups you're not overreacting. Your friend has lost the plot! Good luck with your lining.

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Wed 07-May-14 14:33:18

Lining is 4mm! I'm in shock as it's normally above 9mm at this point. So scan was good, just waiting for blood results now. I also had 15 follicles which I know is good but I'm mentalling about that as I had 30 last time.

Bears I'm a freak as my lining is way too thick. I had my cycle in jan cancelled because of it.

Thanks Nobeer smile it's good to get conformation I'm not a completely crazy bitter infertile. Blokes just don't get it do they?!

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Wed 07-May-14 15:56:44

The clinic has called, bloods are fine. I start stimms tomorrow grin

nobeer Wed 07-May-14 16:16:29

That's great news cups! For the record, I have been a little teeny weeny bit crazy bitter infertile at times! But I think in your case you've made it clear you'd like to spend time with your friend.

resipsa Wed 07-May-14 16:23:37

Cups - yowsers - I feel your delight thru the app!

So ironic - I'd have killed for 9mm and you're delighted with 4! It's all mad, this stuff.

resipsa Wed 07-May-14 16:25:36

Oh and I'm with nobeer - I have loads of friends with children of the age(s) mine might/should have been. I made it very clear that I got pleasure from seeing/hearing about them so everyone is 'normal' with me. Your friend is being weird.

Turquoisetamborine Wed 07-May-14 17:30:16

Cups great news about your lining. Hope this is the one for you x

vallinnapod Wed 07-May-14 18:59:32

Yay Cups! So glad you lining is behaving! I'm with Res...9mm is the stuff of dreams for my womb carpet! How long have you stimmed for in the past?

Poor you Bears I have had a couple of occasions where I have had to leave cafes as the smell of cooking as driven me to heavedom.

Sorry to hear of those dealing with insensitive people. I do think it is very hard for those around us (not that I am defending anyone!!). There are some people who's pregnancies I have found really easy to cope with, really pleased for them etc....it's awful as it is those people I feel 'deserve' them - those who have taken an age to conceive, prior MCs etc. Which is horrible of me. Who am I to decide someone deserves to be PG? This whole process makes me really question myself sometimes. Other people I have been a bit hmm with. Like the lady from nursery who was due the same time as me. She was LOVELY when I MC but then seemed to get all consumed in herself. She spent ages telling me before her 20 week scan how upset she would be if it were another girl hmm (this was around the time of my first abandoned IVF since the MC) and then went on and on and on about her baby shower (a concept I cannot stand at the best of times) which coincided with my due date....find it hard to be around her without homicidal tendencies

resipsa Thu 08-May-14 07:15:32

OK, ladies, I'm in need of that virtual hand hold. Was feeling quite optimistic last night because my food tastes weird, my sense of smell is acute and the boobs hurt like buggery but when I went to bed, there was blood. Not much (think 10p coin). Brown. Mixed with CM. But still there.

None overnight (and I had 6 bathroom visits to check wink) so I'm hoping it was just a bit of old stuff coming away but the very fact of its existence has knocked me for six. Can't help but think about my 3 pregnancies - the only one during which I had no bleeding was the only successful one sad.

As I did a FET and am on progesterone, it can't be AF so there must be something going on down there. I just hope it's not failing already. I'm now 8 days past 5dt.

I'd forgotten how hard this is.

vallinnapod Thu 08-May-14 07:32:14

Res that sounds like implantation bleeding. I have it with my pregnancy in the summer. For me it started about 9dp5dt (literally on OTD) I was elated to get a BFP and then devastated. It was spotting and brown. Lasted a day but not enough to change a panty liner.

resipsa Thu 08-May-14 07:38:54

Thanks Val. I know that's a possibility but my earlier experiences tell me blood = bad news.

nobeer Thu 08-May-14 08:30:21

Res it sounds like implantation bleeding to me too, especially the mixed in with CM bit. I know you're panicking and feeling dispondant/nervous, but you might just get a nice surprise on OTD (or earlier if you're doing a Val grin)

greenlizard Thu 08-May-14 08:41:02

Morning ladies

Might I join you? After two miscarriages over the last 12 months and investigative tests concluded that my eggs are knackered and old so DP and I are going down the donor egg route. We have just been matched and I start down regging on CD1 which should be in the next 4 days shock

Am a complete novice at IVF and am feeling a bit weird and scared by it all hmm....

greenlizard Thu 08-May-14 08:43:33

Ps. res i was told by my nurse yesterday when discussing my drug protocol that it is very common to spot during the first few weeks after IVF. Very difficult not to worry but blood doesn't necessarily mean bad news.

resipsa Thu 08-May-14 09:42:24

Hi Lizard.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, all, but just been to the loo again and now seen bright red. Was OK - no blood - until after bowel movement (sorry, lost all sense of what's appropriate!) then lots of it - fresh and bright. Think this is it. Devastated as that was our last shot. Want to crawl in a corner but got to work.

vallinnapod Thu 08-May-14 10:02:40

Res - is it worth giving you clinic a call. You are actually 14dpo now. Could you see if they could arrange a bHCG for you? OK, it would really increase the mentalling for the next 48hrs but you would know for sure?

vallinnapod Thu 08-May-14 10:03:57

PS - huge hugs. This process is the biggest mindfuck. I realise I am in an enviable position in some ways but my anxiety really is through the roof now. Far worse than during IVF and, believe it or not, worse than during the 2WW.

starsandmoonandback Thu 08-May-14 10:20:24

Res honey. I'm here holding your hand. Sorry to hear about blood this morning hmm I would second Val's advice of calling clinic for beta bloods to done or even a good hpt at this stage. Are you taking aspirin, steroids etc? Super huge hugs. Sorry you have to work when you're going through a horrid time x

starsandmoonandback Thu 08-May-14 10:20:37

Ps. Welcome lizard smile

nobeer Thu 08-May-14 11:33:29

Oh no Res. Here to hold your hand, and I've got everything crossed.

nobeer Thu 08-May-14 11:34:11

Welcome Lizard, you'll have lots of support on here. Good luck with DE.

cheapredwine Thu 08-May-14 12:08:14

Hello smile Newbie here, both to MN and IVF - had first appointment (NHS) a few days ago and looking like starting in a couple of weeks (as soon as AF arrives) with more scans, bloods and treatment plan. Feeling pretty overwhelmed ATM, it's all happening v fast (I just turned 39) and am desperately trying to get my head around everything!

BeetlingAbout Thu 08-May-14 15:00:10

Res, I am so sorry that it has to be so hard, and so up and down like this. I am also thinking a beta hcg test is a good idea to find out exactly what is happening. I hope things have calmed down since this morning - is it possible to leave work early?

Welcome to Lizard and Cheapredwine, the support on here is wonderful in times of need, and the experience and knowledge second to none. If you have any queries or concerns about your cycles, I am sure you will find an answer on here.

Cups, how was your first injection(s)?

resipsa Thu 08-May-14 16:48:54

Hi cheap - you arrive on a bad day!

All a bit calmer here now. No more blood since last episode (checked bowl and tissue!). Nice chat with nurses. Going to just hold out until OTD unless bleeding starts up again. Thanks for hand holds. Feel SO pregnant, it hurts! Hope it's not the mind playing tricks...

resipsa Thu 08-May-14 17:06:53

PS Stars - am on steroid and aspirin. Does that mean anything, do you think?

justjodie92 Thu 08-May-14 17:11:41

Hi.
Please can I joint this thread??
I am in the middle of an IVF cycle. Due my day 5 embryo transfer on Saturday.
Am very excited gringrin
Good luck to everyone on here

cheapredwine Thu 08-May-14 17:20:38

res you're in my thoughts, am so sorry you're having such a horrible time

resipsa Thu 08-May-14 17:34:34

Hi Jodie. Join away and try to ignore the dramatics!!!

starsandmoonandback Thu 08-May-14 21:39:06

Res, sounding good grin keep it up! smile

Welcome to our other newbies on the thread. Wishing you all lots if luck.

resipsa Fri 09-May-14 07:06:22

What a difference 24 (well, 22 hours) can make to your outlook. No more bleeding here, thankfully.

Sorry to have hijacked yesterday. How is everyone else today?

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 09-May-14 07:15:27

Res glad to hear the bleeding stopped. Bleeding/spotting is really common after IVF but it's still terrifying when it happens. I'm keeping everything crossed for you thanks

Hello to the newbies! Lizard, Cheap and Jodie smile

1st menopur injection done last night, it bloody stung for ages blush so I was stressing I did it wrong. Does anyone else panic about that? It's completely irrational for me to feel like that as I'm a nurse so I'm used to giving injections. This whole process sends me crazy grin

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 09-May-14 07:15:53

Cross post Res, that's fab news x

Turquoisetamborine Fri 09-May-14 07:28:37

So glad the bleeding has stopped Res. Keep positive now.

Cups I worried myself sick wondering if I did the jabs right, sure it was fine if you are a nurse though.

Welcome to the newbies.

I'm mostly focussing on gathering/scraping the money for our next round together.

Turquoisetamborine Fri 09-May-14 07:30:39

I'm planning on using 1k of my son's savings. He had quite a lot of money left to him. That's bad I know but he needs a sibling and we can replace it before he's 18. My mam bless her her is giving and lending us the rest so just drugs to fund.

nobeer Fri 09-May-14 07:54:32

res phew! You're sounding much better this morning smile

nobeer Fri 09-May-14 07:56:18

turq good luck with finding the funds. That's another struggle us IVFers go through!!

vallinnapod Fri 09-May-14 08:23:33

Res I am with you on the roller coaster....pants. So glad you are feeling better today.

Being a nurse is make is worse cups - us lay people exist in, relatively, blissful ignorance grin

resipsa Fri 09-May-14 08:38:43

Cups - I remember those bloody jabs from last year. I had to mix 6 vials. It used to take me about 40 mins start to finish! And I never was confident that I'd done it right, even after EC when it sort-of-spoke for itselfsmile.

Val - hope pants doesn't mean there's anything in yours that shouldn't be and instead that your are just talking generally.

Hi Turq. We borrowed from my Mum. That will be one of the hardest parts of another failure; in debt to her with no grandchild to soften the blow.

Hi Nobeer. Are you (sort of) relaxing into pregnancy by now?

resipsa Fri 09-May-14 08:40:48

Next hard bit of today will be imminent pessary insertion. Will I come out clean? God, this stuff has made me so inappropriate!

vallinnapod Fri 09-May-14 08:44:43

Nope, so far the only thing in my pants should be there.....doesn't stop the compulsive knicker checking and the dash to the loo with every, ummm, ooze.

I have only used the back door with the cyclogest this time. Much less oozing and I would also know any blood wouldn't be cervix irritation.

resipsa Fri 09-May-14 08:54:51

OK, good Val - my paranoia is all consuming!

Operation Pessary was a blood-free success.

nobeer Fri 09-May-14 09:09:20

Hi res. Kind of, having a panic this morning after reading that some essential oils shouldn't be used in pregnancy. And I used some a couple of days ago. So worrying I've done some kind of damage. Still feeling nauseous, it was quite bad last night so I suppose that's a good sign!

Turquoisetamborine Fri 09-May-14 09:52:32

Glad no blood was spilled during operation peasant Res. Cant wait to get back to this!

starsandmoonandback Fri 09-May-14 12:07:46

Res, great news to hear no more bleeding and also pessary insertion was drama free too smile it's looking good hun!

Cups! You've started! I thought we were on a similar timeline?! blush Is it because I postponed a month? Wishing you lots of luck this cycle.

Nobeer, hugs, I'm sure it will be fine. Just don't use the oils again now you know.

Turq, it's rubbish or comes down to money. Seems so unfair doesn't it? I'd definitely do another fresh cycle if I had the dosh too. hmm

Beetle, how are you hun?

Everyone else. Hi!
I'm feeling rubbish with a cold today. So tired and DS has had it first and so I'm on my 5th day of not much sleep at night. Yawn... Hope everyone is ok.

lumen Fri 09-May-14 12:50:18

Hi all, have been missing for a week with busy work and a bad cold. Just been trying to catch up on phone, looks like the buddies have been busy! Will take time over the weekend to read all your news. Am trying v hard to shift my cold before sniffing starts a week on Mon, exciting and scarey times grin

Bearsandhoney Fri 09-May-14 20:11:06

Res: really happy to see you looking more positive, as many others have said, it is very common to have bleeding after IVF. When is OTD?

Stars: sorry if I should know this but when will you start your next cycle? How your cold is a mild dose. Try and get an early night (often easier said than done i know...) Sleep deprivation makes everything harder.

Val: when I was on the bullets I used the back door too, I found it much cleaner... Although I wasn't overly fond of the sensation blush.

Turq: funding these cycles is eye wateringly expensive isn't it. I think borrowing from your sons savings is the right thing to do given the circumstances. Bless your mum for helping. What a treasure.

Cups: well done on your first menupor injection. I too worried I hadn't done it right, fussing over every last drop with my heart in my mouth each time thinking I might drop the bottle or such like. I did find it easier and quicker as the nights wore on. Hope you do too smile.

Hi to the newbies: (3 in 1 day, is that a record?). Hope your stays are short smile.

resipsa Fri 09-May-14 20:47:12

Hi Bears. OTD is 13th but I am a coward and might hold out until 17th because when I miscarried in December, it happened on 16th...oddly, the dates have worked out the same in that in last round, I had Day 3 transfer on 28 Nov and this round it was Day 5 on 30 April so I need to get over that hurdle before I find out.

Bearsandhoney Sat 10-May-14 08:38:34

So either a few days or a week today then Res. You test when you feel you can, there's no hard and fast rule. I'm really praying that you get your very much deserved BFP this time. X

starsandmoonandback Sat 10-May-14 09:55:57

Res, I can understand your fear. But try to think that this cycle IS different. There is no reason it should follow the same path as last time. Things are sounding good to me and you DID say you FEEL pregnant. I am positively amazed by your restraint for testing tho. I wouldn't be able to not know at this stage. Hopefully you'll be celebrating with a protein shake next Ftiday winkgringrin

starsandmoonandback Sat 10-May-14 09:58:42

Bears, how are you?
I'm doing an FET. My one and only ever embryo! And last chance to succeed! No pressure! Lol. So I'm planning on having the scratch in a couple of weeks time and then start oestrogen tablets on next day 1 ready for transfer after a couple of weeks, hopefully. That's if my little embie defrosts ok!!

Bearsandhoney Sun 11-May-14 11:54:07

Hi stars grin. I'm good, feeling pretty tired and lethargic most of the time but counting my blessings that I'm in this position. We have a scan on Thursday when I will be 9 plus 5. After that we are released from the clinic and into pre-natal care. Despite having symtoms I still worry that it could all come to an end...

So you're about to start another cycle? You say it's your last shot, well I wish you all the luck in the world. It's a pressure I know (we had said that this last go would be our last as well) and it can make for an even more emotional journey. C'mon universe, give stars her well deserved baby!!

How's the mentallling this morning res?

Tame? Are you alright? Thinking of you misses. thanks Xxx

Bearsandhoney Sun 11-May-14 11:54:41

Ps stars: I had the scratch on this last go .... smile

resipsa Sun 11-May-14 20:58:42

Hi Bears. I'm a mess. Why on earth did I think that it had worked? Convinced now that all the 'signs' are just the drugs but too scared to test and draw a line under the prospect of another (forever). sad.

starsandmoonandback Mon 12-May-14 07:16:21

Oh res hun. I feel your anxiety on the page. It's natural to feel this way at the end of the 2ww. You want this sooo much. The mind plays tricks on you. You are how many dpo now? Only you can decide when to test. If a test would be reliable by now, then you just have to decide whether knowing the result would be better than not knowing and feeling like you do now. There's no right or wrong. Sending you a big 'unmumsnetty' hug

Bears, thank you smile I've had one scratch which was an awful experience, but think I hadn't drunk enough water...or so they said! Last cycle i'd had a hysteroscopy, so it works in the same way. I know everyone raves about the scratch, but I'm struggling to feel positive about it making any difference to me hmm

You must be excited about your next scan smile your clinic are good. My clinic scanned me at 6+2 with DS and then discharged me! I felt all alone!! It was weird! You'll be amazed at what you see at this scan. I'm so pleased your 'last' time worked grin

nobeer Mon 12-May-14 17:41:31

res I'm sending you a hug too. Remember the drugs send you a bit mad too, so try not to worry too much. I think what kept me sane-ish was just telling myself that there was absolutely nothing I could do. however DP would probably disagree and tell you a was a mental sobbing mess because I thought it hadn't worked

starsandmoonandback Mon 12-May-14 19:48:20

Nobeer! You're so right! All the drugs mess with our minds. And I'm sure you were as calm as a cucumber, really nobeer wink just like I always am in the 2ww!
How are you?! X

starsandmoonandback Mon 12-May-14 20:59:57

It's very quiet on here!

vallinnapod Mon 12-May-14 21:02:46

I'm lurking...not doing great in the anxiety stakes...

starsandmoonandback Mon 12-May-14 21:08:56

Hi Val, oh hun. How many weeks are you now? It's hard not to be anxious after the journeys we've all had. Keep talking to us hun xx

vallinnapod Mon 12-May-14 21:13:22

6+3.

I am so petrified of another MMC. I don't know how I would go through it again. And if it did happen I an pretty sure I couldn't go through this stage of PG again. It's so, so tough.

starsandmoonandback Mon 12-May-14 22:10:24

Val, I can understand that having had a mmc too. The likelihood is not that high though. They definitely told me that at the epu, just a few times!! You're pregnant now hun, try hard to think about this as a totally different pregnancy. I know it can't be easy. I've had 3 bfn's since my mmc so think that was my last chance. X

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Tue 13-May-14 07:49:26

Res how are you doing? Have you decided when to test? I'm keeping everything crossed for a BFP x

Val big unmumsnetty hugs for you x

Tame how are you doing? Thinking of you.

Stars not long now, I thought we were cycling at the same time too?!

I'm on day 6 stimms, just waiting for my bloods. First scan is thurs. I'm feeling the same dread as last time. What if I don't respond, how many follicles do I have etc.... God help me in the 2ww!

starsandmoonandback Tue 13-May-14 10:03:09

Hi Cups smile wow you're half way through Stimms already. They've upped your drugs haven't they so that should helpfully help those follies to grow grin

Weirdly I think subconsciously I've not booked my apt or scratch yet for a reason. But I'm not sure quite what it is! Maybe I'm scared of having to get to the 'end' of this journey. hmm

starsandmoonandback Tue 13-May-14 10:03:30

Ps. Cups. Good luck for thurs. I'll be thinking of you x

BeetlingAbout Tue 13-May-14 12:38:14

Res, there is nothing really to help with the worry and despair, but i just want you to know that I am thinking of you, and I hope that these doubts are just the emotional roller coaster. If you are testing today I am keeping everything crossed for a good result.

Vall, the chance of things going well are much higher than the chance of things going wrong. I know it doesn't stop the anxiety though - hang in there.

Stars, there is no rush to start your next cycle. Just go for it when you feel good and ready, especially due to the pressure you are feeling.

Cups, day 6 of stimms already! Exciting and nervous times. Do you have any idea when egg collection might be based your previous cycle(s)? Hoping that everything is going to be fine with your bloods and scan.

Tame, thinking of you. x

How are you getting on Turq, Green, Cheap and Jodie?

It's been hailing (!) here, so i have had to scrape together lunch from the cupboard. Lentil, carrot, tomato and coconut milk soup with some indian spices - it's edible!! Stitch tomorrow...crapping myself. Thinking i ought to tame the lady forest i'm currently sporting if he has any hope of finding where to put the bloody thing...ugh...

starsandmoonandback Tue 13-May-14 12:47:13

Beetle. You made me giggle! I'm sure they'll find where to stitch in amongst your lady forest wink lol!! Sorry you're a bit anxious about it. It's understandable tho. Hope all is going well though?

Thanks for your kind words about me and my cycle. I have a scared feeling my frostie may not even defrost and not sure how I'll cope with that disappointment either... Arghhhh!

BeetlingAbout Tue 13-May-14 13:28:04

Stars, at my clinic the defrost success rate was in the 90%'s...i think there is a really high chance of everything going well in that respect, but as we all know, if there is something that can be worried about - we will find it!

Everything is OK so far. I'm still getting brown sludge and it will be four weeks on thursday since my big red bleed. I just hope it doesn't delay the surgery.

I think it is the thought of the spinal block that is freaking me out at the moment...does anyone have any experience?

starsandmoonandback Tue 13-May-14 13:38:13

Beetle, thanks. Hopefully I'll be in the defrosting percentage grin I've only got the one!

Have they said where the brown sludge is coming from? What exactly it is? It must be a worry. A friend of mine bled throughout pregnancy monthly and was in and out of hospital. They could never really say why, but she had a healthy 5 year old at school now! It is apparently more common than we realise, but as we also know after Infertility the journey of pregnancy in itself is full of anxiety, even if it's straightforward!

Is a spinal block the same as an epidural?

cheapredwine Tue 13-May-14 13:44:53

Popping by to say hello! Am mainly just lurking ATM and randomly reading instadiffer threads Ugh, is it just me or do some folks need a bit of a slap when they are on cycle two and STILL NOT DIFFED. Hey ho, maybe I would have been like it years ago, who knows not bloody likely I hope

Trying to get my head around everything TBH. And also paranoid about posting much in case am somehow identified (insane I know).

resipsa Tue 13-May-14 14:12:43

Beetle - I had a spinal block for the removal of a retained placenta after DD's delivery. I had a post partum haemorhage so wasn't really with it but the procedure was painless and I didn't feel the nice young male doctor sticking his whole forearm up me to get it out blush. My job involves defending medical negligence claims and so I know far too much about what can go wrong but I had no problems at all. All the sensations/feelings returned after a few hours and I've had no problems since which might be related. Don't fret, it'll be fine.

resipsa Tue 13-May-14 14:16:20

Stars - don't you fret either. I was convinced our frosties wouldn't thaw and remember the embryologist breezing it and telling me they both thawed fine with 100% cell recovery - I was almost disappointed not to have that bit to worry about!

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Tue 13-May-14 17:52:07

Beetle good luck for tomorrow. I have no personal experience of spinals but have seen it done lots at work. If it's any reassurance all the ones I have seen have been straight forward and the patients have said it wasn't as bad as they thought it would be thanks

Hi Res, how are you doing?

Stars those sound like pretty good odds on embies defrosting. I know it's impossible not to worry but I'm sure it will be ok. I can understand you not wanting to rush into it if this is going to be your last go. Do it when you feel ready x

Well no need to worry about lack of response as I've over responded shock my estrogen has come back at 2850 so I'm reducing the menopur from 225 to 187.5 tonight. So I'm now mentalling about OHSS etc. I can't win. I'm going to be driving myself crazy regardless of blood/scan results. Last time I only stimmed for 9 days so I may not have much longer to go unless I need to coast for a bit.

I'm feeling achey and bloated, I can't be bothered to do anything.

resipsa Tue 13-May-14 18:59:53

Hi Cups. 'Can't be bothered to do anything' - sounds like the perfect cycle! ET looking likely for next week, then. Eek!

AFM, resigned to BFN but still can't bring myself to confirm it...

starsandmoonandback Tue 13-May-14 19:26:16

Cups! Blimey! Did they scan you and count follies too? At least tweaking the drugs now can make a difference hun. EC pretty soon then?!

Res, why resigned yourself? Is it self preservation mode you've gone into? So hope you're wrong smile

I'll try not to fret (not doing a good job of it at the moment tho!) I just don't want my journey to end yet.

Feeling utterly rubbish today. Felt a bit better yday but this morning woke up feeling awful and haven't improved all day. Just put DS to bed and I'm getting in bed myself. hmm

Beetle. Take care tomorrow. I'm sure it will be ok. envy

resipsa Tue 13-May-14 19:32:36

Stars, seriously, they didn't even really discuss the prospect of non-survival with us (other than in passing along with all those other risks which I sort-of-dismissed). I think thaw rates are so good now that if the embies have got to freeze, they do well the other side. Why not get your scratch booked? Go on, you know you want to...

resipsa Tue 13-May-14 19:35:17

Cheap - we won't out you, promise!

starsandmoonandback Tue 13-May-14 21:02:26

Res. I will book scratch tomorrow! You've spurred me on!

Cheap, say what you like on here. We don't care and I'm sure you don't out yourself at all! People banging on how about how bloody easy it is to get pregnant or how they've been TTC for 2 months need a slap! wink really annoying. I stay away from those threads!

cheapredwine Tue 13-May-14 21:37:25

cups I overstimmed massively this month on Clomid (100mg) which I was put on by my local hospital consultant gynae, but has caused, ummm, a few "raised eyebrows" at IVF clinic (different hosp). I was apparently ovulating anyway, and hadn't been scanned in either last month's Clomid cycle or this one. Turns out I have managed to create an unheard of (well at least according to IVF doc) 6 mature follies. Cue strict instructions not to DTD for next week or so "as you could have 6 eggs fertilized, or more...") Bloody ironic! <hollow laugh, sobs quietly>

Oh well, hopefully it bodes well for next week...

<retreats back to lurkdom awaiting being outed by family, friends, neighbours and random folk in Tesco...>

cheapredwine Tue 13-May-14 21:42:02

Cheers stars and res. It's weird, it's not that I get embarrassed about things, I am just a worrier I guess... <puts on big girl pants and practices brave face>

starsandmoonandback Tue 13-May-14 21:49:00

Cheap...join our club of worriers! How can we not worry amongst all this stuff!?!

Turquoisetamborine Wed 14-May-14 06:40:37

Unlurking to say Hi Res and still crossing fingers and toes for you. Hello Cups, Beetle and everyone else.

I'm still waiting for my period to come back after my failed cycle. About 40 days now. How long did yours take?

resipsa Wed 14-May-14 07:37:00

Hi Turq. Mine was 42 days! I was going MAD. Clinic said to get in touch only if I went more than 8 weeks...

cheapredwine Wed 14-May-14 19:54:07

150 mile round trip for SA today. And that hosp isn't as far as the IVF one. Good thing I like driving I guess... grin
<pours a glass of my namesake>

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Wed 14-May-14 19:54:32

Cheap shock at 6 follies on clomid. It cracks me up every time my clinic tells me not to dtd. Ive not got pg naturally in the 5 years I've been trying to conceive so I'm hardly going to worry about that.

Turq my AF after IVF was 42 days as well, fingers crossed she turns up soon.

Well it's day 7 and there is definitely a lot going on in there! My left side aches every time I take a step so I'm guessing I must have the most follicles on that side. I feel massive, I've got lots of cm and my boobs are killing me. I didn't get sore boobs last time during stimming but Dr Google informs me that some people do if their oestrogen is high. First scan tomorrow so fingers crossed.

Res any thoughts on when you will test? Any symptoms?

Stars did you get your scratch booked?

starsandmoonandback Wed 14-May-14 21:17:58

Oops! shock Forgot to call again.

justjodie92 Thu 15-May-14 08:08:21

Morning everyone.

Thank you for asking after me Beetling - I'm 5 dpt, I don't have any symptoms or anything so I'm worried it hasn't worked. I know I should be more positive but it's hard!

Res I hope that when you test, you get your BFP.

Have a good day everyone

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 15-May-14 10:42:41

Jodie I found the tww the hardest part. Keep as busy as you can thanks

Well I'm feeling like crap. I went from being really bloated and achey to feeling back to normal so I was panicking before my scan. I've got two really big follicles at 20mm which I'm going to lose. 5 more that are heading towards 10mm and lots of tiny ones. The radiographer seemed a bit worried. I've no idea if I should be worried or not. The nurse I saw didn't really answer any of my questions. I kept saying how worried I am but she didn't reassure me. They are calling me with the blood results later and I'm booked in for a scan on Monday. Anyone remember how many follicles they had on day 8?

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 15-May-14 10:43:20

Oops I mean a scan on Saturday

Turquoisetamborine Thu 15-May-14 11:42:24

Why are you going to lose those two big ones cups? As you know mine were shit. Had three around 10mm at day 8.

resipsa Thu 15-May-14 12:12:29

Stars - naughty! Get it booked, woman!

Jodie - I feel for you. It's hideous

I'm still in limbo land. I know it's BFN but I just can't bring myself to draw a line because it is probably a forever line. We've no more money and I'm 43. When I dropped DD at nursery today and we were chatting about a friend's baby, she turned her little face to me full of excitement and said 'we're going to have a real baby soon, aren't we?'. I held it in until she was safely inside then howled in the car sad.

You'll all say how can you know until you test but I have been P 3 times and although you hear the 'every P is different mantra', some things are always the same and they are not present.

In my mind churning, I wonder if I experienced the same as Tame because things 'changed' last Weds when I was 7dpt - I felt pregnant, got sore breasts and bad skin after being on progesterone for nearly 2 weeks so they can't just have been changes linked to it - then I had that small bleed the next day. I think something was lost then.

I'll have to do it this weekend but with 2 children's parties to attend, neither day is a 'good' day.

Let me go and dissolve in self-pity...

resipsa Thu 15-May-14 12:14:12

Cups - sorry that it's causing you anxiety and sorry but I never asked about follicle growth. In my naivety I just assumed all was well unless they said otherwise. Yes, why will you lose the big two?

resipsa Thu 15-May-14 12:15:47

Cheap - that mileage = commitment to the cause. We only live 8 miles from our clinic and it's close enough to work for me to go over lunch. It must be extra tough to factor in travel time.

Turquoisetamborine Thu 15-May-14 13:10:36

Res, I would just test now then you'll know for sure. That's the extra pain of secondary infertility that you still have to do kids stuff like parties. I know you don't want to see that BFN.

I've now had a 20 week scan picture text to me from my SIL of a bouncing baby boy so they'll have one of each. How nice for them. Never mind that it makes me feel like dying.

nobeer Thu 15-May-14 13:22:22

Oh res, I just want to give you a hug. Have a good cry, you need it. But I think I'd test anyway just so you know for sure.

resipsa Thu 15-May-14 16:30:21

I'm so stupid, I know.

Just read the post-IVF thread started by Beetle. I so want to join sad.

starsandmoonandback Thu 15-May-14 17:43:46

Oh res hun. I know that feeling of just knowing...I really do. But...I have seen/heard of so many people who felt the same and were wrong. Unless you test you just won't know for sure and you're killing yourself not knowing. Sometimes life surprises is.... envy

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 15-May-14 18:31:51

Oh Res i just want to give you a hug too. It's so hard isn't it. You test whenever you feel ready. I really hope you are wrong. I've only been pregnant once and I really thought my test was going to be negative. I've heard a lot of people say that they have felt different with each pregnancy so I really hope that's the case with you x

Turq hugs for you too, I hate seeing other peoples scan photos (well instadiffers in particular). I have 8 nephews, 6 of them conceived whole we have been ttc and it really bloody hurts. I love all of them but it makes me ache for what I don't have.

Apparently if you have a couple of lead follies a good few days before trigger you tend to 'lose' them. I don't know if they disappear but the doctor I've spoken to says they are too mature and the eggs from those follies would not fertilise. A similar thing happened on my last cycle. Well Res I think you probably have the best idea, ignorance is bliss as they say. If I do this again maybe I shouldn't ask about the follicles. I've heard from the clinic, the doctor said he would have hoped for more follies at this stage and he thinks I needed a lower dose of menopur to start with. He is still hoping for 6 mature eggs. I feel a bit better now and I've just had acupuncture which has helped. I'm trying to keep positive.

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 15-May-14 18:33:04

Ps I really want to join the post IVF thread too!

starsandmoonandback Thu 15-May-14 19:14:01

Cups hun. I think I've always lost the top few follicles. There always se to be some that grow first and then a group that grow together. Can't they keep stimming you for a bit longer for the group of smaller ones to grow? On my short protocol with my consultant had me take a tablet (forgotten name, will check, only if I need to tell you for future - hope I don't) before starting Stimms ( think from day 15 of previous cycle) which is meant to make your follies grow at a similar rate. It definitely worked! But, hopefully you don't need to know as this cycle will be successful. Xx

Jodie, are you 5dpo or 5days past transfer? Hope you're doing ok.

Turq, how are you hun?

Nobeer...where are you, sorry for having a memory like a goldfish!!

Hi to everyone I've not mentioned. Xx

Turquoisetamborine Thu 15-May-14 20:38:01

Hello Stars try and think of what that drug was called. It sounds useful!

I'm feeling a bit better. Had a few glasses of wine and a takeaway with my mam and brother. And tomorrow is my day off.

Anyone else just feel like they are in limbo though? I can't fully enjoy my mostly lovely life without another baby. I wish I could be hypnotised into being happy with one.

Not long til my next cycle next month. Then there will be no wine allowed.

Res, have you decided what you're going to do about testing?

Cups, when do you get scanned again to check your follies?

justjodie92 Thu 15-May-14 22:30:02

Stars I'm 5 days past transfer. They put a 5 day blastocyst in on Saturday.

It's a nerve wracking business to be in!

nobeer Thu 15-May-14 22:44:59

stars I'm 9 weeks 3 days! But still lurking here (and hopefully offering helpful support) cos I love you all. I want you all to come over to Beetle's thread too. I really hope you can be there soon res, I've still got everything crossed for you. And you're not stupid.

Bearfacedchic Thu 15-May-14 23:16:13

Hello, can I join? I shamelessly followed nocupcakes and turquoise here. Been Ttc since August 2011 and just completed our first failed cycle with no eggs collected. Other half has slightly lower than normal sperm count and morphology, but has a varicocele so we were referred back in October 2012. Wondered if I could hang out here for a while with other lovely IVFers?

Turquoise- I know what you mean about the scans. I got a card this am from friends who got married in December telling us baby is due in Nov. At first I welled up, then I felt meh, then I felt really bloody angry at how unfair it all is. God, I need some counselling!

Good luck to everyone on a cycle at the mo. Cheering you on!

starsandmoonandback Fri 16-May-14 00:28:42

Hello bear! No and me in comIng over here grin

Turq, i think, it's Norethisterone X

starsandmoonandback Fri 16-May-14 00:29:36

Nobeer Woweee! That's so exciting. Have you got your 13 week scan booked yet then? Xx

starsandmoonandback Fri 16-May-14 00:30:07

Wtf? 13week?? I tried to write 12!!!

nobeer Fri 16-May-14 07:21:29

Yes stars, in about 2.5 weeks. Nervous, in spite of reassuring gagging/vomitting.

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Fri 16-May-14 09:07:36

Stars thanks for that info, if this cycle doesn't work I will ask about it as I got lots of immature eggs last time due to my follies being a wind range of sizes.

Nobeer wow exciting stuff, I can imagine how nervous you are but I'm sure it will be ok. You've got lots of promising symptoms smile

Bear hello and welcome, I've just sent a reply on your thread before I realised you had come over here grin

Turq I'm back on Saturday for scan and bloods.

Bearfacedchic Fri 16-May-14 17:46:05

Hello! So glad it's Friday. Good luck with the scan nobeer.

Bearfacedchic Fri 16-May-14 21:38:26

Hello, just wondering how long it takes everyone to get over EC? I know everyone is different, but just wondered. I'm still aware of it, IYSWIM, but I only get the occasional twinge. It doesn't really hurt though. Hoping it will go soon.

Ridiculous moment of today was when I was watching Coast Australia with OH and they were harvesting pearls and they showed the biggest one in the world which was 22mm and I announced it was the size of my biggest follie. It looked pretty big on screen! Oh well . . .

starsandmoonandback Sat 17-May-14 00:27:35

Omg. Bear that's mad! That pearl was huge. No wonder we feel so bloated! If we've got a few if those on each side...shockshockshock

Ec can take a while to recover from. As long as you're not in pain, then I think you should be ok. smile

justjodie92 Sat 17-May-14 07:04:25

Hi Bear.
I hope you are feeling okay from the EC.
I had my EC on the Monday, it was the Thursday/Friday before I felt completely fine again. I found it really quite sore for those days.

Hope everyone is okay

vallinnapod Sat 17-May-14 07:52:49

Welcome Jodie, Bear and Cheap!

Mainly de-lurking to give Res a huge squeeze and say I am, and have been, thinking of you lots.

I have had 3 ECs. The first was absolutely fine, in fact I went running between it and ET (3dt), which makes me a bit shock now! I was boarder line OHSS too...My second one took a lot longer. A week or so, maybe more. Extremely bloated and uncomfy. In fact they were very concerned about OHSS but despite looking 6 months pregnant there was no free fluid! The third on was somewhere between the two. I wasn't going out running but I didn't feel and look quite so horrendous. I think I get quite bloated, gassy and constipated from the pain relief suppositories they give you blush

I am still really anxious hmm Been really crampy the last few days hmm

nobeer Sat 17-May-14 08:23:12

Hi Bear. I had borderline OHSS (22 eggs collected iirc!) too and it took me a good 10 days or so to recover. Drink plenty of water and take it easy. I was very constipated too, one of the amazing egg buddies told me to drink a teaspoon of bicarb in a glass of water which did the trick.

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Sat 17-May-14 13:37:49

I also took about 4-5 days to recover from EC. Bloating was my main problem. Keep drinking plenty of water.

Well I've got 6 follies at 20mm and 4 at 16 mm so I'll be triggering tonight at 11pm. EC will be Monday. Can't wait for a little fucker free day tomorrow.

Val when is your scan? ((Hugs))

Res and Tame thinking of you x

starsandmoonandback Sat 17-May-14 15:33:32

Cups, woohoo. Enjoy your fucker free day. You deserve it smile sounds like you've got a good number of follies the right size grin wishing you lots of luck lovely.

Res, how are you doing hun? When is you OTD? I know you want to never test tho so hope you're doing ok.

Nobeer, not long til your scan then. Exciting stuff.

Tame, how are you?

Val, hope you're doing ok-ish?!

Beetle, I hope your stitch went well. Pop back and let is know all is ok when you can.

Jodie, how's your 2ww going?

Turq, how you doing hun?

Bear, how are you?

I've still not booked my scratch. Dunno what I'm playing at. I'm on day 16 or 17 of my cycle, wonder if too late. I MUST call Monday morning. I MUST. I don't want to cycle the following month as it coincides with my DS's bday and I don't want it to overshadow that. Then it's summer hols, so it's either next month or September! And I'll be 42 in September shockshockshock

vallinnapod Sat 17-May-14 19:52:22

Stars must be the old age making you forget winkgrin

Cups got it all crossed for you for Monday!! I wish I had a fucker free day hmm my arse is finally numbing up to the Gestone, which is more painful than pleasant. At least I am bruising less with Clexane!

Scan on Tuesday, if I am not in the nut house by then...

starsandmoonandback Sat 17-May-14 20:18:29

Val! You cheeky thing wink but I think you're right! smile

Good luck for scan hun. Exciting.
Remember, cramping is normal as your uterus stretches. Xx

vallinnapod Sat 17-May-14 20:46:41

gringringrin

My scratch was hideous this time. Not painful, just uncomfy but I kept passing huge clots with my period. It freaked me out enough to call the clinic. Still...we know where I ended up so the 'clear out' must have done me good.

starsandmoonandback Sat 17-May-14 21:08:06

Ooh interesting Val. The scratch is meant to cause a release if hormones/chemicals or something which is an aid to implantation apparently! My scratch was a bloody awful experience. Although the actual scratch but was fine. But they couldn't find my cervix first off then couldn't get the catheter through it. I have never had that problem before then and is had 6 transfers up to that point!!! Bit nervous about it probably.
X

vallinnapod Sat 17-May-14 22:18:25

Sounds very like mine! In fact I thought the clots may have been my poor cervix. After one attempt she deemed my uterus 'mobile' and had to clamp my cervix shock

This was my second scratch and I had previously had 3 ETs so maybe it was just trying to leave the building!

justjodie92 Sat 17-May-14 22:29:19

Hi stars and everyone,

2WW is passing slowly!!! 5 days to go!

What's a scratch??

starsandmoonandback Sun 18-May-14 07:40:34

Val, you made me giggle! I reckon our poor cervix's were having a protest!!!

Jodie, it's like a smear in a way but they remove/scratch some of your womb lining away, the cycle before transfer. Last bit of 2ww is sooo mental and slow, I feel for you. How many dpt are you now?

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Sun 18-May-14 08:00:00

Good luck for Tuesday Val, those Gestone injections sound like right evil bastards. Is that instead of progesterone? I better not complain about the bum bullets then. grin At your over active cervix!

Stars get that scratch booked missy!

I had my scratch under GA as they did a scope as well and woke up in agony and was given morphine blush It was so embarrassing the anaesthetist kept saying she had never had to give so much pain relief for that procedure. I don't think I have a low pain threshold so maybe I've just got super sensitive lady bits!

Jodie how many dpt is your OTD? My clinic makes you wait 16-18 days even after a 5dt which is ridiculous. I tested at 11dp3dt last time and I was going crazy for a good week before that.

Trigger done, can't believe I've got a fucker free day woo!

justjodie92 Sun 18-May-14 12:58:19

I'm 8 days past transfer now. Clinic want me to test on Thursday so that will have been 12 days after transfer.

I didn't have a scratch done. Doesn't sound too pleasant though!

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 06:48:28

<sheepish>

Hello all.

Well, you were right and I was wrong (which are not words I write or speak often!).

It's a BFP here, even with the notoriously crappy cassette tests which my clinic provides.

5 weeks 3 days. And counting. Breathe...
grin

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 06:49:33

Cups - wishing you a smooth EC today. You're nearly there.

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 06:51:46

Jodie - how're you doing? Hope you retain the plot better than me.

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 06:54:03

Stars - so, when have you booked that scratch for, my dear? wink

Go on, let me spur you on!

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 06:55:35

Val - in case I get side-tracked later, will be thinking of you at scan tomorrow if they let you out to attend...

Turquoisetamborine Mon 19-May-14 07:07:20

Aaaarrrrrhhggghjjj! Cups !!! We were all worried. I'm fucking over the moon for you. Fantastic!!

Turquoisetamborine Mon 19-May-14 07:08:32

Did you have a scratch Res?

Val hoping your scan goes well. Let us know.

Turquoisetamborine Mon 19-May-14 07:09:19

Sorry res not cups!!

Bearsandhoney Mon 19-May-14 07:11:06

Res, smilesmilesmilesmilesmile so happy for you!!!!! (and delighted that on this occasion you were wrong). It just goes to prove that you never really know until you test and shows what a roller coaster ride this truly is. Congratulations on your BFP (well deserved and thoroughly worked hard for). Wishing up a very smooth and worry free pregnancy <as if it will be worry free!wink>.

I've not been on for a little while, only cos life seems to have taken over a bit. Sorry! I need to catch up properly so ill be back on later. Love to all the fabulous egg buddies. You're amazing! Xxx

Bearsandhoney Mon 19-May-14 07:12:49

Cups: good luck with egg collection today my dear. Hope there are lots of great quality eggs for you. Xx

Bearsandhoney Mon 19-May-14 07:13:59

Stars. Book. Your. Scratch!

I had mine on day 3, and had the cycle so its not too late. Xx

nobeer Mon 19-May-14 07:21:39

OH MY GOD RES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smile smile smile smile smile

I knew it! I am soooo glad you were wrong! I am really happy for you and Mr Res (but especially you) thanks

starsandmoonandback Mon 19-May-14 08:23:53

RES, I had a feeling smile but you were so sure it hadn't worked. So so so pleased for you lovely. Woohoo!!!

Cups, good luck today hun. Hope you get some good eggs, especially 'the one'!! wink

Everyone else...hellooooooosmile

I will ring my clinic today!!!!

vallinnapod Mon 19-May-14 09:00:04

Wooohooooo Res!!!!! This process turns you into a complete nutter. Huge hugs!

Cups everything crossed for today.

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 09:51:17

Turq - my earlier meassge to you didn't post - don't know why.

How're you doing? The SIL's pregnancy is so badly timed but once it's out (the baby, I mean), I hope that it'll be easier for you to be with her.

And to answer your question below, nope, no scratch for me. The retained placenta pull-out and the next year's ERPC were enough for me - no one else is getting in there for a while (esp DH).

cheapredwine Mon 19-May-14 10:38:49

Res Fabulous news, bloody well done you!

cheapredwine Mon 19-May-14 10:40:03

Cups good luck today, got everything crossed for you

Hangingwiththeraisingirls Mon 19-May-14 10:44:18

Congratulations res! Am I right in thinking you had two put back after a FET so could be twins??

Xxx (Onelittlebugbear) have been lurking for a while!

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 10:47:35

One/hanging - you are right but I am not thinking about that possibility presently (and beginning to regret my joy at winding up DH about the prospect after he failed to accompany me to ET)!

How are you? Going for it again? You know my view - JUST DO IT!

cheapredwine Mon 19-May-14 10:49:05

Am currently 12dpo and due to ring clinic as soon as I come on (should be late Weds I reckon). Stupid of me, but I can't help wondering what if... (was on 100mg Clomid, had ridiculous response with 6 mature follies which consultant reckoned were possibly all viable eggs). Pretty certain I ovulated overnight the day after seeing consultant. We'd DTD 48ish hours earlier, though haven't since (was very strongly advised not to). I know in my heart I am probably just symptom spotting things which aren't anything: first time ever my boobs don't hurt pre-AF (body effing with my head for no reason), terribly emotional (but friend has just had a baby) and funny tummy (I blame DH's roast lamb for this one TBH...). Not to mention it would save a helluva lot of diesal grin. Ah well. We'll see I guess.

starsandmoonandback Mon 19-May-14 10:53:46

I'm all annoyed with myself now confused have left it too late to get a scratch this cycle and need a fresh clamydia test result too. Next month won't work as transfer/results will be around D's birthday which I don't want as it could potentially destroy me hmm The month after would be mid August and we'll be on holiday, so wouldn't be able to have scratch until September for October transfer! Seems too far away. And I'm kicking myself for being an idiot and procrastinating over it allblush

Hangingwiththeraisingirls Mon 19-May-14 10:56:03

Argh!

I will probably carry on lurking and willing you all on. God knows if anyone deserves success it's the women on this thread!

Xxx

Hangingwiththeraisingirls Mon 19-May-14 11:01:15

Double argh!
My phone is having a breakdown! I thought there was a message id posted before the previous one but it's disappeared!

I had written that basically ive decided against another cycle. It won't work and it's a waste of £7k. I'm absolutely positive I won't ever be pregnant again. It feels like karma for having Pnd and really struggling when ds was born. I half think something will happen to ds. Someone for sure has decided I don't deserve any more children and I'm just trying to reconcile myself to that being it. I know I probably won't ever be properly happy but I guess that's just how it is.

I'm looking for a job instead but aiming low and applying for everything as after stopping at home for 4 years I am probably basically unemployable. I've been volunteering three days a week but it seems to count for nothing in the real working world.
Not great, infertile and unemployable. I do lie awake at night thinking how lovely it would be to not wake up in the morning. Sigh.

Off now to go and clean my house - my kitchen in particular is not in a good way!

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 11:10:42

One - I don't like the sound of all that. Are you getting any help (of the conselling variety, not for housework)?

I'm sorry to read that you are not going to put yurself through another round and understand why but (i) I truly hope that you will be happy, for a long time and get to that state soon and (ii) you know it's rubbish that you are being punished for PND. I had it too and have to say that the propspect of enjoying the first two months' of A N Baby's life has been a driving force as I was a mess after DD was born. It was not your fault that you were unlucky with it, just like me.

Hangingwiththeraisingirls Mon 19-May-14 11:22:36

I think that's a lot of it with me Res - I want to try again because I feel like I missed out with ds and personally feel like I got it all wrong.

I hate that he won't have a sibling. I feel like I've failed him, again, after already failing him those first few months. I haven't had any counselling because I don't think it will help. I've just got to accept it is how it is I guess. I am lucky to have ds and I do know that. It's a double edged sword though because it means irl no one has any sympathy - you've already got one be grateful seems to be the mantra of everyone I know. Even through they all have at least two children themselves.

I'm worn out with thinking about it and mulling it over and the injustice of it all. I do need to try and move past it and hopefully if I find some work it will give me something else to concentrate on. At the moment I'm just a drain on my dh - not bringing in any money, ds at school most of the day, can't even have a baby. Basically I add nothing. So I need to do something so that I'm not so useless.

starsandmoonandback Mon 19-May-14 11:36:18

One, hun. Sorry you've decided not to cycle again. It must have been a hard decision to make. I understand the feeling of not deserving things, another baby included, but that is related to depression and low self esteem with me, rather than it being the truth. You deserve to have another chance to enjoy a second baby. Any type of depression, especially PND is awful and totally unfortunate. Often affecting people that really don't deserve it.

Also, Res was soooo SURE she wasn't pregnant, wasn't getting a bfp.....and look where she is now smile. We never really know unless we try.

I am completely daunted by the prospect of trying to get a job when DS goes to school. I'm a primary teacher, but everything has changed since I last worked. And it doesn't seem like teaching a great place to be at the moment! Who the hell is going to employ me?! I only have a few years experience but haven't worked for 4/5 year! Argh! I'm keeping my head firmly in the sand until I get closer to the reality!!!

Hangingwiththeraisingirls Mon 19-May-14 11:40:52

I'm a primary teacher too but I'm not applying for teaching positions - mainly support ones.
I've also applied to a few other things that are completely random. Basically anything that kind of fits in with ds's school hours. I want to go back to work but I also don't want to miss out on ds whilst he's still small, especially as it will be just him.

Dh says I can't 'know' that it would never work, but I do. I don't exactly believe in woo type stuff but I do think you should trust your instincts. I was certain immediately after having ds , despite thankfully having no problems the first time round, that I wouldn't be able to have any more babies and with each new piece of information (crap sperm, crap eggs) it seems more and more like my feeling is right.

Hangingwiththeraisingirls Mon 19-May-14 11:45:54

Sully dh is making me feel worse atm. He keeps going on about me being a "lady of leisure" and telling me how easy I have it.

It's not by choice! The only reason I didn't apply for stuff sooner was because I knew we would be having treatment and starting a new job didnt seem the best time to be asking for time off for Ivf appointments. I was scanned nearly every day last time and they keep a close eye on me because of the type 1 diabetes.

Now I've decided not to go ahead in June Im applying as much as a can and still carrying on volunterring which I've done since October anyway. Ds wasn't full time until after christmas either. But every time dh goes on about "what have you done all day?" "It's alright for some" etc etc it makes me feel that bit worse. I would like to run away and leave everything behind me at the moment.

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 12:27:30

Hanging - your DH isn't the most supportive, is he? I remember your last cycle. Does he realise how you feel? I suspect not cause if he did then he wouldn't be so bloody insensitive.

You sound so down that I wisj we could meet for a drink cause I know you'd be a good laugh if we could let this TTC business go for a while!

twinklestar2 Mon 19-May-14 12:43:19

Just delurking to say congrats to Res! So chuffed for you mate x

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Mon 19-May-14 13:09:30

Res I'm so chuffed about your BFP, well done for testing xxx

One I've got a lots of things I want to say to you. You are definitely not worthless, I'm sure you contribute so much to your family regardless of finances. You have not let your DS down by having PND, it is a medical condition that you had no control over and you deserve to have another child as much as anyone does. I wish I could be more eloquent but I'm still drowsy from EC. Big unmumsnetty hugs.

I'm back home, I got 7 eggs. I'm keeping everything crossed they are mature and fertilise. I know 7 is a good number but I'm quite worried as I got 17 last time and only had 6 by day 1. I'm off for a well deserved snooze.

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 13:28:06

Cups, 7 sounds great to me. At Care they say 6-13 is ideal so you're in their bracket - congrats! - and I wonder if the big haul last time adversely affected quality.

Fx for your call tomorrow and try not to stress (and I understand the irony there!). Yes, I'm the pot.

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 14:18:06

Hey Winkle, thanks for dropping by! Early days but you've gotta be happy, eh?

How are you doing? You're due early August, yes? Not long to go!

eurochick Mon 19-May-14 14:21:00

res!!! I can't believe you held out so long. I'm so pleased for you.

I'm cheering the rest of you on from the sidelines. smile

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 14:32:03

Hey Euro. We lawyers are patient people wink.

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 15:04:55

The fear has kicked in. Scared to go to the loo even though bladder bursting. Feels damp. Probably the pessaries, I know. In Dec, I got the BFP on 15th and started to bleed on 17th (hence holding out this time around until 18th as ET was on the same day in the calendar month). It was my gift for 2 days only and this time round I'm nearing the end of Day 1. Please, please don't let it all go wrong tomorrow (or at all).

eurochick Mon 19-May-14 15:07:40

I have knicker checked on every loo visit. For the past 25 weeks...

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 15:29:58

Oh Euro, that's going to be me!

mmegateaux Mon 19-May-14 18:24:11

Hello, can I join this thread? I'm on day 5 of down regulation. Already feeling a tad mental...

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 18:44:29

Hello gateaux. I'm monopolising today so it seems right that I should welcome you first!

Bunnygirlie Mon 19-May-14 19:21:17

Just popping in to see how you are all doing? Hoping you have had some more BFPs? x

justjodie92 Mon 19-May-14 20:29:42

Congratulations res! That's super news!
Did you feel pregnant before you tested or not really?
I feel like I should be 'feeling' more pregnant if it has worked!

justjodie92 Mon 19-May-14 20:30:05

Congratulations res! That's super news!
Did you feel pregnant before you tested or not really?
I feel like I should be 'feeling' more pregnant if it has worked!

justjodie92 Mon 19-May-14 20:30:42

Congratulations res! That's super news!
Did you feel pregnant before you tested or not really?
I feel like I should be 'feeling' more pregnant if it has worked!

nobeer Mon 19-May-14 20:36:41

res I'm a knicker checker too blush

One I hope you find some kind of peace with your decision. It's a tough choice you've had to make, but you have to do what's right for you. I also echo everything Cups said. Any kind of depression is a disease, a chemical imbalance. Your PND was in no way your fault. Hope your H finds his sympathy gland soon.

Cups well done on that haulage, a nice number. Take things easy and fingers crossed for ET!

Welcome gateaux

mmegateaux Mon 19-May-14 21:06:20

Thanks for the welcome. It's so encouraging to see there are some BFPs here!
This is my first IVF so I've lots to learn.

Turquoisetamborine Mon 19-May-14 21:14:58

Welcome Gateaux! Do you have a diagnosis? What's your infertility journey before you reached this point?

I'm 34, have a 6yr old gorgeous son who was conceived first month on clomid. Had my first failed ivf cycle in April and now looking for the next one in July hopefully at London Women's Clinic.

Turquoisetamborine Mon 19-May-14 21:18:10

One I can't get used to your name changes! I hope you can move on somehow. Please don think any of the pnd was your fault. You deserve to be happy. We will miss you so please hang around and cheer us on. I too would love to go for a drink with you (in fact all the egg buddies) and cheer you up xx

resipsa Mon 19-May-14 21:52:56

Jodie - I'm on so many drugs that I can't remember what normal feels like TBH. But I'd say that I felt pregnant about a week/10 days post ET then felt gradually less and less so until I forced myself to test yesterday. I genuinely thought it'd be negative. Just goes to show...

resipsa Tue 20-May-14 07:08:51

Oh no - blood this morning. Can't believe it might be the beginning of the end, again. Not enough to be a significant cause for concern yet but that's kinda what I said in December sad. So much for relax and enjoy.

How're you all today?

What news, Cups?

vallinnapod Tue 20-May-14 07:20:22

Oh Res please try not to worry says the Queen of Stress. When are your bHCGs?

Cups - got it all crossed for the call today x

resipsa Tue 20-May-14 08:08:33

Val - the clinic doesn't do bloods - just a HPT and then a scan 2 weeks later. Mine is on 2 June but if the bleeding continues then I will go in earlier as it was just too much a headfuck last time to wait for that long. Now scared to undertake Operation Pessary this morning. Of course.
Oh God, God, God - why me?

vallinnapod Tue 20-May-14 08:37:54

Backdoor for the cyclogest this morning? I know you know this but bleeding doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister.

Is it worth seeing if they will do an bHCG? Or if your GP will?

If it is any consolation I am in a complete state about my scan this morning to the point where I have considered cancelling it as I just can't bear for anything to have gone wrong. I too and a constant knicker checker and this week have been so crampy. Even now, sitting on the train feeling, umm, oozy blush, trying to work out what loo I can go and check it in.

Huge, huge hugs x

vallinnapod Tue 20-May-14 08:37:55

Backdoor for the cyclogest this morning? I know you know this but bleeding doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister.

Is it worth seeing if they will do an bHCG? Or if your GP will?

If it is any consolation I am in a complete state about my scan this morning to the point where I have considered cancelling it as I just can't bear for anything to have gone wrong. I too and a constant knicker checker and this week have been so crampy. Even now, sitting on the train feeling, umm, oozy blush, trying to work out what loo I can go and check it in.

Huge, huge hugs x

resipsa Tue 20-May-14 08:47:07

What time is it Val?