Donor IUI?

(204 Posts)
MinnieMooMoo Wed 09-Oct-13 15:12:27

Hello! Just looking for a group/quiche to join but not really sure where I fit it.

I'm intending to go it alone and have Donor Insemination by IUI starting in January providing my investigations all come back clear.

Any one else in the same boat, or has done it alone in the past?

mrswishywashy Wed 16-Oct-13 22:05:44

Not exactly in the same boat.

I'm in a same sex relationship and due to start first round of IUI at the London Women's Clinic in January with donor sperm.

We had initial consult and the blood tests and ovary scan. Have booked in our counselling session and I've will have a HyCoSy on next cycle.

We will buy sperm in December all ready for hopeful conception in Jan. I'm trying to stay positive and hope we will be the lucky ones that conceives on first go.

MinnieMooMoo Thu 17-Oct-13 09:21:06

Thanks for replying!

I too had though about London Women's Clinic but have decided to go with a clinic within an NHS hospital as it's a bit closer to home.

I've got my initial consultation next month and they suggested a start date of January too!

Fingers crossed for you smile

mrswishywashy Thu 17-Oct-13 12:55:38

Good luck on your treatment.

Since we are private (not getting any help from PCT as I'm already at age limit) we were able to cut about £300 ofF blood tests and smear as my GP was happy to do them. It's exciting and nerve wracking.

CynthiaRose Thu 17-Oct-13 20:10:39

I don't normally come in here, accidentally clicked on "conception" instead of "chat", then this thread caught by eye.

Anyway, I have done it and have gorgeous twins to show for it. Had it done at LWC too. So both feel free to ask anything if you want to know what it was/is like for me.

Reiltin Thu 17-Oct-13 20:18:50

I have a beautiful 4.5month old through IUI smilesmilesmile
Took three goes, which wasn't bad. Good luck with it all!!!

I am single and currently in my first 2 week wait after ivf (after a number of failed IUIs). I had my IVF abroad, as it was cheaper and I was a bit unhappy about my IUI experience at LWC (and at my first potential clinic- I have become very experienced at bad experiences at fertility clinics!!). I also got a lovely holiday into the bargain!

its nice to meet others in the same situation on mumsnet. Good luck Minnie and wishywashy on your cycles in January

CynthiaRose Thu 17-Oct-13 21:43:28

Good luck Sleeping! How far into the 2ww are you? Feeling okay?

I'm 9 days after a transfer of 3 day old embryos, so 12 days after ovulation. I was planning to test tomorrow but may chicken out and wait till Sunday. I've not felt bad at all, I felt better on the ivf drugs than on clomid. I have quite a few friends who have done donor iui or ivf, so have had people to talk about it with, but have definitely found it difficult to be going through it alone at points. Did you have IVF Cynthia?

CynthiaRose Thu 17-Oct-13 22:28:44

It's scary isn't it? I was always so impatient to test. If you can wait it's great, but I never could! How many embryos did you have put back?
I had IUI and was lucky enough that it worked on the 4th go. A lot less emotionally exhausting than IVF from what everyone says. Hopefully you will only need one go at it.

Can you keep us posted?

mrswishywashy Thu 17-Oct-13 22:58:09

Always good to hear success stories.

Cynthia - wow to twins on IUI. When they do the IUI do they check follicles on day of implantation? I'm worried that I won't get my ovulation right and will miss the chance. When I had my internal scan I had one 18mm follicle and some smaller ones which they said was slightly low for my age. Plus what ovulation sticks did you use? I'm not sure whether to get the cheap ones or the more expensive one? So many questions that have so many different answers.

mrswishywashy Thu 17-Oct-13 22:59:22

Plus anything that I should know specific to the LWC? I've heard that you pay for the treatment if the sperm has been prepared even if the cycle is cancelled so just hoping all goes smooth.

CynthiaRose Thu 17-Oct-13 23:32:49

Yep - I was terrified when I heard it was twins, but it is seriously the best thing ever. I am so happy.

Have you decided on medicated or non-medicated IUI? I had two rounds of non-medicated first (against their advice, but I had never tried to conceive before so thought I might just be lucky and v fertile, plus I was worried about "risk" of twins with medicated - hah!). If I remember rightly there was no scanning at all with that, just peed on the stick and called them the day I got the hormone surge, then went in the next day for insemination. I decided after 2 goes to stop doing this as it seemed so utterly random and I had no idea what was going on with my eggs.

Then I went to medicated cycles - I can't remember the exact times they scanned, but it was a lot more controlled and they knew exactly what was going on with the eggs, so don't worry about that. I think it was a few days into the cycle, they'd measure them and tell you to come back in x days, depending how big they were and would check again. When they were the right size they gave me an injection to stimulate the release of the eggs and then I went back in for treatment. I was still peeing on the sticks, but I think as they were the right size they simulated the egg release rather than waiting for it to happen or they would have got too big.

I used the ovulation sticks with the smiley faces, clearblue I think? I didn't want any room for getting a wrong reading, I figured if you're already paying that amount you don't want to bugger things up by getting something cheap that doesn't work.

Re LWC - it's hard to comment really, as I didn't visit any other clinics, so have no point of comparison. I guess they weren't particularly warm and fluffy, all very matter of fact. The receptionist was nice, but I didn't feel a lot of warmth from the others, not that it was a problem. For me the main thing was the attached sperm bank - I couldn't face the extra stress of having to get sperm delivered at the right time and stuff, you just chose the sperm and it was there when you needed it, no hassles. And also I could get there in 20 mins from work, so I just made up meetings and popped off there and back during the working day. That was more important than anything else really, as it made it do-able. And at the end of the day they made it work - so no complaints! I'm not sure about whether they charge you for the sperm, I think perhaps they do, but you'd have to ask them. I'm not sure why you'd have a cancelled cycle with IUI though, assuming that you know you can ovulate and they are monitoring you?

Sorry - mega post!

mrswishywashy Thu 17-Oct-13 23:47:49

Oh wow, thanks so much its actually really hard to read about others experiences of the LWC, I spend quite a few hours online researching.

Consultant recommended three cycles of unmedicated IUI before anything else. I kind of think have two goes and then try medicated as our pockets aren't lined with gold.

I'm going to get the clear blue sticks am thankful that I've got a couple of months to practice with it.

I have read about them been not warm and fuzzy which I discussed with my wife and we decided thats fine with us as long as they get the job done.

How old are your babies now?

CynthiaRose Thu 17-Oct-13 23:58:11

Yep definitely have a practice before, I did a few months of peeing on a stick before I started. My ovulation and cycles were all over the place, so I think that's why I felt unsure about the randomness of not being scanned and monitored during the unmedicated. Worth giving it a go though.

I think I maybe noticed how the staff were more than you would as I went to all my appointments alone and didn't have anything else to focus on, presumably you'll have your wife there for support, so it shouldn't matter. As you say, the main thing is the result!

Babies are just coming up for 18mths, they are brilliant fun.

Going to go to bed now, but will check this thread tomorrow - happy to chat through anything else you want.

mrswishywashy Fri 18-Oct-13 11:40:31

Thank you so much. I'm sure I've got more questions however I'm just at end of first week with new position and brain is full.

Frightchen Fri 18-Oct-13 12:12:52

Hi Minnie - I'll join your quiche!

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you; going it alone and using donor sperm. I've got the added potential-issue of PCOS which I've just been dx with, so that's fun, but I've been prescribed Metformin, which should kick start ovulation and there are so many success stories of ladies with PCOS who have managed to get pregnant, so I'm not hugely despondent.

Having looked into IUI and fertility clinics I'm not sure I could afford that as well as being able to afford to cover all the new baby things/start saving for childcare etc, so I've joined Pride Angels and will be looking for a donor on there, using their home insemination kits. Like you I'm looking to start things moving in January, even if that's just starting to communicate with potential donors.

MinnieMooMoo Fri 18-Oct-13 13:39:57

Oh wow! So many replies! It's great to hear from you all.

Frightchen When I first started thinking about it in 2010 I thought about using a donor at home, but I think I kept coming across unsavoury characters so have been saving up since then to go and do it privately! But welcome to the quiche! Do you mind me asking how old you are? I'm only 28 and people always say "but you might meet someone" but to be honest, I'm completely people intolerant, I'm much better off alone.

CynthiaRose Congratulations on your twins! Are you on your own with them? I will be having medicated IUI so there is a chance of multiples I think, but I think I'd have to give up work if I had twins!

Reiltin Congratulations on your newborn, three goes sounds promising, I'm budgeting for three goes!

SleepingDragon Fingers crossed for you!

I did try temping/ovulations sticks last year and I only caught one rise in temp and then I got bored of having to get up early to do my temp (better get used to it if I have a baby though!)

But the clinic which is within my NHS hospital suggested medicated any ways and said the medication is included in the price and it seemed on par with LWC anyways.

CynthiaRose Fri 18-Oct-13 15:36:01

Yep, on my own with them and it did indeed scupper my best laid financial plans. Even with a well paid management job I couldn't afford to go back to work and pay £2,000 a month nursery fees. We're muddling through at the moment.

Frightchen Fri 18-Oct-13 17:46:30

I tried online dating before deciding dating in general just wasn't for me, so I'm certain there'll be some super creepy people out there. The Pride Angels site makes you pay per message, so I'm hoping that'll weed out a few of the worse creeps. Plus I can be saving up whilst pursuing this route so a clinic could become more possible if I don't find someone genuine on the internet (which sounds all the more unlikely when written down!)

Are you me? I'm also 28 and people intolerant. So far my mother's been the worst in terms of 'don't write off the idea of meeting a nice young man and settling down' even though I've been telling her for years that I just don't see myself being happy/comfortable with that. She's getting used to the idea though, so far as to suggest I give up on looking for a donor and just go out clubbing and have my way with an eligible bachelor. (An idea I strongly refuted - there's no way on earth I would do that for oh so many reasons)

How much are you paying per IUI attempt? If you don't mind sharing, that is. It'd be really handy to have a ballpark figure in mind. Thanks!

CynthiaRose Fri 18-Oct-13 19:18:05

Ah yes, the joy of everyone telling you that the perfect man will come along, you just have to wait and see.

Camsie30 Fri 18-Oct-13 23:29:08

Hi @MinnieMooMoo I am in exactly the same boat as you! I just joined mumsnet today to try and find some others to share this experience with.

I am 36 and single, and can't wait any longer to be a mother. I had my first appointment today with my fertility doctor, and I was so nervous but he was amazing, put me totally at ease and we're starting the first tests next week! He thinks that if all is well with my eggs that I could have my first round of IUI in January! I've started looking at sperm donors, but don't want to have a UK donor so am looking at the European SB in Denmark and Xytex in the USA. Trying to work out my priorities and my doctor suggested that a counselling session might be a good idea with someone who has lots of experience in this field, so I'm going to take that advice.
I have made a promise to myself today that I am going to be positive. I am going to be optimistic. I am going to have a baby.

So excited!

CynthiaRose Sat 19-Oct-13 00:12:39

Good luck Camsie. I made the decision at 35 and had my babies at 36.

MinnieMooMoo Sat 19-Oct-13 13:45:29

Frightchen Ohh fingers crossed you find a nice donor then! As for going private, I think it's about £1,500 a go at the NHS Hospital I'm at, it's £217 for the initial consultation and there might be a fee for the counselling. But they said $600 plus $300 shipping for sperm (from Xytex in the USA) I'm sure the the co-ordinator I spoke to said it was about £1,100 a go but I'm budgeting for £1,500 just in case I misheard her! I'm budgeting for three goes I think initially, hopefully it'll work! But if I was ever so lucky to catch on the first go, they said I can freeze the other vials for siblings so that's good to know!

But she said it's cheaper to buy more sperm in one go so I might buy three vials as then it's $1,800 plus $300 compared to $900 every time I order sperm if you know what I mean? However, she also said if any NHS patients are buying sperm at the same time, I can put mine onto their order and get free shipping! So fingers crossed for that!

Where is every one in the country if they don't mind me asking? I know a few have mentioned LWC however there's a couple of clinics and my local was the Darlington one. I'm further north near Newcastle.

Hi Camsie, great to hear from another single mother by choice! I would have preferred an english donor but Americans seem to be mixed-breeds anyways that there's bound to be some british in there! wink

MinnieMooMoo Sat 19-Oct-13 14:39:02

Oh I meant to say, that I'm actually a name-changer as some people know my usual talk name in real life and it's not something I want the world to know quite yet! Hence my looking for like-minded folk to talk to about it smile

I am very happy to see this thread has taken off in the last few days. Hello everyone!

In terms of costs, I had my unmedicated cycles at stork clinic in Copenhagen. I can't recommendmend them highly enough, a really lovely clinic. It cost about £1000 per cycle including flights etc, unfortunalty my cycles chose that time to go haywire!

I then had medicated IUI at LWC. I can't recall thr exact price but think it was around £2200 including the sperm from London Sperm Bank. I found the service variable to be honest (but much better than the first London fertility clinic I went to).

I have now got sick of waiting for a BFP so have started IVF at the Copenhagen Fertility Centre. I paid about £3500 for a short IVF cycle including medication, sperm and freezing my extra embryos. I also paid for my flights, accommodation and 3 scans in the UK. I didn't love the clinic but they were cheap and didn't require me to visit until the day of the egg retrieval.

MinnieMooMoo Sat 19-Oct-13 18:02:42

I'm very glad it's taken off too... admittedly another reason I name-changed is that I thought I'd get flamed as one of my very first posts 5 years ago was along the same vein and I got completely flamed!

CynthiaRose Sat 19-Oct-13 19:18:10

Why on earth did you get flamed?

Hope this doesn't sound judgmental or patronising, but do think really hard about the type of donor. I don't know what the deal is with donors from the US or EU. Now that my babies are here and I look at their little faces I do feel quite guilty about the fact they're going to one day wonder why they haven't got a dad. I am glad that I am at least able to give them some info about him and tell them they can find him when they're older if they wish. I've got some stuff he's written about being happy to meet them and following their dreams etc and I think it might be quite important to them.

MinnieMooMoo Sat 19-Oct-13 20:17:20

Well 5 years ago I was only 22/23 so I think they thought I was too young and just wanted to play dollies hmm funny how I still haven't met any one and still want a child.

I do feel guilty about not having a dad there definitely, but I suppose I see a lot of feckless dads about too and think well least I'm saving my child from that.

But Xytex do offer a good profile alongwith access to contact information when the child is 18 years old and I think I can pay extra to get a more enhanced profile.

CynthiaRose Sat 19-Oct-13 21:37:01

Ah, I see. Did the response put you off doing it for a while?

mrswishywashy Sat 19-Oct-13 21:44:55

Is it alright if I'm here even though I have a partner we are same sex so definitely need IUI. I'm also on fertility friends but its so hard to keep up with it.

For LWC we paid £145 for initial consult, half price as I signed for it at alternative parents show. Unmediated IUI is going to cost £750 plus sperm of £850 from the London sperm bank. We have looked at choosing from overseas but it will work out the same cost as LWC charge for admin and storage.

We have started looking for sperm and are concentrating on similar looks with my partner and secondly similar looks of me. We then look at their education and will choose as high as possible. Then height is probably last. We really need to get on and book but it so hard.

We also will always make aware to our child that they are from a sperm donor and I will make a story book relating this. I do hope in future years the child can get more info about the donor. And we will make sure that there are plenty of positive male role models in their life.

In regards to sperm donors imported from overseas they all need to be identifiable which the clinics should advise on.

Roll on 2014 and hope we are all blessed with babies.

MinnieMooMoo Sat 19-Oct-13 21:55:27

I don't think it put me off, I just was in the middle of changing careers so thought I better put it off a while any way and then other things happened and it's only now I've got back into a serious frame of mind. However I don't think I'll ever be 100% ready, I just have to go ahead and do it I think.

Of course you're welcome mrswishywashy smile I am on fertility friends but I prefer the atmoshphere on MN if that makes sense (too many tickers and signatures on FF!)

It's scary and exciting at the same time though!

CynthiaRose Sat 19-Oct-13 21:56:51

Yeah, FF was all a bit much for me too.

CynthiaRose Sat 19-Oct-13 21:57:49

Mrswishwashy - if you don't mind me asking, how did you decide which of you would have the treatment?

mrswishywashy Sat 19-Oct-13 22:11:22

I have always wanted a baby and I worn with new borns in my job. My partner says that she loves children and will love our children as her own even though she won't be blood related. I don't remember ever discussing it and making a choice it's just our personalities mean I will be carrier. I have made it clear that if she ever wants to try then she can. She is also slightly older than me at 39, I'm 35.

We've been together 2.5 years and were married in August in New Zealand, our home country.

libertyflip Sun 20-Oct-13 09:01:28


Can I join?

I've just completed second (failed) cycle of natural IUI at London Women's Clinic. I haven't told anybody in RL so would be great to be part of an anonymous quiche.

I wasn't too worried when the first cycle didn't work, but found it really difficult this time. LWC recommended 3 cycles of natural but said I could try stimulated cycle earlier if I wanted which I think i will do.

Good luck to all of you, wishing us all healthy happy 2014 babies!

MinnieMooMoo Sun 20-Oct-13 09:24:54

Welcome liberty sorry it hasn't worked so far, fingers crossed for the next one!

CynthiaRose Sun 20-Oct-13 09:43:50

That's interesting Mrswishywashy, thanks for sharing! Hope it works for you.

Hi Liberty. Sounds similar to my situation, I gave up natural after 2 goes and have medicated, first one was a chemical pregnancy (I think), which made me feel better that it might be possible, then the next one was a success (so 4 goes in all). Think if I could go back I'd go with medicated straight away, but hindsight's a wonderful thing and all that..

TheMoonInJune Sun 20-Oct-13 10:59:07

I didn't have IUI but I am also using donated sperm and am 6 weeks pregnant with my first. smile

CynthiaRose Sun 20-Oct-13 11:15:09

Ooo fabulous, congrats! Are you single?

MinnieMooMoo Sun 20-Oct-13 12:52:39

Congratulations TheMoon !!

congratulations themoon- its great to hear from people who have been successful using donor sperm.

MinnieMooMoo Sun 20-Oct-13 13:12:34

My period was a date late this month, I hope it doesn't start messing about! I'm hoping it's because I was poorly earlier this week.

Three or four more periods and it might be my turn!

TheMoonInJune Sun 20-Oct-13 14:28:54

Cynthia - I am, yes. Will be 34 when I have DC1.

businessadmin Sun 20-Oct-13 17:01:49

Hi ive just ad a 2nd failed unsucessful attempt ov IUI unmedicated at the LWC Darlington using donor sperm. I dnt know wat to do next, i dnt know if i can afford to do anva round ov IUI. I was gna do IVF by egg sharing, wen i first went to LWC but i was scared ov the ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, but then again i myt of been pregnant by now x

MinnieMooMoo Sun 20-Oct-13 17:04:58

Oh no businessadmin sad sorry to hear that. As you're near Teesside, have you tried looking at Cleveland Fertility? I think they are cheap compared to LWC and work in conjunction with James Cook.

Camsie30 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:59:33

@MinnieMooMoo I'm in London, decided against LWC as have friends with bad experiences there. I found a specialist who has clinics near my home and on Harley St which is near my office. My best friend suggested that I write a journal of this experience which I loved, so have started one this weekend. Trying hard to be sensible but can't help thinking of names!! I know what you mean about British donor, but I think that the level of information from abroad makes it far more appealing...
And yes, here is to 2014 blessings for us all!

january29 Sun 20-Oct-13 21:35:17

Hi, mind if I join, I am also 28, single and looking into becoming a single mum. I have also been researching the LWC and also some other clinics. Biggest thing for me so far is managing financially if I were to become a single mum I am just not sure how about that but guess you just manage. How are you planning on managing that? (being nosey!) It is all so exciting though! Anyone know if you have to wait a long time to get an appointment at LWC?

CynthiaRose Sun 20-Oct-13 22:11:42

I wanted a Saturday appointment and had to wait a little while, but think you can get a week day one fairly quickly. I went to one of their seminars first to find out about it.

MinnieMooMoo Sun 20-Oct-13 22:55:51

Ahh I had thought about writing a journal also! Definitely seem to spend a lot of time picking names for my non-existent children... confused

Hello january29, definitely welcome! I'm not sure how I'm planning to manage financially, I'm very good with money as a single person, I work with children as a career so hoping to take the child with me to work (probably outed myself!) so that'll save on childcare and will claim any benefits I'm entitled to...! I also have savings to fall back on although that's not feasible long term (they'll only last so long right?)

CynthiaRose Sun 20-Oct-13 23:00:13

I bought a book to write a journal, but I couldn't bring myself to do it when I was trying as I felt like I would jinx myself, then when I was pregnant I felt so dreadful I couldn't do it, then they were born and you have no time....finally doing it now and have written loads. I'm doing it so they can read it when they are old enough and understand why I made the decisions I did.

businessadmin Sun 20-Oct-13 23:40:41

Hi themoon wat did u ave done? x

Ty minniemoo , where r u ? x

camsie wat was wrong with LWC ? x

cynthia wat do u think i should do, go for medicated IUI or IVF x

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 00:35:38

I'm just outside Gateshead, getting treatment at the NHS hospital there.

mrswishywashy Mon 21-Oct-13 10:24:29

january - I went to the Alternative Parenting Show where LWC was offering half price for initial consultation, I said I'd like an urgent appointment and got one two weeks later which I though was pretty good. Fertility Show is coming up and maybe they do the same offer?

What ovulation sticks/fertility monitors does everyone use? I'm getting so confused and really want to practice for the next two months so that I'm ready for January.

My partner and I are hoping we getting pregnant on first go however if not we plan to do two unmedicated IUI, one or two medicated IUI before moving to IVF. We may look at overseas for the IVF.

I'm planning on listening to some meditation CD's as well before, during and after treatment.

Frightchen Mon 21-Oct-13 11:10:05

I'm in North Hampshire. When I looked for fertility clinics the nearest one to me was in Oxford, so that's where I would go if it doesn't work out finding a donor.

I've started several journals, only to not really know how to write them. I think the problem is that at the moment nothing's happened except many long waits between blood tests and scans, so it seems a bit pointless to be writing anything down. I plan on starting again when I've picked a donor. Theoretically I should have a bit more to write about then,

As for finances - that's the bit that scares me. I have a good job and I think the maternity pay is pretty good, and I'm thinking I'll go back full time after taking as much leave as I reasonably can, but I'm a little worried about childcare costs. Even if I can get my mother to look after baby one day a week; 4 full days of nursery won't be cheap. (This is the optimism in me coming out - worrying about childcare costs rather than about actually getting pregnant in the first place!)

Frightchen Mon 21-Oct-13 11:17:28

wishy I use some ov sticks which I found on Amazon. I've been testing off and on for a number of months now and have never got a +ve result, but I think that's my PCOS rather than the stick. Now that I've started medication for the PCOS I'm going to try to get into the habit of recording my morning temp and to use that, alongside the ov sticks, for the rest of the year to see if I start ovulating again and to try and figure out my cycle.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 12:16:26

I was just using the flimsy pieces of card off eBay (oh the same ones Frightchen has linked to) when I was tracking last year. I think I got a thermometer in with the deal at the time.

Every one starting in January, hope you're taking your folic acid now! grin

businessadmin Mon 21-Oct-13 12:20:07

Ok minniemoo x

Which LWC are u going to mrswishy x

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 12:50:48

I'd recommend the clearblue smiley face ones, if you can afford them.

businessadmin personally I'd go for medicated IUI. IVF is so much more invasive that I wanted to avoid it if possible. IVF obviously has a higher success rate, but you should be able to get about 3 goes at medicated IUI for the same price, so I guess the odds work out similar in the end? Plus with IUI you can do it every month and I was keen to get on with it, IVF is a longer wait. I was also trying to fit it in without having to take time off work and without people knowing, which was a lot easier to do with IUI. Personally I'd give it a few more goes if you can. Good luck with the decision!

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 12:52:00

Childcare costs are ridiculous. I could have afforded one, but not two and I was on a pretty good salary.

businessadmin Mon 21-Oct-13 12:56:42

cynthia Ive done two IUI non - medicated, both un-successful sad x

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 13:04:41

Yeah, I meant move on to medicated, rather than IVF. I had two unsuccessful non-medicated before I moved to medicated. Hang in there, it's pretty unlikely to work first or second time.

mrswishywashy Mon 21-Oct-13 13:39:51

I'm at the London LWC, we are in East Berkshire so its just a 30 min train away.

I might look into the smiley face one, its so hard to know.

I'm taking pregnacare and also an extra dose of folic acid in the morning.

I'm annoyed today as aunt too has arrived and we are away next well so won't be able to fit my HyCoSY in guess there's always next month.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 13:41:19

Argh I have my savings very carefully split into three areas; house, car and baby.

I've been to see a finance advisor today about a mortgage and all seems really well, I'm going to go back in April when I have my first years accounts for my business.

Then I come home and my cars engine light comes on, I was hoping to wait until the baby was here before buying a new car!! I hope it's nothing but cannot get into the garage until Wednesday due to work!

Any way, rant over!

I think I might start a little journal, not for the baby just somewhere to reflect.

businessadmin Mon 21-Oct-13 14:42:51

hi cynthia Will IUI medicated work x

I started taking * pregnacare pregnancy* , but ive stopped now, i was wondering if to take conception pregnacare .

Frightchen Mon 21-Oct-13 15:05:24

now you've all got me thinking about journals, I've been looking at 5-year diaries on Amazon... The hope being that if I start it in January when I start trying, then by the last year of writing it; 2018, I might have a toddler.

This is my particular favourite. I figure I'll write the important stuff separately and take up as much paper as I need, then can store it safely with the journal.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 15:20:25

Aww that looks like a lovely journal Frightchen. I might just do mine in a blog format for now I can always convert it to paper later on.

business if you can afford it, I'd definitely go down the medicated route, just to maximise your chances.

I'm just taking Asda's own folic acid at the minute, it's only £1.50 a bottle for 180 tablets.

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 19:18:35

I don't know, business, but there is a higher chance than with the non-medicated. They stimulate your egg growth, monitor them and stimulate release of them at the right time. There is obviously no guarantee, but it's a lot more controlled than the non-medicated. Assuming you've had the fertility tests and there are no problems I would go with medicated before IVF, but everyone is different.

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 19:19:15

Minnie - why the decision to start in January?

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 19:21:46

That's the soonest my clinic suggested, I had an appointment a few weeks ago just to get prices and find more about it and have the proper consultation in two weeks. I guess they have to do all the investigative tests and the counselling session, so January seems fair when I have to fit all that in smile But really I just want to do it as soon as possible.

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 19:25:38

Ah fair enough. Are you excited? Have you got supportive family/friends?

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 19:31:34

I'm very excited grin obviously nervous and apprehensive, but I've wanted a child since I was 15, can't believe I managed to put it off for 13 years!

My mother is beyond supportive, she's so desperate for a grandchild and when I spoke to her about a potential child care problem she said she'd help out where she could.

I have supportive friends in my local mumsnetters and two of my other friends might be trying next year also. Have come across some people who have inferred they think I should wait, but have stepped away from them, don't need that sort of negativity in my life.

Do you have a good support network? Twins must be such a blessing, as well as being so much more difficult! Can I ask if they're ds/dd? Not that it matters, I'm just nosey wink

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 19:39:40

That sounds great, lots of positive people around you and your mum will be a great support. You'll be surprised at the people that pop up an take a great interest too, I'm sure, I've had amazing support and not always from the people you most expect it from. I've got loads of great people around me and haven't had any negative thoughts yet.

Twins are amazing and I have one of each. I am ridiculously lucky, I keep saying that to myself every day, it's incredible.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 19:42:29

I'm thrilled you're all on this thread with me, I honestly didn't think I'd get such a response smile definitely nice to talk to people int he same position or who have been there.

One of each! That's great grin

CynthiaRose Mon 21-Oct-13 20:11:11

Yeah, I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Lots more people seem to be doing it these days.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 21-Oct-13 22:41:11

Has any one got weight to lose or had to lose weight for their treatment?

mrswishywashy Tue 22-Oct-13 07:13:58

Ivedropped 20kgs in a year and consultant recommended me drop 10kg more although he would treat me at current weight the more weight I lose the better really as the general risks lower. I follow the low gi diet and threw a tantrum at the weekend when my partner ate a piece of toast, good practice for unreasonable pregnancy hormones.

Frightchen Tue 22-Oct-13 10:45:29

I need to lose weight, the PCOS makes it harder to lose weight (and boy have I been using that excuse to justify my lack of effort) so I'm hoping the metformin will counter that aspect of the condition and help me lose a bit. Also the tablets will eventually need to be taken three times a day, with meals; thus making me think about my meals, rather than skipping breakfast then having a big lunch and grazing throughout the afternoon.

I've tried low-carbing before and quite liked it, even though I didn't lose any weight. Might have to look into what I was doing wrong and have another bash at it. Might weigh it up alongside the low gi diet and see which looks the most workable.

MinnieMooMoo Tue 22-Oct-13 12:36:34

I've lost 4 stone over past two years albeit very slowly but have come to a bit of a standstill, would like to lose another 2 stone really. I was doing calorie counting, it seemed to work for me. But as soon as I lose weight I reward myself with food, need to get out of that mindframe and reward myself with non-food items.

Frightchen Tue 22-Oct-13 17:23:12

Congrats on the weight loss, even if it's been slow. I think I've put on 2 or 3 stone in the past 3 years. It's been comfort eating and I've used stress and the PCOS, as I said before, as excuses for letting it happen. I think now that I'm starting to put plans in place for TTC I've now got a 'someone', albeit a someone who's not yet been conceived, who I have to answer to. I have to get a bit fitter/slimmer for my baby, not just for my own benefit.

Maybe you could reward yourself with bits of baby stuff - not to buy right away; I know people can be quite superstitious about buying things early in the pregnancy, but maybe set up a wishlist on Amazon, and every time you hit a weightloss milestone you get to do some window shopping and put some more things onto your wishlist.

That or books - you can never have enough books, and books as prizes sounds like a good idea!

MinnieMooMoo Tue 22-Oct-13 17:47:23

Haha! You must know me from another life wink I'm surrounded by books (actually I have a single mother by choice book on my wishlist!), but the baby stuff is a great idea! I'm not superstitious so that could work... I say that whilst I eating a bag of popcorn.

My clinic has a max BMI of 35 so as long as I stay below that I'll be okay!

MinnieMooMoo Tue 22-Oct-13 17:48:16

But hopefully we can encourage each other as well, we're all working towards a similar goal of wanting to be healthier for our babies smile

Frightchen Tue 22-Oct-13 18:06:33

Is that the Single Mothers by Choice book by Jane Mattes? If so, I was looking at it just last night!!! It went straight onto my 'Baby' wishlist along with a DIY Doppler, Bio oil and pregnancy tests (a 2 pack of the fancy ones and a bulk bag of the super cheap ones)

I plan on getting myself a semi-private Xmas gift of a few baby things; some pregnacare vitamin tablets (the pregnancy ones - I should probably already be taking the conception ones by then and need to be on the folic acid as of now - will pop those on my shopping list), that book, and maybe some little baby booties, even if it'll potentially be another year until they can be used. Only my very best friend knows I'm going to start trying, hence the semi-privateness.

Definitely agree that we can help each other through the keeping healthy. Just being part of this thread has made it all wonderfully real. I've known this was the plan for a long while, but now it's really happening; I'm looking at donors (have found a lovely-looking gay man who's looking to donate, so am thinking of getting in contact with him) and my headspace has gone from 'someday, when I have a child...' to working out when baby would be born if I managed to conceive in January/February etc...

MinnieMooMoo Tue 22-Oct-13 18:23:13

Yes that's the one! I also seem to have to added Choosing Single Motherhood by Mikki Morrissette to my wishlist also.

I bought a rip off version of the bio oil, I think it's basically the same thing but cheaper. Think I found it in bodycare.

Yes I must admit I used my app to work out when my child would be due too! I need to rein it in a bit before I get carried away grin

MinnieMooMoo Wed 23-Oct-13 17:42:55

Just been to Sainsbury's and picked up some Seven Seas Trying for a Baby, they're reduced to £2.99 for four weeks supply, if any one is interested smile

mrswishywashy Wed 23-Oct-13 21:04:33

Oh wow that is a huge savings. Might get some at weekend if still on offer as the Pregnacare are double that price.

Frightchen Wed 23-Oct-13 23:12:19

Oooh, great tip - shall pop in and pick some up after work tomorrow as I'll be passing a Sainsburys.

I think we're allowed to get a little carried away at this point, Minnie , after all this time next year we'll (all going well) either be rocking our maternitywear or we'll be exhausted new mums. And yes it might take longer and there might arise some unforeseen complications, but now's definitely the time to revel in the excitement of starting that journey.

MinnieMooMoo Wed 23-Oct-13 23:25:39

I keep talking about names with my mum, and she actually listens! I think she's excited too smile

I've done some non-stop eating today, really need to focus on losing the lbs.

I've got my initial consultation in a week! It's come round so quick, I'm excited to see what happens, but I suspect there'll be a smear so that won't be so fun.

But there's also the bloody test in which I'll find out if I'm rhesus positive or negative and CMV pos or neg and then I'll know which donors to look at!

Frightchen Thu 24-Oct-13 00:20:21

My mum's... well she accepts that this is what I've chosen to do. She wishes I'd 'found a nice young man', but will support me if/when I need it (she took me to the hospital to have my scan when I got dx with PCOS, and she's willing to do some of the childcare when the time comes. Plus she's a whiz with the ol' knitting needles and has SO many baby patterns!)

I have names chosen - first and middles for each sex. Both are just perfect for me. I keep thinking I'd prefer a girl, but only because it would be more convenient/easy when it comes to dealing with the whole puberty thing. Would be just as happy with a boy; would just have to get advice from male family members!

I already know my blood type from giving blood, so need to remember to ask my potential donor his (am working up to making contact... writing a long list of questions.)

Have had three meals today, and only snacked on satsumas, so am happy with that. Although an evening of dog vomit did stifle my appetite somewhat.

Exciting about your initial consultation! Less so for the smear. I suppose we're going to have to get used to baring our bits to all manner of medical professionals eventually.

I keep dreaming of baby names, although not sure whether I willl use them as some were pretty far out!!

I got my BFP on Monday. I'm still in shock, and also had a massively stressful week, so hope its still hanging on in there. I keep looking at the June antenatal boards thinking about joining but it doesn't seem real yet.

MinnieMooMoo Thu 24-Oct-13 11:14:04

Ahhh sleepingdragon great news although understandable to be apprehensive, you're welcome here at long as you want to stay though smile

Frightchen do you not have back ups incase of twins! grin When my clinic said they do medicated I was a bit shocked and thought oh no I'll have to think of more names.

My names aren't firm though, they change depending on the weather! I'm sure I'll know when I see BabyMoo.

I've always wanted a girl but have been working with a boy lately and I've completely warmed to him and now I'll be happy with either.

Frightchen Thu 24-Oct-13 12:00:37

Congratulations dragon - that's great news! And hey - today's far out names might seem just perfect in June.

Oh, Minnie I'm in a very healthy denial about the possibility of twins. Especially as the two names I've settled on begin with the same letter, and I think I'd find that a little too twee... It would be karma though; I spent much of my best friend's pregnancy teasing her by saying 'what if it's twins?' - I've probably set myself up for it!

CynthiaRose Thu 24-Oct-13 13:28:26

Congrats sleepingdragon, amazing news! Do you get an early scan?

mrswishywashy Thu 24-Oct-13 21:36:37

Congrats sleepingdragon, exciting times ahead.

Just found out that Lister is offering the chance to win a IVF cycle with them I can't enter as I'm not an UK citizen yet but someone else might be able too.

I picked up boots ovulation sticks today am hoping they're easier to read than the other little sticks I had.

Frightchen Fri 25-Oct-13 15:29:52

That's a lovely link, wishy I can't apply because I'm not eligible, but hopefully some other ladies on here will see it and can enter into the draw!

MinnieMooMoo Fri 25-Oct-13 22:11:51

Ah I'm not eligible either, but thanks for posting it!

Hope the new ovulation sticks work out better smile

businessadmin Sat 26-Oct-13 19:30:20

Hi peeps, i ad my consultation yesterday at LWC , ive chosen to go down IVF route. I was given Microgynon Pills to take, i go bk on 20th November for my first scan.

Frightchen Sat 26-Oct-13 19:30:33

Went shopping with my mum today and picked up two packs of the Seven Seas tablets, so will start taking them from tomorrow morning. Talked a fair bit of baby talk, mainly to normalise it with DM. She still would rather I found a husband, but is slowly coming to terms with my plans/determination. She is, however, more upset that I won't move in with her whilst I'm pregnant/for the first few months of having baby. (Moving in would involve getting rid of my ferrets, and so is completely unthinkable.) I've suggested she look for houses I could afford in the village and I'll move closer... Seems reasonable.

MinnieMooMoo Sat 26-Oct-13 20:43:54

Oh great news businessadmin keep us posted on the scan.

Oh well that sounds more positive Frightchen at least she's talking about it all as a given and its good she's willing to offer support by wanting to be near to you.

Frightchen Tue 29-Oct-13 18:56:12

Is your consultation tomorrow, Minnie ? How're you feeling about it? Bet you're excited!!!

I get paid on Thursday so will be rewarding myself with some message credits on Pride Angel, arming myself with my (extensive) list of questions for prospective donors, and will start to see who's out there. In the meantime, back to the househunting!

MinnieMooMoo Tue 29-Oct-13 21:13:56

Thursday! I'm very excited! It's all starting to feel very real now as I've been discussing it with other people.

Feeling a bit worried that I didn't lose enough weight for the consultation as I'm so very nearly on the cusp of BMI 35 and if my scales are out and theirs are completely different it could take me over! Gah! And I might be an inch shorter than I think I am!

How's everyone else doing?

Frightchen Wed 30-Oct-13 12:46:21

I'm now on my full contingent of 4 pills a day; 3 metformin and one seven seas trying for a baby. The metformin seems to have shrunk my appetite, whilst requiring me to eat 3 (small) meals a day as the tablets need to be taken after food. I'm hoping this will lead to some gradual weight loss, just through not snacking/over-eating like I used to. Also I'm making the most of my lunch hours at work and getting out of the office and walking about, which is better than previous weeks where I've just driven to the local shops and back.

Baby-wise, am just waiting to see if I ovulate this month. I'm not sure I've been on the metformin long enough for it to be fully working, so won't be too disappointed if I'm not. Am taking my temperature first thing, and using OPKs in the evenings, so will hopefully get some sort of indication as to whether or not things are running normally yet.

Shall keep my fingers crossed for you tomorrow that the consultation goes well, and that their scales are forgiving!

CynthiaRose Wed 30-Oct-13 14:10:25

Good luck with the consultation, Minnie. Let is know how you get on.

MinnieMooMoo Wed 30-Oct-13 14:48:41

That's great Frightchen fingers crossed for some weight loss!

I use an app called MyDaysX for recording periods/temps, are you using an app?

Thanks CynthiaRose! Will report back to you all as soon as I'm done.

Have just been epilating in preparation!

Frightchen Wed 30-Oct-13 15:18:28

I've not got an app; have been recording everything on a spreadsheet on my laptop. (It's pretty much my go-to solution for most things; I have a Christmas spreadsheet, I made one when I was planning on getting a puppy, and I'm sure I'll make one for things I need to buy when I get pregnant!)

Might have a look at the apps available. I have a Windows phone, so I don't always get all the same apps as folk on iPhones and Androids...

I'm coming on this thread to provide a different perspective. I am a donor conceived adult. (Yes, donor conception existed in the 1970s.)

I've hesitated to post because I don't wish to cause people pain, particularly those who have already gone down this route.

I don't want to go in to too much detail of my own circumstances because I don't have the emotional energy. I would just urge you to look in to the emotional repercussions for any children you might conceive via donor sperm. There's a website called Anonymous Us which has lots of posts from people like me who feel deeply wounded by being intentionally deprived of their father and other family.

CynthiaRose Wed 30-Oct-13 23:25:32

Thanks for your post, Beatrice. I have already gone down this route, but I am forever wondering and thinking about the issues that you raise. It is not something I took lightly and I do feel guilt.

I did do a lot of research before doing it and also found lots of positive stories of donor conceived kids. It seemed the key things were whether the donor could be identified and how you teach your children about it when they are growing up. It was really, really important to me that the donor was traceable, should the children want to get in touch with him. They will be able to access his contact details and I have some stuff he has written which I hope might be of some comfort until they can meet him, if that is what they want to do.

If I am honest I have always struggled with the fact that it was a selfish act, I just hope that my children aren't damaged by it, I don't think it is inevitable that they will be.

Not belittling it in anyway, genuinely, but for a number of people on that site it does also seem to be part of wider issues - being stifled by their mother, the succession of men that the mother brought home etc. I'm trying my hardest to give them the most supportive, loving and healthy environment that I can and hope that they don't resent my decision.

CynthiaRose Wed 30-Oct-13 23:39:14

Sorry, just looking back at your username that may not have been an appropriate way to shorten it. No offence meant.

I think anonymity is part of what I struggle with, but not all. My own family background was extremely dysfunctional, so I'm not a typical product.

No worries about the abbreviation! I should probably change my nickname (my Beatrice is better now) but I wanted it to be clear that I'm real wink

MinnieMooMoo Thu 31-Oct-13 13:20:17

Just back from my initial consultation, feeling a little disappointed as I thought I'd get my bloods taken however it was basically a 10 minute chat with the consultant who took some medical history and then did some swabs to check for STDs and an internal scan to check womb lining and ovaries (I have a huge egg in my left ovary ready to pop!).

He was happy with the look of my ovaries and I need to book a hysterosalpingogram on the first day of my next period so they can check my tubes are clear.

They also gave me a price list and seems higher than what the first woman told me last month but still doable.

I think the reason they didn't do my bloods is as if my tubes are blocked I'd have to go down the IVF route and not entirely sure I can afford that. But still thought the bloods would be included in initial consultation price.

Frightchen Thu 31-Oct-13 16:17:12

Hi P4B - thanks for giving us a different viewpoint on using donor sperm - every case will be different, but it's important to know of the less positive consequences. FWIW I'm really sorry that your experience was bad.

For those of us considering having a child using donor sperm, is there any advice you can give us as to how to avoid causing any hurt or upset?

I will be using a known/named donor, and will request that I have a name & number/e-mail address so that my child can have the option of reaching out to him when they are old enough/ready - would this have helped you? (I had thought all sperm bank donors are identifiable these days - the child can apply to know their details) I will also, being a single mother by choice, be telling my child when they are little that their biological father was a generous man who gave me a precious gift (or something a little more thought out) rather than passing a partner off as their father, so there won't be any hard-to-deal-with teenage revelation.

I'm afraid I have had to stop reading the accounts on the site you linked to as they are incredibly distressing. I am reminding myself that they are not representative of all donor-conceived people, and are the worst case scenario, and as CynthiaRose says, there are many positive stories out there. I have to believe, just like every woman choosing to become a mother has to believe, that I will do my utmost to do right by my child. The decision to get pregnant will be the last selfish decision I make - everything from then will be for my baby.

Minnie - sorry you were a little disappointed by your consultation, but think of it as being a step closer to having your baby. Plus - wonderful news that your ovaries are in working-order. It does sound frustratingly slow though; waiting for set points in your cycle. Did they say you're still on track for starting in January?

When I looked into the fertility clinic in Oxfordshire they had a pricelist on their website and I couldn't really make any sense of it - I didn't know which of the many different tests etc I would need. Are you being offered counselling? I was thinking of booking a session or two with a local counsellor to go over things once I'm actually trying; just in case things do go wrong and I need someone to help me through it.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 04-Nov-13 20:25:35

The consultant said it depends how long it takes to get the sperm over (as it's coming from America) and I still haven't had blood test yet in order to know which sperm I can have! But least we know it'll be next year at some point grin

I will go through counselling and they asked that I should have some male support so I've asked my brother how he feels and he said that the child will be well supported which made me feel warm and fuzzy. Definitely worthwhile having a chat to someone, it's a huge undertaking what we're doing, best to know we're doing it for the right reasons smile

Just been reading another thread where horrible judgemental comments are being made to a 28 year old daring to consider becoming a single mother by choice. Makes me hate this forum sometimes.

Frightchen, I believe all donor conception is open these days -- unless it's procured abroad. It was totally unregulated in the 1970s so my mother's husband is on my birth certificate.

Openness would help a little, though there might be a range of responses from a donor to contact from his adult offspring -- from welcome and affection to indifference and rejection, which would be very hard to take.

The bottom line for me is that I will never, ever know my father, not even his name, certainly not what he looks like or his personality, let alone his love or his embrace. Can anything be done to take that pain away from me? No. If by a miracle I found his identity, would that take away the loss I have endured so far? No.

Frettchen Tue 05-Nov-13 15:08:11

At least you're still moving forward... Maybe we've got to the end of the exciting 'I'm definitely doing this' stage and now it's the frustrating bit where all our best laid plans start to not run smoothly.

For my part, I'm pretty certain I've not ovulated this month. Could have missed it, but more likely is that I just didn't ovulate. I'm not surprised, I've not been at full-dosage of the metformin for the full month, and I know I need to give it time to get to work, but I had been nursing a small, irrational hope that I'd get the sign this month that I was actually starting to function normally.

Also frustrating; I sent off messages to two potential donors and haven't heard anything back from them. It's only been a couple of days, and again I was probably being unrealistic to expect to find the right donor right away, but it's another little frustration. In an ideal world I'd be all lined up and ready to go in January, but maybe Feb or March wouldn't be so bad... That's still a baby before I hit 30. (Yeah, the impending milestone birthday is beginning to freak me out, even though it's just a number, and there's no hurry.)

On the plus side, Mum and I seem to have got through our issues. She keeps asking about my health/how I'm feeling, and she's talking about having a clear out of her loft in the new year and has invited me to join in, with specific mention of looking at any old baby stuff to see if any of it might still be useful. I'm really looking forward to it.

Yeah, this place is a blessing as much as it's a curse - for every like-minded person there are plenty of people ready to disagree with you. We need a little beacon encouraging people in our situation to come on over here where it's safe.

Mondaybaby Tue 05-Nov-13 23:02:44

Hello everyone. I'd like to join you all here! I have a 3 year old donor conceived dd as a result of iui. I had 5 cycle of iui at the LWC and got lucky with my 5th. I decided to go it alone as I never came close to meeting the right man and was desperate for children. I'm still single as I don't get a chance to go out much anymore but I don't regret my choice for a moment. It's hard; I don't have too much support and I work full time, but I feel so lucky to have her and can not imagine life without her now. Good luck to everyone on here who is trying to get pregnant.

hi everyone, I thought I would drop in and say hi. glad things are moving forward for you Minnie.

I am doing OK, I'm still pregnant (and still can't quire believe it)! I'm feeling quite exhausted, I have been inducting some new colleagues at work this last week and can't be making a great impression- I can't remember the answers to half the questions they ask, keep getting confused and forgetting what we should be doing, and by 11 o clock each morning say 'I'm starving' and eat half my lunch!

I saw that other thread too- didn't read till the end and didn't post as it was so long by that point. I wonder if peoples reactions is an age thing too? there is another post this evening from a single woman asking about using a donor or a known coparent, and the responses have been very supportive. I mentioned this thread and suggested she come over here too.

hi Monday, nice to see you here

MinnieMooMoo Wed 06-Nov-13 11:12:51

I think you're right Frettchen there's a lot of waiting around to be done before we get to the exciting stuff!

But the HSG will be the week of the 18th (assuming they fit me in?!) they said it has to be done the week of my period so they know I'm not pregnant... it's like if I had chances of getting pregnant I wouldn't be paying for treatment! And the idea of dye and blood leaking out of me is not a pleasant one.

That's a shame you haven't ovulated. Are you using the onestep strips? As I found them very hit and miss... not to raise your hopes.

But like you I'm starting to think it'll be February or March before I actually get going so least we're still going to be around the same time. When do you turn 30? I've got 'til Summer 2015!

Great news that your mum is being more into it, makes it all the more real. My mam can't wait to start knitting!

Welcome Mondaybaby, that's great news you've got a lovely DD. Would you ever consider more?

Hi sleepingdragon how many weeks are you now? Perfect excuse to eat though isn't it? Perhaps you ought to double your lunch size wink

Yes it's definitely an age thing isn't it, as if being in our 20s we are far too young to be considering having a baby, but any one already in their 20s with a child is welcomed. Funny old place smile

I don't think I've seen the other post you've mentioned, I'll go and seek it out!

Frettchen Wed 06-Nov-13 17:06:33

Hi Monday - thanks for dropping in! How long did it take you from first consultation to your BFP? (If you don’t mind the questions) I’m not (yet) taking the clinic-based route, but some people are and as you can see, we’re just learning how long these things take.

So good to hear things are going well, Sleeping . Although, you’ve made me realise that the waiting part never stops – even once you get that BFP you’re now waiting for scans/waiting to be able to tell people. So much waiting!!! Have you told anyone IRL?

The age thing is really strange – people have said to me that I’m still young and there’s still time, and yet there’s also this unwritten deadline of 35 when things start getting difficult (although I think the beeb said that it was research from the 70s which suggested fertility declined at 35, and so it might be later given the state of modern medicine) – so we’ve really only got a window of age 30-35 in which we’re allowed to take more extreme measures of getting pregnant.

On the age topic, I turn 30 around Easter 2015, Minnie so I’m a few months ahead of you. I just keep thinking that my mum was 28 when she had me (after 9 months of TTC) and making comparisons between her and I; probably not a great idea, but the thought’s there!

I’m using the cheapie internet opks, so wouldn’t be too surprised if they’re not 100% accurate. Also I think I might have given up too early; I had decided ov would probably happen on the 14th, so only tested up to the 15th – next month I’ll do it for longer in case I’ve been missing the key days! I’m also trying to remember to take my basal body temp each morning, but some mornings I’ve forgotten, and you’re supposed to do it first thing, so I think I need to try harder next time.

Oh lawks, yes – my mum’s already got a ton of baby knitting patterns from when various family members have had babies, and I know she’s going to knit an entire wardrobe of goodies!

CynthiaRose Wed 06-Nov-13 17:41:49

Hang in their ladies, there is lots of hanging around and sorting things out at the beginning. You'll get there.

Frettchen my cycle and ovulation were all over the place, I did always ovulate but it varied from about day 10 to about day 18 I think! (my cycles were up to 36 days).

Mondaybaby Wed 06-Nov-13 18:15:03

Hi Frettchen and MinnieMooMoo and everyone,
It does feel like there is lots of waiting and frustrating plotting of cycles and practicalities.

I think I went for the open day at the LWC in the Oct of 2008. Then I started my first cycle of IUI (with drugs) in Feb 2009. My 2nd cycle was March and 3rd was April. All failed.

They suggested I have HyCoSy which I had in May. That totally screwed my previously regular as clockwork periods up and I didn't have a normal period for ages. I was also down from the 3 failures and my body needed a rest from injecting hormones which made me feel a bit loopy.

I tried again in August 2009 and I think I did conceive but had a very early miscarriage.
I then tried again in early December 2009. This time I did a bit more research about the drugs I was taking especially the trigger injection you take once you get a positive ovulation test. I read that it is better to wait 48 hours after the injection before having the IUI and the LWC were giving me appointments after less than 24 hours. I challenged this and (after being taken to see one of their Drs) they agreed to give me an appointment for the insemination closer to 36 hours. It seemed to make the difference for me and I conceived.
I had the positive pregnancy test on Dec 26th 2009 and my beautiful baby girl was born at the end of August 2010, 5 days before her due date.
So, from the initial open day to having her it was just under 2 years.
I am so lucky.
I would love to have another with the same donor BUT, I don't have the money to go through it again. Not so much the treatment but the later costs like being on maternity leave and nursery fees. Oh goodness - the nursery fees are a killer. I think that is why my dd came a week early because she wanted to spare me an extra whole year of nursery fees!!! There are other reasons why I am not going to try for another one but it boils down to money. If I won millions on the lottery then the first thing I would do would be to try for another one. My dd would be an amazing big sister.
Good luck to everyone trying. It is not an easy choice to go it alone through donor insemination. And it is tough, much tougher than I ever imagined, once you have a baby but the rewards and the good things outweigh the bad. As I remind myself every day, I am very, very lucky to have her.

MinnieMooMoo Wed 06-Nov-13 22:55:52

Hi Monday I'm getting a HyCoSy (or HSG as my clinic calls it) as part of the investigations, I have to ring up on the first day of my next cycle (likely 18th November) to book in for that week.

Bit worried you say it messed up your periods up! I wonder why that happened confused

Thanks for sharing your story with us, it's interesting to read other peoples experiences of it all.

I do keep having a panic that I'm going to be poor and not able to meet my bills every month, but I won't know until I'm there.

Also worry I'm ruining my career because I won't be able to take on as much work as I am now.

Frettchen Fri 08-Nov-13 16:20:27

Ok, definitely going to be better at cycle-tracking next month. I think I just got disheartened too early this time round. Will test every day from the end of my next period to the beginning of the one after and get a proper idea of what my cycle is doing.

I keep thinking how I ought to be more afraid of how to make the finances work, but I'm of the opinion that it'll be ridiculously hard, but I'll make it work. If I have to swap the good quality pet food for something cheaper, cut out all unnecessary expenditure and change the car insurance down a level then that's how it'll work (a little over-simplified, but basically I know I can live more frugally than I currently do). There will be ways of saving money if I search for them.

As for my career, well I don't love it, but it pays well enough (I hope), and I'm learning transferable skills, plus I've been here long enough that the holiday and maternity benefits are good, they allow flexible hours/working from home, and seem to have a very family-friendly attitude. I'd love to be able to ditch it at some point and start again, but finance-wise I'm better off staying here for the foreseeable future.

Only other update I have is that I've booked my first counselling session for Monday - it's an introductory type thing to see how the counsellor and I get on, and I'm actually quite looking forward to that. I've never seen a counsellor before, so I have no idea what to expect, but this lady seems nice from the e-mail/phone contact we've had, and I can always call it off if she's not right for me.

MinnieMooMoo Wed 13-Nov-13 19:08:18

Sorry! Been under my other name for a bit, went on a local MN meet up and told them all my plans and they're all supportive smile

How did the counselling session go Frettchen ?

I'm a bit cross, my period has come today and it's 4 days early, argh, don't want it to start messing up now!

Frettchen Fri 15-Nov-13 11:12:22

Yay for the support of real life MNetters. That's really lovely.

The counselling went well - it was the introductory session so a lot of it was her telling me about the way it works, and me giving her the low down on my life/family/etc. She's advised I start keeping a journal (which I was planning on doing from next year anyway, so have happily taken that up.)

I'm currently waiting (somewhat impatiently) for my period to end so I can start OKPing with intent. Need to build up the courage to go back to Pride Angel and have another search for donors after hearing nothing back from my first attempts at contact.

Have you booked your HSG, Minnie ?

MinnieMooMoo Mon 18-Nov-13 18:14:16

Hello! Had my HSG today, feeling rather tender right now! sad Times like this I wish I had someone to look after me and go to the shops and get me treats!

I allowed a student to do my HSG and the worst part was that the speculum was pushed right up against my cervix, didn't even feel the catheter go through my cervix. But they showed me the pictures afterwards and said my tubes are clear!

Not rightly sure what's next on my list... counselling I guess?

Don't be disheartened by the no replies on Pride Angel, it's a bit like internet dating I guess, that not every one will reply for whatever reason.

I need to start browsing for a donor too, I'm not sure what I should be looking for, I know I want someone with dark hair, preferably causcasian but not bothered about eye colour. I'm not sure about height, but someone on the slimmer side (since I'm large!)

mrswishywashy Tue 19-Nov-13 04:56:15

Hi everyone,

We went for counseling last week. Very informative and helpful.

Now waiting for aunt flo so that I can book HyCoSY in, hopefully it won't mess with cycles. If all goes to plan there are only two cycles before we start treatment!

Let's hope 2014 is full of positives.

MinnieMooMoo Tue 19-Nov-13 10:36:44

Oh fingers crossed for your HyCoSy! I'm still experiencing some tenderness today but nothing terrible and had barely any leakage apart from brown blood which I get at the end of my period anyways.

Be prepared for the "did you have unprotected sex since the start of your period?" question... I really did look at them like hmm

Frettchen Wed 20-Nov-13 13:14:27

Hope you're recovered from your HSG, Minnie , and that you get your AF soon, Wishy (which seems like an odd thing to hope if taken out of context!!!)

I've had two counselling sessions now - the first was good; but was half about the counsellor explaining how things work. This week's session was a lot more of a challenge. Towards the end the counsellor played devil's advocate, asking all these difficult questions about doing AI the non-clinic way, and about the risks and complications around it all. It's stuff I've thought of before, but it's easier to tell myself that yes there are risks but there are ways of minimising them, than it is to put those thoughts into words when talking to someone.

Ultimately, the one thing I keep coming back to the same point in my mind - I want a child, more than anything I have ever wanted. I don't want a relationship, and think it would be by far the wrong thing to try to force myself into a male-female relationship just to get to my goal. Which leaves me taking things into my own hands, and unless something dramatically changes with my finances, I just don't have the money right now to be able to afford going to a clinic. So I'm doing it the hard way. And I'm ok with that - I just don't know how to explain why I'm ok with that. I suppose I feel that the end justifies the means, and that there will always be risks, no matter which path you take... So yeah, the counselling left me a bit emotional, but no less determined. I'll continue going to the counselling for, probably, the rest of the year, as I do find it helpful to have a room where I can go and talk to a person and get these challenging questions, and then can walk away at the end of the hour.

Donor picking sounds fun! Do you have pictures? Or is it just a profile of basic info?

I'm trying not to get too disheartened yet about the non-responses - there's still plenty of time before the beginning of next year, so am in no rush. I've bought 20 message credits on Pride Angel so I'll use them up, if I can find that many eligible donors, and then start looking around for other donor sites. As much as I would desperately love to rush into this and get pregnant as soon as possible, I keep reminding myself that there's still time, and there's no need for rushing!

MinnieMooMoo Thu 21-Nov-13 21:02:46

Recovered now! Had a bleed a little bleed after swimming yesterday which wasn't great but nothing major!

My clinic uses xytex so you can browse the profiles without even signing up (so if you feel inclined you can have a look yourself!) but you have to pay extra for pictures of them as children and I think some provide pics now.

I'm pleased you're finding the counselling helpful, I'm not sure when I'm supposed to book mine, need to book my blood tests next I think!

businessadmin Mon 25-Nov-13 19:03:20

I stop takin the Microgynon Pills on 15th Nov I went for my first scan on 20th Nov .
I started taken menopur , took last one 24 nov, I go back today 25 nov, probs start on next meds , then go bk wednesday and friday for scans, then they collect some of my eggs, dont know when that will be yet (hopefully freeze some).
And try to fertilize them, then transfer the embryo back into me.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 25-Nov-13 22:01:49

Ohh businessadmin it's all going on for you! Fingers crossed for the embryo transfer. Are you still at LWC Darlington?

mrswishywashy Fri 29-Nov-13 15:00:03

How is everything going business? And everyone else?

I'm in waiting room ready for my HyCoSY, I'm a nervous wreck. Shaking and trying to hold it together. I'm hoping results are all clear and that we can start treatment in January.

CynthiaRose Sat 30-Nov-13 21:53:31

How did you get on? Or do you have to wait for results?

MinnieMooMoo Sun 01-Dec-13 11:33:18

How did it go Mrswishywashy it's not terribly pleasant is it! Hopefully your tubes were clear?

Had my blood test this week, she took 5 vials -faints- waiting for her to ring tomorrow to tell me whether I'm CMV and rhesus positive or negative so I can get choosing my donor!

She's also sent off a referall to the counsellor so looking forward to receiving that!

mrswishywashy Sun 01-Dec-13 16:13:25

It was ok, no worse than a smear anyway (no idea what I got so worked up about). I did lots of reading on internet but not one said about a antibiotic suppository that was enjoyable. And I got an all clear, a written report with scan photos and it says that I'm fine for IUI. However I also got the results of my AMH test and it was 5.2 which is in the low fertility range but the consultant said that its about the quality of the egg so still do IUI a couple of times. Now need to buy sperm, if only supermarkets stocked it:-)

Minnie - I found the counselling session really good so hope yours go just as good.

Cynthia - how is all with you?

CynthiaRose Sun 01-Dec-13 23:54:09

Sounds promising Wishywashy, exciting to be getting moving!

Things are good here, but currently mid house move, which really isn't easy with two small people and no time.

Frettchen Tue 03-Dec-13 14:34:51

Glad to see so many people are moving forward and all is going well.

I've hit a bit of a standstill; started talking to a prospective donor and all appeared to be going well, but he's not replied for 5 or 6 days now, so is probably not interested. I'm going to keep trying to find a donor; I was expecting it to not work perfectly from the start of donor-searching, so I'm not distraught, just a bit disappointed. Onward to the next option.

MinnieMooMoo Tue 03-Dec-13 16:45:22

Oh that is disappointing Frettchen sad hopefully you'll find the ideal donor just now! smile

businessadmin Thu 05-Dec-13 21:27:38

Hi MinnieMooMoo yea i am.

I had the scan on Wed 27th Nov and the Doc counted the size of the follicles and they were ready to be collected, so on the Fri 29th Nov which was supposed to be my next scan, i had them collected and they was 10 in total, on the Sat I had a phone call from the nurse, she told me 8 matured but only 3 fertilised, i had to start taking cyclogest which i dont like sad. Then on Wed 4th Dec I had one blastocyst transfered back into me and the other 2 frozen.

So i ave to wait now grin

Frettchen Fri 06-Dec-13 11:35:57

Oooh, business that sounds like you've had a very exciting week. When will you be testing? Shall definitely be keeping my fingers crossed all goes well for you.

My potential donor is back on the scene now, and we've arranged to meet up a week tomorrow to see how we get on, and ultimately to decide if we're going to go ahead. He's provisionally agreed to 4 attempts, so there's no hideous all-or-nothing type pressure the first try, which sounds good.

Am trying to remain calm and remember that it could still all fall through very easily, but the thought of starting trying in January is so huge a thing. Esp as I've spent half of 2013 waiting for Doctors or hospital appointments and almost got to thinking that it would never happen.

MinnieMooMoo Thu 12-Dec-13 13:55:13

Hello all, hope you're well.

Is it your meet up tomorrow Frettchen ?

I had my results back from my blood test, rhesus negative and CMV negative which brings my donor pool down to zero sad So I'll have to choose someone who is rhesus positive and deal with the consequences if I decide to have another child in the future.

2014 is getting so very close!

Frettchen Fri 13-Dec-13 12:48:20

Hey Minnie. The meet up is tomorrow lunchtime, so shall see if he's likely to turn from a prospective donor to a planned donor. If all goes well then that could potentially mean first attempt in 6 weeks. It's crazy how fast time is going!

Am not as nervous about tomorrow as I probably should be, but I am irritated as AF's here and making her presence known, and I'm just hoping the cramps will ease off for the day. Have planned Sunday out with a close friend and her 4.5 yo daughter, so can celebrate/commiserate depending on how Saturday goes.

Sorry to hear your bloods didn't bring back any better news. Have the doctors provided plenty of guidance on what it means in actual terms? Will you need anything extra during your pregnancy because of it?

MinnieMooMoo Fri 13-Dec-13 13:57:44

Oooh I really hope tomorrow goes well for you, do update us after. Take some ibuprofen for your AF I got mine on Tuesday and it wasn't pleasant as it was the first after the dye in the tubes thingy.

My donor coordinator did tell me about the rhesus thing but I have an appalling short term memory! I think its not a problem for a first born but if I have any knocks that causes a bleed in the foetus my body will create anti bodies against any future babies. I think that's the gist any ways...

Got appointment through for counselling for 7th January so I think I'll be looking at a February start date.

Think I may take extreme measure for weight loss in January and give the Cambridge diet a go. My mum did well on it.

businessadmin Sat 14-Dec-13 22:30:18

Hi everyone,

I was given date tomorrow 15th December to test, but i tested today 14th December and i got positive result. But goin to test again tomorrow anyway to make sure.

CynthiaRose Sat 14-Dec-13 23:56:57

ooo congrats! How do you feel? False positives are very very rare.

Frettchen Sun 15-Dec-13 09:06:30

Congrats business - that's awesome news; what a lovely early Christmas present!

I met my potential donor yesterday, and I really don't want to pin all my hopes on one person, but he seems really nice. I'm taking some time to think about things, but I have a really good feeling about him.

Counselling date sounds really good, Minnie - I've found my session really helpful.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 16-Dec-13 13:06:12

Ahhh congratulations business brilliant news!

Oh Frettchen I'm please things went well and you feel good about him. Fingers crossed it all goes to plan!

We will be having an exciting 2014! smile

businessadmin Mon 16-Dec-13 14:14:37

Hi peeps, ty for the Congrats,

I tested again on Sun 15th and it was positive again, so i phoned LWC this morning and they booked me in for a scan on * Wed 8th Jan*.

Im hoping things are ok smile

businessadmin Mon 16-Dec-13 14:16:26

Hi peeps, ty for the Congrats,

I tested again on Sun 15th Dec and it was positive again, so i phoned LWC this morning and they booked me in for a scan on Wed 8th Jan.

Im hoping things are ok smile

CynthiaRose Mon 16-Dec-13 23:54:14

Amazing! God, I'll never forget my early scan at LWC..."who's going to help you out with these two then..." !!

Frettchen Wed 25-Dec-13 00:31:03

Just popping in to wish everyone a very merry Christmas, and to give a quick update.

I've confirmed with my donor that I'd like to go ahead and start trying with him. I should be ovulating in the next few days, and he's suggested seeing if we have time this month to have a go. It's going to be a busy few days with family etc, so I won't be too disappointed if there's no time this cycle.

I wasn't hugely excited about Christmas this year, but suddenly it's all potentally about to get very exciting!

minniemoomoo Wed 25-Dec-13 10:19:13

Ohhhh that's exciting news!!

Here's to a fabulous 2014!!

Frettchen Sat 28-Dec-13 10:16:54

So, my 2ww starts today. I think I'm a bit late to have caught ovulation, so am not really expecting it to have worked, but at least that's the first, most awkward bit done!

AF is due on the 9th, so will try to relax and forget all about it until the 10th. If no AF then I'll get my hopes up. Otherwise it's all about planning the next one and getting the timing right.

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas Minnie , Cynthia , business et al, and that 2014 brings all manner of awesome things.

ecca Sat 28-Dec-13 21:42:53

Hi All

Just joining a little late, we have just found our sperm donor rather than using a sperm donor from a clinic we have met him and his family. We wanted to know more about the donor than just some basics on a piece of paper. Don't forget when your child gets to the age of 18 they have the ability to meet the donor, someone in which you have never met. This is the main reason why we are going through the process with a known donor.
To some this may sound scary and think that having the donor in some small role in your child's life can be scary, however we believe that with good communication it can work well. You don't even have to keep in contact with your donor that is just our personal preference.
Anyway just a thought and another direction to consider.
Oh and you can take your known donor to the fertility clinic for the insemination or you can opt for home insemination. The most important factor is the STD tests and getting a legal sperm donor agreement drawn up.
Good luck xx

MinnieMooMoo Mon 30-Dec-13 11:08:30

Oh Frettchen how exciting! Have you felt any thing yet?! I know some people have mentioned "knowing" within days of having sex haha!

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, have most definitely put weight on over Christmas which I was already on the cusp of BMI of 35 so am well and truly over that now sad

Still haven't picked a donor, I think possibly I haven't had anything done since November that it doesn't feel real any more, it's all just pretend and I'm not really going to have a baby.

Welcome ecca and good luck!

I had thought about going down the home route a few years ago but kept talking to pervy men who decided just because I was single should have sex with them (despite the fact I'm a lesbian!) and who had helped 20 other women ugh! However I've budgeted for three goes and if that doesn't work I may well find myself on pride angel!

MinnieMooMoo Mon 30-Dec-13 14:13:34

Okay after some help from friends, I think I've found 'the one', have also bought enhanced profile and got pics of him as a baby, very cute! grin

Frettchen Mon 30-Dec-13 14:24:08

I don't feel pregnant... but then I've pretty much convinced myself that it's not going to happen this time; that it was too late and that I should expect AF to come and prove it unsuccessful. It's easier that way; then I won't be as disappointed as if I were expecting a BFP. Not even going to buy a pregnancy test unless I get to the end of my cycle and don't get my period bang on time. So far I've avoided looking up what the early signs of conception are, just so I don't start looking for them.

What I will say about the home donation route is that doing it once has made me rethink whether I want to do it again. There was nothing wrong with the donor; I believe his motives are true and he's a decent enough person. I just felt a bit weird afterwards - I'm not a lesbian, but then I'm not exactly straight either - am sort of content being just me at the moment, so it was weird to have what felt to me to be a very false encounter with him. We both knew it didn't mean anything and all the bad feeling is in my head, but yeah - it's given me cause to think things over. I know the end will justify the means if I do get pregnant, I'm not really sure I want to try again that way whilst there are other possibilities out there.

I'm going to take the next couple of weeks to have another look at my finances/enquire with a fertility clinic and see if it's a possible alternative route.

What's stopping you from moving forward, Minnie ? Is it the hugeness of the whole thing? I'm trying to block that out and remain in happy denial until getting a positive test result. Sometimes I don't think I really believe it's ever going to happen, but I'm intent on trying because I'm so terrified of reaching some unknown point in time and realising I've missed my chance.

Oooh - just refreshed and have seen that you've picked a donor. Exciting! Does that make it feel more real? What happens next in your timeline? Are there more procedures/tests needed, or is it a case of ordering the sperm and then doing the IUI when the time is right?

Also - I meant to share something funny/lovely before. One of my Christmas presents from my mum was a small turkey baster which she'd attached sticky labels to saying 'single', 'twins' and 'triplets' which I found hilarious, but also really touching because it showed me that she's completely on board and ready to support me, and that means so much more than I ever thought it would.

MinnieMooMoo Mon 30-Dec-13 14:38:57

Oh that is interesting about how you're feeling with regard to the donor, you do have to feel comfortable with the whole set up and least you can say "well I did try it X way". Definitely nothing wrong with enquiring with the clinics though, LWC seem to have clinics throughout the UK and have their own sperm bank. I'm going via my local hospital which has a private clinic within it, obviously they use Xytex in America.

That's lovely about the turkey baster, I'm pleased your mum has come round to the idea and is more supportive now. Bet she's secretly excited for a grandchild really! grin

I have my counselling on the 7th, just noticed that the prices for sperm go up on 1st so desperately trying to order it today, though really it's negligible the price increase so not a problem if I can't order it this week.

Happily will share picture of donor if you would like to see (just pm me!) it has made me feel much better about things. But yes I think it is the hugeness of it all, am struggling with keeping my monthly incomings high enough to get a mortgage (I work ad hoc so income fluctuates month to month and February is looking disastrously low!). I don't mind staying at home and know my mother is keen for me to stay, but I do want my own place, just hate the idea of renting.

Frettchen Mon 30-Dec-13 15:15:13

I'm just waiting for the office to empty so I can call the clinic. Might google LWC in the meantime. I'm hopefully selling my house soon (moving back in with my mum, albeit only for a short while - I hope!) and that should free up a bit of money to things. Also I have a small amount of inheritance due some time later this year, so I'm hopefully going to be in a very unusual place of being able to sit down and budget for things - just have to remember to save as much of it as possible.

Yeah - I think Mum's just realised I'm really serious, and is more than a little excited about a grandchild.

Oooh - will definitely PM you for the donor's pic!

I can totally understand your housing issue. I was renting 3 years ago when my landlord decided to sell, and I only managed to scrape together enough to get my own place because the house I bought was a tip and the seller wanted a quick sale. It was just dumb luck that got me into it, so don't lose hope - it's definitely possible, even if it doesn't seem like it is.

MinnieMooMoo Sun 05-Jan-14 23:05:25

Happy new year to you all!

My period came early this month confused but will start taking my seven seas tomorrow, hopefully will try on February's cycle! (which at the minute has an ovulation date of 13th Feb!)

I've got my counselling on Tuesday, have reserved my sperm, it's all feeling a bit real now grin

How is every one else?

MinnieMooMoo Tue 14-Jan-14 21:22:46

Hi everyone! How are you all getting on? smile

CynthiaRose Tue 28-Jan-14 22:59:14

Hi ladies, just wanted to make you aware of the SMC website, if you're not already. It's an American site and a bit vomit making in places, but there are some nice positive stories on there too that it might be worth reading.

MinnieMooMoo Fri 31-Jan-14 11:44:43

Thanks Cynthia, are you well?

I have my next appointment on the 17th Feb when hopefully my sperm will have arrived in england ready for my March cycle!

CynthiaRose Fri 31-Jan-14 14:02:54

Yep, very well thanks.

How exciting! How are you feeling about the first go?

unicorn79 Wed 12-Feb-14 20:21:21

Hi everyone
I have just turned 35 and in early stages of considering this, v v encouraging to see others making it happen! How is it going for everyone ?
I am starting to think about donors and would prefer to havw a known donor, can anyone recommend any places to look? I've seen pride angels so will start there...

CynthiaRose Thu 13-Feb-14 19:26:26

Hi Unicorn. Life is great for me, so pleased I did it. I got my donor from the London Sperm Bank, as it was attached to the clinic I used. The children will be able to get contact details for him when they turn 18.
Good luck with it all. My only real advice would be to think really carefully about how you choose the donor and what information you will have about them, the biggest thing for me as they get older is worrying more and more about how they are going to feel about not having a dad and it feels really important that there is plenty of information available and the possibility of contact if they want it. I don't know anything about Pride Angel though.

mrswishywashy Thu 13-Feb-14 19:53:04

Hi all, glad to see this thread still going.

We have sperm on ice at LWC, were meant to do treatment last month but I never got a positive on the opk. However I start testing on Sunday and hope to see a positive on Friday so treatment can be done on Saturday, hopefully my body will co operate.

Good luck to you all and I hope 2014 is our year.

CynthiaRose Thu 13-Feb-14 23:30:24

Good luck Mrswishywashy, fingers crossed you get a positive.

Kowha1leaf Sat 15-Feb-14 10:55:04

Hi Everyone
I was thrilled to find this link, as I have gone down the IUI road as well. Good luck to everyone trying that - the procedures are not as scary as they can sound! However, I am seeking different advice now. I always believed that finding someone and having children would just 'happen', but due to some poor decision-making I now find myself a single, childless lady in my 40s. I had 1 cycle of IUI with the London Women's Clinic (just last month), unfortunately it did not work. But the good news that came out of the pre-testing they do there is that my reproductive system is in top-notch nick, similar to that of a quite-a-lot younger woman, and I believe the only thing standing in my way is the lack of raw materials. But the IUI is fairly expensive and I can't afford to try again at this stage - and I'm only getting older! So I am looking for advice on private sperm donors. I've looked at several websites but they didn't seem very trustworthy, to be honest, some very strange comments and I wondered whether they are moderated, and by whom. Can anyone help me out? Any info on getting in touch with genuine private donors would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in hope.

minniemoomoo Mon 17-Feb-14 12:28:04

So glad this thread is still going.

I'm not too sure about doing it at home, I looked into a forum about 4 years back think it WS just called sperm donors forum but the men seemed a little unsavoury.

Pride angel seems to be a good place to find a home donor though.

I'm feeling awfully frustrated I was supposed to have an appointment today to take in some forms and they cancelled me lasts minute "due to unforeseen circumstances" so now next appointment isn't til next week so I might now miss my march cycle as well sad

unicorn79 Tue 18-Feb-14 19:44:47

Thanks for the responses, seems like there is a bit of a gap for reliable sources for private donors! I may try to start a separate thread. I have a friend I would consider but no idea how to broach the subject...

I am attending the talk on Saturday at London Womens Clinic for contemplating single motherhood so pleased to see others are using it as well.

Minnie Moo, sorry to hear about your appointment, fingers crossed you make it for the March one...

MinnieMooMoo Thu 20-Feb-14 11:32:23

I had sought information from the LWC as I understand they have their own sperm bank but it's about 15 miles away whereas my NHS hosp is next to my work which I thought might work better for appointments! Plus I got some investigations on the NHS which was nice!

You could do what a few people have suggested to me hmm which is to go down town on a Saturday night. Ugh!! Why are people so insensitive.

Got my next appointment for the 26th and period is due 1st March so not sure about March cycle at the minute :/

MinnieMooMoo Thu 20-Feb-14 11:34:32

Oh something else I found when looking at private donors, is of course they aren't regulated and I remember in 2010 they were featured in Take A Break! But the offputting thing for me is they were helping a lot of women and the idea of my child falling in love with their sibling was abhorrent to me. The one guy I was interested in had over 20 children! Pity though as his offspring were very cute.

Kowha1leaf Fri 21-Feb-14 23:17:22

MinnieMooMoo, can you recall where I could find that info about private donors that you mention above? I agree the issue of siblings unwittingly falling in love later on is troublesome, but in any event I am planning to move overseas with my (at the moment latent) child, so that would hopefully reduce the likelihood of them meeting. I really am stumped with this and feeling very down at the prospect of a childless future. I'm too old for IVF on the NHS and I can't afford it privately.

Kowha1leaf - have you considered going abroad? LWC are super expensive and I found them a little bit impersonal so have gone abroad for treatment, even with the air fares it's cheaper than doing it in the UK.

Kowha1leaf Sun 23-Feb-14 20:53:34

PosyFossilsShoes, where abroad are you going? Do you nip back and forth, or does it involve a lengthy stay abroad? I really hope that works out for you smile good luck. I agree LWC is expensive - hence only 1 go on the IUI - but then, I didn't shop around first so maybe anyone else would be a similar price? I found the service good, informative, and interested without being pushy. I'm considering asking my GP about private donors, but since the field is unregulated I suspect she will be forbidden, or at the very least strongly discouraged, from giving me information even if she has any. Thoughts on this?

I'm going to Denmark, but I have two friends who have conceived successfully using a clinic in Spain. I nip back and forth, which is logistically complicated but it's less than 2 hours away on the plane so no different to going London - Manchester on the train really (that's what I keep telling myself).

I don't think your GP will be allowed to tell you about private donors and if she says anything it'll probably be about the risks from STIs and inherited diseases - but then you can insist on your donor going to be tested.

MinnieMooMoo Thu 27-Feb-14 13:58:24

Kowha1leaf So sorry I took so long to reply, I post under a different name on here and find it annoying to switch but once I get my BFP I can come 'out'. I found the private donors by googling sperm donors and came across a forum called tadpoles or something.

It's completely unregulated but some women on there do provide recommendations for donors they've used.

I had another appointment this week and I think I'm good to go on March cycle. We're going for an unmedicated first cycle to see how I go.

mrswishywashy Sat 01-Mar-14 10:30:51

It's very tempting to go down the unregulated route for sperm donor but its not for me. My reasons are the world is a small place now a days and there is a huge risk of half siblings meeting in the future especially as some donors have 50 plus children sadly they see it like a game. Also there is a chance even with a contract the the donor can seek and gain parental responsibility.

That said there is a clinic cyros I think in Denmark that will sell sperm for home insemination so could either go there or order sperm for delivery in the UK. It's a bit of a grey spot legally but I do know people who've done it and being successful. The sperm will be checked and also can either choose anonymous or non anonymous.

AFM another month gone by and not a sign of a positive on a OPK, this month will be having a monitored cycle so hope to insemination in three weeks or so. Good luck everyone.

pickles177 Sat 15-Mar-14 22:20:03

Hi all - hope I can join in? My hubby had a vasectomy reversal last year but it failed and we are now going down the DIUI route - we have had our first consultation and am awaiting the HSG scan - I'm feeling the pressure of finances though - anyone know the money involved for getting donor sperm from Xytex - my clinic in London uses them. ? Would be most grateful for some support - I have no one I know who is going through anything similar.

juneybean Sat 15-Mar-14 22:22:25

Hi Pickles, its $615 per unwashed vial plus $585 for shipping from xytex.

Are you not able to get it on the NHS as they possibly pay shopping, I'm doing it privately.

juneybean Sat 15-Mar-14 22:22:41


pickles177 Sat 15-Mar-14 22:26:29

Hi juneybean - thanks for the quick response - that is so expensive isn't it - I'm paying private I'm afraid as hubby and I don't count under nhs. We're both happy with using donor sperm which is good but the money is rottensad. I'm struggling with the fact that most people don't have to pay any money at all

juneybean Sat 15-Mar-14 22:28:15

I know its hard when we all want the same outcome. I ordered three vials which in sterling came to £1200 I was able to get free shipping as I waited until an NHS couple were ordering and added my order to theirs.

Kowha1leaf Thu 20-Mar-14 12:37:06

Hi again, I've been absent for a bit but thanks to those above who've addressed my issue. Yep, I agree the unregulated sperm donation route is far from ideal, but as a last resort it pips 'going into town on a Saturday night'. Or does it amount to the same thing, I don't know... mrswishywashy, thanks very much for info re Cryos, I had a look at the website and it all looks above-board, but still a cost. Had a look also at the tadpoles website as mentioned by MinnieMooMoo - I think there are probably genuine donors on there but I don't know how to begin sorting the wheat from the chaff!! As soon as I had signed up - hadn't even posted what I was looking for - I got a chat request from a potential donor with a stupid avatar name (not quite 'Biggus Dickus' but of that ilk, y'know), ignored it and had a look at some of the forum posts, but it was not a promising introduction.

azyazy Mon 31-Mar-14 13:26:48

Hello , I'm glad I found this thread. I'm looking into using a donor to concieve my second child. I'm 22 so I know a lot of people think I should find a partner but with my son I was married with my mortgage sorted and still ended up a single mum after my ex left me when my son was a week old. I ve been looking at the lwc but am still unsure on the costs ive got £3000 saved up but am not sure if that willbe enough.

mrswishywashy Sun 06-Apr-14 21:46:13

My wife and I just had our first negative after a nerve wracking 2WW. We will hopefully try again on this cycle.

azyazy - After all the tests, consultations and just one IUI I would say we've spent just under £3000. We are counting unmedicated as £2000, medicated as £3000 and IVF as a lot more. Its not cheap at all.

CynthiaRose Mon 07-Apr-14 19:52:56

Sorry to hear that mrswishywashy, hang in there and good luck for the next go!

Stephf999 Tue 08-Apr-14 19:08:33

Hi. I have just joined today and this thread fits me perfectly. I'm 38 and at the start of my first cycle of IUI by DI. I'm single and decided it would be now or never. I have the rest of my life to meet a man but I'm limited when it comes to having children. Would really like to chat to others in a similar boat. I have lots of support from family but talking to other women going through the same decisions would really help.

CynthiaRose Wed 09-Apr-14 18:45:02

Hi Steph. Good luck with your treatment, fingers crossed it works first time!

Stephf999 Wed 09-Apr-14 19:14:52

Thank you CynthiaRose. As you have been through this do you know of any support groups or areas I might find like minded woman. I can't seem to find much online.

CynthiaRose Thu 10-Apr-14 00:22:42

Have you tried Fertility Friends? They've got a massive singles board there, it was a bit too active, I couldn't keep up! But plenty of advice on it and people going through the same thing. Also have a look at the Donor Conception Network. They have local groups where people meet up - all different stages, thinking, doing and with kids.

businessadmin Wed 16-Apr-14 22:15:52

Hi all, I had a scan on 8th Jan, doctor said i was about 6/7weeks and he couldnt find a heartbeat. I went back on 15th Jan and said i was about 8wks and still couldnt find a heartbeat, So i ad to go to the Early pregnancy clinic on Tuesday 21st Jan.

I had to go to my gp first for him to book me into the clinic and he read the letter from the LWC clinic which told him i had the embryo transfer on the 4th Dec and he worked out, im only bout 6 wks .

I went to EPU on 21st Jan, they worked out i was 6 weeks , they still couldnt find a heartbeat, they give me a option to give it another week, so i did, I went bk on 28th Jan . I really wanted this baby aswell, sad .

They said my gestation sac is 34 x 22.7 x 16.4 mm . A echogenic foci probably fetal pole is visible. No FH pulsations detected. CRL 5.5 mm= 6 weeks 1 day . A 10.4 x 9.1 x 14.8 mm bleed site is seen adjacent to gestation sac.

I went for scan on Tues 28th, but they said the sac looks the same size and no fetal heart pulsation.

They booked me into the Womens Health Unit on Fri 31st Jan to end the pregnancy, i was given a tablet on Wednesday called Mifepristone to take and then on Friday i was given a tablet called Misoprostol.

I keep thinking that i end the pregnancy and the baby might be ok and start growing and it be too late.

The doctor took some of the pregnancy tissue and it was sent to get tested at the lab. I had a scan on 7th Feb and they said i had a little bleed still there and to go bk on 19th Feb, the pregnancy test was negative and hormone level dropped, but the scan showed there was a little bleed still there, but it had shrunk and should come out in my next period. sad.

Ive been having achey-ness in my left leg since i was discharged from hospital, it dont know if it after the miscarriage has caused it ?.

Then I booked an appointment Tues 25th Feb at my LWC clinic, for a consultation, but ave to wait till my next period till i can try again.

I had my consultation on 25th feb. The doctor said i can try again, wen my period comes back again. My period came on 15/16th march . I had a scan on 18th march , & was given progynova to take. I have 2 frozen embryos. I go bk on 28th march .

I had 1 embryo implanted and I have 1 frozen one left. I had to
test on 14th April I was gettin mixed results some tests were saying
not pregnant and some was saying pregnant and the lines were a light colour.
I phoned the IVF LWC clinic and they booked me in for a scan on 8th May.

Tryingandimpatient Sun 27-Jul-14 10:20:57

Hi girls,

How are you all getting on now?? Any BFP's to report??

I am on my second round of ivf (first using a known donor friend now using donor sperm from my clinic).... First attempt failed.

Am now 4 days post EC with only 3 embies growing in their little dish (��) .... The embryologist called this morn and said all 3 still growing well so we are aiming for a 5 day transfer tomorrow (hopefully blastocyst)!

How did people get through the 2ww and stay sane??? Any tips??

How soon did people start testing with home tests??

Any tips for success??

How have people explained their pregnancies to others after using a donor??


juneybean Tue 12-Aug-14 17:10:37

Just found this thread after too many months currently in my two week wait for IUI#2 but not feeling positive sad only got one more vial of sperm left after this :/

Tryingandimpatient Wed 13-Aug-14 15:44:21

Hey juneybean,

How are you doing in your 2 ww?? It's an awful time and symptom spotting is uncontrollable lol!!!

I just got my BFP last week after 2nd ivf cycle (1st failed) using donor sperm. Am really excited but scared in case something happens and it's not there when I go for scan next week!! Seems the worry never ends!!! You worry about not getting BFP then if you do get it you worry about the scan!! What comes next?! Lol

When are you going to start testing??

Trying ��

juneybean Wed 13-Aug-14 15:50:41

Hi! Congratulations!! Yeah it's frightening isn't it, it's like you'll never stop stressing ever again because once they're here you have a human beings to worry for!!

I'm not doing great in my 2ww worrying about every twinge cried most of yesterday thinking AF was coming. Just wish I knew! Did a test today but it was bfn. Will wait til Friday which will be 14dpo!

Missiehappy Sun 17-Aug-14 22:02:02

Despite trying to find a partner, I am still single & have always wanted a family. Time is moving on! & I have decided to TTC using a sperm donor. I have my first appointment coming up soon in the Care Centre in Nottingham. I chose this clinic as it is near enough to where I live. Obviously, it would make sense to have treatment locally as I am aware that treatment might well not be successful first time & may therefore mean several treatments are necessary. I want to TTC early in 2015. I do not have a sperm donor chosen at this point.
On reading some of the posts here & accounts elsewhere, it seems quite a lot of women in my position travel abroad, especially to Denmark.

I would like to ask a few questions from the group:

1. Has anyone else been to Care in Nottingham? If so, how did you find the clinic & would you recommend it?
2. Is there a reasonable choice when it comes to donors in the UK?
3. Is there a waiting list? (Being sensible, I really should not wait much longer)
4. Has anyone any views on whether it is best to have treatment in the UK or to go abroad? To an extent, money is not a huge issue, as I have thought about doing this for quite a while now & have therefore saved up for it.
5. I plan on having two children at least, quite close together. Does anyone know if it is practical to have more than one pregnancy by the same donor in the UK?

Thanks so much to anyone who can help! I know no one who has gone down this road, so I greatly appreciate it!

juneybean Mon 18-Aug-14 16:23:35

Hi missie I can't help you with regards to Care in Nottingham as I haven't used them. However I am seeking treatment in Newcastle in a fertility unit within an NHS hospital. They use Xytex in America and have a 10 family limit so one donor can only create up to 10 families so you could have 1 or 5 children using the same donor. I think the limit is probably the same in England also. Do Care have their own sperm bank do you know?

At my clinic, as I'm a private patient, there was no waiting list.

Tryingandimpatient Mon 18-Aug-14 17:44:34

My clinic also use Xytex and they're good as you get very extensive profiles to choose your donor from.

Missiehappy Wed 20-Aug-14 19:31:31

Thanks Juneybean. Care seem to have their own bank but I'm just worried that if they only have their own & don't allow me to use another sperm bank, then there could be a long wait, as looks like there are a shortage of UK donors. I guess if they tell me this at my appointment then I will just pay them for the consultation etc. & book an appointment with another clinic.

juneybean Wed 20-Aug-14 19:33:52

I've been wondering about that, I'm possibly thinking about changing clinics but want to keep my donor so wondering if I can take "him" with me so to speak.

businessadmin Thu 09-Oct-14 21:16:04

Hi everyone, I had a 2nd round of IVF, I had a 3 day transfer and had two embryo transferred back into me.

I tested a week later and got a positive result, I was booked in for a scan on 2nd Oct at the clinic and the Dr found a sac with two embryos and a heartbeat.

Ive got to go back on 16th Oct, to see if everything still ok.

I know how u feel Tryingandimpatient about if to tell people you've used
Donor Sperm. My hairdresser was askin me some questions about the father, but I never said nothing.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now