mid 30s thread 2 - lesley, notnow, bear, caip etc(93 Posts)
Don't know if you'll all find this or not but wanted to see how you're all doing
lesley how is counselling going?
notnow how was oz? Hope you had a fab time
bear what's the latest with you?
missbrightside if you're there, how are you doing?
I'm good, have got a scan on Thursday to make sure we have a heart beat. I've been feeling nauseous quite a lot which is grotty but a good sign!
Caip- I just caught the old thread earlier today and was wondering if anyone had started another, so thanks for doing the honours.
Can I also say massive congratulations to you?! I'm soooo pleased for you. I hope all goes well with the scan.
I'm alright. Just ticking along at the mo. I was meant to have a HSG this month but the consultants were away on the days I needed it. Yes, all of them were on holiday. Quite unbelievable. So I'm kind if waiting for next month and kind of hoping that fate has intervened to give us one last chance of a natural conception before the rocky road if assisted conception. So that's where I am - desperately hoping.
Hope everyone rlse is okay?
How was Oz, Notnow? And how are you doing Lesley?
Been watching your other thread to see if anyone would use up the last space for a message before starting a new thread so glad to see this one is going and I can save this to my watch list instead! Check things regularly to see the progress everyone is making.
Caip, good luck for Thursday. The sickness is definitely a good sign albeit not much fun at the mo.
Bear, hope you manage to get lucky this month and don't need to go down the assisted conception route.
I'm having my second laparoscopy in a few weeks but with a hysteroscopy this time with the hope of it fixing my heart shaped womb before we start Ivf. They are talking about me being down regulated for three months. Any one had this for that long before?! What are the side effects of down regulation? After nearly three years of no BFP at all I am desperate to start the process ASAP and a three month down regulation isn't filling me with enthusiasm!
Oz was amazing, thanks. I'm at Hong Kong airport on my way home right now. Completely lovely holiday and a very welcome escape from real life. I'm quite excited to be in a thread title! Hope you're all well. Keeping my fingers crossed for your scan, Caip.
Notnow, hope you made it home ok.
Caip, how did your scan go last week?
Scan was great thanks Fabi. We have 1 on board which is fab - she'd had to tell a couple the week before who'd had 2 frozen embies put back in that they were having triplets!!
How is everyone doing?
Caip - that's great news, congratulations! You still feeling pretty nauseous?
Hello all! So glad the thread has continued - I had no idea how to make a new one! Congrats on the scam caip - v exciting times & hopefully you can really start to enjoy it all now?
Not great here - we did one counselling session, she suggested we write each other a letter - he didn't do his just told me he wants a divorce. He's being totally cold and shut down. I'm still in shock - after 3 miscarraiges, 3.5 rounds of ivf and relocating my life to Oz - he just wants to check out.
Apart from regular panics about wtf I'm going to do with my life, I'm just trying to take it day at a time. Flying back to Uk tmrw for a couple of weeks - can't wait.
V frustrating ab
...about your HSG bear. Hold on in there, my neighbour just got pregnant the month after her HSG after 18 months trying. I swear it seems to help somehow.
Another lap fabione? I also had heart shaped womb that they operated on last year - why do you have to have another one? Good luck - hope it goes smoothly.
notnow hope it's ok going home - I'm already dreading the end of my holiday! I've done no work this last month so hoping I can focus when I get back so I don't end up jobless and husbandless!! X
Hang in there, Lesley. I found that work was an absolute saviour - there's something very comforting about having to concentrate on something other than the general shitness of life. I'm really sorry to hear what's happening though - completely horrible for you.
Great to hear the scan went well, Caip. Long awaited and well deserved. Although that sounds weird, somehow.
Fabi, good luck with the op. It seems to be one of those things that might be rubbish or great - so many people have said that they've got pregnant in the first couple of months after an HSG. I felt pretty rough for a few days afterward so take it easy if you possibly can.
Good luck Bear. Hope it all works out without all this bollocks for you.
Oh Lesley, I'm really sorry. I hope you enjoy the couple of weeks back in the uk and can come up with a plan to start the next phase of your life (sorry, sounds corny!)
Just had a phonecall from stupid husband's mother to say that he has lost loads of weight and is missing me. It's been six months. It's too bloody late, not that I'm not missing him, however. Sadly, I haven't lost any pissing weight. He, despite what his mum says, is not answering his pissing phone to tell me when our house sale is likely to complete. I keep dreaming about him. Last night's was a very earnest conversation where he tried to tell me that the secret behind his behaviour was something terrible he did in 1960 (he wasn't born then). I woke before he could tell me what the secret was - woke up so frustrated, as though he would actually have told me had I just stayed asleep long enough.
I've stopped being (quite so) cross now! Spoke to stupid husband, house sale is ticking along nicely, went out with friend...calm again.
Glad you're feeling calmer, I know I'd be exactly the same. And I hate dreams like that!
notnow sorry to hear you're having dreams about your husband. Guess things must be constantly on your mind and must be coming out in your sub conscious. I did a course in mindfulness a while back and found it amazing for helping with stress. If you google body scan you can find exercises on you tube that are great for doing in the evening before bed which might help stop the dreams.
lesley hope you had a safe (but no doubt long trip) over to the UK and aren't too jet lagged. I remember you saying before you have heart shaped womb. When I went for initial consultation at Ivf clinic she wanted it further investigated to see if it was two completely separate wombs or if its just a septum. If a septum consultant will remove it. This is what im hoping for as it means I will be (nearly) normal and won't be at as much risk if I get pregnant. Using my work insurance so at the same time he's going to remove more endo. Has anyone ever told you that it needed to be investigated before Ivf could start? Don't know whether she's just being over cautious or whether this is what normally happens in cases like mine.
Caip hope you're ticking along nicely and the nausea has gone or at least lessened. Feeling really inspired that you're the OP back all that time ago and its finally working for you. Gives me hope that we will all get there one day xx
bear do you have new date for hsg yet?
Hello to everyone else. Xxx
I've just been round to my house to sign the sale papers and sort out who gets what from the possessions. Had a long chat with my husband. Apparently he and his girlfriend have just gone public at work. She loves him. He is reluctant to say he loves her but it's clearly not far off. She is the one he cheated with. It puts a whole new spin on the break-up and I don't really know how I feel about it - not worse, I think. Maybe love can go some way to explain if not excuse her behaviour. His behaviour is what it is. I don't think it matters much why you split up - if the person you love doesn't want to be married to you, that's bad enough no matter what the reason. It does confirm that there will be no getting back together, for sure and for certain and for ever. Next step is divorce, I guess.
Nothing in MY situation is different from yesterday but I feel weird. I thought that he would not stay single and I thought that they had unfinished business and would end up in the sack but I think I am surprised that they are now 'together'. I thought the guilt and self-loathing he evidently still feels would poison it for the two of them.
I think, I THINK, I wish them well.
I really really hope they don't have a baby.
And not to be quite so me me me, how are you all doing?
Hey notnow - sorry to hear about today's developments. (I've been lurking on this thread despite not posting for a while). It's always shitty to hear that someone you've been so close to (or even married to!) has moved on but I'm sure things won't be quite as 'perfect' for your ex as he might be implying. It sounds from what his mum said to you recently that he still has strong feelings for you even if things didn't work out between you, and I'm sure he must be feeling really guilty about splitting up with you. I'm not surprised it's weirded you out a bit today. I split up with my first husband quite a few years ago now and each time we met to sort out the practicalities I came away feeling quite mixed up emotionally. Hugs to you!!! And I'm not at all surprised you don't want him to have kids with this lady, that would be like a knife to the heart. I'm sure you've got a wonderful future ahead of you, it just takes time to readjust after a big upheaval like this but it WILL happen, I promise.
As for me, my (new) DH and I went for fertility tests a couple of months ago and then I had a HSG and hey presto I got pg first month after that, so I'm tentatively at week 6 now and counting down the days to week 12. Was v pleased to read about caip's bfp as I know you've been trying for a long while (and I feel an affinity for a fellow city-girl!)
Happy weekend all,
Yikes (previously somedaysoon)
Congratulations Yikes! That's great news and will be encouraging for Bearface too.
I don't think my (I guess) soon-to-be-ex-husband is painting anything as perfect. It doesn't matter anyway - I don't wish him to be unhappy and love is always a good thing. I just don't want our whole relationship to break down because he didn't want children and so completely let himself out the back door to infidelity, only for him to produce a child immediately - I didn't mean it like a curse on them. He says definitely not, anyway. He says she 'doesn't want anything from him' which is apparently a big advantage. I just think it's very easy to ask for nothing when you're only 30 and have a new boyfriend, whom you love, who has told you he has nothing to give. Oh well. It's her look out.
Anyway, I've taken off my wedding ring and am going to start divorce proceedings soon. Onward and upwards.
Sorry notnow, I didn't mean to cause any offence, I think my message yesterday may have been rather clumsily worded.
Gosh is that how I came across? I haven't taken any offence - I always enjoy your posts because they make me think. It's really good to hear that you are in this very happy place with a new (or not new but subsequent) partner and a baby on the way after going through a divorce. It's very heartening. I love the fact that people on this thread - which seemed like the unluckiest on the Internet - are now expecting their babies. Well deserved all round, I say.
I keep posting things here that I know are more appropriate for relationships or divorce/separation because I feel like this is where my online friends are (and because the people on relationships often seem a bit rabid). I keep assuming that people don't mind - I usually get one or two supportive comments and then the thread moves on, which is perfect and helps me get things off my chest without wallowing too much.
Please don't worry about offending me - I'm a placid soul and it hardly ever happens. You seem really nice, actually.
You're doing amazingly, you sound so strong. I don't know what to say about your husband, I'd feel the same about not wanting them to have babies but they're probably way off even discussing that. But I think you just have to believe that you have a new life out there and try not to let what's happened stop you from finding and believing in that life.
Pls do keep posting here, I'm not going anywhere!
Yikes - congratulations, that's great news! How are you feeling? I've hit 9 wks today and have felt much better this past week, weeks 6 and 7 were pretty grotty for me.
I'm not really a city girl - I live in Maidenhead - but am in a lot for work and dinners with friends.
Lesley - are you still in the UK? I hope you're enjoying seeing everyone and are doing ok.
How are you Bear?
Aw, thanks notnow, you seem very nice too!! Defo post-away in this section. The different threads in the different sections all have a different 'feel' to them don't they? I've flipped from thread to thread in the past but this has been one of my favourites, particularly when I was lurking earlier in the year at a very dark point in my life. I read the whole thread from start to finish and it was like a novel which you can't put down with characters you get really attached to! Hopefully one that will have a happy ending for everyone
caip - I'm not feeling too bad, just a bit knackered. I'm glad you're feeling ok. The first few weeks can certainly get a bit grotty. I'm not really a city girl either, actually a northerner currently residing in leafy Surrey, but I like to call myself a city girl to justify the daily commute! (I currently have to sit on the floor for my train journey to waterloo, so looking forward to sporting a bump at some point when hopefully someone might offer me a seat!)
Oh bollocks. It's all just caught up with me. What a shitty, shitty situation. I'm frankly terrified of the rest of my life. My self pity knows no bounds tonight and am weeping into the pillow. It's all so fucking unfair. My whole life has been turned upside down and inside out.
Oh notnow it is shitty and unfair and terrifying and you're bound to have melt downs. But you'll have good days which will then start to outweigh the shittiness. It's still so recent and you'll get there and there's still plenty of time for you to have a family one day.
Stay strong xx
Thanks - I've pulled myself up together again now. Meltdown over till the next time.
Big hugs notnow. I'm just lurking as still a mess. Glad to be on holiday so I don't even have to pretend to hold it together but terrified about going back. Keep wishing it was all a bad dream & isn't really happening. Hope you're all well & apologies for lack of personals xx
I bet you're glad to be on holiday - it's so good too take some time out of real life. Try not to think about going back. Denial seems to be working quite well as a strategy for me, despite my last couple of posts. I hope your friends and family are making much of you and giving you the tlc you need (but not asking constant questions and heckling whether you're okay...grrrr). I'm in a good mood today as I've just been to view a house that I like that I can afford. Good days come most days now and it's only been six months since bombshell time. It sounds as though you are being very brave and being a mess at this point is probably very healthy. Just hang in there for a bit longer.
All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well. Take care of yourself. Eat lots. Drink wine. X
And I'm sure that said checking when I wrote it, although heckling is closer to the truth sometimes.
Ha ha, notnow, when I read 'heckling' I thought 'what a good choice of words!' Hey lesley - hugs!
I've had a shitty week, need to off-load for a sanity check:
I'm covering for someone senior at work for a few weeks and on the last day of the handover on weds I started getting panicky that I wouldn't be able to do it as there's so much to do; it was all getting a bit overwhelming; then my computer just ground to a halt for a few hours and I ended up just sitting at my desk with my head in my hands, completely frozen. I felt a bit funny physically so I went to the loo and there was what felt like a big gush. Quite a lot of red/grey blood with a slightly mushy texture (sorry TMI). I didn't have any pads so I just stuffed some loo role in my pants. Assumed it was 'game over' and burst into tears in front of my boss. Had to stay at work to finish something and didn't get home til nearly 10pm. Had to go into work thurs/fri and do long hours coz of covering for someone so haven't had much time to think about it til now, but my mind is now playing tricks on me saying there's a chance it's ok. But I know really it's not. I rang the EPU on thurs and they said there was no chance the baby is ok and they've booked me in for a scan on weds to check its a complete mc. Reason my mind is playing tricks is (a) I 'only' bled for 24 hours (although I definitely wouldn't just call it spotting and there were some v small blobs); (b) my boobs are really tingly as if I'm pg. I know I won't know 'for sure' until the scan on weds, and would like to fast forward to that time, but what are my chances? I had a scan the previous week when I was 5w+6d and they saw a heartbeat so theoretically I was 6w+5d when I bled (although I did feel a bit funny on the Saturday at 6w+1d so the baby could have died then?). I just would have expected a lot more blood than this. I've only had 1 mc before (at 10w) and bled lots for weeks. Sorry for mega-post. What do you think?
Oh, Yikes, you poor thing. I'm so sorry you're going through this - the waiting between the bleeding and the check up is just the worst because you don't know what to think or feel. You must be incredibly strong to keep going in to work under the circumstances, although I guess the other option is to sit home and obsess about it.
I had two miscarriages at 6.4 and 7.6 which were both horrible in their own way but physically not too bad - the later one was definitely sore whereas the earlier one just felt like a fairly disgusting period. I felt as though I had a temperature both times, although I actually didn't - that sense of something being very definitely not right with my body although I couldn't put my finger on it exactly.
What you have described does sound like a miscarriage and very like mine - I really feel for you. A couple of the details really ring bells, particularly the bit about a 'wrong' feeling a few days beforehand and about the greyish/red mix. I guess you have to prepare yourself for the worst news on Wednesday, especially after what the nurse said.
On the other hand, my boobs definitely stopped feeling pregnant a couple of days beforehand and yours haven't. No one's experiences are exactly the same and I really, really hope for you that all is well, even if it does sound like a slim chance. It's such a sad and anxious time for you.
Can you take time off work or do you need to throw yourself into it? Whatever it feels like (not what you logically think) you ought to do, do that. Hugs to you.
Thank you notnow, it's really helpful to hear your experiences, although obviously very sad too. Thank you so much for replying; our experiences do sound quite similar and it does feel like that's it for me. Have just got myself booked in to a private clinic for a quick scan this morning as I'm notoriously bad at the waiting thing. It's £100 and I'm sure will not be the happiest £100 I've ever spent but I'd just rather know for sure ASAP so I can stop daydreaming that all is well. I just know that by weds I would have convinced myself that I'm still pg so it will would be another shock when they say there's no baby. After the scan today I'm going to spend the rest of the day watching chick flicks, x-factor, that kind of rubbish and will cuddle up on the sofa under a blanket with cups of tea.
How are you today? Have you put an offer in on the house you took a shine to?
What a day! Had a scan late morning and the baby was still ok! Heartbeat fine, measurements fine. A bit of a bleed visible between the sac and my uterus but sonographer said try not to worry. Chances of a miscarriage are now higher than if I'd not had a bleed but are "low-ish". DH and I were in tears at the news, it took a few hours to sink in. We're trying to be cautiously optimistic but it's a funny feeling really as we'd both convinced ourselves it was game over. Have already told people at work that I've had a mc! Have been told to expect more bleeding but to try not to worry. Next scan is on weds and then I have one per week until 10 weeks and then two at 12 weeks so at least I'm being closely monitored. Aaaargh, why can't I have one of those breezy pregnancies that others seem to have. It's an emotional roller-coaster, I've lost track of how many times I've been in tears this week alone.
Blimey Yikes! What a rollercoaster but I'm so pleased that things are looking up! That's such good news about today's scan, £100 definitely well spent
Look after yourself xx
That's great news - very hopeful-sounding. Definitely money well spent. I'm sure you haven't relaxed yet but weekly scans should help to reassure you. Maybe you can take things a little bit easier and put yourself first for a bit? It won't be for long but so worth it. Your post really made me smile because I wasn't expecting good news and it restores your faith a little bit. Well done!
Thank you both. Yes, taking things very easy now. Have spent so much time on the sofa this weekend I think I'm turning into a sofa. It's funny, when I got the 1:2 nuchal result with my second failed pg in January I managed to convince myself everything was going to be ok, and obviously it wasn't. And with this pg I found myself falling into that trap again (of thinking things would be ok) which is why I went for the scan yesterday. I'm a born pessimist and work in risk management (which is all about seeing the downsides to everything) so it's really odd my brain works that way, but obviously there's some maternal/survivor instinct that kicks in when it comes to protecting an unborn baby that makes you yearn for a positive outcome. Odd. I'm definitely not counting chickens yet, but taking each day as they come. Thank you for listening to me wittering!
yikes - your name has definitely lived up to things the last couple of weeks! Almost in tears reading your posts, felt like I was on your emotional rollercoaster with you. That's brilliant news and just shows that Mother Nature is a funny old thing always pushing and pulling us in different directions. Hopefully the weekly scans are helping you stay calm and you will start to enjoy being pg soon.
caip - how are you getting along? How many weeks are you? Hopefully you've seen the last of the grogginess.
notnow and lesley - hope you're both doing ok.
Hello to anyone else I've missed.
I'm off work sick at the moment after having a laparoscopy and hystoscopy last Tuesday in an attempt to fix my heart shaped uterus and removed more endometriosis. Bad news is my heart shaped womb is in two completely separate parts and nothing they can do to make into one big one again. Not really bad news as it doesn't alter things much. Just means baby will have half the space to grow in than a normal baby so will be a little squashed! My right side he couldn't get into but must have an opening somewhere which technically means Ivf will have to use the left half when we (eventually fingers crossed) come to egg transfer. Got to wait six weeks or so for everything to heal up nicely as he's taken a biopsy of the lining of the womb and all needs to be at its best before we start Ivf. Going mid nov for follow up to initial consultation and hoping its just a case of working out dates. Am I being naive...is this the next step at an Ivf follow up consultation??? I'm hoping we can get on with this ASAP and at least have started the process before Xmas.
Anyway, hope everyone is ok.
Ps has anyone heard from missbrightside lately? Often wonder how she is getting on
Hi fabi - hope you've feeling ok. Glad your womb being in 2 halves won't be an issue. I think we first met our ivf clinic last Sept and I started drugs in the November, fingers crossed you can get going being Christmas.
I haven't heard from missbrightside but think about her too. I can't remember when she became pregnant so no idea what stage she'd be at now.
I'm 12 weeks in a few days and we have our scan next week. I'm feeling loads better thanks and have a small bump but not entirely convinced that's not due bloating and over eating! I'm a bit wary about the scan, wondering if the baby is still alive so Thursday can't come soon enough
Notnow, Lesley, Bear and Yikes - how are you all doing?
caip - gosh, 12 week scan, how very exciting! I bet you can't wait for that milestone. You must hop on here and tell us the results straight away!!
fabi - great that you've got IVF in sight. Would be great, as you say, to have it before Christmas. It's a shame that they couldn't fix your heart shaped uterus when they were poking around but it is good news that it shouldn't affect pregnancy. I have a bit of a funny uterus too. Have had loads of scans on it and the conclusions range between clear bicornuate uterus (1/3 of the way down the middle) and mild arcuate uterus (with just a small dip at the top) (?!) but again they told me not to worry about it so I'm pretty much ignoring it.
I'm 9w3d today so have my Harmony test booked in for next Thursday, results a fortnight after that. I feel ok really, just still pretty tired and had some light spotting this week but nothing to really spook me. Just counting down to 12 weeks!
Hope lesley, notnow and brightside are keeping well.
Caip/yikes do you both have scans/tests tomorrow? Good luck to you both xxx
Thanks fabi & GOOD LUCK caip!!!!
Had our 12 week scan today and everything looks good. Have told loads more people today and am finally believing we're going to have a baby!
Hope everyone else is doing ok
That's great news Caip! Fantastic that you're finally able to share your news! What's your official due date? xxx
The IVF clinic said 22nd April but they moved it forward to the 16th yesterday x
Congratulations Caip! Finally feels okay to say that properly
Yikes, hope you are hanging in there and the harmony test (no idea what that is) went well/you passed it.
Fabi, your heart-shaped womb sounds like you're a medical marvel. You've done really well to get so far and find a way to make it all start coming together as you have.
Bear, Lesley, haven't heard from you for a while - hope you are both okay.
I have just exchanged contracts to sell my house so on Thursday next week I am officially homeless (except of course I'm still living with my parents while I'm buying -and renovating, in mid-winter, I must be mad - my new house). Had a hard week this week, what with moving stuff into storage and starting to feel the reality bite, but am starting to come back out of the glums again.
Take care everyone and have a good weekend.
Super news caip, I bet you're thrilled!
Hi notnow, so pleased you're feeling like you've turned a corner and are feeling a bit more positive about life. I'm sure good things are coming your way!
I've got another week and a half before I find out if I 'passed' the harmony test or not. I'm running out of distraction techniques though, help needed!
Try youtubeing 'What does the fox say?' For distraction purposes
Brilliant notnow, made me laugh almost as much as the 'penis beaker' thread on mumsnet!
'And the elephant goes toot'
WARNING RANT COMING UP!
I am absolutely fucking fuming (sorry for the bad language but I am THAT annoyed). Went to Ivf Wales today (for the second time) to get my karyotyping results. Appt was 4pm...went in to see doc at 510. No copy of results in file (nor was he expecting me to come in for them) so he rang the lab to get them....and guess what, they finish at 5pm. I was ready to punch the guy. I am absolutely fed up with Ivf Wales. They are a joke. This is twice now, that I have gone to get these results and they've not been there. So that's two appointments that other people could've had, no wonder the waiting lists for Ivf are so long. Going to write a formal complaint, that's two half days I've had off work which have been a complete waste of time.
Right, I think I have got that out of my system now!
How is everyone? caip hope you're plodding along nicely through the pregnancy. April 16th will be here before you know it once Christmas is out of the way.
yikes hope you're not going too mad waiting for the harmony results. What date are you going back for them? I had to google harmony test as I wasn't sure what they were and the first thing that came up was a link to a mumsnet page that you're actually on from the start of the year. Really praying that results are different this time and that everything is ok xxxx
Hope everyone else is doing alright and not too fed up that the mornings are getting darker and darker and the cold weather is definitely on its way.
I'm recovering after my lap and hyst a few weeks ago and am having my first period since. OMG what a painful and heavy period! After my last lap (when it was just lap and didn't have hyst) the period wasn't too bad but this is the worst period of my life. I even considered it might be worse than the early stages of labour and was actually thinking that maybe i am too much of a wimp to actually be able to go through with labour itself! Had to leave work early yesterday and go home and lie down with a hot water bottle, it was that bad. Anyone else had this after lap and hyst? Hopefully it just means he's given me a really good clear out of endo and maybe some miracle will happen in the next few weeks where after three years of trying I will miraculously fall pregnant naturally.
I almost fell off my chair laughing as I write this, it's so laughable!
Anyway, think this post is long enough so I will leave it there.
Look forward to hearing how everyone else is getting on, especially those who've not posted for a while
Take care all
notnow apologies, just realised I missed you out. Hope you're ok about the exchange of contracts on the house. But at least you have a new house that sounds like it will be a great project to keep you busy. Sure it will be absolutely lovely once its done and will be a great feeling knowing you transformed it. Good luck with it! Xx
Hi fabi - I'm not surprised you were fuming after being messed around by the clinic like that. I often wonder how some hospitals/clinics can be so blasé about giving people their results on time and with compassion, given surely they must understand the significance of the results to people's lives. I hope you get your results soon. That lap & hyst sounds painful; I've never had that myself so can't comment on whether that's normal. Fx it has worked its magic though and that you get good news soon.
I'm 12 weeks today (yippee) but still waiting for results. Due back at the clinic for results on Thursday 24th. It can't come soon enough as DH (again) won't really talk about the pregnancy/baby until we get the all clear. We were out for dinner last night with a girl who announced her pregnancy to us and it was so hard keeping schtum. I'm not sure how I will feel if the results are bad. Numb / resigned / doomed / exhausted I guess. Less shocked than last time (where my reaction was to keep saying "f***" over and over to the sonographer) but I think I would find it very very hard to bounce back. I worked out yesterday that I have been pg for 35.5 weeks out of the last 18 months with nothing (so far) to show for it. It's just so mentally draining. Anyway, got to keep positive for another four and a half days til the results come in. Any more distraction techniques gratefully welcomed. Off to the cinema this afternoon to see the new Woody Allen film, which will waste a few hours :-)
Hope everyone else is ok?
Hey yikes hope you're managing to slowly get through the days ahead of thu. I have my fingers crossed that you'll have good news. It's so hard to distract yourself, I wish I had a magical technique but I don't I'm afraid. Have started to check out the daily mail show biz site on a daily basis but after leaving fb cos there were too many preg announcements, I feel like there are far more in the world of celebrity
Need some advice from you lovely ladies. My best friend who ill call (A) who is preg has told me about another friend (B) who is going through Ivf. She told me so I didn't feel alone rather than gossiping about her friend (B), I think. I know this girl through my friend (A) although we are not close at all. Anyway my friend(A) has told me that her friends best friend (C) has recently found out she's preg and just had her 12 week scan but wants to tell her friend (B) in person. Sorry this is very confusing and hats off to anyone who is still following!
Anyway, from my own experience with my friend (A) I know how heartbreaking and difficult it is when your best friend tells you they are preg. Was wondering, should I reach out to friend (B) once (C) has broken the news to her. If I did I would have to admit that friend (A) has told me about her situation although I'm sure she wouldn't mind too much as she is apparently quite open and honest and her Ivf journey. What do you ladies think? Should I leave well alone or could I be a help to her during a difficult time? Please feel free to be as brutally honest as possible xxxx
On another point, had anyone found that this journey has been so hard and difficult that after a while you almost become numb to the sadness and pain? I don't know whether its because we are almost at the starting treatment stage and I feel like it could actually happen or whether after three years I have used up my bank of emotions and am now in auto pilot mode. Would be good to hear after all this time how you feel generally on a day to day basis to see if I am acting normal or not!!
Hello, hello, hello!
Wow - well, it's taken me a while to read back through the thread. It's so good to hear from everyone. Sorry I've been MIA, but work has been crazy and as I sometimes have to work Saturdays too, it gets very difficult to even log on to here and see what's going on, let alone find time to post.
Yikes - what an emotional journey - I was so gutted for you, but now I'm so happy! I hope the good news keeps on coming for you and that it's all going to work out.
Caip - I can't remember if I knew or not that you are pregnant - it's been that long! (It's like I've just found out again anyway - goldfish memory!) So congratulations if I haven't said it before, but that's amazing news.
Notnow - so glad you had fun in HK and Oz. I know that there are lots of weird things going on for you right now, but FWIW I think that ultimately you will end up in a much better place, even if it doesn't always feel like that right now. You will find love again and I'm certain you'll find someone who loves you exactly as you are. You sound already like you've come such a long way, despite the meltdowns. I know at times it will feel horribly unfair, but it will work out for you, I'm sure. Maybe it's a bit soon, but have you thought about going on any dates yet? Also, don't worry about posting about non-ttc stuff - I like the break and you've been here since the start, so keep on posting I say!
Fabi - I'd be pissed off with that too. Some people are so useless at their jobs that it never fails to amaze me. Some are brilliant too, but unfortunately the crap ones always seem to be on my radar!
As for your friend, Fabi - I think it depends on how the friend would feel whose trust you would have to break. I would respect that first before doing anything. If you think she wouldn't mind, then go for it, but if you're not sure then I wouldn't, as potentially you could put two people's noses out of joint and cause a rift between them too. Hope I've understood what you mean correctly.
Finally, yep - I'm quite numb to it all now. I was very upset at the start of all this malarkey and I have down moments, but I guess DH and I keep ourselves so busy that we rarely have time to feel sad. We do actively avoid going out with friends with children now or people who might ask us anything, but that's about it. We just hope each month, but not too much. I've stopped buying pregnancy tests. I push it to the back of my mind TBH.
We have our results appointment in November
yes, it's taken THAT long and I had the excruciatingly painful HSG a few weeks ago. The consultant on the day told me that her initial reading of the scan was that all is normal and there's no blockages, which is great, but that means that as we thought all along it's to do with DH's sperm count and the varicocele. I'm pretty sure they'll either want to operate on DH or will put us straight in for IVF. I guess that's also why I don't think about it much, as there's nothing to be gained from thinking about it I suppose. I can't bear waiting either, so I have to pretend that I'm not waiting at all. I haven't been posting on here as much either and I've kind of been pretending to have a real life and not one that is on hold waiting for something that may never happen, or at least not naturally anyway. I'd love to get upduffed straight after the HSG too, but DH had to go away for work this week, so no chance of that. Oh and the other thing is that I try not to think about other people getting pregnant (on here is different though). If I hear someone is, I have a standard good wishes message and then I move on. I don't hang around to ask questions or discuss the ins and outs of it.
I know all this makes me sound really down, but I'm not. It's just self-preservation as otherwise I might fall apart. I'm sure you guys know how it is. I'm fine otherwise.
Hope anyone else I've missed is well. Sorry for the obscenely long post!
all everyone, just checking in to say hi and that I'll respond to every properly later
Fabi - I would talk to B, maybe even before she knows about C. I contacted my cousin recently who I know has done IVF but only through my mum - we're not at all close. I don't think he minded at all and I think it sometimes helps to know other people are going through it and have the same emotions. She can only tell you she's not keen to talk about it
Thanks for the advice Bear and Caip regarding friends A B and C. All four of us were at a mutual event yesterday and I was able to talk to B afterwards about IvF as she was being open about it. We are going to stay in touch and are meeting for lunch in a couple of weeks. So all is good, no confidence needed to be broken :-)
Bear hope you're over the pain of the HSG, doesn't sound good that it was excruciating but positive that there were no blockages etc. If the variocele is dealt with surgically does this mean a natural conception is possible? Is there any other medical benefit to treating it or is Ivf the quickest best route all round?
Yikes was wondering how you got on with your results but I found you on another thread where you said all was good and the results came back fine, that's fantastic news and such a relief! Bet you're over the moon. Have you started telling people your good news now?
Hope everyone else is ok xxxx
That's good Fabi. Nice to hear you can all support each other and it all worked out.
Fabi - not sure about the varicocele - got an apt next week so hopefully we'll have some answers or maybe a way forward from there.
Hope everyone else is ok.
Good luck this week for your appt. hopefully you'll get some answers and know how things will be moving forward. We have our follow up appt at London womens clinic on Thursday and hoping its just a case of getting date to start treatment.
Hope everyone else is well
Hi Fabi- just wondering what happened with your appt? Did it go well? I hope so.
Just wanted to drop by and say we got our IVF referral. It all just needs to go through the system now. The clinic near us says it has a waiting time of 4-6 weeks so we could be getting started in the new year. Yikes!
Hope everyone else is well?
Hey bear that's great news for the new year!! Exciting stuff! Is that private or NHS?
My appt went really well. Basically said we had done everything she asked and next step was start Ivf... Told me to ring on first day of period to pay for drugs and can start injecting on day 21. Came on the next day so first injection is nov 28th....so super excited!! We were worried about fitting egg collection around my DH's work but she basically told us to tell her what week we wanted to do it and so said jan 6th and she will plan the drugs around that! Means no alcohol over Christmas but I'd gladly never drink again if it means we can have a baby. Can't wait to start injecting! Need to remind myself though that there is only a 30-40% chance of it working so that I don't get my hopes up. Anyone reading manage to get pregnant on first attempt at Ivf??
bear sounds like we will be pretty close in terms of cycles xx
Fabi - that's great news! So it's all happening quite quickly then? Ours will be NHS. Hoping we can get our ball rolling as soon as. Keep in touch x
Bear yeah it's all go....finally! I just want to start now but only couple more weeks before first injection. Hopefully yours won't be too far behind. Definitely keep in touch too. Good luck! Xxx
Just wanted to stop by and say hi! Congrats to those who are pregnant and best of luck to those starting treatment.
My husband is totally missing in action - still no discussion on house or frozen embryos and to be honest I'm keen for things to drift as long as possible to give me more time to get my head round things.
But it's at least summer time here so a good time to hang out at the beach & drink white wine ;)
Hi everyone, another drive-by post just to say hello to you all. Great news about the good results from your tests, Yikes - it must be such a huge relief to you. I hope you have been able to relax and enjoy being pregnant. Caip, you must be starting to get a proper bump now. It's so great that some people from this thread finally made it.
Bear and Fabi, it's good to hear that you have both cleared the decks and are beginning treatment at last. It's been a long road to get to this point! Wishing you both lots of luck.
Lesley, good to hear from you again. I hope you are doing okay most of the time. I still find that most of the time is the best I can manage, although now when I am feeling okay I feel really okay rather than half-okay, if you see what I mean. My last really low point was a couple of weeks ago and I cracked and sent my husband a long text begging for some kind of explanation from his point of view because I was floundering looking for reasons why everything had fallen apart so quickly. Anyway, he didn't answer. It may have been the best thing he could have done because it felt like a proper wake up call in a way that other things haven't, really. We sold our house in October and I have just exchanged contracts on the one I'm buying; die to complete in mid-December. I'm planning my next meltdown for when I have to move out of my parents' nice cosy house and leave the cocoon of mummy-love (take note Caip and Yikes - you'll still be parenting nearly 40 years from now!) and move in on my own to deal with all the builders etc. I'm quite positive about it but I think it will be a big shock to the system to have to put my own bins out, do my own ironing etc like a functioning adult again.
Anyway, all the best, everyone.
Just wanted to drop in and say hi.
Great news Fabi. Have you started yet?
Lesley- I'm hoping your husband will come to his senese soon. Enjoy the sun and wind in the meantime though.
Notnow- you're so courageous even if you don't feel it. You're holding it together brilliantly. The days will get better for you. Make sure you go lots of social things and see family over Christmas to take your mind off it. You never know, you might meet someone too.
As for me, still waiting for the clinic to contact us. Think I'm going to make a call to them tomorrow though. Will keep you posted. Hope everyone else is well.
Hi everyone. This is the first time I have ever joineda group. I feel likei know you after reading your threads and was wondering if this thread is still going and ifi could join in? I have been ttc for 2 years this month. I'm 35 and ptn is 28. Would love to know how everyone is doing now, with the run up to xmas and everyone saying is for the kids when I don't have any! Apart from cbfc I haven't tried anything else and getting fed up with others popping them out.was even offered by a 'friend' she'd be a surrogate for me! Would love to find a group to havea rant to without Being judged. How to hear from you, though I can see last entry was a while ago so you may haveall moved on by now lol. Thanks
Hi Saznut, nice to see a new face. To be honest, we've gone a bit flat recently - we started off as the unluckiest thread ever with no pregnancies at all for a year, but then MissBrightside got lucky, followed by Caipirinhas and Yikes. Lesley and I have ended up in the enviable position of splitting up with partners who decided that the TTC struggle just wasn't for them and the last women standing are Bear and Fabi, who are about to get started after Christmas with IVF. I think most of us look in occasionally but not as often as we used to - it really does seem to go in waves when it's all kicking off and lulls when no one's really saying much. Stick us on your watch list or rant away - you might just revive us!
its really nice to hear about miss brightsides success, the Old link I wad reading stopped so I didn't know. Sorry to hear you're news not now, what I can say is from reading the thread I know you have helped at least 20 people, and that's not including the lurkers, you are an inspiration and thank you because with out even realising it you have helped so much. Best of luck to the ivf ladies, that whole idea scares me sh*tless and until recently I've not even thought about it. I guess in the new year I will bring myself to get checked up. just dreading the outcome. Definitely an ostrich over here!lol.
Just thought I'd say hello to everyone
I'm pretty much 5 months now and luckily feeling fine. The closer I get the more real it becomes and the 20 week scan and now feeling movement have kind of made it feel like this might actually have a happy ending! I really appreciate how lucky I am too.
notnow - have you exchanged now? It's great that the next phase of your life is starting. Not what you had envisaged I know but a new adventure!
Lesley - how are you doing? Hope you're ok and get some answers soon so you can move forward.
bear - did you hear from the clinic? Fingers crossed for your treatment
fabi - how's your treatment going? Fingers crossed for you too
saznut - good to hear from a newbie but sorry you're here too!
Would love to hear how missbrightside is doing
That's great to hear, Caip. You definitely deserve it.
I've just completed on the house but I'm not moving in for a couple of months - there's a lot of work to be done and I think I'm going to need a hard hat, a lot of nerve and every penny I've ever earned to pull it together. It smells disgusting at the moment: damp and also I think mice. I'm trying to channel my inner Sarah Beeney! Mum and dad have said I can stay on here until it's done so it takes the pressure off. I'll pop back every now and then to rant and update on progress.
Have a lovely Christmas everyone. X
Sorry I have been away for a while. Hope you've all been ok.
Lesley sorry to hear still no joy from DH. But glad the weather is lovely and you'll have a warm Christmas
notnow good luck with the new house, although it is daunting, it will be great to have your own place and you can do whatever the hell you want when you want!!
Bear any news from the clinic yet?
Saznut welcome to the group! Although it sucks you find yourself here after TTC for two years. Have you had any tests yet? Don't be scared about the IVF process, it is a big step to take but anything is worth trying if it means a baby at the end of it. You're right in what you say about this thread helping people. Hopefully there's lots of lurkers out there who are benefiting from what we are writing. All lurkers are welcome to post! We need more people to share their experiences!
caip WOW 5 months already!! That's fantastic news! You planning to find out what you're having?
As for me, I am two weeks into treatment, down regging for last two weeks or so and still got another fortnight before starting stimming, egg collection first week of January (all being well). Trying not to get my hopes up of things working and just taking each day as it comes.
feel a bit of a plonk this morn. Did a test when I know I have no symptoms at all and know af isn't due till Wednesday. Just thought it would be nice, but now I just feel a bit of a div. Think my new years treat will be a chat with the gp. wow I really know how to spoil myself.
Was really nice to hear fabi and caip on their journey. well done ladies. xxx
Hi all, Hi Saznut- nice to meet you. Yep this definitely goes in waves on this thread as Notnow said.
No word from clinic yet for us. Ridiculously today was the first chance I had to ring and there was no answer. Going to try again tomorrow.
Good to hear you're doing well Caip- so exciting for you.
Glad you've got your house Notnow. Here's to new beginnings for you
Hi to everyone else!
Happy New Year laydees. 2013 can do one - 2014 is going to be the year of good things for all of us. It shall be so.
Happy new year everyone and all the best for 2014! x
Hi everyone, any of you still around??
I've got 6 weeks to go til my due date - eek!
Hope you're all well and happy xx
Wow Caip, that's amazing!!! Can't believe how quickly time is going for you! Do you know what you're having? How long until you finish work (if you haven't already)?
Hope everyone else is well and are having a good 2014 so far.
I am currently 10 weeks pregnant!!! Had first round of IVF over Christmas and egg collection at start of the year and by some fluke of nature, it worked! We had 13 eggs and only 2 fertilised but we've been really lucky that the one they put back has taken. Had scans at 6, 8 and 10 weeks and nervous as hell it's not going to continue but so far so good.
Fabi, that's brilliant news! Massive congrats!
I've got 3 weeks left at work and we don't know what we're having, will you find out?
I think it's only natural to be terrified after ivf but sounds like you're being well monitored.
Take care if yourself
Thanks Caip! Had 12 week scan yesterday and all going ok so far.
Good luck for your last few days in work and hope everything goes ok for d-day! Look forward to hearing what you have xxxx
Will keep you posted x
Caip, how are you? Are you at D day yet? Keep us posted!! Xxx
Just realised one of your other messages you had six weeks to go and that was three weeks ago!
Due date's 2 weeks today! How are you feeling?
Hey Caip, any news on Baby Caip yet?? Hope everything's going ok xxx
Hi Fabi! Still waiting, am now 3 days overdue!
How are you doing?
Ah no way! Hopefully it won't be much longer. And will be over nicely and quickly xxx
I'm good thanks, 17 weeks now. Going SO fast!
Bear any news with you?
Hello to anyone else looking in xx
Had our gorgeous baby boy at 3am after a really horrible birth (lost a lot if blood) but he is worth.every second! Was 10 days late and 8lb8oz. He's bruised but beautiful
Congratulations Caip! Sorry to hear that the birth was horrible but he sounds like a beauty. All that effort was worth it. Wonderful news. Xx
Congratulations Caip on the birth of your little boy! That's fantastic lovely news. Hope you're both doing well and adapting well to this new adventure.
Do you have a name for the little one?
Congratulations on Baby Caip! Such lovely news xxx
Hi all, I'm ok- just ticking along. Had my first round of IVF with EC yesterday and there were no eggs. I'm a bit mystified as to what happened but we have a follow up appointment in a week and a half. The doctor who did the procedure also said he couldn't find the opening to my cervix so he's referring me to the main hospital again. I'm also confused by this as I've had many smears and examinations from consultants and no one has ever mentioned this before. It's quite gutting to have gone through all of that for nothing, but there's not much else to be done now except wait for the next appointment.
How is everyone else doing?
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