TTC 10+ months part 16

(1000 Posts)
Buzzybee123 Thu 11-Jul-13 20:01:18

New thread for the lovely 10+ers.

seaviewasia Thu 11-Jul-13 20:03:38

Thanks Buzzy for sorting out the new thread! Hope this is a good 'un for everyone! x

Buzzybee123 Thu 11-Jul-13 20:11:33

Hey ladies I don't know if there is another thread already set up hmm

rabbit this does prove that despite your FSH levels etc that you can get pregnant, there could be many reasons why it didn't work this time, I do think you should let your GP know so it is recorded. As for immune issues I found it quite comforting to have a reason why I miscarried and that there was a solution, its not a great solution but one that so far has worked. IVF could just be what you need to make it work smile

euro sorry about the crap announcement and that Mr E is not well, why do men not look after these things and leave them so long. Soon you'll be your hols getting ready for round 3 smile

sea yay to getting on with the Humeria, hope you get the prescription soon, I am glad Mr S is a little better

eurozammo Thu 11-Jul-13 21:58:54

Thanks for getting the new thread going buzz.

roomyenoughforacritter Thu 11-Jul-13 22:02:09

Just marking my place - thanks for the new thread buzzy. May this be a lucky one!

Turned out they didn't give me a scan, just a heartbeat check with the doppler - but the heartbeat was still there which was a relief. Loves to all.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 11-Jul-13 22:25:57

Thanks buzzy for thread 16 (gulp). And thanks all for a love and a boost.
Sar you always make me feel better, thank you. Buzzy are you still on your steroids? And is that all you take?

Critter hurray for a heartbeat smile

Cosmos thanks for adding to my tumbleweed thread!

I am still having red fresh bleeding in random gushes hmm with small cramps and clots (sorry) but its on and off, not like a period. I find that I am most distressed with ttc when my periods go haywire. After the op I was very anxious and I feel the same now. I like knowing when I will ov and when to expect af. Now I'm in no mans land which is a right arse given I'm going in my holidays this weekend and trying to gain a sense of when I can do day three tests etc. I feel all muddled up. I've also been hit with baby longing. The sun does bring a lot of cute babies in paddling pool type Facebook photos. Sigh.

Cosmos1 Thu 11-Jul-13 22:43:01

Rabbit lovely sounds like a very early miscarriage to me, which would explain the emotional upheaval too. Dont give up hope. You WILL get your baybee!

eurozammo Thu 11-Jul-13 22:58:05

rabbit I agree with cosmos. Take care of yourself.

mrsden Fri 12-Jul-13 10:32:30

Thanks for the new thread buzzy. I'm pleased you're sticking with us for a bit longer. I do sometimes lurk on the grads one but it can make me feel a little sad because I so desperately want to join you there.

Pout and sea, I'm so very sorry for your losses. Grieving is long and painful. I'm sorry to that people could say such insensitive things to you sea.

Pout, when will fet happen?

Sea, yay to humira. One step further.

Euro, I'm gutted it didn't work for you this time. I agree third time lucky. Concentrate on your holiday now and let yourself relax and recover. As an outsider looking in, I agree that mild male factor is probably the issue. Numbers of sperm are important because of the tortuous journey and all the other factors stacked against conception. Did your dh ever get a full hormone profile? Did he go back for the further checks? Even as a couple where severe male factor is the culprit, I still find all the focus is on me. The clinic aren't that much interested in dh so long as he can do his sample.

Rabbit, it does seem like a cp. I know it's tough, but maybe this is a sign your body is really trying to do something. Ivf might just be the kick it needs.

As for me, I'm rested and relaxed. Holidays are wonderful but they do give you time to think. When I'm busy at work I can push it all out of my mind. I've started thinking more and more that it won't happen and I've been making little plans in my head for a child free future. I've not yet shared them with dh who is still firmly in the camp of believing it is going to happen.

Has kmid not had the baby yet then? I saw the other one was upduffed and read some nauseating thing about them having chosen a window in which to be pregnant that fitted in with rugby and horses. Imagine being able to choose a date in the calendar.

Critter, woo hoo for 12 weeks. Do they not do the 12 week scan then? Will thy not do the standard nuchal tests and measurements?

When I was going through ivf I'd worked out that I would be 12 weeks while away. It makes me feel a little sad when I think about how in a daydreaming moment I'd planned to tell people when we returned from holidays. I refuse to do any sort of date planning with the next round.

mrsden Fri 12-Jul-13 10:51:35

There's an article on immunes and intralipids here, warning its in the fail.

I haven't done any research into this area at all as we have an identified cause. I do find it interesting that it seems to be so controversial, and I'm surprised that there haven't been any trials.

Buzzybee123 Fri 12-Jul-13 11:22:14

rabbit I should just be on the steroids as mine were not very high but as I couldn't get on with them I asked for the hydroxy and as I am neurotic and paranoid I also have the intralipids. it depends on who you see to what they will recommend.

critter sorry yo didn't get to see your baby, when do they do tthe NT test, would you have a private scan

mrsd I haven't read the article but will do so later, glad you are feeling refreshed after your hols

euro not long till you are in the sun smile

Poutintrout Fri 12-Jul-13 13:45:38

rabbit what a horrible time you are having. I am so sorry. I agree with buzzy (?) that it might be a good idea to speak to your GP, not least to get things logged but also because you might need some help on the iron front. Please don't panic that your cycles are up the spout again. It will only be temporary. It is a bummer though that you are about to start baseline testing. I don't really know what to say that will be comforting to you. The other ladies have said it all so much better. On the one hand your cycles having got back into a synch and a CP is a positive sign but I can totally see that would be floored by it. All I will say is that I am thinking of you and offer a virtual hand hold. X

euro I am sorry that the universe is still putting you through the wringer too. Hope that MrEuro is feeling better soon and that your holiday does you both good. Sorry about the A+ FB pics. Excellent timing eh!

mrsd So nice to see you back from your hols. Hope that you had a good time. I too have really come round to thinking of my future as childless. When I think of TTC now I just get this voice in my saying "that ship has sailed". Oddly I feel okayish about it. I think that I am ready to admit defeat and feel that I have put up a good fight. Also I am feeling that at nearly 38 I am too old now to really enjoy having a baby. I really think that I would struggle.
It's sad that you had planned how far along you would be coming back from your holidays. I have lots of stupid milestones still and can't believe that it is yet another series of The Apprentice and Big Brother and I still don't have a baby.

Who was it who said that they regret people knowing about the infertility & it feeling suddenly intensely private? I just wanted to say how much I agree with that especially given how close to the end of the journey I am feeling. I just don't want people knowing that I failed. I would much rather people just assume that MrP and I have such a good life that we didn't need babies.

Anyway, I have missed so many of you. Such lovely news critter that you heard your baby's heartbeat. Congratulations smile

Thank you buzzy for the new thread!

Love and waves to all.

Buzzybee123 Fri 12-Jul-13 17:34:09

my hairdresser was telling me her cousin tried for 9 years, had two lots of IVF, gave up started living the childless life and is now updiffed hmm she said she was having such a wild time being child free that they were concerned about her, I am never too sure what to make of these stories, are they meant to make me feel ok and that everything will be alright or just make me feel crap as it won't ever happen that like.

I've had a mother of an afternoon, nearly went postal, my poor physio was waiting for the emotional hissy fit down the phone, he said he was quite surprised at how calm I had been hmm he also referred to me as his 'english mother' not sure how to take that comment

I am now having a cold drink and waiting for Barry to get home

pout would you consider adoption or is it not in your plans ??

mrsden Sat 13-Jul-13 09:25:02

Guardian article on ivf, very interesting. I'm so grateful that ivf exists, without it I'd have no hope at all of ever having a baby.

Poutintrout Sat 13-Jul-13 10:34:51

buzz fastens flak jacket in the hope that you are less postal. Resists urge to call you (English) Mum! everyone seems to have one of those stories don't they! I suppose there are people who suddenly and spontaneously pop out a baby after years and years. Not sure how comforting I find the prospect actually. Definitely not up for adoption in the Pout household.

Rubbish weekend already at this end. Big Dog is limping to the point of dragging his foot behind him. Seems to be his hip. He's off to the vet in a bit. Soft Ollie (MrP) made the helpful comment last night of how he hoped it wasn't anything too serious with the hip and that the vet can sort it because when the hips go they put the dog down shock and sad FFS at this point it could just be a sprain and I don't need to contemplate losing my dog. He can be such a prat.

Buzzybee123 Sat 13-Jul-13 10:47:24

pout I am calmer today thanks, so sorry to hear about big dog, if it has just happened then it is most likely a sprain or torn ligament, he might need a bit of physio on it but most likely told to rest it.

mrsd I do think IVF is the way forward with babies, I am surprised how many people I know who have had it, the other day I found out a friend at home had all her 3 by IVF, its just a difficult topic to talk about as its a very personal thing.

Kayla caught a fly again last night, I could hear it buzzing in her mouth as she ate it shock

mrsden Sat 13-Jul-13 11:14:17

Yuk at the buzzy fly, buzz.

Pout, I agree with buzzy that if its come on suddenly it's more likely to be an injury. What did he get up to yesterday? Wishing him well. My neighbour's dog has arthritis in his hip and has a little trolley thing to give his legs support while he's out and about. He's so cute and always seems happy.

Af has arrived so no surprise holiday conception. I think it was an another non egg laying cycle. I do worry that ivf has really buggered me up. That's two duff cycles since. I'm feeling crampy and a little bit weepy, not helped by the thought of work on Monday.

This thread is a little bit quiet, come n 10 plussers show yourselves. Joy, I miss you, I hope everything is ok.

Rabbit, how is the bleeding today?

Lemon, is ec close now?

Buzzybee123 Sat 13-Jul-13 13:14:41

mrsd the whole fly thing disgusts us, they seem to fly around in a circle in the middle of the living room like its the Bermuda Triangle
I am sorry AF has arrived for you sad is it Sept or Oct when you will try again with IVF??

lemon you must be very close to EC

pout let us know how big dog is, I hate to think what Barry would be like if anything happened to Kayla hmm he thinks she is going to live forever

rabbitonthemoon Sat 13-Jul-13 13:46:29

I'm in the car on the way to much anticipated hollydays. We are in a traffic jam!

Welcome back den. Sorry no holiday diffedness. I had visions I'd be pregnant by this holiday. I should really stop doing that. Your comment about how grateful you are ivf struck a chord with me. I miss joy too. I hope she pops in just to reassure us that she's ok.

Pout poor big dog. My pet had a limp but it turned out to be a paw thorn.hopefully the vet will locate the problem and mend it. Tut at mr p! Also you are NOT too old! Promise.

Buzzy shock at fly in cats mouth. That made me do a mini gag.

Afm, well today the bleeding has totally settled down and my headache is easing. I also slept well for the first time in ages so I think my hormonal storm is over. I am curious to know when I will ovulate. Think it could be a while. Trying not to get the barrengloom. It is too nice weather and its holidays. I'm also ignoring what feels like thrush hmm but I have been derailed from my positive vibes a little. This sucks! I want to take my baby paddling and watch its face when it eats ice cream. I hope I get there one day.

I'm only in the uk so will be around I'm sure this week. Any lurkers out there come make yourself known and keep us all company!

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sat 13-Jul-13 13:55:50

Hello lovelies!

Sorry I've been awol, keeping up with work and coping with the side-effects of the devil's juice has been pretty much all consuming. Still better than pill+DRing but ever so tired and headachy... EC is hopefully close, scan tomorrow to check how things are progressing. Nearly all were less than 10mm last Wed, so they sent me off to step for another 4 days. I am completely through with stabbing, so that will get me in the right fram for EC. We're expecting the middle of next week for it. These IVF-months take full months instead of my usual 26 days. A bit tedious...

Waves and pets and comforting noises all round. Too slow to properly name check. Am contemplating a nap!

Buzzybee123 Sat 13-Jul-13 14:07:36

rabbit it could muck up your next cycle, I suppose just poas on ovulation sticks just in case maybe count the first day of the recent bleeding as CD1, enjoy your hols smile Yes it made me gag too hmm its not like she isn't fed

lemon wow its very close then, a nap sounds good but I need to get to Tesco, I have run out of limes for my Mojitos and I need one for my BBQ tonight

for those green fingered ones among us, how many trusses of tomatoes do you let each plant have before you chop the top off, one of mine is growing into a Triffid and feel he needs sorting out

roomyenoughforacritter Sat 13-Jul-13 14:40:36

den I am sorry about the holiday daydreaming. It must be incredibly hard. I have really high hopes for your next cycle - I do think they buggered up your last one. Thanks for posting that Guardian link - I am also so unbelievably grateful for IVF. Very interesting about the new developments in it over the past few years.

rabbit What a horrible week - thank goodness you're getting a break now. I'm so sorry about the early mc, which is what it sounds like. Awful. Just when you were getting back on your feet, this happens. I do think that you will be a mum though, I really do - you've got your IVF cycle coming up, and there's every reason that it will work. Sperm is clearly meeting egg and things are happening. You might just need a little push in the right direction, courtesy of the docs. And it is such a relief to outsource the process, if you see what I mean.

pout I am so sorry about Big Dog, I really hope he is ok. Also really sorry to hear you've been so down. I don't think 38 is too old, far from it! Did you know that in one of the big hospitals where I am, 38 is the average age for women to have their first baby? The average! So not too old at all and besides, Colin is still waiting to come home to you.

cosmos hope the FET countdown isn't too stressful.

lemon you are off to the races! Hurrah for EC being nearly here. I know it is a marathon while you're doing it, but just hang in there... you're nearly there. I'm cheering on your eggs!

euro have an amazing time on holiday and eat lots of yummy food and enjoy lots of delicious wine.

buzzy shock at Kayla and the fly! Wow at triffid like tomatoes - sounds like the weather in the UK is amazing at the moment.

Ginestas Sat 13-Jul-13 19:38:51

Bugger just tried posting to the old fred. Anyhoo, hello all! Sorry for the long absence. Hope you are all enjoying this amazing weather! Am gonna attempt a catch up but soz for anything missed. I've gone for a name change, do pm me if you can't work out who I am...

Firstly so sorry to hear all the sad news on here. sea I hope you and Mr S are ok. Such a terrible thing to happen and then those awful comments from people at the funeral. Good news that your tb treatment is progressing and ivf getting ever nearer.

pout I can't believe you are in the same situation. Btw you are totally not a cold fish emotionally - you come across as v warm and caring on here (plus regularly make me laugh a lot). Hope Mr P is ok. How's the monitoring cycle going? I'm sure big dog will be fine. Last year a vet nurse told me when I was booking an appointment for my fur baby that it sounded like she might need to be put down from the symptoms <cue hysterical sobbing> but she was fine and still here a year later!

euro sorry about the almost bfp. 2 kind of successes out of 5 eggs is amazing. It took me 23 eggs! Hope you have a lovely hollibubs.

rabbits it sounds like you almost got the golden egg too last cycle. What a massive head fuck. To still have been getting bfps after the bleeds must have meant pretty high hcg levels. As others have said, with ivf they'll be able to pick the creme de la creme of your embies and clearly your womble does let things implant, so I think you have a v good chance of it working. Have a fab holiday.

mrsd pleased to hear your holidays were good, but sorry about the ttc gloom. I was thinking I'd never have children and now still have a hard time thinking of myself as a preggo - I genuinely never thought it would happen. It's really odd to suddenly be one! You have only had 1 ivf cycle, on which they screwed up the timing of EC. Please don't give up hope yet.

What an amazing number of follies lemons! Sounds like you may well end up with something for the freezer. EC must be near now - lots of good luck!

critter How lovely to hear the HB. Hope there were no more rude comments!

grouch hope things are good with you too.

cosmos the agrc back up plan sounds sensible. The hardest thing about doing my FET was that it felt like it was the last chance for us and I just didn't feel ready to give up. Plan Bs always help. I don't know how anyone manages to cycle at agrc and work. Would you be able to get some time off?

medusa nice to see you again, though so sorry to hear bout the second MC.

buzzy I've had some grumpy hormonal days recently too! The heat doesn't help. Am still sniggering at Kayla's buzzing snack smile

Waves to nellie, mad, doll, sar and everyone else I've missed.

I too am incredibly grateful for ivf. Without it, there is no way i could have Mr G's baby. All's well here and time is chugging on to the 20 week scan, which is actually at 21.5 weeks in early Aug. It's odd, I'm not even thinking about the anomaly checking part, but rather just desperate to see there's still a baby there.

Buzzybee123 Sat 13-Jul-13 20:45:07

gine welcome back, I can't believe you are so close to your 20 week scan, hope you had a lovely holiday

MissMedusa Sat 13-Jul-13 22:38:13

Why is it that every one else gets pregnant in about 8 seconds? What is so wrong with us that this thing that is so easy for every one else is so fucking hard for us? Today is cd1 of first post MC cycle and, of course, I'm bleeding like a stuck pig and feeling very sorry for myself.

Sorry about the me post, needed to vent somewhere other than at the sparkling mothers to be.

mrsden Sat 13-Jul-13 22:43:32

I know missm, it's not fair. I can't believe how unbelievably easy it is for most people and even more infuriating is that people don't realise how lucky they are. I'm feeling sad today too, cd1 is always a tough day.

Gin, can't believe you're almost half way through. Do you have a proper bump yet?

Poutintrout Sun 14-Jul-13 09:56:05

missm (Sweaty) hugs to you. Like mrsd says CD1 is always so hard, almost like a physical slap in the face. Heavy and painful bleeding doesn't help either does it. Hope you are doing something nice and relaxing today.

gin My goodness you are really hurtling towards your 20 week scan. I can't quite believe it. It really doesn't seem that long! I also want to know whether you have a little bump yet.
BTW thank you for your really kind words, they made me smile.

lemons Not long now for EC. I am excited for you. It is so good (though I'm sure that the extra stabbing wasn't especially welcomed!) that they are making sure your follies are at their optimum stage of development. FX for you and this cycle.

rabbit Enjoy your hollibobs. You really deserve a relaxing break.

buzzy I am shuddering at the thought of Kayla chewing a buzzing fly. All flies meet a quick death in this house (I can't stand the thought of them landing on food or clean washing up because I know what they crawl around in!). I regularly lay on the floor, open the catflap and spray fly killer through it to despatch all the beasties in the porch thing at the back of the house!

Thank you everyone for thinking of Big Dog. He saw a lovely vet and she thinks that it is just a sprained knee. This means low impact exercise for a while so no ball - he will not be happy!. He's also got some anti inflammatories (and a lot of over time for MrP to pay the vet bill grin )

Well lots of love to all. Have a great and sunny Sunday. I'm painting the chest of drawers in the bedroom today. I got some bargain paint in Homebase the other week and now pretty much everything that is wooden in the house and not nailed down is being liberally coated in this vair posh paint grin

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sun 14-Jul-13 14:13:17

Afternoon, well I was right about the estimated EC, still at Wed or Thurs... The scan was interesting to say the least. My lining and womble looked wonderful. In my right ovary there were three follies growing (of the bloody 9 last week). So we panicked slightly and wondered whether all the stabbing was going anywhere (if you start with 20 6 seems a low number). Thankfully the left ovary has gone a little overboard with 10 growing follies (out of 11!) So we're on 13, which according to the doc was perfect, as I am completely out of the OHSS risk but plenty to choose from. Out of the 13 there, one is 18mm, the rest between 14 and 16-ish. So a little while longer.

Yay for only sprained knee for Bug Dog. Waves and pets all round for the lovely 10+ers. I've decided I can be mopy and lazy for the week. Might just have had another nap

mrsden Sun 14-Jul-13 15:08:44

Pout, banish all thoughts of being too old from your mind. You're not! My clinic considers me to be very young for ivf, which I don't feel at all. I find it quite hard to age people but I'd guess that many of the other women in the waiting room are in their early forties.

Lemons, all sounds good. Just a few more days and then you'll be PUPO.

I had a lovely weekend away planned with a friend, she's just emailed and something she said makes me think she's pregnant. Shit. I really don't want to spend a weekend with her if that's the case. And I have a horrible feeling that she's planning on announcing it when we're away, waiting to do it in person. Maybe I should ask her outright.

Buzzybee123 Sun 14-Jul-13 15:45:52

pout glad big dog is ok, Kayla is back to licking a bold patch, do you hire yourself out smile

medussa big hugs

mrsd it might be an idea to mention it first before you go away, I remember my friend texting me to say she was pregnant and there was no way I could have hidden how I felt.

lemon its all systems go for you smile

Ginestas Mon 15-Jul-13 09:01:21

pout I agree with mrsd re age. Most of the women in my clinic are well in their 40s and the drs kept telling me I was young at 34 (ie you will get ohss gin)! In fact, when my mum came with us for EC, the nurses thought she was there for treatment, which would've required some kind of miracle seeing that she's in her 60s and sans womble!!

I'm so pleased to hear big dog is ok. Like kayla our fur baby doesn't like the heat. No bold patches, but lots of grumpiness!

mrsd is there some way you could find out from your friend re the potential pregnancy beforehand? Ask about dietary requirements or something? Just the anticipation of thinking she may be preggo would ruin the weekend for me.

Yay lemons for a text book ivf cycle! Sounds like all is going really well and you will have a great haul.

missm hope you are ok.

I think someone asked about the bump? I do have one, but I think it depends on what I'm wearing as to whether I look preggo or fat! I'll put some holiday pics on FB and you can judge for yourself! I can't believe the rate at which it and my thighs are growing. Having spent so long thinking it'd never happen, it's pretty surreal having an actual bump, but also quite lovely.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Mon 15-Jul-13 17:41:34

Final scan was okay. Not a very chatty nurse, so less info, but she counted many follies, and gave me sympathy about the weight of my left ovary. And I got blood tested for the first time to see whether they would be ripe enough, and the answer was yes... Triggering tonight, EC on Wed.

Really knackered because I didn't sleep in anticipation last night, followed by trying to catch up the hours of worktime I lost waiting for the bloods. So name checking might happen after EC again.

Buzzybee123 Mon 15-Jul-13 17:43:53

lemon Yay come Wednesday you'll be PUPO

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Mon 15-Jul-13 17:45:00

No, I'll be PUPO on Saturday. Wed will be my guilt-free drink of the cycle wink

Buzzybee123 Mon 15-Jul-13 17:52:10

sorry lemon I am numerically challenged especially with the heat, roll on Saturday smile

mrsden Mon 15-Jul-13 21:42:01

That all sounds great lemons. Good luck, you're so close now.

Gin, I'm very jealous of your bump! I bet you look fantastic, I can't believe you're so close to 20 weeks. Has is gone slowly for you?

A colleague brought her 3 week old in today. I always feel ok with babies, not really broody and it doesn't upset me. The thing that did upset me though was then getting quizzed by everyone about when it would be my turn. I wish people could mind their own business. There seems to be a lot of bumps around at the moment, I think it must have been the long, cold winter this year resulting in a late summer/autumn baby boom.

I think I will ask my friend if she's pregnant, it will ruin the weekend if I'm anticipating an annocuementl.

Cosmos1 Mon 15-Jul-13 22:40:19

Lemons that's great news. Good luck for ec. All sounds like its going to plan.

MrsD I would have to ask your friend what she meant in her email too - dreading announcements are the worst.

I have to say I'm very jealous over Zara still going horse riding - just that level of confidence that everything would be ok. I'm scared to sneeze during the 2ww!

Waves everyone else.

seaviewasia Mon 15-Jul-13 22:41:14

Gin - can't believe you have a bump and are almost at 20 weeks. Yay! really delighted for you.

Mrsd - you should definitely ask your friend. I think the anticipation and surprise can be the worst part sometimes. Sorry to hear colleagues are not sensitive.

Lemons - Yay to being PUPO soon. Really excited and hope you kick of the good news for Fred 16!

Love to everyone else. I might be quiet for the rest of the week as have more family things to do post funeral. Hope all is good with everyone.

Love xx

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 16-Jul-13 07:49:27

Just a quick post to mark my place, sorry for continued shit-fests for many, but some positive stories to keep us all going too. Good luck for EC Lemons, you are doing brilliantly!

Yikes I'm late. All ok here. It had cooled down which is annoying I want roasting sun back angry.

freedom2011 Tue 16-Jul-13 15:43:06

hello ladies, it's been a while. I have been off getting warm and healthy with my chinese doctor. he's satisfied with my base temperature and would now like me to shorten my cycle length. hmm I am not sure how I am supposed to do that but ok. I would like to get our first cycle of IVF in before the end of the year. DH is not so keen on IVF at all but will go along with it.

Fingers crossed Lemon. and hello to everyone.

ThatWayMadnessLies Wed 17-Jul-13 08:05:24

Morning everyone,

Apologies for the long absence. Have been enjoying the sunshine and trying to obsess a little less about TTC. The benefit of long term downregging is that I am out of the cycle of hope and expectation. Next ivf cycle officially starts on August 8th.

More stress in out household with MrM's mum back in hospital. Much fear around here about the potential genetic link with dementia...... Growing old can be so horrible.

critter hooray for a heartbeat. That sounds wonderful. American health care is frustrating though. I want you to get a chance to see that baby!

mrsd I hope that you work it out with your friend. I agree that it is bet not to have it sprung on you where you can't deal with your emotions in private. I am ok around babies too, much more so than pregnant women. I visited a teensy tiny two week old yesterday. I quite enjoyed my cuddle.

pout I was relieved to read that big dog was ok. My mum's dog is having more and more health issues but she is so old that not much will be done. Only a matter of time I think. For now she is comfortable and happy so we will just have to see how it goes.

lemon good luck today! It sounds like things have gone well so far and my fingers are crossed for a bumper crop of eggs. Make sure you relax and are taken care of tonight.

We are off on a mini holiday this afternoon and I haven't finished packing yet. Apologies for the woeful name checking but waves to all I've missed.

Ginestas Wed 17-Jul-13 08:45:14

Just popping in quickly to wish lemons good luck today!

Sorry about mil mad. Enjoy your holiday!

Luffs to all.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Wed 17-Jul-13 10:47:41

Get the Barry White on. I am home already, there were 15 eggs collected and an excellent contribution from SB. Let's hope they do there thing and get a move on. Fairly woozy still, so not much chance of actual name checking. Maybe later.

Buzzybee123 Wed 17-Jul-13 11:08:04

lemon well done, rest up smile

Cosmos1 Wed 17-Jul-13 11:20:15

Lemons 15 is a great crop, well done you! That's the hard part (physically) done now, hope you manage to have a relaxing rest of the day. Will they call you tomorrow to let you know about fertilisation? I have a good feeling about this round for you.

Buzzy so glad things are still going well for you. I'm going back to see Mr S today to do some of the immune stuff alongside the FET round.

Free I tried Chinese medicine for a while, are doing herbs and acupuncture? Are you charting and have you seen much change in your cycles? I did think it was helping, but ran out of patience with it in the end.

Mad sorry about the mil worries. Hope you're mini break helps you relax and sets you up for the next round.

Waves everyone else.

freedom2011 Wed 17-Jul-13 12:33:04

i was charting cosmos, i am doing herbs and a bit of acupuncture but more herbs. I am warmer definitely but now he's told me to not worry about temperature just exercise plenty, eat well, nothing cold and try and get the cycle shorter. I am on about 35 day cycle right now down from . On the plus side I've lost about 7.5KG and only a few more to go and I will have a healthy BMI

lemon 15 - wow! great great well done

freedom2011 Wed 17-Jul-13 12:35:02

duh, didnt finish typing - 35 day cycle down from 39-41

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Wed 17-Jul-13 12:50:34

No, we SB gets to call them on Friday to hear whether there are embies and if, where, how etc there will be ET. I have explained to him that I've done the hard bits that I had to do so he can do the phone calls. I am making him the point of contact for the results of The Test. Like I did last time I got to testing, as we have no privacy at work.

sarlat Wed 17-Jul-13 17:20:03

Lemon - woohoo for the mighty 15. Well done, make sure you take it easy.

Free - the chineses meds sounds really helpful. Glad things are going well.

Cosmos- how did it go with mr s?

Madness- have a super duper holiday.

Den - I agree babies are much easier than preggos. In your shoes I might be tempted to say something to your freind along the lines of " ooooo you got me wondering if there is a baby on the way, just something you said...,,," she would then probably tell you either way and then you can get the stingy bit over with. How are you feelibg about future rounds of ivf? Have you discussed the premature ec with the drs yet?

Pout - oh my goodness sweetheart, you are not too old. There are easily 5 + good fertility years left. But i know that feeling very well where you just want to draw a line under everything. I was never open to adoption either and know that crappy frustrated feeling so well. Keep thinking of your frostie and the marvelous stats associated with that a la gin.

Rabbit - I have been thinking of you. These are strange days. But there is tons and tons of hope.

Nelly- hope you are ok and things feel more settled, but its perfectly ok not to be happy for a while too. It will get better. You make great embryos, you are waiting for lady luck only.

Hello to all.

Buzzybee123 Wed 17-Jul-13 17:59:17

cosmos I hope all went well with Shehata, he is looking good since he shifted 8 stone, I hope his bed side manner has improved

free well done on the weight loss smile

madness sorry to hear about MIL, dementia is a difficult thing to deal with

this heat is disgusting and I have to say I am struggling

roomyenoughforacritter Thu 18-Jul-13 06:08:55

Very quick bleary eyed check in just to say yippee for 15 eggs lemon, that's amazing! Take it easy, if you can, over the next few days - lots of coconut water and rest, and get advice from your clinic if you start feeling OHSS-y.

Hello again to free and mad high five on the weight loss, that is fantastic. mad so sorry to hear about your MIL. August is just around the corner - I will have everything crossed for you.

cosmos good luck with the FET - I'll be rooting for you.

nelly hang in there my lovely. Hope it heats up for you again!

euro hope your holiday is wonderful and relaxing.

den I hope your friend doesn't wallop you with her good news. I can imagine that would be so hard to have hanging over you. Fingers crossed you can have a lovely boozy weekend together and it isn't anything.

All fine here, back in London for a few days for work. So nice to see my family and my parents got to come to my nuchal scan yesterday (I ended up stumping up for a private one so as not to miss the window when you're meant to do it) which was really nice, my mum was sniffling all the way through. Sending love and tail feather fluffs to those feeling sad. flowers

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 18-Jul-13 08:21:02

Morning lovelies, thanks for all the support, you're lovely! Feeling fairly okay today. I'll be drinking the obligatory 2 extra liters of water and lots of herbal tea. I did go out to dinner with half my family last night, a long standing appointment and, while still lying on the couch, I felt up to it. It was a bit more challenging than usually, as my abdomen was not impressed and I am sure I shouldn't have had that sneaky glass of wine. But overnight the bloatiness has gone down a lot. And tonight I've got a facial booked smile so a bit of pampering can't go amiss.

I am back at work, though working from home. So in my next break I might actually catch up properly!

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 18-Jul-13 10:41:39

Well done Lemon grin. I went straight to Wagamama after my EC (for lunch!) but then I did only have the one egg hmm.

Enjoy your break Mad. I've just remembered I didn't reply to your last PM. Give me a shout when you get back.

Critter was that your first scan? Can't believe how quickly it is going, from this side at least.

Den I'm so sorry no holiday baby. Even after all this time it still amazes me that we still have this slight hope. I'm by far the worst for it. But round 2 will be here before you know it and it will all go better next round.

Gin hooray for baby bump smile.

Sar your words always bring a lump to my throat. You are right, despite shite AMH there are still good embryos, I've just not got the right toss of the coin yet. I'm a bit sick of waiting for it though!

Forgotten everything else I was going to say so general waves to those not name checked. Hope the sarf isn't too sticky hot, it's ok here but not full on sunbathe weather. But it is not raining so hurrah for that.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 19-Jul-13 08:50:08

Fertilisation occurred, we have ET tomorrow no news on numbers or quality, guess we'll get some of that at the clinic. Waves and pets all round. Still shaky from the phone call, that I made SB do...

roomyenoughforacritter Fri 19-Jul-13 08:55:15

Yay lemon! Brilliant news. Will be sending you lots of love and luck tomorrow.

Ginestas Fri 19-Jul-13 09:11:16

Yay from me too lemons. Hope all goes well today and you have a nice relaxing pupo weekend planned smile Btw, I am so impressed at all you ladies doing something the evening after EC. All I could do was lie on the sofa and dribble!

Luffs to everyone else.

Cosmos1 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:08:36

Yay Lemons great news. I'm impressed at you getting DH to make the call, I like the sharing of responsibility! I think it's probably a wise thing not to even worry about numbers and quality - after tomorrow you'll be pupo as gin said! Good luck for ET. I found it just like a prolonged smear but it definitely was a bit less ouchy the time I was more relaxed. Good luck with it. What are your plans for the 2ww are you going to carry on as normal or have you got some time off? For me it was just the mental side of everything - I can empathise was the shakes after getting phone calls!

Free wow that is a great weight loss, well done. Is this the Chinese medicine guy in London? And that is definitely a change in your cycle for it to be reduced like that. How have you found the herbs? I quite liked them after a while.

Sar you're so sweet to keep popping in to support us. Hope you're coping ok in this heat.

Pout hows things, what's your plan for your frostie? Sorry if you've already said, I'm not keeping up well at the moment.

Hey Buzzy, sorry you're struggling with the heat, I'm not surprised, it's HOT!

Hi Critter, thanks for the support lovely, so glad you had a lovely scan moment with your mum.

Muddy dont lose heart, it's all about making embryos! What's your plan at the moment?

Hi Gin.

I went to see Mr S and am going to follow a similar immune protocol as before. He did give me an endometrial 'scratch' though, which I have read about - there's some studies that may show that for ladies who've failed at Ivf previously, giving a 'scratch' to the womb the month before Ivf might aid implantation. It was a bit of an unexpected outing of the foof - I haven't had many visitors down there for while, it was a bit of a rude awakening back to the world of Ivf!

Cosmos1 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:41:50

What I meant to add about that scratch thing was that if those studies are valid, then it can't all be down to age doom and gloom etc etc. plus there's always something different to try with each round.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 19-Jul-13 13:02:28

SB is also taking the results call in just under two weeks. I cannot do that emotionally and I'll be at work without any privacy - I reckon it is the least he can do after all my stabbing (although the swimmers he produced were pretty good too). We've got a few outings planned but nothing huge in the next two weeks, and a night away at a RL friend who knows about IVF next weekend.

Exciting about scratching and getting ready to go again cosmos. Everything crossed. I hope it has been a nice break from foofage meddling!

Nelly you're time will come, the embie you made was perfect. You just need to bring perfect embie and womble in contact often enough and you'll get that win! Take care and sneaky hug.

Thanks lovely differs, gin, critter, and sar to pop in. It gives me confidence you're all diffed, even if it wasn't necessarily on the first or last IVF attempt.

How's big dog now, pout? And what are your plans the next few weeks? Is there an FET in the future?

Well done on weight loss and heating up free. Impressed with the commitment, I have to say I failed to stay sober while stimming, and we've agreed I am allowed the odd glass after ET too, am I an alcoholic?

If you're reading joy, I often wonder how things are with you! Take care and waves and stuff. Also to all the others.

Cosmos1 Fri 19-Jul-13 13:13:25

Lemons am getting very hopeful for you and your lemonettes. My last clinic was big on relaxing about things like odd alcohol / caffeine intake during Ivf.

Also forgot to say Mr S reminded me about important role of vit D, so get sunbathing everyone!

Cosmos1 Fri 19-Jul-13 13:14:58

And yes I hope Joy is ok. I hope she got secretly updiffed and is enjoying it somewhere.

Buzzybee123 Fri 19-Jul-13 17:10:46

lemon well done and good luck for tomorrow, will you put two back if you have a few

cosmos glad things went well with mr s, most clinic offer either the scratch or assisted hatching

well its been an emotinal day for us, I had my booking in appointment and 12 week scan today, talking about my history made me sad for the babies that I had lost but not forgotten, then reaching this far feels like a miracle, and for the first time in months I actually feell like a human smile

joy I do hope you are ok

waves to everyone else

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 19-Jul-13 17:23:37

Yay Buzzy. I have been thinking of you. It was always going to be tough but this is a massive milestone. I'm so happy for you grin

Hooray too for Lemon, and for making SB do the calling. Also curious in if you will do Single or double?

It is glorious here today. But I'm on a train and going to an indoor pub angry. Still the forecast is good for the weekend.

Sorry for such rubbish name checking.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 19-Jul-13 18:16:43

We agreed on single at our consent meeting. My clinic is very keen on singleton pregnancies, and apparently I am really young hmm

Well done on the booking appointment buzz, sorry the past sadness reared its ugly head!

mrsden Fri 19-Jul-13 18:49:59

Great news lemon. Fingers crossed for you, I have a good feeling.

I really wanted dh to do the phone calls but my clinic will only release info to the woman, which seems totally stupid and makes me a bit cross when we're only there because of male factor. I really wished that dh could have made the final call because hearing the I'm so sorry it's negative broke me even though I knew it already. I had to make the call in my lunch hour and I can't even sit on that park bench anymore, I feel all sad when I see it. Pathetic I know.

mrsden Fri 19-Jul-13 18:50:48

Whoops posted too soon. Buzz wonderful news that all is ok. I can only imagine how emotional you feel.

Buzzybee123 Fri 19-Jul-13 20:18:51

hey ladies, while at Tesco Barry talked about putting up the scan pic on FB shock I told him I was not and why, I don't really feel I can stop him from doing it as it is his baby too, I just wanted to let you know as it might get linked onto mine, I'm hoping he will forget about it hmm i don't really want to tell people hmm

I shall chat to him later about it

seaviewasia Sat 20-Jul-13 09:15:39

Short overseas phone post from me.

Buzz- that's amazing news re scan. So sorry it brought back sad memories. Delighted you have reached this important milestone.

Lemons - hurray you are pupo. Hope you are feeling well.

Welcome back Free. Well done on the weight loss and getting warm. Are you happy with your Chinese doc?

Gin - yay to bump. How are you feeling?

Sorry not to name check properly. Will check in once I'm home.

Waves to all

Buzzybee123 Sat 20-Jul-13 11:21:57

lemon good luck for today smile

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sat 20-Jul-13 13:57:00

Thanks all, perfect 8-cell on board, one or two more look likely to freeze (they decide tomorrow).

Buzzybee123 Sat 20-Jul-13 15:31:14

lemON Well done on your little lembie grin and great that there is two possible frosties, you are PUPO when is test day

Cosmos1 Sat 20-Jul-13 16:01:54

Great news Lemons! Well done you, how was ET?

Buzzy lovely news about the scan, as MrsD said, can only imagine how emotional it must have been.

akuabadoll Sat 20-Jul-13 16:04:42

Just popping in quickly to say hello. lemon sounds like a great result, well done. Lovely to see you here Cosmos Waves and positive thoughts to all.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sat 20-Jul-13 16:25:19

Thanks all smile the ET was really smooth, completely painfree unlike some of my IUIs and everyone was quite excited about the quality of the Lembies in a very nice way. So yay. I might give myself a bit of a MN diet for the next 12 days, OTD is 1/8, and I am going to lodge my head firmly in the sand. These are the best odds we've had since TTC except the actual pregnancy, of course. Scary thought that needs to be ignored.

Lovely of you to pop by, doll. How are things? Are you showing? Where are you? Any news?

akuabadoll Sat 20-Jul-13 17:48:28

Well lemon I have 7kg attached to my front, feel a bit like, yep ok get the idea, can we just get on with things now? grin Still in the same place, just got to wait for replacement to arrive and handover my job, then relocate family and get Little Doll in school, then likely temporarily relocate again for birth, do that thing, get Tiny Doll a birth cert and passport and get back to where I'm supposed to be living. Easy. grin lemon I so so hope this works for you.

Ginestas Mon 22-Jul-13 09:12:41

That's excellent news lemons! I'm so pleased this cycle has all gone so well for you and have everything crossed for OTD. We always took otd off/wfh, as I knew I'd be a mess.

doll! Lovely to 'see' you! Blimey you have a lot on the next few months. What's your due date? Hope everything is going well.

sea hope you are on hols overseas and having a very well deserved break.

nelly hope the pub was good! I'm still super jealous of your gorgeous garden in the FB pics.

cosmos I've read good things about the scratch and it was something I was contemplating for our next go. Was it ok? Did it hurt? I have everything crossed for this cycle for you.

Congrats again buzz on the scan. We got a DVD of ours!

Waves and luffs to everyone else.

I'm now 19 weeks, so almost half way. I really thought I'd have lost some of the anxiety about things working out by now, but no. I still examine every bit a loo roll for af! Mental eh?

freedom2011 Mon 22-Jul-13 09:22:42

glad all went well with the ET lemon

Seaview I am happy with my chinese doctor, just impatient. I have had 2 pregnancy annoucements in my weeks off from this thread and another one is imminent. I'm trying to be grateful and enjoy life and the good weather but mostly I find myself thinking, Oh Come on. is it my turn soon?

Poutintrout Mon 22-Jul-13 09:37:57

lemons I am so glad that everything is going so well for you and am keeping my FX for you.

buzzy I am pleased that your scan went well and will await FB pics grin

cosmos How do they do a scratch? Really hoping that this is the magic bullet for you.

doll Exciting times for you coming up. Wishing you well with everything.

sea 2 announcements shock Willing that it will indeed be "your turn" very, very soon smile

gin Half way? No way! You made me smile in a bitter sweet way when you said that you still check for AF. I wonder if every woman does that or if it is only in hard won pregnancies.

I've been thinking of joycep alot lately and wondering whether anyone messages her off board and can confirm that she is okay? I think I have had her in my thoughts so much because of Kate Middleton's imminent arrival and how much it used to bug her! Well ladies it looks like we will need to brace ourselves for the royal baby onslaught shudders and pukes a bit in my mouth

Buzzybee123 Mon 22-Jul-13 11:52:54

pout I can't believe how mad they are about royal birth down under hmm i'll be glad when its all over with to be honest

Sea two announcements shock it is your turn soon

gin half way smile it has flown by, no DVD or scary 3D scans the baby's head was stuck so just getting the pictures was hard work, the only person I plan to show the pictures we do have to is MIL, I always check my underwear and my boobs every morning hmm

doll you are one busy lady

Joy I too hope you are ok and just having a break from MN

eurozammo Mon 22-Jul-13 12:14:15

Hi all,

I am back from a lovely week in Italy. It was great, but nowhere near long enough. I was just getting into holiday relaxation mode, when it was time to come home!

I've just had a quick catch up with the thread. Hurrah for great scan news and being PUPO. Boo for poorly doggies and minging cat snacks.

There's no news in euroland. I'm expecting to ov some time later this week, and we are giving it one half-hearted natural go before getting back on the IVF train. Toot toot!

rabbitonthemoon Mon 22-Jul-13 15:28:12

Greetings! I had an ace time with no reception or wifi but now I am BACK! Is there a baby on the way today? Hee hee pout. I too actually often wonder if joycep is OK, it feels so odd to talk nearly every day to someone and then for them to vanish. Should we pm her? I can't decide if its not the right thing to do.

Hurray lemon for lembie and buzzy and critter for scans. Gin I can't believe that you are halfway, yay! God to still wondering if af is coming, I hadn't thought about how long that might last! Totally understandable. Nice to see you hear too doll.

Will jump back from here so soz for not full name checking. I have had a hormonal shut down and now on cd22 with no sign whatsoever of ov, small and pain free boobs, no cm etc etc. what a pain in the arse that this has happened when I should be having baseline tests next week. Ah well.

Poutintrout Mon 22-Jul-13 16:55:21

pushes trolley down the carriage offering coffees and teas on the IVF train

euro your holiday went quickly. Glad that you had a good time. How Is MrEuro's tooth?

rabbits I'm pleased that you too had a good holiday. hmm at your lazy ovulation. Have you been doing the sticks? I'm wondering whether you have ovulated but it has been one of those "easy" ovulation months with little PMS/Post ovulatory symptoms. Tis a bummer about the baseline testing.

buzzy Jeez I'm sick of the royal baby already. I really don't understand the fascination.

Buzzybee123 Mon 22-Jul-13 17:23:09

sticks foot out to stop trolley for a long cool drink

pout my friends sister is obsessed with it in Aussieland, I take it she is still pushing the thing out, I suppose its better than talking about sport right now grin

euro glad you had a good time, fingers crossed for the pre IVF BFP

rabbit when you say CD22 is this from the last lot of bleeding? Miscarriages can muck up your next cycle, I didn't ovulate the month after mine

I left my brolly on the floor, Kayla came to investigate and scared herself stupid, she actually jumped backwards grin

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 22-Jul-13 18:01:35

Hey ladies. Royal baby?? What?? Not heard anything about that wink. In all seriousness though it is so OTT that it is ridiculous. It actually doesn't bother me - the attention is mental.

So I had a weird month. AF was due Wed or Thurs and it didn't turn up. No spotting. Cue me getting my hopes up. Nope, turned up on Saturday. Fuxake. Ah well. At least I can get drunk on my holidays.

Rabbit sorry about your stress. I agree it is probably the after-effects I your CP.

Glad you had a nice time Euro but sorry it was too short.

How is being PUPO Lemon?

Gin half way, eek!

Sorry for incomplete catch up. I too worry about Joy. Euro are you in touch with her?

Better go, off out again. PS Friday's pub was fun and I had several cocktails in defiance of my missing AF. Just as well, as it turns out!

eurozammo Mon 22-Jul-13 18:54:24

nelly I do have Joy' number, having met her for a drink. I've been wondering about dropping her a line. I might do that tonight, but I don't want to intrude if she is enjoying some time off all this.

pout I'll have a long cool one please. smile

MrEuro's bloody tooth finally seems better, although he still hasn't finished the 2nd course of antibiotics yet! It took quite some effort to hammer it into submission. Which is a shame, because I had plans for our hols that definitely involved him being able to move his jaw...

I don't want to bring the thread down but I can't bring myself to say it IRL, so I'm putting it here. Tomorrow I would have been (should have been) 6 months' pregnant.

Buzzybee123 Mon 22-Jul-13 19:50:31

euro Hand hold, dates like that are hard to deal with, could you talk to Mr E about how you feel

rabbitonthemoon Mon 22-Jul-13 19:58:29

euro here is a big squeeze. That is so hard. I really, seriously, have every faith that you WILL be able to come on here and say you are 6 months pregnant. The fact that you were pregnant is an excellent indicator that it is just a matter of time. And you should absolutely use here to say the things that you can't say in real life. To help you with this I will state that I'm irked by Aplusness right now in the highest order. It makes my blood simmer. Talking of which, hot yoga in a heatwave does funny things to your interval body thermostat. I've not stopped sweating since I came out.

Nelly. I feel inner rage that your missing period dared to arrive. I'm glad you cocktailed. My wine intake has probably been more than my 8 unit allowance since the sun started shining.

I love love love the heatwave smile

eurozammo Mon 22-Jul-13 21:53:06

I did remind him of the date tonight. He gave me a big hug. I'm not devastated, just a bit sad and wistful for what might have been.

rabbit I'm loving the heatwave too. I hate the cold.

Poutintrout Mon 22-Jul-13 23:27:04

euro so glad that you shared your thought. It isn't fair and I have no words of wisdom but offer you another hand hold. You have been so brave and dignified throughout everything and I know this will carry you through and like rabbits said you will be on here talking about being 6 months into your pregnancy.

nelly How dare the witch go AWOL like that. That is rough, I hate those cycles they really mess with your head. Does it mean that your/ones LP can vary in length from month to month?

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 23-Jul-13 00:09:14

Dunno Pout? I don't think so. Either my ov signs were way off (but this was my longest cycle in 3 years) or it was a CP which I will never know about as I was too chicken to test. I normally have a fairly spot on 14 day LP although spotting starts 2/3 days before, and didn't this month to fuel the mental.

Euro big squeezy hugs. You are so close. Your turn is coming x

eurozammo Tue 23-Jul-13 10:32:03

How rude of AF to mess with your head nelly!

Thanks for the hugs and kind words. I appreciate it.

BTW, I exchanged texts with Joy last night. She sounds good - she's mentally detoxing away from MN but says she will pop in and has been thinking of us all.

Buzzybee123 Tue 23-Jul-13 12:02:20

thanks euro glad she is ok

joycep Tue 23-Jul-13 12:29:31

<<<sticks head in the door>>>

Hi ladies, I’ve been smoked out of my hole by Euro. She found me all wrapped up in my union jack outside the Lindo Wing at St Mary’s Hospital where I have been waiting for the last few months in great anticipation. I was hoping I would see all of you down there sucking up the excitement so imagine my disappointment. grin

No sorry I have been awol for a bit. I decided to try and mentally detox after my holiday as I don’t know whether you remember but I wasn’t very happy (I was very cross and upset and in a bait about everything). I was very conscious I had nothing positive to say and I just had to get myself back on track. So I thought I would go MN free and try and work it out of my system for a few months. I have had MN and FF black out but I have been meaning to come on and catch up. I do keep thinking of you all a lot and have been wondering how everyone has been getting on. Now you’ll have to put up with an extra long post!!

I have glanced back the last few pages of this thread and will try and find the other one to see what I have missed. Have there been any bfps?? Any other news I have missed?

I am pleased to read our lovely pregnant 10 plussers are doing well. Buzz – am absolutely thrilled for you. Does it feel real? And/Gin/Doll/Critter – yippee, sounds like things are progressing well. Gin – it’s quite sobering reading how you are finding it all so surreal after all this time. It must be so so odd but I find it so pleasing to hear that you were someone who didn’t believe it could happen but it did! are Sar and Art around?. The pregnancies and births on here are true royal births in my eyes – very very special and very deserved and won in a warrior style.

Rabbit – have you had an early miscarriage? I can’t believe it, I am just so sorry. That’s terrible news. What are your plans now?

Lemons – sounds like you have had a great haul and are now pupo. Yippee. I hope you are able to get through the next 10 days or so calmly. Wishing you every bit of luck.

Sea – how are you doing? Where are you at now? Have you done the latent tb stuff yet?

Mrsd lovely, how are you doing? I see your cycles are buggered after ivf – mine are too, they are all over the place. I don’t even think I ovulate any more! When do you think you will cycle again?

Euro – as I said in my text, I am so sorry about the CP. It’s difficult to know whether it’s comforting that something is at least happening with you and you clearly are getting embies but I guess it raises other questions. Do you think you’ll go for intrallipids? Also I think I last left you when you were having a nightmare smear situation, did all that sort itself out?

Poutster – have you had your FET yet? Poor big dog but I hope he’s ok.

Mad – I hope you are having a good holiday before the next round. I hope you’ve been well.

Nelly are you around and what are your plans?

Lovely Cosmos, are you FETting soon?? I see you have had an endometrial scratch. What a good idea! It’s important to try different things I reckon.

So I have been awol trying to concentrate on the things I can control and trying not to focus on the uncontrollable (I.e the baby thing). It’s work in progress. Roy and I (well I dragged him) had a meeting with a wonderful nutritionist who a lot of people use at my clinic. It was something I vowed I would never do as I thought my diet was fine. Anyway she really focused on Roy and gave him a good talking to and aims to get his sperm supersonic rather than just normal. I now find I spend a lot of time in the kitchen preparing meals, introducing a lot of colour in to the cooking. Roy has to eat all sorts of odd stuff. I’m also on about 7 supplements a day. So it will be fascinating to see if there is any difference in our next round of ivf and whether we will get some frosties. I mean can nutrition really help? We can only try our best.

I have been struggling to get the last 5lbs of ivf weight off though but I have just come out of the most horrendous 4 day bout of severe gastroenteritis with dysentery having eaten a lamb burger in Soho last week. It was a horror show. I went to the loo over 70 times in 48 hours. I was so worried I took myself off to hospital where I was told I was malnourished and dehydrated. Anyway bingo, the 5lbs have gone! And I tell you if I get rid of these haemmeroids which quite frankly I was not going to avoid with that going on down there, then I think I could lose half a stone. Bonus!

Also don’t laugh but I have started hypnotherapy. The first woman I went to see was really strange and her website claimed she specialised in fertility hypnotherapy. I didn’t get a good vibe from her. Felt she may harbour a bit of bitterness about babies herself and then when she had heard about my 3 years of fertility woes, she started prying in to my parents and my childhood which unfortunately for her was actually a very happy one. Even so, she thought she would then try and regress me, “you are loved Joy, you are loved, hear the crashing waves, birds singing, you are loved.”. WTF?! I was laughing hysterically in my head and wondering how the hell I had got in to that situation. I am no expert but I don’t think my fertility fears have anything to do with my childhood.

Anyway I have found another hypno. I’m not sure I get hypnotised though but I think I just like someone to talk to and make sense of all the emotions it brings and also I find it helps me think about my attitude. I guess it’s a form of counseling. She totally gets it and importantly only deals with infertility. I now do this thing, which I in fact made up and I lie down and imagine an empty suitcase and I see myself filling it with the last 3 years of rubbish – blood tests, iui, miscarriages, lap, hysteos, doctor appointments, erpc, preggo announcements and I just zip the case up and I toss it in to a river and imagine it washing away. I basically am training my mind to consign all this crap in to history and just to put it down as an experience. I want to forget about it and concentrate on the now rather than thinking the past will reflect the future. I know it’s sounds wacky and weird but I really was letting it drag me down so much. I kept dwelling on everything that has happened and feeling sorry for myself and of course the sad and bitter emotions do crop up but I have to then try and nip it in the bud.

The hypno woman is also trying to teach me to embrace other people’s pregnancies…she tells me to embrace it , to be happy for people because I’m in the queue and it will be my turn one day. This is really hard to believe but again it’s all about attitude and making life’s little moments easier to deal with. She told me to do this a week after my BiL told us they were expecting their 3rd child. I didn’t take the news well. I was furious for about 2 days and I think particularly because they have always been quite smug and superior about being parents. The thought that my first pregnancy was due before their 2nd and now they were having their 3rd effortlessly just seemed greedy in my eyes and would just encourage them to go on and on about their perfect family. Yes the bitter bitch inside certainly rose to the fore on that announcement. The very next day after this one my BF sent me a text to say she was pregnant. She had rung me about 2 weeks earlier saying she was cross with her DH because this was their first month of trying and they had only managed to dtd once because he has issues in that area. But nope, just the once was enough. Weirdly I was genuinely happy for her. I still had to go home and have a little cry for us though. Wasn’t quite so thrilled when I next saw BF and she was telling me how clever her body was. She banged on about it for several minutes and how proud her DH was to be so virile even though he has been smoking 20 a day for the last 20 years. Tact is not her strong point!

So in the last few months I have had my lump removed, it was the size of a ping pong ball. So pleased that is gone. I’ve taken up yoga. I’m as bendy as a lamp post but I hope it will make me stronger. My periods are still up the spout but this last one was the first time I didn't experience that awful pain I was so worried about. I hope I can forget about the fear of Ashermans now. Touch wood.

My parents spoke to my grandmother who has been unbelievably kind and given us some money towards one last treatment. They control her money and chequebook and when I thanked her profusely she didn't really know anything about it. I have quickly cashed the cheque. I am very thankful and so lucky to get this last shot because it wasn’t looking likely. So I think The plan is Roy and I will go back to the same clinic one last time, not my next period but the one after sometime which I think will come around the end of Aug/start of Sep. I am going to do everything I can to get intrallipids rather than ivig this time and I just hope the stars and planets are all lined up. Sometimes I think that out of all the eggs I have left, one has got to be viable.

Phew this is long!

seaviewasia Tue 23-Jul-13 15:03:20

A quick phone post to say welcome back Joy. It is really really good to hear you.

Also a big hug to Euro. These milestone dates are painful. You have all our support here.

Sorry for the short post. Will do a proper name check post very soon.

mrsden Tue 23-Jul-13 15:20:19

Hello joy! It's wonderful to hear from you, I have been thinking about you often. How was your holiday? I'm sorry your cycles are messed up too. I'm sure this is just a temporary blip for both of us. The hypno sounds interesting. I'd love to hear more about the nutritionist, what does she recommend men eat? That's great news you are able to fund another cycle. You will get there, you have been spectacularly unlucky so far that is all.

Euro, big hug to you. I know it's not the same but a friend announced a pregnancy a couple of weeks ago and I couldn't help thinking that it should have been me if the Ivf worked. Your holiday looked fab by the way. One week isn't long enough though, will you get another break over the summer or is that it?

The royal stuff is annoying me and I'm not even in the uk so can largely escape it. Althoughtnpeople did ask me about it today. It was hard trying to offer an opinion on it. Woman has baby, it's not really news. Except it would be if it was one of us long termers, that would be amazing news. Art, how are you doing? Not long for your prince or princess?

Poutintrout Tue 23-Jul-13 17:01:16

joy I am so, so pleased that you are okay. Hurrah! It sounds like you have had a very eventful few months. You had me sniggering with your hypnotherapy tales. Bet you never thought in a million years that in pursuit of a baby you would find yourself "listening to the crashing waves" while somebody tried to foist childhood ishoos on you grin So glad that you have found somebody else and it has been useful. I like your empty suitcase idea.

Oh goodness at the gastroenteritis. How grim but all that weight loss is fab! Where can I find this purveyor of such fine cuisine and grade A salmonella? Are you feeling better?

Please also accept a medal for your heroic handling of your BF's pregnancy announcement. Exceptionally virile my arse. Lucky, just damned lucky!

Hurrah for the funds for another round of IVF.

I just knew you would be one of the first ones at the hospital waiting for news of the royal birth. Sadly I couldn't get my union jack flag pressed in time for the occasion grin

mrsd did you get to the bottom of whether your friend has some baby news?

nelly It is all indeed curious. Maybe your ovulation was a bit out. IVF has done strange things to my ovulation.

Had another hospital appointment today. I am going for the natural FET and am awaiting my period to start (imminent) after which time I will be advised when to commence OPK testing. Let the squinting at lines and the collecting of pissy sticks on a bit of tissue on the toilet cistern to compare colour saturation begin! Disgusting but yet still strangely more appealing than a pot of pot pourri grin

Buzzybee123 Tue 23-Jul-13 17:04:16

Joy So good to hear from you, the hypo sounds interesting a colleague at work tried it, I hope you had a lovely holiday, I'm not sure about embracing other peoples pregnancies, that is tough, we went to a party on Saturday and pregnant friend was there, I have to admit I didn't feel comfortable at first hmm sorry about your BIL and BF, but remember if she has to tell herself that her body is clever hmm what does that say about her mind.

Its good to take charge and change things in your life smile so well done on taking control

nelly sorry about the AWOL AF

it sounds like a few of you will be doing IVF come Aug/Sept smile

Buzzybee123 Tue 23-Jul-13 17:05:47

x posts with pout oooh let operation Colin begin grin

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Tue 23-Jul-13 17:30:07

Hello all!

Glad you made it to the front of the scrum and came back to tell us about it, joy. I am so pleased to read how your post. It really sounds like things are going a lot better and that FF and MN detox done you good. Fingers crossed for the last round, and I am sure one or more of them are viable! Welcome back!

I was hiding from MN for my waiting weeks, but failed smile so here I am. Not much to tell, I have loads of progesterone symptoms, which I bloody well should considering I am shoving it up my foof three times a day. SB and I had a really good chat about teh cycle - our conclusion was it went better than expected, and providing I don't have to combine devil's juice and the pill again, we'd consider another cycle - and alternative routes to parenthood. So I was very at ease about it all on Sunday. Not so now, of course wink

Massive handhold euro. Dates SUCK. Your time will come, but meanwhile this really hurts.

Sorry about awol AF, nelly. But cocktails in the sun sound a good plan.

Your heatwave yoga sounds, errr, drippy rabbit. I hope you're okay!

Wow, pout fetching Colin home is imminent. Everything crossed for you and for successful squinting at the sticks!

Waves to all the others! Too tired to name check properly!

seaviewasia Wed 24-Jul-13 07:21:16

PUPO Lemon – I hope the wait is not driving you mad. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Pout – It’s getting close…. How do you feel about this upcoming FET. I really hope this is the one!

Mrsd – Sorry your cycles are still playing up. I hope it settles soon. Did you doctors say when they might go back to normal? I am the same re the royal baby. I really can’t stand it anymore. Nothing to do with my lack of fertility mind. I just don’t understand why people would queue up for hours to get a look. I was on walking near Buckingham Palace and St Marys the last couple of days and it was mobbed. Who are these people that camp out? They are just weird and alien to me.

Joy – It’s so so nice to hear you. I am glad the mental detox has worked. Hypno and nutritionist doesn’t sound weird at all. I went to a hypno many years ago and I found it very helpful indeed. As for nutrition, I think it can definitely help. I have changed my diet since starting to TTC but MrSea thinks it’s all rubbish. It would be impossible for me to convince him otherwise as his sperm count was good for both my IUIs. What kind of foods are you making? Maybe I can sneak some into MrSea’s dinner.

As for trying to embrace other people’s pregnancies, I think that’s a really healthy approach. I think hate, envy and jealous can eat us up and do us more harm than good. It’s fine to acknowledge we are sad it’s not us but the other ugly emotion doesn’t help us. Every time I get an A+ announcement I remind myself that it’s not a zero sum game. I am always happy for friends. It’s those loud mouths that have really questionable morals that I really have difficulty with. Instant diff-ers do bother me though but only because I have had so many ignorant comments from them. A classic is “women only need IVF because they wait till they are too old to have kids”… I started TTC when I was 31 so I hardly think it was that! Anyway… I think what you are doing is great. Also delighted to hear you are going back to ARGC. I will be cycling there in Oct I hope. It’s actually the earliest I can do as I am travelling every month before then and I have other (NK) issues to resolve first.

Free – Well done on getting warm and losing weight. When are you planning on your IVF? Looks like we are both doing it before the end of the year.

Rabbit – How are you doing? Are you feeling okay?

Euro – How’s it going? I am sad you felt said about the would be 6 month date. You are trying natural this month before another cycle next month right? Will you still go for natural IVF?

Cosmos – Very interested in your endometrial scratch. Do you know in what circumstances clinics will offer this? I hope this FET is the one for you.

Nelly – Sorry about the false alarm. Late AF can be a real bitch. I can’t remember how many times she has teased and played with my feelings. Enjoy your upcoming holiday.

Doll, Critter, Sar, Gin – glowing 10 plussers. I hope you are all feeling good and enjoying your bumps.

AFM, I have been taking antibiotics for almost 2 months now for the latent TB, only 1 more month to go. I finally got the all clear to take Humira. It’s actually sitting in my fridge right now. I had to delay taking it another week because of travel plans buggering up the 2nd injection’s timing. No matter… I have waited this long already. I am quite nervous about injecting… ridiculous I know. I have never actually injected anything before. The clinic didn’t tell me anything and it looks like I am left to figure out how to do it myself. MrSea can’t help as he is really scared of needles. I will have to figure it out somehow. Have been watching a lot of YouTube videos. grin

seaviewasia Wed 24-Jul-13 07:40:26

Naughty me <slaps hand> I missed out lovely buzzy on my list of glowing ladies! Hope you are doing well. When is the next scan?

freedom2011 Wed 24-Jul-13 08:12:38

hi seaview I want to get on with IVF asap but DH feels we haven't given chinese doctor enough off a chance yet. I will see what chinese doctor says at next appointment

Euro those dates are hard. I had 2 friends due around the same time as me (had I not miscarried) and whilst happy for them that their babies arrived safe and sound it was tinged with sadness that I wasn't holding my own baby especially as they were on number 3 and number 2 respectively. it is hard and ok to recognise you feel sad sometimes. thanks for your reminder that it is not a zero sum game seaview this is a wise comment

mrsden Wed 24-Jul-13 09:29:31

Seaview, that is wonderful that you're nearing the end of the tb treatment. I'm sure you'll cope just fine with the injections, the first one is the worst and then it's so easy you'll wonder what you were worried about.

Free, the Chinese stuff sounds interesting. What do they mean by getting you warmer? Are they looking for your temps to increase?

Joy, your friend sounds incredibly insensitive. I assume she knows what you've been through in which case I think she's being quite mean to you. I think I'd kick her off my Xmas card list.

I haven't been back to see the dr since the failed Ivf, I just haven't been able to face it even though we were supposed to make an appointment for a follow up. I wanted to forget about clinics and Ivf for a time and I couldn't face being poked around anymore, The thing is I k kw what they're going to say, ec was done too early. Except they'll phrase it in such a way so as to free themselves of any blame. I might try to make an appointment for mid August and ill tell them I think the Ivf has broken me. We will be doing the next round mid or end of October, we have house guests early October and I can't do this with people in my space. If this next round doesn't work then I think we'll move clinics for our final attempt, that will probably be in jan. if that doesn't work then it will be time out to think about our options. FInancially, we cannot keep going with Ivf and also emotionally I think it would be time to stop then.

eurozammo Wed 24-Jul-13 10:20:11

joy it's lovely to hear from you. How wonderful that you have funds for another go.

I might have to come and lick you - I need the magic weightloss bug! I have really piled on the pounds this year. (But more seriously, I hope you are recovered now.)

I'm also having hypno (or rather, I'm about to start), but for a different reason. I really struggle with being knocked out for EC and get myself in a right state for the lead up. I want to learn some self-hypnosis techniques to see if that helps me through. I hope my lady is less woo than yours!

Sorry for the insensitive friend. Some of the comments on this thread make me realise how lucky I am to have good friends around me who have for the most part been very tactful and supportive (and in some cases have been through it themselves).

mrsd that's probably it for holidays until the autumn. I have a huge trial coming up in a couple of months, and prep for that is going to wipe out most of the summer. We're thinking of another week in the Maldives for some winter sun though. It is the most blissfully relaxing place I have ever been.

I completely understand your desire not to be prodded and poked for a while. We are entitled to a follow up at our clinic, but I really can't be bothered.

pout not long to go now!

sea that's right - we're giving it a half-hearted go the old fashioned way this month and then we'll let the scientists loose again next month. We'll probably go natural for that cycle.

Injecting isn't as bad as you think it will be, promise. The first time is odd but then it becomes routine.

Ginestas Thu 25-Jul-13 09:31:47

joy!! Lovely to see you again and I'm pleased to hear you are ok. You sound very sorted and doing everything you can to make the next cycle successful, and I think you should be v proud of yourself. FFS re your BF. Instadiffs still make me feel funny and rubbing it in like that is inexcusable. Your food poisoning sounds hideous! Although I too remember being pleased at the half stone I lost with my Delhi belly on returning from India. I hope Roy is ok.

Oh and I am intrigued by the hypno. I have bad claustrophobia and wondered if hypno could fix it...

Tight hand hold for euro. These dates are always hard. I hope you are ok. I was a bit wistful the other day when I realised that if ivf no 2 had worked, I'd have been due the same time as K Middy. But I do now feel like this frostie was always meant to be.

V exciting pout about Colin returning to his ancestral home next month. My FET was natural cycle, apart from progesterone support after ET. I couldn't deal with the squinting at lines during the fet, so bought those digital ov sticks instead. I have everything crossed for you.

mrsd I think it's a v good idea to wait until your house guests have gone before starting the ivf. I did nothing at all social during my cycles and just wanted to hide away at home! I too didn't have my follow up appt for ages. You will have to ask them what they plan to do to make sure they don't do EC too early again and shout at them a bit

sea hurrah for getting through the TB treatment, you are so nearly there. I have to admit I made Mr G do my injections, but everyone else seems to get on with them fine and I reckon if I'd had to, I could have done it.

lemons hope you are doing ok and not climbing the walls with the pupo wait.

Waves to free, buzz and everyone else.

I had a massive panic the other day as there was blood when I went to the loo, but I'm pretty sure it was from a pile/fissure, which appeared to be bleeding. Nice eh? Bring on the anusol! Must try to stop thinking AF is ever lurking round the corner... I too am sick of the royal baby. Headline news for the 3rd day running FGS.

Anyway have lovely days lovely ladies!

Absy Thu 25-Jul-13 12:06:46

Hello - My I join the thread? DH and I are heading into month 11 of TTC for our first, we're both early 30s.

After a chemical pregnancy around month 4 of TTC, I went to see my GP (private) and managed to get a referral to a gynaecologist as when I'd had a health check a number of years ago the doctor said I might have PCOS as an offhand remark, with no follow up. So, went through all the tests with the gynaecologist (the vaginal ultrasound was a shock ...) and was diagnosed with PCOS. But, I am apparently fertile but with a cycle all over the freaking place which makes it hard to work out times etc. DH has also been tested and had problems with damaged heads (I think?) which the Dr thought was down to heat exposure etc., so DH has had to start taking cold showers, hangs around the flat now in huge boxers to let everything breathe (poor guy - I spent the first week bursting out laughing everytime I saw him in his pants) and will have to go for more tests in a few months, to see if the boxer regime has worked.

It has been rough - although everyone has been all "it doesn't happen straight away!" we still didn't expect it to take this long. It seems friends and family are falling pregnant left right and centre all over the place. Like my best friend at work, decided to TTC a few months after us, started, stopped, started again and fell pregnant on the second cycle and is now five months pregnant. That has been REALLY rough - I'm super happy for her, but can't help thinking "it should be me". It also didn't help that there was one month when my cycle was very long (varies between 27 and 37 days) and she kept on going "I just KNOW you're pregnant, I know you are". When my period arrived, I literally spent every morning before work sobbing my eyes out.

Anyway, I thought I'd join as I don't know anyone in RL who's going through the same thing, and need to vent somewhat.

eurozammo Thu 25-Jul-13 14:55:38

Welcome Absy! This is a lovely supportive thread, if a little quiet at the moment due to some wonderful recent successes!

This is a very tough ride. I found the 12 month anniversary tough. Bizarrely, it's easier now (I'm on cycle 33 now) as the expectation that it could happen naturally is long gone.

With regard to the PCOS, I highly recommend a book called The PCOS Handbook by Theresa Cheung and someone else. Basically, it explains the link between insulin levels and PCOS. If you are overweight, losing weight can help. Even if you are not, eating a low GI diet in order to stabilise blood sugar levels can really help. The Verity PCOS website forums are also helpful.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in my teens and had similar semi-regular cycles in my 20s (I had one every month or thereabouts but they varied by 10 days or so in length). I now try to eat sort of low GI (I am no saint) and I have had acu and try to generally be healthy and my latest scans have shown no sign of it. I'm not sure whether it is due to age or whether I have improved it through diet and lifestyle. My cycles are now very regular, btw.

Gin sorry about the bleeding panic, but I'm glad you found the cause!

joycep Thu 25-Jul-13 16:20:43

Hi mrsd – we had a lovely holiday. It was only a week but it was just what the doctor ordered. Roy is currently having to eat 75g walnuts each day. It’s a huge amount! Every night I also mix tomato puree with a dash of olive oil and pumpkin seed oil and put it on a ryvita. Apparently there is something in tomato puree that is good for sperm. He no longer has bran flakes for breakfast but instead has porridge oats, chia seeds, pumpkin and sunflower seeds and berries. No milk (apparently contains oestrogen) just hot water. Lunch – pita bread filled with some protein, watercress, rocket, spinach, red peppers, tomatoes. Basically lots of colour and salad that contains useful vitamins. Dinner – i prepare a proteing with lots of green veg, some orange veg etc. We use BPA free sandwich bags and containers. There is no way i would have got him to do all this if it was me telling him. It helped it was a fertility nutritionist telling us and quite frankly we will try anything. Roy is sitting down for 16hours a day as well and she told him he has to move around because men aren’t designed to do that. He has lost a stone and a half and still doesn’t have a normal bmp. He doesn’t look overweight at all because he is so tall but he was told the combination of sitting and too much fat around the stomach is bad for sperm. I cycled with a girl and before her 2nd round she met with the nutritionist. The only thing she and her dh did differently was nutrition and count went from something like 5mil at it’s worst to 24mil or something. She’s convinced it was diet. Roy is on a pre-natal supplement too which contains omega 3. I’m on omega 3 oil too. Listen who knows. As I say, for me I would love to be able to freeze something, to have that backup. Perhaps as they said my egg quality is not that good and this may never be possible but considering everything self destructed after day 3 when the sperm dna is suppose to take over, i wonder whether Roy has a more of an issue that we thought. Also we did have icsi and not ivf because of his motility which was a huge surprise. If his sperm can just become supersonic then i hope it will make up for any short comings on my part.
I don’t blame you not rushing to do your follow up. I must say i did mine and it didn’t raise anything really. I thought I would get some answers but not really. I guess for you as well, it is quite obvious what happened. they screwed up. If I was you, I would want to know what they will do differently next time to make sure they don’t make the same mistake again though.

Pout – you made me giggle as usual. So sorry you didn’t get your flag pressed though especially as i know you had been needle and threading that all year. what a shame! Goodness, the FET is nearly upon you and that’s quite nice i expect that it will be natural. Do you get another round of ivf if you need one or is it just one where you are?

Buzz – to be fair i’m not sure about embracing other people’s pregnancies either. It’s a nice idea and i have been trying it but actually it depends on who it is and whether my brain and my mood decide whether they deserve it [meow]

Lemon – the wait is just truly shocking . I hope you are bearing up ok.

Gin – hypno for claustrophobia sounds like it would be good. I was thinking i would ask my woman to try and nip my fear of flying in the bud. but perhaps i should concentrate on one issue at a time! I’m really sorry about the panic. Thank goodness it was nothing. Anusol is my best friend right now.

Sea – that’s so great you have come to the end of the antibs. You have been thrown some awful curve balls. I hope the humira injection goes ok. surprised the clinic hasn’t given you some help as to how to do it though. Our paths could be crossing there.

Absy – welcome , welcome. I hope you have a very short time here. As Euro said the 12 month mark was really hard i remember. Many of us on here have been ladies in waiting for over 3 years now and I find it easier now...probably because I don’t have to anticipate whether i’m pregnant eveyr month because i know it won’t happen naturally! Anyway, hopefully you’ll get some answers soon and you won’t have to wait too much longer for that bfp.

Euro – you can come and lick me if you want but just a few days of proper eating and not even unhealthily has seen the pounds piling on again. It’s so annoying! I think it’s a good idea about getting hypno for those kinds of fears. I bet your hypno will be woo though – surely they all are!

mrsden Thu 25-Jul-13 16:51:30

That food sounds very yummy joy. Dh has quite a good diet, we eat lots of tomato based stuff. He has salad for lunch every day and puts seeds on top. I also give him a bag of nuts to eat everyday but I reckon he forgets most of the time. He probably does have too much dairy though. He has been taking a multi vitamin of for make fertility for ages now, it's never made any difference. Something that really annoys me is he still uses the sauna after swimming, I've nagged and nagged him about it and can do no more.

Abys, welcome. I first went to the doctors at 11 months, I knew that there was something wrong because family and friends hadnt taken that long. I agree with euro that the year mark was tough, amazingly it does get easier.

Buzzybee123 Thu 25-Jul-13 18:03:17

absy welcome to the thread smile

joy I think it sounds great to be happy for other people and usually I am but I am not at the embracing stage even now, tomorrow I am spending the day with an OT who is just back from Maternity leave, we had a meet up today and she spent time talking about juggling motherhood and work and talked about her child with the other OT who is also back from Maternity leave, its still painful for me as we were all due at the same time except I don't have a baby hmm

Poutintrout Thu 25-Jul-13 18:16:59

sea It's good that you are coming to the end of your TB treatment. As for the whole IVE needles thing if I could manage it anyone can, really! Like mrsd says the first one is the worst because, well you are just so scared and freaked out by the thought of it. After that you realise that it is okay.
How is MrS bearing up?

lemons I have been thinking of you. Not long to wait now till D Day. I am rooting for you.

gin Oh God at blood panic. I'm so glad that it is just piles. Still not the kind of toilet moment that you need though.

joy So glad that you are back BTW! Your diet sounds interesting if not a little hard going. You gave me hope when you mentioned the virtues of tomatoes and puree because we eat shed loads of tomato based pasta sauces. Not sure though that it will be enough to turn MrP's sperm supersonic.
Yep, natural FET is very much a relief. By all accounts it will be very straightforward with little in the way of faffing. There are no scans or blood tests at all, just OPKs. No Progesterone support either which worried me a bit when I read that you gin did have the pessaries. Yep, this is the last chance saloon and the last chance of a funded cycle with the PCT.

mrsd Our follow up appointment after the failed cycle was pretty pointless, bordering on disappointingly vague. If anything being told that I was a little understimulated was a bit soul destroying and I'd rather have not known that.

absy Hello and welcome, may your stay be brief! Like euro said I found the the first year to 18 months the hardest and I used to cry every month my period arrived. It does get better with time. Long cycles must be frustrating. Mine are a little longer than average and I find that annoying so PCOS & very erratic cycles must be infuriating.

Well this whole royal baby thing is becoming beyond grating now. Am I the only one regularly telling the TV to f* off?

I had a seriously peeed off day yesterday. I called my grandmother only to have her outright ask me if I was pregnant yet. I could seriously kill my mother for telling the whole bloody world.

Poutintrout Thu 25-Jul-13 18:18:02

x-posted buzzy I am sorry that you had such a difficult day. Do they know your circumstances or where they just oblivious to how you might be feeling?

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 25-Jul-13 19:35:26

Joy I am so glad to her from you, a I very much remember how down you were. All the steps you are taking sound very positive. It's lovely to have you back, if we all have to be here at all that is!

Yay for impending Colin-warming, Pout. Buzzy might have some spare progesterone wink

Buzzy sorry you had a rubbish day. It's so hard when you are constantly reminded of past sadness.

Euro sorry you've had tough dates too. But you are so close.

Rabbit are you ok? can't remember when you last posted and I'm on phone.

Absy hello. You are in the right place while you wait.

MrsD I think your timing and plan sounds good. I've packed mine in but that's because of impending doom as far as my ovaries are concerned.

Lemon hope you are coping ok with the wait and no I don't think you are an alcoholic wink

Sea you must feel a bit like you are moving forward now?

So had my follow up today. MrN was very scathing of the Dr's Botox shock. No real surprises. Essentially they didn't recommend anything I wanted. Which was a monitoring natural cycle, and then either a LP or a natural IVF. They really thought DE was the only truly worthy path but would support whatever I wanted to do. They did suggest perhaps some implantation support given my CP, probably Heparin (?) maybe steroids and a scratch could also be considered. They are going to send leaflets out. So I think we will do one more before the end of the year, not sure when yet. There have been tears but each time I get the repeated message if just how useless my female bits are, the recovery is faster. I'm now looking forward to the point at which I never have to hear "given your AMH....". Anyway to cheer myself up there is a cake in the oven. Just not a bun.

You know on the Kate/Royal baby thing I'm strangely ok. It is so far removed from reality that it doesn't even really strike me that it is a baby. And I'm certainly not jealous of her. It is real people that make me feel a bit wobbly. But don't get me wrong, the world is mad shock.

Buzzybee123 Thu 25-Jul-13 22:39:05

pout I'll just have to suck it up, I'm not sure how much she knows to be honest, I have some progesterone I can send you if you like shock at your grandma

nelly on one of the other boards they were saying that clinics like ZW are not paying attention to the AHM results and are more looking at AFC, so other clinics are likely to follow, blood thinners can help with implantation along with the scratch.

lemon Thinking of you

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 25-Jul-13 22:46:46

Hmm just lost a post. Anyway it said that the problem of low AMH has already been substantiated by my poor response. Sigh... sad

joycep Fri 26-Jul-13 10:43:56

Nelly - please don't give up. You had a cp and if you add in a few other things like aspirin, hep and steroids, this could make all the difference. I wish these docs would forget about the amh bloody tests. I was reading a thread elsewhere last night and Apparently the zita west clinic are getting rid of the test because they can't see a link between it and having a baby. And ZW use to put loads of emphasis on it. You still ovulate, you still produce eggs and in my mind that still gives you a shot.

Pout - it's annoying they can't give you some progesterone support for peace of mind. I wish they would just chuck all these things like pred and heparin at unexained people. Is it worth taking some baby aspirin as well?

eurozammo Fri 26-Jul-13 11:00:59

Morning all.

I'm feeling totally spent this morning. 5 days back at work have completely wiped me out!

nelly that's annoying about the clinic. It's a shame you don't have much choice in your location.

pout my parents never talk about it, and I don't think they have told my grandparents, thankfully.

buzz that sounds tough. It's easy sometimes to think that the BFP will be the end of this, but we have all been through so much that I think there will always be psychological effects.

I had an announcement yesterday - my best friend's little brother's wife is preggo and due in November. It hit me fairly hard. It feels like the next generation is overtaking me. And the baby'll come quite close to our mc due date (23 October).

mrsden Fri 26-Jul-13 11:31:50

nelly my amh is supposed to be really good and I only produced two decent eggs. My clinic takes no notice of Amh except to guide choice of protocol. The fact you can make embryos must say something. I reckon it's worth another shot, but I guess at some point there is a calculation to make about whether you want to give yourself a greater chance. Donor eggs is a wonderful option and is right for many people, but it's not right for everyone and takes a lot of thought. Don't let them push you into it if you're not ready for that step.

pout Colin will soon be back in his proper home. That's wonderful that you can do it without all the drugs.

euro grr at pregnancy announcements, they seem to be coming thick and fast at the moment. Is there a baby boom in the UK? I keep reading people saying they are broody because of the royal one. It's totally alien to me that people can see a baby think I want one and then have one. I do think people don't really think enough about creating another life. I'm fed up of hearing people moan about childcare or not having a big enough house, no money etc then have another and another.

I've had a crap morning too. I've been on this thread since the start, I think joy, euro, pout too? Come on gods, play fair. It has to be our turn surely? I woke up after a dream where everyone is pregnant so felt down straight off. Then I'm putting the bins out and so is my neighbour. There it is, a humongous bump. They were on holiday, then we were so I haven't seen her in 6 weeks or so but I swear there was nothing last time I saw her and now it's a big fat balloon of a bump. I saw it and got that gut kicking feeling, was totally lost for words. I didn't even mention it, muttered hello and walked in and burst into tears. She must think I'm totally weird not to say congratulations, or wow you're pregnant etc. She'll think it's a British thing so I'll get away with it, I might never mention it. It's not fair she's pregnant. He smokes a lot so how can he have sperm that can fertilise? And they have 3 dogs and 2 cats so they shouldn't be able to have a baby too. I got into work and then my colleague is back from paternity leave and proceeds to tell us every detail of the birth. He thinks his wife is so totally amazing, she did it all with no pain relief at home and sang through the contractions. He then did a demonstration of the singing. Gah, he so nearly saw the sharp end of my letter opener. I just logged onto fb and there is a scan photo. A third baby! She's 33 and is having her third.

buzzy did barry post the scan photo in the end? I don't really have a problem with it, it's not the scan more the another announcement and reminder it's not me, but the scan is always so in your face. But yours would never bother me, I think the 10 plussers deserve to announce it in whatever way they wish because it is so wonderful and deserved.

mrsden Fri 26-Jul-13 11:33:25

I know what you mean about the next generation euro my cousin has recently got engaged. I'm dreading the wedding because I know a pregnancy will follow very quickly. He is still a baby to me, I remember him being born. I helped feed and change him, pushed him in the pram etc.

Poutintrout Fri 26-Jul-13 11:54:08

Thanks buzzy for the offer of the Progesterone. I did speak to the nurse about it and she said that my levels are high enough without support. I feel a bit hmm about that but will just trust them on it.
joy I keep meaning to ask about the baby aspirin. I have a few Progesterone pessaries left, do you reckon it would be beneficial to use them anyway?

nelly I am sorry that the dreaded AMH is still dominating your thoughts. It sounds like there were some positives to come from the appointment like the scratch and heparin. Keep trucking chuck!

euro Sorry about the announcement & the crappily timed due date too. Talking of being overtaken by the new generations, I have got the fear about my nephew doing the nasty and getting some trollop diffed. He's still a teenager FFS but I just have a feeling about it.

Awww mrsd you have had the morning from hell! I say steal the diffed one's wheelie bin so you don't have to see her again in the morning & jab the annoying colleague with your letter opener.
I too feel cross about the whole royal baby boom. Not sure why exactly.
Talking of which I am officially boycotting Argos and will never buy any of their gawdy & tawdry tat again. That advert "congratulations to all the Mums and Dads" has given me the rage. If they don't want my barren buck fuck 'em.

mrsden Fri 26-Jul-13 11:59:00

Yuk what an awful advert that sounds pout. I'm very pleased I don't have to suffer that. I did however get an email from m&s it said to celebrate the royal baby, opened it and it was all baby items. They must have got my email from some mailing list that has me in the demographic for having a baby. Probably from all the pregnacare I buy when I'm back in the uk with my boots or tesco cards. Those card people must think I've been pregnant for 3 years.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 26-Jul-13 12:47:34

Just a quick post to say to you, Ladies, I love you grin. You always say the right things, and your tales of stabbing colleagues and stealing wheelie bins had me sniggering in the toilets. Though i hate that you have had bad mornings. The fact that we can get out of bed most days, let alone bring cheer to the rest of us, makes us all super-awesome (for when only American cheerleading enthusiasm will do). And for the stabby announcements, I will steal Rabbits wisdom. Skip around the place in skimpy pants and a noticeable absence of Tena Lady. Just because you can wink Don't worry about the fact old age is almost as detrimental to bladder control as shoving a baby out of your foof.

mrsden Fri 26-Jul-13 13:05:38

We love you too nelly! When I had my run in with the neighbour this morning the first thing I thought was i will tell you all and you will understand. No one in real life would. I told dh and he said "I hope she's not planning on a home birth, I do not want to hear that through the lounge wall" grin

joycep Fri 26-Jul-13 16:07:50

Sorry about all the horrid announcements ladies. Sometimes they just can't be embraced as much as my hypno woman tells me too!

Pout - everyone at my clinic is put on baby aspirin as a matter of course. I remember you have excellent progesterone levels so I don't think you should let it worry you if you can't get hold of more. I would just use them though as you have them.

Absy Fri 26-Jul-13 16:19:08

Thanks for the warm welcome! and thanks for the book suggestion euro - I'll have a look.

The Royal Baby stuff has been a bit rough, but I've ignored it as much as I can.

Buzzybee123 Fri 26-Jul-13 17:25:43

nelly its not just down to AMH, but the protocol and the clinic getting the dose right, we have similar AMH's and they managed to get 4 follies on Super Ovulation, as euro says IOTO

pout I am not sure about FET and progesterone levels as you will have a natural ovulation, it can't hurt to take them though, the same with the baby aspirin, they believe it can help with implantation

mrsd sorry about the crap morning, its like a constant slap in the face, agree with pout about the bin smile its not that long now until October for you. No Barry hasn't put the scan up, we've had a few heart to hearts, he is happy about becoming a dad and I don't feel I have the right to take that experience away from him, we are very paths through this process though.

euro that back to work feeling is crap. Where are you in your cycle ?? 18 months ago a friend of mine became a grandfather shock that was hard to deal with, especially since his daughter is a stupid teenager, although SS have since stepped in.

sea Glad things are moving on for you, you can probably look up injecting on utube smile

lemon thinking of you my lovely

rabbit hope you are ok

I spent the afternoon smiling through gritted teeth as my immature colleague managed to talk about her marriage and baby in pretty much ever conversation, neither events have happened in the last year hmm oh and how her husband wants to try for another baby soon and how he texts to ask her if he can go out on a Monday night [boak] thank feck she is leaving in 3 months, also grin as she still hasn't lost any of the baby fat bitch face emoticon

better go Kayla has become very affectionate lately and demanding lots of attention probably needs feeding hmm

Cosmos1 Fri 26-Jul-13 17:40:01

Hi all,

Doll, lovely to hear how you're getting on. I love your laid back attitude, and your low key response to your bump! Hope the various arrangements go smoothly, or just go! I'm sure it will all work out, seems like things were meant to be if you believe in all that?

Lemons thinking of you and hope you're getting on ok.

Gin oh my gosh about you still checking the loo roll! I really hope you get to relax at some point, Buzzy too. What Euro said about the psychological scars of going through this seem so true, and an extra unfairness of it all. Old habits die hard I suppose, but you're both past major milestones now. Not long till they arrive!

Pout and Gin the scratch was done by inserting a plastic stick with a slightly jagged (but blunt) edge through a tube in the cervix - so like ET but rather than receiving embryos, getting a sharp short wince instead. The Dr that did it must have done similar procedures a million times, because the whole thing probably took 15 seconds!

Pout your take on Joys first hypno made me laugh. I'm jealous of you doing natural FET, they must rate your system! I'm doing a medicated one and start downregging next Tues. I'm nervous about it after all the talk on here about it sending people into black moods. I can't remember what I took last time.

Euro hope you had a fab holiday - i spent a couple of years in that country, one of my favourite places. So sorry about the significant date. It's so hard isn't it, and I agree about the next generation thing. I often feel like I've took a wrong turn and ended up on the wrong path and try as I might I just can't get back on track. It sometimes shocks me how much time has gone by. I haven't had an mc so can't understand completely but I too feel your time must surely nearly be here.

Rabbit big hugs, how frustrating - hopefully it won't affect the baseline tests too much.

Nelly so sorry for the wtf month - there's nothing worse. Hope you're ok. I agree there's every chance it will happen for you. Have you thought about trying another clinic for a consultation at least to get a second opinion? Opinions seem to vary hugely ime.

Lovely Joy! So great not just to hear from you but that you've been doing so many positive things - I'm very impressed you've turned it round from such a dark place to doing so much to help things along. You were so close,I really hope this just tips the scales in your favour. Great news about doing another round. Why are you keen on intrallipids instead of ivig out of interest? Your friend sounds thoughtless. I tend to think these days that blunt questions or comments deserve blunt responses, but it doesn't make me feel any better afterwards. Is it just because she's confident everything will work out for you therefore isn't worried about you? (clutches at straws)

Sea good news for getting started! Has someone told you to pinch a good bit of skin first between thumb and finger, either side of belly button?

Mrsden that's exactly how I feel about the being messed about with. I can deal with the drugs, the uncertainty, the thought of doing all this, but having to let strangers prod and poke my most private areas just feels emotionally like daggers in my heart. I hate hate hate it.

Welcome Absy, I agree that part where you go from normal person to one having to deal. With ishoos in this area, and accepting that its happening to you I found the hardest stage to deal with. The plus is that you know what you're dealing with relatively early on, and good on your DH for taking action! A lot of DH's need significant nagging to do stuff like that!

I too have had a shite day. A work thing didn't go we'll yesterday I don't think and have been brooding on it. Just in one of those 'I'm a failure at everything' moods. Think it is mostly fear and worry about starting next round next week.

On the subject of the royal baby, all I can say is my favourite coverage by far so far is Whoopi Goldberg

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sun 28-Jul-13 15:57:32

Quiet on here this weekend! Thanks for all the thoughts. I am having a head in the sand approach to being PUPO although I have not drunk since ET, clearly not alcoholic I just got a letter from the clinic and apparantly we have 6 frosties shock a bit more than the 2 they told us might make it. So that is a relief as OTD looms this week. I will be ignoring the internet as much as I can, but had to share and google success rates of frosties manically

Welcome absy and come on universe, this thread does deserve a break.

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 16:28:33

Wow, lemons, that's fantastic. Hopefully this round will work for you but if not you will have your frosties. I think that was what I was most upset about with my failed round, that I didn't have anything in the freezer so I've got to start again.

Is anyone else having a down period just now or is it just me? I'd picked myself up after the Ivf and was doing really well but the last week or so I feel quite sad and a little bit angry about it all. Everyone is pregnant or has children and I really do feel left out now. I'm fed up of all this and struggling to be positive. I think I've reached the limit if my patience.

I don't think my friend is pregnant so at least I can look forward to our weekend away. I didn't ask her outright but I had a lengthy conversation with her and nothing she said made me think she was. I think theres probably going to be a späte of Second Baby announcements Sohn.

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 16:29:22

Sorry, damn autocorrect. Spate of second baby announcements soon!

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 16:32:30

On the royal thing. The only thing that bothers me is that they managed the textbook married two years then give birth thing. It's a reminder that this is how it is for most people. That thread on did anyone have sex and get pregnant is another reminder of how it is for 'normal' people.

Cosmos1 Sun 28-Jul-13 16:53:06

It always makes me smile how much quieter the thread is on the weekend than during mon-fri.

Lemon that sounds like great news. Which clinic are you with again, I like their approach.

Mrsden yes I wonder if its something to do with the weather? Sunny days seems a reminder of times that should be happy. Imagine having a whole nation discussing your birth and belly though. Gah. I'm so thankful they didn't have problems, if the nation was suddenly awash with incessant conversations about the difficulties of conceiving I think it would drive me up the wall. Can remember who said they don't envy her position but I agree, the whole thing is not what I would want. I do know what you mean though.

In today's sunday times style magazine in the agony aunt column (anyone read it?) the advice she gives is about too much attention on yourself, and about the purpose of your existence causing significant unhappiness. Do you think that's part of what's hard, that you end up inevitably focusing on yourself and your place in the world? She recommends turning your gaze outwards and reminding yourself we are only specks in a universe to obtain more happiness. I might take up astronomy. confused

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 17:36:55

I'm not sure thinking of myself as a tiny speck makes me feel any happier confused

Joy, I know your hypnotherapist is right in that the best thing would be to embrace other people's pregnancies but that's a very hard thing to do. I think If you haven't been suffering with infertility it seems like good advice but I'm not sure it's that easy to do.

Buzzybee123 Sun 28-Jul-13 18:09:37

lemon 6 frosties is great, fingers crossed for Thursday, is that your OTD or the clinics ??

cosmos I agree about the royal birth, I would hate to be constantly judged by the public for any decisions I made, names, clothing etc etc, there life might look perfect to the outside world but I bet they still argue about mundane stuff. Thank goodness it there were no problems as we the public would have to hear all about it hmm so when does FET begin smile

mrsd you seem so down my lovely, have you thought about seeing someone, like a counsellor, just to talk things through, I know I feel like a totally different person since life coaching and I don't think I would have survived IVF without it, I found that IVF was more of an emotional and psychological drain than physical

comosI haven't read the article but I can see where she is coming from, I think we as humans put alot of pressure on ourselves to meet certain levels and to reach targets in life, we feel there are certain expectations of us, sometimes from other people too that are really not obtainable, I think its more about being realistic with yourself and what you want to achieve with your life and what will make you happy.
I certainly don't give a stuff about pleasing other people, the only person I need to please is myself I given on trying to please the cat

CritterPants Sun 28-Jul-13 18:22:32

Hi everyone, hope you're all having lovely calm Sundays. I've been catching up on some sleep since traveling home last week.

lemon that is an amazing result with the frosties. I have everything crossed for you. When is OTD? This is an incredibly stressful time and you're managing brilliantly.

mrd it's natural to feel shit, there has been so much Royal baby stuff. It's bloody hard. October will be here before you know it, hang in there - and definitely talk to them about your cycle and concerns that they triggered you too early last time.

joy it's so nice to see you, and fantastic that you are able to do another cycle. You sound like you've been managing the aftermath of your horrible experience brilliantly. I will have everything crossed for your next round and be sending you and Roy lots of love and luck.

cosmos I was ok on downregging, I think it depends on how you react to hormones. To be honest the run up to IVF is stressful however you go about it. We'll be here for paw holding!

sea YouTube is your friend with the injections. One thing I did which helped me was to ice the area I was going to inject first with a cold pack from the freezer. And the pinching of the tummy area before you do the jab really helps, get it in the skin/fat.

pout where are you at with FET? Brilliant that you can do it with a natural cycle.

nelly don't let them push you into a step that isn't right for you yet. You are producing eggs, and it only takes one. You just haven't had the magic egg yet! Your experience last time with the chemical really makes me think it's just that you need the lucky golden egg. It's a numbers game.

Welcome absy, I hope you don't have to stay here too long. This is a wonderful safe place.

euro I am so sorry about the date. A lovely holiday sounds like a great idea, you need to have a break after the stress of your job and TTC crapness.

Sorry to everyone I've missed. Brain a bit slow today for some reason.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sun 28-Jul-13 19:05:32

OTD is Thursday. Am going to continue the head in sand method, which has stood me in good stead so far. But thanks all for the good wishes. Sorry about the nice weather induced mehness. I had a tinge of that when we ended on a children-infested terrace, and the coffee was shit too, yesterday. Hand holds, lemon cake and love to you all!

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 19:13:48

Hi critters are you back in the states? I heard that you're having a bit of a heat wave over there. How are you doing?

Head in the sand sounds like a good way to get through the 2ww lemons.

Buzzy, I'm down about ttc but not about life in general if that makes any sense? I just feel impatient and fed up with the ttc stuff, and its hard coping when everyone around you finds it so easy. I think I would have counselling at some point to help me come to terms with not having children at all. But currently I don't think it would help unless the counsellor is going to wave a wand and make me pregnant.

Poutintrout Sun 28-Jul-13 19:18:57

lemons that is an amazing number of frosties, it must take the pressure off a lot. That is potentially another 3 (siblings to this successful cycle of course!) FETs.

mrsd I admit to the old feelings creeping back a bit over the last week. I was starting to process everything & feel a bit cross with myself over allowing the crap to creep back in. I think that it has been the royal baby and upcoming FET. I hate any threads that shine a light on how abnormal I am in the baby stakes. I was reading another thread and thinking how unfair it is that I will never have to think about contraception again and how abnormal that it.

cosmos I only read papers where the problem page is accompanied by a comic strip style problem scenario with photos where for some inexplicable reason all the laydees are pictured in their grundies. That or Dear Deirdre but I don't think that she would advocate pondering the Universe grin Seriously though I like the whole imagining we are just a speck. I do often think that I am inconsequential in the grand scheme of things and that before long I will be dead and all this infertility stuff won't mean toffee. Then I swing back into panicking that my imminent death is all very well but I will most likely die alone and perhaps not be discovered for weeks or will die in an old peoples home possibly being abused by the staff with nobody to visit and blow the whistle. I possibly think too much confused grin

buzz I did laugh at you giving up on pleasing Kayla

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 19:35:07

Pout, perhaps we should set up a 10plussers retirement home. Gin on tap.
When is the fet?

eurozammo Sun 28-Jul-13 20:06:21

LOL@ cosmos overthinking!

Drizz 6 frosties is brilliant. Almost makes me wish I had persevered with the downregging - almost. Not long now to OTD.

critter how are you bearing up in the heat? My lot are trying to get my out to your neck of the woods in late August but I am doing my best to wriggle out of it by refusing to go as it potentially clashes with EC and ET for IVF#3. Even if it narrowly misses it, the stress of worrying about the possibility of a clash will be unhelpful. So my next visit might be a while off - maybe I'll even get to meet mini critter then!

mrsd I agree that you do sound very unhappy recently. I don't know what the answer is. I didn't find my counselling session at my old fertility clinic helpful, but I do use acu as a sort of "downloading" session and that seems to be good for me.

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 20:22:41

Euro, would you ever consider doing a full cycle of Ivf with downregging? Or will you stick with natural? I'm interested to see what my clinic suggests this time. Is your weight gain water retention? I found I was a little bloated after the cycle but I think it was water rather than fat. I'm back to my usual weight now.

I think it's pretty impossible not to feel unhappy about this all isn't it? Or am I unusual?

Cosmos1 Sun 28-Jul-13 20:29:03

MrsD when you say you're not down about life in general, would you say you're happy about most other areas of your life? I find it seeps into my view of everything. Gin on tap sounds great.

Pout lol with the over thinking! Glad it's not just me with the crazy thoughts. I sometimes find the only way to stop worrying and get some sleep is to imagine my imminent death (usually with 6 months notice so time to do some cool stuff first). eek. And yes what is it with the pictures of laydees in their grundees on problem pages?! Often while on the phone confused

Critter and Buzzy thanks lovelies for the advice. I start downregging on tues so ET should be end aug.

Lemon thurs isn't long. How are you feeling, or shouldn't I ask?

Euro would you stick to natural cycle no matter what the clinic say next time do you think?

mrsden Sun 28-Jul-13 20:35:56

Cosmos, eek your cycle is almost here, wishing you loads of luck.

It does seep into other areas but I try to separate it. Work keeps me busy and when I'm working I rarely think about it, except when colleagues talk about singing contractions. I have a very happy marriage and I'm so grateful for that because I can see how ttc could tear couples apart. We have a very good lifestyle, partly because we have no real responsibilities. generally, Life is good. Except for the lack of baby part, and its when I think about that that I get down. Or when I think about the future.

Buzzybee123 Sun 28-Jul-13 20:44:35

pout there is no pleasing the furry one grin she has been very affectionate lately, if you die at home your dogs will be loyal and stay with you, if I die at home my cat will eat me hmm when do you start with OPK's ??

euro I think clinics offer the one counselling session as its a requirement that they need to fill, I don't see the point in one session

mrsd I just don't like to think of you so sad, as critter said it will soon be October smile I was fed up with the whole TTC thing not so much life, but I found that it did affect other aspects of my life, what I got out of it was that even if IVF didn't work I had other plans in place and that I knew would be OK if I was childless as I had a very happy marriage and I wouldn't be without. It helped that my LC had been in my shoes, she chose to be childless in the end and didn't try IVF.

critter Glad you are home safe smile

Cosmos1 Sun 28-Jul-13 21:30:23

Thanks MrsD. That sounds very balanced to me, I'm glad you can appreciate other things. At least this way, we've still got it all to come. ?

eurochick Sun 28-Jul-13 22:03:54

mrsd I am a "never say never" kind of person but I would say that a full short protocol cycle is more likely than trying downregging again. For now we will stick with natural.

I think I've said on here before, I didn't realise how empty and sad I had been feeling until those few short weeks of pregnancy before my mc. I feel the same as you that I have a lot to be grateful for (strong marriage, interesting job, stable finances, etc). But there is definitely something missing.

Mine is definitely chub rather than water retention, but it does seem to be shifting now, albeit very slowly. I hope to get back in the 9s before cycle 3 (which would mean losing 2 lbs in the next 2 weeks). Most of it was gained when preggo/during the mc when I was trying to eat well as I felt so week, plus comfort eating cos I was mizz.

cosmos we have a follow up consultation just as my next period will be due (marking the start of the next cycle). I could be persuaded to do a mild cycle. Mr euro is actually more anti than I am. I guess he is the one who has to live with me on the drugs. Also, the closest we have come was on the fully naturally cycle, so it seems logical to go back to that. We will see what they say though. I think they are unlikely to recommend a conventional cycle, as the clinic marks itself out by specialising in natural/mild.

buzz my counsellor was rubbish. She just sort of head-tilted and sympathised but said nothing useful at all. I might as well have spoken to Mrs Jones down the road. I suspect you are right, that the provision of the counsellor is just box-ticking.

Buzzybee123 Sun 28-Jul-13 22:23:50

euro the fact they only give you one free session shows how little clinics place emphasis on the emotional and psychological affects of the IVF process

seaviewasia Mon 29-Jul-13 00:34:58

Nelly – I am so sorry you didn’t feel you got the answers you wanted at your follow up. DE does sound like a very big step. How do you feel about it? Sounds like maybe there are other things you can do like the scratch and steroids before DE? I think it’s all very well to listening to the professionals but we have to be comfortable to take these steps. Your bits are not useless at all. Really none of us know why this is so difficult. A big hand hold to you and MrN.

Pout – Yes only 1 more month of antibiotics to go. I can’t wait… Thanks for asking after MrSea. He is doing better. We spent a few days with MIL and when we were leaving it was v sad and there were tears all around. So hard to see MrSea crying so much as he isn’t really very emotional. He is v worried about mum for obvious reasons. How is MrP doing? I am the same re the royal baby. I am not jealous at all but really cannot handle the constant coverage. It’s too much. I feel for you re family members telling others about our private business. MIL is exactly the same.

Lemons – Well done on the frosties. That’s excellent. I hope you won’t need them though… Fingers and toes crossed for Thursday

Cosmos – totally agree with you about royal baby coverage. Who cares?

MrsD – I totally understand how you feel. It’s normally to feel that way after what you have been through. It is hard to keep our spirits up after all this time but it really does come and go I find. I find myself like a yoyo – up and down. Some days I feel really okay and then some small thing will trigger off feelings of sadness and angry. Be gentle on yourself. I can’t agree more with you about the royal baby news and people who haven’t been through long term TTC really think it is that easy – ie you snap your fingers and you get preggers and you fit it in when it suits you. I am similar to you in that I am really quite happy with life outside of TTC. A big hug to you.

Absy – welcome to the thread. Hope your stay is a short one and that you find it supportive and informative. I feel for you… I think the 1 year mark does make it difficult… however there stats of falling pregnant naturally is okay after 1 year. Keep trying! But you are doing the right thing getting tests done and kicking the AC ball rolling. Hopefully you won’t need it though.

Critter – How are you? Nice to hear you. How’s it all going? When is the next scan and are you feeling good? Glowing?

Gin – And you? Sorry you are still checking for AF… Hopefully as time goes on you will feel more confident that all is well. I really hope it becomes more stress free very soon.

Buzzy – Totally agree that clinics don’t really take counselling seriously at all. Nothing more than a tick box exercise for them.

Euro – It’s good to concentrate on the positive. You have had a terrible time of it and of course these dates don’t make things any easier.

Joy – So nice to have you back on thread. Yes I was surprise clinic didn’t help at all about Humira injection. They basically told me I just have to read the instructions and figure it myself. I think they do teach sessions for IVF related injections but when you are still figuring out your immunes stage you are really not priority. Don’t get me wrong I think they are right but it has been difficult as I really have no clue about injecting anything. When do you plan to do your next cycle? Sept or Oct?

Not much going on here. I am fretting about my 1st humira injection on Tuesday. Was okay until I came across forum of people who use it all the time – for crohns and arthritis. Seems like these injections really hurt – mainly because they are very cold or something. I have watched a lot of Youtube videos and I guess I just have to go for it! I know how pathetic I sound by the way but just very nervous. Embarrass I am such a wimp.

Ginestas Mon 29-Jul-13 09:00:54

Woohoo lemons! 6 frosties is amazing and bodes well for the quality of those onboard grin. Hope you're not going too nuts in the 2ww.

mrsd I think it's v normal to feel sad after a failed ivf. I know I certainly did. In fact, all last summer I felt crap about it and only started to feel better during autumn, until the pre ivf appointment plunged me back into ttc despair. The only advice I can give is to keep busy and plan lots of treats. And remember infertility is a very hard thing to deal with. I think the fact that we're all generally sane and carrying on with our normal lives, whilst dealing with all the ttc shite is amazing.

pout positive thoughts about Colin! You stand a v good chance of it working. And can I come to the gin laden old people's home?!

euro I doubt the clinic would recommend LP. And I do believe their propaganda about it not being necessary for most people, depending on your fertility issues. I got 12 eggs on the mild SP and am sure you would end up with similar no.s, having got 4 eggs with just a few day stims. I have to admit that I've never once regretted not doing conventional ivf - the mild def felt right for me and was as much as I was willing to put my body through.

nellie grrr at your bloody clinic. Do what is right for you. I felt I had to exhaust all options (or do as much as we could afford) before moving onto donor sperm. And you were so so close last time with the CP.

sea sorry the thought of the injections are scaring you. I am a massive massive wuss and I managed, so you will be fine. Could you take it out of the fridge an hour before you do it, so it warms up? I found using a non- fridged needle on refrigerated drugs helped. Would this be an option? You will be fine though!

critter and buzz are you both feeling a bit better now? I'm so relieved my nausea has buggered off!

Waves to cosmos, joy and everyone else. rabbits hope you are ok. And mad - you've not been here for a while. Hope you are enjoying your hols!

The counselling thing is interesting. We took up the clinic's 1 free session after our first failed ivf and the woman was bloody brilliant! She's totally separate from the clinic, based in Harley St, originally trained as a midwife and specialises in infertility counselling. She made me feel like everything I was feeling was totally normal (and pointed out what a traumatic atypical experience I'd had in ivf!) and like I wasn't going nuts. Mr G didn't find it so helpful... By the 2nd cycle I'd developed my own coping techniques (mostly trashing the Zita west DVD that made me stupidly attached to the embies), so didn't go again. However if we'd been looking at a totally child free future after everything had failed and if we couldn't have adopted, I'd have been banging on her doors again!

Speaking of me being mental, joy would you be able to PM me your hypno's details? I really would like to get over my claustrophobia! I too hate flying partly cos of the enclosed space and partly cos of the crashing and dying thing!

Just over a week until my next scan, eeek. Am much preferring this cooler weather, although I'm still struggling with insomnia, but think I feel more normal not quite so mental now I'm not bastard hot all the time!

eurochick Mon 29-Jul-13 10:35:28

gin I'm glad you are feeling a little better now it's cooled down a bit.

You got a great result from a mild cycle. You're probably right that I'd produce a decent number of eggs too. I don't seem to have any issues on that front. Do you remember which day you started stimms on your mild cycle?

Interesting what you say about the counsellor. I don't feel the need for it at the moment, but maybe our clinic's person is much better than the last one I tried.

sea what I always tell myself with stuff like that is that the pain really isn't going to be that bad. Probably equivalent to catching your finger on a staple in a magazine or something. And with that you'd probably just swear, hold it/suck it for a second and not give it another thought. The only difference here is the anticipation - you know it's coming. But I find if I can contextualise the amount of pain, it bothers me much less.

AFM, I'm not sure what's going on. I think I might have ovulated on Friday, but the signs aren't as clear as they used to be.

mrsden Mon 29-Jul-13 10:50:09

Sea, gin has good advice about taking the injection out the fridge a short time before so that its not super cold. I'm sure the worst it will be is a stinging sensation and it will only last a few seconds while the liquid goes in, a matter of seconds that is all. I counted to 5 and concentrated on that the it was over. The thought really is worse than the reality. Also, I'm sure people sometimes like to exaggerate on forums (not this one though!)

Euro, I'm not the best advert for mild because of my poor haul. But, I think this was only because I started on a lower dose than prescribed because of the mix up at the chemist and then ec was mistimed. I produced 7 eggs but only two were mature. My clinic prefers to do the short version because they think its easier on the body and higher egg quality. I must say that physically it was absolutely fine and it was so quick. I started swimming on day 3 but I think I probably should have started in day 2.

Poutintrout Mon 29-Jul-13 12:20:58

mrsd I think that it is totally normal for infertility to make you feel unhappy even though all other aspects to your life are good. In some ways I find the fact that MrP and I are in a happy & healthy relationship, that we have a nice, clean & ordered home and generally are good decent people with lots to be grateful for makes not being able to have a family even more difficult! I think that it is so unfair because we would (probably) make such good parents and so many parents aren't. I had a massive judgey pants moment on Saturday when in Greggs disclaimer, we were buying a loaf of bread not a sausage roll! and there was a little girl in there with her Mum and her hair looked like it hadn't seen a comb in weeks. I felt really sad for the little girl and really angry with the world and the randomness of procreation.

euro I think you must do what you feel is right about the IVF protocol. You are no dummy and you have extensively researched it so go with your gut.
I am so pleased (in a weird way) that you mention your ovulation signs not being as clear as they used to be. Ditto & I hate it.

sea I am sorry that MrS is still finding things tough. That is only natural and I expect the shock of the reality of things are beginning to hit home. I don't think that it has hit MrP yet probably because he lives away from his family.
Awww I feel for you about the fear of the injections. I was the same and worried to death about it for weeks to the point of giving myself headaches. I found it helped for me to almost go into a detached state and I think it definitely helped to take myself off into the kitchen without MrP to inject myself. I didn't want any kind of well mean't cheering on or helpful interjections! Also try and control your breathing. I would take a deep long breath while I injected and then as I was plunging the syringe deeply exhale. Honestly it will be fine. I used to feel faint when I had blood tests so for me to say self injecting is okay means it really is!

cosmos You made me laugh when you said about thinking about your imminent death to calm you down but only if you had 6 months notice! I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who has wacky thoughts when trying to get off to sleep.

euro Your LC sounds ace. MrP and I were commenting on the fact that we had to sign forms saying how we had been offered counselling when the fact is it hasn't been mentioned at all. We anticipate that at the end of the FET cycle we will be sent off with a leaflet on adoption and a price list of their privately funded IVF treatments with still no mention of a counsellor.

gin Of course you can join our retirement home smile I did laugh at you trashing your Zita West CD. That is class smile

Waiting to start the OPKs on Wednesday and feeling a bit anxious about missing ovulation, it being an no ovulation month blah, blah. Sometimes I think I like to worry smile

joycep Mon 29-Jul-13 13:36:28

Hi ladies, some interesting chat.

Cosmos – sorry to hear about your crap Friday. I also think there is a lot to be said about focusing too much on oneself. I keep being told I need a puppy so I can think and care for something else. Do other people on here who have animals, found it has helped ??
IviG is a blood product and it is taken from about 50 different people. The chances of catching anything nasty is remote but still there is that possibility. The cost is also sickening (£1500 a go) and it takes 4 hours to administer. Intrallipds is basically eggs and olive oil i believe and it costs £350 a go but actually Buzz tells me you can source it from abroad and it costs less. But it only takes about an hour to administer it. The sheer stress of the cost of ivig left me in tears especially as I was having it yet there were signs that my hcg levels weren’t playing ball. At the time, no one could tell me whether that was my immune system perhaps attacking my pregnancy or whether it was a chromosome issue. The trouble was, I spoke to a couple of women whose hcg levels dropped but after having ivig the hcg rose again and it saved the pregnancy.

Lemon – amazing that you got 6 frosties. That should fill you with a lot of confidence. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Mrsd – the down periods come and go. Someone on here said I sounded sorted last week but I was having a particularly miserable day when i read that! I was full of panic and anxiety about the future , I couldn’t think of anything positive and for some reason that day it took a hold of me. The next day I was super chirpy. I honestly don’t remember having these emotional swings before ttc.

Pout – as ever i found i started laughing at your post about before long being dead and so all this stuff will mean nothing and then subsequent abuse in an old people’s home shock It probably wasn’t meant to be funny but I think it was just relief as I think like that too...a lot! Pout – we all like to worry, everything is a worry in this process but you won’t miss ovulation. Also, talking of bad parenting. I was curtain twitching yesterday and watching our grim neighbours, “get your f’ing arse up here and watch the baby”...she shouted to her 12 year old son. This was the same mother who shouted out the window to the same kid several weeks ago and said, ‘don’t forget your condoms!’. He’s 12 for crying out loud.

Sea – have i missed something, what has happened to MrSea and why has he been crying? Also there were some injections that I was warned were supposed to be very stingy and I was terribly scared about doing them. I reckon the key is to ice the area first. Just keep an ice cube on the patch for 30 seconds so it goes numb. Honestly it works a treat and if humira is cold, it can’t be colder than an ice cube so perhaps you won’t notice.

Gin - I’ll send you details but I think you may have trashed her on one of your ZW cds so she probably won’t be for you! Is this your 21 week scan?? Can’t believe how quickly it has gone.

Buzzybee123 Mon 29-Jul-13 13:51:22

joy shock shock at the the cost of IVIG I din't realise it was that much, how often do they recommend it. YES pets do make a difference, there have been some interesting case studies on it, one involved children with serious disabilities, it was amazing to see the changes in the children, I wouldn't be with out my furry little princess grin she has made such a difference as she gave me something else to focus on no time to worry about me when she needs fussing feeding playing with brushing etc, she has been great company while Barry has been away. they are a great distraction and you can hold them done and listen to your worries wink

mrsden Mon 29-Jul-13 13:57:50

Trashing a zw cd sounds like excellent therapy. I can't believe you're half way through, I don't suppose it had gone quickly for you.

Joy, there was an article in the fail a few weeks ago about the intralipids. The up and down moods sounds familiar. I think it's probably hormone related for me, I feel much worse in the second half of my cycle. Your neighbours sound delightful.

Pout, I have become quite judgy about parenting. It's hard not to think that you would be doing a much better job. I know we'd be good parents and that makes it hard when you see such awful parents around.

Gin, you're spot on. We are all amazing. considering what we've each been going through we are doing just fine and manage to paint a smile on for the world.

seaviewasia Mon 29-Jul-13 16:07:24

Gin – grin at thrashing the ZW CD… I am glad the counselling worked for you. Glad you are feeling better in the cooler weather. I am excited for your scan!

Euro – thanks for that. I think contextualising the pain will definitely help me.

MrsD – Thanks for the advice. I think I can only leave the injection out for 10 minutes max but letting it warm up will help I am sure. I am with you about poor parenting… I can’t help it but see it around me all the time – junk food, smoking in front of kids etc etc.

Pout – Not long now until you start your FET. I am sure ovulation will be fine. Thanks for the tips about injecting. As for MrP, at some point it will probably hit him. Death is tough to deal with but everyone does it differently. MrS also lives far from his folks. I think that’s what makes him worry about MIL all the more. He was v close to FIL and they spoke on the phone most days. It’s sad to watch him as he has always been a very happy and optimistic person. I can’t help but feel he’s lost his spark somewhat. I just hope he recovers. I feel a lot of pressure about the upcoming IVF. I feel it has to succeed, as our family needs some good news soon. Not sure thinking this way is healthy but it’s what I am feeling.

Joy – I totally understand why the cost of IVIG would stress you out. It is so hard to know whether you should just take the docs advice or insist on alternatives. I have read about IVIG and Intralipids, the latter seems to have a good reputation and the lower cost definitely makes it more appealing. When I found out about my high cytokines I thought about insisting on intralipids instead of Humira (what was recommended) but MrSea told me to just listen to the clinic. It’s tough to know what to do when you know another option is also used in other clinics and is much cheaper. You have been through so much. You are so right about the up and down-ness of TTC. One day great. One day devastated. Re MrSea, My FIL fell on holiday and passed away v suddenly. It’s been a difficult month here at home. sad

Thank you all for your advice about injecting. I couldn’t sleep last night and send a late night email to my clinic. I basically said that I felt it was wrong that they expected me to inject without ever having done it before and just read the instructions myself. They have now agreed to do my first injection with me on Wednesday which I feel much better about. I am sure I will be fine once I have been shown!

Other than that it’s been quite a worrying time as MrS’s company is “restructuring” again. MrS is worried about job which means I am also worrying about him. I really hope it’s nothing to be concerned about but it will be the last thing we need on top of FIL’s passing and the upcoming IVF.. Please please let it all be okay.

Sorry for the moan ladies. Just needed to let of f steam as it’s been a tense period. Thanks for listening and for the support lovely 10 plussers

joycep Mon 29-Jul-13 17:54:08

Sea / I am just so sorry to hear about your FiL. How awful for you all and alongside everything else. I also hope the restructuring doesn't affect MrSea but what a worrying time. You are really being hit with a lot of bad luck right now and some tough times. I am sorry. I am pleased the clinic are going to help you with your injection.

Buzz - I must say I am always happy around my parents dogs and I think it would really help if we had one. I don't see it happening though whilst we are in a poky flat with no garden. The cost of ivig was awful and I was having my immunes tested every 3 weeks. It's difficult to know if there is any truth in it.

eurochick Mon 29-Jul-13 22:36:39

I really miss having pets. They give so much. As soon as we move to a more suitable house, we will definitely get one. Probably a cat as two owners who work full time would make dog ownership too tricky (plus not really fair on the dog).

Sea, I'm sorry you have had such a tough time.

rabbitonthemoon Tue 30-Jul-13 10:50:24

A quick post from my burrow, I've fallen off mn and wanted to say hello. Particularly to joy - I missed you loads! Also thinking of lemon. And everyone, a catch up post will follow at some point. My family are here from overseas and there have been other non family things that have happened that have been very stressful and complicated but not for public forum, much as I'd like to outpour. In fertility news my clinic list our notes and we missed the pct funding approval meeting by one day. Horseshit. The waiting continues after 1000 phone calls trying to sort it. Day 30, no af, no idea if I've ovd, thermometer is lost. I don't think I did though and have no idea when I might get my period. Having babies around is leaving me no time to read or write but thinking of you all lots. It's also making me desperate for ivf to work, sea your post really resonated.

Bye for a bit.

rabbitonthemoon Tue 30-Jul-13 10:51:12

*lost our notes. Muppets.

eurochick Tue 30-Jul-13 10:53:19

Oh not more admin shyte! This really is too much.

And sorry to hear about the things you can't talk about on a public forum. I hope it all gets a bit easier soon.

sarlat Tue 30-Jul-13 11:58:43

Helloooo lovely ladies,

Sorry not popped on here for a good week. Work stuff is getting crazy and other (non bad) stressful home stuff has been taking up every minute of my day.

It seems busy on here at the moment and I apologise in advance if I don't manage to fully catch up.

Joy -welcome back. I am in awe of all your new strategies and special diets and treatments. You go girl! Do not give up, be kind to yourself and allow space for other things, yes, but don't give up. Hooray for another round. But remember you have both natural and assisted conception options open to you. A pet is a wonderful idea. By the way I am a real advocate for taking time away from the thread for those of us who are long timers. It does give new perspective when it feels that you literally cant do any more and are getting beyond miserable. Everyone here should remember that there is nothing bad in taking a mental break sometimes.

Cosmos- good luck for fet and sorry for the stressy feelings. I do think you have good egg and embryo quality!! Lady luck just hasnt been on your side so far. Don't give up sweetie.

Gin - oh my goodness, more scary bleeding. i am sorry but it does sound like piles are the culpret. My glamerous new features incude massive thread veins and scabby skin.

Nelly - oh sweetheart, that recent consultation must have sent you in to the glooms. I am sorry. Try to remember the clinic want an outcome, a box to tick. Donor egg is a brilliant option a la buzz and can yeild fast and wonderful results but isn't necissarily the right option for you if you dont feel in your heart that is where you are at. So if you want to keep trying with your top grade embryos, knowing you have had a cp (showing implantation does work), then you go for it. I know finances will become a barrier but biologically speaking you can come up with the goods. is a change of clinic worth a shot? There is some research to show the change in itself can boost sucess rates. You will be a mum my lovely.

Sea - it is still such early days for mr s after his loss. The last thing you need is the stress of a possible restructure at work. Well done for being proactive about the injections. Not training you themselves is borderline negligent and looks like dodgy ground. So well done and tight hand squeeze for the next few weeks.

Rabbit - this admin cock up is not acceptable. Flaming norah, what is wrong with these people. But I know you will fight to get this corrected. Sorry for the other stressers. Im sorry for the awol ovulation too. I guess this is more proof that you did miscarry last month.

Euro - I am sorry that you felt a little sad just recently around the 6 month point. I think it took me a good 18 months at least to truely come to terms with my miscarriage. I don't think many women can identify with that as most other women do conceive again fairly quickly. So the ongoing grief that we feel post mc is not well known about if that makes sense. You do right to focus on your next round. Your chances are excellent.

Buzz and critter - hope you are both well and the nausea/indigestion is easing.

Den - aw sweetheart, I am truely sorry that you feel so fed up. I have 100% been in your shoes. There really isn't any magic remedy or words that make it feel alright. Yes, a happy relationship, a good home and job etc are all wonderful things but that doesn't make you any less entitled to deeply want a baby which is a normal need and want for so many women. You are allowed to feel hurt, distressed and frustrated as wanting a family is a huge deal. Right now you are grieving for what you have been through, are going through and still have to go through. This isn't a ship we can just jump off when we have had enough. We are stuck with it until it resolves itself, that is a heavy heavy burden. And one that most other people will never have a clue about. The level of stress and torment is akin to any huge life event (death, medical treatment, divorce) etc etc yet we are expected to soilder on with life. You do have hope. The fact that your stimming and ec treatment was badly managed means you can expect a better result next time. Is moving clinics an option for you? Be very very kind to yourself. Feel the pain in your heart, it wont go away overnight but distraction is very very important. Cinema, film at home, exercise, plan a dinner party, etc etc. Your time will come den.

So sorry if I missed anyone or anything big.

Nothing new here to report. Like gin just waiting for my 21 week scan very shortly, I still have no bump but have started wearing mat clothes as I am chubbier and have lost my waist so normal clothes do dig in.

Luffs to you all. Xxx

rabbitonthemoon Tue 30-Jul-13 11:58:58

Euro I think it has made me lose my marbles a little bit. confused

seaviewasia Tue 30-Jul-13 12:25:27

Rabbit. Nice to hear you but sorry you have had a hard time of late. The admin delay is just unacceptable. As if you don't have enough to deal with. A big hug to you. Hope it gets resolved soon.

Thanks Joy and Euro. I'm keeping my chin up. Hoping for the best.

Sar. So good to hear from you. 21 weeks almost gone. That's excellent news. I bet you are glowing.

Waves to all. Rainy where I'm today. A shock to the system. Got so used to lovely weather.


CritterPants Tue 30-Jul-13 14:33:48

Hi everyone

Sorry for spotty posting.

lemon this is the hardest bit. You are nearly there, keep going! I have high hopes for you and your six frosties must be a comfort - a family of Victorian proportions!

rabbit sorry that you're having a rough time. I hope the family visit is providing distraction in a good way, not a stressful way.

joy it is a rollercoaster and it's hard to be 'sorted' about something as exhausting as TTC. I felt like I had this massive unresolved thing hanging over me, and the only way to manage it was to distract myself from it. It's a horrible limbo. And it's awful that financial considerations come into play too. As if it wasn't bad enough just the emotional toll.

sea I am so sorry to hear that things have been so rough, poor MrS. What a pile of crap you've been through. It must be your turn for some good luck, come on universe! I'm shocked that the clinic didn't show you how to do the injections. Mine gave me a tutorial, which I didn't fully take in at the time, but at least it was something. Good for you for contacting them.

cosmos the scratch sounds ouchy but if it works, then it will totally be worth it. I have everything crossed for your FET.

sar sorry to hear about the thread veins, but yay, you're over half-way there! I can't believe it, when I think about how low you were in January. It's just wonderful.

euro a pet sounds like a great idea. I love cats but am allergic to them. One day, when we have a garden, I'd love a dog. Sorry that you aren't coming out to DC for a bit, but yay that it is for such a good reason. The more you can minimise work stress with everything else you're going through, the better.

buzzy hope you're feeling better and the nausea is settling. Mine is much better now apart from the odd dry retch at stinky smells or when I have to take my vitamins.

den I am so sorry you're having such a shitty time. I loved the sunset photo you posted on FB - how beautiful. I wish I could say something to make it better - other than that I am positive that you will get there. I just wish you hadn't had to suffer for so long.

nelly a big hug to you. sar has better words than me, you are going to be a mum. One step at a time and don't feel rushed into anything you aren't ready for. Your embies are top notch, quality not quantity!

Sorry to those I've missed. All's well here. Nothing to report - I am 15 weeks tomorrow and don't look much different, apart from a pot belly (which I had at the start thanks to IVF and OHSS bloating) and spots. Oh and a hairy belly, nice, which luckily noone but me can see. I can't feel anything yet and am just chugging along. It's actually cooled off here which is lovely - it's in the high 20s rather than the mid 30s, and the humidity seems to have gone - almost unheard of in late July. I've been travelling loads for the last six weeks and am looking forward to a calm August.

Poutintrout Tue 30-Jul-13 14:54:26

sea so sorry that you have got additional work worries, what crappy timing. I hope that it all resolves itself soon. I am sure that MrS will get his spark back. It will just take time to get to the other side of the tunnel he is in right now.
It's great that the clinic have finally agreed to give you some kind of instruction on your injections. That must make you feel a bit happier.

rabbit I am so angry on your behalf that you are dealing with yet more cock ups. Haven't they messed you about enough. I am sure it will be sorted but you so don't need the hassle.
I am sorry also to hear that you have other stresses too. Chin up!

sar Oh no at scabby and veiny. I can sympathise with the scabby business. I have a boily type spot on my chin that just wasn't going so in my wisdom I decided that it needed drying out. My preferred means to do this wasn't spot cream or toothpaste or anything sensible like that. No, I decided that the best course of action was to sit for half an hour with a cotton pad soaked in neat Dettol pressed against it. The result is now what was an unsightly canker is now a more unsightly canker surrounded by a ring of vivid purpley/grey, shiney, wrinkly skin akin to a chemical burn the size of a 50 pence piece. I have managed to simply signpost the original boil so that anybody within a 10 metre radius of me can spot it with absolute ease.
[excited face] at you being in maternity clothes smile

joy My dogs have been a major source of comfort and when I have been veering towards slumping into a full scale depression have given me the kick up the bum to keep going not least to make sure that they are walked and kept company. My only reservations are two fold. One I think that because of the barreness I am probably too attached to them and am absolutely terrified of when they die probably more so than if I had children. Second, as much as I adore them and wouldn't be without them for the world, MrP and I have pondered on the fact that not having children we would have so much more freedom (and cash!) if we had never got the dogs. Because of the dogs we don't seem to have the benefits of the infertility booby prize of "no ties", "freedom and Gucci handbags applenty" so often bandied about as comforting words (and we could live in a flat and pay less rent!). However that said I would NEVER swap them for anything whispers not even a babybee

Poutintrout Tue 30-Jul-13 14:55:53

x-post critter 15 weeks wow! grin at a hairy tum. No crop tops then for you!

CritterPants Tue 30-Jul-13 15:10:34

pout sudocrem is your friend with spots - I'd try it on the burn... it seems to calm them down without massively drying them out, in a good way. The thought of me in a crop top right now is horrifying. It wasn't even a good look for me the last time I tried it, circa 1994. Thank goodness I'm in a conservative (read - stodgy) city where that look isn't in style! grin

sweetgrouch Tue 30-Jul-13 16:13:21

Lemon - The six frosties sounds so promising. I really hope that this is your cycle.

Sea - Huge hug and a cup of tea. It really pours sometimes, I am so sorry things have been so hard lately.

Euro - I definitely don’t know what I would do without my kitty and dog. They make great company. I agree that a cat is best when you’re both working lots of hours.

Critter - 15 weeks already! I also had to grin at the hairy belly. I have only been a bit spotty with nails growing at an out of control speed (so far). Have you had a scan yet? They checked my ovaries (at nearly 13 weeks) during mine and didn’t find the cysts – I was wondering if this had also happened to you.

Sar - I’m glad everything is progressing so well. Sorry you have been so busy, has the tiredness/exhaustion of early pregnancy worn off for you yet?

Gin - The bleeding sounds like it would be terrifying. I am a bit of a fool and freaked out when I had a little after wiping – mine was from piles. 21 weeks! You’ve passed the halfway point - that is amazing!

Rabbit - I’m sorry about the recent stresses.

Sea - Good for you insisting that they help you with the first injections. I agree with you and do think it’s wrong to force someone with no experience to play with a needle at home if they are not comfortable with it.

Joy - Welcome back. I hope the time away gave you the time you needed to start healing - you have been through quite a lot in the past year. I find having pets has helped me enormously, they are always there for you and provide you with a ready made activity that you must accomplish (walking, playing fetch etc) – I find these activities helped me shut off and focus on something other than my fertility ishoos.

Buzzy - I hope all the sickness you’ve been feeling has started to wear off.

Pout and MrsD - I understand being a bit judgy about other people’s parenting – Mr.Grouch started being a bit angry about the randomness of procreation at some point during the infertility investigations. He just couldn’t believe how unfair it was that some people (namely a relative who was having children removed from their care) could procreate repeatedly.

I have been kept off of mn with family emergencies (someone in intensive care and another seems to be starting dementia), power outages and work craziness – I’d like to apologize about the almost non-existent posting in recent weeks. Also to anyone I may have missed in my attempted catch up post.

AFM, other than the family stresses everything is going well. I am waiting for the call from the hospital for my 20 week scan, apparently they occasionally give as little as 24-hours notice (twiddles thumbs). Ironically, we received our fertility diagnosis during the last visit with the ob/gyn: low fertility due to male morphology issues and polycystic ovaries.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 30-Jul-13 18:32:49

Just a quick one as you've dropped off my convos. Lots to say and hugs aplenty but for now I am gringringringrin. It's so silly but just got a + on an OPK (cheapy version, I have squinted at it to try to decide I colours match) but it was backed up by smiley digital face.

Ok so not a BFP but the only other times I've tried to use them they have been stubbornly blank. I'm pleased because a) I'm not stupidly broken and b) I read my body properly.
The downside is MrNelly is currently out then away at stupid o'clock tomorrow for 36 hours. FFS!

Anyway I've had a clinic thought too. Will post later x

Cosmos1 Tue 30-Jul-13 18:40:31

Euro - sounds like a good plan to me. Like you say, you know it worked before so makes sense to think along those lines again. It sounds like overall you've been quite happy with the clinic apart from admin nightmares?

Sea hope the first injection went ok. Sorry to here of MrS being so upset, that must be really hard.

Hi Gin and Sar, good luck for your next scans. Are you a bit tempted to book a private one every week money no object just to keep staring at him / her? Gin, loved the therapy recommendation of trashing Zita west DVD!

Critter I did laugh at the hairy belly. Glad things still going well. I like that success story people hang around still, makes it still seem possible!

MrsD re the doing EC too early, you're with ARGC aren't you? I read of someone on another thread who was with them and she had EC really early and ended up with 2 eggs rather than the predicted 7 or 8 - is it their policy do you think to try to get the leading ones at the right time? It has crossed my mind (and quickly pushed out again) that this FET will most likely be with eggs that i probably wouldn't have produced on my own as they were numbers 4 and 5 on that particular round. Who knows whats the best way round, glad i don't work in this field.

Pout I'm with you at the randomness of procreation and seeing kids who look like they're not being properly looked after.

Joy that's interesting about the intrallipids vs ivig. I had intrallipids with the last round and was wondering if ivig would help me any better. But when I saw MrS he said in his clinic he does mostly intrallipids now because of cost and comparable success rates. I have seen a quite convincing study online though about ivig giving increased pg rates. That cost is unbelievably high though.

Buzzy how did your organise your intrallipids? Through Mr S's clinic or elsewhere?

Rabbit hope you're ok?

Nelly, yah to ovulating all by yourself - see, your system still works and obvs thinks your eggs are still ace and worth pumping out!

I do wish I was a pet person sometimes, i like the idea of them. Shame i'm terrified of anything non-human (and quite a few humans too!). Dogs are good for my fitness though - when i go running i frequently have to sprint to get away from a stray dog! Isn't it funny how dogs go towards people who are scared of them? i'm a dog magnet. I have been bitten on a number of occasions if that justifies my phobia somewhat to you pet-lovers. Maybe i should try the hypnotism!

Anyway, I went and had my down-reg injection today - was all fine just 1 injection in my bum, now nothing until about day 3 or 4 of next cycle when i go in for scan. Sweet girl in the clinic called me 'young' and my embryos 'lovely'. I know she says it to everyone but i lapped it up all the same smile. I had a quick chat with a girl in the waiting room. No pleasantries, just straight to the point - what kind of cycle, where where we at with it all, number of years trying - just the kind of vital stats you share with a stranger, you know.

joycep Tue 30-Jul-13 19:57:43

Cosmos - I hadn't quite registered you were down ragging for the FET. That is hard work. Anyway glad you are off and away. Will tou do intrallipds again? Oh and dogs smell fear. My mother is a dog lover but after a run in with am Alsatian when she was a kid she is terrified of them. And some how she can walk past one and they will always go for her. I remember this one chasing her down the street and pinning her by the throat up against a wall. It's quite weird!!

Cosmos - are you expecting a boy I wonder? Aren't hairy bellies an indication of more testosterone and hence a boy?

Sweet - wow 20weeks already . Goodness I find other people pregnancies go fast.

Nelly - yippee at the positive opk. I understand that feeling and have danced in the loo on several occasions when I have got a positive.

Pout /- dogs are special. I remember when our dog was sick and we were told there wasn't long left, such was my despair that i proclaimed if she went I was going with her. ( I was 18 as well blush Also I don't see a problem being attached to an animal. People can over indulge their kids so why not pets?

Rabbits lovely - so sorry to hear about tough time. I hope you are ok. Sorry for shocking admin as well, it's enough to drive one crazy and adds so juch stress. Roy waited 4 months for a hospital appt today. Took the whole morning off work. Got there and was told there was nothing they could do because he hadnt had am MRI scan. So he was sent away.

Sar - wow 21 weeks as well. Does it feel real yet?

I had a really really weird experience in hypno today. My eyes went in to this weird chronic fluttering mode and I was aware it was happening but I couldn't move my body or stop it. When the session was over she asked me what I thought of one of the stories she was telling me and I had no recollection of saying it confused. I didn't find it relaxing, it was like I had lost control. So bizarre!

joycep Tue 30-Jul-13 19:59:38

Cosmos- I am sorry about para two, I meant Critter blush. Not good using a phone for this.

sarlat Tue 30-Jul-13 21:04:24

Lemon - meant to say big whoops for the frosties and the current one on board. Things are looking very positive for you indeed.

Joy - wow at the weird eye thing. I wonder what was going on there. Do you think she tapped in to something?

Pout - hope you are ok. I think you wil be following in gins footsteps very soon. Sorry for the scabby boil - oh dear.

Cosmos - well done for starting downregging. What a lovely lady at your clinic.

Nelly - hoorah for positive opk and knowing your mind and your body. You go girl. Dtd a good two or three times before he goes away???

Sweet - I am ok with the tiredmess. Its the nausea and indigestion that still gets me, but thats ok. I know its worth it.

Critter - snap at the hairy belly. Although they are blonde they are super obvious to me.

eurochick Tue 30-Jul-13 21:45:47

cosmos admin has actually been fine at my clinic. My admin nightmare was long ago when the NHS lost my referral from the GP to the fertility clinic not once but twice. Since then I have had regular rants about the admin adding to the overall shyteness of this process! rabbit I hope they will sort it out soon.

joy that sounds really odd. I have just signed up for my first hypno session later this week. I am really hoping that she can help me be less mental about EC.

At 18 or so I lay on the floor with my sick doggie (didn't realise it was terminal) and as I was hugging her I felt her heart slow and then stop beating. I remember it vividly. sad I loved her so much.

Hurrah for smiley faces nelly

Eek at the hairy tums. <strokes furry 10+ preggos>

sweet sorry to hear that you have had family emergencies, but it's great news that you are heading towards 20 weeks!

pout I am giggling (somewhat unkindly!) about your spot debacle. I have found a stick in boots with witch hazel at one end and tea tree on the other which seems to largely do the trick for me.

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 31-Jul-13 20:16:02

Right catch up here goes....

Sweet oh the irony of the low fertility diagnosis whilst at a pregnancy appointment. I think I'd have had a wry smile to myself at that one. It seems to be going so quickly! Nearly 20 weeks already, wow. Family emergencies not allowed though.

Euro Hypno can do wonders and I hope it works for you. For me I don't think I ever felt it did good. She maybe gave me a few conscious coping mechanisms but not much else; but then I never felt entirely sure about her as a person and I think it's key that you believe in them. I gave her enough money though hmm. Oh and she also told me that 90% of her clients have successful IVF on their first round. HA!

Joy sounds like your hypno was better than mine! I am glad you understand the Happy OPK moment (today it was lighter again so surge must have passed and OV around about now, I think?)

Sar - we managed last night, his 5am alarm put paid to anything more. Oh well, now I know they work I might use them again. Eek to hairy bellys to you and Critter. Sorry you are still suffering a little bit with the nausea. As always thanks for your lovely words

Pout there is no such thing as being too attached to pets. Those of you on FB will know I am fond of posting cute pics wink. Sorry the thought of FET is worrying you; there is every reason to be optimistic though. I've had really bad spots recently too. I finally found something that helps (Elemis SOS emergency cream) but to be honest I bet sudacreme is just as good; it's just that mine lives outside, don't ask!)

Ooh cosmos good luck for the DR. I hope it all goes ok. Everyone is here for the hand holding. Oh and MrsD is overseas so I presume not at ARGC. Don't worry about not being a pet person, I think we outed a couple of those before wink. We let them stay... I have to say I don't even look the other couples in the eye at the clinic. It never occurred to me to talk to them.

Critter wow at being 15 weeks. I am glad your travelling is going to calm down now. Your weather chat makes me jealous though! I made a point of not working out dates related to my IVF cycle and I have to stop myself comparing to you and Art, who I co-cycled with; so when I read 15 weeks my heart skips a beat. But it's only briefly and then I move on and go back to being grin for you grin. On that note, if and when I go again I am thinking about not telling anyone. Including the 10+ers. That might fall by the wayside if I need the "ooh there isn't much going on in here" support; but I think that I want to try to keep it to ourselves? Last time a couple of people knew, but even though it wasn't meant to, in a strange way it adds a layer of pressure? Anyway I reserve the right to change my mind <fickle>

Rabbit you know where I am lovely <strokes fur>. FFS at more admin disasters.

MrsD back up-thread a bit but I had a fair funk after this round. It was initially fine and then a massive tent dwelling period. I think I'm only ok because I have holidays etc planned; and despite not a great clinic appointment it's good to have another round on the horizon. But I need the break in between cycles mentally. I always feel like I want to be on the other side of the fence. When cycling, I get fed up with the monitoring, mainly because it's never a very upbeat process in my case; but then when I'm not in the midst of it I feel a bit abandoned confused. Anyway this too shall pass; and for what it's worth a stern talking to at the clinic and a bit more care on their part will be all it takes, I'm sure.

Lemon did I already comment on your amazing frosties?? That is stuff of dreams for me, it must take the pressure off somewhat! How are you doing, is tomorrow OTD?

Sea I am sorry you and MrSea have more worries. There should definitely be a law that anyone suffering from infertility is not allowed any other crap; sadly it seems to be quite the opposite sometimes. I am glad the process is moving on a bit for you though.

Gin - wow at being 21 weeks! Haha at the ZW trashing!

So going back to my clinic appointment. They didn't tell me outright that DE was my only chance, but just pointed out the numbers game. Really between MN and general googling I didn't expect them to have some kind of magic solution, I'm aware my AMH and AFC and poor responses previously don't bode well. I was however left feeling that they didn't really get what I was trying to say about why I wanted to try LP (in summary, last time I had a few smaller follicles that grew more slowly and the lead one was ready way before they were; I want to try DR to see if I can get those follies up to speed). The irritating thing is the inconsistency. The other clinic we were going to go to initially only do LP and in fact told me I'd get more eggs that way confused. Someone asked about other clinics, and I guess in that respect we've already had a second opinion. There isn't much more choice; but something dawned on me the other day. So current plan would be to done one more Flare protocol at current clinic, using scratching, heparin and (maybe) assisted hatching. Then if it doesn't work I think we will pay for a private round at our NHS clinic. That works out a bit cheaper than full private and I think they will do LP as standard, so that gets me my final thing to try. If all that hasn't worked, that will have been 4 rounds and quite enough money gambling on my poorly ovaries, and DE it will be.

Going to post now then see what I missed!!

eurochick Wed 31-Jul-13 21:04:01

Hello nelly! You are allowed to be as fickle as you want.

I will see what comes of hypno tomorrow. I'm keeping an open mind. I've never tried anything like it before, so we will see.

I feel like I am about to come down with a summer cold - boooooo.

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 31-Jul-13 22:29:25

Summer cold = repressed immune system = good, no?? wink

Annoying. You can't see the < comments > on the phone. No wonder I get confused reading sometimes.

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 31-Jul-13 22:30:23

OFFS you still can't see them even though I put spaces. The sideways ^ symbol

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 01-Aug-13 07:32:55

Help: OTD is here, so we did a test at 5am, because I wake really early , which was interesting. A really, really feint line - although better when I pulled it out of the bin, long after the reading window - and now it is twiddling my thumbs until official bloods and results... I might become more sociable and involved after this is all over or I might go on holiday/in the tent of doom

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 01-Aug-13 08:11:34

Oh Lemon I will keep everything crossed for you. The odds are good I think! Good luck smile

Ginestas Thu 01-Aug-13 08:29:48

lemons I have everything crossed for you too. My first positives were v faint, particularly those done with middle of the night wee! I agree with nellie about the odds being good and you have your family of Victorian proportions.

seaviewasia Thu 01-Aug-13 08:32:34

Quick post. Lemons. Looks interesting indeed. Fingers crossed it's good news. About time we had another BFP on thread. Sorry for the wait. When will you get blood test results.

seaviewasia Thu 01-Aug-13 11:23:27

Hi everyone

Lemons – Any more news? Hope you will be following in the footsteps of the 10+ preggers.

Critter – Wow you are already at 15 weeks. grin Glad travels are calming down. I hope you are feeling good and healthy

Pout – no such thing as being too attached to pets. I love animals but where I live is not ideal for pets. Would love a cat though. Dogs are just a little too much work for my life right now but I do love them. As for your spot debacle…. Toothpaste is the best I find for the odd spot here and there. As for what you did with the neat Dettol. I have actually done the same before with TCP. Not nice. Hope it’s healing nicely.

Sweet – So sorry to hear about family stresses. You poor thing. I hope it’s not too stressful. As I get older I realise bad things just do happen and we have to be ready to deal with it. sad. I am delighted you are almost at 20 weeks. Hope you get the scan scheduled soon.

Nelly – I am so pleased you got a + on an OPK. That must be a weight off the mind. As for MrNelly being away… it’s always the way isn’t it…I think your plans sound very sensible. It’s so important to feel comfortable with it and not just along with what the clinic says. And absolutely you can be as fickle as you want!

Cosmos – Hope the injections are doing okay. I am sure you are young and your embie are lovely too. It is funny how we end up talking to strangers about our vitals isn’t it? I have been reading about intralipids and IVIg too. I know what you mean about the cost of the latter. I really found it quite shocking but have read good things too. Good luck.

Joy – That sounds like a very odd session indeed. I think you can “forget” what was talked about. It’s happened to me before but not heard or experienced the fluttering mode.

Sar – I am sure no one else can see the blonde hairy belly. grin

Euro – belly laugh at you stroking furry 10_ preggers. LOL. I hope the cold subsides soon. Hope the hypno session goes well.

AFM, 1st Humira injection done. I managed to get the clinic to do it with me as have never self injected. It was much more painful than I thought it would be. What a wimp! O well. I guess I better get used to it!

Ladies, today I have a real bee in my bonnet about this horrific case that’s in the news about the poor little boy tortured by his mum and stepfather. I am working from home and have the radio on and every time I hear it I feel my blood boil. It’s unfathomable to me that someone can torture their child like that. Why o why can these scumbags get pregnant seemingly with no problems (this monster had 2 children)!! There is something really wrong with the universe!

mrsden Thu 01-Aug-13 12:22:23

Oh lemons that does sound like good news. A line is a line or so they say. I thought about you this morning. How long until you get the blood test results?

Sea, that story breaks my heart, I cant get his picture out of my head. Poor, poor little boy. I can't bear to think about how he suffered.

Cosmos, I'm not at argc. I think what happened with me is a little bit complicated. I had to take a slightly lower swimming dose for the first three days because of a mix up at the chemist. They also didn't start me stimming until day 3 because my Amh is very good and they were being cautious. Then my scan showed all was good, if they had continued growing at the expected rate then ec was scheduled for the right day bUt they think I responded too strongly to the cetrotide and basically had a reaction which halted any further growth rather than just preventing ovulation. So at ec only two eggs were mature the rest had prematurely stopped growing. For the next round I think they will use a different drug to cetrotide and I'm going to ask for a scan on the morning before I trigger.

Pout, your dettol story made me laugh. I hope the skin has recovered now!

Nelly, woo hoo for ovulation. I've never used opks, I did temp for a while but it stressed me out. I prefer not really knowing. I understand wanting to keep Ivf secret. I'm pleased we haven't told anyone in rl. The support on here is fantastic but I did find it a little difficult doing a cycle at the same time as you and critter. When you had symptoms and bfps, I selfishly felt sad for myself because I had no symptoms and knew I wasn't pregnant so reading that you were feeling something brought it home to me that my round had failed. When you got the negative my heart broke for you because I knew how devastating it was. It sort of felt like I was emotionally involved in your round too. I'm not sure I've expressed that very well.

Buzzybee123 Thu 01-Aug-13 12:37:37

lemon a second line you say wink mine was faint at the beginning, roll on blood test results

sea yay to first injection, the story is sad but not uncommon really, you do wonder why these people procreate but to be honest they have themselves have probably come from an unhappy and abusive background, if only people, he was such a lovely looking lad

nelly well done on the pos opk

poout how are you doing,

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 01-Aug-13 12:57:11

Sadly the line was too faint. HCGwas 29, which means it won't take and become a viable pregnancy. Stopping progesterone and crying are the order of the day.

mrsden Thu 01-Aug-13 13:00:11

Oh lemons I'm so, so sorry. Take some time and allow yourself to be miserable and cry as much as you need, it's the natural reaction. You will be ok, and you have all those wonderful frozen embryos. You will get there xx

eurochick Thu 01-Aug-13 13:19:50

sea I was saying the same about that story to mr euro this morning. There is no fairness to whom children are born.

Well done on getting through the first injection.

Drizz! A second line! Come on the kumquat (I was trying to think of a mini lemon and struggling - does it show?) confused I really hope this is it for you. How many days past EC are you?

pout I hope the spot has vamoosed by now.

I've had a weird day. I had my hypno session this morning. It brought out all kinds of unexpected stuff (including me crying, which I almost never do). I'm not sure it's a miracle cure, but I do feel better now. It became pretty clear that I have a deep rooted fear of both hospitals and pregnancy and hugely negative associations for both, which may explain why IVF is not an entirely happy experience for me...

eurochick Thu 01-Aug-13 13:26:01

Oh drizz what an awful time to cross posts. I'm so sorry. x

Buzzybee123 Thu 01-Aug-13 14:17:22

lemon my last preg my hcg was 28 and it got to 10 weeks, when they tested the remains the were no chromosone problems at all, I would ask for another hcg in 2 days, big hugs

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 01-Aug-13 15:40:49

Oh Lemon I can't bear to think that another 10+er has to deal with the trauma of the maybe yes/maybe no flipping HcG levels. This is so unfair sad. My heart breaks for you. Hold on to thoughts of those little frosties down the line, but for now here is some cake and a big broad shoulder.

MrsD you made total sense. I will reply later when I'm not stealth posting from the loo at work...

Poutintrout Thu 01-Aug-13 15:48:59

Oh lemons I'm so sorry. I don't have the right words to express how sad I am for you. Hugs and love to you X

joycep Thu 01-Aug-13 16:06:22

Lemon – i am so sorry to hear this new. I agree with Buzz that you should get tested in a few more days just in case it doesn’t leap up. It’s terribly terribly tough though and just so unfair. Look after yourself.

Sea – sorry humira was so ouchy. Did the pain go away immediately though? How many humira injections to do you have to do? I saw that story on the news last night and I was completely appalled. I said to Roy that many people will just say to infertile ladies “it is just nature’s way” yet if that is the case how has nature allowed those barbaric human beings to give birth? It is sickening.

Nelly – you have a good plan so that all sounds great. I totally agree that if you can go LP at some point that will hopefully produce more follies for you but may be the next flare will do the trick. I totally understand you not wanting to let people know you are doing another round too. Several friends and family knew last time and I kept getting texts from very well meaning friends asking me how i was and that they were thinking of me. It was my own fault for letting them know but I found it put pressure on me and i found it really irritating. It’s such a strange bubble to be in that I just wanted everyone outside of that bubble to leave me alone. I will also be trying not to speak to anyone at the clinic this time round because I found myself comparing notes with people like after an exam. So i have learnt my lesson.

Eur0 – it sounds like your hypno session was useful. I’m sorry you ended up crying though but perhaps that’s just everything coming out. Do you think she is going to eradicate these deep seated fears? Presumably a lot of it may stem from that bad scan you went off to with your mum when you were a kid?? When my hypno woman asked me whether I really wanted a baby, I said I wanted a baby but I didn’t want to do the pregnancy part. She then pointed out my body language when I said the word ‘pregnancy’.. I recoiled and shook my head as I said it as if I feared it and i didn’t even notice I was doing it. I can only think that my first miscarriage came as such a shock that it put me off and now the second one has just rubbed more salt in the wounds! Anyway i hope this woman is able to help you.

My mind works in such a weird way. My colleague yesterday whispered to me that she was pregnant and I was so thrilled for her I smiled all the way home. She wasn’t even trying, it was a mistake and she has only been with her boyfriend a few months. I can only think that my ‘strange’ happy reaction was to do with her being 4 years older than me and perhaps that gives me confidence. I don’t know, sometimes I can’t work myself out!

mrsden Thu 01-Aug-13 16:15:24

Maybe it's the hypno working joy? Embracing other people's pregnancies? I surprise myself sometimes as to how I react. It's somehow worse when it's people I don't really know, like my neighbour for example which makes no sense at all.

Euro, I'm sorry that the hypno made you cry. I don't think it's surprising that we have negative feelings about pregnancy.

eurochick Thu 01-Aug-13 16:19:40

joy perhaps you should become a therapist! You are absolutely right that that issue came up and that is what we ended up focussing on. The crying came when she asked if I could have anything there in the room with me that would make it easier and suddenly I welled up and sobbed "a sister". I have no idea where that came from. I have always had very positive things to say about being an only.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 01-Aug-13 16:51:59

Thanks lovelies, I called the clinic to ask if there was an outside chance of this coming right and they were firm and clear. This has no chance to become an on-going pregnancy. So I've stopped the progesterone-bullets (small mercies!) and am going for another HCG test next week. The lovely nurse (who was with us during embryo transfer as well) recommended a stiff drink. I really would prefer not to get to 10-weeks, if I had to still mc then

I think it is the hut of gloom for me, although the hypno adventures do sound really interesting. I am a bit overly emotional at the mo, but euro I welled up when what you needed in the room was a sister. I really hope hypno will give you a handle on EC. Scary and exciting you're starting again soon. Massive well done joycep for being delighted for the pregnant colleague. I don't think I'll be able to bear mine next week...

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 01-Aug-13 16:53:24

PS the kumquat made me smile, euro, I wasn't here to see it when the wounds were even more raw smile

mrsden Thu 01-Aug-13 17:09:32

Lemons, its ok to be in the tent of doom just now. I was incredibly sad and tearful for a few days, I cried more than I thought possible. Then I had a few days of feeling angry and frustrated. That was worse than the sadness because its such a destructive emotion and one that I've never really felt before. I know we're all different but you will feel brighter at some point and then you can do the fet.

What do hypnotherapist actually do? I assume they don't say look into my eyes, you feel verry sleepy,

eurochick Thu 01-Aug-13 17:36:34

Drizz I'm glad it made you smile.

I suspect the clinic are right. Mine was 45 on day 14 past EC and that all ended in tears. There's no point stopping a bleed with progesterone if the end is inevitable. It';ll just be more miserable. There is a research paper somewhere on the web about using HCG levels to predict pregnancy outcomes. I found it really interesting. I think they concluded that 70+ at day 14 was what you really wanted to have a good chance of a healthy pregnancy.

mrsd I was completely awake and aware of what was going on, but sort of drifting off, a bit like day dreaming. There was no danger of me impersonating a chicken or anything. The hypnotherapist kept asking questions and I was answering. The questions were aimed at delving into my subconscious. Basically I knew I had an ishoo with control and that is why I find EC so difficult. So she explored that and my fierce "no one looks out for you like you look out for you" stance. She took it back and back through various incidents to find when those feelings first started and my mind evenutally took me back to that. So even though it was a pregnancy-related incident, the starting point for getting there was about my need to control situations rather than anything pregnancy related. There was other stuff as well. Like she had me imagining a timeline from birth and asked me if I was in it or if it was in front of me. I was in it. But not at the present day! I was near the end but not at the end. We didn't go into that but I suspect it is linked to feeling like my life has been on hold for the last couple of years while we have been ttc. It's interesting that it came out in such a visual way.

It was actually fascinating.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 01-Aug-13 18:12:10

Oh lemon I am so sorry about this, it seems so bloody unfair. I can only imagine that you must feel like a big ball of sad and cross at the moment but, when the dust has settled there are lembies waiting and in lots of ways this was a very positive cycle. I don't want to warble on as I'm sure none of it is very helpful today but we are here for you.

Euro and joyce I am interested in your hypno experiences. I had some way back in the prehistoric days pre lap as I was just so stressed with everything. I found some of it helpful but I didn't feel totally at ease with the woman or the room the hypno was in, it was scuzzy and there was a rain leak that fell on my head during the woo bit which kind of got in the way. I'd try it again though if I wasn't having acu and I could find a good person. I hope it helps with the stresses of tt f-ing c.

Pout I think I'll pass on the poutdettol spot cure next time I've got a spot! I did a similar thing once with a very strong acne cream that then got infected into cellulitis which made me face swell and blister. I can laugh about it now grin. I have very good feelings about Colin.

Nelly that sounds like a plan. The frustrating thing is that there are no absolutes in this game. People with AMH of zero get pregnant, people who don't respond so well on a cycle go on to respond better on a different protocol, people with failed ivf go on to conceive naturally, it seems so arbitrary. There is always hope that things will be different and this is good. Sar has ace words for you, you do make great embryos so who is to dare tell you to give up until you are ready. It still shocks me when I think that Sar could have had her tubes removed on one docs suggestion. Sar I do hope you are going to send him a baby photo! Keep going lovely nelly. Also I get the not wanting to share thing. My sibling was asking this morning around the breakfast table, quite kindly about when we would do ivf. Not so long back I would have been telling close people but I feel I've been living in a glass room with people staring in but not actually offering much in the way of support and I want to pull down the blinds and be private and mysterious. I don't fully know what changed. I think I'm fed up of being the infertility story.

Sea I too winced at that story. It seems so back to front that such a thing can happen. Well done on the jab and sorry it was ouch.

Den how are feeling? I think I have been feeling quite similar to you lately. Whilst I haven't had a 'proper' stint in the tent for ages I do feel I live in it's shadows most of the time. Cheery!

It is good to see 10 plus grads on here keeping us in the loop, I love you for that. Well done on the hairy belly Critter, I find this strangely endearing smile yippee sar to maternity clothes and one in the eye for fertility diagnoses sweet. Buzzy I'm glad things are OK with you too. Gin it feels as if your pregnancy is whizzing by though I'm sure it doesn't feel like that to you. I often think of doll and art (who must be nearly due?).

My family have left and a quiet has descended on my house, the babies fill up a lot of physical and heart space and I feel quite empty, overseas family is a heart wrencher. I'm a little melancholy at the moment for the following reasons:

In the past three months I have had 3 A plus announcements and a B announcement, all conceived in 1-5 months. Mostly one month. I cannot imagine that I will ever get a turn at IVF and beyond that, that there is any possibility of me being lucky enough for it to work. My parents are getting older and I feel like their prime grandparent age is passing me by. I am horribly broody. Which is a crap word but I can't think of a better one. Woe is me ha ha. I'm ok just meh at the whole business I think. CD32 now and no af but I have had sporadic ewcm over the past week. Whatever occurred last month has really messed things up. Tis a pity it isn't a normal cycle, I'd be getting all excited now.

CritterPants Thu 01-Aug-13 18:13:53

lemon I am so sorry my love. This isn't the outcome I was hoping for for you. A stiff drink and a duvet and funny movie in the tent could be a good idea. I'm just devastated for you, what horrible, rotten luck. I think the fact you have six frosties is a really wonderful thing, but I know it doesn't make it any better right now.

euro oh honey, I'm sorry too. The hypno thing sounds like it brought a lot of stuff up. Most people don't have to face all their deepest fears in the way one does during long-term TTC, it's a horrible kind of mental boot camp. I wish I could hang out with you and go for a drink.

nelly I think your plan sounds really good - and LP sounds like a really good way forward. I'm so sorry about the dates thing, I know it must be mega crap having my reminder of what might have been.

mrsd I can imagine it would be incredibly tough. I remember when I got my BFP I was happy but I was also sad and incredibly guilty that I wasn't bringing the rest of the awesome foursome with me (apart from buzz). It's definitely the downside of cycling at the same time as others - someone gets the shitty end of the stick and someone gets the golden ticket, and there's no rhyme or reason it in. But I do think so much of this is chance and numbers - which is what makes it so unfair.

Buzzybee123 Thu 01-Aug-13 18:17:02

lemon I have to say I am surprised by your clinics view, there is no correlation between my HCG level and my miscarriage, as I said when they tested it there were no chromosomal problems I was never told that it wouldn't work because of the level, I would ask for an HCG sooner, then you'll have an idea what is going on, you don't want to wait till next week as that is an age away, big hugs

Cosmos1 Thu 01-Aug-13 18:22:14

Ah Lemon what an awful day you've had, I'm so sorry. It sounds like its been having a really good go at implanting. I'm still hoping for a miracle for you.

I'll do a catch up another time.

mrsden Thu 01-Aug-13 18:29:33

If there is a hcg then does that mean that implantation happened however low the number is? I was never told my level, I assume it was 0 because I never felt a single thing so I very much doubt implantation happened. In the 3 + years of trying I'm pretty sure we have never had a snif of implantation.

Rabbit, why do you think you'll never get to Ivf? I felt like that at Xmas when I went for the monitoring scan and was told that I ended a lap. It felt like something kept getting snatched away,

Euro, that does sound fascinating. Have you ever spoken to your mum about her experience?

rabbitonthemoon Thu 01-Aug-13 18:31:34

den I think the whole lost note waiting for nhs funding transfer confirmation just feels like yet another roadblock, I have been waiting to have ivf for what feels like forever. Sometimes I think the universe is trying to tell me something!

mrsden Thu 01-Aug-13 18:36:24

That's exactly how I feel! We were told we needed icsi in June 2011. And we didn't have our first round until April 2013. Everytime we got close there was another big fat hurdle, saving money, moving clinics, first round of genetic tests, second round, lap. Then the cycle failed and because of lots of prearranged things that can't be moved we can't go again until October, and to think I always thought I was inpatient!

seaviewasia Thu 01-Aug-13 19:02:53

Lemons – I am really gutted for you. I know that doesn’t help. It’s just so unfair. As others have said it does look like embies had a really good go at implanting. I don’t know much about HCG levels like others on fred. I am just so sorry. I know today it doesn’t help much but you do have some really good frosties. A big hug to you and MrLemons. Stay away from pregnant colleagues. Take care of yourself.

Euro – Sorry you were upset after the hypno session. I think hypnotherapy can bring out stuff that you are not even conscious of yourself. Maybe wanting a sibling was one? It sounds like you got some sadness out and felt better afterwards though which is good. Would love to go back to a hypno but not sure I am ready to right now.

Joy – It does sound like hypno is working re colleagues A+ announcement. I find I am always happy for people I like and not at all and very jealous when it’s someone I don’t like. Interesting what you said about deep-seated fears about pregnancy. I think I am probably harbouring something similar but my biggest fear is actually about what kind of parent I will be. I had someone absent parents and I know I have a lot of unresolved issues with them. I sometimes wonder if that’s why I can’t get pregnant. Your have had a tough TTC journey I think it’s only natural that you will have fears and reservations. Re Humira – I still have irregular pain at the injection site. It feels bruised but have no signs of bruising. I am going to have to toughen up I know! I have 2 injections to start and then I do immunes test again. If levels don’t go down another 2 Humira. Max you can have is 4 and then they do intralipids. I do wonder if I should have just insisted on that and skipped the humira (cheaper and less side effects) but I didn’t want to argue.

Rabbit – I am sorry you feel empty right now but I am sure you will get your IVF turn. Did the clinic sort out the admin problems? I found I really had to stay on top of it – calling, writing and contacting PALs when they lost my referrals. It’s shitty your cycle seems messed up but it might just be a short blip. Don't lose hope! As for the universe trying to tell you something. Not the case at all. I don't’ think universe has any insight or control whatsoever. A big hug to you.

MrsD – You are spot on. This whole journey is all about waiting and roadblocks. It’s no end of waiting and testing and waiting and testing. I still can’t believe after almost 4 yrs of TTC I have not done an IVF yet. It’s been one thing after another. I just realised that if my immunes don’t go down after Humira it is unlikely that I will cycle this year. [sob] I really hope that doesn’t happen.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 01-Aug-13 19:23:42

Sadly buzz there is a correlation between levels and on-goingness of pregnancy. Although there are miracles, they usually aren't the ones where the embryos were watched like a hawk for the first couple of days. It was doing very well outside and there is no reason to assume a late implantation. Well, wot euro said really.

Quit squiffy after two months weeks off booze. I know the frosties offer hope, just hiding in the tent for now.

Massive crossed fingers for all impending rounds, not sure how much I'll be hanging out here, depending on when I need support I guess. But pout I have high hopes for Colin. And for your embies nelly. THe plan sounds sensible...

As to telling people, I told hardly anyone this time. But when I was falling apart earlier and couldn't bear to be alone, I called my mum, and she came around and literally held my hand through the really bad part. Despite not knowing anything about our IVF. She went just before SB came home, so we could have privacy. She is wonderful.

seaviewasia Thu 01-Aug-13 19:26:24

Big hugs lemons. I am really sad for you. Glad you have support of your lovely mum.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 01-Aug-13 20:12:13

I'm glad you have your mum to hand hold lemon, she sounds lovely. Wish I could come over and give you a big hug.

joycep Thu 01-Aug-13 20:14:51

oh lemon - i'm so sorry the clinic have said that. You will be of course very emotional, it's just horrible so do have that stiff drink.

Euro - that's so odd that you came out with the sister thing. It's always a strange wonder what lurks in our subconscious. I reckon trying times like these make you aware of things you don't have. I have noticed that i often wish i was slightly more closer with my mother and that she was a bit more maternally supportive. I've never needed that before but I reckon it's to do with it being a lonely journey and just craving that extra support.

Mrsd - i chat to my hypno for a lot of the session and then i lie down and close my eyes. She doesn't ask me questions, she just talks to me. I'm pretty self conscious and i don't think i allow myself to go under although something odd was happening the other day. It has made me realise that i like to be in control and I use negativity because it puts me in control if things go wrong, i.e. I was prepared for it, it didn't catch me out. A lot of it is also trying to change the belief system and attitude. I can't imagine growing a bump etc and I think she does feed me more positive thoughts. It's trying to balance hope but realism I guess. I have one more session and that's it. You can actually self hypnotise , there is tonnes on the internet about it. I just knew I had to get in to a better frame of mind before my next round. I think i actually needed therapy more than this but I didn't want to see one!

Sea - sorry about the awful humira. I think if you go to the argy you do as you're told and just go with the flow. Plus you don't appear to have any other discovered problems. Your amh is excellent and so it does make you wonder whether it is your cytokines.

Rabbit - super big hug. It's awful when you start thinking about everything sad and building up in your life. I hear you about the parents getting older and passing the grandparent age. This is a huge fear of mine. My parents are looking so much older now and their friends are dying left right and centre. I am their only chance for grandchildren and i just wish i could give it to them. And feck to the bizarre cycle. It just makes everything so more anxious than it should be.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 01-Aug-13 20:39:40

Thanks Joyce, I like having you back smile I too can't imagine having a bump, I was saying that only this morning. Sibling was blush you can't think like that! But I do, I've felt from month 2 of trying that this will never happen for me. I'd love to get rid of that feeling. Sometimes I manage it for a few days.

Poutintrout Fri 02-Aug-13 09:55:42

lemons I am thinking of you today & hope you are as okay as is possible right now.

euro it is intriguing what lurks in our subconscious. Maybe your comments about wanting a sister was your brains way of just saying that the TTC burden is becoming too heavy and you need to offload a bit onto someone else.

joy It's interesting what you say about having a mental block to getting pregnant. I have wondered that too sometimes. At the back of my mind there has always been the worry that I might parent like my mother and that thought terrifies me because I so wouldn't want that and would rather not have kids. Oddly I have been having strange moments like waking up and for no reason at all instantly panicking about how awful childbirth would be. It is only fleeting but unnerving nevertheless.

mrsd The road to IVF does seem to be all about roadblocks and jumping through hoops. Like you I have also felt frustrated by non medical stumbling blocks too. Every time we have cycled or planned to cycle some personal crisis or hindrance hits. So not the relaxed process I planned & sometimes I wonder if it is all fated.

rabbit All those announcements, no wonder you are reeling. It is so sad when little ones in the family who live far away leave after a stay. I used to cry and cry in the car when we used to have to drop my nephew off. Hope that you are getting used to the quiet a bit now. I know it is difficult to feel positive when you have been through so much but I genuinely feel that you will get there. You have had 2 near misses and it will be a matter of time for you to hit the jackpot of the golden egg smile Any news on what is happening with your IVF application?
What an uncannily accurate description of how this all feels. I can identify absolutely with the glass room and people peering in (and poking with sticks) but offering little in the way of support. I too want to bring down the shutters and tell them all to bog off. Incidently, I recently tackled my mother about having told everyone when I had specifically asker her to keep it to herself. She offered some half arsed sorry and then had the audacity to call back a week later to deny having done it & telling me how upset she was by the accusation. I just calmly pointed out (whilst apparently the vein on the side of my head was throbbing a la Stressed Eric) that I wouldn't entertain a stewards enquiry on the subject & reeled off the list of all the people I know she has told. She then squeaked a sorry and how she did it because she had been so upset Grrrr.
Oh and yes to broodiness. I stupidly looked through the baby section of the Next catalogue and ended up having a few tears. MrP told me off for being so shallow & that having a baby isn't about dressing them up. He just didn't understand quite how CUTE the little ladybird dress & hat was at all grin grin

sea I am sorry that your first injection has been a bit ouchy. Are you doing them in your stomach. I found that one side of my tummy hurt more to inject. Maybe you could try swapping sides.

eurochick Fri 02-Aug-13 10:50:30

mrsd I've never spoken to my mum about the emotional side of things. When I was starting down the AC route, I did ask her about her mcs in case any of it was relevant family history, so I had the basic details.

rabbit I'm sorry for the flock of announcements. I was out with my bestie this week (the one who has 3 IVF kids) and she was saying that she didn't think her little bro would ever have kids. But earlier this year she went to visit for two weeks (her bro and his wife live abroad) and at the end of it he and his wife decided to try for a baby. The visit was in February. She's due in November, so she was pregnant by March. It just blew me away. I guess that's how it is supposed to work - make decision, become pregnant a few weeks later, 9 months later-deliver a baby.

I've also felt that it wouldn't happen for me from very early on.

joy/pout my hypno lady was talking indirectly about a mental block to pregnancy. The early PCOS diagnosis and the offhand "we're discharging you; come back when you want to get pregnant" left me with a very ingrained view that I wouldn't/couldn't get pregnant, right from my teens. And for a long time I didn't want children, or maybe I just convinced myself of that.

pout a ladybird dress and hat, you say? <rushes off to check it out> That sounds adorable. I'm sorry that your mum is being so difficult. She sounds (with respect) very self-centred. Why on earth would she think that her "stress" over this would trump your own requirement for privacy over something that is very personal? Harrumph.

critter I too wish we could hang out. How are you doing, furry belly aside?

sea you have been through so much treatment. You will get your cycle soon.

lemon your mum sounds lovely. <hugs> I hope you are bearing up ok today and looking after yourself.

Poutintrout Fri 02-Aug-13 11:07:28

euro the dress is on page 514 of the Summer catalogue! Be warned most of the stuff in that section is stomach churningly cute grin

Ginestas Fri 02-Aug-13 17:25:59

Just popping in quickly to say lemons I'm so bloody sorry about the cycle. It's utterly unfair and I so wish it'd worked for you. Cry, eat cake and drink lots of gin and I promise you will start to feel better eventually. And then you have your little frosties waiting for you. Lots of love.

I'm so sorry to hear a few of you are in the tent at the mo. I think summer is a hard time of year, with lots of kids about and the rush of announcements after springs shagathon. I offer big luffs and gins (and also maybe a smidge of hope, as last summer I was so so convinced it would never happen to me) x

sarlat Fri 02-Aug-13 17:56:49

Lemon - oh honey I am terribly sorry. I echo what everyone else has said about feeling a bit rotten for now but shortly the urge and the fire in your belly will be back for fet. But right now you do need to grieve. I assure you that this is not the end, just a blip in the annoyingly frustrating journey to motherhood. You will get there lemons, you will.

All this talk of inner emotional barriers to becoming pregnant is interesting. Every aspect is worth considering and dealing with. Positive affirmations are hugely important but the leap from negative self protection to total belief in becoming pregnant can be a huge one.

Sorry about the broodyness and whirwind of babies and toddlers. But everyone here can get pregnant. Don't lose hope.

joycep Fri 02-Aug-13 17:57:17

Pout – i think we have discussed mental blocks before. I honestly believe that some people can put a mental block on things. I don’t believe for a second that’s teh cause of my infertility but I do wonder whether it has a role to play. Although my friend who took 1 sex session to get pregnant recently was terrified of pregnancy and didn’t really want to get pregnant so it clearly doesn’t apply to most! Sorry to hear about your mother. She sounds very much like my MiL and i think Euro is right , it is self centredness. MiL has told everyone about us, emailed a random gynae who was in his 80s about our problem, snooped in our house and told Roy how upset she was we hadn’t told her about the first m/c sooner. It’s a me me me syndrome. It’s all about them and how they are feeling and they can’t seem to accept responsibility for their actions. So i really feel for you, it’s frustrating.

Gin - you are such a beacon of hope !

I was reading some stats on the royal baby and I see I live in a corner of Britain with the lowest fertility rates. Only one other place close by is lower. And there it is - it's in the bloody water!

Have a nice weekend everyone .

mrsden Fri 02-Aug-13 18:48:42

I don't believe for a second that a mental block on pregnancy is causing infertility. I think loads of women would say that they have negative feelings about pregnancy, childbirth etc. I cannot imagine myself being pregnant, but I probably could have before all of this. I think for me it's a bit of a self preservation thing. I used to get upset when I thought about what it would be like so now I don't try to imagine it at all, it's something that happens to other people.

Lemons, I hope you're doing ok today. The first week is the worst and then it does get a bit better. Your mum sounds lovely and supportive.

Pout and joy. Sorry to hear that mothers and mil are selfish. I don't think my mil would tell anyone, but shed be constantly on the phone for updates and even when you're in the middle of Ivf there isn't much to tell. She isnt very well at the moment and i know she would really worry and feelmsad about it, and j couldnt cope with her pain on top of my own. My mum probably wouldnt tell people outright but shed drop enough hints so people would guess and then say "but I never told anyone, they guessed". She can also be a bit insensitive sometimes so I don't think I'd get a great deal of useful support. After you've gone so long without telling people I don't actually know how I'd go about telling them if I did. It's not the sort of thing I can drop in a Skype call.

Euro, i know mil suffered a mc but its not the sort of thing I'd be comfortable asking her about. Your mum must really understand your pain though, do you think it's hard for her to see you going through all this?

Buzzybee123 Fri 02-Aug-13 19:15:28

lemon thinking of you, big hugs x

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sat 03-Aug-13 11:10:41

Thanks you lot, there have been better days all of them except the mc last year would be a fair description, but we'll get through, I hope so I am not going to drag you lot too far down.

eurochick Sat 03-Aug-13 11:33:31


I'm having oddness. I'm spotting at 7/8dpo. I never spot. So this might be the start of a super early period, like I have had a couple of times before (implantation failure? The others were at around 9dpo so the timing is right), or I now have spotting to add to the delights of womanhood. Hmm.

mrsden Sat 03-Aug-13 11:57:23

I wrote a long post and its disappeared. Bit worried that it might turn up somewhere else, will someone warn me if it appears on FBI shock

Spotting euro? Is it light? Do you think you ovulated this month? Could it be implantation?? Or could it be the cervix has been knocked? I wish things could always be straightforward and text book.

mrsden Sat 03-Aug-13 11:58:46

FBI? I mean fb obviously.

Lemon, you can be as miserable and down on here as you want to be. This can never be a thread where we only post when we are feeling up.

MuddyWellyNelly Sat 03-Aug-13 12:11:11

Big belly laugh at MrsDen sending her innermost TTC thoughts to the FBI grin

Euro. Hmmmmm.

Lemon you are very much allowed to be down, don't feel you can't post here if it is what you need.

May be offline for a few days, but will post if we have wifi. Period due the day we return. Wonder If it will arrive at the departure lounge, as it did on the way back from honeymoon hmm.

Quick waves to everyone xxx

eurochick Sat 03-Aug-13 13:42:55

mrsd in anyone else I might think "implantation?" but I've been here before.

My cervix hasn't been knocked for ages...

ArtemisTheHunter Sat 03-Aug-13 16:03:35

Hi everyone

Finally I've found time for a proper catch up. I've been reading and for weeks have been telling myself I'll post tomorrow when I've got more time, but funnily enough time doesn't materialise. I will no doubt miss loads of what's been happening so please forgive me, but I have been keeping up with everyone's TTC adventures.

Lemon I am absolutely gutted for you. I was so hopeful after your brilliant egg haul. I know that having 6 frosties won't feel like any consolation right now but they give you options and in time you'll feel ready to cycle again. Huge hugs and a large parcel of cake and gin for the tent.

Rabbit I can't believe the crap you've had to go through with the clinics. As if this whole thing wasn't bad enough they seem determined to make it even harder for you. I don't think administrative cock-ups are in any way excusable when there is this amount of stress involved. It's hard having overseas family too, especially when they go. Mine were supposed to be visiting later this year but have since changed their minds, I'm a bit gutted, it's nearly 2 years since I have seen my nieces and they are rapidly heading towards the teenage years when they just won't want to hang out with their boring aunt. I know what you mean about being the infertility story. My mum admitted she has told my aunts and uncles about our IVF and she swears blind that I said it was OK to tell them but I can't remember that conversation and can't see why I would have wanted them to know. So now I've got that weird situation where the whole family knows but I didn't know they knew and of course nobody ever mentions it. I know i shouldn't care by this point but it still feels like a very private thing and I don't see why she had to open her mouth in the first place, it being none of her bloody business. Grr.

Joy it's brilliant to see you back and I'm so impressed with all the things you've been doing over the past few months. The diet thing worked for Princess so I'm sure it's worth persevering. I too have wondered whether mild male factor was part of our problem so I'm sure all the things Roy is doing will be worthwhile. And pets do help. We finally lost our little cat this week and we are both gutted. Mr A especially because he has had her for so long, but she has been a big help for me over the past few years. Would you believe I still feel resentment at A+ announcements. I'm impressed at you being able to feel happy for your colleague. Whatever you're doing must be having a positive effect!

Pout I'm rooting for Colin. You did make me grin with your spot story. In the dark days of teenage acne I had many such disasters. Your dogs sound brilliant. I do miss our cat a lot. Mr A has already been pleadingly showing me pictures of cute homeless kitties but now would not be the time to get another, we need time to get the hang of a baby first hoping I like it as much as I did the cat

Euro hmmm at the oddness. I know what you mean though - in someone who wasn't a 10plusser it would be a Sign but we've all been there. Hypnosis sounds interesting if strange. I guess we all have weirdness lurking in our subconscious that we're not even aware of.

Cosmos I have everything crossed for you for the next FET round. Hurrah for being young and having lovely embryos! Intimate conversations with strangers are definitely the weirder part of the whole thing.

MrsD how are you doing? I'm sure the next cycle will be better as the clinic will be more aware of your response (and should get the bloody doses right this time). They do say the first cycle is a learning one, though it annoys me that it should be like that. Because of the way it was managed I don't feel you had a proper crack at IVF. Your time will come.

Nelly shame about the timing of MrN's work trip after the OPK! Your plan sounds good though, covers all bases and the numbers game has to work out for you (it HAS to). Have a brilliant break and I hope AF stays away for the duration.

Sea well done with the injections, i really hope they work so you can move forward with IVF. Like Pout I also found injecting more painful on one side than the other so maybe worth experimenting a bit with location?

I'm really interested in the mental block thing. From my experience I don't believe it makes a difference physically - my self-preservation tactic during IVF was to not allow myself to think it could work and I always had an idea I would have fertility problems long before we even started trying. Being pregnant was always something that happened to other people. I don't even know where that feeling came from. But I do think that mental attitude can make the 'journey' (that horrible word again) easier. I might have had an easier time over the last few years if I had been able to believe it would work out, but that's totally from the benefit of hindsight and it's hard to imagine I could have dealt with things any differently.

Waves to the other 10+ preggos Sar, Gin, Buzz, Doll and Sweet. Glad to hear scans have all been good and sickness is subsiding. Curious about the hairy bellies! I haven't noticed that, but as I've missed out on a lot of the classic preggo symptoms (generally the more unpleasant ones) I'm not going to complain!

AFM I've basically had my head in work for the past few months trying to get projects finished but finally managed that on Monday (more or less) and have now had 4 whole days of maternity leave. It's weird. There hasn't been a time in my adult life when I haven't had work to think about. There is loads to do in the house, which is nowhere near baby-ready, but since stopping work I've been hit by a big wave of tiredness so itinerant tea-drinking/cake-eating and sofa surfing is about all I've managed so far. Due date is next Friday. That's even more weird. I still can't connect the big bump in front of me with the idea of an actual real-life baby. I'm not frightened of labour any more but I am apprehensive about what comes next. it seems like a whole new alien world.

Speaking of which, i've done the ickier side of maternity shopping. Pout put the Next catalogue down for a moment - from my current vantage point i can see: 2 x packs of disposable maternity pants; a pack of giant Primark knickers of the kind you'd snigger at on your elderly neighbour's washing line; a tub of nipple cream; some disposable breast pads and 2 enormous packs of the biggest sanitary towels I have ever seen. They are about twice the size of the nappies. I am actually scared of my sanpro. Someone upthread (*Rabbit*?) advised putting on your smallest most glamorous underwear and dancing round the bedroom. I firmly believe you will all get your babies so before it's too late I think you should all do that. What the hell, get your tail feathers out and dance down the street. Do it now while you still can grin.

Apologies for marathon post. Serves me right for procrastinating! Waves and tail feather shakes and I hope everyone is having a good weekend smile.

Buzzybee123 Sat 03-Aug-13 19:44:24

lemon we are all here for you through good and bad times, if you can't rant here then where can you x

art I cannot believe you worked so close to your due date shock can't believe you are so close smile

euro spotting you say wink that is all

pout how is poas going??

if my neighbour puts anymore lighter fluid on his BBQ he is going to gas me to death in my own living room hmm

eurochick Sat 03-Aug-13 19:46:50

Art I'm sorry about the loss of your kitty. It's so sad when they pass away.

But I am happy that you are on maternity leave and nearly "at goal". I can completely understand how it feel that you are heading into an unknown world. Life will be different, but wonderful. smile

AFM, I said I never spot, and this is not spotting. It was the start of AF. At 7/8 dpo. WTAF? <shakes head at self>

The weird thing is that (just as the last time this happened) my temperature was still up this morning and my boobs still hurt. It's like the bleed is out of synch with everything else.

seaviewasia Sun 04-Aug-13 00:32:59

Lemons I'm still thinking of you. I hope you are as well as can be. Be kind to yourself.

Art. How exciting you are so near. It's really lovely to hear from ten plussers with good outcomes. I hope the birth goes well and I'm sure the new chapter in your life will be full of joy.

Euro. I'm so sorry your cycle is playing silly buggars. Are you sure it is af? Could is be (whispers) implantation bleed?

Sorry for the lack of personals. I am on hols tomorrow and still haven't packed.

Really need a holiday. I had drinks with some people last night and in the middle of it I realise how out of it I feel. I felt really quite depressed about the TTC and AC situation and for the 1st time in my life I really felt I had v little to say to my friends. I also feel like a horrible failure - no baby and I have had to cut back on going for more work projects and expanding which is making me feel like my career is not going anyway.

I am also really scared that the Humira won't work as I calculated if this happens there is no way I will do an IVF cycle this year. The thought of 4 years of TTC and still not making it to IVF really makes me feel down. I'm actually wondering if depression is a side effect of the drug as I have been v tearful since the injection.

Sorry to be so downbeat. Not what our thread needs. Hopefully the holiday will put me in a better place.

Love to everyone and especially other tent dwellers.

joycep Sun 04-Aug-13 08:08:17

Art - how wonderful to hear from you and to see how close you are. Wow! It's funny I keep thinking of our meet up in October last year and you were having to go to the loos to inject and here you now are. Intriguing that a* announcements still bother you. I wondered how easy it would be to shake that off. Anyway best of luck for the birth and of course let us know when he/she arrives!

Euro - I am sorry about freaky cycle. I dont kniw how one can explain it. Perhaps it's a knock on effect from last ivf round? I have had many of these and out of sync cycles. In fact the start of my ivf round was one and I nearly couldn't start as my progesterone was too high so i coukdnt understand why my period had come so early. I wish someone could explain it.

Sea - I am so sorry you are feeling like this. When are you off on holiday? It sounds like you really need one and it will make you feel much better. I don't know about humira and really it should say somewhere if it has depressive symtoms. But I also think it could be an accumulation of everything. You and MrSea are going through so much. You are on a particularly long drawn out path to ivf. I recognise that symptom of not having anything to say to friends. Your world gets smaller and few can understand what you are going through. Please look after yourself. A holiday will be just what you need.

eurochick Sun 04-Aug-13 09:19:26

sea sorry you are feeling down. This is all so hard. I hope the holiday helps.

joy interesting that you have had out of synch cycles too.

It's definitely AF. Really quite heavy as well, considering it had a week less to gather lining! Grrr.

Poutintrout Sun 04-Aug-13 19:56:42

art I am so sorry to hear about your cat. That is so sad.
It's amazing that your due date is now so close. Wow. Do let us know when bubs makes an appearance smile

euro Oh for goodness sake at the mystery bleeding. I thought exactly the same when I read your post...for "normal" people TTC that would be a dead cert for implantation bleeding and a happy ending. It's unfair.

joy I am sorry that you have got a MIL with MeMeMe-itis. That is my mother's problem also mixed with a morbid fascination that she has with misery & illness. You'd think I would be used to it all but it still right royally pisses me off especially when she uses something as devastating as this to get attention.

mrsd Are you on the FBI's Most Wanted list yet? grin

Well ladies, can I just ask for a hand hold please? I am stressing myself out over the OPKs. It is now CD13 and & my OPKs are messed up. I had a faintish line on Thursday and Friday and now nothing at all. I am wondering whether I have missed ovulation or it's not going to happen. I wouldn't be so worried if I had any EWCM signs but nothing, nada. Arggghhhh. Also trying to push to the back of my mind the utterly ridiculous thought that I might have been bitten by a spider (pussy, swollen, painful toe with two puncture marks that look like the pictures on Google of spider bites) and this might have messed up my ovulation hits embarrassed self over head with wet fish

Poutintrout Sun 04-Aug-13 19:58:06

sea I am sorry for not posting that I hope you feel better soon (MrP is yelling about dinner). You have been through a really shitty time of late and I am sure that you are bound to feel down. Big hugs to you and I hope that you feel rejuvenated by your holiday smile

eurochick Sun 04-Aug-13 20:24:14

pout I've had the double puncture marks before and the consensus does seem to be spider. <shudder> I doubt it has stolen your ovulation though. grin When do you usually ovulate?

There is no way this is implantation bleeding - it is more than an averagely heavy period (although less painful, thankfully). So I guess I need to wake up to the fact that this is cycle 3. I'm not feeling terrified about that. Maybe the hypno has done something.

Poutintrout Sun 04-Aug-13 20:37:31

Pre IVF ovulation was CD16-17, post IVF CD12-14. The worry is I usually have at least 3 days of EWCM before lift off and there really is no sign of anything. Also I had wondered whether I had ovulated at the tail end of my period but just pushed that to the back of my mind. Maybe I am just stressing. I just don't want FET to be delayed again and really don't want to get another failed IVF just before my birthday so wanted to press on this cycle. Sorry I know I am being a drama llama.
grin at ovulation stealing spiders. So it has happened to you too? I was thinking that I must be a wally for considering it but it does look and sound a lot like that what's happened. Did yours start off for the first few hours as extremely itchy before turning excrutiatingly sore?

Poutintrout Sun 04-Aug-13 20:38:49

Posted too soon. It is strange that your period is so early. It's good though that you feel relaxed about things. Did you ovulate super early last cycle or something like that?

eurochick Sun 04-Aug-13 21:03:01

pout maybe you are getting back to your pre-IVF norm and will get a positive OPK in a couple of days? It must be stressful that your body is messing you around when you are waiting for Colin to come home.

Yes, I had the double puncture marks last year. I posted the pic on FB and the consensus was spider bite. Bleugh. It didn't get infected or anything though. It was just a bit red.

I don't think early ov is a possibility. I am pretty sure I ovulated Friday last week. I think it's a very short luteal phase. I googled it this morning and came across other women who have had the same thing, always about a week before their period is due. Some have had faint positive tests with it, so the consensus seems to be failed implantation.

rabbitonthemoon Sun 04-Aug-13 21:32:30

What?! There are spiders that bite in the UK? AGH!!!!!! Tell me this isn't true! Pout that is an atrocity. Sorry to hear ov feels up the spout, maybe it is just going to come at the normal time? I know how bloody stressful it is when cycles are not the usual, it is one of the things I find the hardest. Hopefully tomorrow will bring two dark lines.

Euro bum to a short luteal cycle. I know that in the past I've had months where things were odd before tic but it used to not matter and would be easy to be logical about, travelling, flu etc. But everything seems so loaded now because you can't take a peek inside and see what is happening. I have been pondering again just what it is that stops me from getting pregnant. Borderline fsh just doesn't quite feel enough for two and a half years of barreness. But at least now you can begin a new cycle and I'm so glad you feel calmer, are you carrying on with the hypno?

Art I am so sorry to hear about your cat, losing pets is a sad thing. But it was lovely to hear from you and I will be thinking of you over the next few weeks - good luck! Exciting!

Nelly may af be banned from departure lounges! I have had that happen twice during ttc!

Sea, a great big love to you. These times are the shittest and you have had extra things to weigh you down. I empathise with ridiculous waiting for ivf, it is just so stagnating. But hold on tightly as you will get there and we will all be here to listen and support along the way.

Lemon, you have been in my thoughts. How are you?

Missing period update is - day 35 and nothing except a foul mood. I sense a period is on the way. I am always sensitive to horrible smells when I have PMT. On another planet that would equal diffedness.

Oh and I finish with a moan (den I know you will be with me on this!) My neighbour but one had her first baby the month I would have had mine, had we conceived on our honeymoon. He is now 2. I have been eagle eyeing her stomach as we both head out for work and thought I could spy a bump and found out yesterday she is having a boy, by eavesdropping I might add. Every time I see her I am reminded of what I could have had, had I been a fecund thing. Bah humbug.

Cosmos1 Sun 04-Aug-13 22:02:07

Euro sorry you seem to have had another wtf month. You seem to have quite a few near misses. Sorry also for the sad feelings brought up by hypno session. The whole mind body connection is really hard to fathom out. Would you go and see her again?

Pout that is odd about awol ewcm how annoying. Do you ever find bd'ing more makes it easier to see it, if you get my drift?! grin at drama llama and ovulation stealing spiders

Joy how are you doing lovely? The mood swing thing sounds very familiar. It's so hard not being able to trust or predict your emotions in the same way you used to.

Sea sounds like a holiday is great timing. Well done you if you've managed until now with friends. Do you have to cut back on work projects, is it a time commitment thing or is your work quite stressful?

Art I can't believe it's nearly your time, mind you the start of your Ivf seems ages ago. Your nappies story made me laugh, and I did enjoy a bare knicker day today just me and the cotton smile. Thanks for the good wishes.

Lemon thinking of you hope you're ok and all your lovely frosties are giving you some hope. It hurts so much but will get better. Feel free to post away. I don't think I've ever read anything on here worse than how I already feel if that makes sense

Rabbit you always seem to have such drawn out starts to af, is it driving you mental?

MrsD grin at the FBI. On the telling people front some of our family members are better than others but at least I've found I don't have to pretend anymore and can just be honest when things are too much, and at least there's a bit of understanding. Everyone's different though. It is easier to keep up appearances via Skype (I've found).

I had a massive lip wobble instant tent moment on Friday which came out of nowhere, and was thinking how odd before realising it was probably something to do with the downregging. Have had very ouchy boobs which I've had the last few months now and I am not happy if this is a new feature of my cycle as it does my head in. Oddly on the spotting front this is the closest to af I've got without spotting since starting ttc (af due tues). If downregging has stopped my spotting I wonder if its something to do with my ovaries? Mind you didn't get ovulation bleeding like I normally do this month. Did anyone find downregging caused their af to be delayed? Just want to be prepared.

Waves to anyone I missed.

Cosmos1 Sun 04-Aug-13 22:05:35

Oh and Rabbit sorry about the neighbour that sounds really tough, right on your doorstep. Spread a rumour that you heard its the postmans!

rabbitonthemoon Sun 04-Aug-13 22:32:30

Cosmos sorry about the lip wobble. I'm sure this will just be drug induced. How long do you dr for? I normally have a 28/29 day cycle with three days spotting starting cd25/26 but the spotting can be up to 5 days. In October I'm pretty sure I had a cp and got af on cd34. I think this AWOL period is a result of my two week bleed and is a real curveball as I've not even had any spotting yet, not even a microscopic pin prick. If only it was pregnancy keeping it away!

Cosmos1 Sun 04-Aug-13 22:39:59

Do you know roughly when you ov'd? I did read once lp tends to be more fixed than pre ov phase, when are you counting from with the bleed? Ooh I would so wish for it to be pgness keeping it away for you. I just have to wait for af now then call the clinic to go in for a scan. Yes I'm the same not even a pin prick of spotting. Very odd compared to the usual week of leakiness.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Mon 05-Aug-13 08:49:59

Morning lovelies!

Odd as it may sound things are looking up in the lemon-household. I had a bit of a weepy moment writing what I felt about it all with my mc-diary from last year, which helped a lot. I'm applying the coping strategies, and they seem to be working. The bleed started yesterday and it feels just like a heavy period. So SB and I went on a cycling trip, drank beer in the sun and chatted about alternative routes to parenthood. We've also been discussing about this round and concluded I've had chemicals before, one definite and a few possibles. I might discuss it with the clinic before picking up the frosties, as I don't want to go through this too many times.

So sorry about the could-have-been scenario on your doorstep rabbit. I know the feeling, I have two nephews which were conceived while we were on honeymoon. They are totally delightful and both my sisters have finished making babies, thankfully.

Sorry about the spider-attack pout. And about the silly-buggers cycle. I really hope it can go forward soon. I so hope you'll be diffed on your birthday!!

Sorry about the cat arte. I simply cannot believe your due date is around the corner. Massive good luck and hand-holds.

Cosmos my AF went AWOL for a few days when waiting for it DRing. I think it can happen. Totally unfair because it means bonus days of devil's juice. Keeping everything crossed for the frostie(s)! Random painful boob are a check as well. Now they've gone back to their previous state... So clearly all is over.

grin at sending your thoughts to the FBI den. I really hope you'll be feeling a bit better soon. And that they manage your next round properly.

It sounds really odd euro. Maybe something to discuss with the clinic?

mrsden Mon 05-Aug-13 10:34:41

grin at being on the FBI most wanted list. Can you imagine what they'd make of my ttc ramblings? They'd probably think its all code for something sinister.

shock at the spider bite. Did it attack you while you were sleeping? I wonder what sort of spider it was? I once read a story about a man who found some sort of deadly spider in his bunch of bananas. Are you going to get the bite checked out? It might be infected. I don't think the spider stole your ovulation though.

Rabbits, ugh at our fertile neighbours, I have managed to avoid mine. From sizing up her bump I reckon she's about six months so she was probably conceiving when I was recovering from the lap. I have a friend whose second baby is due this month. She announced her first pregnancy when I had been trying for 6 months. I remember that announcement so well because it was the first one that upset me because I'd started to realise something was wrong. It doesn't seem right that she is due a second. Although I think having two so close will be tough.

Euro, I think the stimming drugs can have some sort of effect on cycles. I only had a low dose but my cycles aren't back to normal after Ivf yet. They are normal length and the flow is the same but I don't feel that I'm ovulating.

eurochick Mon 05-Aug-13 10:35:48

<peeks round corner to make sure the FBI are not reading>

cosmos my AF was a bit late when downregging last year. I had a 16 day luteal phase (it was usually 13/14 back then). I just looked back on futility fiend to check.

As you might remember, I found dring incredibily tough emotionally. You are doing really, really well if you are just having a lip wobble!

rabbit that sounds really odd. So many of us seem to be having strange cycles at the moment.

lemon I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. I have a follow up appointment at the clinic on Weds (which should have been before the start of our next cycle) so I will mention it then and see what they think.

I feel quite weak now. Saturday and Sunday were very heavy. I need some iron!

Poutintrout Mon 05-Aug-13 10:55:10

lemon I am so glad to hear that you are feeling a little better than you did. I have been thinking of you loads over the weekend and wondering how you were doing.
I think discussing your CPs with the clinic is a good idea not least to set your mind at rest.

cosmos I'm sorry about the lip wobbles. All the second guessing as to what the hell our bodies are doing is draining and ultimately emotional. How long are you downregging for? I started the Bureselin on the first day of my period and then didn't have to think about my next period until after ET.
I always thought that with EWCM checking DTD would muddy the waters (very bad analogy indeed!).

rabbit How curious about no spotting and being at CD 35. I'm sorry about your neighbour reminding you about how different things should be. There are two tiny babies on my street and I cross the road when I spot them to avoid having to see!
Apparently all spiders can bite but their fangs are generally too small to puncture the skin. However there are two types of spiders who can give a horrible bite (one of which has green fangs if you shine a light on them...faints). I am totally weirded out by it and dramatically declared to MrP how if we lived in Australia I would probably have died from my bite by now!

euro I hadn't heard of failed implantation resulting in an early bleed but I suppose it makes sense. Do you think you will discuss it with the clinic like lemons suggested?

Thank you ladies for your wise words re ovulation. I am still worried and a bit fed up that of course this is the month where it goes tits up but I am going to try and be philosophical about it. Maybe it might turn up or maybe I will have to wait another few weeks but Colin isn't going anywhere, he is safely ensconced in the freezer. Besides I have a new worry to keep me occupied grin We seem to have some kind of infestation of blue bottles in the bathroom. Every time I go in there are half a dozen flies buzzing around the inside of the window. I let them out the window and then more appear later on. I remember a couple of weeks ago sitting in the bath and hearing scrabbling from behind the (blocked) chimney breast in there and wonder whether something had died and somehow the flies are getting out of the chimney and out through the bath panels. Not sure what the hell we do about that. What with the spider and now the flies it is like fecking Springwatch in this house right now grin

joycep Mon 05-Aug-13 11:46:35

Crumbs ladies, the thread has taken a dark turn in to creepy crawly land. Spider bites and fly infestations. <<shivers>> Sorry for the extra stresses. My boss nearly died from a spider bite last year but fear not he was in a tropical rainforest so what do you expect! I’m such an arachnaphobe, the whole spider thing terrifies me.

Pout – really sorry about the stress of ovulation. How many times are you testing a day? And you are making sure you’re not drinking/peeing for about 4 hours before hand are you? For me that’s the only way i can get the bloody sticks to work but perhaps it’s easier for others. It’s sods law that when you are really pinning hope on ovulation and carefully monitoring that it starts messing you around. It could well be that you are getting back in to your old cycle routine. What a flipping stress and now the blue bottles. Grrr. I’m sure your body will do exactly as it is suppose to do but nevertheless it doesn’t stop the stressing.

Euro – so bizarre you having such a heavy period after a short cycle.

Cos – i really am not surprised you have been having a lip wobble when you are down regging. You poor thing, it’s so hard. When you can stop the down regging drugs?

Rabbit – I’m sorry about your period MiA. It’s so weird and unsettling for you. Are you going to get your immunes tested?

Lemon – so pleased you are feeling better too and it’s certainly worth mentioning things to your clinic as well. Have you had your nk cells tested? I do find it odd that there is nothing seemingly wrong, you produce great embryos as well . Is that something your clinic will look in to?

Well my period has arrived and there i was wandering in to work daydreaming whether i might be pregnant and how I would break the news to Roy. I have had loads of spots (very unusual) the last week and that was a symptom of my first pregnancy plus i had very strong period pains a few days ago and it never materialised. When I got to work, Auntie had well and truly arrived. I did laugh at my stupidity that i could have wasted my time day dreaming about such things. There’s no fool like an old fool. SIGH.
So with my dodgy irregular cycles i could be ivfing in as little as 3 weeks time. I suddenly feel sick at the thought of how I’m going to try and do all the running about without work finding out. I wonder whether I’ll have to have another cyst aspiration and hysteroscopy again too. I need to try and put some of my hypno techniques in to action i think otherwise i’m going to have some massive meltdown / freak out. Apart from you ladies, we aren't telling any friends or families this time.

mrsden Mon 05-Aug-13 12:02:09

pout don't want to worry you but it sounds like you might have a corpse behind the chimney, perhaps a bird? Could you ask your landlord to investigate? Is there no smell? Have you seen your neighbours recently?

joy sorry about af? Did she show without warning? The cow. Only 3 weeks until your next cycle, will you be doing downregging or is it going to be the mild version? I know you wouldn't want to do this but I wonder if it might be best for your GP to sign you off sick when you're in the middle of it and having to attend lots of appointments. It's an added stress having to think about work and how to slip away.

Poutintrout Mon 05-Aug-13 12:42:26

joycep So sorry that the witch snuck up on you like that. I have sometimes done the whole daydreaming about how I will tell MrP etc and then feel bloody stupid when AF turns up again!
Crikey at the thought of IVF in just 3 weeks. Wow. Its is terrible that you are having to worry about time off work when the whole thing is stressful enough as it is. It doesn't help that there is such an element of uncertainty as to when stuff will happen. MrP is panicking a bit about yet more time off for the ET I think. We had words because he was asking me to pinpoint an exact date so he could book holiday for the day. I was cross that after 3 and half years the penny still hadn't dropped that my body doesn't run like clockwork! I can understand you wanting to keep this cycle private and not tell anyone, we're not either this time. Are you going to see your hypno again?
grin at not peeing too much. That is part of my problem I am constantly on the loo always, have been like that for years (next thing on the list to get checked out after all this TTC stuff). I am trying to reduce my fluid intake a bit and wonder whether this is having a knock on effect on CM and round and round in circles it goes.

mrsd I did laugh at you asking whether I have seen my neighbour recently. I think something has died either in the roof space, behind the chimney breast or under the floorboards. I am just hoping that it is a bird and nothing more sinister like a rat or mouse. I think we will have to call the landlord because I shut the window in between using the bathroom and half an hour later there were around 40 flies at the window. I screamed when I opened the door and had to steel myself to open the windows and bat them out. I'm leaving the window permanently open now and just hope that next doors cat doesn't sneak in again because all hell would break loose
grin at bananas. MrP always used to look at me a bit hmm when I check the bananas we buy for anything suspicious. Not such a crazy lady now huh.

joycep Mon 05-Aug-13 12:50:36

Mrsd - most sensible people would do that. I feel very vulnerable at my workplace though and don't want to give them cause for a redundancy. I have been saving holiday and so this time round I do plan to take a week between EC and ET. I was in so much pain after EC for a good 5 days last time, it was a mistake going in. I just hope i can take a week off at short notice. My biggest trouble is when I am required in a meeting and I know I need to go for a scan or a blood test or something.
I hope to god I am not on LP. I was on Flare last time as Super low amh. Certainly not mild but only 13 days before EC so a lot easier than Lp.

joycep Mon 05-Aug-13 13:08:14

Pout - men are hopeless! There is no way Roy will be able to take as many mornings off this time. I have told him he will just be required for 6am sperm donation on EC day and that is it. I will just look after myself the other times. I remember you saying about the loo thing. I was thinking about this the other day as I was concerned last year that I couldn't get through the night without peeing. It had just suddenly developed and went on for months. But touch wood I have never had that problem again since taking the month's worth of antibiotics. Makes me think I had a bug somewhere. May not be relevant to you at all but thought I would mention!

eurochick Tue 06-Aug-13 21:28:50

Quiet 'ere, innit?


rabbitonthemoon Tue 06-Aug-13 21:35:12

Yes! Where is everyone? I'm in bed with raging period pains and a grump on. No spotting though - that's about as exciting as trying for a baby gets for me! Pout any signs of ov?

Poutintrout Tue 06-Aug-13 22:02:14

Yep 'tis quiet. Thought I had killed the thread with my inane me me me witterings....

Sorry about the painful cramps rabbit Hope they subside soon. Maybe when you start properly they will go. No signs of ovulation yet. Bloody typical that this is the month it goes AWOL. I am pretty depressed about it TBH. MrP and I were musing that we have had the plague and pestilence in this house and that we hoped Colin wasn't going to be the anti christ...not likely Colin will be anything this cycle sad

Joycep Interesting about the antibiotics. I'm getting up several times in the night and I am really tired and grumpy!

rabbitonthemoon Tue 06-Aug-13 22:10:47

Oh boo pout to silly bugger cycles, how do our bodies know just how to piss us off? What does the hosp say? How are the flies? A rat died in the pipes at work and it was grim, I hope it something that goes away as quickly as its started. Colin is keeping clear as he doesn't care much for them. But he's very patient smile hold on there, it must be so infuriating but it will all be just right in there very soon.

rabbitonthemoon Tue 06-Aug-13 22:12:20

And we all love pout witters! A spider stole my ovulation is definitely one for our We Tried For a Long Time book series of 50

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Wed 07-Aug-13 09:05:55

You never killed the fred with your stories about spiders pout, they make me smile. I am just really flat. No energy left over for personals, no energy left to write witty things, no energy. I am just so disappointed and disheartened. At the moment I cannot imagine getting going again with FETs, but first another blood test to confirm that Lembie has left the building tomorrow but since I think I have had chemicals before, I expect this to be the case, there can hardly be anything left in my womble

mrsden Wed 07-Aug-13 09:57:51

Lemons I can relate to how you're feeling. It is really positive that you can do fet though, a lot of my despair has been because I have nothing in the freezer and have to start again.

Rabbit grrr at period pain.

Pout any news on the corpse?

There seems to be a proliferation of those Am I pregnant threads I find them so depressing, even just seeing he titles. I want to reply to say yes you probably Are because the whole world but me is pregnant grrrrrr.

eurochick Wed 07-Aug-13 10:45:28

Still no positive OPK pout? What CD are you now? How irritating that your body is messing you about.

mrsd I find those threads annoying too. One of the BESH once posted on one of them "I don't know, have you tried peeing on your keyboard so the internet can tell you?" or similar and I always think of that now.

rabbit sorry about the period pains and grump!

I think droid is almost done here, which is something. I have my follow up appointment with the clinic to discuss cycle #2 in a couple of hours and my first scan for cycle #3 tomorrow.

Poutintrout Wed 07-Aug-13 12:26:12

lemons I can understand that you must feel so flat right now and am so sorry for you that this cycle worked out this way. I know that right now you won't feel like thinking beyond how shitty this situation. I will be thinking of you tomorrow having your blood test.

euro Good luck with your appointment today.

mrsd I have noticed the volume of those threads too. They don't make me angry just make me think back to the optimism I had back at the start of TTC and what an unexpected turn things have taken. I do often read the threads and wonder how many of the ladies will end up in HMS Barren & don't yet know - that is pretty twisted I suppose. The pissing on the keyboard comment made me laugh!

rabbit I also sniggered loudly at the 50 book series of We Tried For a Long Time. I can see the film franchise now and associated merchandise - official OPK stick anyone, Alton Towers Dildo cam ride? The flies seem to have subsided. MrP sealed all the gaps in the bath panel and emptied a can of fly spray in there before doing so. He reckons that once the food source corpse has been eaten and the maggots hatched it will resolve itself. I read though that maggots hatch in 3 waves so I don't think we are out of the woods. Having a bath is interesting right now grin

Still no signs of ovulation. I think I wished this on myself when I mused up thread about this happening confused I think that I will give it till Friday which will be CD 18 and if there is still nothing happening in the pants department and no hint of a line on the OPKs then I will call the hospital and let them know that it is a bust.

joycep Wed 07-Aug-13 12:39:27

Pout - damn at the lack of ovulation. Can you ask for scan and a blood test? A) to check your lining and b) to check progesterone levels to see if they are post ov. Or aren't they accommodating? It is so depressing that this is happening this month. It is no wonder that it is so difficult to feel positive about things. Ps- I think evidence above suggests I killed the thread. I have had writing diarrhea ever since my break!

Lemon - huge hug. There is such a come down after everything and it is thoroughly draining. Hope tomorrow is alright.

Mrsd / agree about the lack of frosties. This plays over and over in my head and has fuelled my despair.

Rabbit - sorry about period pains, poor you.

Poutintrout Wed 07-Aug-13 13:43:39

Joy TBH I can't be bothered with more fannying about at the hospital. I would rather wait and just start afresh next cycle. I also wouldn't feel comfortable pressing on this cycle if there was some question mark over when/if ovulation occurred.
grin at writing diarrhea. I don't think that of you at all and like it when the thread is busy and chatty. I just worry sometimes that I witter on about inconsequential & boring stuff too much and worry that people might think I am too needy.

I'm sorry that you feel like that about frosties. I can understand though. I felt gutted that I only had one and am worried to death about it combusting during the defrost. I wonder whether the subconscious worry of that has vapourised my ovulation. Also the fact that my FET has been my insurance and fallback and now it is upon me and I guess I am little a lot afraid that my Plan B might fail too.

joycep Wed 07-Aug-13 13:56:26

Pout - needy?? You certainly don't come across as such! I love it when people write about non TTC stuff. You are right, I don't blame you for wanting to go for another cycle if this one is a bust. It is so bloody typical that this is messing you around. Do you use the smiley digital OPKs?
I am not surprised you are worried to death about defrost. There is so much hope pinned but it is going to be fine. It will defrost perfectly. It will it will!

sweetgrouch Wed 07-Aug-13 15:54:48

Pout – I don’t find you needy. Also – the lack of ovulation is incredibly frustrating! I understand why you would want to move onto the next cycle so that this one doesn’t have a cloud of doubt hanging over it.

Joy and Pout – I like the thread better when it is chatty and a mixture of TTC and non-TTC related issues. I feel like it makes us all a bit less one-dimensional.

Joy – sorry about AF rearing her ugly head.

Rabbit – The period pains sound pretty grim. I hope they subside soon.

Euro – good luck for the appointment.

MrsD – I agree about those threads being aggravating. All the early pregnancy symptoms everyone seems to have are identical to what my normal PMT is (nausea, spots, bloating, tiredness, moodiness, etc). I always want to write just POAS.

Lemons – Big hug. I would just give it a bit of time. The possibility of FET is still really positive.

Cosmos – sorry about the lip wobble

Art - Sorry to hear about your little kitty. Good for you relaxing while waiting for the big day (this is what is specifically recommended in the pregnancy guidebook handed out by our government). Soon there will be a little art in his/her bassinet. I understand how there is not much of a link happening between the belly and a living child.

Sorry about the huge post again. I have been reading to keep up but have not had the time to post. There isn’t much new with me except that I will be attending a childrens birthday party this weekend, most of the kids will be the age my first was supposed to be. I’m not mental about it like I was last year, but it still stings. I hope this is a good step forward for me.

seaviewasia Wed 07-Aug-13 16:04:31

Hi ladies. A quick post from the beach at the med.
lemons. I'm just so sorry this was not the cycle for you. I'm gutted for you. I hope in time you will heal and feel good about the fet cycle. Big hugs

Pout. Sorry to read about scary insects. The missing ovulation is the last thing you need. Hopefully it's a one off and everything will be back to normal real soon.
You could never kill thread. I love your posts.

Euro. Hope your appointment went well today. The short cycle is just the last thing you need.

Rabbit. Hope the period pains have buggared off and you are in better spirits.

Joy. Typical of the witch to sneak up on you. I suppose it is good least that you can get on with your cycle. You could not kill the thread ever. It's a delight to have you back.

Mrsd I'm just gutted you are feeling so down. This journey really sucks. I hope things improve. Don't give up. I'm sure we will all hold our baby one day and the difficult road we had to endure to get there will only make us better parents.

Love to everyone I have missed.

Sun and salty water has helped lift the dark cloud I was under. I have decided I can face barrenness with a smile or with tears and I may as well fake smile until I feel it.
Another a plus announcement via FB. A friend who got preggars after 1 month of trying 2 years into my ttc. Having her second already. Lots of photos of her holding belly on FB. If I wasn't laughing like crazy I would be crying.

Ginestas Wed 07-Aug-13 17:01:33

Sea I'm so pleased to hear that holidays have lifted your spirits! FFS re your friend and her announcement. Some people just don't know how lucky they are... You and Mr S have had such a hard time recently and definitely deserve a really lovely, relaxing holiday. You can come back all refreshed, do IVF and win your baby smile

pout sorry to hear about the missing in action ovulation. How bloody typical. Are you peeing on ov sticks twice a day? Like you, after my first IVF I went from a day 17 ovulation to day 14 and then back to day 17 after the 2nd IVF. Maybe it will arrive tomorrow? I also had tracking scans with my cycle, although the stupid dr still panicked about me not ovulating. If I hadn’t, it’d have been a medicated FET the next cycle. Might be something to consider? And urgh re flesh chomping spiders and the fly invasion. In my parents’ house we often had the dead bird in the chimney, bluebottles thing. They went eventually, although the room looked like fly armegedon.

grouch pleased to hear all is well with you! Hope the party goes ok. It’s amazing how stingy these things still are- I know I still find instadiffs really hard. Do you have a bump now?

euro hope the appointment went ok and they didn’t keep you waiting too long. So are you starting cycle #3 now?

mrsd those freds massively pish me off. Why bother posting that?! And they always turn out to be bloody pregnant. I like the Besh response Euro mentioned. Hope you are ok. Your next ivf isn’t too far away now, don’t give up.

lemons big hugs lovely. You will get through this and will start to feel better and excited about the frosties, I promise. It will just take some time to grieve for lembie. I was ridiculously sad when IVF #2 didn’t work, but found in the weeks after the bfn, knowing I had a frostie helped. Although with it being only the one, I had pout’s fear re defrosting. BTW pout these days they have a v. high chance of surviving defrost, although I know this won't stop you worrying.

joy you haven’t killed the fred at all! It’s so lovely to have you chatting on here again.

art you are soooo near now (if not actually in labour!). Hope you are feeling ok and enjoying the start of maternity leave.

rabbit boo for the AF pains. I was so hoping you’d come on here and announce a stripy stick. I hope you feel better soon. Rats at work? <shudder>

I think Nellie is on holidays v. near where I was last month, an area I think euro knows too. How funny would it be if we all met up there?

Well I hope this doesn’t make anyone feel shitter, but I had my 21 scan today and it’s a little girl!! I sobbed like a mad woman when they told us, as it made it all feel so real. All was well with the baby, but the menkulling doesn’t stop as they noticed a couple of things (fibroid near cervix and high blood flow resistance) that could cause problems in later pregnancy. We have another scan in late Sept to see how things are going, sigh.

Lots of luffs to everyone, particularly the tent dwellers.

sweetgrouch Wed 07-Aug-13 17:43:49

Gin - A little girl. How exciting! 21 weeks... you must be due around Dec 18th. At least you reacted! At my 12/13 week scan I just sat there and stared because I couldn't process that the baby on the screen was in me. The technician must have thought I was cold or mental. I am starting to have an obvious bump. Do you have a bump?

Sea - Your holiday sounds lovely. I'm glad you and MrS are out relaxing after your recent troubles. I have to admit that insta-duffers still irritate me/make me jealous blush.

Now back to work!

eurochick Wed 07-Aug-13 17:53:36

Ooo, gin, I have a question for you. Do I remember correctly that you had valium for ET? What was it like? They have suggested I try it for EC. I'm a bit nervous as part of my issue with sedation is being out of control so if the valium would make me feel not like myself then it isn't going to help.

A little girl - that's amazing. I hope the worries never materialise.

sea I'm glad you feel happier and can even withstand an A+ announcement.

sweet it must be wonderful to be developing a bump!

pout my love, you are never needy. joy is absolutely right about your posts.

Well I had my appointment and also the first scan that was booked for tomorrow (which is good, as it saves me a trip). Basically the clinic's focus now seems to be on getting an embie to stick. They talked about an endometrial scratch (too late to do that this cycle now) and we discussed intralipids but didn't draw any conclusions. We need to decide by tomorrow whether we will stay natural or add in some low dose drugs again. Mr euro favours natural, pointing out that each time we have deviated from our plan, we have regretted it. I am not so sure and like the odds of having more than one egg, but he has a point.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Wed 07-Aug-13 19:46:21

Wow, congratulations Gin a little girl, and all going well. I am so happy to see it. And no, wins on here do not hurt or bother me. They give hope particularly a frostie win, it was your frostie, wasn't it?

Yay for the bump too sweet. Other people's pregnancies go so fast!

The clinic visit sounds good euro. I'd stick with the plan, I think, because the closest you've come was with a complete natural round. For what it's worth, I'd want to really think about changing it beforehand. Keeping everything crossed for third time properly lucky.

Sorry about the AWOL ovulation, pout. My new theory is that mrp killed it with fly-killer and locked it in behind the bath wink You do not strike me as needy. I love your posts, your witty comments etc <swoon>

Sorry about the sadness and misery on here. Especially sorry to joy and den for my moping considering I have a freezer drawer full of frosties chances. The mourning this failure/loss just takes time, and multiple losses do concern me now. I'll keep a hawk eye on euro's progress since she is my hormonal twin and always a step or two ahead!

Well done on the happiness found in the sun and sea view. The laughing instead of crying sounds like a wise move. I hope I can find that place again!

Hope the period pain settles and you feel better soon rabbit.

Here, things are a bit all over the place. SB has been great in supporting me, but I googled myself shit-scared about multiple miscarriages. Time to talk to the clinic whilst being poked tomorrow I had to chat to a specialist in dertility for work today and did not quiz her on my situation, proud of myself

eurochick Wed 07-Aug-13 22:36:27

I think you are right drizz. Last time it was suggested at the first scan that I add in some drugs, and I went with it, but I felt easier on the natural cycle. Also, if I go natural there is more chance that they will let me be awake for EC as it will be quick with just one egg to grab.

I have my second hypno session tomorrow. Which should have been before this cycle started, but AF coming a week early has thrown everything out!

Ginestas Thu 08-Aug-13 08:51:41

Thanks ladies. You are all ver lovely and gracious.

lemon the ginster was indeed a frostie. So it can and does work!

euro I did have a 10mg Valium for ET. It was bloody brilliant! Although I have taken a lower dose before to get me on a plane, so kinda knew what to expect. I just felt really chilled. When we were driving to the clinic mental London drivers nearly hitting us barely registered! I think I was also a bit chattier and gigglier. A bit like being drunk, but def not the brain fog you get with sedation.

It's funny that both you and I hate EC and makes me wonder if it's something to do with our clinic. Having said that, I've never liked the idea of being knocked out and did have that terrible experience first EC. I couldn't do EC awake - just the sight of the knitting needle makes me feel sick!

When you had your follow up, did they say if they thought the drugs or EC timing had compromised the quality of the eggs? Totally natural did work v well for you, but I also understand wanting to get a few more chances at the golden embie. Maybe do natural this cycle and then look at mild next? Mind you it sounds like the embryos are getting to blast anyway to produce some hcg. Good luck with whatever you decide and your scan today!

pout any sign of that pesky ovulation? The fet stress could well have delayed it.

grouch I do have a bump. In fact someone gave me a seat on the bus last night and I wasn't even wearing my baby on board badge, so I must look pregnant now rather than just fat!

mrsden Thu 08-Aug-13 09:55:54

awwwww, a baby girl gin how lovely. Although baby boys are lovely too! Don't worry about the other things, I'm sure they going to keep an eye on everything and look after you well. Fibroids are common in pregnancy, the extra hormones help them grow I think. The Dr said the cyst I had would have grown much bigger if I was pregnant so that's why they wanted to remove it beforehand.

euro natural seems to work for you so I think if I were you I'd stick with that for one more round. I don't see the point of taking the drugs if you don't have to. I'm sure they are still wreaking havoc with my cycles, although today I think my boobs are a tiny bit sore so maybe I have ovulated.

pout it's normal to have awol ovulation now and again. I wish our bodies could be relied upon. Yesterday I was trying to work out when our ivf cycle would start but it's impossible to know when cycles will start and finish because I'm not 100% regular.

art I'm thinking of you. Are you getting sick of people asking if things have started yet? Please let us know when there is news, and I'd love to see a snuggly baby photo. A 10 plusser baby is always a wonderful boost.

eurochick Thu 08-Aug-13 10:14:33

Thanks for the run down, gin. I am not sure about being "drunk". Hmmm.

They don't think that delaying EC compromised egg quality. I am still not 100% convinced. I think we will go with natural. With only one follie to focus on, there are fewer timing ishoos. If we do a 4th, we will probably do a full mild cycle, rather than natural modified.

You're right about getting to blast. 2 or 3 out of our 3 embies (over 2 cycles) must have got that far, which is actually a pretty good rate. Now we just need one to go the distance.

How lovely to look properly pregnant. smile

art I agree with mrsd - I'd love to see a pic of a snuggly 10+er baby.

Poutintrout Thu 08-Aug-13 12:20:34

We've got one in receptionist from Ghostbusters stylee shriek Pissed on a stick last night and there is a line, not a positive but something. I know it isn't conclusive that anything is definitely happening on the ov front but it is better than seeing stark white. FX that the line will develop. Incidently, if I swap OPK brand now that will be okay won't it? After all this prolonged testing I have almost run out & also I want to switch to twice daily testing to be sure I don't miss the blighter.

gin A little girl is such lovely news, makes me feel all moist in the eyes smile And BTW your baby news (or any Ten Plussers baby news) could never be unwelcome. I am thrilled for you. Talking of which, art any news?
gin I am stupidly excited that you have a bump big enough to be offered a seat. Work that bump!

sweet I smiled at how you described your scan. That is so sweet (even though the sonographer might've thought you were mental!)

euro Another one here of the opinion that going with your original plan and not changing at the last minute sounds best. I am never happy when I deviate from a plan and hate that kicking myself afterwards feeling.
I am sorry that you feel so nervous about the EC. I was totally knocked out and didn't have these worries thankfully. Valium or something similar might be a good idea. You might not get the drunk feeling, I think we all react differently to these types of drugs. Maybe you could try one before hand, on a weekend a few hours before bed perhaps to see how you react? That is probably a shocking suggestion and best ignored!

lemons I am so glad that you feel a little brighter. This is a tough time for you. How did you get on at the clinic today?
grin at MrP zapping ov.

sea I am glad that your holiday is helping you feel a bit better about things. That announcement is a toughie. I would be frothing at the mouth having to see FB photos of someone clutching their tummy like you describe. Please tell me there is something resembling a bump to cradle!

mrsd Big yes at the impossibility of nailing down timings when your cycle isn't reliable. I've got the same issues at the moment. If ovulation doesn't disappear again I was trying to work out when test day would be this cysle because MrP has been told that he has to go away for work and it looks likely it might be at this time. He says he will tell them no but I don't want him to do that unless we are absolutely sure that the dates clash & even then I'm not sure. Is it wet of me not wanting to be alone on test/AF date?

Ladies I also wanted to quickly say (so as to to harp on anymore so as you change your minds!) how kind your words were about the neediness thing. Thank you. You are all such a lovely bunch smile

rabbitonthemoon Thu 08-Aug-13 15:21:48

pout woo hoo to a thick line on the way. What day is it - can you still go and collect Colin? You do realise that if Colin does end up being a boy his name is predetermined forever more in your head smile. Bit late to the party but never come across as needy. Hysterically funny and kind yes. There were three bluebottles in the bathroom yesterday and I though t of you, I thought you'd be touched by that thought!

Joycep please know that I am very glad to have you back, it feels like the whole team is bolstered by you being here. We have been in this for a long time together now haven't we?

Euro I think I did read that your clinic doesn't do local anaesthetic which sounds ideal for you, any way of requesting this? I have taken valium once after a traumatic thing and it just took the edge off things and made things still. I didn't feel woozy or anything, but it might have been a low dose. It might be worth seeing if you could have that beforehand whatever happens? I think gin talks lots of sense about going natural and then, if needs be (but I'm hoping not) you could explore trying some drugs. I am pretty worried about how the whole drug malarkey is going to effect me. If only there was another way. I would happily have my baby grown in a lab after donating a bit of saliva for my dna thank you very much.

ginster (not like the sausage roll!!!) I am so so so chuffed for you that you are having a girl and that you are the owner of a bump that makes people give up their seat. That is just ace. It seems like no time at all that you were on here not ever fancying your chances with Dave puking all over his toothbrush! Sorry that there is still thoughts to potentially mental over but broidy things are so common and an extra scan will just help you to know that all continues to be lovely in there. It cheers me no end that you are keeping in touch with us.

lemon step away from the google, it never brings happiness! Not that I can speak. I have a firm rule with myself now that if I am tempted to google, high fsh/trying for more than three years/low amh/ivf success/immune issues or any other doom fodder then I must go directly to pinterest and pin something. It seems to be working fairly well and I haven't broken it for almost three weeks. Go me! My acupuncturist asked, what are you hoping to find? I hear her saying it every time I drown myself in fertility friends. I am glad that you have been doing nice things with SB and that some of the fog is listing just a little. There is no way this can't end up with a baby for you, you make super embryos and respond very well. It is just a shitter that it has to take this long.

sea I am so glad you are having the laughing triumphing misery. I thought your words about tackling things sadly or with a smile on your face were wise and I have been trying to apply the same to myself. What always bamboozles me are period hormones. My tears barrier is removed. And it isn't always because I am sad my period came. I knew it would this month but I still felt tearful over other things. I hope you are still very much in holiday mode.

sweet I know exactly what you mean about pregnancies still stinging, I can picture feeling exactly the same if I ever get there.

I have been tackling the garden a lot this week in angry bursts and have achieved a lot. There is so much veg that we can't eat it all and are giving it away, I find this pleasing. The most abundant crop has been contraceptive laced peas. I cooked them in a griddle pan yesterday in their pods with oil and salt and ate them like edamame. They are clearly the reason that we have not conceived yet.

On Tuesday night after posting on here a horrible thing happened to me and if you eating or don't like gross things then READ NO MORE. I woke up at two in the morning with the most awful pain, beyond period pain I have ever had before and it was pretty much constant, not coming in waves like normal. I was curled up in a ball on the floor waiting for painkillers to kick in when I felt a horrible bearing down feeling and when I went to the loo I passed (sorry!) a huge clot, bigger than a tampon, it was gross! And then the pains stopped instantly. I have never had such a thing happen and am totally freaked out by it. I don't have clotty periods and if I do it is tiny bits. Is this normal for some of you? Do you get awful pains until they come out? What is it?! Maybe it was my phantom broid! I wondered if it could be something left over from last month. I tested with cheapy sticks last month and got on four tests very faint lines but do wonder if they are just shit tests. But, with a two week bleed and a 37 day cycle I really am starting to think that I was a bit pregnant. Do remnants sometimes come out the following month? Sorry for total oversharing. Hare is revolted by the whole thing and I dare not bring it up again! I think if I say but what do you think it was one more time he might actually divorce me. Also, the pains were so bad that I actually broke out in a sweat. Presuming labour is far worse than that I am now more confident than ever that I will be terrible at giving birth. Should that ever be on the cards.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 08-Aug-13 15:41:19

Just found out there has been a birth. It has finally happened. Our baby girl name has been taken. That stings as much as a triple A plus sad

ThatWayMadnessLies Thu 08-Aug-13 16:26:25

Hello all [peeks head round corner and tentatively rejoins thread]

My mini holiday turned into full blown family crisis with A&E visits, surgery, social work, nursing homes and a prolonged stay taking care of elderly relatives so have fallen hopelessly out of the loop. Thankfully we are both ok and everyone is now taken care of but will take me a while to catch up with all of you. We started cycle number 2 today, although no stimming until Monday and then I am back on my mega dose of 300units of menopur. AFC was about 8 compared to 2/3 last time so maybe more positive. Three small cysts but they are happy to continue so we are off and running.

Wanted to say lemon I am so sorry that this wasn't the one and I do hope that you are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel now. This is all so hard.

Oh and welcome back joy! My pessimistic self was imagining all sorts of terrible fates for you and roy so I am pleased to hear that you were just taking a break and working things out.

Have just seen your update rabbit and offering a hand to hold after your announcement.

I will be back for more of a catch up once I have read back properly. Big waves to you all.

sweetgrouch Thu 08-Aug-13 16:37:52

Rabbit - I am so sorry to hear about the birth, big hug. Your clot sounds like my miscarriage experience - except the pain lasted longer while I lost multiple large clots in a row with bleeding lasting over a week. My doctor told me that if it ever happened again I was to go in immediately because some pieces can be left inside, which may be what happened to you?

Pout - It sounds like you're approaching a positive opk!

Euro - I would go with the valium, it should help to relax you. I had a friend who used to need them before dentist appointments. It's good that your clinic is focused on making this next one stick and that natural cycles work well for you.

lemon - Step away from the scary google of doom. I know I am just as guilty of it, but I do find myself much happier when I can resist the urge. You have plenty of frosties, which is very positive.

gin - Impressive that someone offered you a seat! I am not quite there yet.

I need to be more like rabbit and attack my gardens this week. Mr. grouch has been doing a great job bringing in the veg crops but I need to tackle the front walkway. I didn't realize peas were laced with contraceptives - they are my absolute favorite veggie.

sweetgrouch Thu 08-Aug-13 16:41:30

Xpost madness - I am so sorry to hear about the family-related crises and lack of proper holiday time for you.

Poutintrout Thu 08-Aug-13 16:49:44

Yikes rabbit That sounds grim. I get the smallish and pin prick clots every cycle and a few cycles get larger clots. I had a couple of cycles where I felt myself passing something gee this is nice innit! and the clots were about an inch by 2 inches but flat and not solid or anything shaped like a tampon. Also I have never got the bearing down feeling or accompanied massive pains. It is curious and I do wonder whether it could be linked to the positive preg sticks. I would say that my period pain is worse before I pass a clot God it gets grimmer. Sorry Somehow afterwards the flow is heavier & easier, hence no need for the womb to contract I suppose. I am so sorry that you are having this headfuckery, not to mention such God awful period pains.
Oh God at the birth announcement and stealing your name. That would really upset me too. Try and think of it as you will come across a name that you like much better that will be far more suited to your special bundle when it arrives.
The name Colin cannot stick for various reasons not least because it makes me think of that advert "Coliiiiin, tidy your room" grin
Want MrP to come and nuke your bluebottles and cover your bathroom in gaffer tape for you? It can be arranged!
Your veg haul is impressive. I love peas in the pods. I love them in pasta. Do you eat the pea shoots? Tesco used to do them as a salad in a bag though I haven't seen them in ages. Those in a steak sandwich with horseradish was a real treat in this house.
Can I agree with what you said about joycep & her coming back has given the thread a real boost.

madness Hello, we have missed you! It sounds like you have had an awful time of it. I hope that you are okay.
How are you getting on with drugs?

Poutintrout Thu 08-Aug-13 16:51:29

x-posted with sweet
rabbit I think that sweet's advice is spot on and a doctors trip might be a good idea to er on the side of caution.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 08-Aug-13 16:52:16

Thanks sweet I am aghast at how much it hurt more than anything else. I didn't know my body could do that to me!

mad welcome back into the 10 plus camp with open arms. I wondered where you had gone. It sounds as if you have truly been through the mill. Are things a little more settled now? I hope you are able to get a bit of resting time in as his all kicks off. Is August quiet for you work wise? It is brilliant that you have responded so much better than last time. I am thinking insanely positive thoughts on your behalf.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 08-Aug-13 16:58:54

Thanks pout it all seems to have gone fairly back to normal now though it has been all a bit watery and bizarre (again with the grimness!). Thank you for doing similar sharing, these are the things you can never discuss anywhere else! Whatever it was, my body took great displeasure at it being there. I do wonder if I have a stupidly low pain threshold. But then I can hold hot stuff with far more nonchalance than hare so who knows. And this was the most pain I have ever had including broken bones. No doubt i will be scanned imminently. I live in fear of being told there is a huge baby blocking fibroid and my sanity exploding like a puff of smoke in the face of the sonographer.

rabbitonthemoon Thu 08-Aug-13 17:01:09

And yes yes to peashoots. Though they toughen up pretty fast. Bastard pigeons have eaten my kale so the garden now has attractive hanging cds to frighten them. I have turned into my father.

Poutintrout Thu 08-Aug-13 17:03:31

Rabbit here goes again on the GRIM but my period blood is always very loose and watery after passing a large clot. That said I do think a trip to the GP might be prudent.
Don't stress about a baby blocking fibroid. sweet's explanation seems very sensible. Nothing is more insanity inducing than not knowing what the heck is going on smile
I'm sure you don't have a low pain threshold. What you went through with fibroidgate proves that.

joycep Thu 08-Aug-13 17:05:51

Rabbit – excuse my bad language but what the fecking hell? Have you done a test this month and did those faint lines ever disappear? I have heard of people passing large clots after miscarriages. I think things can get trapped inside. So has your period arrived yet? Is it worth you getting a scan of some sort? I’m sorry I’m not much help but it all sounds very distressing for you. Poor poor Rabbit. By the way, did you have an amh test in the end? So sorry about your name pinching. Grrrr. I actually think that we can all name our kids what we like after our adventures, even if our siblings or best friends have pilfered them.
Also thank you for your such generous thoughts. We have been chatting on here for ages now...more than 2 years eeeek!

Pout – it sounds like something is happening with you which is great. I think it’s fine to change brand. I would always recommend the smiley ones as it just gives a clear yay or nay although they are extremely expensive. Somewhere, somebody is laughing in a great big house called Piss Stick Mansion.

Incidentally did anyone see that piss stick sales shot through the roof when Middy announced her pregnancy. Do people suddenly think ‘argh yes, i want a baby too ‘. Very odd!

Sea – i’m pleased you are having a lovely time out there. Keep laughing and don’t let announcements make you cry because don’t you forget it will be your turn one day.

Gin – awwww I’m so so thrilled you are having a little girl. It’s just wonderful news and people are now giving up their seats for you...and so they should! You certainly waited a long time for that to happen. Also fibroids shiboids. Pah! You’ve dealt with so much more , you’re a ten plusser, nothing will phase you now!

Lemon – it doesn’t matter if you have 50 frosties - when you have had miscarriages, failed implantations and you don’t know what you are dealing with , nothing is of much comfort so please don’t apologise for ‘moping’. It’s completely shit but I hope the clinic gives you some reassurance or at least more thoughts on what can be done today.

Euro- you have indeed had an amazing rate of going to blast. Natural and not changing plans seems a good idea.

Mad – welcome back, I was wondering where you had got too. I am so sorry you have had a tough time. Why oh why does everyone go through so much sh*t on here. It seems so unjust. I am hoping this will be your round this time Mad. Best of luck.

Poutintrout Thu 08-Aug-13 17:06:26

You need my dogs to scare away the birds. The pigeons live in fear of them here but strangely the cats just sit on the shed roof silently mocking my mutleys while they go batshit smile

rabbitonthemoon Thu 08-Aug-13 17:24:05

Pout the pigeons are stupid but good at cabbage wrecking. It could just be that to add to the delights of periods I'm now getting whopper clots. Which in turn is insanity inducing you are spot on, it's the NOT KNOWING. A written report on each cycle would be immensely helpful.

Sperm did not reach egg
Egg disintegrated.
Sperm met egg and gave up. And so on.

Joycep it is sad to say I can't remember the point at which we decided to try. It has been so bloody long! I try to justify that 2 years and 9 months is just a drop in the ocean. But who am I kidding. For all of my best friends it's been long enough to make an entire family. But I know for sure it wouldn't have been a royal baby that got me going. I think my biological clock was so loud other people could hear it.

Poutintrout Thu 08-Aug-13 17:42:52

joyI am laughing at piss stick mansion. I nearly fell over at the price of the smiley faced sticks. I am beginning to think that I ought to have invested in some better ones than the ones I bought because I just don't trust them. When I was getting no lines I was looking at the website of the company that makes the brand I bought & I was fantasising about making an effigy of "Marianna" the alleged ex barren "proprietor" who personally tests all her products blah blah and sticking pins in it.
I feel strangely stabby about people starting to TTC just because the Royals were diffed. Hope that still isn't going on because if we all get pregnant soon we won't get a bed on a maternity ward for love nor money.

rabbit You are so right about people completing their families in the time it has taken us lot to achieve the great sum of zero. How depressing.

Poutintrout Thu 08-Aug-13 19:41:41

Can I ask a question about OPKs please? If you get a second line of which a skinny vertical strip of it is as dark as the control line, does that count as a positive or does the whole width of the line have to be totally the same darkness? My second line starts of really dark and then fades to less dark the further towards the end of the stick you look. Normally I would class that as a positive but I really want to get this right esp given the confusion anyway this month.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 08-Aug-13 20:56:16

Welcome back madness. Sorry you've had such a shit time! I really hope this will be The Cycle for you.

Rabbit that sounds very much like miscarriage to me. I would get scanned to check everything is gone. Last year after I passed the sac, there was still some debris left, the clinic let it be for a month, and I passed it the next AF. Clottiness and cramping is something I experience quite regularly, but never as bad as after mc/failed implantation.

The news here is that hcg is back to nothing, and as it was so low, the clinic are not counting it towards a multiple miscarriage situation, yet. There take on it, is that I've just been very unlucky. And as there is little to be done not keen on immunes myself it makes sense to move onto the frosties, after a bit more recovery. I thought the bleed was over and then my body had rabbit sympathies and I curled up for a while and now it is a lot better. I'll be off the internet for a while smile so I am just hoping to come back to some good news!

Joy I am so glad to have you back as well. poutster thanks for the period-sharing. I do love these boards... And it sounds like a positive - but I haven't used OPKs for 2,5 years.

PS everyone warning me of google was right, had a good chat with multiple mc, now multiple adorable kids, friend yesterday, that was a lot better for me!

Ginestas Fri 09-Aug-13 09:12:37

Just a quickie, pout sounds like a positive to me, but do have a look at the pee on a stick website, as I think it has some info about ov sticks. If it's any comfort, I don't think ginster went back in on exactly the right day... I got a positive on the Sat, but futility friend thought I ov'd on the Monday and ginster (who was frozen on day 6) went back in on the Fri.

rabbits and mad sorry about the shitty times you've both been having and good luck with the cycle mad.

Argh gotta go.

Cosmos1 Fri 09-Aug-13 09:39:53

Ah Lemon, hope you're ok. Your friend sounds lovely glad you've got someone in RL who is a good support. Am glad the worst of the bleeding is out of the way. Really hoping it works for you next time.

Pout sorry cant be much help re OPKs I never used them. I do have a CBFM which I have given up using at it gives me the same result every month which if anyone wants by the way let me know and you're welcome to it. Is this the month that you're having Colin put back on a natural cycle, do the clinic wait for you to ring to say you've o'vd? Pout I have definitely never read your posts and thought of you as needy, I was surprised to read that. I worry about whether my posts on here are 'right' or not, or supportive enough of other people. I think that's one of the nice things about this thread is that everyone is genuinely lovely. It's very hard to be 100% there for other people when you're going through something as hard as this (I tell myself!). And yes the thought of people going 'ooh royal baby, yes a baby is a good idea lets just pop one of those out' is very stingy. That some people can choose and control it so much is hard to bear.

Rabbit you poor love that sounds terrifying. I had something similar after my FET round, when I had a low hcg - about 2 weeks after AF I suddenly passed what I momentarily thought must be my liver it was so huge. Then a second one about an hour later. It really scared the life out of me. I think it must be to do with the lining thickening with implantation? I often get clots too, and similar to what you guys have said, that there's a lot of pain and then I pass a big clot then the rest of af comes more normally. That happened this month too, the clot was about 1 inch by 2 inches. If only a doctor could say what was happening but none of the ones I've spoke to seem interested in that kind of thing. Big hugs. And really sorry about the name stealing. Does it really mean you couldn't use it now? My nephew is my favourite boys name and that really stung so I understand.
I loved yr comment by the way that the whole team is bolstered by Joy being here. Are we a team? I like that thought!

Joy sorry about AF it never gets any easier and especially when it feels like this might be the month and then it gets snatched away. You will have your time I'm convinced of it. How are you feeling about starting Ivf again are you feeling ready or not?

Mad oh dear that doesn't sound like much of a holiday. Best of luck for this round.

Gin am thrilled for you that it's a girl and your scan all went well.

Euro and Lemon thanks for the heads up about delayed Af while downregging, it helped with the mentalling as my boobs were killing me this month, but anyway it came nearly 2 days late. Euro thanks for going back and checking your chart for me that was really sweet of you. And very lawyer like! grin Well m'lord, in the case of "Euro vs Downregging" the evidence was thus...... Your blast rate does seem very good, and isn't any natural cycle (am thinking without ivf) only meant to have 20% chance anyway so your numbers must come up soon I'm convinced. I would stick with what you want to do this time.

Sea holiday sounds great. Am thinking of leaving fb, I really hate it these days!

Mrsden don't despair about the lack of frosties. The more stories I read it just seems pot luck whether a cycle works be it fresh or frozen. Don't think of it as starting again, each go is a go, though I suppose some cycles are harder work than others.

Waves to anyone I missed.

I have to say since af has arrived my moods have thankfully gone back to normal. I had a very odd weekend with really sudden mood changes with some very black thoughts about everything. I'm used to getting a bit eyoreish but this was so swift and kind of instantly I'd be thinking it was all futile, and even that my marriage was doomed. Doing exercise definitely helped I think and now I've had AF I feel much more sane. I've had some changes at work this week too which has made me feel so relieved! I hate being responsible for loads of things on my own, being in a team is so much better. Like Rabbit said. Go team.

rabbitonthemoon Fri 09-Aug-13 09:47:31

Pout I reckon that's a positive. Did you do another?

Lemon I think you have been unlucky. There is a lot of evidence to say fet can be better in some ways isn't there? And think of lovely gin.

Is it just me that felt total empathy with the panda who might be pregnant? I feel like I have more in common with that panda than any of my friends!

rabbitonthemoon Fri 09-Aug-13 09:53:53

Cosmos gosh I feel sorry that anyone has to regularly have that happen. Shudder at liver - that is exactly what it was like bleughhh! Men have it easy in this respect!

Yes we are a team smile it is so helpful to me to know that any ten plusser will always understand how I feel, even if they've ended up with ten babies - they will know and say the right things. Glad your mood has lifted, are you stimming now? I still have no idea how ivf works in terms of day to day process. I guess that will shortly change!

joycep Fri 09-Aug-13 11:58:00

Pout - eek I am really sorry I can't help on opk lines, I could never get to grips with them. Was it darker last night? -any news on it this morning?

Lemon - I hope you have a good break off Internet. It seems sensible to go for the frosties when you are ready and one will definitely take.

Cos - I am so pleased you feel better now down ragging is over. Dark moods are awful and very odd that they can happen so quickly. Hormones are so weird. Sorry about the punchy boobs too , it makes life very unconfortable.
I have begn to get pretty nervous about ivf again. I am not afraid of the injections, I am scared that things will have gone down hill again since last time. Will I have any eggs etc. the thought of the 2 week wait as well.

rabbitonthemoon Fri 09-Aug-13 12:10:59

Big hug joycep. The poo thing is, no matter how things have been in the past we are compelled to think that things could have got worse, probably because of the passing of time and generally because we have had weathered a lot of storms most people never have to face. But, you just don't know. There is every much a chance that things could be better. You are incredibly strong and a fighter, believe me when I say this. You will get your baby.

Cosmos1 Fri 09-Aug-13 13:14:09

Rabbit I was beginning to feel empathy with the panda until I heard they think she is pg - even bloody pandas can do it! Grrr!! grin. How are you feeling now after what happened last month has it given you any more hope you're getting there? I'm doing a medicated FET so need to go for scan on tues and then start taking progynova (sp?) which is an hrt drug to thicken the lining. Transfer will prob be end of the month.

Joy I agree with Rabbit there is every chance things could be better. How is the diet going, I bet that will have helped. And every cycle is just different anyway. I almost think the way lemon had it was best, just to know as little of the detail of numbers, fertilisation rates, gradings etc etc as possible. But I'm not surprised you're nervous you had a shocking experience last time. But you were so close and you will get there!

Poutintrout Fri 09-Aug-13 13:22:20

Thanks ladies for your input over the OPK. I am melting down over it and so bloody cross with myself for not buying the smiley faces. I went totally postal with MrP last night (not really deserved at all) because he kept saying that it is only half the colour of the control and the strip of dark doesn't count. Then he kept harping on about not keeping looking at it because it is past the 10 minute mark and how we probably ought to abandon the cycle because my "ovulation is all messed up anyway". What really made me want to rip his head off though was his helpful suggestion of reading the instructions for me (because obviously I don't understand how an OPK works after all these months of using them) hmm Cosmos I am with you right now on the hormonal questioning my marriage grin
Anyway I still don't know what I am going to do beyond pissing on another stick at 2pm but need to call the hospital & clinic at some point today with some conclusion. gin Peeonatick has changed their website and I can't see all the usual helpful stuff. And breathe....

lemons I am sorry that you had a resurgence of pain, hopefully you are now over the worst of the ouchiness. Were you reassured by the clinic at all?

rabbit how are you feeling today?

joy I think rabbit is right about the fear being natural. I think it is part self protection and (for me anyway) partly the thought that if this whole shitty situation can happen to me then anything can. I'm sure that you will be fine and you are so strong. I'm reasonably sure that fertility and egg production (what a crappy word but can't think of a better one) can't suddenly drop off a cliff in a matter of months.

cosmos I'm glad that your period arrived and that your mood has lifted somewhat. Hormonal driven fugs are horrible. I laughed at euro's legal approach to your situation grin
I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said about worrying over whether your posts on here are "right". I think that is how I feel sometimes probably because when things are written down the subtleties can get lost in translation. Also our posts are such a snapshot that you can't possibly put entirely into their context (or provide loads of personal details to make it all seem clearer).

rabbit that bloody panda made me want to cry this morning & made me feel even more ovulatory challenged!!!

joycep Fri 09-Aug-13 16:16:58

Awwww Tian Tian the panda. I feel for her. She is really grumpy apparently but with everyone staring and wondering about her diffedness, I am not surprised. Pandas aren't that fertile are they? But they seem a lot more fertile than me!

Pout - how really stressful. What news at 2pm? Our usually lovely men can be totally useless and hopeless cant they. I am sorry to hear mrp wasn't being helpful. I can't believe this has been so complicated for you this month.

Cos - diet has been going okay but things have started slipping a bit. Weight is creeping up after gastrogate. And I polished off a bottle of bubbly last weekend. Diet cokes here and there and crisps. It is so hard to keep up! How many frosties do you have waiting for you? Will you put 2 back?

Rabbit - you've hit nail on head as per usual. Passing of time in my head must mean things have got worse. But worse doesn't mean negative outcome I guess. Hypno woman says to me that perhaps we have had all the bad luck we are going to have. I must not think about things too much because I know it causes anxiety!

I was specifically told that the egg numbers wouldn't suddenly fall off a cliff and I must try and get that demon out of my head saying "but it's you joy, your body goes against the stats".

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend

Poutintrout Fri 09-Aug-13 16:27:01

Joy I like your hypno's idea that you've had all your bad luck. Lets run with that idea. I know what you mean about your body going against the stats. I don't think that per se just that if the law of sod is going to strike then it will hit me squarely round the chops every time! A little of what you fancy does you good. Enjoy the little treats of bubbly, just be good some of the time smile I ought to take my own advice!

Faintish line at 2pm. I will try again tonight at my usual time and then call it quits I think. I do think that the questionable line of last night was a positive but was just too afraid, given the stakes I'm playing for, to call it (not helped By MrP dithering). Like I said before, any other month I would have judged it to be the surge. I will call the hosp and clinic on Monday to call it off and get the digi smiley sticks for next time. I feel so low about it though (not least because I was the blithering idiot who, for some inexplicable reason, thought that I would get by on dodgy Amazon bought OPKs that weren't even clear last cycle. What the hell was I thinking? Someone please slap me for being a stupid bitch) and really want to have a scream and a little cry!

eurochick Fri 09-Aug-13 17:34:12

pout I'm sorry the pish sticks have been messing you about. I reckon that was your surge. I've never used those opks, but I've read several posts saying that the line never gets as dark as the control.

rabbit I saw the panda story on the news this morning and had a swear at the telly about even pandas being more fertile than I am. Geee.

joy when are you going again? I feel quite calm about this cycle. I'm not sure if it's the hypno or that I am just used to it now. I had my second scan this morning, next one on Monday. EC probably late next week!

No problem cosmos! I love the legal analogy. Unfortunately, downregging won that one!

I've had liver-like clots as well, and I always get bad cramps before they pass. Acu seems to have made everything a lot more liquid down there. hmm

lemons enjoy your internet break. Your lovely frosties will be waiting for you when you are ready.

I've missed loads of people, but I am way behind on my work, so that will have to do for now!

eurochick Fri 09-Aug-13 17:50:06

One thing I should say - as we are now committed to natural for this cycle, I have two Gonal F pens (one 300, one 900) all sealed and refrigerated going free. They go out of date at the end of September. If any 10+er can use them, they can have them. I'm happy to meet in London for an in person handover. If anyone outside london wants then, they will have to figure out a refrigerated courier (will still be cheaper than buying the pens).

sarlat Fri 09-Aug-13 18:32:04

Hi ladies

I have been desperately trying to read and catch up this week. Since my very recent extra work responsabilities kicked in I am working longer hours and I have also been really ill with sickness and nausea again. Plus today dh had a medical emergency. He is ok and I am waiting for him to come home from hospital now with a kind friend.

So all in all I just want to say sorry for not posting, but I am aware of the recent unpleasantries and stressers. Rabbit - very big tight hug to you. Pout, cosmos, euro, lemon sorry for all the ongoing cycle rubbish.

Gin - delighted to hear your scan was ok, willing chat very soon about those niggles with the blood flow and broid, I am quite emotional that you are expecting a daughter. Absolutely bloody fantastic.

My 21 week scan was all fine, did not find out the gender.

Sorry to be so vague and rushed. Am thinking of you all. Got to dash. Xxx

joycep Fri 09-Aug-13 19:51:23

Euro - cant believe you are going again and so quickly. Crumbs! I think you perhaps get used to it and perhaps the hypno is taking the edge off a bit. The Argy like hormone levels to be right so touch wood all being well I crack on in about 3weeks. I just rock up when my period comes. I think I will pop in there next week to check that I don't need to get a few things tested before my period. I feel slightly sick at the thought.

Pout - I am so sorry about this nightmare. Please don't beat yourself up. Perhaps it is suppose to be next month for a reason. Those flipping sticks are a nightmare. I feel your frustration though, it is all just Sod's law.

Sar - wonderful that 20wk scan was fine. It is all going so quickly.

Looking forward to hearing some news from Art....

Buzzybee123 Fri 09-Aug-13 21:25:38

pout big hugs, in my many years of poas for various reasons hmm I have never found the second line to be as dark or as thick as the control line, whether it be an internet cheapy or a clearblue

euro fingers crossed for this cycle, it does seem to have come round so quickly, although considering AF arrived early

sar great news about your scan smile

mad I am so sorry about the family problems, fingers crossed for cycle 2 smile

rabbit I agree that a scan would be good to make sure that there is nothing left, I don't want to scare you but sometimes left over product can cause infections, sorry about the name stealing too angry

cosmos I found downregging hard, it made me feel strange and very low in mood, but onwards and upwards with this cycle smile

joy I agree with pout your levels don't just drop off so you will be fine, 3 weeks before you go again, I can imagine you feel anxious about it all, sounds like the hypno is going well. Have you made a decision about IVIG and intralipids

lemon a break is good smile

Well it doesn't look like the position in Shropshire will be made permanent, not much happening in the mining industry, but they will extend the contract by a couple of months, its a bit worrying but we will have to see what happens. I had a private scan yesterday and all was well at 15w3d

I have to say I raised an eyebrow at the fact that the Panda refused a scan hmm

eurochick Sat 10-Aug-13 09:45:09

Yes, only a 3 week gap between cycles! It does seem to have come round quickly.

sar I hope your husband is ok. Sorry that the MS has caught you again. But that's great news about the good scan.

Cosmos1 Sat 10-Aug-13 13:21:30

Pout you poor love that would be blowing my head off too. Can the clinic advise? I can't believe they just leave you to it, seems a bit lax but then I'm used to maximum medications I suppose. Still even if you end up waiting a month, it'll soon be here. With the CBFM you get different readings of 'normal', 'high', then 'peak' so there is a bit of reassurance when you get a 'high' that ov is happening but not quite there yet. You're very brave to even attempt input from your DH on the sticks! Absolutely no chance of a sensible answer from mine on that question! And you're right about posts and meanings - I often post something then afterwards think oh no hope they didn't think I meant such and such!

Euro EC late next week you say, gosh that does seem quick. Feeling calm is a good thing. I think there is something in knowing what to expect that's helpful. Are you drinking lots of milk to help fatten your egg?

Joy even some small diet changes may help, and I know what you mean I can never stick to eating plans 100%, a bit of champagne and diet coke is good for the soul isn't it?! I still can't get over one particular person in my life who eats such crap and still managed it, not fair. Are you taking supplements as part of the diet? I find those the easiest bit to stick with! Though I have kept up the gluten free. When we were on holiday a couple of months ago I had to have some on several days and the stomach pain afterwards was ridiculous. Yes well put 2 back if they defrost ok. We have 4 left, which they said were the 'minimum' quality for freezing but I'm trying not to think about all that. I keep repeating to myself embryos are embryos and some make it and some don't.

Sar sorry about DH, this stress doesn't stop does it. Really glad everything still looking great at your scan. Same for you Buzzy.

joycep Sat 10-Aug-13 18:40:28

Pout - any news?

Cos - did you get stomach pain after eating gluten? Apparently there is a link between gluten and unexplained infertility. I am gluten free apart from the odd slip and I feel better for it but clearly isnt the cause! And ball sacks to the ''minimum' quality. Plenty of excellent quAlity fail and plenty at the other end succeed . I reckon it is just a matter of hanging on and waiting to see. Managing expectations etc. they have every chance of succeeding.
I am loads of supplements egg quality , luteal phase stuff , omega 3 oil - will it all pay off, will have to wait.

Well I was happy as larry today until at a big lunch one of my parent's friend said in front of everyone "so joy it is up to you produce the grand children for your parents. Why are women leaving it so late to have kids these days?" It was all horribly awkward. I then had to drive another of my mother's friend home and she said "your mother has told me what has been going on so I hope that didn't upset you too much". So awkward as I had no idea this woman knew. Kind of wished the other woman knew actually.
You know when you think you are dealing with things really well and all it takes is one comment and it just exposes this massive wound - you realise just how much it affects you beneath the surface. Dropped the woman off and just cried all the way home . What a baby. It is no wonder that infertility makes people withdraw from life when you have to face questions like this.

Cosmos1 Sat 10-Aug-13 21:14:02

Oh Joy what a stupid lady. I just don't get how its possible to be so insensitive and naive after the age of about 25. I really hope you're ok. It must mean that from this other woman's point of view, from all she knows of you there's no reason in the world to think you won't be popping them out whenever you choose. And you've been coping with it so brilliantly lately how dare she open up old wounds. I too feel like my skin is made of tissue paper covering the most gigantic hole, it's so easy to be placed right back in the tent again. She's probably just miserable about something in her own life. Jealous about what an ace daughter her friend has? Xxx

sarlat Sun 11-Aug-13 08:55:38

Pout - oh honey, what a stressfull time you are having with the ov sticks. I have been in your very shoes waiting for fet. It does feel like an enormous responsibility. I used the smiley face sticks and still got confuzzled. I was given a scan the day I thought I hadnt yet ovulated which proved I had about 24 hours previously. But getting the timming right is so important. Where are things up to now? Would you be happy to wait another month? Oh, I am sorry, it is soooo frustrating.

Cosmos - I am glad downregging is ticking along and you are feeling abit better. Do not give embryo quality another thought. If they made it to freeze they are more than good enough. And because they froze so many that proves again that they werent struggling to choose. Hang in there and well done on the diet side but I agree the odd cheeky coke or whatever is not going to be a problem. You have great chances cos.

Rabbit - oh my word, you poor thing. I have to say your experience sounds a lot like my miscarriage. And what you passed sounds 6 weeks + if it were a mc. And pregnancies of that stage do need scanning sweetheart. I can imagine that without being sure of exactly what has happened it is hard to know how to proceed. But you are entitled to ask for whatever testing you feel you might need. How far away from cycling are you? How are you feeling now?

Euro - I cant believe you are stimmimg again, that's great news. And natural again which sounds like the right choice. Your blast and implantation rate is excellent. It sounds like the only thing standing in your way is waiting for the golden embryo in an exactly the same way a couple do who get a successful pregnancy after month 3, 6 or 12 do.I feel really good about your chances. So what was that early bleed? Was it just a random querky month do you think?

Madness - goodness me, it never rains ay? I am sorry you have extra family stress to deal with too. I am thinking of you and hope things settle down very soon.

Lemon - I hope you are feeling a little better. Make sure you have some fun time out before jumping back on the bandwagon.

Buzz - I am sorry the job wont become permanent. I am delighted that all was well at your recent scan. You will ge bringing your baby home buzz.

Joy - you must keep believing this will happen, because it does all the time and can for you. You have been through such enourmous trauma you are bound to feel nervous and protective. But your hypno and dietry changes are all brilliant things to do. I do believe good food and supplements can impact on egg quality in exactly the same way that diet impacts on other parts of our health such as heart and artery condition or bowel movements. Keep going. The lady at you mums house gets the two finger salute and a big slap accross the chops from me. What a rude, horrible and presumptuous woman. Were you tempted to tell her you had already lost 3 babies to shut the old bag up. Although I know being on the spot means feelings of vulnerability overcome power of words. Grrrrr. Im sorry your mum had told people but im also sorry you were spoken to like this. Keep looking and moving forward dearest joy.

Den - hope all is ok with you, x

Well after a hectic weekend, dh seems ok but needs rest. He should be ok, needs more tests. but gave us a scare. My pregnacy is going well, bubs lives on one side of the womb and kicks a lot. But I am still struggling with some symptoms. But thats ok. Thanks for the kind wishes about dh.

eurochick Sun 11-Aug-13 09:16:39

cosmos I'm lactose intolerant so haven't had anything milky in about 15 years! I'm only growing one egg, so I don't think any of that stuff matters. I try to eat healthily anyway - plenty of lean protein and fruit and veg.

joy what an insensitive woman! I'm stunned that people just don't think before they speak sometimes.

sar the early bleed coincided with me going wheat free. The same thing happened in November when I was off wheat for a month. Both times the bleeds came around implantation time: 7-9 dpo. This hasn't happened at any other time in almost 3 years of trying. I was chatting to some folks on another thread and someone had just been diagnosed with coeliac disease. I had a read up and I do have a few of the red flags - IBS, lactose intolerance, low iron levels, unexplained infertility, miscarriage. So we are going ahead with this round as planned, with me wheat free, and if it doesn't work out I will eat wheat again for a while so I can be tested for CD.

rabbit that does sound a lot like an mc. How are you now?

buzz that's a shame about the job, but I was so pleased to read about the good scan. You are a good way past the main danger zone now.

pout I only ever tried the OPKs with lines once. I got myself in such a tizz about which line was darker, I stuck with the spenny smiley face ones the other times I used them and always got one or two clear days of smileys.

rumisyum Sun 11-Aug-13 17:58:23

Hello ladies.

I was once briefly a member of your wonderfully supportive group ages ago (thread 10, I think) before I disappeared from mumsnet in one of my (usually depressive and highly expletive-ridden) strops with All Things TTC. I'm sure that behaviour has aptly rid me of my right to be a card-carrying member of the 10+ club. But, I just wanted to pop on and wish a massive CONGRATULATIONS to the very many successful pregnancies that have happened in that year or so. Talk about cheering and hopeful news!

And for those of us who are not pregnant yet, the best of luck as we keep on trucking. (Or fucking, or whatever it takes.) Here's hoping we all get there in the end.

Best wishes to everyone.

CritterPants Mon 12-Aug-13 02:13:49

Hi all - and rum, I remember you!

joy what a bloody stupid cow. angry People can be real pompous idiots. Grrrr it's an unbelievably rude thing to say to anybody, even if she didn't know your circumstances. Argh, I am so sorry hon.

sar sorry you're still feeling sick, but glad everything is ok with your little one.

pout I am sorry you've had such a confusing and frustrating time with the ov sticks and especially in the unbelievably stressful run up to the transfer. I am rooting for you and Colin.

cosmos they only freeze top notch embies these days so yours will have an excellent chance. Keeping everything crossed for you, try to do some nice and relaxing things in this build up, it's really anxious-making and stressful.

euro My cousin who tried for years to have a baby got diagnosed with CD and then became pregnant shortly after. Sorry, I know it's anecdotal, and sometimes worry about diet can be just an extra layer of stress. But if there is something that isn't sitting right with you, it's worth a try.

rabbit a big hug, I'm so sorry about the mc, that sounded horrific and incredibly unfair given everything you've had to deal with.

Well I have a story about a pal of mine here who's been TTC about a year. Her lovely DH is from the deep south bible belt and his mum and stepdad just visited for a few days. The day before they left, his parents asked if the family could all pray together. So they all held hands and my friend's MIL started to pray for them to be fruitful and multiply, and step FIL (who'd apparently said almost nothing all weekend) suddenly placed his hands on my friend's head and started intoning solemnly: 'Open the Womb! Open the Womb!' shock My friend and her DH were mortified. I thought I had it rough with my in-laws!

akuabadoll Mon 12-Aug-13 07:29:59

hey critter surprise surprise he wasn't cupping the husbands dick saying 'Sort it out penis, Sort it out' grin

Hi rum I remember you and I'm still wearing my war paint for you and all the other TTCers here. Extra special support to new arounds of IVF starting, horrid clots and pain, ov stick confusion and all the shit this throws at us.

I'm in the final stages of giving up a Middle Eastern life for now and moving to South East Asia within 10 days or so. I'm still following you all though and think of you often. x

mrsden Mon 12-Aug-13 11:34:47

doll I'm intrigued to know where your next home will be! Will you be giving birth there? How does little doll feel about the news (and impending big brotherhood?) When are you due?

rum sorry you haven't hit the jackpot yet

euro I also can't believe you're going again so soon. I guess that's the beauty of natural. Best of luck. I agree with the others that it's probably just been bad luck up to now. Being able to make embryos is such a good start.

joy that woman sounds awful. I'm so sorry she upset you. Some people are so insensitive, at least the woman who drove you home realised that it might have hurt. I can forgive young people who say silly things, I was probably guilty of it at some point. But people with life experience have no excuse. I know what you mean about being able to feel ok and superficially happy and then something reminds you and there is a big bubble of sadness underneath.

pout I'm sorry that ovulation has messed you about. I've never used OPKs, they always seem unreliable to me. I know I'd never trust it.

Af has arrived today. One closer step to ivf I suppose, just a september af to go and then I'll start when the October one arrives. I wish I could work out an exact date for it. I think I'm going to book off the week of ec and et because I could do without stress work on top. I just hope work will let me book it off last minute.

eurochick Mon 12-Aug-13 12:02:08

Hi rum. How are you doing?

doll! How exciting. Life is about to change in oh so many ways for you. Good luck with the move.

critter how absolutely mortifying. And doll is absolutely right - it's all about the woman of course. Tsk.

That's interesting about the CD. I really hope I haven't got it as it's a massive pain in the backside, but it would be great to have an answer. I'll be hugely peed off though, if it turns out that that is out problem and I can get pg naturally. I went to the GP about feeling out of sorts 6 and a half fecking years ago and they ran loads of tests but not that one. They came up with low iron stores but nothing else, and the levels weren't really low enough to explain how tired I was feeling. Hmmm.

mrsd your next round is coming around pretty quickly then.

mrsden Mon 12-Aug-13 12:07:37

CD is pretty hard to diagnose and doctors often fob people off saying they have a touch of IBS. A relative of mine has it quite severely and it took a long time to be diagnosed even though she was very, very poorly. Even now if she has a tiny amount of gluten she is ill for several days afterwards so has to be very careful with her diet. I'd never heard of the link with infertility.

Poutintrout Mon 12-Aug-13 12:49:30

joy so sorry at that stupid woman's comments. Nevermind it being a thoughtless & tactless comment but what the hell business is it of hers anyway whether you 'provide your parents with grandchildren'. You are so right about ticking along kind of okay with all this and then something (or somebody) throwing you right off track. It is no wonder us barrens withdraw from the world. I know that I have.
Kind of related I tortured myself by watching a bit of MTV's Teenage Moms yesterday. That made me very depressed and was really not a good idea, definitely like picking a scab!

sar I am sorry that you are feeling rough again and so sorry that MrS has been so unwell. I hope that he is on the mend.

critter I nearly choked reading your story about your friend. Why is it always the assumption that it is the woman. Way to make someone feel utterly shit.

doll Oh goodness, 10 days until the move. Exciting and stressful in equal measures I would guess. Are you all ready for the offski?

rum Hello, it's so nice that you have popped back. Hope that you are okay.

cosmos How are you getting on? I don't know about you but I found sarlat's comments about egg quality and freezing very comforting.

euro The CD is interesting. I have read about the link before and did wonder whether that could be my issue. I just don't think that I would have the willpower or culinary repertoire for that matter to cut out gluten. It is such a biggie to eliminate. It is interesting also what you said about going to the doctor complaining of just feeling out of sorts. I did the exact same thing at the same time as my IVF referral and they ran loads of blood tests too that all came back normal bar one (the ESR which had righted itself when it was repeated). The Gluten test was not done. How do you feel in yourself now? I still feel like I've been run down by a lorry most days and do intend on following that up when the IVF is over. Maybe I have got that all the wrong way round though and ought to have done something before.

Mrsd So it's really not long now for you till you can start with your IVF. The time will fly by.

Well I have officially cancelled this FET cycle. I called this morning & was told that there was no problem with deferring it to my next cycle. I feel alot better about it all today. I admit that I was a total bitch all weekend and wouldn't blame MrP if he decided to not come home after work today grin I just felt such a rage mixed with being really depressed. Quite a lethal combination! Actually it all felt rather hormonal like a big hormonal soup so I wonder if my cycle was just messed up this month. AND the patchy EWCM continues. What the hell?!

eurochick Mon 12-Aug-13 13:22:47

pout I am tired most of the time. Not sleepy tired with heavy eyelids but just knackered. I often come into work using the same phrase that you just used - that I feel like I have been hit by a lorry, I have been this way for years. I have trouble waking up and really struggle in the mornings. I have trouble concentrating (not ideal in my line of work). I feel a little more alert when I am off the wheat, and my IBS symptoms disappear.

I'm sorry your odd cycle is continuing. Let's hope it is all a bit clearer next time!

I had my third scan this morning. Everything is growing nicely (but slowly). Next scan is on Wednesday. EC probably Friday/Saturday according to the clinic, but I reckon it could go a day or two later as I have been laying a bit later since the mc.

Poutintrout Mon 12-Aug-13 13:49:38

euro yes to the fact that you have felt this way for years. I have always made excuses for it like having a stressful job & then being unhappy with various things and maybe being a bit depressed to just feeling like I must just be a flake. I think that it was only MrP saying that it isn't right and he is worried about it that I have begun to realise that it isn't normal. I think also that when something goes on for so long that you begin to normalise it and stop noticing that other people don't feel the same. It is interesting that you use the same phrase too & it isn't necessarily about feeling sleepy tired. I'm never really off the wheat, pasta and bread are staples in this house but is interesting that you notice a difference when you lay off the wheat. Out of interest, do you get the massive slump about an hour after you eat lunch?

EC is so close for you. I can't believe how quickly it has come around. Hurrah that all is looking good and growing nicely smile

eurochick Mon 12-Aug-13 14:23:32

Yes, I do get that slump. I think that's quite common though - blood rushes to the stomach to aid digestion.

I only began to think something wasn't right 6 years ago when I was on garden leave between jobs. I had always put my tiredness down to my job (which was stressful, with long hours, etc) but I was sleeping in every morning and still felt like crap, so I went to see the GP. they ran loads of tests and were getting down to the pretty off the wall stuf (the next thing on the list was a chest x-ray for TB...) when a locum noticed that my iron levels were a bit on the low side although I was not anaemic. I took iron supplements and put it down to that, but I have been on them fo 6 years now and I still don't feel "right".

joycep Mon 12-Aug-13 16:21:01

Pout – i am so sorry this cycle is a bust and i’m sorry it has had such a downer on the mood. Not surprising really. It really isn’t what you need but I’m glad you feel slightly better now. Now best to ignore ovulation this month and put it out of your mind. What a frigging nightmare though.

Euro/Pout – i really am shocked that you both haven’t been feeling ‘right’ for so many years. That is just awful. Lack of iron is always the most common culprit as is lack of vitamin D but these tend to be the first things that are tested. Some people who have CD don’t have some of the big tell tale symptoms and can go around in a fog for years before they find out what is wrong. It does certainly sound like you both need to get gluten intolerances tested. Or if that doesn’t bring anything up perhaps a test for candida overgrowth which again you don’t necessarily have to have thrush to have this awful problem. Pout – do you have wheat based foods for lunch? Things like pasta and bread are notorious for creating that slump. I feel very lethargic if i have a sandwich. I now have gluten free pita breads. Goodness, sorry for the rambling, i watch far too much Food Hospital!

Euro – glad things are growing. Slow is good.
Sar – sorry to hear about MrSar. It sounds like things have been very worrying. I am glad he is going to be alright though.

Mrsd – it’s annoying not being able to work out an exact date isn’t it. i haven’t got a clue when to book my week off.

Doll – wow you are moving. How far along are you now?

Critter – oh my at the humiliation of your poor mate! Gees. I was at the wedding of my cousin about 5 years ago and the church service was all a bit geared towards her fertility and let them have kids etc. She was 42 so it was quite a big thing but I remember thinking it was all quite personal and embarrassing. She ended up having 2 kids in quick succession though – the power of prayer!

I knew you ladies would understand about what that woman said. The thing is she is lovely, a lot of fun But wow that really hit a nerve. She is a new grandmother and loves it and so she was going on about that as well and it just made me feel like complete crap . Her comment also weirdly made me feel ashamed and i think that’s partly why i hate going off to events these days or seeing various people in case they mention things. I do feel ashamed, embarrassed that I am still not pregnant.

Poutintrout Mon 12-Aug-13 17:21:04

euro I feel strangely comforted that you feel the same way I do! The trouble is you can almost feel the GP tune out when you start talking in vague terms of feeling tired, run down and reeling off general aches and pains and seemingly other unrelated things. They seem more geared towards conversations of "look, my arm is falling off". What with all the TTC stuff I just can't face another battle with a GP to get listened to. Also I was a bit frightened of pushing it & potentially flagging anything that might have scuppered my IVF treatment.

joy Yes, I always have a sandwich when I have lunch. I will have a look for the gluten free pittas.
Oh no at the wedding ceremony/fertility ritual! Amen at the power of prayer grin I went to a weird wedding once where the minister kept going on about how God didn't sanction the union of Adam and Steve. I was so shocked.
I'm not surprised that your mum's friend hit a nerve. Being in love with Grandmotherhood is all very well but her comment was so thoughtless and is no excuse for her to have the social skills of a ferret. I am so sorry that you felt a sense of shame and embarrassment. I can identify with those those emotions about the infertility that and the sense that people thought I was freaky before and now they have the proof grin

Poutintrout Mon 12-Aug-13 17:22:37

Wow, that last bit was garbled!

eurochick Mon 12-Aug-13 19:07:12

joy there's a programme called "Food Hospital"? Brilliant. I must track that down.

I hate that people feel ashamed about this stuff. It's really not shameful. One of the reasons I talk about my own experiences quite openly is to try to demystify it and destigmatise it. I am on a one woman mission!

Two kids after 42? There is hope for us yet.

pout I'm not sure that I wouldn't have walked out of that sermon. How awful to use someone's wedding to preach that crap!

I completely agree with you about GPs. They are great for infections and obvious things like that. Anything complex with vague symptoms just tends to get overlooked. I might be completely barking up the wrong tree with the CD thing, but at least it should be checked out.

rumisyum Mon 12-Aug-13 22:02:24

I marvel at your amazing memories!

Bloody hell, critter! I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry in that situation, I don't think. And I agree with doll, some penile exorcism was surely warranted as well!

doll your big upcoming life changes sound amazing! I hope it's all exciting and wonderful and goes well.

euro is this your 3rd IVF? (I may have been lurking a little.) Good luck! Growing slowly but surely sounds ace. We have our IVF clinic open day shindig this week, so finally feel a little less in limbo and as if something is gearing up to happen soon. (I think this clinic gets on with things quick sharp once you've been seen.) Which is a much better place to be in than the last 2 or so years have been!

Sorry to hear about this cycle, pout. At least postponing the FET means wine?

Re feeling crap and tired all the time, I bought Gwyneth Paltrow's latest cookbook (I know, I know) a few months ago in my bid to turn my body into some sort of temple pre-IVF hmm but was really pleasantly surprised by how great I felt with mostly cutting out gluten, dairy and processed sugar. I'm not uber-strict about it, cause I can't be arsed to make a fuss about dietary issues when dining out or at friends' places, and green breakfast smoothies just won't cut it some days, but changing how I cooked most days for myself at home made a big difference & I hadn't even noticed that I was particularly tired, at least more than I thought was just due to ageing and work and life in general. And I was a pretty "healthy" eater before. Also, and I have no idea if this is due to diet, or acupuncture, or yoga, or just random chance, but my levels of EWCM have been soaring in that time as well. (5 days this month! Haven't seen that kind of action in my pants since I was a horny teenager.) Anyway, it's not like I've then magically diffed or anything, but I feel better about going for treatment having tried it.

Ahem. I'll stop crashing your thread now. smile

eurochick Tue 13-Aug-13 10:23:31

Hi rum. You're not crashing. You're just an irregular member!

It will be my third. I did the first in January, so I am motoring through them. We'll have a bit of a break after this one, if it doesn't work.

That's interesting about Gwynnie's cookbook. I wonder why how she manages to look so weak and listless if it has that effect on you!

seaviewasia Tue 13-Aug-13 12:36:34

Hi ten plussers. I am back from hols and feeling much better. Here’s an attempt at catching up…

Lemons – How are you feeling? A break is good. Hugs to you and Mr Lemons.

Sar – Hope DH is recovering and you are not feeling so sick anymore. Week 21 already. Wow wow!

Buzzy – Happy to read you are at 15 wks already and that all is well.

Euro – I can’t believe you are about to go again. It’s been v quick. Fingers crossed this is the one for you. Sorry to read that you have not been feeling “right” for so long. I agree with you that it’s nothing to feel ashamed about (but it’s hard not to feel it even if rationally I know it’s not my fault etc). I recently decided to be more open about needing ivf and told a few people that I am good friends with. I have to say it wasn’t easy. They reacted like most people who don’t know much about ivf. I am not sure I will be doing it again soon. grin re your comment about G Paltrow.

Pout – Re feeling like you have been “hit by a bus”. Not sure if you are a believer in Chinese meds. They believe that feeling tired all the time could be some kind of low-grade chronic fatigue. Chinese believe that what you eat and your environment can have a very real effect on your health. “Dampness” can make you feel tired and foods that contain gluten (pasta, bread) and sugar can make things worst. Candida, eczema, hayfever etc are all signs of “damp”. Interestingly in the extreme and over a sustained period it can lead to they call “ blood stagnation” and one of the symptoms is large blood clots in your period. I have been using Chinese meds for 15 years and for me I think there is something in it.

Cosmos – Sorry to hear about black moods. This is a tough journey and our hormones are all over the place. I was in the same place not so long ago. I have to say holiday helped.

Mad – So so sorry to hear about your drama. I hope you are okay. Last thing you need when you are going through IVF. Fingers crossed this is the one.

Rabbit – Sorry about the painful clots. I think it’s really worth getting it seen to as others have said especially as you suspect it was a chemical pregnancy. See above re clotty periods generally. I used to suffer from them – huge clots means "blood stagnation" and little ones mean you are “cold” and body need warming up (according to the chinese anyway). The best (meaning easy to read and understand) book I have read on this is Emma Cannon’s Baby Making Bible. I should say I got my period stuff looked into way before TTC and wasn’t related to fertility at all. You are right that conventional medicine isn't at all interested in periods and how they are. The chinese however are v interested and believe the state of one's period shows a lot about the woman's health. I used to spend a good 15 minutes describing the consistency, colour etc of period to my chinese doc. Interestingly the chinese also believe periods shouldn't hurt.

Joy - So sorry you had to deal with silly insensitive woman. I feel the same about feeling okay on surface and something small bring the deep wound back up. It definitely makes you withdraw from people. Have you been to the Argy yet to see if they need you to test for anything else before going again?

Critter – hope you are feeling well. grin and disbelieve at the bible bashers!

Doll – How far along are you? Good luck with the move. Sounds exciting.

MrsD – I think taking time off is sensible. You just don’t need the added stress. I am with you about knowing exact dates. It’s so difficult to plan anything with IVF.

Hope gin, sweet and art are all doing well. Waves to you all. Welcome back rum

AFM, holiday has brought a smile back on my face. 2nd injection of Humira tomorrow and only 1 and a half weeks to go before I finish my 3 months worth of antibiotics for the latent TB. I am taking loads of supplements and hoping it will bring down these pesky little Cytokines so I can do a cycle this year. Other than that I am trying hard to retain the positivity my sunny beach holiday gave me.

Absy Tue 13-Aug-13 13:09:12

Hey everyone - apologies but I'm very bad at remembering to post on chatty long running threads.

I've now looked into stuff further (when I first came on someone suggested going Low GI) and apparently for PCOS, it's recommended to stay away from refined sugar and flour, so I'll try that for a while see if it helps. Last week I got my period again, so DH has been really miserable for the last week (he doesn't take it well), so that's been fun hmm. Fortunately my family, who ordinarily spend their whole lives poking into my business, have not said a word about pregnancy/children etc. - I think they suspect something's up so are being uncharacteristically tactful.

It has been rough the last week, because (as per usual) I found out about even MORE people who are pregnant, one who's 5 months with her second (she gave birth a couple of months before we started trying). One person even posted on FB "I'm 18 weeks and haven't got any books and don't really know what's going on, so can someone give me advice?" and there's me screaming inside "I have LOTS of books! I know all about what you're supposed to do FFS! it should be meeeeeeeeeee"

rumisyum Tue 13-Aug-13 13:31:28

euro I think it's because I eat way more of her food than she recommends! If I only ate her suggested portion sizes (about half what I do eat), I suspect that I too could be a wilting waif. grin

Hurrah for that sunny holiday feeling, sea!

Sorry it's been rough lately, absy. And I wish there was a filter on FB for that sort of thing. hmm

rumisyum Tue 13-Aug-13 13:34:45

That said, I just realised that having had a particularly shite morning at work, I've demolished a jelly & nut butter sandwich for lunch. But it was gluten-free bread and almond butter (nevermind totally packed with sugar), so that makes it all OK, yes? hmm

Poutintrout Tue 13-Aug-13 14:17:59

rum Did you eat your lunch standing up? Because if you did then it doesn't count at all, no calories, it's like it never even happened grin

sea So great that you enjoyed your holiday so much. How is MrS feeling now? Also glad to hear what great strides you are making with your TB treatment. You'll be cycling before you know it.
It is interesting what you say about the Chinese medicine (I always knew that I was wet!) Seriously it is uncanny the connections between periods and general health. Maybe I ought to at least curb my pasta, bread and cake addiction.

absy sorry that the witch got you. It is strange for me to hear how you DH is more upset than you - mine rarely seems to give a shit!
Good God at all the preggo announcements. grin at you having all the books and it should be you

Absy Tue 13-Aug-13 14:54:08

Shame, he gets really down. He was saying to me (after one evening of him being completely uncommunicative) "I can't pretend to be happy around you" which is nice, but it's not pleasant to live with.

Well, if it was brown almond butter that's fine, because everything that's brown is healthy naturally (brown bread, brown rice) etc. etc.

joycep Tue 13-Aug-13 15:22:53

Sea - welcome back, glad you had a lovely break and are feeling perkier. Good luck with the final injection tomorrow. Total agree on all the Chinese way of thinking . GPs role seems to be a bit like a sticky plaster, they certainly don't look at you as a whole. I was told clotty periods were normal but acupuncture got rid of the clots. I am going to pop in to the Argy tomorrow and speak to them. I feel pretty sick at the thought of starting all this again actually.

Euro / I love your one woman mission! I know in reality that of course there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. The notion that I feel like that is ridiculous. I guess it comes down to thinking and mentalling how others perceive us. I don't like negative labels even though i no doubt label other people. I can be very self concious. It also attacks the perfectionist ego- it s something I have failed at and failure embarrasses me. I could actually write a dissertation on this subject but will stop there!

Absy - I M glad your family aren't poking around but sorry about all the announcements. You should turn off your pregnant friends feeds. Those sorts of reminders would drive me up the wall or in to a pit of gloom.

Rum - now I am surprised to hear about Gwynnie's book. I always had the impression she survived on seeds and carrots. I am glad it has been making you feel better though.

joycep Tue 13-Aug-13 15:26:16

Absy -so sorry about your Dh. Is this all related to TTC? I can't remember , is it male issue with you guys?

Absy Tue 13-Aug-13 15:56:49

Thanks for the kind words! It's kind of a both issue - I have PCOS (though apparently on the lighter end of the scale) and DH had an issue with the sperm heads (something which is fixable by wearing boxers, avoiding hot water etc. etc.), which apparently can take 12 months to sort out.

Well, there's a lot of other stress but it's underpinned by TTC. We want to move country, but don't want to move until after DC arrive for very good, very rational reasons (proximity to our parents, me being able to get a generous maternity allowance). It just means that we feel kind of trapped right now (me in particular, it's incredibly stressful at work and no option really to get away from it. I was offered a role elsewhere, but their mat leave allowance doesn't kick in for two years, so I can't really move).

rumisyum Tue 13-Aug-13 17:27:06

The almond butter was very brown. Sadly, I sat down to eat - I'll not make that mistake again! Thanks for the Top Tip, pout. grin And there are a fair few seeds and veggies, joy, but the recipes are surprisingly tasty for the most part, so fair dues.

absy, I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds a tough situation. And one I can kind of relate to - my husband and I live apart most of the week because of jobs, and trying to change that has been a bit of a nightmare. I think he's pretty convinced it's his fault he's not good enough to get a job nearer to me (I can't relocate near to him as there's nothing in my field there). And I don't think it's been that much of an issue, as from charting and whatnot I know we've given getting pregnant a decent run for its money at least 90% of he time. But I think he might worry that's why it's not happening, and he does get quite down (though not as upset as your mister sounds) when my period comes. Eh. As if life wasn't enough of a pain already, huh?

I have my first fertility clinic appointment thingy tomorrow and I thought I was totally OK with that and actually I think I'm bricking it. Which might go some way to explaining the substantial consumption of jam & bread earlier. Ho hum.

joycep Tue 13-Aug-13 19:11:44

Absy - i'm sorry you are in a trapped position. I hope a bfp is just round the corner to alleviate the ttc stress at least.

rum - good luck tomorrow . Is this for ivf? It's really nerve racking going off to appointments but the reality is never as bad as you imagine.

I was reading the Evening Standard this evening and there was an article about Jen Aniston and how she is sick to death about the constant kids question. Poor woman. Imagine what it is like for us but she has supposedly been pregnant for the last 15 years. I think I would have had a nervous breakdown by now with the constant questions. That is one sleb i hope does become pregnant!

Absy Wed 14-Aug-13 09:32:02

Yes, I saw that about Jen Aniston as well - imagine, everytime she gets a bit bloated people think she's pregnant and it's splashed all over the trashier newspapers. Apparently she fell pregnant during Friends (hence the Ross and Rachel accidental pregnancy story line) but had a miscarriage. If it's true, that must have been horrific for the poor woman.

mrsden Wed 14-Aug-13 11:03:37

there is a bluebottle doing my head in flying from window to window, every time I open it, the stupid thing flies the other direction. pout it reminds me of you though grin

How old is Jen A now? She must be mid 40s. Although I read somewhere (probably completely made up like all the stories) that she'd frozen her eggs years ago, so I wouldn't be too surprised if she was pregnant. It must be awful to have the constant rumours though. I worry enough when I wear a looser fitting top that people might think I'm pregnant.

absy I'm sorry you're feeling trapped by all this. My advice would be not to put anything on hold. Otherwise you might regret never moving, you have no idea how long this will take. And it would be sod's law that as soon as you land in the new place you're upduffed.

I've mentioned on here before that I think SIL is thinking of ttc. I'm fairly certain that she will be soon if not already. I woke up in a panic this morning after dreaming she was pregnant. Not a nice start to the day. When I told DH he admitted that an announcement from her would be very difficult because we'd have to appear happy and delighted and wouldn't be able to escape from it all. Sometimes I do wish we lived even further away. pout I think it was you that said you hide away. I have been doing that a fair bit too, we turned down a wedding invitation this summer because I knew it would be unbearable.

Something joy and pout said really resonated with me. It was about being a failure and wanting to be normal. My whole life I've felt different for various reasons, and I want more than anything to be average in this. I don't want to be in the tiny minority. I am a perfectionist like you joy. I hate failing and this is the ultimate fail. The whole point of life and I can't do it. I saw photos on fb from a school reunion type thing (another event I avoided). It was a garden party so everyone had brought their kids and I realised that most have kids now. Even those whose teens and twenties were a drug, booze filled blur have managed it now. We're the clean living ones, good jobs, security etc and we can't do it.

Interesting talk about Chinese medicine and periods. I have a friend who is Chinese and she won't eat anything cold when she has her period because she said it's bad for the womb. It's true that western doctors don't seem to care much about the actual period blood. I don't think I've ever been asked about it. I did ask about clots though. I was told they are normal if they're smaller than a 50cent piece. That the usual reason for them is because you've been sat or lay down and the blood has pooled and the clotted. Or because the flow is so fast that the anti clotting stuff hasn't had time to work. Fast, heavy flow could indicate a problem though. Since I had the cyst removed my periods feel normal I think. Tiny bit of spotting but only when I wipe then two days of bright red heavy flow. No clots. then 3 days of light flow.

eurochick Wed 14-Aug-13 11:39:16

I hear you on the perfectionism/failing/wanting to be normal stuff. When I did fall pregnant, I didn't go to acu and was horrified when I read that in some areas all IVF pregnancies are considered "high risk" and are consultant led. I can see that some women will want all the care they can get after a hard fought win, but I was just desperate to be normal after so long of being "the infertile one" and having one appointment after another.

I'm just back from my 4th scan. EC is pencilled in for Friday, although I think that is too early, so they are going to discuss my case later and call me to confirm whether or not I need to trigger tonight. There is no way I will ov before Sunday, so I think EC should be Saturday (that is what they did on my last natural cycle). This is all happening very quickly! I can't believe that all being well, by Sunday/Monday I will be PUPO again. Crikey.

sweetgrouch Wed 14-Aug-13 17:17:13

Hi everyone, we finally got our internet repaired so I am back online.

Euro - This cycle does seem to be going so fast. EC is right around the corner for you.

absy - I think MrsD gave some pretty sound advice about not putting life on hold. We really don’t know how long the process will take. I also feel like the stress of feeling like you’re missing out or stuck will wear you out.

MrsD - I understand how hard it is when ILs get pregnant and you have to act delighted while you are quietly dying a bit on the inside. I have to admit it got a bit easier with time, but it was quite rough at first for me. You’ll get your win eventually and it will be all the more special for you and MrD.

Joy - You’re not a failure and have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed because TTC isn’t working for you right now. I know it’s hard not to feel that way, especially when you’re faced with an insensitive comment, but you’re not. I just wanted to give you a huge hug when I read about her comments to you.

Sea - I am so happy your holiday brought a smile back onto your face. I hope you can keep up the positivity! Here’s a big hurrah for the TB treatment coming to an end!

Rum - I’m glad the Gwyneth Paltrow cookbook is helping making you feel better. I have to say I was under the same impression as Joy in that she only ate seeds, nuts, and carrots. I just looked up a few recipes and they look decent.

Doll - It was so nice hearing from you. I hope your move goes smoothly!

Critter - I think my cheeks turned bright crimson at the idea of anyone praying and placing their hand over me to open the womb. Why did they not then go to the testicles? It is an odd assumption that her womb is closed and his sperm is just fine.

Sar - I’m glad the pregnancy is progressing well.

Buzzy - It’s nice to hear all is progressing well. I’m sorry to hear about the job stress though.

Gin - A friend of mine had a fibroid during her pregnancy – they now have a very healthy one year old. She had some pain associated with it in the later months, but the Drs sorted it all out for her. It is apparently very common.

AFM – I survived the birthday party – with just one awkward moment when someone asked me and DH how long we had tried to conceive. We were saved from answering by a delightful child who wanted me to help him get juice that precise second, only to have them make a snide comment about how it must have taken us forever what a bitch. Mr. Grouch was mortified that she felt she could ask us something so personal and then make such a dumb remark. Other than that I had my 18-22 week scan, the baby boy is still measuring large for the dates.

eurochick Wed 14-Aug-13 17:21:28

That's a very personal question to ask sweet! Have you just found out it's a boy? And a big one, by the sounds of it!

sweetgrouch Wed 14-Aug-13 17:55:20

Yes, we just found out we are having a boy. That was the last scan until we meet him.

I'm glad it wasn't just me and mr. grouch who thought that the question was incredibly personal and inappropriate, especially given that it was only the third time I have met this person in over 4 years!

seaviewasia Wed 14-Aug-13 22:21:03

Euro - It's happening quickly. I'm glad your clinic is going to discuss the best time for EC. It's important to get these things just right.

Sweet - Congrats. I'm so happy to read you are going to have a baby boy. What fab news. What a silly and mean woman. Some people just need to be ignored.

Joy - How did it go at the Argy? I can imagine why you would feel a bit sick at the thought of starting again. They don't call it IVF bootcamp for nothing. Im scared just thinking about it. Totally relate re perfectionist thing. I think this is the first time I have not been able to get my body to do what I want it to do. I have to admit I am a bit of a control freak and not being about to control this part of myself does get me down sometimes.

Mrsd - you are quite right. Chinese girls are brought up not to drink cold drinks during periods and to always put on slippers and not walk on cold floors etc. It's drilled into our brains! smile. I feel for you re ILs TTCing and having babies and having to act happy for them when you feel like you are slowing dying inside. My SIL got pregnant (her 3rd) because she really wanted a girl (she has 2 boys). She got her wish. That was 2 years into our TTC and we are still trying to get our 1st! I also relate re not wanting going to certain events because you just know it will be hard. It will work though I am sure - our time will come. Big hand hold.

Absy - I really feel sorry for Jen Aniston. Must be awful to have these constant questions and must kill her every time she reads that Brad and Ang have adopted or had another baby. I'm definitely Team Jen! grin

Pout - thanks for asking after mrsea. He is doing much better. I think the hols by the sea really helped. And you? How is MrP doing?
If you do want to cut down on gluten there are some really good alternatives out there - gluten free pastas and bread, some are really tasty. I m not obsessive about it but I have cut down on pastas loads but still have it now and again.

I just got MrS to do my second Humira injection. I am not sure if it was a technique issue (he says not obviously) but it was really really painful, much worst than the first one that the nurse did for me. What on earth are we doing wrong? I know I am sounding very wimpy and need to toughen up but I honestly don’t know how I can get used to all the injections associated with IVF and goodness if I need more Humira how I will do it. I always thought I had a high pain tolerance and have had acu for years and never had issues with blood test needles. So why is Humira so painful for me?! sad

rumisyum Wed 14-Aug-13 22:24:15

joy, yep it was for IVF. The session itself was fine, but it's triggered a bit of a "I don't even WANT to have to have IVF, why would I be putting myself through this WAAH WAAH WAAH" meltdown following the fun discussion of risks and complications.

But really, I think the problem is the same issue you & pout and euro and mrsden mentioned - I feel like such a failure for not being able to do this one, simple, basic thing that millions of people do, thoughtlessly, all the time. And yes, I'm so grateful to have the chance IVF offers, but it's such a reminder of what we couldn't do on our own. It sucks. I feel bruised, like I've been literally punched in the chest.

Never mind, I'm sure future appointments can only get easier from here on in, and I was feeling quite excited this morning at the prospect of finally being near treatment, so I'm sure that excitement will return.

euro, things are moving quickly! PUPO next week - how wonderful.

sweet, bitch needs a slap, that's what. (Never mind me, I'm feeling tetchy today, but seriously, that shit is not cool.) And hurrah for a boy. smile

Treating myself to a little rum (what else?!) after my painful afternoon. I can get back on the teetotal bandwagon tomorrow.

eurochick Wed 14-Aug-13 22:51:28

A boy. How lovely. smile

sea I'm sorry that the Humira is bring a pain.

rum I completely recognise that. I don't want to be doing this at all and I am very resentful that we find ourselves at this point. I am quite angry about the whole thing.

EC is set for Friday after somewhat of a debate with the clinic. I still feel that it should be Saturday, but they recommend Friday. I know I won't ovulate before Saturday and I'm 100% sure about that, but although they said I could overrule them, I have decided to go with Friday purely because I don't want the added stress of it being all on me if something goes wrong by waiting for Saturday. I was feeling quite calm about the whole thing, but this has stressed me a bit.

seaviewasia Thu 15-Aug-13 09:23:57

Euro - I'm sorry you are having to deal with this added stress. Haven't never been through it I don't have any sensible advice for you. I just hope for you that they are right about Friday.

Rum - I feel the same as you about IVF. I think many of us do. I think time does help to make you feel okay with it especially once you get a good outcome. Whenever I feel angry about the unfairness of it all. I tell myself it's no different from any other illness. I wouldn't refuse treatment if I was diabetic. It is unfair but it is what it is and I try to be grateful that I am in a place where I can have the IVF treatment to try and rectify it. I am not saying don't feel angry but thinking that makes me feel better anyway. Hope the rum helped. smile

mrsden Thu 15-Aug-13 10:35:38

Wow, euro. That's so fast, very exciting. Is it the one egg this time? I'm sure they have their reason for insisting on Friday, did they give an explanation? I think I'm a bit like you in that I hate handing over control to the doctors. In a way I'd rather tell them what to do and I have to remind myself that they are the experts.

eurochick Thu 15-Aug-13 11:01:54

mrsd I feel the same. I also feel that they are not the experts on how my body works. I've been having periods for 25 years and closely monitoring my cycles for the past 33 cycles. They have notes on my two previous IVF cycles, so I feel that I am the expert on me.

The thing that bothers me is the inconsistency. On my last natural cycle they were insistent that EC should be as close to natural ov as possible, so they collected one day before I would have expected to ov naturally. This time they are saying they want to get the egg as soon as the follie reaches the minimum size from which they can expect a mature egg and have opted for 2-3 days before I would expect to ovulate. Not helpful!

mrsden Thu 15-Aug-13 11:31:25

You're so right that you know your body better than they do. I know I'm a slow egg grower, I never ovulate on day 14 and I knew that my ec was going to be too soon but I never said anything because I thought they knew better. This time around I'm going to be more assertive. The culture here is very much that dr knows best, they do no encourage you to have an opinion or to question anything, I hate that.

rumisyum Thu 15-Aug-13 11:41:47

Sea, I really like your thinking. I think my difficulty at the moment is accepting there's really something wrong for which we need help. Both of us having had perfectly normal tests so far just makes it really hard to believe that there is something wrong and that we should need help, even though, clearly after 3 years, something must be, and we do. I need to shift my perspective to one more of acceptance, like you've done. And yes, ultimately I am incredibly grateful to be able to get my shot at IVF!

Eurgh, euro, that inconsistency would be hard to stomach. Have they at least explained their thinking behind why they want to try a different approach this time? At any rate, I'm egging on (haha) your egg to be as mature as possible when collected.

eurochick Thu 15-Aug-13 11:52:54

rum that is something I have really struggled with. We are also unexplained and no one can tell you why or how IVF might help. I was stunned when our first round gave me a BFP. Absolutely stunned. I had no faith in it at all.

seaviewasia Thu 15-Aug-13 13:33:59

Euro - are you at a different clinic to you 2 previous IVF rounds? I agree that we do know our bodies best and it's difficult to give up control. I don't have any words of wisdom. I am just wishing and hoping this is the one for you.

Rum - I was at exactly the same place you were around this time last year. Just coming up to 3 years of TTC and no sign of a BFP. I too thought being unexplained meant there is no reason why I can't get pregnant on my own especially as all our tests came back well. Like Euro said, there's no reason that the docs can tell you why IVF might work but it can and in many many cases do. I have a doc in the family who specialises in OBGNY and she tells me some people are just not compatible that way (even if you have good eggs, ovulate, tube are fine and sperm is good etc) and I can only assume that is sometimes the case. In my case I was so desperate for answers I headed down the immune route which provided the only abnormal test I have had in almost 4 years of endless tests and ops. So I'm going with that. I really feel for you and I understand it's hard to come to terms with needing IVF but know that you haven't failed and sometimes the potential of a good outcome is more important than the why and most of all you are in good company. x

joycep Thu 15-Aug-13 15:03:29

Euro – i can’t believe another round has come round for you. I’m sorry the day they are doing it is stressing you out. When they do EC, do they give you a trigger to align things up?

Sea – I am very sorry to hear how painful the Humira injection was. How long does the pain last? You are not wimpy at all – it really doesn’t sound very pleasant but i hope this was your last one. I went to the Argy yesterday. Although I knew I wasn’t having any tests , my heart was beating nineteen to the dozen. I was incredibly emotional especially when I walked out – was desperately trying to hold back the tears. I think it’s just a mixture of bad memories, the fear of taking all those drugs and the fear that fertility has got a lot worse or I have scarring in my womb or something. So much for my hypno sessions, I am already trying to predict the worst to self protect!. Anyway, i signed myself up to the argy and i know it is intense so i need to man up.
I do think for some reason or other some people aren’t compatible. I keep telling Roy that we seem to make aliens rather than humans.

Rum – totally understand that feeling. I always said pre-ttc that i would never do something like ivf. To then go through it was pretty surreal to say the least. In fact sometimes i cannot believe i went htrough it. But i totally hear you about feeling bruised. I’ve always considered myself fairly emotionally resilient but I feel like i have been pretty battered by all of this.

Sweet – what an awfully rude comment from that person! You did very well not pouring a glass of water over her. And yippee to a boy!

Meeting some friends later. I am absolutely convinced at least one is pregnant. Both have been trying for a while. I have got that nervous feeling in my stomach. But I must embrace it!. Best fake genuine smile at the ready....grin but god forbid if they both are with child.

Poutintrout Thu 15-Aug-13 15:28:06

euro Oh flippin' hell at the EC worries. Just what you don't need. I must say that I am usually in the camp of the doctors know best but even so having a niggle in the back of your brain isn't a great feeling to say the least. Take heart that you have had BFPs (I know the outcome wasn't what you deserved and don't want to put my foot in it) and they obviously know their stuff. If they are going on follie measurements then they must be confident that you are developing at the right rate. Can they scan you before the EC to be sure?

sweet Congratulations on finding out you are going to have a lovely little boy smile I am shocked by that "friend's" comment to you. What is it with all this competitive fertility? I am also aghast and what she muttered under her breath. Bloody bitch!

sea Yay for the hols helping lift MrSea's spirits. MrP is scarily okay, he hasn't reacted at all since he found out his dad died. He is usually pretty emotionally silent so I honestly struggle to know what goes on his brain or heart TBH.
It is really very interesting the Chinese take on cold and periods.

rum I'm sorry that your first appointment sent you into a bit of a spin. I found it all surreal and couldn't believe that we had got to that point. I always kept hoping for the ironic pre treatment BFP.

joy I always felt a bit sorry for Jennifer Aniston especially when Brad Pitt dumped her and went on to have loads of babies with Ange Jolie.

mrsd It is the failure that is the difficult thing to swallow I think. I am a massive control freak and anything that I can't control or plan freaks me out. I have always said to MrP that the unexplained thing has been really difficult for me because if I was told that I had X, Y and Z wrong with me then I could begin to process that and build in control mechanisms. The vague hope that it might happen but most likely won't each month has been soul destroying. I really feel for you knowing that your SIL is TTC. That must feel like some horrible time bomb. A baby in the family is something that can't be easily ignored or avoided and you have to act happy. As an aside, kind of related but not really, my mum has been incessantly inviting me to various get togethers with her and her boyfriend & his family which I had declined because MrP and I are annoyed with her about the telling everyone our business. Anyway, I have since found out that the boyfriend's grand daughter is heavily pregnant, fit to drop. I am so angry with my mum that she would've had me turn up to these events especially given the fact that we were invited to two dos when she knew that our IVF had failed. I know that normal people wouldn't understand why I find that so blardy insensitive but I was really hurt that my mum didn't even consider how hard I would've found that.
I am so touched that bluebottles make you think of me grin Rather apt probably! Following on in the same vein, Little Dog yelped and shot up last night. I went over to check on him and he seemed agitated but I wasn't clear on what was wrong. I finished cooking & dished up the dinner during which time I kept feeling a tickling on my leg. By the time I had dished up the tickling was much higher up so I thought I'd take a look. Anyway, I looked down my pyjama bottoms and there was a wasp nestling in my lady garden. I couldn't have been more terrified if I had Beelzebub himself peering up from under my trouser band. Cue frozen panic and, according to MrP, lots of strange, tortured noises. Fortunately and miraculously I wasn't stung but looks like Little Dog was & the evil wasp had climbed up my trouser leg when I had been checking on him. No wonder Little Dog kept backing away from me when I kept seeing if he was alright, I imagine he was thinking how he didn't much like the new pet I keep down my trouser leg grin

Poutintrout Thu 15-Aug-13 15:30:42

X-posted joy sorry about how sad you felt at your appointment. You don't need to man up at all, you just need to catch a fecking break. You and all the ladies on here have been more than brave enough and if a baby was the prize for dignity and strength then we'd all have a clutch of them smile

Hoping that your friends don't drop any bombs on you.

seaviewasia Thu 15-Aug-13 17:46:05

Joy I'm so sorry going back to the argy was such a horrible experience. You went through a lot there so it's not a surprise. A big handhold. I'm sure you and Roy will make beautiful babies soon. No aliens for you at all.

Pout. I hope mrP is okay. Everyone deals with things differently. Still it might hit him at some point. I hope that's not the case.

I just got an A plus announcement. I'm not going to lie. This one has hit me hard. It's the one person I really didn't want to get a BFP before us for reasons I don't really go into on a public forum. I know im a bitch for feeling this way but in the case the feelings of jealousy and unfairness is consuming. This one really hurts. I feel quite devastated. confused

Cosmos1 Thu 15-Aug-13 22:12:44

Euro good luck for EC tomorrow. Hope they have got it right.

Will do a catch up tomorrow.

joycep Thu 15-Aug-13 22:27:17

Sea - big hand hold. I have had an a* tonight too. Off to have a little woe be me sob.

Cos - I hope you are ok x

eurochick Thu 15-Aug-13 22:50:26

joy I completely understand about going back. I had a bit of a "gulp" moment before going back into the scan room. Same room, same dr, same dildo cam as when I got the bad news. It was tough. And you had an even rockier ride.

sea this is the perfect place to share that stuff. I would guess many of us have felt the same.

pout shock at the wasp/fanjo interface! Those are two things that should really be kept separate.

sea it's the same clinic - that is why the lack of consistency really grates. If this one doesn't work, I might change though! pout they always scan before they put you under to make sure that you haven't ovulated but even if the follie hasn't grown they won't be able to change the egg collection time because I have had a trigger shot. Hopefully the trigger shot will have finished off the maturation anyway.

I think the hypno has helped. The night before my last EC I was completely panicked. Tonight I feel fine. Although I am in a bit of grump because I just had my hair highlighted and it has come out too dark. Booo. But the fact that I'm even focussing on something else is a good sign.

seaviewasia Thu 15-Aug-13 23:19:07

Euro - i can see why the inconsistency grates. All the best for tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. I think it's great that you are concern about the highlights. Good sign that hypno worked. wink

Joy - I'm sorry you also had an A*. It's not easy is it. I kind of had another one at dinner after the late afternoon one but the second was v different. A friend who ttc for 10 yrs just got approval for adoption and will get her baby v soon. I hope you are okay. I have been quite tearful myself tonight.

Love to everyone else.

Poutintrout Thu 15-Aug-13 23:31:31

Euro Doh, I hadn't thought about the trigger shot. I'm sure that you & your follie will be just fine tomorrow (and your highlights!) Good luck, I will be thinking of you.

Sorry that you joy and sea too are down tonight. Shakes fists at A* announcements

rumisyum Thu 15-Aug-13 23:34:02

Thank you so much, ladies. What you said was really helpful to hear today. thanks

euro best of luck for tomorrow! And so glad the hypno is helping. Everything crossed this is your cycle.

sea and joy so sorry about the painful announcements. But your friend whose adoption is finally coming through is amazing, sea.

pout! Oh my word! How hilariously horrible! shock grin

rabbitonthemoon Fri 16-Aug-13 07:14:02

I have so much to say on here but currently up to my eyes in a busy/sad thing and am not getting a second to post. Ill be back home next week. I am reading and wanted to do some feather tail preening for everyone.

I think sar summed up a plus announcements perfectly as 'stabby in the heart'. Huge love to sea and joy.

Rum I feel incessantly angry that I'm going to have ivf (start of October was confirmed on weds cue wailing tantrum rather than happiness). As no one can tell me HOW it will help me I'm going in all meh. I've been told off about this. I think these are normal feelings for us to have.

Euro good look with finding that select and juicy egg, sorry for the stress.

Pout - a WASP IN YOUR PUBES?! You are some kind of insect whisperer smile

Congrats sweet on your boy news.

Masses of love to all missed, I'm here in the background, I just keep waiting to do mega catch up and fail. Will do mini posts instead.

mrsden Fri 16-Aug-13 07:39:09

Good luck today euro. I'll be thinking of you.

Rabbit, nice to see you. Sorry to hear of the sad stuff. We will be Ivf buddies in October I think. I really do need to go for my follow up and confirm that though. I'm avoiding it becuause like joy and euro the place fills me with sad thoughts which is pathetic considering I never had the trauma that joy and euro had.

Sweet, yay for a boy.

Pout OMG at wasp and pubes.

Joy and sea, so sorry for a star. I hope the news was announced sensitively to you. It hurts so much I know. I found out yesterday my bosses boss is starting paternity leave, I didn't even know his wife was pregnant so I have a new found respect for him that he didn't go on and on about it like other colleagues do. There is only an 18 month age gap between his two though so must have been an insta duff.

joycep Fri 16-Aug-13 07:46:56

Pout - shock at wasp nesting down there. No No no that is terrifying! I am so surprised you didn't get stung.

Rabbit - sounds like you are having a bit of a bad time. Sending you a lot of love.

Euro - very best of luck today. Let us know how things go. Will be interested to hear if hypno has helped.

rumisyum Fri 16-Aug-13 08:06:10

Sorry things have been sad, rabbit, and it's so reassuring to hear these feelings are normal. You start to think you're even more broken than you were just by being infertile for also not only being wholly over the moon at the prospect of treatment. I'm starting to feel slightly less of a nutter again hearing all your perspectives, which is great. grin

Rooting for you today, euro!

Pre-menstrual spotting today. AGAIN. I thought it had disappeared. ARGH with the bloody spotting! Sometimes I think my uterus can kiss my ass. Which would at least be interesting, anatomically speaking.

seaviewasia Fri 16-Aug-13 08:21:48

Just a quick one to say good luck euro. Pls let us know how you get on today. I will be thinking of you. X

Ginestas Fri 16-Aug-13 08:33:50

Just popping in quickly to say GOOD LUCK euro! I hope EC is better for you this time. Will be thinking of you today.

Cosmos1 Fri 16-Aug-13 09:34:33

Rabbit hope you're ok with the busy / sad thing. Big hugs.

Sea I'm really sorry about the A*. Completely understand and have felt the same way many times so don't feel bad about the way you're feeling you're not alone.

Pout omg at the insensitive behaviour of your mum. That would have really riled me. My mum lately has taken to telling me I'm 'isolating myself ' and building things up in my head to be more than they are. Er no. It just really fecking hurts. Grr at the one person who is meant to understand and sympathise the most not getting it.

Joy how was the friends meeting, hope it was ok. I'm sorry your visit to the argy brought back so many horrible feelings. I'm so impressed at you starting again though, I have everything possible crossed that this will be your turn. Did they say anything about treatment wise what the plan is or is it more just go with the flow as they say on each day?

Rum yes I feel exactly the same as you. Even after 6 years and 3 failed Ivfs and numerous other attempts at things I still feel like that. The fact that I don't know for sure what's wrong is so hard to deal with. The one thing that does keep me going is that each time I've been a 2 ww after some treatment and had moments of thinking it had worked, I haven't given a fig what I'd gone through I was just so hoping that something, anything had worked.

Sweet what a very blunt question. And my take these days is that blunt questions deserve blunt answers. How about another time saying 'wow that's an incredibly personal question, whatever made you ask that'.

Mrsden I feel like that. I've always felt different and I've never wanted to be average more in my life before! I never thought of myself as a perfectionist before all this, but the failure thing I just can't deal with, I really hate it.

Lemon thinking of you if you're reading.

Euro hope it all goes well today.

Lovely critter thanks for the prompt about keeping calm, have gone back to doing my JKZ meditations and is helping. Omg about your poor friend, that is just the most awfully awkward social moment I've ever heard of! I wouldn't blame her for trying to avoid family dos in the future!

Doll your take on that made me laugh. Hope the move goes well and baby arrives safely, not long now!

Afm had a scan earlier this week and now taking progynova to help thicken the lining. ET is likely to be after the bank holiday. The hormones are making me feel slightly odd. grin I had a couple of quite manic days - I was trying to persuade DH to get up at 4am to go and sit on the downs and watch the meteor shower, plus very nearly offered to arrange a friends baby shower for the week after my likely test date - at work I was a bit like if you've seen the film what happens in Vegas, when Cameron Diaz gets drugged by Ashton kutcher?! I seem to have calmed down slightly now though really lost my cool a couple of times yesterday once at work and once with DH, but both completely justifiable grin
Hilarious anecdote from work. We were all chatting about tattoos. One girl pipes up (completely seriously) 'My friend's got a tattoo of a camel. On her toe.' [shocked]

Cosmos1 Fri 16-Aug-13 09:35:45

That last one should have bee shock and confused

Buzzybee123 Fri 16-Aug-13 11:33:46

euro hope all goes well today for you smile

CritterPants Fri 16-Aug-13 12:07:41

Good luck lovely euro today - sending you lots of positive thoughts.

Yikes at wasp in lady garden pout! Maybe he thought it was a flower?!

Sorry about stabby heart A plus announcements, painful injections, pre IVF fear and annoying relatives. Love to all. Totally sympathise with all not wanting to do IVF. It is not a fun process.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 16-Aug-13 12:18:37

Quick post-holiday hello from me and good luck to Euro.

I'm different from most of you. I don't really care that I have to do IVF as I'm not that freaked out by it. I just want it to work hmm.

Scary wasp and spider stories while I was away!! Not going to do a catch up as it takes too long but love and hugs and tail feather fluffs all round. AFM it's CD3 here and I'm now into my 4th year of TTC sad

eurochick Fri 16-Aug-13 12:34:14

Thanks all. I'm home. That went so much better than the last 2. The hypno helped to calm me in the lead up, and then when I got there, I had the same anaesthetist as last time and he actually suggested keeping me conscious given how I had come round the past two times. So I had some IV pain killers and something that gave me a floaty feeling for about the first five minutes. It wore off pretty quickly and I was able to ask for more (or to be knocked out if it was unbearable), but I didn't feel the need. It was uncomfortable (they are a bit rough with your ladygarden- I guess as they are used to working on unconscious women) and there were a couple of short bursts of pain, but it was fine.

The only hitch was that I had a bleed. And I suspect the gynae wished I was out rather than listening to everything going wrong! When he took the probe out I actually felt a load of blood spill out of my vagina. And then they had to mop it up, and then check for internal bleeding. But it seemed to have stopped so that was fine.

I didn't try to run away and I wasn't horribly grumpy. If I have to have it again, I want it this way! The sedation really doesn't agree with me.

Love the tattoo story, cosmos!

mrsden Fri 16-Aug-13 13:02:32

That sounds much better then euro, and they got the egg ok? Was it sedation you had last time or full blown GA?