Anyone else struggling with more royal baby news?

(43 Posts)
yorkiebilb Mon 08-Jul-13 13:00:16

Sorry for the moaning message just wondering if anyone else is struggling to conceive and feels depressed by yet another royal pg announcement?!

I had a mmc in Dec and been struggling ever since. I knew this week was going to be tough as my due date was the same as Kate Middleton's but this new pg announcement has really hit me hard.

Please please feel free to have a moan and make feel like I'm not a sad/over-emotional idiot!!!

JC74 Mon 08-Jul-13 13:04:46

I could have written your post. I had a miscarriage in December and was just about getting my head round the Kate's baby being due at the same time. Must admit I found today's news a bit tough. Although I'm pleased for them I'm very envious of their good fortune

yorkiebilb Mon 08-Jul-13 13:26:38

Thanks for responding JC74 and sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it. I'm happy for them just wish it would happen to me too! I'm an emotional wreck today and this has thrown me over the edge..

katatonic Mon 08-Jul-13 14:30:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moggle Mon 08-Jul-13 16:05:23

I don't really mind celeb announcements. I have a tough enough time with friends and acquaintances announcing they're expecting, if celeb announcements upset me too I'd be a mess all the time :-(

On Saturday morning, is our thoughtless (though he doesn't know any better) friend, at our house for a BBQ, insisting that we skype our friends who live abroad, virtually hopping on one leg with excitement that we must hear their news direct from them. Stupidly didn't guess what this news would be (always assumed they'd come back to the UK before having kids) and then had to put on a happy face on Skype for them. Luckily their wifi packed up a couple of minutes in and I could escape to the loo for some deep breaths. Then came out and heard the announcement that our other friends are expecting baby number 2 (much less of a shock). Then I had to be all happy for the BBQ guests. Fucking fuck. As "luck" would have it though, got chatting to one of DH's friend's wife, who is also going through subfertility bollocks, so we had a really good whinge about everything. Had barely met her before, but it was quite therapeutic for both of us I think!

Anyway, Saturday was a good reminder for me and DH to assume that everyone is about to announce a pregnancy, until proven otherwise.

yorkiebilb Mon 08-Jul-13 16:08:52

Sorry about your recent mc kata it's so horrible isn't it? I hope you've got lots of support in rl. The mc boards on here are really good if you're not using them already? I used them for a bit and it really helped but came off them after a while as people seemed to be getting pg quickly and I will still there! Hope that happens for you too ( the pg i mean not the hanging around on the board like me!)

RubySlippers77 Mon 08-Jul-13 18:47:44

Hi yorkie, me too - all I can think is, it seems so bloody easy for other people!! And I know (logically) that that's not true for everyone, but still, there was no logic coming into my feelings earlier. We have a pregnant lady at work who's due in a couple of months and it seems like I see her and her bump every way I turn; doesn't help that I don't particularly like her and all her emails start "whilst I'm on maternity leave....." envy

Off to my running club now to hopefully not be so grumpy later. Either that, or I won't be able to think about it through the pain, as I am a terrible runner!

TeaAndANatter Mon 08-Jul-13 19:02:09

I usually love anything royal, but a mmc four weeks ago is really making my royal lovefest feel a bit more bitter than it did. Sodding mc. There really seems to be no silver lining at all, and all I see are pregnant women and stories about mc at the moment. Puh.

On the plus side, it might have Charles' ears, and not to be cruel, but it'd cheer me right up ;-)

yorkiebilb Mon 08-Jul-13 19:06:21

ahh * moggle* sounds like a tough Saturday. Well done for getting through it in one piece as it must of been really hard. Good to hear you managed to talk to someone who is going through it too though although I am intrigued as to how you managed to get onto the subject as it's such a difficult thing to talk about with people in rl.

I get upset by both friends and celeb announcements hence why I am such a mess! I had to come off Facebook as all the pg announcements and constant pictures of bumps was getting too much for me. I have to say I feel a whole lot better for it.

lj123 Mon 08-Jul-13 19:08:56

I am also a green eyed monster! My due date would have been 13/7/13- this Saturday, it's becoming a tough week and plenty of people around to rub salt in the wound!
I always wonder if the ectopic was my fault, what could I have done/do better.
Some people are just really freeking lucky and don't seem to need to 'try'

DizzyPurple Mon 08-Jul-13 19:13:49

I'll join you! Ttc for 28 months (not good written down) and yes I felt horrid at that news too! I do already have dc so not as bad as for some but was really hoping we'd have managed one last one. Really thinking its not going to happen...
One of my friends on Facebook has a counter so every Sunday it pops up "I'm 28 weeks today. My little boy is growing fast and...." Every Sunday it traumatises me! Only a little but even so.

yorkiebilb Mon 08-Jul-13 19:14:08

ruby I know exactly what you mean about logic and feelings! Hope the run makes you feel a bit better.

tea so sorry to read about your mmc. I'm sure it must all feel very raw at the moment and I'm sure baby news does not help. Yep, bumps are bloody everywhere! Your comment about Prince Charles ears made me laugh so thank you!

yorkiebilb Mon 08-Jul-13 19:18:43

lj123 mine was 13th July too so you've got someone hear that understands how crap this week is and the whole bloody royal baby build up!

dizzy you can hide your friends posts on fb so you don't have to be subjected to it each week?

beachesandbuckets Mon 08-Jul-13 19:29:49

I am not sure if this post will help anyone or not. I had a mmc last year, completed devastated me, lost all confidence in my body. All of the milestones - due date, year anniversary etc. have been utterly devastating. A number of 'friends' had babies at the time when I was due, including a couple of smug annoying ones who have had everything on a plate, and just didn't want to hear about it, felt like why do they have luck when I don't. I am however now a couple of weeks off having twins. So there can be a happy ending (hopefully, not counting my chickens after last year). If you saw me in the street you would probably think 'smug lucky sow' but you wouldn't see my utter heartbreak behind the bump. Good luck everyone x

RaspberrySnowCone Mon 08-Jul-13 22:11:08

Yep makes me feel woefully inadequate and very sad too. I know not everyone gets it plain sailing but the royal do manage to diff pretty easy and it's just a shit reminder of how crap my crappy body is.

lj123 Mon 08-Jul-13 22:47:08

Yorkiebilb, in a way that's nice to hear, not just me suffering this week, I've gotten back into the pattern I was after my operation, can't sleep, feel low and every bump I see I want it to be me, I usually blow bubbles to my babies, but the one I most recently lost was the furthest along I have been, I want to do something else but don't know what! X

RosesInTheRain Mon 08-Jul-13 23:38:11

yep, her pregnancy first hit the news on the day I had to terminate DS2 for fatal abnormalities, heard it on the radio on the way home sad

Beaches you make a good point about not seeing what it's taken to get there- I try to remember that someone else's bump may also be their rainbow baby. Some people are very lucky though confused

gillywillywoo Tue 09-Jul-13 09:09:16

Seems everyone I know is expecting at the moment. Can't go any more than a few days without finding out someone else is pregnant!
Our time will come I'm sure smile

kittykat01 Tue 09-Jul-13 09:40:09

we are ttc baby1 and now on cycle 7 and we had a mmc at cycle 3.
What Ive come to realise is that you can not wait to be happy. you cannot put all your happiness on being pregnant and becoming a mother. Every month we spend counting down the tww and the days when we are fertile. We sit my the side of a toilet taking tests hoping that this is a month and then when it isnt we struggle to be happy for those that do conceive and go on to have healthy babies. All that time and energy put into something that may or may not happen.

What im saying is we are missing out on whats happening right here and right now. I dont want to be moody with my husband and I dont want to put our happiness on hold when the reason we are together is because we love each other and that love is strong regardless if there is a child or not.

What im trying to say is that we all need to learn to be happy and appreciate everything we have now and when we manage that then how we deal with the negative test and mmc will become easier and our happiness is not on hold.

As for the Royals who is to say Catherine didnt spend months ttc and who is to know if she had mmc prior to this baby. the palace would not announce that news and who is to say the same for Zara...

Amrapaali Tue 09-Jul-13 09:50:08

kittykat that is so true. Many things may have gone on behind the screens, we just don't know.

After my MMC, when I eventually felt a bit brave and not too raw to talk about it (took me the best part of a year), people I confided in, admitted they have had miscarriages as well. 4 out of 5 of them.

Its just not talked about, is it?

moggle Tue 09-Jul-13 09:51:55

kittykat01 what you say is true, I often think that in an offhand way, sure, it'll be fine if we can't have kids, but actually when I stop to think about it properly it gets me panicky and feeling incredibly down. It's all I've ever wanted since I was about 10. It'd take some serious counselling to get me used to the idea of a future without our own babies.

Having said that I find it easier dealing with AF coming every month than I did this time last year. You do find a way to cope.

kittykat01 Tue 09-Jul-13 10:31:31

one of the hardest things I found about mmc is when you find out you are pregnant the social norm is not to announce it until you are 12weeks. However, if you lose that little life that you loved from day 1 then do you announce your grief?? If people arent supposed to know you were pregnant are they supposed to know you lost it? The problem being this doesnt make your grief any less infact I think it can nearly make women feel unentitled to grieve.

I am a nurse so I work with large amounts of women and what I have found is if a colleague announces she is pregnant before her 12weeks people talk about it saying "shes game for announcing that so soon, what if she loses it". So what im trying to say is our culture and attitudes dont make things easier either.

I also found that when i did tell people about my mmc they also disclosed theirs and it was again the same 4/5 women defo seemed to have experienced it.

kittykat01 Tue 09-Jul-13 18:14:14

did i just totally kill the conversation? LMAO :P :D

Quodlibet Tue 09-Jul-13 18:20:33

Kittykat I think you are spot on with that observation. There is no protocol for acknowledging miscarriage grief, which makes it a million times harder for you to accept what you feel and for others to understand it.

Like others I had a MMC in December but would have been due around now. I was very fortunate to fall pg again quite quickly but I know that had I not I would be probably be finding it really difficult around now.

Bunnygirlie Tue 09-Jul-13 22:17:11

Hey yorkie I remember you!

I know how you feel about the royal babies, it's tough enough escaping bumps etc but when it's splashed across the papers you can't help but see it all the time.
I am dreading the birth announcement, the next few weeks are going to be hideous!

I've not had a MC and can't imagine how I'd cope if I did, but I have been ttc #1 for a while, up to cycle 20 now. I really struggle with all the bumps in the newspapers/radio/tv etc, and radio presenters at the moment seem to be talking about their children all the time, but it's still the bumps closest to home that get me, the bumps of friends and family members envy.

Bearfacedchic Wed 10-Jul-13 00:00:30

I've been at it for 22 months Barking and I feel pretty much the same. I haven't had a miscarriage or anything and I can't imagine how awful that must feel, but I do still get the 'why not me?' feeling every few weeks. They are irrational thoughts IMO, but I also think it's normal to have them. It's healthy not to bottle up your emotions and feelings of inadequacy when your body doesn't do what it is supposed to; it's only when you become consumed by such feelings that it can be unhealthy. Each month of not conceiving is a small loss and over time that can take its toll. I think you need to have these feelings to enable you to get angry, sad, whatever and then hopefully move forward, although I know that's easier said than done. confused

yorkiebilb Wed 10-Jul-13 10:58:50

Hey bunny and barking hope you're both okay. I abandoned the berry thread for a bit to try and have a bit of a break from obsessing over ttc. Not that it worked hence me starting this thread!

Kitty Agree I know nothing about a women's previous ttc history when I see her bump in the street or reported in the news but ttc emotions and constant disappointment blocks any kind of rational thoughts in that situation.

Come back to the berries yorkie! I keep telling myself a break will stop me obsessing, but then I get upset when I see the two bumps in our group of friends, and next door's bump, all three of which are now huge, and over the next couple of months they'll all have babies envy sad. It's times like that I need to remind myself that there are other <berries> people that are in the same situation and feel the same!!

Vikkijayne2507 Wed 10-Jul-13 14:34:31

Im only at the start of ttc no kids of my own have a step-son and his mother is pg again with her new partner, every week I get new scan pictures on my facebook, and I like seeing them but I am also very jealous and Im new to it all god knows what I will be like in 6 months 12 months who knows really. I like the royal family but it is all just easy peasy and reading peoples experiences on here makes me feel for everyone who struggles and have had bad experiences it should be equal all round bloody nature.

Bunnygirlie Wed 10-Jul-13 17:30:21

Come back yorkie!!!!!

TeaAndANatter Wed 10-Jul-13 19:48:34

We could come here for a bit of support the day we get the royal news, and then when we hear the news (wherever we are), and our hearts break just a little bit, we can think of each other here, and know that whenever we get the chance we can log in and get some cheering up.

I'd like to advance order for my royal log in: some cheesy cheery music to block out the royal news media fest; some cake (I love cake), perhaps a new Harry Potter (yes I know that'll never happen, but let's imagine no.8 will be released that day); and a new dress that makes me feel like a goddess when I wear it.

Bunnygirlie Wed 10-Jul-13 20:01:30

Excellent idea tea I'll bring the cake!

katydid02 Wed 10-Jul-13 20:11:25

Just saw this thread and wanted to send un-Mumsnetty hugs to you all. I've been where you are and I know it's horrible, so hugs, and flowers for you all, and lovely biscuit to dunk in your [brew

Bunnygirlie Wed 10-Jul-13 20:22:39

Thanks katy

yorkiebilb Wed 10-Jul-13 21:08:41

Thanks bunny and barking I prob will. You berries are all so lovely. thunder sent me a message the other day checking on me.

What a lovely idea tea I think I will bring some booze and chocolate to the party. What does everyone drink?!

Thanks for your post katy

Bunnygirlie Wed 10-Jul-13 21:12:39

Pink fizz for me please grin

TeaAndANatter Thu 11-Jul-13 19:59:21

Um (laughing at predictability of it), I really just drink tea (other than juice and water, I mean). How dull! Let me try a mocktail peach bellini - I think you make it with white sparkling grape juice and peach juice (yum!).

No news has come to me yet, but I'm not going looking for it either x

yorkiebilb Fri 12-Jul-13 11:03:01

mocktail on the order list tea!

Anyone else's work running a royal baby name sweepstake or is it just my office wanting to rub salt into the wound a little more?!

Vikkijayne2507 Sat 13-Jul-13 10:37:37

really a sweepstake for the name thats a bit extreme if it was a bump in the office I would understand. Weve just had 3 women in the floor of my officer go on maternity. I had a feel of one of the bumps ive never done it before the most bizarre feelings felt a foot it made me so much more broody tho.

TeaAndANatter Tue 23-Jul-13 06:37:12

Ow. Ow, ow, ow. Thinking of all our peers in the royal baby and miscarriage threads who dreaded this being the news everywhere.

GladitsnotJustMe Tue 23-Jul-13 09:49:50

I could never understand why people would get upset by royal baby news... but then this morning, watching the news I just burst into uncontrollable tears.

I've only been trying for a few months, but DP has potential fertility issues which we have been dealing with for over a year, so I don't think it will be plain sailing for us and we have endured a lot of heartbreak to get to this point.

Thinking about the excitement, and how content and happy the new family are... well I'm just plain envious. Can't stop watching the news, and I'm really happy for them, but I know it will be difficult when they emerge on that front step.

There I said it, Feel better now!

Hugs to everyone on this thread, be strong xx

DizzyPurple Tue 23-Jul-13 10:04:30

Yes, overload yesterday. I had to avoid it as having bad day anyway. Almost everything on Facebook for several hours mentioned it too. Even Slimming World had to get in there with a congratulations. Peppa Pig world "Will they call it George?" And lots more..

Really pleased for them all seems to have gone well but the obsession of the world when I'm feeling grumpy about it all...

So hugs all round! Or did someone mention fizzy pink stuff?? Not too early for that at all!

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