Just started to feel period pains ;(

(156 Posts)
johnandkymberley Sat 11-May-13 19:10:20

Hi all, title says it really!!
I'm f*#%!?g gutted!! I really don't think I can deal with it, we have been trying for a month and I know it's stupid to feel like this but I can't help it! I feel like I'm a failure...AND I have no chocolate in the house!!!!
Sorry just needed to let off some upsetness!
Baby dust to all TTC xxxxxxx

lyndsey90 Sat 11-May-13 19:51:21

Sweetie I got my af today, I'm 23 and on cycle 11, your not a failure xx

OrangeLily Sat 11-May-13 19:54:12

If it helps it means that you get anther try!

There's lots of people on here with issues.
I'm on month seven but only about five cycles due to irregular and long cycles.

Day 41 and no sign of AF.

80% of couples will conceive in the first year!!

lyndsey90 Sat 11-May-13 19:56:59

Guess I'm gonna be one of the 20% wash!

lyndsey90 Sat 11-May-13 19:57:27

Waah* damn phone....

OrangeLily Sat 11-May-13 20:00:20

Sorry lyndsey hmm I was trying to make the OP feel better.

I will probably be too. Doesn't look like Im ovulating confused having a few wine this weekend because I can because Im not pregnant.

lyndsey90 Sat 11-May-13 20:03:18

I'm at work tomorrow so cannot indulge in the drowning of sorrows lol! Just need to hold my head up! I did have a chemical preg in Jan, least I know I'm kinda fertile! smile

OrangeLily Sat 11-May-13 20:05:55

Work - shit
Chem preg - shit
Fertility - yaaaaay!

johnandkymberley Sat 11-May-13 20:27:35

Thankyou both for your posts. I'm glad I'm not alone, although wishing you both loads of baby dust!!
I think I feel so bad because all my friends have caught in the 1st or 2nd month of trying and I suppose because I knew that I thought that would happen to me?!

We will see if there is any blood this week! AF due on Saturday

I have been out and bought a four pack of flake and caramel - couldn't choose so bought both!! A multi pack if haribos and a double pack of Jaffa cakes!!
It's out first year wedding anniversary tmoz so trying to keep happy for that smile

OrangeLily Sat 11-May-13 20:30:43

Fingers crossed for you. Our anniversary is fairly soon too.

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 11-May-13 20:51:46

A month is really nothing to get overly anxious about. Do you mean a month or is that a typo?

Less baby dust, more shagging.

JethroTull Sat 11-May-13 20:54:46

In a month there's only about a 72 hour window when you can actually get pregnant.

johnandkymberley Sat 11-May-13 22:20:26

No I do mean a month!!! That's why I say I know it seems stupid but that's just how I feel!! I have been checking my CM - (not for the faint hearted!!) and I know when I ovulated etc and we had sex within that window etc

I know this seems a funny question but can you fake yourself into thinking your havin period pains?? I think I might of?? Xxxx

FriendofDorothy Sat 11-May-13 22:29:37

You might HAVE you mean.

Maybe you are pregnant. Maybe you're not. You'll have to wait and see, and if you are then you are bloody lucky to get pregnant so fast. However, the likelihood is that you isn't so I suggest you ease up for a few months, don't get too stressed just yet and enjoy shagging in an uncomplicated fashion.

johnandkymberley Sun 12-May-13 10:09:54

Okay, we'll I'm hoping I am obviously. It's not impossible to get pregnant in one/two months, 3 of my friends have all done that!! That's why I think I expect it to happen quickly, if that makes sense? Xxx

FriendofDorothy Sun 12-May-13 11:08:16

My sister got pregnant fast too - it seemed like she just took her knickers off and got pregnant - as did most if my friends.

It took us nearly 2 years and the expectation it was going to happen quickly made the length of time we had to wait even more painful.

johnandkymberley Sun 12-May-13 18:42:32

Hiya, sorry to hear that Dorothy, I think I am too impatient!!! Patient is better said that done!!!

Earliest I can do a HPT is Wednesday but might wait if I can!!!

AF is due on sat/sun

brettgirl2 Sun 12-May-13 18:58:32

for future reference you get af pains of you are preg ime. Both of my pregnancies started with the feeling af was arriving slightly earlier than usual.

FingersCrossedLegsNot Sun 12-May-13 19:18:14

I think you need to calm down a bit! When your trying for over two years like me then you will have something to complain about! I know I probably seem insensitive but I think coming on and complaining after one month when people on here have been trying for years in slightly insensitive!

Liquoriceallsort Sun 12-May-13 19:35:56

I agree, if 80% of 'healthy' couples conceive within a year you could potentially put yourself through this another 10 times which isn't healthy! Try to enjoy ttc and don't put so much pressure on yourself.

johnandkymberley Sun 12-May-13 19:46:28

And I didn't realise I could have pains if I'm pregnant?!?

I know this sounds tmi but I have been keeping an eye out for AF but I am totally dry 'down there!'

I have some back ache too??

I never have painful periods really, maybe a couple of times but not usually??? Xxx

johnandkymberley Sun 12-May-13 19:48:05

I don't mean to be insensitive and if I have sounded it I don't mean to. I (and loads of other people) have hang ups and this is one of mine. I do put pressure on myself but u can't help it :s

Just one of those things I suppose but I'm a control freak!

And hubby and I we have wanted a baby for 7 years - when I was 17!! But have only started trying basically because we knew we were too young etc so this is really wanted. It's always the case though the more you want it.....

EuroShaggleton Sun 12-May-13 19:54:03

Well you can't control this, so you need to get into a more relaxed mindset. You don't even know the outcome yet of your very first month ttc and you have got yourself into a state!

If "the more you want it...." was in anyway true, I would have a litter by now rather than 2 and a half miserable years behind me with one IVF miscarriage to show for my efforts.

johnandkymberley Sun 12-May-13 20:06:58

Okay I need to relax then!!! I meant the more you want it the longer it takes xxx

OrangeLily Sun 12-May-13 21:25:12

OP have you had a look at net mums? Might be able to get some good advice there. Most folks here have been on the TTC bandwagon for too long to understand where you are coming from.

1Catherine1 Sun 12-May-13 21:40:17

When I got pregnant with my DD, I remember feeling like my period was coming on. I'd had 1 cycle where we didn't conceive and I was so disappointed that I was getting my second period. Only it didn't come and I was pregnant. I had the typical pains, migraine and short tempter that the time of the month usually brings - enhanced by my disappointment.

So although getting pregnant first month is unlikely - you don't know for sure yet.

johnandkymberley Sun 12-May-13 22:08:08

Thanks orange lily, is that a forum type website?? Xx

johnandkymberley Sun 12-May-13 22:09:49

Thanks Catherine, so I may be in luck?! Did you have sex on you're ovulation etc?? Xx

1Catherine1 Sun 12-May-13 23:02:52

I think we were DTD every other day, or at least every 3 days when we were a little tired. I didn't want to wait for ovulation and then miss our chance, anyway, I read something about quality of sperm and that lot. And apparently every other day is best when ttc.

Although, the book I was reading was written by a man wink

MayimBialik Sun 12-May-13 23:21:34

I haven't read the rest of the thread but just wanted to reply to say the month I got pregnant I had period pains the same as usual. It ain't over til AF actually comes. Good luck! wink

johnandkymberley Mon 13-May-13 06:37:55

Hahaha!!! Yep I read that too, although one week we did it once in 4 days rather than in 2/3 but the rest if the month it was that and it was 4 times around ovulation, 1 before, 2 during, 1 after

AF best not arrive!!!


johnandkymberley Tue 14-May-13 14:53:33

Okay everyone I have had some very light bleeding at 7 days past ovulation, when can I take a test?? Xxx

seatfor5 Tue 14-May-13 16:05:15

If your due Saturday really the earliest you would be likely to show anything up on a PG test would be Wed/Thursday I would say test Thursday at the earliest to save disappointment maybe wait until Friday! Tesco's test seem to be quite good and then first response but a lot more money if I were you use the cheapie until your AF is due on Saturday x It is possible to fall in your first month I have 3 ds the first was a "surprise" the second took 3 months ans the 3rd one month am now trying for my 4th and am only on cycle 2 AF arrived today x

johnandkymberley Tue 14-May-13 18:52:40

Oh no seatfor5!! Fingers crossed for next month smile

I'm going to wait till sat morning I think, as hubby wants to be here too

What about the clearblue digital? The one that tells you how many weeks u are?? Xxx

QTPie Tue 14-May-13 19:11:27

Relax... Honestly, you may be incredibly lucky and get pregnant in a month or two (many of my friends have, sometimes twice!), but it could be a longer hail instead...

... It took me 14 months including an early miscarriage to get pregnant with DS (now 3.25). We are now 15 months (including one very recently failed IVF cycle) TTC DC2 and still it pregnant.

Hopefully you will be a lot luckier, but you need to manage expectations armed relax. You can do everything "textbook" and it still might not work straight away I am afraid.

Good luck smile

QTPie Tue 14-May-13 19:12:06

Should read "and still not pregnant"

johnandkymberley Wed 15-May-13 15:50:07

Still no sign of AF don't know whether I'm going to test tmoz morning, what should I do?!? Xxx

alicebear Wed 15-May-13 17:34:30

Test tomorrow! Nothing to lose apart from the cost of a test. If BFP fantastic. If BFN the games not over until AF arrives or BFP later on. BFN just means not enough Hcg in your wee for BFP so until you get a BFP or AF you just never know! My last pregnancy AF was 5 days late before my BFN became a BFP! Fingers crossed for you.

1Catherine1 Thu 16-May-13 20:50:01

So now I need to know, did you POAS? Any news?

johnandkymberley Thu 16-May-13 22:58:01

Hahaha Catherine!!

I chickened out! But will be doing it for deffo tmoz morning. I promise! I have got a really busy weekend so tomorrows the time!! Will keep you posted xxxx

alicebear Fri 17-May-13 07:45:22

Well what's the news?! Fingers crossed.

1Catherine1 Fri 17-May-13 08:44:47

Remember - best to test in the morning!

Januarymadness Fri 17-May-13 09:13:22

First month would be very quick.. But I have to add for me implantation HURT. Like really bad period pains.

johnandkymberley Fri 17-May-13 12:03:42

Yep I had pains all over last weekend-hence I posted this and thought it was my period!!!

Tested this am and was not pregnant but I'm going to buy a traditional test today as I'm nipping into boots anyway just to see if there is a faint line, digital tests are not as sensitive are they?? I've read that on loads of websites?!? Xx

johnandkymberley Fri 17-May-13 12:09:07

Then if there is no sign of a positive line I will have to wait for AF then I suppose?!

chipmonkey Fri 17-May-13 12:53:51

Am I the only one who noticed that FriendOfDorothy corrected OP's grammar but then said "you isn't".
Pedantry fail!

FriendofDorothy Fri 17-May-13 13:27:29

Hehe no I noticed that I had done that too but thought I had got away with it!

Typing on an iPhone is a pain in the arse sometimes!!!

The difference is that I knew I had got it wrong wink

alicebear Fri 17-May-13 13:55:04

Sorry it's BFN today but maybe just too early. Just a waiting game now for AF or test again in a few days if she doesn't turn up.

Beccadugs Fri 17-May-13 14:52:11

Good luck Johnandkimberly!

I know what you mean about being totally gutted the first month you try. Although, intellectually you know it is very unlikely to happen straight away you still hope! I think when you have the first month of it not happening straight away it's like a loss of innocence.

I think after the first month it'll get easier.

johnandkymberley Fri 17-May-13 16:39:13

Beccadugs I hope you are right!!! I have been and bought first response normal tests not digital and will test one of them when I get in, then if still negative which it bloody well be!!! Ill leave it a week and test again of AF isn't here!!

It's just really worried me where the slight pink blood came from as I thought that was implantation and that happened on day 8 po so it would b in the time frame???

Also noticed the grammar but too polite to say lmao!!! Xxxx

FriendofDorothy Fri 17-May-13 18:26:28

How kind of you johnandkymberley


alicebear Fri 17-May-13 19:03:27

This early on if you are pregnant you are more likely to get a BFP if you use FMU so probably worth waiting until tomorrow morning - or even Sunday.

johnandkymberley Fri 17-May-13 19:53:46

Friend of Dorothy I agree with what you say about iphone and iPads!

Ill see if I can test tomorrow, however will be VERY early in the morning. If not i will wait for AF and then test in a week if still not arrived??

What else can I do?! Xxx

chipmonkey Fri 17-May-13 22:52:29


johnandkymberley Sat 18-May-13 08:42:26

It's funny cuz I think ppl can take things the wrong way when writing in text....

Northey Sat 18-May-13 10:21:10

LOL. did u test again 2day?

Coffee1Sugar Sat 18-May-13 17:07:02


Fwiw, I got pregnant whilst on the pill. I never even missed a single pill and got upduffed so I'm sure getting pregnant first month of actually trying is certainly possible. I hope so anyway, I'm on month 1 of ttc no2!

FriendofDorothy Sat 18-May-13 21:32:59


johnandkymberley Sun 19-May-13 16:43:38

Wow at coffee!!

Sorry had a really busy weekend, got invites coming out my a**e!!!

Yep I did do it, still a BFN!!


no sign, moods, pains indicating AF is on her way??!!

Scratching my head on what to do!?! Xx

BumpAndGrind Sun 19-May-13 16:58:40

Ah just relax.. I tested like a mad woman the first couple of months.

I took us 8 months in the end.

alicebear Sun 19-May-13 19:05:12

Wait a few days & if still no AF test again. Whilst there's no AF there's still hope.

johnandkymberley Sun 19-May-13 19:48:35

I feel I am more relaxed about it, I think I'm gunna wait another week and then see what happens. Going to check my CM tonight...nice! I'm gunna get through this last week of half term teaching and then have a whole week relaxing and shopping!!! Xxx

johnandkymberley Mon 20-May-13 20:33:39

When should I test again? Is a week too long to wait? Xxx

1Catherine1 Mon 20-May-13 20:48:32

Think of it like this - if you don't know for another week what harm will it really do? It's not as if you will no longer be pregnant because you didn't test in time! You seem to be driving yourself crazy at the moment - give yourself until Saturday and then test, I think if you say a week you will cave on Saturday as work will be done for this half term and you'll have nothing else to obsess about.

1Catherine1 Mon 20-May-13 20:50:55

Oh and if you can test and post the result before 7am that would be appreciated grin Then I can reply before going away.

johnandkymberley Mon 20-May-13 22:07:07

Thanks Catherine smile I will try, just for you!! But I will probably be up anyway as I'd want to get it done!!

Thank god it's half term!! I know some people who don't teach think we have too many holidays, but they are well deserved!!


Beccadugs Mon 20-May-13 23:01:27

I totally agree Johnandkimberly! I am a teacher too and work 10hr days and most of Saturday, and I no longer work in a school!!

In other news I think AF might be on her way early... Feeling very crampy this evening!

johnandkymberley Mon 20-May-13 23:39:32

Oh noo! Hopefully you might just have some cramps but no blood?! I think mine has either got lost in my body or I'm pregnant! Hopefully the latter tho lol xxxx

Beccadugs Tue 21-May-13 09:26:55

I hope it is the latter Johnandkimberly! False AF alarm last night, things seemed to have settled down somewhat today! (Only four days til half term!!)

FriendofDorothy Tue 21-May-13 09:56:31

Not sure how long you have been off the contraception but it may just be your bodies hormones settling down.

Beccadugs Tue 21-May-13 11:22:49

I have been off contraception for two years!

It was a false AF alarm, but think it might have be a digestive issue blush

johnandkymberley Tue 21-May-13 13:14:43

Beccadugs is this your first baby??

I'm really curious as what is going on in my body!! Also I had sticky CM, not as thick as egg white though.

Bought some cheapie HPT online so going to use them to test then use a digi one xxx

FriendofDorothy Tue 21-May-13 13:42:06

I meant how long has johnandkymberley been off contraception.

Beccadugs Tue 21-May-13 23:45:29

Yes Johnandkimberly it will be! How about you?

The cm does take some wrapping your head around doesn't it! This really really gross set of photos can help with the cm spotting!


johnandkymberley Wed 22-May-13 16:53:58

Hiya beccadugs yep it will be :D we've signed up to a few pregnancy and baby websites and got 2 MAAM bottles through the post today :s

Thanks for the link, had a look and nothing looks like mine, found some white discharge?? God things are confusing!!

P.s one day till half term for me as I'm on PPA for the whole (yes whole!!) of tmoz!!! Xxx

johnandkymberley Thu 23-May-13 18:27:25

Okay. I did a test today! Couldn't help myself! And still BFN, what is going on??? Fair enough if I'm not pregnant but then where is my AF??!

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Thu 23-May-13 20:35:25

<Snorts babydust before looses will to live>

OP - you have been TTC 1 month, in that time there has been a tiny window in which you may have become pregnant. Its like buying a lottery ticket and crying when you don't win.

My advice, chill out, stop looking for your period, it WILL come when its ready.


alicebear Thu 23-May-13 22:11:03

buggerlugs that seems a little harsh. I think it's normal to be optimistic & hopeful in the first months ttc.
OP I've had frustrating times with late AF and BFNs for days before getting a BFP. Afraid you're just going to have to keep waiting. Let us know what happens.

FriendofDorothy Thu 23-May-13 22:38:13

I don't thinks bugs was being harsh, honest ad straightforward mainly.

johnandkymberley - when did you stop using contraception and have you had any periods since coming off it?

johnandkymberley Fri 24-May-13 16:42:57

I can understand where bugga lugs is coming from, but I agree with Alice bear as there could have been a better way to say it lol!

I hope my AF doesn't come but in the meantime I've just got to play the waiting game I suppose.....

johnandkymberley Fri 24-May-13 16:44:28

And I've been off my contraception 6 weeks, had a period 2 days after I had it out I was due around that time as well!!!

FriendofDorothy Fri 24-May-13 17:00:55

I'm which case it is entirely possible that your hormones are just settling down and the period you had just after you stopped your contraception was just a withdrawal bleed.

johnandkymberley Fri 24-May-13 18:53:00

What's a withdrawal bleed?

MrsHuxtable Fri 24-May-13 20:59:48

Sounds like you just had a withdrawal bleed and no period.

When you are on the pill, the bleeding you have is not an actual period. When you stop the pill, you get a withdrawal bleed, essentially just what you used to have when on the pill. Your first real period comes only after that and some women taken quite a while to settle back into a cycle after stopping hormonal contraception.

johnandkymberley Fri 24-May-13 21:28:53

Okay thanks for clarifying that smile do I have to have a full period before I am able to become pregnant??

FriendofDorothy Fri 24-May-13 22:09:07

No, you can become fertile before you have a period, but you are not likely to know about it so easily.

You can check cervical mucus, use temperature charts etc etc but I suggest you chill out for a few months, shag every couple of days and enjoy it.

The reality is that if you don't get pregnant easily then TTC will become very ritualistic and less enjoyable, so enjoy the time you have without all of that.

Also, and here is just a small word of warning. There are a lot of people on these boards who have struggled to become pregnant and have taken years and years to get pregnant, if they have managed it at all. It is really very frustrating when someone who came off the pill 6 weeks ago starts a thread saying, 'am I pregnant?', 'why am I not pregnant?', 'do you think I could be pregnant?'.

Long-term TTC is joyless and frustrating. You may get lucky, you may not, but please spare a thought for those who are stuck in an endless cycle of hoping month on month and hugs disappointment.

Sit tight, wait and see if your period pitches up and shag lots.

johnandkymberley Sat 25-May-13 23:12:30

FriendofDorothy, thank you for the advice. I'll bare it in mind.

Also thanks for your small word of warning, I didn't come on here to offend anybody. I assumed that as every other person on this forum is also trying for a baby that we'd all be feeling similarly, regardless of how long they have been trying and the contraception they were on before they started trying. (I wasn't on the pill.)

Seeing as you're such an expert, I'm surprised it hasn't happened for you yet?!

FriendofKymberley says; "you should take note of your own advice"

Good luck and I'll keep you updated.

FriendofDorothy Sat 25-May-13 23:19:13

It has happened to me. I was one of the fortunate people. I now have a lovely 5 month old son.

It took nearly two years, a round of medication and a procedure to check out my tubes for blockages.

That two years were very sad and disappointing and hard work at times. I made good friends on here, some of whom have managed to get pregnant and some who have not yet.

willitbe Sun 26-May-13 07:54:30

Johnandkimberley - please be careful what you say "as you such an expert surprised not happened to you yet" is a truly insensitive thing to say. Fertility is not a competition about how good or knowledgable a person is. You can know nothing and become pregnant, you can know virtually all there is to know about fertility and still be infertile.

You have yet to experience months on end of trying to conceive and failing, or experience the hurt and emotional trauma of a miscarriage. You are at the start of a hopeful short and exciting journey to motherhood. But please listen to the advice you have been given.

I remember feeling like you do now, and I was one of the lucky ones becoming pregnant with my first child after only four months of trying. The same with my second child. Following my third child, I had to go through years of fertility investigations and 12 miscarriages. So by now I think I am quite knowledgable about fertility, but it does not stop my current infertility.

Please stop thinking of getting pregnant as a race to be completed quickly. Please try to relax and enjoy "practicing" these early months. If you are one of the lucky ones that is great, but don't assume everyone feels the same way about ttc.

PuppyMummy Sun 26-May-13 09:00:18

johnandkymberley that was a ridiculous and totally insensitive thing to say. fod was spot on with her advice and trying to help you.
You have no idea what its like, cycle after cycle to do all the right things and not be lucky to get the elusive bfp.
I can guarantee cycle 17 (for me) and upwards from that for many on here, does not feel like it did in cycle 1.

QTPie Sun 26-May-13 09:10:32

Sorry, thread lurker...

But, becoming pregnant has very little to do with "knowing what to do" and a lot more about dealing with the hand that Mother Nature has dealt you... Some people at every lucky and get pregnant straight away, others take years and/or medical I intervention, others (like my SIL) not at all.

I have DS (3 years and 4 months), but have spent the past 16 months (and one round of IVF), so far unsuccessfully, TTC DC2.

People on this forum are not all in the same boat, sadly:. Some will flit through here during the one month they TTC before moving on to the Pregnancy forum, others will be here for years. And nobody knows - until it happens or doesn't - which group we will be in.

Good luck.

EuroShaggleton Sun 26-May-13 09:13:45

OP, what a nasty insensitive thing to say to Dorothy.

I suggest you try to mature a little before you bring a child into this world.

tametortie Sun 26-May-13 09:27:17


OP, this is a tough lesson to learn. To post on the conception/infertility boards in such a way is totally insensitive. Many of us have been TTC for years (6 here), have endured loss, sadness, heartache.

Please try to be a bit more sensitive to the situation of others.

And let me assure you, if knowledge of TTC ensured success- I'd have a fucking 7-seater car by now, not a yaris.

Sh1ney Sun 26-May-13 09:27:40

92 messages devoted to some woman who has been trying to get pregnant for five minutes and decides to post in conception? She would be better off shooting the breeze about this nonsense over in chat.

Insensitive , crass and embarrassing. ( and I speak as someone who has had her babies and well and truly past it all now. I'm just cringing here and feeling the pain of countless women who use this particular topic for what it's meant for )

Sh1ney Sun 26-May-13 09:29:05

And this reads like a wind up to me anyway

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 26-May-13 09:31:17

I know this isn't AIBU and I don't want to pile in here unnrcessarily but I also think that was a very unkind thing that friendofkymberleysaid and that kymberley then repeated.

I' had great support on the conception boards when I was trying to have DS. I was one of the lucky ones who became pregnant quickly but one thing that struck me is that the posters who helped me the most were the ones who had gleaned the most knowledge because sadly they had been trying for quite a while. That didnt stop them helping me and being genuinely delighted when I became pregnant.

Which I think just shows the kindness of mumsnetters - which we don't really talk about!

MrsDeVere Sun 26-May-13 09:43:05

Bloody hell I was just lurking for exciting pregnancy news.

But you just said a fucking horrible thing and you need to apologise.

Are you really a teacher? I don't usually do the grammar/spelling thing because mine is generally a bit rubbish but are you really a teacher?

I say this genuinely...you would really be better off joining Netmums. You are much less likely to upset people on there and you can upload pictures of your pregnancy tests for people to look at. You can do all this stuff as much as you like and you will have loads of people to chat to about it.

I am not saying you can't stay on MN. I am just suggesting you might prefer NM.

OrangeLily Sun 26-May-13 10:00:48

OP shock fuck off

That was rude, insensitive and utterly crass.

jass43 Sun 26-May-13 10:03:23

I can get the "not getting" the issues of infertility when you are starry-eyed neophyte in this game. It just made me laugh when I read it first time. I do not see the reason to feel offended by blissful ignorance.

But I strongly advise the OP to undertake an attitude shift. Why the rush? Contraception is bad, unhealthy and unnatural thing. You are off it now. A few more months of ttc gives you a few more months in life living without nasty hormone interventions. Until you have no proven problems (and it takes 12 month of ttc even to suspect it) enjoy this time of looking forward and anticipation. Soon your pregnancy is here, then it is over and you might feel it went far too fast.
I remember the months of ttc as the ones most happy in my life - I believed it will happen and lived in anticipation. Of course, once it takes too long all this changes, but why rush into worry and being a nervous wreck after one month of trying?
Now suffering secondary infertility I fondly think back on the days when I did not have reasons to think something is wrong and lived in exited anticipation, enjoying the thoughts of not just shagging but importantly making a baby. Enjoy this time in your life and do not spoil it with impatience, lady

MrsDeVere Sun 26-May-13 10:09:38

jass I really don't think its the 'am I pregnant?' 'Why am I not pregnant' thing that was offending people.
I think people where being really nice tbh. Encouraging but sensible.
But when you get a grown woman responding 'if you are such an expert why aren't you pregnant, ner ner'

It is going to piss people off.

In fact I think it is one of the crassest things I have ever seen on MN.

tametortie Sun 26-May-13 10:25:05

Mrsdevere, totally agree. I find the naivity of thinking it will happen the first month really sweet and it really made me smile. It was the insensitive comment to fod that pissed me off!! Like having loads of expert knowledge helps any of us at all???!!!

jass43 Sun 26-May-13 11:24:35

I do not argue with that. Was crass, but I did not look to argue with that. I tried to help OP to see that She is actually losing out on sth beautiful by obsessing about becoming pg when She has no real reason to worry it will eventually happen. The reactions of others where enough, I believe, to drive the insensitivity point through. To the extent possible.

On the other hand, with close to 3 years of infertility label on my own forehead I do not expect the world to understand. And she is part of that world who do not understand. So what? One more less than compassionate person, the world is full of them. We have hundreds here on different threads who do understand, that is enough. I also believe conception section of MN is not only for chose for whom fertility is a challenge. She did not crash a thread where we all struggle with a comment that "just calm down, your time comes" or sth similar. She created her own topic, on subject She wanted answers, and in the discussion made an insensitive comment. That happens to the best people. I do not think all responses are balanced neither.....
That is why I chose to answer her problem, while bleeding out another chemical preg mc (no 10), and finding nothing better to do with a rainy Sunday. And not put her right on things She can hopefully afford never to understand.

mrsden Sun 26-May-13 12:06:06

OP, most couples will get pregnant within 1 year. Up until that point then you have nothing to worry about. I appreciate that ttc is stressful and frustrating but after one month you really do not understand the pain and misery that long term ttcers face. Each month, even if you do everything right and there are no fertility problems then you only have a 25% chance of conceiving. Your friends have been very lucky for it to happen straight away.

Your comment was insensitive and nasty, you have been given very good advice here. You are likely to be pregnant soon and I wish you luck. But, please do not think that it is knowledge that gets you pregnant. It's down to luck and Mother Nature and nothing more.

MrsDeVere Sun 26-May-13 12:23:04

jass I am not arguing with any of that and actually clicked to a.explain that pains etc are normal in early pregnancy and b. hope that by the time I got to the end of the thread my comments wouldn't be necessary.

I don't have fertility issues and I have gotten pregnant within a month of trying, twice at either end of my child bearing years.

So I wouldn't dream of giving someone advice on waiting, calming down, shutting up or anything else.

But to come on here and say something like that? It makes no difference who started the thread.

My advice about NMs was genuine BTW. I know its often shorthand for 'feck off' round these parts smile

But for people who are new to TTC and don't have any real problems and want to go over every possibility and detail, its a great site. She is unlikely to get snarky comments.

I remember what its like wanting to be pregnant and being all excited and scared at the same time.

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 15:16:21

Jesus Fucking Christ!

<face palm>

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 15:31:30

ok, now I'm a little calmer...

OP, the implant takes a long time to wear off and your body to settle down. It could be months before you get your BFP. However, if you are not pregnant by cycle 18, please go to your gp. In the meantime, for fucks sake, calm down! As has been said, a lot of people who use this board have been ttc a long time (the clue is in the thread titles) and it is clear that people were being patient with you, while also being realistic. Planning doesn't make you pregnant. Stressing doesn't make you pregnant. Testing early doesn't make you pregnant. You have no control over your fertility and conception, the sooner you accept that the happier you will be.

And FOD deserves an apology, she was trying to help you, and you have been cruel and dismissive. Its fucking appalling. I hope you will learn a bit of humility.

And, as a sidenote, I'm sorry to see so many familliar names in here. FTC is shit. I hope the OP never has to experience it, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I hope you all get your BFPs soon and fuck babydust

1Catherine1 Sun 26-May-13 16:37:06

After seeing your last post OP I decided to step away from the thread and leave the mob to descend. I'm sure you now realize how insensitive the comment was and I'm sure you weren't aware of how incredibly nasty the comment you made was until the aftermath. We all say things as throw away comments and then realize how facetious it was and wish we'd have not said it. I get that.

The only reason I'm posting now is because I believe that the previous poster may not be 100% correct. In actual fact, according to the doctor and the nurse, when you remove the implant your body returns to normal much quicker than the pill. Immediately was what I was told. So, Lissielou, if you could quote your source that disagrees with everything I have been told to date (Had 3 implants over the years) then I would appreciate it. In actual fact, I was incredibly lucky last time we ttc and we conceived within 2 months of having the implant removed.

I read in a book that you only have a 20% chance of conceiving each month. That isn't a lot really.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 26-May-13 16:42:06

Posting to add to the consensus of shock. OP I really hope you never have to experience the heartbreak of fertility problems, and I also hope you develop a little thing called compassion before you bring a child into this world.

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 17:02:30

Catharine, I'm sure you didn't mean to sound so snippy, I'm on my phone so no, I can't find supporting evidence, its just what the nurse told me and I've read. I may be wrong, we all have different experiences and are often told different things depending on our circumstances. But when I decided to stop ttc and saw the nurse about my options, she said that the effects of the implant can take a long time to settle down. <Shrug> I'm sorry if I offended.

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 17:12:26

I've just had a quick google, and it looks like I was wrong/misunderstood. So my apologies. Please disregard the first line of the second paragraph, I stand by everything else though smile

1Catherine1 Sun 26-May-13 17:19:17

Oh dear... I think emotions are running high on the forum now. I've re-read my message and it doesn't sound snippy to me. Actually I have aimed for non-offensive and non-confrontational but factual. Perhaps I tried too hard to be neutral and non offensive that its gone from my usual too blunt and honest (which my boss tells me is offensive) to passive aggressive..Woops, sorry!

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 17:24:13

No worries, I probably read too much into it anyway. Its been a long time since I've used this board (before I gave up ttc I was in infertility instead, after years on here) and it sort of reminds me of how fucking horrible those years were.

HesterShaw Sun 26-May-13 18:04:58

Hello lissie, tis I Ariel <lowers dark glasses>

OP, I am another of those experts. I hope you never have to become one, for your own sake sad

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 18:34:05

Ariel, my lovely! How are you? I'm so sorry that you're still here, truly. Any progress?

HesterShaw Sun 26-May-13 18:36:37

Well if you count one failed IUI progress! However I guess I'm in the system, and about to start another round, and I have four free rounds before proceeding to IVF if necessary. So things could be worse smile Thanks for asking.

You decided to get off the merry go round then?

HesterShaw Sun 26-May-13 18:38:34

So I guess I'm a medium expert as opposed to an expert expert.

Given that it's a competition and all.... wink

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 18:43:09

Ah, I'm sorry, that's shit. Whens your nexy cycle?

Yep, 7.5 years after my first mc, I just had enough. I was depressed, had ill health anyway and so bitter. Its just exhausting, isn't it? Counting days, being scared to move, just in case and blaming yourself for not being "natural" ds is 8 now, still wants a sibling, but I explained that sometimes people can't have babies, even if they've already had one miracle.
I'm actually happy now though.

FriendofDorothy Sun 26-May-13 18:46:42

Well, if we are competing then I am a mere amateur!

HesterShaw Sun 26-May-13 18:49:21

<sneers at the amateur in our midst grin >

Am glad you're happy now, Lissie. Sometimes I think we would be happier if we just stopped, but I can't yet. I need to give it a couple more tries.

Hey ho. Life goes on.

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 18:53:56

FOD, I'll take you under my wing. Like in the movies, I'm the retired, slightly deranged professor with crappy theories grin

Hester, totally understand. It has to be a natural conclusion. I decided after my 14th mc, it took such a long time for bleeding to stop and pain to go, and my cycle was insane. I just thought "what am I doing? Dh is terrified I will die, ds sees me in agony... Enough"

FriendofDorothy Sun 26-May-13 18:55:22

Good for you lis.

I think that's a great decision if you can make it and be relatively content with it.

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 18:58:43

Thank you, it wasn't an easy one, but it was right.

I really hope you get your bfp soon!

duchesse Sun 26-May-13 19:03:05

Hugs to liss and anybody else currently suffering from the pain of infertility.

EuroShaggleton Sun 26-May-13 19:18:51

lis I'm glad you've found peace. I remember that you went through yet another MC on a conception thread I was on, and it was so, so painful to see. I've had one since and I have no idea how you kept going through 14. You sound content, which is great. (PS I was probably euro-somethingelse back then).

willitbe Sun 26-May-13 19:21:24

Lissie - hey, long time since you were here, great to see you. And yes I think you would be the prefect crazy old professor for FOD grin

FOD - enjoy being a trainee! (I hope the op comes back to apologise for her insensitive comment to you) Moving on and making decisions to stop, like Lissie, is the hardest and bravest, and makes me in awe of my special comrade. It is a decision that still haunts me daily.

lissieloo Sun 26-May-13 20:05:58

Ooh, its a reunion!

Duchesse, great to see you chickadee, how are you?

Euro, were you eurochick? I definitely remember you though, and thank you. How are you?

Willitbe, I've not seen you in yonks! How are you? Ikwym about it haunting you. Sometimes I wonder if the months since I had the coil fitted which was fucking agony btw were the months it would have worked. But that way does more madness lie. <Straightens fedora and grabs whip>

EuroShaggleton Sun 26-May-13 21:29:03

liss I'm ok. About to embark upon IVF#2. IVF#1 resulted in a shock BFP followed by an mc at 8 weeks. I'm not ready to give up yet, but I hav reached the point where I am looking forward to post-ttc peace, whether that is a llife with children or without.

I love the way this thread has turned into an oldtimers' reunion!

(will, I think the OP is unlikely to be back to apologise, having started another thread (now pulled) specifically to have a pop at the lovely FOD.)

EuroShaggleton Sun 26-May-13 21:30:52

And yes, eurochick was me!

HesterShaw Sun 26-May-13 21:44:09

having started another thread (now pulled) specifically to have a pop at the lovely FOD.)

....which was really really really classy and mature of her.


tametortie Sun 26-May-13 22:15:33

Hello lissie!! Remember me? I was called Ammy/mummy2olivia.

Glad to see you have found some peace beyond TTC.

I am still plodding along, just had my 3rd icsi cycle. Not sure of result yet... hmm

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Mon 27-May-13 09:44:34

Another one here who remembers lissie. Glad you have found peace after a long journey.

I've had 3 mc's and will soon be reffered for IVF. I'm not sure how long I can keep going before we decide to call it a day.

If the OP does return, or anyone else feeling 'frustrated' after 1 month reads this they realise that infertility happens to lots of women, normal women with no health problems and so, can effect them.

lissieloo Mon 27-May-13 14:06:25

Euro, I'm sorry about your mc, its horrible. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. I, too, love that this is a reunion, although its sad that so many of my old comrades are still here.

And shock at the op starting a thread to have a go at FOD, that's awful!

Ammy/tametortie, I remember you. Whens your period due?

Buggerlugs, me old mukker. When do you think you will start?

Yep, IF can affect anyone. It doesn't matter how much preparation you undertake, or what you do. Its heartbreaking and infuriating. It turns rational, intelligent women into bitter, irrational harpies. God, its so bloody unfair

tametortie Mon 27-May-13 14:57:32

yep, I am irrational. Totally. Official clinic test day is Friday.

lissieloo Mon 27-May-13 15:17:56

You must be so nervous! <Squeeze>

I shall keep everything crossed and try to keep an eye out for the result. How do you feel?

tametortie Mon 27-May-13 15:54:39

Well, in all honesty I have done a couple of tests and they are faintly positive. BUT, and i know you will relate to this, i dont feel happy. I feel numb. And i dont trust tests anymore. I will trust being in labour and delivering a baby. But infertility robs you of excitement and happiness and i just dont believe that there is a happy ending anymore. So when i have a 20 week scan under my belt and i feel happy to shop for pushchairs then i will believe the tests. Till then, im reserving any celebrations!!!

willitbe Mon 27-May-13 16:13:52

tametortie - really you should know never to confess to early testing with Lissie she does not approve wink (hehehe!). At the same time, I can fully understand just taking one day at a time, and the numbness setting in, just be kind to yourself and keep up the taking one day at a time. There are plenty of mn buddies who will handhold over the next few days/weeks. (BTW, I had a different name previously like yourself, and was on other conception threads with you years ago.)

big wave to Duchesse and Euro too. (Duchesse, you would know me by a different name too, back from buddy days)

lovely to see everyone again.

lissieloo Mon 27-May-13 16:17:15

I can completely relate to all that. All that innocence and excitement, and simple joy that comes from deciding to create a child, it dies. A version of yourself dies. When I was first pg with ds I had a lot of bleeding, and had a scan at what I thought would be 7 weeks, but there was a 5w embryo. I didn't even consider anything was wrong. Its so different to the woman who calmly told the mw not to bother with a scan.

However, bfps, no matter how faint, are the first step. One day at a time, my lovely!

lissieloo Mon 27-May-13 16:19:29

Willitbe, I still have the stats lying around somewhere, ready to whip out at a moments notice wink

OrangeLily Mon 27-May-13 16:27:07

Iv only been TTC for 7 months so can't get in to an old timers reunion but as for the implant.... hmmhmm

I went in it because if all the shit they tell you about immediately returning fertility, otherwise I would have used barrier methods.

My last cycle which finished on Thursday was 53 days. Since August iv had a 30, few 40, few 50 and a 70 something cycles.

Doctors tomorrow as they are starting to investigate.

tametortie Mon 27-May-13 16:33:42

I must say my friend had the implant and also bought into the fast returning fertility. She hasn't had a period since and has suddenly stopped ovulating hmm I think anything with hormones involved is a very individual thing- affects some more than others...

I am taking it one day at a time. Still wont believe any pregnancy test till the contractions are 2 minutes apart smile

tametortie Mon 27-May-13 16:36:05

Willitbe, what was your name???

lissieloo Mon 27-May-13 16:43:48

That's what I'd heard from friends, and the nurse had said to me. Its why I went for the coil, just in case we do decide to have one last shot.

Orangelily, I hope you get some answers from the doctors, 7m is still tough!

Tame, ikwym. Every step is a miracle.

willitbe Mon 27-May-13 17:05:10

tametortie - have pm'd you my old name!

OrangeLily Mon 27-May-13 17:33:31

Thank-you. Starting to get a bit bummed out but I've got a lovely doctor who is a young, female and she seems to really understand. She sent me straight to hospital for PCOS scan which found nothing and we'll talk about blood tests tomorrow.

The good thing about being on here is someone always knows how you feel....

......well that is until some numpty comes along and flings insensitive crap about.

willitbe Mon 27-May-13 17:36:58

Special message for johnandkimberly, incase she comes back here again:
You said on another thread that "My AF were so irregular before the implant but then in he first 2 years of the implant I had nothing but in this last year it's all been settling down and coming on time so I'm hoping this will continue after the implant is removed!". I think that you should be aware that the implant loses its effect very quickly, and if you had pre-exsisting fertility issues (irregular cycles !) then these would be seen to return fairly quickly, and so it might be worth bearing this in mind when saying that "my period is due.....", as if your cycle was irregular previously then it will probrably be the same again now. OPK's are not able to be used in situations where fertility is affected by PCOS for instance, so you might not have ovulated when you thought you might have done.

Out of interest: this is a link to Netmums and another site with experiences of AF going AWOL after the implanon removal, so I hope that reassures you johnankimberley that you are not alone. Also it might possibly be worth looking into PCOS as a possible cause for your irregular cycles?

PearlyWhites Mon 27-May-13 17:39:01

A month really shock

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Mon 27-May-13 19:18:40

Lissie - We'll be referred in July (I think) and the waiting list is 6 months. I'm hoping my last 2 cycles of clomid do the trick but am realistic and know its unlikely.

Did you ever find out why you had some many mc's?

HadALittleFaithBaby Tue 28-May-13 08:47:51

<suspects the op has signed up to netmums>

Luffly to see you lissie smile so glad you're happy.

lissieloo Tue 28-May-13 12:48:56

Buggerlugs, so you're looking at a february start? Now remember, just relaaaaax wink hope that the clomid works though, hell, I just hope it happens full stop!

We are still none the wiser. I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, teitzes and borderline osteoporosis, so its possible that its involved somehow. Dh and I were talking about it last night and I don't know how we kept going, I really don't!

Faith, my darlin' how are you? Had that baby yet? Or do you have a while to go? on a lot of drugs, memory aint what it was

HadALittleFaithBaby Tue 28-May-13 13:12:02

Yes baby born 14th April. Currently refusing to sleep in Moses basket! Little girl called Abigail. Bit dinky at 5lb 4oz but growing rapidly now smile

lissieloo Tue 28-May-13 13:18:06

Ohhhhh, how wonderful! Congratulations, and what a beautiful name! <Squeeze>

HadALittleFaithBaby Tue 28-May-13 13:24:56

I did PM you - did you not get it? Maybe I spelt your name wrong in a sleep deprived state....

lissieloo Tue 28-May-13 14:02:45

No, never mind. I'm so pleased for you!

If it helps I'm due next Monday, ttc for three months and I can feel the beginnings of AF rearing her ugly head hmmhmm so you're not alone. And it's raining. Feeling blah too. But there's always next month. Keep positive.

Posted that before I read the rest of the thread and realised it had got controversial confused sorry!!

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Wed 29-May-13 21:22:54

I like your MN name so you're forgiven .

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