TRC 10+ months. Part 15...(1000 Posts)
New thread for the lovely 10+ers. 14 was awesome so another like that please!
Marking place, thanks for setting up the new thread nelly!
Thanks nelly! Hope the cactus didn't cause too much damage......
Waves hello to art. I can't believe that you are so far along already. I'd be dropping hints to grandma to try some primary colours as well as beige . If I knew that I was having a girl I wouldn't tell because I'm not a big fan of pink!
gin I know that I will trade one set of worried for another. I was born worrying so that won't be anything new. I'm sure parents never stop worrying about their kids.
sea I think it was you that asked, otd for me is Monday the 13th. 13 is my lucky number
ignoring fact that thread 13 was unlucky for many and clinging to fact it was lucky for doll. Have to go in for a blood test at the clinic but will poas first at home with MrM.
Part 15 eh. I have been in this thread for approaching two years. May I please never be on the 10 years plus thread but that does mean I've been talking to some of you peeps for two years too. Probably a lot more than I do to a lot my RL friends!
Art tis great to see you. If anyone ever asked me was it planned I think my face would be a picture. I like that miniart is gender not confirmed. Agreed that bright colours are good. I do have a host of unfinished items but I have to say that my sewing machine craft adventures have led to highest rate of completion. Who knew that fabric could be so pleasing and shockingly addictive. I tried to explain this to my students earlier this month and was met with shocked faces of disgust!
Doll it will look like a mini bump and not thickened waist
gin also hurrah for the retching though I'm sure it is a bit grim. I know that I would try to bravely see any yukky symptom as better than ttc but I forget in my dreamy thoughts of pregnancy that actually a lot of it isn't exactly a picnic. Hold out for the bloom which will be with you soon.
nelly I've been thinking of you and your taped sticks. I am doing mental willing very hard.
sea I have had a stern talking to about the hot yoga by my acu, my parents and Hare. As such I am now not doing Bikram but hot yoga at slightly lower temps with radiant heat that feels nicer and not so sweat tastic and only once a week it is only 60 minutes too and more flowing. It is still hot and hard but I don't feel like I've been run over by a truck at the end. I also don't get the endorphin rush. I feel in my gut though that bikram is not right when ttc. How was lunch?
Goddamn I've forgotten who else posted on the other thread. I meant to say euro your words about feeling like you were being punished really resonated with me. I spent ages thinking this was my punishment for past demeanours and i never stopped to think this was a culturally engrained response. I've moved on from there now, with the help from folks on here I think.
I have had my pmt cry today which started when I couldn't understand a sewing pattern instruction, moved on to how unruly our garden is and ended up in a woe fest about how all my friends are having a lovely baby/toddler bank holiday according to the book of faces. Poor Hare but he did good consoling. He dared to say it was pmt which was a brave move but I had to reluctantly agree and to be fair I did ask him a few mnths ago to remind me of I was having a similar strop
I didn't mean it though
Yoga, a bath and a glass of nice wine have eased the situation. Bring on period 26, my tampon cupboard is fully stocked in excited anticipation. We had a big cook as my grump evaporated, we did Angela Hartnetts ragu earlier which I'm dubious about. It's been slow cooking for three hours and I'm not sure it is as nice as a regular spag Bol. It is also <whispers> made with veal. My former vegan self has rolled over and died.
Ha I wrote hot and hard a lot in that post
Oh rabbit I have also told MrM to remind me when the hormones have Aiken over and I am totally flying off the handle over not very important things. I also do not appreciate it very much at the time but good to help me just ride it out. Me apologising and acknowledging that it was irrational also seems to make it more bearable for MrM to be supportive instead of just shouting back at me and joining in with the stomping about, throwing of
soft things, and generally behaving like a thwarted two year old.
Have just noticed that your iPhone has renamed out thread, nelly. One of you clever ladies needs to work out what TRC stands for
And judging by the autocorrects in that post I will never take responsibility for starting a new thread
Aiken is taking
Out should be our
madness. Trying REALLY hard to Conceive?
The veal was amazing!
<had too many white-belgian-beers in the sun, is feeling decidedly squiffy>
Yay for shiny new fred and keeping stuff crossed for everyone. No news except for kid-free beers are good
OFFS I tried very hard to check for mistakes. Arse biscuits.
nelly don't worry! Was thinking that this means we can go incognito . No one else will know what we're talking about.
Glad the meal was good rabbit. We opted for veggie lasagna. I find it strangely addictive and keep wandering back into the kitchen to nibble leftovers.....
Lemon I am jealous of your squiffyness. I had to drink some wine tonight in a decoy style. It was sooo nice.
decoy style, nelly you nutter.
madness in answer to your question I'm moving around toward bridesmaid duties. The real move is in August and in the other direction.
Doll your life manages to sound very glamorous . Though not so much when you share your doctor tales. Will you have moved come the big day????
In my stripy art installation, I am trying to decide if today's almost-invisible line is 1% darker than yesterday's. it's narrower bizarrely, and "sharper" but can't tell if its darker. I'm now 2 weeks past trigger and 7 days past the tiny booster shot. But I feel a bit period-y this morning so who knows . It's a bank holiday though so hurrah for that!!
How are the other 2ww-ers doing?
Critter best of luck for today .
Oh you said August so I guess so
Good luck critter, looking forward to your report.
Nelly -ooooooo I do hope so, ooo fingers tightly crossed.
at bank holiday. My work have decided to ignore this one....
Nelly i too am so hopeful for you!!
How are you today mrsd?
Back to work.....
Isn't it Buzzy's donor's EC today too?? Fingers tightly crossed for a great clutch of eggs and loads of fertilised ones. Thinking of you!
MrN says today's line is darker. However he immediately put out that fizz of excitement by doubting whether the darkness of the line had any bearing. Twat
tell me he is wrong about that
Boo for work Mad. My so called Scottish employer takes English bank holidays. Which is very annoying every time the 2nd of Jan rolls around.
Nelly a darker line would have bearing! Big squeeze, I hope that line sticks around for the next 9 months. It would be a big chart!
Madness I feel your pain, no bank holiday for me
Just a quickie ...
nelly darker line = a v good sign! Tight squeeze from me too. Have you got a blood test booked?
mrsd have you tested again? I have everything crossed for you.
critter hope all goes well today
And buzz here's hoping for a huge haul from your donor today.
Bank holiday luffs to all, esp those at work!
Thanks for allowing me to wallow in my fantasy ladies! The line is only visible if you look at it directly from above, but it's there. It is mega mega faint though. Blood test is Friday Gin, should have been Thursday but the satellite clinic is only 3 days a week.
I'm sorry so many of you are working today. That is rubbish.
Nelly - it looks promising. Surely a stronger line means something? I'm keeping everything crossed for you.
Mad - One more week to go... I hope the wait is not driving you too crazy. . Sorry you are having to work. Not nice.
You were completely right about the lunch with the newly diffed... it wasn't too bad at all.
Art - nice to hear from you. It must all seem very close now. Happy for you.
Rabbit - I think you are doing the right thing easing off the Bikram. Lots of other forms of exercise around to stay healthy.
Critter - how are you doing? Hope you are feeling less bloated. ET tomorrow isn't it?
Buzzy - Thinking of you and your donor. I hope everything is going according to plan and you are managing to have some down/relax time.
A quick question for hayfever sufferers. My clinic have advised that I will go on long protocol using nasal spray for downregging when I'm ready for the IVF. I have started to feel hayfever rearing its ugly head this weekend. Thinking ahead it looks very likely (provided cykotine levels behave) that my downregging will coincide with my worst hayfever months. Does anyone know if you can take hayfever meds during downregging and if the nasal spray will be effective if my nose is likely to be all blocked up?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. x
Joy - just reading back on your last post.
Re Ana Maria. I think she probably means people she saw that had IVF have all got pregnant. She did say that she thought IUI wouldn't help and might just get my hopes up. I think she is a nice lady and I might return to her. I'm going to try someone else for a while - cheaper, close to the clinic and have practiced extensively in China (which is something I like in an acu but totally a personal preference).
I totally get how you feel about attending an event and thinking back to the previous year when you wondered if you would be pregnant by the following year. I have that every New Year as Mr Sea and I usually go away with a group of (mostly single friends) and every year I think I won't be able to join anymore as I will (hopefully) be diffed. I was reminded when I saw one of them at Mr Sea's party and he asked me where I thought we should go this year. It felt surreal and rather bittersweet (bitter - not diffed, sweet - can go on carefree hols with non couple friends but probably can't afford to because of ivf). Like you, this will be the 4th year for me too.
Brno calling, hello ladies,
mrsd I don't undrsatnd the evap line thingo I would suggest a wordy one
makes life easy for us simple ones then you will know
nelly oooh a line you say again see info above re pissing on sticks, not that i'm saying you are simple it just helps with the mekulling
critter I hope ET went well
madness when is your testing day
rabbit hormones are a bitch, I was thinking of going to see my GP about mine as I have had some very up/down moods at your yoga
I have only had a quick read through the end of the last thread.
well Brno is nice, a bit like Zagreb. its not flash or touristy in anyway. so bloody cheap, half a litre of beer is a £1, I have been drinking fruit cocktails . they are big on their meat here, 1200gms of duck who could eat all that, I am surviving as a vego out here, lots of ice cream, thats protein isn't it
well we went to the clinic, very nice, staff are lovely, barry went and did his bit, he said the wank room
sorry wifi here is a bit dodgy
yes the wank room is better than NLC as it had a sofa and a tv and some serious porn that you can't get in the UK, I asked Barry how he knew that and he muttered that everyone knew that I had fanny cam,8mm lining triple layered, i've had intrlipids too
my donor should have layed her eggs, so we call tomorrow and find out what is happening the ET should be saturday am.i'm quite taken with the clinic and feel very happy with choice, staff are very helpful, i'm feeling quite positive about it all even if we don't get a baby from it
waves to everyone I have missed and thank you for all your support
Buzzy great to hear from you. Hooray for Barry and the top notch porn selection . Huge vibes for gazillions of embies by tomorrow and a BFP in a couple of weeks. Lining sounds good too. Well done to you both, I'm in awe of the way you've handled it all. Fingers so very tightly crossed.
Critter what news of your little brood of embies? Are you PUPO?
I don't think I can use a digital yet as I don't think they are as sensitive. I do have a FRER but not sure I'm brave enough to change brands... I've been panicking a bit that if I'm not imagining those lines (I'm not, MrN can see them too!) then they are still just because of the micro dose of HCG last week. And then I swing back to thinking there is a teeny chance I might be pregnant. Time will tell I guess!
Hello buzzy. Interestingly MrM was quite put off by the presence of a sofa in the room at our clinic. Far too much potential for germs . I am curious about what set the porn apart . My test date isn't for another week [wails]. I need work to be busy so the week will fly past. Feeling bloated and a bit meh but nothing that i haven't convinced myself was evidence of pregnancy before when there most certainly wasn't any justification. It is just too early..... Fingers are crossed for an excellent egg haul.
Oh nelly I have everything crossed for you!!!!
MrN thought I was weird for asking questions about the wank room! Last time he was taken off to do his stuff whilst I was in theatre. This time
probably because one egg doesn't take long to retrieve he didn't go until after I was back. I told him that didn't take long then started asking questions, until he told me to shut up.
I know what you mean about the imagined symptoms Mad. I was quite tender last night but have certainly been tricked by my body enough times not to fall for it. The oddest thing I have is probably unrelated. I sort of feel like I'm being squeezed around the waist, but from the inside like I've done too many sit ups. It's not exactly in the womble area though so probably means nothing. I also feel my period could start any second so trying
and failing not to obsess either way.
I'm quite embarrassed at just how much I've posted on here the last week, but can't seem to stop myself.
nelly a darker line is an excellent sign! I have everything crossed for you. Don't worry about posting a lot, I will be too over the next couple of weeks I'm sure - this is when you really need this thread! Also, your posts are always funny and cheer me up.
mad it seems like your test date is a looong way away! Do you think you'll test before then? I can imagine that the mentalling would be intense!
gin I have thought about embryo donation a lot. My sister has been asking whether we would donate an embie to her, if necessary... but MrC isn't keen - as it would be genetically his child too of course. Funnily enough he would be in favour of donating anonymously. I just don't know... at the moment I guess I'm hoping to put off the decision. I would donate eggs in a heartbeat (although at 33 I think I'm too old now) but embies, especially if we have our own children... I don't know. How are you feeling? Still retching? I hope only in a good way. My goodness there is a lot of waiting in this process!
sea Four years? Anniversaries and 'deadlines' are bloody hard. On your downregging question - I'd just ask the clinic - but I would have thought it would be ok.. it probably gets absorbed by the skin inside your nose?
buzzy at the better porn selection! MrC said they didn't have any videos at our clinic, just a large loo (like a disabled loo) with a few mags. So glad it's all going so well. I have such high hopes for you. You are an amazing lady. Fingers crossed for a lovely clutch of eggs and a family of embies of Victorian proportions!
Back from my ET. There were two good-looking blastocysts but we decided to only put one of them back. The doctor seemed a little surprised at that - he said that most people go for two - and he actually even mentioned how some people went for three! I think it was the right decision for us, but of course I'm now stressing and googling about lower pregnancy rates from elective single embryo transfer. There were three other embies at the 'early blasto' stage and five at the morula and early morula stage so hopefully there'll be more than one for the freezer - the lab will call me tomorrow and let me know how many made it to the freeze-worthy stage. It was SO cool seeing the little white puff of water going into my uterus on the ultrasound screen. I was just smiling from ear to ear. My OTD is May 23rd but I will probably crack and test before then.
Also - mrsd are you ok? Am sending you lots of love and hoping that your gardening work yesterday has led to some beautiful blooming baskets.
Critter that's so exciting! I know what you mean, that white blob was so amazing to see. Hurray for being PUPO. I think you did what was right for you re SET and therefore it was the right decision.
On the embryo donation, I think I maybe said this before. My sister has 2 frosties left after a surprise natural BFP. She had once mentioned them to us; but for me it would be too weird because the resultant child would be a full sibling to hers. I'd rather do DE so MrN still got to be the father. For donating eggs 35 is the usual cut off I think. But is your sister still single? That might be a bit different.
I too am hoping MrsD is ok. Is OTD tomorrow or Wed? I will keep everything crossed that Sunday was just too early.
I think I may have over-exaggerated the darkness of today's line vs yesterday. In all honesty the thing I'm clinging to most is that in my last cycle I had a BFN the equivalent of 2 days ago. But I still feel like my period is extremely imminent (TMI but like something is about to slip out ). Am slightly beginning to menkull....
nelly the cruellest thing is that lots of people say that they were convinced their period was about to start when they got their bfp. If mother nature were kind there would be no mistaking the two.
critter i don't think there is strong evidence that two embies put back maies much difference and with the new freezing technology you would have an excellent chance with a frostie. I would find it hard to watch someone else raising a child that was biologically mine. I would be with MrC that anonymous donation would be easier to live with. Anyway welcome to the PUPO gang . I might try a test on the weekend. Monday morning at 6am doesn't sound like the best time to test from mental health point of view
Dinner ready. More later.
critter yay to being pupo, i'll be testing around the 23rd, well actually more the 20th as that is two weeks from EC, your sister could do IVM where they can collect immature eggs and freeze them, its the process they use for women under going certain medical treatments, I know Create do it so I would imagine most other clinics do it, she can then have her own babies in the future if she needed them
nelly its natural to post lots in your 2ww I think it might be hard bringing up your sisters biological child, DE would mean that Mr N could still do his bit, plus you don't have to worry about stimming, I would recommend Brno, its a good y grand cheaper than DE in the UK, I haven't been as stressed as I thought I would be, perhaps it will hit me later
madness I suppose a couch is better than doing it in a toilet, a bit more relaxed, I didn't ask if the couch could be wiped down or not but the rest of the clinic was spotless
just been out for yummy dinner, my main cost £4
oh nelly did we have a deal that if the arse bullets worked you'd name your baby mini buzzy I thought of that while using my own arse bullets
Buzzy I am glad you thought of me whilst using your arse bullets
We may have to compromise on the name as we'd have a double initial with MrN's surname. Though I am very very grateful for them so thank you again.
Hooray for 4 quid meals!
nelly I'm posting lots too. I think it's only natural as we're thinking about this so much
every waking second. I am confident the progesterone is doing its thing. I would normally have started spotting by now but nothing. It's also making my boobs quite sensitive, especially the nipples which is quite new for me. I do think it is just the progesterone though.
So glad it's going well buzzy and you are feeling happy with your clinic choice. I don't think MrM sat down at all! He didn't want me asking too many questions either though
Just popping in to say best of luck Mrsd. Sorry it was a bfn the other day but in my experience 13dpo is too early. So hoping this is the case.
Nelly - omg I really hope this is it for you. I believe AF pains are a good sign especially if they aren't thê usual thing for you.
Mad - hang in there, you're doing brilliantly!
Critter - well done on the embie transfer and hooray for frosties.
Buzz - hope all is going well out there.
Will check in later , have had a lovely weekend out of town.
Glad you had a nice weekend away Joy, you certainly deserve it.
Buzzy looking forward to hearing your news, keeping fingers crossed.
MrsD I hope you are managing to keep busy and willing better news for you on blood test day (tomorrow I think?).
At this end, stripey art continues. Still faint, still hard to tell if its darker. I'm now 13DPO. I never thought a positive at this stage would be so inconclusive. I've no idea whether it's a true positive, and I'm now on obsessive knicker watch. I am expecting AF any second. I know you all think the daily testing is nuts. But if I'd not done that and waited till today and got a faint positive, I'd have properly believed it. Bad news on blood test day would therefore have been devastating. This way, I have a bit of hope to cling to but with a hefty dose of realism. I was still wide awake at 5am panicking though. Oh it's going to be a long week.
Oh crumbs nelly- your hcg injection should be well out of your system. A line is a line in my book plus AF signs is all positive!. as I have kept mentioning on here before , I had a negative at 15dpo after a positive beta test. The next day with fmu I had a very very faint line but beta levels were over 200. When is your otd? Can you go and get a blood test at 15dpo?
You must be beside yourself . Crossing all fingers.
<hugs Joy in big tight squeeze>. I don't think I'd clicked you didn't get a BFP before your blood test.
Thank you for supporting my insanity. It should be a good sign, but I really can't believe it. Blood test will be 16DPO so I will just have wait it out. Badly. Impatiently. Publicly . I'm down your way tomorrow and might be free after 2/2.30. Wonder if anyone can sneak out for an afternoon coffee (Euro or anyone who is central??).At least my all morning meeting will stop crazy knicker checking tomorrow...
nelly I for one love the test lab. It does look promising, really. <massive hugs>
well done critter it all sounds brilliant. Hoping for good news mrsden and hang in there madness. So glad your experience is good so far buzzy
nelly my glamorous life continues with some dodgy Brooklyn Thai food last night keeping me awake half the night <sigh> the fat belly was massive when I got in last night, think it might be a bit smaller now I bought some Prenatal vitamins on sale yesterday (I can't find them at home), biggest box, 180 tabs, felt pleased with myself until I realised you are supposed to take 6 a day. Six! They smell like a farm yard and I gagged on one yesterday. Yet another fine purchase....
Nelly - when clinic called to say I was pregnant, I ran to Boots to buy some sticks and it was negative. It was a bit of a let down! But for some reason hcg levels don't seem to properly or clearly register on sticks until about 17dpo with me. just shows everyone is different.
It's a hell of a wait. It's mental torture. It's impossible to be patient, to stay sane, to function, to concentrate, to sleep so I just hope Friday comes as quickly as possible for you..
Ooh I reckon I could slip away at 2ish tomorrow but where are you going to be? PM me if you like.
The trigger would surely be out your system now nelly? I'm going to offer you a cautious congratulations
Critter, wonderful news about your little embie. I'll eat my hat if you dont get a baby from the round.
Buzzy, glad to hear all is good in Brno. Good luck.
Joy, that's really interesting that you didn't get a bfp on a stick for a long time. Do you think that was an early sign that things weren't right? Or are the two things unconnected? My clinic did say not to poas because they're not that accurate, yet on the packet it claims 99% accuracy so it confuses me. It's all irrelevant for me anyway because I know I'm not. I have no symptoms at all. The blood test is tomorrow and I'm hoping ill be able to get some closure on this round with the result. I do feel very sad that it didn't work and I wish there was a way of knowing why. I would really like to hide away under a rock right now but there is no option but to carry on. I have cried myself to sleep for two nights in a row. I'm determined that there will be no tears tonight, I need a good nights sleep.
Doll you do make me laugh. 6 a day, sheesh!! If you want vits I could post some out to you if you like? Though US does seem to be cheaper generally. And hope the fat belly is feeling better
Joy I am glad you think my insane witterings are just normal for an ivf 2ww. I didn't feel this way last time but I wasn't getting the positive pee sticks, and also my wedding was rather distracting. I normally work at home on a Tuesday but decided to come to the office to force me to concentrate more. Not sure it's working too well.
I googled pregnancy symptoms. Dry skin was one and yesterday I noticed dry patches by my eyebrows. And yes the constantly feeling that you are about to start bleeding. I should probably step away from google.
Cross post MrsD. It breaks my heart to think of you crying yourself to sleep. It's the worst feeling ever, I am offering you a hand across the water. Fingers crossed for tomorrow. But if its bad news remember you have learnt loads about the drug regime, and you made embies when you were very worried about it. Next time, if you need it, you'll get a better response and it will work. Get a nice bottle of wine out aside in the meantime and allow yourself to be sad. I still hope you don't need it though, fingers tightly crossed.
Thanks nelly. I've already instructed dh to buy a bottle or three of wine. Step away from the symptoms list! that dry skin is a sign, I bet oily skin is too.
Probably!!! I was actually looking for more specifics on the feeling I have that my insides are falling out and the link I clicked had a whole list. I don't have any of the others, promise! Am I the only person whose boobs never hurt and weren't affected by progesterone??
I appear to have inadvertently bought a Brie filled lunch. I'm happily eating it, but if this is a real BFP I better do some fast research. I've steadfastly refused to look beyond the 2ww for so long now, I am ill prepared.
Also I am going <la la la la> about your use of the C word . Even if I get the good call on Friday, I probably won't believe it until .... Well, ever.
I hope I don't have a dodgy batch of tests. I have a feeling I'm going to be like Peter (of the crying wolf).
Oh Mrsd, huge hug. Of course I hope you get thê shock of your life tomorrow but if not I echo Nelly's words. There is a lot to be learnt from this cycle and you can go on to the next one more confidently. I know that doesn't make it any easier right now but crying and getting it out of your system will help.
My hcg levels not showing on a stick at that point are unrelated to the outcome. It was about 2 weeks later when my beta levels were 9000 that they suddenly slowed down. They took several weeks to get to 30000 when it probably should have taken days. That all indicated something was wrong.
Anyway I hope tomorrow comes quickly for you so you just know one way or another. We are here for you.
Just a quick check in from me...
Cheering the PUPOs along. Hopefully your 2ww's will be over soon and will all be resounding BFPs. MrsD I've still got my fingers crossed for you - it ain't over yet; Nelly tis sounding very promising and I'm loving your chart of pee sticks (you could enter it into an art museum - I reckon you'd fetch a fair few pennies); Madness and Critter hang on in there guys; and Buzzy I'm hoping your ET goes well. Your holiday sounds lovely but I'm in awe of how brave you are being about the whole process and in a foreign country to boot. Hugs for you all.
If it helps, I had no symptoms before my BFP apart from mild backache. I felt like I had raging PMT and that was it. I was convinced that AF was on her way and when 3 days late was convinced it was my body playing silly buggers again. I only did one FRER and the line did take a little while to come up. It wasn't dark until about 10 minutes later. The symptoms didn't really kick in until 8 - 9 weeks, when it was full on nausea and honking several times a day from week 8. I know it's hard and that everyone wants the tick list of symptoms so that they have some sort of definitive yay or nay, but I just don't think they exist. It's not fair. We should know instantly and then be able to avoid booze, guilt, 2 weeks of the waiting misery. Tis not fair this lark. We were joking how baby princess was subjected to champagne, gin cocktails, red wine, pink steak and lobster when he was a small ball of cells. Part of me feels a bit guilty about the indulgence during the 2ww; the other part of me thinks it's not a bad way to start life!
Doll I've given up on multi vits. My iron levels are fine and I just couldn't stomach the taste of them anymore. Plus they made me wretch to the point of vomitting, which kind of negates any of benefits that they could have offered. I have a draw full of hideously expensive
unopened supplements that I should have been shoveling for the past few months. But I just think I'm happy to be eating a good diet and not worrying about anymore pills. I don't think it's done any harm as the brute baby I have seems to be busy enough, growing well and doing all the right things.
Sar and Gin hope you two newly diffed ladies are getting on ok... welcome to the world of being treated like a 'normal'. I still find it very, very weird and would like a badge for special treatment and a medal for being in the race so long. The lack of recognition irks me sometimes. Especially when people assume things happened so easily. Not a complaint but just a mild niggle. I also get irritated by instadiffers and announcements, it doesn't give me the Princess Rage but it does make me itchy in my brain hole.
Joy, Euro and Lemons I'm thinking of you ladies and extending a knowing smile and hug and hand hold your way.
Rabbit sorry for the spotting and continuing NHS woes. Did PALS get back to you about your poor experience? Have you found a womb yoga person yet? The lady who does my weekly yoga did a Sat sesh of womb yoga the other week as a one off and invited us all along. It seems to be catching on.
Waves, hugs and / for everyone missed.
Oh, and talking of yoga, did anyone see the whole yoni thread thing a few weeks back (the man from Hull proffering yoni massages - it's in classics and certainly brightened my day when I stumbled over it)? I have obviously heard a lady part referred to as a yoni before (I lived in Brighton long enough, you can have yoni counseling down here if you need to connect with it ) but I was nearly in stitches when our yoga teacher told us to "make the yoni symbol on your tummy; the potent symbol of woman" Oh how I had to keep THAT chuckle in.
So as for me, I'm 35 + 1. It's nearly D Day. I finish work this week. It seems very surreal. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with a new baby and to be honest it's starting to freak me out a little bit (?) but in a very good and happy way. We are still at the in laws, things are going better at the house and I've been
cracking the whip gently encouraging Mr P to go over to the house after work to do stuff, whilst I sit and watch and read books under the guise of getting the bloody thing finished in time and keeping the pressure on keeping him company. In the words of Christina Milian (anyone remember her?), "it's all gravy, baby". I actually have no idea what that means but it sort of seems fitting. Anyway my stress string has well and truly snapped and by exposing myself to The Village weekly, I'm keeping my perspective and monkey under control. I've probably gone a bit cuckoo what with the hormones, heat and 8 month exposure to in laws <princess in a fat straight jacket with wild eyed emoticon>. ^Rocks in corner repeating it's all gravy, baby. It's all gravy, baby" BUT we nearly have one finished room, the plaster disaster is now resolved and we still have 5 weeks left (more if the baby is late - looks at bump and sternly instructs baby to be fashionably late, no-one likes an early comer to the party.)
Hope it's sunny where you are. Lots of cheer leading and loves, Princess xxx
Doll that's a drawer not a draw. One of my pet typo hates. So slapped wrist me.
mrsd Oh I am so sorry honey. I hate the thought of you crying yourself to sleep. It is so crushing. Like everyone else, I hope you get a surprise at your blood test. But if this round didn't work, as others have said, there is hope - next time they can manage your stimming phase better, and make sure they don't do ER too early. You had embies, you know you can make them - there's every chance another round will be the lucky one. We've had a lot of ladies on this thread have failed rounds who've gone to get pregnant. This is not the end. Keep faith, you will get there - but for now wine sounds like an excellent idea. Wine, maybe some really stinky unpasteurised cheese, salami, and oysters. Massive squeeze.
nelly I am secretly grinning from ear to ear for you and crossing everything for a lovely confirmation on Friday. I bet the rest of the week is going to go slo-o-o-owly. My blood test isn't for 17 days! I think I will be much more of a cluster poster than you've been by the end. You've been positively restrained! I looked at egg donation at a couple of local clinics here and the cut off was 32... also they didn't like you to have PCOS, and they want you to have previously had a child so you have a 'track record'. Maybe it's different in the US? I can imagine if I was doing DE I'd want someone in their 20s, unless it was a family member. Sister Critter is still single, yes - she doesn't seem to have my drive to have a little ankle biter, but I think that's partly self-preservation as she doesn't have a nice bloke around.
buzzy at the arse bullets, am thinking of trying the back door myself, front door seems to leak all over the shop. Wow at how cheap Brno is. And yay for a spotless clinic. It sounds like it's going brilliantly so far.
doll the prenatal vits here in the US all seem to be stinky like that. If you get them wet it's even worse - they smell like the fish food we used to give our goldfish in the pond in my parents' house. And they turn your wee a lurid neon yellow. I actually buy them in bulk when I go home to the UK as the UK brands don't seem as smelly or as huge and sick-making. Sorry about the Thai situation... no fun at all.
joy so glad you had a nice weekend away, you deserve a lovely break! I am going to Florida for the weekend at the end of May - can't wait. We leave the morning of my blood test - so I will either be celebrating or diving head first into a giant pina colada when I arrive.
madness I agree that testing on a Monday morning would not be conducive to a focused start to the week... maybe that evening? Or Sunday? Oh I so hope you get good news... I'm only one day into this wait and it's already driving me crackers.
xpost princess you are a saint to have spent your entire pregnancy staying with your in-laws. A saint! I can't believe your little one is nearly here. Do you know the sex, or will it be a surprise?
mrsd super big hugs I hate to think of you so upset, I too hope you get a big surprise tomorrow, what time is your test
nelly can you not get a blood test earlier to confirm * mini buzzybee I plan to test around the 20th as that is two weeks from EC which is technically ovulation
doll 6 a day although I was popping 22 things a day at one point
madness hope work has kept you occupied
doll and art lovely to have you ladies still around
princess not long to go, this house must be a palace that you are building, you need to tell Mr P that you need to nest in your own home not the inlaws
sar and gin hope all is well with you two
sea and lemon I hope things are good with you two
big paw squeeze for rabbit
sweet how are feeling
euro not long now for you
free a big hello to you too and anyone + might have forgotten
well today Barry fell down some stairs, I have to admit I did think at least his wanking arm wasn't imjured
we went up to some caves and were on a nice walk when I suddenly thought 'sugar' I need to call the clinic, so they got 10 eggs from my donor, 7 were mature and 7 have fertisised I didn't ask about numbers or cells, ET day is sat at 10.30, I have to say this is a great way to do ivf, I don't feel stressed at all
accept when Barry annoys me, people kept telling me I would be more stressed going overseas but I think the likes of Create would have stressed me out
I shall keep at look out for the awsome foursome
Critter Nope. No sex known here. It's going to be a surprise. We refer to the baby as him (and he has a name, think second syllable of Mr P's name and then second syllable of my name - something mum coined and has stuck) because his hands and feet were huge on the 12 week scan (obvs meant nothing at all) and I didn't like referring to him as "it". But I have an inkling it's a her. As my dad say's it's a 50/50 chance, so no-one's going to be that far out. Anyway, I way preferred what the little boy in the antenatal clinic said when an old lady asked him what his mummy was having and he shouted "TIGER" at the top of his voice.
As for whole pregnancy at the in laws, if I can do this, I can do anything. It has NOT been easy. But it's ok. If you are a Miranda fan, it would be my "what have you done today to make you feel proud moment" - answer - "not killed my in laws"
x posts critter can't be dealing with mess, I have a tight arse so no problems up that end I have doing so long it feels quite normal now
I think if you are DE like on the NHS with another IVF couple the age is 35, here in Europe its 32 to donate your eggs, not sure about anything else
I have been chucking in money to fountains etc while over here for us all and made a wish on some stalagmite thing in a cave today, it has to work for someone
buzzy yippee for seven embies! That's got to be a lucky number. And yay for a lovely five day transfer. Exploring caves sounds interesting - glad you're getting to do a bit of sightseeing! I bet the beer there is delicious too - I hope you're both sampling it.
princess ah how lovely to have a surprise! I think art said she was waiting to find out too. And at the 'TIGER' comment... now that would be a shock!
Just heard back from the clinic - they froze five blastocysts. Am thrilled!
well done critter 5 is a great number lots of siblings for this one
nelly hang on in there! It's sounding pretty good to me.
mrsden I want to scoop you up and take all of this away for you, I'm so sorry for how sad you feel right now. See what tomorrow brings, I'm hoping you just got a useless test x
critter woo hoo! Cheering you on over the water. Are you feeing less crappy now?
princess oh my god your due date is nearly here! I'm sure it has felt like nine months to you, especially at the in laws, but it feels likes it has flown by. You will be going back from the hospital to your house won't you? Keep us posted on how these last weeks go.
madness how goes the waiting?
I am a bit blue today as I feel very very far from shore. I am still awaiting my IUI referral and this is one of the most frustrated I've ever felt. I have now been spotting for 4 whole days and feel like my period might get its lazy arse on in a bit but this really is a pain. Even if I wasn't ttc I would find this a drag. It's enought that I have to use san pro and it makes my entire period phase last about 9-10 days. Grump fest. I can't imagine I will ever be pregnant today.
Oh buzzy I'm loving your tales of travelling ivf. If I end up going the donor egg route I would be tempted to follow your path. It all sounds as if its going really well
rabbit I am so sorry to hear you are so sad. Can you do some hassling on the IUI referral? Squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that? Maybe some phone calls? They really ought to be getting on with it, it's outrageous that you've had to wait for so long. Quick question - does your IUI referral mess with your IVF timeline at all? Only, if it does, I'd be tempted to go straight to IVF. I know you need to do this in stages but it's crazy that they are taking this long to sort you out.
Wow busy here today
Critter - wonderful news about the blasts. id say you are destined to have 2 or 3 children with that many blasts.
Buzz - hoorah for 7 beautiful embryos. My goodness nearly on the home straight. You really really deserve this.
Den - oh sweetheart, I am so sorry for the sadness. Please dont feel this is the end. You had rotten bad luck with the premature egg retrieval. But in there lies the problem which can be tweaked and that means there is lots and lots of hope. tight tight squeezes. I know that horrible feeling you have right now.
Nelly - cautious congratulations from me too. Feelings of af are a good sign. I had that around this point too.
Princess - so lovely to hear from you. Can't believe you are starting mat leave and dd is so soon. Well done for coping with the in laws.
Rabbit - the waiting game is pants. I really feel for you. Someone told me last week that they struggled to conceive due to a short leutal phase. I dont know if she spotted or if full on af started early. She took one of the b vitamins ?? B12 not sure. But this did lengthen the cycle and she got pregnant. Sorry if i am offering old and stale ideas. Just occurred to me with your annoying spotting.
Hello to all
Oh mrsd, I wish I lived near to you and could come over and give you a big hug. It is utterly shitty, particularly when in the in between time, not sure if it's worked or not, but thinking probably not. I am still hopeful for you - did you see the Fred about having done a test and there not being a line until after 10 mins?! But if it hasn't worked out, remember it's a numbers game and you will get there. You got 100% fertilisation rate, which is amazing and was a huge problem for us. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
Talking of 100% fertilisation, go buzz's embies! That's great news. It sounds like you're having a really good experience and I'm so impressed at how brave and calm you are. at Barry not hurting his wanking arm. <wonders if buzzy could import some of this special porn..>
nellie I think things sound VERY hopeful for you lady! Surely there would be no hcg shot line by now?? Do a frer tomoz I reckon. Love the idea of your chart as modern art. I think Tracy Enim used pee sticks in some of her installations! Btw, I'd totally love to meet up, but aren't central enough to sneak out for coffee, boo.
mad and nellie I think you should post here as often as you need to, I know I did/do! It's such a stressful time and this is somewhere you can totally vent. mad hope you are doing ok. And remember pupo ladies, my symptoms were v much my normal pre period ones!
critter, 5 blastos is amazing! And yay for being pupo. 17 days after a blast transfer for otd?! Bloody hell! Mine was just 9 days after transfer. I too don't know how I'd feel about embryo donation. As you say, anonymous would be easier. We thought about all that when considering donor sperm. For me I guess the decision would be if I was happy for the frosties to be destroyed or if I would be happier for them to be donated. Not that I have anything frozen!
The cut off age for DE really pees me off. If this all works out, I'd really like to do it, but would be just too old (in uk rules). Nice really need to change their guidelines and base it on the individual not age.
35 weeks princess, blimey! It's soooo near. Are you excited or is it all a bit unreal? Can't believe you've managed not to loose it with the in laws. My uber pmt would've had me out on the streets! I need to ask about the spewing and when yours went...
Tight paw squeeze for rabbits. All the waiting is a total headfuck. Once you actually start treatment you will feel better, I promise. It's the hopeless waiting about, knowing the I didn't have a real chance until the ivf cycles that did my head in. Actually doing something feels so much better.
Oh joy, every time I think about what you went through, I feel so so sad for you. Interesting that you didn't get a +ive hpt, as the sensitive ones pick it up at levels of about 20! Shows we are all different. Are you still planning your big lovely holiday? Is it soon?
Hello sar! I had my first in public retch today. Luckily it was where I live, which is a bit of a shite hole so I got away with it
Waves to everyone else.
Critter - congrats on being PUPO! Holy cow on the 5 frozen blastos! That is just amazing news.
Buzz - 7 embryo's sounds fantastic! Brno also sounds like a great place for the IVF, I'm really happy this is working out so well for you.
Nelly - quiet congratulations from me. Like Sar, I also was sure AF was on the way. I felt pmt exactly like I always do.
Den - I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. I really hope that things turn around with the blood test. Even if this cycle isn't the one, they should be able to better manage your stimming next time.
Rabbit - Your spotting sounds terrible. I feel your pain about waiting for referrals, the system here is so slow everything takes forever. Can you call the clinic?
I know I've missed a lot of people. So big waves and hellos to everyone I have missed.
I met with my gp yesterday, she sent me for a quantitative hcg and is trying to find an obstetrician for me. She was shocked that the fertility clinic did not bother to confirm pregnancy or refer me to anyone seeing as I am high risk because of my low
hopefully not disastrous progesterone levels.
So right now I am just waiting...
I think the bloody steriods are going to screw up my sleep I think they did ICSI so that is why we got 7
rabbit super big hugs, its shit that they are pissing you about, as if you haven't had enough crap to put up with, you'd think they'd be bbending over backward to please you
there is another ivf lady staying in my hotel, we might have to have a meet up
mrsd I'm so sorry you are feeling low. i am still hoping for good news but i am sure I'll feel the same if my hpt is negative Sunday.
nelly I'm feeling cautiously optimistic for you
gin sorry about the public retching. that doesn't sound nice. i hope this phase is short lived and you feel blooming soon.
Brilliant news buzzy. I am willing on your little embies to grow, grow, grow!
critter it is a long blooming wait indeed but you'll get through it and 5 frosties means you don't have all your eggs in one basket, so to speak
Hang in there rabbit the wait for treatment was really tough. you do end up feeling really in limbo. Big hugs xx
Afm i had a lovely walk this afternoon in a park near home with magnificent views. was soooo sunny! Unfortunately have had news tonight that MrM's mum has been taken in to hospital. Waiting to hear what has happened . Hoping it's nothing serious.
Big waves to all i've missed.
Hello all 10 plussers... it's late and I am tired so I'm going to miss things..
Mrsd - I really hope you get a pleasant surprise tomorrow. Keeping fingers & toes crossed for you. As Joy and others have said. Even if it isn't a positive outcome this time, I am sure they will learn lots which will be useful for the next but it's not over yet and I really hope it's a surprise tomorrow.
Critters - Fantastic news on being PUPO and the frosties. Yippeee. I will ask the clinic about the hayfever but they are a bit unresponsive over the phone I find.
Nelly - It's looking promising... I am so nervous on your behalf. Really hope it's good news.
Madness - how are you bearing up with the wait?
Buzzy - Well done. Sounds like it's going swimmingly... Fingers crossed.
Princess - Lovely to read 10 plusser successes.
Rabbit - I really empathise with your situation. I waited a long time for IUI and it turned out my doctor had forgot to refer me. If in doubt always chase I say. Fertility limbo is horrid and I really feel for you. In the same place myself so I know just how you feel.... Lots of lovely stretching and deep breaths...
Gin - sorry about the retching... I hope it calms down very soon. Maybe some ginger tea will help? I have had the same for the last 6 months but not diffed related obviously. Hope you feel better soon.
Waves to Euro, Joy, Sweet, Ramona, Free, Art, Doll and anyone else I have missed.
Buzz and Critter great news. Hooray for being PUPO Critter.
I thought the line was gone this morning. It's still there but only just, so I'm trying to be realistic. And wearing San pro in anticipation. Probably won't be able to check thread much today so general hellos and special waves for our preggos!
I hope you all had good bank holiday weekends. We were at the in-laws' place in France (my burglary paranoia means I never mention online that we will be away - it's not entirely misplaced as we came back to a note through the door from the police saying that another house on the mews had been burgled, so that's 2 out of 6 in the past few weeks). It was lovely - even warm enough for the beach one day, and terribly preggo-unfriendly (stinky cheese, undercooked meat, way too much wine).
princess I can't believe you are almost there, and all of the other preggos seem to be zooming along too.
buzz I'm glad the foreign DE is going well and that you are enjoying a lovely break too.
mrsd I really feel for you. The waiting is always awful.
To all those, PUPO, I have everything crossed for you.
I am rather distracted from the fertility stuff today. I have my smear test shortly (my first NHS repeat since the abnormal one last year) and then I am getting a cyst on my face removed. I am funny about scars (they make me freak out - it's almost a phobic reaction), so knowing that is what I am going to see every time I look in the mirror for the rest of my life is hugely distressing me. I have been awake since 3.30am stressing about it (which has at least given me a chance to catch up on the thread!). However, it has to go, as it is just getting bigger and the longer I leave it the bigger the scar will end up being. I'm hugely upset about it though. Going away for the weekend was a good thing. I didn't think about the removal much until the journey home yesterday when it all suddenly seemed very real. And this morning I am just very tired and very sad. Infertility, a miscarriage and a growth on my face. I think I'm done with the bad stuff now, thanks.
Euro my bestie is a great facial plastic surgeon down your way. Fear not . I am sure it won't scar. Thinking of you.
Tired, having been up for hours.
mrsd thinking of you today my lovley
euro I hope it all goes smoothly at the smear, like I said bio oil is great and you'll still pretty as ever even if you did have a little scar, which no one would notice
I met one of the other ivfers at breakfast from the USA, they are lovely and its nice to meet other people who are in the same position
well Barry is waiting so will be back later
Euro glad you had a good time in France. I hope the op today goes ok. I also hope the scar is so small that you will wonder what you were worrying about. Please do let me know if your surgeon is any good because the nhs are being really slow about my lump and i really want to get it out now and get a histology on the thing. As i said the other day, these things come in 3s and the good stuff for you is well overdue now. I must say im looking forward to the 2nd part of this year and hoping its better than the first half....even though the 2nd half brings yet another birthday.
Buzz im glad you have met some others who are going through the same thing. It really helped me talking to others who were going through the same thing.
Sweet how many weeks are you now? I can imagine it must be a nervewracking time and hope they can check everything is going as it should.
Gin i hope you are doing well. Its lovely to have you pop back. We go on hols in a few weeks and i cannot wait. Its only for a week but im hoping its going to be blissful.
Sar i hope all is going well with you too. Sorry about the vomiting but that surely is all a great sign.
Nelly hope you have a good trip to big smoke. Sorry we cant meet. I just want Friday to come for you so you know one way or another!!
Sea how are things , are you on the humira yet? I think I will definitely go back to A-M if we do another ivf round but its always good shopping around to find someone you are comfortable with.
Mad so sorry to hear about MrMs mum. I hope she is ok. Hope you are coping ok with the 2ww.
Critter serious embie envy , 5 frosties is amazing!!
Rabbit im really sorry that you are having so long to wait. What is going on? It definitely sounds like its worth chasing them. its the waiting that just adds to the sheer frustration.
Mrsd thinking of you today.
euro - how scary about the burglaries. I'm so pleased you had a nice time in France - wine and runny cheese sounds amazing! On the scar thing. I'm so sorry you're feeling anxious and upset. You have had a very rough ride. I don't remember seeing a cyst when I saw you, so it must be very small - and surgeons these days are amazing. A close family member had a very serious facial injury last spring (don't want to put details as it may out me) and got fixed up by surgeons - now you could barely tell what happened. For scarring, rosehip oil is amazing - the Trilogy brand. Or you can break open vitamin e capsules and use that. I have a scar on my philtrum
from a drunken faceplant a few years ago which has almost vanished. Your body will heal really quickly.
buzzy lovely that you met another IVFer - that is always so nice! Hope it's all still going well.
nelly you're on the home stretch now... and a line is still a line, even if it's faint!
madness gosh, I hope your MIL is ok - poor MrM.
sea I hope the clinic get back to you... this whole experience has made me much less shy about hassling doctors. It's easy to get forgotten about and I've become much more assertive in pushing for information. Sorry you have this extra worry. And I do hope you leave fertility limbo land soon
joy big hug to you. Hope you're doing ok. Thanks again for all the OHSS advice last week - it seems to have gone down and I'm really grateful.
gin sorry about the public retching... poor you. The fun never stops does it?!
sweet I'm so glad your GP is sorting you out. Hope you're feeling ok - are they giving you progesterone suppositiories/pessaries? You must be nearly about to have your early scan... next week?
sar hope you're feeling ok. Is it feeling more real now?
Hugs and love to mrsd.
All ok here. I checked with my clinic and apparently they had dozily written down the wrong blood test date - it's actually next Thursday. So 9 days post transfer, not 17, thank goodness. I have been trying to meditate again every morning and it's amazing how much this is filling my head. I dream about it. Then when I wake up I'm just consumed by it. It will be a relief to be on the other side.
Thanks to all of you for your kind and reassuring words. The deed is done. I had a quick look before he put the dressing on and the incision is quite small and high, although not quite as straight as I would like. I hope it will heal well. I get my stitches out in a week.
joy I was quite pleased with the treatment today, but I guess the real test will be in a week when the stitches come out. I will let you know what I think after that.
nelly how interesting that your friend is a plastic surgeon. I wish I had mentioned it on here before. I was looking for recommendations. I posted on health, but not on here.
Critter the obsessing is inevitable, I think. We have all wanted this for so long. Only just over a week to OTD - hurrah! How are you feeling now? No OHSS symptoms, I hope?
I feel like AF is on the way. So as soon as it comes, I can call the clinic and get cycle#2 underway.
Sorry you are having a shitty time euro. You really dont need anything else on top of everything youve been through. Pleased to hear the op is over Im sure there wont be a permanent scar. I cant see any on friends and family whove had similar done! Do you just have to ring Create on CD1 and then the scans kick off? Wishing you lots of good luck with it and also with the smear of course. BTW, I need to find out whereabouts you were on hols. Were going to that area at the end of June, wohoo! Its a family members house too, so free holiday. I love it down there, although hopefully if everything goes well, it will be a different experience this time unless I go all French with the booze and cheese.
critter If you can, dont worry about the worry! I think its perfectly normal to be completely consumed by it. I was even between cycles and still am. I have the odd moment when I forget it all and then remember. I find work is generally a good distraction. Not long to go until otd now.
joy yay for lush hols being soon! You totally deserve it.
buzz sounds nice to have met another ivfer. How did you find her? <thinks back to Pout's pee stick secret ttcer signals>. I hope you are having a nice few days before ET. Do they keep you updated re the embryos?
Nellienot wanting to fuel mentalling, but if you got up earlier and did the pee stick earlier, your hcg levels would probably have been lower, giving you a paler line. I still have everything crossed for you. Hope you had a good day in the big smoke.
Thinking of you mrsd
Riiiight, better get on with some work.
critter I did wonder if the date was wrong,
gin I did think back to pouts suggestion, I just told her I would be the red head at breakfast
pout my lovley when is your next appointment
euro glad it went well today
other ivfer is a pretty tall blonde American, using her own eggs
I totally forgot to call the clinic today so have set a reminder for tomorrow
Negative oh well. The woman at the clinic who called with the results was so full of sympathy it made me cry again! At least I can stop the progesterone now.
I'm still at work will try to post more later.
Buzzy I love that you have forgotten to call the clinic! You must be enjoying the holiday too much!
Euro glad it looks ok. My friend does a lot of reconstructive stuff but some "cosmetic" too. She is NHS but does some private as well afaik. If you worry about the scar in the future let me know. I've already booked in my future face lift...
Gin noooooo I'm not listening. In all honesty I believe Friday will be a bFn. But this is maybe a chemical preg which is closer than I've got before. AF not arrived albeit it still feels on its way, but its probably the extra progesterone keeping it away (last time it arrived "today", but I wasn't on the progesterone that time). I actually feel quite calm today.
Critter I did wonder about your OTD! 5 frozen blasts is fantastic. You're very clever
MrsD what news? Have you heard yet? I am still wishing for a mega surprise for you.
Sweet hope you get some reassurance from the doctor.
Joy sorry we couldn't meet. I discovered a branch of the shop I wanted to go to much nearer where I was. I just bought myself some pour-myself-into-them skinny jeans as a 2 fingers up gesture to TTC. . Next time though.
I've missed loads but will post again in a bit
Cross post. MrsD noooo I'm so sorry. Sending you much love. Next time, they will get more eggs and it will work. Big hugs.
mrsd I am truly gutted for you. This is so unfair. Crying and letting it out is good. I know it won't help how you are feeling now but they would have found things out that would be useful for the next time. A big hug and tight squeeze for you.
euro Glad the op is over. Sorry you are having to go through all this. . Hope you are not too sore. I have used a cream called Contractubex for operative scarring and it's very effective. I think it's prescription only in the UK. Check it out. You do need to "work" at the scar everyday and it gets better results if you use it on fresh scars.
joy I'm not on Humira yet as they had to check that I didn't have latent tuberculosis. Apparently it's one of the things the Humria can bring out. Waiting for my TB results....
critter glad to hear the OHSS symtoms have gone down. Sending lots of positive vibes your way...
madness how is the wait? hope it's not making you too crazy...
nelly hope you had a good trip in London. Happy the line is still there.
gin hope the retching has passed and you are feeling better
Waves to everyone!
Euro - Thats terrifying about the robbery. It is smart of you not to mention when you will be away online. My sister had a cyst removed a few years ago, the surgeon was fantastic, and you cant even see a scar. Hopefully yours will be able to do the same.
Gin - I had missed your post about your first public retch. How uncomfortable. Right now I am only mildly nauseated at 5 am.
Nelly - My fingers are crossed for your still there line.
Joy - I am six weeks tomorrow and have heard nothing from the OBGYN clinic my gp referred me to.
Critter - That is a huge relief that your blood work will be 9 dpo instead of 17! I was a bit surprised that they would make you wait that long. I havent received anything for the progesterone
because I am still waiting for that clinic to call me and it seems unlikely I will be getting in for an early scan. I am trying to decide if I should ask the gp to call another OBGYN clinic to refer me elsewhere.
MrsD - I am so sorry to hear that. Big paw squeeze. Hopefully you can escape from work early today.
Hello and waves to anyone I have missed.
Oh no mrsd I am so terribly sorry. I can't believe you had to go through all this for a negative. Can you go home early? I hate that this is happening to you, it's so damn unfair.
Oh no mrsd. I've just shed a few sympathy tears, I do so feel for you. You are v brave being at work. I always had to be at home on results day, as knew I'd be a mess. It will work for you one day and next time they will get your EC right. I used to think the 3 cycles thing was bollocks, but don't now. It really is a numbers game. Big big hugs. Be nice to yourself and maybe plan a nice treat. I hope mr d is ok.
Waves to sea.
nellie if it's a CP, I think something should show in the blood test, but hopefully something better will show!
Gin I'll PM you. I might be telling you stuff you already know, but the French are actually ultra-careful in pregnancy. As well as the stuff you would avoid over here, they often avoid salad too because the risk of toxoplasmosis over there. I had salad in a village café and the lettuce was a bit gritty, so clearly not washed (but fine for me, as if I become immune before any pregnancy, so much the better). And being "enceinte" is about the only permissible reason for ordering a well-done steak in France!
Yes, I call on CD1 to book the first scan for day 6 or so. And then we're off!
buzz how lovely to have met a cycle buddy out there. It does all sound very pleasant and relaxed I must say.
mrsd I'm so sorry it was a negative this time. It sounds like the did EC too soon, so hopefully they will learn from this experience for next time. This is nowhere near the end of your story - you will get there. Onwards and upwards!
sweet I hope you are doing ok. At least it sounds like your GP is looking out for you.
The smear was just fine. It used to be such a big deal - now they barely register! Let's hope the results are fine.
mrsd I am so sorry, big hugs, go home and have a good cry, next cycle will be yours x
nelly I wasn't sure about calling today, i'm of the thinking that less is more, no point in worrying about something I have no control over, i'm happy to leave it upp to them, i'll call tomorrow to see how many of the 7 are still going,
euro its mega relaxing here, i'm in holiday mode not ivf mode could all change tomorrow though
Oh mrsd i am so sorry. we were all hoping for a better outcome for you. Allow yourself to grieve and then you'll bounce back just like all of the other incredibly strong women have done on this thread. Take care of yourself and mrden xx
mrsd I am so sorry that this cycle hasn't worked out. I know that you will be feeling so sad right now and if you felt like me maybe a bit angry too. I so wish that the outcome was different for you and send you lots of love. Take heart that your fertilisation rate was awesome and that the next cycle will be your time.
buzzy so glad that you are enjoying the trip and don't seem to be stressed at all! Good luck with calling the clinic tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.
nelly Good luck for tomorrow. FX crossed for you.
euro I am glad that your op went okay. Rosehip oil sounds like a good idea, I've also heard that Bio Oil is fab too (my sister uses it on stretch marks). Hope that your smear result is okay.
I can't believe all the burglaries where you live. It must be a worry. You need to borrow Big Dog. One look at him snarling through the window and no burglar will bother
cringes at the thought of our neighbour very kindly coming round with half a joint of leftover meat for the dogs cooing through the window at a literally foaming at the mouth Big Dog and unconvincingly telling me how cute he is!
gin Oh no at public retch. How did you style that one out! sweet 5am sickness....sounds a bit grim.
sea It's good that your GP is so on the ball. That must make you feel a lot better.
rabbits Sorry that you are blue. The waiting is horrible. I felt paranoid during my wait for IVF that I had been forgotten and wasn't even on the list. I kept badgering the consultant every time I saw her to check that I was on the list. What wait time were you given?
princess I so can't believe that you are so far along. My god the time has flown by.
Thinking of you critter. Not long now till Thursday.
How are you Sarlat Hope the dizziness is passing.
Off now to clear up the kitchen before the Apprentice
ignoring the fact that it's yet another new series of a programme I enjoy and I am still not upduffed Love and waves to all.
I know, pout. We've lived here for 5 years and we're in inner London so of course there have been local burglaries but nothing in this road before the past couple of weeks. I reckon some little scrote has "discovered" our little tucked away mews and is working his way along it. My biggest fear is discovering him at it. Our house is behind 6 ft gates and I have a fear of disturbing someone in the front garden and him having a pop at me...
Aw euro that is crap that you are so worried. Do you have a rape alarm to carry when you come through the gate just to put your mind at rest. A loud noise like that would be enough to frighten someone off. You know that it is very unlikely a burglar would attack you, it's not their MO. They are more likely to be spooked by you and run
have watched far too many true crime programmes and read too many books on the subject!
When we lived in Kilburn I used to carry my keys in my hand at night. Made me feel happier. What about leaving a radio on while you are out?
Hopefully the thieving little shits will find some other target.
Mrsd - I am so so sorry. Massive hugs. What a shitty process. Take some time to cry it out of your system. I think planning what to do next is often a good healer. Or taking a tennis racket and hitting a pillow very very hard , I found this mildly therapeutic.
Pout - love the sound of big dog. I had a rape alarm once until I dropped it on the bus and all hell broke loose. It rolled under a chair and I had the pin. It was so embarrassing! I think they have designed them better nowadays.
Euro - glad all went ok today.
Good to see they have the usual bunch of twerps on the apprentice
Oh mrsden, I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love to you and mrden.
I hope you are feeling ok after the surgery today euro. Sorry to hear about the thefts near you, it's horrible, makes me really cross to think of people being worried in their own homes. Like pout says, hopefully they have moved on now.
Exciting times buzzy, sounds like all is going well and you do sound very relaxed. Thinking of you.
Good luck for tomorrow nelly, I've everything crossed for you.
Hope you are feeling better now gin.
I sympathise with the waiting rabbit, it's crappy. This whole ttc business is so out of our control and having to spend time waiting in limbo just seems to make everything feel even more difficult. I hope you are feeling a bit better today.
Thanks for the reply about the baby making bible sea, I've pretty much finished reading (not acting on too much yet) in well behaved preparation for my acu tomorrow. I've been trying really hard to think positively this week and visualise having a baby, but after years of listening to the shitty inner voice telling me I can't do it, this could take some time... Good luck tomorrow acu fella
How are you doing critter? Thinking of you.
joy at apprentice twerps
Waves to everyone else!
Den -oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry. Its such an odd feeling after the high of the cycle to get a bfn. Thinking of you and sending creme eggs and hugs.
Euro - really sorry to hear of the cyst op and burglaries,. Not fun times. X
Nelly - thinking of you, what's the latest?
Buzz-best of luck for et. How are the embryos?
Critter - hope you are enjoying being pupo.
Well today is my 4th day in a row with no symptoms. I am almost 8 weeks but not sure the baby is still with us. I am scared. Going to try and beg another scan.
Sar hang on in there. You know logically symptoms come and go, but I can imagine the fear. Can you arrange a private scan to put your mind at rest?
Pout Big Dig sounds fun .
Thanks for your wishes ladies, blood test not actually until tomorrow though. Doesn't look like I will be getting good news though as I broke out the FRER today and there was very much only one line. I am not in a very good place. Why can't it just be simple. Why cant it go right. I've been getting BFPs for days, why can't that just be it? This is truly, unutterably shit and I am fed up of the crap. It is never going to be my turn and I feel hollow and broken. Right now I feel like I'm done with it all.
Oh no nelly, I just feel like wailing on your behalf. It's all totally f'ing unfair. It just never seems to be simple and straightforward for many people who go through AC and infertility , the crap seems to continue. Personally I have always hated FRER, they're overpriced and I got a positive on cheapies before those so I just hope they are being crap for you too. See what the beta test shows tomorrow. Massive massive hug. It's just a rotten experience.
Sar - I can imagine the fear. But symptoms do come and go , that is very very normal. I know it's disconcerting so do go and get a scan for reassurance.
So sorry nelly. I'm in the same place, it's not nice but we will be ok xx
Sar symptoms do come and go. Can you have a private scan?
Oh mrsden I'm so sorry, next time, next time. nelly I hate to hear you are in a shitty place, it's so unfair.
sar do try not to worry. I'm sure it is fine.
Thank you Joy. We really do seem to get such a rotten deal. It is a total bitch and right now I feel very angry. I checked the frer level online and it seems to be not as sensitive as the ICs, but I am not holding out much hope. There's no chance I'm getting a nice surprise. I feel like such a fool for having dared to dream; yet at the same time, those few days of BFPs did make me feel happy, and who doesn't want that. If I'd tested today without all the previous tests, I'd have been just as upset at the BFN. So at least I got to experience that happiness for a nanosecond.
MrsD how are you? Hope you manage to plan some lovely things to do today. Wishing it had been different for you.
Buzzy any more updates?
Mad how are you holding out?
I can't see much work getting done today. Or tomorrow. Oh dear.
pout our newly installed alarm system includes a personal alarm on the remotes, so hopefully that would make someone jump and bring the neighbours out!
I'd be more worried about a burglar responding if I started. I very occasionally see red and lash out and that kind of high adrenaline situation would probably be just such an occasion! Oh well, hopefully the police will catch the little scrote at some point.
Haha joy. That must have been excrutiating! I used to carry one back in my clubbing days and my fear was always setting it off accidentally.
Oh sar. I hope you are ok. Can you go to your local EPU and just wait there until someone scans you? If not, would you think about a private scan to put your mind at ease? As others have said though, symptoms do come and go.
nelly I'm very sorry it was a BFN today. What a disappointment. It sounds like it was a different test though? Can you test again with the same type of test that you were using before?
Euro yes all the others were just amazon cheapies. I've one left ( though must go check if postie had been as ordered more last week) but not sure if there is any point as a) it's not going to be fmu and b) I think I might be torturing myself. I have sobbed and wailed and feel a bit better. At least the call at work tomorrow won't be a surprise.
Doll thanks for your hugs. How are you, still stateside?(up very early if so!)
MrsD I didn't notice your message to me earlier. I'm sorry you are in the tent with me. You can crack open this
box of wine I've left; I will be responsible and wait until tomorrow. We can get drunk and sob our hearts out together. Eating pâté and cheese and all other contraband. I'll wear my skinny jeans. With maybe my vertiginous red-soled shoes . We can bitch about instadiffers and plan our next holiday without worrying about the crèche....
yes lovely nelly 3am is my new waking time, 'twas 5am back and home for months now, the stateside location has just knocked it out another couple of hours. Just super. Bugger this bullshit you are dealing with. Extra hugs.
hello ladies this is a bit of a me me me post for now, so clinic say that on day 3 one is at 10 cells, 2 are 8 cells and 2 are 7 cells, I have no ideas what that means as I have a bit of a head in the sand attitude
will be back later
Doll that is pants. Is that a preggo symptom?
nelly it's a triple layer - started with anxiety about the whole moving countries and jobs stuff, was then compounded by, yes, early preggo symptom (that didn't go) now a time difference. Arriving in the States has always killed me, I don't have a problem with going back the other way.
buzzy that sounds really excellent. You can't get better than that actually.
Buzzy they expect 2-4 cells on day 2 (that's all I know!) so I think it sounds like 5 are doing well and continuing to divide. Fingers crossed for some good blasts
sar symptoms do come and go but can understand the worry, I lied and told epau I had had bleeding so they would scan me again
Buzzy's technique may be worth a shot Sar. I hope it all works out, I'm not having any more crap on my thread, there's been too much already.
Anyone got views on a faint line on an opk. Just hypothetically of course.
I have nelly it's not great news I'm afraid and in my opinion, hypothetically of course. I would be wanting to see a strong line. More hugs.
Thanks Doll. I need to stop dreaming now. It was nice while it lasted.
I logged on especially to catch up with you nelly and am so sorry to read that you haven't got a second line this morning. I am hoping that it is because the FRER is less sensitive and that your blood work tomorrow yields a different result but of course I don't want to fuel your headfuckery and can understand completely how you are feeling today. Your words really resonated actually. It is utterly crap and I would love us all to be free of this pain and struggle. I am thinking of you.
As for the OPK, I had no line whatsoever but my reading on the subject implies that if using it as an HPT it needs to be a positive (ie a dark, positive OPK line). I did also read that they are far less sensitive than HPTs at picking up a pregnancy and in many cases won't show a positive before an HPT will.
buzzy your embies sound like they are doing well. I didn't understand all the cell jargon either (& was too busy trying not to cry on the phone when I was told about mine that I kind of wasn't listening) but I think anything at the 8 cell and over at this stage is very good.
sarlat Sorry that you are so worried. Like joy says, symptoms do come and go. Back in the day when I used to read threads about preggo symptoms on the pregnancy board a common theme did seem to be symptoms coming and going. Might you be able to call and get an early scan?
euro Your alarm system sounds awesome. I know what you mean about the fight or flight thing. I can be a bit aggro in extreme situations too. I suppose you never know how you will react though.
joy You did make me laugh about your rape alarm bus fiasco.
Thinking of you today mrsd I know you must feel pretty awful too but it will pass I promise.
Doll I hope that your sleep pattern settles down soon. You must be knackered especially looking after Little Doll too. You have my sympathies. My bladder has been all over the place since the EC and I am getting up about 6 times a night to wee and I am bloody shattered. Sleep deprivation is not nice!
Oh Nelly, I'm so sorry. Big hugs from me.
Sar - Buzzy's advice might work. My understanding is that the symptoms come and go. Big squeezes.
Doll - 3AM!?! That is awfully early.
Hellos, waves and squeezes to anyone else who needs them.
Oh no nelly I am so sorry. I'm still hoping for good news for you tomorrow but I can completely understand you'd be utterly devastated right now. It's totally emotionally exhausting and draining and just so incredibly unfair.
mrsd an massive hug to you too. I am pushing lovely unpasteurised runny cheese and crackers to you under the tent flap.
joy at the rape alarm, that would be my nightmare!
buzzy that is excellent for day 3. My clinic said they like embies to be 6-8 cells on day 3. So that's a brilliant result. I reckon you can hope for some lovely blastos for the freezer.
euro scary about the burglaries.. I'm glad you have such a great alarm system!
sar I agree with the others - can you go ask for a scan? Given what you've been through, I don't think they would begrudge you one.
pout I loved the stories about Big Dog and the leftovers!
doll sorry about the insomnia. I wish you were closer and we could hang out!
madness hope you're managing the wait ok.
MrsD - I wanted to give you an extra squeeze today. I am so very sorry for the disappointment.
xpost sweet did you get an OBGYN appointment yet?
Critter - I called the secretary
on my Drs advice of the OBGYN that had been recommended. She snapped at me and said she would call back by the end of the day - that was two days ago . Dealing with a witchy secretary at a clinic that is a 2 hour drive away in traffic is not for me, so I just called the local public medical clinic and they referred me to a small clinic 5 minutes away from my house. The only caveat of being treated here is that all my medical care will be in French, which is not my mother tongue.
Wow I just looked at the length of my response, I think I am overwhelmed and being a bit melodramatic right now.
How are you feeling?
Sweet you are allowed to be melodramatic! Remind me, do you have an ectopic concern? As if there wasn't enough shit in this journey.
Critter thanks for the lovely words
Thanks for checking on me pout. I'm sad that my words resonated because I hate to think others feel this pain, but I know you all do. it sucks.
So I will ignore the mid-afternoon dilute pee opk as inconclusive either way. I will do a final IC in the morning before I go to the clinic, so that I've put any doubt out of my head, and can steel myself for the inevitable. And then I will drink
3 bottles of some wine.
Sorry Sweet I meant you aren't being melodramatic; you don't need a clinic that can't even be arsed to call back. And think how enriched your language skills will become
Just popped in to say Nelly and Mrsden I am gutted for you. It is so shit and unfair. I'd like to get hold of the fertility gods and wring their necks. Nelly don't beat yourself up for being hopeful, the waiting is torture and you have to cope somehow. I'm still hoping against the odds for a surprise beta but i understand the need to face up to it not working. The ultra-skinny jeans, wine and vertiginous shoes sound like good therapy, along with a bit of ranting. Hugs to both of you.
Sar it's true that the symptoms come and go but it's terrifying. Symptoms IMHO are just another way of nature fucking with your head. I lived in fear of the worst and frequently still do - it is weird going from the AC world of constant interventions to suddenly being on your own with no reassurance. PM me if you need to offload on someone in RL, I'm not far away for a
coffee delectable decaffeinated beverage or chat on the phone.
Must get on with work now, but hugs to everyone else. Thinking of you all.
Nelly - The nurse called from the local french clinic and she booked my appointments. My language skills are ok in french, I just prefer to have my medical care in english
I fear that if I prove myself competent in french I will lose the right to be treated in english, damned language laws. Regardless, the nurse was sweet and said she would ask the Dr tomorrow if I need to be seen ASAP because of the progesterone issues.
Drink an extra bottle of red for me. When I was in Europe I found I rather liked one of the Italian frizzante reds. I would send one over if I could.
Nelly, the tent sounds like a good place to be right now. I'm so flippin down about this whole shitty process, pout I'm glad you say it will get better. I felt like this round was doomed from the start with the dose mix up then the immature eggs. I think if I had something frozen I might feel better but right now I can only see black ahead. We will do two more rounds and the give up. I'll never say never to donation or adoption but right now it's not part of the plan. I don't think we can put ourselves through numerous rounds of ivf either, the emotional turmoil is too hard. Frustratingly we won't be able to do the second round until October. That seems like such a long way away and I don't want to wish away the summer. This will be the fourth summer of trying. I can't bear the thought of a fourth Xmas. I know noone is more deserving than another but ive served my time surely?
Sorry, this is a very self indulgent post, I know you all understand in the way others can't. It's the no light at the end of the tunnel that's so upsetting. The sadness I can cope with, the tears have stopped now but I feel the rage that you talked about joy I wish I had a punch bag.
Nelly, I so hope you get good news tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you.
MrsD - Huge hug. I am crying reading your post. None of this is fair. I think you deserve your baby as much as everyone else. I am so sorry it has been so rough.
mrsd I recognise that feeling. Surely it must be our turn soon?
sweet I quite like a drop of red fizz too. You never see it over here.
I hope your appointment goes ok, and that you can switch back to your mother tongue later.
mrsd You have most definitely served your time and you really don't deserve to be in this position at all. I am so sad that you feel so floored right now. If it helps to know I felt hugely angry when my cycle failed. Like you, I felt a massive sense of it being my time now & a sense of injustice. I guess it is because the IVF process consists of so many hoops to jump through & so much effort, for want of a better word, that you almost feel like you are owed a positive result for putting in all that investment.
IME the anger subsides, then I felt very despondent and depressed and now there is a kind of peace with it all. I hope that you find a peace soon.
I can understand how October feels like a long way off. I feel frustrated waiting a couple of months for a follow up appointment before even getting a timeline for the FET but I try and take comfort from the fact that our bodies need a bit of time to recover from the IVF process and to get back to normal. I took a lot of comfort from the fact that my body will have time to get over the stress and upset of the failed cycle and be a more appealing place for a bean to nest if I wait a bit.
I hope that I don't sound patronising and all me, me, me, but I really feel for you right now and want you to know that you will bounce back (mostly!).
Not at all patronising, pout. I'm sad that you know the pain too. I really wish none of us had to feel this. I think you've been here since thread one too? I can see me being here for thread 1000. I think the rage could be pmt too. Dh is taking the brunt of it, poor thing and he feels sad and frustrated too but is mcuh better at hiding it. You're right that it feels like because we've put all the work in then we deserve to get something back. I've been so patient, two years from male factor being diagnosed to ivf that more waiting feels like torture. The wait can't be helped, life is in the way and things that can't be moved but I wanted to throw the calendar out the window.
Euro, I'm sorry about the burglaries, I hope the police are on to it. Your weekend away sounded lovely.
Grouch, do you think the doctor might speak English even if they're officially not supposed to?
Mad and critter, how are you both?
Buzzy tha sounds great. We were told 4 at day two is good and they're supposed to double every day so 8 or above sounds perfect.
Oh nellie, I'm so fucking sorry. I was so hopeful for you and feel gutted, so can't imagine how you must be feeling. I know after our failed 2nd cycle I was totally, utterly gut wrenchingly devastated. I started to think that not only did we have the diagnosed issues, but that there was something else wrong too. Ivf is truly the worst thing I've been through and we've had pretty much everything else shitty in our family. Big big hugs. I found having a plan of what to do next, once I stopped wailing, helped a bit.
mrsd your post made me v sad too. I vowed not to become one of those ladies that had 5 ivf cycles, but when facing giving up when I thought the FET hadn't worked, I just knew I couldn't. I am sure you will have success somewhere in your 3 cycles and next time are v likely to get something to freeze. You will feel better in a few days/weeks, I promise. We too had a 6 month gap between ivfs and I think it was a good thing, allowing me to physically and emotionally recover
although summer was pretty hard. Tight hugs.
Come on fertility finger, please may it work for someone?!
mad and critter hope you are both ok.
grouch pleased to hear you've finally got an appt. If you're not bleeding, I'm sure that's a good sign?
sar hope you are ok. My symptoms vary massively day to day and dr google said that lots of people loose then around week 8, only for them to reappear around week 9. Although I know knowing that wont actually help and an all too familiar with the anxiety.
buzz the embies all sound excellent to me. I too was told 6-8cells were good on day 3, but what's in me was only a 3 cell on day 3! It def sounds like you are going to get some great blasts.
Waves and luffs to all. This Fred has had enough shit thrown at it and I really believe it's about time everyone won their babies, which they so thorough deserve xx
Gin, I take a lot of comfort from your story because I think your situation is the most similar to mine. You really do show that it's a numbers game.
big hugs nelly i'm all over the place, i've hardly slept due to steroids, i'm fecking knackered but can't switch off nor can I concentrate on anything
barry is taking me out for a nice dinner as its our 5 year anniversary, I personally think its tomorrow but it doesn't really matter
I shall be back later
I really thing you should do mrsd (and everyone else with failed cycles behind them). I think our situations are pretty much identical, except you got amazing fertilisation rates! Where you are, do they allow day 3 transfers? Is that the latest they will do? For us that was quite important, as lots of our embryos arrested day 2/3 and this helped sort out the better ones.
Gin - No bleeding just ballooning, giant, heavy sore breasts
and occasional PMT-style cramps that I try to wish away. I have probably gained 1/2 a cup and look ridiculous (doesn't help I started at a 34F).
How far along are you now?
They're not allowed to destroy embryos. And the legal definition is when it's two cell I think. After that point they all have to be transferred regardless of their development so they have to be frozen before the two cell stage or transferred. If the next two rounds fail (we get these at 50% cost) then we will either give up or have a third round in a country with less strict laws.
Buzzy - I hope you enjoy your lovely meal with Barry. I'm sorry the steroids are mucking you about.
Evening ladies. So sorry that it's been such a sad day. Things in our household are a bit melancholy too, what with trying to work out what's happening in hospitals a long way from here.... I can't go into detail but suffice it to say that growing old can be pretty damn miserable .
mrsd I am still in ivf limbo but I know the feeling that surely, having been here from the beginning, it is time to get our just rewards. And knowing that it is a numbers game doesn't stop us from hoping that we will be the lucky ones where it works first time and we can get off this rollercoaster.
nelly this is such utter rubbish. I will continue to hope for you until the fat
beta lady has finally sung but I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Not having anything on ice makes the whole process seem so final.
sar please listen to the ladies who know what they're talking about and get yourself a private scan if you need to. I am so sure that you are going to be fine but I'm sure that that is little comfort to you at the moment. Think of what you would be saying to us in the same circumstances. You always have something lovely and positive and hopeful for others.
Sounds brilliant buzzy! Roll on ET!
I am so sorry for not name checking everyone. I am at a bit of a low point myself. I keep reminding myself that everything that I think might be a pregnancy symptom is something that I have felt before
even in months when I was downregging and not having sex so I need to try to manage my expectations. I so want to give MrM's parents a grandchild (and my mother as well of course) but it feels like not managing it in these last three years might mean that it will be too late .
Okay I need to go, but big waves to joy, gin, pout, euro, doll, art, lemon, critter, sweet, sea and apologies to anyone I've missed.
mrsd the time will fly by, you know. We started our last cycle in January, and it really doesn't seem that long ago at all. In some ways I wish I had a bit more time to get in shape (physically and mentally) before going again, but in terms of work schedules, now is a good time to crack on so we will.
critter how are you doing?
buzz sorry to hear the steroids are messing with you. They affected my sleep and concentration levels too. At least you are "on holiday" at the moment. And soon I hope you will be able to blame it on baby brain! Enjoy your anniversary dinner!
Madness it's not too late - you will get there!
AFM, I think AF is due very soon. Meaning it considerately waited until after I had (stupidly) spent the day in a brand new cream skirt. I clearly wasn't engaging brain when I got dressed this morning! I'm not sad about it. We didn't manage to dtd before ov, so I know there is no hope this month. I just want AF to arrive to mark the start of our second IVF cycle.
Sorry for all the unhappiness and anxiety on our little thread at the moment. Seems like we're paying for the run of good luck we had on thread 14. Massive squeezes to all of you in the tent, in despair, scared, angry, and exhausted. I so wish I could make it better.
No news here. It's only 3 days past my 5 day transfer- so 8 dpo. Got a long way to go yet. Started feeling mildly crampy today but nothing major. I keep having stress dreams that I'm late for things, or have forgotten something important. Also getting a cold sore, awesome. Trying not to over-obsess and focus on work <hollow laugh>
Doing a fly in with cake, chocolate, wine, sparkly knobs and cheese and biscuits. I'm so wholly sorry to mrsd and nelly. It's so grossly unfair and frustrating. I've been alongside you on this shitty path for a long time now - art you are right, fertility gods sort it out. I'm here if either of you need me.
Sar, so sorry the worries continue. But I believe for you that this is just your hormones being silly buggers.
Um, I'm unable to post much more as I'm a little inebriated. I had a horrible health scare this week but I'm far more in the clear today than I was. It's been gruelling as had it been what I thought it might be it would have been ttc game over. Life is hard. We toasted it tonight.
Buzzy, pout, grouch, doll, sea, critter, art, euro (you will still be totally gorgeous, glad all ok) Joyce, gin, lemon. Loves to you.
I hope you are ok rabbit. I don't like the sound of any of us having health scares on top of this ttc stuff. Euro, I'm glad the cyst removal was ok, and the smear too. Will you have long to wait for the results? I should probably try and fit in a smear before the next round.
Critter, you had a really strong blast put back so hopefully it's snuggling in nicely now. I had anxious dreams in the 2ww, I think it might have been the progesterone. I woke up one night in a complete terror, sweating, heart racing, hyperventilating. It was very scary.
I had really strong period cramps in the night, I took an ibuprofen and they went away but it's strange because I'm not actually bleeding yet. How long after stopping the progesterone does it take to come?
Mad, I hope your mil is doing ok. It's hard when you're not near family. I have the same sadness about not having a baby in time for some people to meet it.
Nelly, hoping for good news for you today, did you poas this morning?
I hate those threads about am I or aren't I pregnant? The op always turns out to be pregnant, it's like another planet to me. I was saying to dh last night that not being pregnant is normal to me, I don't expect it ever to be any different. It's just something that I can't imagine happening.
That sounds pretty frightening rabbit and I'm glad that it was a false alarm. MrM was terrified of having cancer a few years ago and it did make me realise there were worse things than not getting pregnant. I don't know what I'd do without him and I'm sure Hare feels the same about you. Hope your head isn't too sore this morning!
I've been wondering the same about the progesterone mrsd. I would normally have been spotting for about 4 days by now but nothing at all this month. I would love to think that's good news but probably just the progesterone doing its job. You will be pregnant one day. Just because you can't imagine it right now doesn't mean that it won't happen xx
Must dash. Will be thinking of you today nelly. Good luck.
Sorry there has been such a run of misery here. Big hugs, cake and alcoholic beverages to the undiffed.
Keeping everything crossed for those PUPO. Especially nelly I popped in to say GOOD LUCK to you today.
So sorry about the health scare rabbit. Yay for toasting life now it is looking less petrifying!
Sorry for the unhappy news about hospitals and elderly madness I don't get it all, but it sounds crap.
Critter I get noticably hotter every cycle in the second half and I distinctly remember crazy dreams when diffed. So that is a high progesteron symptom. But with the bullets it is hard to seperate good news progesterone from no news...
Waves a squeezes to you all!
Oh no Rabbit that's just too much on top of TTC misery. I'm glad it's better news but huge hugs for you.
Mad I'm sorry you are having such a hard time too. There is no justice sometimes. As if everything we have to go through ourselves isn't enough.
Thanks for the good wishes. IC this morning was negative I think. I maybe imagined the merest shadow of a line but it could have been an evap or maybe not even there. Just waiting for bloods now. Results not till after 4 though.
MrN and I have fought. I still hold a huge amount of anger towards him for the 3 years he made me wait until we started TTC and that's not counting the years before when I knew he wasn't ready to hear it. Every time it goes wrong, the anger bubbles up again. Anyway I managed to find a way to communicate this while also telling him I was partly to blame as I should have made my own decisions better ie insisted we start trying or leave him, if I'd felt that strongly. Conclusion, I loved him too much to do that, so hence it was my "fault" as much as his; but I'd still like him to say he was sorry. Can't really capture it all in phone but I think what was said moved us forward. I hope.
Gotta go. Luffs to all.
rabbit i'm sorry to hear about the health scare. And I'm glad it was just a scare!
nelly I understand that anger. I was broody at around 31. We started trying when I was 34, almost 35. Now here I am at 37. I feel like I've wasted my 30s waiting. When he eventually proposed (we both knew we wanted to be married before having kids, so effectively that was him saying he was ready to ttc), I had decided he had until mid Feb. He proposed in mid-Jan, after 6 and a half years together. He was sailing very close to the wind! I wonder whether I should have moved on before hand, but I love him and we will have some form of happy ending.
mrsd I seem to remember it taking about 3 days from stopping the progesterone to AF arriving when I tried it on a natural cycle last year. With my mc, I took my last candles on Thurs, started spotting on Monday and bleeding on Tuesday.
My smear result should arrive in a couple of weeks, probably just as we are hitting EC time. Not ideal, but better than not fitting it in at all between mc and IVF.
critter try to see the cold sore as a good sign - it suggests your immune system is letting down its guard, so that the embie might be able to implant. I really hope this is it for you!
I'm feeling a lot less sore today. The stinging and bruising has almost worn off. I could have done without the strong wind tossing my hair around yesterday - that really hurt (the stitches are very close to the hairline, which is a good thing, except in high winds!). Mr euro washed my hair for me this morning, so I could keep the dressing dry. He might have kept me waiting years for babies, but he is a lovely, lovely man.
<waves to all>
Oh ladies, what a load of crap everyone is going through.
Nelly 4pm is very slow. I never quite understand why it takes that long. I really really hope you get a nice surprise. So sorry about the arguing with MrN. I have to say although I never had to wait like you did, I have found myself feeling incredibly angry about everything. For me I dont have any reason to direct it at Roy but i know if he forced me to wait because he wasnt ready, it would certainly make me very angry at him. And for good reason. But Im not sure what to suggest because I know its very difficult to snap out of it when you feel so angry. Once hormones settle things will be better. I think communicating is good and you clearly are both so much in love. You obviously didnt want to be with anyone else and these feelings will pass. And the thing is , I know youll never know but you may well have had problems whenever you started and it still will have made you angry. Big hug.
Mad it sounds like you are going through a tough time, i hope all is ok as can be.
MRsd October does sound far away but i think a break is quite good. I dont think its wise to rush back in to another cycle. So sorry that you are feeling so crap. I totally get what Pout says about all that time and energy invested and for it to fail just seems so utterly unjust. I told myself on about thread 8 that i wouldnt stay longer than thread 20 but it seems to be getting ever closer now.
Rabbit im desperately sorry to hear that you have had a bit of scare. I hope you are ok.
Euro how sweet of MrE to wash your hair. He does sound lovely.
I ovulated about 3 days ago and i had very strong period pains last night. very achy. God knows whats going on . that ll be all i need, a 4 day LP. Do you think ivf and erpc could muck up your system forever?
Interesting talk about feelings of anger. I'm sure if we had known that it would be this hard and take this long MrM would have come around to the idea earlier but it took many years for us both to have good jobs (more importantly in the same city) so I don't know that it would have been that much sooner. I'm glad that you feel your discussion with MrN was helpful nelly. Four o'clock is really slow. In the East clinic they always say after half one for blood results which is late enough in my books!
euro MrEuro does indeed sound like a gem. You're right about your last treatment not seeming that long ago and here you are ready to go again.
joy I don't think your cycles will be permanently out of whack but I'm sorry that things seem to be taking so long to settle for you. You deserve for this to all go smoothly from here on out.
Thanks for the kind thoughts. MrM's mum still in hospital. Sorry for being cryptic but don't want to mention specifics. Everything seems to be well in hand anyway.
I resisted buying pee sticks yesterday. Will buy tomorrow to try on Sunday (day 13).... Right. Enough sacking from me. Back to work!
bloody phone! Sacking is slacking.....
rabbit Oh God at a scare like that. I am so glad for you that is all is okay.
madness I am sorry that your MIL is poorly. It is always a worry. Is she very elderly?
FX for Sunday...well done for resisting the pee sticks yesterday!
joy You surely can't be having a period already? FWIW I get period like cramps all throughout the 2ww, some months, like last month, stronger than others but no period or bleeding. Weird.
euro How lovely that MrEuro washed your hair. It's good that you are feeling less sore. Also a hairline scar won't show. Hurrah!
critter The time till test day will fly by. Sorry about the anxiety dreams they are horrible. Mine always involve needing to shower but not getting the chance and then being thrust into a social situation and feeling all smelly!?? That or clinging to the top of stairs and trying to sling a foot over the last few steps. I got panic attacks when I stopped the Progesterone. Not sure what that was about.
mrsd I hope that you feel a bit better today and that your period makes an appearance soon. I think getting that part of things over with helps.
nelly I am still hoping against hope that the blood result is a massive, massive and lovely surprise.
I am a bit relieved that you said what you said about your argument with MrNelly because I did exactly the same with MrP when our cycle failed (and I still feel bad). I blamed him for stalling TTC and putting us in this predicament and then of course blamed him for not marrying me sooner, for not growing up and whispers for wasting my life. I think we need to allocate blame & find a reason for all this because it seems so arbitrary and unfair. Big hugs to you.
Thanks for the kind words about my
not so latent anger. We will be ok I think and to be honest I needed to say it, as it was eating me up. I managed to do it in a controlled way though, so it actually calmed down the already ongoing fight. And that was a gem, as I told MrN this seemed to be a CP so I'd been pregnant for a nanosecond. His response? or, the drugs were still there. Honestly, did he think that was the right thing to say?
The reason for the long gap for results is because I go to a satellite clinic near my work for scans and bloods but then the nurse has to go back to the main facility late morning, taking the samples with her. So it's mainly logistics. I've blocked my diary out for the end of the day and chosen a private-ish desk for the day. I know I'll be upset to hear the result, even though I know what's coming.
I told the nurse about the tests and she said max 5 days for the booster to leave my system. So my last 3 BFPs were indeed proper ones. She said the bloods will show if there's a level at all, but I read that it leaves the blood faster than urine so I think it will show as zero, as its been 48 hours already. Still, I know my body at least tried. If I never get my sticky bean, We'll always have Paris, right?
Mad well done on the testing embargo. I hope it's good news but remember a BFN isn't game over at that stage!
MrsD I am so sad for you; but you have hope, you have options. And you will feel better when the hormones settle down. My sister said when they did IVF they said they'd only keep going whilst they had different options to try, and you certainly have that. (Not so much for me, except I'm actually wondering if IUI might be worth a try given my single egg scenario).
Critter I agree a cold sore sounds good!
Does anyone know how I get more cyclogest? I don't think it's a coincidence my first ever BFP was whilst using it. Once my first post IVF extra long cycle is done I am going to use it again as I'm convinced implantation is an issue. Yes I have low AMH but I've proved they are good quality, and this one certainly must have kept developing. The spotting can't be good. And Mad I think the progesterone will be why you aren't spotting yet, yes; but with that means there is a much better chance of your embie having something to snuggle in to.
I better go but will update once the bad news is official. You lot have been so amazing the last few days, I don't know where I'd be without you.
Good idea nelly to give yourself some space at work this afternoon. It is interesting what the nurse said about the booster and that HSG leaves the blood sooner than urine. So it does look like something did happen this cycle. You are right to feel that this is a positive thing, though your Paris comment did make me feel a bit a sad for you. Progesterone could be a good idea too. Not sure how you get it, though it must be possible. Once I get my FET done, if I have any leftover I can send you what's left of mine if you want.
I did smirk at your "controlled" argument. As I recall I was throwing the (plastic) dog bowls at MrP when I had my little, ahem, outburst!
Nelly, I was told one day for every 1000 units of hcg to leave the system. My dose was 5000 so that should have been 5 days so if you had the same dose as me then your nurse told you the same thing mine did. Could your gp prescribe progesterone? I really hope you get a lovely surprise from the phone call. Hearing the word negative is so hard even when you know the outcome already.
I totally understand the anger directed at the men, I sometimes (very unfairly) feel angry with dh because of his crap sperm. Which is cruel of me because it absolutely isn't his fault. I think that sometimes we need to channel the rage at someone, I hope my dh understands this. I have decided to be spontaneous tonight and make dh take me out for the evening. My plan is to get sloshed. It shouldn't be hard because I haven't had a drink in two months.
The bit about hcg and blood v urine I read here, scenario 3.
Pout I'm not normally a calm argue-er but something told me this wasn't the sort of thing to say in the heat of the moment. I did at you throwing the dog toy though!
The anger is not healthy, but inevitable I fear. Like you say, we feel like there has to be a reason for such shit to befall us. MrsD I can understand where you are coming from too, it all seems so unfair.
Last night I was watching tv and first there was an ad about what makes your children smile, which made me feel extra lonely, and then a very distressing pedigree chum one about cruelty to dogs. I was so upset I had to leave the room; there are such horrid nasty shitty people in RL, who seem to have children (and pets) with great regularity. There is absolutely no logic or indeed evolutionary benefit to this that I can see. It just adds to my general anger about the whole thing.
nelly I am still hoping for a miracle for you. Will be thinking of you today and sending you lots and lots of love. I understand the anger. When we first started trying I was angry with MrC too, about him wanting me to stay on the pill for so long. He didn't want to start trying and was terrified of it. In fact he's been very down recently and I think it might be because he is so scared of fatherhood. I think it's drummed into lots of young men that it's the worst thing in the world to get a girl pregnant, that they'll be trapped by the responsibility, etc etc, and of course many men don't have the same urgent physical longing for a child. That mentality of fear then seems quite hard for them to shed. MrC took ages to ask me to marry him too and it caused lots of quite damaging (at the time) rows between us. But I've seen your posts about MrN. You love him so much and the two of you clearly have something incredibly special. You are going to be parents, I am just sorry that it's taking such a long, painful time for this to happen.
Ok I want to write a really long post as have lots more to say to specific ladies, but have to knock out a few work tasks first. Back in a bit. Quick tail feather shake to all.
Prioritising work over this Fred critter? Tssk! I think most men fear fatherhood. I know dh was a bit reluctant and I did have to push him.
Mr euro sounds like a gem. When I feel like everything is awful I remind myself that I'm very happily married and I would rather be that and childless than have a million kids but be trapped in a loveless marriage. I also think that this infertility business is so very stressful that to survive it will make relationships stronger.
madness my head does indeed hurt . Today has been my third hangover in two and a half years. It's felt horrible. I was so tiddly posting last night that the words were bouncing around in the page but I do remember it. I've also eaten at the Golden Arches today for the first time in forever. I am a bit aghast about it now but it was tasty. Fuck you ttc! But we did have a very amazing night out and it was a lot of fun. I'm interested in this not spotting on progesterone. I think this is a very good sign of snuggling too. nelly a lot of my friends do have 2-3 days of spotting and got diffed easily but for me it is concerning. I have cyclogest from buzzy but have been too scared to take them because of cystitis. Has this been a problem. I too hope beyond hope you get a lovely surprise later.
critter a cold sore sounds promising! You don't get to think that very often.
Talks about being angry a interesting. I am angry with my ex for staying with me whilst not wanting to marry me or have children with me, both of which he did super fast after we split up, bastard bastard bastard. However, whenever I think god I left it too late I think of having kids with him and shudder. I've been broody properly since I was 31. Maybe my fhs would have been fooked then, who knows. Hare and I got on with things at a good pace really, but we could have cracked on maybe a year earlier. My biggest regret was the years I spent on the pill and the years I had no periods due to weight. I never got my teenage periods back, they've been scanty since they returned when I was 26. den you are so right, we have husbands and good relationships. Before I met H I never thought that would happen and that was my biggest fear.
Having worked bank holiday Monday I got to leave at lunchtime and went to bed! I'm now going to have a bath. Thinking of you nelly and sar hope you are ok.
I ate there yesterday rabbits, in a what's the unhealthiest thing I can think of to eat fit. I don't even like that sort of food. Today, I have been eating chocolate and tonight it will be wine.
Re. Spotting. I keep meaning to post here about this. I never had spotting until a couple of years ago. Af would turn up bright red and heavy without warning. Then I started getting two or so days of brown gunky flow. I mentioned it to doctors and none of them were interested. Since the lap and the cyst removal the spotting has gone. So, my conclusion is that the cyst was causing the spotting. I know that's probably not the case for many of you because you've had scans and laps but its worth considering.
Mrsd getting sloshed will be fun. It only takes me one small glass nowadays. 2 glasses i begin to feel grotty the next day and 3 i have a proper hangover. Totally agree with you too, i would prefer to be happily married and childless over a bad marriage with kids or single actually. The trouble with being happily married though is it makes you desperate for kids.
Nelly it does really sound like something has happened. I really wish this could be easier. GPs are really weird about giving out progesterone, well mine was and she refused. Can you not purchase it from your clinic? Also I hear you on the rotten scoundrels who produce children willy nilly. Makes me so cross especially when you hear people say about infertility its just natures way....
Pout weird you get period cramps through the 2ww. Has it always been like that? I never get them. I ve had a few today and Im irritable and bad tempered which is a big sign that AF is about to come. To be quite frank, I expect my system is just f*cked.
Princess very late on but i realised i never said wow , 35wks already and on maternity leave. Peoples pregnancies seem to go incredibly quickly yet when i was pregnant for a few weeks it felt like months and months! . you must be due around a similar time to the royal baby which btw im just dreading. The hoo haa will be terrible but obviously cant wait to hear about your hard won little one. well have a hoo haa on here for mini princess instead.
So ive had my follow up at the clinic. It was pretty unenlightening. My erpc results werent even in my file when I was told they were and the doctor hadnt seen my email of questions. SIGH.
I think the upshot is my eggs arent very good quality. She must have said that 4 times. Hence why we didnt have anything to freeze from the original 12 that fertilised. As i suspected my ovaries seem to be much older than the rest of me. She then said they believe sperm dna should take over after day 3 but as Roys sperm frag had come back normal , it came back to my egg quality. I really wish the responsibility didnt lie with me, I feel so guilty and crap about that. They wouldnt recommend ivf again though, it will always be icsi because there are more than 85% abnormal sperm but with over 200m it doesnt give a smidgen of a reason to blame Roy .
She said that they would probably go for a day 3 transfer next time because they would have expected a better outcome. They did seem to disintegrate after day3. Interestingly they have seen embryos start to fragment and still this can result in a baby so putting back earlier may be better. I really think the quality is probably the main reason for our infertility and i would think my nk cells do also have some part to play in perhaps getting rid of a few early pregnancies. I know this isnt an official explanation but i have decided it will do for now.
The doc said AMH doesnt play a part. It does in how you respond but they see plenty of people have babies with amh less than 0.7.
In terms of whether each round will get worse, there are no guarantees. It could be better, it could be worse. [I know, helpful right]
Apparently things wont drop off a cliff, its not like you get 13eggs this time and then Ill get 7 the next and 3 the next. Apparently it goes up and down.
There is nothing i can do for egg quality. They dont advise dhea especially before ivf.
And i dont like to be rude about my hubby but.... I dont know why i bother bringing him along to these meetings. Hes nothing short of useless. He had nothing to ask, nothing to say and I couldnt get him to have any kind of conversation with me afterwards because he was too busy scoffing his chicken salad. It really ticked me off actually. Pmt strikes again.
So I think i understand what we are dealing with. We just need, as does everyone on here, the planets lined up, and a gigantic squeeze of luck a la art and doll and hey presto. Not much to ask.
Oh joy that's not really very helpful but your are right - we need planetary alignment. You can get pregnant, you've had bad luck I think.
den oddly the periods I had after my lap and op just started. This lasted a few months til the oct possibly cp. I think it's hormonal with me as there is nothing in my womble. Or one doc suggested that my tilted uterus makes it all come out at a slower pace and some period gets a bit stuck from the last cycle but I'm not sure I buy that one. my spotting comes as my boob pain lessens. I think I have dodgy eggs and thus dodgy corpus luteums. When I was being examined this week a new gp asked if I was in medicine ttc has given me a lot of knowledge. She had no clue about fsh whatsoever.
Pout when is your fet?
Oh and joy I had one glass of champagne and three small glasses of wine. Three years ago it wouldn't have touched the sides!
No miracle here. Negative.
Joy, my dh is exactly the same. He very rarely says anything. I think it's a man thing. In my case it's so frustrating though because this is sort of his field. I think that's part of the problem, he doesn't want to mix it up with work and he doesn't feel the need to ask questions because he says he knows the answers but doesn't necessarily share with me the technical stuff. If your dh is like mine he probably was taking it all in but needs time to process it. I was so mad at dh when we went in for et because I'd told him all these questions I wanted to ask beforehand. When the transfer was happening, it was a little uncomfortable so I couldn't talk and concentrate and I really wanted dh to ask the questions but instead he was talking to the embryologist about catheters and microscopes and not our embryos. Grr.
It doesn't sound like you got many answers today. Does poor egg quality explain the chromosomal issue? How will they decide which eggs to put back on day 3? Or can they tell quality by then? Can anything in the drug protocol inprove quality? When will you have the next round? Are you happy to stay with this clinic?
Oh nelly, massive hugs for you. I know the pain you'll be in now. A big sobbing tearfest does help. Things will look a little brighter a few days from now, I promise.
I'm strangely hollow actually. Probably just self preservation. I'm sure it will hit later.
God this is so shit.
Pass over that wine in the tent.
Really sorry for the shitfest on here today You're all strong, resilient ladies and so, so brave. It's just not fair the way that it has worked out. I was so hoping for everyone. I wish I could make it all better. Big non MN hugs all round xxxx Thinking of all of you xxxx
Hugging you right back princess, around your lovely pregnant belly
What news from Sar? I'm quietly a little worried about radio silence. Hope you are just busy Sar, but thinking of you and hoping all is well. X
afternoon ladies from the smoking drinking sock sandal wearing capital of the Czech republic, alot of fatties here, I actually feel quite thin for a change
nelly super big hugs to you, do ahve a good cry, its best to get out, don't worry about the progesterone I have plenty you can have
mrsd still thinking of you, the time does fly, when they gave me the date for May I thought thats ages away but now here it is
euro how sweet of Mr euro to do that, any sign of AF yet
critter cramping is good, when is your testing day
sar any news on your scan
rabbit hope your head is feeling better
madness sorry to hear about MIL, its hard when you are not near by, well done oon not testing till Sunday
Shit nelly. I am so sorry. I can't believe it. Can you go home early and have some wine and a good cry?
sorry being on my phone makes it hard to read and post
joy I think its just a man thing that they just seem to switch off, its not an excuse I just think it is their coping strategy, it took Barry a while to get on borad but there still seems to be things he doesn't understand, he also thinks I can cope on my own and that he is more likely to annoy me so sometimes just leaves me to it, sometimes I just have to remind him that its a two person job
I met barry later in life so don't really feel we could have moved any quicker, we got engaged after 14 months and then a month later he was made redundant, we did talk about kids alot but the thought scared me as much him, we then decided to wait a couple of months after we got married, I went to my gp and had to come off my migraine meds, we both talked about a baby before we got married but I didn't want to be fat and pregnant on my wedding day [h like I would give a shit about that now,
its hard when you have all this frustartion about ttc and no expalanation as to why where to channel it, usually its your nearest and dearest who get it in the neck
I feel really guilty for all the times I yelled at 8arry and blamed him for things, they are certainly black days in my liffe, ones I don't ever want to repeat, we are equal partners, I couldn't imagine my life without him, he is the most amazing person who gives what no other person in the world ever has unconditional love, he still gets on nerves though
princess your home looks lovley
i'm sure I was going to say more but will ahve to come back again
Critter honestly right now I don't feel like crying. It's weird. Sort of a relief the headfuckery is over.
Buzzy what a lovely thing to say about Barry. I think so many of us seem to have amazing strength in our relationships on this thread. Whether that's cause or effect I'm not sure, but in a way it's all the more heartbreaking that so many wonderful, balanced, happy couples can't seem to have children.
At some point I'd love to chat to you about the whole DE thing, as its looking more and more likely to be my route. But not right now as you must concentrate on you and your own cycle
nelly I'm really sorry it's a negative this time. You came so close. Was there any HCG at all? A low number might support your chem preg theory.
No zero. But I don't think it disproves my theory necessarily, as Wednesdays line was very faint as it was, and the last 2 days nothing was picked up on the hpt; so it was already less than 10ius in my urine. If it comes out of my blood faster then it is logical it would be zero. A blood test 48 hours ago would maybe have been different.
Either way, there were positives on those sticks, and that gives me the tiniest bit of comfort, so I'm clinging to that!!
Buzzy thank you so much on the progesterone, who knows I might be naming my first born after you yet
Aw nelly I'm sorry. That is utterly shit. Have a big vat of wine and let things just wash over you. Wish I could come and see you. But I think wine might make me do a vomit. You WILL get there!
Buzzy grin at your holiday description.
Oops. I did a grin link. Not sure what to.....
nelly you can ask whenever you like,
just had a little cry, I think the whole combo of drugs stress and relief has just hit me, coupled with bad news on here and other sad ttc news else where, still a little peeved with stroppy frind of MIL,
it does all seem so unfair
Mrsd getting sloshed will be fun. It only takes me one small glass nowadays. 2 glasses i begin to feel grotty the next day and 3 i have a proper hangover. Totally agree with you too, i would prefer to be happily married and childless over a bad marriage with kids or single actually. The trouble with being happily married though is it makes you desperate for kids.
Nelly it does really sound like something has happened. I really wish this could be easier. GPs are really weird about giving out progesterone, well mine was and she refused. Can you not purchase it from your clinic? Also I hear you on the rotten scoundrels who produce children willy nilly. Makes me so cross especially when you hear people say about infertility its just natures way....
Pout weird you get period cramps through the 2ww. Has it always been like that? I never get them. I ve had a few today and Im irritable and bad tempered which is a big sign that AF is about to come. To be quite frank, I expect my system is just f*cked.
Princess very late on but i realised i never said wow , 35wks already and on maternity leave. Peoples pregnancies seem to go incredibly quickly yet when i was pregnant for a few weeks it felt like months and months! . you must be due around a similar time to the royal baby which btw im just dreading. The hoo haa will be terrible but obviously cant wait to hear about your hard won little one. well have a hoo haa on here for mini princess instead.
So ive had my follow up at the clinic. It was pretty unenlightening. My erpc results werent even in my file when I was told they were and the doctor hadnt seen my email of questions. SIGH.
I think the upshot is my eggs arent very good quality. She must have said that 4 times. Hence why we didnt have anything to freeze from the original 12 that fertilised. As i suspected my ovaries seem to be much older than the rest of me. She then said they believe sperm dna should take over after day 3 but as Roys sperm frag had come back normal , it came back to my egg quality. I really wish the responsibility didnt lie with me, I feel so guilty and crap about that. They wouldnt recommend ivf again though, it will always be icsi because there are more than 85% abnormal sperm but with over 200m it doesnt give a smidgen of a reason to blame Roy .
She said that they would probably go for a day 3 transfer next time because they would have expected a better outcome. They did seem to disintegrate after day3. Interestingly they have seen embryos start to fragment and still this can result in a baby so putting back earlier may be better. I really think the quality is probably the main reason for our infertility and i would think my nk cells do also have some part to play in perhaps getting rid of a few early pregnancies. I know this isnt an official explanation but i have decided it will do for now.
The doc said AMH doesnt play a part. It does in how you respond but they see plenty of people have babies with amh less than 0.7.
In terms of whether each round will get worse, there are no guarantees. It could be better, it could be worse. [I know, helpful right]
Apparently things wont drop off a cliff, its not like you get 13eggs this time and then Ill get 7 the next and 3 the next. Apparently it goes up and down.
There is nothing i can do for egg quality. They dont advise dhea especially before ivf.
And i dont like to be rude about my hubby but.... I dont know why i bother bringing him along to these meetings. Hes nothing short of useless. He had nothing to ask, nothing to say and I couldnt get him to have any kind of conversation with me afterwards because he was too busy scoffing his chicken salad. It really ticked me off actually. Pmt strikes again.
So I think i understand what we are dealing with. We just need, as does everyone on here, the planets lined up, and a gigantic squeeze of luck a la art and doll and hey presto. Not much to ask.
God sorry just copied last post- here comes the other one.
Oh no nelly.I am just so so sorry. Its completely shit. I think you most certainly had a chemical. Was it you who said you felt fluey after ET? Im sure someone mentioned that. But I think the emotional screwing around with faint lines day after day and then disappearing can really take its toll. I certainly found it a relief just to have a final definitive answer , even though it was bad news, then at least you can deal with the news and stop wondering and panicking. Now you can have a lovely hot bath, with a big glass of wine and a takeaway followed by some serious hobbling tomorow. Again, Im just so sorry. Its all so crap.
Buzz hows it going out there? Do you still feel like you are on hols rather than ivfing?: What a wonderful thing to say about Barry.
Mrsd im sorry that MrD is the same. It does sound like a man thing. Im just pmtish. I just wish he would input more than just his sperm but I guess its all really in the womans hands as its our bodies. Chromosomal issue was bad luck so i hope that means one egg and one sperm one day will produce something viable but who knows, I certainly wont want to do more than 3 rounds of full on ivf. When you hear about identical twins, i was wondering whether they could split a decent looking embryo in half in the lab or would that just destroy the embryo. At what point does an embryo split to form twins...would MrD know?? Weird question i know!
Anyway, Im not entirely sure how they can decide which ones to put back on day3. My clinic really tweak the drugs and tailor them to help with the quality so there is no room for improvement. Im not entirely sure on what clinic well use as the costs here were horrendous. If we do decide to go again, well have to remortgage. MiL mentioned she might help us out but Roy tells me shes getting a new bathroom so sadly no cash will be coming our way. But thats fine by me as there is no such thing as a free lunch with her!
Rabbit - a few years ago i used to get through a bottle of wine no probs.... and perhaps thats how i shrivelled the ovaries!
Nelly - I am really really gutted for you. I had hoped it was just a bad stick test. As others have said, ivf is a numbers game although I know that probably doesnt help right now. Im really sorry it didnt work for you. Its so damm unfair! Its completely natural to be angry. I feel angry for all of us on here that this journey to get a baby is so bloody hard especially when there are so many unfit people who get preggers at a drop of a hat! None of it is fair . In the meantime, I hope MrN and you take care of one another. Have a cry if it helps. Big hugs to you.
Mrsd Im really sorry it didnt work for you. Its just so unfair. Im sorry you are feeling so awful but it is completely natural. I completely agree that its better to be in love with your hubby than 10 kids and in a bad marriage. I think long term ttc has brought me & mrsea closer together. I know how lucky I am to have him in my life. Im the same as you re spotting. Docs are never interested in these details. The woo doctors are the only ones who care about weirdness in periods I find.
Mad well done resisting testing. When is your OTD?
Euro- Scary about the burglaries near you. I know how distressing it is. I was burgled 2 years ago and I missed the thief by only 10 minutes according to our CCTV outside. The buggar came back 1 week later to rob a neighbours place and luckily our porter recognised him and he was arrested. The shocking thing is that he was under 18 and despite being a repeat offender, he was not jailed and only had to wear an electronic tag for a few months. Someone tried to break into my mums house last week when she was alone asleep upstairs, luckily her neighbour called the police. It is very worrying though. Make sure you double lock all your doors all the time. Most thieves are opportunistic so we have to make it difficult for them. The police who came after I was burgled showed me how easy it is to open a door that hasnt been double locked - a 5 minute job. Shocking!
Critter hope you are feeling okay. Fingers crossed embies are bedding in nice and snug. When is OTD for you?
Joy I am sorry your cycle is playing silly buggars. Im sure it will just take a bit of time to regulate it. I know its expensive but maybe acu can help. Although its not been any good at getting us up diffed, I think acu is good for making periods go back to normal. Maybe its worth a try. As for your follow up appointment, Im angry on your behalf that they didnt prepare for your questions or have your erpc results. They can be so disorganised. Im sorry it wasnt enlightening and that egg quality seems to be the issue. . Its so horribly unfair when its nothing you can do. A big hug and hand hold to you. What do you plan to do next? ICSI? Will you be sticking to the same clinic or elsewhere?
Buzzy Enjoy Prague a lovely city. Sorry about the steroid side effects.
AFM, I got some pretty bad news today. My TB test which the clinic asked me to do before going on the humira to lower my cytokine levels came back positive. It seems I have latent TB. I just dont know how the hell I got this!!!!!! I knew something was wrong when they left me 2 phone messages but didnt say that the results are okay. Im at a lost as to what I should do. I cant go on humria without getting the TB treated which will take up to 3 months, that together with the humria treatment means I wont do ivf until the end of the year if I am lucky. I am contemplating not bothering with the immune ivf and just insisting on doing the ivf without all the immune stuff but I am not sure I can do it at this clinic. I am just at a loss as to what I should do. Im actually tearful thinking about this. I think its PMT as I am due any day now.
Love to everyone I have missed lemon, sar, gin, Ramona, sweet, rabbit.
joy - x post. I was asking about your next step and if you would be sticking to the same clinic. It's so shit that we have to go through all this and pay for it as well, even though I know we are lucky in the 1st place to be in a position to pay for treatment. I feel for those who don't have to option of even going privately for treatment. As good as the nhs is in this country the wait is just too long and with ivf time is often of the essence.
I know exactly what you mean about when people say it's nature's way... someone said to me the other day they didn't understand why people have ivf and infertiles should just live with it and it was probably just natural selection!!!! (they didn't know about my ac or that I am looking to do ivf). I was so angry but didn't say anything back - just glaring at them with hate! Not very yogic at all of me.
Oh for godsake Sea. I am so sorry to hear this. A girl I met there had latent TB and it delayed everything by a long time. But she did get pregnant with twins.
I think you should speak to your GP. I don't know anything about it but presumably this is something you should treat anyway?? If you try and find out what this means for future health, I.e will it ever develop into TB.
Ask the Argy whether they will treat you without doing immunes. Also go on FF and ask in the immune section. You need to think about whether you really want your cytokines treated. Try and contact some people on FF who have been in Same position.
I know you have been at this a long time but you have an excellent amh and so you aren't against the clock. But blimey I am just so sorry for this.
Just re read and that post sounds so bossy!! Obvioisly dont meant it to be.. Sorry I am on a bus and feel bus sick so a bit direct.
joy this still feels like a holiday, although we have never spent so much time in just one place, usually we travel round every few days, its not really ivf as i'm not contributing anything at this satge so feel a bit removed from it all, if I was using my own eggs ans stimminga nd having scans it would feel different
sea sadly having the jab for TB doesn't make you immune, you could have just been in the same area as someone with it, my mum has lung issues now due to being exposed to a neighbours kid who had tb but it took until my mum was alot older for it to arise, sorry not a very helpful story, its a tough decision to make, I can understand that you want to get on with things I suppose its a case of are you prepared to take the chance and how would you feel if something happened, would you spend your time thinking, what if I ahd waited, well I had to take the chance and I can live that choice,
some women I know who had been on immune treatment stopped fell pregnant and have happy healthy babies, again not really helpful, I am trying to be though honest big hugs
Hey Joy - not bossy at all. I appreciate the good advice. I am just so cross with myself for leaving it all so late.
Thanks Buzzy - I know you are. I never needed the jab for TB - I think it was the BCG at school. I was the only one in class that didn't need it. Maybe this is something to do with it. I probably had the latent TB back then. I need to do some thinking. Sorry I think I might have got it wrong about you taking the steroids. Im glad it's still feeling more like a hols than ivf. Hope you and Barry enjoy it.
Rabbit - I forgot to say earlier - well done on getting drunk and going to the Golden Arches and giving TTC the big finger. Hope you have recovered from the hangover.
Goodness ladies, so much is happening. So much sadness.
Nelly -I am so so so sorry. I agree you had a cp. And in normal ttc circumstances that would be a good sign indicating a sticky bean is around the corner. But with the time and stress of ivf,a cp is heart breaking. I am not an instant cryer either. But you might find it catches up with you out of the blue. Oh sweetheart, there is still a baby for you. I wonder what other ivf options you could try, ie natural a la euro. And definitely insist on the cyclogest again. Is that an injectable. My first ivf round was gestone injections via a trial and that is supposed to be cream de la cream. Oh nelly, sending you my unopened prosecco and some posh cheese crisps. Get some fresh air this weekend and be super lovely to yourself.
Den - oh honey I am so sorry. Feelings of anger and frustration are normal and healthy. I am very confident that conceiving is a matter of time for you. You and mr den have good swimmers and eggs and you have an a1 womble, it wad just the drs not gettjng doses / timmimg right. And that sort if thing can be put right. Sorry for the long wait until the next round, but thinking of holidays, spa days, meals out, lazy sundays etc until that time?
Mad -heck it must be do stressful just now with your mil being unwell. Everything happens at once ay? Wil be thinking of you tomorrow when you poas.
Rabbit - thank goodness the health scare turned oug ok. And high five for the cheekh hangover. I really think you need to follow your indtincts about the spotting / progesterone thing. Would you consider Mayan massage?
Euro -I am glad your scar is healing well. Heres hoping for good smear results and a smooth journey on to round 2.
Joy - there seems to be lots to take in from the review today. How blinking annoying that they didn't have the erpc results, that is rubbish. Ok so even if egg quality is a little below what you would like, your recent pregnacy shows you can indeed get pregnant and the only reason for the miscarriage was the genetic problem with the babies, a fluke and bad luck really and not due to actual egg/ swimmer problems. That is how it looks from where im standing?? I know finances must be considered but I like what nellys sister said about where there are options to carry on. You can produce good embryos swertheart. But I know this whole experience is draining, frustrating and utter utter shite, not to mention all consuming. I also agree amh doesn't mean much, just an indication of how many eggs they might get. Et at day 3 sounds like a good alternative for next time. Would you consider a one off consultation with a different expert just to get fresh perspective?
Sea -my goodness, what a head feck of a curve ball. That is soooooo unfair. No wonder you are at a loss. Why would it be near end of the year if you need 3 months of tb treatment? What other factors might influence your decision? How is your afc and amh etc and what would be the negatives if you do wait a few months. I hope your clinic offer you balanced guidence about this, oh sweetheart, I am sorry for this nasty shock.
Really sad to hear of the upset and angert towards other halves, especially where not wanting to start ttc is concerned, I know I would have the same frustrations. But partnerships and marriages are never ever easy and decisions are made based on what seems best at the time. No one has a crystal ball and I agree with joy that ttc ishoos may have been occuring anywhere. I think it is good to vent these feelings and from that point a place of peace can often be found.
Thank you for all the support around loss of symptoms. We managed to get an epu, scan this afternnin. Thank fully, the baby is doing well and the heamatoma has shrunk. Feek very relieved and lucky, ironically my nausea returnec but not quite as horrendous as last week.
Art - wpukd live to meet for an exciting beverage when this sicky phase had passed.
Hello to all who I havent name checked. Remember ladies, this too will pass. Noone on this thread will ever ever have regrets that they didn't try to get their baby. And I would put good money on every lady here getting her baby.
Buzz - wanted to say sorry for the steroid side effects. Must be most unpleasant, looking forward to tomorrows day 5 report.
Just a quick hello to say thank you all for your lovely messages. I so far feel strangely fine, like the uncertainty has gone. I had rare steak, blue cheese and wine. Hurrah!
Sar I am so so happy everything is ok, I was so worried for you. Hooray for nausea again
Going to sign off just now but will catch up tomorrow and properly reply to some amazing posts today. I feel so much love for you all it is unreal. And no it's not the wine talking... Xxx
joy I've been fascinated by twins since my bestie had identical twins, so I had to google your question about when the split happens. The last post here says up to day 13:
seaview what a shock about the latent TB! It must happen reasonably often for them to take the precaution of routinely testing people for it. I'm not sure what to think about the immune stuff, so in your shoes I would probably want to go somewhere else and just get on with it, but if you are happy where you are, I realise that this will be a big decision. I'm just impatient!
What an insensitive arse you were unlucky enough to encounter. Presumably if they get diabetes/heart disease/cancer at some point in their lives, they won't have any treatment as it must just be "natural selection". Twat.
sar I'm so glad that your scan brought good news. And how naughty of your nausea to return at that point!
nelly have a great evening. The uncertainty is always trying. I actually felt relief when my pregnancy ended, which seemed like a bizarre reaction, but I had suffered so much with a week of limbo.
sea can I ask how you knew you didn't need the BCG, even if you had had the jab it still might not have made any difference, are you able to
speak to another clinic for a second opinion
sar glad all was well with your scan
sar - I am so happy to hear the scan went well and everything is okay. Sorry about the nausea but hopefully that will pass soon. Delay is due to TB treatment which they tell me usually takes 3 months. Humira treatment takes 1 month and the repeat immunes test takes a while too. Some unlucky ladies have to do 2 courses of Humira as sometimes 1 course doesn't bring down the cytokine. All your questions are v valid. I just don't know what to do.
euro - They screen for TB because one of the side effects of Humria is that it makes you more susceptible to catching TB.I am impatient too. I am half thinking I might leave all this immune stuff and just go for a regular ivf and hope for the best. Afterall I have never done a regular round. I too am fascinated by twins!
nelly - brave lady. Glad you are feeling okay but if you don't later, that is okay too. Well done on the steak, cheese and wine. Sounds like a yummy dinner!
buzz - when i was in school, before bcg injections are given, they give you a test, if you react it means you have been exposed to it before and they don't give you the jab. I was the only one in school that didn't need the bcg jab. According to Dr Google this seems to suggest I was exposed when I was young (pre BCG so before I was 11/12). I was born in Asia so this makes sense.
joy - thanks for the stern talking to about going on FF. I found one person with the positive TB issue who cycled at the argy and she got pregnant with twins this year. I think she might be the lady you mentioned in your post.
In case anyone reading is interested. Latent TB is not infectious! Phew! More than a third of the population have latent TB and only 10% will go on to actually get TB. Unfortunately immunes treatment is one of the ways to increase that likelihood.
Sorry about the me, me, me post.
Ah, so it is a lot then - one third! I guess that explains why they screen for it. I'm surprised it's even as much as 10% of them who go on to get TB, tbh. Outside specific populations, it's fairly uncommon here. I only know one person who has had full blown TB. She caught it despite having none of the risk factors. She now works for one of the TB charities.
Oh Nelly how totally shit. And MrsDen too. It's so unfair. I'm so so sorry for you both that it didn't work out this time. I can't even imagine the disappointment. Hope you are both being kind to yourselves.
Thanks Euro for your reply on the natural IVF. Sounds like the nhs don't do it...but at least I know it's out there as an option if I react badly to the drugs. Hope your smear goes ok, bit annoying with the timing.
Sea I think it was you that said clomid makes you ovulate 'stronger'. I was thinking it was all a bit pointless at that stage and that sort of made me feel better about taking it so thanks Maybe it helps my eggs mature? Who knows, but if I believe it'll work then it may just... Sorry to hear about your TB issue. If it's something that lots of people have and don't know about, and it isn't harmful if you're pregnant, then I can see why you might be tempted to just ignore it and go ahead with the IVF. But on the other hand...I think if it does flare up it's pretty serious so if it were me I'd probably get treated. Tough decision though.
Sar yay for a healthy scan!
Doll thanks for your wise words re the triplet month. I was absolutely getting a bit too excited at my prospects with 3 eggs to shoot for Your story brought a little perspective though so I've calmed down a bit. I did make MrBopit have sex with me every day after the scan though to increase my chances even further.....until he started to look at me with fear and dread so gave him a day off.
Nelly and Euro wow on the whole other halfs delaying things chat. Exactly the same for me. It took some persuading in the first place. Then it didn't help that I got pregnant the first month we took the plunge (spooked? Yes he was!). It gave him the false impression that we could have a baby to order whenever we chose. So at that point he used a work excuse to delay things for a year or so. I feel like the whole of my 30's I've been waiting for this to happen to the point that aspects of my life have been put on hold. I've not gone for new jobs when I should have etc etc. I have anger bubbling just below the surface. At him for delaying, at me for not going to the doctor sooner (I have to take some blame too). At the moment I can manage that anger because 'all is not lost'. There's still hope. I'm not sure how I'll deal with that anger if I never manage to have children though....scary thought. And a depressing one! Sorry! It's the weekend and I need to perk my ideas up I'm up too early.
I have a special request. I wonder if the diffed ladies Sar Gin Doll Artemis Sweet and Princess (hope I've not missed anyone) would remind us of their story (Age, how long trying, if there was a cause for infertility, how they got diffed in the end etc.). I think it would give me hope if I could draw comparisons between someone else's story (of success!) and mine does that sound bonkers? Sorry if that's totally nosy...
Mad, Critter and Buzzy thinking of you all.
Waves to Rabbit Lemon Joy Ramona and everyone else I've missed xx
Good morning ladies. Was out late last night and couldn't get the Internet to load on my phone. I have missed loads and will definitely not remember it all!
First of all nelly I am so so sorry. The cp should definitely be seen as a positive step forward but after the stress, headfuckery and disruption of ivf it will be hard to see it as such. I hope that MrN is okay too. Hooray to rare steak and blue cheese and wine. Please keep posting as you work through it all and plan your next steps and remember that I'm not too far away for a real life chat if you want or need it xx
sea that is just rubbish. I don't feel like I can offer much advice, apart from to say that my ivf was delayed significantly by having to wait for endometriosis treatment and then taking the downregging drugs for a few months to allow me to recover from surgery without the endo returning. I appreciate that it's a completely different situation because you are not ill and this may not cause you any problems whatsoever, but I do feel that I did everything I could to make sure I was in the right place before starting the ivf. If it doesn't work though I will probably feel like all of that was for nothing. I'm not being very helpful either!!!
joy I agree with sar that maybe a fresh perspective would be useful. You didn't make just one embryo, you made two, so your eggs are capable of turning into babies. You just had such bad luck last time. After such a traumatic experience I can imagine it's difficult to get your head around everything.
buzzy I am thinking of you often on your ivf escape. I am sure that you must feel a bit adrift waiting for your part in the process to get underway, then you get to start doing the most important job there is.
sar so relieved to hear that you are alright and the bean is healthy. Thank goodness for scans! I am really hoping against hope for a positive result for us but I know even if I get one, with my tubal issues, I will be convinced that the bean has set up home in my one remaining tube, destined to end in disappointment again. Not that I am giving in to the hormonal melodramatic feelings . One hurdle at a time right?
mrsdi hope things are starting to feel less acutely painful. I am so sure that icsi will work for you next time and that your eggs will all be allowed to mature so you get something to freeze. We all know that the first round is often a learning experience but that doesn't make the disappointment any less.
rabbit sorry for the sore head but hoorah to junk food and throwing caution to the wind for a change. I do hope you are feeling better this morning (after a nice long lie).
Okay I know there was more I wanted to say but I can't remember any of it. MrM's mum is doing okay. Being kept in for lots of assessments and it is all quite sad (sorry for being cryptic) but long term decisions have to be made now. Poor MrM is also under a lot of stress at work on top of worrying about the ivf so I am trying to take good care of him. Thank goodness he doesn't have to go off booze and caffeine for this part of the process!
Big waves to euro, doll, art, princess, sweet, lemon, critter, zippy and ramona and everyone else because I always miss someone. Here's hoping for some happier Saturdays for us all.
Just popping in quickly to wish buzz lots and lots of GOOD LUCK today. You will be pupo later on
<sweeps nellie into massive hugs and makes hangover soothing noises (I hope you have one this morning)>
Will be back laters
Good luck buzzy for ET today. Hope it all goes smoothly.
Buzzy massive huge heaps of lovely luck for today. I will be thinking of you. ET day is for me always the most exciting part!
Gin bless you, what a lovely person you are. I'm disappointingly not really hungover but I will take the hug anyway!
Mad I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much on top of the IVF. Thank you for offering your RL shoulder, especially when you have your own heavy load. Luckily I got a surprise text from my bestie last night to say she is coming to see me tonight so that is really cheering me up (she lives far away).
Zippy well done on the shagfest! Here's hoping for you
Sea what a worry on the TB. I'm not sure what I'd go in your circumstances. I don't think I'd do the immune treatment without the TB treatment (if that was even on the table). Perhaps if money wasn't a concern I'd do non-immune ivf once, then if it didn't work treat the tb then the immunes while you had a gap between cycles. But it's hard to know what's the right course of action.
So it was a tough evening in the Nelly house with quite a heart to heart. Long story short, we've decided that IUI is a good option for us, natural cycles with progesterone, and our last gasp will be full LP ivf to see if I can get the other follies I had this time to grow as well. If none of that works then its DE, although I'm not sure why that gives us a better chance than my own embies. I need to understand that before we spend that sort of money.
Anyway loads I've still not referred to (will I ever catch up?!) especially Joys review. I don't think you have crap eggs at all - and remember my consultant said once you are at the embie stage the AMH becomes irrelevant. Big hugs to you.
Love to Lemon, Sar, Doll, sweet, mrsD, euro, Ramona, art, Rabbit, Pout and everyone else I missed.
hey ladies I am back and PUPO, had a few tears when I saw B1 and B2 on the screen, we will know tomorrow about freezing some, one is good the other is a possibility and the third is fragmenting. I feel a huge sense of relief that the end is in sight no matter what the results, we are both keen to get on with adoption now, between my poor quality eggs and his poor quality sperm, I mean thank goodness for ICSI as this lot was pretty poor progressive motility 3 % and normal morphology was a mere .5 %, which pretty much puts the nail in the coffin for natural conception.
I like to think if this round doesn't work we will have a go at FET later in the year then call it a day, thankfully we have no option due to finances which for us is a blessing, I am ready to move on
nelly glad your bestie is coming to see you
thanks for all the good wishes
Yay buzzy you are pupo! That's super good news. It is totally surreal watching them squirt them back in. And it sounds like you will have frosties too. How much longer are you on hols? Hope you have a nice, relaxing weekend. Otd must be about 9 days away?
nellie I'm really pleased that you have a plan - I always feel better when I do- but I am so massively sorry things didn't work out this time. The fact you did get real bfps is v encouraging. From my reading
dr google and obsessively reading bout embryo development I think if there is enough hcg to be picked up on a hpt, the bean has implanted and so I assume that when it doesn't work out it's cos that embryo wasn't meant to be. I may be talking bollocks though... Hope you manage to have an ok weekend xx
mad so sorry to hear about mil. Sounds all v sad and also totally what you and mr m don't need at the mo. Is it your otd on Monday? I have everything crossed for you x
mrsd I hope you are ok. All the chat about anger has felt familiar and I'm pleased to hear you feel some towards your DH too, as I feel such a cow whenever I do. I know he'd give anything to have normal sperms and be able to give me a baby normally, but it doesn't stop me getting cross that I have to have all the invasive treatment, prodding, putting my health at risk with the ivf etc, when in fact there's nothing wrong with me, as far as I know.
joy Dave too is rather silent in our consultations, which makes me cross. I've had to do all the research, come up with all the questions, make all the decisions, whilst he pretty much ignores it all. I guess him being laid back has it's advantages in that I've been able to do what I want and i do think men just don't think about it all as much as we do, but I do feel the whole it's up to you attitude is to make it all my fault when stuff goes wrong...
Having said all that, the change in him since the bfp is remarkable. He is just so much happier and relaxed
hopefully it's not just to do with his football team doing well so it must have been bothering him. My biggest fear that was he would leave me cos he saw how unhappy I was not bring able to have a baby, but I would choose him any day and made this v clear to him.
joy your appointment sounds rather confusing, to me anyway. I guess they know what they are doing, but I wonder how they can work out it's down to egg quality, just like that. What happened to your beans was nothing to do with egg quality. I am v hopeful for you that next time it will work.
rabbit bloody hell a health scare on top of everything else? You really really don't need that, but I'm pleased all seems well now. Loving your maccied's ttc food rebellion. Any news re the referral yet?
sea sounds like you are having a bit of a shitfest too. I guess you need to decide if you want to do everything you can do to give the ivf the best possible chance of working, or if you just want to get on with it. Do you think immunes are what have been preventing you from conceiving? If so, it may be an idea to get them sorted, although I'd be tempted to have a shot at ivf (maybe somewhere a bit cheaper) and then see how that works out. You could always get the immune treatment done before the next cycle if you need it.
Well done on all the sechsing zippy! You asked about my story - I think it's pretty different to your situation but happy to share. Mr Gin aka Dave (not his real name!) has severe sub-fertility and we were only ever going to get pregnant via icsi. We had 2 failed ivf cycles and a frozen embryo transfer with the one surviving embie from the 2nd cycle, which is what (hopefully!) is growing in me now! The is the first time I've ever been pregnant and we've been trying for almost 3 years. So don't give up!
ramona hope you had a good bonk holiday too!
euro hope you are still recovering well from your op.
sar I'm thrilled that all is well with your bean and that the haematoma is shrinking. All great news. I would love another scan, as I'm so scared there's just a big empty sac, but we can't justify the ££s. I still don't have the date for the 12 week scan and think I will feel better once I get it. They'd better hurry up as I'm at 9 weeks now!
sweet hope you are doing ok. All your symptoms sound v promising to me.
critter hope you are ok and that the menkuling is being held at bay.
Your dog story made me laugh a LOT pout. Isn't your follow up appointment pretty soon?
doll is today bridesmaid day? Hope it goes well. I too am waking up horribly early, mostly cos I need to wee!
Waves to everyone I've missed.
I was at the Southbank last night and it made me think of the lovely meet up we had there Last night, I totally stuffed myself with dim sum, mmmmm, and watched Dave get a bit drunk. It was nice to actually be out together for once. Today I'm being ver ver lazy and having a duvet day. I keep having nightmares about going to the loo and discovering bleeding, urgh. Hope you all are having nice weekends.
gin they told me the 23rd but will test before as I don't want to be on the sterooids if I don't need them, I do have a bit cramping but should imagine that is normal
Argh, have missed loads and this will have to be a quick post too as I'm going into work today for a one-off Saturday event we're doing.
buzzy hurrah for being PUPO! It is super cool seeing them going back in - and fantastic that you may have a frostie too. I think you've been amazing during all of this. Must feel lovely to have the little ones on board.
nelly big squeeze. I hope you're ok this morning - wine and steak and cheese sound like just the ticket after the shitty week you've had. I think your plan sounds really good and I'm glad you and MrN were able to talk.
mrsd thinking of you. I do think that your next round will be much better - they won't screw up with the early EC for a start, and they'll make sure you have the right dosage. You are going to get there, I'm just sorry it's taking so long and putting you through the emotional and physical wringer. Big hugs coming your way.
sar great news that the haematoma has shrunk and your little bean is still safely there - and isn't it typical that the symptoms would return after a scan!
rabbit you made me laugh with your 'cold sore sounds promising' . That has to be a first! So sorry about the health scare, poor you, you don't need that on top of everything else.
mad nearly there now, the end is in sight! Thanks for offering me a paw to hold during this process. I'm so sorry about your poor MIL. A lovely, very young colleague at work just told me that his father had been diagnosed with a horrible degenerative disease - it does put things into perspective. I totally know what you mean about the grandchildren thing - I feel that way too. Unfortunately there's bugger all we can do about it.
sea oh what a horrible shock about the TB. I hate to read about you feeling tearful although I can completely understand why. I think others have good advice - I think you need to talk to a clinic about it and then you can make a decision armed with all the info. I am so sorry this happened on top of everything else.
zippy I hope I didn't make you gloomy about clomid - there is every chance that it will work for you, as it does for countless other women. Good work on the triplet SWI!
joy how bloody stressful about the appointment. I agree with the others - I think a fresh set of eyes on your notes would really help at this stage. Can you have a consultation somewhere else? I don't see why egg quality would be the issue but I think what you really need now is a second opinion.
Ok - have missed tons - apologies. Have to get out of my pjs and get off to work. The combo of the threatening cold sore, lots of spots and IVF chub is not making me feel my most foxy so I ought to try to spruce myself up before I launch myself on the unsuspecting public. According to the internet, today (5 days past a 5 day transfer) would be the earliest day to do a meaningful test - OTD is Thursday. I am scared of seeing a negative and am even toying with waiting for the blood test result then. Anyway. Much love and thinking of you all.
nelly so glad your friend is here. Nothing like old friends who know you best at a time like this. I have a few overseas that i only see every 3 or 4 years but we fall right back into it like we've been living next door to each other for the past 10 years
Hoorah for being PUPO buzzy!!! Some crcamping is normal. So pleased that your embie (i missed if it was one or two?) is right where it belongs now.
critter i am early nervous about testing too. Bought some tests today (not FRER) just boots normal ones but so scared of a BFN. Don't think i can hold out until the blood test though....
gin i am jealous of your dim sum. we have a new restaurant here. have promised MrM we'll go soon.
dinner ready. big waves to all xx
Oh lovely Critter, no I don't remember you saying anything gloomy about clomid. I have been totally pessimistic about it since it was prescribed though and cling on to any positive mention of it. So far I'm really glad I've taken it (surprisingly). I'm viewing it as guaranteed ovulation every month with hopefully more than one egg (but no more than 3!) and the best thing is being seen for scans and blood tests and whatnot. That sounds daft but before I felt cast adrift on my own with the same headfuck month after month and no answers. Now I feel like I'm gaining info (womb layer thickness ooh..) and feel like at least things are moving forward until we come up with the dosh for IVF in Sep/Oct Btw what does SWI stand for? I'm pretty sure it's rude but can't quite figure it out I'm so excited for you being pupo, your prospects look really good but can imagine it's as scary as for you right now. Rooting for you
Thank you Gin for sharing I don't care if your story isn't quite mine. It's just so heart warming to hear any stories of people getting diffed after years of trying. 9 Weeks already! That is just fab I don't know why but when you call MrGin Dave it always makes me think of Only Fools and Horses Anyway, really happy 'Dave' is chilled out and happy now, that's so lovely.
Mad so sorry to hear about MIL. It sounds like you are being there for everyone when what you really need is for the world to stop and for everyone to be there for you. As if your life right now wasn't challenging enough, you are being a trouper though. Hope you are finding some 'me' time for yourself xx
Love that you have a plan Nelly I always feel so much better with a plan. Sounds like overall you had a really positive night where you've both dusted yourself down, pooled your energies and are marching forward stronger than before. Huge admiration x
Yay for pupo Buzzy!
Must dash, waves to everyone else
zippy swi stands for shagging with intent , I did super ovulation with erm tamoxifen and then gonal f, I did on my last cycle produce 4 eggs and iui but didn't work although I know it has for others
Well done to buzzy for being PUPO. It's an emotional time so you are allowed a few tears.
Critter - what a nerve wrecking time. I am really hoping for great news for you. I feel so nervous and excited on your behalf.
Mrsd - I hope you are okay and Mrd is taking good care of you. I feel really angry that you are having to go through this disappointment. But as it is said time and time again, it is a numbers game and they do learn from when it doesn't work out. I think we just have to keep thinking about that.
Nelly - I am so impressed that you have a plan already. I hope you are taking good care of yourself. I'm really gutted for you that it didn't work this time for you and MrN.
Gin - It's lovely to hear that MrG is happy and relaxed. I hope you are feeling well too and really hoping for a really boring and uneventful pregnancy for you I am a massive dim sum fun. I had it today actually. Love it. It's the food of my hometown. I am seriously at risk of outing myself now...
Zippy - Glad to hear you are okay with the Clomid. It can work for some people. I hope you are one of those. I'm like you. I went through a period of going through all the signatures of the ladies on fertilityfriends - I really wanted to find people who were similar to me and read their journey and was willing them to succeed. I realise I sound crazy Sometimes wish they had the signature function on here too. Enjoy the shagfest.
Thank you to everyone for your support & thoughts on TB. Sorry I was a bit of a drama queen yesterday about it. (AF came this morning so it could have been PMT as well) I have calmed down thanks to Joy's advice I got in contact with some TB positive people on FF (only 2 and it seems its v rare that people test positive Im just unlucky). I also got a second opinion from an OB GYN. I haven't made a final decision yet as I want to get my TB status checked out first but the thinking is that if my liver can take the 3 months of antibiotics I will go for the TB treatment, then the humira and then the IVF.
Love to everyone. Hope you are enjoying the weekend. x
I know it's not definitive but this morning was a very clear bfn. Starting to prepare for bad news tomorrow
Oh no mad, I'm so sorry. If it helps at all, I'm a week past getting my bfn on a stick and I feel so much brighter. The sadness will pass but it's so painful. I'm hoping that it is just to early to register on a pee test yet, tight squeeze.
It never rains but it pours on this thread. All the twists and turns. At least it's never boring. I sometimes forget in all the doom and gloom that we've had some real successes, princess, art, doll, gin, grouch. Not bad for a bunch of barrens.
Sea. I don't know much about tb, but I think it's probably important to get it treated if there is a risk of it becoming active. Can you chat to your gp about it? This is probably controversial to say but I'm a little sceptical of the immune stuff. I know lots of women report success after numerous failed cycles but I wonder why only a few clinics offer it if the evidence backs up their use? I think if it were me, I would want to try a cycle without it first and turn to it as a last resort. Can they actually say this is the reason you haven't got pregnant?
Buzz, wonderful you are PUPO. I've got everything crossed for a good result for you. There is no reason why it won't work, two beautiful blasts. It's good to have a plan though.
Af arrived yesterday, it's a little painful and I've had huge clots, yuk. But I feel happier and not so tearful so I think my hormones have turned to happier ones.
Mad I'm so sorry . Of course we all hope its just too early for it to register but I know it's hard (and often not useful) to keep hope. Sometimes all you can do is survive day to day; but like MrsD says it starts to get better. Thinking of you and MrM and praying for better news tomorrow.
MrsD so happy you are starting to feel better, but sorry about AF being painful. Mine too . Mine certainly didn't hang about. No progesterone on Friday night so was spotting a bit yesterday then full on AF by this morning.
I had a fun night last night with my friend and didn't talk about TTC so I do feel a bit lighter today. MrN off out for most of the morning though so I will have to try to keep occupied.
Hope everyone else is ok. Critter yes 10DPO would be too early but it depends if you want to do daily testing or just a one off? I am so hopeful for you.
Hope you are enjoying being PUPO Buzz. How long till you come home?
Thanks nelly and mrsd. There have been some tears and more tomorrow I'm sure. Just feels that 5 months of treatment has been a waste. We will have learned things but not very good ones. I think now that my twinges will have been the cysts returning. terrified of needing another lap before we can go again. this is all so rubbish......
Sorry for the BFN, Mad. I hope it was just too early.
buzz hurrah for being PUPO!
mrsd I'm glad you are starting to feel better.
AFM, I had a bit of a crap day yesterday. We were booked in for shooting, but my stitches were quite painful in the morning, so I was humming and hawing about whether to go. I also had kerazy PMT. Mr euro talked me into it, but it was the wrong decision. I think the nerves near to the stitches were going mental or something, but everything within about a 3 inch radius hurt like crazy all day. So I shot for less than 5 minutes and spent the rest of the day sitting in the car... But we had a nice evening. The friend we shoot with came back with us for dinner and wine.
AF still hasn't arrived. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I did have an anovulatory cycle and my thermometer isn't on the blink after all. It has been more than two weeks now since I thought I oved and I've never had an LP over 14 days. If it were not for the per-ov sechs fails, I'd be getting all excited, but I know there is no chance this cycle, so I wish AF would just get on with it!
Mad it's so unbelievably frustrating, after everything you've had to go to. But (and I realise I don't take my own advice) take it one step at a time. This cycle isn't done yet so focus on that. And try not to pre-emptively (sp?) worry. Twinges could be anything or nothing. Big hugs.
Euro oh FFS to more headfuckery cycles. Mother Nature is a cruel witch, and I'm sorry your attempt to get your mind off things didn't work out. I think pain/itching is a sign of healing but can imagine its driving you wild. I know you aren't a drug fan but some mild painkillers maybe? Could you have OV'd a bit later than normal
and maybe caught the egg after all ?In my self absorbed world recently I did register your concerns over temps, but can't remember all that was said.
To = through.
And I am out of the tent enough to apologise for repeat apostrophe offences. I often notice my posts have its when it should be it's, but mostly it's iPhone ineptness rather than lack of user ed-you-cayshun.
hey ladies, we are at the airport, I think its one of the smallest I have ever been to
I have to admit I don't feel any different about it all. I was told that implantation will happen within 72 hours so + would imagine by the weekend I will know so I can stop the drugs if need be, the steroids are making me a crazy lady, I nearly attacked some ferral f*ck at check in because he was getting arsey with the staff because he hadn't printed out his boarding pass I feel like I could cry all the time i'm so exhausted, i'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed.
madness i'm hoping that it was too early to test for you
critter when are you testing
euro typical that AF doesn't show up when you expext it to
nelly glad you had a good time with your friend
hello to everyone else
I meant to say that as part of our heavy chat on Friday we had a discussion about why we were so upset. I mean, really trying to understand what part of not getting pregnant was the issue. After all, we love all our friends' kids but are often pleased when they take them home So we put aside the I'm such a failure aspect because at the end of the day, pregnancy is just the mechanism by which you have a child, not the point in itself. We fast forwarded a bit and realised we wanted the noisy chaotic life with toys everywhere, burst lips and spilt orange juice. Shouts of "mummy, daddy, come see what I did" and the dread of wondering just what that was. The pride when the stabilisers come off and the worry when they stay at a sleepover for the first time. You'd think it would be distressing but we realised it was just about love, and nowhere in there was there anything specific to biology. Of course we'd prefer this to be easy, and have a child that was genetically related to both of us; but suddenly it didn't seem so important. I'm not sure yet about adoption, but again that's not about biology but the hoops, the delays, the fact you rarely are matched with infants, and the fact we've no parenting experience so not sure how we'd cope with an older child who may have some issues.
So all in all, it meant DE has become far less scary. I know everyone would have a different "vision" but I certainly found it useful. It possibly sounds very Woo, but we didn't actually visualise this, just talked about it whilst drowning in wine. But I think perhaps I've become obsessed with the journey rather than the destination. Thought I'd write it all down in case it helped anyone else. And also I'm procrastinating about my chores
One test I've set myself - to make sure when I open the browser on my phone, there are always search pages related to non TTC things too. Recipes, patterns, hobbles, holidays, it doesn't matter what. Just not all Fertility after Chemical Pregnancy and the like
Ok I must do my chores. Maybe another first though...
Mad -I am sorry for the bfn. It is such a gutting hollow feeling. I assure you the last 5 months were not wasted. It is still may be too early to tell and there is no way those twinges are the cysts growing back. Sweetheart this is not the end, I promise.
Euro - sorry for the ouchy scar and lack of shooting. Were there any sesh non fails this month? Sorry for the head feckery.
Buzz-you have been the most inspirational, brave and generally fantastic lady these last few months. You are on the home straight now. Your baby is coming. You have found peace and whatever happens next, your baby is coming. Hang on in there, be kind to yourself.
Critter -hope you are doing ok. I have everything crossed for you.
nelly I took some paracetemol yesterday, but I didn't want to keep taking it because I was worried about coming on and not feeling it when I was spending the day in the middle of a field. I also didn't want to be pulling my stitches and not feeling it. So I only took drugs for the drive. I feel ok today - little pain from the head and far less menkul PMT.
Re: temps, I've been temping for most cycles over the past 2 years and always had a post-ov temp rise. This month I didn't get one. I thought my thermometer might finally have given up the ghost, so I've ordered a new one , but maybe I just didn't ov. This would have been the first time my right ovary would have been called into action since December, so maybe it just struggled to wake up!
buzz I hope the flight home is ok. I know that feeling about being so tired you could cry. You'll be back in your own bed very soon.
Nelly -your last post made me cry. How utterly utterly true everything you write is. Gosh, I am in awe of you and mr c's clear rational thinking. I guess opening up other channels just makes things more possible. And do you know what, even if you did do de or adoption there is no reason why you might not fall pregnant naturally at some point too. There is no absolute end to anything. You have inspired me about your search page choices. So much sadness and negativity cant be good. Lovely hobby and interest things are always good, I am going to do the same. To be honest, I have been putting off joining an ante natal thread. Partly for cautious reasons and partly because I havent got the energy. I don't think I want to keep up with another thread as the last 3 years have been so consuming. This thread has been a lifeline but it will be difficult to keep up that intense level throughout the next year or two on another thread with all the anxieties that come along with pregnancy and I would prefer to find some balance. I want to keep supporting this thread and keep in touch with princess, art and gin etc but I am not sure i want to enter the world of pregnancy anxiety beyond what i have to. Does that make sense? I need to go on funky websites that interest me alongside being pregnant. Nelly - I thank you for bringing this perspective, xx
Gin - meant to say well done on the night out and dim sum. That is a result! Best I have managed was a plain jacket potato in a supermarket cafe for all of half an hour last week. My weekends are all about being laid on the setee, sick bucket close by, salty crisps and repeats of come dine with me. Not complaining though. Planning afternoon tea in a posh country hotel soon as im up to it.
Not long got up <lazy caaahhh smiley> Ponders how if I had sprogs I would have already been wide awake for hours by now.....
Firstly I am so sorry mad that you got a BFN. Like nelly says I obviously so hope that this is an erroneous result and too early but don't want to fuel any head fuckery. Lots of love to you.
buzzy hurrah for being PUPO. 2 beans, is that right? Hope that you get home soon and are reunited with Kayla. She will be one pleased kitty to see you
Woo hoo at seeing the beans going in on the ultrasound
worries slightly now that MrP and I saw nothing at all on our ultrasound and squashes thoughts of the doctor having prematurely squirted and missed my cervix
Euro So sorry that you are uncomfortable. Do you think it's because the painkillers they must have given you at the hospital are wearing off? Maybe it is a good sign that you are starting to heal. Hoping that you feel better today.
FGS at AWOL period. Interestingly (or not!) I was reading another thread on here recently and someone was observing how there seems to be many ladies over the last few weeks with inexplicably late periods and was musing that perhaps it is something to do with the shifting season.
joy Your follow up appointment sounds like it threw up more questions than it addressed. I too was a bit confused at how they could deduce that egg quality is an issue when yours went on to develop into embryos. I was also a bit cross that the AMH test is obviously a bag of shit at determining quality afterall. Had I realised I would rather not have had the bloody thing. Do you think you will bother with a second opinion?
sea I can't believe you have more crap thrown at you in the from of the latent TB. How frustrating.
sarlat so glad that your scan showed that all was well. How wonderful.
gin I felt so touched to read about the changes in Dave. Ohhhhh at Dim Sum.
zippy It's great that you seem to be doing so well on the Clomid & not turning into a emotional, homicidal maniac. I understand it feeling good to finally be doing something proactive.
mrsd Sorry about the heavy period. Talk about insult to injury eh.
nelly I am amazed by how much brighter you seem already. You & MrN seem to have a plan. I think that is always good for lifting the mood. BTW wanted to say that everything you said about wanting a baby struck a chord especially the part about wondering whether you are more obsessed with the journey than the destination. I have often pondered how it seems that I might be hung up on winning the battle with my body now rather than actually having a baby. I did chuckle at your comments about handing the children back. MrP & I don't actually like children
at all much either. We were watching BGT (I know, I know. Utter dross but I like shouting at the TV) and there were some "cute" preschool dancers. I had this flash of realisation about how if we have kids we would have to have birthday parties and the house would be full of these kind of little people. I was aghast at the thought of other peoples kids touching my stuff. Cue MrP's face
I am beginning to irrationally panic that the IVF has fooked my cycles. I have got another strange ovulation cycle where I seemed to gear up to ovulate super early with some EWCM that seems to have disappeared too early. More worryingly I haven't had the ovulation pain or spike in sex drive. Sobs that the hospital have broken me....
Anyway I have missed loads of you and I am sure that were many things I wanted to say. Have a lovely Sunday TRC'ers!
pout bizarrely, I had no painkillers from the hospital at all - just the local anaesthetic, which wore off after a few hours. I took some paracetemol that afternoon and some more yesterday. It has been all I have needed. The pain wasn't excruciating yesterday, just enough to make me want to be comfy at home rather than stuck in a field.
joy your appointment does seem odd. Particularly the conclusion that "sperm carries the embryo forward after day 3, but as the frag was ok, it must be the eggs that are the problem". Why don't they just say they haven't got a clue? They were clearly just guessing. Grrrr.
sar I completely understand that. I just wanted to be a normla preggo, whatever that may be.
Just popping in quickly to say so sorry mad. Like everyone else, I'm really hoping that the bloods will show a different result, but massive hugs in the meantime. What you have been through isn't a waste of time, it's one step closer to getting you your baby.
Hang in there buzzy. I had no symptoms, other than usual pre af ones, until otd. You have such a good chance with this cycle. Make sure you rest up when you get home and get Barry to carry the bags.
sar you have just described most of my weekends and evenings! Blanket, sofa, crisps, apples and snapping at Dave about that state of the house! <whispers> antinausea pills allowed me to enjoy my evening out
Luffs and waves to everyone else
Gin and sar - how are you managing to work when you fell rough? This is one of my worries about ever getting pregnant because I really wouldn't want work to know for a while and so I'd want to be able to hide it. But how is that possible when you're feeling sick? Anyway, I'm sorry you're both feeling rough, hopefully you'll get the second trimester glow.
Joy, I agree with the others. I don't understand how they can conclude the problem is with egg quality. And if it is that then why are they treating you for immunes too? Or have I got that wrong?
It's Mother's Day here's yet another day I hate, grump.
well I am back in the uk
nelly I love the idea of adoption and hate the idea of being pregnant, especially when I feel like this , there is nothing about the process that appeals to me at all, if I had the money I would have happily paid for a surrogate to do the donkey work for me then happily just pick up the baby in a few months
mrsd its mothers day back home too, when you get pregnant you can ask for certain anto sickness tablets and wear those very sexy sea sickness wrist bands I worry about the actual logistics of being able to do my job and worry they will move me to an area where I will be more useful
pout when is your next appointment, sorry about the fooked cycles, my cycle before ivf was on 23 days there was no rhyme nor reason, yes I look forward to seeing my little fur baby, I have missed her bossiness
Oh Mad please no not another bfn on here. I am so fed up with everyone's shitty luck in the last week. I hope to god it's just too early. You have had the most appalling time, it just seems so utterly unfair. So hoping better news for you tomorrow
Sar - so so pleased that mini Sar is doing well. Has it sunk in yet??
Pout - fooked cycles I hear you say. They are suppose to be out of whack for a few months. When was your ivf again? I think something awful is going on with mine. Ovulation happened at day 21 not 15/16. And Thursday and Friday especially I had awful pelvic pains come the evening. Throbbing in my womb and back and hips aching. I can feel it now starting again. I was in the car and was nearly crying because I now fear Ashermans again. Roy was telling me off for being a hypochondriac but of course I bloody am when I have unexplained pains and no sign of AF. It feels like it should be here. Anyway I am sorry you are getting worried too. It's bloody awful. Also I did laugh at your comment to buzz about the doc missing your cervix. I didn't feel anything with IuI and I remember being convinced that the doc wasn't putting anything up me, so I would have to pay for another round the next month!!!
Buzz - so pleased you are Pupo but sorry about the steroids. For me they only seemed to mess with my sleep. Pleased you are back home.
Nelly - I found your post lovely and helpful. I have never quite got to grips with my feelings and It was interesting to hear your thoughts. How are you feeling otherwise?
Euro - oh goodness, what a grim day for you . Sorry to hear that. I hope you are somewhat better today.
Thanks ladies for your suggestions about getting a second opinion. I did have one last year with DrG and I have to say his assessment of me was very doom and gloom. He said I should go on to dhea right away and was very much of the opinion my time was nearly up. i felt pretty crap!To be honest I think I give up now with seeing anyone else. No one knows do they really. I think the egg quality thing is because Roy seems to be fine but we don't make anything to freeze. Mind you art and doll didn't either so does it actually matter?? I do feel like 3 years banging my head against a brick wall.
Well trying to not scare myself silly with fears of Ashermans ahain but this intensive pelvic pain is very disconcerting. I know there is loads I have missed but need to dash.
It's Mother's Day here too and I am celebrating by spending the day at home on my own refusing to join MrC on an outing to the in-laws and cleaning and getting some work done instead. Very thought provoking chat on here this morning. You are all such wise ladies. This thread is such a lifeline for me.
mrsd I am so pleased that you're feeling a little better now, after your awful week. You are resilient and you are going to get there. It's a long hard road but next time the doctors will not bugger up your cycle before you've even got to ET and the numbers game will be in your favour.
mad Oh no. I can't bear it, I am so sorry. I really hope you get good news tomorrow but I can totally understand wanting to protect yourself. If this is negative, can you do another round without all the downregging crap you had to go through before? Try not to worry about ovary twangs, I think that's normal given how much ours have been stuffed with eggs and drugs - I can imagine how upset and scared you must be now. I hope you get a surprise tomorrow but if not, we are here for drinking wine and helping you recover from this horrible shock.
sea It sounds like you've done some good research on the TB and have come up with a plan, which is always a good step towards feeling better, for me at least. I put off IVF for six months and although it was hard waiting, it felt better to be ready - when you do get there, you'll be raring to go and your body will be in good shape for the drugs. Oh it is hard though, I know - the constant waiting. It's just exhausting.
nelly you are one special lady. I know what you mean about wanting the whole package of a family, not just a biological link - and also about obsessing about the journey, which I definitely do - although I think it's hard not to. I also think your advice about making sure there is non-baby-related stuff on your iphone is fantastic. I am guilty as charged there. I'm starting a distance-learning poetry course this summer and I really hope it will take my mind off TTC stuff. It's so much healthier to have other things that make you happy to focus on. Incidentally I think your child is going to be very lucky indeed to have you and MrN as parents. What a wonderful environment to grow up in.
pout Oh no, I am sorry about the worry of your cycles being messed up after IVF. Did they tell you a date for FET - when Colin would go back into his/her ancestral home? Is it related to when your cycles realign? Like you, I don't like most other people's children (apart from a few really special ones). But I am told it is different with your own.
zippy I know exactly what you mean about the monitoring and the horrible feeling of ttcing without knowing what's going on. I think the hardest time for me was before I really got on the assisted conception train - when I was using clomid without monitoring and not ovulating and not knowing what the hell was happening. For me, that has been a good thing about IVF (although I hope you won't get to this stage). Putting the responsibility in someone else's hands, and having more information about my body. I do so hope that the clomid works for you and you can stop taking the stuff and get off the bus soon.
buzzy hope you're taking it easy at home and putting your feet up. You are just an inspiration and I think it's amazing how you've managed all this. Whatever happens, you're going to be a mum, and a fantastic one at that. My hand is here to hold during these next 10 days - I hope they go quickly and that you aren't too anxious during the wait.
joy I am sorry about the fears on the Ashermans syndrome. You just sound exhausted and I can totally see why. I wonder whether your next round, if you do go ahead, could be somewhere cheaper with less heavy monitoring than ARGC? You did manage to implant those two little embies and the karotyping showed an issue that wasn't to do with your egg quality - just a horrible natural fluke. I know you must be despairing right now, but I honestly think your baby is still going to come to you. I really do. I wish this was easier, it's so unfair. Incidentally MrC doesn't say anything during doctor's meetings either, to the extent that doctors have commented on it. He's quiet at the best of times but I just think AC is hard for men, they don't know how to deal with it, it's scary and guilt-inducing. I totally understand the irritation though as I felt the same way!
gin I loved that you said MrG was happier. That is SO incredibly lovely to hear. I bet it is a heavy burden for men to carry on their own, without our support networks.
sar salty crisps on the sofa sound like a winner. I understand about the investing of energy into threads and that you may not want to join an antenatal one. You've had such a rough ride to this pregnancy and I can imagine that you would be pretty traumatised still after what you have been through.
euro I am sorry about the sore stitches and the uncomfortable day out. How stressful about the ovulation worry too... I hope you're ok. Your next cycle must be really close and I bet you're keen to try again. Oh I'm sorry honey, it sounds like you're having a hard time at the moment. This is just a crappy process and every hurdle seems to throw up a new obstacle or worry.
All ok here, just having a quiet day at home. Still too scared to test. I might try on Tuesday which would be 13dpo. I'm just too freaked out by the idea of a negative. Full disclosure - I actually did an internet cheapie and then changed my mind and threw it away without looking at it <crazed emoticon>. I am reassuring myself that even if this doesn't work, I can try again next month or the month after with an FET.
critter how could you have thrown it away without looking? Gah. You have far more self-restraint than I do!
I've started spotting a tiny bit (something new post-mc), so AF is on the way, and then we will be on to the next cycle. We have discussed putting it off for a month or two, but I think that is mainly because we are scared of it, rather than for any genuine reason ( we have excuses - I'd like to lose a few pounds, mr euro would like for his flat to sell so he has less going on and less stress - but there will never be a perfect time and none of these is really reason to postpone).
gin I was surprised how happy I felt when diffed. I hadn't realised how empty I felt before, until I didn't any more.
I have only just noticed that it say TRC on the top of this thread, well my cat is now fat there is a little bit of sagging furry puku -- not even going to discuss my sags-- and still rather moody with us too, she is giving me a bit of a filthy look as I type
joy I am lucky to be getting 3-4 hours sleep right now, I just can not switch off and seem to be in foul mood and tearful but not over anything in particular, I just want to go to bed and actually sleep. Either the steroids or the double dose of arse bullets are making me hungry as hell and nauseous
gin I have spent my time leading for forgiveness from Kayla, unpacking and washing, time to think about dinner, I had late implanations with both my pregnancies, 9dpo along with late ovulation but knew by CD28 that it had worked, I had very boobs and sickness and spotting
critter I am that you could not look
I would have been fishing it pout the bin is Tuesday the day they told you to test?? I don't understand why they gave me the 23rd, if implantation is up to 72 hours after transfer then from Tuesday on my HCG levels would be rising??? I'm not spending a day longer than I have to with the steroids and arse bullets
euro we too have discussed when we would do FET well that is if they did actually freeze anything, I would like to get my feet sorted and it would be cheaper to go later in the year not over the summer plus I would like to get on with adoption process, but then I think well I would go back in a couple of months, Barry has said it would be up to me,
buzzy and euro it is fear that made me change my mind - and also because I knew whatever the result was, it would colour my entire day... sort of like sticking my fingers in my ears and pretending I can't hear anything.
buzz I am sorry you're tearful, I think it's inevitable - this is a huge thing and you've managed so well but there was such a long build up to this, suddenly you're on your own and just waiting. The clinic didn't tell me to test, they just said to come in for a blood test on Thursday morning which would be 15dpo.
euro I am pleased you're getting going again - must be a relief. It is scary but it's great that you're climbing back on the horse. We will be here to hand hold. about the empty feeling.
critter its a relief that it is all coming to an end either way, but I'm more concerned about how mad and sweary I feel with the steroids not to mention the tiredness, I have a meeting on Tuesday it was booked for Monday but they changed it just so I can be there
no I am not that important I'm just 'vocal' at these meetings I was annoyed with some blebs at the airport today I nearly had words with him, if I feel like this on Tuesday I'm likely to go 'postal' with some of my colleagues
sorry is it 15 days post transfer or collection??
Evening lovely ladies. Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I do know that there is an outside chance of good news tomorrow but I couldn't face getting the phone call, at work, by myself, and having to face up to the bad news on my own. I will also have to call in between appointments and my last appointment involves a baby and a toddler so I have to be able to pull myself together quite quickly.
So glad that you are home buzzy. I'm sure that Kayla's huffiness will be shortlived. I'm sorry that the hormones are mucking about with your sleep and I hope being in your own bed will help.
Critter I understand not wanting to look
but I totally would have caved as the negative test this morning made me feel a bit like I'd been hit by a bus today. If I felt like I had the option of waiting for the phone call, then I would have enjoyed one more hopeful day. We were discussing baby names last night . In answer to your question, I don't know what they will make me do next time. I'm hoping just a few months on the pill depending on whether the endometriomas have returned thanks to the stimming drugs. There are a lot of questions to be answered before another round I think.
Nelly your thoughtful post led to a discussion in this house as well. I had always thought that donor eggs wouldn't help me, but if I only get two eggs next time, then maybe donor eggs would get me a better shot at having something to freeze - just to maximize our chances for our final, private round. After that we will move on to adoption.
euro I can see why you would both be feeling a bit anxious about going again but I'm very proud of you for dusting yourself off and jumping back in.
joy that does not sound pleasant! I am sure that you are not a hypochondriac and you make sure to get things checked out of the symptoms continue and you're worried. I understand why you would want to stay put if you've had negative opinions elsewhere.
mrsd bah humbug to mother's day. (I don't really mean that) but my facebook is covered in mother's day messages from relatives. It is not a good day for that!
pout I hope that things settle down for you soon and you can crack on with the FET. I'm not sure what will happen to my cycles now. I haven't had a period since Christmas so I would imagine it might take a while to get back to "normal".
Well, there have been lots of tears around here. A surprising number of them from MrM. I feel better already though and we will move on after confirmation of the result tomorrow.
Pizza has arrived so must dash .
Ooooh Pizza, I am ravenous all the time now. Kayla is sitting behind me but she won't give me whisker kisses
madness DE IVF did freaked me out at first but once i thought about the pros and cons and really though about what I wanted my final goal to be, which is a mum, then DE became the best option and I never looked back. Depending your DHs sperm you are more likely to have something to freeze, Barrys results for this cycle were classed as Asthenoteratozoospermie with motility 3% and morphology .5% but with ICSI and her great eggs we have two great blastos on board and at at least one possibly two for the freezer
sorry about the tears, big hugs
AF just arrived, so I'm technically on to cycle 31 and IVF#2. Bit scary. Not sure I can hack another disappointment. Wish me luck!
Pizza was scrummy. I ate it far too quickly though.......
Thanks buzzy. All of MrM's sperm analyses have been perfectly normal in all respects. I know that I have to wait till tomorrow and then the follow up appointment before drawing a line under this cycle, but it does help me to think about our options. DE doesn't really freak me out. Adopting older children with complicated histories does though, but I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.
cross post euro. Good luck xxxxxxxxx
madness I know people seem to think that adoption means older children with ishoos but the people I have spoken to friends and colleagues who have adopted and they said that they adopted their kids around the 1year mark and don't seem to have major issues to deal with. I was more concerned about the child not thinking of me as their mother as we didn't have a biological connection like the child would with Barry
euro like I said before, this is a new phase here to hand hold
buzzy my friends who adopted have also not had that problem, but they know of another couple who have had lots of trouble with getting matched and the children had a lot more special needs. There are also ongoing issues with the biological family of my friends' child (adoption not yet final) and they have a lot of worries about helping their child through that in the future. It's just a different set of issues to get my head around, that's all.
MrM has just agreed to tutor a friend's daughter in one of her secondary school subjects. I'm quite happy about that because I think that it will look very good on an adoption application
and he's bloody good at explaining things to me so will be brilliant.
I need to walk away from the computer. Hope everyone has a good Monday. Thanks for being here for me to talk to xx
madness I'm just gutted for you. I am so sorry about the tears and I can imagine that you'd feel like this has really knocked you for six. It made me well up that you'd been talking about baby names, all these hopes and dreams, why can't it be simple, FFS! I think it's amazing that you're talking about forward plans but can imagine for now that you want to hear from the clinic first and then take it from there. Thinking of you and sending you a massive cross-Atlantic squeeze.
buzzy Thursday will be 15 days past my egg collection, which I think is the same as ovulation/conception for a normal. So whatever comes up then should be definitive. What you say about DE totally makes sense. The end result is the most important thing - it's a lot to get your head around but being a parent is the ultimate goal. Sorry Kayla is sulking - I hope she forgives you and Barry for the abandonment soon!
euro huge hand hold and much much luck. You are a strong, wonderful lady and you can do this. We will be here for any wobbles. With such a good result from the natural round last time (minus your miscarriage ), I really think this has every reason to work for you.
Posting in bed on phone as I have stomach ache which is perhaps trapped wind hurray for over sharing. So much happening on here and so much that has made me thoughtful.
mad so sorry about the bfn, god they are so horrible on a normal cycle let alone after such a long build up for you. I totally understand how you must feel after all you've been through. My lowest point on this fecking journey was last summer after my op when I was hoping for a post op diff and all I got in return was screwed up cycles and a beast of a scar. But it wasn't a waste. You were poorly and needed that fixing and this downregging has given your womble a chance to rest and be ready. I'm sure ovary rumblings are quite usual at this point. The thought of things returning is also a big fear for me and if I'd had my children I probably would have a hysterectomy as my cyclical pain is pretty shite. But we are on the right road to help them to help our little wombles to do their job. I will be thinking of you tomorrow x
Ladies with cycle issues, Joyce, pout, euro maybe it is the seasons but I really think the menstrual cycle is a delicate creature. I never dreamt my op would knock things off course for 5 months and I didn't even have hormone fiddling or mcs. It is scary when things feel different but I don't think it means something is wrong necessarily, just your body is resetting itself. I thought I was never going to be normal again but it all came back as per usual in the end. Please cut and paste this to me during my own worries post treatment.
Euro scars are the pits for itching, twitchy nerves and pain. I have kelo cote on prescription and its very very good at soothing and smoothing, it knocks bio oil out the water. Sorry you had a poo day but cycle two is underway!
critter you have willpower of iron! I would have dug it out the bin, held it to the light in various rooms and periodically checked it throughout the day
nelly I want the family stuff. How I get it is becoming less important in slow increments, like every month that passes I am a fraction more accepting that adoption/donor egg might be my way to that. I too worry about what I feel I could take on adoption wise. pout I was at the cinema today and there were lots of kids flocking out of one screen as we got there with frazzled and bored looking parents and I thought thank fuck that's not me, shortly followed by god, what I have to go and see rubbish kids films?! my rational head tells me life is very good, I love my hobbies, my income and my freedom. I don't need to beg steal and borrow babysitters for a rushed date night. I can stay in bed if I want and I always get my sleep. This is very much about getting my body to play nicely and do its job and I rarely think beyond two lines. All that said, when I thought I had a bfp in October it was the happiest I'd been since I got married. It was like that feeling you get when you fall in love, everything felt bright and alive. So euro I know what you mean and I hope we all get back to that soon. Please.
buzzy woo hoo you are pupo! Sorry the steroids are knocking you around. My animal HATES me when I've left him and has his back to me for at least a week.
I've missed loads of people. But loves to all grads, differs, lurkers and 10 plus ladies.
I am currently convinced I'm peri menopausal because I woke up on holiday drenched in sweat. It was cold and I'd gone to sleep under a lot of blankets. I can't stop thinking about it though and the spotting and fsh. I feel ancient.
Oh rabbit I'm sure you're not peri menopausal. i hope that you're feeling better this morning. thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who panics about things coming back and scuppering all my plans...
I'm waiting for clinic to open so i can get my blood test. second hpt was negative this morning so really no hope left as far as i am concerned. it's going to be a long day.....
Sorry madness. Thinking of you today. Btw could you not have mrmad ring the clinic, that is what I did with pg-results calls.
Waves at all, yay for PUPO Buzzy and I'll catch up tonight!
Oh mad sorry for another bfn and a long waity day ahead. Big hug.
Thanks lemon. MrM in meetings most of the day so actually best for me to ring. he needs to hold himself together better for that. i can always hide in the toilet for a bit in between appointments!
Madness I'm really sorry about the BFN. Still hoping for you. Sounds like a good idea to get MrMad to ring for you. It is a horrible call to have to make. Where has all the good luck gone from thread 14? Maybe it's even numbers only for the fertility gods
Joy I'm baffled by what you've been told about egg quality and had to post when I read the clinic's verdict. Two reasons mainly: firstly, you conceived twins, and it sounds like the chromosomal issues were not related to IVF, is that right? But secondly, your IVF round was similar in many ways to mine. I got 13 eggs too, 8 fertilised normally, and none made it to the freezer. We had a 7 cell and an 8 cell on day 3 that they recommended putting back because they didn't think either would make it to blast. They were both grade B/C, so nobody could have argued that we had great eggs or top grade embies, yet six months on one of those embies is now giving my bladder an uncomfortable kicking. I worried for ages about whether the embie quality meant the pregnancy wouldn't stick or would result in congenital issues, and googled the life out of the subject, but could find nothing in scientific journals to link the quality of embryos to subsequent likelihood of, or outcome of, pregnancy. And they just don't know anything about embryo quality in natural conception. Einstein could well have been conceived from an embryo that wouldn't have made it to day 5 in a petri dish. I think sometimes the scientists claim to know too much when in reality they should just admit that a large part of this game is down to chance. Anyway I'll stop ranting. I don't suppose this is terribly useful to you but wanted to post just because of the similarity in our respective scenarios. We all want answers to why things work out as they do but sometimes I think there just aren't any and that is the hardest thing to deal with.
Nelly that sounds like some very philosophical thinking, I'm glad you and MrN have been able to talk this through and understand what it is you want from this whole process. It sounds like a positive way forward. I agree on getting fixated with the journey. i think that's why it took me so long to get my head around being <whispers> preggo - I had only ever thought as far as a BFP and when it came it was a huge shock. For the record, i'm another one with unresolved resentment against MrA for making me wait so long to even try. We split up for a while over it after about 2 years together. I was like you though, I loved him, and having had 3 serious or semi-serious relationships in my 20s and early 30s with men who either dithered or point blank refused to consider marriage and children I was all too aware that there are thin pickings out there. The prospect of starting over aged 35+ was too daunting. We are in a good place now - which ironically is probably partly to do with what we've been through since - and I am comfortable with my choices but some resentments are hard to completely do away with. It's also why the whole Daily Fail 'selfish women leave it too long to have babies' bullshit myth makes me so .
I must do some work. Waves and love to everyone. Rabbit I'm very glad your health scare turned out OK. Critter hurrah for being PUPO! And I totally understand the fear of testing, I would have binned it too .
Sar and Gin I'm sorry you feel rough but hope it's providing some reassurance. Buzz glad it all went well for you but I'm sorry the drugs are making you feel so bad. Progesterone turned me into the cookie monster. I hope your colleagues don't suffer too much - unless they deserve it . Hope kayla forgives you soon. Euro an itchy wound is probably a good sign of healing but must be infuriating.
Waves to everyone else, sea, Lemon, Pout, Zippy, Sweet, Mrsden, any lurkers or grads. Zippy I'd be happy to share our story
I've been plastering it all over the internet for the past 18 months so why stop now but I've banged on about myself quite enough for now so i'll pop back later
mad I'm sorry you got another BFN.
Art you are so right about the Daily Fail shyte - there was another article along those lines recently. BTW, that is the thinking behind the BESH - they are the barren evil selfish hags of Daily Fail land. Or 30-something ttcers, as they might otherwise be known...
rabbit I have night sweats sometimes too, including last night. I quite often get them during my period, but sometimes at other times too.
I don't know anyone who has adopted in our generation. I do have a friend who is an adoptee though, but she was adopted 40 years ago in another country. It's great to see how well she gets on with her family (no ishoos hanging over from the adoption as far as I know), but she can't be any help as to the process here and now.
The head is much less hurty now. I'm dying to take the micropore off and have a look but the dr said to keep it on unless it comes off by itself. It's starting to look quite scuzzy now. I've managed to keep it dry so far, but the forehead is oily. Eugh. I'm desperate to wash that bit of it, and the hair just above it (we've been avoiding that bit when mr euro has been washing my hair for me). Only 2 more days to go, I suppose - the stitches come out on Wednesday.
I'm just waiting for the people in the rooms either side of me to pop out at the same time so I can call the clinic to kick things off - the walls here are paper thin.
Well I think I have been forgiven by Kayla as we have had a few cuddles
I have one in the freezer so can't complain, it means that we have a set plan and thankfully we cannot change it, I have slept really well but still feel tired, I have constant period like cramps but it could actually just be the progesterone bullets and my bowels
euro hope you have been able to make the call, the stair well is usually where I make my calls from I bet no one has noticed your little plaster on your head
madness so sorry it was another BFN
rabbit I have a confession, Barry actually ate rabbit while we were away I was mortified he said it was tasty
You are not peri anything, you went to sleep feeling cold during the night your body warmed up and was trying to regulate its temperature by sweating as you did not wake up straight away and remove the extra covering. I get like that sometimes, I wake up all sweaty betty
When was the last time you had a progesterone test?? I'm not sure which thread I was on but some woman said she had had a washout with something and that helped clear her up as so to speak, I can't remember if it was an antibiotic wash out but the spotting stopped.
art I agree that in reality the so called experts don't really know much, I do think that they feel they have to come with something
A) because they need funding to continue so have to show results
B) because women like us expect some sort of answer
I don't read the DM or really any paper as I find they just sensationalise things to sell the paper, just before we left I think it was either on the radio or in the telegraph, it was free with my bottle water it kept going on about how women who leave having children later in life have a higher risk of breast cancer!! REALLY i'd love to see the so called stats on that.
The problem with society on the whole is that it is never satisfied, you are either too young/old fat/thin rich/poor etc etc. Society also doesn't like to be responsible for itself, much easier to blame someone else
Best to be an individual and not give a hoot
Just a quick post to give Mad a big squeeze and to hold out my hand. Thinking of you x
Rabbit Shush you are not peri menopausal and not old! In fact I've realised how much TTC has ruined my confidence and I need to address that. I'm "only" 38 and not planning on dying any time soon and I'm sick of TTC making me feel like I am.
Art I hope the fertility gods have some better logic than even numbers, but if not I will be cluster posting on to 16.
Glad Kayla had forgiven you a bit Buzzy!
Joy I hope you are doing ok, you sound very down.
Pout I will certainly reply more later but wanted to say I'm not as cheery as I seem, I couldn't even get up to go to the office today (working from home instead). This is still awful, crappy, misery inducing shit. But I know from nearly 3 years of this now, that I will only start to feel better when I have a plan and have put a spin on it that I can believe in. I am still breaking up inside that it looks like I won't get my own baby, but now when the grief overwhelms me I have a "happy place" to direct my thoughts to. It's a coping mechanism but the rawness inside will always be there .
Sar I'm sorry I made you cry! But if you can find a way to enjoy where you are a bit more, then that's all to the good.
Gin you made me well up when you said how much happier Dave was now. I am so happy for you, but at the same time it emphasises just how much this dampens our life and our spirit.
Anyway that wasn't so short but I know I've missed loads and will have usual iPhone errors and misleading comments!
Phone just deleted my last post. it is definitely one of those days.... BFN confirmed. I am to wait until my next period in June and call them to go in for more decapeptyl. They will offer us our next full cycle in August. The thought of downregging for another two months
in the summer when it's hot anyway is making me feel panicky but I really could not cope with another lap if the big endometriomas return. I am so fed up right now.
On a positive note we'll get another try before my dreaded 35th birthday. On the other hand i will be downregging for the third anniversary of starting to ttc and that will coincide with the birth of a good friend's second child.
sorry for the me me me misery post. I will snap out of it soon.
mad thinking of you today. This is just awful. I'm so sorry. I was so sad to read that MrM had had some tears too, that's devastating. Wishing you strength to get through this.
nelly I am so sorry that you're so sad too. It's just so unfair. A BFN after an IVF cycle is the worst, the absolute worst - there's so much build up to it and it's just exhausting in every way.
art interesting thoughts on MrA. I totally agree that it's usually men not wanting to have families and the responsibility of children. I know the pill has brought us wonderful things - and I'm extremely glad I didn't marry and have a baby with my awful university boyfriend, who was very controlling - but I also think that it has given men the freedom to 'get the milk for free' if that doesn't sound too reactionary. They can have sex without having to make the commitment of marriage and fatherhood. I lived with MrC before we got married, and I'm very glad I did - but I also think it can be an issue with some men who don't want to get married, as it gives them license for caddish behaviour - a get out of jail free card. I was MUCH happier once we got married and I think he was too, actually.
euro sorry about the itchy scar but whoo hoo for another cycle! I bet you're terrified but this is progress. You are getting closer to your baby - this may be the golden egg!
buzzy it's brilliant that you have a frostie, hurrah - and what a relief to have the course of action planned and not have to make more decisions. You are a wise and brave lady and I love your posts.
joy I loved what art said. You do sound very sad, but she is right, there is lots of hope for you - basically I can't say it any better than she did, but I'm thinking of you and wishing you courage.
mrsd hope you're ok and that the German Mother's Day wasn't too awful. Big hug and a tail feather blowdry coming your way. Do you have a follow up consultation planned to talk about next steps?
rabbit I often wake up sweaty, in fact I did last night. I'm sorry you're worrying though - I hate to think of how anxious you must be and I wish this were easier.
Waves to everyone I've missed - pout, sea, zippy, ramona, gin, sar, sweet and lemon. I actually think I may wait until my blood test to test. Is that weird? I think that way I will only have one truly horrible day if it's negative, rather than several. I don't feel at all pregnant, no cramps, just a feeling of fullness which I think comes from all the fanny candles. Oh and super-unsettled and anxious, but I think that's normal. And Thursday is only three days away. I may try to work from home on Thursday afternoon so I'm not at work when I get the call though.
xpost madness I am so sorry honey, what a horrible piece of news to get. You must feel utterly deflated and bone-tired. . I don't suppose there's any way you can ask them to move your next cycle to sooner than August? It is only three months away, but seems terribly unfair to make you downreg again for so long. What was their reasoning?
Mad I am so sorry it was confirmed . Offering cake, wine and a ginormous hug. I know all too well the feeling. I know they like to wait a bit between cycles but it is extra stressful for you.
Critter I know what you mean about the bad day, in some ways I agree, but I don't think I would have coped with the BFN, in the office at least, if I didn't know it was coming. On the other hand you have every reason to be hopeful!
mad I'm so sorry you have had the BFN confirmed and have to face more of the crappy downregging. Grrr. Why does this have to be so hard for us?
critter that doesn't sound odd at all. I tested at home because I didn't want the clinic calling with what I was sure would be a bad result when I was at work and would have had to hold it together for the rest of the day. Whatever works for you. When is your blood test?
mad sorry it has been confirmed, big hugs
critter I wish I had your restraint, I think working from home on Thursday is a good idea, either way you are in the privacy of your own home to deal with it. I know I'll cry either way but as most of work know it won't matter if I cry there or I can just come home which is what I think they would prefer.
Mad i am just so so sorry. This is just brutally unfair. You need to give yourself some time to come to terms with it. Im just horrified that you will have to stay down regulated again for so many more months. Is this the only way to control the endo?
Im just so sorry for all you lovely ladies who have had bfns. It is totally crap.
Critter i dont think its weird at all and I didnt test before blood test. I thought it was over anyway and i just wasnt even tempted. I wouldnt have seen a positive anyway. Its such a horribly nerve wracking time. Most people dont feel pregnant so soon. I would definitely try and work from home on Thursday pm. Oh Critter hang on in there, it will be here shortly. No more bfns allowed.
Gin it was lovely to hear that Dave is much happier now. I found that with Roy. He was just so much more cheerful and happy whilst i was pregnant. Even when I thought it was going wrong, he wasnt having any of it. Hes now slipped back. Were not a miserable couple at all but his Work is a drag, long hours and i think these troubles just emphasise that and sadness is always very close.
Rabbit you arent perimenopausal. Just remember fsh would have to be up in the 60s if you were. Buzz has a good theory and /or you could have been fighting a bug. Its horrible because we are ttc and if i get a hot sweat (which i seem to get at 4pm most days), I fear the same thing. But none of us are peri-menopausal. STERN. And you can throw that back at me when I next come on here worried about that.
Art , this is why i love this thread. I find so much more reason from people who have been through it on here than i do from doctors. Ive just read your post twice because it just fills me with hope as our situations do sound similar. So thank you. I do sometimes need a talking to or to keep remembering positive stories. I need to rewire my brain in to thinking this was just bad luck and nothing sinister but when I was told it was egg quality, it just rattles and confirms fears.
Nelly im just so sorry you are so down. Its only to be expected. I wholeheartedly agree about the planning next steps. You will feel better in due course. Its finding coping mechanisms in the mean time but you will come out. We all will be stronger one day, Im sure of it.
Buzz thats great you have one for the freezer. Yippee. A sibling! Hopefully cramps are a sign that your embies are bedding down for the long haul.
Euro im glad the head is getting better.
Sorry if Ive sounded dejected recently. Im not really. I do think i have wacky hormones at the moment. But Im very prone to panicking as well and am dealing with a non ttc stressful situation for the last week which doesnt help.
joy I think its more bowel issues than anything else, I'm sorry you are having other things to deal with, it can all become a bit much, you mind is trying focus on different things.
I am still worried about Kayla and her furrless puku I might get another one of those Feliway things and see if that helps. Barry has had some goodish news, he had a phone interview this week and they have asked him to go and work with them for a couple of weeks, its in the west midlands but if he likes them and they like him it could be a job Barry has been having LC too and it really showed in his interview today, I felt really proud of him
euro did you get to call the clinic
mad oh bums. Battle not war, I'll keep on saying it. The downregging must be really tough for you. But it will pass and you will get there. Hug.
euro I'm all for wacking a dressing off. But follow the advice of your doctor.
art yay to bladder kicks and wise words. Remind me is it August for your due date? I often think of your crash/bfp day when I ponder on life! When I finally get in the realms of bump/sproglet we all need a northern reunion in exactly the same place.
joycep thank you for being stern. I cried today about my fsh again out of nowhere. I feel young in loads of ways but elderly on the inside and just can't figure out why me when both my grannies are fit as fiddles in their mid nineties and had no probs popping out babies older than me. My entire family is oozingly fertile. Pah. I'm glad art reassured, it all makes good sense that you've been unlucky.
nelly sorry for the glums. This too will pass. And keep thinking if your sister. Tis an odds game. Big loves.
critter I can see how one day of news feels better than a few. But I think my stick devil would get me. Sometimes when I poas it is genuinely like a demon possessed me. Feeling full sounds promising?
buzzy yay for the interview and job prospects. Might you have to move?
Why am I miserable today? I'm cd 7 but feel like a pmt mad cow. Is it because we've had a year long winter? They turned the heating off at work two weeks ago I'm in a pit of what is the point in naturally trying anymore. Can it actually happen after two and a half years and no meds/ops? I do wonder if I shunned any treatment if I could get lucky. But there are so many stories out there. Increasingly I feel convinced that post ivf seems to throw up a fair few bfps. Sorry ladies, I imagine it happening for all of you but when I look inwardly I just see my barrenness like the surface of the moon.
Euro a ! fell off my message then. How public health I sound
Mad, I'm so very sad for you. The awesome foursome are not doing so well. You will feel awful for a while, crying helps. I wish I could say something to make it better, I'm sorry that you can't cycle until August.
I have a banging headache and still have period pain so I'm off to bed with a hot water bottle. Night all x
rabbit your post is heart breaking, is there any news from pals, would moving onto IVF instead of IUI help. Yes we will have to move, I really don't want to go to work tomorrow, really want wag but can't
Evening all. Have tried several posts and they have all been lost so I will make this quick. Have abandoned phone and ipad and resorted to the old laptop. Talk about a first world problem.....
Thanks again for all of your kind words. Knowing that so many of you have bounced back from similar disappointments really helps. MrM and I have had a good chat about ourselves and our families (parent issues on both sides just now) and it hasn't left me feeling optimistic but it's good to have it out there nonetheless.
buzzy I am so happy you have one for the freezer and I hope the crampiness is a very good sign.
critter working from home Thursday and taking the call privately sounds like a good plan to me. Hopefully you won't have to worry about the disappointment because you'll be preggers and saving those frosties for siblings.
mrsd when will you be cycling again? Do they not make you wait as long? I think they always want you to have about three periods here before you can go for another round. joy and critter the decapeptyl is the best way of shrinking whatever endo has grown back thanks to the stimming drugs and avoiding any large endometrial cysts developing that would lead to another lap. I really think that a third lap in two years would break me.
Nelly i went to the shops and bought comfort food which I enjoyed with a large glass of . Will resume circuit training classes on Wednesday and may just join the nearest gym. I have three months to get back to feeling better about myself before stimming again.
So sorry you're feeling low rabbit. My mother fell pregnant at the drop of a flipping hat and in almost three years I haven't had even a hint of a bfp - I've never even seen a flipping evap line on a pee stick.
Really tired and premenstrual so please forgive me for not namechecking you all. Do know that your wonderful posts have been a real comfort today.
Missed a lot... will take me a while to catch up.
Just wanted to say I am so sorry it's a bfn for you madness. It's so shitty and unfair. I feel really sorry it didn't work. Please be gentle to yourself. Love to you and MrM.
Joy - sorry about the asherman worries and pain you are experiencing. Are you still being seen at St Marys. Strong pain like that isn't normal. It is worth getting seen to and understand why you are having these pains.
Critter & Buzzy - I am excited and nervous for you both. Hope you are both taking it easy and not feeling too anxious.
Hope to catch up properly over the next few days.
Love and waves to all.
rabbit I am sorry you are feeling low. It's natural to have up and low days in our ttc journey. I hope you feel brighter soon.
buzz yes, I managed to call. I've got my first scan on Friday (CD5 by clinic counting, CD6 by the calendar). I think that'll be too early to see any action, but at least it gets the call rolling.
Sorry about the pains, mrsd. It just seems cruel to have those after the BFN.
rabbit I know what you mean. I wasn't even upset about our sechsfails on the two post-mc cycles. I just don't believe it's worth the effort anymore.
joy I think that pain sounds worth investigating. I hope the lowness passes.
Thanks sea. Have you made any decisions about your treatment?
Glad you are on your way euro. I'm excited for you xx
Af has arrived, sparing me a long wait. It is good to draw a line under the cycle so that we can move on. MrM going for drinks with a lovely friend with lots of experience of this crap so I'm hoping that will make him feel less adrift. I wish the men had as much support as we do.
Happy Tuesday everyone!
So sorry madness that the cycle didn't work out for you. It is crap and unfair and I am thinking of you.
rabbit Sorry about your menopause worrying. I'm sure that you are a long way off that yet and the sweating incident was just one of those things. I second what euro said about getting the sweats at certain points in our cycles and it not being anything sinister.
I think that we can all relate to the optimism felt towards other peoples chances of getting pregnant and utter pessimism when it comes to ourselves. I don't think it means anything, I just think that for some of us pessimism is a form of self protection. You will get there I'm sure
Good luck for your scan on Friday euro.
joy I am sorry that you are so afraid of what your pain might mean. I agree that you ought to speak to a professional about it. Not least to put your mind at rest about Ashermans. Can I just add that I have had two incidents in the last 3 years of TTC where I have had ridiculous period cramps (just before AF arrived) that have been like nothing I have experienced before. The kind of pain sounds very similar to what you described, a pain that radiates from the womble area & around the hips and back around to the small of the back. I remember rubbing deep heat in & flailing about on the couch because it hurt that much. Since then I have had the lap and nothing horrible was found. I just wanted to maybe try and reassure you a bit...
buzz did you go into work in the end? I am intrigued by what the hell a puku is
pout I am here at work wish I wasn't though, so much crap to sort out, my laptop won't work either then I have this meeting, I haven't even looked at the agenda yet
I have toilet issues today and serious wind issues I have also spent time listening to a 79 yr old tell me how handsome the physio is,
puku is your stomach Kayla has a much rounder one now although so do i
Buzzy I hope you are not too uncomfortable.
Mad. I'm glad AF at least didn't mess you around. I hope you are feeling better. I agree that men don't get nearly as much support as us ladies do.
Fertility treatment is on hold for me for a while. I have been referred to a lung specialist for TB assessment. Unfortunately they can't fit me in till end of the month. I'm taking it as it comes and avoiding stressing about the delays. Trying to enjoy my life as much as I can and not think too much about fertility.
sea gawd the waiting. I have fits of anger every day the postman doesn't bring my referral. But you are right, life is short and whilst these waits feel long when you're in them, they do pass. It seems so unfair that you have to work through this and I send you a big love.
joy I had somehow missed you are in pain, is it feeling better? I have lots of pelvic pain and have had my uterus and surrounding area scrutinised and nothing was there. The womb is a mysterious place. I also think hormone fluctuations effect me more than others and I get odd cramping and bowel oddness a lot. I know that everything is quite squashed in there for me - do you have a tilted womble?
mad a big squeeze for you having to manage non ttc difficult times right now.
buzzy back to work sympathies.
Sorry for posting a gloomy post. Don't know what's up with me at the moment. It's like my pmt has taken up residence!
sea care to join me in trying to ignore ttc related blessing over the next three months? I know we are in different situations but both playing the waiting game. I am determined not to let the downregging get me down this time. I shall focus on healthy eating and exercise and throw myself into crafty projects (not all related to gifts for other people's babies) and generally see this break as an opportunity to get in a good place for the next phase.
Oh rabbit this grumpiness will pass. Have you chased up your referral? When i finally got fed up and rang i always ended jp with an appointment by the end of the day. I think i got some cancellation appointments for my icky flexible camera up the bum treatment.
pout any more news on the fet? Forgive me if you've already said and i missed it.
Off back to work for an afternoon of meetings....
sea Sympathetic grrrr noises at lung clinic referral wait & fertility treatment delays.
rabbits sorry about the low mood. Proffers eviction notice to lingering PMT.
madness I like your plans. It is great that you are planning on being proactive especially with the healthy eating plan. I feel ashamed that I haven't been more diligent and ignores the pistachio and chocolate cake in the kitchen No news on FET time. I have my IVF follow up appointment on Thursday so will know more then, I hope. Although that said, I have come down with some 'orrible lurgee today (sneezing, banging headache, dizzy and feeling sick) so I am panicking a bit that I won't be able to keep the appointment.
Mad -I am truely sorry for the bfn, and i understand the further frustrations of endo and downregging worries. I am glad you have a plan and af made an appearance. So many women get bfn the first, second or third cycle or more. This doesn't mean it wont work next time. You should feel immensley proud of yourself for going for it. Stay strong sweetheart.
Joy - I am sorry for the nasty womble pain. I understand how scary that must be and how ashermans must be on your mind. I agree with everything rabbit says about hormones or tilted wombs playing silly beggers. I also think that the recent loss of an 8 week pregnancy with twins must have a part to play. Maybe the womb is still shrinking and adjusting, I feel like my womb is enlarged with a singleton at 8 weeks so I imagine yours may need time to settle. Are there any gynae drs and nurses from the ward you can speak to where you had your op? I am sorry too for this fear of egg quality. In the words of victor meldrew, I don't believe it. Art speaks much much sense on this subject. Wish I could meet you for drinks, buns and hugs. How about a new treatment to get the energy flowing? I was going to try cranial sacral therapy before my bfp or maya massage maybe?? Just some food for thought.
Rabbit - aw sweetheart it makes me terribly upset to think of you worrying about your fsh, peri peri menopause, night sweats and instadiffer grannies. You are fertile but the disappearing cyst slowed things down. Nothing a little nudge from modern medicine cant help with. And even then you absolutely can get pregnant naturally. We know that from the cp. I know all too well that regardless of what we read, do, say, think, that horrid nagging painful deep urgent feeling of wanting a baby just goes on and on and on. I would be very tempted to ring the clinic and give them a little kick up the behind about that referral. It absolutely will help to get it out quicker.
Sea - goodness I am sorry that you now have to attend lung clinic uuugghhh. But I am impressed with the speedy response. Once step at a time, like buzz said at least you know you gave conception the best possible chance, big hugs.
Buzz - I have this tingley feeling that life is about to go in a whole new direction for you in more ways than one. Well done that boy on the job! Sorry your work is a big draggy - know exactly what you mean. Sit tight sweetheart and glad kayla has forgiven you.
Critter - I agree a full feeling is a very promising sign. I am impressed by your no stick nonsense. I would have been chasing the bin men to get it back.
Euro - right here to whoop and cheer you on. Round 2 here we come. You know you can conceive with no problems, just need a sticky bean. Sorry for the scar, I agree with critters vitamin e top tip.
Nelly, pout and den - thinking about you all loads. I usually feel odd and in limbo for the first 2 weeks post ivf bfn. But I assure you things get brighter, new treatment plans and ideas emerge. Just be super super lovely to yourselves, you are all such brave special ladies. Don't lose sight of your goal.
Sorry to all those I have missed. Big waves everywhere.
urgh I have come to moan about my wind issues, and general crapiness and moodiness almost lost the plot with the BT guy on the phone today, I mean how many times can you tell me the same bloody thing!!! 7 is the answer.
sea I hope the two weeks fly by for you so you can get on with things
pout I think there are some nasty lurgees out there, I went into the main office and so many people seem to have hacking coughs etc, I feel a bit dizzy today but perhaps because I hadn't eaten as much as my body wanted, I am like a bottomless pit on these drugs. Hopefully you will be able to get on with FET asap
madness sounds like a good plan, you will feel like a new woman
critter how are you
ramona are you still around
nelly how are you doing, I have some arse bullets ready to send you
work was long and painful today, stupid work laptop doesn't work, had to see patients, man have we got a right bunch in right now, staff changes and boring meetings only 4 more days to go. I seem to lurch from tearful to full on rage I feel like one mother trucking crazy lady right now
forgot what else I was going to say . .
Oh buzzy sorry you're feeling a little unhinged. Your poor body is feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully the crazier you feel the better your beans are doing ;)
pout the cake sounds lovely. I am pretending that my oven chips are a healthy option because i bought the low fat ones. I just feel so flabby and unfit since ivf. I want to feel happier about my body next time i put myself though it. I'm sure you won't have to miss your appointment. Frustrating that you don't have a date but will all be clearer after Thursday I'm sure. My clinic don't do follow ups as standard . I might ring and ask for another appt before i start downregging again though.
Feeling any better sar?
buzzy I agree that moodiness and bloat sound promising. Incidentally I don't have self restraint normally, I ate an entire family sized bag of salt n vinegar Kettle Chips on Sunday . I think your body's been through a lot and hopefully these feelings and sensations are signs that the embryo(s) are settling into their new environment.
madness I am so sorry again about how rotten this has been, I do think that taking these next three months as a chance to have a bit of a break and to get yourself into tip top shape emotionally and physically are good. Meditation, lovely creative hobbies, long walks, maybe some sort of exercise you enjoy, un-baby friendly long weekends away with MrM - that sort of thing.
nelly and mrsd I'm thinking of you both. What crap luck the awesome foursome has had.
sar hope you're feeling better my lovely.
pout that's odd you don't have an FET date yet. The clinic told me that I could go again as soon as next month... is it an NHS thing? Bloody annoying to have it drawn out like this.
rabbit sorry you're feeling so terrible and I agree with sar about hassling the clinic for a referral, this is really not on. You've really been let down over your treatment and it's unacceptable that they are making you wait like this.
sea the end of the month is close but maybe you could ask if they get a cancellation could they move you up? I'm just so sorry about this TB crap. Talk about one more thing you don't need. I agree that non-TTC related distractions are the way forward. Lots of lovely yoga, maybe?
euro I can't believe your scan is Friday, that seems to have come quickly! Although I'm sure it doesn't feel that way to you.
No news here, just waiting until Thursday. I will be at home in the afternoon so that's good. Not feeling different at all, boobs aren't even sore. Tired and finding it hard to concentrate but that isn't unusual for me, especially with all the obsessing I'm doing. So am thinking it's going to be a negative. Although never having had a sniff of a pregnancy I honestly have no idea what you're meant to feel. Hey ho. These last two days are just dragging. On the plus side I am going to see a pal compete in the finals of a slam poetry contest tonight, which will be a bit different and fun. And it's a beautiful afternoon here, sunny but not too hot.
pout chocolate and pistachio cake sounds like heaven.
critter you never know until the test
if I wasn't on the drugs I could convince myself that it had worked already, the lack of sore boobs
unless I really poke them makes me realise that it hasn't
madness the crazy behaviour is exhausting
I know buzzy the decapeptyl made me pretty unbearable to live with. The end is already in sight (for the drugs, not the potential pregnancy) so try to hang in there.
critter now I know what my post EC and progesterone symptoms are I won't be so quick to believe that they are preggo symptoms next time. I'm sure some people have obvious symptoms but for most it's just about waiting to test. I have such high hopes for you and buzzy. With the bad luck the rest of us have had this month I can't help but think that the odds must be in your favour
MrM could explain the numbers to me but I never really understand. We are overdue some good news on this thread.
critter you sound like you are coping amazingly well with the awful IVF 2ww. I hope the poetry evening was good!
Actually, because I have been so busy since the mc with work and travel, it does seem to have come around quite quickly. I can't believe I will be back at EC in about 10 days (all being well)!
I've realised that my scan on Friday will be back in the sonography room of DOOM - where I found out that I was going to miscarry. <gulp> I need to stop thinking about that.
buzz I'm sorry you are feeling so out of sorts. The drugs really are evil, but they are a means to an end.
I'm sorry that a lot of folks are having a tough time at the moment. Hugs to you all.
Thanks ladies for your lovely sentiments.
Mad - I would love to join you on ignoring TTC.
Delays are incredibly frustrating but after a couple of really bad days last week, I have decided to accept it for what it is. I have a lot to be happy and thankful for and I try to remember those - lovely husband, great friends and family and a work life that I really can't complain about. Of course I would love to "have it all" - all those things plus children but that's just not real life. I am doing something about changing that and there's been some roadblocks along the way but that shouldn't take over my whole life.
Critter - you are incredibly patience for not testing. I still can't believe you peed on a stick and then threw it away! I am still hoping for the best news for you.
Buzzy - Sorry you are feeling a bit down and work is so rubbish. At times like this, you just need to get through the day. I hope things pick up soon. Thinking positive embie thoughts for you.
Euro - How are your stitches and the head? I can't believe it's come round so quick. Sorry you have to go back to the horrid room again for the scan.
MrsD - How are you doing? I hope MrD and you are doing okay.
Rabbit - Is it worth calling up. These delays are v frustrating.
Nelly - How are you doing? Your plan sounds v sensible. I loved your post last week about the reasons and thinking behind wanting to have a family. It's so true that we spend so much time focus on getting pregnant but it's really what comes after that truly matters.
Joy - are you still in pain? I hope whatever was problematic outside of TTC has calmed down.
Sar - How are you feeling? No more nausea I hope.
Gin - How are you doing? Glad to hear MrG is much happier too.
Ramona - How's the Clomid and sesh going?
Waves to all. x
euro I know what you mean about going 'back' to those places, I dread going back to epau I still feel odd, I haven't noticed any changes so I feel its already over, time for a cry and move on. I have a shingle feeling on my back, think its stress, work is crap, sorry I feel a bit right now
Buzz just popping in to offer a quick hand-hold. No changes doesn't mean anything you know. I felt nothing at all apart from strong AF-style cramps a day or two before the blood test. I'm sorry work is being so crap, that's the last thing you need. Remember all the good stuff from your life coaching - you are a strong lady and you will get through this. Do try to look after yourself, stress can do all sorts of horrid things so you're probably right about the shingle sensation. The drugs are no doubt partly responsible for feeling .
Hope everyone else is OK. Keeping everything crossed for the Critterette. Wow Euro, that's come around quickly... once you get past Friday I'm sure you'll put the room and its associations behind you.
Must work. Hugs and rain-beating tail-feather shakes to all.
sea I think you will still have it all. I am just so sorry that you're having to wait so long for it. I think you're being incredibly patient and courageous and you've made a good decision to get your body in good shape to carry a little one, both for your own health and for the health and security of your future children. Distractions will be the way to go - some of the ladies here sew and knit, others are amazing cooks, others have lovely pets, others do yoga, I write
bad poetry. It really is the way to get through this (for me) anyway. I found meditation helped when I was really low. I linked a few threads ago to a youtube 'loving kindness' meditation from Jon Kabat-Zinn - it is again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM62BO640o8.
mad I hope you're ok and have something lovely planned this weekend. Oh honey I am just so sorry it didn't work. It's so unfair. Do you have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow? If so good luck and I hope you can get some answers. Something fun to look forward to during the next few months will help them to go quicker - if you like running, maybe there's a fun 5k race you could sign up for? I've found things like that really helpful as they reminded me that my body is strong and healthy and not just malfunctioning on the fertility front. Or a lovely short holiday somewhere with nice wine and yummy healthy food?
art so nice that you keep popping back, it really lifts our spirits to see you - can't believe you're over half-way there.
euro I'm sorry about the scary room. It is crap but it's also the clinic where you found out where you and MrE can do this! You can create embies and you can implant them. You are a beautiful strong woman and you are going to be a wonderful mother to some lucky little creature. Hang in there!
buzzy I am sorry you're feeling so upset, this is a really stressful time but the good thing is, it's finite - tomorrow you'll only be a week away from getting your result. If it's positive (which I think it will be) then you can move forward with your pregnancy, but even if it's negative, you have a little frostie-in-waiting. You're so nearly there buzz, keep the faith! You can do this!
All fine here - the poetry slam last night was brilliant - a lot of hipsters, tattoos, bongos (I kid you not), beards, thick rimmed black specs, half-shaven hairdos, and the compere wore a suit with bare feet. Hilarious! There were a LOT of angsty poems. MrC must be a saint as he sat through the whole thing with me. Actually it was great as it took my mind off the 2ww thing. Tomorrow afternoon I will know either way, so that will be a relief. Nothing exciting to report here. The tiniest bit of light brown gunk in the lovely progesterone stuff, and some twinges in the ovary/tube area on one side. Feeling 'heavy' but again that's probably all the progesterone. Was a tiny bit dizzy yesterday but that isn't abnormal for me and if I weren't watching my body like a hawk I probably wouldn't notice. Anyway it'll all be over soon.
art I had symptoms by 8/9dpo both times, and strong ones, very sore boobs nausea tiredness. I knew I was pregnant before the test came up positive.
critter I won't be waiting till next week, I shall probably test by the weekend at the latest and stop the drugs, Barry is away from Monday for two weeks, I don't know if I will bother with FET to be honest, I'm at the point of not wanting to go go through another 2ww, I'm wishing you all the best for tomorrow
buzzy on Saturday you'll be 7dp5dt so 12dpo... especially if Barry is going away I can imagine not wanting to wait longer, I wouldn't either if MrC wasn't going to be there. I'm so sorry you're having such a crap time with the drugs and especially with the steroids - do you need steroids because it's DE or is there another reason?
Critter, best of luck for you tomorrow. I'm feeling quietly confident for you xx
Buzzy, don't give up yet, it's still so early. I totally understand the feeling of it being hopeless and not wanting to go through it again. Don't make any decisions just yet.
Sea, I know it is so frustrating but it's the right thing to do to get your health sorted first. It Seems to me that the last 3 years has been one long wait and now I have more to do and I always thought I was impatient! I keep repeating good things come to those who wait.
Mad, how are you doing? My sadness has lifted bit I have a little bit of anger and that's not a helpful emotion. .
Waves to everyone. I will try to post properly later, I'm on a train and I kep hitting th wrong keys. Sorry. I hope you can understand my post.
critter I have high nk cells which is why I take a cocktail of things to suppress my immunes so my body won't reject the baby again
mrsd implantation has happened, i feel exactly the same, I know my body well and it hasn't worked, I don't see the point in flogging a dead horse, i don't want this to be y life and neither of us want to try naturally anymore, its a decision we have already reached due to circumstances
Hi everyone, my internet has been out of commission and I see I have missed tons. I will slowly read through and catch up.
buzzy - With my last pregnancy I knew before I took a test I was pregnant, I had every symptom going, only to miscarry. This time I had zero symptoms other than some serious AF-style cramping. It's entirely possible that it worked. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with the steroids and work. Big hug and I hope it all turns out.
Critter - fingers and toes crossed for the Critterette. Your poetry slam sounds like it was a wonderful distraction from the mentalling that goes with the tww.
Euro - I hope that the scan will not be too traumatic for you. I really hope that this next cycle is the one and the room of doom will bring you some lasting happiness.
Mad - I am so sorry it didn't work out. Big hug from me. This whole process is really unfair.
Ramona - how is the clomid?
Sea - I just read about the positive TB test. Was it a skin test? Were you previously vaccinated with the BCG vaccine? Have you ever had a skin test before? I know most TB cases (at least where my family is from) used to come from unpasteurized milk on farms. Sorry about all the questions, the microbiologist in me is very interested. I honestly do believe you can still have it all and if it is indeed some TB, it is best the Drs have found it because it can be treated and you will not become sick later on.
Sar - How are you doing? Are you still very nauseated? I'm glad the latest scan looked good.
Gin - How are things moving along?
Waves and tailfeathers to everyone I have missed.
AFM there is nothing exciting happening. I have been spending time outdoors weeding and I am preparing to present at a conference and none of my dress shirts close across my chest .
I understand buzz. I knew it hadn't worked too, I felt nothing. But, you do hear of plenty of people who also thought it hadn't worked and it had. We know our bodies though after all this time. Immkeping everything crossed for you.
Buzzy - you sound so down! I really just want to make you a cup of tea. I think testing saturday is a good option, but I must echo MrsD, I don't think waiting a bit to make any decisions is a good idea.
MrsD - I'm glad the sadness is lifting. I think a bit of anger is normal. Nothing that is happening is fair and I think it's ok to be a bit angry about it.
Sweet - Glad to hear everything seems to be uneventful (best kind of pregnancy). at your big boobies!
Re TB. I had a Gold Top test (blood). It was done because the clinic I am with wanted me to have Humira treatment to lower my Cytokine level and Humira & TB - latent or active is strongly contraindicated. I know immunes is still controversial in fertility (lack of strong evidence) but from the research I have done through my uni and talks I have had with people with a medical background (esp outside of the UK I notice). I am keen to give it a try.
I never had BCG jab when I was young. I was given a skin test before the BCG and because I reacted to it, they didn't give me the jab. I think this indicates I was exposed when I was v young which would make sense as I was born in Asia and lived there for a quite a few years. TB is quite common even in the developed place where I am from over there. (Trying not to out myself here). I should say that the test doesn't show if you have latent TB or active TB but I have no symptoms so I am assuming I am latent but this will be confirmed by the lung specialist. I know NICE guideline is to NOT treat latent TB unless you are in a high risk group but if I want to take Humira, it has to be treated.
Critter good luck for tomorrow. I am so excited and nervous for you. I do try to meditate but not as much as I would like. I think this non TTC period is a good time to do more of it. Thanks for the link. Love the sound of your poetry slam. I have been to one in the States. Good fun.
Mrsd- you are absolutely right about good things coming to those who wait. Genuinely I do think I have learnt a lot in this journey and my relationship with MrS is a lot stronger because of it. It's natural to feel angry and it's healthy to acknowledge it. [Hugs to you]
Just a quick phone post for buzzy. Were you on the drug cocktail when you were pregnant before? Just in case your symptoms then were more about your body freaking out at the presence of a foreign body (embie) rather than proper preggo ones? Please don't make any big decisions while you're on the drugs. Regardless of how it all turns out this time there will be time to regroup when you are back to your normal self. I am so sorry this is so rough . When i cried to MrM and said that maybe all of this sh*t wasn't worth it, we both agreed that it totally would have been if it had worked. That said, we will draw a line under it eventually and I will probably need a hysterectomy at some point so I totally get the feeling that this shouldn't be allowed to dominate our lives for too long. We all have lovely lives to get out there and enjoy.
I hope that makes sense..... Take a hug and remember that this is temporary xx
Back later to catch up with the rest of you!
Buzzy - a big hand hold to you. I know this is a shitty time for you esp when you don't feel well and work is crap. I'm willing it to be positive news for you. You just don't know until you test...
Sorry for not being around much recently - it's been a horribly busy week with lots of (non-exotic) travel for work. I have been reading though; so much has happened on here.
nelly how are you doing? I hope you are ok, I was so sad to hear that it didn't work out for you this time. I get the anger thing too. In my case I'm not angry at MrR, I'm angry that it took us so long to meet (I was 35). So no one really to direct that to, just a fist shake to the sky.
mrsd I am glad that the sadness has lifted a bit, and I think feelings of anger are completely understandable given what you've been through. I hope you are ok.
mad so sorry to hear about your bfn - I am so sad it didn't work out for you. This is all so unfair. I hope you are doing ok.
buzzy I'm so sorry to hear you feel it hasn't worked - I hope so much and have everything crossed for you that it has.
Hope you are feeling better today pout? How is the lurgy?
I was also v impressed with the testing restraint critter. I can't imagine I would show that sort of self-restraint. Wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow. Hope the dizziness has passed now.
Very to hear about the TB sea. It's not fair at all that you have to deal with this on top of ttc and that it means more waiting. I agree you are right to get your health back on track as a priority though.
Hand squeeze for Friday if you need it euro.
As for me, I had my 10 (11) day scan last week. The dildocam lady was lovely, and said ooo, there are two lovely big follicles, one on each side, looking ready to pop, and she seemed pleased with that. She did say I wouldnt need to be scanned again on the Clomid and advised me to get home and crack on with the sechs. I didn't leave MrR alone all week
She also asked what my AMH levels were, and apparently this hasn't been checked yet. So I am booked in to have my day 21 bloods and AMH done on Friday.
I asked about the possibility of having IUI, but apparently you cant be on the waitlist for IUI and IVF you can only be on one or the other. So I think I need to stay on the IVF one, even if its a long old wait. Id be too old anyway to come off and go back on again. So really, other than a natural updiffment, our options are now for self-funded IUI or IVF, or a potential two year wait for NHS funded IVF...
And in other news, I've started my acu. Chap seems lovely and kept telling me I was normal. It's sort of worrying that I needed that repeated, but perhaps it was one of those crazed look in eyes days. Anyway, I got almost teary when we talked about how many updiffers I am surrounded by at the moment (LOADS) and he told me told me that what I was feeling was normal given my circumstances. I asked him to write it down so I could show MrR (who thinks I am a being a bit of a cow when I can't be overjoyed for the newly diffed).
Bit of a meltdown this morning when I got out of the shower and felt really hot (a guaranteed week before PMT symptom for me) and threw a dramatic strop that nothing has happened again this month. I even got upset in the car with the radio for having too many people phone in with nice stories about their kids... That's not good is it - perhaps the Clomid has started working it's hormonal magic on me
Anyway, waves to joy, zippy, lemon, art, sar and sorry to those I've missed. Luffs to all. I second the call for good news on this thread <shakes fist at sky again>
madness I got to 10 weeks with my second pregnancy, I had no idea about nk cells, I believe having my flu jab set them off and killed my baby. I was tested after that but have never been pregnant since,
Barry and I have had a cry me over not being able to hold up my end of the deal and him as he hates to see me so upset, I wasn't going to say anything to him yet but MIL rang to see how I was and I got too upset to talk, not ideal
sea you seem to be taking all of this very well.
critter the poetry evening sounds like just what you needed to take your mind off things. Good luck for tomorrow! I'll have everything crossed for you.
sweet I'm glad everything is going well (apart from shirt closing!).
buzzy I think testing Saturday seems reasonable. Both joy and I had no symptoms and got our BFPs. I was adamant it hadn't worked.
I just looked back to thread 13 and found these:
"EuroShagmore Fri 08-Feb-13 18:35:36
buzzy I'm a bit sad. I woke up this morning feeling absolutely certain that my little embie didn't make it. I had been having "symptoms" and felt madly hormonal up until I went to bed yesterday. I just think it is all over now. It was 9dpo when it all went wrong in November after a week of nausea and symptoms."
"EuroShagmore Sun 10-Feb-13 08:54:17
drizz I decided to wait until tomorrow. That will be 12 dpEC, so gives a better chance of a real result. And Mr Euro will be around, unlike on Tuesday morning. The downside will be going to work afterwards, but I know in my heart of hearts that it will be negative, so I am prepared for it."
They were posted on Friday and Sunday. I tested on Monday (12dpo), was still having no symptoms, and got my faint second line and had to eat my words!
ramona sorry to hear you are feeling hormonal! That does sound like it might be a clomid effect.
euro I hope I get to eat my words but I doubt it
Oh buzzy I hadn't realised that you had gotten so far with your previous pregnancy . I hope that my comments didn't seem insensitive. If you got a positive, how long would you need to keep taking these drugs? It does sound like you are having a pretty powerful emotional or hormonal response to them. Keep talking to Barry and take some time for yourself. Would it be worthwhile calling the clinic for some advice?
sea it's a deal then. Non TTC focus for us please . I am joining the gym tonight and spending far too much money on new hair straighteners to tame my unruly mop for special occasions
no plans to fry my hair every day but tis nice to feel glamorous as opposed to crazy every once in a while
Oh sweet I am not looking forward to bigger boobs. They really are ample as they are.
critter wishing you so much luck for tomorrow. I have a good feeling about this one. I only wish that you would get the result earlier. With the time difference you're going to make us wait.
ramona glad that you are ovulating well and I hope that your Af symptom is just mother nature playing silly buggers with you.
mrsd I'm not surprised that you are feeling angry. I am feeling a bit better, although rather gross period is not making me full of the joys of spring. I do have about 13 mm of lining to lose so not surprising but a bit of a kick in the teeth. Am trying not to obsess about possible infections, cysts, scar tissue, adhesions,etcetera etcetera. Feeling quite broken really and unsure whether it will ever be possible for my body to provide a welcoming environment for an embryo. But I am nit supposed to be thinking about this so going out for fancy meals this weekend and drinking some instead.
euro I agree with the others that the best way to banish the negative connotations of the room of doom is to replace them with positive ones. Will be thinking of you.
Big waves to everyone else. Stayed up way too late last night so an early night for me.
madness no I didn't think you were being insensitive, you didn't know, if it worked then it would be till week 12, the clinic will tell me to wait
Just a quick post (I'm so far behind) to give Buzzy a massive paw squeeze. You have been an absolute trooper. You were so low before, but took complete control with the help of your LC, made some really brave decisions, and went forward to DE with such strong spirit. You know that this feeling isn't you, it's drugs or hormones or whatever it is. I am keeping everything crossed for you that you get a lovely surprise at the weekend. But in the meantime, remember that this feeling will pass one way or another; and as someone said up-thread, there are no final decisions. You can change your mind at any time. And also I'm sure Barry doesn't feel you've been anything other than amazing. Just keep going one day at a time, and you'll know one way or another soon enough.
Mad I am sorry you are having an evil period. As if it all wasn't shit enough.
Critter massive good luck for tomorrow, I have no idea how you haven't tested! The time difference is going to make me very restless tomorrow as we'll all be checking all evening! The poetry slam sounds like a perfect distraction. You are very cool
Euro hooray for starting a new cycle. I know what you mean about negative associations with certain places. I hope you can soon replace it with a nicer memory.
Ramona, here's hoping for a golden egg in there!! Good luck with the AMH. That result was for me the worst day of my life. No kidding, the rug was pulled right out from under me and I know I haven't recovered. Unfortunately, only giving birth to my own child will help that, which is a problem . But I don't mean to scare you, most people don't get the result I did!
MrsDen I'm sorry for the anger. I have a lot of it too. After my first round, I was just quite happy we'd done so well egg-wise, and put it down to bad luck. Sadly this time I probably had higher expectations of number of eggs, which weren't met, and a second fail is becoming less like bad luck and more like a pattern. And as for the CP. Right now I can't even think about that.
Sweet I am glad you are doing as well as can be expected. I'm jealous of the boobage.
So a quick me me me. I've been pretty down. Last night felt like I was awake all night thinking about donor eggs. I can't look at my reflection in the mirror without hating what I see. I have never felt so old and tired and angry with my body. But at the same time as feeling down, my thoughts are more and more assuming that our baby will be a DE baby. I feel like I've taken a tiny taste of something new, and am rolling it around to see if I like it. First bite is so alien you don't think you'll ever want to try it again, but after time it becomes familiar and comfortable and quite addictive. Sort of like learning to love olives.... And yet, and yet....I am still very much grieving for that which I can't have
Anyway it always feels good to write it down but sorry for burdening. I have missed loads of people. Love to pout, Sar, Gin, Lemon, Rabbit, Zippy, Art, Doll, Sea, Joy and everyone else! Suddenly it's much later than I thought and my ancient self needs some sleep
and maybe a bikini wax, my highlights done, a decent facial and perhaps some make up
Buzz I just re-read my last post. I must be getting daft. I meant to say wait to make a decision. I'm really sorry to hear about how far you were before the last miscarriage. I do hope this all works out for you.
Nelly - Big hug. I am sure you're not old yet, but a bit of pampering can help anyone when they are feeling down. I would gladly give you half my boobage. Like mad mine were already ample.
Sea - Having lived in an area where TB is still endemic could explain the latent TB. I'm sorry to hear it is the case. I was thinking of the vaccine because DH tests positive when he gets a skin test, his grandmother had TB so all the grandchildren were vaccinated.
Ramona - sorry you're feeling hormonal.
Hello ladies! Ive finally found time to get on Mumsnet properly, so will attempt a bit of catch up.
Firstly mad, Im so so sorry the negative was confirmed by the blood test. Im pleased to hear you are feeling little better and do try to keep away from google if you can. Im pretty sure IVF fails are just bloody bad luck most of the time. Your plan to keep busy sounds good. Im so impressed at how you all, including mrsd d and nelly, have picked yourselves up and are getting on with it. Its such a hard shitty time and I think so much harder, as most of our friends and colleagues have no idea that theres anything wrong.
Nelly your last message was a little bit heart breaking You will get there and when you have your lovely baby in your arms, you wont care is its DE or not, or how you got it. Youve not yet had 3 bites at the IVF apple, so aren't allowed to give up yet, and you are certainly not old. Big hugs.
Oh euro <tight hand squeeze>. I totally understand why you dont want to go back to that scan room. I really didnt want to go back the clinic after IVF fail #1, in which they butchered me and bought myself a nice handbag after the first appointment. You will be ok though and soon that room will have different connotations and you will be seeing your growing follicle that may well become your baby on that screen. I hope you have the lovely Frieda, rather than a Dr Doom & Gloom. I always came out feeling much better about things when Id seen her.
Buzzy hang in there lady. Like euro, I only had my normal pre-AF symptoms in the successful cycle, there is no way I could have told. I know youve had strong symptoms previously, but your hormones have been supressed and manipulated a great deal over the last few months, that things may very well feel different. Also, I think IVF embryos implant a little later than normal, meaning that your symptoms may be a bit different, and something like sex of the embryo could make a difference with symptoms. This is a very different cycle to your previous ones for lots of reasons, so please dont give up hope yet. I know me saying this doesnt help at all, but I really want to give you some comfort and let you know that its not all over yet. I so so want this to work for you, you so deserve it. I cant even imagine how hard your loss at 10 weeks must have been just thinking about it makes me tear up at the mo. You know where I am if you need some RL support.
Ramona wohoo for 2 lovely follicles and lots of sechsing! I have my fingers crossed for you. Your new acu sounds lovely and a bit like a therapist
sea I think you have made a v. wise decision about getting the TB treated. You really do want to be in the best possible health before putting your body through IVF and to give yourself the best possible chance with having the immunes treated. Im pleased youre feeling a bit happier with your decision. The time will fly by.
grouch Im pleased to hear all is well with you. Did you manage to get your progesterone checked? I am envious of the extra boobage. I think I may have a little extra, but seeing what Im starting with it doesnt make much difference.
mrsd how are you and Mr D doing? You asked about coping with work and the nausea. Tbh it is a struggle, but Ive been taking annual leave to do shorter weeks and doing the odd day working from home. Ive also got some magic anti-nausea tablets from the drs, which get me through things like meetings and public speaking events (of which I have lots of over the next week, eeek). Its not pleasant, but having been through so much to get here, it totally makes it more bearable and Im certainly not one of those I hate being pregnant women. More I wish I knew I was really pregnant women!
Critter I cant believe how calm you are and how restrained with the pee sticks! I need to get some of your calm. You really are such a lovely, positive person. I will be checking in later to see your result, but I am so hopeful for you. Everything about your cycle has gone so well, I dont see how it cant not be good news.
rabbit I agree with everyone else that you are most definitely not peri-menopausal. I quite often get night sweets in the 2ww and thought it was down to progesterone peaking, so is in fact a v. good sign. If you think about it, your temp is higher after ovulation, so you will feel hotter. I really hope that the hospital pulls its bloody finger out and you get your appointment soon. Having something planned really will help I think.
joy I hope the nasty pain has cleared up. I get a lots of period type pains in the 2ww, particularly about a week before my period starts. Sometime they are so bad that I think it has actually started. I hope your pains arent indicative of anything more serious and that you are doing ok.
Luffs and waves to everyone else. Things are pretty much the same here, with the fear that something might be wrong getting worse, although for no real reason. I have the date for my 12 week scan (1 June), so well find out then I guess.
Just popping on quickly to say good luck to critter for later.
I can't believe you are heading towards your 12 week scan already gin!
buzzy how are you doing today?
euro I feel calmer today knowing its over, we need to decide whether we should just get FeT over with, I don't want it interfering with the adoption process, work is amnic so no time to think full stop
gin thanks but implantaion happens 72 hours after transfer and that was 48 hours ago. I didn't spend that long dr so don't feel my body is affected by that
well have to get on with babysitting my student
So much going on , so much sadness too
Buzzy It sounds like you are having a horrendous time. Its so weird how different people have different reactions to drugs. Im sorry the steroids are taking their toll. Plus its probably a combination of the sheer stress. I thought Nelly put it beautifully. I for one have admired the massive change after your LC. When do you have to have finished with AC before you can go the adoption route? Is it a 6 month wait?
Sar ah thank you for your thoughts on womble pain. I must say i have thought my tummy has never properly shrunk back down. There seems to be a distinctive bump there now. Im not sure if thats because ive eaten too much (probably!) or whether the lap/hysteos /ivf and pregnancy has done something .
Gin 1st of June, wow. Are you not tempted to have any kind of scan before then? Of course it will all be fine but if you really are terrified, I would push for something just to put your mind at rest. Sorry about the nausea. I have to admit that I was so envious of everyone at my clinic who was nauseous. Everyone was looking decidedly sick by week5 and I was desperate to feel sick. And then when I was between 9&10.5wks i started to get nausea and I nearly threw up in Sainsburys but it was still pretty mild and I suddenly realised how unpleasant it was!
Euro cant believe you are going again. Very best of luck. May this be your time.
Critter very best of luck today. Poetry slam sounds wacky and wonderful. Very therapeutic!
Mad im sorry you are feeling so broken. I just cant believe what you are having to deal with.
Nelly your post really resonated. im sorry you are feeling so down. Ivf and infertility has a very nasty way of making us feel old beyond our years. It just rots confidence. A few nights ago i lay awake thinking about DE as well and whether its a route we would go down. I then read a very good article by some C4News correspondent about it. theres so much to get your head around but remember you will get your family one day/.
Sea you are very well grounded and are dealing with your news brilliantly. Great admiration.
AFM pain stopped. I havent had it since Sunday. I will see if it happens next month and if it does I will have to speak to a doc about it. My period hasnt arrived yet. I have been in the most appalling mood so hopefully it will be here soon. I must say I have been quite surprised at the length of time recovery takes from ivf. F*cked Cycles, hormones, moods, weight gain plus I am finding it impossible to shift the extra 10lbs. The overwhelming sense of feeling old, looking crap, feeling emotionally wobbly. Anger. (Or perhaps thats no change to usual). But most notably my work has really suffered. Ive been making sloppy mistakes some of them really bad. I got very cross with the manager yesterday (he deserved it but still thats not me). Im very reluctant to meet friends, to speak to them (unless they are single or are having a bad time) and i feel my world getting smaller. If I do meet friends, I dont feel I really have all that much to say for myself. Im just so utterly consumed by our desperate plight for a child. Thats all I can think about it (hence at work not working again). I worked out that in 3 years there has probably only been 3 months that I havent had to go in to the GP surgery, a hospital, a clinic or a gynae room. Clinics and doctors are my favourites on my phone ffs. Sorry, i know you ladies understand, it just sometimes is so overwhelming and hits you. Ill be on holiday soon and i hope ill be able to regroup and find a bit more peacefulness and positivity. Its the reclusiveness that worries me a lot though as i know there is just one fix and thats wholly out of my hands.
Joy - I'm glad your pain is subsiding. I think all the AC does take a toll on ones body and mind. I really hope your holiday gives you what you need.
Critter - I'm thinking of you.
Gin - They will not check unless I start spotting, the nurse said that if I don't spot the progesterone levels are probably fine. My first appointment at the OBGYN is on the 28th (almost 9 weeks) and we can discuss getting a private scan to be sure everything is ok. Otherwise, they won't do a scan until 21 weeks
which is crazy.
Buzzy - Enjoy the babysitting. It is almost time for the rush of summer students where I work too. I hope this year they actually like doing something other than slacking off and playing video games.
Ramona - The two follies sound promising.
Back to work over here.
sweet most of our students don't get a choice but to be hands on, he was good today.
joy sorry you are feeling llike that, its a min of 6 months but I will not wait that long, so I think it might be an idea just get FET out the way as we are not sure where we will be living soon, so not sure which council to approach
No scan until 21 weeks! Blimey sweet, that's a long time to wait.
joy I've been left with a bump aswell. I think it's just chocolate in my case. Between the crazy hours, the mc, the travel and the headbump removal, I've barely been able to exercise for the past few months. Our bodies have been through so much, I can't really face putting mine on a diet. Not now I'm starting IVF again anyway. I'm so glad the pain has stopped.
buzz cracking on with FET and then moving to adoption, sounds like a sensible plan.
joy I read your post and it has made me cry. I identify with everything you have written. I wish I could reach across and give you a big hug. We have all been through so much rubbish and it's doesn't even feel like it's close to ending. I'm pleased the pain has gone. Is AF late, dare I ask if you've poas? Or is that a totally ridiculous thing to say? I must admit I didn't find ivf physically hard. AF has been more longer and more painful than usual but other than that I haven't noticed any physical effects. Of course it's early days and I haven't had a full cycle yet to know if everythings working. I haven't even put on an ounce of weight. That isn't a boast, because I think it probably reflects the fact that I didn't respond that well to the drugs.
I too am a recluse. I avoid friends and family because I can't cope with questions and baby talk. I feel guilty that I've let friendships slide. I haven't spoken to SIL or PIL in ages because I can't face it. I know that everyone is wondering why we're not having a baby yet. And I haven't even been through the pain of a miscarriage, what you went through was totally wretched and I'm not surprised that you're feeling the way you do. A holiday does sound like a good idea, I've made sure that I'm away lots over the summer just to make it a little more bearable. I hate the thought of a fourth birthday ttc, fourth wedding anniversary since ttc. My ears sometimes prick up when I hear people saying they tried for a long time but invariably they say 1 year, 18 months. It's sad now that I don't even class that as a long time. THe truth is that those of us at the three year mark are very rare. And no one who hasn't been through it understands at all.
Hi there everyone, just dropping in to say a couple of hellos,
Nelly and Mad, I am so sorry your rounds didn't work this time. It's just so heartbreaking when it doesn't work - I think because for a few weeks you're lifted out of the ttc hole and after ET it feels like you're back to the land of normals, so then it's so much further to crash afterwards. For me it took a good 6 months after each fail to really feel myself again, but you do eventually. big hugs.
Critter and Buzzy have got my fingers firmly crossed for you, and am feeling very optimistic for both of you.
Mrsden and Joy you've very eloquently said how I feel a lot of the time too, you're definitely not alone in feeling that way. It just adds to the awfulness of it all doesn't it. It feels like the world around us is shrinking in every way.
Euro very best of luck with this cycle, you always seem to be handling a lot and getting on with it, may this one be your time.
Gin and Art, Sar, Sweet and Doll if you're still about, wow time flies, am so glad everything is still progressing well for you and your little ones. Gin good luck with the scan.
Waves to lemon, pout, all the other ladies.
Rabbit super squeeze for you, you are not over the hill yet, you've just had a very hard time and I'm sure good things must be on their way to you now. Now I always love a little self help plan, and my latest
futile effort is green smoothies full of raw green leafy veg every morning for me and DH. At least it feels like something positive to do, and counters those awful tent days where it just feels like ill never be truly happy ever again. Just google green smoothies, there's loads of recipes. Have decided today to book in for FET round, going for appointment next month so probably be 2-3 months time. Think last time I was told about 10% chance for me for FET round, but worth a shot.
Oh Joy and MrsDen I hate to think of you so sad. This is miserable and there is no getting away from it; it just eats you up. Clutching at silver linings and mixing metaphors though, I'm glad the pain has gone Joy but could you get checked out anyway for peace of mind? Not sure what that means in practice?
Gin I hate that you are panicking and can't just enjoy this. 12 weeks seems to be coming around fast! Thank you for your lovely words
Cosmos nice to see you. Those smoothies sound very virtuous and not quite the same as my sugar-laden weetabix . Why are they giving you such a low prognosis on your FET? I can't recall your history now .
Critter where are you??? Oh I so hope you are dancing around the house.
Buzzy you sound very busy. Look after yourself.
Phone about to die so better post just now
cosmos how lovely to see you back, although I'm really sorry you are back if you see what I mean. I love green smoothies - almond or rice milk, spinach, banana, ice - yum. And yay for FET. Did they say why they gave you such a low probability? I've heard FETs are almost more likely to be successful than a fresh transfer. Will be rooting for you - just remember gin's FET.
mrsd oh I am sorry my love, you sound so sad. I don't think you responded badly to the drugs - I think you were an absolute champ during your cycle. They did your EC too early, they didn't give you the right dosage - oh honey I have such high hopes for your next round. Your eggs fertilised, you have just had shitty luck. Hang in there, I know you're exhausted and this whole process is horribly unfair, but I honestly believe you are going to get there.
joy your post was so sad and it is so unjust that you are going through this. You're such a wonderful person and you have just been through the wringer. It's ok to be angry, sad, and not to want to see people. You are such a gentle and kind spirit and there is no justice to what you've endured. Oh honey it's just so unfair. Please keep your hope alive - remember art and sar and gin and doll and princess and all the other grads who have had such a hopeless time before their luck changed. I just wish you weren't being tortured like this in the mean time though.
euro good luck for tomorrow my lovely, you are off to the races! I have a 10 pound IVF weight gain too. I thought you looked beautiful when I saw you and I think the time before starting a cycle is just extremely anxious-making. Be gentle to yourself and go into this with your heart open. Big hug to you.
sweet I am shocked that they won't test you until 21 weeks. That is crazy! I think a private scan is definitely a good idea. If I told that to some of my American pals they would mutter about Canadian 'socialised medicine' . Can't you have a 12 week scan? I thought that was typical? Sorry you've been so messed about. How are you feeling?
gin thank you for your lovely words. 1 June must feel like forever away but it will come around quickly. Are you worried about something specific? I loved what you said about MrG being happier.
nelly Wow. What an amazing post you wrote last night. I wish I were half as articulate and thoughtful. I just think you're incredible. And going to be an amazing, amazing mum. On the DE - one step at a time. From what I've seen of DE babies here in the US, their mamas love them just as much if not more than instadiffers' babies and I also heard that the mother's blood mixes with the baby's, so your genetic material is mixing with the little fella. But lovely nelly, you aren't at DE yet and third time could very well be the charm. I just think of doll and her single egg success in January, that could be you, you had a chemical this time which is utterly heartbreaking but you are so close. So close.
buzzy sweetpea how are you feeling? I have been thinking about you loads and loads. I'm just so sorry you're having such a rough reaction to the drugs, but as others have said, this is not you. This is the chemicals swishing around your body. Remember sar said she didn't feel remotely preggo before her BFP? I think every pregnancy is different and the thing is that we just don't know at this stage what to expect and whether it's worked or not. Hang in there buzz. I hope Barry and Kayla are giving you lots of love and affection to get you through this.
madness I was so sad reading your post. It's an extra pile of crap that you have to deal with your endo on top of the standard IVF. You are a hero. A hero. I truly mean it, you are so bloody brave to be doing this (although I know you'd much rather not have to be brave and not have to deal with the downregging) and I just think you're amazing. I also think an appointment or consultation with another clinic might be another thought too, given that you have to wait anyway - did you say there was another in your and nelly's neck of the woods? And maybe some lovely face cream and highlights - this whole process is not just knackering, it takes a real toll on self-confidence.
ramona clomid made me feel pretty darn mood swingy. Incidentally it's totally normal to be upset by other differ announcements! I think it is actually abnormal not to be shaken by them. Announcements are the worst - much worse than new babies. Anyway Clomid is not nice stuff but if it works, well, I'm sure you won't mind the irrational rages and sweats (which I definitely had)! Good luck with your two egglets - I hope this month has been the charm.
zippy how are you doing lovely?
lemon are you ok? You must be coming up to your first cycle next month?
Much much love to sea, pout, rabbit and all the other wonderful and special, supportive ladies on this thread. I luffs you all so much. Well. My news is that I am pregnant. The clinic called half an hour ago to say my beta is 259 and I have to go in on Sat to check it is doubling. I was shaking when they told me, it felt completely surreal. I had minor cramps this morning and bloating similar to the kind I had post-EC, and was feeling quite tearful that it hadn't worked. I also feel horribly guilty announcing this when I know so many 10+ers have had such awful times recently. I really, really hope I'm not adding to anyone's sadness by posting this.
lovely lovely critter massive hugs girl. xxxxx
critter congrats that is great news
What wonderful news critter. I am very happy for you! And that freezer full of siblings you have.
So sorry for the fabulous four that it didn't work this time. The sadness combined with the joy makes it all bittersweet. Big hugs to you all.
As for me, I am okay, I got a smart phone but not internet on it yet, so have been playing stupid games all the hours I am not either working or running (very proud, upto 5 miles now!) Life is good, except for some tooth trouble
and I am shit scared of the dentist, so a root canal is below a lap on my list of things to do. I am a few days of stabbing into my final IUI. Had a massive break down about not wanting to do the whole AC route anymore on Monday, but just got on with it. Very doubtful though about how much longer I can cope with trying. I realised retrospectively that I really enjoyed our months off...
Waves and luffs to all of you!
Critter . congratulations! i bloody knew it! Well this is the least surprising news you know, your eggs are obviously top notch. I am very excited for you and I know how you must have felt posting that after all the other shit on the thread; but it's the good news that keeps us going! Much much love to you.
Congratulations critter! Wonderful news xxxxx
lemon I think its important to recognise the signs and when to call it a day no matter how hard, I don't want this to be mine and Barrys life for much longer, I don't think that emotionally and psychologically it is good. Well done on the running
I have decided to test on Saturday which also happens to be my due date and draw a line under it, i look forward to not being tired at work for a change
actually turning up on time
Critter !! That is fantastic! I could not be happier for you . To answer your question: the french system normally does 1 scan (21 weeks). It's just how they do things. The english system gives you 3: dating scan, Mid pregnancy and a final one in the third trimester. I will pay the 60$ to have a scan done at a private clinic, I think my sanity is well worth it. I am still smiling ear to ear after hearing your news.
Doll - How are you?
Lemon - 5 miles is amazing! I hope this is the cycle. I am sorry you're having a rough go of everything.
cosmos - Good luck with the FET.
AFM nothing new. I found a lost puppy running around on the street today, poor thing was terrified. Anyways I managed to catch her and walked her through the neighbourhood for a few hours and found her owners. I thought posting something positive and non-ttc/pregnancy related about my life would be nice for a change. I hope everyone has a lovely evening.
Please don't feel guilty critter, this is fantastic news and its the positive stories on this thread that keep us going . We've had enough shit on the thread recently it's about time things turned around.
Yeahhhh critter . That's fab news and I too knew it would work. <whispers> that's quite high hcg, could it be two?!. I'm so pleased it's worked for someone, just wish it could have done for you all. Btw, I still get AF type pains so I don't think they are anything to worry about.
Lots of luffs to all.
Oh critter finally some good news!! Well done you I am so pleased that it is all working out. It must feel amazing to be pregnant and to know that there are siblings on ice . Please don't worry about us. I can be sad for me and thrilled for you at the same time. As for getting a second opinion, because I'm getting the treatment on the nhs I can't really move until after we're finished that. I don't think that the other clinic near here would be much different to be honest. I have a friend who has been to both. She got pregnant both times. I will, however, probably get some more opinions before we self fund a third round.
mrsd and joy I am so sorry that you are feeling so isolated. I know that I have to try very hard to continue going to things that I might find uncomfortable because I am afraid of cutting myself off from work colleagues and friends and not being able to join them again. I have told a select few people so there's usually someone there who will talk to me about something else if I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's working for me just now but I am finding it harder as time goes by.
Nice to see you gin. I am willing the first of June to come quickly.
Getting evils from MrM for sitting on the iPad instead of watching a film with him. For the sake of my marriage I will wave to everyone else and pop back on tomorrow for more of an update.
Critter - I am utterly delighted and over the moon for you, congrarulations.
Sorry this is a quick post but sending extra tight hugs to joy, buzz, lemon, euro and mad.
Thanks so much ladies. This thread has been a lifeline to me and I am so grateful for it. I just wish that all of the awesome foursome were with me on the other side. Fingers crossed for buzz and euro next on the IVF train.
buzz so sorry about the impending due date. For what it's worth apart from aforesaid bloat and the odd twingey cramp I don't feel remotely pregnant. I still have high hopes for a good result for you this weekend.
lemon also really sorry you're having wobbles - I can imagine you must be just feeling completely done and worn out with the IUI.
mrsd you are such a special lady. Thank you.
sweet thanks so much for your lovely words.
nelly at 'I bloody knew it'
gin MrC would faint if there were two.
doll love to you. You must be moving soon?
xpost sar and mad I hope the film is good and you are snuggled on the sofa with MrM
Oh Critter that is fabulous and amazing news, huge congratulations to you I've been on Critterwatch all day checking for news, huge hugs
Just saw Critter's news. Absolutely delighted for you
I'm so happy. This has made my day. X
Congratulations critter that is fabulous news and I'm so thrilled for you.
Just popping on quickly to say I am so, so happy for you critter. I had been checking back all day, hoping for good news.
I'll catch up properly later, but I'm in a bit of a tizz tonight. I got home to find my smear result. Guess what? Abnormal again - the day before my first scan for IVF #2. I suppose we will put it off. Meh. This is exactly what happened a year ago. In fact, the result came in when I was downregging then. I am a fairly strong person but I think I might just have reached my limit of how many times I can be knocked down and get straight back up.
Sorry to mar the happy evening. I really am genuinely thrilled for your result, critter.
euro I did wonder where you were, I'm pretty pissed off and for you, its just another kick in the teeth you don't need
Oh no Euro! This is just horrible news. Do they know what is the matter. This must be v frustrating. A big handhold.
Oh Euro, noooo. What a pile of shite. (Apologises to Critter for losing eloquence). I'm trying to remember, you've had a normal smear in between the abnormal ones, yes? I know nothing about it to be helpful but it is just a worry you don't need. And I can totally empathise on being worn out from fighting the Aintree sized hurdles that keep getting shoved in front of you. We are right beside you helping you fight. And also pouring wine. Big luffs
Critter - yippee!! So many congratulations. Even if you weren't confident I was very confident for you! You have super eggs and super frosties. Well done you. Didn't you have one put back? That is indeed a super beta result....could it have split?!
Oh my goodness Euro, not again. What a shit year you have had. You'll have to remind me what you had to do last time and what does it mean if it is abnormal. I can't believe this is happening again...
More to say but late , will pop back tomorrow
Euro - That is just horrible news! I'm so sorry another hurdle just got thrown in your way. Will they give you a round of broad spectrum antibiotics ? Or redo it to be sure there was no error? They did both when I had mine. Big hand hold.
euro I don't believe it, what a nightmare. Are they sure? Do they have to do anything in particular to clear it up - can you talk to your clinic about it? Oh honey I am so sorry, it is so unfair.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Critter hurrah! After punching the air above me with both hands and shouting yes!(freaked the cat out) I then burst into tears happy tears of course. You may have opened up a pre-menstrual can of worms... It's just such wonderful news and as mrsd and nelly have said it is the good news that keeps us going
Euro what an awful shitty result do you get treatment to fix the abnormal cells? It must be so disappointing to have to put off the ivf
Buzzy my heart goes out to you. The drugs you are having to take sound awful and I'm sure you will feel better physically and mentally as soon as you stop taking them. I have everything crossed for you for test day tomorrow.
Sorry, quick post, will hopefully pop back over the weekend to catch up properly. The chats on here recently have really resonated. Waves to all
Oh euro I am so so sorry. Why can nothing ever be simple and straightforward???? Can you ring and speak to someone about the result today? What did they do last time? Take a deep breath and remember that we are all here to handhold xx
Euro -flaming heck, really sorry for the crappy smear result. You couldnt make it up! I am not suprised you feal beat, this is so unfair. Right one foot in front of the other and one step at a time. Focus on your scan today. Thinking if you.
Buzz- I am so sorry that these rotten steroids are making you feel grotty beyond belief. When we feel that poorly, we just need it to stop. I have to say that I agree with others that different embryos feel different and ivf drugs without doubt change the sensations of implantation and early pregnancy. Also those of us who have been pregnant before are likley to get far less symptoms the next time. Hang on as long as you can sweetheart. You are doing great.
Critter - did you get much sleep last night? I am thrilled for you and giving you excited squeezy hand holds.
Joy - my heart is breaking for you. I have so much i want to say. Stay with me- I am going to pm you very soon. Sorry for not doing this sooner, the vomityness has kept me away from phones / computers just lately. Xx
Morning I have patchy wifi and no phone signal til tomorrow but skipping in to bear hug critter lady you are pregnant! Any bfp on here is a victory. Did you have two put back? So pleased for you, you lovely person. Do stay. I read a
teenage book on poetry slams, last year I'd love to go to one.
euro NOOO. I can totally see how you feel beat. It is most strange you've had a clear smear inbetween, this has to be good. Sorry old bean, but this is just another sit by the roadside for a while moment and you'll be back on track before you know it.
nelly and joy and den your posts echoed EXACTLY how I feel at the moment, lonely and cast adrift from friends and family. This is a tough road, no mistake. I find comfort in knowing I am not alone but I dearly wish none of us were here at all. Wish we could all meet up easily.
buzzy extra strong loves to you. Keep going and no need to make palms now or feel you can't change your mind. I echo all the lovely things that have been said in here, especially that this is not you, it is the drugs and hormones.
Sorry for the quick post, waves to everyone else. I have had a little down patch now a year has passed since the op and also to discover that the new hospital are sending out the questionnaire I had from my other hospital two years ago as if I'm a new referral so I am down the big fat snake on the board back to Start. I cannot believe I've been treated so shoddily or that the estimation of when I will see a new consultant is four months, treatment 6 months. There will be more fighting but I think we are going to have a private consultation for advice in the meantime as I can't bear the limbo any longer.
Must dash for now, speak later. Keep going people and enjoy every second critter.
Oh euro, fucking hell, I'm so so sorry and this is the last thing you deserve after such a crappy year. Can you ask the clinic what they recommend? What's next re the smear? Do you have to wait a bit and then repeat? After all the waiting, it must feel like a real kick in the balls. Hang in there. You are a v strong lady and will get through this and win your hard fought for baby.
rabbits sorry you are having a shit time too. I can't believe they are making you start over again. I think a couple of private goes before the NHS cycles come through are a good idea and will hopefully help to make you feel a bit better. I'm still so at your original consultant.
So sorry about the smear result euro. That really is a kick in the teeth. GRRR at the universe. What did you decide to do? Go for the scan or not? It has been quite enough for you.
Also rabbit, I cannot believe they make you go back to start. Can you call up to check this is correct? Or hassle the old hospital to forward your paperwork. I would be murderous if I got That Form again. I filled it in twice, as we moved hospitals, but those were the early days (10 months and 1,5 years in respectively - yes, we went to the doctors early). Either case it is very NOT fair. So I am cross on your behalf. And yelling at the incompetent administrators.
So rubbish you're not allowed to move during your NHS goes mad and that you need to down-reg for ages again. GRRRRR.
But hurrah for vominess sar, I am so pleased for you still. Nearly 12 weeks, wow, gin! And still at the critter-diff (a pregnant belly clothed in silly patterns, clearly!)
As for me, I am working from home, so went to the clinic for a scan, then went for a 6 mile run and am now eating croissants to compensate for the calories I burned... But I just had a real work phone call interfering with my writing on here. So that is something! As to the fed upness. I think moving to IVF after this cycle is the right thing to do, I am just through with the drudgery that is IUI. Even though this is only the third cycle since my mc...
Thanks for all the kind words, ladies.
Right, so we called the clinic last night and cancelled the cycle. I knew I would have a sleepless night sleeping on it, so we just made a decision. The plan is to try to get in somewhere for a colposcopy in the next three weeks. If that confirms there is nothing more sinister than a mild abnormality lurking, we tell the clinic nothing and go ahead in June. If something more than a mild abnormality is found, then we will have to put off for longer and treat or wait and see if it goes back to normal after a few months as it did before. I think technically you are supposed to have a clear smear before IVF, but god knows how long that could take, and the risk of a mild abnormality turning into cancer is miniscule (less than 3% I think, and then it takes years; 97% chance that it just normalises itself), so if it is confirmed to be no more than that, we would just want to plough on. Plenty of women get preggo naturally with an abnormal smear and it's just followed up afterwards.
There is a chance that it could be mc-related. When I turned up for my smear, I was turned away because the nurse saw on my notes that I was just post-mc. The policy is not to do them for 3 months post birth or mc because they can cause changes to the cervix. I discussed the upcoming IVF with the nurse, and she spoke to the screening folks, and it was agreed that i should do it before the IVF because otherwise it would be 18 months without one if the IVF worked and I am supposed to be on 6 monthly recalls. So I had it just under 2 months after the mc.
So, I have a plan (and I think you all know how much I like a plan) but I just feel heavy-hearted and like I am at the limit of how much I can take.
rabbit I cannot believe you are back to the start of fertility snakes and ladders. FFS.
nelly I hear you on Aintree-sized hurdles! I am reading the new Stephen King at the moment which is about time travel (I'm not going to put in any spoilers by the way, I'm only a little way in). One thing the protagonist discovers is that when he tries to change stuff in the past, the bigger the thing he tries to change, the more obstacles get put in front of him. I feel a bit like that - I'm fighting against the tide.
cosmos it's good the "see" you. I echo the others - FET usually has higher success rates - because the embies have been through so much they are toughies!
drizz I hear you on enjoying the time off. I am getting to the point where I just want an end to all of the fertility crap. Ideally that end would be a baby, but if not I just need it to stop.
There's so much sadness on the thread at the moment. Critter we really needed the boost of your super BFP!
Yet Critter! Fantastic news, well done you. Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly from here onwards.
Euro, ffs I am not surprised you are at your wits end, that is really shitty news. Glad you've got a new plan, but its the keep on having to make a new plan that just gets so exhausting doesn't it. By the way the new plan sounds good and as you say very unlikely to turn sinister.
Rabbit sorry for the shitty big snake. Extra form filling and poor admin processes are the last thing you need. Great analogy to snakes and ladders, that is so true.
This is such a lovely thread, that you can be away a while and still get a warm welcome back.
euro its frustrating when you get yourself all geared up and then the rug is pulled from under you, I would be a fuitcake by now in your shoes
yes I am aware that I already am a fruitcake
rabbit its not acceptable that they are you treating you like this, the NHS is so backwards at times and loses focus on patient care, perhaps its time to get really arsey with them and say this is not acceptable, start threatening to sue that normally worries them
lemon sounds like a good idea to move to IVF, it feels like TTC will never end
cosmos good to see you again and good luck with your FET
Ok ladies I have a bit of a confession, I was woken up by the postman so thought I would prepare myself for tomorrow by testing today (yes in buzzyland that makes very logical sense) and there was a rather faint line. . . dons hardhat . . now I am not getting too excited as it is still early on and shall test again on the weekend but needless to say I feel like a right moron
<goes to sit on the naughty step and think about what I have done>
waves to everyone else I have missed
Cosmos of course you get a warm welcome I just wish nobody needed to be on here at all.
Euro it's a good plan but a complete arse that you've got to do it. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is a bit like a bungee. There is less energy in every bounce back. Eventually I feel like I will just be hanging on a rope with no rebound left, wondering how to get off.
Rabbit super big hugs. There is no way you are going to the bottom of the queue. I think the 10+ers would arrange a noisy protest!
Lol at the Critter-Diff outfit Lemon. Funnily enough I'm thinking of doing a couple of IUIs instead of another immediate IVF. But I'm figuring one egg isn't buying me a massive advantage for the additional 3 grand.
Did anyone see the BBC article about IVF? The process EEVA is done at my clinic but we've not done it as I've never had a choice of eggs. The really interesting part though was the reference to the "£3,000 average cost". Eh, where?????
Would you like French or English mustards with your words? I am absolutely 100% thrilled for you. Yay!
Ok now we won't say anything
Told You So, Told You So, in manner of spoilt child but this is awesome news. Early early days so I will not say much more other than squueeeee
Buzzy I'm joining in the chorus of
I told you so nah nah nah nah nah. Wonderful news. It just goes to show that every pregnancy is different and you can't know until you test.
Critter, I'm still grinning at your news too. It's also fantastic that you have so many on ice for siblings too. At this rate this thread is going o be a pregnancy thread. About time too. I think it was about a year ago we met up and Frannie, gin and princess are all pregnant now. Not bad at all.
Euro, I'm so sorry about the smear. I was wondering if the mc might have affected something. I thi k your plan sounds sensible. I know how frustrated and anxious you'll be though. I hope you get an appointment soon and some answers.
Lemon how was the scan? Is it ivf if this doesn't work? Rabbit, I can't believe they Are still messing you around. I want to give them a piece of my mind on your behalf.
I think I spoke too soon about having no physical effects from ivf. I think I have thrush dammit. Probably from the progesterone pessaries.
I'm a bit fed up with everything at the moment, and probably shouldn't keep posting because I feel a bit doom and gloom. I'm hoping ill pick up and join in again.
buzzy! Happy dance! Also, actual lols at 'would you like French or English mustard with your words?'
mrsd so sorry about the thrush. FFS. <shakes fist> Don't go anywhere, this thread is for venting and support when things are crap.
euro Oh hon. I am so sorry, what a bloody nuisance and how frustrating, I can imagine you must think this is some kind of cruel joke. Good to have a plan but how bloody irritating that you have to keep making plans.
What??????????????? Buzzy a line you say? Fab news.
Euro so sorry about the pain in the arse & very badly timed smear result. You really couldn't make it up and I so feel for you.
lemons Sorry that you are getting worn down by the IUI. I'm not surprised really. You really have been trooping on. Here's hoping that this is the last IUI because it is the magic cycle
So many of you in the tent right now. It is horrible & I offer big hand holds. So much of what you have been saying joy and mrsd resonates. I think in a nutshell, for me personally, it is the life on hold bit that is the biggest ball ache. MrP and I were discussing it yesterday in the car on the way back from the hospital about how many more holiday days would be spent there. I also had the horrible thunder strike realisation that I will be 38 soon and even if we have a baby any time soon I will be nearly 40 by the time it arrives. Depressing stuff.
Had my follow up appointment yesterday. The IVF didn't throw up any obvious reasons for the infertility or cycle failure except that I was a little under stimulated and a proportion of the eggs were small & immature. The not so great news is that I will have to do more baseline scans/cycle monitoring before I can have the FET so I am looking at July. Not an age away but I just hoped to crack on and not have to make more trips up there for scans. Looks like it will be unmedicated which is positive. Just need to hope that Colin survives the thaw. Also a little concerned that he isn't the best quality and that a 4BB didn't make it and this one is 3BB.
critter I'm still marvelling at your wonderful news. Is it sinking in yet?
at buzz. And nahnahnahnahnah. Such a good turn of events merciless teasing will start after OFTD.
Sorry you're on hold for more scans etc til July poutster but it does mean we might be cycle buddies. The clinic wants to do LP for the first round in any case, so if we do it, it'll be pill and DR in June, stimming etc in July.
Yes, mrsd one more IUI. Not having any faith in it, mainly because it is number 7. The actual stabbing and scanning and things don't bother me so much. But it is the life on hold feeling that you all mention that resonates badly here. And when we were not having treatment I was living more. So that was good. Anyhow. Rather than living more, perhaps I should get my sorry arse in gear and do some work.
Happy for the good news, desperately sorry it is so busy in the Tent. Handholds and cakes to all of you in there.
critter and euro I will go with the French thank you
pout Colin is a survivor, how many scan are they recommending
mrsd sorry you still feel out of sorts, its such a shitty rollercoaster, I find the constant wondering too much to cope with,its like a circle never ending
Buzz no way thats amazing news. Seriously am so thrilled for you!! Now you have to eat your hat .
Mrsd sorry that i made you cry yesterday. I just had to get my feelings down in words. And reaching a hand back out to you. its strange because 2 years doesnt sound long any more to me either when in reality it is. Im on CD31 and i feel AF must be coming soon purely because of my mood. My cycles are normally super short so this is quite nice but of course I had all those pains last week which is making me fear something sinister is going on. I am definitely not pregnant though! Sorry you are feeling doom and gloom. Come join me in the tent. I cant even get excited by my holiday thats how bad I am
Cosmos thats great that you have got a FET booked in. I dont understand why they are only giving you 10% chance though. Surely it will be way more than that. Do you think you will get some other things to take along side the FET like aspirin and pred?
Lemon i am wishing you the very best of luck with your IUI. Youve been quiet on here recently i hope you are ok.
Sweet how lovely you found a lost puppy today . Well done for finding her owners.
Rabbit the waiting is just awful. my god they have messed you around. Dealing with hospitals is such anightmare. I think its a good idea to get a private consultation in prior if you can.
Euro that all sounds like a plan and hopefully it is just abnormal because it was too close after the mc. But still i cant believe what rotten luck you have been having.
Nelly i have been reading on the BBC about this new development. Why do they always say £3k for average cost? Anyway i have seriously seen red when i looked at the comments on the BBC and some of the best rated ones as well. People can be so unkind.
Joy you read the comments????? Wow! I've learned my lesson the hard way on that one.
Just off to a meeting!
It's about £3.5 to privately fund at King's, and about the same for a mild cycle at Create. But I know at other clinics it can be a lot more, so the £3k is certainly not average.
I'm posting just so I can bump that other, rather annoying thread from the top spot. I think you'll guess which one i mean.
Pout, I too think Colin is a tough one. Fet have good success rates. It's great that you can do it unmedicated.
Lemon, I think you'll find ivf a breeze as you're so used to the injections already. Can I ask why you're doing lp? I still can't work out why different protocols are used and I should research it a big more to see of I'd be better doing the long version after my poor haul.
I'm just in a general Bleugh mood, I'm fed up at work and with all the ttc stuff. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I'm sure ill snap out of it soon but I realise that my moaning posts are not productive and don't help anyone so ill try not to post too much while I'm feeling like this.
rabbit I missed the questionnaire thingy. What the heck? Did they just get sidetracked by fibroidgate and forget that it was initially a bloody fertility referral???? I would kick off about it. I don't usually advocate giving the NHS a hard time but this isn't right.
Oh Joy. You will have a lovely holiday even though you are having trouble mustering up the enthusiasm right now.
Wanted to say I agree about a year or eighteen months TTC sounding like absolutely nothing now. It's funny though when I think of how mental I was by that point!
lemons The thought of being cycle buddies has actually cheered me up a bit - thank you!
I do hope that this turns into lucky number 7 for you.
buzzy hands over numerous hats & mustard Three scans in all and another form filling appointment which is baffling. Oh damn just realised that it will probably involve 2 timed blood tests too......
mrsd please don't think you have to go off thread because you're fed up. Moan away!
Mrsd please come back on here and moan as much as you need to. That is what the thread is for <stern voice> As to protocols, I asked, but my clinic likes it because it is easier to plan and because I am a naturally early-ish ovulator, so they want me not to produce any FSH at too early points. Not convinced entirely AND I was suicidal on the pill before, so they promised me that if I go mad on it, I can stop and try LP. I am quite scared about IVF, especially the down-regging drugs and EC. When the dentist asked me whether I was scared of injections, I actually laughed at her
the only point during the hour long consultation.
Joy you are lovely and kind, and please put the stuff on here that makes us cry. It also makes me feel like someone understands. I really hope things will improve for you soon!
Glad my possible cycle buddy likes me . I am sorry it has been such a slog. I cannot believe how many of you have been through IVF already. How are things with you otherwise, pout? Any news on dogs, crafty empire or the house?
I have been on here way less lately, mainly because work has been busy and between exercising, a million small people birthdays and sleeping, there has not been that much time left. And for some reason SB wants attention now and again too.
I decided I wanted to be of healthy weight preIVF and I have not dared to approach scales, but the exercise part is going very well
Of course I meant I can try SP if I go mad on LP... Is it home time yet?
comes in munching on a Fedora which thread is this ??? Why do I miss these things??
joy did they rescan you after the miscarriage???
mrsd you can't go we won't allow it, not till you have your BFP
pout I have to admit in Brno there is not much form filling but the NHS is all about arse covering
lemon I felt happier loosing the weight before IVF, I needed to lose it anyway but IVF gave me a goal, men do need a bit of attention from time to time
Kayla has been very affectionate with me she has even been sitting on my lap which is not like her
MrsD you use this thread for whatever you need. You may have noticed my desperate posting (the ups and the downs) over the last 4 weeks. <understatement>. Everyone on here understands that there will be a mix of feelings and moods and results; and we all make our decisions to read. So post whatever you need to. We are all here for you.
I did wonder about LP for you. My ropey understanding is it gives a better chance of the follies growing at the same rate, which could make a big difference to you. SP is often recommended for poor responders as the DR may be too effective. That said I had 2 or 3 smaller follies that didn't get a chance to grow this time so LP will be my last attempt with own eggs. Probably.
Lemon it's nearly home time.
Euro yes I've not seen anywhere as low as 3k and most are way more.
Buzzy!!! A line?! I have never been so pleased to see someone on the naughty step. I shall wait for your bloods before teasing you but soooo pleased
OMG buzzy!! . Sorry but I'm going to join in with the I told you do chorus! Your 'pmt' sounding so like mine is what have it away, I'm sooooo pleased for you.
I'm having a total mental here, but will save it for another day.
Pout = in the excitement of buzzys news, totally missed your earlier post. I will repeat what i was told by the embryologist. Sometimes the best embryos dont make it and other ones that arent so great do make it. So Colin will be a mighty warrior. I remember chatting to you when we had been trying 6 months and we were in a state then! Cant quite figure out whether i m in a better or worse place now. I stopped in my tracks yesterday when I suddenly thought f*ck, i cant believe i had ivf. Sometimes thinking about it really shocks me.
Buzz they didnt rescan me after erpc because i had a negative pregnancy test. Do you think they should have done? So buzz , how do you feel? Have the steroids settled a bit?
Mrsd goodness this is the first place i post when im in one of those moods. Everyone of us has these ups and downs. Im so bleugh as well , it could be the weather.
joy I don't wan tto sound like an alarmist but sometime bits get missed, and in some rare occasions some women get an infection the pains could just be your uterus returning to size if you don't have a temp or anything, no I still feel like a crazy lady all the time, I feel quite unhinged as I am almost having an outer body experience, I really can not concentrate on one thing and I can't remember what it is like to have a good nights sleep,
Buzz ' woohoo, fab news. I would have choesen french too. Really excited for you.
Everybody herebiss entitled to moan, whinge, cry, complain -whatever. Sometimes thats what gets us through.
Gin - hope you are ok my lovely?
Great article joy, thanks for sharing. at some of the comments though.
Gin, hope everything is ok?
Got my review letter from the clinic. It didn't pull any punches. Thank God it's Friday.
Woohoo!!!!! 2bfps in two days. About bloody time. So pleased for you buzzy . I knew all of the stress and craziness would be worth it if it went your way. Will be keeping everything crossed for beautiful blood test results xx
mrsd if everyone only posted good news and happy posts then those of us in the tent would run away because we'd feel too sorry for ourselves and as if we were the only ones feeling rubbish. Please don't go anywhere.
gin I hope you're alright xx
nelly what did the letter say? I don't think I'm going to get anything from the clinic. No follow up appointment, no letter, just come back in a month and we'll give you an injection . I really want them to tell me how they're planning to avoid turning me into more of an egg factory than a cyst factory next time....
joy I find the thought that I have had ivf a bit surreal too. It's like the whole episode happened to someone else and I just read about it. I feel a bit like I have become a statistic
and not in a good way
Well, the sun is shining here
temporarily so should get out and enjoy it. Big waves to pout, rabbit, lemon, critter, art, doll, sar, cosmos, zippy, sea, sweet, euro and anyone else that I've missed xx
I'm ok Buzzy. And thank you for my parcel .
The letter summarised the cycle, said my embie was 4c4/4 (ie apparently good quality). Then said "I'm afraid your very low ovarian reserve mitigates against a high expectation of success and you appreciate that donor eggs would give you the best chance of success". Pretty brutal to see it in black and white .
I'm feeling a bit like someone has my heart in their hand and is crushing it slowly. I'm so tired of failing.
(MrsDen see my earlier post about this thread being about posting no matter where in the spectrum you are!)
Thank god I have something awesome happening tomorrow (it's on FB but don't want to say here as it will out me, nothing earth shattering, just a bit special).
nelly I realised after I sent it I didn't remove the stickers with my details, I hope you are not going to set up a credit card in my name
it is tough to see it in black and white, I felt like it was a bit of a slap in the face, will you stay with the plan you have or will you think about it, enjoy tomorrow
Thanks everyone. I thought that my constant moaning would be boring you all, and also getting you down. Please tell me to shut up if I'm annoying you I don't think I could ever leave this thread completely, you're all a bit of a lifeline for me.
Nelly, I remember the first time I saw infertile couple written on a referral letter it choked me up. I do think its really positive that you make a good embie though so it's not game up yet. You only need one and it could just be that the next one is your baby. Will you give it another go?
Joy and mad, I keep forgetting I've had ivf too. Sometimes I think my life is a dream, or a nightmare really (the ttc part) I think because I haven't spoken to anyone on real life about it it's easier for me to gp forget I've been through this. I was thinking today why am I feeling so down and then I remembered what I've been through and I thought I should cut myself more slack. I've had a shitty 2013 so far to be fair.
Just to add to that, one of my friends is having a lap next week. It's not fertility related she already has 3 kids. She's had some pain that needs to be investigated. Anyway, she is making such a fuss about it, I've told her about mine (didn't say it was for fertility) and she was a bit dismissive saying that mine was probably easier than hers is going to be she's going on and on about it, and I think I had such a shitty time with my lap and never really moaned to anyone in real life. I didn't even tell many people and I certainly didn't get any sympathy. I'm not sure what point I, trying to make, I think I'm just saying that I'm hard on myself sometimes. All of us on here are so strong, and were dealing with this all with such dignity. I'm proud of us all
mrsd tell your mate to mate man up and stop being precious, its totally ridiculous and slightly drama queenish to think hers will be so much worse
nelly it must have been tough to see it written. I felt the same about the scan reports from my short pregnancy. It was harder to see the bad news in black and white.
mrsd I think I can safely say that none of us would want you to leave. It is hard to see someone you care about in pain, but hopefully we can offer some support as you work through the hard stuff.
AFM, I have a gynae appointment for Monday and insurance approval, so please cross everything then for me. I just want them to tell me it's a mild abnormality and there is nothing more sinister lurking.
I've taken the dressing off my headbump wound. I'm actually quite impressed. It's very neat and is far less noticeable than the bump. So that's one relief. I found telling someone to take a scalpel to my face enormously stressful, so I very happy that it is over and done with and just needs to heal now.
euro what time is your appointment, I'm hoping that it is nothing and you can get with IVF
Nelly, just wanted to say I do think these clinics have a firm eye on their stats you know - wouldn't we all get pg more easily with a 20 yr old's eggs - they can't say that you won't get pg with yr own eggs, and think there's some arse covering in terms of advice about success possibilities.
MrsD have you really not discussed fertility stuff with anyone in RL? Is there no-one you feel might be a supportive person to offload onto?
Buzzy, I had a good feeling for you and Critter! Well done, and very well deserved. Massive good luck for the next few weeks.
Euro best of luck for Monday.
Oh, and on the whole surreallness of this crap, does anyone else have a few seconds when they wake up where everything is normal. And then the crashing realisation of the situation dawns and you think 'holy crap, how did I get here? I've taken a massive wrong turn on my yellow brick road ...'
Just a really quick one from me. Crazy busy weekend for me so won't be reading or posting.
A special congrats for buzzy. Absolutely delighted for you. Yay!
to Mrsd, joy, euro, mad and nelly.
Love to everyone else - newly diffed and other lovely 10 plusssssers.
Be back on in a few days! X
No time for a full post but I'm just delivering a gift for buzzy, a mustard coated fez it is brilliant news! So potentially are there buzzy/critter quads in the pipeline?!
Also wave to cosmos who I missed last time. I'm working today
buzz it's in the evening. We've definitely called off this cycle though. I think I'd be too embarrassed to call up now and try to get it back on, even though Monday is still a week before expected ov time!
How are you feeling today?
rabbit why are you working today???
euro It will be good to get answers and be able to put it behind you so you can concentrate on IVF,
well thanks to the steroids I was awake at 6.38 so I decided this was a good time poas, so there is a second line but no darker but I did ger 1-2 weeks on the digi Barry had a few tears then asked lots of questions about my immune system, Kayla is still acting weird
That simply means your diffed buzz. Convincing a digi is something I never
tried managed so yay. And nahnahnah. Just goes to show that being pregnant is not something you HAVE to notice pre-test-day.
Hurrah for the healy mini-scar, euro and for gettting the appointment sorted out so quickly. Fingers crossed for only mild abnormality on Monday.
Harsh words in the letter nelly the others have said wise words, particularly cosmos (welcome back btw). Seeing stuff in black and white does hammer the message home, doesn't it. And brrr about the pregnancy notes, euro I so hear you. Oddly I only believed I really had been pregnant when I saw that the clinic had moved me from the "IUI-cycle-chart" to the "pregnancy-chart", but I first noticed that on the "you are going to miscarry" appointment...
Quick waves from a busy lemon. And I forgot my meat somewhere on the market, so I either have to find it or buy it again
euro I hope you get some answers on Monday and that they are reassuring. What an absolute bugger. I am just gnashing my teeth on your behalf!
lemon I so hope this IUI is the lucky one. You've been through such crap.
buzzy I'm still smiling at your news. Roll on OTD!
nelly wow that letter sounds hard to read. But I totally agree with cosmos - obviously it would be easier with 20 year old eggs but that doesn't mean it isn't worth another go with your own.
mrsd your friend sounds extremely irritating. I can't stand it when people are that self-obsessed and competitive about something that stupid. Grrr. I'm also in awe of you keeping this all quiet. I think almost my entire office knows about me and my situation <oversharer emoticon>
cosmos so nice to have you back.
rabbit you are a saint for working on a Saturday, I hope you have something lovely planned for tonight when you finish.
Just had a chat with one of my best friends whose boyfriend has told her he doesn't want kids and has had a vasectomy. Didn't know what to tell her... she's 31 and loves him. Hard not to have my advice and opinion coloured by my own experience, so I tried to just ask questions and let her talk. This stuff is hard and no mistake.
I'll be thinking about you on Monday, euro. Will you have to wait long long for the results?
Buzzy, great news about the digi.
Critter, how are you feeling?
I can't decide if I've got thrush or cystitis. It's itching and burning down there, but there's no discharge and its the whole general area. It burns when I pee and the skin is sore when I wipe but I have no urge to pee so it's not like the usual cystitis, any ideas?
mrsden those are exactly the symptoms I had last time I had a UTI. There are different bugs that can cause them, cystitis is just one version. If you ask your GP for a sample
thimble bottle and take a sample with you they can check for infection in seconds with a simple dip stick. In the meantime I found Rabbit's advice of a teaspoon of bicarb in half a pint of water every hour helped. Gag-inducing, but helps.
Quick waves to all. I'm spending the weekend looking after our poorly kitty. She has kidney failure and it isn't treatable so I'm just keeping her as comfortable as i can until Mr A gets back from a few days away visiting friends. We are both gutted. She is old and wasn't going to last forever but it's still hard losing a much loved pet
mrsd its best to get it checked out,
nelly does your clinic do IVM?? would you get more eggs that way??
criiter thats a tough decision, he could change his mind in the future and have his vasectomy reversed, but its all full of uncertainty
Art that is tough, I'm sorry. Pets are like family.
Den maybe it's urethritis, thrush can get in your wee tube and sting and itch like hell. A thrush pill is a very useful thing - any chance of getting one?
And if you need my magic devils infection magic cure just yell.
art so sorry to hear about your kitty, I would be devastated if any happened to Kayla, they become members of your family, big hugs
Oh Art that sounds heartbreaking.
mrsd that sounds sore! I've done the bicarb thing. It can't do any harm (but it does have a laxative effect!).
As for your Q as to how long I will have to wait, it depends on what they do. I had two colposcopies after the dodgy smear last year and at the first one he redid the smear and had a look and at the second one he just had a look. The problem was that the most relevant bit of my cervix where any problems start was hiding then - possibly because of the downregging drugs or possibly because that is just how I am built. That's why I had two - to see if my cervix had re-emerged after a few weeks (it didn't). If on Monday they take a biopsy or something, I will have to wait for the results of that. In short, I don't know! I'm hoping he will take a look and not find anything to biopsy, but I suspect that is wishful thinking!
buzz it might not just be the steroids - insomnia was my main preggo symptom. It started the morning before I was due to test (12dpo) and I put it down to worrying about that, but from that point it just got worse and worse. I ended up getting up about 3am most days and going into the spare room to MN on my phone!
euro I've been having sleep problems since EC when I took the steroids, how long do you think a biopsy would take
No idea buzz. I'm glad I only have 36 more hours to wait until the appointment.
I got some sleep disruption on the steroids, but it was nowhere near as bad as the preggo insomnia. I hope you can get some rest. x
euro I get up do some stuff then go back to bed, I keep forgetting to take the steroid first thing on the weekend so not really helping myself
I have so much to do but just can't be arsed to do anything
slightly distracted by the zillion of photos I need to sort out
art really sorry about your cat. I was inconsolable when my childhood dog died. He was the closest thing to a sibling I had. I hope that you are alright.
mrsd are you feeling any better? I find that pure (no sugar added) cranberry juice really helps.
buzzy sounds like naps might be the way forward? Going back to bed and sleeping whenever you can. Whenever I have found it difficult to sleep it usually helps me to stop trying to sleep ifyswim. Hopefully you'll be through this phase soon and you can look at that digi test when it's stressing you out xx
euro I'm really pleased that you have such a quick appointment. I have everything crossed that it is straightforward and will be thinking of you tomorrow.
nelly I agree that the clinic will have an eye on their stats. That said, MrM and I have discussed DE and will do more so if my egg production isn't less mucked up next time. Totally get how difficult it can be to see things written down in black and white. When I saw stage IV endo and then realised that there isn't a classification worse than that I had a little freak out. I already knew it, but didn't like it stated so matter of factly, as if it wasn't devastating information but just par for the course.
I have been laid up with a cold all weekend but starting to feel better today and managed to get out to see a lovely friend. We had a long talk about ivf and adoption (and lots of non TTC things too) and MrM went for a day out with some friends. Now that AF is coming to an end I am feeling less bloated and more myself, ready to move on.
Big waves to everyone - joy gin critter lemon zippy rabbit sea sweet cosmos and anyone else I've missed.
I'm crawling out of the tent just briefly so that I can do some squealing for Buzzy! Squeeeee!!! Lovely fandabbydozy amazeballs I'm a bit late to the table with the congrats but I have brought some extra mustard in case you have run out? Smashing news
Cosmos I know exactly what you mean. I get that too some mornings, Crashing realisation sums it up so well. Sorry you are feeling that way too
Art so sorry about your kitty to not be able to fix their suffering is awful. She will feel so loved though x
Ok scurrying back to the tent where pyjamas and pish tele await. Have missed loads Luffs in the meantime to Nelly, Mad, Lemon, MrsD, Euro, Pout, Rabbit, Critter, Gin, Joy, Sar, Sea, Doll, Ramona and sweet and hope I've not missed anyone. What a lovely bunch of ladies you all are.
zippy may I offer you a bit of 'beret with mustard' or some chocolate cake while you are in the tent, big hugs
euro hope all goes well for you later today
Keeping everything crossed for you this afternoon euro. Hope it is only mildly abnormal!
Sorry about your cat, arte. It is so sad not to be able to do anything.
Why are you tent dwelling zippy? Anything in particular. Have some cake in any case!
Hope all of you are well. Sorry for all the harsh words.
I just had (another) mini-breakdown after scannage, 7 days of stabbing, one mature follicle. I do that every bloody month anyway. So IVF here we come. We've been having what if, adoption and alternative life plan chats as well this weekend. Blugh. I am so through with this shit.
Drizz how bloody annoying. Welcome to the IVF bandwagon! Do you have any idea on timing? All being well tonight, we will start in June.
Thanks for your thoughts ladies. I just need to keep busy and get through today so that just about the only medical professional in London who hasn't yet peered up my chuff can have a gander...
If the clinic can fit us in, we'll start the first round of IVF on June 5th (triggering tonight, thus IUI Wed, AF inevitably two weeks later). Picked up the what-shall-we-do with leftover embies forms yesterday as I had a feeling where this was all leading. But it will be LP for the first round, so will be cycling partly with you and partly with poutster, fingers crossed you get your BFP before I start stimming!
My attractive husband said well they've all seen how hairy you are by now, so pointless to be too concerned about dildo-camming. Well thanks.
Good luck tonight!
art I am so sorry to hear about your cat, losing a pet doesn't bear thinking about. Is MrA home yet? I agree with zippy that your cat knows that she is loved and safe & that is a lovely thing. I am thinking of you and send you & kitty lots of hugs.
euro good luck with your appointment. I will be thinking of you. at you finding the last medical prof not to have seen your chuff!
lemons Sorry that you only got the one follie. Did the clinic have any idea why that was? I can totally see how it would be galling. I hear you on the so sick of this shit. It is all so utterly, mind numbingly boring and just grinds you down so much.
madness Hope the cold is going and that you are feeling better.
Cosmos About the daily crashing realisation, oddly I don't really get that. I think that barreness has become such a massive part of who I think I am it rarely registers. The only time it hit me was when I got the IVF drug delivery.
buzzy Are you sleeping any better? How long will you have to remain on the steroids?
zippy sorry you are in the tent. How is the Clomid going?
Love and waves to everyone.
Hello ladies. I hope you all had good weekends. Bring on the bank holiday weekend I say!
lemons Im v. much hoping that you wont need the ivf, as this iui cycle will work. It is always good to have a plan though. I have my fingers crossed for you. Bad husband! The hairy thing still bothers me a bit, as Im convinced that everyone has all their hair waxed off, apart from me!
I hope the appointment goes well tonight euro. I will be thinking of you.
buzzy has the good news sunk in yet?! Do you get an early scan at a satellite clinic? I had terrible insomnia when on steroids during ivf #1, but I think it was also a bit of post-traumatic stress after the awful EC. Im not on any steroids now and have terrible insomnia again! I can get to sleep ok, but wake up to get for a wee and then cant get back to sleep for several hours, generally. Interestingly, I had a midwife appointment yesterday and insomnia was one of the symptoms she asked me if I had, so it must be very normal! Poor Dave, has to put up with an extra grumpy me though
zippy sorry you are in the tent. Has af arrived?
madness Im so please to hear that you are feeling a bit brighter. Do make sure you give yourself some time. I cant believe you dont get a follow up appointment. Do they at least discuss the next cycle with you, which you could use as a kind of follow up?
art so sorry about your kitty After the failed ivf last year and our little furry beast pretending that she was dying, it was truly one of the most horrible times.
mrsd so sorry you have stingy lady bits on top of everything else. I had truly awful cystitis after ivf #1. The powders helped, but it was several courses of antibiotics that really cleared it up. Do go to the drs asap I didnt, cos I was sick of them, and it went on for 6 months +. You could also take something like canestan once to get rid of any potential thrush. I find it works really well.
Hope you had a nice weekend critter. Were you hcg levels on Sat all ok? Has it sunk in at all?
Lovely to see you again cosmos. I didnt realise that you still have a frostie. 10% success rate does seem on the low side is the frostie a blast? My clinic gives any FET with a blast a 50% chance of working. Are you doing a natural cycle?
nelly sorry about the letter. It does seem a bit bollocks to say you produced a good quality embryo, but your eggs are no good. Just doesnt make sense! Personally, Id have a third go before looking at donor eggs. As someone said, wed all get preggers a lot more easily with a 20 year olds blastocysts. Hope your awesome thing happening meant you had an awesome weekend!
pout I think you should ignore the grading of the embryo. The one hopefully growing in me now was a fragmented 3 cell on day 3, so the worst of our 3 and yet certainly stuck better than the other 2 good quality ones. You just dont know. As the nurse at the clinic said to me, none of us know what we looked like as an embryo! Your hospital sounds v. thorough with all the cycle tracking etc.
joy I think your holiday will be just what you need and will give you some headspace and time to relax, in rather lush surroundings. You havent really had any time to yourself since it all happened and also its not all that long ago, so you are bound to still be feeling rather miserable. Im sure you will have a fab time, once you are there.
Waves to everyone Ive missed and Sea, sar, Ramona, rabbits, sweet.
I shall fess up to my embarrassing mental on Friday. My nausea had disappeared (I know, I know, just for 1 day) and then when I wiped having been for a wee, there were one or two tiny pin pricks of blood. Cue lots of mentalling. However, later, after my own er investigations, I decided the blood was more likely to be from sore sking/piles type thing down there. It didnt look like period blood and theres been nothing in my pants or anything else since. I think the whole episode says more about my state of mind. It made me realise just how much I want this and how I will totally fall to bits if anything does go wrong. Anyway, less than 2 weeks until the next scan now.
I'm thinking of you euro, hoping for good news.
gin I think you've reached the stage where sickness might wear off so try not to worry about that. It's so infuriating that the anxiety doesn't end with a BFP. How long now until your scan?
zippy sorry you're in the tent too. There's plenty of room in here.
art I'm so sorry about your cat. They're family and it's awful when their time has come. Big hugs.
I'm still suffering, I think it's a urinary tract infection. I will try and get to the Dr tomorrow. Waves to everyone else. I'll try to catch up properly tomorrow.
mrsd I am so sorry about the UTI. They are awful, I was in tears last time I had one. I can't believe you have this to deal with on top of everything else.
gin sorry about the scary moment at the weekend - it sounds like all is fine but I can imagine how frightening it would be with such a hard-won baby.
euro I am so hoping that you get reassuring news today at your appointment. Good luck!
zippy sorry you're in the tent. Have a piece of chocolate and a hug.
art so sorry about your poor cat - pets are like family members.
lemon good luck for the IVF cycle. I did LP and it had a good end result so I have high hopes for you!
pout not long now til Colin returns to his ancestral home.
buzz how are you feeling? When is your blood test?
mad hope you had a nice weekend with MrM.
nelly thinking of you lovely.
All fine here, I had my second blood test on Sat and the level was 582 so that was reassuring. First scan is next Friday 31st. I still can't believe it.
Just a quick one to add to the very sad hugs for Art. I adore my furballs beyond all reasonable levels and the day we lose one is not to be thought of. I am so sorry you have to go through this .
Good news indeed on the Beta Critter! Hooray.
I did have a lovely weekend but managed to get 3 pregnancy announcements. I was able to process a bit more re the DE idea and chat to a couple of people. It will be in our plan, but first is one or two natural IUI rounds whilst we save up, then a LP with own eggs then a LP with DE. All before next August as I have a new expensive purchase in mind then. It will be child unfriendly and big and dangerous, and mark the end of this journey.
Gotta get back to work. Hope all goes ok Euro.
nelly Oh no about the pregnancy announcements. FFS. I do think that sounds like a fantastic plan of action, with clear defined steps, which will give you the best possible chance to have your baby - and it's great that it will all be happening so fast, with no more hanging around. And the child-unfriendly purchase next August sounds like an excellent idea.
euro any news?
3 in one weekend grrr nelly. How awful was that? I'm starting to get announcements of second pregnancies, when the first one happened after I started ttc. That is depressing. I also find it depressing when the babies are Born and I realise that that has been a whole 9 months and I'm still not pregnant sigh. I used to think when someone announced a pregnancy oh well by the time it's born I may well be pregnant, I don't think that anymore.
Your plan sounds sensible. Ours is to have second ivf in October and if unsuccessful then to have the third as soon as possible afterwards. I don't know yet If we will try more than three rounds. I think after three then it would be time to face up to a child free future. Adoption and donor are not on our agenda but I never say never.
Cosmos, we haven't told anyone because I don't think I'd find it helpful for people to know. My parents are wonderful but they have health problems and I wouldn't want them to worry which they would. Pil I suspect don't agree with ivf. They would probably contribute financially if we asked them but that would come at at price, they would want to know every detail and I couldn't cope with that. My siblings all have easily conceived children and whilst that would be outwardly sympathetic I really don't think they'd properly understand. It's the same with friends, they're either single so not trying and therefore don't understand the pain or have kids and again wouldn't understand. We're very private people and I would find it uncomfortable for people to know everything. I suspect people have guessed, we've been married a long time now and if someone asked me outright I'd be honest but I feel like ttc has taken away control and dignity and keeping this secret gives me a little bit. I know that probably sounds crazy.
Hello Ladies, I am so sorry I am not doing a great job of keeping up on here. My nausea makes computer use really difficult. I get more headachey and sicky when I am sat looking at a screen. But I am having a decent half hour so will do my best to catch up.
I am so sad and heartbroken to see all of the stress, anxiety and general crappyness going on. TTC is utter utter creme de la creme of awfulness and I do believe it compares very much with all the 'major life traumas' that people will openly talk about. But so often we can't talk about our ishoos. Is is a lonely, vile place and I echo Cosmos words of life coming crashing down each time the situation is remembered. It is draining beyond belief and totally unfair. Although I have been fortunate enough to get a BFP, there was a time not too long a go when according to my Dr's my chances of pregnancy were not going to be helped much by IVF it seemed nor surgery. Despite my good embryos I was not making progress and no one seemed to have an answer. That was very devestating. I now know (and sort of always suspected) that they were very wrong in their diagnosis of me and they didn't take the time to properly analyse my hsg result. But prior to the bfp I was in a helpless place and I just want you lovely ladies going through the thick of it to know that I really really empathise and so wish I could make it all better. Ok, sickly speech over but I just neeeed people to know that I get all these dark feelings and frustratiuons.
Nelly - the report sounds overly pessamistic. They can't have it both ways. If you make good embryos, you make good embryos despite the numbers. I agree they will be very stat focus. Your plans sound top notch and I am feeling very very hopeful for you.
Mad - well done for turning a corner. Eventually that grey cloud post cycle does lift. There is no reason for things not to work out next time. But I understand the general fears of course. Take care of yourself if you are under the weather.
Den - uuuggghhh to the uti. Not nice at all. Unfortunatley they seem to be a very common thing post cycle. All that pushing and pressing seems to unsettle the bladder me thinks. I had a mild one and agree antibiotics are the way to go. When will you have a follow up appointment? Sweetheart I really hope you are ok, you have been through so much with your hopes raised and dashed so many times. And the lap on top of everything. I don't blame you for not telling people in rl. I wish I hadn't told some (althought didn't actually tell that many).
Pout - I also agree about ignoring embryo grading. If it was good to freeze, it's good to go. And there is such an excellent success rate with FET. Don't lose hope sweetheart, your turn is coming soon.
Cosmos - so great to hear from you and how exciting about the FET. Do you mind me asking how many embryos you have left? The fact that you have made multiple embryos is a goodd start and the rest is just pot luck. Sometimes it happens straight away, sometimes it happens on the 8th go. But there is every reason to have hope. Where on earth did they get 10% chance from???
Rabbit - I hope you have some holidays coming up soon as you have been hard at work. Any news from the clinic? Are you feeling a little better than last week?
Euro - oh honey. I have been thinking of you lots today. I think you deserve a medal. It never rains ay? I think postponing this cycle was a good idea - why add to the stress. I am sure todays treatment will turn out fine but the waiting and interruptions are bound to fill you with frustration and anxiety. You work is pretty full on too. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to escape for 6 months to a dererted island. Actually - if you did, I might just come along too.
Art - oh no, sorry about your kitty. That is very sad. She knows she is loved and knows she has had the best life with you and Mr Art. Take care, I guess the tears are going to roll even more than usual.
Lemon - sorry you have been down and frustrated.. I am not suprised - you have had such a tough going year and somethimes it feels like life has hit the pause button. I think you will find ivf a relief once it gets going. You will be use to the drugs and scans, it will just be a bit more eggs than usual and you will cope superbly, knowing especially your chances are going to increase loads. I think LP will sort out the one egg thing. Good luck with it all.
Zippy - oh no, another lady in the tent. But sometimes its the best place to escape to. I have no alluring treats to ofer (my diet is limited, bland and unhealthy and you really wouldn't like it) but I am sending a nice shoulder massage and a comfy huge cushion thing.
Gin - oh my goodness, what a scary moment indeed. I would have panicked too so don't worry about that. yes - it would seem that it isn't a periody type thing and just something skin related. Awww poor you. So has the nausea stayed away now? (Really hoping not long for me with the sickyness too).
Critter - ooooo that beta sounds fantastic. Hope you are doing ok and the good news is settling in nicely. I bet Mr C is over the moon? Have you had any symptons? Of course it is early days so don't worry in the slightest if not.
Buzz - our other miracle lady - how are you feeling? Is Kayla still going crazy to sit on your lap? Aren't cats supposed to have special powers to know when there is a baby on the way. Hope you are doing ok my lovely.
Joy - hello you. I should imagine that things still feel a little gloomy as these things don't dissapear overnight. I know you are due to go away so not sure if you will see this message but I am thinking of you and have pm'd.
Waves to all the loavely ladies I haven't name checked. Doing ok here. 12 week scan is in 3 weeks. Feeling very unwell but like Gin said before I totally accept that and wouldn't dream of complaining.
I am having Monday rage today........................
Aussie Physio: Man you're a mad middle aged woman today
Me: Do you enjoy the use of your limbs
Aussie Physio: um yeah
Me: then shut
I tell you my mood swings are just wild
nelly 3 in a weekend sounds like a sensible plan
art how is your furbaby??
critter Yay to improving beta and first scans, um well I could pay for one on Wednesday when I see my immune specialis, work was so busy today that I didn't get a chance to call my GP so will most likely be next week but the digi has moved onto 2-3 weeks today
euro I hope all went well today for you
gin I think being mental is part of the process, when I get cramps I swing from oooh the uterus stretching to oh fuck my body is trying to reject when really its most likely my bowels I'm with the recurrent at my local hospital so I should be able to get scans at 6,8,10 and 14 weeks, I need to ring and check though
lemon that happened to me on most of my IUI despite being on high doses, its bloody frustrating, but it could be the golden egg for you
pout how are the dogs, I'm on the steroids until
if I get to 12 weeks
mrsd I used to get UTI's alot when I was younger, they can be very painful
sar Kayla is all over me but that is because Barry is away, he was offered a job this morning so we shall see what happens over the next 2 weeks but it is a relief that things are on the up for him
Well steroid diet today is cereal followed by toast at work, followed by toasts and avocado x 2, bananas x 2, yogurt, 16 mini potato/vege cakes, 3 biscuits and a sandwich, followed by pizza and wedges for dinner
drizz I hope you slapped him for that comment!
gin not long now to your scan!
buz anyone who called me middle aged would be needing a physio!
nelly sorry about the announcements.
critter how are you feeling?
mrsd sorry about the uti. Haven't we been through enough?
joy how are you doing?
pout FET really does have great success rates - you WILL get there.
Thanks for thinking of me ladies. Your support really does help.
The only dr in London who hadn't yet peered up my chuff has now had a gander. I liked him much more than the chap I saw last year for the cervical stuff. Basically, he had a look, really couldn't see anything to worry about, wasn't going to do anything and then changed his mind, saying there was a tiny area which might just be where the HPV virus is sitting or could be the area of mild abnormality, so he took a biopsy of that (basically just grabbing a bit of my cervix between forceps and yanking - ow). He said he actually took most of the area away with the biopsy, it was that small. Results should come in next week, but he is not expecting it to show anything other than a mild abnormality and is happy for me to crack on with IVF. I'm slightly uncomfortable now, but not too bad. Mostly relieved. Hopefully the biopsy result will not provide further worry and we can forget about all this until the next smear in 6 months.
We've decided to take Friday off and make this a 4 day weekend. I think we both need it.
That sounds very reassuring euro. There must have been a reason why you weren't meant to cycle in June, the July one is going to be golden! A long weekend is a great idea, you've earned it.
ooh that sounds like a good idea, sadly there are so many people off at the moment but might check for Tuesday, both my colleagues are 26
euro I'm so pleased to hear that it's looking like everything is ok. Sounds like he managed to remove the potentially dodgy bit, ouch! I hope you manage to have a relaxing long weekend and before you know it you'll be back on the AC bandwagon x
2-3 weeks already buzzy, hmmm. At this point, the one I did said 1-2. Didn't you have 2 embies put back?!
sar sorry to hear you are still feeling so shitty. Do go to the drs and get something if it's too bad. I had a good day yesterday with little nausea, til I went to bed and woke up gagging half an hour after going to sleep!
Luffs to all, esp the tent dwellers.
Buzzy, I was wondering about twins too that's wonderful news about Barry's job. I think things are on the up for you!
Gin, the sickness sounds dreadful, although reassuring. Have you told many people yet? When I'm feeling totally despondent I think of you
The sun is out today hurray! I'm wearing a dress but its a little big on the top half, I'm missing my progesterone boobage. I'm feeling a little better today so I might hold off on visiting the doctor. It's not like the uk, there is no way I would get away without a full examination. I'm talking internal, swabs, blood test, urine sample. I just don't think I can face it ATM, I feel so messed about with already. Euro, I understand what you mean about all of London looking up your chuff, we might as well go on embarrassing bodies!
mrsd I completely understand how you feel about being messed around with. I long for the days when the only drs visits I had were my smear tests every three years with very occasional minor ailments inbetween!
My boobs are awful at the moment. I've lost a couple of pounds of post-preggo bloat, but seemingly all from there! Grrrr.
gin waking up gagging sounds horrible. I'm sorry you and sar are suffering.
I had a bit of a sore night (felt like my fanny was on fire - one of the solutions they swab with to show abnormal cells is 5% acid (basically vinegar) and then the silver nitrate stuff he put on after the biopsy cauterises the tissue so more burning), but I feel ok this morning. I've been to see my lovely acu lady and feel much better for it. The only thing I'm wondering is where all the iodine and stuff is that he put up there. I saw him use loads and he warned me about clothes staining, but so far not a drop has appeared. Perhaps I have a secret compartment up there. Maybe that is where all the sperm hides too!
So pleased you're feeling ok today euro. July is a very good month in ny family so a good omen in my book .
Was just saying to a friend yesterday mrsd that i miss the days when i thought of myself as a healthy person. now i am constantly worried about hidden infections that are waiting to bite me in the arse and planning my holidays around injection dates and clinic appointments.It doesn't sound crazy to want to keep this to yourself. I just don't think i could have kept my mouth shut all this time!
I'm sorry for all the announcements nelly. I've had a few second babies announced recently and bracing myself for several more. meh. I hope you're enjoying the sun today. I'm having lunch in the car with the windows down .
Big waves and salty crackers for gin and sar. Every day is one day closer to the glowing trimester xx
I have run out of time and must go back to work. Back later.
Morning lovelies! Working from home pre- and post-IUI so will be in and out a bit. How are things? Sorry for the tent dwelling. And the feeling unhealthy because of it all. When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some drucks the other day they were doing a questionaire and I denied using any medication, despite being there to pick up some. Since running lots and ignoring fertility shit I seem to feel healthy again
There's a zita web chat today on fertility, it's that weird campaign Kate garraway is fronting to tell women not to leave it too late
Yeah, that drives me round the bent a fair bit... And how many of us on this thread really left it "too late"? We just happened to have other problems. GRRR.
I find it hard to believe that any woman doesn't know that fertility declines with age. It's all the daily fail write about. I might post something on there in a bit. But I'll have to tone down my real thoughts
I'm sorry but I just had to pop in to say feck off Kate Garraway! Dave's sperms have never worked and unless I'd met him when he was 1 and marched him to the drs for an op on his undescended boy bits, I don't see how starting ttc earlier would have helped. I think it's really irresponsible of MN to champion this kind of campaign, which just promotes the whole Daily Fail besh mentality. Grrrr.
I think my hormones may be a bit all over the place today, considering how cross this has made me
Gin , age has nothing to do with our fertility problems. We started when I was 28, I do sometimes wish I had started earlier because Ivf outcomes are better the younger the woman is but starting g before 28 would have been really irresponsible. We waited until we were married, finished studying, in secure jobs, owned our house, were mature and sensible enough etc. it is a stupid campaign. There seems to be agreement on that on the web chat thread.
I also meant to say good luck lemons! I have my fingers crossed for you
No time to linger but thinking of you today lemon!!
I've just posted a somewhat prickly question on that thread. I doubt it will be selected...
I've commented twice on there now, not really questions. It annoys me so much that these people are making money out of infertility and trying to make us feel worse than we already do.
I think I do need to see the dr. We Dtd last night and it felt sore and burning so there is definitely something not quite right. I have never really suffered with anything before so ivf has broken me. My poor body. I also suspect I'm not going to ovulate this month.
Good luck today lemons. Everything is crossed that its a lucky round.
I couldn't find the web chat but will look later
lemon go get that golden egg
mrsd I think its time to get it sorted if it is still causing you pain
buzz it's the first entry on Active if you click on that.
mrsd, your comments were picked up.
Zita and Kate are so far coming out with what I think is..."a load of old flannel".
I have been reading and slowly catching up on what everyone is up to.
I am so sorry so many of you seem to be camping out in tents.
Buzzy - Congratulations. I laughed at the mustard comments.
Lemon - I hope this is the cycle. I really hope you don't need to follow through on your very sensible plans.
MrsD - I would see someone to get that sorted.
Euro - I hope the biopsy does the trick and you can move forward.
MrsD and Gin - I started ttc just after I turned 26, not exactly ancient. If we hadn't gotten the mysterious post-hsg bfp we were headed straight for IVF (at 27, nearly 28!). A friend of mine took 4 years to conceive before IVF treatment worked she started ttc at the ripe old age of 24. I agree that "whole waiting too long" isn't the case for many people facing infertility issues. Personally I think that tired line is an excuse to blame people facing this scary process and somehow make them feel like they brought infertility on themselves, which is simply not true.
Anyways back to work, hopefully I can keep up better now that the have a new internet wire.
honestly what do they hope to achieve by this campaign, perhaps if they offered help earlier on it might not take so long for some us
ok this is a me me me post, I need a bit of hand holding right now, as you know I have immune issues and take medication for it, I have a specialist who I see, now I should have seen him before I went away but I let it too late and then he was away, I didn't think it was the end of the world plus it would save me money....
So I go today, his nurse Louise was lovely and so nice when I told her why I was there and that we had done DEIVF she was lovely,
So I go in to see Shehata I then explain to him that since I saw him in Aug 2012, I went to Create had a Fertility MOT and decided that the best option was DEIVF and now I was pregnant, well the first thing he said was why did you go to Create then he asked why I chose DE over my own and that your AMH means nothing and that he has a patient who has a lower AMH than me who is now 8 weeks pregnant!! I am like then he went on, when did I start taking the meds, so I told him, he said that was correct and that I should have spoken to him before as he has a protocol for immunes and IVF and that I should have had blood thinners. At this stage he very begrudgingly said congrats, grilled me some more and then assumed that I would have all my scans with him, I reminded him that I am under his NHS recurrent miscarriage clinic. So he gave me the meds I needed instead of a prescription so paid twice as much I am booked in for intralipids on Friday so can't see my GP until next Wednesday. I feel so awfu and guilty that while he ranted abou not using my own eggs I did actually think 'have I made a big mistake using DE' I have never questioned it until now
I'm going to write him a letter.....................
waves to everyone else and sorry for off loading, I just feel so
<walks in with a teetering tower of comforting cakes, plonks herself next to buzz >
Right, I am here to hold hands. You made the right decision for you and Barry. You realised that with your AMH the chances of conceiving (on your first ever IVF round) were slim. You and Barry could not support another round financially, let alone cope with the whole rigmarole endless times. So based on that you made an informed decision. MrS should keep his big fat mouth shut. If he thought he could get you pregnant and keep you pregnant easily, he should have told you so before. He didn't and you acted on your own information, advice and gut. You will be an amazing mum to you Brno-twins and his concern should be to get you through this pregnancy. It sounds like there is a bit of hurt ego and annoyance about missed earning-opportunities on his side. So there.
On other news I have a wopping 46mil, 95% motility, swimmers washing around my single egg, golden or not. It can't be down to SB's contribution for once...
Now it is time for tea, what bland but nourishing food can I cook the diffed department? And what cocktails shall I serve in the tent?
Cocktails here please!! Maybe a posh bellini or something with raspberries in honour of the sun?? I don't do cocktails very often so suggestions welcome
tight Oh and go swimmers go!!!!
buzzy shame on him for making you question your decisions. regardless of what he thinks you are now pregnant so you made the right decision. End of. My amh is "normal" but I only got two egg and am not pregnant. If this had not been a funded round and i couldn't fund anymore i would be devastated. tell him to take his sour grape elsewhere. you are improving brno's statistics and will make an awesome mum. feeling very for you!!!
Well done mrsd and euro for wading in to the web chat. i just had a glance. not even going to let myself get worked up. I can't be arsed.....
Buzzy - I agree with Lemon and Madness, I think your doctor was having an ego fit. He should be more focused on your health as a pregnant woman and less on how you got there.
Lemon - yay for all the sperm! Hopefully they will meet your egg. As for my favorite bland foods lately, I would accept plain toast or a couple slices of apple .
buzzy your doc can stuff it. Where was he when you were making this decision? You thought it through carefully, you had limited funds and one shot at this whole IVF thing. You made an educated choice with a wonderful, wonderful result. Angry on your behalf.
Yay lemon for all the swimmers! Fingers tightly crossed...
den and euro that webchat was ridiculous. Grrrr. They didn't have solid answers to the valid questions and issues that were raised anyway.
sweet have a salty cracker.
madness bellinis sound heavenly!
Off to Florida tomorrow for a long weekend, I can't wait. There's been a lot of upheaval at work recently so will be lovely to have some time in the sun with MrC!
Buzz - absolutely agree with what everyone else says. What a shameful thing to say. You didn't walk in to it lightly > You have absolutely done the right thing. These doctors forget that funds is a massive factor in all our decisions. I'm pleased all your immunes are under control though.
Euro - i'm pleased the other day went ok and hopefully there will be no more of this anymore. Still such shitty luck you have had.
Mrsd - well done for wading in the debate. I see Zita & Garraway scuttled off pretty quickly because they spent the whole time trying to defend the campaign. They have totally misjudged it but then again they are being paid by FR so they probably don't care and it's just more publicity for FR. IAnd as for that silly garraway woman. Why doesn't she say how grateful she is that she had kids when she did rather than say she wished she had them earlier.
Lemon - I really really hope this is the golden month for you.
So i'll be off here for a while as I'm going on my hols. I just want to say thanks for all your support this year . It has meant so much. I must say the last few weeks have been really strange as I have been feeling incredibly low, not something I have really experienced before on this scale. My period arrived thankfully but it hasn't taken away this feeling of lowness and angst. I can't put my finger on what is going on but I'm hoping the holiday will clear my head. I will return when the doom and gloom clears.
Very best wishes to Gin, Sar, Critter and Buzz for your scans.
Buzzy, take no notice of him. You and Barry made the best decision you could after weighing everything up. If he'd been willing to offer you a free round then maybe that would have been a goer but you're working with limited funds and had to go for the most likely to succeed option. The important thing is that you're pregnant and you're going to be a mum. Doctors have big egos and they don't like to think that someone else is taking the glory.
Joy, have a fantastic holiday, you really deserve it. I'm not surprised you've been down, I've been feeling pretty low and I've not been through half of what you have.
joy have a fantastic holiday. Let's get together for another drink when you are back.
buzz I completely agree with the comments others have made - you did what was right for you, and you are fucking preggo!
drizz g'luck! Let's hope this is your pre-IVF ironidiff!
critter enjoy Florida! We're heading for a shyte bank holiday here, so I very jealous.
mrsd you are sounding better. Are you feeling ready to emerge from th tent soon.
madness cocktails sound good.
How are you doing sweet?
Hi lovely 10 plussers.
Going through a v busy period so not posting much.
Just wanted to say I'm glad it was not anything serious euro. Hope you can get going in the ivf soon.
Lemons hope this IUI is the one for you.
Mrsd. You should get the burning seen to. Worth getting it checked out.
Buzzy. I'm simply shocked by the reaction of your doc. Very very poor.
Joy. Have a wonderful hols. Hope it clears you head. You have been through a lot.
Waves to all. All quiet on the fertility front. Head down and hard at work. Decided to start charting temp as suggested by woo doc.
Never done it before. Hope I manage to get it right.
i'm sitting at my local epau hoping for a blood test as i'm still spotting I forgot how miserable this place is
Buzzy, I didn't know you were spotting. Will they scan you or is it too early? I'm thinking of you.
its way to early, i'm hoping I can get a blood test but they might just send me away
Oh no buzzy, I didn't realise you were spotting either. I really hope everything is ok - I think spotting is fairly common in the first few weeks, especially around when AF would have been due, but I know this won't help the mentalling. For the CB digi to go up to 2-3 weeks already, you must have v. good hcg levels. Lots of love and take care of yourself. I hope Barry is with you.
Waves to everyone else. joy have an amazing holiday. You totally deserve it after everything you've been through.
Just a quick hand hold for Buzzy. Hoping everything is ok. And as for your Doctor. Well, where do I sign up? 2 rounds of IVF haven't worked for me and we have similar AMH. What's his amazing secret .
Have a great holiday Joy and forget all about us, and therefore TTC, while you are away. You deserve so much better than the shit you have had this year.
Lemon hurrah for super swimmers!
Gotta go just now. Our sun has turned back to freezing today. Brrrrr.
Buzz-holding your hand at this scary time. You poor thing! But early spotting is common and things are probably ok. But I know it is hard to feel comforted. And as for dr s. Bloody hell, what utter nonsense he speaks. And I agree with others this is about his ego. Why do fertility drs seem to think we have no right to make informed and independent decisions or question anything. You werent told that you would likley get a bfp with 1 cycle and your own eggs. Therefore you made a brave and successful decision to go for de. Which has paid off big time. I am very cross about how he has spoken to you and unnerved you. Where was his patient centred care? Where was his ethical code to 'do no harm'? A strong word via pals me thinks?
Lemon - hoorah for a golden egg and bountiful swimmers. Oooo I have an excited feeling for you.
Joy- have a wonderful holiday.
Sea - hood luck with the temping. Hopefully it will reveal some useful info.
Sweet - hope things are progressing well and you are managing to avoid any nausea.
Well done euro and den with yesterdays web chat. Piddle off garraway and do one zita.
Feeling worse every day and throwing up lots, but I think this is the peak week. I am 10 weeks. But hay ho.
buzz any news yet? Thinking of you.
Wanted to say also how crap it was of Mr Shehata to plant that seed of doubt in your mind. Don't doubt yourself for a second. You did nothing on a whim. You thought everything through, weighed everything up and did what was right for you and MrB. I agree with others that his ego was dented. Twat.
lemons Sounds like the IUI went very well indeed. FX that this is the one!
euro Yikes at the pinchers! It all sounds very promising.
sea hope that you get on alright with the temping.
sarlat Gee, 10 weeks already. Wow.
gin any news with you. I'm so sorry that you had a meltdown.
That whole Kate Garraway thing pisses me off too. Not because I am particularly opposed to the message behind it, even though it does seem a bit ridiculous (most women who delay motherhood do so for very good & unavoidable reasons) but because I can't stand her. She is such a lightweight journalist/personality who just rubs me up the wrong way. That said it could be worse. They could have chosen some nubile, uber fertile youngster to front the campaign. Can you imagine!
News at this end is we are delaying the FET. The cycle monitoring is just too inconvenient for us this month so we are having to delay that and therefore delaying the FET too. Feel a bit miffed but hey. Also have sinusitis and so am feeling a bit sorry for myself. The good news is I have a prescription for antibiotics from the dentist from a couple of weeks ago so hopefully they'll knock the face ache on the head and might also help with the updiffedness
Boo to sinusitis but yay to antibs pout. that's a shame that you have to postpone the fet, when will you be able to do it now? We probably could have done our next round pretty soon but for life events that can't be moved. I was really upset about the wait but now I think October will be here pretty soon and at least I get to enjoy a summer of non ttc madness. I have a real fear about another non pregnant Xmas though, I don't know why this is such a milestone for me.
That Kate woman is in the daily fail today
whoops admitting i read their online site, very ashamed at that with an article trying to explain the campaign. I still don't get it, maybe I'm being dim but I read the whole article and still couldn't understand what it is about. Stupid woman also made me really cross moaning about not being able to have a third when she admits her first two were easily conceived. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she announces a pregnancy soon and then says its all down to first response.
Buzzy, any news?
I keep thinking how had she herself not delayed motherhood and not focussed on her well paid career where she (presumably) met her equally well paid husband, would she have financially been in a position to contemplate a second or third child? Life wends and winds and the blanket message of this campaign simply doesn't take into account the complexities of life.
Un fortunately we are not all comfortable with the idea of get duffed and sod the consequences. Some of us were very much aware of the responsibilities, both emotional and financial, of bringing a child into this world and waited to get our ducks in a row.
at your DM shame. MrP literally won't have the paper in the house and if I want to read a DM link I have to go incognito on Google Chrome!
I hear you on the Xmas thing. I find it an utterly depressing milestone too. I think it's because Xmas is for children and it is a stark reminder of how we don't have a family of our own.
I so hear you on the Xmas thing. My due date was late October so for a short time I let myself day dream about a Christmas with our newborn. If I'm not upduffed by then, it is going to be very, very hard.
buzz I'm thinking of you.
pout sorry that you are having to put off FET.
sar 10 weeks already - wow!
mrsd you are sounding loads better. I hope you feel it!
Oh Buzzy I am so furious with your idiot doctor. I mean really what was he thinking? You should definitely send that
bastard man a letter. He just barrelled in like a territorial egotistical oaf (he might as well have just pee'd around your chair) without a thought to you, the irrelevance of his verbal drivel at this point, och I'm just spluttering with incredulity. But as everyone has said you made the best decision with your circumstances, we don't all have the time or the money to try every scenario available, we have to narrow it down to our best shot and you did that and it paid off!! Hope the spotting settles down and that you are looking after yourself.
Euro that biopsy procedure sounded gruesome but glad that it is all looking ok so far. I'm glad that you put the last medic in London out of his misery and let him have a look at your chuff and omg I have one of those secret sperm hiding compartments up there too! Did the iodine ever come back out? I have been on the edge of my seat waiting to find out Thanks for the giggle.
Lemon ohhh I've got everything crossed for your recent IUI. It would be sooo nice to sneak in a wee bfp just before you embark on the ivf shenanigans
MrsDen we are really private people too. I hate having to lie to friends but I just couldn't bear for everyone to know because when I am feeling like a failure then I will imagine that everyone else thinks I'm a failure too As it is I think everyone has long given up on us having children anyway. I did open up to my sister not so long ago and she is great for absorbing all the excess spill over nuttyness that this situation produces which spares MrBopit I made MrBopit promise not to tell anyone especially MIL but he slipped up and now she knows. Initially I was furious but then I realised that he might need to speak to someone bar me about it too so I've forgiven him. So we each have a person but that's as far as it goes. It's too painful a topic for me to be open about. I feel exposed and vulnerable at the thought of people knowing so I understand you protecting your privacy. I hope you manage to get your infection sorted soon, there's nothing worse than feeling physically crummy when you are already feeling a bit low.
Nelly hmmm child unfriendly, big and dangerous? I am picturing you with a baby en tow gazing longingly at an unused motorbike outside your house! Sorry about the 3 announcements and I totally understand your reaction to the clinic letter too. After my first appointment they sent a summary of our discussion and there is something about seeing the very personal and sad details of your situation in print that makes your situation feel much more grave. It really made me stop dead in my tracks. Anyway onwards! Your plan sounds great.
Joy I dearly hope that this holiday is just what your mind and body needs to give you a second wind in the whole ttc journey
Sea good luck with the charting. I took my temps for ages and it became second nature to stick the thermometer in my mouth as soon as the alarm went off. It's comforting to see a temperature rise after ovulation and (if you are a sad sausage like me and put all the data on a spreadsheet) it's really interesting to have an overview to look at later too. Are you in the midst of the tb treatment at the mo?
Pout it's a shame you are having to delay the FET. I'm at the stage where I want everything to happen NOW and it's really frustrating to be forced to wait. I'm very curious, what is the deal with antibiotics and diffedness? I only ask as I was recently diagnosed with helicobacteria in my stomach and took a 10 day course of antibiotics to clear it so if this is going to increase my chances in any way then fabulous Actually when I got home after the diagnosis and googled 'helicobacteria and infertility' (of course) there was actually some research to say it affected cm so that sperm were impeded from getting to the egg. But loads of people have it without knowing and it's really common in developing countries and our fertility doc poo poo'd the notion it was causing our infertility so pfff <sigh> no answer there. Anyway hope the antibiotics knock the infection on the head, face ache is horrid.
Sorry Sar you are still vomiting hope you feel better very soon. Love to the other diffed ladies too.
Waves to everyone else Must dash and tidy the house before MrBopit gets home and realises I've wasted a whole afternoon on the internet I have mostly been researching our holiday but have little to show for it....
In my news, af came yesterday which was a bit late. I'd found a pregnancy test during a cupboard clear out the other day which expired in 2011 (ffs) so I pee'd on it to put myself out of my misery on Tuesday (I knew I wasn't pregnant but I still needed to quash the blind hope). Now on second month of (pointless) clomid and fiddling around trying to break the tiny tablets in half so I only take the 25mg dose Oh how is my clomid buddy Ramona getting on?
thanks for your support, I've had a crap 24 hours, EPAU did a blood test and it came back at 1248 which they are happy with my progesterone was only 22 which seems a bit low to me, I had a look at my old blood test results and on the day of my blood test for my last pregnancy my progesterone was 34 and that was just 1 day after my period was due anyway I emailed Shehatas nurse who said to up my arse bullets to 3 a day, I'll be back soon just going to have dinner
Zippy I appear to be an exception to the rule "what goes up must come down". I have no idea where the iodine, silver nitrate and other stuff he shove up there ended up.
Sorry to hear AF arrived.
Buzz I'm glad about the HCG level. That's great.
We have just dtd. My fanjo appears not to be broken. Hurrah. I have produced more EWCM today than I usually do in a year. The mc seems to have thrown me back to my early 20s in that regard.
pout sorry about delay to FET, I hope you feel better soon
sar hopefully the sickness will subside in the next couple of weeks
zippy its hard telling people but having support in real life is important, you are not a failure and i'm sure most people don't think about who might have the so called 'problem', I've pretty much told everyone and no one has asked me, and if they want to speculate then its up to them
sea good luck with the charting
euro the reprofit women seem to think that my progesterone is lowish and have suggested getting the oil, so I'll ask Shehata tomorrow and I have emailed Reprofit, I just hope its not too late, I feel very crampy right now and I'm still spotting, I'll have to see what happens this week
buzz I've posted on the other thread - your level doesn't seem too low by the levels given on the babycentre website. And you can take extra progesterone to boost it. I won't tell you to try not to worry, because I know it's futile. x
Sorry about the spotting and the stress buzz. Fingers crossed all is well, but it is rubbish in the meantime, irrespective of the end result!
at the wasted afternoon on the internet zippy. Hope the next cycle won't be futile but fully functional!
Sorry you've had to postpone the monitoring cycle pout. And sinusitis is evil, I have it quite regularly. Fingers crossed it goes away with your dental ABs.
Hope joy is having a fab time faraway from us and everything TTC related!
The sickness sounds awful sar. But hurrah for 10 weeks already. Only two weeks til glowy trimester!
I occasionally glance at the Fail as well mrsd, but I always feel slightly as if I am prying in people's private life, which I suppose I am. Oh well. The chrome-antics made me smile pout.
Thanks for all the good IUI wishes, I am pretending it did not happen
which is hard as apparently my cervix is really tight and she draw some blood so I've been spotting and getting my head round the start of IVF in less than two weeks . Oh and I got a pregnancy announcement from a colleague who I shared my office with, no longer thankfully!
buzz I am so pissed off for you that you are having the worries of spotting and some cramping. Like euro says I know it won't ease your stressing to know but this is a common theme on the pregnancy boards. The additional stress is so unfair given the hard route the ladies on this board take to get their bean. Hopefully the additional progesterone will work some magic and let you enjoy this time.
lemons Marvels at your tight cervix
says the woman whose own cervix always feels open which surely can't be good When is test day?
euro I have never had the leaky delights promised after laps and HSGs. Not complaining but you do have to wonder where the hell it all goes
mrsd I kept meaning to ask you about your possible UTI and kept forgetting. My bladder went all funny for weeks after my EC and I was getting up many times in the night to wee & also pondered whether I had an infection. Though it's quite a lot better I noticed on my antibiotics leaflet that they are used to treat UTIs so I am doubly glad to be taking them and hope to shift any lingering water works problem. Has yours cleared up at all?
zippy Holiday planning sounds nice. Sorry that your AF arrived. I found that the arrival of my period on my Clomid cycles affected me the most. I'm talking full on sobbing and throwing things! Breaking those tablets is an art! I used to worry about one half pinging on the floor and accidently drugging my dogs.
The telling people thing is difficult. My Mother took that decision out of my hands and I am still hugely pissed off about it. I feel really exposed & very much like she took ownership of my issue and had no right. I really don't need to manage other peoples expectations of our IVF journey as well as my own. That said I think that it is good to choose a select group of people to confide in though and I did tell my sister too. Sometimes I think you need to talk outside the marriage about it. Gah at the MIL thing!!!! My MIL's only comment was "thank God, as long as there's nothing wrong with MrP"
My period is winging her delightful way. Spotting started on CD25 this month so I still don't feel back to normal after the treatment. I'm really starting to feel pretty despondent about all this and for the first time don't really see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really do see a childless future. Strangely it's not in a crying, emotional mess kind of way just a cold, impassive view of things.
+euro* just seen john the 'wa*k manager' I have been so busy I haven't had a chance to look at my emails to see if the clinic suggest anyrthing, work is crazy right now, thank goodness it is the weekend, my level was ok but last time it was 34 right from the off, althougfh I did have spotting then, i'm just worrying about every pain I feel
Happy Bank Holidays! I'm just getting my strop on over on the if marriage isn't about children what is it for thread. I don't usually do that and the op is being a tool so I'm not sure why I'm bothering.
buzzy I know not about prog values but I do know that you must be feeling anxious which is the pits. It never ends does it? I omit the knowledge I have that a bfp is just the first rung on the ladder of worrying about my baby til the day I bite the dust. I know that when I read that people are spotting in early preg I just think it is normal as it seems so common and is normally nothing to worry about. But I know if I had spotting I would be sick with concern. It really isn't on that long term ttcers have to have any of this. Also, your doctor was a dick.
lemon yay for the good iui. Fingers crossed for a pre-ivf ironadiff.
pout Your post is sad but sums up exactly how I feel too.But - we just don't know what is around the corner. Which is perhaps a big chunk of the problem. I am sorry for the fet delay and sinusitis is rotten. I am cheering you on and giving you a luff. Lots of the journey still to go. Have a sit down with me and a salted caramel brownie.
den Kate Garraway and Zita made prize fools of themselves. It was quite pleasing to watch it all fizzle out like a wet firework. But that is because MN is full of spite, not because it is a misogynist ill-conceived cynical money grabbing ploy. Aren't I an arsey pants today?!
critter I am bright green with sunshine Florida envy! It is pleasant icy gales here.
euro the acid sounded ouchy but glad it is all done and looked OK. Another very brave thing to add to the list.
sar the throwing up sounds not fun at all. Hope you are being well looked after and are getting windows of respite from it. And gin but blooming is a coming, promise!
zip sorry about af. How long are you clomid-ing for?
sea wave. I can't remember what is happening with your treatment? Fertility Friend is good for charting. It is quite useful. H can now tell when my temp has gone up by hugging me in the morning and when it drops.He is never wrong! I think we have been at this a bit too long now.
madness there isn't a post from you on this page. How goes it?
And how are our bumps? Do tell.
I have precisely no news. I am a grumpy for no reason old barrener. At some point I might have me some sperm put near a tube or an egg popped in a dish. When that might be is anyones guess!
Buzzy what my garble translates as it that everything will be OK, i feel it in my magical fertility waters (ladygee, sar, kitty, art!)
that thread was deleted. I never saw that happen before!
rabbit probably best they did delete it, I take there is no news from PALS
lemon hopefully you won't need to move on IVF
mrsd did you get to the GP
nelly I hope you are ok
pout I'm sorry you feel like this, its crap all of it, but I have a great feeling about Colin
Kayla is being a right monkey
pain in the arse right now
I am still around rabbit just a busy week and this cold won't shift. I saw that thread and thought that the op must have been sh*t stirring. She seemed to be being particularly provocative. Deleting a whole thread is a pretty strong response!
Not sure what sinusitis is pout but if it involves a really sore forehead and the inability to bend down without shooting pains in my head, then perhaps that is what I have as well?? Really sorry that you're feeling low. I am not crying much just now either, I really can't imagine future IVF attempts being successful and I feel pretty numb about that. I am looking more seriously at adoption but I don't know how it will actually feel to know that I have exhausted my attempts at assisted conception and am closing that chapter of my life. I might not feel so numb then.....
Buzzy I hope that Kayla is doing a good job of distracting you from your worries. I can only imagine how stressful this must be. I have everything crossed for you and every faith that you and your bean will be okay.
sar I can't believe that you are almost at the end of the first trimester! Those sicky feelings will soon be banished.
mrsd did you make it to the doctor? I totally understand wanting to avoid more examinations but I know from bitter experience that putting it off just means suffering for longer when some antibiotics could clear it up really quickly.
nelly hope you were out enjoying the sun today. A bit cool but lovely just the same. I spent most of the day in bed with lemsip but we have a lovely sunny bedroom so I stayed up there to take advantage of it. I'm still around for a drink
after a few days when I am less likely to give you the lurgy if you are less manically busy these days xx
Big waves to everyone - and there are many - that I have missed. I really am rubbish at keeping up with everyone.
buzz Mr euro was pleased to know that his moniker for John has kept going!
I must dash off for a shower as I'm meeting friends for brunch shortly. I've been busy this morning, baking chocolate muffins, so Mr euro is going to have a lovely surprise when he wakes up this morning.
Euro yay for all the ewcm that's always a good sign.
Lemon thank goodness you no longer share an office with your colleague, I can't imagine anything worse bleuch
Pout <gasp> at the MIL comment. My jaw literally flapped open when I read it I'm sorry too that your mum shared when she didn't have the right. That sucks. It's the pity that I'm most fearful off. I have a hard enough time keeping my own mental shit together without having my sadness reflected back in the faces of everyone around me. On your impassive frame of mind - I think I feel differently about my infertility from day to day. I think sometimes feeling nothing is a healthy way to give yourself a break from all the emotions. You have a bit of a gap before FET and your emotions are having a holiday. It's self preservation. I hope you feel brighter and more optimistic the closer you get to FET (and Colin!).
I at you accidentally drugging your dogs. I have a cat so I'm totally safe. He might pull his party trick and pretend to swallow it when it's really in a soggy mess behind his left paw...
Rabbit it's the not knowing what's around the corner that gets me the most too. I had to Some sperm near a tube madam? Lovely, would you like a side of fannycandle?
Buzzy glad Kayla is distracting you too. Do you get an early scan soon?
Mad sorry you've got the lurgy. A few of my colleagues have been sick recently and they've had it for weeks! Looks awful. We have a sun trap bedroom too and rubbish curtains so I'm always woken up really early. Have you thought about the 'new' IVF imaging thing EEVA that's been in the news recently? I've just started looking into it but as long as you've got a few embryos to choose from it seems to increase your odds to more like 75% success instead of just Ivf which is 20%? Although one clinic said that women under 36 going through their 1st treatment cycle are unlikely to get a higher success rate but everyone else (older or on their 2nd attempt?) are 'likely to have tangible benefits'. 75% sounds great but this last statement less so. It's a minefield though I'm so sorry your ivf failed, was it your first? I hear people say it's a 3 cycle process.... I wouldn't even mind if that was the case but it came with a guarantee! It's the not knowing that's rubbish. Anyway I hope you feel better soon
Waves to everyone I've missed. It's sunny outside and I'm 'Scottish pale' (I'm sure that's on a paint chart somewhere!) so I'm off out to play
Ooh X post Euro yummy on the chocolate muffins! Enjoy your brunch
Ha zippy a needle on ice for the lady? Nervous telephone wait amuse bouche? The assisted conception menu of delights.
Madness sorry you have got the lurgy. I'm sending my strongest hot toddy prescription.
Euro - I demand a muffin.
why do people feel a need to lay the blame at someones feet pout your MIL is way out of line with that comment, I do wonder how many people MIL has spoken to about it but Barry did tell her that we weren't mentioning IVF outside of family, which made me considering I have over shared that info, perhaps because I say DE IVF most people presume its my problem
euro oooh I wouldn't say no to a muffin
or two Mr Euro is a lucky man,
zippy depending on this afternoon will depend on when I get a scan, I'm booked in for next Fri so far, that EEVA thing is used at another clinic in Brno and they didn't give such high odds, although I think its great and would have considered it I think they need a bit more research into it as they supposedly have only tested it on 88 embryos
madness there are lots of nasty lurgees out there, I seem to miss all these interesting threads, I usually lurk on AIBU and relationships
don't judge me, I don't watch SOAPs so need a bit of scandal in my life
lemon when is testing day
The joy of living and working in the same area is I don't have to travel far, the bad side is you bump into colleagues at the hospital I'm hoping to get my results this afternoon
There are enough muffins to share, but you'll need to be quick!
buzz I find relationships depressing - there are so many utter twats out there. Are you having another blood test today?
euro I had a blood test this morning but it leaked so back at hospital waiting for another like I haven't been stabbed enought this week
Oh bloody hell buzz. How irritating!
Just a quick hello and fingers crossed for Buzzy. . Rabbits waters are very wise you know.
Mad things busy for now but yes let's catch up soon.
I have indeed been enjoying the weather. Hooray. Today I wore flip flops .
Gotta go but loves to all. I wish we were all FB friends as I have some nice pics I want to share with you all!
euro irritating is a polite way of putting it, called an hour ago and they didn't have the results, I'll spitting razor blades if there is a problem again.
Nelly the photo from this morning was great! I'm very jealous. My tiny London patio does not compare!
buzz I'm sorry this is adding to your stress. How are you feeling in yourself?
OK so finally got a repsonse, good news my HCG has doubled, but my progesterone has only gone up by 2, called NLC emergency number to see if I can get hold of injectable progesterone, they can't advise me as I am Shehata's patient I have never really understood that arrangement, gave me number, its the midwife Louise who is away until the 4th, they advise going to EAPU which is closed or A&E who are not likely to do anything
Sorry I realise this isn't the place to really is it
Couldn't the place that did the blood test give you a prescription buzzy? Is the progesterone a problem, I don't really know. Could the Brno clinic email you a prescription? Can you double up in the pessaries?
buzz I agree with mrsd - could Brno help?
If not, what about a private GP? They don't have an eye on budgets so might be more willing to prescribe.
Hurrah about the hcg, good suggestions from mrsd and euro. Handholds for the stressy thoughts.
Waves from a yet again squiffy lemon to all of you!
thanks I have emailed Brno still waiting for a reply, its alot cheaper from there than here, I just need a supply ASAP, although I don't think my levels are too serious I would feel happier if they were higher, I'm taking 4 bullets today onwards, I shall be able to self propel myself with all the wind issues I'm having
Are you taking them in the front door? I was told that's better for absorption than back door.
back door, I didn't want anything irritating my cervix plus its less mess
Buzzy what a worry for you, but I guess what I don't understand is how the prog and HCG interact? And also wouldn't it be lower in DE because presumably there is no corpus luteum? . In any case I hope so so much it works out right; and you know to shout if you need the arse bullets back (unused ).
Euro there are some cuter pics up and hopefully I'll get more tomorrow! But yes the patio has its charms...
Just popping in quickly to offer buzzy a tight hand squeeze. Did the hospital tell you your progesterone was low? I've not had mine tested at all, so don't know much about it, but came across this website
when menkuling about myself americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/earlyfetaldevelopment.htm. It seems to say that it would only go up by one or two every few days and that the highest it would be during the 1st trimester is 47, so yours may be ok? Obvs I don't know how definitive this website is... But your hcg is super and still makes me think it may be twins. Hopefully Brno will be able to either put your mind at rest, or get you any meds needed. Remember this pregnancy is different to your past ones. You have different symptoms and your hormone levels will prob be different due to the ivf. Big hugs.
nelly I love the cute pics on FB! Was that from your awesome weekend last weekend?! And I'm soooooo jealous of your patio. Literally green with envy of all the lovely greenness.
Luffs to everyone else. Will catch up properly tomoz. 1 week until scan day eek.
nelly I'm seeing a GP on Wednesday so I'll hit them up for more, I have about 5 boxes still here yeah you are right about not having an LP phase but alot of the ladies say that their clinics wanted them to get it up to 100
Yes very jealous of your pic on FB
gin thanks yes I have looked up what it should be around but obviously the NHS, shehata and Reprofit thought it was a bit low for their liking, I have looked up HCG levels and yes they are in range for twins but we shall see, just a baby is all I'm after, wow one week very exciting
Where is everyone today? Can't look back on my phone but I hope things are better today buzzy. I am frozen after an outdoor work event this afternoon. Saturday was glorious and today feels like winter again .
I've had a lovely bonk holiday. We've sorted the front garden, which had been looking rather tatty (NB this is not a euphemism, I actually mean the front garden), seen friends, shot stuff and been for a wander around Greenwich Park.
euro sounds like a lovely weekend at the bonk weekend, where are you in your cycle
madness why are you working today, are you in another time zone??
Barry has gone up north again, well the midlands for another week, he did take me for cream teas and Fanny's Farm and then to see the bluebells at Winkworth. Noe its just me and the cat and dislike of the idea of work tomorrow
No holidays at all for me in May buzzy . Only 5 weeks though to summer hols so i shouldn't complain!
euro at bonk holiday.
Well, this weekend should have been egg collection, which means it should also be ov (although I think I might have had an anovulatory cycle last month and I'm worried this one might be headed the same way. ). Still, we've given it a go, just in case I do lay an egg!
Mad no holidays!
euro best to cover all bases are you temping??
I know euro I am all for a shorter summer break with a few more short breaks scattered throughout the term to give everyone a rest. The kids and staff are all ill right now.
I debated buying ov sticks for this this month since it's the first non-ivf and not down regulated cycle since my lap in december but have decided that we will just have a reasonable amount of sex and see what happens. With cyst filled ovaries, one tube and a hostile environment for MrM's swimmers I am not expecting much......
nelly I went cycling and had ice cream at the beach on Saturday. Today had to raid the car for extra layers.
rabbit MrM made me a hot toddy . I hate them but they do tend to knock me out!
zippy it was my first cycle. I read the articles about the embryo imaging stuff. Unfortunately we only got one embryo from two eggs so would need a much better response next time for it to be much use for us. Hopefully with more research it will help the, to take some of the guesswork out of this process. When I think that I was born in the same year as the first ivf baby I wonder how far things might move on by the time my children are my age.
Must run as I am cooking dinner. Big waves to all!
buzz yep, I'm temping. I got a clear rise the cycle after my mc, but the next one I got all the symptoms - more EWCM than I have had in years, ov pains, then sore boobs - but no temp rise. I thought my thermometer might be on the blink after too many flights in the chilly hold, so I bought a new one. So far this month, I've had bucket loads of EWCM again, ov pains, my boobs are starting to get a little sore, but I'm on day 16 with no temp rise (pre mc, I always oved between days 14 and 16) so I'm not quite sure what's occurring.
maybe a late ovulation, it might be that your body is still adjusting from the miscarriage
Evening ladies! I agree with buzz's assessment, it took about five months for my cycle to become completely reliable again. I fluctuated between 31 and 25 for a while. Now I am back on my reliable 26-27 days. So it could still come. Btw I noticed a massive increase in EWCM as well post-mc, and earlier, with scanning and IUI I found that where I used to just have a slippery day on The Day of ovulation, now it starts a day or two ahead of time. That has stayed.
How are you doing buzz? Any news?
Waves to all the others, I had to do a bit of work today, but finished with an impromptu pub visit with SB. Can't be bothered to go in tomorrow...
I know that feeling lemon I don't want to go to work well I think my clinic will give me the injectables, no more spotting and got a 3+ on the digi, still early days though
Thanks for the reassuring words, buzz and drizz. My first cycle after mc was very normal - ov just one day late, so the next cycle being squiffy has thrown me a bit.
I'm glad to hear everything is moving in the right direction buzz.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow either. This four day weekend has been brilliant.
Buzz- 3+ on the digi is very promising.
Mad -good luck with this cycle, no reason why you might not get that bfp.
Euro - I know the worry about being broken is awful. But it is still early days post mc and things will settle down.
Critter - hope all is well with you and had a fab time in Florida was it?
Gin - not long until that scan. Hope your sickness has started to wain.
I have had a few very miserable days with non stop vomiting and burning oesophagus and throat followed by a gaviscon chaser. But little less so today, hooray.
Morning all! What a miz Tuesday morning in London! I too can't be bothered with work today...
buzzy I'm really pleased to hear that the spotting has stopped and that you feel a little calmer. 3+ weeks eh? I'm convinced you will see 2 sacs at the scan... Is Barry able to go with you to the scan?
euro hope you had a fab long weekend. It's so bloody annoying when our bodies start playing silly buggers with us, esp when I know you're keen to get on with mild ivf. Lots of ewcm sounds like a good sign and that ov must be near.
sar so sorry to hear about all the sickness. Sounds hideous. Do go to the GPs and get something for it - you really don't have to suffer like this. Have you lost weight? The best way to control my nausea is eating, so I'm turning into a right porker.
mad not long til those hols, hang on in there!
Hurrah for squifiness lemons. Hope you had a good weekend.
rabbits any sign of that appointment? I think I'd prob slot in a private cycle, as I just couldn't bear the waiting. You really have had to wait a ridiculous amount of time.
nelly I'm loving your FB pics. Soooo cute. I hope you had an ace time.
mrsd hope you are feeling a little better.
critter hope you had a great time in Florida. Do you have an early scan soon?
Waves and luffs to all.
sar not wanting to speak too soon, but yesterday I only felt properly sick at bedtime and apart from my normal first thing retch, I don't feel too bad today. I'm hoping this is the start of the ms winding down. It did get worse though and I couldn't have got through it without the tablets.
Can't put into words how scared I am about Saturday's scan. Please may the dream not be all over. Am trying to keep busy and not think about it <hollow laugh>
sar did't your gp give you anything for the sickness, I have buccastem you can if you like
Buzzy - I'm glad the spotting has settled down. I am guessing there will be two sacs.
Sar - Sorry about the all day nausea, that sounds quite bleak. Did your gp give you anything?
Gin - I hope thats the end of your nausea. I also have everything crossed for your scan.
Euro - My cycles after m/c were unpredictable for a bit afterwards. Everything did eventually settle down, I completely understand the fear of being broken. Can you call your clinic with concerns about your cycle returning to normal?
Critter - I hope Florida is treating you well. My in-laws are heading there for a month.
Mad - I hope things fall into place this cycle and it works for you.
I have been a bad 10 plusser lately because I have been buried in work. Big waves to everyone I have missed.
AFM - I had my first appointment today with the nurse (apparently I am 8 wk +5?). Mr. Grouch and I decided to pay for an ultrasound between weeks 11 and 13 to have a nuchal scan
really to see the heartbeat because waiting until week 21 for an u/s is long. So really nothing very exciting happening, just more blood work and such.
Mad - I realized what I wrote was unclear: by "it" I just mean that you get the non-medically assisted bfp.
sweet I think the best thing for us is to see what happens at the IVF scans. It's jus odd because my first cycle post-mc was pretty much normal. I was really surprised about that as I had expected that one to be screwy! It's also stressing me, because ovulating by yourself is a pre-requisite for natural IVF!
gin and sar sorry to hear you are both suffering! I hope you start to feel better soon.
Euro - I think your plan is quite sensible. I understood that your concern was being able to ovulate for natural IVF. I can only say that I really hope your body finishes readjusting so your cycle can settle down. I know/understand just how stressful crazy unpredictable cycles can be. So deep relaxing breath and a handhold until your body sorts itself out. I'm sure you will get back to normal.
euro it is a bit odd that this cycle would be different and the last one normal
gin big hand hold for Saturday, everything will be fine
sweet she must man you are 8 weeks and 5 days we shall see on Friday, I just hope that there is something to see
How are you doing today, buzz?
sweet I think buzz is right: 8+5 is preggo speak for 8 weeks and 5 days.
euro I am ok, bored at work don't know what I want to eat so I am eating crap and feel like it, Kayla is driving me mad, she won't stop meowing at me
Just a quick hello. I'm a bit down after a fun filled couple of weeks (sorry for those who haven't kept up via FB, I will happily PM but too scared to out myself on here). I've been in a weird place otherwise. Sick of TTC, yet desperate for a solution. I better get my follow up appointment booked actually.
Huge positive no-sickness/good scan vibes for Gin and Sar, and hoping for continued good bloods and no worries for Buzzy and Critter.
Lemon how are you post IUI?
Rabbit my lovely how are you? And MrsD?
Mad I'm not thinking about this cycle as last time I had a 6 week cycle post ivf so no idea when I might ovulate. I probably am not any more . When you wrote the other week about probably needing a hysterectomy at some point it really stopped me in my tracks. What a rough time you have had.
Going to go to bed now and try to have an early night. But I'm reading a fairly gripping book so it depends how much murder, torture and politics I can handle! In other news we've booked both a summer and a Christmas holiday. Hurrah!!
Luffs to everyone else x
Hello lovely ladies,
nelly I can imagine you must feel utterly sick of this process. It's just exhausting and you've been through a hell of a lot - two cycles in less than six months. I know you must feel like you've had it up to here - it's not just hard on your body but exhausting in terms of the emotional rollercoaster of hope and despair. I'm so sorry my love.
euro I'm sorry about the screwy cycle - other ladies who've had miscarriages seem to have had similar experiences, which is reassuring, but it really is a pain when you're relying on your body to settle down again and work 'au naturel' for the natural IVF. I can imagine how incredibly stressful that would be. You've had a lot of knocks, but I really hope that things will look up soon. Will you get results back from the smear? That sounded bloody painful, by the way, and you were so stoic about the whole business. Gawd what a bloody nightmare. I really hope you can catch a break, as they say here!
buzzy I am holding out hope for twins for you too. So glad the spotting has stopped, that sounded really scary, even though I've heard up to a quarter of pregnant women have it. Incidentally, I am on 3 200mg progesterone capsules a day, all up the front door.
sar your morning sickness sounds horrific. Poor you. I so hope it stops soon - it sounds absolutely awful. You must be coming up to 12 weeks soon... are you 11 weeks now? I do hope that you start to feel better - seems awfully unfair that pregnancy is giving you such a rotten time after the rough ride you've already had.
sweet I would have forked out for the 12 week scan too. I still can't believe they would otherwise make you wait so long - 21 weeks is crackers! Hope you're feeling ok and not too sick.
lemon hope your final pre-IVF 2ww is going ok. I've got everything crossed for your ironic pre-in vitro diff.
madness like nelly I was about your hysterectomy remark a few posts back. It's so unfair and I so wish that you didn't have to go through all this extra anti-endo shite on top of the IVF. I know that necessity is the mother of toughness, but I wish you didn't have to deal with this and be tough. I wish it could be easier for you. Oh mad, keep faith. You have a plan and you will be a mum, I really believe that 100%. You will, you will, you will. But I wish you didn't have to suffer through all this.
mrsd how are you doing lovely? I hope you are ok and that the horrible infection has started to go away. I think about you a lot and what a shit time of things you've had. I have high hopes for your autumn round and a summer 2014 little den, and I so hope that this summer is full of good distractions in the meantime. Can you go for a massage or do something lovely for yourself? You've had such a big knock.
pout argh at your MIL's comment. People can be so incredibly self-absorbed and hurtful. What a nasty thing to say.
gin I started to feel a little sick yesterday (although NOTHING like what you and sar have described) and like you I addressed the situation by scarfing down food. An egg mcmuffin hit the spot. Fingers crossed for your Saturday scan - wowee that has flown by. I will be thinking of you and sending good karma your way - I bet you are desperate to get some reassurance and see the little blighter.
rabbit You did make me laugh with your 'sperm in a dish'. A hot toddy recipe, you say? Sounds interesting, yum. I missed the drama thread about marriage being for kids, how ridiculous. Also, totally agree about Kate and Zita looking stupid on that thread. Serves them jolly well right for going after the cash for doing it. I thought people raised some really interesting points, not least our lovely den and euro, and the person who said that it'd be good to have learnt about the Taking Charge of Your Fertility info while in school, but they are going about it in a very stupid way. And what about talking to men about fertility stuff too? Why is it just aimed at women? I also really, really hate the 'shaming' aspect of the campaign and that horrible photoshopped pic of Garraway.
zippy I too am Scottish pale <high five> and was probably the whitest person within a 40 mile radius in Florida. We're talking day glo on the beach. Like a beluga whale.
Apologies for radio silence. I had an absolutely blissful weekend away - I had a wonderful time with MrC, saw dolphins, swam in the sea and got masses of sleep. Spoilt rotten. It was so nice to get away, as work has been really busy. My lovely closest colleague has handed in her notice so I'm covering her workload as well until we find a replacement. My nice but ineffectual boss is driving me crazy and I would probably be thinking about moving on if it weren't for the 12 weeks of paid maternity leave (which is non-existent at many US employers - 6-8 weeks seems to be the norm here). I am going to try to just focus on the bits of the job that I do enjoy. Huge tail feather blowdries to all of you beautiful ladies, and an extra fluff to those feeling sad, anxious or frightened.
Critter you're back! Your weekend in Florida sounds brilliant. Sorry about the work shyte but in a few months, you'll be out of there for a while, so you might as well hang on in there for the maternity leave at this point.
buzzy How are you doing? Has the spotting stayed away?
nelly Sorry that you are having a slump. I think that it is often the case after a period of distraction and fun stuff. It's a case of coming back to reality with a bit of a bump.
madness I didn't realise that a hysterectomy could be on the cards at some point for you. I agree with others that it is so much to compute for you and how massively unfair it is.
critter your break away sounded so lovely. 8 weeks maternity leave sounds harsh. Will you go back to work after your 12 weeks? Egg McMuffins sound like a good solution I love those things and have to admit to buying an egg poacher for the microwave so I can make my own at home. Nothing quite beats that nuked egg taste!!
gin I am excited for you about your scan. I really hope that it gives you a bit of reassurance and helps you enjoy things a bit more. Exciting times!
euro I can't believe that you seem to have another confusing cycle this month. I'm rooting for it to settle down before your IVF cycle.
lemons How are you getting on? Thinking of you on your 2ww.
rabbits I avoided the marriage and kids thread though it sounds like I missed a corker.
sweet 21 weeks for a scan????? Crikey.
zippy at Scottish pale. I think that ought to be our new description for negative pee sticks.
Missing the Bank Holiday weekend already. It was lovely doing nothing except bathing the dogs in the paddling pool in the garden (though had a pang of the barrens when we bought the pool and kept thinking that we ought to be doing that for our kids not the dogs). They are all lovely and fragrant now though MrP managed to spray yellow printer ink all over Big Dog He is now speckled yellow on his white bits including a massive splodge on the top of his head. I am braced to spend the next week finding yellow blobs over everything in the dining room! Wally!
Afternoon. Quick cheeky between appointments post from me.
Welcome back critter so nice to hear you had a relaxing time in Florida. I do miss the sunshine and swimming in the sea (Scottish beaches lovely for walking on but i am not hardy enough to dive on in).
gin i have every faith this will go well for you on Saturday. will be thinking of you.
Sar please go to gp if you haven't already. you shouldn't need to suffer so much .
nelly aren't anti climaxes awful? I tend to crash after good things too. i am tempted to risk the facetube friendship just to see your photos .
pout i am struggling to picture the printer ink debacle. how did he manage that? I just have
idiot proof cartridges for my printer....
Thanks all for the concern. I know several ladies with similar endorsing to mine who are going down the hysterectomy route. I am ok with it if it means an end to infections and pain and repeated laps but would love to have just the one child first. After that it wouldn't really matter to me.
Ok. back to work. big waves to everyone and I'll try to catch up tonight.
Im pleased t to hear you had a lovely weekend critter, how long do you have to wait for a scan? I'd heard that the US was mean with maternity leave. I'm entitled to 14 months on 70% pay, I think that's quite generous but I'm beginning to doubt if i will ever get to take advantage of it. When I have an awful day at work I daydream about being on maternity leave.
Gin and sar, I'm so sorry you've had a tough time with sickness. Not long until the magic 12 weeks though. Here's hoping for a glowing second semester.
Pout, is it July for the fet?
Mad, I want to send you a big hug. Keep thoughts of hysterectomies out of mind just now. You are going to crack this!
Euro, I keep meaning to ask if your dh got a clean bill of health on his prostate. I'm sorry ovulation is messing you about. I have no idea where I'm at in this first post ivf cycle. I won't be surprised if I haven't ovulated either.
I was totally floored by a pregnancy announcement, I have no idea why because it was from a colleague that I'm not even close to. He was so excited telling us all he was going to be a dad. He's only 28 and has been married 6 months, and met his wife after we started ttc. Oh the unfairness! He's a lovely guy though and it was nice to see how happy he was but it still hurt. I was also shocked that he was telling us because she's only 10 ish weeks and they haven't had the first scan yet, it was so strange thinking that some people have such blissful ignorance that things might go wrong.
I'm not really in the tent anymore, I'm fed up with it all but I'm not a wailing mess. I've accepted I'm not going to be pregnant before the autumn and in all likelihood not by Xmas. I've started nagging dh about booking somewhere exotic to spend Xmas, the thought of spending it with family brings me out in a cold sweat. On that note, I'm trying to prepare myself for my A* announcement, I know it's going to happen soon. I will be on here screaming and weeping when it does happen.
Whatever infection I had seems (touch wood) to have cleared itself up. I really should get round to booking my follow up consultation but I can't be bothered to hear the dr tell me what I already know.
mad It makes me sad to think that you have to have so much treatment for your endo and that a final op would be the lesser of two evils. I feel even more mad that the universe can't give you an instadiff so you can get on and manage your condition. Life can be so bloody unfair.
I too was incredulous at the printer ink debacle and can't fathom how the hell it happened. Apparently he had to "shake the cartridge" I'm studiously ignoring the mainly white curtains that are dangerously close to the printer because if he has ruined these I will go batshit. Is it wrong to hope that the dog was an effective ink breaker?!!
mrsd I understand not being excited by the prospect of a follow up appointment. At mine I was told how medication could be tweaked next time. All I could think was how that PCT doesn't offer a "next time" so what a pointless assessment.
Sorry about the announcement. I too don't understand why he would be announcing it to all and sundry after only 10 weeks. I suppose you are right in that some people just don't know that sometimes a BFP is only half the story & there is a long way to go. That's another thing that long term TTC robs you of, that blissful innocence.
I feel for you waiting for an A* announcement. It is all so crap. I guess that is next for us too. A sibling to my A* announcement.
den a holiday somewhere lovely and hot sounds wonderful - having just had one myself, I can thoroughly recommend it as a mood-lifter. I am so glad the infection seems to be clearing up. What a pain on top of everything else. 14 months at 70% sounds like heaven - when you get there you will so have earned that time, with all the crap you've been through to reach that point. I do have high hopes for an autumn diff for you - I just think they buggered up your last round and it annoys me. Next time they'll have learnt from their mistakes.
pout yellow printer ink, good heavens, how is that even possible? I would go crazy if printer ink got on our curtains too. Sounds lovely having your sweet smelling pooches in the paddling pool over the weekend - I bet a lot of shaking of droplets went on!
mad You're going to get your baby before you get to that stage <firm>. I wish you didn't have to go through pain every month - adds insult to injury. I don't know if this is worth it, but might it be worth seeing a Dr Tubes style character a la sar? I know your endo is a lot more extensive and I remember you explaining why the clinics would be much of a muchness if you went for a second opinion - I suppose I'm just grasping at straws, it's just so unfair.
euro hope the shooting was fun over the weekend. When are you coming back to see me, eh? <whines> I will hang in there for the maternity leave - I would love to have more time, and I might be able to get another month or two unpaid, but think I'll probably have to go back to work after that as we'll need the dosh. It all feels a long way off and pretty unreal.
My first scan is on Friday morning, when I'll be 6 + 2. buzzy must be close behind me. Is it weird that I'm almost more excited for buzzy's scan? Mine doesn't feel real, whereas I'm hopeful for a 'twofer' for buzz with two little buzzsters in there. Waves to rabbit, zippy, sweet, ramona, lemon, sar, gin, and nelly. And everyone else I've stupidly missed.
<sticks head in quietly>
Sorry I've been awol lovelies. Had the first round of my root canal yesterday, I was feeling a bit worse for wear afterwards. So I am not really busy with the WWs, except that the second round of treatment cannot be done if I am diffed, which is planned for period due date... So we'll see.
Thinking of you all. Keeping stuff crossed for you on Friday.
And at mrpout and his exploits with printer ink.
mrsd That is a great mat payout, and you will get to use it sorry about the announcement
nelly sorry you are in such a slump, its hard to see the wood for the trees, big hugs
critter glad you had a fab time with Mr C, very exciting about your scan on Friday, you should hopefully see a heartbeat, I'll be 5+4 so its just to see that something is there, sorry about work
lemon how is the 2ww going
pout the spotting has stopped, I seem to swing from thinking it is ok to absolute despair.
I've had a busy day, work is hectic, short of staff, safe guarding patients then problems with Shehata, I'm now in two minds if I should just not go back at all to see him, I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like a druggie trying to find my next fix
buzz if you feel you have lost confidence in Shehata, then try someone else. Gorgy seems to be the main alternative in London. I had one consultation with him and he was fine, if not exactly warm.
Critter I am so excited about your scan! I don't know when I will next be out. Nothing is planned for now, but these things can arise at short notice.
drizz you're sounding very brave about the hardcoredentistry.
pout your doggy tales make me laugh.
mad I'm sorry that fertility ishoos mean you cannot get on and deal with the endo once and for all.
mrsd sorry you were floored by the pg announcement. That sounds like a great maternity package. And you will be taking advantage of it very soon!
Mr euro hasn't quite got a clean bill of health. His blood and urine tests were clear, but they want to scan him again to look at the fluid retention issue that came up when he was scanned before (he retained slightly more fluid than normal after he peed). Of course, he has done nothing about sorting that out. <gives up> It's not like we are under any time pressure if there is some sort of issue down there...
I've just got my biopsy results letter. Mild abnormality confirmed. Given the option of treating now or review in 6 months. I will obviously go for the latter and crack on with IVF in the meantime.
Oh, and I think I am starting to see a temp rise, so that would confirm late ov, just like the first cycle post-mc. So I appear to be oving from one side at least. I hope the other side plays ball for IVF next month!
Euro that's good news that whatever is up, its mild and you can crack on. Sorry to hear about recalcitrant husband. I have the same problem with mine. Grr.
Lemon a root canal! Bloody hell! Take it easy, that sounds no fun at all.
Buzz I agree with euro, if you aren't happy with your doctor, maybe try a second set of fresh eyes? How are you feeling?
euro glad to hear that your results are mild and that you can crack on with treatment. I am currently undergoing testing in another lady area and it feels like the icing on the cake doesn't it? Women's bodies are so complicated.
lemon root canal sounds ouchy, two parts! Hope it isn't too sore.
buzzy how are things going? I am very much thinking it is twins.
gin I am thinking of you and your scan. I can't believe it is 12 weeks already. I can understand that it must be scary but I am sure it will all be good and a very memorable and lovely day.
sar how goes the vomming? All day puking sounds really horrible and I'm not surprised your throat is burning. Have you been to the doctors?
critter sounds like you've had a very lovely time. I am pretty shocked at USA mat leave, I had no idea. I'm not exactly sure what I would get but it works out as half my salary over a year I think, averaged out. I used to sit and work all this out very carefully in my optimistic days! Actually I was thinking about the positivity thing earlier and thought about how very certain I was that I'd just get pregnant in the beginning and wrote it off as tosh!
pout bless at yellow dog. I am about to buy a sandpit for little people who are coming to stay and have already had the barrens just looking at them so get you with the pool.
nelly I really felt for you when I read your post. Come downs after lovely times are poo. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. What are your next plans?
den you WILL get your mat leave of abundance!
sweet there is no way I could wait 20 weeks for a scan so good move there.
madness thoughts of hysterectomies are strange aren't they. My cons said that would be his recommendation or that pregnancy might help things . I'd be prepared to have it done if I get my one baby so I'm with you there. BUT! We are on a very different path for now and we WILL get our wombles to do some growing first.
Well I am now in the bizarre situation of waiting for both my private and nhs appointments. It's like a race. I think I might actually be one of the only ones on this thread not to have done any AC yet. It feels very odd to be waving goodbye to natural trying even though I haven't really had my heart in it since last October. It is starting to feel very real that I won't get there without significant intervention. And not real at the same time.
pout poor big dog, Kayla is keeping herself occupied with those bag twistie things, she loves them
lemon sounds painful, hopefully you'll have to put the rest of it off for a bit
euro and critter I do believe in Shehata's protocol and to be honest I have looked into the others around and they all seem to be much of a muchness, also I'm in the middle of this so don't want to start again. I'm just unimpressed with his attitude. I have sent him a letter and today is playing ball with the cyclogest.
Feel like crap so came home and thought I'd do a bit of work took twice as long I should have just stayed at work
euro hoorah for ovulation!!! Better late than never is definitely my mantra.
Ooh rabbit I will think of you when I have my next hysterectomy panic. We will both get our one baby and then we can face the knife together
or not if pregnancy miraculously fixes us . Waiting for appointments really is rubbish. I am willing both public and private ones to fly through the door tomorrow.
buzzy I hope you get some rest this evening. I carry home loads of work every day but very rarely manage to get much of it done. I am always better off trying to work late rather than coming home. I am in awe of all of the self motivated people who can work at home all the time.
critter will be checking in for your update tomorrow afternoon. It will be grand . North American mat leave really is rubbish, not to mention holiday entitlements. My family got two weeks holiday a year when I was small, plus public holidays. I don't know how my parents stayed sane. MrM and I would be at each other's throats!!
nelly feeling any better??
mrsd sorry about the announcement. I think back to when I started trying and the innocence of it all. It didn't last long . Your colleague can't imagine anything going wrong because he probably has no experience of miscarriage or complications. I envy his blissful ignorance..... I hope for his sake that he doesn't have to learn the hard way.
lemon I hope that root canal came with strong painkillers. I hate the dentist. Thankfully I have reasonably good teeth but need to go in to see about some chipped enamel and keep putting it off.
So I have returned to the land of mid-cycle bleeding/spotting. First natural cycle in months and I am reminded all too clearly that my body doesn't work properly. I need to call the clinic when af starts and I'm already worried that it won't be clear cut. On a positive note fancy shellfish dinner booked for tomorrow night. Weather is beautiful and there will be waterfront wine consumed and perhaps an indulgent pud as well. Last time they had a pain au chocolate bread and butter pudding that was to die for
sounds like stodge but I can still taste it
Big waves to all that I've missed. Raising a glass to joy who is hopefully blissfully drinking cocktails and lounging about.
The root canal was done with very strong anesthetic, and it was not too bad, which is impressive bearing in mind I had not been to the dentist for years as I am too scared normally. But it got infected and and was quite painful. I called the dentist and discussed the situation, she is not happy to finish it if I am diffed, and happy to let me continue through a whole pregnancy with the temporary filling I have now, if etc. But she is not willing to keep the slot open until the day of the appointment (as it is an hour long, and if she can't do anything, that is waste). So we postponed part two til next month (when I am possibly down-regging for IVF so definitely not pregnant). I hope I get to postpone til 2014, but I feel very undiffed.
Btw diffed ones, I am convinced I created this problem whilst diffed. I stopped taking good care of my teeth, because the brush made me feel very sick and oddly once it was all over I didn't think to get back into the routine. So I was bad and lazy for 8months at which point my entire left side of the mouth was very unhappy. I am very lucky to have gotten away with only one problem tooth, all the others are okay. I talked it over with my sister and apparently it is a common side effect of diffedness, due to sloppiness and a very effective parasite. So ladies, if you can do take care. I used to have fabulous teeth - got to 34 without any work needing doing ever.
Huge fingers crossed for all the scans tomorrow. I am sure it will all be fine!! Keep going buzz I can't wait for the report of two little sacs in there!!!
Meh about spotting and shit madness. And can I just at my to the need for womble removal, for you too rabbit. Keeping stuff crossed for speedy appointments. I felt a bit reading about the paddling pool and sand pit moments pout and rabbit. It is NOT fair. I felt a bit like a fraud the other day discussing birthday parties with some colleagues, until I realised only 1 out fo 4 actually has kids...
On announcements they come thick and fast at the moment. Sorry about yours mrsd. A distant colleague rang to tell me she's diffed too. Before she's had a scan! And she talked to me about her MC last year as well. I just let her talk and thought I don't want to share all I know about this, because I've kept the MC from work and would like to keep my TTC-ing out of the office as long as possible. But meh...
madness work would be quicker if I had a better work laptop and connection I had so much to do but didn't want to stay at work as I would be constantly distracted, sorry about the bleeding its frustrating, enjoy your dinner tomorrow and definitely have the pud
nelly yes they say you need to look after your teeth especially updiffed, I do wonder why some people would tell people they are not close to and especially before the scan
critter good luck with your scan
I feel like I could sleep for England, even thou I slept most of the afternoon, I just don't feel right and I'm starting to worry. Looks like Barry will be working away from home for the next 3 months too
waves to evrtone else
Just popping in quickly to wish buzzy and critter good luck for the scans today. And hurrah euro for good test results and returning ovulation.
Will catch up properly at le weekend. Manic week at work. Big luffs to all.
Morning all. thinking of critter this morning.
I am back in stressful limbo waiting for the clinic to ring me back. bleeding increased this morning and I'm not sure what to do. if this is af it is only day 18 so not great. mid cycle bleeding with this much blood and clots (sorry tmi) can't be a good sign either though. left a message on the clinic voicemail so who knows when they'll ring. My downregging injection that lasts a month should be given in the first three days of your cycle so that would be before Sunday if this is af. hoping they say come in Monday and we'll be able to tell if the bleeding has stopped or if it really is a period. feeling and lacking all motivation. My first appointment thankfully a no show so i have an hour in the office for them to call me back.....
madness sorry about your stress and the bleeding
warning this is a me me me post, just had my scan 1 sac and yolk measuring only 5 weeks, I know I should be happy but all I can think about is that it is measuring too small and that I will have to go through this all over again with only 1 frostie I just don't think I could do this again to be honest, I don't know how i'm going to cope with the next 2 weeks till my next scan so much is riding on this and i'm so scared i'll come back and there will be no heartbeat
I know I sound selfish as so many of you are still trying or had failed ivf and would do anything to be in my position, i've just spent too much time sitting in EPAU waiting for bad news in the past
madness oh lovely what a ball ache. Could it just be post ivf craziness? I've lost track a bit about when you are hoping to cycle again. I hope your drugs arrive in time if you need them. Big hand hold. These things are so worry inducing but they pass and all will be ok.
Buzzy this must be a worrying time but hold on tightly, you are doing everything you possibly can. It is amazing there is a bean in there and your hcg levels look like its a stubborn and strong one. Was the scanner person reassuring?
Mad, I'm so sorry you're having so much bleeding, it sounds awful. Cd18 does seem too early for af, but could your cycles be taking a while to normalise and settle down after all the downregging and ivf?
Buzz, big hug for you. I thought you were only 5 weeks? Or are you 6? I know it's pointless to tell you not to worry. But, I really do think