TRC 10+ months. Part 15...

(1000 Posts)
MuddyWellyNelly Sun 05-May-13 15:55:10

New thread for the lovely 10+ers. 14 was awesome so another like that please!

CritterPants Sun 05-May-13 17:32:20

Marking place, thanks for setting up the new thread nelly!

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 05-May-13 18:05:13

Thanks nelly! Hope the cactus didn't cause too much damage......

Waves hello to art. I can't believe that you are so far along already. I'd be dropping hints to grandma to try some primary colours as well as beige wink. If I knew that I was having a girl I wouldn't tell because I'm not a big fan of pink!

gin I know that I will trade one set of worried for another. I was born worrying so that won't be anything new. I'm sure parents never stop worrying about their kids.

sea I think it was you that asked, otd for me is Monday the 13th. 13 is my lucky number ignoring fact that thread 13 was unlucky for many and clinging to fact it was lucky for doll. Have to go in for a blood test at the clinic but will poas first at home with MrM.

rabbitonthemoon Sun 05-May-13 18:41:28

Part 15 eh. I have been in this thread for approaching two years. May I please never be on the 10 years plus thread hmm but that does mean I've been talking to some of you peeps for two years too. Probably a lot more than I do to a lot my RL friends!

Art tis great to see you. If anyone ever asked me was it planned I think my face would be a picture. I like that miniart is gender not confirmed. Agreed that bright colours are good. I do have a host of unfinished items but I have to say that my sewing machine craft adventures have led to highest rate of completion. Who knew that fabric could be so pleasing and shockingly addictive. I tried to explain this to my students earlier this month and was met with shocked faces of disgust!

Doll it will look like a mini bump and not thickened waist smile

gin also hurrah for the retching though I'm sure it is a bit grim. I know that I would try to bravely see any yukky symptom as better than ttc but I forget in my dreamy thoughts of pregnancy that actually a lot of it isn't exactly a picnic. Hold out for the bloom which will be with you soon.

nelly I've been thinking of you and your taped sticks. I am doing mental willing very hard.

sea I have had a stern talking to about the hot yoga by my acu, my parents and Hare. As such I am now not doing Bikram but hot yoga at slightly lower temps with radiant heat that feels nicer and not so sweat tastic and only once a week sad it is only 60 minutes too and more flowing. It is still hot and hard but I don't feel like I've been run over by a truck at the end. I also don't get the endorphin rush. I feel in my gut though that bikram is not right when ttc. How was lunch?

Goddamn I've forgotten who else posted on the other thread. I meant to say euro your words about feeling like you were being punished really resonated with me. I spent ages thinking this was my punishment for past demeanours and i never stopped to think this was a culturally engrained response. I've moved on from there now, with the help from folks on here I think.

I have had my pmt cry today which started when I couldn't understand a sewing pattern instruction, moved on to how unruly our garden is and ended up in a woe fest about how all my friends are having a lovely baby/toddler bank holiday according to the book of faces. Poor Hare but he did good consoling. He dared to say it was pmt which was a brave move but I had to reluctantly agree and to be fair I did ask him a few mnths ago to remind me of I was having a similar strop I didn't mean it though

Yoga, a bath and a glass of nice wine have eased the situation. Bring on period 26, my tampon cupboard is fully stocked in excited anticipation. We had a big cook as my grump evaporated, we did Angela Hartnetts ragu earlier which I'm dubious about. It's been slow cooking for three hours and I'm not sure it is as nice as a regular spag Bol. It is also <whispers> made with veal. My former vegan self has rolled over and died.

rabbitonthemoon Sun 05-May-13 18:44:09

Ha I wrote hot and hard a lot in that post grin

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 05-May-13 19:21:31

Oh rabbit I have also told MrM to remind me when the hormones have Aiken over and I am totally flying off the handle over not very important things. I also do not appreciate it very much at the time but good to help me just ride it out. Me apologising and acknowledging that it was irrational also seems to make it more bearable for MrM to be supportive instead of just shouting back at me and joining in with the stomping about, throwing of soft things, and generally behaving like a thwarted two year old.

Have just noticed that your iPhone has renamed out thread, nelly. One of you clever ladies needs to work out what TRC stands for grin

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 05-May-13 19:23:20

And judging by the autocorrects in that post I will never take responsibility for starting a new thread blush

Aiken is taking
Out should be our

rabbitonthemoon Sun 05-May-13 20:05:40

grin madness. Trying REALLY hard to Conceive?

The veal was amazing!

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sun 05-May-13 20:45:59

<had too many white-belgian-beers in the sun, is feeling decidedly squiffy>

Yay for shiny new fred and keeping stuff crossed for everyone. No news except for kid-free beers are good smile

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 05-May-13 21:35:52

OFFS I tried very hard to check for mistakes. Arse biscuits.

rabbitonthemoon Sun 05-May-13 21:37:23

Nelly I quite like it.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 05-May-13 21:47:20

nelly don't worry! Was thinking that this means we can go incognito wink. No one else will know what we're talking about.

Glad the meal was good rabbit. We opted for veggie lasagna. I find it strangely addictive and keep wandering back into the kitchen to nibble leftovers.....

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 05-May-13 23:22:40

Lemon I am jealous of your squiffyness. I had to drink some wine tonight in a decoy style. It was sooo nice.

akuabadoll Sun 05-May-13 23:51:37

decoy style, nelly you nutter. grin grin

madness in answer to your question I'm moving around toward bridesmaid duties. The real move is in August and in the other direction.

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 08:31:56

Doll your life manages to sound very glamorous smile. Though not so much when you share your doctor tales. Will you have moved come the big day????

In my stripy art installation, I am trying to decide if today's almost-invisible line is 1% darker than yesterday's. it's narrower bizarrely, and "sharper" but can't tell if its darker. I'm now 2 weeks past trigger and 7 days past the tiny booster shot. But I feel a bit period-y this morning so who knows confused. It's a bank holiday though so hurrah for that!!

How are the other 2ww-ers doing?

Critter best of luck for today smile.

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 08:33:06

Oh you said August so I guess so blush

sarlat Mon 06-May-13 09:57:56

Good luck critter, looking forward to your report.

Nelly -ooooooo I do hope so, ooo fingers tightly crossed.

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 06-May-13 10:07:16

envy at bank holiday. My work have decided to ignore this one....

Nelly i too am so hopeful for you!!

How are you today mrsd?

Back to work.....

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 10:18:26

Isn't it Buzzy's donor's EC today too?? Fingers tightly crossed for a great clutch of eggs and loads of fertilised ones. Thinking of you!

MrN says today's line is darker. However he immediately put out that fizz of excitement by doubting whether the darkness of the line had any bearing. Twat hmm tell me he is wrong about that

Boo for work Mad. My so called Scottish employer takes English bank holidays. Which is very annoying every time the 2nd of Jan rolls around.

rabbitonthemoon Mon 06-May-13 10:44:16

Nelly a darker line would have bearing! Big squeeze, I hope that line sticks around for the next 9 months. It would be a big chart!

Madness I feel your pain, no bank holiday for me sad

GinSoaked Mon 06-May-13 11:12:00

Just a quickie ...

nelly darker line = a v good sign! Tight squeeze from me too. Have you got a blood test booked?

mrsd have you tested again? I have everything crossed for you.

critter hope all goes well today

And buzz here's hoping for a huge haul from your donor today.

Bank holiday luffs to all, esp those at work!

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 11:55:16

Thanks for allowing me to wallow in my fantasy ladies! The line is only visible if you look at it directly from above, but it's there. It is mega mega faint though. Blood test is Friday Gin, should have been Thursday but the satellite clinic is only 3 days a week.

I'm sorry so many of you are working today. That is rubbish.

seaviewasia Mon 06-May-13 12:17:18

Nelly - it looks promising. Surely a stronger line means something? I'm keeping everything crossed for you. smile

Mad - One more week to go... I hope the wait is not driving you too crazy. smile. Sorry you are having to work. Not nice.
You were completely right about the lunch with the newly diffed... it wasn't too bad at all.

Art - nice to hear from you. It must all seem very close now. Happy for you.

Rabbit - I think you are doing the right thing easing off the Bikram. Lots of other forms of exercise around to stay healthy.

Critter - how are you doing? Hope you are feeling less bloated. ET tomorrow isn't it?

Buzzy - Thinking of you and your donor. I hope everything is going according to plan and you are managing to have some down/relax time.

A quick question for hayfever sufferers. My clinic have advised that I will go on long protocol using nasal spray for downregging when I'm ready for the IVF. I have started to feel hayfever rearing its ugly head this weekend. Thinking ahead it looks very likely (provided cykotine levels behave) that my downregging will coincide with my worst hayfever months. Does anyone know if you can take hayfever meds during downregging and if the nasal spray will be effective if my nose is likely to be all blocked up?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. x

seaviewasia Mon 06-May-13 12:36:49

Joy - just reading back on your last post.

Re Ana Maria. I think she probably means people she saw that had IVF have all got pregnant. She did say that she thought IUI wouldn't help and might just get my hopes up. I think she is a nice lady and I might return to her. I'm going to try someone else for a while - cheaper, close to the clinic and have practiced extensively in China (which is something I like in an acu but totally a personal preference).

I totally get how you feel about attending an event and thinking back to the previous year when you wondered if you would be pregnant by the following year. I have that every New Year as Mr Sea and I usually go away with a group of (mostly single friends) and every year I think I won't be able to join anymore as I will (hopefully) be diffed. I was reminded when I saw one of them at Mr Sea's party and he asked me where I thought we should go this year. It felt surreal and rather bittersweet (bitter - not diffed, sweet - can go on carefree hols with non couple friends but probably can't afford to because of ivf). Like you, this will be the 4th year for me too. sad

buzzybee123 Mon 06-May-13 15:36:01

smile Brno calling, hello ladies,

mrsd I don't undrsatnd the evap line thingo I would suggest a wordy one makes life easy for us simple ones then you will know

nelly oooh a line you say wink again see info above re pissing on sticks, not that i'm saying you are simple it just helps with the mekulling

critter I hope ET went well

madness when is your testing day

rabbit hormones are a bitch, I was thinking of going to see my GP about mine as I have had some very up/down moods shock at your yoga

I have only had a quick read through the end of the last thread.
well Brno is nice, a bit like Zagreb. its not flash or touristy in anyway. so bloody cheap, half a litre of beer is a £1, I have been drinking fruit cocktails smile. they are big on their meat here, 1200gms of duck shock who could eat all that, I am surviving as a vego out here, lots of ice cream, thats protein isn't it wink
well we went to the clinic, very nice, staff are lovely, barry went and did his bit, he said the wank room

buzzybee123 Mon 06-May-13 15:44:38

sorry wifi here is a bit dodgy

yes the wank room is better than NLC as it had a sofa and a tv and some serious porn that you can't get in the UK, I asked Barry how he knew that and he muttered that everyone knew that wink I had fanny cam,8mm lining triple layered, i've had intrlipids too
my donor should have layed her eggs, so we call tomorrow and find out what is happening the ET should be saturday am.i'm quite taken with the clinic and feel very happy with choice, staff are very helpful, i'm feeling quite positive about it all even if we don't get a baby from it

waves to everyone I have missed and thank you for all your support smile

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 16:10:40

Buzzy great to hear from you. Hooray for Barry and the top notch porn selection wink. Huge vibes for gazillions of embies by tomorrow and a BFP in a couple of weeks. Lining sounds good too. Well done to you both, I'm in awe of the way you've handled it all. Fingers so very tightly crossed.

Critter what news of your little brood of embies? Are you PUPO?

I don't think I can use a digital yet as I don't think they are as sensitive. I do have a FRER but not sure I'm brave enough to change brands... I've been panicking a bit that if I'm not imagining those lines (I'm not, MrN can see them too!) then they are still just because of the micro dose of HCG last week. And then I swing back to thinking there is a teeny chance I might be pregnant. Time will tell I guess!

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 06-May-13 16:51:37

Hello buzzy. Interestingly MrM was quite put off by the presence of a sofa in the room at our clinic. Far too much potential for germs confused. I am curious about what set the porn apart grin. My test date isn't for another week [wails]. I need work to be busy so the week will fly past. Feeling bloated and a bit meh but nothing that i haven't convinced myself was evidence of pregnancy before when there most certainly wasn't any justification. It is just too early..... Fingers are crossed for an excellent egg haul.

Oh nelly I have everything crossed for you!!!!

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 17:12:16

MrN thought I was weird for asking questions about the wank room! Last time he was taken off to do his stuff whilst I was in theatre. This time probably because one egg doesn't take long to retrieve he didn't go until after I was back. I told him that didn't take long then started asking questions, until he told me to shut up.

I know what you mean about the imagined symptoms Mad. I was quite tender last night but have certainly been tricked by my body enough times not to fall for it. The oddest thing I have is probably unrelated. I sort of feel like I'm being squeezed around the waist, but from the inside like I've done too many sit ups. It's not exactly in the womble area though so probably means nothing. I also feel my period could start any second so trying and failing not to obsess either way.

I'm quite embarrassed at just how much I've posted on here the last week, but can't seem to stop myself. blush

CritterPants Mon 06-May-13 19:33:34

Hi gang

nelly a darker line is an excellent sign! I have everything crossed for you. Don't worry about posting a lot, I will be too over the next couple of weeks I'm sure - this is when you really need this thread! Also, your posts are always funny and cheer me up.

mad it seems like your test date is a looong way away! Do you think you'll test before then? I can imagine that the mentalling would be intense!

gin I have thought about embryo donation a lot. My sister has been asking whether we would donate an embie to her, if necessary... but MrC isn't keen - as it would be genetically his child too of course. Funnily enough he would be in favour of donating anonymously. I just don't know... at the moment I guess I'm hoping to put off the decision. I would donate eggs in a heartbeat (although at 33 I think I'm too old now) but embies, especially if we have our own children... I don't know. How are you feeling? Still retching? I hope only in a good way. My goodness there is a lot of waiting in this process!

sea Four years? sad Anniversaries and 'deadlines' are bloody hard. On your downregging question - I'd just ask the clinic - but I would have thought it would be ok.. it probably gets absorbed by the skin inside your nose? confused

buzzy grin at the better porn selection! MrC said they didn't have any videos at our clinic, just a large loo (like a disabled loo) with a few mags. So glad it's all going so well. I have such high hopes for you. You are an amazing lady. Fingers crossed for a lovely clutch of eggs and a family of embies of Victorian proportions! grin

Back from my ET. There were two good-looking blastocysts but we decided to only put one of them back. The doctor seemed a little surprised at that - he said that most people go for two - and he actually even mentioned how some people went for three! shock I think it was the right decision for us, but of course I'm now stressing and googling about lower pregnancy rates from elective single embryo transfer. There were three other embies at the 'early blasto' stage and five at the morula and early morula stage so hopefully there'll be more than one for the freezer - the lab will call me tomorrow and let me know how many made it to the freeze-worthy stage. It was SO cool seeing the little white puff of water going into my uterus on the ultrasound screen. I was just smiling from ear to ear. My OTD is May 23rd but I will probably crack and test before then.

CritterPants Mon 06-May-13 19:35:50

Also - mrsd are you ok? Am sending you lots of love and hoping that your gardening work yesterday has led to some beautiful blooming baskets. flowers

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 19:50:06

Critter that's so exciting! I know what you mean, that white blob was so amazing to see. Hurray for being PUPO. I think you did what was right for you re SET and therefore it was the right decision. smile

On the embryo donation, I think I maybe said this before. My sister has 2 frosties left after a surprise natural BFP. She had once mentioned them to us; but for me it would be too weird because the resultant child would be a full sibling to hers. I'd rather do DE so MrN still got to be the father. For donating eggs 35 is the usual cut off I think. But is your sister still single? That might be a bit different.

I too am hoping MrsD is ok. Is OTD tomorrow or Wed? I will keep everything crossed that Sunday was just too early.

I think I may have over-exaggerated the darkness of today's line vs yesterday. In all honesty the thing I'm clinging to most is that in my last cycle I had a BFN the equivalent of 2 days ago. But I still feel like my period is extremely imminent (TMI but like something is about to slip out blush). Am slightly beginning to menkull....

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 06-May-13 20:01:53

nelly the cruellest thing is that lots of people say that they were convinced their period was about to start when they got their bfp. If mother nature were kind there would be no mistaking the two.

critter i don't think there is strong evidence that two embies put back maies much difference and with the new freezing technology you would have an excellent chance with a frostie. I would find it hard to watch someone else raising a child that was biologically mine. I would be with MrC that anonymous donation would be easier to live with. Anyway welcome to the PUPO gang grin. I might try a test on the weekend. Monday morning at 6am doesn't sound like the best time to test from mental health point of view confused

Dinner ready. More later.

buzzybee123 Mon 06-May-13 21:24:59

critter yay to being pupo, i'll be testing around the 23rd, well actually more the 20th as that is two weeks from EC, your sister could do IVM where they can collect immature eggs and freeze them, its the process they use for women under going certain medical treatments, I know Create do it so I would imagine most other clinics do it, she can then have her own babies in the future if she needed them

nelly its natural to post lots in your 2ww smile I think it might be hard bringing up your sisters biological child, DE would mean that Mr N could still do his bit, plus you don't have to worry about stimming, I would recommend Brno, its a good y grand cheaper than DE in the UK, I haven't been as stressed as I thought I would be, perhaps it will hit me later

madness I suppose a couch is better than doing it in a toilet, a bit more relaxed, I didn't ask if the couch could be wiped down or not but the rest of the clinic was spotless smile

just been out for yummy dinner, my main cost £4

oh nelly did we have a deal that if the arse bullets worked you'd name your baby mini buzzy wink I thought of that while using my own arse bullets hmm

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 06-May-13 21:53:33

Buzzy I am glad you thought of me whilst using your arse bullets gringringrin

We may have to compromise on the name as we'd have a double initial with MrN's surname. wink Though I am very very grateful for them so thank you again.

Hooray for 4 quid meals!

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 06-May-13 21:53:46

nelly I'm posting lots too. I think it's only natural as we're thinking about this so much every waking second. I am confident the progesterone is doing its thing. I would normally have started spotting by now but nothing. It's also making my boobs quite sensitive, especially the nipples which is quite new for me. I do think it is just the progesterone though.

So glad it's going well buzzy and you are feeling happy with your clinic choice. I don't think MrM sat down at all! He didn't want me asking too many questions either though blush

joycep Tue 07-May-13 07:29:02

Just popping in to say best of luck Mrsd. Sorry it was a bfn the other day but in my experience 13dpo is too early. So hoping this is the case.

Nelly - omg I really hope this is it for you. I believe AF pains are a good sign especially if they aren't thê usual thing for you.

Mad - hang in there, you're doing brilliantly!

Critter - well done on the embie transfer and hooray for frosties.

Buzz - hope all is going well out there.

Will check in later , have had a lovely weekend out of town.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 07-May-13 09:44:10

Glad you had a nice weekend away Joy, you certainly deserve it.

Buzzy looking forward to hearing your news, keeping fingers crossed.

MrsD I hope you are managing to keep busy and willing better news for you on blood test day (tomorrow I think?).

At this end, stripey art continues. Still faint, still hard to tell if its darker. I'm now 13DPO. I never thought a positive at this stage would be so inconclusive. I've no idea whether it's a true positive, and I'm now on obsessive knicker watch. I am expecting AF any second. I know you all think the daily testing is nuts. But if I'd not done that and waited till today and got a faint positive, I'd have properly believed it. Bad news on blood test day would therefore have been devastating. This way, I have a bit of hope to cling to but with a hefty dose of realism. I was still wide awake at 5am panicking though. Oh it's going to be a long week.

joycep Tue 07-May-13 10:04:31

Oh crumbs nelly- your hcg injection should be well out of your system. A line is a line in my book plus AF signs is all positive!. as I have kept mentioning on here before , I had a negative at 15dpo after a positive beta test. The next day with fmu I had a very very faint line but beta levels were over 200. When is your otd? Can you go and get a blood test at 15dpo?
You must be beside yourself . Crossing all fingers.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 07-May-13 10:26:12

<hugs Joy in big tight squeeze>. I don't think I'd clicked you didn't get a BFP before your blood test.

Thank you for supporting my insanity. It should be a good sign, but I really can't believe it. Blood test will be 16DPO so I will just have wait it out. Badly. Impatiently. Publicly blush. I'm down your way tomorrow and might be free after 2/2.30. Wonder if anyone can sneak out for an afternoon coffee wink (Euro or anyone who is central??).At least my all morning meeting will stop crazy knicker checking tomorrow...

akuabadoll Tue 07-May-13 10:50:52

Helllooo TRCers
nelly I for one love the test lab. It does look promising, really. <massive hugs>
well done critter it all sounds brilliant. Hoping for good news mrsden and hang in there madness. So glad your experience is good so far buzzy
nelly my glamorous life continues with some dodgy Brooklyn Thai food last night keeping me awake half the night <sigh> the fat belly was massive when I got in last night, think it might be a bit smaller now blush I bought some Prenatal vitamins on sale yesterday (I can't find them at home), biggest box, 180 tabs, felt pleased with myself until I realised you are supposed to take 6 a day. Six! They smell like a farm yard and I gagged on one yesterday. Yet another fine purchase....

joycep Tue 07-May-13 10:54:07

Nelly - when clinic called to say I was pregnant, I ran to Boots to buy some sticks and it was negative. It was a bit of a let down! But for some reason hcg levels don't seem to properly or clearly register on sticks until about 17dpo with me. just shows everyone is different.
It's a hell of a wait. It's mental torture. It's impossible to be patient, to stay sane, to function, to concentrate, to sleep so I just hope Friday comes as quickly as possible for you..
Ooh I reckon I could slip away at 2ish tomorrow but where are you going to be? PM me if you like.

mrsden Tue 07-May-13 12:38:27

The trigger would surely be out your system now nelly? I'm going to offer you a cautious congratulations smile

Critter, wonderful news about your little embie. I'll eat my hat if you dont get a baby from the round.

Buzzy, glad to hear all is good in Brno. Good luck.

Joy, that's really interesting that you didn't get a bfp on a stick for a long time. Do you think that was an early sign that things weren't right? Or are the two things unconnected? My clinic did say not to poas because they're not that accurate, yet on the packet it claims 99% accuracy so it confuses me. It's all irrelevant for me anyway because I know I'm not. I have no symptoms at all. The blood test is tomorrow and I'm hoping ill be able to get some closure on this round with the result. I do feel very sad that it didn't work and I wish there was a way of knowing why. I would really like to hide away under a rock right now but there is no option but to carry on. I have cried myself to sleep for two nights in a row. I'm determined that there will be no tears tonight, I need a good nights sleep.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 07-May-13 12:42:01

Doll you do make me laugh. 6 a day, sheesh!! If you want vits I could post some out to you if you like? Though US does seem to be cheaper generally. And hope the fat belly is feeling better grin

Joy I am glad you think my insane witterings are just normal for an ivf 2ww. I didn't feel this way last time but I wasn't getting the positive pee sticks, and also my wedding was rather distracting. I normally work at home on a Tuesday but decided to come to the office to force me to concentrate more. Not sure it's working too well.

I googled pregnancy symptoms. Dry skin was one and yesterday I noticed dry patches by my eyebrows. And yes the constantly feeling that you are about to start bleeding. I should probably step away from google.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 07-May-13 12:46:04

Cross post MrsD. It breaks my heart to think of you crying yourself to sleep. It's the worst feeling ever, I am offering you a hand across the water. Fingers crossed for tomorrow. But if its bad news remember you have learnt loads about the drug regime, and you made embies when you were very worried about it. Next time, if you need it, you'll get a better response and it will work. Get a nice bottle of wine out aside in the meantime and allow yourself to be sad. I still hope you don't need it though, fingers tightly crossed.

mrsden Tue 07-May-13 12:53:53

Thanks nelly. I've already instructed dh to buy a bottle or three of wine. Step away from the symptoms list! grin that dry skin is a sign, I bet oily skin is too.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 07-May-13 13:04:46

Probably!!! I was actually looking for more specifics on the feeling I have that my insides are falling out and the link I clicked had a whole list. I don't have any of the others, promise! Am I the only person whose boobs never hurt and weren't affected by progesterone??

I appear to have inadvertently bought a Brie filled lunch. I'm happily eating it, but if this is a real BFP I better do some fast research. I've steadfastly refused to look beyond the 2ww for so long now, I am ill prepared.

MuddyWellyNelly Tue 07-May-13 13:09:54

Also I am going <la la la la> about your use of the C word wink. Even if I get the good call on Friday, I probably won't believe it until .... Well, ever.

I hope I don't have a dodgy batch of tests. I have a feeling I'm going to be like Peter (of the crying wolf).

joycep Tue 07-May-13 13:12:47

Oh Mrsd, huge hug. Of course I hope you get thê shock of your life tomorrow but if not I echo Nelly's words. There is a lot to be learnt from this cycle and you can go on to the next one more confidently. I know that doesn't make it any easier right now but crying and getting it out of your system will help.
My hcg levels not showing on a stick at that point are unrelated to the outcome. It was about 2 weeks later when my beta levels were 9000 that they suddenly slowed down. They took several weeks to get to 30000 when it probably should have taken days. That all indicated something was wrong.
Anyway I hope tomorrow comes quickly for you so you just know one way or another. We are here for you.

FormerlyKnownAsPrincessChick Tue 07-May-13 15:36:59

Just a quick check in from me...

Cheering the PUPOs along. Hopefully your 2ww's will be over soon and will all be resounding BFPs. MrsD I've still got my fingers crossed for you - it ain't over yet; Nelly tis sounding very promising and I'm loving your chart of pee sticks (you could enter it into an art museum - I reckon you'd fetch a fair few pennies); Madness and Critter hang on in there guys; and Buzzy I'm hoping your ET goes well. Your holiday sounds lovely but I'm in awe of how brave you are being about the whole process and in a foreign country to boot. Hugs for you all.

If it helps, I had no symptoms before my BFP apart from mild backache. I felt like I had raging PMT and that was it. I was convinced that AF was on her way and when 3 days late was convinced it was my body playing silly buggers again. I only did one FRER and the line did take a little while to come up. It wasn't dark until about 10 minutes later. The symptoms didn't really kick in until 8 - 9 weeks, when it was full on nausea and honking several times a day from week 8. I know it's hard and that everyone wants the tick list of symptoms so that they have some sort of definitive yay or nay, but I just don't think they exist. It's not fair. We should know instantly and then be able to avoid booze, guilt, 2 weeks of the waiting misery. Tis not fair this lark. We were joking how baby princess was subjected to champagne, gin cocktails, red wine, pink steak and lobster when he was a small ball of cells. Part of me feels a bit guilty about the indulgence during the 2ww; the other part of me thinks it's not a bad way to start life!

Doll I've given up on multi vits. My iron levels are fine and I just couldn't stomach the taste of them anymore. Plus they made me wretch to the point of vomitting, which kind of negates any of benefits that they could have offered. I have a draw full of hideously expensive unopened supplements that I should have been shoveling for the past few months. But I just think I'm happy to be eating a good diet and not worrying about anymore pills. I don't think it's done any harm as the brute baby I have seems to be busy enough, growing well and doing all the right things.

Sar and Gin hope you two newly diffed ladies are getting on ok... welcome to the world of being treated like a 'normal'. I still find it very, very weird and would like a badge for special treatment and a medal for being in the race so long. The lack of recognition irks me sometimes. Especially when people assume things happened so easily. Not a complaint but just a mild niggle. I also get irritated by instadiffers and announcements, it doesn't give me the Princess Rage but it does make me itchy in my brain hole.

Joy, Euro and Lemons I'm thinking of you ladies and extending a knowing smile and hug and hand hold your way.

Rabbit sorry for the spotting and continuing NHS woes. Did PALS get back to you about your poor experience? Have you found a womb yoga person yet? The lady who does my weekly yoga did a Sat sesh of womb yoga the other week as a one off and invited us all along. It seems to be catching on.

Waves, hugs and wine / brew for everyone missed.

Oh, and talking of yoga, did anyone see the whole yoni thread thing a few weeks back (the man from Hull proffering yoni massages - it's in classics and certainly brightened my day when I stumbled over it)? I have obviously heard a lady part referred to as a yoni before (I lived in Brighton long enough, you can have yoni counseling down here if you need to connect with it hmm) but I was nearly in stitches when our yoga teacher told us to "make the yoni symbol on your tummy; the potent symbol of woman" Oh how I had to keep THAT chuckle in.

So as for me, I'm 35 + 1. It's nearly D Day. I finish work this week. It seems very surreal. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with a new baby and to be honest it's starting to freak me out a little bit confused shock (wine?) but in a very good and happy way. We are still at the in laws, things are going better at the house and I've been cracking the whip gently encouraging Mr P to go over to the house after work to do stuff, whilst I sit and watch and read books under the guise of getting the bloody thing finished in time and keeping the pressure on keeping him company. In the words of Christina Milian (anyone remember her?), "it's all gravy, baby". I actually have no idea what that means but it sort of seems fitting. Anyway my stress string has well and truly snapped and by exposing myself to The Village weekly, I'm keeping my perspective and monkey under control. I've probably gone a bit cuckoo what with the hormones, heat and 8 month exposure to in laws <princess in a fat straight jacket with wild eyed emoticon>. ^Rocks in corner repeating it's all gravy, baby. It's all gravy, baby" BUT we nearly have one finished room, the plaster disaster is now resolved and we still have 5 weeks left (more if the baby is late - looks at bump and sternly instructs baby to be fashionably late, no-one likes an early comer to the party.)

Hope it's sunny where you are. Lots of cheer leading and loves, Princess xxx smile

FormerlyKnownAsPrincessChick Tue 07-May-13 15:39:51

Doll that's a drawer not a draw. One of my pet typo hates. So slapped wrist me.

CritterPants Tue 07-May-13 15:51:20

Hi everyone,

mrsd sad Oh I am so sorry honey. I hate the thought of you crying yourself to sleep. It is so crushing. Like everyone else, I hope you get a surprise at your blood test. But if this round didn't work, as others have said, there is hope - next time they can manage your stimming phase better, and make sure they don't do ER too early. You had embies, you know you can make them - there's every chance another round will be the lucky one. We've had a lot of ladies on this thread have failed rounds who've gone to get pregnant. This is not the end. Keep faith, you will get there - but for now wine sounds like an excellent idea. Wine, maybe some really stinky unpasteurised cheese, salami, and oysters. Massive squeeze. flowers

nelly I am secretly grinning from ear to ear for you and crossing everything for a lovely confirmation on Friday. I bet the rest of the week is going to go slo-o-o-owly. My blood test isn't for 17 days! I think I will be much more of a cluster poster than you've been by the end. You've been positively restrained! grin I looked at egg donation at a couple of local clinics here and the cut off was 32... also they didn't like you to have PCOS, and they want you to have previously had a child so you have a 'track record'. Maybe it's different in the US? I can imagine if I was doing DE I'd want someone in their 20s, unless it was a family member. Sister Critter is still single, yes - she doesn't seem to have my drive to have a little ankle biter, but I think that's partly self-preservation as she doesn't have a nice bloke around.

buzzy grin at the arse bullets, am thinking of trying the back door myself, front door seems to leak all over the shop. Wow at how cheap Brno is. And yay for a spotless clinic. It sounds like it's going brilliantly so far.

doll the prenatal vits here in the US all seem to be stinky like that. If you get them wet it's even worse - they smell like the fish food we used to give our goldfish in the pond in my parents' house. And they turn your wee a lurid neon yellow. I actually buy them in bulk when I go home to the UK as the UK brands don't seem as smelly or as huge and sick-making. Sorry about the Thai situation... no fun at all.

joy so glad you had a nice weekend away, you deserve a lovely break! I am going to Florida for the weekend at the end of May - can't wait. We leave the morning of my blood test - so I will either be celebrating or diving head first into a giant pina colada when I arrive. grin

madness I agree that testing on a Monday morning would not be conducive to a focused start to the week... maybe that evening? Or Sunday? Oh I so hope you get good news... I'm only one day into this wait and it's already driving me crackers.

CritterPants Tue 07-May-13 15:56:31

xpost princess you are a saint to have spent your entire pregnancy staying with your in-laws. A saint! shock I can't believe your little one is nearly here. Do you know the sex, or will it be a surprise?

buzzybee123 Tue 07-May-13 16:13:47

hello ladies

mrsd super big hugs sad I hate to think of you so upset, I too hope you get a big surprise tomorrow, what time is your test

nelly can you not get a blood test earlier to confirm * mini buzzybee I plan to test around the 20th as that is two weeks from EC which is technically ovulation

doll 6 a day shock although I was popping 22 things a day at one point

madness hope work has kept you occupied

doll and art lovely to have you ladies still around

princess not long to go, this house must be a palace that you are building, you need to tell Mr P that you need to nest in your own home not the inlaws

sar and gin hope all is well with you two

sea and lemon I hope things are good with you two

big paw squeeze for rabbit

sweet how are feeling

euro not long now for you

free a big hello to you too and anyone + might have forgotten

well today Barry fell down some stairs, I have to admit I did think at least his wanking arm wasn't imjured wink

we went up to some caves and were on a nice walk when I suddenly thought 'sugar' I need to call the clinic, so they got 10 eggs from my donor, 7 were mature and 7 have fertisised smile I didn't ask about numbers or cells, ET day is sat at 10.30, I have to say this is a great way to do ivf, I don't feel stressed at all accept when Barry annoys me, people kept telling me I would be more stressed going overseas but I think the likes of Create would have stressed me out

I shall keep at look out for the awsome foursome

FormerlyKnownAsPrincessChick Tue 07-May-13 16:16:07

Critter Nope. No sex known here. It's going to be a surprise. We refer to the baby as him (and he has a name, think second syllable of Mr P's name and then second syllable of my name - something mum coined and has stuck) because his hands and feet were huge on the 12 week scan (obvs meant nothing at all) and I didn't like referring to him as "it". But I have an inkling it's a her. As my dad say's it's a 50/50 chance, so no-one's going to be that far out. Anyway, I way preferred what the little boy in the antenatal clinic said when an old lady asked him what his mummy was having and he shouted "TIGER" at the top of his voice.

As for whole pregnancy at the in laws, if I can do this, I can do anything. It has NOT been easy. But it's ok. If you are a Miranda fan, it would be my "what have you done today to make you feel proud moment" - answer - "not killed my in laws" grin

buzzybee123 Tue 07-May-13 16:30:50

x posts critter can't be dealing with mess, I have a tight arse so no problems up that end grin I have doing so long it feels quite normal now shock
I think if you are DE like on the NHS with another IVF couple the age is 35, here in Europe its 32 to donate your eggs, not sure about anything else

I have been chucking in money to fountains etc while over here for us all and made a wish on some stalagmite thing in a cave today, it has to work for someone smile

CritterPants Tue 07-May-13 16:38:05

buzzy yippee for seven embies! That's got to be a lucky number. smile And yay for a lovely five day transfer. Exploring caves sounds interesting - glad you're getting to do a bit of sightseeing! I bet the beer there is delicious too - I hope you're both sampling it.

princess ah how lovely to have a surprise! I think art said she was waiting to find out too. And grin at the 'TIGER' comment... now that would be a shock!

Just heard back from the clinic - they froze five blastocysts. Am thrilled!grin

buzzybee123 Tue 07-May-13 16:44:15

well done critter 5 is a great number grin lots of siblings for this onegrin

rabbitonthemoon Tue 07-May-13 17:53:25

nelly hang on in there! It's sounding pretty good to me.

mrsden I want to scoop you up and take all of this away for you, I'm so sorry for how sad you feel right now. See what tomorrow brings, I'm hoping you just got a useless test x

critter woo hoo! Cheering you on over the water. Are you feeing less crappy now?

princess oh my god your due date is nearly here! I'm sure it has felt like nine months to you, especially at the in laws, but it feels likes it has flown by. You will be going back from the hospital to your house won't you? Keep us posted on how these last weeks go.

madness how goes the waiting?

I am a bit blue today as I feel very very far from shore. I am still awaiting my IUI referral and this is one of the most frustrated I've ever felt. I have now been spotting for 4 whole days and feel like my period might get its lazy arse on in a bit but this really is a pain. Even if I wasn't ttc I would find this a drag. It's enought that I have to use san pro and it makes my entire period phase last about 9-10 days. Grump fest. I can't imagine I will ever be pregnant today.

rabbitonthemoon Tue 07-May-13 17:54:44

Oh buzzy I'm loving your tales of travelling ivf. If I end up going the donor egg route I would be tempted to follow your path. It all sounds as if its going really well smile

CritterPants Tue 07-May-13 18:39:29

rabbit I am so sorry to hear you are so sad. Can you do some hassling on the IUI referral? Squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that? Maybe some phone calls? They really ought to be getting on with it, it's outrageous that you've had to wait for so long. Quick question - does your IUI referral mess with your IVF timeline at all? Only, if it does, I'd be tempted to go straight to IVF. I know you need to do this in stages but it's crazy that they are taking this long to sort you out. angry

sarlat Tue 07-May-13 18:44:07

Wow busy here today

Critter - wonderful news about the blasts. id say you are destined to have 2 or 3 children with that many blasts.

Buzz - hoorah for 7 beautiful embryos. My goodness nearly on the home straight. You really really deserve this.

Den - oh sweetheart, I am so sorry for the sadness. Please dont feel this is the end. You had rotten bad luck with the premature egg retrieval. But in there lies the problem which can be tweaked and that means there is lots and lots of hope. tight tight squeezes. I know that horrible feeling you have right now.

Nelly - cautious congratulations from me too. Feelings of af are a good sign. I had that around this point too.

Princess - so lovely to hear from you. Can't believe you are starting mat leave and dd is so soon. Well done for coping with the in laws.

Rabbit - the waiting game is pants. I really feel for you. Someone told me last week that they struggled to conceive due to a short leutal phase. I dont know if she spotted or if full on af started early. She took one of the b vitamins ?? B12 not sure. But this did lengthen the cycle and she got pregnant. Sorry if i am offering old and stale ideas. Just occurred to me with your annoying spotting.

Hello to all

GinSoaked Tue 07-May-13 19:42:11

Oh mrsd, I wish I lived near to you and could come over and give you a big hug. It is utterly shitty, particularly when in the in between time, not sure if it's worked or not, but thinking probably not. I am still hopeful for you - did you see the Fred about having done a test and there not being a line until after 10 mins?! But if it hasn't worked out, remember it's a numbers game and you will get there. You got 100% fertilisation rate, which is amazing and was a huge problem for us. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Talking of 100% fertilisation, go buzz's embies! That's great news. It sounds like you're having a really good experience and I'm so impressed at how brave and calm you are. grin at Barry not hurting his wanking arm. <wonders if buzzy could import some of this special porn..>

nellie I think things sound VERY hopeful for you lady! Surely there would be no hcg shot line by now?? Do a frer tomoz I reckon. Love the idea of your chart as modern art. I think Tracy Enim used pee sticks in some of her installations! Btw, I'd totally love to meet up, but aren't central enough to sneak out for coffee, boo.

mad and nellie I think you should post here as often as you need to, I know I did/do! It's such a stressful time and this is somewhere you can totally vent. mad hope you are doing ok. And remember pupo ladies, my symptoms were v much my normal pre period ones!

critter, 5 blastos is amazing! And yay for being pupo. 17 days after a blast transfer for otd?! Bloody hell! Mine was just 9 days after transfer. I too don't know how I'd feel about embryo donation. As you say, anonymous would be easier. We thought about all that when considering donor sperm. For me I guess the decision would be if I was happy for the frosties to be destroyed or if I would be happier for them to be donated. Not that I have anything frozen!

The cut off age for DE really pees me off. If this all works out, I'd really like to do it, but would be just too old (in uk rules). Nice really need to change their guidelines and base it on the individual not age.

35 weeks princess, blimey! It's soooo near. Are you excited or is it all a bit unreal? Can't believe you've managed not to loose it with the in laws. My uber pmt would've had me out on the streets! I need to ask about the spewing and when yours went...

Tight paw squeeze for rabbits. All the waiting is a total headfuck. Once you actually start treatment you will feel better, I promise. It's the hopeless waiting about, knowing the I didn't have a real chance until the ivf cycles that did my head in. Actually doing something feels so much better.

Oh joy, every time I think about what you went through, I feel so so sad for you. Interesting that you didn't get a +ive hpt, as the sensitive ones pick it up at levels of about 20! Shows we are all different. Are you still planning your big lovely holiday? Is it soon?

Hello sar! I had my first in public retch today. Luckily it was where I live, which is a bit of a shite hole so I got away with it shock

Waves to everyone else.

sweetgrouch Tue 07-May-13 19:52:43

Critter - congrats on being PUPO! Holy cow on the 5 frozen blastos! That is just amazing news.

Buzz - 7 embryo's sounds fantastic! Brno also sounds like a great place for the IVF, I'm really happy this is working out so well for you.

Nelly - quiet congratulations from me. Like Sar, I also was sure AF was on the way. I felt pmt exactly like I always do.

Den - I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. I really hope that things turn around with the blood test. Even if this cycle isn't the one, they should be able to better manage your stimming next time.

Rabbit - Your spotting sounds terrible. I feel your pain about waiting for referrals, the system here is so slow everything takes forever. Can you call the clinic?

I know I've missed a lot of people. So big waves and hellos to everyone I have missed.

I met with my gp yesterday, she sent me for a quantitative hcg and is trying to find an obstetrician for me. She was shocked that the fertility clinic did not bother to confirm pregnancy or refer me to anyone seeing as I am high risk because of my low hopefully not disastrous progesterone levels.

So right now I am just waiting...

buzzybee123 Tue 07-May-13 21:10:50

I think the bloody steriods are going to screw up my sleep sad I think they did ICSI so that is why we got 7

rabbit super big hugs, its shit that they are pissing you about, as if you haven't had enough crap to put up with, you'd think they'd be bbending over backward to please you

there is another ivf lady staying in my hotel, we might have to have a meet up smile

ThatWayMadnessLies Tue 07-May-13 21:58:11

Evening all,

mrsd I'm so sorry you are feeling low. i am still hoping for good news but i am sure I'll feel the same if my hpt is negative Sunday.

nelly I'm feeling cautiously optimistic for you grin

gin sorry about the public retching. that doesn't sound nice. i hope this phase is short lived and you feel blooming soon.

Brilliant news buzzy. I am willing on your little embies to grow, grow, grow!

critter it is a long blooming wait indeed but you'll get through it and 5 frosties means you don't have all your eggs in one basket, so to speak wink

Hang in there rabbit the wait for treatment was really tough. you do end up feeling really in limbo. Big hugs xx

Afm i had a lovely walk this afternoon in a park near home with magnificent views. was soooo sunny! Unfortunately have had news tonight that MrM's mum has been taken in to hospital. Waiting to hear what has happened sad. Hoping it's nothing serious.

Big waves to all i've missed.

seaviewasia Tue 07-May-13 23:40:15

Hello all 10 plussers... it's late and I am tired so I'm going to miss things..

Mrsd - I really hope you get a pleasant surprise tomorrow. Keeping fingers & toes crossed for you. As Joy and others have said. Even if it isn't a positive outcome this time, I am sure they will learn lots which will be useful for the next but it's not over yet and I really hope it's a surprise tomorrow.

Critters - Fantastic news on being PUPO and the frosties. Yippeee. I will ask the clinic about the hayfever but they are a bit unresponsive over the phone I find.

Nelly - It's looking promising... I am so nervous on your behalf. Really hope it's good news.

Madness - how are you bearing up with the wait?

Buzzy - Well done. Sounds like it's going swimmingly... Fingers crossed.

Princess - Lovely to read 10 plusser successes.

Rabbit - I really empathise with your situation. I waited a long time for IUI and it turned out my doctor had forgot to refer me. If in doubt always chase I say. Fertility limbo is horrid and I really feel for you. In the same place myself so I know just how you feel.... Lots of lovely stretching and deep breaths...

Gin - sorry about the retching... I hope it calms down very soon. Maybe some ginger tea will help? I have had the same for the last 6 months but not diffed related obviously. Hope you feel better soon.

Waves to Euro, Joy, Sweet, Ramona, Free, Art, Doll and anyone else I have missed.

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 08-May-13 05:27:27

Buzz and Critter great news. Hooray for being PUPO Critter.

I thought the line was gone this morning. It's still there but only just, so I'm trying to be realistic. And wearing San pro in anticipation. Probably won't be able to check thread much today so general hellos and special waves for our preggos!

EuroShaggleton Wed 08-May-13 07:29:00

Hello all!

I hope you all had good bank holiday weekends. We were at the in-laws' place in France (my burglary paranoia means I never mention online that we will be away - it's not entirely misplaced as we came back to a note through the door from the police saying that another house on the mews had been burgled, so that's 2 out of 6 in the past few weeks). It was lovely - even warm enough for the beach one day, and terribly preggo-unfriendly (stinky cheese, undercooked meat, way too much wine).

princess I can't believe you are almost there, and all of the other preggos seem to be zooming along too.

buzz I'm glad the foreign DE is going well and that you are enjoying a lovely break too.

mrsd I really feel for you. The waiting is always awful.

To all those, PUPO, I have everything crossed for you.

I am rather distracted from the fertility stuff today. I have my smear test shortly (my first NHS repeat since the abnormal one last year) and then I am getting a cyst on my face removed. I am funny about scars (they make me freak out - it's almost a phobic reaction), so knowing that is what I am going to see every time I look in the mirror for the rest of my life is hugely distressing me. I have been awake since 3.30am stressing about it (which has at least given me a chance to catch up on the thread!). However, it has to go, as it is just getting bigger and the longer I leave it the bigger the scar will end up being. I'm hugely upset about it though. Going away for the weekend was a good thing. I didn't think about the removal much until the journey home yesterday when it all suddenly seemed very real. And this morning I am just very tired and very sad. Infertility, a miscarriage and a growth on my face. I think I'm done with the bad stuff now, thanks.

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 08-May-13 08:25:35

Euro my bestie is a great facial plastic surgeon down your way. Fear not smile. I am sure it won't scar. Thinking of you.

Tired, having been up for hours.

buzzybee123 Wed 08-May-13 09:56:12

mrsd thinking of you today my lovley

euro I hope it all goes smoothly at the smear, like I said bio oil is great and you'll still pretty as ever even if you did have a little scar, which no one would notice

I met one of the other ivfers at breakfast from the USA, they are lovely and its nice to meet other people who are in the same position

well Barry is waiting so will be back later

joycep Wed 08-May-13 12:06:46

Euro – glad you had a good time in France. I hope the op today goes ok. I also hope the scar is so small that you will wonder what you were worrying about. Please do let me know if your surgeon is any good because the nhs are being really  slow about my lump and i really want to get it out now and get a histology on the thing. As i said the other day, these things come in 3s and the good stuff for you is well overdue now. I must say i’m looking forward to the 2nd part of this year and hoping it’s better than the first half....even though the 2nd half brings yet another birthday.
Buzz – i’m glad you have met some others who are going through the same thing. It really helped me talking to others who were going through the same thing.
Sweet – how many weeks are you now? I can imagine it must be a nervewracking time and hope they can check everything is going as it should.
Gin – i hope you are doing well. It’s lovely to have you pop back. We go on hols in a few weeks and i cannot wait. It’s only for a week but i’m hoping it’s going to be blissful.
Sar – i hope all is going well with you too. Sorry about the vomiting but that surely is all a great sign.  
Nelly – hope you have a good trip to big smoke. Sorry we can’t meet. I just want Friday to come for you so you know one way or another!!
Sea – how are things , are you on the humira yet? I think I will definitely go back to A-M if we do another ivf round but it’s always good shopping around to find someone you are comfortable with.
Mad – so sorry to hear about MrM’s mum. I hope she is ok. Hope you are coping ok with the 2ww.
Critter – serious embie envy , 5 frosties is amazing!!
Rabbit – i’m really sorry that you are having so long to wait. What is going on? It definitely sounds like it’s worth chasing them. it’s the waiting that just adds to the sheer frustration.
Mrsd – thinking of you today. 

CritterPants Wed 08-May-13 15:17:29

euro - how scary about the burglaries. I'm so pleased you had a nice time in France - wine and runny cheese sounds amazing! On the scar thing. I'm so sorry you're feeling anxious and upset. You have had a very rough ride. I don't remember seeing a cyst when I saw you, so it must be very small - and surgeons these days are amazing. A close family member had a very serious facial injury last spring (don't want to put details as it may out me) and got fixed up by surgeons - now you could barely tell what happened. For scarring, rosehip oil is amazing - the Trilogy brand. Or you can break open vitamin e capsules and use that. I have a scar on my philtrum from a drunken faceplant a few years ago blush which has almost vanished. Your body will heal really quickly.

buzzy lovely that you met another IVFer - that is always so nice! Hope it's all still going well.

nelly you're on the home stretch now... and a line is still a line, even if it's faint!

madness gosh, I hope your MIL is ok - poor MrM.

sea I hope the clinic get back to you... this whole experience has made me much less shy about hassling doctors. It's easy to get forgotten about and I've become much more assertive in pushing for information. Sorry you have this extra worry. And I do hope you leave fertility limbo land soon

joy big hug to you. Hope you're doing ok. Thanks again for all the OHSS advice last week - it seems to have gone down and I'm really grateful.

gin sorry about the public retching... poor you. The fun never stops does it?!

sweet I'm so glad your GP is sorting you out. Hope you're feeling ok - are they giving you progesterone suppositiories/pessaries? You must be nearly about to have your early scan... next week?

sar hope you're feeling ok. Is it feeling more real now?

Hugs and love to mrsd.

All ok here. I checked with my clinic and apparently they had dozily written down the wrong blood test date - it's actually next Thursday. So 9 days post transfer, not 17, thank goodness. I have been trying to meditate again every morning and it's amazing how much this is filling my head. I dream about it. Then when I wake up I'm just consumed by it. It will be a relief to be on the other side.

EuroShaggleton Wed 08-May-13 15:31:43

Thanks to all of you for your kind and reassuring words. The deed is done. I had a quick look before he put the dressing on and the incision is quite small and high, although not quite as straight as I would like. I hope it will heal well. I get my stitches out in a week.

joy I was quite pleased with the treatment today, but I guess the real test will be in a week when the stitches come out. I will let you know what I think after that.

nelly how interesting that your friend is a plastic surgeon. I wish I had mentioned it on here before. I was looking for recommendations. I posted on health, but not on here.

Critter the obsessing is inevitable, I think. We have all wanted this for so long. Only just over a week to OTD - hurrah! How are you feeling now? No OHSS symptoms, I hope?

I feel like AF is on the way. So as soon as it comes, I can call the clinic and get cycle#2 underway.

GinSoaked Wed 08-May-13 15:46:56

Sorry you are having a shitty time euro. You really don’t need anything else on top of everything you’ve been through. Pleased to hear the op is over – I’m sure there won’t be a permanent scar. I can’t see any on friends and family who’ve had similar done! Do you just have to ring Create on CD1 and then the scans kick off? Wishing you lots of good luck with it and also with the smear of course. BTW, I need to find out whereabouts you were on hols. We’re going to that area at the end of June, wohoo! It’s a family member’s house too, so free holiday. I love it down there, although hopefully if everything goes well, it will be a different experience this time unless I go all French with the booze and cheese.

critter If you can, don’t worry about the worry! I think it’s perfectly normal to be completely consumed by it. I was even between cycles and still am. I have the odd moment when I forget it all and then remember. I find work is generally a good distraction. Not long to go until otd now.

joy yay for lush hols being soon! You totally deserve it.

buzz sounds nice to have met another ivfer. How did you find her? <thinks back to Pout's pee stick secret ttcer signals>. I hope you are having a nice few days before ET. Do they keep you updated re the embryos?

Nellienot wanting to fuel mentalling, but if you got up earlier and did the pee stick earlier, your hcg levels would probably have been lower, giving you a paler line. I still have everything crossed for you. Hope you had a good day in the big smoke.

Thinking of you mrsd

Riiiight, better get on with some work.

buzzybee123 Wed 08-May-13 15:57:18

critter I did wonder if the date was wrong,

gin I did think back to pouts suggestion, I just told her I would be the red head at breakfast

pout my lovley when is your next appointment

euro glad it went well today

other ivfer is a pretty tall blonde American, using her own eggs

I totally forgot to call the clinic today so have set a reminder for tomorrow blush

mrsden Wed 08-May-13 16:10:52

Negative oh well. The woman at the clinic who called with the results was so full of sympathy it made me cry again! At least I can stop the progesterone now.
I'm still at work will try to post more later.

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 08-May-13 16:17:52

Buzzy I love that you have forgotten to call the clinic! You must be enjoying the holiday too much!

Euro glad it looks ok. My friend does a lot of reconstructive stuff but some "cosmetic" too. She is NHS but does some private as well afaik. If you worry about the scar in the future let me know. I've already booked in my future face lift...

Gin noooooo I'm not listening. In all honesty I believe Friday will be a bFn. But this is maybe a chemical preg which is closer than I've got before. AF not arrived albeit it still feels on its way, but its probably the extra progesterone keeping it away (last time it arrived "today", but I wasn't on the progesterone that time). I actually feel quite calm today.

Critter I did wonder about your OTD! 5 frozen blasts is fantastic. You're very clever smile

MrsD what news? Have you heard yet? I am still wishing for a mega surprise for you.

Sweet hope you get some reassurance from the doctor.

Joy sorry we couldn't meet. I discovered a branch of the shop I wanted to go to much nearer where I was. I just bought myself some pour-myself-into-them skinny jeans as a 2 fingers up gesture to TTC. grin. Next time though.

I've missed loads but will post again in a bit

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 08-May-13 16:19:29

Cross post. MrsD noooo I'm so sorry. Sending you much love. Next time, they will get more eggs and it will work. Big hugs.

seaviewasia Wed 08-May-13 16:24:14

mrsd I am truly gutted for you. This is so unfair. Crying and letting it out is good. I know it won't help how you are feeling now but they would have found things out that would be useful for the next time. A big hug and tight squeeze for you. flowers

euro Glad the op is over. Sorry you are having to go through all this. . Hope you are not too sore. I have used a cream called Contractubex for operative scarring and it's very effective. I think it's prescription only in the UK. Check it out. You do need to "work" at the scar everyday and it gets better results if you use it on fresh scars.

joy I'm not on Humira yet as they had to check that I didn't have latent tuberculosis. Apparently it's one of the things the Humria can bring out. Waiting for my TB results....

critter glad to hear the OHSS symtoms have gone down. Sending lots of positive vibes your way...

madness how is the wait? hope it's not making you too crazy...

nelly hope you had a good trip in London. Happy the line is still there. smile

gin hope the retching has passed and you are feeling better

Waves to everyone!

sweetgrouch Wed 08-May-13 16:30:26

Euro - That’s terrifying about the robbery. It is smart of you not to mention when you will be away online. My sister had a cyst removed a few years ago, the surgeon was fantastic, and you can’t even see a scar. Hopefully yours will be able to do the same.

Gin - I had missed your post about your first public retch. How uncomfortable. Right now I am only mildly nauseated at 5 am.

Nelly - My fingers are crossed for your still there line.

Joy - I am six weeks tomorrow and have heard nothing from the OBGYN clinic my gp referred me to.

Critter - That is a huge relief that your blood work will be 9 dpo instead of 17! I was a bit surprised that they would make you wait that long. I haven’t received anything for the progesterone because I am still waiting for that clinic to call me and it seems unlikely I will be getting in for an early scan. I am trying to decide if I should ask the gp to call another OBGYN clinic to refer me elsewhere.

MrsD - I am so sorry to hear that. Big paw squeeze. Hopefully you can escape from work early today.

Hello and waves to anyone I have missed.

CritterPants Wed 08-May-13 16:30:28

Oh no mrsd I am so terribly sorry. sad I can't believe you had to go through all this for a negative. Can you go home early? I hate that this is happening to you, it's so damn unfair.

GinSoaked Wed 08-May-13 16:34:35

Oh no mrsd. I've just shed a few sympathy tears, I do so feel for you. You are v brave being at work. I always had to be at home on results day, as knew I'd be a mess. It will work for you one day and next time they will get your EC right. I used to think the 3 cycles thing was bollocks, but don't now. It really is a numbers game. Big big hugs. Be nice to yourself and maybe plan a nice treat. I hope mr d is ok.

Waves to sea.

nellie if it's a CP, I think something should show in the blood test, but hopefully something better will show!

GinSoaked Wed 08-May-13 16:35:53

Waves to grouch too

EuroShaggleton Wed 08-May-13 16:47:32

Gin I'll PM you. I might be telling you stuff you already know, but the French are actually ultra-careful in pregnancy. As well as the stuff you would avoid over here, they often avoid salad too because the risk of toxoplasmosis over there. I had salad in a village café and the lettuce was a bit gritty, so clearly not washed (but fine for me, as if I become immune before any pregnancy, so much the better). And being "enceinte" is about the only permissible reason for ordering a well-done steak in France!

Yes, I call on CD1 to book the first scan for day 6 or so. And then we're off!

buzz how lovely to have met a cycle buddy out there. It does all sound very pleasant and relaxed I must say.

mrsd I'm so sorry it was a negative this time. It sounds like the did EC too soon, so hopefully they will learn from this experience for next time. This is nowhere near the end of your story - you will get there. Onwards and upwards!

sweet I hope you are doing ok. At least it sounds like your GP is looking out for you.

The smear was just fine. It used to be such a big deal - now they barely register! Let's hope the results are fine.

buzzybee123 Wed 08-May-13 17:11:59

mrsd I am so sorry, big hugs, go home and have a good cry, next cycle will be yours x

nelly I wasn't sure about calling today, i'm of the thinking that less is more, no point in worrying about something I have no control over, i'm happy to leave it upp to them, i'll call tomorrow to see how many of the 7 are still going,

euro its mega relaxing here, i'm in holiday mode not ivf mode smile could all change tomorrow though

ThatWayMadnessLies Wed 08-May-13 18:31:59

Oh mrsd i am so sorry. we were all hoping for a better outcome for you. Allow yourself to grieve and then you'll bounce back just like all of the other incredibly strong women have done on this thread. Take care of yourself and mrden xx

Poutintrout Wed 08-May-13 20:27:27

mrsd I am so sorry that this cycle hasn't worked out. I know that you will be feeling so sad right now and if you felt like me maybe a bit angry too. I so wish that the outcome was different for you and send you lots of love. Take heart that your fertilisation rate was awesome and that the next cycle will be your time.

buzzy so glad that you are enjoying the trip and don't seem to be stressed at all! Good luck with calling the clinic tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.

nelly Good luck for tomorrow. FX crossed for you.

euro I am glad that your op went okay. Rosehip oil sounds like a good idea, I've also heard that Bio Oil is fab too (my sister uses it on stretch marks). Hope that your smear result is okay.
I can't believe all the burglaries where you live. It must be a worry. You need to borrow Big Dog. One look at him snarling through the window and no burglar will bother cringes at the thought of our neighbour very kindly coming round with half a joint of leftover meat for the dogs cooing through the window at a literally foaming at the mouth Big Dog and unconvincingly telling me how cute he is!

gin Oh no at public retch. How did you style that one out! sweet 5am sickness....sounds a bit grim.

sea It's good that your GP is so on the ball. That must make you feel a lot better.

rabbits Sorry that you are blue. The waiting is horrible. I felt paranoid during my wait for IVF that I had been forgotten and wasn't even on the list. I kept badgering the consultant every time I saw her to check that I was on the list. What wait time were you given?

princess I so can't believe that you are so far along. My god the time has flown by.

Thinking of you critter. Not long now till Thursday.

How are you Sarlat Hope the dizziness is passing.

Off now to clear up the kitchen before the Apprentice ignoring the fact that it's yet another new series of a programme I enjoy and I am still not upduffed Love and waves to all.

EuroShaggleton Wed 08-May-13 20:32:23

I know, pout. We've lived here for 5 years and we're in inner London so of course there have been local burglaries but nothing in this road before the past couple of weeks. I reckon some little scrote has "discovered" our little tucked away mews and is working his way along it. My biggest fear is discovering him at it. Our house is behind 6 ft gates and I have a fear of disturbing someone in the front garden and him having a pop at me...

Poutintrout Wed 08-May-13 20:40:40

Aw euro that is crap that you are so worried. Do you have a rape alarm to carry when you come through the gate just to put your mind at rest. A loud noise like that would be enough to frighten someone off. You know that it is very unlikely a burglar would attack you, it's not their MO. They are more likely to be spooked by you and run have watched far too many true crime programmes and read too many books on the subject!
When we lived in Kilburn I used to carry my keys in my hand at night. Made me feel happier. What about leaving a radio on while you are out?
Hopefully the thieving little shits will find some other target.

joycep Wed 08-May-13 21:27:28

Mrsd - I am so so sorry. Massive hugs. What a shitty process. Take some time to cry it out of your system. I think planning what to do next is often a good healer. Or taking a tennis racket and hitting a pillow very very hard , blush I found this mildly therapeutic.

Pout - love the sound of big dog. I had a rape alarm once until I dropped it on the bus and all hell broke loose. It rolled under a chair and I had the pin. It was so embarrassing! I think they have designed them better nowadays.

Euro - glad all went ok today.

Good to see they have the usual bunch of twerps on the apprentice grin

TheRealRamona Wed 08-May-13 22:28:11

Oh mrsden, I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love to you and mrden.

I hope you are feeling ok after the surgery today euro. Sorry to hear about the thefts near you, it's horrible, makes me really cross to think of people being worried in their own homes. Like pout says, hopefully they have moved on now.

Exciting times buzzy, sounds like all is going well and you do sound very relaxed. Thinking of you.

Good luck for tomorrow nelly, I've everything crossed for you.

Hope you are feeling better now gin.

I sympathise with the waiting rabbit, it's crappy. This whole ttc business is so out of our control and having to spend time waiting in limbo just seems to make everything feel even more difficult. I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Thanks for the reply about the baby making bible sea, I've pretty much finished reading (not acting on too much yet) in well behaved preparation for my acu tomorrow. I've been trying really hard to think positively this week and visualise having a baby, but after years of listening to the shitty inner voice telling me I can't do it, this could take some time... Good luck tomorrow acu fella smile

How are you doing critter? Thinking of you.

joy grin at apprentice twerps

Waves to everyone else!

sarlat Thu 09-May-13 06:53:44

Den -oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry. Its such an odd feeling after the high of the cycle to get a bfn. Thinking of you and sending creme eggs and hugs.

Euro - really sorry to hear of the cyst op and burglaries,. Not fun times. X

Nelly - thinking of you, what's the latest?

Buzz-best of luck for et. How are the embryos?

Critter - hope you are enjoying being pupo.

Well today is my 4th day in a row with no symptoms. I am almost 8 weeks but not sure the baby is still with us. I am scared. Going to try and beg another scan.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 08:53:45

Sar hang on in there. You know logically symptoms come and go, but I can imagine the fear. Can you arrange a private scan to put your mind at rest?

Pout Big Dig sounds fun wink.

Thanks for your wishes ladies, blood test not actually until tomorrow though. Doesn't look like I will be getting good news though as I broke out the FRER today and there was very much only one line. I am not in a very good place. Why can't it just be simple. Why cant it go right. I've been getting BFPs for days, why can't that just be it? This is truly, unutterably shit and I am fed up of the crap. It is never going to be my turn and I feel hollow and broken. Right now I feel like I'm done with it all.

joycep Thu 09-May-13 10:27:49

Oh no nelly, I just feel like wailing on your behalf. It's all totally f'ing unfair. It just never seems to be simple and straightforward for many people who go through AC and infertility , the crap seems to continue. Personally I have always hated FRER, they're overpriced and I got a positive on cheapies before those so I just hope they are being crap for you too. See what the beta test shows tomorrow. Massive massive hug. It's just a rotten experience.

Sar - I can imagine the fear. But symptoms do come and go , that is very very normal. I know it's disconcerting so do go and get a scan for reassurance.

mrsden Thu 09-May-13 10:33:21

So sorry nelly. I'm in the same place, it's not nice but we will be ok xx

mrsden Thu 09-May-13 10:35:03

Sar symptoms do come and go. Can you have a private scan?

akuabadoll Thu 09-May-13 10:40:41

Oh mrsden I'm so sorry, next time, next time. nelly I hate to hear you are in a shitty place, it's so unfair.
sar do try not to worry. I'm sure it is fine.
Hugs all.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 10:41:41

Thank you Joy. We really do seem to get such a rotten deal. It is a total bitch and right now I feel very angry. I checked the frer level online and it seems to be not as sensitive as the ICs, but I am not holding out much hope. There's no chance I'm getting a nice surprise. I feel like such a fool for having dared to dream; yet at the same time, those few days of BFPs did make me feel happy, and who doesn't want that. If I'd tested today without all the previous tests, I'd have been just as upset at the BFN. So at least I got to experience that happiness for a nanosecond.hmm

MrsD how are you? Hope you manage to plan some lovely things to do today. Wishing it had been different for you.

Buzzy any more updates?

Mad how are you holding out?

I can't see much work getting done today. Or tomorrow. Oh dear.

EuroShaggleton Thu 09-May-13 10:44:43

pout our newly installed alarm system includes a personal alarm on the remotes, so hopefully that would make someone jump and bring the neighbours out!

I'd be more worried about a burglar responding if I started. I very occasionally see red and lash out and that kind of high adrenaline situation would probably be just such an occasion! Oh well, hopefully the police will catch the little scrote at some point.

Haha joy. That must have been excrutiating! I used to carry one back in my clubbing days and my fear was always setting it off accidentally.

Oh sar. I hope you are ok. Can you go to your local EPU and just wait there until someone scans you? If not, would you think about a private scan to put your mind at ease? As others have said though, symptoms do come and go.

nelly I'm very sorry it was a BFN today. What a disappointment. It sounds like it was a different test though? Can you test again with the same type of test that you were using before?

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 11:14:24

Euro yes all the others were just amazon cheapies. I've one left ( though must go check if postie had been as ordered more last week) but not sure if there is any point as a) it's not going to be fmu and b) I think I might be torturing myself. I have sobbed and wailed and feel a bit better. At least the call at work tomorrow won't be a surprise.

Doll thanks for your hugs. How are you, still stateside?(up very early if so!)

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 11:19:58

MrsD I didn't notice your message to me earlier. I'm sorry you are in the tent with me. You can crack open this box of wine I've left; I will be responsible and wait until tomorrow. We can get drunk and sob our hearts out together. Eating pâté and cheese and all other contraband. I'll wear my skinny jeans. With maybe my vertiginous red-soled shoes wink. We can bitch about instadiffers and plan our next holiday without worrying about the crèche....

akuabadoll Thu 09-May-13 12:01:27

yes lovely nelly 3am is my new waking time, 'twas 5am back and home for months now, the stateside location has just knocked it out another couple of hours. Just super. Bugger this bullshit you are dealing with. Extra hugs.

buzzybee123 Thu 09-May-13 12:17:49

hello ladies this is a bit of a me me me post for now, so clinic say that on day 3 one is at 10 cells, 2 are 8 cells and 2 are 7 cells, I have no ideas what that means as I have a bit of a head in the sand attitude

will be back later

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 12:18:58

Doll that is pants. Is that a preggo symptom?

akuabadoll Thu 09-May-13 12:27:27

nelly it's a triple layer - started with anxiety about the whole moving countries and jobs stuff, was then compounded by, yes, early preggo symptom (that didn't go) now a time difference. Arriving in the States has always killed me, I don't have a problem with going back the other way.

buzzy that sounds really excellent. You can't get better than that actually.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 12:28:39

Buzzy they expect 2-4 cells on day 2 (that's all I know!) so I think it sounds like 5 are doing well and continuing to divide. Fingers crossed for some good blasts smile

buzzybee123 Thu 09-May-13 12:42:07

sar symptoms do come and go but can understand the worry, I lied and told epau I had had bleeding so they would scan me again

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 13:00:27

Buzzy's technique may be worth a shot Sar. I hope it all works out, I'm not having any more crap on my thread, there's been too much already.

Anyone got views on a faint line on an opk. Just hypothetically of course.

akuabadoll Thu 09-May-13 13:14:50

I have nelly it's not great news I'm afraid and in my opinion, hypothetically of course. I would be wanting to see a strong line. sad More hugs.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 13:25:10

Thanks Doll. I need to stop dreaming now. It was nice while it lasted.

Poutintrout Thu 09-May-13 13:48:13

I logged on especially to catch up with you nelly and am so sorry to read that you haven't got a second line this morning. I am hoping that it is because the FRER is less sensitive and that your blood work tomorrow yields a different result but of course I don't want to fuel your headfuckery and can understand completely how you are feeling today. Your words really resonated actually. It is utterly crap and I would love us all to be free of this pain and struggle. I am thinking of you.
As for the OPK, I had no line whatsoever but my reading on the subject implies that if using it as an HPT it needs to be a positive (ie a dark, positive OPK line). I did also read that they are far less sensitive than HPTs at picking up a pregnancy and in many cases won't show a positive before an HPT will.

buzzy your embies sound like they are doing well. I didn't understand all the cell jargon either (& was too busy trying not to cry on the phone when I was told about mine that I kind of wasn't listening) but I think anything at the 8 cell and over at this stage is very good.

sarlat Sorry that you are so worried. Like joy says, symptoms do come and go. Back in the day when I used to read threads about preggo symptoms on the pregnancy board a common theme did seem to be symptoms coming and going. Might you be able to call and get an early scan?

euro Your alarm system sounds awesome. I know what you mean about the fight or flight thing. I can be a bit aggro in extreme situations too. I suppose you never know how you will react though.

joy You did make me laugh about your rape alarm bus fiasco.

Thinking of you today mrsd I know you must feel pretty awful too but it will pass I promise.

Doll I hope that your sleep pattern settles down soon. You must be knackered especially looking after Little Doll too. You have my sympathies. My bladder has been all over the place since the EC and I am getting up about 6 times a night to wee and I am bloody shattered. Sleep deprivation is not nice!

sweetgrouch Thu 09-May-13 14:00:29

Oh Nelly, I'm so sorry. Big hugs from me.

Sar - Buzzy's advice might work. My understanding is that the symptoms come and go. Big squeezes.

Doll - 3AM!?! That is awfully early.

Hellos, waves and squeezes to anyone else who needs them.

CritterPants Thu 09-May-13 14:12:50

Oh no nelly I am so sorry. I'm still hoping for good news for you tomorrow but I can completely understand you'd be utterly devastated right now. It's totally emotionally exhausting and draining and just so incredibly unfair. sad

mrsd an massive hug to you too. I am pushing lovely unpasteurised runny cheese and crackers to you under the tent flap.

joy shock at the rape alarm, that would be my nightmare!

buzzy that is excellent for day 3. My clinic said they like embies to be 6-8 cells on day 3. So that's a brilliant result. I reckon you can hope for some lovely blastos for the freezer.

euro scary about the burglaries.. I'm glad you have such a great alarm system!

sar I agree with the others - can you go ask for a scan? Given what you've been through, I don't think they would begrudge you one.

pout I loved the stories about Big Dog and the leftovers!

doll sorry about the insomnia. I wish you were closer and we could hang out!

madness hope you're managing the wait ok.

sweetgrouch Thu 09-May-13 14:12:58

MrsD - I wanted to give you an extra squeeze today. I am so very sorry for the disappointment.

CritterPants Thu 09-May-13 14:13:58

xpost sweet did you get an OBGYN appointment yet?

sweetgrouch Thu 09-May-13 14:46:00

Critter - I called the secretary on my Drs advice of the OBGYN that had been recommended. She snapped at me and said she would call back by the end of the day - that was two days ago hmm. Dealing with a witchy secretary at a clinic that is a 2 hour drive away in traffic is not for me, so I just called the local public medical clinic and they referred me to a small clinic 5 minutes away from my house. The only caveat of being treated here is that all my medical care will be in French, which is not my mother tongue.

Wow I just looked at the length of my response, I think I am overwhelmed and being a bit melodramatic right now.

How are you feeling?

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 14:58:01

Sweet you are allowed to be melodramatic! Remind me, do you have an ectopic concern? As if there wasn't enough shit in this journey.

Critter thanks for the lovely words smile

Thanks for checking on me pout. I'm sad that my words resonated because I hate to think others feel this pain, but I know you all do. it sucks.

So I will ignore the mid-afternoon dilute pee opk as inconclusive either way. I will do a final IC in the morning before I go to the clinic, so that I've put any doubt out of my head, and can steel myself for the inevitable. And then I will drink 3 bottles of some wine.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 09-May-13 15:03:22

Sorry Sweet I meant you aren't being melodramatic; you don't need a clinic that can't even be arsed to call back. And think how enriched your language skills will become

ArtemisTheHunter Thu 09-May-13 15:37:13

Just popped in to say Nelly and Mrsden I am gutted for you. It is so shit and unfair. I'd like to get hold of the fertility gods and wring their necks. Nelly don't beat yourself up for being hopeful, the waiting is torture and you have to cope somehow. I'm still hoping against the odds for a surprise beta but i understand the need to face up to it not working. The ultra-skinny jeans, wine and vertiginous shoes sound like good therapy, along with a bit of ranting. Hugs to both of you.

Sar it's true that the symptoms come and go but it's terrifying. Symptoms IMHO are just another way of nature fucking with your head. I lived in fear of the worst and frequently still do - it is weird going from the AC world of constant interventions to suddenly being on your own with no reassurance. PM me if you need to offload on someone in RL, I'm not far away for a coffee delectable decaffeinated beverage or chat on the phone.

Must get on with work now, but hugs to everyone else. Thinking of you all.

sweetgrouch Thu 09-May-13 15:48:56

Nelly - The nurse called from the local french clinic and she booked my appointments. My language skills are ok in french, I just prefer to have my medical care in english I fear that if I prove myself competent in french I will lose the right to be treated in english, damned language laws. Regardless, the nurse was sweet and said she would ask the Dr tomorrow if I need to be seen ASAP because of the progesterone issues.

Drink an extra bottle of red for me. When I was in Europe I found I rather liked one of the Italian frizzante reds. I would send one over if I could.

mrsden Thu 09-May-13 17:11:57

Nelly, the tent sounds like a good place to be right now. I'm so flippin down about this whole shitty process, pout I'm glad you say it will get better. I felt like this round was doomed from the start with the dose mix up then the immature eggs. I think if I had something frozen I might feel better but right now I can only see black ahead. We will do two more rounds and the give up. I'll never say never to donation or adoption but right now it's not part of the plan. I don't think we can put ourselves through numerous rounds of ivf either, the emotional turmoil is too hard. Frustratingly we won't be able to do the second round until October. That seems like such a long way away and I don't want to wish away the summer. This will be the fourth summer of trying. I can't bear the thought of a fourth Xmas. I know noone is more deserving than another but ive served my time surely?

Sorry, this is a very self indulgent post, I know you all understand in the way others can't. It's the no light at the end of the tunnel that's so upsetting. The sadness I can cope with, the tears have stopped now but I feel the rage that you talked about joy I wish I had a punch bag.

Nelly, I so hope you get good news tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you.

sweetgrouch Thu 09-May-13 17:19:49

MrsD - Huge hug. I am crying reading your post. None of this is fair. I think you deserve your baby as much as everyone else. I am so sorry it has been so rough.

EuroShaggleton Thu 09-May-13 17:31:26

mrsd I recognise that feeling. Surely it must be our turn soon?

sweet I quite like a drop of red fizz too. You never see it over here.

I hope your appointment goes ok, and that you can switch back to your mother tongue later.

Poutintrout Thu 09-May-13 17:41:57

mrsd You have most definitely served your time and you really don't deserve to be in this position at all. I am so sad that you feel so floored right now. If it helps to know I felt hugely angry when my cycle failed. Like you, I felt a massive sense of it being my time now & a sense of injustice. I guess it is because the IVF process consists of so many hoops to jump through & so much effort, for want of a better word, that you almost feel like you are owed a positive result for putting in all that investment.
IME the anger subsides, then I felt very despondent and depressed and now there is a kind of peace with it all. I hope that you find a peace soon.

I can understand how October feels like a long way off. I feel frustrated waiting a couple of months for a follow up appointment before even getting a timeline for the FET but I try and take comfort from the fact that our bodies need a bit of time to recover from the IVF process and to get back to normal. I took a lot of comfort from the fact that my body will have time to get over the stress and upset of the failed cycle and be a more appealing place for a bean to nest if I wait a bit.

I hope that I don't sound patronising and all me, me, me, but I really feel for you right now and want you to know that you will bounce back (mostly!).

mrsden Thu 09-May-13 17:55:22

Not at all patronising, pout. I'm sad that you know the pain too. I really wish none of us had to feel this. I think you've been here since thread one too? I can see me being here for thread 1000. I think the rage could be pmt too. Dh is taking the brunt of it, poor thing and he feels sad and frustrated too but is mcuh better at hiding it. You're right that it feels like because we've put all the work in then we deserve to get something back. I've been so patient, two years from male factor being diagnosed to ivf that more waiting feels like torture. The wait can't be helped, life is in the way and things that can't be moved but I wanted to throw the calendar out the window.

Euro, I'm sorry about the burglaries, I hope the police are on to it. Your weekend away sounded lovely.

Grouch, do you think the doctor might speak English even if they're officially not supposed to?

Mad and critter, how are you both?

Buzzy tha sounds great. We were told 4 at day two is good and they're supposed to double every day so 8 or above sounds perfect.

GinSoaked Thu 09-May-13 18:05:32

Oh nellie, I'm so fucking sorry. I was so hopeful for you and feel gutted, so can't imagine how you must be feeling. I know after our failed 2nd cycle I was totally, utterly gut wrenchingly devastated. I started to think that not only did we have the diagnosed issues, but that there was something else wrong too. Ivf is truly the worst thing I've been through and we've had pretty much everything else shitty in our family. Big big hugs. I found having a plan of what to do next, once I stopped wailing, helped a bit.

mrsd your post made me v sad too. I vowed not to become one of those ladies that had 5 ivf cycles, but when facing giving up when I thought the FET hadn't worked, I just knew I couldn't. I am sure you will have success somewhere in your 3 cycles and next time are v likely to get something to freeze. You will feel better in a few days/weeks, I promise. We too had a 6 month gap between ivfs and I think it was a good thing, allowing me to physically and emotionally recover although summer was pretty hard. Tight hugs.

Come on fertility finger, please may it work for someone?!

mad and critter hope you are both ok.

grouch pleased to hear you've finally got an appt. If you're not bleeding, I'm sure that's a good sign?

sar hope you are ok. My symptoms vary massively day to day and dr google said that lots of people loose then around week 8, only for them to reappear around week 9. Although I know knowing that wont actually help and an all too familiar with the anxiety.

buzz the embies all sound excellent to me. I too was told 6-8cells were good on day 3, but what's in me was only a 3 cell on day 3! It def sounds like you are going to get some great blasts.

Waves and luffs to all. This Fred has had enough shit thrown at it and I really believe it's about time everyone won their babies, which they so thorough deserve xx

mrsden Thu 09-May-13 18:11:03

Gin, I take a lot of comfort from your story because I think your situation is the most similar to mine. You really do show that it's a numbers game.

buzzybee123 Thu 09-May-13 18:19:31

big hugs nelly i'm all over the place, i've hardly slept due to steroids, i'm fecking knackered but can't switch off nor can I concentrate on anything

barry is taking me out for a nice dinner as its our 5 year anniversary, I personally think its tomorrow but it doesn't really matter

I shall be back later

GinSoaked Thu 09-May-13 18:22:02

I really thing you should do mrsd (and everyone else with failed cycles behind them). I think our situations are pretty much identical, except you got amazing fertilisation rates! Where you are, do they allow day 3 transfers? Is that the latest they will do? For us that was quite important, as lots of our embryos arrested day 2/3 and this helped sort out the better ones.

sweetgrouch Thu 09-May-13 18:25:30

Gin - No bleeding just ballooning, giant, heavy sore breasts and occasional PMT-style cramps that I try to wish away. I have probably gained 1/2 a cup and look ridiculous (doesn't help I started at a 34F).

How far along are you now?

mrsden Thu 09-May-13 18:28:48

They're not allowed to destroy embryos. And the legal definition is when it's two cell I think. After that point they all have to be transferred regardless of their development so they have to be frozen before the two cell stage or transferred. If the next two rounds fail (we get these at 50% cost) then we will either give up or have a third round in a country with less strict laws.

sweetgrouch Thu 09-May-13 18:29:48

X post.

Buzzy - I hope you enjoy your lovely meal with Barry. I'm sorry the steroids are mucking you about.

ThatWayMadnessLies Thu 09-May-13 18:29:57

Evening ladies. So sorry that it's been such a sad day. Things in our household are a bit melancholy too, what with trying to work out what's happening in hospitals a long way from here.... I can't go into detail but suffice it to say that growing old can be pretty damn miserable sad.

mrsd I am still in ivf limbo but I know the feeling that surely, having been here from the beginning, it is time to get our just rewards. And knowing that it is a numbers game doesn't stop us from hoping that we will be the lucky ones where it works first time and we can get off this rollercoaster.

nelly this is such utter rubbish. I will continue to hope for you until the fat beta lady has finally sung but I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Not having anything on ice makes the whole process seem so final.

sar please listen to the ladies who know what they're talking about and get yourself a private scan if you need to. I am so sure that you are going to be fine but I'm sure that that is little comfort to you at the moment. Think of what you would be saying to us in the same circumstances. You always have something lovely and positive and hopeful for others.

Sounds brilliant buzzy! Roll on ET!

I am so sorry for not name checking everyone. I am at a bit of a low point myself. I keep reminding myself that everything that I think might be a pregnancy symptom is something that I have felt before even in months when I was downregging and not having sex so I need to try to manage my expectations. I so want to give MrM's parents a grandchild (and my mother as well of course) but it feels like not managing it in these last three years might mean that it will be too late sad.

Okay I need to go, but big waves to joy, gin, pout, euro, doll, art, lemon, critter, sweet, sea and apologies to anyone I've missed.

EuroShaggleton Thu 09-May-13 21:16:25

mrsd the time will fly by, you know. We started our last cycle in January, and it really doesn't seem that long ago at all. In some ways I wish I had a bit more time to get in shape (physically and mentally) before going again, but in terms of work schedules, now is a good time to crack on so we will.

critter how are you doing?

buzz sorry to hear the steroids are messing with you. They affected my sleep and concentration levels too. At least you are "on holiday" at the moment. And soon I hope you will be able to blame it on baby brain! wink Enjoy your anniversary dinner!

Madness it's not too late - you will get there!

AFM, I think AF is due very soon. Meaning it considerately waited until after I had (stupidly) spent the day in a brand new cream skirt. I clearly wasn't engaging brain when I got dressed this morning! I'm not sad about it. We didn't manage to dtd before ov, so I know there is no hope this month. I just want AF to arrive to mark the start of our second IVF cycle.

CritterPants Thu 09-May-13 22:10:56

Sorry for all the unhappiness and anxiety on our little thread at the moment. Seems like we're paying for the run of good luck we had on thread 14. sad Massive squeezes to all of you in the tent, in despair, scared, angry, and exhausted. I so wish I could make it better.

No news here. It's only 3 days past my 5 day transfer- so 8 dpo. Got a long way to go yet. Started feeling mildly crampy today but nothing major. I keep having stress dreams that I'm late for things, or have forgotten something important. Also getting a cold sore, awesome. hmm Trying not to over-obsess and focus on work <hollow laugh>

rabbitonthemoon Thu 09-May-13 23:13:03

Doing a fly in with cake, chocolate, wine, sparkly knobs and cheese and biscuits. I'm so wholly sorry to mrsd and nelly. It's so grossly unfair and frustrating. I've been alongside you on this shitty path for a long time now - art you are right, fertility gods sort it out. I'm here if either of you need me.

Sar, so sorry the worries continue. But I believe for you that this is just your hormones being silly buggers.

Um, I'm unable to post much more as I'm a little inebriated. I had a horrible health scare this week but I'm far more in the clear today than I was. It's been gruelling as had it been what I thought it might be it would have been ttc game over. Life is hard. We toasted it tonight.

Buzzy, pout, grouch, doll, sea, critter, art, euro (you will still be totally gorgeous, glad all ok) Joyce, gin, lemon. Loves to you.

mrsden Fri 10-May-13 07:13:35

I hope you are ok rabbit. I don't like the sound of any of us having health scares on top of this ttc stuff. Euro, I'm glad the cyst removal was ok, and the smear too. Will you have long to wait for the results? I should probably try and fit in a smear before the next round.

Critter, you had a really strong blast put back so hopefully it's snuggling in nicely now. I had anxious dreams in the 2ww, I think it might have been the progesterone. I woke up one night in a complete terror, sweating, heart racing, hyperventilating. It was very scary.

I had really strong period cramps in the night, I took an ibuprofen and they went away but it's strange because I'm not actually bleeding yet. How long after stopping the progesterone does it take to come?

Mad, I hope your mil is doing ok. It's hard when you're not near family. I have the same sadness about not having a baby in time for some people to meet it.

Nelly, hoping for good news for you today, did you poas this morning?

I hate those threads about am I or aren't I pregnant? The op always turns out to be pregnant, it's like another planet to me. I was saying to dh last night that not being pregnant is normal to me, I don't expect it ever to be any different. It's just something that I can't imagine happening.

ThatWayMadnessLies Fri 10-May-13 08:37:12

That sounds pretty frightening rabbit and I'm glad that it was a false alarm. MrM was terrified of having cancer a few years ago and it did make me realise there were worse things than not getting pregnant. I don't know what I'd do without him and I'm sure Hare feels the same about you. Hope your head isn't too sore this morning!

I've been wondering the same about the progesterone mrsd. I would normally have been spotting for about 4 days by now but nothing at all this month. I would love to think that's good news but probably just the progesterone doing its job. You will be pregnant one day. Just because you can't imagine it right now doesn't mean that it won't happen xx

Must dash. Will be thinking of you today nelly. Good luck.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 10-May-13 09:09:33

Morning lovelies!

Sorry there has been such a run of misery here. Big hugs, cake and alcoholic beverages to the undiffed.

Keeping everything crossed for those PUPO. Especially nelly I popped in to say GOOD LUCK to you today.

So sorry about the health scare rabbit. Yay for toasting life now it is looking less petrifying!

Sorry for the unhappy news about hospitals and elderly madness I don't get it all, but it sounds crap.

Critter I get noticably hotter every cycle in the second half and I distinctly remember crazy dreams when diffed. So that is a high progesteron symptom. But with the bullets it is hard to seperate good news progesterone from no news...

Waves a squeezes to you all!

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 09:29:46

Oh no Rabbit that's just too much on top of TTC misery. I'm glad it's better news but huge hugs for you.

Mad I'm sorry you are having such a hard time too. There is no justice sometimes. As if everything we have to go through ourselves isn't enough.

Thanks for the good wishes. IC this morning was negative I think. I maybe imagined the merest shadow of a line but it could have been an evap or maybe not even there. Just waiting for bloods now. Results not till after 4 though.

MrN and I have fought. I still hold a huge amount of anger towards him for the 3 years he made me wait until we started TTC and that's not counting the years before when I knew he wasn't ready to hear it. Every time it goes wrong, the anger bubbles up again. Anyway I managed to find a way to communicate this while also telling him I was partly to blame as I should have made my own decisions better ie insisted we start trying or leave him, if I'd felt that strongly. Conclusion, I loved him too much to do that, so hence it was my "fault" as much as his; but I'd still like him to say he was sorry. Can't really capture it all in phone but I think what was said moved us forward. I hope.

Gotta go. Luffs to all.

EuroShaggleton Fri 10-May-13 10:21:47

rabbit i'm sorry to hear about the health scare. And I'm glad it was just a scare!

nelly I understand that anger. I was broody at around 31. We started trying when I was 34, almost 35. Now here I am at 37. I feel like I've wasted my 30s waiting. When he eventually proposed (we both knew we wanted to be married before having kids, so effectively that was him saying he was ready to ttc), I had decided he had until mid Feb. He proposed in mid-Jan, after 6 and a half years together. He was sailing very close to the wind! I wonder whether I should have moved on before hand, but I love him and we will have some form of happy ending.

mrsd I seem to remember it taking about 3 days from stopping the progesterone to AF arriving when I tried it on a natural cycle last year. With my mc, I took my last candles on Thurs, started spotting on Monday and bleeding on Tuesday.

My smear result should arrive in a couple of weeks, probably just as we are hitting EC time. confused Not ideal, but better than not fitting it in at all between mc and IVF.

critter try to see the cold sore as a good sign - it suggests your immune system is letting down its guard, so that the embie might be able to implant. I really hope this is it for you!

I'm feeling a lot less sore today. The stinging and bruising has almost worn off. I could have done without the strong wind tossing my hair around yesterday - that really hurt (the stitches are very close to the hairline, which is a good thing, except in high winds!). Mr euro washed my hair for me this morning, so I could keep the dressing dry. He might have kept me waiting years for babies, but he is a lovely, lovely man.

<waves to all>

joycep Fri 10-May-13 10:41:19

Oh ladies, what a load of crap everyone is going through.

Nelly – 4pm is very slow. I never quite understand why it takes that long. I really really hope you get a nice surprise. So sorry about the arguing with MrN. I have to say although I never had to wait like you did, I have found myself feeling incredibly angry about everything. For me I don’t have any reason to direct it at Roy but i know if he forced me to wait because he wasn’t ready, it would certainly make me very angry at him. And for good reason. But I’m not sure what to suggest because I know it’s very difficult to snap out of it when you feel so angry. Once hormones settle things will be better. I think communicating is good and you clearly are both so much in love. You obviously didn’t want to be with anyone else and these feelings will pass. And the thing is , I know you’ll never know but you may well have had problems whenever you started and it still will have made you angry. Big hug.

Mad – it sounds like you are going through a tough time, i hope all is ok as can be.

MRsd – October does sound far away but i think a break is quite good. I don’t think it’s wise to rush back in to another cycle. So sorry that you are feeling so crap. I totally get what Pout says about all that time and energy invested and for it to fail just seems so utterly unjust. I told myself on about thread 8 that i wouldn’t stay longer than thread 20 but it seems to be getting ever closer now.

Rabbit – i’m desperately sorry to hear that you have had a bit of scare. I hope you are ok.

Euro – how sweet of MrE to wash your hair. He does sound lovely.

I ovulated about 3 days ago and i had very strong period pains last night. very achy. God knows what’s going on . that ‘ll be all i need, a 4 day LP. Do you think ivf and erpc could muck up your system forever?

ThatWayMadnessLies Fri 10-May-13 12:06:59

Interesting talk about feelings of anger. I'm sure if we had known that it would be this hard and take this long MrM would have come around to the idea earlier but it took many years for us both to have good jobs (more importantly in the same city) so I don't know that it would have been that much sooner. I'm glad that you feel your discussion with MrN was helpful nelly. Four o'clock is really slow. In the East clinic they always say after half one for blood results which is late enough in my books!

euro MrEuro does indeed sound like a gem. You're right about your last treatment not seeming that long ago and here you are ready to go again.

joy I don't think your cycles will be permanently out of whack but I'm sorry that things seem to be taking so long to settle for you. You deserve for this to all go smoothly from here on out.

Thanks for the kind thoughts. MrM's mum still in hospital. Sorry for being cryptic but don't want to mention specifics. Everything seems to be well in hand anyway.

I resisted buying pee sticks yesterday. Will buy tomorrow to try on Sunday (day 13).... Right. Enough sacking from me. Back to work!

ThatWayMadnessLies Fri 10-May-13 12:07:36

bloody phone! Sacking is slacking.....

Poutintrout Fri 10-May-13 13:13:53

rabbit Oh God at a scare like that. I am so glad for you that is all is okay.

madness I am sorry that your MIL is poorly. It is always a worry. Is she very elderly?
FX for Sunday...well done for resisting the pee sticks yesterday!

joy You surely can't be having a period already? FWIW I get period like cramps all throughout the 2ww, some months, like last month, stronger than others but no period or bleeding. Weird.

euro How lovely that MrEuro washed your hair. It's good that you are feeling less sore. Also a hairline scar won't show. Hurrah!

critter The time till test day will fly by. Sorry about the anxiety dreams they are horrible. Mine always involve needing to shower but not getting the chance and then being thrust into a social situation and feeling all smelly!?? That or clinging to the top of stairs and trying to sling a foot over the last few steps. I got panic attacks when I stopped the Progesterone. Not sure what that was about.

mrsd I hope that you feel a bit better today and that your period makes an appearance soon. I think getting that part of things over with helps.

nelly I am still hoping against hope that the blood result is a massive, massive and lovely surprise.
I am a bit relieved that you said what you said about your argument with MrNelly because I did exactly the same with MrP when our cycle failed (and I still feel bad). I blamed him for stalling TTC and putting us in this predicament and then of course blamed him for not marrying me sooner, for not growing up and whispers for wasting my life. I think we need to allocate blame & find a reason for all this because it seems so arbitrary and unfair. Big hugs to you.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 13:21:47

Thanks for the kind words about my not so latent anger. We will be ok I think and to be honest I needed to say it, as it was eating me up. I managed to do it in a controlled way though, so it actually calmed down the already ongoing fight. And that was a gem, as I told MrN this seemed to be a CP so I'd been pregnant for a nanosecond. His response? or, the drugs were still there. Honestly, did he think that was the right thing to say?

The reason for the long gap for results is because I go to a satellite clinic near my work for scans and bloods but then the nurse has to go back to the main facility late morning, taking the samples with her. So it's mainly logistics. I've blocked my diary out for the end of the day and chosen a private-ish desk for the day. I know I'll be upset to hear the result, even though I know what's coming.

I told the nurse about the tests and she said max 5 days for the booster to leave my system. So my last 3 BFPs were indeed proper ones. She said the bloods will show if there's a level at all, but I read that it leaves the blood faster than urine so I think it will show as zero, as its been 48 hours already. Still, I know my body at least tried. If I never get my sticky bean, We'll always have Paris, right?

Mad well done on the testing embargo. I hope it's good news but remember a BFN isn't game over at that stage!

MrsD I am so sad for you; but you have hope, you have options. And you will feel better when the hormones settle down. My sister said when they did IVF they said they'd only keep going whilst they had different options to try, and you certainly have that. (Not so much for me, except I'm actually wondering if IUI might be worth a try given my single egg scenario).

Critter I agree a cold sore sounds good!

Does anyone know how I get more cyclogest? I don't think it's a coincidence my first ever BFP was whilst using it. Once my first post IVF extra long cycle is done I am going to use it again as I'm convinced implantation is an issue. Yes I have low AMH but I've proved they are good quality, and this one certainly must have kept developing. The spotting can't be good. And Mad I think the progesterone will be why you aren't spotting yet, yes; but with that means there is a much better chance of your embie having something to snuggle in to.

I better go but will update once the bad news is official. You lot have been so amazing the last few days, I don't know where I'd be without you.

Poutintrout Fri 10-May-13 13:29:55

Good idea nelly to give yourself some space at work this afternoon. It is interesting what the nurse said about the booster and that HSG leaves the blood sooner than urine. So it does look like something did happen this cycle. You are right to feel that this is a positive thing, though your Paris comment did make me feel a bit a sad for you. Progesterone could be a good idea too. Not sure how you get it, though it must be possible. Once I get my FET done, if I have any leftover I can send you what's left of mine if you want.

I did smirk at your "controlled" argument. As I recall I was throwing the (plastic) dog bowls at MrP when I had my little, ahem, outburst!

mrsden Fri 10-May-13 13:43:09

Nelly, I was told one day for every 1000 units of hcg to leave the system. My dose was 5000 so that should have been 5 days so if you had the same dose as me then your nurse told you the same thing mine did. Could your gp prescribe progesterone? I really hope you get a lovely surprise from the phone call. Hearing the word negative is so hard even when you know the outcome already.

I totally understand the anger directed at the men, I sometimes (very unfairly) feel angry with dh because of his crap sperm. Which is cruel of me because it absolutely isn't his fault. I think that sometimes we need to channel the rage at someone, I hope my dh understands this. I have decided to be spontaneous tonight and make dh take me out for the evening. My plan is to get sloshed. It shouldn't be hard because I haven't had a drink in two months. wine

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 14:04:39

The bit about hcg and blood v urine I read here, scenario 3.

Pout I'm not normally a calm argue-er but something told me this wasn't the sort of thing to say in the heat of the moment. I did smile at you throwing the dog toy though!

The anger is not healthy, but inevitable I fear. Like you say, we feel like there has to be a reason for such shit to befall us. MrsD I can understand where you are coming from too, it all seems so unfair.

Last night I was watching tv and first there was an ad about what makes your children smile, which made me feel extra lonely, and then a very distressing pedigree chum one about cruelty to dogs. I was so upset I had to leave the room; there are such horrid nasty shitty people in RL, who seem to have children (and pets) with great regularity. There is absolutely no logic or indeed evolutionary benefit to this that I can see. It just adds to my general anger about the whole thing.

CritterPants Fri 10-May-13 14:22:06

nelly I am still hoping for a miracle for you. Will be thinking of you today and sending you lots and lots of love. I understand the anger. When we first started trying I was angry with MrC too, about him wanting me to stay on the pill for so long. He didn't want to start trying and was terrified of it. In fact he's been very down recently and I think it might be because he is so scared of fatherhood. I think it's drummed into lots of young men that it's the worst thing in the world to get a girl pregnant, that they'll be trapped by the responsibility, etc etc, and of course many men don't have the same urgent physical longing for a child. That mentality of fear then seems quite hard for them to shed. MrC took ages to ask me to marry him too and it caused lots of quite damaging (at the time) rows between us. But I've seen your posts about MrN. You love him so much and the two of you clearly have something incredibly special. You are going to be parents, I am just sorry that it's taking such a long, painful time for this to happen.

Ok I want to write a really long post as have lots more to say to specific ladies, but have to knock out a few work tasks first. Back in a bit. Quick tail feather shake to all.

mrsden Fri 10-May-13 14:47:24

Prioritising work over this Fred critter? Tssk! I think most men fear fatherhood. I know dh was a bit reluctant and I did have to push him.

Mr euro sounds like a gem. When I feel like everything is awful I remind myself that I'm very happily married and I would rather be that and childless than have a million kids but be trapped in a loveless marriage. I also think that this infertility business is so very stressful that to survive it will make relationships stronger.

rabbitonthemoon Fri 10-May-13 15:03:11

madness my head does indeed hurt blush. Today has been my third hangover in two and a half years. It's felt horrible. I was so tiddly posting last night that the words were bouncing around in the page but I do remember it. I've also eaten at the Golden Arches today for the first time in forever. I am a bit aghast about it now but it was tasty. Fuck you ttc! But we did have a very amazing night out and it was a lot of fun. I'm interested in this not spotting on progesterone. I think this is a very good sign of snuggling too. nelly a lot of my friends do have 2-3 days of spotting and got diffed easily but for me it is concerning. I have cyclogest from buzzy but have been too scared to take them because of cystitis. Has this been a problem. I too hope beyond hope you get a lovely surprise later.

critter a cold sore sounds promising! You don't get to think that very often.

Talks about being angry a interesting. I am angry with my ex for staying with me whilst not wanting to marry me or have children with me, both of which he did super fast after we split up, bastard bastard bastard. However, whenever I think god I left it too late I think of having kids with him and shudder. I've been broody properly since I was 31. Maybe my fhs would have been fooked then, who knows. Hare and I got on with things at a good pace really, but we could have cracked on maybe a year earlier. My biggest regret was the years I spent on the pill and the years I had no periods due to weight. I never got my teenage periods back, they've been scanty since they returned when I was 26. den you are so right, we have husbands and good relationships. Before I met H I never thought that would happen and that was my biggest fear.

Having worked bank holiday Monday I got to leave at lunchtime and went to bed! I'm now going to have a bath. Thinking of you nelly and sar hope you are ok.

mrsden Fri 10-May-13 15:14:07

I ate there yesterday rabbits, in a what's the unhealthiest thing I can think of to eat fit. I don't even like that sort of food. Today, I have been eating chocolate and tonight it will be wine.

Re. Spotting. I keep meaning to post here about this. I never had spotting until a couple of years ago. Af would turn up bright red and heavy without warning. Then I started getting two or so days of brown gunky flow. I mentioned it to doctors and none of them were interested. Since the lap and the cyst removal the spotting has gone. So, my conclusion is that the cyst was causing the spotting. I know that's probably not the case for many of you because you've had scans and laps but its worth considering.

joycep Fri 10-May-13 15:38:55

Mrsd – getting sloshed will be fun. It only takes me one small glass nowadays. 2 glasses i begin to feel grotty the next day and 3 i have a proper hangover. Totally agree with you too, i would prefer to be happily married and childless over a bad marriage with kids or single actually. The trouble with being happily married though is it makes you desperate for kids.

Nelly – it does really sound like something has happened. I really wish this could be easier. GPs are really weird about giving out progesterone, well mine was and she refused. Can you not purchase it from your clinic? Also I hear you on the rotten scoundrels who produce children willy nilly. Makes me so cross especially when you hear people say about infertility “it’s just nature’s way...”.

Pout – weird you get period cramps through the 2ww. Has it always been like that? I never get them. I ‘ve had a few today and I’m irritable and bad tempered which is a big sign that AF is about to come. To be quite frank, I expect my system is just f*cked.

Princess – very late on but i realised i never said wow , 35wks already and on maternity leave. People’s pregnancies seem to go incredibly quickly yet when i was pregnant for a few weeks it felt like months and months! . you must be due around a similar time to the royal baby which btw i’m just dreading. The hoo haa will be terrible but obviously can’t wait to hear about your hard won little one. we’ll have a hoo haa on here for mini princess instead.

So i’ve had my follow up at the clinic. It was pretty unenlightening. My erpc results weren’t even in my file when I was told they were and the doctor hadn’t seen my email of questions. SIGH.
I think the upshot is my eggs aren’t very good quality. She must have said that 4 times. Hence why we didn’t have anything to freeze from the original 12 that fertilised. As i suspected my ovaries seem to be much older than the rest of me. She then said they believe sperm dna should take over after day 3 but as Roy’s sperm frag had come back normal , it came back to my egg quality. I really wish the responsibility didn’t lie with me, I feel so guilty and crap about that. They wouldn’t recommend ivf again though, it will always be icsi because there are more than 85% abnormal sperm but with over 200m it doesn’t give a smidgen of a reason to blame Roy blush.
She said that they would probably go for a day 3 transfer next time because they would have expected a better outcome. They did seem to disintegrate after day3. Interestingly they have seen embryos start to fragment and still this can result in a baby so putting back earlier may be better. I really think the quality is probably the main reason for our infertility and i would think my nk cells do also have some part to play in perhaps getting rid of a few early pregnancies. I know this isn’t an official explanation but i have decided it will do for now.
The doc said AMH doesn’t play a part. It does in how you respond but they see plenty of people have babies with amh less than 0.7.
In terms of whether each round will get worse, there are no guarantees. It could be better, it could be worse. [I know, helpful right]
Apparently things won’t drop off a cliff, it’s not like you get 13eggs this time and then I’ll get 7 the next and 3 the next. Apparently it goes up and down.
There is nothing i can do for egg quality. They don’t advise dhea especially before ivf.
And i don’t like to be rude about my hubby but.... I don’t know why i bother bringing him along to these meetings. He’s nothing short of useless. He had nothing to ask, nothing to say and I couldn’t get him to have any kind of conversation with me afterwards because he was too busy scoffing his chicken salad. It really ticked me off actually. Pmt strikes again.

So I think i understand what we are dealing with. We just need, as does everyone on here, the planets lined up, and a gigantic squeeze of luck a la art and doll and hey presto. Not much to ask.

rabbitonthemoon Fri 10-May-13 15:53:31

Oh joy that's not really very helpful but your are right - we need planetary alignment. You can get pregnant, you've had bad luck I think.

den oddly the periods I had after my lap and op just started. This lasted a few months til the oct possibly cp. I think it's hormonal with me as there is nothing in my womble. Or one doc suggested that my tilted uterus makes it all come out at a slower pace and some period gets a bit stuck from the last cycle but I'm not sure I buy that one.hmm my spotting comes as my boob pain lessens. I think I have dodgy eggs and thus dodgy corpus luteums. When I was being examined this week a new gp asked if I was in medicine grin ttc has given me a lot of knowledge. She had no clue about fsh whatsoever.

Pout when is your fet?

rabbitonthemoon Fri 10-May-13 15:54:18

Oh and joy I had one glass of champagne and three small glasses of wine. Three years ago it wouldn't have touched the sides!

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 16:00:43

No miracle here. Negative.

Oh well.

mrsden Fri 10-May-13 16:01:47

Joy, my dh is exactly the same. He very rarely says anything. I think it's a man thing. In my case it's so frustrating though because this is sort of his field. I think that's part of the problem, he doesn't want to mix it up with work and he doesn't feel the need to ask questions because he says he knows the answers but doesn't necessarily share with me the technical stuff. If your dh is like mine he probably was taking it all in but needs time to process it. I was so mad at dh when we went in for et because I'd told him all these questions I wanted to ask beforehand. When the transfer was happening, it was a little uncomfortable so I couldn't talk and concentrate and I really wanted dh to ask the questions but instead he was talking to the embryologist about catheters and microscopes and not our embryos. Grr.

It doesn't sound like you got many answers today. Does poor egg quality explain the chromosomal issue? How will they decide which eggs to put back on day 3? Or can they tell quality by then? Can anything in the drug protocol inprove quality? When will you have the next round? Are you happy to stay with this clinic?

mrsden Fri 10-May-13 16:03:53

Oh nelly, massive hugs for you. I know the pain you'll be in now. A big sobbing tearfest does help. Things will look a little brighter a few days from now, I promise.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 16:12:47

I'm strangely hollow actually. Probably just self preservation. I'm sure it will hit later.

God this is so shit.

Pass over that wine in the tent.

FormerlyKnownAsPrincessChick Fri 10-May-13 16:21:55

Really sorry for the shitfest on here today sad You're all strong, resilient ladies and so, so brave. It's just not fair the way that it has worked out. I was so hoping for everyone. I wish I could make it all better. Big non MN hugs all round xxxx Thinking of all of you xxxx

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 16:35:31

Hugging you right back princess, around your lovely pregnant belly grin

What news from Sar? I'm quietly a little worried about radio silence. Hope you are just busy Sar, but thinking of you and hoping all is well. X

buzzybee123 Fri 10-May-13 16:36:57

afternoon ladies from the smoking drinking sock sandal wearing capital of the Czech republic, alot of fatties here, I actually feel quite thin for a change

nelly super big hugs to you, do ahve a good cry, its best to get out, don't worry about the progesterone I have plenty you can have

mrsd still thinking of you, the time does fly, when they gave me the date for May I thought thats ages away but now here it is

euro how sweet of Mr euro to do that, any sign of AF yet

critter cramping is good, when is your testing day

sar any news on your scan

rabbit hope your head is feeling better

madness sorry to hear about MIL, its hard when you are not near by, well done oon not testing till Sunday

CritterPants Fri 10-May-13 16:44:20

Shit nelly. sad I am so sorry. I can't believe it. Can you go home early and have some wine and a good cry?

buzzybee123 Fri 10-May-13 16:48:25

sorry being on my phone makes it hard to read and post

joy I think its just a man thing that they just seem to switch off, its not an excuse I just think it is their coping strategy, it took Barry a while to get on borad but there still seems to be things he doesn't understand, he also thinks I can cope on my own and that he is more likely to annoy me so sometimes just leaves me to it, sometimes I just have to remind him that its a two person job

I met barry later in life so don't really feel we could have moved any quicker, we got engaged after 14 months and then a month later he was made redundant, we did talk about kids alot but the thought scared me as much him, we then decided to wait a couple of months after we got married, I went to my gp and had to come off my migraine meds, we both talked about a baby before we got married but I didn't want to be fat and pregnant on my wedding day [h like I would give a shit about that now,

its hard when you have all this frustartion about ttc and no expalanation as to why where to channel it, usually its your nearest and dearest who get it in the neck

I feel really guilty for all the times I yelled at 8arry and blamed him for things, they are certainly black days in my liffe, ones I don't ever want to repeat, we are equal partners, I couldn't imagine my life without him, he is the most amazing person who gives what no other person in the world ever has unconditional love, he still gets on nerves though

princess your home looks lovley

i'm sure I was going to say more but will ahve to come back again

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 16:54:15

Critter honestly right now I don't feel like crying. It's weird. Sort of a relief the headfuckery is over.

Buzzy what a lovely thing to say about Barry. I think so many of us seem to have amazing strength in our relationships on this thread. Whether that's cause or effect I'm not sure, but in a way it's all the more heartbreaking that so many wonderful, balanced, happy couples can't seem to have children.

At some point I'd love to chat to you about the whole DE thing, as its looking more and more likely to be my route. But not right now as you must concentrate on you and your own cycle smile

EuroShaggleton Fri 10-May-13 16:58:25

nelly I'm really sorry it's a negative this time. You came so close. Was there any HCG at all? A low number might support your chem preg theory.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 17:04:51

No zero. But I don't think it disproves my theory necessarily, as Wednesdays line was very faint as it was, and the last 2 days nothing was picked up on the hpt; so it was already less than 10ius in my urine. If it comes out of my blood faster then it is logical it would be zero. A blood test 48 hours ago would maybe have been different.

Either way, there were positives on those sticks, and that gives me the tiniest bit of comfort, so I'm clinging to that!!

Buzzy thank you so much on the progesterone, who knows I might be naming my first born after you yet wink

rabbitonthemoon Fri 10-May-13 17:18:44

Aw nelly I'm sorry. That is utterly shit. Have a big vat of wine and let things just wash over you. Wish I could come and see you. But I think wine might make me do a vomit. You WILL get there!

rabbitonthemoon Fri 10-May-13 17:19:05

Buzzy grin at your holiday description.

rabbitonthemoon Fri 10-May-13 17:19:30

Oops. I did a grin link. Not sure what to.....

buzzybee123 Fri 10-May-13 17:26:31

nelly you can ask whenever you like,

just had a little cry, I think the whole combo of drugs stress and relief has just hit me, coupled with bad news on here and other sad ttc news else where, still a little peeved with stroppy frind of MIL,

it does all seem so unfair sad

joycep Fri 10-May-13 17:33:04

Mrsd – getting sloshed will be fun. It only takes me one small glass nowadays. 2 glasses i begin to feel grotty the next day and 3 i have a proper hangover. Totally agree with you too, i would prefer to be happily married and childless over a bad marriage with kids or single actually. The trouble with being happily married though is it makes you desperate for kids.

Nelly – it does really sound like something has happened. I really wish this could be easier. GPs are really weird about giving out progesterone, well mine was and she refused. Can you not purchase it from your clinic? Also I hear you on the rotten scoundrels who produce children willy nilly. Makes me so cross especially when you hear people say about infertility “it’s just nature’s way...”.

Pout – weird you get period cramps through the 2ww. Has it always been like that? I never get them. I ‘ve had a few today and I’m irritable and bad tempered which is a big sign that AF is about to come. To be quite frank, I expect my system is just f*cked.

Princess – very late on but i realised i never said wow , 35wks already and on maternity leave. People’s pregnancies seem to go incredibly quickly yet when i was pregnant for a few weeks it felt like months and months! . you must be due around a similar time to the royal baby which btw i’m just dreading. The hoo haa will be terrible but obviously can’t wait to hear about your hard won little one. we’ll have a hoo haa on here for mini princess instead.

So i’ve had my follow up at the clinic. It was pretty unenlightening. My erpc results weren’t even in my file when I was told they were and the doctor hadn’t seen my email of questions. SIGH.
I think the upshot is my eggs aren’t very good quality. She must have said that 4 times. Hence why we didn’t have anything to freeze from the original 12 that fertilised. As i suspected my ovaries seem to be much older than the rest of me. She then said they believe sperm dna should take over after day 3 but as Roy’s sperm frag had come back normal , it came back to my egg quality. I really wish the responsibility didn’t lie with me, I feel so guilty and crap about that. They wouldn’t recommend ivf again though, it will always be icsi because there are more than 85% abnormal sperm but with over 200m it doesn’t give a smidgen of a reason to blame Roy blush.
She said that they would probably go for a day 3 transfer next time because they would have expected a better outcome. They did seem to disintegrate after day3. Interestingly they have seen embryos start to fragment and still this can result in a baby so putting back earlier may be better. I really think the quality is probably the main reason for our infertility and i would think my nk cells do also have some part to play in perhaps getting rid of a few early pregnancies. I know this isn’t an official explanation but i have decided it will do for now.
The doc said AMH doesn’t play a part. It does in how you respond but they see plenty of people have babies with amh less than 0.7.
In terms of whether each round will get worse, there are no guarantees. It could be better, it could be worse. [I know, helpful right]
Apparently things won’t drop off a cliff, it’s not like you get 13eggs this time and then I’ll get 7 the next and 3 the next. Apparently it goes up and down.
There is nothing i can do for egg quality. They don’t advise dhea especially before ivf.
And i don’t like to be rude about my hubby but.... I don’t know why i bother bringing him along to these meetings. He’s nothing short of useless. He had nothing to ask, nothing to say and I couldn’t get him to have any kind of conversation with me afterwards because he was too busy scoffing his chicken salad. It really ticked me off actually. Pmt strikes again.

So I think i understand what we are dealing with. We just need, as does everyone on here, the planets lined up, and a gigantic squeeze of luck a la art and doll and hey presto. Not much to ask.

joycep Fri 10-May-13 17:33:49

God sorry just copied last post- here comes the other one.

joycep Fri 10-May-13 17:34:18

Oh no nelly.I am just so so sorry. It’s completely shit. I think you most certainly had a chemical. Was it you who said you felt fluey after ET? I’m sure someone mentioned that. But I think the emotional screwing around with faint lines day after day and then disappearing can really take its toll. I certainly found it a relief just to have a final definitive answer , even though it was bad news, then at least you can deal with the news and stop wondering and panicking. Now you can have a lovely hot bath, with a big glass of wine and a takeaway followed by some serious hobbling tomorow. Again, I’m just so sorry. It’s all so crap.

Buzz – how’s it going out there? Do you still feel like you are on hols rather than ivfing?: What a wonderful thing to say about Barry.

Mrsd – i’m sorry that MrD is the same. It does sound like a man thing. I’m just pmtish. I just wish he would input more than just his sperm but I guess it’s all really in the woman’s hands as it’s our bodies. Chromosomal issue was bad luck so i hope that means one egg and one sperm one day will produce something viable but who knows, I certainly won’t want to do more than 3 rounds of full on ivf. When you hear about identical twins, i was wondering whether they could split a decent looking embryo in half in the lab or would that just destroy the embryo. At what point does an embryo split to form twins...would MrD know?? Weird question i know!
Anyway, I’m not entirely sure how they can decide which ones to put back on day3. My clinic really tweak the drugs and tailor them to help with the quality so there is no room for improvement. I’m not entirely sure on what clinic we’ll use as the costs here were horrendous. If we do decide to go again, we’ll have to remortgage. MiL mentioned she might help us out but Roy tells me she’s getting a new bathroom so sadly no cash will be coming our way. But that’s fine by me as there is no such thing as a free lunch with her!

Rabbit - a few years ago i used to get through a bottle of wine no probs....blush and perhaps that’s how i shrivelled the ovaries!

seaviewasia Fri 10-May-13 17:40:24

Nelly - I am really really gutted for you. I had hoped it was just a bad stick test. As others have said, ivf is a numbers game although I know that probably doesn’t help right now. I’m really sorry it didn’t work for you. It’s so damm unfair! It’s completely natural to be angry. I feel angry for all of us on here that this journey to get a baby is so bloody hard especially when there are so many unfit people who get preggers at a drop of a hat! None of it is fair angry. In the meantime, I hope MrN and you take care of one another. Have a cry if it helps. Big hugs to you.

Mrsd – Im really sorry it didn’t work for you. It’s just so unfair. Im sorry you are feeling so awful but it is completely natural. I completely agree that it’s better to be in love with your hubby than 10 kids and in a bad marriage. I think long term ttc has brought me & mrsea closer together. I know how lucky I am to have him in my life. I’m the same as you re spotting. Docs are never interested in these details. The woo doctors are the only ones who care about weirdness in periods I find.

Mad – well done resisting testing. When is your OTD?

Euro- Scary about the burglaries near you. I know how distressing it is. I was burgled 2 years ago and I missed the thief by only 10 minutes according to our CCTV outside. The buggar came back 1 week later to rob a neighbour’s place and luckily our porter recognised him and he was arrested. The shocking thing is that he was under 18 and despite being a repeat offender, he was not jailed and only had to wear an electronic tag for a few months. Someone tried to break into my mum’s house last week when she was alone asleep upstairs, luckily her neighbour called the police. It is very worrying though. Make sure you double lock all your doors all the time. Most thieves are opportunistic so we have to make it difficult for them. The police who came after I was burgled showed me how easy it is to open a door that hasn’t been double locked - a 5 minute job. Shocking!

Critter – hope you are feeling okay. Fingers crossed embies are bedding in nice and snug. When is OTD for you?

Joy – I am sorry your cycle is playing silly buggars. I’m sure it will just take a bit of time to regulate it. I know it’s expensive but maybe acu can help. Although it’s not been any good at getting us up diffed, I think acu is good for making periods go back to normal. Maybe it’s worth a try. As for your follow up appointment, Im angry on your behalf that they didn’t prepare for your questions or have your erpc results. They can be so disorganised. Im sorry it wasn’t enlightening and that egg quality seems to be the issue. sad. It’s so horribly unfair when it’s nothing you can do. A big hug and hand hold to you. What do you plan to do next? ICSI? Will you be sticking to the same clinic or elsewhere?

Buzzy – Enjoy Prague… a lovely city. Sorry about the steroid side effects.

AFM, I got some pretty bad news today. My TB test which the clinic asked me to do before going on the humira to lower my cytokine levels came back positive. It seems I have latent TB. I just don’t know how the hell I got this!!!!!! I knew something was wrong when they left me 2 phone messages but didn’t say that the results are okay. I’m at a lost as to what I should do. I can’t go on humria without getting the TB treated which will take up to 3 months, that together with the humria treatment means I won’t do ivf until the end of the year if I am lucky. I am contemplating not bothering with the immune ivf and just insisting on doing the ivf without all the immune stuff but I am not sure I can do it at this clinic. I am just at a loss as to what I should do. I’m actually tearful thinking about this. I think it’s PMT as I am due any day now.

Love to everyone I have missed – lemon, sar, gin, Ramona, sweet, rabbit.

seaviewasia Fri 10-May-13 17:53:39

joy - x post. I was asking about your next step and if you would be sticking to the same clinic. It's so shit that we have to go through all this and pay for it as well, even though I know we are lucky in the 1st place to be in a position to pay for treatment. I feel for those who don't have to option of even going privately for treatment. As good as the nhs is in this country the wait is just too long and with ivf time is often of the essence.

I know exactly what you mean about when people say it's nature's way... someone said to me the other day they didn't understand why people have ivf and infertiles should just live with it and it was probably just natural selection!!!! (they didn't know about my ac or that I am looking to do ivf). I was so angry but didn't say anything back - just glaring at them with hate! Not very yogic at all of me.

joycep Fri 10-May-13 18:02:10

Oh for godsake Sea. I am so sorry to hear this. A girl I met there had latent TB and it delayed everything by a long time. But she did get pregnant with twins.
I think you should speak to your GP. I don't know anything about it but presumably this is something you should treat anyway?? If you try and find out what this means for future health, I.e will it ever develop into TB.

Ask the Argy whether they will treat you without doing immunes. Also go on FF and ask in the immune section. You need to think about whether you really want your cytokines treated. Try and contact some people on FF who have been in Same position.

I know you have been at this a long time but you have an excellent amh and so you aren't against the clock. But blimey I am just so sorry for this.

joycep Fri 10-May-13 18:04:43

Just re read and that post sounds so bossy!! Obvioisly dont meant it to be.. Sorry I am on a bus and feel bus sick so a bit direct.

buzzybee123 Fri 10-May-13 18:11:28

joy this still feels like a holiday, although we have never spent so much time in just one place, usually we travel round every few days, its not really ivf as i'm not contributing anything at this satge so feel a bit removed from it all, if I was using my own eggs ans stimminga nd having scans it would feel different

sea sadly having the jab for TB doesn't make you immune, you could have just been in the same area as someone with it, my mum has lung issues now hmm due to being exposed to a neighbours kid who had tb but it took until my mum was alot older for it to arise, sorry not a very helpful story, its a tough decision to make, I can understand that you want to get on with things I suppose its a case of are you prepared to take the chance and how would you feel if something happened, would you spend your time thinking, what if I ahd waited, well I had to take the chance and I can live that choice,
some women I know who had been on immune treatment stopped fell pregnant and have happy healthy babies, again not really helpful, I am trying to be though honest big hugs

seaviewasia Fri 10-May-13 18:12:51

Hey Joy - not bossy at all. I appreciate the good advice. I am just so cross with myself for leaving it all so late.

seaviewasia Fri 10-May-13 18:24:18

Thanks Buzzy - I know you are. I never needed the jab for TB - I think it was the BCG at school. I was the only one in class that didn't need it. Maybe this is something to do with it. I probably had the latent TB back then. I need to do some thinking. Sorry I think I might have got it wrong about you taking the steroids. Im glad it's still feeling more like a hols than ivf. Hope you and Barry enjoy it.

Rabbit - I forgot to say earlier - well done on getting drunk and going to the Golden Arches and giving TTC the big finger. Hope you have recovered from the hangover.

sarlat Fri 10-May-13 18:39:55

Goodness ladies, so much is happening. So much sadness.

Nelly -I am so so so sorry. I agree you had a cp. And in normal ttc circumstances that would be a good sign indicating a sticky bean is around the corner. But with the time and stress of ivf,a cp is heart breaking. I am not an instant cryer either. But you might find it catches up with you out of the blue. Oh sweetheart, there is still a baby for you. I wonder what other ivf options you could try, ie natural a la euro. And definitely insist on the cyclogest again. Is that an injectable. My first ivf round was gestone injections via a trial and that is supposed to be cream de la cream. Oh nelly, sending you my unopened prosecco and some posh cheese crisps. Get some fresh air this weekend and be super lovely to yourself.

Den - oh honey I am so sorry. Feelings of anger and frustration are normal and healthy. I am very confident that conceiving is a matter of time for you. You and mr den have good swimmers and eggs and you have an a1 womble, it wad just the drs not gettjng doses / timmimg right. And that sort if thing can be put right. Sorry for the long wait until the next round, but thinking of holidays, spa days, meals out, lazy sundays etc until that time?

Mad -heck it must be do stressful just now with your mil being unwell. Everything happens at once ay? Wil be thinking of you tomorrow when you poas.

Rabbit - thank goodness the health scare turned oug ok. And high five for the cheekh hangover. I really think you need to follow your indtincts about the spotting / progesterone thing. Would you consider Mayan massage?

Euro -I am glad your scar is healing well. Heres hoping for good smear results and a smooth journey on to round 2.

Joy - there seems to be lots to take in from the review today. How blinking annoying that they didn't have the erpc results, that is rubbish. Ok so even if egg quality is a little below what you would like, your recent pregnacy shows you can indeed get pregnant and the only reason for the miscarriage was the genetic problem with the babies, a fluke and bad luck really and not due to actual egg/ swimmer problems. That is how it looks from where im standing?? I know finances must be considered but I like what nellys sister said about where there are options to carry on. You can produce good embryos swertheart. But I know this whole experience is draining, frustrating and utter utter shite, not to mention all consuming. I also agree amh doesn't mean much, just an indication of how many eggs they might get. Et at day 3 sounds like a good alternative for next time. Would you consider a one off consultation with a different expert just to get fresh perspective?

Sea -my goodness, what a head feck of a curve ball. That is soooooo unfair. No wonder you are at a loss. Why would it be near end of the year if you need 3 months of tb treatment? What other factors might influence your decision? How is your afc and amh etc and what would be the negatives if you do wait a few months. I hope your clinic offer you balanced guidence about this, oh sweetheart, I am sorry for this nasty shock.

Really sad to hear of the upset and angert towards other halves, especially where not wanting to start ttc is concerned, I know I would have the same frustrations. But partnerships and marriages are never ever easy and decisions are made based on what seems best at the time. No one has a crystal ball and I agree with joy that ttc ishoos may have been occuring anywhere. I think it is good to vent these feelings and from that point a place of peace can often be found.

Thank you for all the support around loss of symptoms. We managed to get an epu, scan this afternnin. Thank fully, the baby is doing well and the heamatoma has shrunk. Feek very relieved and lucky, ironically my nausea returnec but not quite as horrendous as last week.

Art - wpukd live to meet for an exciting beverage when this sicky phase had passed.

Hello to all who I havent name checked. Remember ladies, this too will pass. Noone on this thread will ever ever have regrets that they didn't try to get their baby. And I would put good money on every lady here getting her baby.

sarlat Fri 10-May-13 18:41:30

Buzz - wanted to say sorry for the steroid side effects. Must be most unpleasant, looking forward to tomorrows day 5 report.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 10-May-13 19:49:59

Just a quick hello to say thank you all for your lovely messages. I so far feel strangely fine, like the uncertainty has gone. I had rare steak, blue cheese and wine. Hurrah!

Sar I am so so happy everything is ok, I was so worried for you. Hooray for nausea again grin

Going to sign off just now but will catch up tomorrow and properly reply to some amazing posts today. I feel so much love for you all it is unreal. And no it's not the wine talking... Xxx

EuroShaggleton Fri 10-May-13 20:42:04

joy I've been fascinated by twins since my bestie had identical twins, so I had to google your question about when the split happens. The last post here says up to day 13:

seaview what a shock about the latent TB! It must happen reasonably often for them to take the precaution of routinely testing people for it. I'm not sure what to think about the immune stuff, so in your shoes I would probably want to go somewhere else and just get on with it, but if you are happy where you are, I realise that this will be a big decision. I'm just impatient!

What an insensitive arse you were unlucky enough to encounter. Presumably if they get diabetes/heart disease/cancer at some point in their lives, they won't have any treatment as it must just be "natural selection". Twat.

sar I'm so glad that your scan brought good news. And how naughty of your nausea to return at that point!

nelly have a great evening. The uncertainty is always trying. I actually felt relief when my pregnancy ended, which seemed like a bizarre reaction, but I had suffered so much with a week of limbo.

buzzybee123 Fri 10-May-13 21:30:02

sea can I ask how you knew you didn't need the BCG, even if you had had the jab it still might not have made any difference, are you able to
speak to another clinic for a second opinion

sar glad all was well with your scan

seaviewasia Fri 10-May-13 21:56:00

sar - I am so happy to hear the scan went well and everything is okay. Sorry about the nausea but hopefully that will pass soon. Delay is due to TB treatment which they tell me usually takes 3 months. Humira treatment takes 1 month and the repeat immunes test takes a while too. Some unlucky ladies have to do 2 courses of Humira as sometimes 1 course doesn't bring down the cytokine. All your questions are v valid. I just don't know what to do.

euro - They screen for TB because one of the side effects of Humria is that it makes you more susceptible to catching TB.I am impatient too. I am half thinking I might leave all this immune stuff and just go for a regular ivf and hope for the best. Afterall I have never done a regular round. I too am fascinated by twins!

nelly - brave lady. Glad you are feeling okay but if you don't later, that is okay too. Well done on the steak, cheese and wine. Sounds like a yummy dinner!

buzz - when i was in school, before bcg injections are given, they give you a test, if you react it means you have been exposed to it before and they don't give you the jab. I was the only one in school that didn't need the bcg jab. According to Dr Google this seems to suggest I was exposed when I was young (pre BCG so before I was 11/12). I was born in Asia so this makes sense.

joy - thanks for the stern talking to about going on FF. smile I found one person with the positive TB issue who cycled at the argy and she got pregnant with twins this year. I think she might be the lady you mentioned in your post.

In case anyone reading is interested. Latent TB is not infectious! Phew! More than a third of the population have latent TB and only 10% will go on to actually get TB. Unfortunately immunes treatment is one of the ways to increase that likelihood.

Sorry about the me, me, me post.

EuroShaggleton Fri 10-May-13 22:07:24

Ah, so it is a lot then - one third! I guess that explains why they screen for it. I'm surprised it's even as much as 10% of them who go on to get TB, tbh. Outside specific populations, it's fairly uncommon here. I only know one person who has had full blown TB. She caught it despite having none of the risk factors. She now works for one of the TB charities.

ZippyBopit Sat 11-May-13 06:39:42

Oh Nelly sad how totally shit. And MrsDen too. It's so unfair. I'm so so sorry for you both that it didn't work out this time. I can't even imagine the disappointment. Hope you are both being kind to yourselves.

Thanks Euro for your reply on the natural IVF. Sounds like the nhs don't do it...but at least I know it's out there as an option if I react badly to the drugs. Hope your smear goes ok, bit annoying with the timing.

Sea I think it was you that said clomid makes you ovulate 'stronger'. I was thinking it was all a bit pointless at that stage and that sort of made me feel better about taking it so thanks smile Maybe it helps my eggs mature? Who knows, but if I believe it'll work then it may just...wink Sorry to hear about your TB issue. If it's something that lots of people have and don't know about, and it isn't harmful if you're pregnant, then I can see why you might be tempted to just ignore it and go ahead with the IVF. But on the other hand...I think if it does flare up it's pretty serious so if it were me I'd probably get treated. Tough decision though.

Sar yay for a healthy scan!

Doll thanks for your wise words re the triplet month. I was absolutely getting a bit too excited at my prospects with 3 eggs to shoot for smile Your story brought a little perspective though so I've calmed down a bit. I did make MrBopit have sex with me every day after the scan though to increase my chances even further.....until he started to look at me with fear and dread grin so gave him a day off.

Nelly and Euro wow on the whole other halfs delaying things chat. Exactly the same for me. It took some persuading in the first place. Then it didn't help that I got pregnant the first month we took the plunge (spooked? Yes he was!). It gave him the false impression that we could have a baby to order whenever we chose. So at that point he used a work excuse to delay things for a year or so. I feel like the whole of my 30's I've been waiting for this to happen to the point that aspects of my life have been put on hold. I've not gone for new jobs when I should have etc etc. I have anger bubbling just below the surface. At him for delaying, at me for not going to the doctor sooner (I have to take some blame too). At the moment I can manage that anger because 'all is not lost'. There's still hope. I'm not sure how I'll deal with that anger if I never manage to have children though....scary thought. And a depressing one! Sorry! It's the weekend and I need to perk my ideas up wink I'm up too early.

I have a special request. I wonder if the diffed ladies Sar Gin Doll Artemis Sweet and Princess (hope I've not missed anyone) would remind us of their story (Age, how long trying, if there was a cause for infertility, how they got diffed in the end etc.). I think it would give me hope if I could draw comparisons between someone else's story (of success!) and mine smile does that sound bonkers? Sorry if that's totally nosy...

Mad, Critter and Buzzy thinking of you all.

Waves to Rabbit Lemon Joy Ramona and everyone else I've missed smile xx

ThatWayMadnessLies Sat 11-May-13 07:49:58

Good morning ladies. Was out late last night and couldn't get the Internet to load on my phone. I have missed loads and will definitely not remember it all!

First of all nelly I am so so sorry. The cp should definitely be seen as a positive step forward but after the stress, headfuckery and disruption of ivf it will be hard to see it as such. I hope that MrN is okay too. Hooray to rare steak and blue cheese and wine. Please keep posting as you work through it all and plan your next steps and remember that I'm not too far away for a real life chat if you want or need it xx

sea that is just rubbish. I don't feel like I can offer much advice, apart from to say that my ivf was delayed significantly by having to wait for endometriosis treatment and then taking the downregging drugs for a few months to allow me to recover from surgery without the endo returning. I appreciate that it's a completely different situation because you are not ill and this may not cause you any problems whatsoever, but I do feel that I did everything I could to make sure I was in the right place before starting the ivf. If it doesn't work though I will probably feel like all of that was for nothing. I'm not being very helpful either!!!

joy I agree with sar that maybe a fresh perspective would be useful. You didn't make just one embryo, you made two, so your eggs are capable of turning into babies. You just had such bad luck last time. After such a traumatic experience I can imagine it's difficult to get your head around everything.

buzzy I am thinking of you often on your ivf escape. I am sure that you must feel a bit adrift waiting for your part in the process to get underway, then you get to start doing the most important job there is.

sar so relieved to hear that you are alright and the bean is healthy. Thank goodness for scans! I am really hoping against hope for a positive result for us but I know even if I get one, with my tubal issues, I will be convinced that the bean has set up home in my one remaining tube, destined to end in disappointment again. Not that I am giving in to the hormonal melodramatic feelings hmm. One hurdle at a time right?

mrsdi hope things are starting to feel less acutely painful. I am so sure that icsi will work for you next time and that your eggs will all be allowed to mature so you get something to freeze. We all know that the first round is often a learning experience but that doesn't make the disappointment any less.

rabbit sorry for the sore head but hoorah to junk food and throwing caution to the wind for a change. I do hope you are feeling better this morning (after a nice long lie).

Okay I know there was more I wanted to say but I can't remember any of it. MrM's mum is doing okay. Being kept in for lots of assessments and it is all quite sad (sorry for being cryptic) but long term decisions have to be made now. Poor MrM is also under a lot of stress at work on top of worrying about the ivf so I am trying to take good care of him. Thank goodness he doesn't have to go off booze and caffeine for this part of the process!

Big waves to euro, doll, art, princess, sweet, lemon, critter, zippy and ramona and everyone else because I always miss someone. Here's hoping for some happier Saturdays for us all.

GinSoaked Sat 11-May-13 08:58:15

Just popping in quickly to wish buzz lots and lots of GOOD LUCK today. You will be pupo later on smile

<sweeps nellie into massive hugs and makes hangover soothing noises (I hope you have one this morning)>

Will be back laters

seaviewasia Sat 11-May-13 09:35:12

Good luck buzzy for ET today. Hope it all goes smoothly.

MuddyWellyNelly Sat 11-May-13 10:42:15

Buzzy massive huge heaps of lovely luck for today. I will be thinking of you. ET day is for me always the most exciting part!

Gin bless you, what a lovely person you are. I'm disappointingly not really hungover but I will take the hug anyway! smile

Mad I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much on top of the IVF. Thank you for offering your RL shoulder, especially when you have your own heavy load. Luckily I got a surprise text from my bestie last night to say she is coming to see me tonight so that is really cheering me up (she lives far away).

Zippy well done on the shagfest! Here's hoping for you smile

Sea what a worry on the TB. I'm not sure what I'd go in your circumstances. I don't think I'd do the immune treatment without the TB treatment (if that was even on the table). Perhaps if money wasn't a concern I'd do non-immune ivf once, then if it didn't work treat the tb then the immunes while you had a gap between cycles. But it's hard to know what's the right course of action.

So it was a tough evening in the Nelly house with quite a heart to heart. Long story short, we've decided that IUI is a good option for us, natural cycles with progesterone, and our last gasp will be full LP ivf to see if I can get the other follies I had this time to grow as well. If none of that works then its DE, although I'm not sure why that gives us a better chance than my own embies. I need to understand that before we spend that sort of money.

Anyway loads I've still not referred to (will I ever catch up?!) especially Joys review. I don't think you have crap eggs at all - and remember my consultant said once you are at the embie stage the AMH becomes irrelevant. Big hugs to you.

Love to Lemon, Sar, Doll, sweet, mrsD, euro, Ramona, art, Rabbit, Pout and everyone else I missed.

buzzybee123 Sat 11-May-13 11:06:37

hey ladies I am back and PUPO, had a few tears when I saw B1 and B2 on the screen, we will know tomorrow about freezing some, one is good the other is a possibility and the third is fragmenting. I feel a huge sense of relief that the end is in sight no matter what the results, we are both keen to get on with adoption now, between my poor quality eggs and his poor quality sperm, I mean thank goodness for ICSI as this lot was pretty poor progressive motility 3 % and normal morphology was a mere .5 %, which pretty much puts the nail in the coffin for natural conception.

I like to think if this round doesn't work we will have a go at FET later in the year then call it a day, thankfully we have no option due to finances which for us is a blessing, I am ready to move on

nelly glad your bestie is coming to see you

thanks for all the good wishes

GinSoaked Sat 11-May-13 12:21:00

Yay buzzy you are pupo! That's super good news. It is totally surreal watching them squirt them back in. And it sounds like you will have frosties too. How much longer are you on hols? Hope you have a nice, relaxing weekend. Otd must be about 9 days away?

nellie I'm really pleased that you have a plan - I always feel better when I do- but I am so massively sorry things didn't work out this time. The fact you did get real bfps is v encouraging. From my reading dr google and obsessively reading bout embryo development I think if there is enough hcg to be picked up on a hpt, the bean has implanted and so I assume that when it doesn't work out it's cos that embryo wasn't meant to be. I may be talking bollocks though... Hope you manage to have an ok weekend xx

mad so sorry to hear about mil. Sounds all v sad and also totally what you and mr m don't need at the mo. Is it your otd on Monday? I have everything crossed for you x

mrsd I hope you are ok. All the chat about anger has felt familiar and I'm pleased to hear you feel some towards your DH too, as I feel such a cow whenever I do. I know he'd give anything to have normal sperms and be able to give me a baby normally, but it doesn't stop me getting cross that I have to have all the invasive treatment, prodding, putting my health at risk with the ivf etc, when in fact there's nothing wrong with me, as far as I know.

joy Dave too is rather silent in our consultations, which makes me cross. I've had to do all the research, come up with all the questions, make all the decisions, whilst he pretty much ignores it all. I guess him being laid back has it's advantages in that I've been able to do what I want and i do think men just don't think about it all as much as we do, but I do feel the whole it's up to you attitude is to make it all my fault when stuff goes wrong...

Having said all that, the change in him since the bfp is remarkable. He is just so much happier and relaxed hopefully it's not just to do with his football team doing well so it must have been bothering him. My biggest fear that was he would leave me cos he saw how unhappy I was not bring able to have a baby, but I would choose him any day and made this v clear to him.

joy your appointment sounds rather confusing, to me anyway. I guess they know what they are doing, but I wonder how they can work out it's down to egg quality, just like that. What happened to your beans was nothing to do with egg quality. I am v hopeful for you that next time it will work.

rabbit bloody hell a health scare on top of everything else? You really really don't need that, but I'm pleased all seems well now. Loving your maccied's ttc food rebellion. Any news re the referral yet?

sea sounds like you are having a bit of a shitfest too. I guess you need to decide if you want to do everything you can do to give the ivf the best possible chance of working, or if you just want to get on with it. Do you think immunes are what have been preventing you from conceiving? If so, it may be an idea to get them sorted, although I'd be tempted to have a shot at ivf (maybe somewhere a bit cheaper) and then see how that works out. You could always get the immune treatment done before the next cycle if you need it.

Well done on all the sechsing zippy! You asked about my story - I think it's pretty different to your situation but happy to share. Mr Gin aka Dave (not his real name!) has severe sub-fertility and we were only ever going to get pregnant via icsi. We had 2 failed ivf cycles and a frozen embryo transfer with the one surviving embie from the 2nd cycle, which is what (hopefully!) is growing in me now! The is the first time I've ever been pregnant and we've been trying for almost 3 years. So don't give up!

ramona hope you had a good bonk holiday too!

euro hope you are still recovering well from your op.

sar I'm thrilled that all is well with your bean and that the haematoma is shrinking. All great news. I would love another scan, as I'm so scared there's just a big empty sac, but we can't justify the ££s. I still don't have the date for the 12 week scan and think I will feel better once I get it. They'd better hurry up as I'm at 9 weeks now!

sweet hope you are doing ok. All your symptoms sound v promising to me.

critter hope you are ok and that the menkuling is being held at bay.

Your dog story made me laugh a LOT pout. Isn't your follow up appointment pretty soon?

doll is today bridesmaid day? Hope it goes well. I too am waking up horribly early, mostly cos I need to wee!

Waves to everyone I've missed.

I was at the Southbank last night and it made me think of the lovely meet up we had there smile Last night, I totally stuffed myself with dim sum, mmmmm, and watched Dave get a bit drunk. It was nice to actually be out together for once. Today I'm being ver ver lazy and having a duvet day. I keep having nightmares about going to the loo and discovering bleeding, urgh. Hope you all are having nice weekends.

buzzybee123 Sat 11-May-13 12:37:10

gin they told me the 23rd but will test before as I don't want to be on the sterooids if I don't need them, I do have a bit cramping but should imagine that is normal

CritterPants Sat 11-May-13 12:51:29

Argh, have missed loads and this will have to be a quick post too as I'm going into work today for a one-off Saturday event we're doing.

buzzy hurrah for being PUPO! It is super cool seeing them going back in - and fantastic that you may have a frostie too. I think you've been amazing during all of this. Must feel lovely to have the little ones on board.

nelly big squeeze. I hope you're ok this morning - wine and steak and cheese sound like just the ticket after the shitty week you've had. I think your plan sounds really good and I'm glad you and MrN were able to talk.

mrsd thinking of you. I do think that your next round will be much better - they won't screw up with the early EC for a start, and they'll make sure you have the right dosage. You are going to get there, I'm just sorry it's taking so long and putting you through the emotional and physical wringer. Big hugs coming your way.

sar great news that the haematoma has shrunk and your little bean is still safely there - and isn't it typical that the symptoms would return after a scan!

rabbit you made me laugh with your 'cold sore sounds promising' grin. That has to be a first! So sorry about the health scare, poor you, you don't need that on top of everything else.

mad nearly there now, the end is in sight! Thanks for offering me a paw to hold during this process. I'm so sorry about your poor MIL. A lovely, very young colleague at work just told me that his father had been diagnosed with a horrible degenerative disease - it does put things into perspective. I totally know what you mean about the grandchildren thing - I feel that way too. Unfortunately there's bugger all we can do about it.

sea oh what a horrible shock about the TB. I hate to read about you feeling tearful although I can completely understand why. I think others have good advice - I think you need to talk to a clinic about it and then you can make a decision armed with all the info. I am so sorry this happened on top of everything else.

zippy I hope I didn't make you gloomy about clomid - there is every chance that it will work for you, as it does for countless other women. Good work on the triplet SWI! smile

joy how bloody stressful about the appointment. I agree with the others - I think a fresh set of eyes on your notes would really help at this stage. Can you have a consultation somewhere else? I don't see why egg quality would be the issue but I think what you really need now is a second opinion.

Ok - have missed tons - apologies. Have to get out of my pjs and get off to work. The combo of the threatening cold sore, lots of spots and IVF chub is not making me feel my most foxy so I ought to try to spruce myself up before I launch myself on the unsuspecting public. According to the internet, today (5 days past a 5 day transfer) would be the earliest day to do a meaningful test - OTD is Thursday. I am scared of seeing a negative and am even toying with waiting for the blood test result then. Anyway. Much love and thinking of you all.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sat 11-May-13 19:21:36

nelly so glad your friend is here. Nothing like old friends who know you best at a time like this. I have a few overseas that i only see every 3 or 4 years but we fall right back into it like we've been living next door to each other for the past 10 years smile

Hoorah for being PUPO buzzy!!! Some crcamping is normal. So pleased that your embie (i missed if it was one or two?) is right where it belongs now.

critter i am early nervous about testing too. Bought some tests today (not FRER) just boots normal ones but so scared of a BFN. Don't think i can hold out until the blood test though....

gin i am jealous of your dim sum. we have a new restaurant here. have promised MrM we'll go soon.

dinner ready. big waves to all xx

ZippyBopit Sat 11-May-13 20:08:51

Oh lovely Critter, no I don't remember you saying anything gloomy about clomid. I have been totally pessimistic about it since it was prescribed though and cling on to any positive mention of it. So far I'm really glad I've taken it (surprisingly). I'm viewing it as guaranteed ovulation every month with hopefully more than one egg (but no more than 3!) and the best thing is being seen for scans and blood tests and whatnot. That sounds daft but before I felt cast adrift on my own with the same headfuck month after month and no answers. Now I feel like I'm gaining info (womb layer thickness ooh..) and feel like at least things are moving forward until we come up with the dosh for IVF in Sep/Oct smile Btw what does SWI stand for? I'm pretty sure it's rude but can't quite figure it out grin I'm so excited for you being pupo, your prospects look really good but can imagine it's as scary as for you right now. Rooting for you smile

Thank you Gin for sharing smile I don't care if your story isn't quite mine. It's just so heart warming to hear any stories of people getting diffed after years of trying. 9 Weeks already! That is just fab smile I don't know why but when you call MrGin Dave it always makes me think of Only Fools and Horses grin Anyway, really happy 'Dave' is chilled out and happy now, that's so lovely.

Mad so sorry to hear about MIL. It sounds like you are being there for everyone when what you really need is for the world to stop and for everyone to be there for you. As if your life right now wasn't challenging enough, you are being a trouper though. Hope you are finding some 'me' time for yourself xx

Love that you have a plan Nelly I always feel so much better with a plan. Sounds like overall you had a really positive night where you've both dusted yourself down, pooled your energies and are marching forward stronger than before. Huge admiration x

Yay for pupo Buzzy! smile

Must dash, waves to everyone else smile

buzzybee123 Sat 11-May-13 20:28:58

zippy swi stands for shagging with intent wink, I did super ovulation with erm tamoxifen and then gonal f, I did on my last cycle produce 4 eggs and iui but didn't work although I know it has for others

seaviewasia Sun 12-May-13 01:10:48

Well done to buzzy for being PUPO. It's an emotional time so you are allowed a few tears. smile

Critter - what a nerve wrecking time. I am really hoping for great news for you. I feel so nervous and excited on your behalf.

Mrsd - I hope you are okay and Mrd is taking good care of you. I feel really angry that you are having to go through this disappointment. sad But as it is said time and time again, it is a numbers game and they do learn from when it doesn't work out. I think we just have to keep thinking about that.

Nelly - I am so impressed that you have a plan already. I hope you are taking good care of yourself. I'm really gutted for you that it didn't work this time for you and MrN.

Gin - It's lovely to hear that MrG is happy and relaxed. I hope you are feeling well too and really hoping for a really boring and uneventful pregnancy for you grin I am a massive dim sum fun. I had it today actually. Love it. It's the food of my hometown. I am seriously at risk of outing myself now... grin

Zippy - Glad to hear you are okay with the Clomid. It can work for some people. I hope you are one of those. I'm like you. I went through a period of going through all the signatures of the ladies on fertilityfriends - I really wanted to find people who were similar to me and read their journey and was willing them to succeed. I realise I sound crazy…blush Sometimes wish they had the signature function on here too. Enjoy the shagfest. grin

Thank you to everyone for your support & thoughts on TB. Sorry I was a bit of a drama queen yesterday about it. (AF came this morning so it could have been PMT as well) blush I have calmed down thanks to Joy's advice I got in contact with some TB positive people on FF (only 2 and it seems it’s v rare that people test positive – Im just unlucky). I also got a second opinion from an OB GYN. I haven't made a final decision yet as I want to get my TB status checked out first but the thinking is that if my liver can take the 3 months of antibiotics I will go for the TB treatment, then the humira and then the IVF. shock
Love to everyone. Hope you are enjoying the weekend. x

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 12-May-13 07:08:48

I know it's not definitive but this morning was a very clear bfn. Starting to prepare for bad news tomorrow sad

mrsden Sun 12-May-13 07:37:03

Oh no mad, I'm so sorry. If it helps at all, I'm a week past getting my bfn on a stick and I feel so much brighter. The sadness will pass but it's so painful. I'm hoping that it is just to early to register on a pee test yet, tight squeeze.

It never rains but it pours on this thread. All the twists and turns. At least it's never boring. I sometimes forget in all the doom and gloom that we've had some real successes, princess, art, doll, gin, grouch. Not bad for a bunch of barrens.

Sea. I don't know much about tb, but I think it's probably important to get it treated if there is a risk of it becoming active. Can you chat to your gp about it? This is probably controversial to say but I'm a little sceptical of the immune stuff. I know lots of women report success after numerous failed cycles but I wonder why only a few clinics offer it if the evidence backs up their use? I think if it were me, I would want to try a cycle without it first and turn to it as a last resort. Can they actually say this is the reason you haven't got pregnant?

Buzz, wonderful you are PUPO. I've got everything crossed for a good result for you. There is no reason why it won't work, two beautiful blasts. It's good to have a plan though.

Af arrived yesterday, it's a little painful and I've had huge clots, yuk. But I feel happier and not so tearful so I think my hormones have turned to happier ones.

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 12-May-13 08:21:11

Mad I'm so sorry hmm. Of course we all hope its just too early for it to register but I know it's hard (and often not useful) to keep hope. Sometimes all you can do is survive day to day; but like MrsD says it starts to get better. Thinking of you and MrM and praying for better news tomorrow.

MrsD so happy you are starting to feel better, but sorry about AF being painful. Mine too confused. Mine certainly didn't hang about. No progesterone on Friday night so was spotting a bit yesterday then full on AF by this morning.

I had a fun night last night with my friend and didn't talk about TTC so I do feel a bit lighter today. MrN off out for most of the morning though so I will have to try to keep occupied.

Hope everyone else is ok. Critter yes 10DPO would be too early but it depends if you want to do daily testing or just a one off? I am so hopeful for you.

Hope you are enjoying being PUPO Buzz. How long till you come home?

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 12-May-13 08:42:16

Thanks nelly and mrsd. There have been some tears and more tomorrow I'm sure. Just feels that 5 months of treatment has been a waste. We will have learned things but not very good ones. I think now that my twinges will have been the cysts returning. terrified of needing another lap before we can go again. this is all so rubbish......

EuroShaggleton Sun 12-May-13 08:45:40

Sorry for the BFN, Mad. I hope it was just too early.

buzz hurrah for being PUPO!

mrsd I'm glad you are starting to feel better.

AFM, I had a bit of a crap day yesterday. We were booked in for shooting, but my stitches were quite painful in the morning, so I was humming and hawing about whether to go. I also had kerazy PMT. Mr euro talked me into it, but it was the wrong decision. I think the nerves near to the stitches were going mental or something, but everything within about a 3 inch radius hurt like crazy all day. So I shot for less than 5 minutes and spent the rest of the day sitting in the car... But we had a nice evening. The friend we shoot with came back with us for dinner and wine. smile

AF still hasn't arrived. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I did have an anovulatory cycle and my thermometer isn't on the blink after all. It has been more than two weeks now since I thought I oved and I've never had an LP over 14 days. If it were not for the per-ov sechs fails, I'd be getting all excited, but I know there is no chance this cycle, so I wish AF would just get on with it!

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 12-May-13 09:23:46

Mad it's so unbelievably frustrating, after everything you've had to go to. But (and I realise I don't take my own advice) take it one step at a time. This cycle isn't done yet so focus on that. And try not to pre-emptively (sp?) worry. Twinges could be anything or nothing. Big hugs.

Euro oh FFS to more headfuckery cycles. Mother Nature is a cruel witch, and I'm sorry your attempt to get your mind off things didn't work out. I think pain/itching is a sign of healing but can imagine its driving you wild. I know you aren't a drug fan but some mild painkillers maybe? Could you have OV'd a bit later than normal and maybe caught the egg after all ?In my self absorbed world recently I did register your concerns over temps, but can't remember all that was said.

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 12-May-13 09:27:04

To = through.

And I am out of the tent enough to apologise for repeat apostrophe offences. I often notice my posts have its when it should be it's, but mostly it's iPhone ineptness rather than lack of user ed-you-cayshun. wink

buzzybee123 Sun 12-May-13 09:50:59

hey ladies, we are at the airport, I think its one of the smallest I have ever been to

I have to admit I don't feel any different about it all. I was told that implantation will happen within 72 hours so + would imagine by the weekend I will know so I can stop the drugs if need be, the steroids are making me a crazy lady, I nearly attacked some ferral f*ck at check in because he was getting arsey with the staff because he hadn't printed out his boarding pass hmm I feel like I could cry all the time i'm so exhausted, i'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed.

madness i'm hoping that it was too early to test for you

critter when are you testing

euro typical that AF doesn't show up when you expext it to
nelly glad you had a good time with your friend

hello to everyone else

MuddyWellyNelly Sun 12-May-13 10:07:31

<cluster post>.

I meant to say that as part of our heavy chat on Friday we had a discussion about why we were so upset. I mean, really trying to understand what part of not getting pregnant was the issue. After all, we love all our friends' kids but are often pleased when they take them home wink So we put aside the I'm such a failure aspect because at the end of the day, pregnancy is just the mechanism by which you have a child, not the point in itself. We fast forwarded a bit and realised we wanted the noisy chaotic life with toys everywhere, burst lips and spilt orange juice. Shouts of "mummy, daddy, come see what I did" and the dread of wondering just what that was. The pride when the stabilisers come off and the worry when they stay at a sleepover for the first time. You'd think it would be distressing but we realised it was just about love, and nowhere in there was there anything specific to biology. Of course we'd prefer this to be easy, and have a child that was genetically related to both of us; but suddenly it didn't seem so important. I'm not sure yet about adoption, but again that's not about biology but the hoops, the delays, the fact you rarely are matched with infants, and the fact we've no parenting experience so not sure how we'd cope with an older child who may have some issues.

So all in all, it meant DE has become far less scary. I know everyone would have a different "vision" but I certainly found it useful. It possibly sounds very Woo, but we didn't actually visualise this, just talked about it whilst drowning in wine. But I think perhaps I've become obsessed with the journey rather than the destination. Thought I'd write it all down in case it helped anyone else. And also I'm procrastinating about my chores wink

One test I've set myself - to make sure when I open the browser on my phone, there are always search pages related to non TTC things too. Recipes, patterns, hobbles, holidays, it doesn't matter what. Just not all Fertility after Chemical Pregnancy and the like blush

Ok I must do my chores. Maybe another brew first though...

sarlat Sun 12-May-13 10:11:07

Mad -I am sorry for the bfn. It is such a gutting hollow feeling. I assure you the last 5 months were not wasted. It is still may be too early to tell and there is no way those twinges are the cysts growing back. Sweetheart this is not the end, I promise.

Euro - sorry for the ouchy scar and lack of shooting. Were there any sesh non fails this month? Sorry for the head feckery.

Buzz-you have been the most inspirational, brave and generally fantastic lady these last few months. You are on the home straight now. Your baby is coming. You have found peace and whatever happens next, your baby is coming. Hang on in there, be kind to yourself.

Critter -hope you are doing ok. I have everything crossed for you.

EuroShaggleton Sun 12-May-13 10:12:38

nelly I took some paracetemol yesterday, but I didn't want to keep taking it because I was worried about coming on and not feeling it when I was spending the day in the middle of a field. hmm I also didn't want to be pulling my stitches and not feeling it. So I only took drugs for the drive. I feel ok today - little pain from the head and far less menkul PMT.

Re: temps, I've been temping for most cycles over the past 2 years and always had a post-ov temp rise. This month I didn't get one. I thought my thermometer might finally have given up the ghost, so I've ordered a new one , but maybe I just didn't ov. This would have been the first time my right ovary would have been called into action since December, so maybe it just struggled to wake up!

buzz I hope the flight home is ok. I know that feeling about being so tired you could cry. You'll be back in your own bed very soon.

sarlat Sun 12-May-13 10:32:06

Nelly -your last post made me cry. How utterly utterly true everything you write is. Gosh, I am in awe of you and mr c's clear rational thinking. I guess opening up other channels just makes things more possible. And do you know what, even if you did do de or adoption there is no reason why you might not fall pregnant naturally at some point too. There is no absolute end to anything. You have inspired me about your search page choices. So much sadness and negativity cant be good. Lovely hobby and interest things are always good, I am going to do the same. To be honest, I have been putting off joining an ante natal thread. Partly for cautious reasons and partly because I havent got the energy. I don't think I want to keep up with another thread as the last 3 years have been so consuming. This thread has been a lifeline but it will be difficult to keep up that intense level throughout the next year or two on another thread with all the anxieties that come along with pregnancy and I would prefer to find some balance. I want to keep supporting this thread and keep in touch with princess, art and gin etc but I am not sure i want to enter the world of pregnancy anxiety beyond what i have to. Does that make sense? I need to go on funky websites that interest me alongside being pregnant. Nelly - I thank you for bringing this perspective, xx

Gin - meant to say well done on the night out and dim sum. That is a result! Best I have managed was a plain jacket potato in a supermarket cafe for all of half an hour last week. My weekends are all about being laid on the setee, sick bucket close by, salty crisps and repeats of come dine with me. Not complaining though. Planning afternoon tea in a posh country hotel soon as im up to it.

Poutintrout Sun 12-May-13 11:14:17

Not long got up <lazy caaahhh smiley> Ponders how if I had sprogs I would have already been wide awake for hours by now.....

Firstly I am so sorry mad that you got a BFN. Like nelly says I obviously so hope that this is an erroneous result and too early but don't want to fuel any head fuckery. Lots of love to you.

buzzy hurrah for being PUPO. 2 beans, is that right? Hope that you get home soon and are reunited with Kayla. She will be one pleased kitty to see you smile
Woo hoo at seeing the beans going in on the ultrasound worries slightly now that MrP and I saw nothing at all on our ultrasound and squashes thoughts of the doctor having prematurely squirted and missed my cervix

Euro So sorry that you are uncomfortable. Do you think it's because the painkillers they must have given you at the hospital are wearing off? Maybe it is a good sign that you are starting to heal. Hoping that you feel better today.
FGS at AWOL period. Interestingly (or not!) I was reading another thread on here recently and someone was observing how there seems to be many ladies over the last few weeks with inexplicably late periods and was musing that perhaps it is something to do with the shifting season.

joy Your follow up appointment sounds like it threw up more questions than it addressed. I too was a bit confused at how they could deduce that egg quality is an issue when yours went on to develop into embryos. I was also a bit cross that the AMH test is obviously a bag of shit at determining quality afterall. Had I realised I would rather not have had the bloody thing. Do you think you will bother with a second opinion?

sea I can't believe you have more crap thrown at you in the from of the latent TB. How frustrating.

sarlat so glad that your scan showed that all was well. How wonderful.

gin I felt so touched to read about the changes in Dave. Ohhhhh at Dim Sum.

zippy It's great that you seem to be doing so well on the Clomid & not turning into a emotional, homicidal maniac. I understand it feeling good to finally be doing something proactive.

mrsd Sorry about the heavy period. Talk about insult to injury eh.

nelly I am amazed by how much brighter you seem already. You & MrN seem to have a plan. I think that is always good for lifting the mood. BTW wanted to say that everything you said about wanting a baby struck a chord especially the part about wondering whether you are more obsessed with the journey than the destination. I have often pondered how it seems that I might be hung up on winning the battle with my body now rather than actually having a baby. I did chuckle at your comments about handing the children back. MrP & I don't actually like children at all much either. We were watching BGT (I know, I know. Utter dross but I like shouting at the TV) and there were some "cute" preschool dancers. I had this flash of realisation about how if we have kids we would have to have birthday parties and the house would be full of these kind of little people. I was aghast at the thought of other peoples kids touching my stuff. Cue MrP's shock face

I am beginning to irrationally panic that the IVF has fooked my cycles. I have got another strange ovulation cycle where I seemed to gear up to ovulate super early with some EWCM that seems to have disappeared too early. More worryingly I haven't had the ovulation pain or spike in sex drive. Sobs that the hospital have broken me....

Anyway I have missed loads of you and I am sure that were many things I wanted to say. Have a lovely Sunday TRC'ers!

EuroShaggleton Sun 12-May-13 11:26:04

pout bizarrely, I had no painkillers from the hospital at all - just the local anaesthetic, which wore off after a few hours. I took some paracetemol that afternoon and some more yesterday. It has been all I have needed. The pain wasn't excruciating yesterday, just enough to make me want to be comfy at home rather than stuck in a field.

joy your appointment does seem odd. Particularly the conclusion that "sperm carries the embryo forward after day 3, but as the frag was ok, it must be the eggs that are the problem". Why don't they just say they haven't got a clue? They were clearly just guessing. Grrrr.

sar I completely understand that. I just wanted to be a normla preggo, whatever that may be.

GinSoaked Sun 12-May-13 11:32:13

Just popping in quickly to say so sorry mad. Like everyone else, I'm really hoping that the bloods will show a different result, but massive hugs in the meantime. What you have been through isn't a waste of time, it's one step closer to getting you your baby.

Hang in there buzzy. I had no symptoms, other than usual pre af ones, until otd. You have such a good chance with this cycle. Make sure you rest up when you get home and get Barry to carry the bags.

sar you have just described most of my weekends and evenings! Blanket, sofa, crisps, apples and snapping at Dave about that state of the house! <whispers> antinausea pills allowed me to enjoy my evening out

Luffs and waves to everyone else

mrsden Sun 12-May-13 12:15:45

Gin and sar - how are you managing to work when you fell rough? This is one of my worries about ever getting pregnant because I really wouldn't want work to know for a while and so I'd want to be able to hide it. But how is that possible when you're feeling sick? Anyway, I'm sorry you're both feeling rough, hopefully you'll get the second trimester glow.

Joy, I agree with the others. I don't understand how they can conclude the problem is with egg quality. And if it is that then why are they treating you for immunes too? Or have I got that wrong?

mrsden Sun 12-May-13 12:31:46

It's Mother's Day here's yet another day I hate, grump.

buzzybee123 Sun 12-May-13 14:00:16

well I am back in the uk hmm

nelly I love the idea of adoption and hate the idea of being pregnant, especially when I feel like this , there is nothing about the process that appeals to me at all, if I had the money I would have happily paid for a surrogate to do the donkey work for me then happily just pick up the baby in a few months smile

mrsd its mothers day back home too, when you get pregnant you can ask for certain anto sickness tablets and wear those very sexy sea sickness wrist bands wink I worry about the actual logistics of being able to do my job and worry they will move me to an area where I will be more useful hmm

pout when is your next appointment, sorry about the fooked cycles, my cycle before ivf was on 23 days hmm there was no rhyme nor reason, yes I look forward to seeing my little fur baby, I have missed her bossiness

joycep Sun 12-May-13 15:58:34

Oh Mad please no not another bfn on here. I am so fed up with everyone's shitty luck in the last week. I hope to god it's just too early. You have had the most appalling time, it just seems so utterly unfair. So hoping better news for you tomorrow

Sar - so so pleased that mini Sar is doing well. Has it sunk in yet??

Pout - fooked cycles I hear you say. They are suppose to be out of whack for a few months. When was your ivf again? I think something awful is going on with mine. Ovulation happened at day 21 not 15/16. And Thursday and Friday especially I had awful pelvic pains come the evening. Throbbing in my womb and back and hips aching. I can feel it now starting again. I was in the car and was nearly crying because I now fear Ashermans again. Roy was telling me off for being a hypochondriac but of course I bloody am when I have unexplained pains and no sign of AF. It feels like it should be here. Anyway I am sorry you are getting worried too. It's bloody awful. Also I did laugh at your comment to buzz about the doc missing your cervix. I didn't feel anything with IuI and I remember being convinced that the doc wasn't putting anything up me, so I would have to pay for another round the next month!!!

Buzz - so pleased you are Pupo but sorry about the steroids. For me they only seemed to mess with my sleep. Pleased you are back home.

Nelly - I found your post lovely and helpful. I have never quite got to grips with my feelings and It was interesting to hear your thoughts. How are you feeling otherwise?

Euro - oh goodness, what a grim day for you . Sorry to hear that. I hope you are somewhat better today.

Thanks ladies for your suggestions about getting a second opinion. I did have one last year with DrG and I have to say his assessment of me was very doom and gloom. He said I should go on to dhea right away and was very much of the opinion my time was nearly up. i felt pretty crap!To be honest I think I give up now with seeing anyone else. No one knows do they really. I think the egg quality thing is because Roy seems to be fine but we don't make anything to freeze. Mind you art and doll didn't either so does it actually matter?? I do feel like 3 years banging my head against a brick wall.
Well trying to not scare myself silly with fears of Ashermans ahain but this intensive pelvic pain is very disconcerting. I know there is loads I have missed but need to dash.

CritterPants Sun 12-May-13 16:49:06

Hi everyone

It's Mother's Day here too and I am celebrating by spending the day at home on my own refusing to join MrC on an outing to the in-laws grin and cleaning and getting some work done instead. Very thought provoking chat on here this morning. You are all such wise ladies. This thread is such a lifeline for me.

mrsd I am so pleased that you're feeling a little better now, after your awful week. You are resilient and you are going to get there. It's a long hard road but next time the doctors will not bugger up your cycle before you've even got to ET angry and the numbers game will be in your favour.

mad Oh no. I can't bear it, I am so sorry. I really hope you get good news tomorrow but I can totally understand wanting to protect yourself. If this is negative, can you do another round without all the downregging crap you had to go through before? Try not to worry about ovary twangs, I think that's normal given how much ours have been stuffed with eggs and drugs - I can imagine how upset and scared you must be now. I hope you get a surprise tomorrow but if not, we are here for drinking wine and helping you recover from this horrible shock.

sea It sounds like you've done some good research on the TB and have come up with a plan, which is always a good step towards feeling better, for me at least. I put off IVF for six months and although it was hard waiting, it felt better to be ready - when you do get there, you'll be raring to go and your body will be in good shape for the drugs. Oh it is hard though, I know - the constant waiting. It's just exhausting.

nelly you are one special lady. I know what you mean about wanting the whole package of a family, not just a biological link - and also about obsessing about the journey, which I definitely do - although I think it's hard not to. I also think your advice about making sure there is non-baby-related stuff on your iphone is fantastic. I am guilty as charged there. I'm starting a distance-learning poetry course this summer and I really hope it will take my mind off TTC stuff. It's so much healthier to have other things that make you happy to focus on. Incidentally I think your child is going to be very lucky indeed to have you and MrN as parents. What a wonderful environment to grow up in.

pout Oh no, I am sorry about the worry of your cycles being messed up after IVF. Did they tell you a date for FET - when Colin would go back into his/her ancestral home? Is it related to when your cycles realign? Like you, I don't like most other people's children (apart from a few really special ones). blush But I am told it is different with your own.

zippy I know exactly what you mean about the monitoring and the horrible feeling of ttcing without knowing what's going on. I think the hardest time for me was before I really got on the assisted conception train - when I was using clomid without monitoring and not ovulating and not knowing what the hell was happening. For me, that has been a good thing about IVF (although I hope you won't get to this stage). Putting the responsibility in someone else's hands, and having more information about my body. I do so hope that the clomid works for you and you can stop taking the stuff and get off the bus soon.

buzzy hope you're taking it easy at home and putting your feet up. You are just an inspiration and I think it's amazing how you've managed all this. Whatever happens, you're going to be a mum, and a fantastic one at that. My hand is here to hold during these next 10 days - I hope they go quickly and that you aren't too anxious during the wait.

joy I am sorry about the fears on the Ashermans syndrome. You just sound exhausted and I can totally see why. I wonder whether your next round, if you do go ahead, could be somewhere cheaper with less heavy monitoring than ARGC? You did manage to implant those two little embies and the karotyping showed an issue that wasn't to do with your egg quality - just a horrible natural fluke. I know you must be despairing right now, but I honestly think your baby is still going to come to you. I really do. I wish this was easier, it's so unfair. Incidentally MrC doesn't say anything during doctor's meetings either, to the extent that doctors have commented on it. He's quiet at the best of times but I just think AC is hard for men, they don't know how to deal with it, it's scary and guilt-inducing. I totally understand the irritation though as I felt the same way!

gin I loved that you said MrG was happier. That is SO incredibly lovely to hear. I bet it is a heavy burden for men to carry on their own, without our support networks.

sar salty crisps on the sofa sound like a winner. I understand about the investing of energy into threads and that you may not want to join an antenatal one. You've had such a rough ride to this pregnancy and I can imagine that you would be pretty traumatised still after what you have been through.

euro I am sorry about the sore stitches and the uncomfortable day out. How stressful about the ovulation worry too... I hope you're ok. Your next cycle must be really close and I bet you're keen to try again. Oh I'm sorry honey, it sounds like you're having a hard time at the moment. This is just a crappy process and every hurdle seems to throw up a new obstacle or worry.

All ok here, just having a quiet day at home. Still too scared to test. I might try on Tuesday which would be 13dpo. I'm just too freaked out by the idea of a negative. Full disclosure - I actually did an internet cheapie and then changed my mind and threw it away without looking at it <crazed emoticon>. I am reassuring myself that even if this doesn't work, I can try again next month or the month after with an FET.

EuroShaggleton Sun 12-May-13 18:05:54

critter how could you have thrown it away without looking? Gah. You have far more self-restraint than I do!

I've started spotting a tiny bit (something new post-mc), so AF is on the way, and then we will be on to the next cycle. We have discussed putting it off for a month or two, but I think that is mainly because we are scared of it, rather than for any genuine reason ( we have excuses - I'd like to lose a few pounds, mr euro would like for his flat to sell so he has less going on and less stress - but there will never be a perfect time and none of these is really reason to postpone).

gin I was surprised how happy I felt when diffed. I hadn't realised how empty I felt before, until I didn't any more.

buzzybee123 Sun 12-May-13 19:02:45

I have only just noticed that it say TRC on the top of this thread, well my cat is now fat hmm there is a little bit of sagging furry puku shock -- not even going to discuss my sags-- and still rather moody with us too, she is giving me a bit of a filthy look as I type

joy I am lucky to be getting 3-4 hours sleep right now, I just can not switch off and seem to be in foul mood and tearful but not over anything in particular, I just want to go to bed and actually sleep. Either the steroids or the double dose of arse bullets are making me hungry as hell and nauseous hmm

gin I have spent my time leading for forgiveness from Kayla, unpacking and washing, time to think about dinner, I had late implanations with both my pregnancies, 9dpo along with late ovulation but knew by CD28 that it had worked, I had very boobs and sickness and spotting

critter I am shock that you could not look I would have been fishing it pout the bin is Tuesday the day they told you to test?? I don't understand why they gave me the 23rd, if implantation is up to 72 hours after transfer then from Tuesday on my HCG levels would be rising??? I'm not spending a day longer than I have to with the steroids and arse bullets grin

euro we too have discussed when we would do FET well that is if they did actually freeze anything, I would like to get my feet sorted and it would be cheaper to go later in the year not over the summer hmm plus I would like to get on with adoption process, but then I think well I would go back in a couple of months, Barry has said it would be up to me,

CritterPants Sun 12-May-13 19:14:57

buzzy and euro it is fear that made me change my mind - and also because I knew whatever the result was, it would colour my entire day... sort of like sticking my fingers in my ears and pretending I can't hear anything.

buzz I am sorry you're tearful, I think it's inevitable - this is a huge thing and you've managed so well but there was such a long build up to this, suddenly you're on your own and just waiting. The clinic didn't tell me to test, they just said to come in for a blood test on Thursday morning which would be 15dpo.

euro I am pleased you're getting going again - must be a relief. It is scary but it's great that you're climbing back on the horse. We will be here to hand hold. sad about the empty feeling.

buzzybee123 Sun 12-May-13 19:42:51

critter its a relief that it is all coming to an end either way, but I'm more concerned about how mad and sweary I feel with the steroids not to mention the tiredness, I have a meeting on Tuesday it was booked for Monday but they changed it just so I can be there no I am not that important I'm just 'vocal' at these meetings I was annoyed with some blebs at the airport today I nearly had words with him, if I feel like this on Tuesday I'm likely to go 'postal' with some of my colleagues hmm grin

sorry is it 15 days post transfer or collection??

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 12-May-13 19:43:27

Evening lovely ladies. Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I do know that there is an outside chance of good news tomorrow but I couldn't face getting the phone call, at work, by myself, and having to face up to the bad news on my own. I will also have to call in between appointments and my last appointment involves a baby and a toddler so I have to be able to pull myself together quite quickly.

So glad that you are home buzzy. I'm sure that Kayla's huffiness will be shortlived. I'm sorry that the hormones are mucking about with your sleep and I hope being in your own bed will help.

Critter I understand not wanting to look but I totally would have caved as the negative test this morning made me feel a bit like I'd been hit by a bus today. If I felt like I had the option of waiting for the phone call, then I would have enjoyed one more hopeful day. We were discussing baby names last night sad. In answer to your question, I don't know what they will make me do next time. I'm hoping just a few months on the pill depending on whether the endometriomas have returned thanks to the stimming drugs. There are a lot of questions to be answered before another round I think.

Nelly your thoughtful post led to a discussion in this house as well. I had always thought that donor eggs wouldn't help me, but if I only get two eggs next time, then maybe donor eggs would get me a better shot at having something to freeze - just to maximize our chances for our final, private round. After that we will move on to adoption.

euro I can see why you would both be feeling a bit anxious about going again but I'm very proud of you for dusting yourself off and jumping back in.

joy that does not sound pleasant! I am sure that you are not a hypochondriac and you make sure to get things checked out of the symptoms continue and you're worried. I understand why you would want to stay put if you've had negative opinions elsewhere.

mrsd bah humbug to mother's day. (I don't really mean that) but my facebook is covered in mother's day messages from relatives. It is not a good day for that!

pout I hope that things settle down for you soon and you can crack on with the FET. I'm not sure what will happen to my cycles now. I haven't had a period since Christmas so I would imagine it might take a while to get back to "normal".

Well, there have been lots of tears around here. A surprising number of them from MrM. I feel better already though and we will move on after confirmation of the result tomorrow.

Pizza has arrived so must dash grin.

buzzybee123 Sun 12-May-13 20:11:23

Ooooh Pizza, I am ravenous all the time now. Kayla is sitting behind me but she won't give me whisker kisses

madness DE IVF did freaked me out at first but once i thought about the pros and cons and really though about what I wanted my final goal to be, which is a mum, then DE became the best option and I never looked back. Depending your DHs sperm you are more likely to have something to freeze, Barrys results for this cycle were classed as Asthenoteratozoospermie with motility 3% and morphology .5% but with ICSI and her great eggs we have two great blastos on board and at at least one possibly two for the freezer

sorry about the tears, big hugs

EuroShaggleton Sun 12-May-13 20:16:42

AF just arrived, so I'm technically on to cycle 31 confused and IVF#2. Bit scary. Not sure I can hack another disappointment. Wish me luck!

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 12-May-13 20:19:13

Pizza was scrummy. I ate it far too quickly though.......

Thanks buzzy. All of MrM's sperm analyses have been perfectly normal in all respects. I know that I have to wait till tomorrow and then the follow up appointment before drawing a line under this cycle, but it does help me to think about our options. DE doesn't really freak me out. Adopting older children with complicated histories does though, but I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 12-May-13 20:19:42

cross post euro. Good luck xxxxxxxxx

buzzybee123 Sun 12-May-13 20:43:24

madness I know people seem to think that adoption means older children with ishoos but the people I have spoken to friends and colleagues who have adopted and they said that they adopted their kids around the 1year mark and don't seem to have major issues to deal with. I was more concerned about the child not thinking of me as their mother as we didn't have a biological connection like the child would with Barry

buzzybee123 Sun 12-May-13 20:44:19

euro like I said before, this is a new phase smile here to hand hold

ThatWayMadnessLies Sun 12-May-13 20:58:39

buzzy my friends who adopted have also not had that problem, but they know of another couple who have had lots of trouble with getting matched and the children had a lot more special needs. There are also ongoing issues with the biological family of my friends' child (adoption not yet final) and they have a lot of worries about helping their child through that in the future. It's just a different set of issues to get my head around, that's all.

MrM has just agreed to tutor a friend's daughter in one of her secondary school subjects. I'm quite happy about that because I think that it will look very good on an adoption application and he's bloody good at explaining things to me so will be brilliant.

I need to walk away from the computer. Hope everyone has a good Monday. Thanks for being here for me to talk to xx

CritterPants Sun 12-May-13 21:30:48

madness I'm just gutted for you. I am so sorry about the tears and I can imagine that you'd feel like this has really knocked you for six. It made me well up that you'd been talking about baby names, all these hopes and dreams, why can't it be simple, FFS! I think it's amazing that you're talking about forward plans but can imagine for now that you want to hear from the clinic first and then take it from there. Thinking of you and sending you a massive cross-Atlantic squeeze.

CritterPants Sun 12-May-13 21:35:21

buzzy Thursday will be 15 days past my egg collection, which I think is the same as ovulation/conception for a normal. So whatever comes up then should be definitive. What you say about DE totally makes sense. The end result is the most important thing - it's a lot to get your head around but being a parent is the ultimate goal. Sorry Kayla is sulking - I hope she forgives you and Barry for the abandonment soon!

euro huge hand hold and much much luck. You are a strong, wonderful lady and you can do this. We will be here for any wobbles. With such a good result from the natural round last time (minus your miscarriage sad), I really think this has every reason to work for you.

rabbitonthemoon Sun 12-May-13 21:49:59

Posting in bed on phone as I have stomach ache which is perhaps trapped wind blush hurray for over sharing. So much happening on here and so much that has made me thoughtful.

mad so sorry about the bfn, god they are so horrible on a normal cycle let alone after such a long build up for you. I totally understand how you must feel after all you've been through. My lowest point on this fecking journey was last summer after my op when I was hoping for a post op diff and all I got in return was screwed up cycles and a beast of a scar. But it wasn't a waste. You were poorly and needed that fixing and this downregging has given your womble a chance to rest and be ready. I'm sure ovary rumblings are quite usual at this point. The thought of things returning is also a big fear for me and if I'd had my children I probably would have a hysterectomy as my cyclical pain is pretty shite. But we are on the right road to help them to help our little wombles to do their job. I will be thinking of you tomorrow x

Ladies with cycle issues, Joyce, pout, euro maybe it is the seasons but I really think the menstrual cycle is a delicate creature. I never dreamt my op would knock things off course for 5 months and I didn't even have hormone fiddling or mcs. It is scary when things feel different but I don't think it means something is wrong necessarily, just your body is resetting itself. I thought I was never going to be normal again but it all came back as per usual in the end. Please cut and paste this to me during my own worries post treatment.

Euro scars are the pits for itching, twitchy nerves and pain. I have kelo cote on prescription and its very very good at soothing and smoothing, it knocks bio oil out the water. Sorry you had a poo day but cycle two is underway!

critter you have willpower of iron! I would have dug it out the bin, held it to the light in various rooms and periodically checked it throughout the day smile

nelly I want the family stuff. How I get it is becoming less important in slow increments, like every month that passes I am a fraction more accepting that adoption/donor egg might be my way to that. I too worry about what I feel I could take on adoption wise. pout I was at the cinema today and there were lots of kids flocking out of one screen as we got there with frazzled and bored looking parents and I thought thank fuck that's not me, shortly followed by god, what I have to go and see rubbish kids films?!confused my rational head tells me life is very good, I love my hobbies, my income and my freedom. I don't need to beg steal and borrow babysitters for a rushed date night. I can stay in bed if I want and I always get my sleep. This is very much about getting my body to play nicely and do its job and I rarely think beyond two lines. All that said, when I thought I had a bfp in October it was the happiest I'd been since I got married. It was like that feeling you get when you fall in love, everything felt bright and alive. So euro I know what you mean and I hope we all get back to that soon. Please.

buzzy woo hoo you are pupo! Sorry the steroids are knocking you around. My animal HATES me when I've left him and has his back to me for at least a week.

I've missed loads of people. But loves to all grads, differs, lurkers and 10 plus ladies.

I am currently convinced I'm peri menopausal confused because I woke up on holiday drenched in sweat. It was cold and I'd gone to sleep under a lot of blankets. I can't stop thinking about it though and the spotting and fsh. I feel ancient.

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 13-May-13 07:37:27

Oh rabbit I'm sure you're not peri menopausal. i hope that you're feeling better this morning. thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who panics about things coming back and scuppering all my plans...

I'm waiting for clinic to open so i can get my blood test. second hpt was negative this morning so really no hope left as far as i am concerned. it's going to be a long day.....

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Mon 13-May-13 07:48:42

Sorry madness. Thinking of you today. Btw could you not have mrmad ring the clinic, that is what I did with pg-results calls.

Waves at all, yay for PUPO Buzzy and I'll catch up tonight!

rabbitonthemoon Mon 13-May-13 08:00:02

Oh mad sorry for another bfn and a long waity day ahead. Big hug.

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 13-May-13 10:02:23

Thanks lemon. MrM in meetings most of the day so actually best for me to ring. he needs to hold himself together better for that. i can always hide in the toilet for a bit in between appointments!

ArtemisTheHunter Mon 13-May-13 10:05:11

Madness I'm really sorry about the BFN. Still hoping for you. Sounds like a good idea to get MrMad to ring for you. It is a horrible call to have to make. Where has all the good luck gone from thread 14? Maybe it's even numbers only for the fertility gods hmm

Joy I'm baffled by what you've been told about egg quality and had to post when I read the clinic's verdict. Two reasons mainly: firstly, you conceived twins, and it sounds like the chromosomal issues were not related to IVF, is that right? But secondly, your IVF round was similar in many ways to mine. I got 13 eggs too, 8 fertilised normally, and none made it to the freezer. We had a 7 cell and an 8 cell on day 3 that they recommended putting back because they didn't think either would make it to blast. They were both grade B/C, so nobody could have argued that we had great eggs or top grade embies, yet six months on one of those embies is now giving my bladder an uncomfortable kicking. I worried for ages about whether the embie quality meant the pregnancy wouldn't stick or would result in congenital issues, and googled the life out of the subject, but could find nothing in scientific journals to link the quality of embryos to subsequent likelihood of, or outcome of, pregnancy. And they just don't know anything about embryo quality in natural conception. Einstein could well have been conceived from an embryo that wouldn't have made it to day 5 in a petri dish. I think sometimes the scientists claim to know too much when in reality they should just admit that a large part of this game is down to chance. Anyway I'll stop ranting. I don't suppose this is terribly useful to you but wanted to post just because of the similarity in our respective scenarios. We all want answers to why things work out as they do but sometimes I think there just aren't any and that is the hardest thing to deal with.

Nelly that sounds like some very philosophical thinking, I'm glad you and MrN have been able to talk this through and understand what it is you want from this whole process. It sounds like a positive way forward. I agree on getting fixated with the journey. i think that's why it took me so long to get my head around being <whispers> preggo - I had only ever thought as far as a BFP and when it came it was a huge shock. For the record, i'm another one with unresolved resentment against MrA for making me wait so long to even try. We split up for a while over it after about 2 years together. I was like you though, I loved him, and having had 3 serious or semi-serious relationships in my 20s and early 30s with men who either dithered or point blank refused to consider marriage and children I was all too aware that there are thin pickings out there. The prospect of starting over aged 35+ was too daunting. We are in a good place now - which ironically is probably partly to do with what we've been through since - and I am comfortable with my choices but some resentments are hard to completely do away with. It's also why the whole Daily Fail 'selfish women leave it too long to have babies' bullshit myth makes me so angry.

I must do some work. Waves and love to everyone. Rabbit I'm very glad your health scare turned out OK. Critter hurrah for being PUPO! And I totally understand the fear of testing, I would have binned it too smile.
Sar and Gin I'm sorry you feel rough but hope it's providing some reassurance. Buzz glad it all went well for you but I'm sorry the drugs are making you feel so bad. Progesterone turned me into the cookie monster. I hope your colleagues don't suffer too much - unless they deserve it grin. Hope kayla forgives you soon. Euro an itchy wound is probably a good sign of healing but must be infuriating.

Waves to everyone else, sea, Lemon, Pout, Zippy, Sweet, Mrsden, any lurkers or grads. Zippy I'd be happy to share our story I've been plastering it all over the internet for the past 18 months so why stop now but I've banged on about myself quite enough for now so i'll pop back later smile

EuroShaggleton Mon 13-May-13 10:21:08

mad I'm sorry you got another BFN.

Art you are so right about the Daily Fail shyte - there was another article along those lines recently. BTW, that is the thinking behind the BESH - they are the barren evil selfish hags of Daily Fail land. Or 30-something ttcers, as they might otherwise be known...

rabbit I have night sweats sometimes too, including last night. I quite often get them during my period, but sometimes at other times too.

I don't know anyone who has adopted in our generation. I do have a friend who is an adoptee though, but she was adopted 40 years ago in another country. It's great to see how well she gets on with her family (no ishoos hanging over from the adoption as far as I know), but she can't be any help as to the process here and now.

The head is much less hurty now. I'm dying to take the micropore off and have a look but the dr said to keep it on unless it comes off by itself. It's starting to look quite scuzzy now. I've managed to keep it dry so far, but the forehead is oily. Eugh. I'm desperate to wash that bit of it, and the hair just above it (we've been avoiding that bit when mr euro has been washing my hair for me). Only 2 more days to go, I suppose - the stitches come out on Wednesday.

I'm just waiting for the people in the rooms either side of me to pop out at the same time so I can call the clinic to kick things off - the walls here are paper thin.

buzzybee123 Mon 13-May-13 12:20:21

Well I think I have been forgiven by Kayla as we have had a few cuddles smile
I have one in the freezer so can't complain, it means that we have a set plan and thankfully we cannot change it, I have slept really well but still feel tired, I have constant period like cramps but it could actually just be the progesterone bullets and my bowels hmm

euro hope you have been able to make the call, the stair well is usually where I make my calls from smile I bet no one has noticed your little plaster on your head

madness so sorry it was another BFN

rabbit I have a confession, Barry actually ate rabbit while we were away shock I was mortified he said it was tasty hmm
You are not peri anything, you went to sleep feeling cold during the night your body warmed up and was trying to regulate its temperature by sweating as you did not wake up straight away and remove the extra covering. I get like that sometimes, I wake up all sweaty betty
When was the last time you had a progesterone test?? I'm not sure which thread I was on but some woman said she had had a washout with something and that helped clear her up as so to speak, I can't remember if it was an antibiotic wash out but the spotting stopped.

art I agree that in reality the so called experts don't really know much, I do think that they feel they have to come with something
A) because they need funding to continue so have to show results
B) because women like us expect some sort of answer

I don't read the DM or really any paper as I find they just sensationalise things to sell the paper, just before we left I think it was either on the radio or in the telegraph, it was free with my bottle water it kept going on about how women who leave having children later in life have a higher risk of breast cancer!! REALLY i'd love to see the so called stats on that.

The problem with society on the whole is that it is never satisfied, you are either too young/old fat/thin rich/poor etc etc. Society also doesn't like to be responsible for itself, much easier to blame someone else hmm

Best to be an individual and not give a hoot grin

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 13-May-13 12:45:01

Just a quick post to give Mad a big squeeze and to hold out my hand. Thinking of you x

Rabbit Shush you are not peri menopausal and not old! In fact I've realised how much TTC has ruined my confidence and I need to address that. I'm "only" 38 and not planning on dying any time soon and I'm sick of TTC making me feel like I am.

Art I hope the fertility gods have some better logic than even numbers, but if not I will be cluster posting on to 16.

Glad Kayla had forgiven you a bit Buzzy!

Joy I hope you are doing ok, you sound very down.

Pout I will certainly reply more later but wanted to say I'm not as cheery as I seem, I couldn't even get up to go to the office today (working from home instead). This is still awful, crappy, misery inducing shit. But I know from nearly 3 years of this now, that I will only start to feel better when I have a plan and have put a spin on it that I can believe in. I am still breaking up inside that it looks like I won't get my own baby, but now when the grief overwhelms me I have a "happy place" to direct my thoughts to. It's a coping mechanism but the rawness inside will always be there hmm.

Sar I'm sorry I made you cry! But if you can find a way to enjoy where you are a bit more, then that's all to the good.

Gin you made me well up when you said how much happier Dave was now. I am so happy for you, but at the same time it emphasises just how much this dampens our life and our spirit.

Anyway that wasn't so short but I know I've missed loads and will have usual iPhone errors and misleading comments!

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 13-May-13 15:06:49

Phone just deleted my last post. it is definitely one of those days.... BFN confirmed. I am to wait until my next period in June and call them to go in for more decapeptyl. They will offer us our next full cycle in August. The thought of downregging for another two months in the summer when it's hot anyway is making me feel panicky but I really could not cope with another lap if the big endometriomas return. I am so fed up right now.

On a positive note we'll get another try before my dreaded 35th birthday. On the other hand i will be downregging for the third anniversary of starting to ttc and that will coincide with the birth of a good friend's second child.

sorry for the me me me misery post. I will snap out of it soon.

CritterPants Mon 13-May-13 15:10:25

mad thinking of you today. This is just awful. I'm so sorry. sad I was so sad to read that MrM had had some tears too, that's devastating. Wishing you strength to get through this.

nelly I am so sorry that you're so sad too. It's just so unfair. A BFN after an IVF cycle is the worst, the absolute worst - there's so much build up to it and it's just exhausting in every way.

art interesting thoughts on MrA. I totally agree that it's usually men not wanting to have families and the responsibility of children. I know the pill has brought us wonderful things - and I'm extremely glad I didn't marry and have a baby with my awful university boyfriend, who was very controlling - but I also think that it has given men the freedom to 'get the milk for free' if that doesn't sound too reactionary. They can have sex without having to make the commitment of marriage and fatherhood. I lived with MrC before we got married, and I'm very glad I did - but I also think it can be an issue with some men who don't want to get married, as it gives them license for caddish behaviour - a get out of jail free card. I was MUCH happier once we got married and I think he was too, actually.

euro sorry about the itchy scar but whoo hoo for another cycle! I bet you're terrified but this is progress. You are getting closer to your baby - this may be the golden egg!

buzzy it's brilliant that you have a frostie, hurrah - and what a relief to have the course of action planned and not have to make more decisions. You are a wise and brave lady and I love your posts.

joy I loved what art said. You do sound very sad, but she is right, there is lots of hope for you - basically I can't say it any better than she did, but I'm thinking of you and wishing you courage. flowers

mrsd hope you're ok and that the German Mother's Day wasn't too awful. Big hug and a tail feather blowdry coming your way. Do you have a follow up consultation planned to talk about next steps?

rabbit I often wake up sweaty, in fact I did last night. I'm sorry you're worrying though - I hate to think of how anxious you must be and I wish this were easier.

Waves to everyone I've missed - pout, sea, zippy, ramona, gin, sar, sweet and lemon. I actually think I may wait until my blood test to test. Is that weird? I think that way I will only have one truly horrible day if it's negative, rather than several. I don't feel at all pregnant, no cramps, just a feeling of fullness which I think comes from all the fanny candles. Oh and super-unsettled and anxious, but I think that's normal. And Thursday is only three days away. I may try to work from home on Thursday afternoon so I'm not at work when I get the call though.

CritterPants Mon 13-May-13 15:13:41

xpost madness I am so sorry honey, what a horrible piece of news to get. You must feel utterly deflated and bone-tired. sad sad. I don't suppose there's any way you can ask them to move your next cycle to sooner than August? It is only three months away, but seems terribly unfair to make you downreg again for so long. What was their reasoning?

MuddyWellyNelly Mon 13-May-13 15:22:57

Mad I am so sorry it was confirmed hmm. Offering cake, wine and a ginormous hug. I know all too well the feeling. I know they like to wait a bit between cycles but it is extra stressful for you.

Critter I know what you mean about the bad day, in some ways I agree, but I don't think I would have coped with the BFN, in the office at least, if I didn't know it was coming. On the other hand you have every reason to be hopeful!

EuroShaggleton Mon 13-May-13 15:29:58

mad I'm so sorry you have had the BFN confirmed and have to face more of the crappy downregging. Grrr. Why does this have to be so hard for us?

critter that doesn't sound odd at all. I tested at home because I didn't want the clinic calling with what I was sure would be a bad result when I was at work and would have had to hold it together for the rest of the day. Whatever works for you. When is your blood test?

buzzybee123 Mon 13-May-13 17:04:12

mad sorry it has been confirmed, big hugs

critter I wish I had your restraint, I think working from home on Thursday is a good idea, either way you are in the privacy of your own home to deal with it. I know I'll cry either way but as most of work know it won't matter if I cry there or I can just come home which is what I think they would prefer.

joycep Mon 13-May-13 17:34:36

Mad – i am just so so sorry. This is just brutally unfair. You need to give yourself some time to come to terms with it. I’m just horrified that you will have to stay down regulated again for so many more months. Is this the only way to control the endo?

I’m just so sorry for all you lovely ladies who have had bfns. It is totally crap.

Critter – i don’t think it’s weird at all and I didn’t test before blood test. I thought it was over anyway and i just wasn’t even tempted. I wouldn’t have seen a positive anyway. It’s such a horribly nerve wracking time. Most people don’t feel pregnant so soon. I would definitely try and work from home on Thursday pm. Oh Critter hang on in there, it will be here shortly. No more bfns allowed.

Gin – it was lovely to hear that Dave is much happier now. I found that with Roy. He was just so much more cheerful and happy whilst i was pregnant. Even when I thought it was going wrong, he wasn’t having any of it. He’s now slipped back. We’re not a miserable couple at all but his Work is a drag, long hours and i think these troubles just emphasise that and sadness is always very close.

Rabbit – you aren’t perimenopausal. Just remember fsh would have to be up in the 60s if you were. Buzz has a good theory and /or you could have been fighting a bug. It’s horrible because we are ttc and if i get a hot sweat (which i seem to get at 4pm most days), I fear the same thing. But none of us are peri-menopausal. STERN. And you can throw that back at me when I next come on here worried about that.

Art –, this is why i love this thread. I find so much more reason from people who have been through it on here than i do from doctors. I’ve just read your post twice because it just fills me with hope as our situations do sound similar. So thank you. I do sometimes need a talking to or to keep remembering positive stories. I need to rewire my brain in to thinking this was just bad luck and nothing sinister but when I was told it was egg quality, it just rattles and confirms fears.

Nelly – i’m just so sorry you are so down. It’s only to be expected. I wholeheartedly agree about the planning next steps. You will feel better in due course. It’s finding coping mechanisms in the mean time but you will come out. We all will be stronger one day, I’m sure of it.

Buzz – that’s great you have one for the freezer. Yippee. A sibling! Hopefully cramps are a sign that your embies are bedding down for the long haul.

Euro – i’m glad the head is getting better.

Sorry if I’ve sounded dejected recently. I’m not really. I do think i have wacky hormones at the moment. But I’m very prone to panicking as well and am dealing with a non ttc stressful situation for the last week which doesn’t help.

buzzybee123 Mon 13-May-13 20:11:07

joy I think its more bowel issues than anything else, I'm sorry you are having other things to deal with, it can all become a bit much, you mind is trying focus on different things.

I am still worried about Kayla and her furrless puku hmm I might get another one of those Feliway things and see if that helps. Barry has had some goodish news, he had a phone interview this week and they have asked him to go and work with them for a couple of weeks, its in the west midlands but if he likes them and they like him it could be a job smile Barry has been having LC too and it really showed in his interview today, I felt really proud of him smile

buzzybee123 Mon 13-May-13 20:11:47

euro did you get to call the clinic

rabbitonthemoon Mon 13-May-13 20:42:08

mad oh bums. Battle not war, I'll keep on saying it. The downregging must be really tough for you. But it will pass and you will get there. Hug.

euro I'm all for wacking a dressing off. But follow the advice of your doctor.

art yay to bladder kicks and wise words. Remind me is it August for your due date? I often think of your crash/bfp day when I ponder on life! When I finally get in the realms of bump/sproglet we all need a northern reunion in exactly the same place.

joycep thank you for being stern. I cried today about my fsh again out of nowhere. I feel young in loads of ways but elderly on the inside and just can't figure out why me when both my grannies are fit as fiddles in their mid nineties and had no probs popping out babies older than me. My entire family is oozingly fertile. Pah. I'm glad art reassured, it all makes good sense that you've been unlucky.

nelly sorry for the glums. This too will pass. And keep thinking if your sister. Tis an odds game. Big loves.

critter I can see how one day of news feels better than a few. But I think my stick devil would get me. Sometimes when I poas it is genuinely like a demon possessed me. Feeling full sounds promising?

buzzy yay for the interview and job prospects. Might you have to move?

Why am I miserable today? I'm cd 7 but feel like a pmt mad cow. Is it because we've had a year long winter? They turned the heating off at work two weeks ago angryangry I'm in a pit of what is the point in naturally trying anymore. Can it actually happen after two and a half years and no meds/ops? I do wonder if I shunned any treatment if I could get lucky. But there are so many stories out there. Increasingly I feel convinced that post ivf seems to throw up a fair few bfps. Sorry ladies, I imagine it happening for all of you but when I look inwardly I just see my barrenness like the surface of the moon.

rabbitonthemoon Mon 13-May-13 20:42:56

Euro a ! fell off my message then. How public health I sound smile

mrsden Mon 13-May-13 20:54:33

Mad, I'm so very sad for you. The awesome foursome are not doing so well. You will feel awful for a while, crying helps. I wish I could say something to make it better, I'm sorry that you can't cycle until August.

I have a banging headache and still have period pain so I'm off to bed with a hot water bottle. Night all x

buzzybee123 Mon 13-May-13 22:06:37

rabbit your post is heart breaking, is there any news from pals, would moving onto IVF instead of IUI help. Yes we will have to move, I really don't want to go to work tomorrow, really want wag but can't

ThatWayMadnessLies Mon 13-May-13 22:41:27

Evening all. Have tried several posts and they have all been lost so I will make this quick. Have abandoned phone and ipad and resorted to the old laptop. Talk about a first world problem.....

Thanks again for all of your kind words. Knowing that so many of you have bounced back from similar disappointments really helps. MrM and I have had a good chat about ourselves and our families (parent issues on both sides just now) and it hasn't left me feeling optimistic but it's good to have it out there nonetheless.

buzzy I am so happy you have one for the freezer and I hope the crampiness is a very good sign.

critter working from home Thursday and taking the call privately sounds like a good plan to me. Hopefully you won't have to worry about the disappointment because you'll be preggers and saving those frosties for siblings.

mrsd when will you be cycling again? Do they not make you wait as long? I think they always want you to have about three periods here before you can go for another round. joy and critter the decapeptyl is the best way of shrinking whatever endo has grown back thanks to the stimming drugs and avoiding any large endometrial cysts developing that would lead to another lap. I really think that a third lap in two years would break me.

Nelly i went to the shops and bought comfort food which I enjoyed with a large glass of wine. Will resume circuit training classes on Wednesday and may just join the nearest gym. I have three months to get back to feeling better about myself before stimming again.

So sorry you're feeling low rabbit. My mother fell pregnant at the drop of a flipping hat and in almost three years I haven't had even a hint of a bfp - I've never even seen a flipping evap line on a pee stick.

Really tired and premenstrual so please forgive me for not namechecking you all. Do know that your wonderful posts have been a real comfort today.

seaviewasia Mon 13-May-13 22:50:05

Missed a lot... will take me a while to catch up.

Just wanted to say I am so sorry it's a bfn for you madness. It's so shitty and unfair. I feel really sorry it didn't work. Please be gentle to yourself. Love to you and MrM.

Joy - sorry about the asherman worries and pain you are experiencing. Are you still being seen at St Marys. Strong pain like that isn't normal. It is worth getting seen to and understand why you are having these pains.

Critter & Buzzy - I am excited and nervous for you both. Hope you are both taking it easy and not feeling too anxious.

Hope to catch up properly over the next few days.

Love and waves to all.

seaviewasia Mon 13-May-13 22:52:14

rabbit I am sorry you are feeling low. It's natural to have up and low days in our ttc journey. I hope you feel brighter soon. flowers

EuroShaggleton Mon 13-May-13 23:02:32

buzz yes, I managed to call. I've got my first scan on Friday (CD5 by clinic counting, CD6 by the calendar). I think that'll be too early to see any action, but at least it gets the call rolling.

Sorry about the pains, mrsd. It just seems cruel to have those after the BFN.

rabbit I know what you mean. I wasn't even upset about our sechsfails on the two post-mc cycles. I just don't believe it's worth the effort anymore.

joy I think that pain sounds worth investigating. I hope the lowness passes.

ThatWayMadnessLies Tue 14-May-13 08:21:48

Thanks sea. Have you made any decisions about your treatment?

Glad you are on your way euro. I'm excited for you xx

Af has arrived, sparing me a long wait. It is good to draw a line under the cycle so that we can move on. MrM going for drinks with a lovely friend with lots of experience of this crap so I'm hoping that will make him feel less adrift. I wish the men had as much support as we do.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Poutintrout Tue 14-May-13 11:18:09

So sorry madness that the cycle didn't work out for you. It is crap and unfair and I am thinking of you.

rabbit Sorry about your menopause worrying. I'm sure that you are a long way off that yet and the sweating incident was just one of those things. I second what euro said about getting the sweats at certain points in our cycles and it not being anything sinister.
I think that we can all relate to the optimism felt towards other peoples chances of getting pregnant and utter pessimism when it comes to ourselves. I don't think it means anything, I just think that for some of us pessimism is a form of self protection. You will get there I'm sure smile

Good luck for your scan on Friday euro.

joy I am sorry that you are so afraid of what your pain might mean. I agree that you ought to speak to a professional about it. Not least to put your mind at rest about Ashermans. Can I just add that I have had two incidents in the last 3 years of TTC where I have had ridiculous period cramps (just before AF arrived) that have been like nothing I have experienced before. The kind of pain sounds very similar to what you described, a pain that radiates from the womble area & around the hips and back around to the small of the back. I remember rubbing deep heat in & flailing about on the couch because it hurt that much. Since then I have had the lap and nothing horrible was found. I just wanted to maybe try and reassure you a bit...

buzz did you go into work in the end? I am intrigued by what the hell a puku is confused

buzzybee123 Tue 14-May-13 12:18:02

pout I am here at work sad wish I wasn't though, so much crap to sort out, my laptop won't work either sad then I have this meeting, I haven't even looked at the agenda yet hmm
I have toilet issues today and serious wind issues hmm I have also spent time listening to a 79 yr old tell me how handsome the physio is,

puku is your stomach grin Kayla has a much rounder one now although so do ishock

seaviewasia Tue 14-May-13 13:06:13

Buzzy I hope you are not too uncomfortable.
Mad. I'm glad AF at least didn't mess you around. I hope you are feeling better. I agree that men don't get nearly as much support as us ladies do.
Fertility treatment is on hold for me for a while. I have been referred to a lung specialist for TB assessment. Unfortunately they can't fit me in till end of the month. I'm taking it as it comes and avoiding stressing about the delays. Trying to enjoy my life as much as I can and not think too much about fertility.

rabbitonthemoon Tue 14-May-13 13:31:49

sea gawd the waiting. I have fits of anger every day the postman doesn't bring my referral. But you are right, life is short and whilst these waits feel long when you're in them, they do pass. It seems so unfair that you have to work through this and I send you a big love.

joy I had somehow missed you are in pain, is it feeling better? I have lots of pelvic pain and have had my uterus and surrounding area scrutinised and nothing was there. The womb is a mysterious place. I also think hormone fluctuations effect me more than others and I get odd cramping and bowel oddness a lot. I know that everything is quite squashed in there for me - do you have a tilted womble?

mad a big squeeze for you having to manage non ttc difficult times right now.

buzzy back to work sympathies.

Sorry for posting a gloomy post. Don't know what's up with me at the moment. It's like my pmt has taken up residence!

ThatWayMadnessLies Tue 14-May-13 13:46:59

sea care to join me in trying to ignore ttc related blessing over the next three months? I know we are in different situations but both playing the waiting game. I am determined not to let the downregging get me down this time. I shall focus on healthy eating and exercise and throw myself into crafty projects (not all related to gifts for other people's babies) and generally see this break as an opportunity to get in a good place for the next phase.

Oh rabbit this grumpiness will pass. Have you chased up your referral? When i finally got fed up and rang i always ended jp with an appointment by the end of the day. I think i got some cancellation appointments for my icky flexible camera up the bum treatment.

pout any more news on the fet? Forgive me if you've already said and i missed it.

Off back to work for an afternoon of meetings....

Poutintrout Tue 14-May-13 15:33:49

sea Sympathetic grrrr noises at lung clinic referral wait & fertility treatment delays.

rabbits sorry about the low mood. Proffers eviction notice to lingering PMT.

madness I like your plans. It is great that you are planning on being proactive especially with the healthy eating plan. I feel ashamed that I haven't been more diligent and ignores the pistachio and chocolate cake in the kitchen blush No news on FET time. I have my IVF follow up appointment on Thursday so will know more then, I hope. Although that said, I have come down with some 'orrible lurgee today (sneezing, banging headache, dizzy and feeling sick) so I am panicking a bit that I won't be able to keep the appointment.

sarlat Tue 14-May-13 17:11:08

Mad -I am truely sorry for the bfn, and i understand the further frustrations of endo and downregging worries. I am glad you have a plan and af made an appearance. So many women get bfn the first, second or third cycle or more. This doesn't mean it wont work next time. You should feel immensley proud of yourself for going for it. Stay strong sweetheart.

Joy - I am sorry for the nasty womble pain. I understand how scary that must be and how ashermans must be on your mind. I agree with everything rabbit says about hormones or tilted wombs playing silly beggers. I also think that the recent loss of an 8 week pregnancy with twins must have a part to play. Maybe the womb is still shrinking and adjusting, I feel like my womb is enlarged with a singleton at 8 weeks so I imagine yours may need time to settle. Are there any gynae drs and nurses from the ward you can speak to where you had your op? I am sorry too for this fear of egg quality. In the words of victor meldrew, I don't believe it. Art speaks much much sense on this subject. Wish I could meet you for drinks, buns and hugs. How about a new treatment to get the energy flowing? I was going to try cranial sacral therapy before my bfp or maya massage maybe?? Just some food for thought.

Rabbit - aw sweetheart it makes me terribly upset to think of you worrying about your fsh, peri peri menopause, night sweats and instadiffer grannies. You are fertile but the disappearing cyst slowed things down. Nothing a little nudge from modern medicine cant help with. And even then you absolutely can get pregnant naturally. We know that from the cp. I know all too well that regardless of what we read, do, say, think, that horrid nagging painful deep urgent feeling of wanting a baby just goes on and on and on. I would be very tempted to ring the clinic and give them a little kick up the behind about that referral. It absolutely will help to get it out quicker.

Sea - goodness I am sorry that you now have to attend lung clinic uuugghhh. But I am impressed with the speedy response. Once step at a time, like buzz said at least you know you gave conception the best possible chance, big hugs.

Buzz - I have this tingley feeling that life is about to go in a whole new direction for you in more ways than one. Well done that boy on the job! Sorry your work is a big draggy - know exactly what you mean. Sit tight sweetheart and glad kayla has forgiven you.

Critter - I agree a full feeling is a very promising sign. I am impressed by your no stick nonsense. I would have been chasing the bin men to get it back.

Euro - right here to whoop and cheer you on. Round 2 here we come. You know you can conceive with no problems, just need a sticky bean. Sorry for the scar, I agree with critters vitamin e top tip.

Nelly, pout and den - thinking about you all loads. I usually feel odd and in limbo for the first 2 weeks post ivf bfn. But I assure you things get brighter, new treatment plans and ideas emerge. Just be super super lovely to yourselves, you are all such brave special ladies. Don't lose sight of your goal.

Sorry to all those I have missed. Big waves everywhere.

buzzybee123 Tue 14-May-13 17:50:29

urgh I have come to moan about my wind issues, and general crapiness and moodiness hmm almost lost the plot with the BT guy on the phone today, I mean how many times can you tell me the same bloody thing!!! 7 is the answer.

sea I hope the two weeks fly by for you so you can get on with things

pout I think there are some nasty lurgees out there, I went into the main office and so many people seem to have hacking coughs etc, I feel a bit dizzy today but perhaps because I hadn't eaten as much as my body wanted, I am like a bottomless pit on these drugs. Hopefully you will be able to get on with FET asap

madness sounds like a good plan, you will feel like a new woman smile

critter how are you

ramona are you still around

nelly how are you doing, I have some arse bullets ready to send you

work was long and painful today, stupid work laptop doesn't work, had to see patients, man have we got a right bunch in right now, staff changes and boring meetings hmm only 4 more days to go. I seem to lurch from tearful to full on rage hmm I feel like one mother trucking crazy lady right now

forgot what else I was going to say . .

ThatWayMadnessLies Tue 14-May-13 18:44:15

Oh buzzy sorry you're feeling a little unhinged. Your poor body is feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully the crazier you feel the better your beans are doing ;)

pout the cake sounds lovely. I am pretending that my oven chips are a healthy option because i bought the low fat ones. I just feel so flabby and unfit since ivf. I want to feel happier about my body next time i put myself though it. I'm sure you won't have to miss your appointment. Frustrating that you don't have a date but will all be clearer after Thursday I'm sure. My clinic don't do follow ups as standard confused. I might ring and ask for another appt before i start downregging again though.

Feeling any better sar?

CritterPants Tue 14-May-13 19:14:01

buzzy I agree that moodiness and bloat sound promising. Incidentally I don't have self restraint normally, I ate an entire family sized bag of salt n vinegar Kettle Chips on Sunday blush. I think your body's been through a lot and hopefully these feelings and sensations are signs that the embryo(s) are settling into their new environment.

madness I am so sorry again about how rotten this has been, I do think that taking these next three months as a chance to have a bit of a break and to get yourself into tip top shape emotionally and physically are good. Meditation, lovely creative hobbies, long walks, maybe some sort of exercise you enjoy, un-baby friendly long weekends away with MrM - that sort of thing.

nelly and mrsd I'm thinking of you both. What crap luck the awesome foursome has had. sad

sar hope you're feeling better my lovely.

pout that's odd you don't have an FET date yet. The clinic told me that I could go again as soon as next month... is it an NHS thing? Bloody annoying to have it drawn out like this.

rabbit sorry you're feeling so terrible and I agree with sar about hassling the clinic for a referral, this is really not on. You've really been let down over your treatment and it's unacceptable that they are making you wait like this.

sea the end of the month is close but maybe you could ask if they get a cancellation could they move you up? I'm just so sorry about this TB crap. Talk about one more thing you don't need. I agree that non-TTC related distractions are the way forward. Lots of lovely yoga, maybe?

euro I can't believe your scan is Friday, that seems to have come quickly! Although I'm sure it doesn't feel that way to you.

No news here, just waiting until Thursday. I will be at home in the afternoon so that's good. Not feeling different at all, boobs aren't even sore. Tired and finding it hard to concentrate but that isn't unusual for me, especially with all the obsessing I'm doing. So am thinking it's going to be a negative. Although never having had a sniff of a pregnancy I honestly have no idea what you're meant to feel. Hey ho. These last two days are just dragging. On the plus side I am going to see a pal compete in the finals of a slam poetry contest tonight, which will be a bit different and fun. And it's a beautiful afternoon here, sunny but not too hot.

CritterPants Tue 14-May-13 19:15:00

pout chocolate and pistachio cake sounds like heaven. smile

buzzybee123 Tue 14-May-13 19:30:38

critter you never know until the test smile

if I wasn't on the drugs I could convince myself that it had worked already, the lack of sore boobs unless I really poke them makes me realise that it hasn't

madness the crazy behaviour is exhausting sad

ThatWayMadnessLies Tue 14-May-13 19:43:45

I know buzzy the decapeptyl made me pretty unbearable to live with. The end is already in sight (for the drugs, not the potential pregnancy) so try to hang in there.

critter now I know what my post EC and progesterone symptoms are I won't be so quick to believe that they are preggo symptoms next time. I'm sure some people have obvious symptoms but for most it's just about waiting to test. I have such high hopes for you and buzzy. With the bad luck the rest of us have had this month I can't help but think that the odds must be in your favour MrM could explain the numbers to me but I never really understand. We are overdue some good news on this thread.

EuroShaggleton Wed 15-May-13 11:08:08

critter you sound like you are coping amazingly well with the awful IVF 2ww. I hope the poetry evening was good!

Actually, because I have been so busy since the mc with work and travel, it does seem to have come around quite quickly. I can't believe I will be back at EC in about 10 days (all being well)!

I've realised that my scan on Friday will be back in the sonography room of DOOM - where I found out that I was going to miscarry. <gulp> I need to stop thinking about that.

buzz I'm sorry you are feeling so out of sorts. The drugs really are evil, but they are a means to an end.

I'm sorry that a lot of folks are having a tough time at the moment. Hugs to you all.

seaviewasia Wed 15-May-13 12:43:36

Thanks ladies for your lovely sentiments.

Mad - I would love to join you on ignoring TTC.

Delays are incredibly frustrating but after a couple of really bad days last week, I have decided to accept it for what it is. I have a lot to be happy and thankful for and I try to remember those - lovely husband, great friends and family and a work life that I really can't complain about. Of course I would love to "have it all" - all those things plus children but that's just not real life. I am doing something about changing that and there's been some roadblocks along the way but that shouldn't take over my whole life.

Critter - you are incredibly patience for not testing. I still can't believe you peed on a stick and then threw it away! grin I am still hoping for the best news for you.

Buzzy - Sorry you are feeling a bit down and work is so rubbish. At times like this, you just need to get through the day. I hope things pick up soon. Thinking positive embie thoughts for you.

Euro - How are your stitches and the head? I can't believe it's come round so quick. Sorry you have to go back to the horrid room again for the scan.

MrsD - How are you doing? I hope MrD and you are doing okay.

Rabbit - Is it worth calling up. These delays are v frustrating.

Nelly - How are you doing? Your plan sounds v sensible. I loved your post last week about the reasons and thinking behind wanting to have a family. It's so true that we spend so much time focus on getting pregnant but it's really what comes after that truly matters.

Joy - are you still in pain? I hope whatever was problematic outside of TTC has calmed down.

Sar - How are you feeling? No more nausea I hope.

Gin - How are you doing? Glad to hear MrG is much happier too.

Ramona - How's the Clomid and sesh going? smile

Waves to all. x

buzzybee123 Wed 15-May-13 12:56:21

euro I know what you mean about going 'back' to those places, I dread going back to epau hmm I still feel odd, I haven't noticed any changes so I feel its already over, time for a cry and move on. I have a shingle feeling on my back, think its stress, work is crap, sorry I feel a bit hmm right now

ArtemisTheHunter Wed 15-May-13 14:06:46

Buzz just popping in to offer a quick hand-hold. No changes doesn't mean anything you know. I felt nothing at all apart from strong AF-style cramps a day or two before the blood test. I'm sorry work is being so crap, that's the last thing you need. Remember all the good stuff from your life coaching - you are a strong lady and you will get through this. Do try to look after yourself, stress can do all sorts of horrid things so you're probably right about the shingle sensation. The drugs are no doubt partly responsible for feeling hmm.

Hope everyone else is OK. Keeping everything crossed for the Critterette. Wow Euro, that's come around quickly... once you get past Friday I'm sure you'll put the room and its associations behind you.

Must work. Hugs and rain-beating tail-feather shakes to all.

CritterPants Wed 15-May-13 16:39:42

sea I think you will still have it all. I am just so sorry that you're having to wait so long for it. I think you're being incredibly patient and courageous and you've made a good decision to get your body in good shape to carry a little one, both for your own health and for the health and security of your future children. Distractions will be the way to go - some of the ladies here sew and knit, others are amazing cooks, others have lovely pets, others do yoga, I write bad poetry. It really is the way to get through this (for me) anyway. I found meditation helped when I was really low. I linked a few threads ago to a youtube 'loving kindness' meditation from Jon Kabat-Zinn - it is again

mad I hope you're ok and have something lovely planned this weekend. Oh honey I am just so sorry it didn't work. It's so unfair. Do you have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow? If so good luck and I hope you can get some answers. Something fun to look forward to during the next few months will help them to go quicker - if you like running, maybe there's a fun 5k race you could sign up for? I've found things like that really helpful as they reminded me that my body is strong and healthy and not just malfunctioning on the fertility front. Or a lovely short holiday somewhere with nice wine and yummy healthy food?

art so nice that you keep popping back, it really lifts our spirits to see you - can't believe you're over half-way there.

euro I'm sorry about the scary room. It is crap but it's also the clinic where you found out where you and MrE can do this! You can create embies and you can implant them. You are a beautiful strong woman and you are going to be a wonderful mother to some lucky little creature. Hang in there!

buzzy I am sorry you're feeling so upset, this is a really stressful time but the good thing is, it's finite - tomorrow you'll only be a week away from getting your result. If it's positive (which I think it will be) then you can move forward with your pregnancy, but even if it's negative, you have a little frostie-in-waiting. You're so nearly there buzz, keep the faith! You can do this! grin

All fine here - the poetry slam last night was brilliant grin - a lot of hipsters, tattoos, bongos (I kid you not), beards, thick rimmed black specs, half-shaven hairdos, and the compere wore a suit with bare feet. hmm Hilarious! There were a LOT of angsty poems. MrC must be a saint as he sat through the whole thing with me. grin Actually it was great as it took my mind off the 2ww thing. Tomorrow afternoon I will know either way, so that will be a relief. Nothing exciting to report here. The tiniest bit of light brown gunk in the lovely progesterone stuff, and some twinges in the ovary/tube area on one side. Feeling 'heavy' but again that's probably all the progesterone. Was a tiny bit dizzy yesterday but that isn't abnormal for me and if I weren't watching my body like a hawk I probably wouldn't notice. Anyway it'll all be over soon.

CritterPants Wed 15-May-13 16:41:35
buzzybee123 Wed 15-May-13 16:59:49

art I had symptoms by 8/9dpo both times, and strong ones, very sore boobs nausea tiredness. I knew I was pregnant before the test came up positive.

critter I won't be waiting till next week, I shall probably test by the weekend at the latest and stop the drugs, Barry is away from Monday for two weeks, I don't know if I will bother with FET to be honest, I'm at the point of not wanting to go go through another 2ww, I'm wishing you all the best for tomorrow

CritterPants Wed 15-May-13 17:10:11

buzzy on Saturday you'll be 7dp5dt so 12dpo... especially if Barry is going away I can imagine not wanting to wait longer, I wouldn't either if MrC wasn't going to be there. I'm so sorry you're having such a crap time with the drugs and especially with the steroids - do you need steroids because it's DE or is there another reason?

mrsden Wed 15-May-13 17:14:43

Critter, best of luck for you tomorrow. I'm feeling quietly confident for you xx

Buzzy, don't give up yet, it's still so early. I totally understand the feeling of it being hopeless and not wanting to go through it again. Don't make any decisions just yet.

Sea, I know it is so frustrating but it's the right thing to do to get your health sorted first. It Seems to me that the last 3 years has been one long wait and now I have more to do and I always thought I was impatient! I keep repeating good things come to those who wait.

Mad, how are you doing? My sadness has lifted bit I have a little bit of anger and that's not a helpful emotion. .

Waves to everyone. I will try to post properly later, I'm on a train and I kep hitting th wrong keys. Sorry. I hope you can understand my post.

buzzybee123 Wed 15-May-13 17:29:09

critter I have high nk cells which is why I take a cocktail of things to suppress my immunes so my body won't reject the baby again

mrsd implantation has happened, i feel exactly the same, I know my body well and it hasn't worked, I don't see the point in flogging a dead horse, i don't want this to be y life and neither of us want to try naturally anymore, its a decision we have already reached due to circumstances

sweetgrouch Wed 15-May-13 17:32:01

Hi everyone, my internet has been out of commission and I see I have missed tons. I will slowly read through and catch up.

buzzy - With my last pregnancy I knew before I took a test I was pregnant, I had every symptom going, only to miscarry. This time I had zero symptoms other than some serious AF-style cramping. It's entirely possible that it worked. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with the steroids and work. Big hug and I hope it all turns out.

Critter - fingers and toes crossed for the Critterette. Your poetry slam sounds like it was a wonderful distraction from the mentalling that goes with the tww.

Euro - I hope that the scan will not be too traumatic for you. I really hope that this next cycle is the one and the room of doom will bring you some lasting happiness.

Mad - I am so sorry it didn't work out. Big hug from me. This whole process is really unfair.

Ramona - how is the clomid?

Sea - I just read about the positive TB test. Was it a skin test? Were you previously vaccinated with the BCG vaccine? Have you ever had a skin test before? I know most TB cases (at least where my family is from) used to come from unpasteurized milk on farms. Sorry about all the questions, the microbiologist in me is very interested. I honestly do believe you can still have it all and if it is indeed some TB, it is best the Drs have found it because it can be treated and you will not become sick later on.

Sar - How are you doing? Are you still very nauseated? I'm glad the latest scan looked good.

Gin - How are things moving along?

Waves and tailfeathers to everyone I have missed.

AFM there is nothing exciting happening. I have been spending time outdoors weeding and I am preparing to present at a conference and none of my dress shirts close across my chest blush.

mrsden Wed 15-May-13 17:33:45

I understand buzz. I knew it hadn't worked too, I felt nothing. But, you do hear of plenty of people who also thought it hadn't worked and it had. We know our bodies though after all this time. Immkeping everything crossed for you.

sweetgrouch Wed 15-May-13 17:36:31


Buzzy - you sound so down! I really just want to make you a cup of tea. I think testing saturday is a good option, but I must echo MrsD, I don't think waiting a bit to make any decisions is a good idea.

MrsD - I'm glad the sadness is lifting. I think a bit of anger is normal. Nothing that is happening is fair and I think it's ok to be a bit angry about it.

seaviewasia Wed 15-May-13 17:54:42

Sweet - Glad to hear everything seems to be uneventful (best kind of pregnancy). grin at your big boobies!

Re TB. I had a Gold Top test (blood). It was done because the clinic I am with wanted me to have Humira treatment to lower my Cytokine level and Humira & TB - latent or active is strongly contraindicated. I know immunes is still controversial in fertility (lack of strong evidence) but from the research I have done through my uni and talks I have had with people with a medical background (esp outside of the UK I notice). I am keen to give it a try.

I never had BCG jab when I was young. I was given a skin test before the BCG and because I reacted to it, they didn't give me the jab. I think this indicates I was exposed when I was v young which would make sense as I was born in Asia and lived there for a quite a few years. TB is quite common even in the developed place where I am from over there. (Trying not to out myself heregrin). I should say that the test doesn't show if you have latent TB or active TB but I have no symptoms so I am assuming I am latent but this will be confirmed by the lung specialist. I know NICE guideline is to NOT treat latent TB unless you are in a high risk group but if I want to take Humira, it has to be treated.

Critter – good luck for tomorrow. I am so excited and nervous for you. I do try to meditate but not as much as I would like. I think this non TTC period is a good time to do more of it. Thanks for the link. Love the sound of your poetry slam. I have been to one in the States. Good fun.

Mrsd- you are absolutely right about good things coming to those who wait. Genuinely I do think I have learnt a lot in this journey and my relationship with MrS is a lot stronger because of it. It's natural to feel angry and it's healthy to acknowledge it. [Hugs to you]

ThatWayMadnessLies Wed 15-May-13 18:05:58

Just a quick phone post for buzzy. Were you on the drug cocktail when you were pregnant before? Just in case your symptoms then were more about your body freaking out at the presence of a foreign body (embie) rather than proper preggo ones? Please don't make any big decisions while you're on the drugs. Regardless of how it all turns out this time there will be time to regroup when you are back to your normal self. I am so sorry this is so rough sad. When i cried to MrM and said that maybe all of this sh*t wasn't worth it, we both agreed that it totally would have been if it had worked. That said, we will draw a line under it eventually and I will probably need a hysterectomy at some point so I totally get the feeling that this shouldn't be allowed to dominate our lives for too long. We all have lovely lives to get out there and enjoy.

I hope that makes sense..... Take a hug and remember that this is temporary xx

Back later to catch up with the rest of you!

seaviewasia Wed 15-May-13 18:09:29

Buzzy - a big hand hold to you. I know this is a shitty time for you esp when you don't feel well and work is crap. I'm willing it to be positive news for you. You just don't know until you test... flowers

TheRealRamona Wed 15-May-13 18:31:27

Hello ladies

Sorry for not being around much recently - it's been a horribly busy week with lots of (non-exotic) travel for work. I have been reading though; so much has happened on here.

nelly how are you doing? I hope you are ok, I was so sad to hear that it didn't work out for you this time. I get the anger thing too. In my case I'm not angry at MrR, I'm angry that it took us so long to meet (I was 35). So no one really to direct that to, just a fist shake to the sky.

mrsd I am glad that the sadness has lifted a bit, and I think feelings of anger are completely understandable given what you've been through. I hope you are ok.

mad so sorry to hear about your bfn - I am so sad it didn't work out for you. This is all so unfair. I hope you are doing ok.

buzzy I'm so sorry to hear you feel it hasn't worked - I hope so much and have everything crossed for you that it has.

Hope you are feeling better today pout? How is the lurgy?

I was also v impressed with the testing restraint critter. I can't imagine I would show that sort of self-restraint. Wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow. Hope the dizziness has passed now.

Very shock to hear about the TB sea. It's not fair at all that you have to deal with this on top of ttc and that it means more waiting. I agree you are right to get your health back on track as a priority though.

Hand squeeze for Friday if you need it euro.

As for me, I had my 10 (11) day scan last week. The dildocam lady was lovely, and said ooo, there are two lovely big follicles, one on each side, looking ready to pop, and she seemed pleased with that. She did say I wouldn’t need to be scanned again on the Clomid and advised me to get home and crack on with the sechs. I didn't leave MrR alone all week grin

She also asked what my AMH levels were, and apparently this hasn't been checked yet. So I am booked in to have my day 21 bloods and AMH done on Friday.

I asked about the possibility of having IUI, but apparently you can’t be on the waitlist for IUI and IVF – you can only be on one or the other. So I think I need to stay on the IVF one, even if it’s a long old wait. I’d be too old anyway to come off and go back on again. So really, other than a natural updiffment, our options are now for self-funded IUI or IVF, or a potential two year wait for NHS funded IVF...

And in other news, I've started my acu. Chap seems lovely and kept telling me I was normal. It's sort of worrying that I needed that repeated, but perhaps it was one of those crazed look in eyes days. Anyway, I got almost teary when we talked about how many updiffers I am surrounded by at the moment (LOADS) and he told me told me that what I was feeling was normal given my circumstances. I asked him to write it down so I could show MrR (who thinks I am a being a bit of a cow when I can't be overjoyed for the newly diffed).

Bit of a meltdown this morning when I got out of the shower and felt really hot (a guaranteed week before PMT symptom for me) and threw a dramatic strop that nothing has happened again this month. I even got upset in the car with the radio for having too many people phone in with nice stories about their kids... That's not good is it - perhaps the Clomid has started working it's hormonal magic on me hmm

Anyway, waves to joy, zippy, lemon, art, sar and sorry to those I've missed. Luffs to all. I second the call for good news on this thread <shakes fist at sky again>

buzzybee123 Wed 15-May-13 20:25:16

madness I got to 10 weeks with my second pregnancy, I had no idea about nk cells, I believe having my flu jab set them off and killed my baby. I was tested after that but have never been pregnant since,

Barry and I have had a cry me over not being able to hold up my end of the deal and him as he hates to see me so upset, I wasn't going to say anything to him yet but MIL rang to see how I was and I got too upset to talk, not ideal hmm

EuroShaggleton Wed 15-May-13 20:31:02

sea you seem to be taking all of this very well.

critter the poetry evening sounds like just what you needed to take your mind off things. Good luck for tomorrow! I'll have everything crossed for you.

sweet I'm glad everything is going well (apart from shirt closing!).

buzzy I think testing Saturday seems reasonable. Both joy and I had no symptoms and got our BFPs. I was adamant it hadn't worked.

I just looked back to thread 13 and found these:
"EuroShagmore Fri 08-Feb-13 18:35:36

buzzy I'm a bit sad. I woke up this morning feeling absolutely certain that my little embie didn't make it. I had been having "symptoms" and felt madly hormonal up until I went to bed yesterday. I just think it is all over now. It was 9dpo when it all went wrong in November after a week of nausea and symptoms."

"EuroShagmore Sun 10-Feb-13 08:54:17
drizz I decided to wait until tomorrow. That will be 12 dpEC, so gives a better chance of a real result. And Mr Euro will be around, unlike on Tuesday morning. The downside will be going to work afterwards, but I know in my heart of hearts that it will be negative, so I am prepared for it."

They were posted on Friday and Sunday. I tested on Monday (12dpo), was still having no symptoms, and got my faint second line and had to eat my words!

ramona sorry to hear you are feeling hormonal! That does sound like it might be a clomid effect.

buzzybee123 Wed 15-May-13 21:12:22

euro I hope I get to eat my words but I doubt it

ThatWayMadnessLies Wed 15-May-13 21:19:15

Oh buzzy I hadn't realised that you had gotten so far with your previous pregnancy sad. I hope that my comments didn't seem insensitive. If you got a positive, how long would you need to keep taking these drugs? It does sound like you are having a pretty powerful emotional or hormonal response to them. Keep talking to Barry and take some time for yourself. Would it be worthwhile calling the clinic for some advice?

sea it's a deal then. Non TTC focus for us please grin. I am joining the gym tonight and spending far too much money on new hair straighteners to tame my unruly mop for special occasions no plans to fry my hair every day but tis nice to feel glamorous as opposed to crazy every once in a while

Oh sweet I am not looking forward to bigger boobs. They really are ample as they are.

critter wishing you so much luck for tomorrow. I have a good feeling about this one. I only wish that you would get the result earlier. With the time difference you're going to make us wait.

ramona glad that you are ovulating well and I hope that your Af symptom is just mother nature playing silly buggers with you.

mrsd I'm not surprised that you are feeling angry. I am feeling a bit better, although rather gross period is not making me full of the joys of spring. I do have about 13 mm of lining to lose so not surprising but a bit of a kick in the teeth. Am trying not to obsess about possible infections, cysts, scar tissue, adhesions,etcetera etcetera. Feeling quite broken really and unsure whether it will ever be possible for my body to provide a welcoming environment for an embryo. But I am nit supposed to be thinking about this so going out for fancy meals this weekend and drinking some wine instead.

euro I agree with the others that the best way to banish the negative connotations of the room of doom is to replace them with positive ones. Will be thinking of you.

Big waves to everyone else. Stayed up way too late last night so an early night for me.

buzzybee123 Wed 15-May-13 21:56:42

madness no I didn't think you were being insensitive, you didn't know, if it worked then it would be till week 12, the clinic will tell me to wait

MuddyWellyNelly Wed 15-May-13 22:12:02

Just a quick post (I'm so far behind) to give Buzzy a massive paw squeeze. You have been an absolute trooper. You were so low before, but took complete control with the help of your LC, made some really brave decisions, and went forward to DE with such strong spirit. You know that this feeling isn't you, it's drugs or hormones or whatever it is. I am keeping everything crossed for you that you get a lovely surprise at the weekend. But in the meantime, remember that this feeling will pass one way or another; and as someone said up-thread, there are no final decisions. You can change your mind at any time. And also I'm sure Barry doesn't feel you've been anything other than amazing. Just keep going one day at a time, and you'll know one way or another soon enough.

Mad I am sorry you are having an evil period. As if it all wasn't shit enough.

Critter massive good luck for tomorrow, I have no idea how you haven't tested! The time difference is going to make me very restless tomorrow as we'll all be checking all evening! The poetry slam sounds like a perfect distraction. You are very cool smile

Euro hooray for starting a new cycle. I know what you mean about negative associations with certain places. I hope you can soon replace it with a nicer memory.

Ramona, here's hoping for a golden egg in there!! Good luck with the AMH. That result was for me the worst day of my life. No kidding, the rug was pulled right out from under me and I know I haven't recovered. Unfortunately, only giving birth to my own child will help that, which is a problem hmm. But I don't mean to scare you, most people don't get the result I did!

MrsDen I'm sorry for the anger. I have a lot of it too. After my first round, I was just quite happy we'd done so well egg-wise, and put it down to bad luck. Sadly this time I probably had higher expectations of number of eggs, which weren't met, and a second fail is becoming less like bad luck and more like a pattern. And as for the CP. Right now I can't even think about that.

Sweet I am glad you are doing as well as can be expected. I'm jealous of the boobage.

So a quick me me me. I've been pretty down. Last night felt like I was awake all night thinking about donor eggs. I can't look at my reflection in the mirror without hating what I see. I have never felt so old and tired and angry with my body. But at the same time as feeling down, my thoughts are more and more assuming that our baby will be a DE baby. I feel like I've taken a tiny taste of something new, and am rolling it around to see if I like it. First bite is so alien you don't think you'll ever want to try it again, but after time it becomes familiar and comfortable and quite addictive. Sort of like learning to love olives.... And yet, and yet....I am still very much grieving for that which I can't have sad

Anyway it always feels good to write it down but sorry for burdening. I have missed loads of people. Love to pout, Sar, Gin, Lemon, Rabbit, Zippy, Art, Doll, Sea, Joy and everyone else! Suddenly it's much later than I thought and my ancient self needs some sleep and maybe a bikini wax, my highlights done, a decent facial and perhaps some make up

sweetgrouch Thu 16-May-13 02:24:42

Buzz I just re-read my last post. I must be getting daft. I meant to say wait to make a decision. I'm really sorry to hear about how far you were before the last miscarriage. I do hope this all works out for you.

Nelly - Big hug. I am sure you're not old yet, but a bit of pampering can help anyone when they are feeling down. I would gladly give you half my boobage. Like mad mine were already ample.

Sea - Having lived in an area where TB is still endemic could explain the latent TB. I'm sorry to hear it is the case. I was thinking of the vaccine because DH tests positive when he gets a skin test, his grandmother had TB so all the grandchildren were vaccinated.

Ramona - sorry you're feeling hormonal.

GinSoaked Thu 16-May-13 09:21:57

Hello ladies! I’ve finally found time to get on Mumsnet properly, so will attempt a bit of catch up.

Firstly mad, I’m so so sorry the negative was confirmed by the blood test. I’m pleased to hear you are feeling little better and do try to keep away from google if you can. I’m pretty sure IVF fails are just bloody bad luck most of the time. Your plan to keep busy sounds good. I’m so impressed at how you all, including mrsd d and nelly, have picked yourselves up and are getting on with it. It’s such a hard shitty time and I think so much harder, as most of our friends and colleagues have no idea that there’s anything wrong.

Nelly your last message was a little bit heart breaking sad You will get there and when you have your lovely baby in your arms, you won’t care is it’s DE or not, or how you got it. You’ve not yet had 3 bites at the IVF apple, so aren't allowed to give up yet, and you are certainly not old. Big hugs.

Oh euro <tight hand squeeze>. I totally understand why you don’t want to go back to that scan room. I really didn’t want to go back the clinic after IVF fail #1, in which they butchered me and bought myself a nice handbag after the first appointment. You will be ok though and soon that room will have different connotations and you will be seeing your growing follicle that may well become your baby on that screen. I hope you have the lovely Frieda, rather than a Dr Doom & Gloom. I always came out feeling much better about things when I’d seen her.

Buzzy hang in there lady. Like euro, I only had my normal pre-AF symptoms in the successful cycle, there is no way I could have told. I know you’ve had strong symptoms previously, but your hormones have been supressed and manipulated a great deal over the last few months, that things may very well feel different. Also, I think IVF embryos implant a little later than normal, meaning that your symptoms may be a bit different, and something like sex of the embryo could make a difference with symptoms. This is a very different cycle to your previous ones for lots of reasons, so please don’t give up hope yet. I know me saying this doesn’t help at all, but I really want to give you some comfort and let you know that it’s not all over yet. I so so want this to work for you, you so deserve it. I can’t even imagine how hard your loss at 10 weeks must have been… just thinking about it makes me tear up at the mo. You know where I am if you need some RL support.

Ramona wohoo for 2 lovely follicles and lots of sechsing! I have my fingers crossed for you. Your new acu sounds lovely and a bit like a therapist smile

sea I think you have made a v. wise decision about getting the TB treated. You really do want to be in the best possible health before putting your body through IVF and to give yourself the best possible chance with having the immunes treated. I’m pleased you’re feeling a bit happier with your decision. The time will fly by.

grouch I’m pleased to hear all is well with you. Did you manage to get your progesterone checked? I am envious of the extra boobage. I think I may have a little extra, but seeing what I’m starting with it doesn’t make much difference.

mrsd how are you and Mr D doing? You asked about coping with work and the nausea. Tbh it is a struggle, but I’ve been taking annual leave to do shorter weeks and doing the odd day working from home. I’ve also got some magic anti-nausea tablets from the drs, which get me through things like meetings and public speaking events (of which I have lots of over the next week, eeek). It’s not pleasant, but having been through so much to get here, it totally makes it more bearable and I’m certainly not one of those I hate being pregnant women. More I wish I knew I was really pregnant women!

Critter I can’t believe how calm you are and how restrained with the pee sticks! I need to get some of your calm. You really are such a lovely, positive person. I will be checking in later to see your result, but I am so hopeful for you. Everything about your cycle has gone so well, I don’t see how it can’t not be good news.

rabbit I agree with everyone else that you are most definitely not peri-menopausal. I quite often get night sweets in the 2ww and thought it was down to progesterone peaking, so is in fact a v. good sign. If you think about it, your temp is higher after ovulation, so you will feel hotter. I really hope that the hospital pulls its bloody finger out and you get your appointment soon. Having something planned really will help I think.

joy I hope the nasty pain has cleared up. I get a lots of period type pains in the 2ww, particularly about a week before my period starts. Sometime they are so bad that I think it has actually started. I hope your pains aren’t indicative of anything more serious and that you are doing ok.

Luffs and waves to everyone else. Things are pretty much the same here, with the fear that something might be wrong getting worse, although for no real reason. I have the date for my 12 week scan (1 June), so we’ll find out then I guess.

EuroShaggleton Thu 16-May-13 10:51:44

Just popping on quickly to say good luck to critter for later.

I can't believe you are heading towards your 12 week scan already gin!

buzzy how are you doing today?

buzzybee123 Thu 16-May-13 12:10:18

euro I feel calmer today knowing its over, we need to decide whether we should just get FeT over with, I don't want it interfering with the adoption process, work is amnic so no time to think full stop

gin thanks but implantaion happens 72 hours after transfer and that was 48 hours ago. I didn't spend that long dr so don't feel my body is affected by that

well have to get on with babysitting my student

joycep Thu 16-May-13 12:25:11

So much going on , so much sadness too sad

Buzzy – It sounds like you are having a horrendous time. It’s so weird how different people have different reactions to drugs. I’m sorry the steroids are taking their toll. Plus it’s probably a combination of the sheer stress. I thought Nelly put it beautifully. I for one have admired the massive change after your LC. When do you have to have finished with AC before you can go the adoption route? Is it a 6 month wait?

Sar – ah thank you for your thoughts on womble pain. I must say i have thought my tummy has never properly shrunk back down. There seems to be a distinctive bump there now. I’m not sure if that’s because i’ve eaten too much (probably!) or whether the lap/hysteos /ivf and pregnancy has done something .

Gin – 1st of June, wow. Are you not tempted to have any kind of scan before then? Of course it will all be fine but if you really are terrified, I would push for something just to put your mind at rest. Sorry about the nausea. I have to admit that I was so envious of everyone at my clinic who was nauseous. Everyone was looking decidedly sick by week5 and I was desperate to feel sick. And then when I was between 9&10.5wks i started to get nausea and I nearly threw up in Sainsburys but it was still pretty mild and I suddenly realised how unpleasant it was!

Euro – can’t believe you are going again. Very best of luck. May this be your time.

Critter – very best of luck today. Poetry slam sounds wacky and wonderful. Very therapeutic!

Mad – i’m sorry you are feeling so broken. I just can’t believe what you are having to deal with.

Nelly – your post really resonated. i’m sorry you are feeling so down. Ivf and infertility has a very nasty way of making us feel old beyond our years. It just rots confidence. A few nights ago i lay awake thinking about DE as well and whether it’s a route we would go down. I then read a very good article by some C4News correspondent about it. there’s so much to get your head around but remember you will get your family one day/.

Sea – you are very well grounded and are dealing with your news brilliantly. Great admiration.

AFM – pain stopped. I haven’t had it since Sunday. I will see if it happens next month and if it does I will have to speak to a doc about it. My period hasn’t arrived yet. I have been in the most appalling mood so hopefully it will be here soon. I must say I have been quite surprised at the length of time recovery takes from ivf. F*cked Cycles, hormones, moods, weight gain plus I am finding it impossible to shift the extra 10lbs. The overwhelming sense of feeling old, looking crap, feeling emotionally wobbly. Anger. (Or perhaps that’s no change to usual). But most notably my work has really suffered. I’ve been making sloppy mistakes some of them really bad. I got very cross with the manager yesterday (he deserved it but still that’s not me). I’m very reluctant to meet friends, to speak to them (unless they are single or are having a bad time) and i feel my world getting smaller. If I do meet friends, I don’t feel I really have all that much to say for myself. I’m just so utterly consumed by our desperate plight for a child. That’s all I can think about it (hence at work not working again). I worked out that in 3 years there has probably only been 3 months that I haven’t had to go in to the GP surgery, a hospital, a clinic or a gynae room. Clinics and doctors are my favourites on my phone ffs. Sorry, i know you ladies understand, it just sometimes is so overwhelming and hits you. I’ll be on holiday soon and i hope i’ll be able to regroup and find a bit more peacefulness and positivity. It’s the reclusiveness that worries me a lot though as i know there is just one fix and that’s wholly out of my hands.

sweetgrouch Thu 16-May-13 12:41:28

Joy - I'm glad your pain is subsiding. I think all the AC does take a toll on ones body and mind. I really hope your holiday gives you what you need.

Critter - I'm thinking of you.

Gin - They will not check unless I start spotting, the nurse said that if I don't spot the progesterone levels are probably fine. My first appointment at the OBGYN is on the 28th (almost 9 weeks) and we can discuss getting a private scan to be sure everything is ok. Otherwise, they won't do a scan until 21 weeks which is crazy.

Buzzy - Enjoy the babysitting. It is almost time for the rush of summer students where I work too. I hope this year they actually like doing something other than slacking off and playing video games.

Ramona - The two follies sound promising.

Back to work over here.

buzzybee123 Thu 16-May-13 16:22:50

sweet most of our students don't get a choice but to be hands on, he was good today.

joy sorry you are feeling llike that, its a min of 6 months but I will not wait that long, so I think it might be an idea just get FET out the way as we are not sure where we will be living soon, so not sure which council to approach

EuroShaggleton Thu 16-May-13 16:42:30

No scan until 21 weeks! shock Blimey sweet, that's a long time to wait.

joy I've been left with a bump aswell. confused I think it's just chocolate in my case. Between the crazy hours, the mc, the travel and the headbump removal, I've barely been able to exercise for the past few months. Our bodies have been through so much, I can't really face putting mine on a diet. Not now I'm starting IVF again anyway. I'm so glad the pain has stopped.

buzz cracking on with FET and then moving to adoption, sounds like a sensible plan.

mrsden Thu 16-May-13 16:55:19

joy I read your post and it has made me cry. I identify with everything you have written. I wish I could reach across and give you a big hug. We have all been through so much rubbish and it's doesn't even feel like it's close to ending. I'm pleased the pain has gone. Is AF late, dare I ask if you've poas? Or is that a totally ridiculous thing to say? I must admit I didn't find ivf physically hard. AF has been more longer and more painful than usual but other than that I haven't noticed any physical effects. Of course it's early days and I haven't had a full cycle yet to know if everythings working. I haven't even put on an ounce of weight. That isn't a boast, because I think it probably reflects the fact that I didn't respond that well to the drugs.

I too am a recluse. I avoid friends and family because I can't cope with questions and baby talk. I feel guilty that I've let friendships slide. I haven't spoken to SIL or PIL in ages because I can't face it. I know that everyone is wondering why we're not having a baby yet. And I haven't even been through the pain of a miscarriage, what you went through was totally wretched and I'm not surprised that you're feeling the way you do. A holiday does sound like a good idea, I've made sure that I'm away lots over the summer just to make it a little more bearable. I hate the thought of a fourth birthday ttc, fourth wedding anniversary since ttc. My ears sometimes prick up when I hear people saying they tried for a long time but invariably they say 1 year, 18 months. It's sad now that I don't even class that as a long time. THe truth is that those of us at the three year mark are very rare. And no one who hasn't been through it understands at all.

Cosmos1 Thu 16-May-13 18:53:49

Hi there everyone, just dropping in to say a couple of hellos,

Nelly and Mad, I am so sorry your rounds didn't work this time. It's just so heartbreaking when it doesn't work - I think because for a few weeks you're lifted out of the ttc hole and after ET it feels like you're back to the land of normals, so then it's so much further to crash afterwards. For me it took a good 6 months after each fail to really feel myself again, but you do eventually. big hugs.

Critter and Buzzy have got my fingers firmly crossed for you, and am feeling very optimistic for both of you.

Mrsden and Joy you've very eloquently said how I feel a lot of the time too, you're definitely not alone in feeling that way. It just adds to the awfulness of it all doesn't it. It feels like the world around us is shrinking in every way.

Euro very best of luck with this cycle, you always seem to be handling a lot and getting on with it, may this one be your time.

Gin and Art, Sar, Sweet and Doll if you're still about, wow time flies, am so glad everything is still progressing well for you and your little ones. Gin good luck with the scan.

Waves to lemon, pout, all the other ladies.

Rabbit super squeeze for you, you are not over the hill yet, you've just had a very hard time and I'm sure good things must be on their way to you now. Now I always love a little self help plan, and my latest futile effort is green smoothies full of raw green leafy veg every morning for me and DH. At least it feels like something positive to do, and counters those awful tent days where it just feels like ill never be truly happy ever again. Just google green smoothies, there's loads of recipes. Have decided today to book in for FET round, going for appointment next month so probably be 2-3 months time. Think last time I was told about 10% chance for me for FET round, but worth a shot.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 16-May-13 19:58:15

Oh Joy and MrsDen I hate to think of you so sad. This is miserable and there is no getting away from it; it just eats you up. Clutching at silver linings and mixing metaphors though, I'm glad the pain has gone Joy but could you get checked out anyway for peace of mind? Not sure what that means in practice?

Gin I hate that you are panicking and can't just enjoy this. 12 weeks seems to be coming around fast! Thank you for your lovely words smile

Cosmos nice to see you. Those smoothies sound very virtuous and not quite the same as my sugar-laden weetabix wink. Why are they giving you such a low prognosis on your FET? I can't recall your history now blush.

Critter where are you??? Oh I so hope you are dancing around the house.

Buzzy you sound very busy. Look after yourself.

Phone about to die so better post just now

CritterPants Thu 16-May-13 20:01:42

cosmos how lovely to see you back, although I'm really sorry you are back if you see what I mean. I love green smoothies - almond or rice milk, spinach, banana, ice - yum. And yay for FET. Did they say why they gave you such a low probability? I've heard FETs are almost more likely to be successful than a fresh transfer. Will be rooting for you - just remember gin's FET.

mrsd oh I am sorry my love, you sound so sad. I don't think you responded badly to the drugs - I think you were an absolute champ during your cycle. They did your EC too early, they didn't give you the right dosage - oh honey I have such high hopes for your next round. Your eggs fertilised, you have just had shitty luck. Hang in there, I know you're exhausted and this whole process is horribly unfair, but I honestly believe you are going to get there.

joy your post was so sad and it is so unjust that you are going through this. You're such a wonderful person and you have just been through the wringer. It's ok to be angry, sad, and not to want to see people. You are such a gentle and kind spirit and there is no justice to what you've endured. Oh honey it's just so unfair. Please keep your hope alive - remember art and sar and gin and doll and princess and all the other grads who have had such a hopeless time before their luck changed. I just wish you weren't being tortured like this in the mean time though.

euro good luck for tomorrow my lovely, you are off to the races! I have a 10 pound IVF weight gain too. I thought you looked beautiful when I saw you and I think the time before starting a cycle is just extremely anxious-making. Be gentle to yourself and go into this with your heart open. Big hug to you.

sweet I am shocked that they won't test you until 21 weeks. That is crazy! I think a private scan is definitely a good idea. If I told that to some of my American pals they would mutter about Canadian 'socialised medicine' grin. Can't you have a 12 week scan? I thought that was typical? Sorry you've been so messed about. How are you feeling?

gin thank you for your lovely words. blush 1 June must feel like forever away but it will come around quickly. Are you worried about something specific? I loved what you said about MrG being happier.

nelly Wow. What an amazing post you wrote last night. I wish I were half as articulate and thoughtful. I just think you're incredible. And going to be an amazing, amazing mum. On the DE - one step at a time. From what I've seen of DE babies here in the US, their mamas love them just as much if not more than instadiffers' babies and I also heard that the mother's blood mixes with the baby's, so your genetic material is mixing with the little fella. But lovely nelly, you aren't at DE yet and third time could very well be the charm. I just think of doll and her single egg success in January, that could be you, you had a chemical this time which is utterly heartbreaking but you are so close. So close.

buzzy sweetpea how are you feeling? I have been thinking about you loads and loads. I'm just so sorry you're having such a rough reaction to the drugs, but as others have said, this is not you. This is the chemicals swishing around your body. Remember sar said she didn't feel remotely preggo before her BFP? I think every pregnancy is different and the thing is that we just don't know at this stage what to expect and whether it's worked or not. Hang in there buzz. I hope Barry and Kayla are giving you lots of love and affection to get you through this.

madness I was so sad reading your post. It's an extra pile of crap that you have to deal with your endo on top of the standard IVF. You are a hero. A hero. I truly mean it, you are so bloody brave to be doing this (although I know you'd much rather not have to be brave and not have to deal with the downregging) and I just think you're amazing. I also think an appointment or consultation with another clinic might be another thought too, given that you have to wait anyway - did you say there was another in your and nelly's neck of the woods? And maybe some lovely face cream and highlights - this whole process is not just knackering, it takes a real toll on self-confidence.

ramona clomid made me feel pretty darn mood swingy. Incidentally it's totally normal to be upset by other differ announcements! I think it is actually abnormal not to be shaken by them. Announcements are the worst - much worse than new babies. Anyway Clomid is not nice stuff but if it works, well, I'm sure you won't mind the irrational rages and sweats (which I definitely had)! Good luck with your two egglets - I hope this month has been the charm.

zippy how are you doing lovely?

lemon are you ok? You must be coming up to your first cycle next month?

Much much love to sea, pout, rabbit and all the other wonderful and special, supportive ladies on this thread. I luffs you all so much. Well. My news is that I am pregnant. The clinic called half an hour ago to say my beta is 259 and I have to go in on Sat to check it is doubling. I was shaking when they told me, it felt completely surreal. I had minor cramps this morning and bloating similar to the kind I had post-EC, and was feeling quite tearful that it hadn't worked. I also feel horribly guilty announcing this when I know so many 10+ers have had such awful times recently. I really, really hope I'm not adding to anyone's sadness by posting this. flowers

akuabadoll Thu 16-May-13 20:05:26

lovely lovely critter massive hugs girl. xxxxx

buzzybee123 Thu 16-May-13 20:09:56

critter congrats that is great news

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Thu 16-May-13 20:10:38

What wonderful news critter. I am very happy for you! And that freezer full of siblings you have.

So sorry for the fabulous four that it didn't work this time. The sadness combined with the joy makes it all bittersweet. Big hugs to you all.

As for me, I am okay, I got a smart phone but not internet on it yet, so have been playing stupid games all the hours I am not either working or running (very proud, upto 5 miles now!) Life is good, except for some tooth trouble and I am shit scared of the dentist, so a root canal is below a lap on my list of things to do. I am a few days of stabbing into my final IUI. Had a massive break down about not wanting to do the whole AC route anymore on Monday, but just got on with it. Very doubtful though about how much longer I can cope with trying. I realised retrospectively that I really enjoyed our months off...

Waves and luffs to all of you!

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 16-May-13 20:15:21

Critter gringringrin. congratulations! i bloody knew it! Well this is the least surprising news you know, your eggs are obviously top notch. wink I am very excited for you and I know how you must have felt posting that after all the other shit on the thread; but it's the good news that keeps us going! Much much love to you. smile

mrsden Thu 16-May-13 20:16:32

Congratulations critter! Wonderful news xxxxx

buzzybee123 Thu 16-May-13 20:16:57

lemon I think its important to recognise the signs and when to call it a day no matter how hard, I don't want this to be mine and Barrys life for much longer, I don't think that emotionally and psychologically it is good. Well done on the running

I have decided to test on Saturday which also happens to be my due date hmm and draw a line under it, i look forward to not being tired at work for a change actually turning up on time

sweetgrouch Thu 16-May-13 20:24:04

Critter !! That is fantastic! I could not be happier for you grin. To answer your question: the french system normally does 1 scan (21 weeks). It's just how they do things. The english system gives you 3: dating scan, Mid pregnancy and a final one in the third trimester. I will pay the 60$ to have a scan done at a private clinic, I think my sanity is well worth it. I am still smiling ear to ear after hearing your news.

Doll - How are you?

Lemon - 5 miles is amazing! I hope this is the cycle. I am sorry you're having a rough go of everything.

cosmos - Good luck with the FET.

AFM nothing new. I found a lost puppy running around on the street today, poor thing was terrified. Anyways I managed to catch her and walked her through the neighbourhood for a few hours and found her owners. I thought posting something positive and non-ttc/pregnancy related about my life would be nice for a change. I hope everyone has a lovely evening.

mrsden Thu 16-May-13 21:02:51

Please don't feel guilty critter, this is fantastic news and its the positive stories on this thread that keep us going . We've had enough shit on the thread recently it's about time things turned around.

GinSoaked Thu 16-May-13 21:12:24

Yeahhhh critter grin grin. That's fab news and I too knew it would work. <whispers> that's quite high hcg, could it be two?!. I'm so pleased it's worked for someone, just wish it could have done for you all. Btw, I still get AF type pains so I don't think they are anything to worry about.

Lots of luffs to all.

ThatWayMadnessLies Thu 16-May-13 21:27:04

Oh critter finally some good news!! Well done you I am so pleased that it is all working out. It must feel amazing to be pregnant and to know that there are siblings on ice grin. Please don't worry about us. I can be sad for me and thrilled for you at the same time. As for getting a second opinion, because I'm getting the treatment on the nhs I can't really move until after we're finished that. I don't think that the other clinic near here would be much different to be honest. I have a friend who has been to both. She got pregnant both times. I will, however, probably get some more opinions before we self fund a third round.

mrsd and joy I am so sorry that you are feeling so isolated. I know that I have to try very hard to continue going to things that I might find uncomfortable because I am afraid of cutting myself off from work colleagues and friends and not being able to join them again. I have told a select few people so there's usually someone there who will talk to me about something else if I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's working for me just now but I am finding it harder as time goes by.

Nice to see you gin. I am willing the first of June to come quickly.

Getting evils from MrM for sitting on the iPad instead of watching a film with him. For the sake of my marriage I will wave to everyone else and pop back on tomorrow for more of an update.

sarlat Thu 16-May-13 21:50:57

Critter - I am utterly delighted and over the moon for you, congrarulations.

Sorry this is a quick post but sending extra tight hugs to joy, buzz, lemon, euro and mad.

CritterPants Thu 16-May-13 22:16:17

Thanks so much ladies. This thread has been a lifeline to me and I am so grateful for it. I just wish that all of the awesome foursome were with me on the other side. Fingers crossed for buzz and euro next on the IVF train.

buzz so sorry about the impending due date. sad For what it's worth apart from aforesaid bloat and the odd twingey cramp I don't feel remotely pregnant. I still have high hopes for a good result for you this weekend.

lemon also really sorry you're having wobbles - I can imagine you must be just feeling completely done and worn out with the IUI.

mrsd you are such a special lady. flowers Thank you.

sweet thanks so much for your lovely words.

nelly grin at 'I bloody knew it' grin

gin shock MrC would faint if there were two. wink

doll love to you. You must be moving soon?

CritterPants Thu 16-May-13 22:17:50

xpost sar and mad I hope the film is good and you are snuggled on the sofa with MrM flowers

ArtemisTheHunter Thu 16-May-13 22:19:15

Oh Critter that is fabulous and amazing news, huge congratulations to you grin grin grin I've been on Critterwatch all day checking for news, huge hugs

seaviewasia Thu 16-May-13 22:21:03

Just saw Critter's news. Absolutely delighted for you
I'm so happy. This has made my day. X

Poutintrout Thu 16-May-13 22:52:12

Congratulations critter that is fabulous news and I'm so thrilled for you. grin

EuroShaggleton Thu 16-May-13 22:55:08

Just popping on quickly to say I am so, so happy for you critter. I had been checking back all day, hoping for good news.

I'll catch up properly later, but I'm in a bit of a tizz tonight. I got home to find my smear result. Guess what? Abnormal again - the day before my first scan for IVF #2. I suppose we will put it off. Meh. This is exactly what happened a year ago. In fact, the result came in when I was downregging then. I am a fairly strong person but I think I might just have reached my limit of how many times I can be knocked down and get straight back up.

Sorry to mar the happy evening. I really am genuinely thrilled for your result, critter.

buzzybee123 Thu 16-May-13 23:02:48

euro I did wonder where you were, I'm pretty pissed off and angry for you, its just another kick in the teeth you don't need

seaviewasia Thu 16-May-13 23:06:39

Oh no Euro! This is just horrible news. Do they know what is the matter. This must be v frustrating. A big handhold.

MuddyWellyNelly Thu 16-May-13 23:27:24

Oh Euro, noooo. What a pile of shite. (Apologises to Critter for losing eloquence). I'm trying to remember, you've had a normal smear in between the abnormal ones, yes? I know nothing about it to be helpful but it is just a worry you don't need. And I can totally empathise on being worn out from fighting the Aintree sized hurdles that keep getting shoved in front of you. We are right beside you helping you fight. And also pouring wine. Big luffs

joycep Thu 16-May-13 23:42:35

Critter - yippee!! So many congratulations. Even if you weren't confident I was very confident for you! You have super eggs and super frosties. Well done you. Didn't you have one put back? That is indeed a super beta result....could it have split?!

Oh my goodness Euro, not again. What a shit year you have had. You'll have to remind me what you had to do last time and what does it mean if it is abnormal. I can't believe this is happening again...

More to say but late , will pop back tomorrow

sweetgrouch Fri 17-May-13 00:04:37

Euro - That is just horrible news! I'm so sorry another hurdle just got thrown in your way. Will they give you a round of broad spectrum antibiotics ? Or redo it to be sure there was no error? They did both when I had mine. Big hand hold.

CritterPants Fri 17-May-13 00:06:00

euro sad sad sad I don't believe it, what a nightmare. Are they sure? Do they have to do anything in particular to clear it up - can you talk to your clinic about it? Oh honey I am so sorry, it is so unfair.

ZippyBopit Fri 17-May-13 06:59:35

Yes! Yes! Yes! Critter hurrah! After punching the air above me with both hands and shouting yes!(freaked the cat out) I then burst into tears blush happy tears of course. You may have opened up a pre-menstrual can of worms... grin It's just such wonderful news grin and as mrsd and nelly have said it is the good news that keeps us going smile

Euro what an awful shitty result sad do you get treatment to fix the abnormal cells? It must be so disappointing to have to put off the ivf sad

Buzzy my heart goes out to you. The drugs you are having to take sound awful and I'm sure you will feel better physically and mentally as soon as you stop taking them. I have everything crossed for you for test day tomorrow.

Sorry, quick post, will hopefully pop back over the weekend to catch up properly. The chats on here recently have really resonated. Waves to all smile

ThatWayMadnessLies Fri 17-May-13 07:20:43

Oh euro I am so so sorry. Why can nothing ever be simple and straightforward???? Can you ring and speak to someone about the result today? What did they do last time? Take a deep breath and remember that we are all here to handhold xx

sarlat Fri 17-May-13 07:22:30

Euro -flaming heck, really sorry for the crappy smear result. You couldnt make it up! I am not suprised you feal beat, this is so unfair. Right one foot in front of the other and one step at a time. Focus on your scan today. Thinking if you.

Buzz- I am so sorry that these rotten steroids are making you feel grotty beyond belief. When we feel that poorly, we just need it to stop. I have to say that I agree with others that different embryos feel different and ivf drugs without doubt change the sensations of implantation and early pregnancy. Also those of us who have been pregnant before are likley to get far less symptoms the next time. Hang on as long as you can sweetheart. You are doing great.

Critter - did you get much sleep last night? I am thrilled for you and giving you excited squeezy hand holds.

Joy - my heart is breaking for you. I have so much i want to say. Stay with me- I am going to pm you very soon. Sorry for not doing this sooner, the vomityness has kept me away from phones / computers just lately. Xx

rabbitonthemoon Fri 17-May-13 07:41:11

Morning I have patchy wifi and no phone signal til tomorrow but skipping in to bear hug critter lady you are pregnant! Any bfp on here is a victory. Did you have two put back? So pleased for you, you lovely person. Do stay. I read a teenage book on poetry slams, last year I'd love to go to one.

euro NOOO. I can totally see how you feel beat. It is most strange you've had a clear smear inbetween, this has to be good. Sorry old bean, but this is just another sit by the roadside for a while moment and you'll be back on track before you know it.

nelly and joy and den your posts echoed EXACTLY how I feel at the moment, lonely and cast adrift from friends and family. This is a tough road, no mistake. I find comfort in knowing I am not alone but I dearly wish none of us were here at all. Wish we could all meet up easily.

buzzy extra strong loves to you. Keep going and no need to make palms now or feel you can't change your mind. I echo all the lovely things that have been said in here, especially that this is not you, it is the drugs and hormones.

Sorry for the quick post, waves to everyone else. I have had a little down patch now a year has passed since the op and also to discover that the new hospital are sending out the questionnaire I had from my other hospital two years ago as if I'm a new referral so I am down the big fat snake on the board back to Start. I cannot believe I've been treated so shoddily or that the estimation of when I will see a new consultant is four months, treatment 6 months. There will be more fighting but I think we are going to have a private consultation for advice in the meantime as I can't bear the limbo any longer.

Must dash for now, speak later. Keep going people and enjoy every second critter.

GinSoaked Fri 17-May-13 08:52:54

Oh euro, fucking hell, I'm so so sorry and this is the last thing you deserve after such a crappy year. Can you ask the clinic what they recommend? What's next re the smear? Do you have to wait a bit and then repeat? After all the waiting, it must feel like a real kick in the balls. Hang in there. You are a v strong lady and will get through this and win your hard fought for baby.

rabbits sorry you are having a shit time too. I can't believe they are making you start over again. I think a couple of private goes before the NHS cycles come through are a good idea and will hopefully help to make you feel a bit better. I'm still so angry at your original consultant.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 17-May-13 10:09:48

Morning lovelies!

So sorry about the smear result euro. That really is a kick in the teeth. GRRR at the universe. What did you decide to do? Go for the scan or not? It has been quite enough for you.

Also rabbit, I cannot believe they make you go back to start. Can you call up to check this is correct? Or hassle the old hospital to forward your paperwork. I would be murderous if I got That Form again. I filled it in twice, as we moved hospitals, but those were the early days (10 months and 1,5 years in respectively - yes, we went to the doctors early). Either case it is very NOT fair. So I am cross on your behalf. And yelling at the incompetent administrators.

So rubbish you're not allowed to move during your NHS goes mad and that you need to down-reg for ages again. GRRRRR.

But hurrah for vominess sar, I am so pleased for you still. Nearly 12 weeks, wow, gin! And still grin at the critter-diff (a pregnant belly clothed in silly patterns, clearly!)

As for me, I am working from home, so went to the clinic for a scan, then went for a 6 mile run and am now eating croissants to compensate for the calories I burned... But I just had a real work phone call interfering with my writing on here. So that is something! As to the fed upness. I think moving to IVF after this cycle is the right thing to do, I am just through with the drudgery that is IUI. Even though this is only the third cycle since my mc...

EuroShaggleton Fri 17-May-13 10:23:59

Thanks for all the kind words, ladies.

Right, so we called the clinic last night and cancelled the cycle. I knew I would have a sleepless night sleeping on it, so we just made a decision. The plan is to try to get in somewhere for a colposcopy in the next three weeks. If that confirms there is nothing more sinister than a mild abnormality lurking, we tell the clinic nothing and go ahead in June. If something more than a mild abnormality is found, then we will have to put off for longer and treat or wait and see if it goes back to normal after a few months as it did before. I think technically you are supposed to have a clear smear before IVF, but god knows how long that could take, and the risk of a mild abnormality turning into cancer is miniscule (less than 3% I think, and then it takes years; 97% chance that it just normalises itself), so if it is confirmed to be no more than that, we would just want to plough on. Plenty of women get preggo naturally with an abnormal smear and it's just followed up afterwards.

There is a chance that it could be mc-related. When I turned up for my smear, I was turned away because the nurse saw on my notes that I was just post-mc. The policy is not to do them for 3 months post birth or mc because they can cause changes to the cervix. I discussed the upcoming IVF with the nurse, and she spoke to the screening folks, and it was agreed that i should do it before the IVF because otherwise it would be 18 months without one if the IVF worked and I am supposed to be on 6 monthly recalls. So I had it just under 2 months after the mc.

So, I have a plan (and I think you all know how much I like a plan) but I just feel heavy-hearted and like I am at the limit of how much I can take.

rabbit I cannot believe you are back to the start of fertility snakes and ladders. FFS.

nelly I hear you on Aintree-sized hurdles! I am reading the new Stephen King at the moment which is about time travel (I'm not going to put in any spoilers by the way, I'm only a little way in). One thing the protagonist discovers is that when he tries to change stuff in the past, the bigger the thing he tries to change, the more obstacles get put in front of him. I feel a bit like that - I'm fighting against the tide.

cosmos it's good the "see" you. I echo the others - FET usually has higher success rates - because the embies have been through so much they are toughies!

drizz I hear you on enjoying the time off. I am getting to the point where I just want an end to all of the fertility crap. Ideally that end would be a baby, but if not I just need it to stop.

There's so much sadness on the thread at the moment. Critter we really needed the boost of your super BFP!

Cosmos1 Fri 17-May-13 11:37:11

Yet Critter! Fantastic news, well done you. Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly from here onwards.

Euro, ffs I am not surprised you are at your wits end, that is really shitty news. Glad you've got a new plan, but its the keep on having to make a new plan that just gets so exhausting doesn't it. By the way the new plan sounds good and as you say very unlikely to turn sinister.

Rabbit sorry for the shitty big snake. Extra form filling and poor admin processes are the last thing you need. Great analogy to snakes and ladders, that is so true.

This is such a lovely thread, that you can be away a while and still get a warm welcome back.

buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 13:12:25

hello ladies

euro its frustrating when you get yourself all geared up and then the rug is pulled from under you, I would be a fuitcake by now in your shoes yes I am aware that I already am a fruitcake

rabbit its not acceptable that they are you treating you like this, the NHS is so backwards at times and loses focus on patient care, perhaps its time to get really arsey with them and say this is not acceptable, start threatening to sue that normally worries them

lemon sounds like a good idea to move to IVF, it feels like TTC will never end

cosmos good to see you again and good luck with your FET

Ok ladies I have a bit of a confession, I was woken up by the postman so thought I would prepare myself for tomorrow by testing today hmm (yes in buzzyland that makes very logical sense) and there was a rather faint line. . . dons hardhat . . now I am not getting too excited as it is still early on and shall test again on the weekend but needless to say I feel like a right moron

<goes to sit on the naughty step and think about what I have done> blush

waves to everyone else I have missed

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 17-May-13 13:18:52

Cosmos of course you get a warm welcome smileI just wish nobody needed to be on here at all.

Euro it's a good plan but a complete arse that you've got to do it. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is a bit like a bungee. There is less energy in every bounce back. Eventually I feel like I will just be hanging on a rope with no rebound left, wondering how to get off.

Rabbit super big hugs. There is no way you are going to the bottom of the queue. I think the 10+ers would arrange a noisy protest!

Lol at the Critter-Diff outfit Lemon. Funnily enough I'm thinking of doing a couple of IUIs instead of another immediate IVF. But I'm figuring one egg isn't buying me a massive advantage for the additional 3 grand.

Did anyone see the BBC article about IVF? The process EEVA is done at my clinic but we've not done it as I've never had a choice of eggs. The really interesting part though was the reference to the "£3,000 average cost". Eh, where?????

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 17-May-13 13:20:22

Buzzy gringringringringringrin

EuroShaggleton Fri 17-May-13 13:20:49

buzz!!!! grin

Would you like French or English mustards with your words? wink I am absolutely 100% thrilled for you. Yay!

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 17-May-13 13:21:58

Ok now we won't say anything Told You So, Told You So, in manner of spoilt child but this is awesome news. Early early days so I will not say much more other than squueeeee grin

mrsden Fri 17-May-13 13:40:48

Buzzy I'm joining in the chorus of I told you so nah nah nah nah nah. Wonderful news. It just goes to show that every pregnancy is different and you can't know until you test.

Critter, I'm still grinning at your news too. It's also fantastic that you have so many on ice for siblings too. At this rate this thread is going o be a pregnancy thread. About time too. I think it was about a year ago we met up and Frannie, gin and princess are all pregnant now. Not bad at all.

Euro, I'm so sorry about the smear. I was wondering if the mc might have affected something. I thi k your plan sounds sensible. I know how frustrated and anxious you'll be though. I hope you get an appointment soon and some answers.

Lemon how was the scan? Is it ivf if this doesn't work? Rabbit, I can't believe they Are still messing you around. I want to give them a piece of my mind on your behalf.

I think I spoke too soon about having no physical effects from ivf. I think I have thrush dammit. Probably from the progesterone pessaries.

I'm a bit fed up with everything at the moment, and probably shouldn't keep posting because I feel a bit doom and gloom. I'm hoping ill pick up and join in again.

CritterPants Fri 17-May-13 14:33:30

buzzy! grin grin grin grin grin flowers Happy dance! Also, actual lols at 'would you like French or English mustard with your words?' grin

mrsd so sorry about the thrush. FFS. <shakes fist> Don't go anywhere, this thread is for venting and support when things are crap.

euro Oh hon. I am so sorry, what a bloody nuisance and how frustrating, I can imagine you must think this is some kind of cruel joke. Good to have a plan but how bloody irritating that you have to keep making plans. angry

Poutintrout Fri 17-May-13 14:33:43

What??????????????? Buzzy a line you say? grin Fab news.

Euro so sorry about the pain in the arse & very badly timed smear result. You really couldn't make it up and I so feel for you.

lemons Sorry that you are getting worn down by the IUI. I'm not surprised really. You really have been trooping on. Here's hoping that this is the last IUI because it is the magic cycle smile

So many of you in the tent right now. It is horrible & I offer big hand holds. So much of what you have been saying joy and mrsd resonates. I think in a nutshell, for me personally, it is the life on hold bit that is the biggest ball ache. MrP and I were discussing it yesterday in the car on the way back from the hospital about how many more holiday days would be spent there. I also had the horrible thunder strike realisation that I will be 38 soon and even if we have a baby any time soon I will be nearly 40 by the time it arrives. Depressing stuff.

Had my follow up appointment yesterday. The IVF didn't throw up any obvious reasons for the infertility or cycle failure except that I was a little under stimulated and a proportion of the eggs were small & immature. The not so great news is that I will have to do more baseline scans/cycle monitoring before I can have the FET so I am looking at July. Not an age away but I just hoped to crack on and not have to make more trips up there for scans. Looks like it will be unmedicated which is positive. Just need to hope that Colin survives the thaw. Also a little concerned that he isn't the best quality and that a 4BB didn't make it and this one is 3BB.

critter I'm still marvelling at your wonderful news. Is it sinking in yet?

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 17-May-13 14:45:27

grin at buzz. And nahnahnahnahnah. Such a good turn of events grin merciless teasing will start after OFTD.

Sorry you're on hold for more scans etc til July poutster but it does mean we might be cycle buddies. The clinic wants to do LP for the first round in any case, so if we do it, it'll be pill and DR in June, stimming etc in July.

Yes, mrsd one more IUI. Not having any faith in it, mainly because it is number 7. The actual stabbing and scanning and things don't bother me so much. But it is the life on hold feeling that you all mention that resonates badly here. And when we were not having treatment I was living more. So that was good. Anyhow. Rather than living more, perhaps I should get my sorry arse in gear and do some work.

Happy for the good news, desperately sorry it is so busy in the Tent. Handholds and cakes to all of you in there.

buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 14:52:02

critter and euro I will go with the French thank you grin

pout Colin is a survivor, how many scan are they recommending

mrsd sorry you still feel out of sorts, its such a shitty rollercoaster, I find the constant wondering too much to cope with,its like a circle never ending

joycep Fri 17-May-13 14:55:30

Buzz – no way that’s amazing news. Seriously am so thrilled for you!! Now you have to eat your hat grin.

Mrsd – sorry that i made you cry yesterday. I just had to get my feelings down in words. And reaching a hand back out to you. it’s strange because 2 years doesn’t sound long any more to me either when in reality it is. I’m on CD31 and i feel AF must be coming soon purely because of my mood. My cycles are normally super short so this is quite nice but of course I had all those pains last week which is making me fear something sinister is going on. I am definitely not pregnant though! Sorry you are feeling doom and gloom. Come join me in the tent. I can’t even get excited by my holiday that’s how bad I am confused

Cosmos – that’s great that you have got a FET booked in. I don’t understand why they are only giving you 10% chance though. Surely it will be way more than that. Do you think you will get some other things to take along side the FET like aspirin and pred?

Lemon – i am wishing you the very best of luck with your IUI. You’ve been quiet on here recently i hope you are ok.

Sweet – how lovely you found a lost puppy today . Well done for finding her owners.

Rabbit – the waiting is just awful. my god they have messed you around. Dealing with hospitals is such anightmare. I think it’s a good idea to get a private consultation in prior if you can.

Euro – that all sounds like a plan and hopefully it is just abnormal because it was too close after the mc. But still i can’t believe what rotten luck you have been having.

Nelly – i have been reading on the BBC about this new development. Why do they always say £3k for average cost? Anyway i have seriously seen red when i looked at the comments on the BBC and some of the best rated ones as well. People can be so unkind.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 17-May-13 14:59:19

Joy you read the comments????? Wow! I've learned my lesson the hard way on that one.

Just off to a meeting!

EuroShaggleton Fri 17-May-13 15:00:39

It's about £3.5 to privately fund at King's, and about the same for a mild cycle at Create. But I know at other clinics it can be a lot more, so the £3k is certainly not average.

mrsden Fri 17-May-13 15:01:22

I'm posting just so I can bump that other, rather annoying thread from the top spot. I think you'll guess which one i mean.

Pout, I too think Colin is a tough one. Fet have good success rates. It's great that you can do it unmedicated.

Lemon, I think you'll find ivf a breeze as you're so used to the injections already. Can I ask why you're doing lp? I still can't work out why different protocols are used and I should research it a big more to see of I'd be better doing the long version after my poor haul.

I'm just in a general Bleugh mood, I'm fed up at work and with all the ttc stuff. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I'm sure ill snap out of it soon but I realise that my moaning posts are not productive and don't help anyone so ill try not to post too much while I'm feeling like this.

Poutintrout Fri 17-May-13 15:08:39

rabbit I missed the questionnaire thingy. What the heck? Did they just get sidetracked by fibroidgate and forget that it was initially a bloody fertility referral???? I would kick off about it. I don't usually advocate giving the NHS a hard time but this isn't right.

Oh Joy. You will have a lovely holiday even though you are having trouble mustering up the enthusiasm right now.
Wanted to say I agree about a year or eighteen months TTC sounding like absolutely nothing now. It's funny though when I think of how mental I was by that point!

lemons The thought of being cycle buddies has actually cheered me up a bit - thank you!
I do hope that this turns into lucky number 7 for you.

buzzy hands over numerous hats & mustard Three scans in all and another form filling appointment which is baffling. Oh damn just realised that it will probably involve 2 timed blood tests too......

Poutintrout Fri 17-May-13 15:10:15

mrsd please don't think you have to go off thread because you're fed up. Moan away!

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 17-May-13 15:29:16

Mrsd please come back on here and moan as much as you need to. That is what the thread is for <stern voice> As to protocols, I asked, but my clinic likes it because it is easier to plan hmm and because I am a naturally early-ish ovulator, so they want me not to produce any FSH at too early points. Not convinced entirely AND I was suicidal on the pill before, so they promised me that if I go mad on it, I can stop and try LP. I am quite scared about IVF, especially the down-regging drugs and EC. When the dentist asked me whether I was scared of injections, I actually laughed at her the only point during the hour long consultation.

Joy you are lovely and kind, and please put the stuff on here that makes us cry. It also makes me feel like someone understands. I really hope things will improve for you soon!

Glad my possible cycle buddy likes me grin. I am sorry it has been such a slog. I cannot believe how many of you have been through IVF already. How are things with you otherwise, pout? Any news on dogs, crafty empire or the house?

I have been on here way less lately, mainly because work has been busy and between exercising, a million small people birthdays and sleeping, there has not been that much time left. And for some reason SB wants attention now and again too. I decided I wanted to be of healthy weight preIVF and I have not dared to approach scales, but the exercise part is going very well

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Fri 17-May-13 15:30:09

Of course I meant I can try SP if I go mad on LP... Is it home time yet?

buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 15:49:37

comes in munching on a Fedora which thread is this ??? Why do I miss these things??

joy did they rescan you after the miscarriage???

mrsd you can't go we won't allow it, not till you have your BFP

pout I have to admit in Brno there is not much form filling hmm but the NHS is all about arse covering

lemon I felt happier loosing the weight before IVF, I needed to lose it anyway but IVF gave me a goal, men do need a bit of attention from time to time

Kayla has been very affectionate with me hmm she has even been sitting on my lap which is not like her

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 17-May-13 16:16:26

MrsD you use this thread for whatever you need. You may have noticed my desperate posting (the ups and the downs) over the last 4 weeks. <understatement>. Everyone on here understands that there will be a mix of feelings and moods and results; and we all make our decisions to read. So post whatever you need to. We are all here for you.

I did wonder about LP for you. My ropey understanding is it gives a better chance of the follies growing at the same rate, which could make a big difference to you. SP is often recommended for poor responders as the DR may be too effective. That said I had 2 or 3 smaller follies that didn't get a chance to grow this time so LP will be my last attempt with own eggs. Probably.

Lemon it's nearly home time.

Euro yes I've not seen anywhere as low as 3k and most are way more.

ArtemisTheHunter Fri 17-May-13 16:27:18

Buzzy!!! A line?! grin grin I have never been so pleased to see someone on the naughty step. I shall wait for your bloods before teasing you grin but soooo pleased

GinSoaked Fri 17-May-13 17:13:10

OMG buzzy!! grin grin grin. Sorry but I'm going to join in with the I told you do chorus! Your 'pmt' sounding so like mine is what have it away, I'm sooooo pleased for you.

I'm having a total mental here, but will save it for another day.

joycep Fri 17-May-13 17:33:29

Pout = in the excitement of buzzy’s news, totally missed your earlier post. I will repeat what i was told by the embryologist. Sometimes the best embryos don’t make it and other ones that aren’t so great do make it. So Colin will be a mighty warrior. I remember chatting to you when we had been trying 6 months and we were in a state then! Can’t quite figure out whether i ‘m in a better or worse place now. I stopped in my tracks yesterday when I suddenly thought “f*ck, i can’t believe i had ivf”. Sometimes thinking about it really shocks me.

Buzz – they didn’t rescan me after erpc because i had a negative pregnancy test. Do you think they should have done? So buzz , how do you feel? Have the steroids settled a bit?

Mrsd – goodness this is the first place i post when i’m in one of those moods. Everyone of us has these ups and downs. I’m so bleugh as well , it could be the weather.

joycep Fri 17-May-13 17:52:37
buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 17:54:41

joy I don't wan tto sound like an alarmist hmm but sometime bits get missed, and in some rare occasions some women get an infection hmm the pains could just be your uterus returning to size if you don't have a temp or anything, no I still feel like a crazy lady all the time, I feel quite unhinged as I am almost having an outer body experience, I really can not concentrate on one thing and I can't remember what it is like to have a good nights sleep,

sarlat Fri 17-May-13 18:30:04

Buzz ' woohoo, fab news. I would have choesen french too. Really excited for you.

Everybody herebiss entitled to moan, whinge, cry, complain -whatever. Sometimes thats what gets us through.

Gin - hope you are ok my lovely?

mrsden Fri 17-May-13 18:57:45

Great article joy, thanks for sharing. angry at some of the comments though.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 17-May-13 19:35:57

Gin, hope everything is ok?

Got my review letter from the clinic. It didn't pull any punches. Thank God it's Friday.

buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 19:44:09

are you ok nelly

ThatWayMadnessLies Fri 17-May-13 19:48:44

Woohoo!!!!! 2bfps in two days. About bloody time. So pleased for you buzzy grin. I knew all of the stress and craziness would be worth it if it went your way. Will be keeping everything crossed for beautiful blood test results xx

mrsd if everyone only posted good news and happy posts then those of us in the tent would run away because we'd feel too sorry for ourselves and as if we were the only ones feeling rubbish. Please don't go anywhere.

gin I hope you're alright xx

nelly what did the letter say? I don't think I'm going to get anything from the clinic. No follow up appointment, no letter, just come back in a month and we'll give you an injection confused. I really want them to tell me how they're planning to avoid turning me into more of an egg factory than a cyst factory next time....

joy I find the thought that I have had ivf a bit surreal too. It's like the whole episode happened to someone else and I just read about it. I feel a bit like I have become a statistic and not in a good way

Well, the sun is shining here temporarily so should get out and enjoy it. Big waves to pout, rabbit, lemon, critter, art, doll, sar, cosmos, zippy, sea, sweet, euro and anyone else that I've missed xx

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 17-May-13 19:58:57

I'm ok Buzzy. And thank you for my parcel gringrin.

The letter summarised the cycle, said my embie was 4c4/4 (ie apparently good quality). Then said "I'm afraid your very low ovarian reserve mitigates against a high expectation of success and you appreciate that donor eggs would give you the best chance of success". Pretty brutal to see it in black and white hmm.

I'm feeling a bit like someone has my heart in their hand and is crushing it slowly. I'm so tired of failing.

(MrsDen see my earlier post about this thread being about posting no matter where in the spectrum you are!)

Thank god I have something awesome happening tomorrow (it's on FB but don't want to say here as it will out me, nothing earth shattering, just a bit special).

buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 20:05:39

nelly I realised after I sent it I didn't remove the stickers with my details, I hope you are not going to set up a credit card in my name wink

it is tough to see it in black and white, I felt like it was a bit of a slap in the face, will you stay with the plan you have or will you think about it, enjoy tomorrow

mrsden Fri 17-May-13 20:16:31

Thanks everyone. I thought that my constant moaning would be boring you all, and also getting you down. Please tell me to shut up if I'm annoying you smile I don't think I could ever leave this thread completely, you're all a bit of a lifeline for me.

Nelly, I remember the first time I saw infertile couple written on a referral letter it choked me up. I do think its really positive that you make a good embie though so it's not game up yet. You only need one and it could just be that the next one is your baby. Will you give it another go?

Joy and mad, I keep forgetting I've had ivf too. Sometimes I think my life is a dream, or a nightmare really (the ttc part) I think because I haven't spoken to anyone on real life about it it's easier for me to gp forget I've been through this. I was thinking today why am I feeling so down and then I remembered what I've been through and I thought I should cut myself more slack. I've had a shitty 2013 so far to be fair.

mrsden Fri 17-May-13 20:23:30

Just to add to that, one of my friends is having a lap next week. It's not fertility related she already has 3 kids. She's had some pain that needs to be investigated. Anyway, she is making such a fuss about it, I've told her about mine (didn't say it was for fertility) and she was a bit dismissive saying that mine was probably easier than hers is going to be hmm she's going on and on about it, and I think I had such a shitty time with my lap and never really moaned to anyone in real life. I didn't even tell many people and I certainly didn't get any sympathy. I'm not sure what point I, trying to make, I think I'm just saying that I'm hard on myself sometimes. All of us on here are so strong, and were dealing with this all with such dignity. I'm proud of us all grin

buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 21:07:58

mrsd tell your mate to mate man up hmm and stop being precious, its totally ridiculous and slightly drama queenish to think hers will be so much worse hmm

EuroShaggleton Fri 17-May-13 21:11:28

nelly it must have been tough to see it written. I felt the same about the scan reports from my short pregnancy. It was harder to see the bad news in black and white.

mrsd I think I can safely say that none of us would want you to leave. It is hard to see someone you care about in pain, but hopefully we can offer some support as you work through the hard stuff.

AFM, I have a gynae appointment for Monday and insurance approval, so please cross everything then for me. I just want them to tell me it's a mild abnormality and there is nothing more sinister lurking.

I've taken the dressing off my headbump wound. I'm actually quite impressed. It's very neat and is far less noticeable than the bump. So that's one relief. I found telling someone to take a scalpel to my face enormously stressful, so I very happy that it is over and done with and just needs to heal now.

buzzybee123 Fri 17-May-13 21:21:06

euro what time is your appointment, I'm hoping that it is nothing and you can get with IVF

Cosmos1 Fri 17-May-13 21:46:03

Nelly, just wanted to say I do think these clinics have a firm eye on their stats you know - wouldn't we all get pg more easily with a 20 yr old's eggs - they can't say that you won't get pg with yr own eggs, and think there's some arse covering in terms of advice about success possibilities.

MrsD have you really not discussed fertility stuff with anyone in RL? Is there no-one you feel might be a supportive person to offload onto?

Buzzy, I had a good feeling for you and Critter! Well done, and very well deserved. Massive good luck for the next few weeks.

Euro best of luck for Monday.

Cosmos1 Fri 17-May-13 21:49:53

Oh, and on the whole surreallness of this crap, does anyone else have a few seconds when they wake up where everything is normal. And then the crashing realisation of the situation dawns and you think 'holy crap, how did I get here? I've taken a massive wrong turn on my yellow brick road ...'

seaviewasia Sat 18-May-13 00:02:21

Just a really quick one from me. Crazy busy weekend for me so won't be reading or posting.

A special congrats for buzzy. Absolutely delighted for you. Yay!

flowers to Mrsd, joy, euro, mad and nelly.

Love to everyone else - newly diffed and other lovely 10 plusssssers.

Be back on in a few days! X

rabbitonthemoon Sat 18-May-13 10:01:24

No time for a full post but I'm just delivering a gift for buzzy, a mustard coated fez smile it is brilliant news! So potentially are there buzzy/critter quads in the pipeline?!

Also wave to cosmos who I missed last time. I'm working today hmm

EuroShaggleton Sat 18-May-13 11:09:58

buzz it's in the evening. We've definitely called off this cycle though. I think I'd be too embarrassed to call up now and try to get it back on, even though Monday is still a week before expected ov time!

How are you feeling today?

buzzybee123 Sat 18-May-13 11:32:15

rabbit why are you working today???

euro It will be good to get answers and be able to put it behind you so you can concentrate on IVF,

well thanks to the steroids I was awake at 6.38 hmm so I decided this was a good time poas, so there is a second line but no darker but I did ger 1-2 weeks on the digi smile Barry had a few tears then asked lots of questions about my immune system, Kayla is still acting weird hmm

lovesLemonDrizzleCake Sat 18-May-13 12:56:45

That simply means your diffed buzz. Convincing a digi is something I never tried managed so yay. And nahnahnah. Just goes to show that being pregnant is not something you HAVE to notice pre-test-day.

Hurrah for the healy mini-scar, euro and for gettting the appointment sorted out so quickly. Fingers crossed for only mild abnormality on Monday.

Harsh words in the letter nelly the others have said wise words, particularly cosmos (welcome back btw). Seeing stuff in black and white does hammer the message home, doesn't it. And brrr about the pregnancy notes, euro I so hear you. Oddly I only believed I really had been pregnant when I saw that the clinic had moved me from the "IUI-cycle-chart" to the "pregnancy-chart", but I first noticed that on the "you are going to miscarry" appointment...

Quick waves from a busy lemon. And I forgot my meat somewhere on the market, so I either have to find it or buy it again hmm

CritterPants Sat 18-May-13 15:01:34

euro I hope you get some answers on Monday and that they are reassuring. What an absolute bugger. I am just gnashing my teeth on your behalf!

lemon I so hope this IUI is the lucky one. You've been through such crap.

buzzy I'm still smiling at your news. Roll on OTD!

nelly wow that letter sounds hard to read. But I totally agree with cosmos - obviously it would be easier with 20 year old eggs but that doesn't mean it isn't worth another go with your own.

mrsd your friend sounds extremely irritating. I can't stand it when people are that self-obsessed and competitive about something that stupid. Grrr. I'm also in awe of you keeping this all quiet. I think almost my entire office knows about me and my situation blush <oversharer emoticon>

cosmos so nice to have you back.

rabbit you are a saint for working on a Saturday, I hope you have something lovely planned for tonight when you finish.

Just had a chat with one of my best friends whose boyfriend has told her he doesn't want kids and has had a vasectomy. Didn't know what to tell her... she's 31 and loves him. Hard not to have my advice and opinion coloured by my own experience, so I tried to just ask questions and let her talk. sad This stuff is hard and no mistake.

mrsden Sat 18-May-13 18:21:45

I'll be thinking about you on Monday, euro. Will you have to wait long long for the results?

Buzzy, great news about the digi.

Critter, how are you feeling?

I can't decide if I've got thrush or cystitis. It's itching and burning down there, but there's no discharge and its the whole general area. It burns when I pee and the skin is sore when I wipe but I have no urge to pee so it's not like the usual cystitis, any ideas?

ArtemisTheHunter Sat 18-May-13 18:43:13

mrsden those are exactly the symptoms I had last time I had a UTI. There are different bugs that can cause them, cystitis is just one version. If you ask your GP for a sample thimble bottle and take a sample with you they can check for infection in seconds with a simple dip stick. In the meantime I found Rabbit's advice of a teaspoon of bicarb in half a pint of water every hour helped. Gag-inducing, but helps.

Quick waves to all. I'm spending the weekend looking after our poorly kitty. She has kidney failure and it isn't treatable sad sad so I'm just keeping her as comfortable as i can until Mr A gets back from a few days away visiting friends. We are both gutted. She is old and wasn't going to last forever but it's still hard losing a much loved pet sad

buzzybee123 Sat 18-May-13 18:56:45

mrsd its best to get it checked out,

nelly does your clinic do IVM?? would you get more eggs that way??

criiter thats a tough decision, he could change his mind in the future and have his vasectomy reversed, but its all full of uncertainty