The BESH Old Skool Gin Palais: if you're name's not down, you're not coming in

(1000 Posts)
FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 29-Mar-13 21:19:00

Cream walls? Check
Pit of Doom? Check
Obscene amount of gin in well stocked bar? Check

The BESH Gin Palais is open to those who fit our demanding criteria. Seek out the BESHtionnaire and prove yourselves worthy - under 30s and instadiffers will be escorted from the premises <stern face>

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 29-Mar-13 21:30:01

Come on, where are you all??

RaspberrySnowCone Fri 29-Mar-13 21:30:10

Fuck yeah. Cosy palais ~~lets pizza/ice cream gut hang out~~

Them corsets were a bitch.

RaspberrySnowCone Fri 29-Mar-13 21:30:30

In here!!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 29-Mar-13 21:31:54

Thank god for that!

<cracks open gin>

RaspberrySnowCone Fri 29-Mar-13 21:32:34

Ahhhhh gin. Straight or with tonic?

TWinklyLittleStar Fri 29-Mar-13 21:33:54

<burns corset>
<necks gin from bottle>

Northey Fri 29-Mar-13 21:35:20

<lays out lines of baby dust>

<pins paint chart to back of bathroom door>

RaspberrySnowCone Fri 29-Mar-13 21:39:27

I've actually eaten so much I can't move. I'm gunna feel like poo tomorrow. Ick.

TWinklyLittleStar Fri 29-Mar-13 21:43:44

Link to the ackshual paint chart, for those of us who weren't around at the time.

rasp yeah I wasn't too impressed with the dietary advice. It does slightly stagger me how firmly in denial people can be about how much they eat. Not in a judgy way, just surprised.

<puts various fish in the fridge on standby>

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 29-Mar-13 21:45:28

Sod the tonic, we take our gin straight with a little pink umbrella wink

<flings embroidery out the window>
<swigs gin>
<boots darcy out of bed and binges on baileys ice cream instead>

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 29-Mar-13 21:47:40

Well done on finding the paint chart Twinks grin

The paint chart is fecking hilarious. BE is looking at me funny now. No way I can explain what I'm sniggering at..grinblush

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 29-Mar-13 21:52:44

Where is Draf lately? Perhaps this will tempt her out wink

In the meantime, have this one oiled and sent to my room grin

HesterShaw Fri 29-Mar-13 21:59:01

Hurray!

<gets drunk>
<flings halibuts everywhere>
<kneecaps fellow BESH affectionately>
<insults instadiffers>

Back to basics again.

Everyone else can fuck off <obnoxious>

HesterShaw Fri 29-Mar-13 22:01:01

Oh look. I started that fred. I'd forgotten. It was Cass's idea though.

TWinklyLittleStar Fri 29-Mar-13 22:02:08

I was actually very BESH today. I refused to go on a baby oriented day out with rude instadiffer 'friend' and went out spending money, in that way we selfish barrens can [bgrin]

HesterShaw Fri 29-Mar-13 22:07:56

Oh good work. Did you get pissed as well?

evilgiraffe Fri 29-Mar-13 22:16:15

Yo, all. <looks menacing at non-criteria-meeting lurkers> NICE pics, Frank! Got any of Captain Fine Chris Pine or Karl Urban? I am a hopeless Kirk/McCoy shipper...

We watched O Brother, Where Art Thou? tonight, it's so good. Wonderful film.

I do have a soft spot for Tom Cruise though, I'm afraid. He's so completely crackers I can't help but feel a little bit pityingly affectionate towards him.

TWinklyLittleStar Fri 29-Mar-13 22:16:18

Ah fuck. Bunny fail. angry

Sadly I was driving so didn't get pissed. I did eat cake and swear liberally though.

FriendofDorothy Fri 29-Mar-13 22:18:22

I have never seen that paint chart fred before. Genius!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 29-Mar-13 22:34:55
HesterShaw Fri 29-Mar-13 22:52:29

O Brother Where Art Thou is genius.

I love this

evilgiraffe Fri 29-Mar-13 22:57:58

GORGEOUS <swoon>

Hest, that's my favourite song in the whole thing, I think. Just beautiful.

HesterShaw Fri 29-Mar-13 23:02:24

Karl Urban? Eomer, yes? The one who is UNFEASIBLY hard in LOTR. I reckon he even SLEEPS in his armour.

evilgiraffe Fri 29-Mar-13 23:30:54

Eomer indeed. Unfeasibly hard, eh? <snicker> I think I've read a fic or two along those lines... grin

HesterShaw Fri 29-Mar-13 23:33:39

He would never be as fit as this

or

this.

Boromir would be filth. FILTH.

evilgiraffe Fri 29-Mar-13 23:48:50

I wouldn't say no to any of them, to be honest. <tart>

evilgiraffe Fri 29-Mar-13 23:51:55

That may be partially down to three years of TTC, though. It seems the more sex I have, the more I objectify every man I see, especially the pretty ones <shrug> Or maybe it was coming off the Pill that did it - there was definitely a sea change in libido at that point.

Or maybe it's just me? <goes to stand in the deviants' corner>

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 30-Mar-13 06:37:38

Not just you Evil, my sex drive went through the roof when I came off the pill. Shame MATVs seemed to disappear at about the same time.

Words were had yesterday and for some stupid reason I asked him if he was shagging someone else. I know damn well he's not and luckily he took for what it was, a stupid comment made in frustration. I've ovulated now so I'm out for this month but I really don't want to be stuck in a sexless marriage. He knows how I feel anyways. sad

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 09:13:26

Oh rasp love I do know how you feel and it's hideous, it really is. HWCA and I have had awful problems because of his attitude to sex. It's not just about TTC, though of course it's frustrating idea(to say the very least) when the one you love is 'stealing' your chances for another month. Let me lob some fish at you and pour you a breakfast gin.

JethroTull Sat 30-Mar-13 10:09:42

Good Fred Hags. <leaves gin>

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 30-Mar-13 10:51:49

Hiya hags. Nice pad. Clearly no gate crashers welcome.

<adds cocktail umbrellas to jeff's gin>

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 11:04:40

<Settles in. Eyes gin selection ready for post-lenten drinking tomorrow>

I tried to explain the paint chart to KFZK. He looked a mixture of puzzled and disgusted.

Draf the Pill was very effective contraception for me because it killed my libido stone dead.

Rasp sorry about the troubled times.

I think I might be egg laying. It's CD 18 from when I started bleeding, so if I am, that's only a couple of days later than normal, which I am quite chuffed about. After all those years of irregular cycles, it seems that now even IVF downregging drugs or an MC can't knock me off course for long (I got back to normal straight after last year's IVF debacle). The only downside is that we haven't yet dtd. Between the 10 days of mc bleeding and the jetlag, I have felt too knackered/about as sechsy as a wet flounder, and he hasn't exactly been chasing me around the bedroom. I think we'll try to get one in tonight, so at least we might be in with a chance. <Overshare>

evilgiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 11:27:31

Wet flounder is more sexy than dry flounder. True fact.

I feel like crying today (and yesterday), and I don't know why. confused

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 11:35:10

Easter blues. All that new sodding life sad

It amuses me I have to start stabbing on Easter Sunday when the bastard fields are full of fecund sheep and their adorable offspring, and the birds are courting like mad and the flowers are starting to grow and my SIL is about to drop with my sister a month or so behind her bitches

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 11:42:38

Spring is a Topp Time For Suicide, you know, because the painfulness of the world coming back to life when you are so low is difficult to bear.

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 12:06:37

Blimey. I think we need more gin, ladies.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 12:08:22

I iz having coffee with caffeine in. Take THAT, reproductive health! I shall crack open the gin later.

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 12:15:03

I have not seen many signs of spring. I feel like crying and my boobs are killing me. Is it too early to start on my Easter egg?

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 12:19:27

It is never too early for Easter eggs xxx

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 12:25:38

The only reason I am saving mine is that I will be Very Sad if I wake up tomorrow and don't have one. Like a paschal bfn.

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 12:28:54

'Paschal BFN' made me laugh, which is good, as I am riddled with PMT and even crying at Game of Thrones, ffs.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 12:31:15

Which episode? I suspect that my joyful reunion with AMNH tomorrow is mostly going to be spent listening to him bang on about the new series.

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 12:34:22

Last one of series two. Fairly low bare-breasts count in this one. I take it you're not a fan?

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 12:39:35

I don't have any Easter eggs. We forgot to buy any and now everywhere's sold out!

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 12:48:02

Could you line some cups with clingfilm then melt chocolate into it, to make your own eggs?

Fuck it. Just eat the chocolate.

evilgiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 12:52:35

I have not cried (yet, though have got a bit teary), and have done the washing up. I haven't been out on my bike though, so now I feel guilty as well as weepy and useless. I wish it would all just stop.

A Game of Thones is wonderful. We are going round to friends on Monday to watch the first of the new series. I may reread the series soon, what with having my library all unpacked and easily accessible once more.

We have no Easter eggs either, but ILs are coming tomorrow, so they may bring something. We have got them a reduced-price Christmas stocking and us a Christmas selection box from the Hotel Chocolat factory shop. Good thing we're all atheists, I suppose...

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 13:02:46

I am a fan, I promise. Just not quite to the distressingly drooly extent that he is. And apparently it's childish and not funny if I refer to it as Game of Boners instead.

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 13:05:17

We call it Game of Boobs. And we are grown up and very funny smile

draf I am still jealous of your library, especially now I've seen the pictures.

evilgiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 13:09:18

It is totally a game of boners. There is SO MUCH sex in it, it's quite a tempting idea to become fictional and live in Westeros. Aside from the high death rate, that is. I can never decide whether my favourite character is Tyrion or Jon Snow - they're pretty equal in the books, though I suppose Peter Dinklage is so masterful in the series that Tyrion wins hands down.

Twinks, I keep going in there and just looking around. I can't quite believe we actually did it grin

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 13:10:49

I've never seen Game of Thrones.

KFZK has a Hotel Chocolat egg. for tomorrow. He better have got me one!

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 13:11:07

We are even more grown up and funny because when the Tudors was on, we called it the Shaggers grin.

I have No Family this weekend, even though my mum is nagging me to go to theirs (only four hours away hmm ). Given that I'm starting stabbing this Sunday, quite honestly I'd rather not. Apparently, injecting yourself is No Big Deal - according to her, who has never done it.

But I'm going out for the burfday on Monday with an old chum from school who is visiting. She's a fellow barren so I love her.

CaptainMoll Sat 30-Mar-13 13:14:43

I'm just going to make this very clear right now - any BESH committing any spoilers re Games of Thrones on this thread will have all the empty gin bottles lobbed at their heads.
I have no tv and will have to wait until the box set comes out, and I am sorely vexed about it.

So there.

<sobs>
<eats mountain of chocolate>

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 13:17:45

Arf at The Shaggers. AMNH was curiously attached to that as well.

If you stopped off in Bristol, SandieShaw, you could have half my chocolate buttons egg, and I could stab you. <generous>

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 13:18:42

Fear not, moll, the only spoilers I would manage to notice would be tit counts.

evilgiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 13:36:20

Cap, have you not read the books? I am completely hopeless about spoilers in TV series based on novels - I can avoid spoiling the most recent book, but the events in the TV series are way behind the times... We don't have the relevant telly channels either, but the internet is your friend in that regard.

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 13:45:54

Fear not. MrRie, or should it be MrShaw, has just returned from town lugging two enormous eggs. He said they took ages to find and he had been everywhere before he found them. I asked where he eventually managed to track them down.

Co Op.

So, a specialist store then?

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 13:47:20

A good thing I am not watching Games of Thrones - I am a terrible spoiler.

I nearly lost a three friends when posting about the death of Amy Pond on FB. Still can't understand why anyone would get that worked up about Dr Who.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sat 30-Mar-13 13:49:11

I haven't seen Game of Thrones - we don't have Sky. Instead I am settling down with a cup f tea to watch so e more Supernatural DVDs with HWHNN. I bought him the seasons 1-7 boxset for Christmas - we've just started Season 6. Hmmmmm, Jensen Ackles drools a bit>.

BTW I have eaten 3 Easter Eggs in the last 3 weeks <fatty>

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 13:54:47

GUESS WHAT'S ON NOW RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!!

MARCH OF THE PENGUINS!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 13:57:08

I KNOW! I AN WATCHING IT!!!!

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 14:06:51

!!!111!!1!1!!!11

HesterShaw Sat 30-Mar-13 14:13:52

This bit makes me weep.

I think I want a penguin more than I want a baybee.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 14:21:39

If we had a penguin and a baybee, they could grow up together.

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 14:49:06

Now I'm really p1ssed off at being stuck in the office.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 14:50:32

On a weekend between two public holidays? That really does suck. How come?

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 15:13:28

Hello, I think I would like to join your thread. The problem is I have a fear of questionnaires, would rather drink piss than gin and swear an awful lot. I'm not sure you would want me <inadequate>. The good news is I am a childless hag desperate for a baby and at 39 am running out of time - ergo I am bitter. Do I really have to complete the BESHtionnaire? Can't you simply chuck questions at me?

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 15:20:20

Your name alone wins you favour in my eyes (oh hang on, we've finished the period dramas fred) but we have just sworn a great swear to go back to BESH basics which I reckon includes the BESHtionnaire. Though we can let you off the gin. Go on. It's all impenetrable and none fbus can remember the right answers anyway.

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 15:29:12

Indeed Norfy. Big deadline in a couple of weeks. I was working yesterday too. I could really do with the time off after all I have been through lately, but no go. I'm having tonight and tomorrow off though. I'll have to see about Monday.

BTW, I just looked back. I haven't had a weekend where I didn't work at all since 19/20 January. shock Bloody hell. How did that happen? No wonder I'm bloody knackered. No time off, plus mc, plus jetlag. sad

I love your name Eyes (although it might give an indication as to where you have been going wrong in the baybee making...) The BESHtionnaire is compulsory, but largely ceremonial. The gin thing is a bit worrying though. Do you like other booze? <narrows eyes>

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 15:30:18

And I found out this week that they are not giving me a bonus this year. Way to make me feel appreciated. Fckers. Unless they redeem themselves by giving me a nice payrise I will be very grumpy indeed.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 15:41:09

What?! What utter cunts. I'd like to know what the fuck else you could have done for them. What do other employees do? Work through the night as well as every weekend?

CaptainMoll Sat 30-Mar-13 15:45:32

I'm at work too euro, if it helps to know that..
Your company sound like ungrateful shitbags.

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 15:51:37

Indeed, norf. My billable hours were low in 2012, but not because I was sitting around scratching my @rse and neglecting what needed to be done, but because a load of senior people left and so they were not there to bring the work in. Frankly, a few £ to show some appreciation wouldn't have gone amiss. It's not like I wasn't headhunted after the vultures moved in when the senior folks departed. It is nice to see how my loyalty is rewarded, innit?

What are you doing moll or can't you say? I'm a lawyer. I like my work, but not the hours or career structure.

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 16:06:33

I am only not at work because they only let the bare minimum cover Bank Holiday weekends. euro have you got any time off coming up? It's not good to work such long hours for ungrateful cunts

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 16:06:48

Tsk.

1) Do you like gin? No, I prefer spunk.

2) Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar? I'm 39, go figure.

3) Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
a) weewee
b) poopoo
c) foofoo
d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Can I pretend I have a Mary Delusion and say 'none of the above'?

4) Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

None of the above; I would tell them to look at the dots on their temperature chart. Do they spell out 'P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T'? No? Then don't waste 32p <frugal>

5) Is R2D2:
a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
b) the source of all evil.

c) The protagonist of my sexual fantasies

6) Number of pets? Two black cats (see? I am a hag)

7) Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame? Stephen Hawkins

8) Lesbian crush? Nick Grimshaw

9) What are your views on camping? Panoramic

10) How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
ii) Over 100 quid
iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

I don't. I have a colostomy bag.

Finally, tell us how you found the BESH and why you'd like to join us pliz.

I found the BESH whilst searching for a thread where women were not boring each other to death <difficult>

I would like to point out that the superfluous apostrophe in your thread title is bothersome to me, however, it is testament to the niceness of you all that I am choosing to overlook it <magnanimous>

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 16:09:35

On a serious note I am sorry for the sadness suffered on your last thread.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 16:15:48

I laughed twice and raised my eyebrows twice (the second time at the risky boldness at mentioning the apostrophe). But on balance I am diverted enough to give you a whirl <delusions of power>

Ooh! Channel flicking has led me to some bizarre 80s radio station playing Mel & Kim. Well I never did.

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 16:19:55

Thank you Northey (I think). What caused the first instance of eyebrow-raising?

"..tay..tay..tay..tay..t-t-t-t-t..tay..tay.."

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 16:22:04

Twink I'm going to take some time in May. I've got no chance before then - deadline in mid-April, then another work trip to the US, then operation headbump removal and possibly a second IVF cycle, then holiday. It seems a looooooooong way off.

Eyes as far as I am concerned, you're in. Although I had somehow managed not to notice the apostraphe and now it is going to Bother Me.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 16:22:21

The R2D2 wrongness. And it is deeply, deeply wrong.

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 16:26:28

Not as wrong as Chewbacca.

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 16:27:45

Is he the big bear thing? I could kind of get on board there.

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 16:28:49

Yes, he's the hirsute one who sounds as though he's caught his cock in his zip.

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 16:36:32

KFZK does a great Chewy impression. He doesn't even need to catch himself in a zip to manage it.

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 30-Mar-13 16:38:37

I think I like you eyes although personally I've never been a fan of swallowing spunk, ever since I gave a blow job to a boy 14 years ago and he shot about a pints worth rather prematurely into me without asking and it tasted quite honestly vile. Bastard didn't even apologise. I nearly puked. Then he laughed at me cuz I swallowed it. I couldn't get rid of the taste for days, despite copious amounts of coke and pic n mix. MATV is aware of this being the reason and bless him has only ever asked once.

Apologies for the massive over share hags but after 14 years it's actually quite good to get that off my chest, I feel like I can move on now.

So....in conclusion, welcome eyes!

Twink, I'm hoping we can move on from this sometime soon, everything is really good, I think he forgets that actually I do just like sex, it's not always about making a baby. He gave me a mercy shag earlier and seemed quite pleased with himself for performing well so I'm hoping that it might kick start him again, although I said that three weeks ago when we last DTD

Euro, do you have chocolate with you? I think if I was forced to work as much as you do I'd be expecting a massive fuck off bonus, what bastards.

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 30-Mar-13 16:39:37

*everything else

Northey Sat 30-Mar-13 16:42:30

Howling with laughter at the coke and pick n mix detail there!

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 16:46:59

Raspberry, thank you for the welcome. I guess I have learned to like spunk after so many years of resolutely refusing to have the stuff anywhere near my bedding or curtains <precious>

By-the-way, if this were a Spice Girls thread I think you would be Sporty. EvilGiraffe would be Scary and Captain would be Posh. I'm unsure whether anyone here is ginger or babyish.

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:23:30

Afternoon Hags. Thanks for doing the fred frank. I'm fecking useless sorry.

I've been quite busy walking, gyming, flyballing BUT NOT FUCKING OVULATING <frustrated>. Despite being on 100mg clomid its now CD17 and I have 1 follicle at 35mm and 1 at 28mm and my ovaries hurt, a lot. Apparently they're both too big to ovulate and will become cysts. Fecking great. I'm back for ANOTHER, yes ANOTHER dildocam sesh on Monday.

Hello Spunk - I know I should call you eyes but I named draf and it stuck so i'm hoping the same for you. I laughed at your answers but if you are a pedant you will have a field day with me. A field day. <retarded>

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 30-Mar-13 17:25:54

Is that cuz I come across as a slight chav? He wasn't a boy if just met ya'know. Id known him at least three days :/ or was it the pic n mix? I was addicted to that stuff through my late teens. In fact it was one of the first things me and MATV did, Think we spent about £10! Grim
.

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:29:21

Rasp I didn't let a bloke spuff in my mouth until I had a proper serious boyfriend. My first words post swallow were "its warm". I have no idea what I expected. Spuff is gross. FACT

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 30-Mar-13 17:41:59

Hello eyes. You sound pretty ESH-like and it sounds like you're in. I am Faith. Was a BESH but finally got diffed and now am not far from dropping. I still lurk in these parts.

Jeepers euro but you need a break! You must be running on empty?! Book that holiday!

CaptainMoll Sat 30-Mar-13 18:24:15

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
<rolls giant lardy fat flabby self around on floor in hysterics at the thought of being likened unto Posh spice>

A story from the land of show business: at one gig, posh was late back on stage after a costume change. She was due on in a very tight LBD, and had neglected to put on her knickers. On enquiry at her dressing room door, she yelled to the stage hand "I'm just shavin' me graahler!". It seems her pubes were all sticking through the dress.
Growler is a particularly winning term, I think.

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 18:33:12

Bugs, that's shit about the follies, I'm sorry. Have they turned into cysts because your dosage was too high?

Actually, I prefer Spunk as a nickname; Eyes is a bit creepy. Hello, Faith, congratulations on your pregnancy. Can I ask how long you had been trying to conceive before you hit the jackpot?

Captain, are you Sir Trevor Nunn?

CaptainMoll Sat 30-Mar-13 18:37:48

Spunk - yes. Yes I am.
*rumbled

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 30-Mar-13 18:46:04

Aw bugs that's crap sad

eyes 'twas 2 years 8 months. We had reversible male factor ishoos. Took a long time to get to the bottom of why we weren't winning a baybee - had a year TTC, then a year of tests, then 8 months after he started treatment I got diffed.

evilgiraffe Sat 30-Mar-13 19:16:33

Scary Spice? Me? <boggled> I had no idea I was that intimidating shock

I say Spunk is in. Though it is rather risqué to point out the apostrophe error when I assume your crush of shame is in fact Stephen Hawking? (unless I'm just clueless and Stephen Hawkins is a real man)

We have just been out and bought a new kettle and had noodles in our favourite noodle place. The weepiness has subsided quite a bit smile

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 30-Mar-13 19:37:33

I say spunk is in, though if we're being pedantic, Nick Grimshaw is not a lesbian crush. Hi SpunkyMonkey, nice to meet you.

I looked like Chewbacca today before I took my razor to myself. I swear I am abnormally hairy -surely not everyone has this much?

HWCA made me snigger this evening - he came home from the supermarket with pick and mix and a can of diet coke for me! Looks like I'm on a promise tonight...

rasp & draf glad the day has picked up for you both. euro you finished working yet? Hope a good dinner awaits you. bugs your ovaries are being dickheads. You poor thing. Here, let me drape you in the Seabass of Sympathy.

EyesWallowsPunk Sat 30-Mar-13 20:17:44

Argh! Draf! <ashamed> I knew it looked a bit wrong when I typed it.

Hello, Twinkly...but Nick Grimshaw is a lesbian, surely?

My husband has just returned from the shop with a copy of Hostel II on DVD. I can only assume he's forgotten it's Date Night..

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 20:35:51

Oh bugs that's shit. Weren't you oving by yourself? So the clomid is actually making things worse? FFS.

Moll loving the not so posh Posh story!

Heh Twink @ the pick n mix message! We love pick n mix in this household and KFZK is a Diet Coke addict....

I'm home, but anoid. I left before I had finished everything (so I will have to go back in before Tuesday). I would have stayed but we were supposed to be having dinner with friends tonight. On the way home I found a message from friend cancelling because she is ill (fine, of course), mentioning that she has been feeling crap since lunchtime (argh - if she had told me earlier, I would have worked on and managed to get my two days off <weeps>).

And then me and KFZK had a rare sechsfail. TBH I was not exactly feeling hot (tired, stressed, carrying a few pounds of babyblubber). I suspect for him now pregnancy=misery so not really helpful. It was our first go post-mc and I think I am oving today so if we leave it we will miss this month. And if I am right about oving, we won't be able to do IVF on the next cycle as I will be away on the approach to ov. arsemonkeys.

Still, there's always chocolate. If I am going to get the really good cellulite on my arsefat, I'm going to have to put the effort in.

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 30-Mar-13 21:50:27

Hahahaha twink you are definitely on a promise. A dodgy one but a promise all the same if my experience is anything to go by.

Sorry about the ovaries bugs. Does that mean they will stop clomid?

euro that's shit on both counts. Very frustrating being cancelled on at late notice and secsh fails are awful sad I will offer a hug. Would you like a bucket of prawns or a cod of comfort? Definitely hit the chocolate.

After making up this afternoon MATV is now sulking again because I kicked his ass at scrabble by 100 points. He even packed up the game before we had used all the letters in a strop! He's such a bad loser.

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 22:37:59

<Snatches bucketloads of chocolate the cod of comfort and runs off to a corner looking possessive>

Haha@the bad loser.

Is anyone watching Labyrinth? It's all set around where my PIL's place is in France. There's a bunch of photos of us poking around Carcassonne on FB if anyone is interested.

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 30-Mar-13 22:45:39

Omg I'm going to stalk you on FB right now! We are heading to carcassone in two weeks! It's on our list of places to go.....

EuroShaggleton Sat 30-Mar-13 23:02:24

Oh cool, Rasp. We loved poking around there. PIL's place is about an hour away from it, so we sometimes fly in through Carcassonne. It's an absolutely lovely part of the world. Are you a keen cyclist? It'll be good cycling weather when you're there - not too hot. Also good weather for sitting on your arse drinking wine, which is my favourite pastime when down that way. grin I'm very jealous - I'm missing my annual dose of La Vie en Rose. I think we'll make it down there in July, if not before.

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 30-Mar-13 23:03:45

Yep we will have bikes with us. And be parked drinking quite a bit of wine and stinky cheese. I LOVE france

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sat 30-Mar-13 23:04:46

Oh hell, I didn't notice the rogue apostrophe. Bloody iPhone autocorrect that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it

Welcome aboard Eyes

In other news, don't forget to adjust your clocks folks!

EuroShaggleton Sun 31-Mar-13 09:57:12

I'm very jealous, Rasp! I'll have some chocolate to console myself.

I've just realised that Lent is well and truly over. Is it too early for wine?

I feel a bit sad. Sechsfail means we have missed the egg for the first tie ever in more than two years of ttc, and wasted the post-mc fertility boost. Meh. I'm annoyed that I didn't get on the case before yesterday, but the jetlag really wiped me out last week.

RaspberrySnowCone Sun 31-Mar-13 13:06:52

Don't be hard on yourself euro, you've been through a lot and are working like a mad thing, give yourself time to get back up to full power. From what Ive read the post miscarriage fertility boost last a few months anyway so you've still got time to take advantage. It is now plenty late enough to have wine. With chocolate smile

So this having to cancel our weekend away has proved pretty fruitful, we've had wine, lunch out at a posh steak house, done some shopping, had a massive throwing out/cleaning session, cut the grass and sorted a box full of stuff for eBay to clear slowly through the summer. MATV has said that as the box room is now clear enough to get the PC desk in, once we've moved it he will put my pole up in the bigger spare room. Sqeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllll. But not until we get back from holiday sad but I'm sooooooooo happy! A pole of my own in my own house. This is just amazeballs

EyesWallowsPunk Sun 31-Mar-13 13:21:36

Happy Easter everyone. I'm gutted my temperature has dropped somewhat this morning (when will I learn than scrutinising temps for fourteen days is self-flagellation??) Euro, sorry about the sex thing. For what it's worth, I shagged like a fallen eunuch in the 'magical' three months post-miscarriage: nowt. Take it easy; your body and mind need a rest, love. I know how it feels though, that urgency after a miscarriage to not miss any opportunity. Bloody shit.

Hello, Frank.

Can someone please tell me where to go to ask loads and loads of questions about IVF? We're hoping to be giving it a shot for the first time this summer and I don't know whether to simply accept whatever they suggest at the clinic or whether I should be somewhere on here harvesting as much information as possible and then demanding a certain protocol or whatever. I am aware that folks on here will not wish to be bored stiff by my questions about IVF, but as a newcomer to mumsnet I don't really know where to go. Thanks for any advice.

EyesWallowsPunk Sun 31-Mar-13 13:30:40

Gah. Sorry for calling you 'love', euro, it's a bad habit.

EuroShaggleton Sun 31-Mar-13 15:46:15

Are you northern? wink It's ok, I don't mind. "Hun" tends not to go down well around these parts though.

Well, we had another sechsfail this morning. It's never happened twice in a row before. KFZK is not happy, poor thing. I'm disappointed, but haven't shown it. It's not really encouraging when I feel lardy and horrible, but realistically I know the problem is not related to me carrying a few extra pounds. I think it is more likely to be stress from the mc and the nonsense with his flat. Still, there's always chocolate.

JethroTull Sun 31-Mar-13 16:19:35

Eyes feel free to PM me IVF questions. A good book is Zita West's Guide to Assisted Conception. I waited bloody ages to get treatment so had a lot of time to read endless stuff!

JethroTull Sun 31-Mar-13 16:21:32

Euro sorry for the sechs fail. Not sure if you were on here when we went through weeks of it. I really feel for you both.

EuroShaggleton Sun 31-Mar-13 17:11:32

Eyes the egg buddies thread is for folks going through IVF. There's not a huge number of posters on there, but some have cycled before and so can help with Qs. I found it helpful through my first cycle and have stuck around on there. Otherwise, fertility friends is a good site with loads of info. I'm also happy to answer Qs on here or via PM.

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 18:18:14

This thread is making me want to punch things.

Obviously pure envy. Very attractive....

EyesWallowsPunk Sun 31-Mar-13 19:41:30

Oh, thank you, Euro and Jethro. I will take you up on the private messaging (when I know what I need to know, if you know what I mean). I'll try the egg buddies, too. I'm worried because I keep reading that IVF is a multi-cycle process and that saddens me so much because we don't have that kind of money. I can see what folks mean: that successive cycles can improve on previous protocols and such. I don't know..it's all fucking shit. I didn't know Zita did an AC book. Hasn't that woman made enough money from us yet? sad

Hester, I could fucking strangle that woman. I feel like it's a direct attack on how poor me & my husband are <irrational>

Draff, can I please ask what you consider to be the three best books ever? I read about your library and fell into a daydream <covetous> My two favourite books are Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts and Ludmila's Broken English by DBC Pierre. Not very high-brow, I know, but intriguing and clever. I can't bear anything written by a woman; I think her gender gets in the way. I thought Hilar Mantel would convert me but I felt so marginalised by Wolf Hall; she didn't engage me whatsoever. I'm rambling, sorry..

Just finished watching Silver Linings Playbook: lovely and original, but Jennifer Lawrence did not deserve the Oscar, I'm afraid.

Have a lovely Easter Monday, everyone.

EyesWallowsPunk Sun 31-Mar-13 19:43:52

*Hilary!

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 31-Mar-13 19:44:30

Sorry about the sechsfail euro. I know how horrible it is. It won't be about you putting on a few pounds. I know its easy to say, but try to spend time just cuddling and enjoying each other's company without and expectations (sexpectations?) and I'm sure it will just happen.

Back from Sunday dinner with the in laws. FIL's Alzheimers is getting worse, MIL says he has been paranoid and aggressive lately. So bloody sad. HWCA's oldest niece was over, and I (selfishly and unfairly) am cross that any child I have won't have any sort of relationship with him, and not much with MIL - they're so close to HWCA's niece, and have so many lovely memories, and my hypothetical child won't get that.

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 20:19:47

Eyes, I don't think we have met. Very remiss of me. How do you do, and welcome smile

I have just stabbed, hags.

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 20:20:23

Winks, so sorry about FIL. Sorry and scared sad

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 31-Mar-13 20:23:07

Sorry hest, I didn't think sad
Well done for stabbing. How was it?

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 20:27:27

Don't worry. Need to know what's coming, and it always helps to share smile

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 20:27:51

T'other place.... ;)

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 20:28:05

That should have been a wink

CaptainMoll Sun 31-Mar-13 20:34:11

Good work with the stabbing Hest.

I got my date for the lap&dye today, but I'm going to have to postpone it as BE won't be around to look after me and I'll most probably be "with droid" for the date they've given.
I would very much just like to have done with it as soon as possible, but this means probably another 2 cycles up the swanny.

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 20:37:07

Can you remind me why you're having the lap and dye rather than HSG?

CaptainMoll Sun 31-Mar-13 20:41:09

shock what's HSG? No one's mentioned such a thing to me..
The gynae wants to have a look at my Englebert Lumperdinck and possibly remove it. Despite several dildocams and an MRI scan, they can't decide if it's a cyst, a fibroid or something else entirely. They're doing the dye job whilst they're in there.

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Sun 31-Mar-13 20:41:23

Evening. Well my healthy eating seems to be on hold this weekend. It is Easter I suppose. I have come home from visiting the family with all sorts of lovely goodies.

I have no idea whether they'll stop the clomid or not. I think I may have ovulated today as I had a load of pant snot but its CD18 which is still late to ovulate. Euro I was ovulating on my own as I had 2 non clomid pregnancies, which lasted longer than the clomid one. I still wonder if I'm being 'messed' with too much and whether if I stopped all the crazy drucks I'd get diffed naturally with a sticky bean.

Hest How you feeling post stab?

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 20:55:43

Ah well that's only sensible then. They want to peep in. A HSG is the dye and the x ray.

Bugs it may be that you've "just" been unlucky so far. I hope that's true x

Am feeling ok. Wondering what to make for tea.

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Sun 31-Mar-13 20:58:09

Haven't you eaten yet? Its late you know even though they stole an hour from us all.

I has roast lamb and all the trimmings. Was delish.

I'm having another dildocam sesh tomorrow at 11.10 so we'll see what they say.

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 21:00:19

I always eat late and had a v big lunch!

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 31-Mar-13 21:03:21

Cheese on toast.

I want cheese on toast but I have no bread.

EuroShaggleton Sun 31-Mar-13 21:03:46

Any time eyes. Just drop me a line.

Well done on losing your stabbing virginity Hest. The first time is the worst - it's easier from here on in.

Twink sorry about FIL. My Gran is well on the way and it's hard to watch.

Bugs I thought you had got diffed at least once without the drucks but when I am tired and stressed with work, my memory tends to fail me so I wasn't sure. I think under the new NICE Guidelines, Clomid is not recommended for people who are already ovulating. Will you get a chance to discuss your treatment with the consultant?

I've just had my second dinner of the day - was out for lunch with friends and have just had a homemade cuzza with a different friend. smile This is not helping to shift the pounds. I might as well give in and have some more chocolate.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 31-Mar-13 21:06:30
evilgiraffe Sun 31-Mar-13 21:38:34

Oh, Frank <melts into a puddle of starry-eyed goo> Thank you

Spunk, I'm not sure I can single out just three - it depends what sort of genre you're into, really. I read a lot of fantasy, as well as classics, some sci-fi and poetry - all of which are rather different! However, I love Lord of the Flies (William Golding), Flowers for Algernon (Daniel Keyes), and the series that begins with Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb. I don't really differentiate between male and female authors, though, I've read superb and dreadful books by both sexes.

Well done on the stabbing, Hest, and sorry for the family woes, Twink sad

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Sun 31-Mar-13 23:14:42

I didn't know that euro. We can see the consultant if we wish to but not tomorrow I don't think although he's normally milling around. I think the next step is IVF with embryo testing at £2k a go. We get one free IVF round though so £2k is do-able for u.

My cousin forgot her pill 2 days in a row 2 weeks ago and I keep thinking she is pregnant. I've told her to do a test but she's so blase about the whole thing. She says she'd 'get rid' if she was as she's only 19 and at uni. Oh to be young and blase again!

TWinklyLittleStar Mon 01-Apr-13 07:51:40

Hags I am sick. I have been puking my guts up most of the night. Of course I had to POAS just in case and of.course it was arctic so I feel even more sorry for myself. <climbs into Pit>

bugs punch your cousin in the ovaries. Good luck for today.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Mon 01-Apr-13 08:00:36

Oh poor TWink <removes all fish from vicinity> plenty of rest for you.

Hope it's better news today bugs.

Happy birthday Hesty! smile

TWinklyLittleStar Mon 01-Apr-13 08:04:40

Happy birthday hest

evilgiraffe Mon 01-Apr-13 08:41:11

It's Hest's birthday? Happy birthday!

Get well soon, Twink sad

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Mon 01-Apr-13 12:26:33

Happy Birthday Hesty grin

<offers celebratory grope with bucket of fish innards thrown in>

WrenNatsworthy Mon 01-Apr-13 12:37:54

<bounds in doing a naked gin spin, Cap'n Jack in tow>

I revived him for your burfday Hester!

<Dishes out special gin and prosecco cocktails, buggers off>

Nice fred by the way. Ciao.

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Mon 01-Apr-13 19:49:10

Twink are you feeling any better this evening?

I haven't released an egg............... I'VE RELEASED TWO!!!!!!!!!!! well technically one yesterday and one today and we only had the sechs on Friday and this morning so we've probably missed the window but who cares, today I can dream of twins

We went Carpet shopping, to Ikea, Argos AND Homebase today. Yep I luff a bit of shopping / car park rage.

EuroShaggleton Mon 01-Apr-13 20:16:44

Happy Birthday hest.

Twink I hope youare feeling better.

Bank holiday-tastic Bugs. Can I have one of your twins please? We completely missed the boat this time.

I'm feeling a bit mizz today. I've spent 3 days of the 4 day weekend in the office, missed seeing my bestie as she wasn't well, feel fat and have missed any chance of diffage this month due to our double sechsfail. I'm tired and grumpy and I want a holiday and a baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <wails> <wallows in self-pity>

TWinklyLittleStar Mon 01-Apr-13 20:33:46

I thought I was feeling a bit better, so I braved some bread and chicken - mistake. I am not better. I don't know how I'm going to be in work for 7am.

bugs well done on the eggs, doesn't seem like you've missed the boat, good luck.

euro that's poop. You're entitled to be a bit mizz.

EyesWallowsPunk Mon 01-Apr-13 20:55:25

Hello everyone and Happy Birthday, Hester smile

Me and th'usband have been in the park today playing rounders with my friend and her lovely family. Bloody freezing it was! My temperature was way up today at 13DPO so I've been allowing myself to fantasise that I am pregnant <deluded bitch> The problem is I was too chicken to test this morning so I pissed on an OPK (thanks, Google) and the test line was as dark as the control line. But that's because AF is due, right? I swear I am never temping again after this month.

Draff, I've never heard of the books you mentioned <thick> and I am in awe of your penchant for poetry. Is it true some of this stuff can be life-changing? Why don't I 'get it'? Maybe I've been reading the wrong stuff (like takeaway menus grin)

Euro, do not dwell on the sex-fail. These things have a way of sorting themselves out, but in the meantime cheer yourself up with this phallus of faintsaddled snake eel <inappropriate>

EyesWallowsPunk Mon 01-Apr-13 20:56:40

Bugs, two eggs is a treat! Well done, old girl grin

evilgiraffe Mon 01-Apr-13 23:46:06

Twins! It's an exciting possibility, Bugs grin Fingers crossed!

I think we all need a holiday, Euro. I am in desperate need of warmth and sunshine that lasts for more than ten minutes at a time. I'm dreaming of double-figure temperatures.

Spunk, I hadn't heard of your books either, so I guess we're even! I have no idea if poetry is life-changing, my grandpa used to read poems to me as a child so it's been a formative part of my life rather than a change. Flowers For Algernon is a deeply affecting book, very thought-provoking and profound and at the same time an easy read. Lord of the Flies is similar in that regard, too. Go read them both! I may look through my library and make a big list of favourites tomorrow...

Baybee efforts have been going well this month. My chart is the closest it's been to textbook in months, Futility Fiend thinks I ovulated on CD15 (four days earlier than average), and we have been doing lots of sechs-for-fun, which is nice. I have zero expectation that anything will come of it, but funny how the pressure lifts when IVF is within sight at last.

Oh, and I have a date for the laparoscopy cyst/tube inspection/removal. It's 29th May, so with any luck will be healed enough for holiday horse riding the following week. I've not had surgery as an adult before, so am waiting impatiently for a letter full of instructions...

Northey Tue 02-Apr-13 08:47:50

Wow, bugs! I know fertility doctors always banging sternly about avoiding multiple pregnancies, but I have to say that I would be thrilled if I got two with one shot.

How are you feeling today, vomitylittlestar?

euro, lovely, I would be either in a pit of misery or pinging off the walls with rage in your shoes. You've been through a fucker of a lot, and everything should just fuck off and give you a break.

FriendofDorothy Tue 02-Apr-13 08:49:57

I really wanted twins and was gutted when I had that bleed and they told me I was probably carrying twins.

Twins would be awesome but such hard work.

The Mister had a dream that our next baby would be boy twins but we couldn't find names for them.

Northey Tue 02-Apr-13 08:53:21

Also, today I am Cuntry Cream, with woodwork in All That Jizz.

Droid should be here today. I don't feel remotely like it will show up though. No nipple soreness, no buzzwam fullness, no cramping. Obviously this is most likely to be caused by post ivf randomness, but I did actually have the sechs two Sundays ago (my only shag this month, fact fans)... <entertains self happily with unrealistic menkul>

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 02-Apr-13 09:04:05

Morning Norf. Woke up, threw up, phoned in sick. Really can't afford to be off work as have sooo much to do, but feel wretched.

I have babysat my friend's twins a few times. Properly hard work when they both wanted feeding at the same time, but they are oh so lovely.

Have fun menkulling.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Tue 02-Apr-13 09:10:31

Good TWink. Not the vomiting but definitely the phoning in sick. No hero badges for going in when you're really not well enough, or passes those luffly germs around.

Fantastic news about the egg laying bugs! You're definitely in with a chance with timing.

euro I suspect the emotional strain is causing the ishoos. Rather than aiming for the sechs, could you try some skin to skin time instead? Get some massage oil, do back massages? Creates intimacy without the pressure of the sechs. That helped us when we had those ishoos.

I am 37 weeks today hags so officially full term. I would like to do some batch cooking but otherwise am about ready to lay...!!

CaptainMoll Tue 02-Apr-13 09:24:26

Ooh, good lick Faif! Exciting times! Also FX for Norf and Spunk in case peeing on fivers occurs..
Bugs, awesome work with the double yolk.
Twinks, get well soon!
Euro, sechsfail plus overwork really sucks. Got that t-shirt myself. I agree with Faif - none-sechs niceness to each other helps.
Draf - I got my date too, for the exact same procedure, inc cyst/lump inspection. They've offered April 24th but I'm going to have to ask for a later date as I'll most certainly be droiding and they can't do the tubes check during droid. It sounds like you haven't had a pre-op appointment yet? You should get one where they explain it all to you and tell you when you have to stop eating etc.

CaptainMoll Tue 02-Apr-13 09:24:59

LUCK! Not lick. That's a bit gross.. Stoopid phone.

evilgiraffe Tue 02-Apr-13 09:34:27

Ah, droid hasn't been mentioned as a problem, but then they're not doing a dye test (had an HSG last year), just eyeballing to see if the tube is dilated, which I suppose is easy to see droid or not.

You're right, I haven't had a pre-op appointment, but what can there possibly be to say? Surely "turn up at place X at time Y, don't eat or drink for Z hours beforehand" is all they need to say, and a letter is more than sufficient? Or maybe it's all more complicated than I realise <shrug>

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 02-Apr-13 09:38:32

A lot of people won't absorb info in a letter. Also last op I had, they swabbed me for MRSA, weighed me and took blood pressure to make sure there wouldn't be any problems with the GA. Maybe they need to do the same.

moll nothing wrong with a good lick!

CaptainMoll Tue 02-Apr-13 09:42:55

Aha, I see Draff - in that case droid probs won't matter. Like Twinks though, I also got tested for MRSA, weighed, measured, had blood pressure done, also a giant questionnaire about medical history etc.. Round my way, they won't do the op scheduling until they've done this whole pre-op thing.

Twink - snigger

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Tue 02-Apr-13 10:24:58

<applies "Cooked" badge to Faith's buzwam>

Well done deary grin

Impressive dual ovulation there Bugsy, keeping everything crossed for you.

I have no ovulatory news to report - CD 40 and no signs of laying. We did the sechs twice over the long weekend but I'm showing no signs of egg release <sigh>

I didn't have a pre-op for my Laporoscopy (Cambridgeshire) but that was in 2011 so they might have changed policy by now.

Hope you feel better soon Twinks, I'm in the office on my own as my other colleague who should be here today has called in sick. There's not much going on (hence the MNetting wink) so it's not too bad.

evilgiraffe Tue 02-Apr-13 12:08:47

I have just got my letter! It confirms date/time, and is full of info about what to bring etc. No mention of pre-op appointment though, I guess Cambs just doesn't bother.

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 12:53:26

So what do you have to bring? <interested>

I hate hospital letters. For some reason they scare the shit out of me.

EuroShaggleton Tue 02-Apr-13 13:57:11

I'm not keen either Hest.

I have a repeat smear next week. And that went so well last time I had upcoming IVF. <Cries>

EuroShaggleton Tue 02-Apr-13 13:58:36

norf I meant to say I loved your expletive riddled post at the top of this page. Luffed it. The rage you felt on my behalf was a reminder of how we are all in this together. My BESHy hags. <group hug>

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 13:58:42

<huddles in Pit>

<makes room for Euro>

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 14:01:18

If this IUI works (yeah as if) I have a one in three chance of twins.

And a one in a hundred chance of trips....

<screams>

But it doesn't matter because it won't work.

I am still eating Eggs for Eggs like a maniac though. And chocolate and cake obviously. I went out for the birthday last night and ate fish, and it was the first birthday for 22 years I have had sober <ashamed>

evilgiraffe Tue 02-Apr-13 14:15:01

I don't have to bring anything too interesting, just dressing gown and slippers. And there's a stern injunction to stop eating after 2am <visions of self spending all night in the fridge a la Nigella> Fortunately I'm not too worried, perhaps because I've had minor ops as a child so it's not new or scary. My mum keeps asking if she needs to come and stay to look after me though, but I'll be much happier with just HOTB and the internet. I've tried to let her down gently...

You never know, Hest, someone has to have the multiples, so it could be you...

EuroShaggleton Tue 02-Apr-13 14:15:08

I hope that means that you are ashamed because this one was sober rather than the other way around, hest.

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 14:28:58

I drove. I DROVE. On my own birthday.

This will take a while to get over.

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 02-Apr-13 14:38:13

That is pretty shameful smile I was sober for a whole weekend away for my 30th because of stupid anti-gallstones tablets. I still haven't gotten over that.

Two people I know who have the same first name as me have twins. <changes name>

hest I'm loving your take on Eggs For Eggs. I fully intend to join you, no egg of mine has ever been fully intact 48 hours after I received it.

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 14:44:13

HA ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaarrr!!! I meant REAL actual eggs from a chicken!!!111!11 <wheezes with mirth>

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 14:44:37

Though obv I am eating the chocolate ones as well grin

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 02-Apr-13 14:49:43

Oops blush Probably real eggs are better for you. Duck eggs. With smoked salmon. Yum.

On a side note, I like the rabbits

EyesWallowsPunk Tue 02-Apr-13 14:58:56

Draff, when I had a lap last year I had to have a pre-op and they swabbed my nostril and groin for fuck-knows-what. Maybe they thought I looked like a disease-riddled tramp. Also, I was instructed to take slippers and dressing gown but I don't own such things. I ended up sitting for three hours in a backless gown and my four-inch wedge ankle boots because the evil hag of a nurse wouldn't let me sit barefoot (elf 'n safety).
Also, Draff, can I just say I have read Lord Of The Rings - didn't want to sound like I'm completely thick.

Hester, is this what you have been stabbing for, then? IUI? Is this your first crack at AC? What drugs do you stab with?

Twink, sorry you're sick..what's all that about? I happily menkulled yesterday (playing rounders I was wary I may be jigging a babbie about) but this morning's temp has descended into Hades itself. Furthermore, I have those tell-tale signs of shooting pains up my asshole...or is that just me who has those? hmm

evilgiraffe Tue 02-Apr-13 14:59:52

I like rabbit best in a pie. I've not had it for at least eighteen months sad

Eggs are nice - my friend cooked me boiled egg with soldiers for lunch the other week and it was amazing grin

EyesWallowsPunk Tue 02-Apr-13 15:00:14

Aaaargh! I meant Lord Of The Flies! Can't fucking stand Tolkien.

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 15:01:04

Yes, IUI. First crack at it. Not optimistic!

Am stabbing with buserilin and puregon.

As an aside, has anyone ever had fungal-foof as a side effect? <squirms>

EyesWallowsPunk Tue 02-Apr-13 15:04:19

Puregon. Wasn't he in Lord Of The Rings?

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 15:08:27

Arf.

EuroShaggleton Tue 02-Apr-13 15:26:23

I get the shooting pains but at ov, not Droid time. They are like a poker up my bum. Never had them at all until a couple of years ago.

EyesWallowsPunk Tue 02-Apr-13 15:33:26

Euro, that's exactly it! It feels like a backwards, stabby poo <filthy overshare>

Northey Tue 02-Apr-13 15:47:25

I had foof-fungus as a side-effect of something, hest, though fuck knows what it was now. That was the time that I mistook the athletes foot canesten tube for the thrush canesten tube. Hilarity* ensued.

*a sore and peeling foof

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 02-Apr-13 15:50:47

<clenches foof in sympathy and horror>

Northey Tue 02-Apr-13 16:13:26

It peeled. Peeled.

EuroShaggleton Tue 02-Apr-13 16:39:19

<crosses legs and clenches>

JethroTull Tue 02-Apr-13 17:18:59

North ouch!!

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 17:22:49

<shocked into silence>

evilgiraffe Tue 02-Apr-13 18:22:06

Holy crap, norf shock

CaptainMoll Tue 02-Apr-13 18:45:27

An old colleague of mine who had a severe seafood allergy had the sechs with her new boyfriend, not knowing he had eaten a prawn sandwich earlier that day. Foof blisters.

alwyn Tue 02-Apr-13 19:11:17

Bloody hell norf.

I have just defriended people on t'other place (not BESH) in a rage (an unheard of occurrence). I currently work part time in a pub and two girls who I trained with walked in. I was pleasant and made polite conversation, then one of them turned her back on me and pointedly ignored me.

Bitch.

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 19:13:18

shock

Why on earth?

PS hello alwyn. Nice to see you round these parts.

alwyn Tue 02-Apr-13 19:56:10

Cheers Hest grin

Thought I'd post for the new BESH. Plus you're all going through things I can't relate to and I didn't want to take away from the support.

RaspberrySnowCone Tue 02-Apr-13 20:38:14

Evening ladies smile

Alywn I saw your post on t'uther side. How bloody rude, there's just no need to behave like that (them, not you!)

Eyes I get that stabby rear entrance sometimes. I'm glad it's not just me, I wasn't really sure what it was but it's always around the time of my period. I've got endo so I kinda just put it down to that. BTW - not meaning to be nosey as I may have missed it cuz I saw you were booked for a lap & dye but what's your back story? (feel free to tell me to keep my beak out)

I have still heard nothing from the bastard clinic. I am going to ring them tomorrow. I'm off on hols next week and would just like to know roughly where we are in the scheme of things so I can chill out proper. It's 6 weeks now since the 'oh its on its way at the end of the week' convo so I think I've been pretty patient.

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 21:45:34

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

RaspberrySnowCone Tue 02-Apr-13 21:50:06

Were we ever once that deluded? We weren't were we? Were we????

RaspberrySnowCone Tue 02-Apr-13 21:51:00

Unprotected sex ends in pregnancy shocker. Well, would be a proper shocker in my case but you know what I mean &#128523;

RaspberrySnowCone Tue 02-Apr-13 21:51:28

That was supposed to be a smiley on the end, not wanky numbers

HesterShaw Tue 02-Apr-13 21:52:16

grin

EuroShaggleton Tue 02-Apr-13 21:56:24

What utter cowbags, alwyn.

EuroShaggleton Tue 02-Apr-13 21:58:23

My post barely conceals my eyerolling.

CaptainMoll Tue 02-Apr-13 22:05:45

Bloomin' instaduffers. grin

Tomorrow my SiL, BiL niece (7, and a proper little madam) and nephew (baybee) are visiting for the first time, despite us having lived on our boat for 3 years. I'm kind of dreading it. I find it really difficult when babies visit my home. Niece will be a shit too, I just know it..

RaspberrySnowCone Tue 02-Apr-13 22:06:09

I saw a thread the other day, some silly cow moaning because she wanted baby no.3 and a year on nothing had happened and the GP had basically sent her away with a flea in her ear telling her not to be greedy or go private. Lol. Silly bint. (Her not the dr)

alwyn Tue 02-Apr-13 23:25:18

Well done that GP.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 03-Apr-13 09:01:27

Don't forget we mustn't mock posters who aren't here to defend themselves. If they are here, they're fair game!

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 09:54:26

Sorry Faif <guilty>

Does it make it ok that I was just mocking the sentiment?

No? Oh sad

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 03-Apr-13 10:01:16

I just don't want us getting in trouble again! smile

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 10:58:24

I know. Sorry.

I'll ask for it to be deleted.

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 11:35:43

faif is fred monitor.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 12:10:53

<awards Speshul Monitor badge>

grin

Northey Wed 03-Apr-13 12:15:18

El negativo on this morning's fiver, on CD 32. As expected, really. Back to work tomorrow.

When faif graduates properly it will be full on BESH anarchy shock We will all end up banned.

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 12:24:58

Pah, norf. And fie.

Northey Wed 03-Apr-13 13:04:35

I should venture back onto ivf thread to find out how people's cycles are behaving after failure. But I feel a bit meh at the thought of a thread with hopeful people on it.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 03-Apr-13 13:18:12

I feel like a kill joy now! confused Maybe I should apply for a job at MNHQ?! The comment was a bit tongue in cheek you know!

Sorry about the artic stick Norf.

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 13:56:38

No faif you're not a killjoy, and if I got banned I would have to start doing productive things with my time, gasp horror, so best I behave myself.

I wanted to put a bunny wink there but the bunnies have gone so I'm sulking. Also I'm not vomiting anymore but it's CD1 all over again and the droid is punching me in the gut, and has used his energy zapper on me.

Damn pesky hopeful people norf. <shakes fist>

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 14:06:40

You're not a killjoy! You're just nice(er than me)! And being sensible too <hearts>

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 03-Apr-13 14:14:53

I s'pose better me than MNHQ to remind you not to mock other posters! smile

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 14:17:16

This is a general comment - I have noticed a lot of b*byd*st being thrown around Conception lately. It is distressing me almost as much as the cars "powered by fairydust" that I see in my local tesco carpark. Would I get in trouble for telling people to wise up, there's no such thing? HWCA has already told me I'd get in trouble for etching "actually powered by petrol and a big fuckoff battery" in the car paint.

faif is much nicer than me too.

alwyn Wed 03-Apr-13 14:30:26

Arf at "petrol and a big fuckoff battery"!

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 14:40:41

But miss, miss, she deserved it. <sulks>

Twink I don't think any magistrate in the land would condemn you for that...

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 15:50:16

She totally did deserve it.

Is there any update?

Forgive us Faif. We iz bitter.

Northey Wed 03-Apr-13 15:52:48

faify, you are definitely not a killjoy. We are just being affectionate and teasing because you are so nice.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 15:54:28

I wish I was nice. Unfortunately I am terrible bitch.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 15:55:02

My name is Hester and I hate stupid people.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 15:55:42

And I have a fuck off headache <sulks>

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 15:57:48

My name is Euro and I have an exceptionally low tolerance for stupidity.

Are you feeling better now Twink?

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 16:02:49

While you're keying all the fairydust cars, Twinks, you can do the "baby on board" cards at the same time.

I've re-seasoned our wok and managed to smoke out the whole house. AT least I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm before it started shouting, but even having the front and back doors open at the same time hasn't completely cleared the air. Any ideas how to get rid of the hanging miasma?

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 16:30:26

Apart from droidal pains, I'm feeling much better euro.

draf am on it. Also, I don't know about removing the fug but Lakeland housekeeper candles are fantastic for getting rid of any and all bad smells.

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 16:54:59

I was also going to recommend a scented candle.

Glad you are feeling better (apart from droid pains), twink.

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 17:03:40

I don't have a scented candle sad However, I do have one where the wick has burned away to nothing, but there's still some wax left. I've shoved a tealight in it and am hoping the scented wax might melt a bit from proximity...

<adds scented candles to shopping list>

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 18:15:57

The burning itself should help. like lighting a match after a guff

NB I learned that trick through years of golden retriever ownership, not because I have an overactive bottom myself.

CaptainMoll Wed 03-Apr-13 18:38:21

My name is Moll and I openly mock stupid people and feel no guilt at all.

Fnarr at overactive bottom.

Just recovering from in-law invasion. It was actually really nice, niece was on good form and very funny. Had some good cuddles with abybee nephwe wihtout blubbing . I also had a heart-to-heart with SiL re barreness. She's been less than sensitive about it before, but I think she just realised today how much it's screwing me up and that it's difficult etc. She's a proper instadiffer, so has literally no idea. She did give me the old "you can have mine" line, but it was kindly meant. She also said she'd pray for me, which I could really do without.. hmm

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 18:43:53

"I'll pray for you" is an interesting one. My super wonderful darling friend is a very devout Christian, and has prayed for me and HOTB (maybe she still does, I'm not sure) - in her words "I know you don't believe, but I do, so that's okay". And it is okay, because although I don't believe it'll make a blind bit of difference, it means something to me that she cares smile

Glad the ILs were okay, too, that's always a situation with potential to be a bit fraught.

HOTB apparently didn't notice the smoky smell, so that's a plus. I now have two non-scented candles going, just because I haven't used them in ages, and they're pretty.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 19:01:47

I quite like it when someone says they'll be praying for me, if they are a friend and we care about each other. A few past and current BESH are pretty devout. I remember one time when it looked as though someone might be about miscarry and we all had candles lit - the atheists were hoping and wishing, and the religious BESH prayed their hardest. It was nice. Probably best to steer clear of religion in the Palais, I think - it's caused some really sad falling out in the past.

PS she didn't miscarry smile

CaptainMoll Wed 03-Apr-13 19:08:14

Yes, it was all very kindly meant, so I will put my sneery face away.
She did give me a Big Talk about how inconvenient and life-changing children are. I think she wanted to make me feel better, but she doesn't really know me well enough to know what makes me feel better, IYSWIM.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 19:45:00

Oh that. My SIL said to me once when I was moaning about being tired "You should try having kids." I should have said "I am trying. I have been trying for ages."

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 19:55:31

That's lovely Hest.

I don't quite "get" religion but I am quite envious of people who derive calmness and certainty that someone is looking out for their best interests. As an athiest, I feel like it is me against the world.

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 19:57:17

"from it" These words were missing from my post!

JethroTull Wed 03-Apr-13 20:23:06

My mum had her whole church praying for me! She didn't tell me until afterwards.

My name is Jethro & I do not suffer fools gladly. I had that written on a school report once.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 20:33:32

Ha ha ha! The thing is, I can SO see that! Bet you were a nightmare at school (and I mean that in the nicest possible way grin )

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 03-Apr-13 20:41:25

I was wondering earlier what everyone was like at school when faif was being 'sensible friend that stops you getting in too much trouble with the teachers'.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 20:43:26

I was a bloody little swot mostly.

Then I had flashes of self conscious rebellion in the sixth form.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 03-Apr-13 20:54:09

Generally I was a swot, goody two shoes, although I was cheeky with teachers when I knew I could get away with it!

I am interested in the take on the religious stuff. I will offer to pray for people when it seems right although avoid ramming the Bible bashing down throats. I generally find people don't mind if you offer to pray...I guess most people don't think it does any harm! The whole ruddy You don't know how well off you are without kids/just you wait crap is very irritating...and downright rude at times!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Wed 03-Apr-13 20:54:57

I was a nerd: spotty still am & painfully shy. I went to a rough school - they filmed Teachers there after I left! - we had an 8% pass rate for 5 grade A-C GCSES shock I got out with good results (one of the 8%!) and was one of only about 10 girls who did not end up pregnant within a year of leaving school - we even had one girl get pregnant at 14 shock x 10

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:00:14

Blimey Frank, where was that? And well done for being among the 8%!

I went to a state comp but it was very much a former Welsh grammar school in a country market town (they made the whole country comprehensive in the 70s), so the pass rate and behaviour and so on was very good.

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 21:02:31

I was good at school too. I think I had "conscientious" on my school report most years. Never part of the "popular" group (formed of none-too-bright sporty bitchy types), but I had a reasonably large group of friends. I don't think I ever rebelled at all, really, I was good and quiet at school, though I'm chatty with friends and family - authority figures make me clam up! These days, I actually have to have respect for people before I shut up and listen - I never would have done that at school, even for the teachers I thought were useless. Sixth form was great, though, even if I struggled with A-level Chemistry. Still, the budding romance with HOTB made Chemistry considerably more fun grin

I went to five schools (three primaries and two secondaries, not including sixth form) as my family moved around a bit when I was a child, which I think is the reason I'm quite good at befriending people. Being thrown into a situation where everyone is already in friendship groups is rather a sink or swim environment, but I was alright at it by the end. I envy HOTB that he still has friends that he's known since he was five, though - I met my oldest friends when I was eleven, which is a big difference.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:04:19

My oldest friend and I met at nursery school!

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 21:07:34

I'm facebook friends with my best friend from primary school but I've not seen her since we were twelve or so. She has three gorgeous children, damn her, that was my life plan. <unreasonable>

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:14:19

Huh. Who wants three children, anyway? huh.

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 03-Apr-13 21:18:28

Personally I can't stand religion but what other people chose to believe is their business not mine. Some of the views of the church do frankly annoy me and some peoples perception of what is acceptable behaviour in the name of religion is quite staggering. I think I might just know some odd people though.

I still stand by what I said about the other thread early, she is a dipstick if she can't see why the GP wasn't interested but hey ho.

I watched about 10 minutes of 16 kids and counting last night. Holy shit....I know I'm desperate for a baby but 16! 16!!!!!

and on the topic of school reports, I once had written in a PE report 'Raspberry's lack of movement in PE is holding her back somewhat'. ha. Ironic when I think what I'm like now too.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:22:25

I am disappointed. This thread is a rip off of MY THREAD from a few weeks ago.

AND it has far more responses. I am Unpopular, that is the only conclusion.

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 03-Apr-13 21:27:25

YADNBU

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:29:11

grin

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 21:30:02

Sorry about your lack of popularity, Hest. I empathise. I can be a thread killa.

I went to that rare beast - a state grammar, so swottiness was expected. I managed to bridge the gap between the proper swots and the cool kids though, by helping the cool kids with their homework and having moments of recklessness (drunk on school grounds, etc.).

KFZK went to a far more interesting school - a Jesuit boarding school. He basically lived in a stately home (the one where Three Men and a Little Lady was filmed, if anyone is interested, so basically the stereotypical evil English boarding school!).

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 03-Apr-13 21:33:44

ok so - current conversation in the Raspberry house. We are going for a meal on Saturday with another couple who we haven't seen for a long time, MATV has just asked if his other friend can come with his new girlfriend. The two couples have never met and I don't know MATV friends girlfriend particularly well and my other friend is really quite quiet. I've said no because I think it might just be unfair on both couples as we'd either be talking to one or the other? He said I'm being a cow. I really don't think I am, I just want to be able to concentrate on the one set of friends and I'd think it was a bit weird if the other friends suddenly announced they were bringing other people with them for a sit down meal? Am I being a bitch? If they'd met it would be different but they haven't?

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:40:00

Um. Tough one. I can see both your points.

But I would be inclined to go to both. They might get on really well and make friends. As long as everyone is willing....

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 21:43:02

Are you going out for dinner? If you were hosting, that would be fine, but if you're out then it would be more awkward. Also if you've not seen Couple A for a while then it would be a shame to dilute their company, particularly if neither Couple A nor Couple B stand to get much out of it (except possibly a new friend, but introducing them at another time would be my choice). If, however, both couples are very chatty, then it could work - but you've already said that's not the case, so... YANBU.

EuroShaggleton Wed 03-Apr-13 21:47:56

Hmmm, tough one. When I'm busy at work I often throw random friends together otherwise I wouldn't get to see them as I have so little time free. But when I am quieter, I like quality time to have a really good catch up, which tends not to happen in a mixed group.

<finds fence really quite comfy>

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 03-Apr-13 21:48:16

For what it's worth I think they'd get on well but because its a meal out rather than drinks I just think it would be a bit awkward. I'd rather have a catch up with them each separately and I've got to be very selfishly honest, my quiet friend knows about my barreness and I want to be able to talk about it which I can't do if the other couple is there, it would just be a bit awkward.

Anyway, MATV been placated so he's no longer moaning smile

JethroTull Wed 03-Apr-13 21:49:10

It's a difficult one Rasp. It could be a great night out & everyone could get on but also has the potential for disaster! If your friend is quiet then I'd maybe agree more with you. Could be uncomfortable.

Hest you are correct. I was awful at school. Sarcastic, gob shite with far too much to say for myself. Got ahem, asked to leave one school but behaved better at the next one & managed to leave with some A Levels. Was into Drama. Ugh, looking back I was such a knob.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:49:12

This has turned into What Would You Do?

Or that daft programme where people were followed round by a crowd of 100 people who were shouting out advice.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 21:50:54

Secondary teachers really are incredible aren't they? I could never do it. If a gobby little shite told me to fuck off I would see a red mist, explode, and make a total dick of myself.

CaptainMoll Wed 03-Apr-13 22:07:41

I was very good when I was at school, but I'm getting progressively naughty as I get older. Today I sort of accidentally stole some cheese from the supermarket. shock

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 22:30:20

I tried and failed to be a secondary school teacher. Teaching year sevens and sixth-formers was great fun, and the years in between were utterly horrific. It's the most thankless task, so much work outside school and no-one gives a shit. I was drinking a bottle of wine every Friday and Saturday night and crying for about an hour every school night, working every minute I was awake and my mentor told me I wasn't doing enough.

I'm beyond glad I ditched it, I think I would have had a complete mental breakdown from the stress, I was at least halfway to clinical depression as it was.

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 22:32:47

Anyway so all that is why I get mighty pissed off at all the threads on here complaining about teachers - I just want the posters to think about what the job actually entails for a minute. It's not one-on-one finger-painting with well-behaved six year olds. Trying to teach the rock cycle to disaffected fourteen-year-olds is not exactly a barrel of laughs.

HesterShaw Wed 03-Apr-13 22:42:27

I was a teacher for five years. It was chuffing hard, thankless work. I would say "but the kids made it all worth it", but they didn't.

evilgiraffe Wed 03-Apr-13 23:11:20

Yes, exactly, Hest.

The really sad thing was being forced to teach the curriculum, regardless of the understanding of the kids in question. Bottom-set year elevens were still shaky on the basics, but we had to teach the stuff that they'd be examined on even though that was building on the basics that they didn't understand. But you couldn't stop and ensure that they got the basics, because then you'd not be giving them any chance at all of getting through an exam. Madness. Set curricula only work for the high achievers, I reckon.

alwyn Thu 04-Apr-13 09:07:32

draf I may as well have written those posts!! That's why I'm not doing it any more as well!!

alwyn Thu 04-Apr-13 09:08:42

In other news, I appear to be hurtling headlong into a midlife crisis hmm

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 09:51:58

Have you bought a sports car? Had a boob job? Had an affair with a man half your age?

depressing realisation that a "man half my age" is actually nineteen <sigh>

evilgiraffe Thu 04-Apr-13 09:59:15

Hurrah for our escape, al!

Midlife crisis, eh? Have you bought a motorbike? Dyed your hair bubblegum pink?

CaptainMoll Thu 04-Apr-13 10:12:53

Leather miniskirt? Orange tan job? Outrageously big strap-on?

This is a fun game grin

EuroShaggleton Thu 04-Apr-13 10:19:14

I have a leather miniskirt.... And a sports car. Hmmm.

In other news, I am getting drawn into an IVF thread on AIBU. This is all going to end in tears (mine). I should have hidden it.

evilgiraffe Thu 04-Apr-13 10:20:45

Nothing wrong with a sports car. I have a hot hatch and I love it grin

CaptainMoll Thu 04-Apr-13 10:23:35

Euro - I speak as someone who would look beyond ridiculous in a leather miniskirt (think Nessa from Gav&Stacey).

EuroShaggleton Thu 04-Apr-13 10:28:21

What do you have draf?

I have one of these (I've decided not to care if this outs me):
The Euromobile

CaptainMoll Thu 04-Apr-13 10:30:16

Euro - that was a very good post on the ivf Fred.

EuroShaggleton Thu 04-Apr-13 10:32:35

Fanks. I was trying to get one measured post in before I lose it....

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 10:37:35

I made a shit post. I lost it immediately.

Well done Euro.

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 10:38:53

I have a Focus. I bought it two years ago replacing my Ka in the expectation that soon there would be a baybee seat in it sad

CaptainMoll Thu 04-Apr-13 10:45:12

I bought a berlingo for similar reasons. sad

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 10:52:22

Getting pissed off on the IVF thread now.

Why is it always the smug fertiles who think that IVF shouldn't ever be available on the NHS? Funny, that. And it's always "because of cancer."

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 10:53:26

Hide, hide, hide.

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 10:55:12

Dunnit. Hidden.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Thu 04-Apr-13 11:03:29

I've posted on the IVF thread. I suspect I'll be hiding it soon too.

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 11:06:30

I have a fiesta, btw. Seems small but managed 3 adults, 2 babies in car seats and a double pram not long ago, to my surprise.

evilgiraffe Thu 04-Apr-13 11:08:01

I have a RenaultSport Clio - it looks like a normal Clio, but has a two-litre engine and 172bhp. It's particularly fun getting tailgated by dickheads when approaching roundabouts, because I can zoom round the curves and fuck off, while they lumber about and look foolish because they think they've been ditched by a traditionally slow small car. It has spoiled me, though, I don't think I can go back to underpowered cars that handle like boats. It also has isofix points, so is good for a baybee seat too, assuming we could wrangle it over the front seat.

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 11:09:51

We went on holiday to Ireland once in a Fiesta. We packed all our things for two and a half weeks, plus two bikes, a surfboard and a bodyboard. They like tardises.

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 11:12:19

They are incredible for that. I also transported 5 adults and 3 full sets of snowboarding kit to Milton Keynes, which reminds me that I would like to go snowboarding soon.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Thu 04-Apr-13 11:15:09

I have a Kia Rio, tis like a Fiesta but cheaper and with less street-cred grin

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 11:16:40

I don't think there is much street cred to a fiesta frank, especially when it's filthy and the windows have been deliberately damaged angry

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 11:24:24

I bought a Ka to have MORE street cred <deluded>

We ragged it to the ground. It was shit. The engine finally blew up on the middle of the night on Dartmoor. Oh but that was fun.

evilgiraffe Thu 04-Apr-13 11:32:36

I think for our "family car" I'd like a hot Golf. They're big enough, sensible enough, but still fun grin

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 11:37:30

Beware, Golf parts cost a bloody fortune.

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 11:37:48

And they're overpriced.

Skodas are the same car but for much cheaper.

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 11:38:31

<killjoy>

Someone on FB accused me of always "ruining" his posts the other day shock. Clearly he doesn't get my biting wit. Wanker.

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 11:42:49

Are Skodas really the same? I hired a golf turbo thingy recently and it was wonderful to drive, I would definitely consider a Skoda if it was largely the same.

What did you end up getting for your birthday hest?

EuroShaggleton Thu 04-Apr-13 11:44:20

draf mine is a 2-seater so it will have to go (although probably not for a while yet... meh). And Mr Euro is about to try to get his licence and I'm not sure it is an ideal first car... (V6 engine, over 300 bhp, lots of curves so "fun" to park). We are considering an "SUV" type thing as a joint "family" <hollow laugh> car - possible the Kia Sportage.

I used to have a Renualt 5. Twas very nippy even though not souped up. And I used to be able to move all my gear for a term at yooni in it. I'd be whizzing up the M1 chocked to the roof with clothes airers and saucepans. grin

Hester it's always cancer isn't it? Because clearly the NHS does nothing else.

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 11:55:03

You saw my presents on t'other place, Winks smile

evilgiraffe Thu 04-Apr-13 12:09:58

True, Hest, but bear in mind I already have a RenaultSport, so am used to ludicrous expense!

Hehe, euro, no, it doesn't sound ideal for a new driver! I dread to think what the insurance would be like shock

EuroShaggleton Thu 04-Apr-13 12:18:32

Too right draf. It's surprisingly ok for just me. He's not into cars at all and is suprisingly uninterested in driving it.

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 12:29:06

I think Skoda use VW parts. They're basically a cheaper VW.

I hired one once to drive between airports - it was an Octavia. It was the Lushness after my shitty Ka.

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 12:36:53

Nice. And nice birthday gifts.

Does it drive anyone else bonkers if you answer a question on a thread and get completely ignored? Fair enough if it triggers 200 responses but if I'm the only person who bothered to answer, or knew the answer, then I wish I'd not wasted my time <grumpy today>

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 12:49:06

Oh dear, is it this thread? <guilty>

I hate being ignored on threads too, especially when I've said something HILARIOUS.

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 12:52:35

No you daftie not this Fred, if I was ignored here I would just repost in bold and demand attention smile

alwyn Thu 04-Apr-13 17:27:47

We've got a ka. Obviously this is a pre-baybee car.

Re: midlife crisis. I am wanting to learn to ride a motorbike, take up pole dancing (no offence rasp and I've just sent payment for the beginner course!) and had an extremely drunk snog with a bloke from the pub I work in blush.

I am NOT proud of that last one sad. CGH does, obviously, not know.

Northey Thu 04-Apr-13 18:21:50

Never mind, allypally, it's not the worst indiscretion we've had here in recent weeks.

I thought that fred could have got a lot worse. And I was very happy at the barren coming out to fight. Normally it's only 3 barren agains an army of senseless instadiffers.

EuroShaggleton Thu 04-Apr-13 18:26:29

Yeah, somehow word got out, norf. Maybe we barrens need an equivalent of the batsign for when someone starts and IVF thread?

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 18:28:00

Oh al. The pole dancing and the motorbike riding seem like good ideas though, and at least all your shoes are ok... How are you?

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 18:28:49

euro it could be a little fried egg type thing, unfertilised, y'know?

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 19:19:02

Or we could do that thing spies do, you know?
"How do you have your eggs in the morning?"
"Unfertilised."

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 19:20:10

Alwyn, that's tough. Was it someone you had been Entertaining Rude Thoughts about, or was it out of the blue?

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Thu 04-Apr-13 19:28:52

Evening Hags. I am knackered. Decorating is not fun and bloody expensive.

Turns out, I didn't release 2 eggs. I released one and the other follicle became a cyst. Turns out, I don't need to take 100mg of Clomid after all and the Dr only told me to take that dose to 'see what happened' Cock.

So the long and short is this. I have to go to the hospital for a blood test tomorrow AND Monday. I then have to go for ANOTHER scan when the droid arrives to see if the cyst has gone and then just take 50mg of clomid. The NHS can fark orf right now.

Sorry to be me me meeeee. <grabs fish of frustration>

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 19:50:12

That's Utter Wank sad

TWinklyLittleStar Thu 04-Apr-13 20:43:16

So bugs, they gave you clomid when you ovulate anyway, gave you too much just for the craic, screwed up the readings and now you've got to go through a whole pile of painful and invasive tests to see what's happened? Goodness, I can't imagine why you're cross. Tossers.

RaspberrySnowCone Thu 04-Apr-13 22:16:24

Yayee for booking pole lessons alwyn! Hope you love it as much as I do smile but what's going on with the snog? How did that come about? Go steady on the booze for a while if you're feeling wobbly.

And (((((hugs))))) for bugs. Consultants sound nobby.

I haven't ventured on the IVF thread, I can't be doing with the stress. Been trying to get hold of anyone hospital wise who might know when we'll get our appointment date through. I don't mind when it is, I just want to know when it will be. It can't be that complicated can it?!!!

HesterShaw Thu 04-Apr-13 23:45:42

I have done something unspeakably painful to a fingernail. I don't even know how, only that it involved hoovering. The skin on the side seems to have split and parted from the nail. It's THROBBING sad

Waaaaaaah.

<pins all current miseries on crappy fingernail>

CaptainMoll Fri 05-Apr-13 09:00:27

I am wincing, Hest.

I'm at the gp's with BE hoping to get his SA results. It's only taken us three effing months to find out what they are! The last gp sort of shrugged them off, admitted she knew nothing about SA and told him to book another appointment with this gp..

CaptainMoll Fri 05-Apr-13 09:53:55

The results are in - 86 million! Very healthy morphology and motility. I think BE is feeling quite pleased with himself smile
Gp basically laughed at my concerns over low prog/thyroid.hmm
So it's all down to the lap&dye now. More waiting...

EuroShaggleton Fri 05-Apr-13 10:15:49

Bugs I echo what Twinks said.

Ouch hest. Should you take to your bed? Oh no, that was the last fred.

moll I bet BE is puffing out his chest and feeling terribly manly today.

alwyn how do you feel about the errant snog now?

evilgiraffe Fri 05-Apr-13 11:03:35

Dip it in gin, hest, that'll help. <medical>

Excellent work, Moll.

That thread has recently had a very good post by a fellow barren. I mentally cheered smile

EuroShaggleton Fri 05-Apr-13 11:07:56

It's actually not bad for an IVF fred. Of course you have the idiots coming out with the usual trite stuff about cancer funding and adoption, but there is a substantial number of well-reasoned sensible posts on there too.

Northey Fri 05-Apr-13 12:06:40

It's definitely less frothing than usual. I love the idea of a bat signal for the barrenz to come and defend their Teflon wombles.

Still no droid. Four days late according to "normal" cycles.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 05-Apr-13 13:27:32

Late Norf??? <eyes kidneys>

I has managed to secure Rolling Stones tickets for HWHNN's birthday. He is ver pleased grin The concert is 2 months before his birthday and he asked me if he would still have a pressie to open in his birthday. Bless, he's such a child at heart grin

Boo to crappy Drs Bugs, that's just crap.

How's the finger Hesty?

CD 43 here and still no ovulation. It's not worth calling the clinic as HWHNN is away from 15-27 April so even if they did induce droid now there's no point starting another cycle.

HesterShaw Fri 05-Apr-13 14:28:01

Rolling stones eh? Blimey!

Finger is ok after I took some painkillers in the night <utter wimp emoticon> Why do small things hurt so much?

HesterShaw Fri 05-Apr-13 14:31:35

I sense another Five fred coming on. Five and the Mystery of the Absent Ovulation.
Five and the Late Droid Adventure.
Five go to DildoCam Top.

JustplainoldBuggerlugs Fri 05-Apr-13 16:51:58

Frank can I ask your opinion on the Grand National, being in the horsey know and all that? Some nutter woman has posted photos on FB of horses falling really badly. I'm not sure if they're real the falls look that bad.

We are STILL painting.................I took this week off and assumed I'd be able to walk the dogs and go to the gym daily, but instead we've been prepping and painting and still have loads to do. It needed doing but I need sleep & rest!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 05-Apr-13 17:10:18

Bugs, the Grand National is a tough one. I will defend the sport of racing to the hilt, but if in honest I'm finding it harder and harder to defend the races over the National fences - Aintree is the only course in the country with those fences.

Horses do fall and the majority of the time they are fine, but fatalities do happen - there have been 2 so far at Aintree this week. Statistically horse racing is very safe with a fatality rate of 0.2%, but that is still too high.

Racing genuinely does everything it can to make the sport safe for the participants but sometimes these things do happen. I've seen horses drop dead from heart attacks whilst standing in the field, I've seen horses break legs when just trotting round a school. Sometimes you cannot prevent it from happening.

The problem is that the National is very high profile and provokes a lot of reaction from people who don't understand the sport. They watch the National and assume horses die on a daily basis.

I do think it is time to cut the number of runners in the race, but lowering the fences will not help. Smaller fences encourage the horses to jump at speed which is far more dangerous. A big fence commands respect and horses will slow themselves into it. It's a fact that you tend to get more fallers when the going is good or better. Soft and even heavy ground means the horses can't build up too much speed so they jump more carefully.

I respect that peole have their own opinions on the race, but I do get annoyed when people start throwing round accusations about the sport and the people in it. While you do get bad people in racing, as in every walk of life, the majority are caring people who love the horses in their care deeply.

HesterShaw Fri 05-Apr-13 17:48:08

I have just eaten loads of fudge after chips envy <--- <bilious face>

evilgiraffe Fri 05-Apr-13 18:38:04

I'll also point out that still photographs often make falls look a good deal more dramatic than they actually are. I think the good thing about the National fences is that they're a good deal smaller than they appear - a whole lot of greenery comes down when the horses brush their feet through it, but obviously the large appearance makes the horses respect them.

I agree cutting the numbers in the race would help. I imagine part of te issue may be that steeplechasers are faster than they were many years ago, and with speed comes danger. It's interesting that when eventing moved to short-format so the endurance phase was just cross-country, there were more problems because the horses were too fresh. Perhaps running the National horses over hurdles in the morning would take the edge off, or several miles of roads and tracks, eventing-style. There's probably too much money in the sport for that to be viable, though.

evilgiraffe Fri 05-Apr-13 18:40:41

In other news, my friend went for her 12-week scan today, I'm cold, I feel both sick and hungry, and HOTB is taking the long route home, and I have had a little cry because I'm pathetic sad

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 05-Apr-13 18:50:41

Oh evil don't feel pathetic, we'd all be the same in your shoes.

I think I might be gearing up for ovulation. I'm distinctly, er, damper and hovering between 001 and 002 on the chart. HWHNN has been informed he is on duty tonight wink

HesterShaw Fri 05-Apr-13 22:03:15

Happy shagging, Frank. And have a good day tomorrow.

Re the horses, I agree about the field being smaller. Forty horses is too many sad. Synchronized last year was heartbreaking. He ran away and didn't want to do it sad. I cried so much.

EuroShaggleton Fri 05-Apr-13 22:33:32

Oooo, happy shagging frank!

Hest I ate an entire bag of mini eggs today. My diet has gone completely to pot, and it shows. sad I just need to get this deadline out of the way (10 days to go) and then hit the gym HARD, sort my eating out and generally give myself a kick up the arse. I look and feel bleugh at the moment.

I haven't taken much notice of the National for years. But when I was about 8, my dad asked me to pick a horse. I picked one and it won! I was looked at rather strangely after that, but never managed to repeat the trick (although I was pretty good at getting highly placed).

In other news, I just made the mistake of looking at the Daily Fail (if you venture over there you have to look at the Aintree Ladies Day pics shock) and saw that Hally Berry is preggo at 46! I'm not sure whether that should be dispiriting or inspiring. I guess it's pretty unlikely to be with her own eggs. <over interested in a complete stranger's life>

HesterShaw Fri 05-Apr-13 22:48:50

DONOR EGGS DONOR EGGS.

My sister offered me hers the other day. Which is very sweet and the closest thing to mine and so on, but the thought of a sister/husband combo is a bit weird for now. May change my mind of course....

Northey Sat 06-Apr-13 06:46:12

Still no droid. I know it's only post drucks. My buzzwams are flat as pancakes for a start. Do I really want to waste another fiver?

EuroShaggleton Sat 06-Apr-13 08:04:58

Will it allow you to stop wondering and enjoy the rest of the weekend?

Hest that is sweet. My bf offered to surrogate for me when I got my NK cell result!

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 06-Apr-13 14:05:45

Did you POAF norf? Can you nip to the pound shop so you only have to POAQuid?

I have a riding lesson in a couple of hours, it's as well I made a plan for today otherwise I could see myself not getting dressed.

My sister and a friend have both said I can have eggs if I ever need them. Hopefully I won't but the offers are sweet I suppose.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sat 06-Apr-13 15:53:54

Ooh, enjoy the lesson Twinks grin. You working in anything specific at the mo? <puts riding instructor hat on>

TWinklyLittleStar Sat 06-Apr-13 18:31:56

frank the lesson was brilliant. I've not been in such a long time, so I'm just trying to brush up before I go to Wales with my friend. She wants to do some riding when we're there, and I don't want to be left behind or have her falling asleep on her horse with boredom. And it was sunny! Amazing.

CaptainMoll Sat 06-Apr-13 23:46:24

I have pony envy - it's years since I went riding. I used to love it.

I had a little meltdown on my friend today. Impending surgery, sneery uninterested GP and the whole infertility sword of Damocles hanging over me. Please tell me there's hope, lurking PESH IVFers!

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 00:14:40

'Scuse me a moment.

AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't go onto that fred in AIBU, Euro knows which one I mean angry

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 07-Apr-13 00:45:27

I had already seen it but you telling me to not look at it sent me back <contrary> Some people have no fucking clue do they.

evilgiraffe Sun 07-Apr-13 07:16:29

I hid the thread after someone completely missed the point of an analogy I made. I just don't have the energy to try and explain things to wilful idiots. Fortunately, hiding it means it's not on my threads I'm on list, and I can't be arsed to go find it to investigate the mystery new development grin I am intrigued, though...

RaspberrySnowCone Sun 07-Apr-13 08:15:13

I'm trying to avoid all other threads, there's just no point arguing and getting stressed about it, some people are knobends and are always going to misunderstand or misinterpret what you say because they're too blinkered by their own stupidity to do anything else.

Yesterday we cleaned the outside of the motorhome and got all the stuff ready to go back in it. We've started packing so consequently the loving room floor is now covered. I'm soooooo excited. Had a lovely meal of last night too but went easy on the wine so feeling rather virtuous this morning smile going to study for a few hrs in between packing, cleaning and sitting in the garden if the sun comes out again smile

RaspberrySnowCone Sun 07-Apr-13 08:16:01

Hope you're feeling a bit better today Moll xx

CaptainMoll Sun 07-Apr-13 12:28:56

Thanks Rasp. I am. I got home and had a big old weepy breakdown on BE and we talked about it all properly. He's been so busy with work that he's not really had time to ever realise how much it's freaking me out. So I feel all unburdened today. And the sun's out at last. smile

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 12:47:08

Glad you're feeling better Moll. Sometimes they actually need it spelling out how you feel don't they? Usually causes a row in the short term in our house, but it's better afterwards.

So BESH, what's the protocol for jizzing in a pot IN THE HOSPITAL. He will have to do it this week and is getting in a flap about it. Can't imagine a small room in a hospital is conducive to production, if you're with me. Did you go in with them or what? We're finding the thought all rather humiliating, imagining them timing and laughing and stuff sad

Ps I know they won't, it's just me being daft.

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 12:48:29

Sorry, pronouns all over the shop. Substitute first "them" for "him" and second "them" for "the nurses".

EuroShaggleton Sun 07-Apr-13 13:00:03

Glad you are feeling better moll.

Rasp I'm loving your freudian slip about the "Loving room". If I ever come round, I shall be keeping a subtle eye out for jizz stains. wink

Hest I just asked KFZK. He says it's fine. Think Nike (he likes being cryptic).

I've never gone in with KFZK. I can see the point in taking some favourite "materials" if he has any. Apparently our clinic had some gay porn, which was not exactly doing it for KFZK! Something else did the job though. I guess they have to cater for all tastes! As for the timing and laughing, there is nothing of the sort. In most cases, I think KFZK has just been able to leave his pot at a window for collection, there was minimal human contact. The clinic staff deal with this dozens of times a day. It's their work. To them I guess it is no different to a wee sample, and they don't stand outside the door giggling and timing you for those. It's not exactly the ideal environment for it, but it's not too bad according to KFZK. It might be a less than ideal wank, but it's still just a wank! And at least he can do it in private, where as we end up with an audience staring up our chuffs.

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 13:07:28

Sorry. I know we're being stupid. It's just we're very much the bashful, even prudish, types. But thanks for replying. I think he was imagining a nurse standing by, looking at her watch, and waiting to catch it in a pot smile

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 07-Apr-13 13:11:23

Was it sinky that sent a text like: (o) (o) to help her fella along? smile

Seriously, it's probably a bit awkward for him but they'll be totally used to it and he'll just be able to get on with it. He'll just have to see it as a functional exercise.

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 13:12:34

Ha ha. Imagine him stopping halfway through to read a text, then carrying on with renewed vigour!

EuroShaggleton Sun 07-Apr-13 13:37:40

Haha!

If someone gave me a supply of porn, a vibrator and a private room (albeit a clinical one) I reckon I could, er, manage to enjoy myself if I had to. It might take a bit longer, but I could manage it. And I was given the option of doing that or being naked from the waist down and in stirrups with people of both sexes bustling about the room, I know which I would choose...

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 13:40:12

Three minutes. Four max <boasts>

I haven't had a single man involved yet. I'm anxious about that too. Even my GP is a woman.

RaspberrySnowCone Sun 07-Apr-13 13:55:23

I did not even notice my little slip smile I wish we did have a dedicated 'loving room' smile As far as MATV is concerned the bedroom these days is strictly for rest and recovery. He's such a knob sometimes.

Glad your feeling a bit better moll. I find a meltdown very therapeutic sometimes, even if it is completely knackering.

No experience on the wanking front for gents at clinics as yet Hest but they must be very used to it so I'm sure they will be very professional. MATV is always going on about stunt wanking so wont have any problems so he reckons However, like Euro I think I could probably manage it if left alone for 10 minutes I sent a naked photo of myself (side on natch - don't want to be too rude!) to MATV once when he went to a stag do overnight, I don't think he was that bothered! sad God, where did the days of three/four times a day go? sad sad

Nokkie73 Sun 07-Apr-13 18:28:59

Your thread is the funniest thing I have read in ages. Please may I join in ?

1. Do you like gin ? Not in this life. I much prefer wine cos I is well posh. However, I have had regressive therapy in the past and I discovered that in the 1880's I was a proper dirty gin addled whorebag called Meg who took it in both holes. Just for fun.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar ? Neither. I treat men with the contempt the fuckers deserve. And they LOVE it.

3. Baybee making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole to do you use:
a) weewee
b) poopoo
c) foofoo
d) neither - you just pray to the baby Jebus.

With my eggs I'll try it in the fucking earhole if it helps. And let it be known that I ain't taking it up the poopoo chutney for no man. Well, apart from Robbie Williams because he's a proper dirtbox. But the right answer is obviously praying to the baybee Jebus whilst sprinkling baby dust all over the room. Don't you lot know anything ?

4. Testing. When someone wonders if they should test for updiff, do you:
a) bellow 'POAS' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys until they wet themselves anyway ?
b) sprinkle them with baby dust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle angel baby wings ?

I say 'all the best of luck'. I think 'that means you've had seks in the past couple of weeks and you're a right fucking minger'. I excuse myself, grab the nearest bottle of wine and lock myself in a room to howl like a mental and rage at the universe.

5. Is R2D2:
a) an adorable robot from Star Wars
b) the source of all evil ?

Star Wars is for spotty geeks who sit in their jizz encrusted underpants playing World of Warcraft or some other pointless pixie shit fucking nonsense. It's a cultural point of reference which is lost on me so I'll go for (b) just because I can.

6. How many pets do you have ?

Just one very naughty black pussy.

7. Inappropriate (read weird) crush of shame ? Jimmy Nail. I shit you not. Oh, and I used to fancy Gonch from Grange Hill. If anyone remembers him, you deserve a medal. Clue: he was ginger. I know, I know.....

8. Lesbian crush ? I love women but couldn't eat a whole one. And while Sue fucking Perkins is one, I'm definitely not even contemplating supping from the furry cup because she makes me want to boot the telly with my size sevens. A LOT.

9. What are your views on camping ? Fucking crap.

10. How much money have you spent on sticks to urinate on ?

Not much. I used to try to save money by pissing on old ice lolly sticks.

Why would I like to join this thread ? Because you're quite cool, you lot.

Now, may I come in ? It's fucking cold outside.

Hello euro and norf and spunk !

Noks xx

JethroTull Sun 07-Apr-13 18:33:10

Being a differ I don't get a say but I like your use of foul language. Although I don't think the BESH try to be 'funny'.

Nokkie73 Sun 07-Apr-13 18:41:33

'Funny' in a 'why is this happening to me' way. You need a bit of gallows humour in all this to keep you sane. Congrats on being diffed jethro

EuroShaggleton Sun 07-Apr-13 19:30:41

Jeff, I try. Clearly I rarely succeed though...

wink

noks as far as I am concerned, you're in. You know half of us from the IVF fred anyway.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 19:46:03

Ooo, our first newbie of the fred. Welcome Nokkie, you obv know a few posters, but care to share your TTC "journey" so the rest of us can catch up?

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 19:48:29

I don't know you. Tell me everything <insane gleam in eye>

Are we funny? We just try and look after each other.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 07-Apr-13 19:52:13

Oh we are funny in a tongue in cheek manner. Hello Nokkster. Tell us everything <nosy>

Nokkie73 Sun 07-Apr-13 19:54:50

Ooooohhhh I am nervous now.

Ok, so ttc for four and a half years. Had a MC six months in and no luck since. All results fine until mid-2012. Was waiting until April 2012 for Surrey to reinstate IVF funding, then had to repeat tests and they went totally haywire (because I am a 39 year old hag I suspect). Surrey said 'your results are shit luv so we're not funding you'. Mum and dad funded us through IVF funding this year and got a BFN on 30th March. No frosties. Back to square one. Fucked off doesn't even cover it. Angry and bitter and frustrated and a but mental might though.....

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sun 07-Apr-13 19:57:36

Sorry about the struggles Nokkie, but you definitely sound like you'll fit in around here. When do you start your next round of IVF?

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 20:07:56

Nokkie you sound spot on. Very sorry about all the shit. IVF after a self funded cycle always seems to me the most galling thing of all.

And I am truly grateful to have someone older than me around wink

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 07-Apr-13 21:35:34

You definitely sound like a BESH candidate to me! smile I'm Faith, 37+5 with my first baybee after a 2 1/2 year trial. Ready to pop now to be fair but still lurk in these parts. Wave Pom poms around and the like....

Nokkie73 Sun 07-Apr-13 21:38:20

So am I in ? It's just cos it's still cold out here and I haven't got a padded bra on. I've gone a bit, um, 'nippy' waiting and have had some strange stares from passers by.

hester are we talking about a full year or what ? We're you the oldest here ? I need to know before I snatch the heated booties and peepee soaked nightie from you and wander off to get my ovaltine from Matron.

frankly got my review on Tuesday. I think I need a bit of a break from it to sort myself out but possible July time. I can't twat about for too long though because I am an old person.

faif I hope I've covered everything. If you want to know more, just ask away.

euro thank you for ushering me in

Noks x

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 21:41:05

I was 38 the other day <apologetic>

Shall I wash the nightie for you?

The old thing is what makes me most anxiously, personally. Ideally I would do two cycles of IUI now, or even three, and then have a break until next winter to do the IVF if the IUI hasn't worked. But Time Is Not On My Side. I know where you're coming from there...

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 21:42:54

ANXIOUS, not anxiously.

Nokkie73 Sun 07-Apr-13 21:52:44

faif congrats on de baybee in de tumtum. grin

EuroShaggleton Sun 07-Apr-13 21:57:11

Oh get in and have some wine, woman.

And put the high beams away. ;)

Nokkie73 Sun 07-Apr-13 21:59:08

hester no need to wash it. I'm a right slovenly bitch, truth be told.

IUI worked for a friend on mine on her third go. She did back to back cycles and has just dropped her sprog. She thought she'd try it before going for full blown IVF so it's a decent plan. What's your journeeeee (if you don't mind me asking) ?

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 22:21:09

YABU for using the word journey. What is this? Strictly? grin

TTC for three years, not even the sniff of a diff. Referred a year ago for investigations. All unexplained though I do have very low AMH. His sperm count is ridiculously high - Wanker! After two cancelled cycles....grrrrrrr....am finally about to be scanned and stuff this week after stabbing drucks into my belly for the last eight days. We'll see how many follies I have been cooking in the morning.

evilgiraffe Sun 07-Apr-13 22:24:53

Ooo, new blood <sniffs the air suspiciously> welcome, noks, and sorry to hear about your experiences of the shitness that is barrenness.

If we're doing intoductions... I'm draf, I'm one of the youngest BESH (30), TTC 3.33333333 years and "unexplained" infertile. The closest I've been to diffed is two instances of a 6-day late droid, which is why I'm militant about waiting a whole week before POAS. I'm going for surgery to investigate/remove an ovarian cyst and potentially dilated tube at the end of May, and hopefully we'll be able to get on the list for IVF ASAP after that. My partner in crime is HOTB (him on the bike), he is similarly youthful and a font of strength and occasional black humour.

We went on a lovely long bike today (I am nearly dead), and were talking about possibly getting me measured for a new saddle. I said "well the machine won't give a verdict of 'childbearing hips', anyway" to which HOTB suggested the readout might just flash BARREN in massive letters until the shop man rebooted it...

evilgiraffe Sun 07-Apr-13 22:27:02

Hahaha, not lovely long bike, but lovely long bike ride. Although tandems ARE fun...

HesterShaw Sun 07-Apr-13 22:29:12

Daisy daisy give me your answer do...<sings>