Ha! "Just relax" is proved to be complete and utter BOLLOCKS!

(41 Posts)
MrsTittleMouse Wed 20-Feb-13 20:14:29

How did I not find this before?

The official scientific paper is here (it's actually loads of individual studies pulled together to get the definitive result) -
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21345903

So now as well as being insensitive and fucking annoying, it's now also proved to be complete nonsense, and we can officially tell anyone who comes out with this bollocks to bugger off.

Soph80 Wed 20-Feb-13 20:17:37

Hell yes!!!! I love how people think they're telling you something you'd not heard a million times before!!!! x

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Wed 20-Feb-13 20:32:03

That phrase is surely grounds for a spot of ABH <only partially kidding>

It's always the couples that conceive at the drop of a hat that trot that one out as well.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Wed 20-Feb-13 21:23:32

"You're TRYING too hard!

"Just relax!"

"My mate's sister tried for a decade. They stopped worrying and guess what! They conceived!"u

"Get a referral to a fertility clinic. My cousin did and she fell while they were waiting. It's because they were relaxing."

"Oh do sod off."

Sunnywithshowers Wed 20-Feb-13 21:24:11

Thanks for posting this smile

bugoven Wed 20-Feb-13 21:43:44

Thank you smile

Minshu Wed 20-Feb-13 22:06:51

I luff you. I may be jailed soon as someone I stupidly confided in keeps spouting this at me!!!

twinklestar2 Wed 20-Feb-13 23:46:29

I went to a fertility specialist today and he said stress and relaxing were only important so that you could have sex. Stressing does not stop sperm meeting egg.

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 20-Feb-13 23:50:45

One of the most useless sentences in the English language. Up there with try not to worry about it.

MrsTittleMouse Thu 21-Feb-13 12:03:05

I know. I always felt that even if it was true, there's no point in telling anyone that, because no-one actually tries to be stressed FFS!

But it's not, so ner ner to those who spout this nonsense (including my old GP angry).

Bearface Thu 21-Feb-13 14:00:56

I had this comment just the other day. Had to bite my tongue and nearly chewed it off. Are we living in the dark ages or something? Why are GPs still trotting out this crap? If it actually worked why don't they just sedate us all and then we will obviously all get upduffed won't we? Utter bollocks. Yes, and people are uttering bollocks if they say that to you.

Right climbed down off my very high horse now but still clinging to my sword - thanks for posting this OP.

gillian1986 Thu 21-Feb-13 14:06:16

Starts reading

Blah blah

skips to conclusion

CONCLUSIONS: The findings of this meta-analysis should reassure women and doctors that emotional distress caused by fertility problems or other life events co-occurring with treatment will not compromise the chance of becoming pregnant.

AWESOME :-)

Sunnywithshowers Thu 21-Feb-13 14:24:45

I wish I could have had that on a little card when we were TTC.

With a big FUCK OFF at the end for those proffering the 'helpful' just relax comments.

Bearface Thu 21-Feb-13 14:27:31

You should make some Sunny - I'd buy them! grin Can you just make sure that FUCK OFF is in much bigger letters than the rest of the message? Ta.

Sunnywithshowers Thu 21-Feb-13 14:39:05

It would be my pleasure Bearface

highlove Thu 21-Feb-13 16:15:03

Can I order some too Sunny?

highlove Thu 21-Feb-13 16:17:23

And can you make the fuck off bit flash and stuff?

My second favourite bit of advice is "be sure to enjoy the trying!" Usually accompanied by a coy simper. Yes, we're having so much fun TTC we just can't stop! It's like we've been on honeymoon for TWO YEARS!

That and my best friend who actually asked me in all seriousness if I had tried lying down with my feet up after sex. Yeah, no need for IVF that's all it takes! Silly me!

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Thu 21-Feb-13 19:41:52

Genuine LOL there, Fairy. Albeit a bitter laugh...

Sonics Thu 21-Feb-13 20:09:27

YES!!! smilesmile Brilliant!! Amazing!!

Thank you grinsmilegrin

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Thu 21-Feb-13 20:15:50

"And can you make the fuck off bit flash and stuff?"

^ Funniest thing I've read all day. Thank you grin

ariel thanks, I'll take my bitter LOLs where I can get them. smile

SomeDaySoon74 Thu 21-Feb-13 20:39:44

This is the best thread ever! I can honestly say I reached the grand old age of 37 before starting TTC and every single mother I spoke to about how difficult it might be trying to get pg said they got pg first month of trying. Since then, 12 months and two failed babies later, everyone churns out the "just relax" bollox. I feel very empowered with my new shiny flashing "fuck off" sign grin

Bearface Thu 21-Feb-13 20:46:39

Let's make some badges.

Bearface Thu 21-Feb-13 20:47:47

T-shirts and banners optional. I think you're onto a winner Sunny.

ILoveMyCats Thu 21-Feb-13 20:57:25

Thanks for this. I really hate the 'enjoy trying' comments. Not every couple has a rampant sex life and there are valid and sometimes painful reasons for that!
I'm up for badges etc....

highlove Thu 21-Feb-13 22:51:23

Oh yes. Trying to console me after we lost the baby we'd spent 18 months trying to concieve, my uncle said "at least you get to carry on having fun while you try." What the actual fuck? If I wasn't that I'd have cried if I'd have opened my mouth, I'd have told him to fuck off. And it was across the table at a wedding.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Fri 22-Feb-13 07:18:11

I am willing to pay good money to anyone who can make a lovely, shiny, flashing "Fuck Off" badge grin

highlove Fri 22-Feb-13 08:14:24

Oooh. Just thought. Can it squirt dirty water in their faces too?

bugoven Fri 22-Feb-13 09:31:44

Apparently I am trying too hard too. I think a badge with really small writing on it saying "f**k off" would be brilliant then I could tell all the 50/60 somethings who have adult children and grandchildren that they are trying too hard to read it smile

Trinpy Fri 22-Feb-13 09:46:07

I've been trying to tell people for months that the stress of ttc doesn't affect women's ability to conceive and yet they STILL insist that it does because 'my friend was trying for over a year and then she went on holiday and got pregnant'.

Also hate the people that hear you've been trying for a while and suggest something really obvious as though they're the first ones to ever think of it eg. have you tried opks? No, I'm desperate to get pregnant and have spent months of stress trying but it never crossed my mind to use one of the most successful and heavily advertised aids in ttc. Grrr...

MrsTittleMouse Fri 22-Feb-13 20:36:26

No, no, no, you don't understand - their anecdote about their mate who went on holiday and got pissed completely trumps carefully analysed scientific data about thousands of women. hmm

I don't get why this hasn't been more widely publicised. The study was ages ago - why wasn't the BBC all over this? Why didn't I know before? It's bad enough going through infertility, without the massive guilt and blame of feeling that you're partly to blame for not "relaxing".

h313n Fri 22-Feb-13 21:02:12

I even told someone that a fertility doctor had said stress didn't make a difference (saw it on a tv programme, the baby makers thing), he gave the example of in caveman times, obviously DTD wouldn't be a relaxed experience while wild animals might be round the corner.
The person I was speaking to (who had told me to throw away all my charts and monitors and just relax) said that was ridiculous and we've evolved a lot since then and obviously stress was going to be a huge factor.
And this was from a professional hypnotherapist who treats people for infertility.....

Bunnygirlie Fri 22-Feb-13 21:43:32

How can you relax when you trying to do it at the right time, the right frequency, in the correct position, with the right lube, taking the right vitamins, whilst eating the right things and not drinking!!!

Lizbuff77 Sat 23-Feb-13 13:56:12

This is my first post and well you made my day and made me smile!! if i hear it will happen soon! just relax again i will scream!!
P.s can i have a card please!!

Zumbasmyfave Sat 23-Feb-13 20:18:15

This is hilarious! So glad to see this evidence. Proper evidence! Not some anecdotal bollox. It's so patronising.

I feel more 'relaxed' already LOL! ;-)

madonnawhore Sun 24-Feb-13 20:14:08

Phew! Now I can worry and stress away to my heart's content without having to worry about worrying too!

Zumbasmyfave Sun 24-Feb-13 21:38:42

madonna I think you've summed it up perfectly!

MrsTittleMouse Mon 25-Feb-13 13:16:44

Anyone else see This Morning this morning? The doctor from Embarrassing Bodies was there talking about fertility and brought up "stress" as a major factor for not conceiving - "everyone knows about the couple who stress and stress and then give up trying and suddenly she's pregnant" (or words to that effect). I feel like writing to her to let her know how out of date she is!
angry

Zumbasmyfave Mon 25-Feb-13 18:39:21

DO IT!

evilgiraffe Wed 27-Feb-13 16:28:48

Brilliant stuff grin

Definitely write and complain to This Morning! Send them a link to this thread - it's deeply upsetting as well as inaccurate...

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