fat girls ttc??

(65 Posts)
acsr1987 Thu 31-Jan-13 10:11:36

is there any other fat girlies out there who like me are classes as obease? i.e. a bmi of over 30, just wanted someone to relate to! NO SKINNY MINNIES PLEASE lol

I had 2 children (one now 6 and one now 9) when I was about 15½ stones. Never had problems conceiving - conceived within 3 months with dd and within 6 months with ds. With dd (first child) I had borderline gestational diabetes and had to monitor my blood sugars several times a day and be careful of what I was eating. I had no issues in my pregnancy with ds.

Bearface Thu 31-Jan-13 19:40:11

Hi acsr, My friend is a larger lady and she didn't use contraception because she genuinely thought she was too overweight to get pregnant (doh - not the best method of contraception, but whatever!). Within a year she was pregnant with her first and had her second about two years later. She now has two lovely DDs. She had no issues in pregnancy at all. Hope this helps you. x

cupcake78 Thu 31-Jan-13 19:48:28

I've been overweight all my life. Been pregnant 4 times, each time I fell first attempt.

I was told it would never happen, that I was too heavy etc.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 31-Jan-13 19:48:46

It's important to start trying to eat healthily OP because obese mums have a lot more risks during pregnancy and childbirth to them and their babies. It's a hell of a lot harder to monitor a baby's heartbeat during labour and at antenatal appointments due to the extra fat around the abdomen. I'm not a 'skinny Minnie' but I'm personally looking to lose a few pounds to be a healthier mum.

porkypine Thu 31-Jan-13 20:03:19

yes. me. always been overweight, no health issues because of it (yet, yes i know). i'm losing weight at the moment but realise if i waited ttc until i was a 'healthy' weight, i'd be waiting forever.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 31-Jan-13 20:14:58

Well you can still eat healthily and do gentle exercise as you TTC, gets you in good habits for pregnancy and after the birth. It's very difficult to shift after you have a baby trust me on that. I'm size 12 up from size 8 and it doesn't sound like a big difference but the fat around the middle (the one that increases diabetes/hear disease risk) is a nightmare to get rid of. I've had two dc and am expecting my third...still got a horrible load of fat on my tum and know I'm in for a long hard slog to lose it after baby's born.

acsr1987 Thu 31-Jan-13 21:34:01

it took me 2 years to get pg with my ds and 2 months to get pg but mc at 9 weeks so trying again, im just so frustrated and im blaming my weight for how long its taking! i just want to get pg again after losing the last one im fucking desperate!!!!!
its nice to hear of other fat girls getting up the duff easy peasy makes me feel much better lol

Natalieand Fri 01-Feb-13 15:49:12

So glad to see this thread I was 17 stone when I fell wi my dd who is now two years and ttc number 2 but I weigh 20 stone now. Starting weight watchers next week through the nhs and doctor has said that I can stay on the we plan even when I do conceive xx

vicki2122 Fri 01-Feb-13 16:03:10

Hi im having trouble conceiving i think maybe cos of my weight i weight 14 stone now hmm

acsr1987 Sat 02-Feb-13 06:15:23

im just over 14 and a half stone and 5"7, ive got a real belly on me, probably from my boozey teen days! i had loads of tests done before i had ds, and wen i went to get the results i was so nervous! the doctor turned round and basically said to me "your too fat to get pregnant, im giving u 4 months to lose 2 stone then come back" so i started to diet and exercise and 3 months later just before i was due to go back i found out i was pregnant! i was about this weight when i got pg with ds and im hoping its enough to get pg for a 3rd time but keep this ones heart going until its out and safe!

DolomitesDonkey Sat 02-Feb-13 06:31:00

It is not "too difficult" to monitor fat women. We've put a rover on mars, filmed the titanic and split the atom.

Your size 20 stomach is no barrier to science or technology.

Vets can do ultrasounds to find cysts on the pancreas of a blue whale. Any doctor worth their salt will be able to find your baby. Don't let people bullshit and bully you with bollocks about ultrasounds. I take it all back of course if you turn up to your antenatal appointment wearing lead knickers.

andadietcoke Sat 02-Feb-13 06:57:02

I've got a high BMI and have got pregnant twice since October - both on the first cycle. The first one didn't stick, and it's too early to be sure this pregnancy will, but I'm currently nearly 9 weeks with twins - apparently more common with a high BMI. Just a word of warning!!

acsr1987 Sat 02-Feb-13 08:22:16

LOL dolomites i was thinking the same, i had no problems with getting monitored with my ds and everything was always fine, only thing was that he was too wriggily (something that has continued and is now a hyperactive toddler) but no i dont think its harder to be monitored if your a chubster at all! and i got brilliant scan photos!

Natalieand Sat 02-Feb-13 08:26:01

As I said I was 17 stone when I caught in with dd number 1 and 19 by the end of the pregnancy I had a normal delivery just me my mum husband and my midwife in the room and I had no problems being monitored throughout midwife always found baby when listening for the heart at home and always found baby on scans even when I had an early one at9+6

bugoven Sat 02-Feb-13 08:49:52

I've gained 2 stone while TTCblush which has taken me from a size 12 to a 16. I have put so much pressure on myself to not smoke(gave up a year ago) not drink, not do anything risky (used to climb, cycle, do all sorts of crazy fun things) and now beating myself up for being a fatty as a result of change of lifestyle and probably some comfort eating.
I know of friends who have conceived while "in the obese category" but am dreading going for a fertility appointment and being told I'm too fat to be a mum after all the stress I've had and efforts I've made.
I have started walking loads and am noticing a little change in my shape already.
Considering all sorts of alternative therapies to help my cause (another new change as was previously an absolute atheist!).
Going to cheer myself up with a brew and biscuit. Oooooops.... he he X

Natalieand Sat 02-Feb-13 08:54:12

I was referred for fertility treatment as 17 stone and told to loose weight or they wouldn't help so I thought right I need to do this quick as loss went on the slim fast milkshake plan and fell pregnant straight away cos I was so focused on loosing weight for this treatment and I never ended up needing it lol

acsr1987 Sat 02-Feb-13 09:12:22

i think it is good to get so into losing weight it sort of takes the immense pressure u put on urself ttc. but its hard and after months and months of BFN all u want is a big bar of galaxy and full sugar coke with a few vodkas thrown into the mix!
bugoven dont beat urself up, i know how hard the not smoking thing is, i had to stop when i got pg with ds in 2011 and i literally could not cope but i had to, i used to sneak into the shed to have cheaky drags, honestly dont know who i was kidding! dont smoke at all now and i promise u, stopping before u get pg is so much better than stopping before ur pg because u will literally will turn into a monster, plus ull have everyone guilting you about it all the time lol

Natalieand Sat 02-Feb-13 09:18:19

Couldn't agree more acsr1987 definitely gives you something to focus on instead of letting ttc consume you life which is easily done. Especially when everyone around u seems to be popping babies out or announcing their pregnancies

DolomitesDonkey Sat 02-Feb-13 12:07:32

The thing is, if any of us found it that easy to get our weight under control, wouldn't we have done it years ago? confused Who in their right mind says "oh I didn't notice I was fat until I TTC, that'll spur me in to action"?

Anyway, when I TTC #1 I had a BMI of 30 and my hair was falling out because I wasn't eating... my fertility doctors told me I was waaaaay unhealthy and to lose weight. The stress of the entire situation made me eat. It took 12 months to conceive #1 and about 6 for #2 although our timing was off then. I'm sure the "slowness" was down to my age and not my ovaries - who incidentally don't know how fat I am, nor do I suffer from any hormone altering Syndrome X disease.

My periods arrived every 27 days for 24 years before I got pregnant and at exactly 6 weeks after the birth of my first child. We suspect my husband had sperm ishoos because he ate so much sugar.

If we are "too fat to conceive" why do doctor's give us contraceptives? wink

acsr1987 Sat 02-Feb-13 22:02:38

EXACTLY! but i dont think there is anything worse and disheartening than being told your too fat to get pregnant then u see someone coming out of iceland twice the size of u, smoking, pushing a pushchair and a hoard of other kids tottering behind them! we fat girls must stick together!

bugoven Sat 02-Feb-13 22:24:00

Aw thanks smile
I like this thread, it's making me feel good bit still secretly hoping to find myself thin and pregnant soon Xx

LondonSuperTrooper Sat 02-Feb-13 22:56:04

I like this thread!!! I'm actively TTC and trying to lose weight at the same time. My BMI has come down slightly but I still have a long way to go.

Is anyone trying to lose weight whilst TTC?

BeaWheesht Sat 02-Feb-13 23:06:39

I lost a lot of weight when ttc - I don't see a reason not to tbh - I walked ALOT and ate small healthy meals. However I put it all back on between dc1&2 and was heavier than any of you here when I conceived dd (dc2).

My consultant told me at 15 weeks they wouldn't be able to hear the babies heartbeat because of my weight - I insisted they try and they found it instantly. She also insisted I WOULD have high blood pressure - I did, at 41 weeks for one appointment. Oh and she told me I'd have G Diabetes too and seemed pissed off when I didn't.

I ate healthily through pregnancy and didn't put any weight on and saw a dietician regularly.

Beig overweight isn't great anyways and even more so when pregnant BUT I don't think I deserved the way I was treated so please don't let yourself be treated like that - demand better care if need be. There were posters all over the antenatal clinic here about how they'd support and understand mothers with drug or drink addictions but fat mothers seemed to be the ones they could treat like crap.

Try and lose weight and get healthy yes but being berated about it does not help.

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 05:57:43

thats awful bea! im glad i wasnt treated like that, what a load of shit! in my leaflet i got before my first scan it said the bigger u are the less clearer the picture would be but i got amazing photos at 9 and 13 weeks! even better ones than my much skinnier friends! in fact the 13 week photo looks just like he does now... scary!
on the nhs website it says risks for obease mothers are as follows
miscarriage
gestational diabetes
high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia
blood clots
post-caesarean wound infection
genital and urine infections
haemorrhage after the birth
problems with breastfeeding
having a baby with an abnormally high birthweight
increased risk of induction and instrumental (ventouse or forceps)delivery
now i have had a mc but was told my weight had NOTHING to do with it, i also had to hav a section with son but that was because he was the wrong way round and as far as i can tell that can happen with ANYONE! he was a 9 pounder but was 2 weeks late so i think thats pretty fair, and the bigger the better i say! AND i bf for 12 and a half months and only stopped because i had to go into hospital so really.... its a load of shit!

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 19:17:06

bump

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 19:45:51

I think some of you on this thread are kidding yourselves about the health risks of being obese or overweight. Just because some don't get gestational diabetes and high blood pressure doesn't mean the vast majority won't either. My mil is overweight and was even more so with her first pregnancy. Ended up with gestational diabetes that's turned into type two diabetes because she kept eating badly and doing no exercise. My sil's mum is very obese (diabetic too) and sadly suffered a stillbirth. Both women have gone on to have overweight and unhealthy kids, both with severe health issues. I think it's great if you have the resolve to lose weight and become healthier, but if you don't then at some point there will inevitably be consequences for those choices.

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 19:57:37

well im really sorry that we cant be as perfect as you are, and we are not "kidding ourselves" we are just not buying into every bit of bullshit or making other people feel bad, it was just ment to be a thread for ladies who on top of the sheer stress of TTC and lose weight is too much.
how great it must be to be you

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:01:59

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 20:11:50

hmm ok OP....can't remember when I said I was perfect on here but I must have judging your aggressive reaction. Do you in all intelligence and common knowledge, think its responsible to TTC whilst being obese? Genuine question.

DolomitesDonkey Sun 03-Feb-13 20:14:50

Waynette You do know of course that GD is a metabolic disease - one of the Syndrome X ones right? And you wouldn't be ignorant enough to assume that being overweight means that you eat yourself in to Syndrome X would you? No, of course not - that would make you ignorant and rude and I'm sure that wasn't your intention!

Because you do know right that Type II diabetes and GD are different to Type I diabetes right? hmm Tell me, what do you eat? Do you follow government guidelines? Food pyramid?

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:19:07

this thread is for support for fat girls who are ttc, so they can have a vent and a moan and a bit of support and not a put down..... are u fat? and yeah i do think its responsible to ttc when u are obese if you are going to love that baby no matter what, can provide for it and physically look after it... then what does it matter. do you think that it is responsible for a lady to ttc over the age of 35? or a teenager? or someone in a wheelchair? or someone with a sensory impairment? or someone on benefits? answer me that.... genuine question

DolomitesDonkey Sun 03-Feb-13 20:23:42

Ironic that the person having a pop has named herself after Waynette Slob, a chain-smoking, cheap beer drinking, fat, uneducated "common" mother. grin

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 20:24:14

I'm telling you exactly what happened to my mother in law. She had GD which then got worse and developed into the diabetes she now lives with permanently. She says its type two...so I not knowing the full ins and outs of diabetes, have not asked further questions. She's pretty sensitive about it as you can imagine. And my mum is a nutritionist so yes Ive generally always eaten well but don't deny myself treats here and there. grin

DolomitesDonkey Sun 03-Feb-13 20:24:33

... who debates calling her first child "Rothmans" but is told no by her long-suffering husband Wayne "naaaaah thassa boy's name".

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 20:25:09

I'm a fan of kathy Burke. So sue me grin

DolomitesDonkey Sun 03-Feb-13 20:26:17

Oh dear, so your aunty has followed your mum's nutritional advice including the diabetes II inducing food pyramid as pushed by the UK government? Oh crumbs, no wonder you don't know your facts and are just idly lashing out.

You're never too old to educate yourself love.

Funny thing about the GD, I've never known a fatty have it.

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:26:36

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 20:28:18

And I'm not having a 'pop'. It's interesting when questioned about something serious, the easiest thing is to get all defensive and accuse the other of having a dig or a 'pop'. Do you seriously think its responsible or a good idea to TTC whilst being obese? Answer that.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 20:31:56

My Aunty? Specs on Dolomite. And amusing how you have assumed I'm skinny or something OP. Ive got fat on me, not a ton, but enough to feel a bit shit about myself. If you look on page 1 of this thread I was advising other posters to at least try to eat healthily if they WERE trying to conceive. Your defensiveness and uncalled for aggression are out of order.

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:33:07

yes i do and ive already said why... now answer me do you think it responsible to ttc when
over 35?
teenager?
sensory impairment?
in a wheelchair?
someone being on benefits?
go on then answer that

gollygosh123 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:40:16

fat ttc = wrong

covert drinker/smoker/drug taker ttc - fine - cant see ur issues

- judgemental oafs as normal

MN044 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:47:56

Nice. Fwiw, I wouldn't wish a high risk pregnancy on anyone. My last dc turned into a risky pregnancy when they thought I had a clot on my lung. The diagnostic process included x rays, being injected with radioactive stuff, and a daily shot in the bum. And it was all a false alarm. I am far far from perfect. But I do think it's worth considering the risks before shooting anyone down who dares to suggest being BMI 30+ and ttc may not be the best plan. I know how hard it is to lose weight, I';ve lsot mroe than 5 stone in the past. I wouldn't want to start pregnancy at a higher weight, the stress on my joints by the end was an absolute killer, pregnancy and the immediate aftermath are far far harder on the body than many modern women expect, we tend to downplay it massively. Getting into the best physical shape you can reasonably be expected to is only going to be to your benefit. But I await your no doubt charming comeback.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 20:50:28

You didn't answer my question but I'll answer yours: I was a teen mum in a stable marriage so nothing wrong in that depending on circumstances. All the rest of your provocative questions are also based on circumstances too though aren't they? So that's my answer.

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:53:04

i am sorry but this is just a thread for ladies who are fat and what to have a bit of a moan and support... does any of the 40+ ladies get any of this? god us poor fat lasses eh? if its not bad enough we cant shop in river island

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:54:20

i did answer you question, i think its perfectly reasonable to ttc when your fat if u can look after and love a baby no matter what... does a fat lass not deserve to be a mother just because she struggles with her weight

MN044 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:57:23

I'm not entirely sure you're for real tbh. But the 40+ ladies can't do anything about their age.

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:59:20

im not targeting the 40+ ladies, as ive said everyone deserves the right to be a mother, but there is just as much risk to them ttc and not everyone can do something about their weight

DoctorWhoFan Sun 03-Feb-13 21:00:24

I think it's a real shame this thread has turned into a "let's have a go at the overweight ladies" thread, cos I was going to join as it seemed a nice idea.

However, I'm 45 AND overweight AND ttc my first because it took me so long to find a decent man. I also have bipolar disorder and suffer with fybromyalgia. Does this mean I'm incapable of being a good mother, and producing a healthy child? Neither my GP or psyciatrist think these things are a real problem. My only problem is that my poor eggs may be too old.

So to the doubters, I have medical professionals telling me there is no reason I shouldn't try for a child with my DP. Being overweight is the least of my worries!

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 21:00:44

It's unacceptable that a person who questions the risks of TTC is shot down. It's almost like political correctness because it creeps around and makes excuses for the real issue. Getting up in the night constantly for a colicky newborn is exhausting, but even more so with extra weight and other health problems..having to heave yourself out of bed with tiredness and the result of obesity isn't something to take lightly. I know a guy who is overweight and suffers from sleep apnoea, he wears an oxygen mask to bed. This in itself could severely limit his ability to pick up on the cries of a baby should he and his partner decide to have one. Why isn't it reason enough to have that will to lose a bit of weight before TTC so you can enjoy and relax through pregnancy more and not suffer the effects of it? Babies become runaway toddlers and that's motivation to get prepared for running around a lot!

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 21:03:15

Drwhofan sorry, who 'had a go' at the overweight ladies on here? More to the point, who said you or anyone else wouldn't be a good mother? All the advice on here has been constructive and friendly but unfortunately the OP and others have been aggressive in their reactions. If anyone's been had a go at, I think it's me strangely enough. hmm

Isabeller Sun 03-Feb-13 21:07:23

Waynetta what circumstances do you think are necessary to make it responsible to try and conceive?

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 21:11:14

OP you are entitled to whatever you want to do, but to let you know in advance HC professionals don't always take kindly to obese expectant mothers. It's wrong because nobody deserves unkind treatment, but consultants and particularly midwives aren't always private about their thoughts. I say this as a former HC professional myself. It's harder work caring for and monitoring an overweight person, and can take up very valuable time that could be spent equally on other patients. A lot of the time, high risk pregnancies in obese ladies have to be closely monitored and the delivery may be accompanied by other senior members of staff. It's something to consider IMO.

waitingtobeamummy Sun 03-Feb-13 21:16:19

I think the issue is waynetta that the person started this thread for herself and people like her to meet and chat. Not to debate whether it is the right thing it not. Everyone has their own opinions on obesity and ttc and I have viewed it from both sides, but this is the wrong place to discuss it.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 21:26:43

"Waynetta what circumstances do you think are necessary to make it responsible to try and conceive?"

Well not being obese is one of them in case you hadn't already noticed. Someone with health problems through no fault of their own is different although obviously not ideal if no family support etc but I don't like these comparisons between those who have health problems and those who are in bad shape/health purely as a result of their lifestyle habits. It's all pretty much common sense if we take all the pussyfooting around out: not great TTC if you have the opportunity to get healthier for the benefit of you and your childs future.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 21:29:51

Waitingtobeamummy As I've said now twice before, any previous advice was friendly and constructive. Due to the OP's over reaction, and also her provocative questions, it has turned into a debate. Mumsnet is not a private area for some and some may I remind you, so just because the OP put the nice "NO SKINNY MINNIE'S PLEASE" in her title, doesn't exclude anyone from joining a conversation.

acsr1987 Sun 03-Feb-13 21:32:59

its supposed to be abit of fun for fat lasses who want a moan and twist, we are under enough stress from "health professionals" as it is to lose weight AND ttc, so thank you for being so friendly with your advice, im no longer posting on here as hav started a new thread to give a bit more support to those ladies of the larger persuasion

MN044 Sun 03-Feb-13 21:34:52

Wow, I guess it's really not just a river in Egypt after all

WaynettaSlobsLover Sun 03-Feb-13 21:40:24

Well instead of trying to ignore the pressure from health professionals and trying to have exclusive threads, maybe you should actually take some advice and stop berating anyone who doesn't agree with your choices. This is a big reason why HC workers dislike parts of their job..having to see same people day in day out who are too busy having a 'moan' rather than actively doing something about their health. It drains the NHS like a leech and spreads staff too thinly. That's worth considering but is a whole new thread that I'm not going to bother to start. Evening and goodnight.

Isabeller Sun 03-Feb-13 21:45:21

Waynetta what weight loss methods have you found most effective? What was the most effective psychological component?

Would you advise someone to stop smoking first or lose weight first?

bugoven Sun 03-Feb-13 22:05:01

Hadn't visited this thread for a while but blimey.....
I am a little heavier than I ideally want to be TTC and this is a minimal worry on top of a variety of non-ideals which have made life stressful. As a result I have turned to mumsnet at times as a place to share experiences and support others who feel the same as me.
The reason I haven't posted earlier today is because I have been out dog walking (healthy choice) and supporting my sil who has serious health problems but is still desperate to be a mum.
I see things I disagree with or that I cannot empathise with on here all the time but it is my choice to contribute where I find it helpful or think I may be able to help others. This thread seems pretty negative.

Here's a positive.... I weighed myself this evening and have lost 6 lbs since making a conscious effort to walk more. I nearly cried with relief when I read the scales and realised my efforts were paying off. This last two years have been so hard!!

gollygosh123 Sun 03-Feb-13 22:23:43

' drains the NHS like a leech and spreads staff too thinly'

so do drinkers, druggies, smokers etc

I may be fat but still bloody exercise - you can be fat and fit and I dont recall draining many resources with my lardy arse! I am considered obese but go to around 5-6 exercise classes a week and can run after the kids perfectly well.

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 04-Feb-13 14:57:30

Hi all,

Thank you to all who reported this thread to us.
We have had a look and removed a few personal attacks.

Can we please remind folks of our Talk guidelines and can we also remind folks that Mumsnet is a forum for peer-to-peer advice and support - anyone can post on any thread with their opinions on differing subjects as long as they are respectful of others (sometimes very) different opinions.

gollygosh123 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:14:52

bump as was helpful !

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