What is the longest time you know of someone TTC?

(44 Posts)
cozytoes Wed 14-Nov-12 15:45:14

Hi, my name is Cozytoes and I have been TTC for 4 years today sad.

I'm looking for hope that it can and will happen!

We have had all the tests, both healthy, which is great, but nothing. We have had a break for 12 months but I'm 40 in a few months and feel like I'm missing my chance.

We are not eligible for for fertility treatment on the NHS in our area as DH already has a DS with a previous partner. We can't afford to pay for treatment and only just got ourselves back on track following huge financial worries.

A colleague has just asked me if I'm planning to have children, so although she probably wishes she hadn't by now grin. She says she knows someone who tried for 9 years and then had 2, one immediately after the other, naturally, at the age of 39 and 40. I am clinging to some hope.

rabbitonthemoon Wed 14-Nov-12 18:09:18

Hey there cozytoes it's a good question. I've been trying around the two year mark, isn't it a bag of shit. Anyway I know someone who conceived after three years, naturally, who was unexplained. I know another couple who tried for 4 years and conceived after surgery for endo. My friend was in hospital on the maternity ward with a woman who was 42 had started trying when she was 32, had countless treatment and got pregnant naturally in the very long end. And I know of another person who got pregnant after 7 years and two failed ivfs, naturally again and as they had started the adoption process. There are always stories that float around that give us hope and you never do know what's around the corner but its hard to keep the good fight up sometimes. I wish you every luck in the world.

Lavenderhoney Wed 14-Nov-12 18:19:50

I have a friend who was on the pill from 16-30 then spent 14 years trying to conceive. She has a dd now.

And another who had ivf, everything all the kooky stuff( sex at the fertility man in Wiltshire etc) and nothing. Years of mil and her dm and the sad looks. Then she got pgnt with ds and since had another. So about 10 years.

I always bite my tongue when people tell me they are waiting til they are ready to have dc. It might not be that easysad

DoodleAlley Wed 14-Nov-12 19:07:46

I know a friend who had been trying for seven years before they were successful. Though I think they had almost forgotten they were TTC by then!

joycep Wed 14-Nov-12 19:19:46

Oh cozy, i'm sorry, it's really crap. I've been trying for over 2.5yrs and that feels like forever. Also, it doesn't help that in my friendship group I don't know anyone who has tried this long. HOwever, you do hear stories. I met someone last month who was 7 months pregnant and she had been trying for 13 years. Her last ivf was back in 2009. It happened naturally after she totally gave up. Yes that old chestnut. And I have come across someone who tried for 6 years and it happened naturally the month before ivf was due to start. She was 40. So it can and does happen. Really best of luck.

bluer Wed 14-Nov-12 19:22:31

Cosytoes I just wanted to say that I really hope it happens for you, all the best x

Good luck Cosytoes. My friend tried for 15yrs. She'd come to terms with not having any dcs then thought she'd hit menopause. She had a very healthy, naturally conceived ds at 45. I met her in my antenatal class.

drcrab Wed 14-Nov-12 19:30:36

My friends tried for 6 years and ivf etc and conceived naturally twice. Kids are now 4.5 and 2.5 years old. Mum is now 39. Another friend tried for over 12 years. Conceived in her early 40s. Child is now 3!

And another tried for under 10 years. Child just turned 5....

Good luck!

winkle2 Wed 14-Nov-12 19:38:14

I'm scared as I've been trying for 15 months. I don't want it to take years sad

rabbitonthemoon Wed 14-Nov-12 21:19:30

Winkle keep going. Lots of people on the 10 plus thread getting there. Come and say hello!

tunnocksteacake Wed 14-Nov-12 21:26:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pipbin Wed 14-Nov-12 22:19:03

what a great thread full of positive stories.

All this time makes my 18 months seem not so bad!

Willdoitinaminute Wed 14-Nov-12 22:36:39

I was 32ish when started 'trying' and after numerous miscarriages various fertility treatments and much heartache we gave up booked a holiday to the Caribbean for my 40th.I discovered I was pg 6 weeks before we departed. My little miracle is now 8 and just perfect, well as perfect as most 8 year olds are.

I just got to the point where I felt that I had put my life on hold for too long. So I just got on with it again.

winkle2 Wed 14-Nov-12 22:43:02

Rabbit can you post a link to that thread?

sleepyhead Wed 14-Nov-12 22:44:59

We were up to over 3.5 years when I got my bfp the week after my 40th birthday smile.

Nothing wrong with either of us, no treatments tried apart from charting (and I'd given up on that for over a year). Nothing was different that month - nothing.

Why I was able to conceive at just shy of 40 when I couldn't at 36, 37 or 38 I can't tell you, but it did happen.

We were about to give up, although all the good stories about post 40 conceptions and births on here might have kept me going if I'm honest with myself.

I wish you all the luck in the world. There is just no rhyme nor reason some times.

sleepyhead Wed 14-Nov-12 22:49:57

Oh, and sorry to actually answer your question, the longest I know is a friend of my mum's who had her children at 36, 37 and 40 after TTC from the age of 26.

JethroTull Wed 14-Nov-12 22:51:08

3years TTC here. I met a woman who'd tried for 11 years, DS turned up eventually. When she got her BFP her husband was so shocked he didn't speak for 24 hours! Good luck with it all OP. it's a right total pain in the ass!

Popumpkin Wed 14-Nov-12 22:56:11

My cousin & his wife. TTC for 14 years which included surgery to try to unblock her fallopian tubes & three rounds of IVF. They got to 40 and decided, sadly, that they would have to give up trying. 12 months after "giving up" their DS1 arrived, conceived completely naturally followed by DS2 15 months later grin. It happens, not for everyone but it certainly does happen smile.

vamosbebe Wed 14-Nov-12 22:56:54

My friend: 15 years, she's just had twin boys 2 months shy of her 50th birthday.
Fingers crossed for you that it's a lot quicker [flowers]

My sister & her DH had DS1 (both young) then nothing for 14 years, had investigations, nothing wrong just nothing happening.

Then - bam, DS2 swifly followed by DS3 18 months later.

(She was 39 when DS3 was born BTW).

gomummygone Wed 14-Nov-12 23:06:54

Good luck cosy. It is such an emotional rollercoaster.

It took years for us, DH was almost 50 when DS was born. Lots of intervention, we both had (private and costly!) surgeries (not in UK), and when we'd just about given up, we got our miracle. It was so very difficult, and absolutely worth it.

At the same time we had other friends who had tried for well over 10 years and long since given up. They were 20 years married when they had their (totally healthy) DS naturally. It was so beautiful to see.

TeaDr1nker Wed 14-Nov-12 23:12:34

I know of two people who took over 5 years, the first had unexplained fertility and naturally conceived after 7 yrs, as they were about to start IVF, the other had all sorts of fertility treatment which did not work and after 5 yrs conceived, she is pregnant with her second after 4 1/2 years of no contraception but no treatment either. I know another woman who got pregnant at 39 after being with her hubby since she was in her early 20's IVF finally worked for her.

I have a Friend who didn't use contraception from her early twenties. Then they had fertility tests after 5 years and after 4 lots of Ivf and 2 mc she is pregnant with twins grin
Vie got all my fingers and toes crossed for you.

blondebaby111 Thu 15-Nov-12 10:38:13

These messages give me hope,i've been ttc for nearly 5 years and i don't know anyone who has been trying as long as us. We are just on the 2ww to see if our first round of ivf has worked. You sometimes feel like you are the only one and people think they understand but they don't really.

poshfrock Thu 15-Nov-12 10:43:33

My mum tried for 8 years from the age of 19. Three miscarriages including one at 5 months. Put themselves on list for adoption ( this was in 1960's so pre IVF) and bought a dog. Then had 5 kids in 13 years.

galwaygal Thu 15-Nov-12 20:04:38

One couple I know got married in their twenties and started ttc straight away, nothing for ten years, despite many fertility treatments. They finally decided to quit their jobs and go train to work in Africa with a charity. They were on the first part of training in London, when the wife kept saying that the tea didn't taste as good as back home. Finally someone told her to do a pregnancy test. First child (concieved naturally) was a boy, two years later, a girl, again concieved without assistance. Those children are now adults themselves. It can happen after a long time, but those years of waiting and trying are very hard.

Bunbaker Thu 15-Nov-12 20:06:56

It took me 17 years

rabbitonthemoon Thu 15-Nov-12 21:09:25

Winkle we are always on the conception board active threads if you peek (said lazilysmile come and play.

cozytoes Fri 23-Nov-12 10:34:47

Your messages have given me hope. Some fab stories here!

My feelings are very up and down as I try not to get too obsessed in order to avoid the inevitable disappointment each month, but I really am running out of time now.

I need to go and see my GP again I think.

AngelsWithSilverWings Fri 23-Nov-12 10:46:24

I was TTC for 7 years from the age of 27. We had four cycles of IVF with no joy and then I fell pregnant without assistance when I was 34.

Sadly I miscarried at 9 weeks and the trauma if that led me to decide to give up. I may have fallen pregnant again but I didn't want to risk the pain of another miscarriage. I even had a coil fitted to make sure! ( this also helped with my endo problems too)

I know this doesn't sound like a happy story but I just wanted you to know that I did at least manage to conceive even after 7 years of trying.

To end on a happy note - I went on to adopt a 10 month old baby when I was 36 and a another when I was 39.

Wishing you all the best in your journey to become a mother.

cookiemonster100 Fri 23-Nov-12 18:33:16


We have been TTC 3.5yrs and waiting to find out if NHS will fund Our IVF cycle. I have lost a tube as well as endo ( why have one problem whe you can have 2).
This thread brings me hope, thanks ladies.

blonde good luck in your 2WW
CM x

fledtoscotland Fri 23-Nov-12 18:48:51

DH and I have been trying since end of 2007 for number 3 sad

SarahJinx Fri 23-Nov-12 19:01:35

It took just over years for us, no real reason. We were on the verge of ivf, the day my BMI was finally at the level required to hit NHS criteria was the day I got the bfp. He's 18 Months now, and we're about to start trying again. Wishing you so very much luck.

SarahJinx Fri 23-Nov-12 19:02:52

* Took just over FOUR years...doofus.

MuddyWellyNelly Fri 23-Nov-12 20:47:07

The thread rabbit mentioned is here.

I feel suddenly like a lightweight at a mere 2.4 years (learning the parent lingo wink) although I didn't start until I had just turned 36. In the process of my first IVF cycle just now. This thread has given me hope.

Welovecouscous Fri 23-Nov-12 20:56:01

I know two couples who tried for 9 years. One couple had decided they couldn't hear fertility treatment and gave up - then got pg naturally in their mid 30s. The other couple the woman had various issues including severe endo. They had several cycles of failed ivf and she then got of naturally again in mid 30s in between cycles. They now have two conceived naturally.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Fri 23-Nov-12 20:56:30

What a lovely thread. Thanks ladies and good luck to all xxx

My old boss tried for many many years. He was told he was infertile so they have given up all hope. Then in their 40s they had their son naturally.

literaryone Fri 30-Nov-12 07:17:52

My neighbour (ironically, she's an ob-gyn) tried for nine years before conceiving naturally and having a healthy little boy.

duchesse Fri 30-Nov-12 07:33:07

Oh cozy, so sorry. sad I remember all too keenly how it felt. I gave away all my baby things to various friends at age 40 after 6 years of trying and got pregnant the following month with now 3yo DD3- born 6.5 years after we stopped contraception. I am aware that an anecdote doth not a statistic make, but it does happen sometimes.

cozytoes Fri 30-Nov-12 11:44:31

I realise it might never happen but your replies are certainly helping me (and I'm sure others) feel hopeful. thanks

Its rubbish, but here goes another month.

Good luck to everyone trying!

Cortana Fri 30-Nov-12 15:01:21

Fingers crossed for you Cozy. Thank you for this thread too, makes me realise how lucky I am and that I need to get some perspective. We're only on 13 months here and I feel like I'm slipping into a dark place. Came here for a good whinge but feeling a lot more hopeful now.

cozytoes Thu 06-Dec-12 12:48:03

I just thought I'd share another success story, as its really lifted my spirits grin

I have just walked by gatecrashed a leaving presentation for a lovely lady in my office building, who is leaving to go on maternity leave. I see her often but only to smile and say hello envy.

I overheard someone saying she is 44 shock so I went to give her my good wishes and we got chatting. She married 16 years ago and has been TTC since then. She said they just got on with their lives, until she hit 35 then had the tests and one cycle of IVF as that's all they could afford. Her husband has 2 children from his first marriage which rules out NHS treatment. So they moved on with their lives, and thought it would never happen. She said she thought she was starting the menopause, and nearly died of shock when she discovered she was pg. She has kept it quiet until she was 7 months as she still didn't believe everything would work out.

You know what, I am genuinely soooooo happy for her and although I often get insanely jealous when someone announces they are pg, I was just beaming for her.

Miracles do happen.

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