Secondary infertility? Fed up and alone

(75 Posts)
Girly2508 Thu 26-Jul-12 21:19:10

Himthere. I'm hoping there will be someone else here in the same situation and I won't feel so alone! We've been ttc #2 for 2 1/2 years now. My beautiful baby girl will be 4 in November and I love her with all my heart. I have always imagined my family being complete with 2 healthy children. I feel so guilty for being disappointed when my period starts every month, and fed up of waiting again for another month. My dr has been pretty useless, I had a 21 day blood test which showed up as normal, even though my periods aren't every 28 days and vary from 24-28. I'm unsure how all my levels could've been normal when I must have ovulated earlier that month as I came on 3 days after the blood test. The dr just says it takes time - but seriously that long?! We wereso fortunate with my daughter as we conceived after only 3 month of trying. Plus I'm turning 30 this year so feel as if my time is running out. Why is it everyone around me can fall pregnant just like that?! I can't help feeling jealous when my friend with a 9 month old has just announced their 2nd pregnancy, and feel useless as I feel unable to provide my 3 yr old with the longed for baby brother/sister, especially as now she is asking when she is going to get her baby brother! It breaks my heart. Thank you for reading this far! Any advice gratefully received xxxx

TheSilverPussycat Fri 27-Jul-12 11:20:45

At 30 your time is deffo not running out. Am ancient, but when TTC first at age 32, my GP told me that mine wasn't. Had investigations, including taking temp each morning, sperm samples, laproscopy, was on the list for GIFT (do they still do this?), fell preggo naturally at age 34. Tubes had been infected with chlamidia (wild sowing of oats in 1970's, on pill blush) but though 'gnarled' must still have been open.

I remember how desperate I felt, though, v clearly. With v best wishes.

TheSilverPussycat Fri 27-Jul-12 11:22:35

*mine wasn't = my time was Not running out

DizzyPurple Fri 27-Jul-12 11:35:22

You are definitely not alone! I have a dd who is 2.7. Conceived her in second month of trying. Now have been ttc another for nearly 18 months! Have started road of fertility testing. so far my bits are ok but more to come. I have been having a lot of problems with my periods for about that time too so my body is not as helpful as it could be. My dp had a sperm test which was quite bad and since then i have felt really depressed about the whole thing. I'm 39. Loads of people i know are pregnant and when you feel like this it seems every woman in the street is but they're not really! I'm trying to come to terms with the likelihood we may not get another but its very hard. You are definitely NOT alone. x

DizzyPurple Fri 27-Jul-12 11:43:28

You are definitely not alone! I have a dd who is 2.7. Conceived her in second month of trying. Now have been ttc another for nearly 18 months! Have started road of fertility testing. so far my bits are ok but more to come. I have been having a lot of problems with my periods for about that time too so my body is not as helpful as it could be. My dp had a sperm test which was quite bad and since then i have felt really depressed about the whole thing. I'm 39. Loads of people i know are pregnant and when you feel like this it seems every woman in the street is but they're not really! I'm trying to come to terms with the likelihood we may not get another but its very hard. You are definitely NOT alone. x

DizzyPurple Fri 27-Jul-12 11:46:16

Dont know why its put it twice but cant work out how to get rid of iit on my phone!

Girly2508 Fri 27-Jul-12 15:15:32

Ladies, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's a relief to know that I'm not alone. I just feel useless, convinced that even though the only test I've had has been ok, there's something wrong with me. I don't feel I have anyone to talk to now either, as people either tell me to stop whining as I have my daughter or tell me that it will happen and to just let it take it's course! Pretty hard to do after 2.5 yrs of trying! Then there are the people who love to tell you that you'd best get a move on as my daughter will be 4 in November and we don't want a big age gap! Every month my period starts, I go through all the emotions, another month to wait and I just feel so sad and convinced myself that it's never going to happen now sad xx


I think your current GP is hopeless actually; its no point at all in solely testing you without your man undergoing investigations at the same time. There could well be male factor problems here so repeated semen analysis is necessary. One semen analysis is not conclusive in its own right, these have to be repeated.

You really ought to be seen as a couple by a subfertility unit. I would also change GP practice; it is all too easy to be fobbed off.

It needs proper investigation particularly as you have now been ttc for 2.5 years. You and your man will need to be persistant in order to get answers

Girly2508 Fri 27-Jul-12 15:35:30

Thank you so much for this! I have been seeing my Dr every couple of months for at least a year about my fertility (or lack of!) and it's almost as if he offered my blood test to get me off his back. Basically I should be lucky (and I am) that I have my daughter. According to ny GP, I have conceived before so I will again. We're not trying hard enough apparently?! My husband has never been offered a semen analysis so I will certainly be asking for this - with a different GP!

You're welcome Girly and good luck with the new doc.

Secondary subfertility is more common than people realise. I cannot for the life of me understand why both of you were not tested in tandem to begin with. Subfertility is not the sole preserve of the woman.

You may need to go privately to have some tests done; I would see if you can get any help under the NHS initially. If you do decide to go private, do your researches thoroughly beforehand and ask them lots of questions. Some private clinics offer poor as well as expensive treatment. Both of you need further testing and tests should be done in tandem. It is no point at all solely testing you without he being tested.

TheSilverPussycat Fri 27-Jul-12 17:33:50

A bit more info from me: conceived v quickly when first started TTC but had an early miscarriage, followed by a D&C (do they still do these?)

But 2.5 years later I had been referred to local hospital for the tests, as outlined above. DS arrived in 1988 followed by DD in 1991. I was so very lucky and hope things will work out for you. And yes it was very lonely and people stopped telling me when they were pregnant sad

Girly2508 Fri 27-Jul-12 18:39:38

I must admit there are very few people who know how hard we have been trying and how we are starting to become disparate! The only reason I've kept from saying how I really feel to most of my friends is the risk of alienation and people too scared of hurting my feelings by announcing another pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for those who are pregnant/ able to get pregnant easily, I just can't help the selfish sadness I feel when I hear their news sad

iloveberries Sat 28-Jul-12 20:11:15

So sad but a familiar story.
We have been ttc #2 for a yr. I have fallen pregnant but had an ectopic in march and my ds is 2.5. Everyone I had him with has dc2 or is pregnant and it breaks my heart as I feel like less of a mother for only making one. I feel so guilty for not providing him with a playmate. Doc isn't interested in me as I "can get pregnant" so i just have to see if I can have a successful pregnancy again.

I totally empathise though - it's horrible how people are so fertile! I know people who have timed sex for a girl, or to get a September baby and I would take any gender, any month but it just ain't happening sad

No other advice but you are NOT alone! Hugs. X x x

HalleLouja Sat 28-Jul-12 20:14:47

I tried 16 months for my DD (DC2). Not sure what happened differently the month I finally got sperm and egg to meet but it did happen. Without intervention. Luckily for us it was just a matter of time.

Now all that pain has melted away. Hypnotherapy was probably the best thing I did for it. Helped me relax. I also took up running.

iloveberries Sat 28-Jul-12 20:18:38

Halle: do you mind me asking if your dc1 came long easily?

HalleLouja Sun 29-Jul-12 07:47:27

Yes DS came really easily. I had him 9 months after I got married to the day. Though he was 6 weeks premmie....

HalleLouja Sun 29-Jul-12 07:48:20

I did write an article about it for my local NCT mag so that people could get some understanding of what it is like to go through.

wifeofdoom Sun 29-Jul-12 08:00:52

I agree your GP should do more - after 2 yrs I had day 3 and day 21 bloods and my dh had a semen sample done. They came back clear so she put me forward for a pelvic scan as I have painful periods, that showed up problems so had a lap and dye and have carried on privately from there. Unfortunately with no success as yet, rapidly approaching 3 yrs now. Agree its rubbish.

HalleLouja Sun 29-Jul-12 08:02:12

We had been referred to the fertility clinic and were just waiting for our meeting with the consultant. We had seen the nurse the month we conceived so were in the system.

HalleLouja Sun 29-Jul-12 08:04:00

Also at 30 you are still really young. Had DS at 29 and DD at 32 - which is a lot younger than most people round where I live.

3duracellbunnies Sun 29-Jul-12 08:12:56

Dd2 took longer than dd1, just over a year, compared to 6 months, but then ds (#3) I fell pg in 3rd month. With dd2 I had c**p work situation, fell pregnant once that was sorted. With ds I was then fairly ancient at 36. For him dh stopped having soya and alcohol and had cooler baths, not sure if that upped his count.

Dd1 +2 are closer in age than dd2+ ds, but that was our choice. I do remember the pain each time another friend said they were pg, and it got harder and harder to be happy for them. Keep pushing, at 30 you are still fairly young, and plenty of time for interventions, but having one child doesn't mean that your pain or longing for a second one is any less.

The relationship between siblings with a larger age gap may be less playmatey, but it is also less competative. Dd1 and ds have just over 4.5yr gap and he calls her his other mummy sometimes. There is no chance of him catching her up academically for a long time, whereas dd2 is already trying to rival her achievements in reading etc.

hellokittydrivesmenuts Sun 29-Jul-12 13:41:33

Hi your not alone at all, my daughters 4 and 1/2 with new partner now and we have been trying for 16 months . My daughters friends all have siblings she rubs my tummy like her friends do with their pregnant mummy's tummy and says the same my brothers in there! My 21 day bloods were fine and dp having his test on 14th! The same feelings swarm me about feeling guilty for wanting something so much even with dd but think you desperately want for them to have siblings too :-( I am nearly 32 and panicking ! Took 3 years to fall with dd ! Here to hold hands on this hard journey x x

wrighty2010 Sun 29-Jul-12 21:52:25

Just wanted to say hi, hope you are ok, you are not alone even if that is how you feel! you are also not too old, I was 41 when i had my daughter so there is life in you yet!!! Anyway, keep smiling, I know its hard!! xxx

posypoo Mon 30-Jul-12 12:36:13

Hi, I haven't been ttc#2 for long, but sympathise with everyone asking you where number 2 is. I have recently had ovarian cyst issues and a miscarriage and haven't told my family about the reason for the delay to the expected second, just grit my teeth when I am pointedly double buggy cosy toes and moses basket stands 'for my loft'.

If it helps, I always wanted a baby sibling but as the youngest of three I didn't! - what I mean is it's really common for young children to repeatedly ask their parents about this, but they won't be dwelling on it or anything - it's you who will be feeling bad, not her. And looking at it positively, she is a lucky girl to have had you to herself for her most formative years. You are still young (my 'new mum' friends range from 30 to 42) but I would definitely echo getting seen by someone more useful than your GP who can reassure you and give you proper support.

babybythesea Mon 30-Jul-12 12:54:01

I'll come and sit in your corner.
Fell pg with dd the first month of trying and so foolishly assumed no2 would be just as easy. 20 months later and still no dc2. Have seen a GP who told me they would do tests after 2 years of trying, but that I was unlikely to get any help whatever the tests showed because 1) I have a dc and 2) I was too old. I'm 35 - it's the first time I've been told my age is a barrier in quite that way!
We are readjusting our thinking. We are no longer actively 'trying', in that I don't watch charts, or factor the non-existant baby into holiday plans any more. I am trying to see dd as the completing of the family, rather than being half of a complete family with the other half missing. I have stopped calling the spare room the nursery, which I only ever did in my head, but even so, I don't any more.
We have not stopped trying in the sense that we don't try to prevent it, and there are certain days when I do think DTD would be a good thing so I engineer it, even if DH doesn't know why he's getting lucky that night!

I am trying to learn to be delighted with what I have and not think about the person who isn't here who I think should be. I cannot stop myself looking at people who have infants who would be about the right age if we had conceived fairly quickly but I try not to convert that into 'What would my baby be doing now? Learning to pull themselves up on things? Learning to wave?'

DD is nearly 4. It's a much bigger gap than we wanted but now, I will just be thankful if we get another and not so concerned about how many years between them. But yes, it gets harder and harder to be happy for people, or more accurately, to hide the pang of jealousy. One friend of mine only wanted one but fell pg again by accident and got twins, another is expecting her second and her first is nine months. that is particularly hard - her first was born about when we would have been expecting dc2, and she's managed to get not one but two in that time.

It's interesting there are so many of us, and that the standard GP response seems to be 'Well everything was fine once, so it will be again, just keep trying....'
Wishing you lots of success, at least we've all got company on the road!

HalleLouja Mon 30-Jul-12 13:35:23

Babybythesea I am sure if you are over 35 they are supposed to do tests after 6 months. Well they do where I am. I had tests after 1 year.

babybythesea Mon 30-Jul-12 17:35:14

That's interesting - it's definitely not what I was told.
I was thinking about whether it was worth going to see someone privately - if the NHS won't help regardless of age because I have one (which I actually think is fair enough - the money should go to those who don't even have the one I've been lucky enough to get). Maybe I'll try again with my GPs but see a different doctor to start with, and see where it gets me.

HalleLouja Mon 30-Jul-12 18:34:44

Try another GP. If there is more than one at your practice.

Girly2508 Mon 30-Jul-12 22:47:08

I'm actually sat here writing this with tears in my eyes! It means so much to know that I'm not alone, that what I'm feeling is natural and I'm not some horrific mother who can't be satisfied with what she has. I'd like to thank you all for sharing your experiences with me, I am really very grateful. I've not been able to talk to anyone really before, it's an awkward subject for most, especially those who seem to look at their partner and become pregnant! Well my DH has just left this morning for an 8 wk work trip. Part of me is relieved that I won't be looking for any sort of pregnancy symptoms coming up to when my period is due! I feel recently I've been putting myself through the wringer, grasping at any sort of pregnancy symptom only to be smacked with my period! The other part of me is frustrated that it's another 8 wks of waiting to try again! I'm thinking that perhaps a break will do me good?! Who knows, every month with no result I just can't help feeling the dream I've always had of a complete family slipping away. I struggle to remember what it was like being pregnant now, although I still have the stretch marks to prove it happened shock I just don't see it happening for us again, I think someone somewhere has decided that our family unit will be a trio. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my DD isn't enough (some days she's too much), in my head, I've always seen our family with 2 children. My DH comes from a large family, his sister's have no trouble reproducing. One of my sister in law's currently beating me 3-1 in the child match and the mother in law asks EVERY time when are we giving her another grandchild! I don't think it helps either that I decided to give wii fit a try and it not-so-kindly told me this evening that I have a fit age of 34 (turning 30 is a sore point for me!). I've decided that the system is most definitely faulty and will be returned to the shop first thing tomorrow smile

hellotreeshellosky Tue 31-Jul-12 15:58:30

Hi ladies. I just wanted to check in on this thread as it is so conforting to know tehre are others in the same boat and perhaps we can support each other. I post elsewhere on the site under another name because some people know me in RL and there are things on here I prefer to keep between me, DH and the internet. smile

My DS, conceived in the second month of trying without even knowing the length of my cycle, is nearly three. We haven't used contraception since his birth and have been actively trying with varying degrees of effort for over two years. DH had pretty low counts and was diagnosed with testicular varicoceles, he had surgery on them but we don't know yet if it has made a difference. I have had day 21? (in my case 26) test which showed I ovulated. That's it. After DH has another SA next month we will decide where to go next.

Nearly all my mum friends have another already or are pregnant. Last week three people announced their pregnancies. I am happy for them of course but I am so sad. I found it really difficult going to the docs for help too, it felt like admitting defeat. And I am trying hard to support DH because I know he feels responsible and that's not fair. After DH had his op I stopped even counting dates for a couple of months, I was so tired of convincing myself I was pregnant every month and then feeling devastated when my period came or I tested negative.

I know I'm lucky to have DS and I'm grateful, I really am, but I am finding this tough. It's a small relief to know there are others out there although I wish it could be different for you all. Maybe we can support each other.

Girly2508 Tue 31-Jul-12 16:21:16

I think it would be fantastic to support each other. I feel comfortable being able to say exactly how I feel on here without feeling as though I'm being judged as we all seem to be feeling the same. I am here for support however anyone needs it and I think it will help us all in our journeys if we can lean on each other at times xxx

DeekeyDoo Tue 31-Jul-12 21:08:24

You are definitely not alone. I empathise with everything you have said. I am 34 and have two children already aged 5 and almost 4. I conceived first month of ttc with both of them. We have been ttc number 3 for 2 years now. I have had day 3 and day 21 tests, a pelvic scan and all was normal. My dp has had sperm analysis which again was normal. My doctor has pretty much said the same thing and said we can't be referred as the NHS won't do anything because we already have children.

I hate feeling envious of all my friends when they tell me they are pregnant. I hate myself for it but can't help it. But you are right that everybody thinks we should count ourselves lucky because we have children (and I do, of course), but it doesn't stop that desperate need/want for a baby - it's not something I can control or turn off. If I had a pound for every time I've been told 'just relax and stop trying so hard'?!?! Grrrr!

But please don't worry that time is running out. You have plenty of time, although I understand exactly what you mean about the age gap. It's so hard when you have always imagined how your family would be and it just doesn't happen. But even though you feel guilty, I'm sure your daughter is happy to have you to herself for now. I think you should definitely ask your doctor for a pelvic scan and get your partner tested too.

What other things have you tried? I have got a clearblue fertility monitor, I drink grapefruit juice and taken evening primrose oil to help cm, I have tried agnus castus to regulate ovulation, vitamin b complex to help luteal phase, take conception+ vitamins, and use conceive plus lubricant. I had three acupuncture treatments but stopped because it was too expensive. I wear a fertility charm bracelet (desperation I know!!!) Also given up caffeine and begun regular exercise! Am considering reflexology but again it's very expensive sad So not desperate at all!!! The most annoying thing (or one of them) is that I gave up all of the above for 4 months and tried to not stress about ttc in the hope it would help but no lucksad

But I am still hopeful it will happen one day.

I wish I could offer you some advice but I hope it helps just to know you are not alone.Wishing you lots of luck xxx

iloveberries Wed 01-Aug-12 16:05:56

very reassuring to hear that we're not alone and that my emotions are 'normal' in this situation.

babybythesea Wed 01-Aug-12 23:36:36

Actually the thing that I find most reassuring from this thread is that I thought that you either had trouble conceiving or you didn't.
I didn't the first time round so I assumed it would be as easy this time - I clearly didn't fall into the 'difficult' category! So this has been a real body blow, coming to terms with the trouble we are having (especially as my two cousins, who I am very close to, both popped out two babies in a very short time frame with no difficulty). And I thought it made me weird - I couldn't see how it could be possible to have one child so quickly and then struggle for so long for another. It is immensely reassuring to begin to see it's not as uncommon as I had thought. There are two people in RL who could potentially understand. One is struggling for her first so I can't really talk to her as she feels I should be grateful for the one I have (which I am but can't explain that it doesn't take away an ache for another), and the other couldn't have her third because her DH didn't want her to which isn't quite the same thing as trying and trying and failing and failing. It is nice to have somewhere to go where everyone understands.

DizzyPurple Thu 02-Aug-12 22:15:19

Hi ladies. Good to see our little club is growing! I just wanted to run something past you all. I had a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) yesterday to check my tubes which thankfully were clear. However I haven't been able to find much out there about what is usual to expect afterwards, most people seem to be absolutely fine. The hospital didn't advise anything. It was quite a difficult procedure, apparently my cervix was hard to find (???) and they had to insert different speculums 4/5 times which was quite painful. Yesterday afterwards I had increasing bad 'period' type pain. Improved with ibuprofen. I also felt as though my whole abdomen was swollen and tender. Had some nausea too. Felt really quite rough and went to bed early. This morning by comparison felt much better although still feel like I've been kicked in the stomach! Abdomen quite tender and a little nausea too. Again felt much better with some paracetomol. This evening things are much more settled but I've been feeling a bit delicate all day which I wasn't expecting. Has anyone else experienced this at all? Thanks in anticipation...

clickingtock Tue 07-Aug-12 15:45:56

It is horrendous so sending you love and hugs. After over a year if trying we found out we base male fertility issues - don't blame yourself for anything btw as it could be either or neither of you with a problem. 12 weeks of acupuncture sorted it and we fell pg using ovulation kit. Do what you can to help yourself and it will make you feel a bit better. I am 18wks pg now with DC2; I will be 41 when baby is born. You will get there but it's a painful journey. Xxx

beanery Tue 07-Aug-12 22:50:10

hello - I would like to join the club too please.

I posted earlier today on another thread, trying to get some support and positive stories from women who have been ttc dc2 from some time.

This is my 19 month of trying after a MMC. It took about 7 cycles for that pregnancy (although it was 12 months in the end, because of various reasons.) Was upset and frustrated by the MC but thought it proved I could get pregnant again after having DS but so far nothing.

So in total that is 2.5 years of waiting for DC2.

It's been the hardest 2 years of my life - partly because of ttc with no avail and partly because of other life events too. I feel like I am waiting for the pregnancy to come and heal the MC and all the other difficulties of the last couple of the years! Doesn't work like that though.

I am so grateful for my DS who is 4.5 and was a v easy conception but feel so guilty about the state I have got myself in about wanting another. I am glad that others know what it is like (though not glad that you have to go through it)

Have seen the Dr and had day 21, day 3, HSG, lap and dye, AMH and DH has had SA done. All is ok. My FSH is slightly high for my age but mostly likely linked to the fact that I have only one ovary since birth. So as a result AMH is lowish too but not so bad for my age apparently (36). The Doc seems to think we have a 'normal' chance of conception, so why the hell has it not happened yet?

Dizzy PUrple, the HSG for me was quite uncomfortable at the time - but pain stopped straight after they stopped pumping in the dye. I found I was a little crampy afterwards and the next day or two and could get on with my day to day stuff. I did not need to take pain killers either. I guess it may vary from woman to woman. I hope you are feeling better now though?

Sorry this is an epic post. Got to get it off me chest evidently!

LemonLovesLilac Fri 10-Aug-12 00:29:04

Hi all, well my story is that we have been trying for 17 months now! My son is 6 yrs which is breaking my heart as the gap is going to be so big! My ds was a happy surprise so I thought that I would get pregnant immediately......sadly that was not to be! I have suspected PCOS, have had all the bloods with my gp so the next step is going to the gynae......I'm guessing that will happen in September (as I'm going impatient) so hopefully I will get some answers then! My periods can be anything from 31 to 125 days shock and I don't think I'm also thinks this!

It's great (not sure if that's the best word) to hear that I'm not the only person going through this! I thought that I was so strong however recently as pregnancies have been announced and babies born it has really got to me! I'm also super envious of complete strangers who are pregnant!

Ok I need to stop ranting now blush this thread is really helpful! It would be great to hear updates from you give each other strength through all this crap!!!

pickofthepops Fri 10-Aug-12 00:33:27

Ditto too, DS 4.5. I had a couple of Chem pregs before DS and another couple in ttc. Now full blown efforts as am 38. V concerned and DS asked unprompted why he was "alone". No pressure!

hellotreeshellosky Mon 13-Aug-12 18:18:12

Hello all. I'm just starting the two week wait again. How is everybody?

I'm not very hopeful this month, not sure why. DH hasn't done his new SA yet so I don't know if the varicocele op has changed anything. I am going to be proactive next week and see the docs again to see if they'll send me for further tests. We have read that the op DH had can take more than the standard three months to show results, so he wants to wait a bit. I think we are both a bit afraid that if there is no improvement the next step for us is assisted conception and that is rather frightening.

DS is three in a couple of weeks, I am sad that he won't have a sibling close in age. I seem to be around a lot of pregnant women too which is a bit depressing. It's quite comforting to have this little corner of the internet where everyone knows how I feel!

LemonLovesLilac Mon 13-Aug-12 21:59:06

Hellotreeshellosky does your dh testicular varicocele have much an impact on fertility as my dh also has that along with me having PCOS and I didnt think it was a problem as he got diagnosed with it before we were trying and the doctor didn't say it would impact his fertility! Oh I really hope both our bits are not faulty!!!

hellotreeshellosky Mon 13-Aug-12 22:40:50

Lemon it's hard to tell really. I got PG with DS easily so presumably lots of sperm. Tests earlier this year showed low counts and only obvious thing was the varicoceles but noone is really sure whether that's the problem or not. We won't find out until DH does another test.

Has your DH had a sperm analysis? From what I understand many men have varicoceles and the jury is out on whether they affect fertility or not.

resipsa Tue 14-Aug-12 10:13:11

Hi all. Hi Holly. I'm in your boat. TTC no 2. DD is 18 months. One MMC. And old - 42 next month. Everywhere I look people have 2 with the age gap there would've been if MMC hadn't happened. Feel extra bad that my initial selfishness in leaving it late has probably cost DD a sibling. DH has low sperm count too. Probably time to let it go soon but don't know if I can.

LemonLovesLilac Tue 14-Aug-12 18:10:22

hellotreeshellosky no my dh hasn't had a sperm analysis yet as we haven't went to fertility specialist yet so I presume they will look to do that and that will shed some light on it......he is convinced that he is a stallion though and us not looking forward to having to provide a SA!! Yet I'm supposed to be delighted to get dildo cams etc....typical man!! Hope your DH next test comes back good!

Attagirl79 Thu 16-Aug-12 12:17:32

Hi Girly, you are definitely not alone! I am 32, have a 21 month old daughter and have been trying for no.2 without success for 8 months. A relatively short period I know, but I have had tests done have a low amh and am therefore not sure of my chances of having another baby, naturally or at all. Am absolutely petrified. Like you I was completely complacent having conceived my DD in a month and my question was always would I have 3 or 4 children. I am absolutely desperate for another and given my test results am not willing to wait too long to assist. I am going to have IVF next month, then if it is unsuccessful resign and try for a bit longer naturally with hopefully lower stress levels and then try IVF again in January. I am split between thinking as so many people do that if you have one, that you really ought to be able to have another even if takes a while and thinking that I just can't risk not doing everything in my power to push things along. Worst case scenario at least I know I did something! Lots of people I know are popping out number 2 at the moment for the perfect 2 year age gap and I am struggling with it. To an extent as my DD gets each month older a little part of me is sad that the age gap is also at least a month bigger but I wouldnt care if I could gaze into a crystal ball and just know that no.2 was going to come at some point! If only... In short though you are not alone. I feel for you more than I can express in words and am sending you a big hug and some hope! All the best.

duchesse Thu 16-Aug-12 12:36:46

I'm not trying to be a chirpy "ooh, it did for me!!" type person (I remember only too well how crap if felt to read that, but if it's any consolation,, it can happen even after a huge gap. I had secondary infertility ttc no 4 for 6 long and painful years before DD3 decided to announce herself (in some style I might add). There were times during those 6 years when I was convinced I had lost my mind, times of pure despair when even walking and breathing were hard. There was a MMC at 13 weeks about midway through the 6 years.

Then a miracle pregnancy when I was 40, weeks after I'd given away all my baby clothes to friends. And DD3 is here now, chomping on mushroom and avocado right next to me and looking forward to her 3rd birthday in a couple of weeks.

Attagirl79 Thu 16-Aug-12 15:51:19

Thanks Duchesse, if I wasnt at work I would have shed a tear for that! Here's to all those wannabe children that are stuck inside us!

resipsa Thu 16-Aug-12 22:14:38


scooby26 Wed 22-Aug-12 23:13:24

Hi. Can I join? Have been TTc no 2 fo 11,mts- am aged 35. DH aged 37 and his SA I fine. Saw 5th gp today- all clueless previously and hard to see same more than once! Day 21 test was 30 and lh/fsh normal. I have had group b strep, work shifts an drink diet c... And am concerned I've don myself harm omewhere. DS loves other kids an feel terrible he s only child :-(. Took 10mts for DS.

Have booked a private appointment in two weeks with consultant-any advice? I have painful period (clotty) soz z if tmif. Also opk suggests ovulation day. F 28. I'm thinkin endometriosis and liteal phase defect. Maybe fixable? x

scooby26 Wed 22-Aug-12 23:14:49

Crappy iPad! Ovul day 17- period day27/28- short luteal?

sleepyhead Wed 22-Aug-12 23:30:52

Hello! I'm another one who conceived dc1 very easily (2nd month of trying at 33) and then struggled with no2 for no clear reason.

We'd been trying for 3.5yrs, and I'd just had my 40th birthday when I got my bfp last week!

There will be 6.5yrs between ds and his sibling if all goes well. I'm really bricking it as it feels very much like the last chance saloon - here was I thinking I was super fertile when ds came along so easily. Maybe not so much!

Good luck everyone...

hellotreeshellosky Tue 28-Aug-12 13:44:14

How is everyone doing?

I've got a doc's appointment next week and hopefully DS will do his next SA in next few days. It's not all over for this cycle yet but I'm expecting a period any day. Every so often I have a slightly longer cycle so I try not to get my hopes up.

I feel as though it won't happen for us without help now. I hope I'm wrong!

beanery Sat 01-Sep-12 09:36:33

hi all,

was really happy to hear sleepheads story. Congrats and hope it all goes well.

These are the kinds of stories I need to hear.

I am feeling down again, as I am pretty sure AF is on the way. (In fact, I can tell about 5dpo that I haven't conceived. Not that I am obssessed or anything!)

It's such an emotional rollercoaster. Some days I am convinced that I will have an another baby - I am only 36, so there must be one decent egg left in there, right? And won't it be so sweet when that baby arrives? And how lucky to have had all that time with my DS on his own to really spend with him before there is a new born on the scene?

My mum has a friend who ended up having a 6 year gap between here children because it 'just didn't happen' before that. She said that it was lovely when the 2nd arrived and her oldest really enjoyed and took an interest in the baby, rather than there being sibling rivalry and firefighting constantly when you have 2 or more tiny ones.

I like this story and this is what I try and hold on to, when feeling down. It's just the not knowing if it will ever come good that is so difficult. I agree with what someone else on this thread said about having a crystal ball - just to know that at some point there will be another child. In the meantime, I need to try not to panick that we are not doing enough (like IVF) and time is ticking away and it's all down to my dodgy body!

Anyway, here's to waiting for the right moment and the right month. Good luck everyone! Hope tests and everything are useful for people having them right now.

Otheregos Mon 10-Sep-12 13:33:29

Hello everyone!

Please can I join you !I am in the same boat as alot of you. Ds 17 months now and he was a happy accident. We've been TTC since he was born, but my periods are all over the place! I've only had 3 since he was born cycles varying from 56-108 days, at present on cd 72! I too feel time is ticking I'm 33, I also feel so disappointed in myself and let down by my body! It's all so frustrating! Been to see gp who did bloods , all normal, she suggested ov sticks which I've started using, however I've been using them for 60 days now so it's going to cost me! Don't get me wrong it will be worth it tho, I'm just annoyed at my body's inability to get pregnant, I never dreamed it could be so hard and an emotional roller coster! Good luck and fingers crossed for us all

hellotreeshellosky Fri 14-Sep-12 10:54:52

Hi all. About time for some good news on this thread isn't it?? It's not coming from me, not this month anyway...

beanery there is five years between my younger sisters, just because that's how it happened. My mum keeps telling me not to worry, it'll happen eventually but it's so frustrating.

I went back to docs and she has referred me for day three blood test and an internal ultrasound (joy). DH will get his new SA results next week and assuming we are not pregnant by the time all this happens we will be referred to fertility clinic. sad Still, next week is shag week and we're going on hols so I will be thinking fertile thoughts and hoping we crack it. I have reviewed dates and think I might ovulate late sometimes so will make more effort later in the month!

Good luck everybody.

WheresTheBrightSide Fri 14-Sep-12 12:26:45

I have to say (in the best possible way) Thank you all for being here!
Having just sobbed my heart out in the local park I really needed to feel that I wasn't alone and here you are.

Like many of you I'm struggling TTC DC2, but having struggled for 5 years TTC DS1 (IUI) I thought I was prepared for the heartbreak and would be able to keep my head in all this. But no, another 5 years have passed since DS, and the last 18 months of IVF testing has taken its toll on my sanity. Since Easter my FSH levels have just been rising from an acceptable 11.1 to a treatment-stopping 13.1 (yesterday). I consider myself a fit and healthy 40yo but evidently my eggs ain't. I'm trying accupuncture, chinese herbs, abstaining from alcohol, gluten, caffeine.

I've now picked up some further dietary adjustments to rid my body of toxins but would love to hear of what other people have done 'cos I'm struggling to work out what I can actually eat and how to get things like 'wheatgerm shots' into my diet.

Any good stress-release tips too? I reached the end of my dignity this morning as I got short-tempered with glam PG mum in the playground who's ever expanding bump and talk of planned caesareans to get her twins out sent me over the edge.... envy

beanery Fri 21-Sep-12 14:28:37

WheresTheBrightSide, so sorry you feel so low. I've been there - crying in the park too, feeling so left out and isolated. I really really feel your pain.

I dare not get my FSH tested again - it was 9.2 over a year ago, so dread to know what it is now. Having said that lots of women get pregnant with high FSH. Really they do! Hold on to that.

Have you heard of this woman - Julia Indichova ? Her website is called fertileheart (google it.) She got pregnant with an FSH of 43 at 43 years of age. Some of what she says is really heartening and also the testimonies from other women who have basically been written off by the medical proffesion. I think she has good eating tips, etc and positive visulisations too. I bought her book The Fertile Female. It is quite 'new age' in some ways, but I find some it really useful, mainly hearing about success stories.

You musn't feel like it is impossible for you to get pregnant again! Also, stress can really get your FSH rising too...and it sounds like you have been under a lot of pressure recently with IVF, etc.

We have decided to go all out with proper healthy eating, detox, etc and POSITIVE thinking (as I have certainly not been doing that recently) then if no avail, IVF in the new year.

Good luck to all, enjoy your holiday hellotreehellosky and looking forward to hearing some happy stories soon!!

hellotreeshellosky Mon 08-Oct-12 12:14:22

I have dug out this thread to say hello.

It wasn't my month (again). I have been referred for vaginal ultrasound (joy) and day 3 bloods. Unfortunately my period was just late enough to raise hopes and bugger up my blood test appointment so now I have to wait a month. Ultrasound is on Weds- anyone had it? DH's SA has improved but is still not brilliant.

I have been in denial a bit I think, time to read up properly on fertility treatment and raise adoption with DH. I have thought a lot about it myself but I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on pregnancy and birth (DS was a premature CS).

Wishing everyone luck this month.

hellotreeshellosky Mon 08-Oct-12 12:15:32

Oh yes, and I'm sure I need a detox after plenty of holiday booze!

Wistfulthinking Wed 17-Oct-12 10:52:18


Good luck with your appointments hellotreeshellosky - i have had two ultrasounds and they were both fine. The first was after trying conceive for more than a year and a month later I fell pregnant with DD1 whilst waiting for further the tests. DD1 is now 2.5 and we have been trying to conceive a second for 18 months. I so desperately want a sibling for DD1, having been so close to my own while growing up and i am finding it harder to deal with and remain hopeful.

I had day 3 and 21 bloods about six months ago and they were really good, while DH's SA we're on the low side of normal but ok. I then followed up with a lap and dye and hysteroscopy two months ago where they found and removed a polyp, but fortunately didn't find any endo. I managed to get pregnant the next month, but had an early mc at 5 and a half weeks. Today I started my first period after the miscarriage and feel very disheartened. We try so hard to get pregnant but all the trying, vitamins, opks, temping, sperm-friendly lube and healthy-living does not seem to get us anywhere...

So many friends now have 2+ children and I feel very alone in this situation. It's reassuring to find this thread and know I am not the only one.

Good luck to you all x

Although I would rather that we all had exactly the number of children we wanted when we wanted them it is still reassuring to read your posts and realise I am not the only one. I have 4.5 yr old DS and we have been TTC for 17 months now. Although all of my test results are very good (and my DH's are fine) because I am 39 we have been advised to go for IVF 'sooner rather than later'. So we are planning on Jan if it doesn't happen before then. I can't express how desolate I feel about this. It is robbing me of everything I enjoy in life. I have a very demanding job and I can barely keep up because I am so drained all the time and I can't tell anyone about it at work.

It took a long time with DS but we weren't really trying that hard as I was changing careers and DH was working away from home. I agree with the posts above that if you have had one everyone assumes you must be choosing not to have a second. When I was TTC with DS a number of my friends were also taking a long time to conceive but NONE have had any problems with their second (or third).

I have never had a miscarriage or irregular cycles or anything. I've been BBT charting and it's normal too. Just no results every month.

I spoke with a counsellor last week about my unhappiness and she said that unexplained infertility is one of the most stressful diagnoses you can receive. Also that I should try to see it as a medical condition since it is! Rather than feel guilty not having 'tried earlier' or that there is something I should be doing.

I feel like my life is on hold. Normally I take pride in my appearance and am always very professional at work. Now I can barely keep it together.

Wish2bamum Mon 22-Oct-12 20:42:52

Hi all have finally decided to join after googling clomid and reading lots of posts.
I'm 31 and been trying for a little bambino for 13 months.
In June I had ovarian drilling with no luck of conceiving and currently in my first month of clomid @ 50mcg.
(sorry I've yet to learn the abbreviations)
I'm day 22 and I feel so emotional and so tired ( I'm not pregnant as stupid me tested the other day, why I don't know) I can't help but feel maybe I'll never be a mum.
I know it's only 13 months and first cycle of clomid but ooooooooo I don't know.

Sorry to be so down be nice of some positives stories or any helpful tips that others have.
Also I'm not being monitored at all whilst on clomid. Is this normal?

Baby dust to you all

hellotreeshellosky Tue 12-Feb-13 17:41:35

Hello all,

Just reviving this thread to report that I got my BFP last week!

It's been over three years of trying. I had a very brief appointment at the infertility clinic in December, was referred to have repeat day 21 tests and HSG. I have had the tests, still awaiting the appointment for results but tested positive last weekend! Only early days but I haven't even had a sniff of a BFP all this time so am very happy.

I wish you all success.

tillyann2013 Tue 12-Feb-13 20:10:58

Hellotreehellosky, that's fantastic news, so great to hear. I've just found this thread and could have written every one of your posts. My dd will be 3 in April and it makes sad that she may not have a playmate. hmm
I hope all goes well for you and congratulations again xxx

rachie12 Tue 26-Mar-13 14:53:12

Hi, can i join in please? I have been ttc for 3 years now I have 1 dd who is 4 and I have been told me and my husband will not have any more children without ivf due to blocked tube, scar tissue and my husband only has 2% sperm mobility!. All my friends are now pregnant or have new born babies most of them didn't tell me straight away because they didn't want to upset me but I just don't know what im thinking, I was upset they couldn't tell me but felt like I hated them because they are getting what I want I feel so bad for thinking this sad I have spent all day crying today because another 1 of my friends has told me they are expecting and showed me the scan today and I have got to collect my daughter from school soon with all the mommies and there baby bumps or babies I don't want to cry in front of them so I put a happy face on. All my friends don't realise how depressed I am because I try to put a happy face on for them but then go home and cry especially when my daughter keeps asking for a baby brother because her friends are having them sad sorry im moaning I know I should be greatfull that I have one healthy child already and I really am but it doesnt take the pain away or make it any less.

Tinyflutterby Tue 26-Mar-13 15:49:47

Hi everyone, can I join please? I'm really glad I found this thread as I am feeling very alone and depressed right now and my dh is very worried about me as I have been crying for the last week since my sister just had a baby 'by accident' and I can't even feel joy at being an auntie as I am just so miserable at not being able to conceive myself.

My ds is 19 months and it took 2 years ttc with him. I had investigations at the time as my cycle is very long and irregular (34-48 days) but they were inconclusive. We havn't used contraception since he was 3 months old and have been properly trying for 6 months now. I had hoped it would happen quicker this time as I have already been pregnant, but unfortunately not so.

I have been back to my gp but they're not really interested as I had all the tests before and already have one dc, for which I am so grateful. That's the bit no-one understands, its like if you have one dc you're supposed to not feel like this and just accept it.

I'm at the stage I hate myself for the way I feel towards others, I hate my body for not doing what it's meant to and I worry that my poor ds and dh are being brought down by the way I'm being. Just can't snap out of it though.

Tinyflutterby Tue 26-Mar-13 15:50:40

Meant to say, I'll be 36 in a couple of weeks so time really is running out for me. Af due tommorow, dreading it.

Hi all- I posted when in a very glum mood in October but DH and I started IVF in January and it worked first time! I had a scan today at 11 weeks and everything was fine. So don't give up hope any of you. thanks

Totesamazeballs Wed 27-Mar-13 21:08:14

I have just come across this and have a feeling I ought to park up here. I am TTC#2, and although it hasn't been ages, I started charting my temps as I wondered what was going on and my periods have changed fairly drastically since DC1. I now have an 8 !? day luteal phase, and don't ovulate until 16-18.

With DC1, it took us 18 months and one mc. My luteal phase was 12 days and I tended to ov on 12-14.

WTF? Anyway, got a feeling it's all going to go Pete Tong with ttc#2. An 8 day luteal phase is a crapola.

farmersdaughter Thu 28-Mar-13 21:01:45

{sticks head in, takes a look for one more?}

DD is 2 and i've been we have been trying for yonks, I've had test and more test and then surgery inc several horrid biopsy, just waiting for the result.

Anyone else had a emcs?

farmersdaughter Fri 29-Mar-13 22:37:03

Oh dear have I killed this thread gringrinblushblush

Hi ladies - I am also ttc #2 and have been trying since May last year. I did get a BFP in January but had a MC in feb hmm. My DS is 4 in a couple of weeks and didn't want a big age gap but looks like that's going to happen.

I have quite long cycles do the process seems even longer!! X

Totesamazeballs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:56:15

Hi Farmersdaughter and Mummy, I am new on the site so I don't feel qualified to say 'welcome' but just 'hello!'.

Sorry farmers that you have had a biopsy. Have you had the results yet?

Mummy, really sorry about your MC. I have had one too and the words 'absolutely gutting' don't really go very far in describing how it makes you feel.

Totesamazeballs Sun 31-Mar-13 17:02:16

Well, another month down the pan I think. I am moody as hell and starting to get period pain. Oh month....

Oh no - sorry to hear that totesamaze - have some chocolate and a glass of something nice to help x

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