Going quietly insane here and can't tell anyone...

[2ndDestiny]

I know it is COMPLETELY my own fault but feeling quite fragile so please don't tell me off (even though I deserve to have my head banged against a wall).

I started testing today at 10DPO (even though I haven't even had the progesterone test result to confirm ov! Just relying on my chart). Got 3 x very faint +ve on 3 different tests (IC, FR, Superdrug) at 3 times of day - the first 2 I thought maybe I was imagining but the Superdrug one was a clear (although faint) line at arms length in normal indoor lighting - it came up at 4 mins instead of the 3 mins test time but well before the 10 minute 'discard' time.

The trouble is I am spotting and really terrified. Last pg ended in mc (at 10wks) last Jan. Has been a struggle to even ovulate since then as my PCOS kicked in. I had a short red bleed on Sat (7DPO) which I assume was implantation. Was spotting a tiny bit of pink and light red already before that and also earlier in my cycle. The nurse I who did my recent pap smear said I have a slight cervical erosion which causes spotting. The spotting is very light and scant but this evening I had a few blobs of quite heavily blood stained CM which scared me.

I know there is absolutely NOTHING I can do except wait and see what happens. Not sure why I'm writing this except that I need to get it out - can't tell DH cause he will be SO disapproving about me testing at 10DPO and fretting like a mad woman, can't tell my mum/sister/bestfriend cause would feel so guilty that they knew before DH.

And I'm an idiot, having spent all day weeing on sticks and not doing ANY work! aarrrgggghhh!

[Hermya321]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm not going to tell you off, I think if anything you need a big hug. It must be horrid for you at the moment as you've already had one mc and those faint lines represent the realisation of all your hopes and struggle for a child.

You're not an idiot, you're human and it's ok to react the way you have been. I hope that things go well for you and I'm sorry that I can't do more to help you apart from offer you a bit sympathy and a bit of support through what must be a stressful time for you.

[superchick]

That sounds really upsetting and you are clearly really anxious, not an idiot at all.

I second everything said by Hermya and my only suggestion would be to try to do something small to relax. Some deep breathing, stretching, go for a walk?

I've got my fingers crossed for you.

[2ndDestiny]

Thanks to both of you for your kind words. Something small to relax is a good idea, maybe a bath... and DH will be home so no more staring at the lines on wee sticks! Honestly if I weren't so anxious I would be laughing at myself...!

[loopylou2]

Hi 2ndDestiny

I know the message is a few days late but I hope things are going ok for you now- have you seen your gp about this yet? Hope your feelings around it have levelled out- keep us updated!! xx