When to announce pregnancy and to who?

[WhiteRoses]

Hi,

Okay, I feel like I've got such a lot to say but I'm going to try and keep this short and just give the basic facts, rather than a life story, because I don't want people falling asleep before they reach the end of my post!

• Myself and my husband have just started trying to conceive our first baby.

• At the moment, only we know this, and we're happy to keep it that way.

• When I test positive, there are three very close members of my family that I'd like to tell immediately.

• Mum - I've always been very close to her and keeping secrets (especially such a big one) doesn't feel right. Also, I've never done this before and, supportive and wonderul as my husband is, he's even more clueless than I am! Mum, on the other hand, has done it all before.

• Dad - again, very close to him and don't like secrets, but also feel that he'll be big support to Mum and that it's unfair to ask her to keep it from him. It's not very long since she lost her own mum, my darling Gran, and it's bound to be a very emotional time.

• Sister - same thing - we never normally have secrets. Also, she's on a par with my parents and I don't feel she should be the last to know. She's going to be almost as excited about this pregnancy as we will be.

• My husband doesn't mind when we announce the pregnancy. He's happy to do it right away, or wait as long as I like. What he has said though, is that he doesn't want my mum to know weeks before his mum knows.

• I would agree with that. I like his mum. And I feel she would be supportive too. She had six children herself. However, I have a BIG problem with telling her, because I know for a fact that she won't be able to keep her mouth shut for more than two minutes. My husband agrees. Once she knows, the world knows.

• So we're faced with a choice, as he sees it. We either tell no one or we tell everyone.

• I definitely don't want everyone knowing right away. But I feel like this is possibly the one time in my life that I'm going to need my mum more than ever. I totally get that my mum shouldn't be favoured over his mum in terms of our baby/their grandchild. But it's how to get round the fact that it's not just our baby. It's MY body. But then that's not my husband's fault. That's just how nature works... And I WOULD tell his mum, but it's her own stupid fault that she can't keep her mouth shut, surely? The reason that I wouldn't hesitate in telling my family is that I know for a FACT that it wouldn't go any further.

I don't know what to think... I said I was going to try and keep this short... Believe it or not, I did! I just have SO much going on in my head right now, and (it seems) no outlet!

If you've gotten to the end of this, congratulations, and thank you! I realise that nothing's been resolved but I do feel as though I've been unburdened a little, having been able to get some of this off my chest... My God, I'm not even pregnant yet - how bad am I going to be when I am?!

[elvislives]

It may take a lot longer than you expect to actually get pregnant. If I were you I would stop worrying about it until you actually are, and see how you feel at that point.

You may find you want to tell the world the day you get your + or you may find you don't actually want to tell anybody at all until it's sunk in.

FWIW I agree with your reasoning and I would be inclined to tell your mum only, and tell DH exactly why she gets to know before your MIL.

[WhiteRoses]

Hi,

I've posted this same thread in two places. I didn't think it worked first time around but I think my internet connection's maybe playing up... Oops!

Yeh, I suppose you're right. I am meeting trouble halfway. Still... I just can't seem to help it! It's good to hear others' opinions though, that you don't seem to think I'm being totally selfish and controlling in terms of wanting to have it my own way?

Thanks for your reply.

[RomanCandleJollster]

agree with elvis, wait and see how you feel. This whole issue may be next month or next year, don't fret about it until you have to.

only thing I would say is keep to a minimum, sadly if things don't work out, which is much more common than you might think whatever your age, health etc, you have fewer people to tell....

Good luck with TTC

[WhiteRoses]

Yeh, see both my mum and my gran, as well as my mother in law had miscarriages before finally conceiving their first babies. Plus, I have my own health issues which can increase the risk. But I think that in itself is partly why I'd like my closest family members to know (if it does go wrong, I'm going to need them) and why I wouldn't like my mother in law to know (because then the world will know and it will be difficult).

Thanks Roman.

[lucybrad]

just your mum. I think thats fair.

[babyboom1979]

Agree with elvis and romancandle.....there is no point in overanalysing and stressing about something which hasn't even happenned yet. Wait until you are pregnant to worry about this.

Definitely think you should be able to tell your mother without spilling beans to MIL......these are the consequences when one can't keep one's mouth shut!

Best of luck ttc.

[WhiteRoses]

Thanks Lucy. I think the best/fairest compromise is just to tell my mum (not Dad or my sister). But then, that might be fair on my husband (cause his mum would then be second, not last, to know) and on me (I don't have to go through this without my mum). But is it fair on my mum?! Both in terms of asking her to go without support and in terms of asking her to keep such a big secret from my Dad?!

Thanks Babyboom as well. See, I see it that way... I'm not favouring my mum/family, I'm just not wanting to have the world know my business before I'm ready to tell them. I think my husband sees it more like both mums/future grannies are equal and you should keep it that way... (Really think there should be a "shrug" smiley!)