Mumsnet Talk

Welcome along women of a certain age. The new palace has a post modern water feature, spouting forth gin from a serious of suspicious looking humps...

Oops! Series not serious. I need a thwack fron HCS

Hurrah, a new palace! Never mind water features, where is the bar?

Let's do shots!

do we have a bartender?

I think the water feature IS the bar. Niiiiice styling casper.

I'm off the drink right now as on day 6. DH is teetotal so that's ok but he's also been banned from the ludicrously hot baths he likes to indulge in.

So not only am I having pointless sex, I can't drink, smoke (not that I even have but I am considering taking it up as a baybee substitute) or send DS on a long bike ride with DH so I can have some "me" time (read eating choccy while watching telly or something equally disgustingly self-pityingly dull).

Is there any wonder we turn into monsters?

As I said water feature spouts free gin.

All other beverages can be found at the bar, over the other side of Nessie's head. you'll notice it does not feature any sparkly bits, but does have a vast array of mirrors so we can all give ourselves a good talking to/watch our own girl-on-girl action/snort baby dust

It's currently a free for all because Mitchell escaped in the move and I'm waiting for the warrior BESHies to hunt down and bring in some new flesh. Too much work for little-old no-exercise me.

You let Mitchell escape! We'll never retrieve him.

Just marking my place. Have nothing interesting to say for self at the moment, too busy having flu. Oh, ok, is just a bad cold.

<neigh!> Shies away backwards with flaring nostrils and rolled-back eyes. A monster! Pony afwaid of monsters. Worse than a plastic bag on a windy day.

Lol at plastic bag on windy day! Remember that one well . Fuck, thats the first time I've smiled today - thanks Ponymum!

Plastic bag on a windy day? Whuh??

fings dat fwighten poneez, weewee

longwee It's a ponygirl thing. Horses find the following inexplicably terrifying:

i) plastic bag on a windy day
ii) umbrella
iii) a yellow umbrella
iv) cows
v) a house with a wheelie bin in the driveway

Okaaaayyy....

<weird>

hello, can I come in please? I have been reading your (past) thread all morning. You bring me deep joy! I want/need a baybee. I want one now. Been trying for ages, feels like forever, but no baybee. No one in RL knows we are trying, in fact we were just hoping it would 'just happen' but obviously I am too old, too fat, too selfish and too desperate. I'm on CD9 today, so SWI begins with determination tonight. I think I am broken because there is a distinct lack of FFJ in the gusset area. [dried up prune emoticon]
Do i have to be interrogated and groped before I am allowed to -drink- -the- -bar- -dry- get a round in?

Fear is dependant on direction of travel tho wiv da poneeezzzz

way out = terrifying trees/ grass / wall
Way home = calmly walk past rattling lorry/ plastic bag/ huge monster etc

freja welcome - there are questions - somewhere...

welcome frejya Well obviously you'll need a drink whilst you formulate your answers.

Extra questions include:

i) Do you love the poniez1!1 ?
ii) What's your BESH area of expertise? e.g., mountain biking, living in Africa, career bitch, post-of transgender
iii) Have you tried putting a spoon under the bed for your much wanted baybee?

Hello frejya

Hope I don't forget any:

What colour are your walls?
Do you have any cats?
Do you like gin?
Other drink of choice?
Cradle snatcher or Pensioner-lover?
Secret crush of shame?
Lesbian crush of shame (or straight if you're a lezzer)?
Are you a Daily Maul journalist?

Which hole is best for baby making?
1) Foo Foo
2) Mr Hanky's house
3) Hole? I just pray to the baby Jebus.
4) All of the above

Plus what ski said

or ChoCho's
5) Just relax and it'll happen.

hi frejya. I'm on day 6 or 7 or something so we can go through this month's madness holding hands (ahhh).

My horse hated the arrows on roads telling you to GET OVER NOW. White broken lines in the middle and at junctions weren't a problem

It's amazing how many horse eating dandelions there are out on the sides of roads as well.

ok here goes
i) Do you love the poniez! ? um I like poniez (does a rocking horse count?)
ii) What's your BESH area of expertise? e.g., mountain biking, living in Africa, career bitch, post-of transgender? I am definitely not a career bitch. However, I am the proud owner of the most luxurious dressing gown.
iii) Have you tried putting a spoon under the bed for your much wanted baybee? Not yet.
What colour are your walls? Aged white.
Do you have any cats? No cats but one exceptionally well behaved furry babyee doggy
Do you like gin? Of course
Other drink of choice? Red wine
Cradle snatcher or Pensioner-lover? Oh no, I don’t fit in – he’s the same age
Secret crush of shame? Alan Hanson
Lesbian crush of shame (or straight if you're a lezzer)? Nigella Lawson <cringes with embarrassment>
Are you a Daily Maul journalist? No thankyou

Which hole is best for baby making? Foo Foo
1) Foo Foo
2) Mr Hanky's house
3) Hole? I just pray to the baby Jebus.
4) All of the above
5) Just relax and it'll happen.

I also have itchy nips today, surely thats not allowed before the 2WOOLFing? Yes, I obsess. I apologise in advance and await your deliberations <hides in the corner>

Frejya Does your dog get dressed up as a baybee? Do you ever snog it?

Itchy nips before OV you say? Go and stand over there with Scorpette. <tars with same brush>

It's me or the horses

well perhaps better than "it's me or the abortion" like wot I got!! (Still smarting at yesterday's poo incident so just adding in a random bit of ex bashing).

Ahem. Anyway. Don't ask me why I'm looking at a KP story (and no she is NOT my lezzie lover shameful secret crush). Long story.

ski i have these really adorable jumpers that I dress him up in... Joking! Noooo, I do not snog the pooch.

I have a friend who has two horse so I'll borrow one of hers

Any chance of a large G&T, I've got some baybee making to do in a short while. He's oblivious to 'fertile times' and has requested to stay that way, so I just jump him as soon as he walks through the door! Oh which reminds me <rushes off to shave>