ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
An egg goes forth and multiplies..........
I am going to be an egg donor. Lots of people in rl are interested in why I am, how I will be and when it will happen.
So I thought I would start a thread. I did a small test thread to make sure posting in the conception topic would not be insensitive to those who may have struggles, and recieved no negative feedback.
I really hope the thread is interesting [obviously] and I also hope to see some debate around the issue. I'd love those with experience to get involved too.
So here goes.......
It all started when I was 25-ish. I had seen and heard of so many stories of the hell people went through to get a baby. I looked into being an egg donor as soon as I heard it was possible, but was advised they prefer those who have had children.
Fast forward to this year. Some friends of a very very good friend have reached the end of the IVF line. I heard through my friend that the remaining options were egg donation and adoption, though one party was very unsure about adoption.
It made perfect sense to me, as I have 2 children and am willing to share any eggs I may have.
So I approached them through the friend [half expecting them to run away and change their names in fear ] and was overjoyed and flattered to hear they would look into it and consider it.
And so now, here we are. They have said 'yes please', I have said 'that's great'.
Well done you. Can wask silly questions? I'm going to anyway.
Do you share physical characteristics with the parents? So do you think the baby will look like them?
Was there some kind of screening involved to make sure that you weren't being paid vast sums of money for your eggs?
Question please! I am relying on them as no one wants to read an essay.
I share nooooooo charecteristics at all. Bit of a begger.
Well, mum to be has same eye colour. Dad to be is very 'Italian' looking so it is my hope that bubba will look like him. Especially as I am a pale faced freckle fest!
My babies look exactly like me - so we'll see!
re:money. No, they just charge soooooo much no one could have vast sums left . I get expenses, like train tickets. I fee a rat taking it. Were I richer I'd pay for my own treatment. What if I don't make eggs? I'll have cost them thousands for nothing!! Argh!
Did you have your babies naturally with no IVF or anything? So you haven't been though this before?
One shot wonders, both of mine.
So no, have no experience of this. Have abit of insighti nto it all though - as am a midwife <<tries to remember back to uni days and hormone cycles etc>>
It's all futher complicated by my bf. DD2 is 4 months - so the treatment wont start till I finish feeding. AM hoping a long thread of great debate will help me know how to juggle the need for these people to have a baby, against my need to bf buba.
Have started thread now though, as had the prelim meeting and counciling this week and am excited!
just wanted to say HELLO tree and that I think you are doing a rather wonderful thing and I will be following this thread and jumpingin with very clever questions and observations if I ever have any. So you might not see much of me. But I'll be here
Will tell about yesterdays day of screening etc after have done some housework. How mundane!!
Hi Tree. Like Spink I just wanted to say hi.
What you are doing is so amazing and selfless I take my hat of to you.
Will be lurking around following this thread with interest and wonder.
Hi Tree, adding this to my threads.
How long were you planning to feed DD for, 1 yr?
I'm keeping an eye on this
I think I was planning on feeding till she stopped - whenever she wanted really.
But now I will have to absolutley stop before treatment can start.
How do I decide!!?? Will go to 6 months obviously, but then what? The clinic said they felt sept a good time, which would make dd 7-8 months. It's the one cloud in a sunny sky tbh.
But the clinic and couple are being very lovely about it. I feel I'd like to be able to offer them an egg before they would get to the top o the donor waiting list [easily a year]
tree how long did you feed dd1 for?
How does the couple feel knowing they'll (hopefully) get an embryo, but knowing that they have to wait what may be a long time?
Fed dd1 for 6 months when she refused anymore of it. She was very decided! She went on to cups and a bottle at night.
Couple say do whatever is right for dd2 and not to worry, and that at any stage I can change my mind and so on.
They are very very relaxed and easy going. A triumph when I think what they have been through.
I think this is a really lovely thing that you are doing. I think in a strange way its probably best that you have a reason to wait a little bit, while you breast feed your little one, at least it gives you lots of time to prepare yourself, and the couple to be ready. Just want to wish you all the best for it.
Tree first of all, I think you are amazingly generous and brave and lovely to do this for these people, especially as they aren't even direct friends of yours - although maybe easier that way.
Second, have sooo many questions... like....
Are these people local to you? Or, being friends-of-friends, will you get to meet your offspring?
What will you tell your DDs? They will after all have a half sister/ brother in the world?! When they are older they may well want to meet and have a relationship with them.
Oh I have plenty more but I am sure you are busy enough - thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. It's one I will be following avidly.
Hello people, thank you for popping in onmy the thread.
missjackson - not local at all, 2.5 hours on the train.
I will certainly be meeting the baby, and will be someone the child grows up knowing about and seeing from time to time. We will play it by ear I guess. I have said though the parents feel uncomfortable I am happy to fade away. I'd be prepared to avoid gatherings if they really wanted to go and not see me. I'd hate to be a reminder of something negative. I feel very much that this is 'their party' and that any help I give must be without strings attached.
However, they seem to have such a healthy attitude to all this I can't imagine it.
Like me they seem to value community and friendship and I think dad-to-be said something like 'you can't have too many people around who wish you well' They seem to be looking at things very positively and very rationally. Though you never know so I am carefull not to convince myself that any one way is 'best'. As long as the baby grows to a happy adult, thats the best any of us can do however the adult was conceived.
We have spoken a bit about all the children, and the councillor asked about it lots. We actually seem to have a fairly similar approach to things as families, as much as you can tell or foresee anyway.
So yes, they are planning to tell their child that they got help from this woman called treedelivery. I'll be telling my eldest about it, although I might save it until it has worked, just in case. I don't want her upset if it doesn't, which at 4, she would be. That was also the advice of the councillor and so I feel good that we are taking the healthy approach in terms of psychology.
I have no problem with seeing the child, I really want to, and am actually happy for the person s/he becomes to spend time at my house or with my children and visa versa. I don't know if the baby will feel like extended family. We'll have to see. But I appreciate that for all our children it might feel like 'cousins' or something like that, so I will be supportive of that.
I guess I'm just totally laid back, as is my dh.
Am happy to answer any more musings - it is good therapy for me too! ANd am cool about thinking about more negative aspects too, so do ask away folks.
oh i'm keeping tabs on this thread. i've been thinking about this as well. good thing to do tree
tree, thanks for posting this - it's all very interesting and you're doing a fantastic thing.
Hello everyone. Thought as the family is settled I'd add some more to this thread about the egg donation thing.
I have to have some blood screening, includes HIV, Hep B&C, Syphillis, and so on. I went to the GP today who kindly has agreed the screening can be done locally. Phew! I could have gone to the GUM clinic but I dunno, I can see my work noticing as this is a small place and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. I want to tell people in my own way.
I had a scan when I went to the fertility centre, shows my ovaries are ok, alhough muli cystic on one side. The Consultant didn't feel this would be an issue, though maybe the medications will need juggling a bit. We'll have to see how it responds.
The ethics commitee have approved the arrangement, which is great news. This means the donation is sanctioned.
I have tentatively tried dd2 on a bottle to see how she will go when the time comes - wasn't great tbh. She's 4.5 months, am hoping with weaning and maturity she will be happier to use one. The big problem is the milk, I tried her on the prescription formula for milk intolerance. To be fair, I would struggle to drink it. It's grim. So that will be a challenge when the time comes.
Am rather hoping to relactate! Will be a brand new challenge for me! DH is now redundant again [found out Thurs] so there is a real possibility I will be going back to work early, and maybe more hours, even full time shifts. Massively incompatible with bf. So it's all 6 of one and half a dozen of the other in the feeding thing.
I really really wish we had active milk banks or milk donation in this country. It would solve all my [mini] problems.
hows it going tree? last heard you were a few weeks from treatment...
Tree you sound like a truley amazing woman, to be helping couples to bring children into the world. You will bring them so much love and joy...
If you dont mind, I'd like to keep tabs on the thread
We are in action!
The treatment starts tomorrow. The medications will arrive between 8am and 1pm, and need to go straight in the fridge. SO I start as soon as they land.
AM hoping lots of people see this to get some powerful mn vibes from the mn army!
Wow Tree I take my hat off to you, egg donation is something I had thought about before dc's but it's no longer an option now.
You (and your dh) are wonderful to do this.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.