In middle of IVF cycle - excuses as to why can't join family hols - need help !

[allemum]

Ok - my first message ever and a bit random but am currently in the middle of an ivf cycle which unfortunately clashes with the start of a long planned uk based week away. My family don't know we are having treatment (for various reasons) but I am not sure how I can explain that we will have to join them a few days late (and it may be more). I am very lucky in that I already have a 15 month year old little girl - am thinking along the lines of some medical treatment that I need - actually no idea what to say ! Any ideas ? How do people deal with this ? Am an expert for coming up with excuses for work but I am really struggling here... any help gratefully received.

[fishie]

you could just say that you have to have a gynecalogical procedure and leave it at that. most people wouldn't ask any more and then you won't be telling lies.

[abbierhodes]

Tell them you're having 'tests'. Then tell them the tests came back fine and you're OK.
Will save them worrying that you're seriously ill!

[nomoremagnolia]

where abouts in your ivf treatment will you be at the time of the holiday? ec/et? how sure are you at the moment that the dates will clash? have you done ivf before? if so do you know roughly how you will respond?
sorry for so many q's!

[nomoremagnolia]

ll didn't realise you were cycling again - good luck

[Katerina75]

If it were me I'd wait till the last minute and invent a vomiting bug. But that's because I know my family wouldn't be satisfied with "medical procedure" and be constantly asking questions.

[nomoremagnolia]

i ask all the questions because in my experience you don't know til quite close to the time what appointments you will have, so it'll be hard to make an excuse now that will cover the right days. i'd be tempted to wait til nearer the time and then say something.

[nomoremagnolia]

will be looking out for good news in two weeks then fingers tightly crossed for you

[popsypie]

Is there any way you can shift the blame for your absence to work or you/your partner's job? I always get out of stuff this way. Well, not that my social life is too exciting to warrant so many excuses really!! If all else fails there is always a bad cold a few days before you are due to depart - you could say you don't want to spread germs so will come when you feel better. Then the time is open ended and everyone will be secretly be relieved you are not inflicting your germs on them!!

[MmeLindt]

I would be vague but not too vague. Don't just say you are having tests or they will all be worried that there is something terribly wrong and not be able to sleep at night (if they are anything like my mum and MIL that is).

Treatment for piles should ensure that they don't ask any more questions.

Or say that you have finally got an appointment to get the mole on your back removed. The doc says it is not dangerous but should be removed as a precaution.

[allemum]

What a fantastic lot of ideas ! Thank you so much. This is my third cycle so I do know that it is really tricky to determine what might happen when and if at all - am still injecting, possible collection Friday, due to join family on Satday - transfer (if at all) could be 2-5 days - what a planning nightmare ! Am thinking along the lines of medical appt for next week which I have just been told about - actually had a miscarriage with last cycle so could say am now having a D&C as cycle still not returned to normal - think that could be true ? Just don't want to get into the whole fertility side of things - just too much. Actually think the piles excuse is the way forward.
ps good luck to any ivfers waiting for results !

[MmeLindt]

Good luck, whatever excuse you use. And come back and share your good news with us. [crosses fingers]

[Ailz]

allemum
all the above excuses are good, but i think it is the way you deliver the excuse that matters. say lots of things like 'oh i dont really want to go into details, you know how it is' and 'i feel bad for causing a fuss and putting everyone out' (even though you are obviously not!) do a bit of sighing and a few 'brave' smiles and tell them how much you have been looking forward to the holiday and everyone will be on your side and think you are marvellous for turning up on holiday at all!
hope this helps, it is a bit evil, but honesty never gets you anywhere! Good luck with ivf!