Conflicted - any advice for a novice?

[VeryAnnieMary]

Hi all,

Am happily wading through the TTC board, finally took the plunge and came off pill on 31 December, but...

...I'm not sure. My body is telling me "just do it" and my hormones find all babies irresistible. My Dh is completely soppy over our 2 year old niece and often talks about our (fictional) children.

But then I think about what a nice life I have now, how I love being able to do what I like and lie in when I want to. Some of my friends have babies but others don't. Will I lose touch with childless friends? Will I resent giving up work? (I think I would want to - I can't even contemplate a cleaner in my house when I'm not there let alone handing my baby over - too PFB?) Oh god, am I doing the right thing? Is this a normal train of thoughts? Am I going mad? Am I simply not cut out for having children?

Argh.

[nunnie]

Hello there.
Can only speak for myself when I say I felt exactly the same, I tried for 4 years for my first, and during that time, I would think, it will be good to get pregnant this month and then a week later think, no it wouldn't I have made plans to do this is 10 months time.
I have a daughter now, and I still think I was happier when I didn't but it is a different type of happiness and what I get from my daughter is a whole new feeling and a much prefered one.
To doubt is natural. everyone at some point questions their sanity in having children and questions whether they are going to be good parents, that is natural and from what people have told me with older children it never goes away.

Something always crops up when you are trying for a baby that makes you think you will be happier with or without a baby.

The decision can only be made by you, but I will say I definatly had similar feelings and I can not imagine a happier time in my life than when I saw my little girl for the first time!
Good luck with your decision.

[BeckyBendyLegs]

I went through the same thing before I had my first DS. DH had always wanted children and I wasn't sure. I came off the pill in July of 2002 and got pregnant 7 months later. I wasn't sure at all. I never went gooey over babies. I couldn't see myself being any good at it and I loved my job. I was promoted just before I got pregnant. Yet here I am five years later watching my two lovely DSs eating their tea and trying desperately for a third! Motherhood was a challenge, much more of a challenge than my job, but I love it. I was the first of my group of friends to go the baby route, some have since joined me, others not. I haven't lost any friends but I have gained a lot of new friends through my children.

But as nunnie says it is your decision. I don't think it is something you either think definitely yes or definitely no. It's a plunge into something new but it can be so rewarding.

If it helps my sister laughed when she heard I was pregnant, not in a nasty way, but I was always the one destined NOT to go the baby route!

Good luck

[Mummyfor3]

Look at it this way: with children your life will never be the same again - but without children it might forever be the same. What sounds better?

I was a positively geriatric first time mum (not entirely by choice but due to life circs and repeated MCs) and I can honestly say, that nothing can prepare you for what it is like to have a child and it will change you in ways you cannot possibly anticipate. It is the most exciting, exhilerating and exasperating (gosh, that is a lot of "exes") thing I have ever done in my life.
I think there is nothing like having children to make you question yourself, your values, your aims in life! I know I had doubts, a bit like wedding nerves, IYKWIM, but being a mother has certainly made me grow as a person, whether I wanted to or not.

You'll know when your ready. Best of luck

[VeryAnnieMary]

Oh ladies, thank you so much! I thought I was going a bit mad for a while. We've recently run out of "excuses" not to, following a redundancy round at DH work and the wedding of our best friends. The desire to do this really does ebb and flow, but I don't think I will ever be more ready than now.

Becky - sisters, eh? My little sis got married and had a DD before me and, soon after her DD arrived would def have cackled that I was going to do it too - now, I've kept her waiting to catch up so long she will be thrilled. She tries to be encouraging but then says thinsg like "when I was pregnant people kept smiling at me, but now I've been through labour I understand why..."

Back to not questioning it too much and enjoying the moment I think!

[brettgirl2]

Haha

I came off the pill, then started similar analysis about three weeks later .... little did I know I was already pregnant!

Go the flow - you want to have a baby, which is why you stopped taking the pill. I was also offered a new job after I found out, there's never a good time really.