DP unable to support me emotionally - is this a man thing?

[rubberplant]

I am almost 35 and have been TTC no2 for 9 months. I'm now waiting for the results of a blood test to see if I'm ovulating.

Last night a friend told me she was pregnant with her second child. All around me women I know have managed to conceive their 2nd child exactly as planned. Not one of them has experienced any delay. This includes women who have waited four years so that first child is in school when 2nd arrives and those who have had two children with the regulation two year gap.

DP feels that there's no point dwelling on an issue and worrying when everything (usually) works itself out in the end. I didn't sleep last night and have been tearful ever since hearing about this latest pregnancy. I'm angry that DP can't put his arms around me and simply listen to how I feel.

I'm tired of relentlessly TTC, of hiding my feelings and of congratulating others on their 2nd/3rd pregnancies.

Ok rant over! I am aware that I am incredibly fortunate to already have a healthy DC. I just didn't think I could hurt so much for something that I didn't know I wanted until recently. I guess I'm also worried about the blood test results and how DP will/won't support me emotionally if there's a problem.

[PuzzleRocks]

I don't have anything to offer other than my sympathies. Hopefully a rather more sagacious poster will see this. Take care and feel free to rant here as much as you like.

[solidgoldstuffingballs]

It's not that your DP doesn;t sympathise or care, it's just that he can't fix the problem for you. Some people are good at being wailing walls and letting a person with a temporarily (or permanently) insoluble problem rant and vent and wail, others (like me and maybe your DP) find we can only stand so much before we start getting irritable at an utterly circular conversation. SO the thing is, you need to pick your place-to-vent wisely. The samaritans are good (it;s what they are for) and there is always MN.

[georgimama]

Rubberplant I really really sympathise - I remember well that feeling when you put down the phone after another bloody person has rung to tell you they are pregnant. I sat and cried and cried so many times. You are not alone.

It's been 9 months - has your DP also been tested? If DC1 is his that doesn't mean he can't have developed problems since then...

[brettgirl2]

I think gsb is absolutely right - men in general like to 'fix' problems, or at least do something practical towards fixing. He can't put it right or do anything practical and and as a result he's just a bit lost.

[PeppermintInAPearTreePatty]

Poor you rubberplant. I have also being TTC no 2 - for 5 months now. I spoke to my GP about it yesterday (I went to see him for something else but mentioned this too) and he said it's totally normal for a fertile couple to take up to a year to conceive and to try not to get too worked up about it as this can make it less likely too happen.

Also agree with solidgold. Your DP probably feels a bit useless because he doesn't like to see you upset, but can't do anything about it ATM. Men in general don't like problems they can't fix!

He also sounds like an optimist - he sees no point worrying and believes everything will be ok in the end. My DH is like this too and he gets very annoyed when I worry or panic about something unessacarily (and it usually is unessacarily!).

Is there anyone else you can talk to like a friend / mum / sister?

[Claire236]

Also ttc no 2 & have been for about 5 months. Conceived ds within a week of coming off the pill so finding it really hard going this time round. dh doesn't seem to understand what I'm worried about. He was pretty good when I was having blood tests trying to find out why my periods didn't start after I came off the pill (took 3 months) but now seems to think everything's obviously fine & I should just chill out. I've ended up telling a friend that we're ttc which I hadn't planned on doing but needed some support.

[WhenFRUITYgotstuckupthechimney]

Been there rubberplant Dp completely unsupportive emotionally. Took us 11 months. I have PCOS (we also already have 1 DC) Each month passed so incredibly slowly and each cycle lasted such a long time (sometimes 100 days) but more and more friends were announcing their planned/unplanned pregnancies. I was an emotional wreck for much of the time. Most men aren't very good at dealing with this sort of thing as, like solidgold says, they can't fix it. Unfortunately your DP is the one person you want to turn to. It's really hard I know

I found MN to be a fantastic lifeline

[sammysam]

I completely understand rubberplant
i have one gorgeous healthy dd who is 2 and a half now, she was unplanned, we have been trying for almost a year now and I have started to heve tests. Dp just doesn't 'get' what i'm going through-its constant as its your body you are trying to second guess-something that he can't help with at all.
I'm just worried its never going to happen, I know i should be happy just with dd but i know i won't feel complete .
I need/want/wish/hope etc etc this is our year (nad very soon!) as it really is getting me down now

[rolereversal]

the problem with men is that they think you want them to sort out the problem, and as they know they cant sort this out they kind of shut down and tell you it will sort itself out.

often women just want someone to talk to and nod sympathetically at the right points, men do not get this. they think if you cant solve it whats the point of talking about it.

its another men/mars women/venus think I am afraid!!

[stillenacht]

totally agree rolereversal

[2manychips]

I dont even discuss my thoughts/emotions with my dh on our ttcing etc. He simply cannot relate to how I'm feeling at all.