Friend TTC - how can I support her?

[PaddingtonBore]

My oldest friend (of 25 years) has been TTC for 2 years without success. She has tried Clomid, but felt unwell, and is now on IVF.

During this time I have had my DD, which makes me feel guilty (what for, I don't know).

I just wondered how I can best support her. I've tried not to give empty reassurances/blindingly obvious advice, but wondered what positive things I can do to help.

[PaddingtonBore]

sorry - should say "on the waiting list for NHS IVF"

[pinkmook]

just being there, not telling her to relax, not saying it'll happen, agreeing with her about how shit it is, not trying to put a positive spin on things (well not always any way) I am sure you are probably doing all this already and sound like a great friend

[PaddingtonBore]

Thanks, pinkmook. Can anyone else share what's made them feel supported?

[beanieb]

I would say it's really important not to ignore the fact that she is trying. Give her support through talking, if she wants to, and don't just pretend it's not happening. If she's a really good and close friend ask her how it's making her feel and let her rant if she needs to.

Don't start bombarding her with advice like 'you could always adopt' or 'it WILL happen' because when you're in the throws of all the emotional upset unsuccessful TTC can bring it's not always the most helpful thing for people to offer alternatives or to give tips she probably already knows.

Have to second the not telling her to relax thing.

Maybe something like buying her a reflexology session if she hasn't tried before, even going along with her might help. You don't even have to say anything about reflexology possiibly helping, just make it into a friends outing and relaxation thing.

[pinkmook]

I would agree with beanieb about the reflexology thing - just suggest it as a nice thing rather than TTC thing.

Don't try and make it all better or say "well at least you have your health/a DC already/ a nice house/ a nice husband/ nice job/any of a million platitudes that are well meaning but extremely irritating and upsetting when TTC! (this goes for many things, I am a long time TTC'er and my DH has also recently been made redundant and these platitudes "well at least you have been offered a job" (even it is a in wages to minimum wage that makes your mortgage unpayable)Make me want to do serious damage to those who utter them!

take her lead and talk about it when she wants to talk but dont dwell on it either.