Getting pregant over 45 - ANYONE got any good new, tips for me?

(22 Posts)
LeoKara Thu 09-Oct-08 12:28:20

Hello one and all

A confused Karen writes, eager for help and advice. I have always been fit (up until this Feb, with a house move, relocation, two weddings – same man, different countries and the loss of my health club etc), doing 3-4 sports a week, eating organic, drinking lotsa water, never ill, not on medication, etc etc, now I come to actively try for kids, well, lets say, it aint happened yet! And due to me being 45, the NHS want nothing to do with me, and have, if anything been obstructive, making me wait 2 months for a ‘flush your tubes with dye and x-ray’ them procedure, for me, on telephoning the hospital to be informed, ‘dear, the cut off rate was 42, didn’t your doctor tell you that you aren’t eligible for this procedure?’. I could have screamed, instead I cried, and cried and cried. Now only IVF seems possible, with one Harley Street Doctor informing me that I have a 1% chance of conception with my own eggs? IS this true? Should I succumb to depression over ‘statistics’ or keep my Leo-like chin up and be optimistic? I am confused . . . my husband is 27, very supportive and my true soul mate. I waited my lifetime to meet him, but now that I have, I naturally would love to have children with him. Does ANYONE have some advice, help to give me? I have no girlfriends around me in London (having left them all in my home town of Bournemouth) and really need some input.

Yours with hope

Karen

LeoKara Thu 09-Oct-08 12:29:45

Um, thought I said it all above, basically, should I invest our only savings in 6,000 worth of IVF or just give up on the idea (they all say when you give up on it, and relax it happens) or am I kidding myself?

Positive feedback appreciated

Karen

MrsMattie Thu 09-Oct-08 12:33:08

Hi Karen,

I'm not an expert, but have supported my friend (aged 43) through trying to conceive her first child.

To be honest, I don't think you can afford to sit back, relax and 'let it happen' at 45.

IVF is definitely worth a shot, but only you can decide if you can afford it. Have you been given any stats on how likely it is to happen through IVF?

How do you feel about using donated eggs?

Buda Thu 09-Oct-08 12:37:02

I would start off my going to a private clinic and having my FSH levels checked. That will indicate whether things are still working.

I am 44 and have one DS through IVF at age 37. Tried again 2 years ago to no avail. Was told would prob need donor eggs. Unfortunately am living in Budapest and it is illegal.

Buda Thu 09-Oct-08 12:37:31

Oh - have a look at the Zita West website. She may have some info.

Most women are to all intents and purposes infertile by the time they are in their mid 40s. Fertility declines sharply well before the menopause. This does not mean that natural conception is impossible (you could be one of those women who remain v.fertile until much later or you could be lucky) but it is very unlikely.
I think before making any major decisions i would test my FSH levels (you can now buy tests in boots). This will give you some indication of your true reproductive age.
btw the fact that your partner is so young does help

rainbowdays Sun 12-Oct-08 12:24:28

Has anyone suggested getting your dh sperm tested? It would be sad to be focussing on your fertility if there is a problem with him, I realise that he is young at only 26 but that does not mean that he will definitely have great fertility. If his fertility is affected it would definitely alter your choice of wait for IVF or not!

My advice would be to get a private appointment to get your FSG levels and his sperm checked. This will help you to decide if IVF is the right route or not.

I hope you have good success.

Boulders Sun 12-Oct-08 13:56:16

I saw some advice recently that if you find out when your mother started the menopause, you are likely to have no chance of conceiving 10years prior to that age. Don't know if this is true but my M-I-L conceived her last child at 44 so there is hope. She is asian and I believe that the average asian woman has a longer span of being fertile than the average european woman.

Good luck!

RealityGap Sun 12-Oct-08 14:20:56

Karen,

You can get your ovarian reserve checked, which will give you an indication of the level of your fertility.

Having been through IVF myself (in my late 20's)and had a great result (2 fresh cycles and 2 frozen resulting in 2 pregnancys with 2 healthy kids at the end) I would say go for IVF - at least at the end of the day you can say that you tried your hardest

rhetorician Sun 12-Oct-08 14:33:16

I would completely endorse what others here have said; but there are certainly users of the site who have conceived at 45. Have a look at the 40+ thread in conception and the one in pregnancy. Good luck!

catweazle Sun 12-Oct-08 14:33:44

I got pg very easily at 43 (without trying), but there is a huge difference in fertility each year at our age. How long have you been TTC?

Earlybird Sun 12-Oct-08 14:40:07

FWIW - I went back to a private clinic at 44 because I wanted to have another child (dd was conceived at same clinic when I was 42). Due to my age, the doctor put me on a very high dose of fertility drugs and we tried IVF. I managed to conceive, but sadly miscarried (chance of miscarrying at 45 or older is 50%, iirc and of course there is a much higher chance of birth defects).

The doctor advised that once I reached 45, he strongly recommended that I find an egg donor because chances of a 'live birth' at 45 or older using the woman's own eggs are quite small.

If you have money available for private fertility treatments, I would look for an egg donor asap rather than trying IVF. Don't waste time fighting statistics. You may be lucky and be the exception, but you may not. Good luck.

thaliablogs Sun 12-Oct-08 19:46:19

At 45 I'm afraid your chances are vanishingly small, and IVF may not be worth it - it sometimes doesn't raise the chances in older women as your ovaries can't produce the large number of eggs which give the higher success rates in younger women.

To give you the best indication as others have said, you need to get your FSH tested, but also recommend you get your AMH tested (anti-muellerian hormone). If this is <1, then you are definitely out of luck with your own eggs.

I'd recommend getting a consult at the Lister if you haven't already, they aren't as horribly expensive and un-patient friendly as the ARGC, and specialise in older women and women with high FSH. But any responsible doc, NHS or private, will tell you that you've got very little chance with your own eggs.

Re support, suggest you try www.fertilityfriends.co.uk - it's a website specially for women tryng to conceive and therefore you'll get more women in similar situations, and help if you want to do donor egg selecting a clinic - it's very hard to do in the UK unless you have your own donor, but much easier abroad e.g., czech republic, istanbul, barcelona, and south africa (cape town).

Good luck!

fingerscrossedlegsopen Tue 17-Nov-09 12:26:28

Hi there

Was just scouting mumsnet - hope you don't mind me popping in.

Have you read inconceivable by Julia Indichova? It's an awe inspiring book re conception over 40 and her (very good news)story. I would recommend it for inspiration and hope.

Good luck!

Karen

I think you will need to be realistic with regards to using your own eggs.

Unfortunately your body has fooled you. You may well be keeping fit and doing all the right things but this unfortunately has no effect whatsoever on your ovaries and their overall egg quality. These do age quickly and fertility declines markedly in many women after the age of 35.

I would be looking at getting a AMH test done, the chances of you conceiving now though through using your own eggs is not good at all because the quality of eggs is so poor. Even using donor eggs is not going to be without problems and you're in for a long slog here.

I would also suggest a visit to the Lister clinic to get their opinion.

Jollster Tue 17-Nov-09 15:13:04

Have to concur with other posters; sadly 45 is making it time urgent and tougher.
I conceived DS at 39 without trying, and then again first month of trying at 41. Sadly had a MMC. Am again TTC #2 and I will be 42 in Feb. I think I may have left it too late

However a gay friend got pregnant at 43 using donated sperm and a turkey baster...

Donated eggs if that is something you can come to terms with may be your brightest hope.

Good luck.

leolo Sun 22-Nov-09 01:07:52

I too came up against a wall of unhelpfulness when I wanted to get pg at 45. And this after I'd had DD naturally at 43. In the end I persuaded my GP to let me and DP have some blood tests to check compatibility/clotting disorders, etc. Everything was fine and I wasn't menopausal so my solution was buy Toni Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility and use timing/temps each month. Am currently 22 wks pg at 46. I REALLY appreciate that I may just be incredibly lucky and have a couple of good eggs in there but being fit and healthy has certainly helped me cope physically - at my age! I wish Kara luck - if she is still listening. But be open to all options.

sunangel88 Sun 22-Nov-09 03:57:14

Reduce stress in your life and keep your cholesterol level low - it helps with conception....

Pixiepie Mon 06-May-13 16:52:28

Hi, just wanted to say goodluck! I am 45 just now but two years ago i gave birth to my baby daughter. I have older children and decided that i wanted to have more. I fell pregnant easily at 39 and have a girl [now 6] and then at 40 with my ds [now 5] then to go on to concieve again at 43 and give birth to my baby girl. Every time i had great pregnancies and births with no issues. Just wanted to say that everyone is different. What ever you decide, dont let the statistics get you down. If i had i wouldnt have bothered trying with my last!!! [ or even first!!]

MrsGubbins Mon 06-May-13 17:25:15

this thread is 5 yrs old, the op will be 50 now... be interesting to know if she did have a baby!

FairyTrain Mon 06-May-13 17:27:24

Wanted to give you a bit of hope.... A lady in our antenatal class was 46 when she on conceived #1 naturally after years of IVF, acupuncture and every other strategy going...she eventually gave up work and decided not to bother "chasing the dream" and got pregnant instantly!

FairyTrain Mon 06-May-13 17:28:30

Oops! X post!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now