Conceiving again after miscarriage and D&E - any advice?

[VillageMum]

Hello, I'm new to the site and would so appreciate your advice. I had an evacuation (D&E) on 11 September following a missed miscarriage (I thought I was 10 wks pregnant but my baby had stopped growing at 6 wks.) I feel that I am slowly facing up to my loss and coping well physically, but I've been given very little follow-up advice from the consultant who performed the procedure. Is it really safe to conceive again before your next period has kicked in (IF one should be so lucky)? My consultant says there should be no increased risk of m/c, but I have read so many conflicting things. I don't want to avoid conception deliberately, but I also don't want to go through this again... Apologies if this is already discussed on another thread.

[Diege]

Hi VILLAGEMUM . Sorry for your loss I also had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks (baby stopped growing at 7) in July so I msort of know what you are going through!. I spoke to the Miscarriage Association who said that while the general advice was to wait one 'proper' menstrual period before ttc, this is really only for dating purposes, and that there's no evidence to suggest better outcomes with people who wait. I did wait one period myself (more for pyschological reasons), and am now onto my second month of ttc after af arrived yesterday.
The Miscarriage threads on here may be useful reading for you. Good luck

[VillageMum]

Thanks so much for replying, Diege. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm minded to wait one cycle too for emotional reasons, but another part of me is open to the idea of conceiving again straight away IF it were to happen - I just don't want to invite an increased risk... My consultant is lovely but his approach is very much 'we don't know any firm facts about this, so just do what feels right for you and good luck', whereas I guess I want cast-iron medical answers! But maybe there are none. Thank you for your advice. I hope that everything goes well for you and that you will be successful very soon.

[VillageMum]

PS Hope you don't mind if I ask some more quite stupid questions. How long should you avoid exercise after a D&E? Is it safe to swim again once the bleeding has stopped, as mine has after three days, or should you wait a few weeks, and if so, how many? Are baths OK? My consultant has said that all of the above are fine straight away (even tampons!) but surely not? I've read elsewhere that they're to be avoided, but can't get a fix on how long for. If only these simple things were clearer...

[catweazle]

VillageMum sorry to hear about your mmc. I had a mmc at 11 wks in Aug 2005 and another at 7 wks in March 2006, followed by my beautiful DD2 in March 2007.

I believe you are particularly fertile immediately after the mc so it doesn't make sense to wait unless you want to emotionally.

The other stuff you are worried about- swimming, etc- all is fine once the bleeding has stopped.

[VillageMum]

Thanks so much for this, catweazle. I'm just so glad that there are helpful people like you out there who have been through the same thing and have practical advice. Really delighted to hear that everything turned out well for you in 2007 - gives me hope!

[strawberrycornetto]

Hello. I had a mmc and a D&C at 11 weeks. I got pregnant immediately afterwards withot having a period first. My second pregnancy was absolutely fine and DD is now nearly 4. I also have a DS who is 6 months old and had no problems with that pregnancy either. I think the only reason to wait is emotional, as someone else has said. I felt happier trying again immediately and it worked out well for us.

Good luck, mmcs are such a shock but you have every chance of things being fine next time.

[VillageMum]

This is such encouraging news, strawberrycornetto. I couldn't be happier for you! It just shows you! I will try to stay positive and not get sucked into all the fearmongering out there. In the end we all have to choose for ourselves... Certainly helps to know that it can go right, as you describe. Thanks again and enjoy your lovely two.

[barnsleybelle]

Villagemum, Welcome to mumsnet. Am so sorry for your miscarriage.

We had ds 6 years ago without any problems and wanted a 2nd as close as possible. I 1st had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, then another at 10 weeks and then a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks.

Each time i waited until i had a normal period before trying again. Finally after 5.5 years we now have dd. Not quite the age gap we wanted but eh, at least we got there.

I think i waited for the normal period before trying again as i wanted to be aware of my cycle etc.

Do what's best for you and i have everything crossed for you.

XX

[VillageMum]

Thanks barnsleybelle, it's such a relief to be able to 'talk' to others who have been there. I have a beautiful 7-year-old son; I never meant to get pregnant with the baby I've just lost - I came off the pill 'to give my body a break' and it just happened straight away, completely by accident. But then, once I'd got over the shock and surprise of discovering I was pregnant, I couldn't have been happier. The age gap between my son and coming baby didn't seem to matter (and I also have an even older stepdaughter of 10!) I now find myself longing for another baby even though it was never part of the plan before. It's crazy. Expecting and then losing this child has changed everything for me. Thanks for your kind words. x

[VickyJane77]

Hi Villagemum,
I had a miscarriage back in June, and I had to have a D&C too. The hospital leaflets I came home with advised waiting one month, whereas my doc said wait three. We were going to wait the three months, and it has now been 2 and half, and we feel ready to try again so we are but I feel we may have missed it this month. I didn't want to wait at all before trying, but I'm glad I did, I feel a lot stronger emotionaly now, but everyone is different, you should do what is best for you.
Good luck x

[VillageMum]

Thanks VickyJane77. My own consultant was very relaxed about it all (maybe a bit too relaxed for my liking!)- I did ask him about waiting, and he said there was no pressing medical reason why one should wait to ttc at all, except that it was useful for dating purposes to know when your LMP was. He said that the body recovers fast but that emotions can take longer, though... as you say. It's very exciting that you're at the stage now of being ready to try again; I really, really hope it all works out for you. x

[VickyJane77]

Thankyou Villagemum, it is exciting. I have a son whoes nearly 6 now, and we weren't planning on anymore, though deep down I did want another, anyway after 5 years of suggesting it to my dh, he decided the time was right! It's just a shame about the MC, but I'm back to my normal self and excited about trying again. x

[VillageMum]

VickyJane77, it sounds as if we're pretty much in the same boat! My son is 7 and we weren't planning on any more either (I also have a stepdaughter of 10, plus a busy working life...) But then I fell pregnant by accident and suddenly it just seemed like EXACTLY the one thing we wanted most. Funny, isn't it? And terrible too, because when we then lost the baby, it was agony. I feel that even though I've been facing what has happened head on it isn't over yet by a long way. I've decided that I'm not going to avoid conception this first cycle, but that I'm going to try not to get too caught up in ttc again either. I hope it all goes smoothly for you; please let me know!x

[wonderstuff]

Not much to add VM, but I too had a missed MC at 10 weeks and my scan measured 6weeks. That was 3 years ago and it took us a while but I finally got pg again and after a very stressful pg I now have a beautiful 10mo dd. I found the book 'miscarrage - what every woman should know' by Lesley Regan very helpful. I would do what feels right for you, I really think that if it is meant to be it will happen. Good luck x

[VillageMum]

Congratulations, wonderstuff! That's great news about your daughter. I will definitely get Lesley Regan's book. I guess what's bothering me most in the immediate aftermath of my mc is the not knowing - the not knowing literally anything about what's going to happen next, I mean. I now feel as if my body has let me down badly. Is it going to get itself back on track and do its stuff or not? How long is it going to take? There are no quick answers, and that's hard. I look at my son (now 7) and wonder how I could EVER have taken that pregnancy and its fantastic end result so much for granted (in fact, how did I ever take just ovulating normally every month for granted?!) Next time, if there is a next time and I'm due to give birth again, I will go into that delivery room whooping and cheering instead of complaining.
How long did it take you other ladies to settle back into a normal cycle again, by the way?

[wonderstuff]

The not knowing was really hard, esp. in the first trimester of my last pg. I also felt very guilty that my baby had died and I hadn't noticed, rationally I knew that it wasn't my fault, I did nothing wrong etc. but I felt awful and grieved for a long time. I also didn't believe that I would have a sucessful pg, dispite knowing that the odds were in my favor and that I had every chance of it being a one off I convinced myself it was doom and gloom I found the website www.silentgrief.com really helpful at the time, it's american and very christian but I found it a real comfort.

Do remember that although mc is common, sucessful pregnancies are much more common, no one can give you cast iron guarentees, but you have every chance of concieving and having a normal pg soon.

[VillageMum]

Thanks wonderstuff... I know that I'm not personally good at handling the unknown, especially once I've had one setback, so I imagine I'd also worry about another pregnancy even while knowing that it was irrational to do so. Will still try to conceive, however... will just have to cope with the fear when/if it comes. I'm sorry your pregnancy after your mc was stressful - perfectly understandable though. Having even one mc takes away your innocence about pregnancy, I feel.
In my case, I felt guilty about not having had a natural miscarriage - right up to the D&E, which took place 5 weeks after my baby had died, I kept feeling that I'd somehow failed to 'manage' the miscarriage myself by not aborting naturally. I know it's irrational to feel that too, but there you go. Thanks for your reassuring words. x

[DawnAS]

Hello there,

I just thought I'd add my experience to that VilageMum. I had a miscarriage 6 weeks ago and I was only 5 weeks PG. It was our first month of TTC so I was so happy and then so devestated in a very short time...

We started to try again straight away as the GP and Hospital said that it was fine to. Unfortunately I got AF last week which was so gutting. I think it's almost worse if you fall PG quickly because you can't get your head around why it didn't happen again as quickly...

So I guess my message with this is, start trying again as soon as you want, but try not to be too disappointed if it doesn't happen straight away. Hopefully you'll be lucky though and it will!!

Good luck!

xxx

PS: Start BDing again again tonight as 12DPO, keeping everything (apart from my legs ) crossed!!

[VillageMum]

I'm so sorry for your loss, DawnAs. You must have miscarried at the same time roughly as me (though mine was missed until 4/5 weeks later.) I'm also nervous about not getting pregnant again as easily as I did before, but I guess there's every chance of that if things don't go back to normal straight away. Maybe try to think of yourself as being another month stronger now and that much more ready...? Good luck, I really hope it works for you tonight!

[catweazle]

I had my first period 28 days after the ERPC both times. HTH

[VillageMum]

Now THAT is impressive! I was told anything up to 6 weeks, which seems a horribly long time to wait.

[DawnAS]

Thanks VillageMum. I was also quite lucky with the next AF as my cycle is normally 35 days, but I got my AF four weeks after the MC. I'm almost hoping that it was the start of a slightly nicer (because shorter) 28 day cycle!!

xx

[VillageMum]

Sounds as if you were lucky too with your cycle, DawnAs. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens to mine now... I'm actually amazed at how soon you can feel better physically after a mc and D&E. Emotionally is another story. I'm working through it but find it very hard when my 7-year-old keeps asking 'when will you be pregnant again?' as he did when I was putting him in bed tonight... x

[tonyadavis]

i had a D&E of 8-22-08 my baby didn't develope a brain or the top of her skull she had a really good heart beat that through the doctors off i was lucky to find it early they told me she would be born alive but she would live but about 12 hours and she would not feel anything of know how to do anything she wouldn't breath on her own and i could possibly die giving birth so the told me the best thing would to be to terminate and start over when i am ready i was 5 months when i found out about our little angle i finnally got my normal cycle back and we are ready to start trying again does anyone know what my chances of concieving soon might be i also was on clomid to concieve angle and i tried on my own for 5 years does anyone have any advice for me