Has anyone else struggled to conceive after a miscarriage (when falling pg was easy first time)?

[Wavedancer]

I was very lucky to fall pg straight away with my first pregnancy but sadly it ended in miscarriage 12 weeks later.

Since I lost the baby, I have been ttc by the book - charting, having sex at all the right times, etc. But for 6 months in a row, AF has turned up and I feel heartbroken every time (my cycles went back to normal straight away).

I know I'm probably being really impatient and ridiculous but I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation? I know it was naive of me to expect to fall pg straight away but I really hoped it would have happened by now.

I am 32 and very healthy. DH is 30 and his health is OK but he drinks a lot. I'm trying to encourage him to cut down but also don't want to nag him.

I can't help but wonder if somehow the miscarriage has lowered my fertility...? Do you think it is worth me seeing the doctor for advice, or will they just tell me 6 months is no time and to go back in a year? In 'Taking Charge of your Fertility', the recommendation is to see the doctor if you have no luck after charting 4 - 5 cycles...

Any advice would be much appreciated; thanks for listening.

[iwillbepgbydec07]

hi wavedancer

so sorry to hear about your m/c ((hugs))

i am glad you have posted this as i am in the same position. i fell pg first time in march but i m/c at 12 weeks in june. we started ttc again straight away and here we are fastly approaching april and still nothing! i am now on my 10th cycle at the moment and its very depressing and frustrating so i know exactly where you are coming from.

with my m/c i had a lot of pain and bleeding and i discovered i had an infection which i am now thinking it has affected my fertility becasue it was untreated for a couple of weeks. did you have any after effects?

also my cycle has become shorter i used to be 28 days and now it is 22-26 days but last month went back to 28days. i have done opks and i do get positives on them. do you know if you ovulate?

i toy woth the idea of the doctors every month but i know what the answer will be "it will happen when it will happen"

i have no advice for you other than i just know how you feel.

[JoanCrawford]

Hi wavedancer, same happened to me. M/c at 13 weeks after falling pregnant at first attempt. I was devastated and I knew I wanted to get pregnant asap.

I did everything to improve my chances of getting pregnant (as well as the obvious ) but month after month - nothing.

After 9 months of increasing despair, I fell pregnant with my dd. Then when she was 6 weeks old, I fell again with dd2 .

No words to make you feel better but I hope my experience can give you hope. I honestly thought something HAD to be wrong with me as it didn't happen as soon as I'd like. When I think back, 9 months isn't that long but, to me, it was a lifetime.

Go to your gp if no luck next time. It cannot hurt. All the very best x

[Wavedancer]

Thanks for the reply iwillbe. I am sorry to hear you are in a similar position.

The miscarriage itself was very painful and traumatic, but when I had a scan afterwards they said everything was 'clear'. I didn't have any further after effects or signs that there might be an infection and my cycles went back to pretty much what they were before (31 days).

Yes, I am definitely ovulating. I also use OPKs and I ovulate around CD17, which means I have decent LP too.

I wonder if when your cycles were short, your LP was perhaps too short? (It needs to be 10 days to feasibly sustain a pregnancy). I really hope that if you've gone back to 28 days that this is a good sign that your body has 'healed'. Maybe our bodies do just need some time to adjust, when they've been through the trauma of a relatively late miscarriage? I really hope you get your much deserved pregnancy soon, iwillbe.

I think I will give it one more month then go to the docs just to rule out the infection possibility and with any luck get referred to a gynae. I think even getting some reassurance will help as I am driving myself mad right now with 'what if...' scenarios.

[Wavedancer]

Thanks JoanCrawford - that is really good to hear. It must be wonderful but hard work at the same time, having two daughters so close in age.

I guess getting pg is just a bit of a lottery. It doesn't help that so many of my friends are getting pg 'by accident' or first time trying.

[iwillbepgbydec07]

defiantely the "what ifs" are the worst we think the worst and my brain will not allow me to think "its just going to take time" because i just expected to fall staright away especially as so many people told me you are your most fertile after a m/c.

its good to hear you have a decent lp and are ovulating which are all good signs. i have also read that even if you do everything correct there is still only a 25% chance that you will conceive anyway. on a 26 day cycle i ovulated on day 16 which is only a 10 day lp. i have been taking b6 but i am no longer monitoring ovulation etc because i was getting way too stressed out however this month i am re-joining the temping thread.

i know we are panicking now about becoming pregnant but another thing i worry about is if and when i do...that i will m/c.

the stress we put our bodies and minds through is immense.

i hope you get your baby soon too. good luck for the future! you will have to look me up when you get your bfp!

[MrsMcJnr]

Wavedancer - I have no advice to offer I am afraid but really feel for you (and for Iwillbe who knows me already). I had a MC a few weeks ago and we were trying for 8 cycles to fall that time and I am really scared that it will take us a long time again. It's good to hear that you are ovulating and that your cycle got back to normal quickly. I am now cd25 and no OV yet . I hope someone who can be of help comes along soon

[Moomin]

I really feel for you after your miscarriage . I'm going to make suggestion that you may have alsready considered but it's one that I think stopped me from conceiving for 2 years - and that is stress. When you start counting and measuring and getting into all that you put yourself under a load of pressure and I don't think it helps one tiny bit. Of course, once you've started ttc and you're having no luck it's nigh-on impossible to 'switch off' and relax like every bugger keeps telling you to do! So much easier said than done.

But there are some things that can help you physically and they are - regular exercise to help de-stress; acupuncture or reflexology and plenty of 'me' time.

Try not to put yourselves under too much pressure to 'do it' at exactly the time of the month you think you should be doing it. If you aim to have sex throughout the month about twice or 3 times a week you'll be giving any eggs plenty of sperm to meet at any one time. Concentrate on quality sex as well - lots of time to do it, massages, cuddles, talking etc.

Remember that the average time to conceive for couples in their early 30s (don't know how old you are) is 18m. I know this might seem horribly far away but you could either spend the next year or whatever driving yourself potty or you can try the 'take-it-as-it-comes' route and see it as a longer-term goal rather than NOW.

I wish you all the luck in the world. (and obviously do feel free to completely ignore me! but I have been there on the misery of ttc)

[mumtogusnalbie]

I fell pregnant the first time very quickly then miscarried at 12 weeks. It took me 18 mths to conceive again and i agree that it was stress that delayed this conception. i had just about given up and my partner and I decided to just go and get married (we had two weeks off work and nothing better to do!)I fell pregnant the very next month - I know this sounds a bit extreme but it was as soon as I stopped worrying about it that it happened!
Good luck everyone on this thread who is ttc.

[MrsMcJnr]

Hello Moomin ? I agree with you about stress, I saw it actually delay ovulation in an early cycle when I got myself all worked up because I couldn?t get a positive on an ovulation test. I had to have a firm word with myself. I find personally that I am more relaxed when I am taking my temp and watching my body for signs as I then feel in control. I agree with you though, having other things to think about and to look forward to and looking after yourself really helps to stop TTC becoming an obsession as it so easily can I also agree about not putting your life on hold, I think I was doing that at the end of last year and then realized that life is too short not to make the most of everyday.

Mumtogusnalbie ? thanks for sharing

[titchy77]

Wavedanceri had exactly the same problem, feel pregnant straight away, but had a missed m/c, which i was totally devasted about, was desperate to conceive and every month that af arrived i'd be in pieces and it made me grieve for the baby i lost, i feel pregnant 8 months after the m/c and now have a beautiful 7 week dd.
So it does happen and its really hard not to become obsessed about it. Just wanted to wish you lots of luck and hope it happens for you soon. xx

[poppy75]

Hello

Wavedancer - I totally had the same experience I fell pregnant after a few months of not using contraception. I had a MC at 9 weeks and needed an ERPC, I got an infection following it. I had a few months after where we didn't try and now it has been 6 months and nothing.

I am 32 as well and relatively healthy, DH is 31 and the same (drinks quite abit).

I really don't like the fact that every month I now think about it and how it has at times started to run my life. I have tried ovulation kits but on three months they were negative.

I have decided to try and stop planning and am going to try and do other fun things and put more effort into my job again. Don't know if I will be able to but hopefully if I relax and enjoy other things it might happen.