I have just miscarried and would like support

(22 Posts)
Lizziedoll Thu 21-Jul-16 20:06:22

Hello everyone
I was on th July bus and was terribly excited to find out I was pregnant two weeks ago as was my partner and everyone we know. I suspect I was around 5-6 weeks today when I had pink discharge and went to the hospital to get checked out, I wasn't overally worried. The scan revealed a tiny foetus with a heartbeat of 81BPM which is considered dangerously low and the lady told me in no uncertain terms that I would most probably miscarry very soon. I was broken by the news. This is my first ever pregnancy. I went home to tell my partner and then this afternoon experienced light bleeding which eventually stopped (no pain) but I am now pretty certain that the miscarriage is under way. I feel so overwhelmed by feelings of loss, grief, sadness and no one I know can relate. I would love to hear your stories or just hear a kind word this evening as my heart is breaking and I am all alone (my partner is working). Many thanks

biddybid73 Thu 21-Jul-16 20:20:56

So sorry to hear your news flowers

Having been through a miscarriage at a similar time I can empathise. Miscarriage is far more common than we think.

But know you will get through this.

Barefootcontessa84 Thu 21-Jul-16 20:46:35

I'm so sorry to hear this Lizziedoll - rest and take some time for yourself. I know you'll get through this flowers

hootatoot Thu 21-Jul-16 20:51:02

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been there too, twice. It's awful, and nothing anyone says can change that but like pp said you will get through it. You'll probably go through a little rollercoaster of emotions and just when you think you're ok it will come and kick you on the bum again. Take care of yourself, rest well and let yourself grieve - it's ok to do that flowers

blossombottom Thu 21-Jul-16 20:59:17

Lizzie I'm so sorry. I miscarried last month, found out at dating scan and had surgical management.

All I can say is that it will get better - today is the hardest bit in my opinion. Have you told anyone? In my experience, sharing what had happened helped normalise it, and the support from friends and family has helped loads. You also then hear more stories from other people which reminds you that you are not alone.

Holding your hand flowers

becciandbump Thu 21-Jul-16 21:04:36

Hi there, im so sorry for youflowers I had a miscarriage in my early 20's and it was so sad I still think back to it sometimes. Try to surround yourself with people you love and take care of yourself, take some time off work until you feel ready to face people. Nobody knows really why some babies don't survive but know that it will have been nothing U have done to cause this, sadly it just happens. I was told when I got pregnant this time around that having a previous miscarriage did not mean it would happen again whilst of course some people are unlucky to have more than one the chances are that you will go on to have future healthy pregnancies ( not that that will make this feel any easier at the moment) keep posting on here for support in the meantime im sure that lots of ladies will be able to support you.flowersflowersthinking of you and your partner

littlepooch Thu 21-Jul-16 21:06:36

Ah I'm so sorry. I've just been through another mc a few weeks ago and God, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It is physically and emotionally draining and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

flowers to you. Look after yourself. You will get through this. I've had 3 MC but in between 2 and 3 I managed to conceive my beautiful daughter who is asleep upstairs.

littlepooch Thu 21-Jul-16 21:07:30

Also - there is a miscarriage board on here under body and soul. I've had so much support and advice from the ladies in there so do post or just have a read if you think it might help xxxxxxx

Mummynay1992 Thu 21-Jul-16 21:09:19

So soery for your loss hun and the way the hospital treated you, ive had 3 miscarriages and a chemical in my life and it does get easier, i have a rainbow baby aged 7 and 2 others aged 4 and 2, my latest one was in january and it broke me so bad, messed me up as i blamed myself and i became obsessed with wanting to be pregnant, i got some counselling aftwr 5months of grieving and it really did help me, i stopped blaming myself and felt happy again, i had a chemical miscarriage last month and it was like a sick joke from mother nature, you wont ever forget them and everyone grieves in their own time and differently, sending you so many hugs and kisses xx

Jamiesmuddyknees Thu 21-Jul-16 21:12:27

Sorry for your loss op flowers it's shit. Talk about it, grieve and look after yourself

Lizziedoll Thu 21-Jul-16 21:16:33

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and support. I'm sorry this has happened to so many of you too, I feel less alone for hearing your stories. Does anyone know when is safe to start trying again? Does ttc soon after a mc increase the risk of another, is it safer to wait awhile?

Mummynay1992 Thu 21-Jul-16 21:22:47

I started straight away and fell pregnant straight away as long as you are fit and healthy theres no problem, but its up to you and how you feel also xxxx

HonkHonkNose Thu 21-Jul-16 21:27:27

I'm so sorry for you flowers

I had a mc, I got my bfp and then 1 week later I miscarried. It was absolutely devastating.

I used opks to tell when I was ovulating and fell pregnant again straight away. My dd is now fast asleep upstairs.

When the time is right for you to try again you will know.

I'm so sorry again x

user1469131534 Thu 21-Jul-16 21:44:00

I too have miscarried, I was told by doctors at the time that its extremely common and that a huge percentage of women experience it without even realising they were even pregnant. It's an awful thing, my heart goes out to you xx

ThinkAboutItTomorrow Fri 22-Jul-16 22:27:32

So sorry. Everyone is different but my advice based on my experience....

I miscarried and tried to push through and get on with things. I wish i'd taken time to be kind to myself. Go easy on yourself, take time to get over the loss.

I got totally hung up on replacing my lost baby. I went from not being sure i even wanted a second baby to obsessing over conceiving. I felt empty until i got pregnant again. That took a year, which was very difficult. My first two pregnancies had taken weeks and days so a year was agony. I don't know what to advise but am more warning you that the loss may linger.

Take care and don't try too hard to be strong for the sake of it.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow Fri 22-Jul-16 22:29:27

Dd is now 9 months and perfect by the way.

eurochick Fri 22-Jul-16 22:34:16

Do you have an appointment for a second scan? It is very unusual to diagnose a miscarriage on the basis of one scan. They usually want to assess progress or lack of progress. The heartbeat usually only starts at just under 6 weeks. I don't want to give you false hope but I think you should ask for a follow up appointment.

thirdeyee Fri 22-Jul-16 22:43:21

Sorry to hear this Lizziedoll. I have had 3 miscarriages and my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage too. From my experience, letting myself feel very sad about it and grieve helped so much. Ignore any insensitive people who try and minimise what you are going through or say inadvertently unhelpful things. My last one I had such a sense of who the little person was and what she would have been like (tho I of course didn't know the sex as it was at 6.5 weeks) I went for lots of long walks and cried and cried. I took a tealight and some flowers up to a special place and said goodbye to her there. I think miscarried babies are like little fairies or angels we don't get to meet and that I will meet mine In a lovely garden when I die. I realise that make me sound like a right new age div :-) but its what helps me.

Sojii Sat 23-Jul-16 13:01:38

Hello honey. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Ive had two myself. First time I went to work didn't tell anyone and had a massively appalling shit time for ages. Second time I was kind to myself. Which is my tip for you. Be Like you would have been to a friend going through the same thing. I took time off, got a Netflix series on and gathered a cat up for a cuddle. Most importantly I told my husband and my friends and family what I wanted and what I needed from them which made it much easier. I mostly just wanted cuddles and junk food and for no one to say "you can try again" until Id grieved for this one. I told friends so I didn't need to pretend and was amazed at how many understood because they had been through the same thing. I would start again right away if the doctor says its ok. I read that you are more fertile for a while after. ill keep my fingers crossed for you. x

karryk Sat 23-Jul-16 15:16:12

Wishing you lots of love and strength, lizzie flowers x

Lizziedoll Sat 23-Jul-16 16:43:33

Thanks everyone for your support, you are all amazing. I feel a lot less alone in this. Im sorry you all had to go through this too flowers.
eurochick I had several scans and all revealed a non viable embryo (tiny and faint heartbeat), all doctors I saw pretty much said it was highly likely I would miscarry soon. I was bleeding a bit since Thursday morning but last night got horrible period type cramps, bleeding (heavier, like a period) and passed clots (sorry tmi), which is ongoing and my pregnancy symptoms have gone (tummy no longer bloated looking and breasts no longer full and tender), I am pretty positive I had a mc. I have a follow up scan on Thursday morning. I hope and pray they tell me it was indeed a mc as I dread still being pg with an embryo that isn't viable and have to ask them to terminate it or do more waiting. I am drained from being in limbo and would like to be able to start grieving and possibly try again.

eurochick Sat 23-Jul-16 17:51:52

I'm glad you have a follow up sorted. I hated the limbo. I hope you feel better soon.

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