TTC # 5 and people are so negative

[seatfor6]

So I am trying to convince DH to let me have number 5! I have 4 boys 12, 8 , 5 & 2 in June and would love one more ! I told Dh's sister and Mum at the weekend and they were so negative about it that it has made me feel like a crap Mum to the 4 I have! Why is it so wrong to have a large family if we can afford to! Anything we would be sacrificing I would say we already did when we had No 4. Just makes my case wth DH That little bit harder and horrid that I now feel I can't tell and one else in RL that I want a 5th

[LadyAntonella]

Oh dear OP. I love large families! There's a lot of positive things to be said for them. I guess the only problem is, if your DH doesn't feel the same.

Your MIL and SIL shouldn't get involved. I wouldn't mention it to them again as it isn't their business. I'm sure you're not a "crap mum" to your existing children and I really hope that's not how your MIL and SIL meant you to feel.

Anyway, it's completely up to you and DH - nobody else.

[seatfor6]

I suppose I think if they are so negative about me having a 5th do they think I am not looking after the 4 I have right? DH's Mum had 7! So I am not sure she has the right to be negative!

[beckiwiththegoodhair]

Hi Seatfor6. I bet they are negative at the thought that an extra child means more expense for them at birthday and xmas! If you feel you can cope with another addition then it is totally your choice...and DH obviously! Lol. Between myself and my DH, we already have 5 and are TTC. I really didn't think i would try again as i have older kids, but i love him so much and he is a brilliant Dad, I don't want to look back and wish i had, when it's too late. He is younger than i am too, im worried about how fertile i am now as im nearing 40. I know that some people, probably our families will give us a negative reaction if we do get pregnant. There will be "what the hell do you want another one for" and "how are you going to afford that" or "you're going to need a minibus!". We will see, if they do then they will be told its our choice! Anyway in cycle 1 and CD16 atm, going to test on 28th May!

[Junosmum]

I know you say you can afford it, I assume you mean financially? Maybe they are concerned about other aspects?

I'm one of 5, and obviously my experience is just that, mine, but I hated it. We had a lovely big house, I had my own room, sahm, dad had a good job and we were financially comfortable but my parents weren't time rich. Because of the massive discrepancy in ages 15 down to baby we had such different needs and the younger ones were more obviously needy and time consuming. I felt (as the eldest) very left out and like mum had no time for me. It severely damaged our relationship and I rarely speak with them now.

Speaking to my mum now (having had my own child) she does not agree with me. Feels we spent time together. That she listened to me. If she did it was whilst doing things for the others and I always felt I was bothering her. She's very angry I feel this way. Having spoken with my sister and one of my brothers, they both feel similar- like they were always competing for time and attention. Again, mum doesn't see this.

What I'm trying to say is that there are considerations besides money. You need to consider the children you already have and the impact number 5 will have on them, your relationship with them, their relationship with each other and how your husband feels. If you are happy that number 5 is right for the whole family then sod what anyone else thinks!

[Willberry]

One of my collegues has 8 kids, not sure how she does it but she is happy. If its right for your family (you, DH and kids) and you can afford it then go for it.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

Well, there is an environmental factor to consider - unpopular viewpoint, but you know :)