Ttc when hubby's hearts not in it! Advise please

(7 Posts)
Kayleighann Tue 19-Apr-16 11:12:37

Hi I came off my pill last wk and are now officially ttc. We have 2 children already so this will be baby number 3. Myself and oh have been unsure on a third for about 2 years. Due to mainly me suffering with hyperemissus in last pregnancy. But also just going back to the beginning as our children are 9 and 6 now. So back to sleepless nights etc. I have decided despite all the negatives I would still love another baby and oh has agreed but only because I want one!
He says he is happy as we are and he can't be bothered with sleepless nights and all the stress again but he wants me to be happy so has agreed. I'm now off my pill but feeling terrible like I'm forcing him in to it.
I said to him yesterday let's leave it as u are still so unsure and he's like no u want one so we will!!
I don't know what to do as I know he's agreed but our other 2 children we were both 100% on board and really excited and I feel like I'm on my own this time.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I being selfish?

originalusernamefail Tue 19-Apr-16 11:18:47

Don't do it! At least without further talking. Maybe back off for a few months? I had hyperemesis for both my pregnancies for the full 41 weeks. I wouldn't have made it through without my DHs full support. I would also worry about him pulling his weight with night feelings / nappies etc ' you wanted it you see to it sort of thing'. Talk to him and find out how set in stone he is, then decide where you are.

AliceScarlett Tue 19-Apr-16 13:16:11

I'd talk this through more. Personally I wouldn't want to bring a baby into the world when its Dad isn't too keen.

Kayleighann Tue 19-Apr-16 15:07:19

Thanks for your comments. I agree and am thinking the same.
I kept asking yesterday and he doesn't know what to say. I can see exactly what he's thinking is that he doesn't want one but doesn't want to upset me or let me down. But I love my husband very much and I'm feeling the same, that if I go through with having one then I'm letting him down as he isn't to keen.
I'm not in the mind of well I want one and that's that, my oh being on board is of course very important to me. I know most oh don't want a baby as much as the woman does but I don't want him to feel like he has been pushed in to it.
I will have another chat with him this evening.

Nimisha Tue 19-Apr-16 18:57:47

I an in a similar situation to you. I have two (nearly five and six years old). My DH is perfectly happy with two, always said he would be but I always said I wanted three and I'm ready for another baby. Dh was also a stay at home dad for my two but had now started his own business.

We talked about number three for ages. The head says there are so many reasons to stick with two but in my heart I want a third and always have done. Dh has said to me that I want a third more than he doesn't want one if you know what I mean. If he was really against it he would say so.

There are conditions though, I have to reduce my hours, just to four days a week (probably full time hours over four days but I'm working now than full time now), he will work part time and we do nursery/childminder the rest.

We are both happy with the decision, just hoping it will happen now

Kayleighann Tue 19-Apr-16 22:15:07

We have chatted again this evening. He said it's a yes and he's fine with it. He said it's the hyperemesis and the sleepless nights he doesn't want not the baby itself. I said about wat if u are tired and say I wanted this and won't help. He said that he would never watch me struggle.
He said what you have said nimisha...I want one more than he doesn't.
So weird that baby number 3 is so scary. One and 2 I barely gave a second thought, I new 100% but no 3 seems like a harder and more worrying desision.

Nimisha Wed 20-Apr-16 07:06:43

I know, I've agonised over it for a few years but once we made the decision to go for it, it felt like the right one and I've had a secret smile every day.

We have mentioned the baby so much that Dd has asked when I'm going to start being pregnant.

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