TTC a long, long way from home

(15 Posts)
ParadiseMIA Tue 01-Mar-16 06:43:34

Good afternoon here but morning at home,
This is my first time posting so sorry if i muddle my acronyms, I catch on quick so bear with me please.
I live in the tropics with my DH and we are TTC, have been since June 2015.
Recently I have been gripped by this terror of doing this, having babies, a life etc sooooo bloody far from my home and support network.
My husband is local and I speak the local language, we have a lovely life here and there are a million babies around so clearly not that dangerous ....
But yeh daunting all the same...
I was wondering if any of you wonderful people had done/or are doing something similar and might take pity on this silent panicker.
I've tried to share with DH but he doesn't see what there is to worry about (why would he) and the only ftof contact I have with women are his family.
I'm older too (35) so get asked daily ' where baby' which is just fabulous hmm
Hope I don't sounds too pathetic (I'm really not, honest grin)
And thanks for the read.

MattDillonsPants Tue 01-Mar-16 10:16:14

I honestly think that your situation is so unique that it's natural that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. Do you mind sharing which part of the Tropics you live in?

Is there a decent hospital there? One with a fertility dept? At this point I would be looking to see a good dr and having some tests done...both you and DH.

That way, if there's no issue then you can relax and accept that there's no problem. Have you looked into schools etc? You're happy to have a child in that country?

ParadiseMIA Tue 01-Mar-16 10:51:55

natural I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed sigh I was worried I was being a crazy witch, so thank you for that :-)

No not at all I live in Indonesia though not Bali or Jakarta, one of the lesser know islands to The East and yes there is a supposedly decent hospital here, a couple in fact.
I want to stave off the test route for as long as poss, I know they say over 35 after 6months (I haven't been 35 for 6 months yet hahaha) but as I am feeling so jangly already where's the sense of making hubs fret too. I want us to still enjoy being together without loads of added (apart from the rellies) pressure.....naive...maybe... dunno?

Schools are a worry I'll be honest but I have a PGCE and the kids don't start school here till 7 by which time we will have the businesses up and running.
There are a couple of international schools on the island in the larger cities so we could spend the weeks there or move all together.
I balance this with the delusion/idea that they will have a Swallows & Amazons type childhood, surrounded by beauty, fishing, swimming, sailing on the lake, riding bikes everywhere....as I am writing this I am wondering if I sound very, very silly or not...

MattDillonsPants Tue 01-Mar-16 14:31:49

You don't sound silly at all. There are some realities to face though..university for instance and what the quality of education is like there. But aside from that, 35 isn't old...I know it's "the age" when you're meant to worry but I wouldn't get too stressed about it. Just eat well and have lots of sex!

Maybe if nothing has happened in another 6 months then it's time for tests.

ParadiseMIA Wed 02-Mar-16 05:32:46

They will still have British passports and with an IB can go to uni in The UK if they want or Hong Kong or Singapore or Austalia. It's the secondary school which worries me the most. Well that and some pretty dodgy ideas about gender and girls in particular.
Eat well and lots of sex you say... Oooh if I must hahha..

Thank you again for answering, it's helped a load. Cheers Pants xx

MattDillonsPants Wed 02-Mar-16 06:30:06

What's an IB? By the sound of it, your child will have a marvellous selection of universities in the future!

There's Interhigh if secondary schools are that bad...nothing wrong with home education even if only for the last two or three years of it.

ParadiseMIA Wed 02-Mar-16 07:35:22

That's what I thought. Plus there's loads of interest in me setting up a pre-school typathing from the locals.

IB=International baccalaureate

I'm a primary teacher really not secondary and its the secondary that's megabucks. If I work at the school the kids go free or heavily subsidised though so that's always an option....and was the reason I did my PGCE to have that to fall back on..
See I planned ahead, I wasn't always such a whimp.

Climbingcheesecake Wed 02-Mar-16 09:41:51

Hi! I am not as far away as you but I live in Europe, and am pregnant (also 35) and worried about being far from family and doing everything in a foreign language. I feel a bit homesick for the first time since being here and often think it would be much easier to move home. We are trying to stay strong and remember why we decided to move here in the first place (for the lifestyle ). It will be harder in many ways, but I think it will pay off in the long run.

ParadiseMIA Wed 02-Mar-16 10:02:51

Hi Cheesecake,
Everything is a foreign language, yes! I had a nightmare last night where I was shouting and no one could understand me. Weird because I can speak the language, do everyday.
Another worry for me is that the doctors & midwives will be weird with me because I'm not a local. It's not unfounded as I get stared at, shouted at, beeped, whistled at and shop keepers often run off when I walk in. Some of my husbands family giggle uncontrollably if I walk in the room and ask something...sigh
We will obviously choose medical staff who can cope with a whitey but if something happens...eeek...

That's great advice, remember why we moved here in the first place and trust my husband to advocate for me when the times comes as well..

Me too also weirdly homesick, I have been downloading Northern dramas from the 90s as a sort of weird comfort thing....how sad does that sound hahaha.

Anyway it will be fine and for the best in the long run, I have no desire to move back to The UK.
All the best in your pregnancy and I'm sure you are glowing up a storm, just think of the multi-lingual, multi-cultural, cosmopolitan little people we'll have.

MattDillonsPants Wed 02-Mar-16 10:10:41

I watch things like Kes and Poor Cow when I'm homesick! grin

ParadiseMIA Wed 02-Mar-16 10:28:02

Clocking off, Cracker & This Life hahaha

thewocketinyourpocket Wed 02-Mar-16 15:52:46

Hi Paradise!
I'm not currently TTC, but I live in China and plan to stay here long term. I had a previous pregnancy that ended at 4.5 months (lots of sadness, but it's a new year and new beginnings hey!) I empathize with you on the stares, whistles and awkward encounters, and it was even more daunting with a belly full of baby! I don't know much about Indonesia or the culture there, but if you need a fellow expat to talk with, I'm all ears! grin

ParadiseMIA Wed 02-Mar-16 16:21:46

Yay! Very much so.

I'm so sorry for your loss ..must be terrible..
Here's to new years and new beginnings in far flung places xx

How were the hospital staff if I can ask....its the worry of the day today... (think of it like a dark version of Sesame Street)..giggling at foreigner bits I can imagine happening here blush

Awkward encounters is right ! The other day a distant uncle just let himself in the house, I was in my jimjams in my house watching my tv and he strolls in, sees me and screams! Wtf! My bloody house, if white people scare you so much don't walk into the house of one unanounced!
I'm a grumpy bugger in the mornings and this was pre coffee so I said Oh piss off it's my f@#k*ng house! Cheeky blighter.

thewocketinyourpocket Wed 02-Mar-16 17:02:11

Haha, sorry, I had to laugh at the distant uncle screaming! My landlord learned quick not to walk in unannounced... I like to relax in the nude.

The staff at the first hospital I went to were pretty indifferent. It was a government sponsored hospital and they deal with so many people every day that they didn't really have time to notice that I was foreign except when it came to me not understanding the more complicated words or how to pay my bill, ha! Only women were allowed in the OB/GYN area, though, and other patients would wait IN the same room as the doctor, which meant that while I was being examined, I had about 5 other patients staring straight at my lady parts! They made a few comments about the difference in hair, but the doctors themselves looked bored.

After that I went to a private women's hospital. Only slightly more costly, but had good one-on-one interactions with the doctors and nobody was peering at me. They were more personable and gentle, and really excited about a mixed baby. The ultrasound techs did call in other doctors to have a look at the monitor, but it was still a good vibe.

Neither hospital was shy about nudity. Strip down bare in front of everyone and hop up on the table! Wipe the goop up off your tummy and throw away your own sanitary paper when it's all over. The technology was a little old, though, and I had to fight for a transvaginal ultrasound because they said it could lead to a miscarriage. I also had to ask for printed pictures of hands, feet, face, side-view, etc.

ParadiseMIA Sat 05-Mar-16 07:54:49

No need to be sorry, it's hilarious, silly buggger OH bollocked him.

Mixed babies yep, crazy about them here too. I get asked 3 times a day sometimes where my baby is and then get told to have them quick as I'm old.
Yeh thanks for the sensitivity haha.

Internet's been poop here as they are upgrading apparently so sorry I didn't answer sooner.

Thanks for sharing your experience Wocket that put my mind at rest a little a good vibe is all I want really. A friend of mine gave birth in Malaysia and had a horrid time so it's always good to balance out the negative.

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